1 00:00:02,469 --> 00:00:03,836 (funky disco plays) ♪ My name is Cleveland Brown 2 00:00:03,838 --> 00:00:07,006 ♪ And I am proud to be 3 00:00:07,008 --> 00:00:09,108 ♪ Right back in my hometown 4 00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:11,276 ♪ With my new family 5 00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:14,046 ♪ There's old friends and new friends ♪ 6 00:00:14,048 --> 00:00:16,348 ♪ And even a bear 7 00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:17,850 ♪ Through good times and bad times ♪ 8 00:00:17,852 --> 00:00:20,185 ♪ It's true love we share 9 00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,521 ♪ And so I found a place 10 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,857 ♪ Where everyone will know 11 00:00:24,859 --> 00:00:26,191 ♪ My happy mustached face 12 00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:29,028 ♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪ 13 00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:30,963 (chuckles) 14 00:00:32,632 --> 00:00:35,401 (snoring) 15 00:00:38,571 --> 00:00:44,043 Sleep the sleep of angels, my deviated-septumed beauty, 16 00:00:44,045 --> 00:00:46,512 for that is what you are: an angel. 17 00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:51,150 Ah! But your breath is from Satan's butt crack, 18 00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:53,352 so I'm going to gently place this breath strip 19 00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:57,823 on your pasty tongue before I kiss you farewell. 20 00:00:57,825 --> 00:00:58,590 (choking) 21 00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:01,260 (panting) 22 00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:02,261 How long have you been up? 23 00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:05,197 Got to get in early if I'm gonna avoid 24 00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:06,265 being one of Waterman's victims. 25 00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:09,034 But you're not a 19-year-old Cuban boy 26 00:01:09,036 --> 00:01:10,602 who sells cologne at the mall. 27 00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:13,672 Humorous, but I'm talking about layoff victims. 28 00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:17,109 There's still rumors they're gonna let people go, 29 00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:20,546 and I've been trying to show Mr. Waterman I'm a hard worker. 30 00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:23,449 Why don't you dress up like a 19-year-old Cuban boy? 31 00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:26,085 Why don't you come up with a new joke? 32 00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:30,055 (gunfire, grunting over TV) 33 00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:31,423 Come on, Ro. 34 00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:32,458 Why you giving me the silent treatment? 35 00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,726 You know I likes it when you screech 36 00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,562 sweet nothings in my sound hole. 37 00:01:36,564 --> 00:01:38,630 Yeah? Well, how about this? 38 00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:41,100 You forgot our anniversary! 39 00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:42,267 Oh, come on, girl. 40 00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:44,069 You know you the most important-- 41 00:01:44,071 --> 00:01:45,904 Yo, is that Breaking Bad? 42 00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:48,140 Aw, Malcolm's dad going all gangster. I loves this show. 43 00:01:48,142 --> 00:01:50,709 It's not about being gangster. 44 00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:54,079 It's about a desperate man facing his own mortality 45 00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:56,715 who's forced to do what he must to maintain 46 00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,885 his depressing ranch house for his depressing family. 47 00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:00,919 Sorry, Kid Cutie. 48 00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:02,254 Ugh! 49 00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:04,123 I'm tired of all your blappity crap. 50 00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:05,624 It's over. For real. 51 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:06,825 No, no, Ro-Ro! 52 00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:07,960 Get out! 53 00:02:07,962 --> 00:02:09,394 You heard the lady. 54 00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:10,963 See ya, matzah cracker. 55 00:02:11,431 --> 00:02:14,066 (groans) 56 00:02:14,068 --> 00:02:16,135 (chuckles): He crying. 57 00:02:16,137 --> 00:02:17,769 All right, Roberta, 58 00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:21,907 now we can go find you a real man-- i.e., black. 59 00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:23,475 Leave me alone! 60 00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,244 (crying) 61 00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:27,079 Ugh, she crying. 62 00:02:27,081 --> 00:02:29,581 I got to find her a man. 63 00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:30,649 Siri? 64 00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:31,450 Yes, Rallo? 65 00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:32,951 Can I talk to Black Siri? 66 00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:34,119 I am Black Siri. 67 00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:35,320 Really? You don't sound... 68 00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:36,455 Oh, yeah? 69 00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:36,755 How am I supposed to sound? 70 00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,757 Uh... 71 00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:39,625 Just kidding! (laughs) 72 00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,894 What up, playa? What you need? 73 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:47,132 Roberta Tubbs, as I live and breathe. 74 00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:49,935 Fancy meeting you here. 75 00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:51,703 What are you doing here, Rallo? 76 00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:52,371 Fro blow. 77 00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:54,940 I'm getting a Flo-Jo! 78 00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:57,109 Well, how about that. 79 00:02:57,111 --> 00:02:58,210 You know Reggie. 80 00:02:58,212 --> 00:02:59,811 Black guy, black guy name. 81 00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:00,846 Whoa. 82 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,214 What? It's true. 83 00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:04,349 Rallo, I am not dating Reggie. 84 00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,151 He wears karate shoes. 85 00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:06,552 Tae kwon do! 86 00:03:06,554 --> 00:03:08,654 What? 87 00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:09,955 Who says you should date Reggie? 88 00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:11,323 We're just talking here. 89 00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,225 Shoo, shoo. 90 00:03:13,227 --> 00:03:16,328 Maybe you should date black Muslim Jamaal right here. 91 00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:17,563 Cover your head, woman! 92 00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:19,331 Rallo! 93 00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:20,032 I am not letting my five-year-old brother 94 00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:22,834 choose my boyfriend. 95 00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:24,636 Fine. Pack it up, guys. 96 00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:26,004 Not gonna happen today. 97 00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:27,539 (murmuring) 98 00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:34,346 ♪ Someone to watch 99 00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:38,984 ♪ Over me. 100 00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:44,089 Thank you. 101 00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:45,991 I know there's been a lot of scuttlebutt 102 00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:49,194 about an inevitable round of layoffs. 103 00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:52,164 But instead of laying off a bunch of people, 104 00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:53,699 we are simply going to offer a buyout 105 00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:57,869 to one employee... and eliminate all health insurance. 106 00:03:57,871 --> 00:04:00,906 So, I am offering a six-month severance package, 107 00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:03,375 paid in advance. 108 00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:08,080 Wait, you mean someone is gonna get paid six months to not work? 109 00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:09,781 And, uh, no more health insurance for the rest of you. 110 00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,717 That's right. 111 00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:13,051 Whoever is first to sign his name on this contract... 112 00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:15,520 Now hold on a minute. 113 00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:17,623 He's trying to turn us against each other. 114 00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:20,459 And we're a family here at Waterman Cable. 115 00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,461 I've worked here for years, 116 00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:25,631 and you're my brother, and you're my brother, 117 00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,366 and you're my sister. 118 00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:28,800 And I... 119 00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:30,469 am... out of here! 120 00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:32,704 Yay! 121 00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:34,673 We're all happy for Cleveland! 122 00:04:39,979 --> 00:04:42,648 CASHIER: Did you bring your reusable canvas bags? 123 00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:44,316 I ain't Al Gore. 124 00:04:44,318 --> 00:04:46,818 Just put each item in its own double bag and... 125 00:04:51,924 --> 00:04:55,494 I mean, I forgot my canvas bags in my Prius. 126 00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:57,062 Don't worry about it. 127 00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:03,835 Damn! Was there a sale on abs or something? 128 00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:05,971 (chuckles) That's very clever. 129 00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:08,407 No, I got in shape this summer building a school 130 00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:09,574 in South Africa for the kids that got molested 131 00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:11,710 at Oprah's school in South Africa. 132 00:05:13,613 --> 00:05:16,248 I don't suppose you could carry these out for me? 133 00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:17,983 I could do you one better. 134 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,051 (giggling) 135 00:05:19,752 --> 00:05:22,321 Look at me, 136 00:05:22,323 --> 00:05:24,556 walking on my own feet like a fat girl. 137 00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:29,127 Whoa! No way! 138 00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:30,262 Holla! Game over! 139 00:05:30,264 --> 00:05:31,530 (arena horn blows on TV) 140 00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:32,964 Now, that's a baller. 141 00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:35,434 See, you got a real man now, watching hoops 142 00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:38,337 instead of watching old VHS's of Yo! MTV Raps. 143 00:05:38,339 --> 00:05:41,106 You'll be dunking one day, little man 144 00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:43,275 Oh, well, yeah, maybe, then. 145 00:05:43,277 --> 00:05:44,876 Hey, my show's on. 146 00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:47,179 ANNOUNCER: We now return to Breaking Bad. 147 00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:48,814 Whoa. Breaking Bad? 148 00:05:48,816 --> 00:05:50,716 I heard this show has adult situations. 149 00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:53,485 They trick you because it's Malcolm's dad. 150 00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:55,120 You haven't seen Breaking Bad? 151 00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:56,822 Oh, man, you're in for a treat. 152 00:05:56,824 --> 00:05:58,223 In one episode, 153 00:05:58,225 --> 00:06:00,525 they attach a decapitated head to a turtle. 154 00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:03,362 And Malcolm's dad gets half-hearted 155 00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:06,331 manual stimulation for his birthday. 156 00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:07,566 Who's the parent in charge here? 157 00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:08,900 DONNA: On the crapper. 158 00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:11,002 All right, look, starting right now, 159 00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:12,738 your bedtime is two-and-a-half hours ago. 160 00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:15,340 Get upstairs, brush your teeth, say your prayers-- 161 00:06:15,342 --> 00:06:17,576 to Jesus-- and if I hear one peep out of you, 162 00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:18,877 I will spank you. 163 00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:19,745 Takes a village. 164 00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:20,379 Wha...? 165 00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:21,913 Are you for real? 166 00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:23,348 Upstairs! 167 00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:25,050 (screams) 168 00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:30,756 (screams) 169 00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:32,157 Donna, you'll never believe it! 170 00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:34,426 I've been laid off! 171 00:06:34,428 --> 00:06:36,328 Oh, no, that's awful! 172 00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:37,896 No, it's great! 173 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,765 It came with a six-month severance package. 174 00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:42,067 They're paying me not to work. 175 00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:44,035 Oh, that is great. 176 00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:45,070 Because there's so much work you can do here. 177 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:47,372 Say what? 178 00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:48,440 The gutters need to be cleaned, 179 00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:50,008 the house needs to be painted-- 180 00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:52,177 inside and out-- fix that hole, 181 00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:53,378 all the furniture in the guest room 182 00:06:53,380 --> 00:06:55,380 needs to be taken to the garage, steam-cleaned, 183 00:06:55,382 --> 00:06:55,781 and then put back in the guest room... 184 00:06:55,783 --> 00:06:58,016 Excuse me. 185 00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,818 ♪ 186 00:07:14,867 --> 00:07:16,067 Donna, you'll never believe it! 187 00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:17,803 I've been laid off! 188 00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:18,737 Oh, no, that's awful! 189 00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:20,672 Yep. 190 00:07:25,878 --> 00:07:28,613 Well, I'm off to look for a job. 191 00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:30,482 You know what I got in this briefcase? 192 00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:31,583 Dreams. 193 00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:32,083 Dreams and loose Pringles. 194 00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:34,653 Mostly Pringles. 195 00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,455 So, what's the first stop on your job search? 196 00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:37,589 The plant. 197 00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:38,657 What plant? 198 00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:39,057 You know, the old mill. 199 00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:39,925 What mill? 200 00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:40,992 No idea. 201 00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,661 Here's your lunch. 202 00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:45,096 It's last night's fish leftovers. 203 00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:46,398 Make sure to reheat it in the office microwave 204 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,567 without much ventilation. 205 00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:49,901 Will do. 206 00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:52,604 ♪ Take me out to the job search ♪ 207 00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:56,074 (bat cracks, organ playing music) 208 00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:57,676 These are great seats, Cleveland. 209 00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:58,143 How'd you get these tickets? 210 00:07:58,145 --> 00:07:59,144 I bought them. 211 00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,346 From a scalper. 212 00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:03,682 How much severance did you get? 213 00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:07,085 Let's just say it had a comma in it. 214 00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:09,321 (whistles) 215 00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:10,655 Exclermation point. 216 00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:13,492 Don't you feel bad lying to Donna? 217 00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:15,961 Guys, I've been working since I was six, 218 00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:19,197 when my father locked me in a slaughter house with four cows 219 00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:22,767 and a pen knife and told me not to come out until I had steaks. 220 00:08:22,769 --> 00:08:24,870 I'm just gonna take a breather for a while, 221 00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:25,837 because I've earned it. 222 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,372 Besides, I'm not lying to Donna. 223 00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:30,375 I am looking for a job. 224 00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:32,978 Hey, manager, you looking for a third baseman? 225 00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:34,946 No! All right, then. 226 00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:35,881 Guess we'll just watch the game 227 00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:38,183 and keep getting drunk in the sun. 228 00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,552 Hey, beer guy, are those lukewarm? 229 00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:42,387 VENDOR: Been in the sun for three hours. 230 00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:43,855 We'll take the tray! 231 00:08:50,496 --> 00:08:51,696 CLEVELAND: I paid for a look-a-like 232 00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,365 to carry the other end of the sandwich. 233 00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:54,466 Thanks, Ronnie. 234 00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:55,967 You're welcome. 235 00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:58,136 What does that have to do with looking for a job? 236 00:08:58,138 --> 00:09:00,105 It's called a snack, Lester. 237 00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:03,141 CLEVELAND: Are you hiring? No! 238 00:09:05,645 --> 00:09:07,512 You guys hiring? 239 00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:09,915 As a matter of fact, we're about to have an opening. 240 00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:11,316 We are? 241 00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:13,218 Yeah, in the back of your (beep) head. 242 00:09:14,153 --> 00:09:15,820 Mamma mia. 243 00:09:15,822 --> 00:09:18,857 Rallo, I think I've been too hard on you, 244 00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:20,559 so as a treat, 245 00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:22,360 I brought over the current season of Breaking Bad. 246 00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:24,396 (chuckles): DeVon! 247 00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:26,064 Now, I've edited it down to the scenes 248 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,033 that are appropriate for a five-year-old, 249 00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:30,835 so it's 40 seconds long and is mostly desert exterior shots. 250 00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:31,535 Oh, yeah? 251 00:09:31,537 --> 00:09:32,103 Edit this. 252 00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:34,406 Whoa, you're good. 253 00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:35,540 Well, this is better than nothing. 254 00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:37,342 Let's watch. 255 00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:39,744 No, this DVD is a reward for when you finish your homework. 256 00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:43,214 I don't want to do my homework. 257 00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:45,650 I want to drink a damn beer and watch TV! 258 00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:50,689 (muttering) 259 00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:55,927 DONNA: Is that you, baby? 260 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:56,695 How'd it go? 261 00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:59,197 I don't think this country 262 00:09:59,199 --> 00:10:02,400 is looking for a hard-working man anymore. 263 00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:03,935 Aw, my poor Cleveland. 264 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:07,105 Junior, bring your father his slippers! 265 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:10,208 (panting) 266 00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,277 Rallo, go get him a sandwich. 267 00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,779 Tell the unemployed bum to get it himself. 268 00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:17,482 Because of him, I'm eating generic sandwich cookies 269 00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:19,417 and drinking water out the tap. 270 00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:20,919 You hush your mouth! 271 00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:24,055 Cleveland's been rejected every single day. 272 00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:26,625 He will not be rejected in his own house. 273 00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,226 That's a man there! 274 00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:31,796 Made of sweat and tears and dreams and hopes, 275 00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:35,400 cooking in the gumbo of a thousand disappointments. 276 00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:36,935 Never letting on when the pain gets too great. 277 00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:39,337 'Cause even when the giant gorilla of life 278 00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:43,742 keeps throwing barrels down at him, and his old, tired, 279 00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:46,578 stubby legs haven't got the strength to jump, 280 00:10:46,580 --> 00:10:50,482 and there's no sledgehammer in sight, he's still a man to us. 281 00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:53,752 Not a bird, not a puma, but a man. 282 00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:58,990 With three M's, because he's a m-m-man! 283 00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,125 What is he?! 284 00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:01,159 ALL: A m-m-man. 285 00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,595 What isn't he? 286 00:11:03,597 --> 00:11:04,963 A puma? A bird? 287 00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:05,463 Did anyone say puma? 288 00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:06,965 Damn right! 289 00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:10,502 And the least we can do is give him a smile 290 00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:12,303 and a bowl of soup and tell him, 291 00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:13,538 "You're doing fine, baby," 292 00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:15,006 (sobs) even though to this cruel world, 293 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:18,443 he ain't worth more than a meatball 294 00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:19,277 that rolled behind the fridge! 295 00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:22,280 (sobbing) 296 00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,983 So if one were to look behind the fridge right now, 297 00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:25,950 there would be a meatball? 298 00:11:25,952 --> 00:11:27,986 When are you gonna tell Cleveland 299 00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:29,954 about the second job you took? 300 00:11:29,956 --> 00:11:31,956 Never! He has enough burdens without having to worry about me 301 00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:35,326 working graveyard at the airport. 302 00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:38,563 Wheels up in ten minutes! Tea time's over, ladies! 303 00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:40,131 Hitch up your skirts 304 00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:42,634 and let's get these bags on that bird! 305 00:11:42,636 --> 00:11:43,134 (grunting) 306 00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:45,904 (ticking) 307 00:11:50,509 --> 00:11:53,344 Junior, I need your help. 308 00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:55,480 Roberta's new boyfriend is a pain in my... 309 00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:58,316 (sighs) rear end. 310 00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:00,485 He won't let me say the A-word. 311 00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:02,320 Even worse, when the guy shakes hands, 312 00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:04,656 he actually regular shakes hands. 313 00:12:04,658 --> 00:12:06,424 He doesn't do the dip-dap-hug-pull-in-elbow- 314 00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:08,059 bump-ear-kiss? 315 00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,161 No, man. He's even making me tuck in my T-shirts. 316 00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:14,065 Like, all the way in. Into my under-ma-pants. 317 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,234 I never thought I'd say this, 318 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,002 but things were better when Federline was around. 319 00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:19,771 Where is he? 320 00:12:19,773 --> 00:12:21,740 He's right there, running the gardening club. 321 00:12:23,275 --> 00:12:24,876 This lemon sage is coming in nicely. 322 00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:27,278 Must be all that southern light. 323 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:28,713 Federline? 324 00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:29,414 It's Gabriel Friedman now, yo. 325 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,549 I mean, Rallo. 326 00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:33,518 What happened to you? 327 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:36,755 DeVon happened to me. I can't compete with that guy. 328 00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:38,690 Roberta was right about me. I was a joke. 329 00:12:38,692 --> 00:12:41,793 You were and you are. 330 00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:43,962 But I need you two to get back together, 331 00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:45,530 and she's never gonna take you back looking 332 00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:48,767 like a nerdy... J-O-O. 333 00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:50,735 Sorry, Rallo. That's all behind me. 334 00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:52,370 Now if you'll excuse me, 335 00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:53,238 I have to go complain about my back. 336 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,106 (groans) 337 00:13:00,312 --> 00:13:02,113 Here you are, sir. Duck confit. 338 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,448 I only have nine dollars. 339 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,316 I knew that coming here. 340 00:13:05,318 --> 00:13:09,420 Dude, you already MC Hammered all your severance cash? 341 00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:11,956 Turns out, six months' salary doesn't go as far 342 00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:14,292 as you'd think when you only eat duck confit. 343 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:18,329 So, now that you're broke, I'm fixing to reckon to figure 344 00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:19,931 you're gonna need to find a job. 345 00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:21,332 Maybe I can find a job here. 346 00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:24,903 I mean, Donna got a job here. How hard can it be? 347 00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:28,006 Donna got a job here! And is here! 348 00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:30,108 Pam, can you refill the waters on my four-top? 349 00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:33,111 I'm in the weeds and I'm loaded up on oxy 350 00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:34,679 for my herniated disk. 351 00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:36,614 I admire you so much, Donna. 352 00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:39,784 Working three jobs just to support your family. 353 00:13:39,786 --> 00:13:41,820 Don't talk to me. We're not friends. 354 00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:44,189 I guess since I told her I lost my income, 355 00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:47,091 she jumped to the conclusion that she had to earn more money! 356 00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:50,028 If she sees me, it's gonna be boom-boom-bye-bye-punch-face! 357 00:13:55,367 --> 00:13:59,437 This place is a glass circle. There's nowhere to hide! 358 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,443 Cleveland?! 359 00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,345 What are you doing out there?! 360 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,180 I thought you were looking for a job! 361 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,381 What the hell is going on?! 362 00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:14,185 I-I'm out here on this ledge because... 363 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,688 because there are no jobs, and it's hopeless, 364 00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:18,223 and I'm going to jump! 365 00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:19,657 (gasps) 366 00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:21,392 That's right! 367 00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:23,862 You're looking at a desperate, handsome man 368 00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:26,164 who can't think of any other options 369 00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:27,799 at this particular point! 370 00:14:32,071 --> 00:14:35,640 That's right, the economy did this to me! 371 00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:39,377 And if someone doesn't give me a job soon, I'm gonna jump! 372 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:42,380 Excuse me, pi... I mean, Officer. 373 00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:43,581 That's my husband Cleveland. 374 00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:45,650 You've got to let me back up there. 375 00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:46,851 Ma'am, I'm gonna need you to step back 376 00:14:46,853 --> 00:14:48,486 and take this breath strip. 377 00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,889 He's not suicidal. 378 00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:53,258 He's just a victim of the economy, man. 379 00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:54,726 Like me. No one will hire me 380 00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:58,696 just because I have long hair and I'm a sexual predator. 381 00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:00,498 I can't get a job either! 382 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,867 He stands for all of us! He's our hero! 383 00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:04,535 Yeah, it doesn't take much! 384 00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:06,771 CROWD (chanting): Cleveland! Cleveland! 385 00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:09,274 Wow, they're chanting for me. 386 00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:10,041 I'm their hero. 387 00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:12,277 I knew this day would come. 388 00:15:12,279 --> 00:15:14,579 I always thought I'd be on stage playing sax 389 00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,681 with the E Street Band, 390 00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:18,883 especially after the big man went down. 391 00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:20,184 But I'm okay being a hero 392 00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:23,621 to a bunch of filthy, lazy hippies. 393 00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:26,457 You are my people! 394 00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:28,760 Cleveland! Cleveland! Cleveland! 395 00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:33,031 Me-e! Me-e! Me-e! 396 00:15:33,232 --> 00:15:36,401 Hmm. 397 00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:39,504 The flyer said this was the discount yarmulke warehouse. 398 00:15:40,906 --> 00:15:41,739 What is this place? 399 00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:44,042 A tribute to your people. 400 00:15:47,546 --> 00:15:48,746 You've lost your way, Federline. 401 00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:51,716 And we're here to help you get back in touch 402 00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:53,284 with who you pretended to be. 403 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,286 Just like these innovators. 404 00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,055 MC Serch from 3rd Bass, 405 00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,289 The Beastie Boys, 406 00:15:58,291 --> 00:15:59,891 and Robert Van Winkle. 407 00:15:59,893 --> 00:16:02,794 But you might hate him as Vanilla Ice. 408 00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:05,930 It's these brave pioneers who repaved the way 409 00:16:05,932 --> 00:16:09,467 for suburban white boys like you to adopt our culture. 410 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:12,670 And not just music. The world of film... 411 00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:14,605 politics... 412 00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:16,407 and outer space. 413 00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:20,345 But Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon. 414 00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:23,314 Uh-uh! Commander Dickie Darnell was. 415 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:26,484 Black people been on the moon since the early '30s. 416 00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:27,919 Who's that hep cat? 417 00:16:29,288 --> 00:16:31,456 Your father, Gabriel. 418 00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:34,325 (gasps) Dad? 419 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:37,695 Yes, otherwise known as Jimmy JJ Poitier, 420 00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:40,498 which was the name I went by until 1980, 421 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:43,301 when I was shot coming out of a Waffle House. 422 00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:45,303 I'm second-generation wannabe? 423 00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:47,171 That's right! 424 00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,941 Don't be ashamed of being someone you're not. 425 00:16:49,943 --> 00:16:52,143 Enjoy it, because soon enough, 426 00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:53,811 some woman with pretty freckles 427 00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:55,947 that later turn into Morgan Freeman freckles 428 00:16:55,949 --> 00:16:58,516 is going to come along and turn you into 429 00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:01,686 who you really are, which is me. 430 00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:02,854 You're right! 431 00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:05,156 I gotta re-Fedify! 432 00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:06,791 One step ahead of you. 433 00:17:14,166 --> 00:17:15,967 Big ups, Rallo and Jiggy Jiggy Junior! 434 00:17:15,969 --> 00:17:19,804 I'm blap in action! (whoops) 435 00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:22,073 Ugh! I'm already done with this. 436 00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:25,209 (siren wailing) 437 00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:28,212 The real tragedy is there are kids here 438 00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,415 who should be in school, staying away from drugs, 439 00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:32,550 eating their vegetables and going to bed early. 440 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,485 Your boyfriend is hot and boring. 441 00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:37,722 I wonder if all these food vendors have licenses. 442 00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,357 Oh, God. 443 00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:41,592 (beatboxing) 444 00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:42,994 Federline? What are you doing here? 445 00:17:42,996 --> 00:17:46,230 I'm here to get you back, Ro. 446 00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:49,033 You said I'm a joke, but who doesn't like a good joke? 447 00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:52,170 I don't like a good joke. They tend to be hurtful. 448 00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:54,572 Roberta, you got years before you have 449 00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:56,274 to settle for some doo-doo butt chump 450 00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:57,775 you got nothing in common with. 451 00:17:57,777 --> 00:17:59,777 (sighs) It's true. 452 00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:01,179 Officer? Officer? 453 00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:03,247 There's litter. Right there. 454 00:18:10,522 --> 00:18:11,556 Rah! (screams) 455 00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:12,790 Ha, just messing with you. 456 00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:13,591 Here are those guys you asked to see. 457 00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,960 Demanded. 458 00:18:15,962 --> 00:18:18,062 Guys, thank God you're here. 459 00:18:18,064 --> 00:18:20,064 Listen carefully. 460 00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:24,635 I need you to see how cool this is from up here! 461 00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:26,404 Cleveland, you have to come down. 462 00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:28,439 This whole thing is built on a lie. 463 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:31,876 Yes, but I represent a larger truth. 464 00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:34,245 We are the forgotten! 465 00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:37,648 And I'm not coming down until every one of us has a job! 466 00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:40,618 (cheering) 467 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,621 Making a million dollars a year! 468 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,423 (cheering) 469 00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:48,292 See, fellas? This is what I was born to do. 470 00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:50,495 Nothing can stop me now. 471 00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:54,065 Call me the Titanic, 'cause I'm unsinka... 472 00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:55,600 WATERMAN (over bullhorn): Cleveland! 473 00:18:55,602 --> 00:18:58,469 Don't do this! I'll give you your job back. 474 00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,505 All you have to do is give back 475 00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:01,973 the six-month severance I gave you. 476 00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:04,942 What?! Severance?! 477 00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:06,344 Yes. In cash. 478 00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:07,979 He volunteered for it. 479 00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:09,847 I assumed everything was fine based on 480 00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,449 his constant Twitter updates 481 00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:14,819 on how he was spending the money and not looking for a job. 482 00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,754 Hashtag "oops." 483 00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:18,422 Cleveland, is this bitch for real?! 484 00:19:18,424 --> 00:19:19,757 Yes. 485 00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:22,293 (crowd booing) 486 00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:25,863 Hold on, hold on, I can explain! 487 00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:28,766 Yes, I lied. And I'm sorry, Donna. 488 00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:33,671 And I wasn't looking for a job, I was acting like a slob, 489 00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:37,308 and now I look like a knob in front of this mob. 490 00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:41,179 Sorry, I was doing a Jesse Jackson, 491 00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:43,781 trying to rhyme my way out of this. 492 00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:45,316 Look, I know I've done wrong. 493 00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:49,320 But come on, who among you would take six-months salary 494 00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:51,289 and look for work the next day? 495 00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:53,491 I took a little time for myself. 496 00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:56,360 You know how when you get back from vacation, 497 00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:57,895 you say you need another vacation? 498 00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,897 (crowd murmuring) 499 00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:01,032 RALLO: Wrap it up. 500 00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:04,702 I say we, the 99 percents, 501 00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,904 should all go on vacations, 502 00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:09,707 and we should do it by taxing the one percents! 503 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:12,143 (cheering) 504 00:20:12,145 --> 00:20:15,179 You hear those cheers, Donna? 505 00:20:15,181 --> 00:20:16,347 Donna? 506 00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:17,348 Right here. Yah! 507 00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:19,750 All right, I guess you're really gonna 508 00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:21,819 let me have it once I'm safely on the... 509 00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:22,987 Boom-boom-bye-bye- punch-face! 510 00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:26,757 I'll sue you...! 511 00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:33,030 Nice aim with the crash pad. 512 00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:35,566 There was a crash pad? 513 00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,168 CLEVELAND: I did sue Donna. 514 00:20:37,170 --> 00:20:37,935 She had to keep those extra jobs 515 00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:41,172 for a while to pay me off. 516 00:20:41,174 --> 00:20:42,740 I was then able to use that money 517 00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:45,843 to pay back my ill-gotten severance 518 00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:47,278 to Mr. Waterman, who was gracious enough 519 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:50,581 to give me my old job back... 520 00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,317 and for no reason, showed me his penis.