1
00:00:02,602 --> 00:00:04,803
(funky disco plays)
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:07,106
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:09,308
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:11,477
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:14,179
♪ There's old friends
and new friends
6
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:16,515
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:17,983
♪ Through good times
and bad times
8
00:00:17,985 --> 00:00:20,386
♪ It's true love we share
9
00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:22,721
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:24,990
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:26,325
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:29,161
♪ This is The Cleveland Show.
♪
13
00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:30,262
(chuckles)
14
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:35,167
You've got three seconds
to tell me
15
00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:37,202
where the dirty bomb
is gonna go off.
16
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:40,205
Or your knick-knacks
get paddy-wacked.
17
00:00:45,378 --> 00:00:46,445
(screams)
18
00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:49,081
No!
19
00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:52,418
Miss Donna, Rallo's hitting
Larry in his leopard nards.
20
00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:54,820
Hi!
21
00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:57,356
Rallo, I let you watch
one weekend-long
22
00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:59,558
Spike TV James Bond
marathon and...
23
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,827
Is that my .45
taped to your back?
24
00:01:05,198 --> 00:01:06,165
Put this back under
my side of the bed
25
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:08,867
and leave
Cleveland's son alone.
26
00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:12,037
He is a guest in our house.
Thank you.
27
00:01:12,039 --> 00:01:14,440
And, Cleveland, I need you
to get these boys dressed,
28
00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:16,008
put the leaf in the
table, set the table
29
00:01:16,010 --> 00:01:17,443
and make some dinner
to put on the table
30
00:01:17,445 --> 00:01:19,445
because I need well over
an hour to get ready.
31
00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:19,778
My mother's coming over.
32
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:21,680
Again?
33
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:22,514
But I just got
the boys dressed,
34
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,383
put the leaf
in the table,
35
00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:26,018
set the table
and made some dinner
36
00:01:26,020 --> 00:01:28,087
to put on the
table yesterday.
37
00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:31,123
My mother was gone
for 42 years, Cleveland.
38
00:01:31,125 --> 00:01:33,892
And I'd appreciate you
taking on a little extra work
39
00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:36,095
so she and I
can continue to bond.
40
00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:37,696
James Bond.
41
00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:40,432
My human nards!
42
00:01:42,368 --> 00:01:44,603
(laughs) I gave
that baby up, too.
43
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,105
(laughing)
44
00:01:46,107 --> 00:01:49,641
Oh, Mama, you're hilarious.
45
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,276
Now, is there a history
of clinical depression
46
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:52,644
in our family?
47
00:01:52,646 --> 00:01:55,247
'Cause lately I...
Uh, decaf.
48
00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:57,950
Sure, Donna, I'll...
just get you a new cup.
49
00:01:57,952 --> 00:01:59,284
(cup breaks)
50
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:01,420
Oh, Cleveland,
could you clean that up?
51
00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:02,788
Come on, Mama, you and I
can go in the basement.
52
00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:05,657
I want to show you the coats
I wear when it's cold.
53
00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:07,826
And I brought this
Lego Martin Scorsese
54
00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:09,628
for us to put together.
55
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,797
16,000 pieces!
56
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,665
That'll take all night.
57
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:16,502
Oh, and, Cleveland,
do everything.
58
00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:18,670
You can't leave me up here
with all the work.
59
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:20,439
You're not even good at Legos.
60
00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:21,907
You force them!
61
00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:24,009
♪ Da na-na-na
na-na na-na na-na
62
00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:25,677
♪ Watch our for the spy
63
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:27,412
♪ Da na-na-na
na-na na na-na
64
00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:29,114
♪ He's watching you
65
00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:31,416
♪ Secret stuff going on
66
00:02:31,418 --> 00:02:34,019
♪ Da na-na-na na-na-na
na-na-na na-na-na na-na-na...
♪
67
00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:36,121
I wish I was I
was Sean Connery
68
00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:37,923
and you were a woman
so I could hit you.
69
00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:39,258
(laughing)
70
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:46,064
(whistling)
71
00:02:47,133 --> 00:02:48,934
Mm-hmm. I get it.
72
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:50,469
You're a secret
agent, too.
73
00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:51,770
Very funny.
74
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,105
So what's in
the briefcase?
75
00:02:53,107 --> 00:02:55,874
Come on,
Spy Who Loved Pizza.
76
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:57,276
What's in it?
77
00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:58,610
A squirt gun,
X-ray specs, extra fat?
78
00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:02,447
You got your spy business;
I got mine.
79
00:03:02,449 --> 00:03:03,982
Pshh. Whatevs.
80
00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:06,151
I don't care.
81
00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:10,522
So, Roberta,
you know any new dances?
82
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:12,057
Yeah, the
Hucklebuck.
83
00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:13,492
Huck, huck,
huck, huck.
84
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:15,327
Huck, huck,
huck, huck.
85
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:16,695
Huck, huck,
huck, huck.
86
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:19,364
Just tell me what's in it!
87
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,099
(yelling)
88
00:03:22,569 --> 00:03:25,504
(Donna screaming)
89
00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:27,406
Is it believable
that I didn't hear her?
90
00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:30,375
Nah, I better go.
Pretty loud.
91
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:30,709
(both whimpering)
92
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,811
What?
93
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:35,013
Oh, my God,
Mr. Scorsese.
94
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:36,582
Oh, I'm your
biggest fan.
95
00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:39,184
Shark Tale
changed my life.
96
00:03:39,186 --> 00:03:40,519
Cleveland, we saw a
rat the size of an
97
00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:44,189
all-wheel-drive,
wagon-style minivan.
98
00:03:44,191 --> 00:03:44,723
Weirdly specific.
No payoff.
99
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,024
Where?
100
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:48,393
Behind the heating unit.
101
00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,562
I hate rats, Cleveland.
102
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:54,032
I hate their chilly little,
third-trimester fetus hands.
103
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:55,434
Needlessly controversial.
104
00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:57,269
Could have just said
little hands.
105
00:03:57,271 --> 00:03:58,904
Just kill that
red-ass mouse!
106
00:03:58,906 --> 00:03:59,938
(rat squeaking, scurrying)
107
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:01,406
(bang)
108
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:02,306
(screaming)
109
00:04:02,308 --> 00:04:04,743
(sighs)
110
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,180
Filthy...
111
00:04:08,182 --> 00:04:09,381
stupid...
112
00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:12,017
awful...
lice-ridden... varmint.
113
00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:14,286
(yells)
114
00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:16,421
Please don't let this
be toilet water!
115
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:17,789
(all whimpering)
116
00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:19,391
Did you kill it?
Nope.
117
00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:20,891
All right, that's
all I need to hear.
118
00:04:20,893 --> 00:04:22,127
I saw Contagion.
119
00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:23,195
You all are sleeping
at my house tonight.
120
00:04:23,197 --> 00:04:26,431
Oh, Mama,
thank you.
121
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:27,699
Kids, in the
car now!
122
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:30,435
Empty the cheese out of
your pockets, everybody.
123
00:04:32,138 --> 00:04:33,338
All of it.
124
00:04:37,143 --> 00:04:38,343
Bonjour.
125
00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:44,650
Uh-uh, you got to
kill that rat.
126
00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:46,485
I don't care if you
trap it, stab it
127
00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:48,820
or put it in a hoodie
and sent it to Florida.
128
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:50,255
Just call me
when you got a corpse.
129
00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:54,026
Until then, we'll be
staying at my mom's house.
130
00:04:56,162 --> 00:04:57,796
Cheese?
131
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,298
Get out of my house.
132
00:05:07,674 --> 00:05:08,807
(squeaking)
133
00:05:13,846 --> 00:05:17,683
I bash your skull in,
and I get my family back.
134
00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:22,321
My loud kids,
my wife and mother-in-law.
135
00:05:22,323 --> 00:05:25,090
Wait on them hand and foot,
lose my privacy,
136
00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:27,592
having to go to the bathroom
while my son's taking a shower
137
00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:29,261
asking me a bunch
of weird questions
138
00:05:29,263 --> 00:05:32,030
about his weird puberty body.
139
00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:34,833
All just as soon as I...
140
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:37,536
kill... you!
141
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:40,706
Yeah, Donna, I ain't
seen hide nor hair of him.
142
00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:43,275
But I know you and the kids
won't come back
143
00:05:43,277 --> 00:05:44,609
until he's gone.
144
00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:45,844
I'm on it.
145
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,112
I'm not on it.
146
00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:49,481
I'm keeping you alive,
but don't tell Donna.
147
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:52,551
And watch out
for that rat poison.
148
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:54,619
Oh, I guess you'd
just call it poison.
149
00:05:54,621 --> 00:05:55,854
(chuckles)
150
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,155
Do you do
stand-up comedy?
151
00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:57,956
'Cause if you do,
that joke is mine.
152
00:05:57,958 --> 00:06:00,092
I mean it!
153
00:06:05,631 --> 00:06:08,467
And I put out rat poison
for him, and I'm like,
154
00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:12,337
he probably just
calls it poison.
155
00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:14,673
Too smart
for the room.
156
00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:17,142
Well, Dee Dee,
I have to tell you,
157
00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:20,078
that meat loaf
was okay.
158
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,714
But now that I've got
a belly full of garbage,
159
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,916
I'm going to get home
and kill that rat.
160
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:26,251
The kids and I have
been here for two days.
161
00:06:26,253 --> 00:06:29,054
Just call an exterminator.
162
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,355
In this economy?!
163
00:06:30,357 --> 00:06:32,190
No.
164
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:35,193
Besides,
if you Google "reasons
not to call exterminator,"
165
00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:37,662
it may say they use
harmful chemicals,
166
00:06:37,664 --> 00:06:40,065
and Junior's already developed
an armpit hand
167
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,500
from his antiperspirant.
168
00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:47,339
♪ Cleveland Brown
is getting drunk
169
00:06:47,341 --> 00:06:49,775
♪ Getting drunk, getting drunk
170
00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:53,745
♪ Family's gone,
I'm getting drunk
171
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:57,082
♪ With no pants on.
172
00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:57,616
Ah, keys.
173
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,255
What? He's...
174
00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:06,391
he's waiting for me,
like a dog.
175
00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:07,926
Rock Hudson
never waits for me.
176
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:08,960
He's Rallo's dog.
177
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:11,596
Rallo's my stepson,
Donna's son.
178
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:13,231
Donna's my wife.
179
00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:16,201
Anyway, I was never
allowed to have a pet.
180
00:07:17,303 --> 00:07:20,372
Dad, I found a dog.
Can I keep him?
181
00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:23,074
You know the rule:
if you can beat
him in a fight.
182
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,810
(barking ferociously)
183
00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:27,112
(screaming)
184
00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:30,882
Maybe you could be
the pet I never had.
185
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,984
I'm going to name you
after that Today Show guy.
186
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:35,487
Rat Lauer.
187
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:38,256
Because you've got a pointy
face, spiky little hair,
188
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:40,425
and word has it
you're a real cheese hound.
189
00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:40,826
(chuckles)
190
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:43,028
Bristly.
191
00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:51,169
Roberta's in on it, too.
192
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:53,305
I need to get a closer look.
193
00:08:01,747 --> 00:08:04,082
Aha!
194
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:06,785
Hey, look at me--
I'm Frederick Douglass.
195
00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:10,188
There is nothing good,
great or desirable
196
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:13,592
that does not come
by some kind of labor.
197
00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:15,360
Look it up, ignorant kids.
198
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:16,761
Bah!
199
00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:18,430
So, he told you?
200
00:08:18,432 --> 00:08:19,664
What's in the briefcase?
201
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:20,999
Rallo, listen up.
202
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,767
I'm only gonna
shriek this once.
203
00:08:22,769 --> 00:08:26,371
What's in that
briefcase is not
a five-year-old's concern.
204
00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:27,873
Drop it now.
205
00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:30,041
I'm gonna go
practice my Hucklebuck.
206
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:32,811
Huck, huck,
huck, huck...
207
00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:36,681
I will find out what's in that
briefcase if it kills me.
208
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,049
Or Junior.
209
00:08:39,952 --> 00:08:42,287
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
210
00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:44,789
Oh! Oh, please, forgive me.
211
00:08:44,791 --> 00:08:45,757
Please forgive me.
212
00:08:50,229 --> 00:08:52,297
Oh, walking a dog?
213
00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:55,834
Where'd you get that idea?
From everybody?
214
00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,536
(gasps)
215
00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:58,470
What, you've never
seen a black man
216
00:08:58,472 --> 00:09:01,239
in a pink robe walking a rat?
217
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:03,275
♪
218
00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:12,817
(squeaking)
219
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,721
(chuckling)
220
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,123
(sighs)
221
00:09:25,698 --> 00:09:28,233
Morning, Mama.
Look what I rented.
222
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,235
Let's go make people wonder
if we're
shooting a commercial.
223
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,870
Hey, honey.
224
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,939
Was that this morning
we were going riding?
225
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:37,108
Oh, because I just booked
two weeks
226
00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:39,511
singing at a supper club
in St. Louis,
227
00:09:39,513 --> 00:09:41,079
and I've got to leave
in five minutes,
228
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,515
so you all have got to get
out of my house.
229
00:09:43,517 --> 00:09:44,382
But you said we
could stay as long...
230
00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:46,885
Not without me here.
231
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:48,954
It's like my niece
Ernestine used to say:
232
00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:51,056
"Let a hitchhiker take
a bath in your tub?
233
00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:52,123
I don't think so."
234
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:54,259
You're leaving me again.
235
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:57,796
This is exactly what you
did to me when I was a baby.
236
00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:59,397
I don't see it.
237
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:01,066
You are choosing
the road over... (sighs)
238
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:03,368
Forget it.
239
00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:04,703
Kids, we're going home.
240
00:10:08,140 --> 00:10:09,441
Get on.
241
00:10:09,443 --> 00:10:11,109
(Cleveland Jr. giggles)
242
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,578
(bell jingles)
243
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:14,946
MAN: Look, they
must be shooting
244
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,815
a commercial
for black gum.
245
00:10:19,752 --> 00:10:24,122
♪ Round and round,
love will hmm, hmm, hmm
246
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,757
♪ Just hmm, hmm, hmm
247
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:26,257
DONNA:
Cleveland.
Hmm?
248
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:28,627
Ooh, what reeks?
249
00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:30,729
Donna! You're home
unannounced.
250
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:34,265
Well, time to leave,
announced.
251
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:36,067
Donna leaving!
252
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,603
Cleveland, is someone
in the bedroom?
253
00:10:38,605 --> 00:10:39,904
What? No, that's...
254
00:10:39,906 --> 00:10:41,039
You think I'd...
255
00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:43,241
Oh...
256
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,677
Donna I can't keep
living a lie.
257
00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:47,412
There is someone in there.
258
00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:49,848
Someone I care
about very much.
259
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:54,352
Oh, man. Oh, God.
Oh, man. Oh, God.
260
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:55,587
But when you
two meet,
261
00:10:55,589 --> 00:10:58,156
I think you'll
love him, too.
262
00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,491
Him?!
263
00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:00,992
I knew it.
264
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,827
Everyone knew it.
265
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,996
Starting at tailback,
wearing number fur,
266
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,866
from Mississqueaky
State-- trust me,
267
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:10,435
you'll get these
when you see him--
268
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:12,170
cheese welcome...
269
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,506
Rat Lauer!
270
00:11:15,641 --> 00:11:16,841
(screams)
271
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,476
The rat's on my pillow?
272
00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:21,212
Get that disgusting thing
out of this house.
273
00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:23,381
(gasps) I married
a "ratsist."
274
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:24,549
(screams)
275
00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:26,017
Like the anchor
of the same name,
276
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,453
he's gonna poop
on your shoulder!
277
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:36,227
Cleveland, call 911.
278
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:40,699
Operator,
my pet rat's been assaulted.
279
00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:42,567
Yes, I do know.
280
00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:44,636
It was Donna Tubbs.
281
00:11:44,638 --> 00:11:45,804
And she's got
pot upstairs.
282
00:11:52,311 --> 00:11:54,713
That monster
broke the skin.
283
00:11:54,715 --> 00:11:57,148
Now,
Donna-- and I am in no way
284
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:59,751
defending Mr. Lauer's
deplorable actions here,
285
00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:03,988
but you were
coming at him with
an extremely negative energy.
286
00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:05,890
I was coming at...
287
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,225
(yells)
288
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:09,027
Now, you listen here.
289
00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:09,861
You done stepped
in it, now.
290
00:12:09,863 --> 00:12:12,997
You been lying
to Donna Tubbs.
291
00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:14,432
I'm sorry!
292
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:15,266
Now, drive me
to the hospital
293
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:15,967
before I drop
dead of rabies.
294
00:12:18,838 --> 00:12:20,238
(whistles)
295
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,639
Rat Lauer,
want to go for a ride?
296
00:12:23,275 --> 00:12:25,910
Maybe we'll find
a loose-skinned frog
297
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:28,446
and call him Al Croaker.
298
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:31,750
And, as for the rabies,
we'll find a Katie Cure-ic.
299
00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:33,718
(laughs, sighs)
300
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:35,787
Don't nobody want to get
their news from a woman.
301
00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:40,091
(quietly):
Nice ones.
302
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,693
I know!
303
00:12:41,695 --> 00:12:43,728
Well, Donna,
the good news is
304
00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:46,197
it's extremely uncommon
for rats to carry rabies.
305
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:48,099
Oh, thank the Lord.
306
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:48,967
Let me finish.
307
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:50,635
But not that
uncommon.
308
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:51,970
You ready,
big fella?
309
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:54,973
Once I cut off his head
and remove his brain,
310
00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:56,975
we'll send it to the lab
and have
results within a week.
311
00:12:56,977 --> 00:12:59,544
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
The hell!
312
00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:01,045
Nobody said nothing
about cutting heads.
313
00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:02,914
(chuckles)
314
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:05,049
Cleveland,
that's the only
way to find out.
315
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:08,119
Dr. Fist, may I rip
the rat's head off
316
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,587
with my bare hands and
scoop his brains out
317
00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:11,823
with a press-on nail
while my husband watches?
318
00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,291
Sure. Why not?
319
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,559
He is a living being.
320
00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:17,395
Donna, how bad
could the month-long series
321
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:20,165
of extremely painful
stomach injections be?
322
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:21,800
I can think
of something else
323
00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:24,068
you thought
would be "too painful"
324
00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:25,670
that I talked you into,
which we immediately stopped
325
00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:27,138
because it
was too painful.
326
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,140
Or, if you drill a
hole in his head,
327
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:32,177
I'll suck his brains
out with a straw.
328
00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:33,778
Okay, okay, okay.
329
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:35,146
If we took our chances
330
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,982
and Donna did not
get vaccinated,
331
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:39,684
but she did have rabies...
332
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:41,152
Certain death
within days.
333
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,821
(inhales through teeth)
334
00:13:42,823 --> 00:13:45,590
Wow. Wow, wow, wow.
335
00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:47,325
Like to chew on...
336
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,360
Doctor,
I thank you for your time.
337
00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:52,831
My wife and I want to consider
all options before...
338
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:53,998
I'll do it.
I'll kill him.
339
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,035
But let me take him
into the woods
340
00:13:57,037 --> 00:14:00,171
so his last breath
isn't this
putrid hospital air.
341
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,207
Please, Donna,
I couldn't have a pet
342
00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:04,342
as a child,
and that justifies
343
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,344
(crying):
everything...
344
00:14:08,814 --> 00:14:11,149
Mmm, mmm.
345
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:12,050
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
346
00:14:15,387 --> 00:14:17,689
(gulps)
Hop in, Rat Lauer.
347
00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:20,491
I don't want you to see
where we're going.
348
00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:22,694
It's a surprise.
349
00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:25,496
A terrible, terrible surprise.
350
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:27,098
(weeping)
351
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,203
(Cleveland Jr. humming)
352
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,571
Hmm, that's new.
353
00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:36,040
Hey, Dad?
354
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:36,574
Oh, well.
355
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:38,977
(humming)
356
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:49,587
Where could he...? No.
357
00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:54,025
(both screaming)
358
00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:56,694
What's in the briefcase?
Rallo, stop.
359
00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:58,429
What's in the briefcase?
At least let me put
some clothes on.
360
00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,765
What's in the briefcase?!
Don't "Borat" me, bro!
361
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:02,066
(both groaning)
362
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,738
Oh, my God.
363
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:07,972
The briefcase.
364
00:15:08,507 --> 00:15:10,041
Rallo, no!
365
00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:13,778
Two-for-one
corned beef sandwiches
366
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:16,681
at the Stubby Pickle Deli?
367
00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:18,249
That's what all
this was about?
368
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:18,883
Well, I guess
you know now.
369
00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:20,218
So give that back.
370
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:22,587
Nah-uh. Gonna go get
my corned beef on.
371
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:25,356
What is corned beef?
372
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:26,958
Guess I'm gonna find out.
373
00:15:28,627 --> 00:15:31,629
All right, pull over,
374
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:33,765
and let's whack
this mole, damn it.
375
00:15:46,245 --> 00:15:50,648
Rat Lauer,
I awakened every morning
376
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:54,652
to your incessant squeaking
on mostly girl issues,
377
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:58,890
(sobbing): and no one but me
ever took you seriously.
378
00:15:58,892 --> 00:16:01,092
You know I just got
to look this little guy
379
00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:03,328
in the eyes one last time
before I do...
380
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,063
(screaming)
381
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:06,631
Aah, rabbis!
He's got the rabbis!
382
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:09,133
Kill the son of a bitch!
383
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,835
(screams)
Ow!
384
00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:12,170
Why would
you do that?
385
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:13,438
I'm not
thinking clearly.
386
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,073
I have rabies.
387
00:16:19,745 --> 00:16:21,112
(screaming)
388
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:22,480
Get in the car.
389
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,048
(rat screeching)
390
00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:31,155
(panting and whimpering)
391
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:38,296
Donna,
get my keys.
No.
392
00:16:38,298 --> 00:16:40,031
Well, I've tried
everything.
393
00:16:42,868 --> 00:16:45,503
I would like
to redeem this coupon.
394
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:48,172
And, what is the most soup
you can give a person?
395
00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:54,412
(loud buzzing)
396
00:16:59,618 --> 00:17:00,718
Welcome back,
Number 14.
397
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,821
Thank you, Number 53.
398
00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:05,990
You see, Rallo,
I'm an operative
399
00:17:05,992 --> 00:17:07,992
for a faction
of ex-CIA officials
400
00:17:07,994 --> 00:17:11,129
deemed too extreme
by the Agency.
401
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:11,896
Four years ago,
I was recruited
402
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:13,898
and trained
for operations.
403
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:15,433
Thank you, Morgana.
404
00:17:16,468 --> 00:17:19,637
A local idiot
named Cleveland Brown
405
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:22,106
was selected to unwittingly
play the role of my father.
406
00:17:23,308 --> 00:17:25,376
Of course, his actual son,
407
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,979
the real Cleveland Jr.,
had to be eliminated.
408
00:17:27,981 --> 00:17:31,449
I'm Tiger Woods.
I'm Tiger Woods.
409
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:34,886
Why? What is
this all about?
410
00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:36,421
There's a group
of people, Rallo,
411
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:38,222
who want to see the
American way of life toppled.
412
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:40,858
They're based
in Stoolbend because of
413
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:43,161
proximity to Washington
and good schools.
414
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,328
It's just
a great place to live.
415
00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:49,033
And I've been taking them down
one by one.
416
00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:50,768
This is my next target.
417
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:52,036
Tim the Bear?
418
00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:53,838
That's not
his real name.
419
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:54,839
His real name
is Tim the Terrorist.
420
00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:57,842
He's a killing machine.
421
00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:59,277
And you're going to kill him?
422
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:01,112
No, Rallo, you are.
423
00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:04,515
This contains
a subdermic explosive
424
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:06,884
capable of blowing you
to smithereens.
425
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:10,621
Which I can detonate
by this cell
phone at any time.
426
00:18:10,623 --> 00:18:13,791
No, no! Mama!
427
00:18:15,394 --> 00:18:17,862
If I can ever get
any damn reception.
428
00:18:21,733 --> 00:18:23,901
BOTH:
One, two, three, shoot.
429
00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:26,137
Ah, should've used
stronger scissors.
430
00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:28,106
All right.
431
00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:29,440
(sighs)
432
00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:33,444
Scary! Rat! No bite!
433
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,646
(whimpering)
434
00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:38,282
(sighs)
435
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:41,385
Ha-ha! No sign
of Mighty Mouse.
436
00:18:41,387 --> 00:18:43,621
(laughs)
You should've seen yourself.
437
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,089
You were all...
438
00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:47,658
(mock whimpering)
439
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,093
(laughing)
440
00:18:49,095 --> 00:18:52,296
(screaming)
441
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:54,132
He's chewing
through the tires.
442
00:19:01,173 --> 00:19:04,008
Donna, this is
all my fault.
443
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:05,510
I'm a terrible
husband.
444
00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:06,978
Forgive me.
445
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,913
You mean
for giving me rabies?
446
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:11,149
I didn't bite you.
447
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,521
Is he gone?
448
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:18,289
I think so.
449
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:21,826
Then again, we thought so
a number of times now.
450
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:25,463
(rattling)
451
00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:27,331
He's crawling through
the exhaust pipe.
452
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:27,865
He's in the car!
453
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:29,700
(screeches)
454
00:19:29,702 --> 00:19:31,769
(screaming)
455
00:19:32,704 --> 00:19:35,907
(screaming)
456
00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:43,481
(gunshot)
457
00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:45,216
(gasping)
458
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:47,985
Hell got a rat problem now.
459
00:19:47,987 --> 00:19:52,323
Mama, you didn't leave.
460
00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:53,891
I couldn't.
461
00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:54,992
Not after
getting to know you.
462
00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:56,394
So I went by the house,
463
00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:58,029
and Roberta told me
where you were
464
00:19:58,031 --> 00:19:59,797
and where you
keep your gun.
465
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:01,632
That's why I
let them know.
466
00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:03,401
Donna, I was tempted,
but I swear,
467
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:07,138
I'll never choose
the road over you again.
468
00:20:07,140 --> 00:20:09,840
Especially now that I
ain't got to do jack,
469
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:11,909
with my ol' whipped
son-in-law around.
470
00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:15,146
Where in
the world is Rat Lauer?
He dead.
471
00:20:15,148 --> 00:20:17,048
(laughing)
472
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:19,350
Yep, she infected.
473
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:21,719
(all laughing)
474
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,387
Please tell me we
got it that time,
475
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:24,555
Lego Martin
Scorsese.
476
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:27,792
Dang, back to one.
477
00:20:31,697 --> 00:20:35,499
(gasps, sighs)
478
00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:36,867
♪ Oh, Junior splat corn
and I don't care
479
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:39,770
♪ Junior splat corn
and I don't care... ♪
480
00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:43,574
All that crazy stuff
was just a dream, right?
481
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:44,709
It had to be.
482
00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:48,179
Nope.
483
00:20:48,181 --> 00:20:50,248
(explosion)