1 00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:04,536 (funky disco plays) ♪ My name is Cleveland Brown 2 00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:06,972 ♪ And I am proud to be 3 00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:08,941 ♪ Right back in my hometown 4 00:00:08,943 --> 00:00:11,643 ♪ With my new family 5 00:00:11,645 --> 00:00:14,146 ♪ There's old friends and new friends ♪ 6 00:00:14,148 --> 00:00:16,115 ♪ And even a bear 7 00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:18,150 ♪ Through good times and bad times ♪ 8 00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:20,119 ♪ It's true love we share 9 00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:21,987 ♪ And so I found a place 10 00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:24,957 ♪ Where everyone will know 11 00:00:24,959 --> 00:00:26,859 ♪ My happy mustached face 12 00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:29,028 ♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪ 13 00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:30,963 (chuckles) 14 00:00:30,965 --> 00:00:33,032 (humming "March of the Marionettes") 15 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,905 Good Clevening. 16 00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:43,175 (chuckles) Tonight's episode is a mystery, 17 00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:45,144 so pay attention. 18 00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:47,813 Even if things appear to be slow and unfunny, 19 00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:51,116 they may be important later. 20 00:00:59,926 --> 00:01:01,693 Wow, there are a lot of people here 21 00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:03,529 I don't want to talk to. 22 00:01:03,531 --> 00:01:05,064 Hey, Gus. 23 00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:06,031 What are you auctioning? 24 00:01:06,033 --> 00:01:08,200 Copies of my new exercise video. 25 00:01:08,202 --> 00:01:09,435 Oh. 26 00:01:09,437 --> 00:01:11,570 GUS: Run faster. 27 00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:14,540 You don't want me to catch you. 28 00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:16,008 Hmm. Hey, there go that guy 29 00:01:16,010 --> 00:01:17,342 Cleveland's mama go with sometimes. 30 00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:19,178 Hey, Grandpa. 31 00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:20,279 Why are you pretending 32 00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:23,182 to be famous mystery novelist, Jocelyn Elderwood? 33 00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:24,216 I ain't pretending. 34 00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:26,085 I am Jocelyn Elderwood. 35 00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:28,353 It's my nom de plume. 36 00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:29,521 Gay. 37 00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,056 You ever see a man read a book? 38 00:01:31,058 --> 00:01:33,592 And women only like buying books written by women. 39 00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,761 So, you want to bid to get a master class 40 00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:37,096 in mystery novel writing? 41 00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:38,030 Yes! 42 00:01:38,032 --> 00:01:41,066 Or do I? 43 00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:42,234 (chuckles) 44 00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:44,937 Ah, man, I didn't bring my wallet. 45 00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:46,572 There's no room in my pockets 46 00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:48,474 'cause they're all filled with my ass. 47 00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:50,442 That's all right, Junior, I got this. 48 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,978 You got any hard candies 49 00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:54,113 in your work purse, Grandpa Freight Train? 50 00:01:54,115 --> 00:01:55,280 Stay out of there. 51 00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:58,083 I got my new mystery novel book in there. 52 00:01:58,085 --> 00:02:00,219 Ask Not What Your Country Can Do For You. 53 00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:02,955 Ask What You Can Do For Your Murder. 54 00:02:02,957 --> 00:02:04,256 That's a little cumbersome. 55 00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:05,757 So are you. 56 00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:09,094 ♪ 57 00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:11,063 What's your highest bid, Donna? 58 00:02:11,065 --> 00:02:13,832 I forget, what is less than zero? 59 00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:16,068 Your IQ-- boom! 60 00:02:16,070 --> 00:02:19,238 And don't nobody need no closet organized. 61 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:22,274 I know black people just throw their clothes onto the floor, 62 00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:25,144 but some people prefer to use hangers. 63 00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:26,311 Closet organizing. 64 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:28,280 Oh, my God, Donna, you can finally get 65 00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:31,283 all your clothes off the floor. 66 00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:33,118 Look, Lloyd, you love closets. 67 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:34,520 I do. 68 00:02:34,522 --> 00:02:35,787 Bitch. 69 00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:37,623 $300? 70 00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:39,124 $400. 71 00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:40,492 Hello, Fern. 72 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,261 $2,000. 73 00:02:42,263 --> 00:02:44,163 (crowd gasps) 74 00:02:45,131 --> 00:02:48,433 What are you gonna do, Fern? 75 00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:50,135 Take it. 76 00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:53,172 Well, don't forget, at my table I will be auctioning off 77 00:02:53,174 --> 00:02:56,542 a dish I made using a special jasmine peanut oil 78 00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:59,545 I got in India when I was picking out my foster children-- 79 00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:01,113 my homemade peanut brittle. 80 00:03:01,115 --> 00:03:02,614 Get that away from me. 81 00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:04,116 I am deathly allergic to peanuts. 82 00:03:04,118 --> 00:03:05,350 I would think someone 83 00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:08,387 with your fat, squirrel cheeks would love nuts. 84 00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:12,157 (laughs) 85 00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:14,293 It was funny. 86 00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:15,661 $2,000. 87 00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:18,864 You know how many recorders I can buy with that? 88 00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,132 All of them, 89 00:03:20,134 --> 00:03:22,534 for they are cheap like you. 90 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:23,835 Boom. 91 00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:26,672 (Donna grunting, Arianna growling) 92 00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:28,373 DONNA: Aah, not the nips! 93 00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:30,842 (Donna grunting, Arianna growling) 94 00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:33,879 I can't believe Arianna would embarrass me at a function-- 95 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:36,215 the most important thing for a woman. 96 00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:37,683 (sighs) 97 00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:39,318 Poor Donna. 98 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:42,321 I wish there was something pointless I could do for her. 99 00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:43,889 Maybe there is. 100 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,357 Ah, what would be the point? 101 00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:46,692 I got it. 102 00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:50,896 Hey, Rock Hudson, you want to go for a walk, huh? 103 00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:52,364 (barking) 104 00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:53,432 You know what? 105 00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:55,500 I'm gonna pee in the yard, too. 106 00:03:57,337 --> 00:04:00,405 (panting) 107 00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:08,413 No one humiliates my wife except me 108 00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:11,216 and herself and sometimes her children. 109 00:04:11,218 --> 00:04:12,918 Take this, Arianna. 110 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,319 (Cleveland grunting, eggs cracking) 111 00:04:23,229 --> 00:04:24,396 (chuckles) 112 00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:25,764 (barks) 113 00:04:28,234 --> 00:04:30,669 Someone threw eggs at Arianna's house? 114 00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:37,976 Well, I am glad somebody got that uppity-ass bear. 115 00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:39,411 She think she people. 116 00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:40,712 (giggling) 117 00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:42,447 Yeah, somebody. 118 00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:43,882 (giggles) 119 00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:48,620 Mr. Brown, did you have something to do with this? 120 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,455 Who, me? Couldn't be. 121 00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:51,657 (grunts) 122 00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:53,492 Now, as a strong, confident woman, 123 00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:56,228 I certainly don't need a man defending my honor, 124 00:04:56,230 --> 00:05:00,232 but when it happens, I can't help but take my bra off. 125 00:05:00,234 --> 00:05:01,266 Mm. 126 00:05:01,268 --> 00:05:03,302 Kids, don't come in here! 127 00:05:03,304 --> 00:05:07,306 You know, Wally has been very rude to me this week at work. 128 00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:10,442 Told me I had gross knuckles. 129 00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:14,446 Well, maybe Wally's going to have a little egg-cident. 130 00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:18,417 Ooh, you're getting me all egg-cited. 131 00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:20,752 Let me do the jokes, woman. 132 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:28,026 Sorry, egg, at least you got laid once. 133 00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:29,294 (chuckles) 134 00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:31,363 Donna would have butchered that. 135 00:05:35,635 --> 00:05:36,935 (cries out) 136 00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:38,270 (clucks) 137 00:05:38,272 --> 00:05:40,005 (clucking rapidly) 138 00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:41,206 (grunting) 139 00:05:41,208 --> 00:05:42,874 (crying) 140 00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:46,478 Well, I guess the yolk's on me. 141 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:48,547 Ha! 142 00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:53,518 Now, mystery... 143 00:05:55,621 --> 00:05:59,057 ...is "My... 144 00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:01,059 Story." 145 00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:05,497 Oh...! Boom! 146 00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:06,832 Now, every mystery's got 147 00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:11,470 three pieces: the "huh," the "aha," and the... 148 00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:12,804 (dramatic music plays) ♪ "Dun-dun-dun." 149 00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,005 Now, if you'll excuse me, 150 00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:16,475 Jocelyn Elderwood's got to take a... 151 00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:19,010 (dramatic music plays) ♪ Number two. 152 00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:21,546 That's a "wordsmiff" right there. 153 00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:24,049 Cleveland, guess what happened 154 00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:25,517 at the grocery store. 155 00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:27,352 They didn't charge you for the soda you "forgot" 156 00:06:27,354 --> 00:06:28,653 on the bottom of the cart? 157 00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:31,056 Nah, they noticed it this time, 158 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:33,825 but Lydia Waterman took my parking space. 159 00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:35,727 (sighs) 160 00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:40,232 (grunts) 161 00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:41,566 Bushy. 162 00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:50,842 Look at me, crawling along like a little worm. 163 00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:54,513 I were a worm, I'd like to be called William or Scooter. 164 00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:55,881 Scooter Worm, Scooter Worm. 165 00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:57,949 Aw, now I'm all dirty. 166 00:07:03,556 --> 00:07:06,925 Garafalo! 167 00:07:09,295 --> 00:07:10,595 Oh, my God. 168 00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,864 (gasps): Lydia. She's dead. 169 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:17,102 (screaming) 170 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,543 Donna, I have something to tell you. 171 00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:26,311 Well, I have something to tell you. 172 00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:28,380 Let's say it at the same time. 173 00:07:28,382 --> 00:07:30,382 This lingerie is reversible. I killed Lydia Waterman. 174 00:07:30,384 --> 00:07:32,083 What?! What's on the other side?! 175 00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:33,452 Leopard! 176 00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:35,387 You killed Lydia Waterman?! 177 00:07:35,389 --> 00:07:36,455 Yes! 178 00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:39,090 With more news on the murder, here's Larvell. 179 00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,425 Thanks, bro. 180 00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:43,161 Um, so, this is, like, really wild. 181 00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:45,330 So the detectives are now saying 182 00:07:45,332 --> 00:07:48,400 that some guy allegedly chucked a egg 183 00:07:48,402 --> 00:07:51,570 that hit Lydia Waterman upside her head, 184 00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:54,739 and that's what murdered her into her soup. 185 00:07:54,741 --> 00:07:56,107 Thanks, Larvell. 186 00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:57,309 Oh, my God. 187 00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:58,443 You must have taken the hard-boiled eggs 188 00:07:58,445 --> 00:07:59,644 from the top shelf. 189 00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,112 That's why it sailed like a brick. 190 00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:03,415 Donna, you numskull. 191 00:08:03,417 --> 00:08:04,683 I've told you a thousand times 192 00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:07,419 that hard-boiled eggs belong in the crisper. 193 00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:09,588 The crisper's full of brown lettuce. 194 00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:11,823 Well, there's blood on both our hands, 195 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:14,125 both of ea-each of ours's hands. 196 00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:15,660 Four bloody hands total. 197 00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,696 You're right, what are we going to do? 198 00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:19,631 Think, Donna, think. 199 00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,299 It's curtains for us. 200 00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,434 I'm calling the police. 201 00:08:22,436 --> 00:08:23,702 You ain't calling (bleep). 202 00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:25,937 We could just disappear, 203 00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:27,372 buy a submarine. 204 00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:28,673 World's 80% water. 205 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,642 Give Roberta some money, she could take care of the kids. 206 00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,377 The kids can come with us. 207 00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:35,013 We'll send them to the University of Atlantis. 208 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,181 No, you know what? 209 00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:37,449 We do nothing. 210 00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:40,619 Just act normal-- business as usual, okay? 211 00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,654 Got you, biz as "youge." 212 00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:44,689 Guess I won't be needing this, 213 00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:47,559 and I better cancel the admissions interview. 214 00:08:49,395 --> 00:08:51,463 Ahp, wrong number. 215 00:08:55,735 --> 00:08:56,902 Act normal. 216 00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:58,870 Just another day at the office. 217 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,472 (phone rings) 218 00:09:00,474 --> 00:09:01,506 (exhales) 219 00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:03,708 Waterman's Wife. Murderer Brown speaking. 220 00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:07,646 I mean, Waterman Cable. Cleveland Murderer speaking. 221 00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:09,247 (groans) 222 00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:10,682 Hey, Cleveland, did you hear about Waterman's...? 223 00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:14,252 All right, you got me, Aaron, I killed Lydia Waterman. 224 00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:15,387 I did it! 225 00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:16,655 Do you hear me, everyone?! 226 00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:19,524 I killed her and I peed in the yard! 227 00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:21,426 MAN: Ew, Cleveland peed in the yard. 228 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:28,333 All right, here's a mystery where the twist is, 229 00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:30,235 you know everything-- 230 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:33,171 who did it, how they did it, and why. 231 00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:36,441 You just don't know the characters' names. 232 00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:38,710 Let me guess, the killer's name turns out to be Elliot. 233 00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:41,446 No, it was Elli-- oh. 234 00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:42,781 Man, this is hard. 235 00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:44,783 No wonder all writers kill themselves. 236 00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:46,384 How did you come up with the idea 237 00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:47,686 for your new book? 238 00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:48,853 Keep your hands to yourself. 239 00:09:48,855 --> 00:09:50,255 This ain't your ding-a-ling. 240 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:53,191 (laughs) I guess we're not in the shower. 241 00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,961 No, no, i-i-it's still a work in progress. 242 00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:58,563 These pages are all blank. 243 00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:00,599 ♪ Dun-dun-dun. 244 00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:02,567 There's your "dun-dun-dun" moment. 245 00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:04,803 I got stuck on the dedication. 246 00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:07,072 I got nothing left. 247 00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:10,208 Looks like it's all over for Jocelyn Elderwood. 248 00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:11,576 You paid for a master class, 249 00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:13,778 but all you got is front-row seats 250 00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:17,082 to the death of an old man's female persona. 251 00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:19,150 I would not have bid on that. 252 00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:25,590 That was Len Stein the Jewish lawyer. 253 00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:27,559 The good news is, no more bedtimes around here. 254 00:10:27,561 --> 00:10:30,562 Cleveland was the only one enforcing that stupid rule. 255 00:10:30,564 --> 00:10:33,765 The bad news is, he'll probably be in jail for 14 years 256 00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:36,067 if he behaves himself. 257 00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,236 And you know he won't. 258 00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:39,404 (door slams open) 259 00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:42,040 Cleveland didn't kill no one. 260 00:10:42,908 --> 00:10:44,075 I heard what happened, 261 00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:45,777 and Cleveland's a lot of things: 262 00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:48,747 a goof, a sap, a wienie, a dork, 263 00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:51,349 a dill weed, and a worthless fat-ass, 264 00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:52,584 but he ain't no killer. 265 00:10:52,586 --> 00:10:53,785 Well, how do you know? 266 00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:57,288 I don't, but Jocelyn Elderwood has a hunch, 267 00:10:57,290 --> 00:11:00,759 and a lady's intuition is always right. 268 00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:04,629 You know, sometimes, Grandpa, I wish we could just play catch. 269 00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:06,131 No time for catch. 270 00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:08,533 Cracking this case will put Jocelyn Elderwood back 271 00:11:08,535 --> 00:11:10,635 on top of the Amazon self-publish list. 272 00:11:10,637 --> 00:11:13,605 And I'm gonna need my two star pupils to help me. 273 00:11:13,607 --> 00:11:15,306 We're his star pupils! 274 00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:16,841 Oof, oof, oof, oof! 275 00:11:19,311 --> 00:11:22,814 To prove Cleveland's innocent, we're gonna have to prove-- 276 00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:24,949 and follow me here-- he didn't do it. 277 00:11:24,951 --> 00:11:26,785 Cleveland can only throw 30 miles per hour 278 00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:30,188 because he has what I call "wuss arm." 279 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,656 To simulate his throw, 280 00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:34,025 I'm gonna throw this egg left-handed at Kendra. 281 00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,628 I was told there'd be soup. 282 00:11:39,965 --> 00:11:41,800 Still alive. 283 00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:43,635 See? Cleveland couldn't have killed her. 284 00:11:43,637 --> 00:11:44,836 Thanks, Kendra. 285 00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,671 No problemo. 286 00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:48,640 Thanks for the egg, dude. 287 00:11:48,642 --> 00:11:49,808 (egg shell crunching) 288 00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:51,810 She eating the shell. 289 00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:52,811 She don't care. 290 00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:55,580 So if Dad didn't kill her, who did? 291 00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:57,716 We'll find out at the morgue when we talk to Lydia. 292 00:11:57,718 --> 00:12:00,852 (dramatic music plays) Because corpses talk the loudest. 293 00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:03,588 Ooh, get that down-- I can end a scene on that. 294 00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:05,890 As long as no one says anything else after it. 295 00:12:10,863 --> 00:12:12,197 Howzit, brah? 296 00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:13,698 Wait, where do I know you from? 297 00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:16,935 Oh-ho-ho, I was on your jury. 298 00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:20,739 Ah, slept through the first half of that trial, 299 00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:24,109 but when I woke up, I wanted to prove I was paying attention. 300 00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:25,944 Might as well convict somebody. 301 00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:28,513 Persuaded every last one of them. 302 00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:31,449 Wow, that was 19 years ago. 303 00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:33,885 Man, you have missed a lot. 304 00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,754 Gilmore Girls got cancelled. 305 00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:37,922 There was a show called the Gilmore Girls. 306 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:40,592 What, do you collect Vaseline? 307 00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:41,993 (laughs) Oh. 308 00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:50,735 The gentleman in my cell is not a good person. 309 00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:53,271 If it wasn't for the kindness of the Aryans, 310 00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:55,106 I don't know what I'd do. 311 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,741 They're a godsend. 312 00:12:56,743 --> 00:13:00,211 Them and... your love. 313 00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:03,214 (crying): I don't tell you this often enough, Donna, 314 00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:06,151 but you are a beautiful woman 315 00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:08,953 and a wonderful wife. 316 00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:10,054 What? 317 00:13:10,756 --> 00:13:12,624 Help, Donna! 318 00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:14,859 The mammaries-- let me see the mammaries! 319 00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:19,898 Damn! 320 00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:22,400 Check out the ass on that ladybug. 321 00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:24,068 Oh, yeah. Interesting. 322 00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:26,805 Here it is-- Lydia Waterman, D.F.E. 323 00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:28,940 "Death From Egg." 324 00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:30,909 Boy, a lot can go wrong in life, huh? 325 00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:32,911 Lydia was a dear friend of mine. 326 00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:34,479 Could I see the body? 327 00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,147 Absolutely not. 328 00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,715 Whoops. 329 00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:40,952 My distressed-suede ankle boots. 330 00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:43,655 All right, that's how chapter nine ends. 331 00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:44,756 Now for chapter ten, 332 00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:46,758 "The Morgue, the Merrier." 333 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,960 (laughs) Nice. 334 00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:50,995 Now, let's creep. 335 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:58,837 Mmm, oh, good, it's P, B and J. 336 00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:01,506 I was worried that the "J" might be blood. 337 00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:05,076 And yet you took the chance. 338 00:14:07,479 --> 00:14:09,047 Aah! Death! 339 00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:11,783 Quiet, Rallo, her soul is sleeping. 340 00:14:11,785 --> 00:14:12,951 There is 341 00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,786 a small bump where the egg hit her. 342 00:14:14,788 --> 00:14:17,689 But look at all this skin irritation. 343 00:14:19,491 --> 00:14:20,859 Just as I thought-- 344 00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:23,194 her throat's swollen shut from anaphylactic shock. 345 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:25,864 She died of an allergic reaction to something in the soup 346 00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:28,967 she was eating before the egg even hit her. 347 00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:29,968 (inhales) 348 00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:32,036 (moaning) 349 00:14:33,973 --> 00:14:35,373 Bleh. 350 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,809 He gets all the ladies. 351 00:14:37,811 --> 00:14:39,811 Junior, let your grandpa blow into your mouth. 352 00:14:39,813 --> 00:14:42,747 Oh, he's that kind of grandpa. 353 00:14:42,749 --> 00:14:45,550 I need Junior's super palate to place this flavor. 354 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,552 Okay, just don't goose me. 355 00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,888 (exhales) Oh. 356 00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:53,124 (bleeping) 357 00:14:55,494 --> 00:14:58,329 Jasmine peanut oil from India. 358 00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:01,532 How are we supposed to figure out who has jasmine peanut oil? 359 00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:02,901 I know! 360 00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:04,535 Fern Stapleton. 361 00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:08,006 She had that bland peanut brittle at the silent auction. 362 00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:11,042 All right, let's go kick down the bitch's door. 363 00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:12,844 ♪ 364 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:17,248 (gasps) Just what in the heck do you guys think you're doing? 365 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,884 We found traces of youjasmine peanut oil 366 00:15:19,886 --> 00:15:21,886 in Lydia Waterman's dead mouth. 367 00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:25,023 She told you she was allergic, and you poisoned her anyway! 368 00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:26,391 On purpose! 369 00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:28,059 You make us sick! 370 00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:29,894 Now, show us the peanut oil! 371 00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:31,362 That is high hogwash! 372 00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:34,198 Besides, I was in Mud Falls the night Lydia died, 373 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:36,801 visiting my bitch sister, Nancy Jean. 374 00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:38,903 If I was gonna kill anybody, I'd kill her. 375 00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:40,872 I'd kill to have a pantry like this. 376 00:15:40,874 --> 00:15:42,206 It's very handy. 377 00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:43,541 That's weird. 378 00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:46,010 It's almost empty. 379 00:15:49,048 --> 00:15:51,049 Okay, there are prints on here, 380 00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:52,050 but mostly mine. 381 00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:53,551 Should've used gloves. 382 00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,486 Are these footprints a clue? 383 00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:03,561 (gasps) Somebody broke in! 384 00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:06,064 Smash-and-grab-- classic Chris Brown. 385 00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:07,565 I thought about that. 386 00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:10,635 But this was a window, not a lady's face. Hey, 387 00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,904 these footprints are from Skechers Shape-Ups. 388 00:16:12,906 --> 00:16:16,107 Fern's off the hook-- these are too big to be lady footprints. 389 00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:18,443 But what guy would wear Shape-Ups? 390 00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:20,445 Lloyd Waterman wears Shape-Ups! 391 00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:22,447 And I really should, too. 392 00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:23,815 (laughs) 393 00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:26,317 So, how long you been playing the harp? 394 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:29,320 (organ playing quietly) (birds chirping) 395 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,922 (woman sobbing quietly) 396 00:16:30,924 --> 00:16:32,924 I'm very sorry for your loss. 397 00:16:32,926 --> 00:16:34,926 Your wife left a beautiful corpse. 398 00:16:34,928 --> 00:16:36,995 Thank you, Mr. Coroner. 399 00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:38,830 (loud grunts) 400 00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,264 Why did I knock that door down? 401 00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:42,934 I don't know. Who really killed this woman? 402 00:16:42,936 --> 00:16:44,936 I do know. 403 00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:47,705 (whispers): They're not doing it. 404 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:49,874 (gasps) 405 00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:51,109 Settle down, people. 406 00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:53,211 Lydia wasn't killed by an egg. 407 00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:56,147 She was poisoned... by her husband. 408 00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:58,449 (dramatic music plays) (crowd gasps) 409 00:16:58,451 --> 00:16:59,717 There it is. 410 00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:00,985 That's preposterous! 411 00:17:00,987 --> 00:17:02,353 I didn't kill my wife! 412 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,788 I loved her... 413 00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:06,190 and everything about our heterosexual intercourse. 414 00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:07,692 (disgusted groan) 415 00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,193 Look! He's wearing Shape-Ups! 416 00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,996 He left Shape-Up footprints in Fern Stapleton's house 417 00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:14,799 when he broke in to steal her peanut oil, 418 00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,167 which he used 419 00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:18,136 to poison-kill Lydia! 420 00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:20,371 Those could have been anyone's Shape-Up prints. 421 00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:23,007 Besides, I'm as allergic to peanuts as Lydia. 422 00:17:23,009 --> 00:17:25,009 It's what first brought us together. 423 00:17:25,011 --> 00:17:28,146 I can't even be in the same room with peanuts. 424 00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:30,148 So it couldn't have been me. 425 00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:32,050 It's the truth-- it was a D.F.E. 426 00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:34,052 MAN: A Death From Elephant? Egg. 427 00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:35,653 Good guess, though. 428 00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:40,091 Okay, well, then this jasmine peanut oil should kill you! 429 00:17:41,326 --> 00:17:42,827 (screaming) 430 00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:44,929 Ugh, I am melting! 431 00:17:44,931 --> 00:17:46,164 Ooh... (grunts) 432 00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:47,765 (panting) Oh, no! 433 00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:50,034 He's having a deathly allergic reaction! 434 00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:52,270 (choking, gasping) 435 00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:54,038 (exhales, stops breathing) 436 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,206 Idiot! 437 00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:56,206 You've killed him! 438 00:17:56,208 --> 00:17:58,009 Did Lydia ever get her closet organized? 439 00:17:58,011 --> 00:18:01,179 Someone call an ambulance! He's dying! 440 00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,413 (soft, wet exhale) 441 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:06,217 This is why my books don't sell very well. 442 00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:07,985 (siren blaring) 443 00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:12,523 (quiet moaning) 444 00:18:14,526 --> 00:18:17,562 I can't believe we pulled it off! 445 00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:19,764 Here. Take us to the airport. 446 00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:22,033 We're going wherever Tommy Bahama is from. 447 00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:24,302 Now we can be gaybos together forever! 448 00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:27,238 What a neat idea it was to kill my wife. 449 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,207 (tires screech) 450 00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:31,275 Boom! You goin' to jail! 451 00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,077 What's going on here? 452 00:18:33,079 --> 00:18:34,445 Did you get it? 453 00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:37,248 (on tape): What a neat idea it was to kill my wife. 454 00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:40,852 It's all over, Mr. Peanut Oil. 455 00:18:41,753 --> 00:18:44,255 So, what tipped you off? 456 00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:45,990 That's not a rash on your neck. 457 00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:47,125 Those are hickeys. 458 00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:49,093 If there's one thing I know, it's hickeys. 459 00:18:49,095 --> 00:18:50,294 Ain't that right, Cookie? 460 00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,063 COOKIE: You do know a hickey. 461 00:18:52,065 --> 00:18:54,565 And when your "little buddy" gave you CPR, 462 00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:56,134 I figured that's what he was doing-- 463 00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,469 make it look like you had an allergic reaction. 464 00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,771 COOKIE: I could go for a hickey right now! 465 00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:02,106 Shut up, Cookie! 466 00:19:02,108 --> 00:19:04,108 I noticed the hickeys, then I remembered 467 00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:06,110 at the morgue, Mr. Coroner here 468 00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:08,846 was wearing distressed- suede ankle boots. 469 00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:12,016 Awful expensive shoes on a coroner's salary. 470 00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:14,585 Lot of footwear-related clues in this mystery. 471 00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:17,255 And earlier today when we first met him, 472 00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:19,590 he was eating a peanut butter sandwich. 473 00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:21,259 I know, because I had some. 474 00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:23,161 You son of a bitch! 475 00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:24,929 When he was giving you CPR, 476 00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:27,265 he would've got peanut residue in your mouth, 477 00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:30,801 peanuts you supposedly can't be in the same room with! 478 00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:33,137 (chuckling) 479 00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:37,508 Oh. There is just one more thing. 480 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:40,311 How did you get the oil into her soup? 481 00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:42,813 A spoon. 482 00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:44,148 (shocked groans) 483 00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:47,118 And, boys, there's the title of our book: 484 00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:51,122 Waiter, There's a Murder in My Soup. 485 00:19:51,124 --> 00:19:53,357 Thus ends your master class. 486 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:55,326 Oh...! 487 00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:58,129 Yes! Yes! Yes! 488 00:19:58,131 --> 00:20:00,631 (quiet music playing) 489 00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:03,134 What a night it's been! 490 00:20:03,136 --> 00:20:04,135 Who done it? 491 00:20:04,137 --> 00:20:07,038 You done it, Freight Train, once again. 492 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,472 (applause, whooping) Well, you know what? 493 00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:10,308 I had some help with this one. 494 00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:12,176 Rallo, Cleveland Jr.... 495 00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:13,911 (applause, cheering, whooping) 496 00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:17,048 ...and real-life events which led to the false imprisonment 497 00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:18,816 of my son Cleveland. 498 00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:20,351 Where is Cleveland? 499 00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:22,220 Still in jail! 500 00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:24,922 Now, that's something I should've noticed. 501 00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:30,228 CLEVELAND: ♪ I see trees of green 502 00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:33,164 ♪ Red roses, too 503 00:20:33,166 --> 00:20:35,733 ♪ I see 'em bloom 504 00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:38,336 ♪ For me and you 505 00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:41,372 ♪ And I think to myself 506 00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:44,008 (crying): ♪ What a wonderful world... 507 00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:46,143 Cleveland jr.: Daddy! Daddy! 508 00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:49,880 First of all, you look really pretty. 509 00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:52,216 Second of all, you're free! 510 00:20:52,218 --> 00:20:53,684 I'm, uh... 511 00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:55,620 never gonna be the same.