1
00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:04,770
(funky disco plays)
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:04,772 --> 00:00:07,006
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:07,008 --> 00:00:09,108
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:12,111
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:14,013
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:16,315
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:16,317 --> 00:00:18,817
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:20,185
♪ It's true love we share
9
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,521
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:25,124
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:26,959
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:26,961 --> 00:00:28,994
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
13
00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:31,196
(chuckles)
14
00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:35,034
(low conversations)
15
00:00:39,005 --> 00:00:41,206
All right, listen up.
16
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:44,009
I told Freight Train to be home
promptly at 6:30
17
00:00:44,011 --> 00:00:47,379
for a special dinner, so it's
time for everybody to hide.
18
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,148
Donna, you're the biggest,
so you might want to push
19
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:51,016
the couch and the
piano together.
20
00:00:51,018 --> 00:00:52,551
Come on, big'un.
21
00:00:54,988 --> 00:00:56,889
Not yet. Not yet.
22
00:00:58,858 --> 00:01:00,392
Not yet. Not yet.
23
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:04,363
And... finished.
24
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:08,400
I call it,
"He Ain't Coming, Mom."
25
00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:13,005
We goin'?
26
00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:16,875
I'm sorry Dad stood you
up on your anniversary.
27
00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:18,377
Please, if I had to be reminded
28
00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:20,846
that I married her
b'tugly-ass every year,
29
00:01:20,848 --> 00:01:22,347
I'd stand her up, too.
30
00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:24,183
Let's go.
31
00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:25,517
WOMAN:
Bye, Lavar.
32
00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:27,419
(vehicle driving away)
Bye, Diane Lane.
33
00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:31,557
Uh, I renamed my car Diane Lane.
34
00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:34,026
Ooh, I'm naming
mine Carol.
35
00:01:34,028 --> 00:01:35,027
Happy Anniv....
36
00:01:35,029 --> 00:01:38,030
Ow! My breathing nose.
37
00:01:38,032 --> 00:01:39,565
What are you all doing
in my house?
38
00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:41,600
This was our surprise
anniversary party, Lavar,
39
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:44,570
and you were supposed
to be here hours ago.
40
00:01:44,572 --> 00:01:46,738
(sobbing)
Now you know how I felt
41
00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:49,074
when you were late
and we got stuck with Cleveland.
42
00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:50,542
That's me!
43
00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:51,877
Wait.
44
00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:54,179
(sobbing)
45
00:01:56,416 --> 00:01:58,117
Aw, this ain't Toys"R"Us.
46
00:01:58,119 --> 00:01:59,218
You're a liar, Mama.
47
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:00,419
I'll only be a minute.
48
00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:02,888
Gotta grab me a big thing
of pretzels.
49
00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:05,224
A minute?
That never means a minute.
50
00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:07,059
What are we gonna do?
51
00:02:07,061 --> 00:02:10,062
This place is so booooring.
52
00:02:10,064 --> 00:02:12,464
What?
This place is amazing.
53
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,066
What are you
doing, man?
54
00:02:14,068 --> 00:02:16,468
I hang out here all the time,
playing office.
55
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,903
(yawns)
56
00:02:17,905 --> 00:02:19,238
Work.
57
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:20,472
You want to play?
58
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:21,907
Can I be the co-worker
59
00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:23,108
who's secretly sleeping
with the receptionist
60
00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:26,078
and no one knows
but everyone knows?
61
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:27,112
Cheryl?
62
00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:29,148
She's got HPV.
63
00:02:29,150 --> 00:02:31,817
So? All right, I'm gonna
go find the marker aisle,
64
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,252
get a couple good whiffs,
65
00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:36,588
and then go stare at
some screen savers.
66
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:39,491
I'm sorry, Junior,
but this unit has been sold.
67
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,593
What? But I've been
playing office here
68
00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:43,495
for a year and a half.
69
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,964
I know. And nothing has brought
a smile to my face
70
00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:48,267
more than seeing you grow
Cleveland Jr. Industries
71
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:50,135
from a fake mom-and-pop
organization
72
00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:52,337
to a fake international
conglomerate.
73
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:55,140
But I'm afraid floor models
don't last forever.
74
00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:57,142
Can you give me a
moment to say good-bye?
75
00:02:57,144 --> 00:02:59,278
Take all the time
you need.
76
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,280
It's going
in two minutes.
77
00:03:01,282 --> 00:03:03,782
I envy you,
my particleboard friend.
78
00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:07,286
You're going to see what
it's like in a real office.
79
00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:10,622
(sighs)
That's always been my dream.
80
00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:12,624
Someday.
81
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:15,093
Or maybe today.
82
00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:20,299
(grunting)
83
00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:21,967
This double-wide,
horizontal filing cabinet
84
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:23,168
needs to go, too.
85
00:03:23,170 --> 00:03:24,703
Phew.
86
00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:27,472
Let's go, Rallo.
87
00:03:27,474 --> 00:03:29,641
Have you seen Roberta?
No.
88
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:32,311
But I've seen everything else.
89
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:36,181
(shuttering gibberish)
90
00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:38,884
(traffic sounds)
91
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:51,330
It's even more beautiful
than in my dreams.
92
00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:53,332
Mornin'.
Traffic, huh?
93
00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:55,400
(chuckles)
Tell me about it.
94
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:56,702
Frank Lefkowitz.
95
00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:58,237
Just transferred
from Sarasota.
96
00:03:58,239 --> 00:04:00,672
Well, welcome to the
Stoolbend branch.
97
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:02,207
Sarasota, huh?
98
00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:04,843
Long shot, but do you know
Steve Mazepa?
99
00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:06,178
Oh, yeah, sure.
100
00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:08,847
He's the guy, about three foot
tall, huge calves,
101
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:11,350
lives in a tree,
hands covered in fur, right?
102
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:13,352
Head looks like an anvil?
103
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:15,020
Uh, maybe.
104
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:16,521
I actually knew his brother
a little better.
105
00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:18,257
Well, better get
back to work.
106
00:04:23,029 --> 00:04:24,363
I'm doing it.
107
00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:26,265
I'm really doing it.
108
00:04:28,534 --> 00:04:30,535
I just saw Mom
at the beauty parlor.
109
00:04:30,537 --> 00:04:33,038
She's crying
under a dryer.
110
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:34,373
What were you
doing there?
111
00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:36,375
I was also crying
under a dryer.
112
00:04:36,377 --> 00:04:39,911
Oh, I can't stand
to see Mother sad.
113
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:42,547
So, when it comes to patching
things up between you and Mom,
114
00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:46,051
I think I've got just
the metaphorical ticket.
115
00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:47,419
Literal tickets.
116
00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:49,955
George Clinton and
the P-Funk All Stars?
117
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,390
That's Mom's
favorite band.
118
00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:53,258
They're for
your anniversary.
119
00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:57,062
The perfect mermento to
cammermurate the occasion.
120
00:04:57,064 --> 00:04:59,431
Cool. Who should I take?
Mom!
121
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:01,066
My mom's dead, Cleveland.
122
00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:02,401
My mom.
123
00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:03,935
I bought these so you could
make it up to her
124
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:06,271
for missing
your guys's anniversary.
125
00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:08,407
Let her know you don't
take her for granted.
126
00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:11,143
Just tell her that
this was your idea.
127
00:05:11,145 --> 00:05:13,612
I do like lying
to your mother.
128
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:16,181
(funk music playing)
129
00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:20,919
Oh, man. Great.
130
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:22,287
McTubby and Wife.
131
00:05:22,289 --> 00:05:23,755
Thanks for the
tickets, Cleveland.
132
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:25,590
You're welc--
Uh, they're from Dad.
133
00:05:25,592 --> 00:05:27,592
Oh, please.
Cleveland, I know
134
00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:29,761
you've been covering for
your father for years.
135
00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:31,296
The cards, the flowers,
136
00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:32,931
that time you
dressed up like him
137
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:34,666
and took me to Paris
for my birthday.
138
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,134
♪
(slurping)
139
00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:37,269
Oh, Lavar.
140
00:05:37,271 --> 00:05:38,837
This is so romantic.
141
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,673
Shut up, Mommy.
I mean, bitch.
142
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:44,343
(funk music playing,
fireworks popping)
143
00:05:50,950 --> 00:05:53,151
(whoops)
George Clinton!
144
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:55,287
(whoops)
145
00:05:55,289 --> 00:05:57,789
Where's all my ladies
at tonight?
146
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,291
(whooping)
Right here, baby.
147
00:05:59,293 --> 00:06:01,126
There are also men
in the crowd!
148
00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:03,295
Involve us!
149
00:06:03,297 --> 00:06:05,364
Which one of y'all ready to funk
with me tonight?
150
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,632
(crowd cheering)
151
00:06:07,634 --> 00:06:09,801
Oh, my God, George Clinton!
152
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:11,470
Cleveland, you
come, too.
153
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:14,539
No, he wants you.
154
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:16,475
What's your name?
155
00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:19,211
Evelyn, but my friends
call me Cookie.
156
00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:22,180
Well, why don't I just call
you Cosmic Chocolate?
157
00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:23,415
Mmm!
158
00:06:24,650 --> 00:06:25,851
Mmm!
159
00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:28,487
(giggles)
160
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:30,655
Cookie, sit down,
you're gonna break the stage.
161
00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:31,823
Hah! Jealous?
162
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:33,225
Hell no.
163
00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:34,326
I am.
164
00:06:34,328 --> 00:06:36,328
When is the men's turn?
165
00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:38,330
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
166
00:06:38,332 --> 00:06:40,399
Why don't we just let
the mother ship sail
167
00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:43,001
right on into
your Milky Way, baby?
168
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:45,904
That's my mom!
That's my mom!
169
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,341
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
170
00:06:49,343 --> 00:06:51,076
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
171
00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:52,444
(crowd cheering)
172
00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:57,582
Is your mom funkin'
George Clinton?
173
00:06:57,584 --> 00:07:00,519
Making a damn fool of
herself is what she's doing.
174
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:01,853
Let's hear it for
Evelyn, y'all,
175
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:04,756
my beautiful Bride
of Funkenstein.
176
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,024
Yeah.
177
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:08,193
(Cookie giggling,
crowd cheering)
178
00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:10,395
(fireworks popping)
179
00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:13,031
(crickets chirping)
180
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:14,366
It's been an hour
and a half.
181
00:07:14,368 --> 00:07:15,367
When's she coming
back out?
182
00:07:15,369 --> 00:07:17,102
Don't worry about Mom.
183
00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:18,870
She's probably just having
some cheese plates.
184
00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:22,374
P-Funk's probably got all kinds
of cheeses-eses back there.
185
00:07:22,376 --> 00:07:24,376
Well, I'm sick
of waiting.
186
00:07:24,378 --> 00:07:26,645
Let's tell her
it's time to go.
187
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:30,882
Cleveland,
put your underpants back on.
188
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,551
No!
189
00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:33,618
(loud pounding)
190
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:34,920
Yeah?
191
00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:35,954
My wife's in there.
192
00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,556
Tell her I'm ready to go.
193
00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:40,392
Is she a thick, squat
older version of him?
194
00:07:40,394 --> 00:07:42,727
That's very kind
of you. Yes.
195
00:07:42,729 --> 00:07:43,895
She with them.
196
00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:44,963
COOKIE:
Bow, wow, wow,
197
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,898
yippee-yo, yippee-yay!
198
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,133
My God.
199
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:49,968
Cleveland, do you know
what this means?
200
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:52,237
I think we all know
what this means.
201
00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:54,806
George Clinton
has kidnapped your mother.
202
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,475
(laughs)
No.
203
00:08:00,913 --> 00:08:02,914
So, let me get this straight,
Mr. Brown.
204
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:04,416
You're saying that your wife--
205
00:08:04,418 --> 00:08:06,585
a thick, squat
older version of him...
206
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:08,086
Very kind,
thank you.
207
00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:09,988
...was kidnapped
by Dr. Funkenstein himself,
208
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,957
George Clinton?
209
00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:12,958
I don't like
what you're implying.
210
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,093
Why would any woman
run off with anybody
211
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:17,295
when she's got a man at home?
212
00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:18,997
Uh, you're not all that?
213
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,298
Come on, Cleveland.
214
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,934
Once again, the police are
no help to a black man.
215
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:24,803
We are both black, sir.
216
00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,271
All cops are white
on the inside.
217
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:28,139
Like a Eskimo Bar.
218
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,674
Or a coconut.
219
00:08:32,111 --> 00:08:34,779
These charts behind me
don't lie, people.
220
00:08:34,781 --> 00:08:36,515
Our numbers are down
across the board.
221
00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:37,949
According to this chart,
222
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:40,285
the only department
that's pulling its weight
223
00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:42,120
is the Charts Department.
224
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:43,588
Nice job, Charts.
225
00:08:44,957 --> 00:08:46,691
How do we boost our numbers?
226
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:47,959
Myron.
Uh, well...
227
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,294
Terrible.
Why do I bother?
228
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:50,962
Next.
Uh...
229
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:52,998
Tried it in '09.
Doesn't work.
230
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,065
You, new guy.
231
00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:57,002
Well, Mr. Oxnard, sir,
232
00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:59,004
I think we should look
at the toys
233
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:02,140
and make sure they're the ones
that the kids want to play with.
234
00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:04,175
Toys? What toys?
We don't make toys.
235
00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:07,979
No, sir, I think what Lefkowitz
is saying is a metaphor.
236
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:11,016
We need to put the fun back into
facultative reinsurance
237
00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:12,484
and cooperative underwriting.
238
00:09:12,486 --> 00:09:14,486
And with each policy
we give away a toy.
239
00:09:14,488 --> 00:09:16,054
A rubber bus
or something.
240
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,656
Or dolls.
241
00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:19,991
Yeah, or a rubber bus.
242
00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:21,326
Good job, Lefkowitz.
243
00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:23,995
You're getting your own
parking spot.
244
00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:25,664
♪ Frank Lefkowitz
245
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:27,666
♪ Has his own parking space
246
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:29,701
♪ And there's shards of glass
247
00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:31,670
♪ Slicing up my calves.
248
00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,939
(screams in agony)
249
00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:38,543
This is P-Funk's
tour schedule.
250
00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:40,011
They're in Knoxville
tomorrow night.
251
00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:42,013
If we leave right now,
we can catch up to 'em.
252
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:43,748
Dad, I think
Mom is okay.
253
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,216
We don't know that.
254
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:47,686
COOKIE:
Oh, I'm more than okay,
I'm alive.
255
00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:48,920
Evelyn.
256
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,889
Hey, Freight Train.
257
00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:52,357
How are you?
258
00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:54,559
I've never been better.
259
00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:57,529
You like the dress
George bought me?
260
00:09:57,531 --> 00:09:59,197
Evelyn, your mammarys
are hanging out.
261
00:09:59,199 --> 00:10:00,565
What the hell are you doing?
262
00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:02,534
Being appreciated, Lavar.
263
00:10:02,536 --> 00:10:04,736
George Clinton listens to me,
264
00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:07,272
and he likes my cooking.
265
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:09,074
Gotta go.
266
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:11,376
Hey, baby, you ready
for round 20?
267
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:12,811
(lascivious chuckle)
268
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:17,115
Did it sound to you like she
was reading from a script?
269
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:20,719
Sounded more to me like
she was taking dictation.
270
00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:22,053
George Clinton
can have her.
271
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:23,588
She's dead to me.
272
00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:26,091
You do know that
"she's dead to me"
273
00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:28,059
is just an expression?
274
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:30,729
And so we
bid farewell
275
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:33,598
to Evelyn Champagne
Brunch Brown,
276
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:38,403
aka Cookie, first host
of Friday Night Videos,
277
00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:40,739
former long-haul truck driver,
278
00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:45,410
five-time Libertarian candidate
for mayor, and Jezebel.
279
00:10:45,412 --> 00:10:48,079
There's no place
for you in Heaven.
280
00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:49,748
Amen.
281
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:54,619
I now ask her son
if he would say a few words.
282
00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:56,287
Go on.
This is ridiculous.
283
00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:58,289
I'm not speaking
at Mom's fake...
284
00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:01,493
Get up there,
you're her only son.
285
00:11:06,932 --> 00:11:08,933
(sobbing):
Mama!
286
00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:10,602
Mommy!
287
00:11:10,604 --> 00:11:12,003
Too soon!
288
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,805
(sobbing)
289
00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:17,442
I once accidentally saw you pee,
290
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,477
and I didn't stop watching!
291
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:21,546
(sobbing)
292
00:11:25,117 --> 00:11:28,787
All right, Lefkowitz, you
brought donuts for everybody.
293
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:29,954
No, this is my lunch.
294
00:11:29,956 --> 00:11:31,489
What do you want?
295
00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:34,292
Well, hot shot, since you
saved us a bunch of money,
296
00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:35,827
I thought we'd throw
a company picnic.
297
00:11:35,829 --> 00:11:37,462
You're a family man, right?
298
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:39,664
What have I said
up to this point?
299
00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:40,799
That you have
a wife and kid.
300
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:41,800
Boy or girl?
301
00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:44,302
(laughs)
Lefkowitz.
302
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:48,039
I guess it's time
to rent me some Mexicans
303
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,275
or some blacks.
304
00:11:52,845 --> 00:11:54,312
Shut the front door.
305
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,881
You're saying
you were with two girls?
306
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,717
Yep, and if you add
both of 'em together,
307
00:11:58,719 --> 00:12:00,719
they were almost
age appropriate.
308
00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:02,520
(laughs)
309
00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:05,523
Say, blood,
where you get these bitches?
310
00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:07,192
Let me get this straight.
311
00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:09,661
Your dad is having relations
with young ladies
312
00:12:09,663 --> 00:12:12,230
only a day after fake-burying
your mother,
313
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,833
who-- let us not forget--
is out with George Clinton
314
00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:17,068
getting funked
six ways from Sunday?
315
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,169
Yes.
316
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:21,005
Cleveland,
you are white trash.
317
00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:23,007
(laughter)
318
00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:25,844
Dad, I'm gonna help you
make things right with Mom.
319
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,345
Forget that; I'm headed home.
320
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:28,747
I got some Craigslist Asians
321
00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:30,882
gonna meet me there
in a half hour.
322
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:34,619
Oh, he gonna get him some
and dim sum.
323
00:12:36,555 --> 00:12:41,392
Daddy, are you
and the Asian ladies decent?
324
00:12:41,394 --> 00:12:43,394
I'm gonna go swat
the tetherball out back
325
00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:44,963
till he gets home.
326
00:12:47,066 --> 00:12:49,134
(sobbing)
327
00:12:53,038 --> 00:12:54,873
Dad?
328
00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:56,207
She's dead, Cleveland.
329
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:57,242
What are you doing?
330
00:12:57,244 --> 00:12:59,110
Where are
the Asian ladies?
331
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,045
I made 'em up, Cleveland.
332
00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:02,547
It's no fun messing around
when there's no one waiting
333
00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:04,783
at home for you
to slap you upside the head.
334
00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:06,551
She ain't coming back.
335
00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:07,619
(sobbing)
336
00:13:13,259 --> 00:13:16,795
Dad, can we get
badminton for Easter?
337
00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:23,902
I took it too far
this time, Cleveland,
338
00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:26,104
and now I realize
just how much I love her.
339
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:30,308
The best thing I ever had
is gone forever.
340
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:33,111
Dad, look at yourself
in the mirror.
341
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:34,746
I'm fat.
342
00:13:34,748 --> 00:13:38,116
Look at us, a
couple of schmoes--
343
00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:40,318
one fat, one
heartbroke.
344
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,754
You know what? Instead
of sitting here moping,
345
00:13:42,756 --> 00:13:44,589
get out there and
fight for Mom,
346
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,291
and I'm gonna order
sliced tomatoes
347
00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:49,127
with my double cheeseburger
instead of fries--
348
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:50,428
or maybe I'll get
the fries, too.
349
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:52,263
I'll eat the tomatoes first,
350
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:54,766
but I'll eat the fries
if I'm still hungry.
351
00:13:54,768 --> 00:13:57,335
I ain't never had to fight
for no woman in my life.
352
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:58,436
That's what losers do.
353
00:13:58,438 --> 00:14:01,406
Hello, I did that.
354
00:14:02,641 --> 00:14:04,676
And I won the
love of my life.
355
00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:06,010
Think about it,
356
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:07,445
and I'm going to
have a cheeseburger.
357
00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:09,280
And you know what?
358
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:11,015
No tomatoes.
359
00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:15,854
Actually, avocado--
that's a good fat, like me.
360
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:19,324
(children laughing)
361
00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:21,326
Don't mess
this up for me.
362
00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:23,294
I'm living my dream.
363
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:26,197
Now, I've paid you both
handsomely to know your roles.
364
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:29,334
Again, Roberta,
you are my wife Jane.
365
00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:31,169
Our son was an accident.
366
00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:32,704
You've talked yourself
into loving me
367
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:34,472
because I'm a good provider.
368
00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:36,541
And that's why I drink.
369
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,142
Perfect.
370
00:14:38,144 --> 00:14:40,311
Look, I'll be around
for the intros, photos,
371
00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:42,981
or when you need your son
to be in a sack race,
372
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:44,349
but the rest
of the time,
373
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:48,319
you can catch a brother
at the swangs!
374
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:49,320
Perfect.
375
00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:51,322
Okay, showtime.
376
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:54,192
Frank, you family-having
son of a gun.
377
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:55,226
Nice to meet you.
378
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,362
Well, hello there,
little guy.
379
00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:59,998
You look
just like your dad.
380
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,833
Wow, that's a kick in the b...
381
00:15:01,835 --> 00:15:03,167
(chuckles)
382
00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:05,003
Run and play on
the swings, son.
383
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:07,338
Swangs!
384
00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:10,742
(sighs)
Kids-- they
grow up so fast.
385
00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:12,577
So, why you keeping
Frank so late at work?
386
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,279
You see he's
got a kid.
387
00:15:15,347 --> 00:15:17,248
Whoa, Jane.
388
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:20,685
Don't you raise your fist
to me, you sad, little man.
389
00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:21,853
You know what?
390
00:15:21,855 --> 00:15:23,855
This is stupid dumb.
Screw this.
391
00:15:23,857 --> 00:15:28,826
I'm going to go make out with
my boyfriend in his mouth.
392
00:15:30,529 --> 00:15:32,196
(groans nervously)
393
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:34,265
Jane!
394
00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:39,103
Wait!
395
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:42,607
Why are they always fighting?
396
00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:43,875
(cries)
397
00:15:43,877 --> 00:15:46,978
Does anybody want
to buy me a toy?
398
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:56,120
Mr. Oxnard, sir,
I-I want to apologize
399
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:58,890
for that "situation"
at the picnic.
400
00:15:58,892 --> 00:16:00,425
Apologize for what?
401
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:03,394
You handled that with
class and dignity.
402
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:06,397
I've had marital problems with
my young, black wife, too.
403
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:07,565
Like what?
404
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:09,467
Oh, she didn't like
my brother watching us.
405
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,469
Look, Lefkowitz, I'm
gonna get right to it.
406
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,304
I'm going to give
you Myron's job.
407
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,406
He'll figure out a way
to support his kids,
408
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:16,808
even the one
in the chair.
409
00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:18,977
Mr. Oxnard, you're a prince.
410
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:22,413
I've dreamed of an offer
like that my whole life,
411
00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:24,782
but I haven't been honest
with you.
412
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:27,418
I'm not a high school graduate.
413
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,954
Myron went to Harvard
and he's a total moron.
414
00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:33,791
Be that as it may, I can only
worry about Frank Lefkowitz,
415
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:37,328
and Frank Lefkowitz
has got to get his GED.
416
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,597
Well, Lefkowitz, there will
always be a desk for you
417
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:41,432
here at McClennan
Reinsurers.
418
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:42,600
Can I take it home?
419
00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:44,302
Huh, yes.
420
00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:46,971
Good-bye, Mr. Oxnard.
421
00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:50,375
♪
422
00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:06,457
Penn State?
423
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:07,458
Yuck.
424
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:08,960
Cleveland,
I need your help.
425
00:17:08,962 --> 00:17:10,461
Here, start with these.
426
00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:12,163
Also yuck.
427
00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:14,832
I'm gonna fight to get your mom
back from George Clinton.
428
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:16,134
How?
429
00:17:16,136 --> 00:17:17,468
I'm gonna do
the only logical thing--
430
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,470
start my own
'70s funk band.
431
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,472
All I need now
is the band.
432
00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:24,142
You got some friends who might
be up for something crazy?
433
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:25,143
Let me see.
434
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:27,645
Dead, dead, dead,
435
00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:31,315
lost his thumbs, dead, dead.
436
00:17:31,317 --> 00:17:32,483
Wait a minute.
437
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:34,819
Okay, one more,
one more.
438
00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:36,487
That was good.
439
00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:39,157
Now pretend I'm the Jostens man
and give me yearbook.
440
00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:41,225
Ah, forget it, here they come.
441
00:17:50,669 --> 00:17:53,571
Remember,
just scare 'em.
442
00:17:58,343 --> 00:18:00,578
(people screaming, Tim growling)
443
00:18:03,048 --> 00:18:04,849
He's good.
444
00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:07,518
ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen, we regret
445
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:10,521
to inform you that George
Clinton and the P-Funk All Stars
446
00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:13,391
have been mauled to death
by a bear.
447
00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:16,260
On a lighter note,
that bear plays guitar,
448
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:17,695
so put your hands together
449
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:21,165
for Freight Train
and the Palpitations.
450
00:18:23,869 --> 00:18:25,870
♪ Ooh... ♪
451
00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:26,904
Lavar?
452
00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:30,074
I want to send this out
to the only woman
453
00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:34,045
who's ever really mattered
in my life-- my wife
454
00:18:34,047 --> 00:18:36,547
Evelyn "Cookie" Brown.
455
00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:41,419
♪ Ooh... ♪
Cookie, I made mistakes,
I treated you wrong,
456
00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:43,221
but ever since you left me,
457
00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:47,458
I've been feeling sick, so bad.
♪ Ooh... ♪
458
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:50,695
Everybody, gather around
in a circle because...
459
00:18:52,397 --> 00:18:55,099
♪ I'm feeling ookie, Cookie
460
00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:58,469
♪ Ookie, Cookie ♪
♪ Because I made such a mess
461
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:02,306
♪ I'm eatin' my words now,
Cookie ♪
462
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:05,143
♪ And they don't taste
the best ♪
463
00:19:05,145 --> 00:19:08,746
♪ Some people think
it's just a game ♪
♪ Ooh... ♪
464
00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:11,983
♪ But to me it means a lot
♪ Quite a lot ♪
465
00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:14,919
♪ My aim-- it might be shaky
♪ Ooh... ♪
466
00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:18,456
♪ But I'm gonna give it,
give it one last shot ♪
467
00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:21,492
♪ I'm feeling ookie, Cookie...
468
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:24,795
I think Cookie Monster
put it best when he said,
469
00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:28,533
"'C' is for Cookie
and that's good enough for me."
470
00:19:29,434 --> 00:19:30,768
Yeah, those other women
471
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:32,136
don't mean nothing.
472
00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:33,604
In fact, you know what?
473
00:19:33,606 --> 00:19:35,439
I'm gonna call them right now.
474
00:19:35,441 --> 00:19:38,609
Hello, Beatrice,
it's Freight Train.
475
00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:40,845
We're through.
476
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:42,613
Hi, is this the Waffle House?
477
00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:44,448
Let me speak to Jalisa.
478
00:19:44,450 --> 00:19:46,517
Baby, I got to quit you.
479
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:49,954
Hello, Maureen, we're done.
480
00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:52,623
Now give the phone to your mom.
481
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:55,159
Hey, Doreen, you know
why your daughter's crying?
482
00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:56,694
Same goes for you.
483
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:57,695
It's over.
484
00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,163
Why?
485
00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:00,765
I'll tell you why.
486
00:20:02,701 --> 00:20:06,637
♪ I'm feeling ookie, Cookie
487
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:09,974
♪ Ookie, Cookie ♪
♪ I've been
a big old nasty jerk ♪
488
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:12,843
♪ It'd be a big load off
489
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:16,714
♪ Big, huge load ♪
♪ If we could just
make this work ♪
490
00:20:17,316 --> 00:20:18,649
♪ So
491
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:22,553
ALL:
♪ Come on, Cookie.
492
00:20:25,857 --> 00:20:27,658
I'm sorry, Cookie.
493
00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:29,860
I love you and
your cooking
494
00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:32,730
and your tall-boy-
sized belly button
495
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,832
and your
Libertarian politics
496
00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:36,667
and your ability
to drive a big rig
497
00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:38,536
a thousand miles without
changing your diaper.
498
00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:40,838
Oh, Lavar,
let's go home.
499
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,006
You're gonna get
some cookies
500
00:20:42,008 --> 00:20:43,674
out of this cookie jar
tonight.
501
00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:45,509
Well, first you're gonna
run that cookie jar
502
00:20:45,511 --> 00:20:46,711
through the dishwasher.
503
00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:49,680
Oh, Lavar.
504
00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:51,015
♪ I'm feeling ookie, Cookie
505
00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:57,955
♪ Aah, Cookie!