1
00:00:01,334 --> 00:00:04,036
(funky disco plays)
♪My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:06,438
♪And I am proud to be
3
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,307
♪Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:11,477
♪With my new family
5
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♪There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
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♪And even a bear
7
00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:18,017
♪Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
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♪It's true love we share
9
00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:21,720
♪And so I found a place
10
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:24,289
♪Where everyone will know
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00:00:24,291 --> 00:00:26,392
♪My happy mustached face
12
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♪This is The Cleveland Show.♪
13
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(chuckles)
14
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And then to accelerate the fire,
you can use grease,
15
00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:38,504
which you might find
in ground beef,
16
00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:40,973
which you might find
in my pocket.
17
00:00:40,975 --> 00:00:42,908
(audience gasps)
18
00:00:44,677 --> 00:00:46,578
Thank you,
Cleveland, Jr.
19
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:48,647
I'll have to send
you to my ex-wife's house.
20
00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:50,382
Just kidding.
Never had sex.
21
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,084
Clean Team, advance.
22
00:01:03,830 --> 00:01:05,230
Boys doing chores.
23
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:07,032
Mm.
24
00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:08,233
And looking right
in their crisp uniforms.
25
00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:10,769
Yep, everyone
looks good in khaki.
26
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:13,338
Especially
lady zookeepers.
27
00:01:13,340 --> 00:01:14,339
Mm.
28
00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:15,741
Excuse me, ma'am.
29
00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:17,709
Can I freshen up
your Dixie cup of trail mix?
30
00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:18,844
Thank you.
31
00:01:18,846 --> 00:01:20,612
No yellow raisins.
32
00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:23,782
All these Scouts
are so well-behaved and polite.
33
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:25,217
Ugh.
34
00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:26,351
How about you,
young man?
35
00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:27,920
A little trail mix?
36
00:01:27,922 --> 00:01:30,389
Gorp... aka "Good Old
Raisins and Peanuts"?
37
00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:31,557
Uh, no.
38
00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:33,692
I prefer Gofu, as in Go F--
39
00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:35,227
Rallo!
40
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:37,429
You know, you could learn
a thing or two from these boys.
41
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,031
Yeah, like how
to be a kiss-ass.
42
00:01:39,033 --> 00:01:39,965
Dork.
43
00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:41,233
Rallo!
44
00:01:41,235 --> 00:01:42,734
You could
use some of that.
45
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:44,403
Give you
a better attitude.
46
00:01:44,405 --> 00:01:46,805
The world's got
enough critics.
47
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Little bastard left
a yellow raisin in here.
48
00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:50,409
Attention Freedom Scouts,
49
00:01:50,411 --> 00:01:52,478
Freedom Scout families--
50
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,079
it's time for the raffle.
51
00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:58,283
First up, our third prize,
a massage from a man.
52
00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:01,954
Ticket number... 412.
53
00:02:01,956 --> 00:02:04,156
Number 412.
54
00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:06,658
No one wants
a massage from a man?
55
00:02:09,496 --> 00:02:12,664
Second prize, a walk-on
on The Cleveland Show.
56
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,399
Number 713.
57
00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:17,903
Hi, Gene Oshman.
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00:02:17,905 --> 00:02:19,071
Big fan, Cleveland.
59
00:02:19,073 --> 00:02:20,973
Mm-hmm.
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00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:23,609
First prize,
a complimentary weekend
61
00:02:23,611 --> 00:02:26,745
at Stoolbend's new romantic
luxury hotel,
62
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:29,648
The Bendit Inn,
and a massage from a man.
63
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:32,017
Number 232.
64
00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:33,619
That's me!
65
00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:35,254
Thank God we can be
away from our children.
66
00:02:35,256 --> 00:02:36,955
Hooray.
67
00:02:36,957 --> 00:02:39,091
Congratsies!
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00:02:39,093 --> 00:02:40,626
The winner is Donna Tubbs,
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00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:42,427
mother of one of our Scouts.
70
00:02:42,429 --> 00:02:45,364
Correction:
two of your Scouts.
71
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:48,367
My son Rallo will be at
your initiation ceremony
72
00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:51,770
on Sunday, so he, too,
can become a Freedom Scout.
73
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,839
What?
How old is he?
74
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,474
Five.
75
00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:57,209
Then he shall be
a Freedom Squirt.
76
00:02:57,977 --> 00:02:59,378
Hi, Karen, hi, kids.
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00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:01,346
Get your ass
out my shot.
78
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,686
But Mama, I don't want to
join his stupid club.
79
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:08,887
It's for squares.
80
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,689
Or circles, in his case.
81
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,024
You can do this, Rallo.
82
00:03:12,026 --> 00:03:13,559
All we got to do
is complete your
83
00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:15,561
Freedom Squirt
task checklist.
84
00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:17,062
Oh, is
that all, Junior?
85
00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:17,996
Is that all?
86
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,331
You heard him.
87
00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:21,567
Now, I am going
to a fine hotel,
88
00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:23,969
and when I come home,
I'm gonna have two things:
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00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:26,638
one, a new bathrobe,
and two,
90
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,708
a polite, respectful
Freedom Squirt for a son.
91
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,476
Or else, no more
dinosaur guys in the bath.
92
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Ever!
93
00:03:32,479 --> 00:03:33,478
Ugh.
94
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:34,913
Just me and the soap?
95
00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:37,516
(shudders)
You're a monster.
96
00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:39,518
A monster on vacation.
97
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,486
See ya!
98
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:43,889
(quietly): Donna, I didn't
pack any pajama bottoms.
99
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:46,158
Roberta's in charge!
Bye!
100
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:47,993
We better get cracking
if we want to knock out
101
00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:49,661
eight tasks by tuck-in.
102
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:50,996
I don't want
anything to do with
103
00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:52,431
your goody-goody
khaki cult.
104
00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:54,166
What?!
It's a sham.
105
00:03:54,168 --> 00:03:56,735
Kids being forced to do
"good things"
106
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:59,404
to get badges
and a pat on the head.
107
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:02,674
That is, as long as they pay
the initiation fee.
108
00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:04,876
I'm going to open
your heart, Rallo.
109
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:08,080
And when I'm done,
you'll be a Freedom Squirt.
110
00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:09,181
You know what?
111
00:04:09,183 --> 00:04:10,616
I'm gonna
take the bottoms.
112
00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:13,352
I don't want Donna seeing
my pimply backside.
113
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:15,120
It's embarrassing.
114
00:04:18,224 --> 00:04:21,693
Not gonna lie, nicest place
I've ever stayed by a lot.
115
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:23,929
Two lamps.
116
00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:25,530
Honestly, I thought
it would be a little nicer.
117
00:04:25,532 --> 00:04:28,533
(truck beeping)
118
00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:30,369
Cool! Cars!
119
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:31,737
Lightning McQueen.
120
00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:34,640
Hey, Mater,
you're my friend.
121
00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:37,776
Okay, now that I've
put you in the mood.
122
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,878
Uh-uh!
Not in this room.
123
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,214
Donna, no,
they'll hate us.
124
00:04:42,216 --> 00:04:44,816
Hello, this is
contest winner Donna Tubbs.
125
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:47,552
We were really
hoping for a garden view.
126
00:04:47,554 --> 00:04:48,654
Please don't
spit in our bed.
127
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:50,589
Oh, you'd
move us to a new room?
128
00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:52,924
Great! Thank you.
129
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:55,360
That other room
better have two lamps.
130
00:04:56,262 --> 00:04:59,164
Four lamps?!
131
00:05:00,566 --> 00:05:03,135
Now this
is more like it.
132
00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:06,438
That room over
there has a terrace.
133
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,340
I am so sorry
that one of our maids
134
00:05:08,342 --> 00:05:10,075
left a hair
dryer on in the sink.
135
00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:11,910
Well, I appreciate
that, but still,
136
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:14,079
I was badly electrocuted.
137
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,681
Look what
happened to her head.
138
00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:17,482
Oh, my God, you look horrible.
139
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,318
Well!
140
00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:21,486
Rest assured, we have
upgraded you to a nicer room.
141
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,155
Can you upgrade her?
142
00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:24,289
How am I supposed
to sleep with that?
143
00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:25,023
(laughing)
144
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,692
Kidding.
145
00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:28,126
Please let
me have some later.
146
00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:29,728
We're at a hotel.
147
00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:36,201
It worked!
148
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:38,437
And this is the
best room we've had.
149
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:40,439
So far.
150
00:05:44,644 --> 00:05:46,712
Hi, we've got birds.
151
00:05:48,881 --> 00:05:50,515
All right, six more.
152
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:53,051
Next up, "Citizenship."
153
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:56,188
How about helping that
homeless gentleman over there?
154
00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:57,556
He ain't homeless.
155
00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:58,357
He just been at
the beach all day.
156
00:05:58,359 --> 00:06:00,359
Look at that tan.
157
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:02,127
He's just trying
to scam us, Junior.
158
00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:04,196
Rallo, what's wrong
with you?
159
00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:06,131
I'm so sorry
about that, sir.
160
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:07,566
Have a chocolate bar.
161
00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:09,267
Thanks, Black Santa.
162
00:06:12,638 --> 00:06:15,974
Wow, Junior, that's a lot of
chocolate, even for you.
163
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:17,843
I bought 40 boxes of
these to support
164
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:19,478
the Troubled Youth
Orchestra of Stoolbend.
165
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,246
I'm singlehandedly
166
00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:23,081
sending them to perform
in Norfolk.
167
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:24,216
Oh, okay.
168
00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:27,085
Some "troubled youths"
sold you these?
169
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:29,321
Yeah.
And I'm sure they gave you
170
00:06:29,323 --> 00:06:32,524
a great deal
on these 50-cent candy bars.
171
00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:34,659
(chuckling):
Oh, child...
172
00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:36,595
these are not
50-cent candy bars.
173
00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:38,563
They're five-dollar
candy bars.
174
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,432
I see.
175
00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:43,101
And if I were inclined to
support their organization,
176
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:45,737
where might I acquire
such candy bars?
177
00:06:49,776 --> 00:06:51,243
Send the Troubled
Youth Orchestra of Stoolbend
178
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:52,844
to the
Norfolk Music Festival.
179
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,546
One year from tonight.
180
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:56,515
So, you're the kids who
have been taking advantage
181
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:58,517
of my step-brother,
making him believe
182
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:01,086
you're an orchestra
gonna go play in Norfolk?
183
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,220
What?!
184
00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:03,688
We're legit.
185
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,524
We got a concert
one year from tonight.
186
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:06,525
Name an instrument.
187
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:08,560
Uh... trumpullet?
188
00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:10,128
Lucky guess.
189
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:11,096
What you want?
190
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,397
What do I want?!
191
00:07:12,399 --> 00:07:14,199
You messed
with my step-kin!
192
00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:15,634
What do you
think I want?
193
00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:17,202
I want in.
194
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:19,604
50/50 split
on the first six boxes I sell,
195
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:21,273
60/40 after that.
196
00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:23,742
And at 20 boxes, I get points
on the back end
197
00:07:23,744 --> 00:07:25,644
retroactive to right now.
198
00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:27,579
Kid knows his stuff.
199
00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:30,482
Let's see your begging face.
200
00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:32,651
"Pweez" buy my candy.
201
00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:35,287
I'm "hon-gwy."
202
00:07:35,289 --> 00:07:36,455
I'll take two.
203
00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:37,489
No, Puffs.
204
00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:38,690
You in.
205
00:07:40,159 --> 00:07:42,227
Stay tuned, "Ame-wica."
206
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:44,863
We need the "watings."
207
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,138
Oh, gee,
this tub was filled
208
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,606
with candy bars
this morning.
209
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:55,807
But they're gone.
210
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,476
What's in there now?
211
00:07:57,478 --> 00:07:59,077
Boom!
212
00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:01,746
♪Rallo's in a tub of money!
213
00:08:01,748 --> 00:08:02,781
(high-pitched):
♪Money.
214
00:08:02,783 --> 00:08:04,483
(both laughing)
215
00:08:04,485 --> 00:08:06,751
Wow, Rallo!
All that cash is for the
216
00:08:06,753 --> 00:08:08,286
Troubled Youth Orchestra?
217
00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:09,788
(evil laughter)
218
00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:11,756
(sarcastically):
Yeah, right.
219
00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:14,359
I mean, uh... yeah, right.
220
00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:17,162
Always happy to keep
the youths in trumpullets.
221
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:19,264
I'm so proud of
you, Rallo.
222
00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:22,133
You were so cynical,
but I touched you.
223
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:23,768
And if I
could touch you,
224
00:08:23,770 --> 00:08:26,004
think of how many
other boys I could touch.
225
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,939
(Junior whistling happily)
226
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:28,473
(chuckling)
227
00:08:32,211 --> 00:08:35,380
Mm, best vacation
we've ever had.
228
00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:36,648
With all the
229
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:37,949
"ammeminenities."
230
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:39,484
(sighs)
231
00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:42,020
Glad we upgraded
to the Presidential Suite.
232
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,289
How could they expect us
to stay in a room
233
00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:47,225
where a "dog" had scooted
across the carpet?
234
00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:48,460
(both laughing)
235
00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:53,064
(siren wailing
in distance)
236
00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:56,468
We're here.
237
00:08:56,470 --> 00:08:59,237
Time for your surprise
for all your hard work.
238
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:00,639
This looks like Norfolk.
239
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:01,673
Are we in Norfolk?
240
00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:03,174
Yeah.
241
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:05,210
For the big Troubled
Youth Orchestra concert.
242
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:06,878
What?!
243
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,980
Last year, when I bought
my very first candy bar,
244
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:13,852
they said, "See our big concert,
one year from tonight."
245
00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:16,755
Look, Junior, I think you
might be a bit disappointed.
246
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:18,256
How could I be?
247
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:20,191
Just to see the
smile on your face
248
00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:22,861
as you listen to these
needy kids that we've helped.
249
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:25,397
That will be
music to my eyes.
250
00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:27,165
Ooh, here's the address.
251
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:30,435
Say, Jim, you standing
in my moon shadow.
252
00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:32,571
Uh, is this where the Troubled
Youth Orchestra is performing?
253
00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:33,838
Oh, yeah, yeah.
254
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:34,573
They're just tuning up.
255
00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:36,074
Listen.
256
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,944
(farting)
257
00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:42,747
Rallo, there is
no orchestra, is there?
258
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,382
No, big guy.
259
00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:45,951
And the money I've
been giving for candy bars,
260
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:47,385
you and the rest of those guys
261
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:49,187
have just been
keeping all of it?
262
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:51,456
And making it rain at
Toys "R" Us.
263
00:09:54,026 --> 00:09:55,026
Huh.
264
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:56,061
Good one, Rallo.
265
00:09:56,063 --> 00:09:57,195
You got me.
266
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:59,798
The old Troubled Youth
Orchestra Trick.
267
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:02,801
(chuckling): Welp,
better get home to bed.
268
00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:04,869
Got that initiation
in the morning.
269
00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:05,937
Hm.
270
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,039
Fatso's rolling with it.
271
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:10,175
And I best get my ass
out of this neighborhood.
272
00:10:13,713 --> 00:10:14,713
Checking out?
273
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:16,147
How was your stay?
274
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:18,917
Oh, it was very
relaxing, thanks.
275
00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:21,086
Even my husband's
hair is relaxed.
276
00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:22,621
Hi.
277
00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:25,223
That's what
we like to hear.
278
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:28,460
Okay, your balance is
$3,217.00.
279
00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:30,061
Come again?
280
00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:31,830
Oh, I think there's
a misunderstanding.
281
00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:34,065
See, we're contest winners.
282
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:36,301
Right, so your room
was free, but you do have
283
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:37,469
to pay for incidentals,
284
00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:39,270
including in-room dining,
285
00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:41,773
minibar, seven couples
massages, dry cleaning,
286
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:43,808
midnight swim with the dolphins,
287
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:46,244
as well as the 72-hour
porn pass you ordered.
288
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:50,248
For the record, I only used
three minutes of it.
289
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:53,118
Guess my eyes were
bigger than my hands.
290
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:55,353
We don't have $3,200!
291
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:56,821
Don't worry.
I got this.
292
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:59,324
Birds! Uhp.
293
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,593
Look, if you can't afford
to pay your bill,
294
00:11:01,595 --> 00:11:03,461
you're gonna have
to work it off.
295
00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:04,996
Standard sitcom policy.
296
00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:10,168
Really? This is really the
only uniform you got for me?
297
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:13,805
Yep. Lots of beefy gals
come through this place.
298
00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:17,709
Now, I believe the toilet
in 416 is clogged.
299
00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:19,678
Lots of beefy guests, too.
300
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,079
(both sigh)
301
00:11:23,549 --> 00:11:25,850
Hiya, a-roonie-yah!
302
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:28,153
Hiya, a-scoonie-yah!
303
00:11:28,155 --> 00:11:33,324
Hiya, soota dada yo-yo
da-baba, yah!
304
00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:34,826
So you're sure
you're cool with me
305
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:35,660
going through with this?
306
00:11:35,662 --> 00:11:37,295
So cool.
307
00:11:42,068 --> 00:11:44,402
And now to launch
our Pre-Squirts
308
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:47,038
into full-fledged
Freedom Squirtdom,
309
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,674
Chief Scout
Cleveland Brown, Jr.!
310
00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:52,877
(applause, mic feedback whines)
311
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:55,547
Well, here they are,
Freedom Squirt badges--
312
00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:58,850
symbols of trust, honesty,
and integrity.
313
00:11:58,852 --> 00:12:01,186
In other words, total bullcrap!
314
00:12:01,188 --> 00:12:02,153
(all gasp)
315
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:03,988
Hiya, what the...?!
316
00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:06,758
That's right, kids--
might as well tell you now:
317
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,160
It's a soulless world
full of bad people
318
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:10,895
who screw you at every turn.
319
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,297
Scout's honor.
320
00:12:13,332 --> 00:12:14,899
I quit!
321
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,401
(all gasp)
322
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,769
(woman gasps,
audience murmuring)
323
00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:20,371
Junior, wait!
324
00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:21,740
Buy some chocolates
for the road?
325
00:12:21,742 --> 00:12:23,241
Screw you, Rallo!
326
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:24,242
Yeah, I'll take seven.
327
00:12:30,282 --> 00:12:32,917
Oh, look, there's cheese stuck
to the top of the box,
328
00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:35,854
cooling and congealing,
turning into cheese gum.
329
00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:37,689
Gee, who's
gonna eat that?
330
00:12:37,691 --> 00:12:40,191
I'll take it!
(sighs)
331
00:12:41,127 --> 00:12:42,360
Thanks, bros.
332
00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:43,795
Pizza-pizza!
333
00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:46,131
So, you're really
quitting the Scouts?
334
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:47,232
I thought that was,
like, you know,
335
00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:49,634
the most important
thing in your life.
336
00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:51,469
A lot of stupid crap was
important to me
337
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:53,872
before I woke up.
Thanks for opening my eyes
338
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:55,874
to what the world's
really like, Rallo.
339
00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:58,109
Well, I gotta admit,
it's nice to finally have
340
00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:01,246
someone around this house
who sees things the way I do.
341
00:13:01,248 --> 00:13:02,647
It's every man
for himself, right?
342
00:13:03,315 --> 00:13:06,084
Yeah, it is.
343
00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:07,619
(clears throat)
344
00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:09,788
Okay. You got me.
345
00:13:09,790 --> 00:13:12,423
Hey, you forgot Larry
the Leopard!
346
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:13,858
(screams)
347
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:20,098
I bet Nell Carter
didn't have to do this (bleep).
348
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:22,500
All she had to do was vacuum
the fish tank once a week.
349
00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:24,002
CLEVELAND:
Help!
350
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:25,770
It happened again!
351
00:13:25,772 --> 00:13:29,340
I cannot figure out
these hospital corners!
352
00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:31,142
(gasping)
353
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,077
I'll make the bed,
Cleveland.
354
00:13:33,079 --> 00:13:35,180
You go over to 414
and start wiping out
355
00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:37,081
the bathtub
with the comforter.
356
00:13:42,788 --> 00:13:45,089
Mm, warm oysters.
357
00:13:45,091 --> 00:13:48,293
Don't mind if I do.
358
00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:51,763
Probably not much has
happened on this carpet.
359
00:13:51,765 --> 00:13:53,164
Ah...
360
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:56,100
Does that butt go
all the way around?
361
00:13:56,102 --> 00:13:57,268
Aflac!
362
00:13:57,937 --> 00:13:59,871
(both scream)
363
00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:01,372
Oh, I'm sorry.
364
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:02,674
I thought you were
a woman I could victimize.
365
00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:04,042
How dare you?!
366
00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:06,477
Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm.
367
00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:08,780
Hungry...
368
00:14:08,782 --> 00:14:11,316
And I'm getting that oyster
underneath the dresser!
369
00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:14,152
No funny business!
370
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:16,554
Ooh, there's two down here!
371
00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:18,122
Oop! No, that's an ear.
372
00:14:23,162 --> 00:14:24,395
Muppets, huh?
373
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:25,396
You know, Kermit's dead.
374
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:26,831
What?
375
00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:29,534
Guy who did his voice died
of a bacterial infection.
376
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:31,903
Sore throat one day,
next day, he croaked.
377
00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:33,204
Ha-ha.
378
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,340
Aw... (sighs)
379
00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:37,742
Oh, and all those phones
and tablets?
380
00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:39,244
Made in Chinese factories
381
00:14:39,246 --> 00:14:42,413
where conditions are so bad,
the workers commit suicide.
382
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:43,915
Can you hear me now?
No?
383
00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:46,217
Oh, right!
'Cause you're dead.
384
00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:48,419
How's a man supposed
385
00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:51,589
to fling a bird at
a pig after that?
386
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:54,325
What? At least he's not
the chump he used to be.
387
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:57,262
Oh, yeah, he was a chump
because while you were being
388
00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:59,831
too cool for life,
he actually tried
389
00:14:59,833 --> 00:15:03,201
to see the best in people
and was happy.
390
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:04,903
And he walked through the world
391
00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:07,405
carrying the tiny candle
of hope,
392
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:11,109
shielding it against the
bitter winds of negativity.
393
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:14,279
He kept it alive for so long,
394
00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:17,282
through his parents' divorce
and his mom's death
395
00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:19,918
and a 200-pound weight gain,
396
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:24,022
always with a sweet smile
and that little candle.
397
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:28,526
And then you come along,
Rallo, and what do you do?
398
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:29,727
(blows air)
399
00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:31,729
Aah! You're right!
400
00:15:31,731 --> 00:15:33,731
I broke his big fat heart!
401
00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:35,400
I'm a bad person!
402
00:15:35,402 --> 00:15:37,535
I'm going straight to heck!
403
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:39,370
Holy (bleep), man!
404
00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:43,141
(Cleveland sobbing)
405
00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:45,443
He touched you through
three layers of clothes.
406
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:46,911
There's nothing
to wash off!
407
00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:48,579
He harassed me, Donna!
408
00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:51,549
No, actually, since I'm
a man, he "hisassed" me!
409
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:52,583
I'll sue him!
410
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:54,052
Wish you could.
411
00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:55,653
Then we could pay off
this hotel bill.
412
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,323
And we could stop him
from harassing other women
413
00:15:58,325 --> 00:16:00,725
with irresistible butts
like mine!
414
00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:02,393
All we need is proof.
415
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:04,329
But he'd never do it
to me again
416
00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:06,097
after I rejected
him so rudely.
417
00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:08,700
Wait! Donna, you could
pass for a woman!
418
00:16:10,235 --> 00:16:11,903
(knocking on door)
419
00:16:11,905 --> 00:16:13,237
(sultry):
Housekeeping.
420
00:16:17,343 --> 00:16:19,577
The sting is on.
421
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:23,247
All right, Donna, shake your
large-settlement maker.
422
00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:25,750
Well, what about the
financial earnings
projection numbers?
423
00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:27,151
Down?
424
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:28,753
Damn, I was hoping for up.
425
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:33,124
Wow, sounds like you're
a really hands-on manager.
426
00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:35,159
Hold on. Could you
come back later?
427
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:37,996
I'm on a business call.
428
00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:40,598
I bet you're in
the donkey business,
429
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,501
because you seem
like a real ass man.
430
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,169
Hey! Get the hell
out of here!
431
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:46,537
Damn it, Donna!
She's losing him!
432
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:48,673
Guess he likes 'em pimply.
433
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:50,675
Gals, we're going in!
434
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:53,945
Hi, here I am.
Another maid.
435
00:16:53,947 --> 00:16:55,513
I've got what you want,
436
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:58,116
and I'm about to give you
what you need.
437
00:16:58,717 --> 00:17:00,151
Wait. It's you!
438
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:01,552
You're sick!
439
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:03,054
Am I?
Am I sick?!
440
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:05,323
Or are you sick,
because you're starving
441
00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:09,394
for $3,217
worth of this!
442
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:10,862
You people are crazy!
443
00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:11,996
I'm a businessman!
444
00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:12,797
After him!
445
00:17:20,172 --> 00:17:21,506
(elevator bell dings)
446
00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:22,373
(grunts)
447
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:27,178
Please, just leave me alone!
(whimpers)
448
00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:29,180
Come on, just one grope!
449
00:17:29,182 --> 00:17:32,850
CLEVELAND & DONNA:
Ass, ass, ass, ass...
450
00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:35,219
HOTEL MANAGER:
Needless to say, this is odd.
451
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:37,055
And unacceptable.
452
00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:40,058
We did this to stand up for
women and butts everywhere!
453
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:41,325
Well, all you've done
454
00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:43,027
is out-creep
a serial ass-grabber.
455
00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:44,495
You're fired!
456
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:46,998
But I love it here!
What about our debt?
457
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,267
No amount of money is worth
ever again having to visualize
458
00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:51,202
the two of you having sex.
459
00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:54,872
Yeah, we had all 16 lamps off
in the Presidential Suite.
460
00:17:54,874 --> 00:17:55,940
Get out!
461
00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:01,679
Fart that.
462
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:03,214
We not playin' nothin'.
463
00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:06,084
Huh.
Sure would be a shame
464
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:09,253
if your parole officers found
out about your little scam.
465
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,755
'Cause we all know
that everyone
466
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:12,924
with a nickname
is on parole.
467
00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:16,461
That means you, Blades,
Puffs, Loafer,
468
00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:18,196
even you, Plurals.
469
00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:19,797
I only got one strikes!
470
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:21,466
I'm not rolling back
to juvie!
471
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:23,234
Those 'mos will take away
my blades!
472
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:26,737
Then you all have four hours
to learn this song.
473
00:18:26,739 --> 00:18:27,872
You're gonna convince
474
00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:30,108
an alarmingly gullible
14-year-old
475
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,243
that you're the most
musically talented
476
00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:36,314
scam artists since
the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
477
00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:38,483
That dudes is a dicks.
478
00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:41,385
Great! A community center.
479
00:18:41,387 --> 00:18:43,154
Is this the one
with the asbestos
480
00:18:43,156 --> 00:18:45,923
or the one where all
the senior citizens
were clubbed to death?
481
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:49,060
No, it's the one
that had e coli in
the swimming pool.
482
00:18:49,062 --> 00:18:51,996
Now I'm glad you got that
negativity out of your system,
483
00:18:51,998 --> 00:18:55,233
'cause you're about to see
something inspirational.
484
00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:56,667
Fart that.
485
00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:57,668
Just sit down.
486
00:18:58,737 --> 00:19:00,905
Junior, you've lost your way.
487
00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:03,307
But I'm gonna make you
believe again.
488
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,076
It's show time!
489
00:19:05,078 --> 00:19:06,511
(gasps)
490
00:19:06,513 --> 00:19:08,613
You got them to sit
with instruments!
491
00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:10,081
Wait, there's more.
492
00:19:10,083 --> 00:19:14,352
And one, one, one-one-one-one.
493
00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:15,820
(playing "A Moment
Like This" off-key)
494
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:20,491
♪What if I told you
it was all meant to be? ♪
495
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:22,326
Okay, less trombone.
496
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:26,264
♪Would you believe me,
would you agree? ♪
497
00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:28,332
Strings, lay back.
All the way back.
498
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:30,434
♪It's almost that feeling
499
00:19:30,436 --> 00:19:32,670
A'ight, skip to the chorus.
500
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:35,139
♪A moment like this...
501
00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:36,340
Aw, screw this.
502
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:37,542
♪Some people wait
503
00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:39,644
All right, troubled youth!
504
00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:42,547
♪For a moments
like these ♪
505
00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:44,849
♪Some people...
506
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,817
(inhales)
507
00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:49,820
♪One special kiss
508
00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:55,426
♪Oh, I can't believe
it's happening to me! ♪
509
00:19:57,796 --> 00:19:58,896
You see that?
510
00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:01,132
There is a Troubled
Youth Orchestra.
511
00:20:01,134 --> 00:20:03,167
They weren't just
scamming people!
512
00:20:03,169 --> 00:20:06,204
I guess people are good,
huh, Junior?
513
00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:07,872
I don't know about them.
514
00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:09,840
But I know you're good.
515
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:12,910
What?
I wasn't born yesterday, Rallo.
516
00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:15,079
Those guys sounded awful.
517
00:20:15,081 --> 00:20:16,681
I don't know how
you got them to play,
518
00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:18,816
but I know you did.
519
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:21,185
Which means you've
got a good heart.
520
00:20:21,187 --> 00:20:22,553
(gasps)
521
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:25,022
And if you do, then
maybe everybody does.
522
00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:28,659
And if that's true, the world
ia beautiful place.
523
00:20:30,028 --> 00:20:31,796
Welcome back, Freedom Scout.
524
00:20:33,265 --> 00:20:35,099
You got me a new sash!
525
00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:37,335
Actually, it's three,
sewn together.
526
00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:38,936
A perfect fit.
527
00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:40,905
Hold on-- I was
sucking my gut in.
528
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:42,607
(exhales, groans)
529
00:20:44,443 --> 00:20:46,244
(eerie music playing)
530
00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:48,312
(blinds banging
against window frame)
531
00:20:56,021 --> 00:20:57,521
(deep, raspy voice):
I'm gonna kill you, Junior.