1
00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:04,536
(funky disco plays)
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:06,972
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:08,941
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:08,943 --> 00:00:11,643
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:11,645 --> 00:00:14,146
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:14,148 --> 00:00:16,115
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:18,150
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:20,119
♪ It's true love we share
9
00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:21,987
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:24,957
♪ Where everyone will know
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00:00:24,959 --> 00:00:26,859
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:29,028
♪ This is
The Cleveland Show. ♪
13
00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:30,963
(chuckles)
14
00:00:30,965 --> 00:00:33,032
(humming
"March of the Marionettes")
15
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,905
Good Clevening.
16
00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:43,175
(chuckles)
Tonight's episode is
a mystery,
17
00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:45,144
so pay attention.
18
00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:47,813
Even if things appear
to be slow and unfunny,
19
00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:51,116
they may be important later.
20
00:00:59,926 --> 00:01:01,693
Wow, there are
a lot of people here
21
00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:03,529
I don't want to talk to.
22
00:01:03,531 --> 00:01:05,064
Hey, Gus.
23
00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:06,031
What are you auctioning?
24
00:01:06,033 --> 00:01:08,200
Copies of my new
exercise video.
25
00:01:08,202 --> 00:01:09,435
Oh.
26
00:01:09,437 --> 00:01:11,570
GUS:
Run faster.
27
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:14,540
You don't want me to
catch you.
28
00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:16,008
Hmm.
Hey, there go that guy
29
00:01:16,010 --> 00:01:17,342
Cleveland's mama
go with sometimes.
30
00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:19,178
Hey, Grandpa.
31
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:20,279
Why are you pretending
32
00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:23,182
to be famous mystery novelist,
Jocelyn Elderwood?
33
00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:24,216
I ain't pretending.
34
00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:26,085
I am Jocelyn Elderwood.
35
00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:28,353
It's my nom de plume.
36
00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:29,521
Gay.
37
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,056
You ever see a man read
a book?
38
00:01:31,058 --> 00:01:33,592
And women only like buying
books written by women.
39
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,761
So, you want to bid
to get a master class
40
00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:37,096
in mystery novel writing?
41
00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:38,030
Yes!
42
00:01:38,032 --> 00:01:41,066
Or do I?
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00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:42,234
(chuckles)
44
00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:44,937
Ah, man,
I didn't bring my wallet.
45
00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:46,572
There's no room in my pockets
46
00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:48,474
'cause they're
all filled with my ass.
47
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:50,442
That's all right, Junior,
I got this.
48
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,978
You got any hard candies
49
00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:54,113
in your work purse,
Grandpa Freight Train?
50
00:01:54,115 --> 00:01:55,280
Stay out of there.
51
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:58,083
I got my new mystery
novel book in there.
52
00:01:58,085 --> 00:02:00,219
Ask Not What Your Country
Can Do For You.
53
00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:02,955
Ask What You Can Do
For Your Murder.
54
00:02:02,957 --> 00:02:04,256
That's a little cumbersome.
55
00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:05,757
So are you.
56
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:09,094
♪
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00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:11,063
What's your
highest bid, Donna?
58
00:02:11,065 --> 00:02:13,832
I forget, what
is less than zero?
59
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:16,068
Your IQ-- boom!
60
00:02:16,070 --> 00:02:19,238
And don't nobody need
no closet organized.
61
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:22,274
I know black people just throw
their clothes onto the floor,
62
00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:25,144
but some people prefer
to use hangers.
63
00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:26,311
Closet organizing.
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00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:28,280
Oh, my God, Donna,
you can finally get
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00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:31,283
all your clothes off
the floor.
66
00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:33,118
Look, Lloyd,
you love closets.
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00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:34,520
I do.
68
00:02:34,522 --> 00:02:35,787
Bitch.
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00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:37,623
$300?
70
00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:39,124
$400.
71
00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:40,492
Hello, Fern.
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00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,261
$2,000.
73
00:02:42,263 --> 00:02:44,163
(crowd gasps)
74
00:02:45,131 --> 00:02:48,433
What are you gonna do, Fern?
75
00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:50,135
Take it.
76
00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:53,172
Well, don't forget,
at my table I will be
auctioning off
77
00:02:53,174 --> 00:02:56,542
a dish I made using
a special jasmine peanut oil
78
00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:59,545
I got in India when I was
picking out my
foster children--
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00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:01,113
my homemade peanut brittle.
80
00:03:01,115 --> 00:03:02,614
Get that away from me.
81
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:04,116
I am deathly
allergic to peanuts.
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00:03:04,118 --> 00:03:05,350
I would think someone
83
00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:08,387
with your fat, squirrel cheeks
would love nuts.
84
00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:12,157
(laughs)
85
00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:14,293
It was funny.
86
00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:15,661
$2,000.
87
00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:18,864
You know how many recorders
I can buy with that?
88
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,132
All of them,
89
00:03:20,134 --> 00:03:22,534
for they are cheap like you.
90
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:23,835
Boom.
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00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:26,672
(Donna grunting,
Arianna growling)
92
00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:28,373
DONNA:
Aah, not the nips!
93
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:30,842
(Donna grunting,
Arianna growling)
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00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:33,879
I can't believe Arianna would
embarrass me at a function--
95
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:36,215
the most important
thing for a woman.
96
00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:37,683
(sighs)
97
00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:39,318
Poor Donna.
98
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:42,321
I wish there was something
pointless I could do for her.
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00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:43,889
Maybe there is.
100
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,357
Ah, what would be the point?
101
00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:46,692
I got it.
102
00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:50,896
Hey, Rock Hudson, you want to
go for a walk, huh?
103
00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:52,364
(barking)
104
00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:53,432
You know what?
105
00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:55,500
I'm gonna pee
in the yard, too.
106
00:03:57,337 --> 00:04:00,405
(panting)
107
00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:08,413
No one humiliates my wife
except me
108
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:11,216
and herself
and sometimes her children.
109
00:04:11,218 --> 00:04:12,918
Take this, Arianna.
110
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,319
(Cleveland grunting,
eggs cracking)
111
00:04:23,229 --> 00:04:24,396
(chuckles)
112
00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:25,764
(barks)
113
00:04:28,234 --> 00:04:30,669
Someone threw eggs
at Arianna's house?
114
00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:37,976
Well, I am glad somebody
got that uppity-ass bear.
115
00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:39,411
She think she people.
116
00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:40,712
(giggling)
117
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:42,447
Yeah, somebody.
118
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(giggles)
119
00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:48,620
Mr. Brown, did you have
something to do with this?
120
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,455
Who, me?
Couldn't be.
121
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:51,657
(grunts)
122
00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:53,492
Now, as a strong,
confident woman,
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00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:56,228
I certainly don't need a
man defending my honor,
124
00:04:56,230 --> 00:05:00,232
but when it happens, I can't
help but take my bra off.
125
00:05:00,234 --> 00:05:01,266
Mm.
126
00:05:01,268 --> 00:05:03,302
Kids, don't come
in here!
127
00:05:03,304 --> 00:05:07,306
You know, Wally has been very
rude to me this week at work.
128
00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:10,442
Told me I had
gross knuckles.
129
00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:14,446
Well, maybe Wally's going
to have a little egg-cident.
130
00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:18,417
Ooh, you're getting
me all egg-cited.
131
00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:20,752
Let me do
the jokes, woman.
132
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:28,026
Sorry, egg,
at least you got laid once.
133
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:29,294
(chuckles)
134
00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:31,363
Donna would have
butchered that.
135
00:05:35,635 --> 00:05:36,935
(cries out)
136
00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:38,270
(clucks)
137
00:05:38,272 --> 00:05:40,005
(clucking rapidly)
138
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:41,206
(grunting)
139
00:05:41,208 --> 00:05:42,874
(crying)
140
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:46,478
Well, I guess the yolk's
on me.
141
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:48,547
Ha!
142
00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:53,518
Now, mystery...
143
00:05:55,621 --> 00:05:59,057
...is "My...
144
00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:01,059
Story."
145
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:05,497
Oh...!
Boom!
146
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:06,832
Now, every mystery's got
147
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:11,470
three pieces: the "huh,"
the "aha," and the...
148
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:12,804
(dramatic music plays)
♪ "Dun-dun-dun."
149
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,005
Now, if you'll excuse me,
150
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:16,475
Jocelyn Elderwood's got
to take a...
151
00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:19,010
(dramatic music plays)
♪ Number two.
152
00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:21,546
That's a "wordsmiff"
right there.
153
00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:24,049
Cleveland,
guess what happened
154
00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:25,517
at the grocery store.
155
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:27,352
They didn't charge you
for the soda you "forgot"
156
00:06:27,354 --> 00:06:28,653
on the bottom
of the cart?
157
00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:31,056
Nah, they noticed it
this time,
158
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:33,825
but Lydia Waterman took
my parking space.
159
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:35,727
(sighs)
160
00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:40,232
(grunts)
161
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:41,566
Bushy.
162
00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:50,842
Look at me, crawling along
like a little worm.
163
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:54,513
I were a worm, I'd like
to be called William
or Scooter.
164
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:55,881
Scooter Worm, Scooter Worm.
165
00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:57,949
Aw, now I'm all dirty.
166
00:07:03,556 --> 00:07:06,925
Garafalo!
167
00:07:09,295 --> 00:07:10,595
Oh, my God.
168
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,864
(gasps):
Lydia.
She's dead.
169
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:17,102
(screaming)
170
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,543
Donna, I have something
to tell you.
171
00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:26,311
Well, I have something
to tell you.
172
00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:28,380
Let's say it at the same time.
173
00:07:28,382 --> 00:07:30,382
This lingerie is reversible.
I killed Lydia Waterman.
174
00:07:30,384 --> 00:07:32,083
What?!
What's on the other side?!
175
00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:33,452
Leopard!
176
00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:35,387
You killed Lydia Waterman?!
177
00:07:35,389 --> 00:07:36,455
Yes!
178
00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:39,090
With more news on the murder,
here's Larvell.
179
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,425
Thanks, bro.
180
00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:43,161
Um, so, this is,
like, really wild.
181
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:45,330
So the detectives
are now saying
182
00:07:45,332 --> 00:07:48,400
that some guy
allegedly chucked a egg
183
00:07:48,402 --> 00:07:51,570
that hit Lydia Waterman
upside her head,
184
00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:54,739
and that's what murdered her
into her soup.
185
00:07:54,741 --> 00:07:56,107
Thanks, Larvell.
186
00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:57,309
Oh, my God.
187
00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:58,443
You must have taken
the hard-boiled eggs
188
00:07:58,445 --> 00:07:59,644
from the top shelf.
189
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,112
That's why it sailed
like a brick.
190
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:03,415
Donna, you numskull.
191
00:08:03,417 --> 00:08:04,683
I've told you a thousand times
192
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:07,419
that hard-boiled eggs belong
in the crisper.
193
00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:09,588
The crisper's full
of brown lettuce.
194
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:11,823
Well, there's blood
on both our hands,
195
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:14,125
both of ea-each
of ours's hands.
196
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:15,660
Four bloody hands total.
197
00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,696
You're right,
what are we going to do?
198
00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:19,631
Think, Donna, think.
199
00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,299
It's curtains for us.
200
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,434
I'm calling the police.
201
00:08:22,436 --> 00:08:23,702
You ain't calling (bleep).
202
00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:25,937
We could just disappear,
203
00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:27,372
buy a submarine.
204
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:28,673
World's 80% water.
205
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,642
Give Roberta some money, she
could take care of the kids.
206
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,377
The kids can come with us.
207
00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:35,013
We'll send them to the
University of Atlantis.
208
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,181
No, you know what?
209
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:37,449
We do nothing.
210
00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:40,619
Just act normal--
business as usual, okay?
211
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,654
Got you, biz as "youge."
212
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:44,689
Guess I won't be needing this,
213
00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:47,559
and I better cancel
the admissions interview.
214
00:08:49,395 --> 00:08:51,463
Ahp, wrong number.
215
00:08:55,735 --> 00:08:56,902
Act normal.
216
00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:58,870
Just another day at
the office.
217
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,472
(phone rings)
218
00:09:00,474 --> 00:09:01,506
(exhales)
219
00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:03,708
Waterman's Wife.
Murderer Brown speaking.
220
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:07,646
I mean, Waterman Cable.
Cleveland Murderer speaking.
221
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:09,247
(groans)
222
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:10,682
Hey, Cleveland, did you
hear about Waterman's...?
223
00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:14,252
All right, you got me, Aaron,
I killed Lydia Waterman.
224
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:15,387
I did it!
225
00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:16,655
Do you hear me, everyone?!
226
00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:19,524
I killed her
and I peed in the yard!
227
00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:21,426
MAN:
Ew, Cleveland peed
in the yard.
228
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:28,333
All right, here's a mystery
where the twist is,
229
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:30,235
you know everything--
230
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:33,171
who did it,
how they did it, and why.
231
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:36,441
You just don't know
the characters' names.
232
00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:38,710
Let me guess,
the killer's name turns out
to be Elliot.
233
00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:41,446
No, it was Elli-- oh.
234
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:42,781
Man, this is hard.
235
00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:44,783
No wonder all writers
kill themselves.
236
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:46,384
How did you come
up with the idea
237
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:47,686
for your new book?
238
00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:48,853
Keep your hands
to yourself.
239
00:09:48,855 --> 00:09:50,255
This ain't
your ding-a-ling.
240
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:53,191
(laughs)
I guess we're not
in the shower.
241
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,961
No, no, i-i-it's still
a work in progress.
242
00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:58,563
These pages are all blank.
243
00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:00,599
♪ Dun-dun-dun.
244
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:02,567
There's your "dun-dun-dun"
moment.
245
00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:04,803
I got stuck
on the dedication.
246
00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:07,072
I got nothing left.
247
00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:10,208
Looks like it's all over
for Jocelyn Elderwood.
248
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:11,576
You paid
for a master class,
249
00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:13,778
but all you got is
front-row seats
250
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:17,082
to the death of an old man's
female persona.
251
00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:19,150
I would not have
bid on that.
252
00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:25,590
That was Len Stein
the Jewish lawyer.
253
00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:27,559
The good news is, no more
bedtimes around here.
254
00:10:27,561 --> 00:10:30,562
Cleveland was the only one
enforcing that stupid rule.
255
00:10:30,564 --> 00:10:33,765
The bad news is, he'll
probably be in jail for
14 years
256
00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:36,067
if he behaves himself.
257
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,236
And you know he won't.
258
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:39,404
(door slams open)
259
00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:42,040
Cleveland didn't kill no one.
260
00:10:42,908 --> 00:10:44,075
I heard what happened,
261
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:45,777
and Cleveland's a lot
of things:
262
00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:48,747
a goof, a sap, a
wienie, a dork,
263
00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:51,349
a dill weed, and a
worthless fat-ass,
264
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:52,584
but he ain't
no killer.
265
00:10:52,586 --> 00:10:53,785
Well, how do you know?
266
00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:57,288
I don't, but Jocelyn Elderwood
has a hunch,
267
00:10:57,290 --> 00:11:00,759
and a lady's intuition
is always right.
268
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:04,629
You know, sometimes, Grandpa,
I wish we could just
play catch.
269
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:06,131
No time for catch.
270
00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:08,533
Cracking this case will put
Jocelyn Elderwood back
271
00:11:08,535 --> 00:11:10,635
on top of the Amazon
self-publish list.
272
00:11:10,637 --> 00:11:13,605
And I'm gonna need my two
star pupils to help me.
273
00:11:13,607 --> 00:11:15,306
We're his star pupils!
274
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:16,841
Oof, oof,
oof, oof!
275
00:11:19,311 --> 00:11:22,814
To prove Cleveland's innocent,
we're gonna have to prove--
276
00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:24,949
and follow me here--
he didn't do it.
277
00:11:24,951 --> 00:11:26,785
Cleveland can only
throw 30 miles per hour
278
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:30,188
because he has
what I call "wuss arm."
279
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,656
To simulate his throw,
280
00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:34,025
I'm gonna throw this egg
left-handed at Kendra.
281
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,628
I was told there'd be soup.
282
00:11:39,965 --> 00:11:41,800
Still alive.
283
00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:43,635
See? Cleveland couldn't
have killed her.
284
00:11:43,637 --> 00:11:44,836
Thanks, Kendra.
285
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,671
No problemo.
286
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:48,640
Thanks for the egg, dude.
287
00:11:48,642 --> 00:11:49,808
(egg shell crunching)
288
00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:51,810
She eating the shell.
289
00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:52,811
She don't care.
290
00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:55,580
So if Dad didn't
kill her, who did?
291
00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:57,716
We'll find out at the morgue
when we talk to Lydia.
292
00:11:57,718 --> 00:12:00,852
(dramatic music plays)
Because corpses talk
the loudest.
293
00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:03,588
Ooh, get that down--
I can end a scene on that.
294
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:05,890
As long as no one says
anything else after it.
295
00:12:10,863 --> 00:12:12,197
Howzit, brah?
296
00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:13,698
Wait, where do
I know you from?
297
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:16,935
Oh-ho-ho, I was
on your jury.
298
00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:20,739
Ah, slept through
the first half of that trial,
299
00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:24,109
but when I woke up, I wanted
to prove I was
paying attention.
300
00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:25,944
Might as well
convict somebody.
301
00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:28,513
Persuaded every last
one of them.
302
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:31,449
Wow, that was 19 years ago.
303
00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:33,885
Man, you have missed a lot.
304
00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,754
Gilmore Girls got cancelled.
305
00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:37,922
There was a show called
the Gilmore Girls.
306
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:40,592
What, do you collect Vaseline?
307
00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:41,993
(laughs) Oh.
308
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:50,735
The gentleman in my cell
is not a good person.
309
00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:53,271
If it wasn't for the kindness
of the Aryans,
310
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:55,106
I don't know what I'd do.
311
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,741
They're a godsend.
312
00:12:56,743 --> 00:13:00,211
Them and... your love.
313
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:03,214
(crying):
I don't tell you this
often enough, Donna,
314
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:06,151
but you are a beautiful woman
315
00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:08,953
and a wonderful wife.
316
00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:10,054
What?
317
00:13:10,756 --> 00:13:12,624
Help, Donna!
318
00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:14,859
The mammaries--
let me see the mammaries!
319
00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:19,898
Damn!
320
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:22,400
Check out the ass
on that ladybug.
321
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:24,068
Oh, yeah.
Interesting.
322
00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:26,805
Here it is--
Lydia Waterman, D.F.E.
323
00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:28,940
"Death From Egg."
324
00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:30,909
Boy, a lot can go wrong
in life, huh?
325
00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:32,911
Lydia was a dear
friend of mine.
326
00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:34,479
Could I see the body?
327
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,147
Absolutely not.
328
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,715
Whoops.
329
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:40,952
My distressed-suede
ankle boots.
330
00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:43,655
All right, that's how
chapter nine ends.
331
00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:44,756
Now for chapter ten,
332
00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:46,758
"The Morgue, the Merrier."
333
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,960
(laughs)
Nice.
334
00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:50,995
Now, let's creep.
335
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:58,837
Mmm, oh, good,
it's P, B and J.
336
00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:01,506
I was worried that
the "J" might be blood.
337
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:05,076
And yet you
took the chance.
338
00:14:07,479 --> 00:14:09,047
Aah! Death!
339
00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:11,783
Quiet, Rallo,
her soul is sleeping.
340
00:14:11,785 --> 00:14:12,951
There is
341
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,786
a small bump
where the egg hit her.
342
00:14:14,788 --> 00:14:17,689
But look at all this
skin irritation.
343
00:14:19,491 --> 00:14:20,859
Just as I thought--
344
00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:23,194
her throat's swollen shut
from anaphylactic shock.
345
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:25,864
She died of an allergic
reaction to something
in the soup
346
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:28,967
she was eating before
the egg even hit her.
347
00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:29,968
(inhales)
348
00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:32,036
(moaning)
349
00:14:33,973 --> 00:14:35,373
Bleh.
350
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,809
He gets all the ladies.
351
00:14:37,811 --> 00:14:39,811
Junior, let your grandpa
blow into your mouth.
352
00:14:39,813 --> 00:14:42,747
Oh, he's that kind of grandpa.
353
00:14:42,749 --> 00:14:45,550
I need Junior's super palate
to place this flavor.
354
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,552
Okay, just
don't goose me.
355
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,888
(exhales)
Oh.
356
00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:53,124
(bleeping)
357
00:14:55,494 --> 00:14:58,329
Jasmine peanut oil from India.
358
00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:01,532
How are we supposed to figure
out who has
jasmine peanut oil?
359
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:02,901
I know!
360
00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:04,535
Fern Stapleton.
361
00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:08,006
She had that bland peanut
brittle at the silent auction.
362
00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:11,042
All right, let's go kick down
the bitch's door.
363
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:12,844
♪
364
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:17,248
(gasps) Just what in
the heck do you guys
think you're doing?
365
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,884
We found traces
of youjasmine peanut oil
366
00:15:19,886 --> 00:15:21,886
in Lydia Waterman's
dead mouth.
367
00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:25,023
She told you she was allergic,
and you poisoned her anyway!
368
00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:26,391
On purpose!
369
00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:28,059
You make us sick!
370
00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:29,894
Now, show us
the peanut oil!
371
00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:31,362
That is high hogwash!
372
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:34,198
Besides, I was
in Mud Falls the
night Lydia died,
373
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:36,801
visiting my bitch sister,
Nancy Jean.
374
00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:38,903
If I was gonna kill
anybody, I'd kill her.
375
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:40,872
I'd kill to have
a pantry like this.
376
00:15:40,874 --> 00:15:42,206
It's very handy.
377
00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:43,541
That's weird.
378
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:46,010
It's almost empty.
379
00:15:49,048 --> 00:15:51,049
Okay, there are prints
on here,
380
00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:52,050
but mostly mine.
381
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:53,551
Should've used gloves.
382
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,486
Are these footprints
a clue?
383
00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:03,561
(gasps)
Somebody broke in!
384
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:06,064
Smash-and-grab--
classic Chris Brown.
385
00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:07,565
I thought about that.
386
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:10,635
But this was a window,
not a lady's face. Hey,
387
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,904
these footprints are
from Skechers Shape-Ups.
388
00:16:12,906 --> 00:16:16,107
Fern's off the hook--
these are too big to be
lady footprints.
389
00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:18,443
But what guy would
wear Shape-Ups?
390
00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:20,445
Lloyd Waterman
wears Shape-Ups!
391
00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:22,447
And I really
should, too.
392
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:23,815
(laughs)
393
00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:26,317
So, how long you
been playing the harp?
394
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:29,320
(organ playing quietly)
(birds chirping)
395
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,922
(woman sobbing quietly)
396
00:16:30,924 --> 00:16:32,924
I'm very sorry
for your loss.
397
00:16:32,926 --> 00:16:34,926
Your wife left a
beautiful corpse.
398
00:16:34,928 --> 00:16:36,995
Thank you, Mr. Coroner.
399
00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:38,830
(loud grunts)
400
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,264
Why did I knock
that door down?
401
00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:42,934
I don't know.
Who really killed
this woman?
402
00:16:42,936 --> 00:16:44,936
I do know.
403
00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:47,705
(whispers):
They're not doing it.
404
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:49,874
(gasps)
405
00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:51,109
Settle down, people.
406
00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:53,211
Lydia wasn't killed by an egg.
407
00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:56,147
She was poisoned...
by her husband.
408
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:58,449
(dramatic music plays)
(crowd gasps)
409
00:16:58,451 --> 00:16:59,717
There it is.
410
00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:00,985
That's preposterous!
411
00:17:00,987 --> 00:17:02,353
I didn't kill my wife!
412
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,788
I loved her...
413
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:06,190
and everything about
our heterosexual intercourse.
414
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:07,692
(disgusted groan)
415
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,193
Look! He's wearing Shape-Ups!
416
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,996
He left Shape-Up footprints
in Fern Stapleton's house
417
00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:14,799
when he broke in
to steal her peanut oil,
418
00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,167
which he used
419
00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:18,136
to poison-kill Lydia!
420
00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:20,371
Those could have been
anyone's Shape-Up prints.
421
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:23,007
Besides, I'm as allergic
to peanuts as Lydia.
422
00:17:23,009 --> 00:17:25,009
It's what first
brought us together.
423
00:17:25,011 --> 00:17:28,146
I can't even be
in the same room with peanuts.
424
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:30,148
So it couldn't have been me.
425
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:32,050
It's the truth--
it was a D.F.E.
426
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:34,052
MAN: A Death
From Elephant?
Egg.
427
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:35,653
Good guess, though.
428
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:40,091
Okay, well, then this jasmine
peanut oil should kill you!
429
00:17:41,326 --> 00:17:42,827
(screaming)
430
00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:44,929
Ugh, I am melting!
431
00:17:44,931 --> 00:17:46,164
Ooh...
(grunts)
432
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:47,765
(panting)
Oh, no!
433
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:50,034
He's having a deathly
allergic reaction!
434
00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:52,270
(choking, gasping)
435
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:54,038
(exhales, stops breathing)
436
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,206
Idiot!
437
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:56,206
You've killed him!
438
00:17:56,208 --> 00:17:58,009
Did Lydia ever get her
closet organized?
439
00:17:58,011 --> 00:18:01,179
Someone call an ambulance!
He's dying!
440
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,413
(soft, wet exhale)
441
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:06,217
This is why my books
don't sell very well.
442
00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:07,985
(siren blaring)
443
00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:12,523
(quiet moaning)
444
00:18:14,526 --> 00:18:17,562
I can't believe
we pulled it off!
445
00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:19,764
Here. Take us to the airport.
446
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:22,033
We're going wherever
Tommy Bahama is from.
447
00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:24,302
Now we can be gaybos
together forever!
448
00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:27,238
What a neat idea it was
to kill my wife.
449
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,207
(tires screech)
450
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:31,275
Boom! You
goin' to jail!
451
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,077
What's going on here?
452
00:18:33,079 --> 00:18:34,445
Did you get it?
453
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:37,248
(on tape):
What a neat idea it was
to kill my wife.
454
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:40,852
It's all over, Mr. Peanut Oil.
455
00:18:41,753 --> 00:18:44,255
So, what tipped you off?
456
00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:45,990
That's not a rash
on your neck.
457
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:47,125
Those are hickeys.
458
00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:49,093
If there's one thing
I know, it's hickeys.
459
00:18:49,095 --> 00:18:50,294
Ain't that right, Cookie?
460
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,063
COOKIE: You do
know a hickey.
461
00:18:52,065 --> 00:18:54,565
And when your
"little buddy"
gave you CPR,
462
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:56,134
I figured that's
what he was doing--
463
00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,469
make it look like you had
an allergic reaction.
464
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,771
COOKIE:
I could go for a
hickey right now!
465
00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:02,106
Shut up, Cookie!
466
00:19:02,108 --> 00:19:04,108
I noticed the hickeys,
then I remembered
467
00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:06,110
at the morgue,
Mr. Coroner here
468
00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:08,846
was wearing distressed-
suede ankle boots.
469
00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:12,016
Awful expensive shoes
on a coroner's salary.
470
00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:14,585
Lot of footwear-related
clues in this mystery.
471
00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:17,255
And earlier today
when we first met him,
472
00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:19,590
he was eating a peanut
butter sandwich.
473
00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:21,259
I know, because I had some.
474
00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:23,161
You son of a bitch!
475
00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:24,929
When he was
giving you CPR,
476
00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:27,265
he would've got peanut
residue in your mouth,
477
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:30,801
peanuts you supposedly can't
be in the same room with!
478
00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:33,137
(chuckling)
479
00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:37,508
Oh. There is
just one more thing.
480
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:40,311
How did you get the oil
into her soup?
481
00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:42,813
A spoon.
482
00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:44,148
(shocked groans)
483
00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:47,118
And, boys, there's
the title of our book:
484
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:51,122
Waiter,
There's a Murder in My Soup.
485
00:19:51,124 --> 00:19:53,357
Thus ends your
master class.
486
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:55,326
Oh...!
487
00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:58,129
Yes! Yes! Yes!
488
00:19:58,131 --> 00:20:00,631
(quiet music playing)
489
00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:03,134
What a night it's been!
490
00:20:03,136 --> 00:20:04,135
Who done it?
491
00:20:04,137 --> 00:20:07,038
You done it,
Freight Train,
once again.
492
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,472
(applause, whooping)
Well, you know what?
493
00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:10,308
I had some help with this one.
494
00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:12,176
Rallo, Cleveland Jr....
495
00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:13,911
(applause, cheering, whooping)
496
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:17,048
...and real-life events which
led to the false imprisonment
497
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:18,816
of my son Cleveland.
498
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:20,351
Where is Cleveland?
499
00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:22,220
Still in jail!
500
00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:24,922
Now, that's something
I should've noticed.
501
00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:30,228
CLEVELAND:
♪ I see trees of green
502
00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:33,164
♪ Red roses, too
503
00:20:33,166 --> 00:20:35,733
♪ I see 'em bloom
504
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:38,336
♪ For me and you
505
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:41,372
♪ And I think to myself
506
00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:44,008
(crying):
♪ What a wonderful world...
507
00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:46,143
Cleveland jr.:
Daddy! Daddy!
508
00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:49,880
First of all,
you look really pretty.
509
00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:52,216
Second of all,
you're free!
510
00:20:52,218 --> 00:20:53,684
I'm, uh...
511
00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:55,620
never gonna be the same.