1 00:00:02,302 --> 00:00:04,336 (funky disco plays) ♪My name is Cleveland Brown 2 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:05,604 ♪And I am proud to be 3 00:00:05,606 --> 00:00:08,774 ♪Right back in my hometown 4 00:00:08,776 --> 00:00:11,710 ♪With my new family 5 00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:13,712 ♪There's old friends and new friends ♪ 6 00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:15,147 ♪And even a bear 7 00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:17,549 ♪Through good times and bad times ♪ 8 00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:19,952 ♪It's true love we share 9 00:00:19,954 --> 00:00:22,221 ♪And so I found a place 10 00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:24,556 ♪Where everyone will know 11 00:00:24,558 --> 00:00:25,824 ♪My happy mustached face 12 00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:28,227 ♪This isT he Cleveland Show.♪ 13 00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:29,762 (chuckles) 14 00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:34,566 Cleveland! Come on, baby, 15 00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:36,301 we're gonna go for a ride in the car! 16 00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:37,803 The car?! 17 00:00:37,805 --> 00:00:39,038 Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. oh, boy! 18 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:42,007 (panting) Going for a ride! 19 00:00:42,009 --> 00:00:43,542 Going in the car! Riding in the car! 20 00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,677 Doctor's appointment? 21 00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:46,879 Doctor's appointment. 22 00:00:47,747 --> 00:00:50,516 Doctor's appointment? 23 00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:51,817 Just a quick checkup. 24 00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:53,819 But he's gonna poke my booty hole! 25 00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:55,421 You don't know that. He might not. 26 00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:56,822 Oh, you're right. 27 00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:58,257 Not in these frumpy dad pants. 28 00:00:58,259 --> 00:00:59,725 Boo... 29 00:01:02,028 --> 00:01:04,530 Oh, don't worry, Cleveland. 30 00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:06,365 You're not scheduled for an ass jam 31 00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:08,067 for another two months. 32 00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:09,201 You're still gonna do the Cup 'n' Cough, right? 33 00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:11,770 'Cause this one should be free. 34 00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:14,506 Wait a minute. This is from the yogurt place. 35 00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:17,209 Uh! They should not be doing that! 36 00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:18,577 (laughs) 37 00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,245 You're a hoot, Cleveland. 38 00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:22,581 No, I'm a walrus! 39 00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:25,184 (laughing) 40 00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:29,421 I have literally never seen anyone do that before! 41 00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,957 Oh, you can just put those back in the jar. 42 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,035 What the hell? I told Junior to pack me 43 00:01:43,037 --> 00:01:44,570 a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, 44 00:01:44,572 --> 00:01:46,772 not a... (mumbles): whatevadefrickdahwuz. 45 00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:48,474 Try it! 46 00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:50,142 Gah! Oh, man, we gotta put a bell around your neck. 47 00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:53,245 I decided to try something new. 48 00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:54,947 I made you a deconstructed 49 00:01:54,949 --> 00:01:56,949 peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 50 00:01:56,951 --> 00:02:00,252 Sourdough crostini, spherified raspberry puree 51 00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:02,221 and Thai peanut foam. 52 00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:04,656 Wait, this is like that scientific cooking trend 53 00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:06,992 I saw on the Food Network when I flew JetBlue 54 00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:09,761 to my great-grandma Etta James' funeral! 55 00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:11,597 Sorry for your loss, but yes. 56 00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:13,565 "Molecular gastronomy." 57 00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:17,736 It combines two of my favorite things: food and nerd stuff! 58 00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:20,005 (sighs) Gimme one dem. 59 00:02:21,508 --> 00:02:24,843 Whoa! My taste butts are loving this! 60 00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:28,013 Fierce-looking lunch, girl! 61 00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:30,782 I'd pay fab cash to wrap my lips around those nuggets. 62 00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:33,685 You would, huh? 63 00:02:36,456 --> 00:02:40,659 Finally, a "thcool" lunch for the "thophithticated" palate! 64 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:43,095 We're a hit, Junior! 65 00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:47,266 I've never been so happy to watch other people eat my food! 66 00:02:47,268 --> 00:02:49,868 Oh... 67 00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:52,504 (truck horn playing "Mexican Hat Dance") 68 00:02:54,374 --> 00:02:55,541 What the hell? 69 00:02:55,543 --> 00:02:57,242 (hydraulics hissing) 70 00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:00,445 Oye, niños! 71 00:03:00,447 --> 00:03:03,882 Choni's food truck is open for business! 72 00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:05,684 Get your one dollar burritos, 73 00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,786 quesadillas and virgin Bud Light Clamatos! 74 00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:11,657 And your first taco is free! 75 00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:12,858 (ranchero music plays) 76 00:03:15,495 --> 00:03:16,562 Yay, cheap Mexican food! 77 00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:18,664 Dancing dog! 78 00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:20,232 I'm five. I just like running! 79 00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:27,039 ANNOUNCER (on TV): We now return to CBS's hit comedy, 80 00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:29,141 Two-And-A-Half Broke Man-Girls. 81 00:03:29,143 --> 00:03:30,576 Okay, be honest. 82 00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:31,877 Does this dress make my balls look fat? 83 00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:32,511 (canned laughter) 84 00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:34,846 No way! 85 00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:36,381 It's giving me a total boob boner. 86 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:37,849 (canned laughter) 87 00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:38,750 I just got my period. 88 00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:40,152 (canned laughter) 89 00:03:40,154 --> 00:03:41,386 (groans) 90 00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:42,387 (phone rings) 91 00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:44,056 Yeap-yeap? 92 00:03:44,058 --> 00:03:46,091 Hi, Cleveland. Dr. Fist. 93 00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:48,493 I got the results back from the urine sample 94 00:03:48,495 --> 00:03:49,895 you left all over the bathroom. 95 00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,330 Hilarious, by the way. 96 00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:52,097 But I'd like you to come back in 97 00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:53,999 for a few more tests. 98 00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:55,367 Is there something wrong? 99 00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:57,536 Oh, no, no, no, no. Of course not. 100 00:03:57,538 --> 00:03:58,604 Everything's fine. Just get here as fast as you can. 101 00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:01,173 Okay. 102 00:04:09,616 --> 00:04:11,783 And he's had me back every day this week 103 00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:14,186 for throat cultures, biopsies, 104 00:04:14,188 --> 00:04:18,724 organ probes, cheek swab, nastral swab, weenie swab. 105 00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:20,692 But he won't tell me what's wrong. 106 00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,394 Sounds like he doesn't want 107 00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:25,530 to break the bad news to you till he's absolutely sure. 108 00:04:25,532 --> 00:04:27,099 Sounds like you're a goner. 109 00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:29,434 Donna the Bear... 110 00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,403 Clevebro, you're dying. 111 00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:33,138 It's the only explanation. 112 00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:35,440 I've got to do everything I ever wanted to do 113 00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:36,908 before it's too late. 114 00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:38,810 Bucket List. Nicholson. Freeman. 115 00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,712 Never saw it. On my bucket list. 116 00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:42,881 Shut up. I'll start with something 117 00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:47,586 I've dreamed of doing as long as I can remember. 118 00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:50,489 Yes, I've always wanted to eat ice cream for breakfast. 119 00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:51,990 I've been afraid, 120 00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:53,325 'cause Donna said I'd turn into ice cream. 121 00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:57,195 But at this point, I'm willing to take that risk. 122 00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:07,639 I'm still a "mamammal." 123 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:13,111 I can do anything! 124 00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,280 So that's it? Just the ice cream? 125 00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:17,749 Yep. Oh, and I've always wanted to fight 126 00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:20,452 a hundred Chinese guys in an old, dusty town square. 127 00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:23,021 ♪ 128 00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:29,094 Yah! 129 00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:32,631 Just wait... till I use... 130 00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:35,867 your own momentum... against you! 131 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:37,269 Nup! 132 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:42,441 Oh, I do love you so. 133 00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:44,042 By the way, 134 00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:46,945 when I was at the bottom of the pile of Chineses, 135 00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:48,780 I bit one of them right in the water chestnuts. 136 00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,782 I'm telling you, 137 00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:52,684 there's no reason for you to be biting Orienticles! 138 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,887 Dr. Fist would have told you if you were dying. 139 00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:57,422 (doorbell rings) 140 00:05:59,325 --> 00:06:01,393 Cleveland, I have bad news. 141 00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:03,862 Ah! I'm dying or we're canceled! 142 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,230 It's one of them! 143 00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:07,399 Tell me we're not canceled! 144 00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:08,967 Cleveland, I lied. 145 00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:11,403 You didn't need any of those appointments. 146 00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:15,707 I just wanted to hang out with you, because, well... 147 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:20,011 (sobbing) 148 00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:23,382 I don't have any friends! 149 00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:25,016 So you're telling me 150 00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:26,918 you made me think I was dying, 151 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,588 causing me to break my arms 152 00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:31,890 and the saltines I had in my pocket, 153 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:34,493 all for nothing?! 154 00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:36,828 I know! (sobs) 155 00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:40,065 I felt so guilty when I heard all of this happened! 156 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,033 Can you ever forgive me? 157 00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:46,471 Heads I will, tails I won't. 158 00:07:03,956 --> 00:07:04,589 Uhp, rolled under the couch. 159 00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:07,025 Tie! 160 00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:08,894 Please forgive me, Cleveland. (sobbing) 161 00:07:08,896 --> 00:07:11,029 Dr. Fist, why didn't you just say you wanted 162 00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:13,632 to hang out with Cleveland 163 00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:15,467 instead of making him think he was dying? 164 00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:18,303 I couldn't ask a patient to hang out socially. 165 00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:21,640 It's unprofessional. I'm sorry, Cleveland. 166 00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:23,642 I just thought you were so much fun. 167 00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:26,878 You know, with that hilarious walrus impression? 168 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,080 No! 169 00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:30,782 You don't deserve it. 170 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,117 (quietly): Cleveland, I feel bad for him. 171 00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,719 I mean, look at how pathetic he is. 172 00:07:34,721 --> 00:07:36,555 Will you be my friend? 173 00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:39,124 Oh, that's not even one of our cool plants. 174 00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,393 Just offer to have a beer with him sometime. 175 00:07:41,395 --> 00:07:43,328 Fine, fine. 176 00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:46,598 Dr. Fist, perhaps you'd like to have a beer sometime? 177 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,234 Great! Why don't you come over to my place Thursday night? 178 00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:51,269 And bring those buddies of yours, too. 179 00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:52,938 Ed, Calvin and Rick the Moose? 180 00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:55,640 I was thinking of Holt, Lester and Tim the Bear. 181 00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:57,342 Oh, the second tier. Sure. 182 00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:06,151 Yo, Choni! This is our turf! 183 00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,653 Yeah! Nobody wants your kind here! 184 00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,489 And by that I mean competition 185 00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:11,857 and nothing offensive. 186 00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:14,192 So get the truck out of here! 187 00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:16,495 And by that, I mean get the (bleep) out of here! 188 00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:18,830 There's an old saying in my country: 189 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:22,801 "No way, José." 190 00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:24,503 Well, there's only one way to respond to this. 191 00:08:24,505 --> 00:08:27,806 By working harder and providing 192 00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:30,475 an even better product at a competitive price. 193 00:08:30,477 --> 00:08:33,111 Hard work? That's for Mexicans. 194 00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:35,514 No, we gonna fix this the American way. 195 00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:37,115 By calling in a criminal cousin. 196 00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:39,518 What up, Sherrod. 197 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,319 I got a job for you. 198 00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:43,788 What? You found Jesus?! 199 00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:45,857 Well, ask him would he mind if you blew up a truck. 200 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,059 Hello? 201 00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:49,561 Damn-foo-think-he-bee-save. 202 00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:53,231 Gon-be-back-on-that-junk- by-Christmas. 203 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:56,368 LESTER: ♪Doctor, Doctor, give me the news, I've got a... ♪ 204 00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:58,737 ♪Bad case of loving you! 205 00:08:58,739 --> 00:09:02,007 ♪No pill's gonna cure my ill, I've got a ♪ 206 00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:07,345 ♪Bad case of loving you! 207 00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:09,080 ♪Ooh! (laughs) 208 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,149 Oh, that was great! 209 00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:14,586 Wow. So doctors make money? 210 00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:17,489 Dr. Fist, I may have been slightly peeved at you 211 00:09:17,491 --> 00:09:18,757 when I arrived... 212 00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:22,494 but having reassessed the situation... 213 00:09:22,496 --> 00:09:23,862 I've now decided... 214 00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:25,864 we should be friends. 215 00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:28,700 Well, I'm glad to hear that, because it's wonderful 216 00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:30,669 to spend time with people again. 217 00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:32,837 I gotta ask, Doc. 218 00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:34,039 What happened to your friends, anyway? 219 00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:38,176 Well, it's a long, painful story. 220 00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:40,178 Oh, do tell! 221 00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:42,847 My phone fell in the toilet and I lost all my contacts. 222 00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:44,449 Oh! That's awful! 223 00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:47,586 What about your photos and your ideas for movies? 224 00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:50,221 Gone, Cleveland. All gone. 225 00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:52,057 It's just me. 226 00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:53,625 All alone in this world. 227 00:09:53,627 --> 00:09:56,027 That's sad. Yep, sad. 228 00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,462 So sad. Super sad. 229 00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:58,763 Sad. 230 00:09:58,765 --> 00:09:59,931 Sa... Okay! 231 00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,366 No way. 232 00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:03,635 Is that life-size Operation?! 233 00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:06,404 You bet. If there's another way to learn medicine, 234 00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:08,073 I don't know it. (chuckles) 235 00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:10,041 Go ahead, Holt, remove the elbow joint, 236 00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:13,812 and then we will light it up and par-tay! 237 00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,213 (buzzes) Damn it! 238 00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:17,549 No, Holt, we're not playing strip. 239 00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:19,250 You're not. 240 00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:22,587 CLEVELAND: Yep... 241 00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:25,390 All Night Life-Size Operation Party, everybody! 242 00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:27,626 (all cheer) 243 00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:31,730 (chuckles) I never thought I'd be giving a doctor a shot! 244 00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:33,898 Cleveland, it is my professional opinion 245 00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:38,470 that you are the funniest person in the world. 246 00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:41,172 (clanking cowbell sounds) 247 00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:44,943 Rallo! As I live and labor to breathe. 248 00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:47,145 Yo, Kendra, I'm trying to get this food truck shut down, 249 00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,748 and no judgment here, 250 00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:51,316 but I thought you might have 251 00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:53,184 a few bugs or rodents in your house? 252 00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:57,255 You came to the right disgusting place. 253 00:10:57,257 --> 00:11:01,926 We have a large selection of slugs and night crawlers. 254 00:11:01,928 --> 00:11:03,261 Just got a couple of new squirrels in. 255 00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:05,997 Oh, here's a diseased raccoon 256 00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,699 that might be a good fit for you. 257 00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:08,767 Well... 258 00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:10,568 (grunts) 259 00:11:11,704 --> 00:11:14,005 What about these ghetto ants? 260 00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,306 Sure, cock-a-roaches. 261 00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:19,110 A timeless classic. 262 00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:21,446 Oops, can't sell that one. 263 00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:23,048 He's like a son to me. 264 00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:25,717 Come here, Bernie. 265 00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:28,620 (beeps) 266 00:11:28,622 --> 00:11:30,655 $5.32, please. 267 00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:31,956 Thank you. 268 00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:33,725 Have a blessed day. 269 00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:34,325 (bell dings) 270 00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:36,494 Number 23. 271 00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:37,829 I'll take a pound and a half 272 00:11:37,831 --> 00:11:39,097 of the night crawlers. 273 00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:42,500 Hey, Dr. Fist! 274 00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:44,302 Hey, Pete! Herpes. 275 00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:45,070 (snickering) 276 00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:47,072 Innie nipples. 277 00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:49,340 (laughing) 278 00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:51,042 "Accidentally" sat on 279 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,410 a bottle of Worcestershire sauce. 280 00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:54,479 (laughing) 281 00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:55,914 It happens. 282 00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:58,850 Ah, it's nice having friends again. 283 00:11:58,852 --> 00:12:00,218 It's a welcome change 284 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,753 from crying in my big, lonely house. 285 00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:04,055 Well, we have a surprise for you. 286 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,256 Get in the car. 287 00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:06,191 You bought me a new car? 288 00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:09,027 No, get in my car. 289 00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:11,429 Now the real surprise is gonna seem terrible. 290 00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:16,868 So, uh, where are we going, Cleveland? 291 00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:19,337 As I tell a lot of pregnant women during delivery, 292 00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:21,172 you just passed the Stool. 293 00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:23,775 That's because the surprise isn't in the Stool. 294 00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,443 After you bummed us out 295 00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:27,512 saying how you've lost touch with everyone, 296 00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:29,781 I put a picture of you in an e-mail and wrote, 297 00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:31,282 "Do You Know This Guy?" 298 00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:34,018 Then I sent it to the entire Internet, 299 00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:36,688 with the subject "Lindsay Lohan autopsy photo." 300 00:12:36,690 --> 00:12:40,258 You... put my picture on the Internet? 301 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:43,962 Yep, and I heard back from a group of your old friends, 302 00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:45,864 and we arranged a little get-together 303 00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:48,900 at the nicest restaurant that allows bears! 304 00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:50,769 What? 305 00:12:52,138 --> 00:12:54,706 No, no, no, those... 306 00:12:54,708 --> 00:12:56,141 tho-those people aren't my friends, Cleveland! 307 00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:58,610 They're the Mob! 308 00:12:58,612 --> 00:13:00,612 And they want me dead! 309 00:13:01,747 --> 00:13:03,748 (tires squealing) 310 00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,049 Whoa! 311 00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:06,484 These things go backwards? 312 00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:09,487 Game-changer! (tires squealing) 313 00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:18,229 Cleveland, how could you 314 00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:19,898 tell them where I was? 315 00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:21,399 No, you know what? 316 00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:24,803 It's my fault for thinking I could have friends. 317 00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:27,272 ALL: Why? (sighs) 318 00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:30,408 Fine, I'll tell you the whole story. 319 00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:31,442 First of all, "Chip Fist" 320 00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:34,679 is not my real name. 321 00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:37,649 My name is GreenJarvus Ben-Ellis. 322 00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:39,684 I once had a thriving private practice 323 00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:41,619 on Manhattan's Upper East Side. 324 00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:43,354 One night, I was eating 325 00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:45,757 at New York City's Italian restaurant 326 00:13:45,759 --> 00:13:47,592 when I was approached by a couple of-- 327 00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:51,296 for lack of a better word-- "goombahs." 328 00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:53,765 Seeing my lab coat, which I always wear 329 00:13:53,767 --> 00:13:55,500 to let people know I am a doctor, 330 00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:58,336 they took me to a room in the back. 331 00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,638 One of their associates had 332 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:01,806 multiple stab wounds in his 333 00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:03,274 greasy, hairy midsection, 334 00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,777 and needed medical attention. 335 00:14:05,779 --> 00:14:08,980 Before I knew it, I was the exclusive doctor 336 00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:09,514 to the New York Mafia. 337 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:12,684 (slurping) 338 00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:14,953 It was high-paying, steady work, 339 00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:17,121 mostly quadruple bypasses for the mobsters, 340 00:14:17,123 --> 00:14:19,557 and boob jobs for their fat meatball daughters. 341 00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:24,629 But soon thereafter, I said to myself, 342 00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:27,198 "GreenJarvus, you're a Ben-Ellis. 343 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,633 "You're better than this. 344 00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:30,702 Get out while you still can." 345 00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:33,371 As luck would have it, 346 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,139 the night before I was to perform 347 00:14:35,141 --> 00:14:38,142 an aortic decheesification on the Mafia Don, 348 00:14:38,144 --> 00:14:41,179 I was approached by a couple of FBI agents. 349 00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:42,714 They said if I agreed to 350 00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:45,316 anesthetize the Godfather into a temporary coma 351 00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:47,218 so they'd have time to arrest him, 352 00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,554 they'd put me into Witness Relocation, 353 00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:50,889 and I could start a new life. 354 00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,757 The end. 355 00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:54,225 Wow! 356 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,593 Hey, we lost 'em! Pull in the Stool! 357 00:14:58,063 --> 00:14:59,597 You're welcome to lay low 358 00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:00,331 as long as you need. 359 00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:02,667 And remember, 360 00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:03,768 all the decorative guns 361 00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:05,069 on the wall are loaded. 362 00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:07,105 As is a random urinal. 363 00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:08,172 (toilet flushes, gunshot) MURRAY: Ow! 364 00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:10,408 Damn it, Gus! 365 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:11,676 Ha! Sorry, friend! 366 00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:14,879 Oh, there you are. 367 00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:16,281 You wouldn't happen to know anything 368 00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:19,384 about a health inspector finding hundreds 369 00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:20,018 of cucarachas in my truck? 370 00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:22,120 What?! 371 00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:23,554 Congratulations, 372 00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:25,023 your little trick worked. 373 00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:27,859 They took away my food service license-- 374 00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:30,862 and not just for my truck, but for my restaurant, too! 375 00:15:30,864 --> 00:15:33,097 But I swear, I had nothing to do with... 376 00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:34,732 How could you do this? 377 00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:39,037 And only five months before Cinco de Mayo! 378 00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:40,605 Poor Choni. 379 00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:42,373 That is indeed an unfortunate development. 380 00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,042 Rallo! 381 00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:45,944 Did you plant those roaches in her truck? 382 00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:47,645 And called the health inspector, 383 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:48,947 and saved our business. 384 00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:51,582 I didn't want to play dirty. 385 00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:53,284 I had no choice! 386 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,286 This might just be a food truck 387 00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,055 to you, but it's all... 388 00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,790 I've... got! 389 00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:02,393 You're gonna fix this or I'm telling everybody! 390 00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:06,264 I am this close to calling The New York Times! 391 00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:08,099 Fine. 392 00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:09,467 But one day, 393 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:12,737 I'm gonna be bigger than you. 394 00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:14,339 Cut! Good job, you guys! 395 00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:17,008 Darryl, can you play that last one back for me? 396 00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:20,645 RALLO:...I'm gonna be bigger than you. 397 00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,146 That was a little too big, right? 398 00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:25,016 Nope. This... is "dramma." 399 00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:25,817 Now, if you'll excuse me, 400 00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:27,819 I'm in the next scene. 401 00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:29,988 Jit'ry... jit'ry... 402 00:16:31,757 --> 00:16:34,325 Man, I'm all jit'ry. 403 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:35,693 Let me try one of those. 404 00:16:37,463 --> 00:16:38,830 I don't have a light. 405 00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,198 No, I got it. 406 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,166 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 407 00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:43,701 Yo, driver man, you got a light 408 00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:44,969 for me and my buddy? 409 00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:48,206 We're hiding from the Mob. 410 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,042 Oh, no! They found us! 411 00:16:51,044 --> 00:16:54,946 Well, well, well, Dr. Snitch. 412 00:16:54,948 --> 00:16:55,646 Say your prayers. 413 00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:57,215 (glass breaking) 414 00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:58,883 Not so fast! 415 00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:01,285 Cleveland? Don't be crazy! 416 00:17:01,287 --> 00:17:02,653 There's three of them and one of you! 417 00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:04,188 No. 418 00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,991 There's four of us and one of you. 419 00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:10,361 Good-bye, Dr. Snitch. 420 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,196 Cleveland! Holy (bleep)! 421 00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:13,798 What the fazool? Shut up! 422 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:15,133 All of youses! 423 00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:16,734 He lied to me. 424 00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:18,803 Made me think I was gonna die. 425 00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:21,005 Well, he's the one that was gonna die. 426 00:17:21,007 --> 00:17:22,673 Because seven days ago, 427 00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:23,741 he saw the ring. 428 00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:26,878 Get it? Prostate exam? (chuckles) 429 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,513 Figures you wouldn't laugh. 430 00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:29,981 That's why I called you. 431 00:17:29,983 --> 00:17:33,084 I needed someone to seriously kill him. 432 00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:34,585 But you blew it! 433 00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:37,155 Taking that again. 434 00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:38,756 But you blew it. 435 00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,525 Darryl, mark the second one. 436 00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:42,527 Look, we don't want no trouble, man. 437 00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:44,195 That ain't fake. 438 00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:46,998 You're one tough African-Italian-American. 439 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,833 Thank you for saying it correctly. 440 00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:50,568 Now get out of here 441 00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,470 before I show you the ring! 442 00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:56,607 Cleveland, what have you did? 443 00:17:56,609 --> 00:17:59,243 Don't worry, guys, Dr. Fist is fine. 444 00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,945 He and I planned this in case they found us. 445 00:18:00,947 --> 00:18:03,448 He told me where to shoot him 446 00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,683 in order to miss all of his vital organs. 447 00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:06,884 It was either two inches 448 00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:08,252 to the left of the heart, 449 00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:09,887 or two inches to the right. 450 00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:12,290 Couldn't remember, so I split the difference. 451 00:18:12,958 --> 00:18:15,460 Dr. Fist? 452 00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:16,928 GreenJarvus? 453 00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,130 Uh-oh. 454 00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:20,531 Uh, Holt, would you mind putting 455 00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:21,866 your fingerprints all over this gun? 456 00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:22,967 On it. 457 00:18:22,969 --> 00:18:24,869 Dummy. 458 00:18:24,871 --> 00:18:26,704 Thanks for coming back 459 00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:29,607 so we can clear up this silly misunderstanding. 460 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:32,810 See, what you thought was a cockroach infestation 461 00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:35,379 was actually the latest cooking trend. 462 00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:36,714 Oh, I heard trends are all the rage. 463 00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:38,149 Go on. 464 00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:39,550 See, you've got your Peruvian Browns, 465 00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:41,786 nice and mellow, 466 00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,721 German Darks, a tad smoky, 467 00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:45,056 with a nutty finish. 468 00:18:45,058 --> 00:18:46,891 Look, son, I know cockroaches. 469 00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:48,326 I was on Fear Factor. 470 00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:49,727 But you've never seen someone eat a cockroach 471 00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:51,996 that was prepared properly. 472 00:18:51,998 --> 00:18:52,964 Hmm? 473 00:19:01,573 --> 00:19:03,574 Flash-frozen in nitrogen, 474 00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:05,977 and served with a basil pesto foam. 475 00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:07,178 It's called molecular ga... 476 00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:07,912 Molecular gastronomy, 477 00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:08,913 yeah, I knew that. 478 00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:11,482 So you're going to eat that? 479 00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:12,683 Uh, no. 480 00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,986 My partner Rallo is. 481 00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:16,521 What? You know, 482 00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:17,622 to show the health inspector 483 00:19:17,624 --> 00:19:18,523 you love Choni's food. 484 00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:20,725 Uh... 485 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:23,528 (crunching) 486 00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:24,595 (gulps) Uh... 487 00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:25,796 Well, I'm convinced. 488 00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:27,265 You're back in business. 489 00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,534 That's what I'm hablar-ing about! 490 00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:31,469 Ha! Spanish. 491 00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:33,137 Everybody bailar! 492 00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:35,606 ♪ 493 00:19:37,609 --> 00:19:40,311 We're losing him! 494 00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:41,546 (moans) 495 00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:43,214 We gotta get that bullet out. 496 00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:44,715 But we ain't no doctors. 497 00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:46,017 Wait a minute, we don't need to be. 498 00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:47,518 Put him on the table. 499 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,520 Gus, I need a pair of cocktail tongs 500 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:52,990 and the biggest Maraschino cherry you've got! 501 00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:54,058 You got it. 502 00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:55,826 somebody give him a moe haircut. 503 00:19:55,828 --> 00:19:58,095 I've got my body groomer. 504 00:20:00,566 --> 00:20:01,832 Why'd you do that? 505 00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:04,569 So that he looks like... 506 00:20:05,337 --> 00:20:07,538 The Operation guy! 507 00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,173 Exactly. 508 00:20:09,175 --> 00:20:13,377 May Milton Bradley guide my hands. 509 00:20:15,747 --> 00:20:17,515 To Dr. Fist, 510 00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:19,150 who's as good as new. (grunts) 511 00:20:19,152 --> 00:20:20,685 So, now that those mafiosos 512 00:20:20,687 --> 00:20:22,420 think you're dead, I guess you can go back 513 00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:25,690 to your life as a big city doctor. 514 00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:27,692 I can... but I won't. 515 00:20:27,694 --> 00:20:28,893 I want to stay here in Stoolbend, 516 00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:31,429 where my friends are. 517 00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:33,197 People who care enough about me 518 00:20:33,199 --> 00:20:34,932 to shoot me and save my life. 519 00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,267 Hooray! 520 00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:38,169 He's one of, quote, "the guys"! 521 00:20:38,171 --> 00:20:40,271 ALL: Hear, hear! 522 00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:43,541 Uh, Cleveland, I wasn't completely honest 523 00:20:43,543 --> 00:20:45,276 with you about your test results. 524 00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:47,411 You do have an aggressive ingrown hair 525 00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:49,213 that is wrapped around and 526 00:20:49,215 --> 00:20:51,249 currently strangling your brain stem. Ha! 527 00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:54,352 Doc, you're a... (mumbling) Boise Idaho.