1
00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:03,669
(funky disco plays)
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:03,671 --> 00:00:05,971
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:05,973 --> 00:00:08,140
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:11,110
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:11,112 --> 00:00:13,145
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:15,447
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,783
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:19,284
♪ It's true love we share
9
00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:21,520
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,856
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:26,025
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:28,293
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
13
00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:29,962
(chuckles)
14
00:00:29,964 --> 00:00:31,997
(tires screeching)
15
00:00:31,999 --> 00:00:34,233
(horns honking)
16
00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:38,504
There's no way, Cleveland!
17
00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:39,671
I'll never make it!
18
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:41,807
You're not missing
Thanksgiving, Holt!
19
00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:43,308
Sir, I'm gonna
need you to...
20
00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:44,977
Late for a plane!
There's no time!
21
00:00:44,979 --> 00:00:46,345
Late for a plane?!
22
00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:48,047
We need backup at Terminal 2.
23
00:00:48,049 --> 00:00:49,948
A passenger is late for a plane.
24
00:00:52,685 --> 00:00:54,319
Out of the way!
They're late for a plane!
25
00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:56,188
Swear to God you're
not a terrorist?
26
00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:57,856
I swear to Allah.
27
00:00:57,858 --> 00:00:59,691
Go, go, go!
28
00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:01,193
God, I hope they make it.
29
00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:02,528
(tires screech)
30
00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:04,196
I need to commandeer
your vehicle.
31
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:05,497
Someone's late for a plane!
32
00:01:09,436 --> 00:01:10,769
(gasps)
(gasps)
33
00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:15,908
Are you Mr. Richter?
34
00:01:15,910 --> 00:01:19,912
Oh, my God, I am
so sorry, y'all.
35
00:01:19,914 --> 00:01:21,847
Y'all's flight
already went.
36
00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:23,048
I told them to wait.
37
00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:24,249
We did wait a
little while,
38
00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:25,717
but then we didn't
know what to do
39
00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:28,253
'cause everyone already
on the plane wanted to go.
40
00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:31,623
I'm so sorry.
41
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:34,726
I'm sorry you won't
get to spend Thanksgiving
42
00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,128
with your family, Holt.
43
00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:38,230
What?! I wasn't going
to see my family.
44
00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:40,766
I signed up for the Entourage
Thanksgiving in Hollywood.
45
00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:42,868
For 6,000 bucks, Johnny Drama
cooks you a Thanksgiving omelet,
46
00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:44,236
then leaves the room
so you don't
47
00:01:44,238 --> 00:01:45,804
have to look at him
while you eat it.
48
00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:47,372
But why didn't you want
to be with your family?
49
00:01:47,374 --> 00:01:49,575
Did. Wasn't invited.
50
00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:51,577
Mom has three boyfriends
in Florida.
51
00:01:51,579 --> 00:01:53,545
Says I cramp her style. I do.
52
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:55,114
Probably shouldn't
call them all "Dad."
53
00:01:55,116 --> 00:01:58,450
That's sad.
That's sad.
54
00:01:58,452 --> 00:01:59,785
Come on, Holt.
55
00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:02,454
Why don't you
buy us all a drink?
56
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,456
This airport is stupid.
57
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,125
There's no bar here!
58
00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:08,260
I'm gonna blow this place up!
(people gasp)
59
00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:12,498
I swear to God, I'm gonna
blow this whole place up!
60
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:15,400
Or we could, uh,
just go to The Stool.
61
00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:16,902
All right.
62
00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:19,404
You're all lucky
to be alive!
63
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:26,111
Boy, I can't wait to spend
Thanksgiving with my fam-- Oh.
64
00:02:26,113 --> 00:02:28,113
Don't worry
about it, guys.
65
00:02:28,115 --> 00:02:29,081
I'm used to it.
66
00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:30,282
Not close to
my family.
67
00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:31,617
Haven't been
for years.
68
00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:32,818
Wish I was.
69
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,353
You know what we need to do?
70
00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:35,754
What, Cleveland? What?!
71
00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:38,657
We need to open a bar
at that airport.
72
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:43,162
People need a stiff drink after
being gate-raped by the TSA.
73
00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:44,263
You know what?
74
00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:45,931
One of Cleveland's
can't-lose schemes
75
00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:49,034
is just the kind of thing I
need to get me out of my funk.
76
00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:50,035
I'm in.
77
00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:51,203
Oh.
78
00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:53,505
I guess we could
include you, too.
79
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:56,275
Gus, we have a business
proposition for you.
80
00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:59,244
Sorry, guys, I got
all the llamas I need.
81
00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:04,883
What majestic creatures.
82
00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:06,485
Yes, you are.
83
00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:07,986
Who's majestic?
84
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:09,321
You.
85
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:10,789
You are.
86
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:13,959
Good majestic llama.
87
00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:15,494
I feed them garbage.
88
00:03:15,496 --> 00:03:17,162
Okay.
89
00:03:17,164 --> 00:03:21,333
Gus, I want to make a
Stool in the airport.
90
00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:22,534
Daddy's got business.
91
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:23,669
That's right.
92
00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:25,704
The Broken Stool
Number Two.
93
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:28,307
If you're willing to
assume all the risk,
94
00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:30,175
then we're willing
to take time
95
00:03:30,177 --> 00:03:32,544
from the jobs we never
go to to make it happen.
96
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:33,679
What do you say?
97
00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:35,714
Well, you know, the truth is,
98
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:39,051
I've always wanted to franchise,
and I could use the money.
99
00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:42,354
I promised my niece Cheryl
I'd put her through college.
100
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:44,022
Ooh, college.
101
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:45,257
I'm smart.
102
00:03:45,259 --> 00:03:46,358
President Cheryl.
103
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,093
(laughter)
104
00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:50,229
Yes, I know
it's crazy.
105
00:03:50,231 --> 00:03:52,097
Count me in,
Cleveland.
106
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:58,870
ANNOUNCER:
And now back to Mystery Science
Magic Johnson Theater 3000.
107
00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:00,606
Damn!
108
00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:03,742
The flying saucer just
crashed and (bleep), son!
109
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:07,346
Oh, snap, now the alien is
all leaving the spaceship, yo!
110
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:08,680
(laughs)
111
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:10,449
Now he shooting
at the alien, kid!
112
00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:11,750
He shooting at him!
113
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,018
Y'all shut up!
114
00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:14,686
I'm trying to watch a movie!
115
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:18,890
♪ Hark the herald turkeys sing
116
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:22,261
♪ Gobble, gobble, gobble,
gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ♪
117
00:04:22,263 --> 00:04:23,262
Cleveland.
Gobble?
118
00:04:23,264 --> 00:04:24,796
I need you
to watch Rallo today.
119
00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:26,365
(groans):
Gobble.
120
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,600
Because it's almost
Thanksgiving, that's gobble.
121
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:31,236
I got to hunt the turkey,
shoot it, cut its head off,
122
00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:32,771
drain it, gut it,
pluck it, stuff it...
123
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,573
All right, I'll watch him.
124
00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:36,408
But I'm not gonna
watch him good.
125
00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:39,177
(Rallo screaming)
126
00:04:40,313 --> 00:04:41,380
(whooshing)
127
00:04:47,553 --> 00:04:50,822
(indistinct P.A. announcement)
128
00:04:56,829 --> 00:04:57,796
Ow!
129
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,097
What the hell, Rallo?!
130
00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:01,166
How come you felt that one
and not the first four?
131
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:02,334
What?
132
00:05:03,269 --> 00:05:05,937
One, two, three, four.
133
00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:07,306
(babbling)
134
00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:09,107
Okay, we'll leave
that one in there.
135
00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:10,609
Enough of this
bull rassum!
136
00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:14,279
You need a big boy task that'll
keep you busy and over there.
137
00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:16,415
So go help Holt sort
through those screws.
138
00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:18,016
But...
Do it and
you can have
139
00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:19,751
all the vermouth
you want.
140
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:20,952
All right!
141
00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:22,354
I don't know
what that is.
142
00:05:22,356 --> 00:05:24,022
Hey, Rallo.
143
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,324
What's up,
little man?
144
00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:28,293
Too bummed about Thanksgiving
to make a pun about screws.
145
00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:29,528
Eh, screw it.
146
00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:33,131
Huh, even at my lowest,
I'm funnier than everyone else.
147
00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:34,466
(sighs)
148
00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:37,302
I'll tell you, Rallo, this time
of year's the worst for me.
149
00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:40,005
Mom ditches me to go to Florida,
never even brings me back
150
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,474
a baby alligator, even though
I'd totally take care of it.
151
00:05:42,476 --> 00:05:43,942
Ah, who am I kidding?
152
00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:46,311
No baby alligator's
gonna love me.
153
00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:47,679
You're not a
bad little man.
154
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,114
You just need
a friend.
155
00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:50,949
I got a friend. C-Bro.
156
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:53,885
CLEVELAND:
He can't even sort
the damn screws!
157
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,954
Why don't we get
some fresh air.
158
00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:01,860
Come on. Jungle gym
always cheers me up.
159
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,862
This is kids' stuff, man.
160
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,231
You call that
kids' stuff?
161
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:08,500
Whoa!
162
00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:10,369
Talk about
Parks and Recreation.
163
00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:12,471
I'd Amy Pole-her.
164
00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:13,338
(groans)
165
00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:14,806
Holt Richter.
166
00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:16,341
But you can call me
Fred Flintstone.
167
00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:17,409
RALLO:
Oh, boy.
168
00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:20,479
'Cause I can
make your bed rock.
169
00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:25,050
I don't get your references
or anybody's references.
170
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:27,018
That's my big buddy, Holt.
171
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:29,020
We watch cartoons together.
172
00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:30,355
He takes care of me
173
00:06:30,357 --> 00:06:33,358
'cause my daddy
lights the spoon on fire.
174
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:34,693
Aw.
175
00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:38,397
You know, I judged you
way too harshly before.
176
00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:40,432
I'm hot, so I'm a bitch.
177
00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:41,566
Here's my number.
178
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,769
I'll see you
at 8:00.
179
00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:47,205
See? Maybe all you need to
take your mind off Thanksgiving
180
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,074
are those breasts
and thighs.
181
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:51,543
Get it? Turkey and
lady similarities?
182
00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:52,511
Aw, yeah!
183
00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:54,346
When I'm done with her,
there's gonna be
184
00:06:54,348 --> 00:06:59,117
plenty of leftovers
for, uh... sandwiches.
185
00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:00,552
Anyway, thanks.
186
00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:02,020
How can I repay you?
187
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:04,289
With money and things.
188
00:07:06,292 --> 00:07:07,993
Cue the lights!
189
00:07:09,729 --> 00:07:10,962
Cue the beer!
190
00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:14,633
Cue the music!
191
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:18,837
♪
192
00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:27,446
Here they come!
193
00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:29,080
(clamoring)
194
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:31,283
And there they go.
195
00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:33,251
Wha...? What's going on?
196
00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:36,555
This is the only place to get
alcohol in the entire airport.
197
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:39,758
Why is everybody going into
this stupid grape store?
198
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,460
Welcome.
199
00:07:41,462 --> 00:07:43,462
I drive a very nice car.
200
00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:45,564
So we lose
the blue state crowd.
201
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:46,598
We'll be fine.
202
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:47,799
What's on the other side of us?
203
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,101
"Bier Garten"?
204
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:51,436
What does that mean?
205
00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:52,571
Sounds German.
206
00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:55,941
All right, I'm gonna
start with "garten."
207
00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:59,578
Okay, "garten" is... garden.
208
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:00,645
That's fine.
209
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,013
Nothing to worry about there.
210
00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:04,616
Okay, "bier," "bier"...
211
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:06,451
Oh, it's pronounced "beer."
212
00:08:06,453 --> 00:08:07,986
And it means beer.
213
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,721
Uh, guys.
214
00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:16,595
Boy, are we dumb.
215
00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:18,096
Uhp, other people's money.
216
00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:19,431
GUS:
Hey, fellas.
217
00:08:19,433 --> 00:08:22,300
Can't help but notice that
there's no one in our bar.
218
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:23,301
Nope.
219
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:24,769
Cleveland, six
months before
220
00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:27,506
the federal government
relocated me to Stoolbend,
221
00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:30,375
my dying sister
turned to me and said,
222
00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:32,944
"Gus, will you promise me
one thing?"
223
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:35,046
And I said, "Anything, Courtney.
224
00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:36,781
"You did, after all, raise me
225
00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:39,284
after Dad killed Mom
and then himself."
226
00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:42,020
She said, "Gus, promise me
227
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:45,624
that Cheryl will attend
Drake University."
228
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:46,725
Your sister's name
was Courtney?!
229
00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:48,860
"And if anyone gets in the way,
230
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:51,129
cut off their nose and lips!"
231
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:52,831
Okay.
And you won't be
232
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,799
welcome back at my bar.
233
00:08:54,801 --> 00:08:56,134
(gasps)
But where will we go
234
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:58,003
when we don't want
to talk to our wives?!
235
00:08:58,005 --> 00:09:00,138
We can't come here;
this place sucks.
236
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:02,807
Make this work,
Cleveland.
237
00:09:02,809 --> 00:09:04,876
Got your nose.
238
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,511
Oh, God!
239
00:09:06,513 --> 00:09:07,913
How'd he do that?!
240
00:09:07,915 --> 00:09:09,814
Give it back, give it back!
241
00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:13,585
He means business.
242
00:09:17,857 --> 00:09:19,558
Where's Tim?
243
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:20,926
(whispers):
I'm right here.
244
00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:22,160
You look like
Rutger Hauer.
245
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:23,862
Why do you look
like Rutger Hauer?
246
00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:25,196
I'm hiding from Gus.
247
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:26,531
No bear here!
248
00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:28,600
Just a surfer dude
from California
249
00:09:28,602 --> 00:09:31,670
that Gus would have no interest
in making into a rug.
250
00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,738
Great.
This bar is a failure,
251
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:37,275
Gus is going to kill us,
and I got ham'roids like a muh.
252
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:41,046
Boys, we got trouble
with a capital...
253
00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:43,048
G?
254
00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:45,550
Well, since no one else
is gonna be drinking this...
255
00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:47,719
beer me, brah.
256
00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:51,523
Although being from L.A.,
I really prefer, uh, cocaine.
257
00:09:53,893 --> 00:09:55,927
(hip-hop beat playing
over stereo)
258
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,963
There you are.
What took you so long?
259
00:09:57,965 --> 00:09:59,097
(car alarm chirps)
Sorry, man.
260
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,899
Crossing guard thinks
just 'cause I'm black,
261
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:02,734
I can't have a
scooter this nice.
262
00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:04,269
Look, if you want
to keep living large,
263
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:05,971
you better get
your head in the game.
264
00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:07,205
There's today's target.
265
00:10:09,976 --> 00:10:10,942
Twins, huh?
266
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:13,144
Probably gonna
have to skin a knee.
267
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:14,913
(snaps fingers)
Merry-go-round.
268
00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:17,549
When I turn on the waterworks,
bring me this.
269
00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:20,085
Time for me
to get paid.
270
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:21,920
And me to get laid.
271
00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:23,388
Uh, by women.
272
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:25,223
♪
273
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:28,393
♪ We've got an arrangement,
it works like a charm ♪
274
00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:30,395
♪ He puts toys in my room
275
00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:33,064
♪ I put girls on his arm
276
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:34,566
♪ He gets me chicks
277
00:10:34,568 --> 00:10:36,601
♪ He writes me checks
278
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:39,104
♪ I'm paying a
young boy for sex ♪
279
00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:40,238
Uh, I don't think...
280
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,740
♪ Who knew I could
bag a babe ♪
281
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:43,942
♪ That's not a blow-up doll?
282
00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:47,912
♪ All you had to do was
buy me half of the mall ♪
283
00:10:47,914 --> 00:10:49,814
♪ I scored a D-cup
284
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,950
♪ I scored a T-rex
285
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:53,985
♪ I'm paying
a five-year-old for sex ♪
286
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,620
Seriously, man,
that sounds...
287
00:10:55,622 --> 00:10:57,155
I love kids so much.
288
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,257
I can't wait to have
one of my own.
289
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:01,626
(gasps)
Me, too.
290
00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:03,962
That's why I love being
a Big Brother to Rallo.
291
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:06,598
I get to rediscover the world
through a child's eyes.
292
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:09,634
That's so sweet.
293
00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:12,437
I mean, I guess I'm supposed
to be teaching him,
294
00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:14,839
but really, he's
teaching me.
295
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:16,574
ALL:
Aw!
296
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:22,180
♪ Don't need no roofies
with a wingboy this nice ♪
297
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:25,984
♪ I'll help you seal the deal
for the right Fisher-Price ♪
298
00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:27,352
♪ He's ABC's
299
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:29,120
♪ He's triple X
300
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:31,690
♪ I'm using this young
boy's face for sex ♪
301
00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:33,825
Okay, that sounds
the worst.
302
00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:36,261
♪ Paying a young boy for sex.
303
00:11:38,064 --> 00:11:41,299
Say, that's catchy.
304
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:44,169
This place is deader
than Lil Wayne
305
00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:46,137
before his 30th birthday.
306
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:47,672
Want to call it?
It's nice out.
307
00:11:47,674 --> 00:11:49,174
Let's hang for
a little bit.
308
00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:51,009
All right.
Give me another push.
309
00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:52,177
Higher.
310
00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:54,112
Higher.
311
00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:56,347
Higher!
312
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:57,382
Whee!
313
00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,050
Aah, too high! Too high!
314
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,185
Ah, there you go.
315
00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:03,054
Hey, why don't you hop in
and give it a go?
316
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,490
Oh, no. No,
I... I can't.
317
00:12:06,525 --> 00:12:09,561
I... I don't know
how to swing, Rallo.
318
00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:11,396
What? How come?
319
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:12,697
Never learned.
320
00:12:12,699 --> 00:12:14,532
Mom said swinging
was too dangerous.
321
00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:16,201
Dad was always
too busy.
322
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:18,069
Cat's in the cradle,
silver spoon.
323
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:20,038
Ricky Schroder.
Then Rick Schroder.
324
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:21,406
Now back to
Ricky Schroder.
325
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,174
My dad's busy
a lot, too.
326
00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:25,009
When's the last time
you saw yours?
327
00:12:25,011 --> 00:12:26,444
Man, it's
been months.
328
00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:28,079
What is it,
November?
329
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,715
Yeah, it's been
154 months.
330
00:12:30,717 --> 00:12:32,884
Well, I taught myself
how to swing,
331
00:12:32,886 --> 00:12:34,385
and I can teach
you, too.
332
00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:37,422
All you got to do is
kick your legs forward.
333
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:39,290
Now tuck them
when you go back.
334
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:41,593
See? Kick and tuck.
335
00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:43,862
Kick and tuck.
336
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:45,964
Don't let me go.
337
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:50,668
I think I'm getting it.
338
00:12:52,471 --> 00:12:54,773
I've got it!
You can let go of me.
339
00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:56,574
I already did.
340
00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:58,076
I'm swinging!
I'm swinging!
341
00:12:58,078 --> 00:12:59,711
Look at me,
every daddy!
342
00:12:59,713 --> 00:13:01,212
I mean, everybody.
343
00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:02,580
(chuckles)
Why did I say "daddy"?
344
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:03,748
Don't care about him.
345
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,150
Just like he
didn't care about me.
346
00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:06,651
I-I mean, whee!
347
00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:11,289
Oh, what a night.
348
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:14,259
I totally forgot
that we're all screwed.
349
00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:16,127
We should get drunk
on the tarmac
350
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,296
like this more often,
351
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:21,900
like every single pilot
for every single airline,
352
00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:24,235
without exception,
allegedly.
353
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:26,271
I'm surprised no one
tried to stop us
354
00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:29,374
when we built our
lost luggage burning man.
355
00:13:33,445 --> 00:13:35,079
Ain't nobody here but the beer.
356
00:13:35,081 --> 00:13:36,815
It's Thanksgiving Day.
357
00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:39,284
Everyone's gone
where they was going.
358
00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:41,719
Nobody's flying
these planes today.
359
00:13:42,755 --> 00:13:45,356
Hey, they left the keys
in this one.
360
00:13:48,427 --> 00:13:50,762
You're not supposed
to fly drunk, Cleveland!
361
00:13:50,764 --> 00:13:53,364
Not drunk--
just had beer.
362
00:13:57,303 --> 00:13:59,170
How hard could flying be?
363
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,773
Worst case scenario,
I hit a goose,
364
00:14:01,775 --> 00:14:04,275
land in a river, I'm a hero.
365
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:06,477
Clevey Clevenburger.
366
00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:09,214
I like the sound of that.
367
00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:12,283
Adios,
Thanksgiving turkeys.
368
00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:16,054
Have fun getting
murdered by Gus.
369
00:14:17,823 --> 00:14:20,291
Does he, uh, know how
to land that thing?
370
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:21,860
Sure. He used
to be a pilot.
371
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:23,194
I think that
was Quagmire.
372
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,562
Oh.
373
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:26,297
Well, at least
he's going to die
374
00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:29,400
doing what he loves--
burning in a fireball.
375
00:14:35,074 --> 00:14:36,407
I got to thank
you, Rallo.
376
00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:38,343
Banging chicks, hanging
out, watching TV,
377
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:40,211
drinking chocolate milk
with a five-year-old--
378
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:41,546
this Thanksgiving's
been pretty sick.
379
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:42,847
(doorbell rings)
380
00:14:42,849 --> 00:14:45,917
Well, it's about
to get even sicker.
381
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:48,186
Holt.
382
00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:49,153
Dad!
383
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:51,556
What did you
call me, maggot?
384
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,024
General Richter, sir!
385
00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:54,359
That's right, maggot.
386
00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:55,526
Now, who's this
maggot here?
387
00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:56,995
I'm Rallo.
388
00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:58,529
So you're the maggot
who called me.
389
00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:02,066
Always good to put a maggot's
face to a maggot's name.
390
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:04,869
Now, both of you maggots
drop and give me 20.
391
00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:06,037
20 push-ups?
392
00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:07,338
For what?
393
00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:09,073
For being maggots.
394
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:11,843
Thanks for ruining
my first good Thanksgiving.
395
00:15:11,845 --> 00:15:13,511
I take it we
won't be hitting
396
00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:15,847
the stores together
on Black Friday?
397
00:15:15,849 --> 00:15:17,515
I don't know
your holidays.
398
00:15:21,854 --> 00:15:25,056
So you one of those
classic hard-ass,
399
00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:27,091
tough-guy generals
who are more comfortable
400
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:29,694
barking orders
than they are with emotions?
401
00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:32,196
You're damn right I am,
you pathetic little panda turd!
402
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:34,565
Now, drop and give me 20.
403
00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:37,869
Yeah, this is going to be
a good Thanksgiving.
404
00:15:37,871 --> 00:15:40,939
And as for you,
you limp-wristed panty model,
405
00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:43,241
where is this oil you struck?
406
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:45,743
You told him about my
limp-wristed panty modeling?
407
00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:47,645
When you're 60,
you'll look back
408
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,480
and be glad you got
those pictures.
409
00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:50,982
I didn't strike any oil, sir.
410
00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:53,117
My friend just said that
to get you here.
411
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,819
I left
an unwinnable war
412
00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:57,121
to come see my son
for no reason?!
413
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,990
Good-bye, Holt.
414
00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:00,625
Tell your mother
I still don't forgive her
415
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:01,926
for cheating on me.
416
00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:04,662
And she owes me
20 push-ups.
417
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:06,397
Good-bye, sir.
418
00:16:07,499 --> 00:16:09,901
General Richter, sir.
419
00:16:09,903 --> 00:16:12,270
Would you accept a thank-you
for fighting them there
420
00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:14,005
so we don't have
to fight them here
421
00:16:14,007 --> 00:16:16,307
by joining my family
for Thanksgiving?
422
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:17,775
Rallo, I don't
think that's...
423
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:18,843
Shut your meat hole!
424
00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:20,611
Why, I'd be honored
to spend Thanksgiving
425
00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:22,113
with a young patriot
like yourself.
426
00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:24,949
I bought this wine from some
fart sniffer at the airport.
427
00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:26,217
I'll bring it.
428
00:16:29,955 --> 00:16:32,457
(imitating jet engine)
429
00:16:32,459 --> 00:16:34,525
(imitating machine gun fire)
430
00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:37,028
Take that, Red Baron.
431
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:38,162
(giggles)
432
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:39,831
Oh, what's this thing going on?
433
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:40,965
(rapid beeping)
434
00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:42,700
All right, I hear you.
435
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:45,303
This autopilot's pretty sweet.
436
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:48,506
Auto land.
437
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:49,974
(clears throat)
438
00:16:49,976 --> 00:16:52,410
Auto land.
439
00:16:53,879 --> 00:16:55,279
(bleep)
440
00:16:56,315 --> 00:16:59,550
Is Beetle Bailey
as lazy as he seems?
441
00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:01,552
Well, I'm afraid
that's classified, son.
442
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:02,720
Whoa.
443
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:04,822
News anchor Dwayne Meighan
just tweeted,
444
00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:08,526
"It had had been
there was plane on the sky
445
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,896
"had flied itself,
but update had said not so.
446
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:14,198
"Man fly plane
name of Cleveland.
447
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,801
He in there. Crash soon."
448
00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:20,004
Oh, wait, no, he was just
re-tweeting Gary Busey.
449
00:17:20,006 --> 00:17:21,572
Oh, my God!
Cleveland!
450
00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:24,876
I wondered why he wasn't
here at Thanksgiving dinner.
451
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:26,310
Oh, yeah.
452
00:17:26,312 --> 00:17:28,046
Someone's got to save my daddy!
453
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:30,214
And get a move
on those sweet potatoes.
454
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,383
I'll handle this.
455
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,085
Hot plate! Hot plate!
456
00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:35,420
Now, follow me
to the airport.
457
00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:37,288
There's not a second
to lose.
458
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,359
19, 20.
459
00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:43,027
Listen up,
maggot people.
460
00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:44,328
Here's what's
going to happen.
461
00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:45,763
We're going
to fly up there
462
00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:47,098
and dangle
someone from a rope
463
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,733
down to the
other plane,
464
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,435
just like
catching a fish.
465
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:52,904
Now, which one
of you maggots
466
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:55,039
wants to graduate
to worm?
467
00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:56,574
Do it, Holt.
468
00:17:57,843 --> 00:17:59,877
Holt Ann Richter,
reporting for duty.
469
00:17:59,879 --> 00:18:03,014
You? They won't even let you
ride a roller coaster.
470
00:18:03,016 --> 00:18:05,516
Some places do.
471
00:18:10,222 --> 00:18:13,257
As soon as you clip
the African-Ameri-maggot
472
00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:16,094
to your harness,
I'll pull you both back up.
473
00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:17,795
I was born ready!
474
00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:19,263
What?
Sorry.
475
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,466
Thought you asked
if I was ready.
476
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:23,768
It's really
loud in here.
477
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:29,807
(alarm blaring)
478
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:32,110
This isn't funny like Airplane.
479
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:35,446
It's a disaster
like Airplane II!
480
00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:40,451
What?
481
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,520
I'm here to rescue you.
482
00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:47,058
Dad, you've got
to get me closer!
483
00:18:47,060 --> 00:18:48,960
Well, that's as close
as I can get!
484
00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:51,162
He's kicking up
too much tailwind.
485
00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:52,597
Mission over.
486
00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:54,098
I'm pulling you back up.
487
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,133
No, Dad.
488
00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:56,701
I can do this.
489
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:05,309
He's doing it.
490
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:06,410
He's swinging.
491
00:19:06,412 --> 00:19:07,745
How can you
see that far?
492
00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:09,780
I'm not seeing it with these.
493
00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:12,016
I'm seeing it with this.
494
00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:15,119
Kick and tuck.
495
00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:20,791
BOTH:
Kick and tuck.
Kick and tuck.
496
00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:23,094
Kick and tuck!
497
00:19:23,096 --> 00:19:24,428
(alarm blaring)
498
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,909
Sorry. Sorry.
499
00:19:39,378 --> 00:19:42,180
Well, fellas,
we had a good run.
500
00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:43,181
(screams)
501
00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:44,682
Oh, not my nose!
502
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:46,384
Take my ugly ears.
503
00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:48,452
Relax, Cleveland
and other guys.
504
00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:51,522
Lucky for you, Cheryl
passed away last night.
505
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,124
Oh, thank God.
506
00:19:53,126 --> 00:19:54,559
So you're off
the hook.
507
00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:57,361
What do you think of your
son now, General Richter?
508
00:19:57,363 --> 00:20:00,198
He swung on a rope
like a maggot.
509
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,200
You know what?
You're a maggot.
510
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:03,201
(gasps)
511
00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:05,536
I am a human being.
512
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:08,239
Look, your son
just did 120 push-ups
513
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:09,974
and saved a man's life.
514
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:12,210
Where I come from,
that means something.
515
00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:14,178
That's enough.
What's your problem?
516
00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:16,047
You want to know what
my problem is?
517
00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:18,216
I'll tell you
what my problem is!
518
00:20:18,218 --> 00:20:21,686
My son couldn't follow
in my footsteps!
519
00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:23,821
Why?
You've got to be
520
00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:26,390
five feet tall
to join the Army.
521
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:28,025
Five-foot-two in heels.
522
00:20:28,027 --> 00:20:29,060
Not helping.
523
00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:30,695
You're just like
your mother--
524
00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:33,130
short and useless.
525
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:35,700
You want to know
something, Dad?
526
00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:37,201
I'm proud to be short.
527
00:20:37,203 --> 00:20:39,904
I get to buy my clothes
in the tweens section,
528
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,172
which keeps me hip.
529
00:20:41,174 --> 00:20:42,440
I'm always on
my tiptoes,
530
00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:44,075
which gives me
great calves.
531
00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:46,544
And, General,
my tiny hands
532
00:20:46,546 --> 00:20:49,080
make my privates
look huge,
533
00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:52,049
which they are not.
534
00:20:52,051 --> 00:20:54,252
Good-bye, General.