1 00:00:30,906 --> 00:00:32,115 Greg? 2 00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:34,826 Mmm. 3 00:00:35,411 --> 00:00:37,453 Greg? 4 00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:38,621 What? 5 00:00:38,831 --> 00:00:40,123 Greg ! Huh? 6 00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:41,541 What? 7 00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:42,667 What are you doing? Get up! 8 00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:44,043 Mom and Dad have been calling you for an hour. 9 00:00:44,128 --> 00:00:46,003 You're about to be late for your first day of middle school. 10 00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:47,422 What? 11 00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:50,049 Oh, geez! How did that happen? 12 00:00:50,134 --> 00:00:51,676 Go, go, go! Mom's about to flip out! 13 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,262 She sent me to get you while she waits in the car! 14 00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:37,597 What are you doing? What's going on? 15 00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:39,849 Getting ready for. . . 16 00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:46,898 . . .school. 17 00:01:46,982 --> 00:01:49,901 Are you insane? School doesn't start till next week. 18 00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:53,946 And, FYl, school doesn't start at 4:00 in the morning ! 19 00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:57,450 You woke up Manny. And if he doesn't go back down. . . 20 00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:58,618 Good morning ! 21 00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:01,454 There is no way he is going back down. 22 00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:03,122 l just wanted to sleep till 6:00. 23 00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:04,165 Bubby! 24 00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:05,374 Go to bed. l got him. 25 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:07,960 Greg, what are you doing up making all this noise? 26 00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:10,505 lt was Rodrick! He woke me up! 27 00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:12,632 He changed my clock! 28 00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:16,594 But l swear, he was just. . . 29 00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:18,012 Go to bed. 30 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:23,309 What is that smell? l can't even identify it. 31 00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:40,409 Bubby! 32 00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:52,088 Happy Birthday! 33 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,589 Here, Bubby. 34 00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:55,842 Wow! Look at the size of that flamethrower! 35 00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:08,604 Okay, first of all, let me get something straight. 36 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,190 This is a journal, not a diary. 37 00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:14,527 Yeah, l know what it says on the cover. 38 00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:16,988 But when my mom went out to buy this thing, 39 00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:20,533 l specifically told her not to buy one that said "diary" on it. 40 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:24,787 This just proves Mom doesn't understand anything about kids my age. 41 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,290 Huh? Sissy! 42 00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:31,502 The only reason l agreed to write in this thing is because 43 00:03:31,587 --> 00:03:33,963 when l'm rich and famous l'll have better things to do 44 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,549 than answer people's stupid questions all day long. 45 00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:38,509 Gregory, tell us about your childhood ! 46 00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:40,887 Were you always so smart and handsome? 47 00:03:40,971 --> 00:03:43,264 Here's my journal. Now, shoo, shoo. 48 00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:48,311 That's our boy up there. 49 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,521 Why did l ever say no to him? 50 00:03:50,606 --> 00:03:51,606 Mom got me this thing 51 00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:54,442 so l could write down my feelings about starting middle school. 52 00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:56,527 But l'm gonna be fine. 53 00:03:56,612 --> 00:03:59,447 lt's my best friend, Rowley Jefferson, l'm worried about. 54 00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:01,741 He's definitely not middle school ready. 55 00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:03,784 Geronimo! 56 00:04:07,623 --> 00:04:10,791 He's not quite clear on the concept of growing up. 57 00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:14,754 l want a puppy, a kitty, a gumball machine. . . 58 00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:17,757 But anyway, this is about me, not Rowley. 59 00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:20,593 l always figured they'd make a movie about my life. 60 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:23,763 But l didn't think they'd start the story here. 61 00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:27,016 Because, seriously, who wants to see a movie about a kid 62 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,977 who's stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons? 63 00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:57,171 Three days, no shower. Smell the love! 64 00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:59,215 Let me go, Rodrick! 65 00:05:00,926 --> 00:05:03,803 Come on. We're just having some fun, right? 66 00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:05,680 No, okay. So, look. 67 00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:09,350 Mom asked me to give you some advice about middle school. 68 00:05:10,102 --> 00:05:12,269 lt's real simple. 69 00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:15,606 Don't talk to anyone. Don't look at anyone. Don't go anywhere. 70 00:05:15,691 --> 00:05:19,986 Don't sit down. Don't raise your hand. Don't go to the bathroom. 71 00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:24,156 Don't get noticed. Don't choose the wrong locker. Don't. . . 72 00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:26,784 Who am l kidding? 73 00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:29,745 You'll be dead or homeschooled by the end of the year, anyway. 74 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,164 And don't be seen with Rowley. 75 00:05:44,136 --> 00:05:45,845 Manny, stop it! Mom ! 76 00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:47,013 Thanks for the eggs, Mom. 77 00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:48,514 Frank? Greg? 78 00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:50,224 l think it's gross and undignified 79 00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:53,144 that l have to eat breakfast next to him on the potty. 80 00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:55,604 Okay, well, it's your fault he's still potty training. 81 00:05:56,148 --> 00:05:57,481 Don't look down, Manny. 82 00:05:57,566 --> 00:06:01,068 The potty monster doesn't like it when you look at him. 83 00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:04,196 l was just joking with him. 84 00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:07,575 Okay. Kiss him you're sorry and then let's get a move on. 85 00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:10,327 Can't be late for your first day of school. 86 00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:29,180 Let me just say for the record that I think middle school may be 87 00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:31,307 the dumbest idea ever invented. 88 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,768 You got kids like me who haven't hit their growth spurt yet 89 00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:36,937 mixed in with gorillas who have to shave twice a day. 90 00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:41,984 There's juvenile delinquents and weirdos. 91 00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:44,487 I'm smaIIer than about 95% of the kids at my school... 92 00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:45,863 Give it back! Stop! 93 00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:49,033 ...so thank God for Chirag Gupta. 94 00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:50,117 lt's mine! Stop! 95 00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:51,243 Can l have the backpack? 96 00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:52,578 You got to jump higher. lt's not yours! 97 00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:54,955 He's an exceIIent buffer between me and these morons. 98 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,665 Hey, Greg. 99 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:59,543 Hey, fella! 100 00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:03,339 SeriousIy, I don't know what happened to these kids over the summer. 101 00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:07,009 Was there a nucIear accident? 102 00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:10,679 Science experiment gone bad? 103 00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:15,184 Thank God there are a few normal people or this place wouId be a totaI freak show. 104 00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:20,981 lf you're as discriminating as I am, 105 00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:25,194 it can be tough to figure out where to sit on your first day of middIe schooI. 106 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,529 One bad move 107 00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:30,116 and you're stuck next to some idiot for the rest of the year. 108 00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:38,541 Greg ! 109 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,628 Remember how I said Rowley wasn't middle school ready? 110 00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,965 Well, there you go. 111 00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:52,638 What are you wearing? 112 00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:56,976 My family just got back from Guatemala! lt's my serape! 113 00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:00,479 Nice, huh? 114 00:08:00,564 --> 00:08:04,942 All right, class, l'm Mrs. Flint. Everybody take your seats! 115 00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:11,323 Welcome to your first day of middle school. 116 00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:14,076 Remember your seats. You'll be sitting here every day. 117 00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:17,913 Rowley, if you had to say where you were ranked 118 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,749 in terms of popularity from one to 200, 119 00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,418 where would you put yourself? 120 00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:25,421 ls 200 good or bad? 121 00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:29,300 l'd say you're somewhere around the 1 54 mark. 122 00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:33,095 l'd put myself around number 1 9 or 20. 123 00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:37,183 l might even have a shot at the top spot by the end of the year, 124 00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:39,268 if things go the way l think they will. 125 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,395 Well, who's at the bottom? 126 00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:44,899 Hey, guys, wanna see my secret freckle? 127 00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:49,904 Fregley. Sent home for hygiene issues at Ieast once a month. 128 00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:57,703 Check it out. lt's got a hair in it! 129 00:08:57,787 --> 00:09:00,456 What color is that? 130 00:09:03,627 --> 00:09:05,377 You wanna help me name it? 131 00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:08,088 All right, ladies! Gather around ! 132 00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:10,925 Come on, put the knitting down ! Let's go! 133 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,721 All right, everybody. 134 00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:18,724 l'm Coach Malone and l am your gym teacher. 135 00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,559 P. E. is as much a part of my life 136 00:09:20,644 --> 00:09:23,729 as waking up in the morning and going to the bathroom. 137 00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:27,399 l live and breathe Physical Education. 138 00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:29,568 Now, who's with me? 139 00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:30,945 Are you ready to have some fun out there? 140 00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:32,071 Yeah ! 141 00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:33,906 All right, outstanding ! 142 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,407 So we're gonna divide you up into two teams. 143 00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:38,494 So you two, over here. You, you, you, this way. 144 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,871 Yeah, you three, this side. Good. 145 00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:43,874 You guys are going to be Shirts! 146 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:47,795 And you will be Skins. 147 00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:53,801 Why are we Skins? l hate this. 148 00:09:53,885 --> 00:09:56,720 He's just trying to make kids like us feel bad. 149 00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:58,347 What do you mean, kids like us? 150 00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,266 l just don't want to get a sunburn, right, Rowley? 151 00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:03,435 My name is Bell E. Button. 152 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:04,728 What's yours? 153 00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:10,526 Okay, let's start off with a little game l like to call Gladiator. 154 00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:13,696 - l got this one! - No! 155 00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:15,990 Take that! 156 00:10:24,416 --> 00:10:25,958 Cover me! 157 00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:32,381 Oh, God. 158 00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:39,680 Not good ! 159 00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:42,641 We're never going to be able to outrun these guys! 160 00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:43,809 We don't have to outrun them ! 161 00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:45,728 We just have to outrun Chirag ! 162 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,188 Take a Iook, take a Iook, take a Iook 163 00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:49,898 At the kids on the street 164 00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,483 No, they never miss a beat 165 00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:55,946 Never miss a beat 166 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,660 Think they saw us? No way. 167 00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:04,079 They were focused on getting that kid with the limp. 168 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,998 We'll hide here for the rest of the class 169 00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:08,250 because l'm not playing that game. 170 00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:09,543 lt's not fair. 171 00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:11,962 He's got all the Neanderthals on the same team. 172 00:11:12,047 --> 00:11:13,047 lt's barbaric! 173 00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:15,257 lt's completely barbaric. 174 00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:19,887 This place is an intellectual wasteland. 175 00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:21,638 But, you know, it's nice to meet someone 176 00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:24,641 more interested in his mind than in his body. 177 00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:28,437 You girls get to jump rope. What are you doing hiding? 178 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,314 Avoiding the pain. 179 00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:33,692 lt all starts in middle school, you know? 180 00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:36,278 You're not a kid anymore. The coddling has stopped. 181 00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:40,574 Kids are now separated by intelligence. The weak are picked on. 182 00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:45,704 And girls you've known since kindergarten won't even talk to you anymore. 183 00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:49,333 Okay, well, sounds like you got it all figured out, 184 00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:51,543 so go back to your book. 185 00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:53,879 This place is a glorified holding pen. 186 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:57,633 All the way! All the way! You're like a machine! 187 00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:58,884 lt's where adults put you 188 00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:03,055 as you make that awkward transition between child and teenager 189 00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:05,641 so they don't even have to look at you. 190 00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:08,644 Hi. l'm Angie. 191 00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:11,897 Great story. We're gonna go now. 192 00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:14,566 Why? This is a good spot. 193 00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,819 lt's a perfect spot. 194 00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:19,154 l survived all of the sixth grade here. 195 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,657 And l would enjoy some like-minded company 196 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,784 to get me through the seventh. 197 00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:27,079 ls that the whistle? l think l hear the whistle. 198 00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:28,205 We need to go. 199 00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:30,707 No showboating, all right? 200 00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:32,251 Why are we leaving? 201 00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:34,336 We could get killed out here in the open ! 202 00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:37,339 Put your shirt on. They'll think we're on their team. 203 00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:41,468 Besides, getting crushed is better than being seen with that freak job. 204 00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:44,471 Trust me, you can't recover from social suicide. 205 00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:47,850 l never talked to a girl that long before. 206 00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:50,436 Whoa! 207 00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:53,355 Check that out. 208 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,993 ls that cheese? 209 00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:13,834 Stop! 210 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:18,130 Good God, man ! You almost got the Cheese Touch. 211 00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:19,631 The what? 212 00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:21,383 The Cheese Touch. 213 00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,635 Nobody knows when or how, 214 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:28,390 but one day that cheese mysteriously appeared on the blacktop. 215 00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:31,685 Nobody knew who it belonged to. 216 00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:35,564 Nobody touched it. Nobody threw it away. 217 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,191 And so there it sat, 218 00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:40,694 growing more foul and powerful by the day. 219 00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:43,697 Then one day, a kid named Darren WaIsh 220 00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:46,492 made the biggest mistake of his Iife. 221 00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:49,161 Darren touched the cheese! 222 00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:52,331 No, l didn't! l just looked at it! Really! 223 00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:55,167 Darren had the Cheese Touch! 224 00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:58,045 It was worse than nucIear cooties. 225 00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:01,173 He became an outcast. 226 00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:05,719 The only way to get rid of the Cheese Touch 227 00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:08,597 was by passing it on to someone eIse. 228 00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:16,688 And so began the Cheese Touch Frenzy. 229 00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:18,857 Friend turning on friend. 230 00:14:18,942 --> 00:14:20,609 Brother turning on sister. 231 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,569 It was madness. 232 00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:28,617 Until a German exchange student named Dieter Muller took it away. 233 00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:30,494 Dieter has the Cheese Touch ! 234 00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:32,246 Ze Cheese Touch? 235 00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:33,914 Vat is it? 236 00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:36,375 Vat does it mean, ze Cheese Touch?? 237 00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:40,420 Sadly for Dieter, that fact was lost in translation. 238 00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:42,172 Nooooooooo......! 239 00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:45,300 Thankfully, he moved back to DüsseIdorf and took the Cheese Touch with him. 240 00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:53,559 And so the cheese sits, patiently waiting for its next victim. 241 00:14:53,977 --> 00:14:55,477 Wow. Wow. 242 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:59,022 This is a terrible place. 243 00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:20,335 No doors? 244 00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:21,420 None. 245 00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:24,172 l'm not pooping until l'm in high school. 246 00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:29,386 The cafeteria, possibly the cruelest place on Earth. 247 00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:33,724 But I was about to make some kid's day by sitting next to him. 248 00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:35,142 That seat's saved. 249 00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:37,227 For who? 250 00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:38,812 lt's saved. 251 00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:43,358 That one's saved, too. 252 00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:46,320 So not happening. 253 00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:47,571 Uh-uh-uh. 254 00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:49,531 Taken. 255 00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:53,577 Where are we supposed to eat? 256 00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:07,716 l guess this is where all the cool guys hang out. 257 00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:18,060 Fregley must have bumped his head when he was IittIe, like, really hard. 258 00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:29,529 Okay, okay, 259 00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:32,491 so my first day could have gone better, 260 00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:34,534 but at Ieast I wasn't humiIiated. 261 00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:38,455 Hey, Greg ! You want to come over and play? 262 00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:46,963 What did he just say to you? 263 00:16:47,048 --> 00:16:48,298 Oh. 264 00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:49,675 l think my ride's here. 265 00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:53,428 Hey, guys. So this guy says to that guy, 266 00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:56,765 "You wanna come over and play?" 267 00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,850 Yeah ! Do you guys wanna play with us? 268 00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:02,062 See? This is the probIem. 269 00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:05,065 Right now l have to take abuse from these morons. 270 00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:08,527 But in 20 years, Quentin here will be working for me. 271 00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:11,738 Greg, please don't fire me. 272 00:17:11,823 --> 00:17:15,617 l really need my measly, pathetic job scooping your dog's poop. 273 00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,494 Whatever. l'll think about it. 274 00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:22,332 No, no, no. Vanilla on the bottom and chocolate on the top! 275 00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:24,126 l can't eat this! 276 00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:26,628 "Play," Rowley? "Play"? 277 00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,046 l've told you, like, a billion times 278 00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:31,091 that guys our age say "hang out," not "play." 279 00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,384 Oops. 280 00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:35,554 Seriously, if you're not gonna listen to me, just tell me, 281 00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:37,931 'cause if you pull another stunt like that, 282 00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:39,725 we'll be stuck on the cafeteria floor 283 00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:41,893 for the rest of middle school. 284 00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:44,271 l found half a Snickers bar down there. 285 00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:47,941 l can't be the guy who eats off his lap in the cafeteria. 286 00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:50,527 l should be at the top of the food chain by now. 287 00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:53,280 Something's got to change, fast. 288 00:17:53,364 --> 00:17:56,324 My mom told me to just be myself and people would like me. 289 00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:04,249 That would be good advice if you were somebody else. 290 00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:22,309 Hey, little brother. 291 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,978 Was your first day as crappy as l said it would be? 292 00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:28,356 No. Not at all. You were wrong. 293 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:29,649 lt was actually better than l. . . 294 00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:30,942 Worse. 295 00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:34,488 You didn't listen to me, did you? 296 00:18:34,572 --> 00:18:38,492 l told you not to talk, look or go anywhere, and what happened? 297 00:18:38,576 --> 00:18:40,994 He had to eat his lunch on the floor. 298 00:18:41,078 --> 00:18:42,120 Rowley. 299 00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:43,580 Perfect. 300 00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:45,207 And if nobody wants you sitting at their table, 301 00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:47,793 you think they want Chummy Buttons over here? 302 00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:51,671 l was right. You're not even gonna make it out of there alive. 303 00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:53,673 The only chance you have of making the yearbook is 304 00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:56,134 when they dedicate it to your memory. 305 00:19:00,598 --> 00:19:03,934 So you wanna play Twisted Wizard? 306 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:07,729 No. l have a better idea. 307 00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:13,109 lf he catches you in here, he will kill you. 308 00:19:13,194 --> 00:19:14,861 Literally, kill you. 309 00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:17,781 Don't worry. As long as we hear the music, we're okay. 310 00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:21,660 Whoa. Yeah. Wow. 311 00:19:21,744 --> 00:19:24,663 l didn't know Rodrick was into motorcycles. 312 00:19:24,747 --> 00:19:25,956 l found it. 313 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,290 Found what? 314 00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:29,709 Rodrick's middle school yearbook. 315 00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:33,672 This thing holds all the answers. 316 00:19:33,756 --> 00:19:35,924 Rowley, this thing is like a bible. 317 00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:39,511 See this? This is where a person like me needs to be. 318 00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:44,850 The class favorites. 319 00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:48,562 They're the best in their class. 320 00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:52,190 These people aren't nobodies. They're famous. 321 00:19:52,275 --> 00:19:55,694 They don't have to worry about getting a seat in the cafeteria, either. 322 00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:58,864 Check this out. There's tons of things l qualify for. 323 00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:02,450 "Most Likely To Succeed," "Best Looking," "Class Clown." 324 00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:04,870 They should just give that to me right now. 325 00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:06,913 Don't you have to be funny for that? 326 00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:10,500 Hey! We could try for cutest friends! 327 00:20:10,585 --> 00:20:13,920 What did l tell you would happen if you ever went in my room again? 328 00:20:14,005 --> 00:20:16,339 But your band is still playing. 329 00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:18,425 lt's the bass solo, Turd Burglar! 330 00:20:18,509 --> 00:20:20,218 Don't you know anything about music? 331 00:20:20,303 --> 00:20:23,555 Now, l came up here to get a new drumstick, 332 00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:27,100 and now, Greg, since Mom and Dad are gone, 333 00:20:27,184 --> 00:20:30,979 l'm going to kill you. Literally, kill you ! 334 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:32,564 l told you. 335 00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:33,732 Beat it. 336 00:20:33,816 --> 00:20:37,903 Okay, but l just want to say one thing ! 337 00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:39,738 Run, Greg, run ! What? 338 00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:43,158 Let go, Baby Hippo! 339 00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:51,666 You're gonna have to come out sometime, loser! 340 00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:54,252 l'll wait here as long as it takes. 341 00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:56,504 And then, you're dead. 342 00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:11,978 Time out, Rodrick. l have to pee. 343 00:21:12,063 --> 00:21:15,190 No time outs. Only death ! 344 00:21:15,733 --> 00:21:17,150 But l really have to go. 345 00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:18,610 Don't care. 346 00:22:07,076 --> 00:22:08,743 Move over! l'm dying. 347 00:22:15,918 --> 00:22:16,918 Got you ! 348 00:22:19,547 --> 00:22:22,007 Greg, did you throw Manny off his. . . 349 00:22:22,091 --> 00:22:23,758 What is going on? 350 00:22:23,843 --> 00:22:26,594 Greg started it. l just came in here to take a shower. 351 00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:29,264 He's lying ! He was gonna kill me 'cause l was in his room ! 352 00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:31,641 And so you peed on him? 353 00:22:31,726 --> 00:22:34,811 Yes. l mean, no. l mean. . . 354 00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:36,271 Yes. 355 00:22:57,460 --> 00:23:00,086 Wow, there's a lot to sign up for. 356 00:23:00,171 --> 00:23:02,964 You could be class favorite in a bunch of things. 357 00:23:03,049 --> 00:23:04,466 Jazz dancing ! 358 00:23:04,550 --> 00:23:06,051 We could do that one together! 359 00:23:06,135 --> 00:23:10,013 l can't believe all these activities. They're all so much work. 360 00:23:10,097 --> 00:23:14,267 Staying after school, meeting before school, on weekends. 361 00:23:14,351 --> 00:23:16,686 What kind of extracurricular activities are these? 362 00:23:16,771 --> 00:23:18,813 Out of my way. 363 00:23:19,648 --> 00:23:21,983 Who let you into this school, Greg Heffley? 364 00:23:22,276 --> 00:23:24,736 l was thinking the same thing about you, Patty Farrell. 365 00:23:24,820 --> 00:23:26,905 You listen to me, Greg Heffley. 366 00:23:26,989 --> 00:23:29,657 l'm running for student council president and l'm warning you, 367 00:23:29,742 --> 00:23:32,077 if you get in my way, l will beat you up, 368 00:23:32,161 --> 00:23:34,996 just like l did in kindergarten and fourth grade. 369 00:23:37,917 --> 00:23:41,127 Fourth grade? That one was ugly. 370 00:23:42,129 --> 00:23:45,340 What's her problem? What did l ever do to her? 371 00:23:45,549 --> 00:23:50,887 Patty, Patty is a fatty, has a face just like a ratty! 372 00:23:55,017 --> 00:23:57,519 Come on, that was pretty funny. 373 00:23:57,603 --> 00:23:59,687 She needs to get a sense of humor. 374 00:23:59,772 --> 00:24:03,066 And l need something to make me a class favorite. 375 00:24:03,150 --> 00:24:05,193 What about class favorites? 376 00:24:06,612 --> 00:24:09,864 Don't you ever say hi or hello before you start talking? 377 00:24:09,949 --> 00:24:11,533 Hi. Hello. 378 00:24:11,951 --> 00:24:14,369 Oh, Greg's only here because he really wants to be something. . . 379 00:24:14,453 --> 00:24:15,703 Rowley! 380 00:24:16,372 --> 00:24:19,666 l was just saying that l would really like to nail these people 381 00:24:19,750 --> 00:24:21,668 because it's so obvious that 382 00:24:21,752 --> 00:24:24,337 they're only doing these activities to get in the yearbook. 383 00:24:24,421 --> 00:24:26,714 You know, l like your point of view. 384 00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:28,967 You should sign up for the school paper. 385 00:24:29,051 --> 00:24:30,552 We're the voice of the people. 386 00:24:31,220 --> 00:24:33,096 Well, the people are mostly idiots, 387 00:24:33,180 --> 00:24:34,639 so l guess, technically speaking, 388 00:24:34,723 --> 00:24:37,642 we're the voice of the people making fun of the people. 389 00:24:37,726 --> 00:24:39,769 Thanks, but l can't be on the paper 390 00:24:39,854 --> 00:24:42,397 because l'm gonna be in the paper a lot. 391 00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:45,567 So that would be a conflict of interest. 392 00:24:47,153 --> 00:24:50,029 You're the people. Got it. 393 00:24:52,408 --> 00:24:55,243 Do you believe me now? That girl is crazy town. 394 00:24:55,327 --> 00:24:57,620 Look! They have wrestling ! 395 00:24:58,747 --> 00:25:01,457 That's it! l'm great at wrestling. 396 00:25:01,542 --> 00:25:04,794 l've watched it for years, l know all the moves. 397 00:25:05,546 --> 00:25:06,921 Tombstone piledriver. 398 00:25:08,924 --> 00:25:10,091 Chair shot. 399 00:25:12,595 --> 00:25:13,636 Vader Bomb. 400 00:25:14,597 --> 00:25:18,474 Heffley! Heffley! Heffley! Heffley! 401 00:25:18,559 --> 00:25:21,436 Heffley! Heffley! Heffley! 402 00:25:24,315 --> 00:25:28,443 Okay. Something is very wrong here. 403 00:25:29,111 --> 00:25:31,196 These don't look like wrestling costumes to me. 404 00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:35,033 Welcome to wrestling, you future Olympians! 405 00:25:35,784 --> 00:25:37,827 So, just to make sure we all get off on the right foot 406 00:25:37,912 --> 00:25:40,663 and nobody gets seriously injured, 407 00:25:40,748 --> 00:25:42,457 we're gonna teach you a few basic moves. 408 00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:48,338 Remember, this is about learning the sport and having fun ! 409 00:25:48,422 --> 00:25:49,881 All right. lt's not a competition 410 00:25:49,965 --> 00:25:55,720 because everyone here is already a superstar to me. 411 00:25:56,722 --> 00:25:58,181 Coach Brewer, can you step over here for a moment, 412 00:25:58,265 --> 00:26:00,475 please, give me a hand? Thanks. 413 00:26:04,104 --> 00:26:06,522 That's known as a speed takedown. 414 00:26:06,607 --> 00:26:08,107 Nice job, Coach Brewer. 415 00:26:08,192 --> 00:26:10,443 Can you get up and come behind me? 416 00:26:10,527 --> 00:26:12,862 Put one arm over my shoulder? Let's go, yeah. 417 00:26:12,988 --> 00:26:15,114 You got it, walk it off, come on. 418 00:26:17,868 --> 00:26:19,953 That was known as the arm drag. 419 00:26:20,037 --> 00:26:22,664 Let's give Coach Brewer a hand, everybody! 420 00:26:24,500 --> 00:26:25,500 He's fine. 421 00:26:27,544 --> 00:26:29,003 Yeah, Heffley. 422 00:26:29,463 --> 00:26:32,173 What about piledrivers and Vader bombs? 423 00:26:32,258 --> 00:26:34,759 That is fake wrestling. 424 00:26:36,512 --> 00:26:39,264 This is real wrestling ! Let's go! 425 00:26:40,307 --> 00:26:42,934 lf l have to wrestle Benny Wells, he'll kill me! 426 00:26:43,018 --> 00:26:44,769 Let's move! Come on ! 427 00:26:45,354 --> 00:26:48,982 Okay, to keep things fair, l've divided you into weight categories by your size, 428 00:26:49,066 --> 00:26:51,985 so Rottweilers over here. 429 00:26:52,069 --> 00:26:53,945 Bulldogs, you stay right there. 430 00:26:54,029 --> 00:26:55,697 And we got two 431 00:26:57,366 --> 00:26:59,075 Chihuahuas. Yeah. 432 00:26:59,368 --> 00:27:00,952 Nice head gear. 433 00:27:01,036 --> 00:27:03,329 Thanks. My mom let me borrow it. 434 00:27:04,248 --> 00:27:05,498 All right, let's see what you got. 435 00:27:06,667 --> 00:27:08,626 Don't worry, Fregley, l'll take it easy on you. 436 00:27:11,338 --> 00:27:12,714 Hey, l wasn't ready! 437 00:27:12,798 --> 00:27:17,051 Nobody's keeping score, but that was a sweet speed takedown, Fregley! 438 00:27:20,764 --> 00:27:22,640 This is fun, Greg Heffley! 439 00:27:24,727 --> 00:27:26,060 Get off me! 440 00:27:29,023 --> 00:27:31,357 Fregley! Fregley! Fregley! 441 00:27:33,068 --> 00:27:35,153 Blow the whistle, blow the whistle! 442 00:27:35,362 --> 00:27:37,488 All right! Fregley! 443 00:27:40,117 --> 00:27:42,243 Outstanding ! 444 00:27:44,413 --> 00:27:47,623 And let's. . . Let's hear it for our other winner. 445 00:27:49,376 --> 00:27:51,044 Yay, Greg ! 446 00:27:52,296 --> 00:27:53,921 l can't lose to Fregley again. 447 00:27:54,006 --> 00:27:56,007 lf l get beat by the weirdest kid in school, 448 00:27:56,091 --> 00:27:58,593 nobody's ever gonna let me sit at their table. 449 00:27:58,677 --> 00:28:00,053 How are you going to beat him? 450 00:28:00,137 --> 00:28:02,263 lt's like he had superhuman strength ! 451 00:28:02,598 --> 00:28:05,141 l'm not gonna beat him. l'm gonna gain 1 0 pounds this week 452 00:28:05,225 --> 00:28:07,268 so l can move up to the Bulldog weight class. 453 00:28:07,353 --> 00:28:10,063 And then you and l can wrestle each other. 454 00:28:10,147 --> 00:28:11,522 Ready? 455 00:28:11,607 --> 00:28:13,483 Can l throw at you now? Later. 456 00:28:13,692 --> 00:28:16,903 You're better at riding than l am, and l'm a better thrower. 457 00:28:29,958 --> 00:28:32,502 Greg, save some for everybody else, honey. 458 00:28:32,586 --> 00:28:34,545 Can't. l need to bulk up. 459 00:28:34,630 --> 00:28:35,630 Why? 460 00:28:36,256 --> 00:28:39,258 l think your body looks beautiful just the way it is. 461 00:28:39,385 --> 00:28:43,012 l heard he got his butt kicked at wrestling. Now what is wrong with you? 462 00:28:43,097 --> 00:28:46,474 Why would you sign up for something you don't have to do? 463 00:28:46,642 --> 00:28:48,893 You signed up for wrestling? 464 00:28:49,103 --> 00:28:50,103 Kind of. 465 00:28:50,187 --> 00:28:52,730 You never sign up for anything at school. 466 00:28:52,815 --> 00:28:54,774 You fly below the radar. 467 00:28:54,858 --> 00:28:57,902 That way you never raise anyone's expectations. 468 00:28:57,986 --> 00:29:00,947 Thank you, Rodrick, for those words of motivational wisdom, 469 00:29:01,031 --> 00:29:03,032 but perhaps a better way to look at it is that 470 00:29:03,117 --> 00:29:06,285 it's a chance to learn to excel at something. 471 00:29:06,370 --> 00:29:09,664 Well, what could l learn at school that l can't teach myself? 472 00:29:10,999 --> 00:29:12,333 Well, Greg, l think it's great that 473 00:29:12,418 --> 00:29:14,710 you took the initiative to learn something new. 474 00:29:14,795 --> 00:29:17,964 This is like the first step to responsibility! 475 00:29:18,048 --> 00:29:21,592 My boss's son Will was smaller than you, 476 00:29:21,677 --> 00:29:24,470 but he built himself up with the weights! 477 00:29:24,555 --> 00:29:26,722 Yeah. We could get you the same equipment. 478 00:29:26,807 --> 00:29:31,227 You could train, get the right nutrition, cardio. 479 00:29:31,562 --> 00:29:35,189 You'd be in tip-top shape just like Will. 480 00:29:37,693 --> 00:29:40,236 And it would only take, like, three months. 481 00:29:45,117 --> 00:29:46,284 Three months? 482 00:29:46,368 --> 00:29:47,452 Yeah. 483 00:29:48,579 --> 00:29:50,621 l'll just stick to eating. 484 00:29:56,420 --> 00:29:57,670 Well, l don't know where you put it, Heffley, 485 00:29:57,754 --> 00:30:00,298 but you gained 1 0 pounds and joined the Bulldog class. 486 00:30:00,382 --> 00:30:01,507 Yes. 487 00:30:08,098 --> 00:30:10,641 l thought you didn't gain any weight this week. 488 00:30:10,726 --> 00:30:12,518 My mom's ankle weights. 489 00:30:14,897 --> 00:30:18,566 All right, bulldog Heffley. Meet your new opponent. 490 00:30:20,986 --> 00:30:23,404 What? But this is boys' wrestling. 491 00:30:23,614 --> 00:30:25,740 Ever hear of Title lX? 492 00:30:25,908 --> 00:30:27,533 Her parents threatened to sue, 493 00:30:27,618 --> 00:30:31,454 so you show her what it's like to wrestle a real live boy. 494 00:30:38,420 --> 00:30:40,254 Come on ! What you waiting for, huh? 495 00:30:40,339 --> 00:30:42,215 Don't be such a wuss, Heffley. 496 00:30:42,299 --> 00:30:43,591 Make your move! 497 00:30:43,675 --> 00:30:45,760 She's a girl ! Where do l grab her? 498 00:30:49,389 --> 00:30:51,432 Stay down ! Patty, over here! 499 00:30:55,437 --> 00:30:56,604 Get off of me! 500 00:30:56,688 --> 00:30:58,439 Can l wrestle somebody good now? 501 00:31:08,700 --> 00:31:11,035 Well, look who's in the paper. 502 00:31:11,954 --> 00:31:16,916 Greg ! You're famous! Right on the front page! 503 00:31:25,842 --> 00:31:27,134 And if l would have pinned her, 504 00:31:27,219 --> 00:31:28,719 which l could have done easily, 505 00:31:28,804 --> 00:31:31,264 you know l would have gotten in trouble for hurting a girl. 506 00:31:31,348 --> 00:31:33,599 Why does she even want to wrestle? 507 00:31:33,684 --> 00:31:35,810 Who knows? Girls are very confusing. 508 00:31:35,894 --> 00:31:37,436 Like today, l heard someone in the hallway say 509 00:31:37,521 --> 00:31:41,524 that Bryce Anderson has a cute butt. What does that even mean? 510 00:31:41,608 --> 00:31:44,026 A butt can't be cute. lt's a butt. 511 00:31:44,653 --> 00:31:47,280 l know, but that's what they were saying. 512 00:31:47,364 --> 00:31:50,199 l don't see why girls our age can't talk just like regular people. 513 00:31:55,998 --> 00:31:59,000 So how are you gonna become a class favorite now? 514 00:31:59,084 --> 00:32:00,960 Two words. Best Dressed. 515 00:32:01,044 --> 00:32:02,795 How are you going to do that? 516 00:32:03,088 --> 00:32:04,255 Fashion is easy. 517 00:32:04,339 --> 00:32:06,841 You wear a shirt and a tie, and kids are impressed. 518 00:32:06,925 --> 00:32:09,468 l'm telling you, this is gonna work. 519 00:32:10,304 --> 00:32:13,723 l light 'em up before the motor starts 520 00:32:13,807 --> 00:32:17,476 l go so fast that l could never stop 521 00:32:17,561 --> 00:32:20,438 Look under the hood but you don't know what l got 522 00:32:20,522 --> 00:32:22,607 l'm a moving violation, baby 523 00:32:22,691 --> 00:32:25,276 Hot, hot, hot, hot 524 00:32:30,866 --> 00:32:32,074 Ta-da! 525 00:32:32,659 --> 00:32:34,118 l told you l was wearing this. 526 00:32:34,202 --> 00:32:35,202 l know! 527 00:32:35,287 --> 00:32:36,787 l wanted to be matchers! 528 00:32:36,872 --> 00:32:38,205 Check them out! 529 00:32:39,708 --> 00:32:43,169 Greg and RowIey sitting in a tree 530 00:32:43,253 --> 00:32:46,589 K-I-S-S-I-N-G 531 00:32:47,215 --> 00:32:48,966 First comes Iove... 532 00:32:49,051 --> 00:32:52,094 You know, maybe Rodrick was right about Rowley. 533 00:32:52,971 --> 00:32:55,473 Maybe l do need a new best friend. 534 00:32:55,557 --> 00:32:58,267 But l can't just ditch him. 535 00:32:58,352 --> 00:33:01,812 l mean, if anybody has a better idea, I'd Iove to hear it. 536 00:33:03,357 --> 00:33:05,316 ln this school, much like your own, 537 00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:08,069 one boy is about to learn an important lesson 538 00:33:08,153 --> 00:33:10,029 about seIf-worth and esteem. 539 00:33:10,697 --> 00:33:12,281 Gag me with a spoon. 540 00:33:12,366 --> 00:33:15,451 That guy is so unpopular, I'd hate to be him. 541 00:33:18,205 --> 00:33:19,830 Why doesn't anybody like me? 542 00:33:19,915 --> 00:33:23,501 Maybe because they don't know how awesome you really are. 543 00:33:24,378 --> 00:33:27,755 Brock Branigan P.l.! What are you doing here? 544 00:33:28,215 --> 00:33:31,676 I'm here to soIve the case of the boy who just needed to be himseIf. 545 00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:35,262 So go for it! Show them how awesome you really are! 546 00:33:38,684 --> 00:33:41,352 Hey, guys. Do you like break dancing? 547 00:33:57,411 --> 00:33:59,704 That is totally rad! 548 00:33:59,788 --> 00:34:03,124 Wicked. You shouId sit with us at Iunch, friend. 549 00:34:07,170 --> 00:34:08,421 Sweet! 550 00:34:09,673 --> 00:34:12,633 lt really is awesome to be me! Thanks, Brock. 551 00:34:25,355 --> 00:34:28,149 Okay. Let's talk about what we've learned. 552 00:34:28,233 --> 00:34:31,318 l don't know about anyone else, but I know what I Iearned. 553 00:34:31,403 --> 00:34:33,362 It is awesome to be me. 554 00:34:33,697 --> 00:34:37,283 The problem with Rowley is that he's not enough like me. 555 00:34:37,367 --> 00:34:40,286 I can't ditch him 'cause he'd be Iost without me. 556 00:34:41,830 --> 00:34:43,998 But maybe l can fix him. 557 00:34:46,376 --> 00:34:49,170 Because that's the kind of friend I am. 558 00:34:49,337 --> 00:34:50,880 What are you doing? 559 00:34:50,964 --> 00:34:53,257 Making your clothes more middle-school friendly. 560 00:34:53,341 --> 00:34:56,927 Look at this stuff. Too babyish and weird. 561 00:34:57,345 --> 00:35:00,264 Too "Why don't you just punch me now?" 562 00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:04,351 What are you, a foreign exchange student? 563 00:35:05,437 --> 00:35:08,355 Oh, man. This one we burn. 564 00:35:08,648 --> 00:35:10,649 That was a present from my mom. 565 00:35:10,734 --> 00:35:13,611 Well, then your mom is trying to get you killed. 566 00:35:13,695 --> 00:35:15,404 Ready? Steady. Go. 567 00:35:19,159 --> 00:35:22,077 No, no, no. You look like one of the Seven Dwarfs. 568 00:35:22,162 --> 00:35:25,915 You only need one strap. One strap is cool. 569 00:35:26,333 --> 00:35:27,541 But there's two straps. 570 00:35:27,626 --> 00:35:28,834 Why would they put on two straps 571 00:35:28,919 --> 00:35:30,711 if you're only supposed to use one? 572 00:35:30,796 --> 00:35:33,422 Because the guys who make backpacks aren't cool. 573 00:35:33,507 --> 00:35:35,132 lf they were cool, they'd give it one strap, 574 00:35:35,217 --> 00:35:37,593 like the cool one-strap guys do. 575 00:35:37,677 --> 00:35:40,471 You know what has one strap? Machine guns. 576 00:35:40,555 --> 00:35:43,432 You know what else? Electric guitars. 577 00:35:43,517 --> 00:35:44,975 You know what else? 578 00:35:45,060 --> 00:35:46,101 Purses? 579 00:35:46,895 --> 00:35:48,395 But Joshie is cool. 580 00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:50,314 Rowley, Joshie is not cool. 581 00:35:50,398 --> 00:35:53,067 He's a lip-synching pop star whose fans are eight-year-old girls. 582 00:35:53,151 --> 00:35:56,111 You're just jealous that l was the one who discovered him. 583 00:35:56,196 --> 00:35:59,156 Who are you gonna listen to, Rowley? Me or Joshie? 584 00:35:59,241 --> 00:36:02,785 Joshie says to respect your parents and follow your dreams. 585 00:36:03,161 --> 00:36:05,538 Then Joshie must get beaten up a lot. 586 00:36:13,547 --> 00:36:15,673 You actually almost look as good as me. 587 00:36:15,757 --> 00:36:17,842 Am l great at this or what? 588 00:36:19,261 --> 00:36:22,263 There's Bryce Anderson. Just be cool. 589 00:36:23,390 --> 00:36:24,765 Hey, Bryce. 590 00:36:26,059 --> 00:36:27,309 Yeah, hey, Bryce! 591 00:36:28,353 --> 00:36:29,728 Cute butt! 592 00:36:33,608 --> 00:36:35,609 You're killing me, you know that? 593 00:36:35,735 --> 00:36:37,695 Look, Rowley, tonight's Halloween, 594 00:36:37,779 --> 00:36:38,988 our favorite night of the year, 595 00:36:39,072 --> 00:36:43,284 so, just promise me you won't wear, do or say anything weird. 596 00:36:47,956 --> 00:36:49,957 You're kidding me, right? 597 00:36:50,125 --> 00:36:53,419 My mom wanted me to be visible at night. 598 00:36:54,921 --> 00:36:56,630 From space? 599 00:36:57,507 --> 00:37:00,718 So, we'll hit a few houses on the way to the North Side, 600 00:37:00,802 --> 00:37:03,095 which is where we'll do most of our trick-or-treating. 601 00:37:03,179 --> 00:37:05,681 Why are we going all the way over there? 602 00:37:05,765 --> 00:37:07,391 lt's where the rich people live. 603 00:37:07,475 --> 00:37:11,353 They hand out, like, two, three pieces of big candy to each kid. 604 00:37:11,438 --> 00:37:13,480 Not that candy corn crap. 605 00:37:14,274 --> 00:37:17,818 l'm talking about full-size Milky Ways and Nutter Butters. 606 00:37:17,903 --> 00:37:19,570 Plus, if we time it right, 607 00:37:19,654 --> 00:37:23,782 rich people get tired of answering their doors and just leave the bowl out. 608 00:37:23,867 --> 00:37:25,492 We can clean up. 609 00:37:27,329 --> 00:37:29,079 Wow, you're lucky. 610 00:37:29,164 --> 00:37:32,082 My mom doesn't let me play with makeup anymore. 611 00:37:32,167 --> 00:37:35,836 Shut up, tool. Löded Diper's got a gig tonight. 612 00:37:40,675 --> 00:37:41,675 Mmm. 613 00:37:42,010 --> 00:37:44,094 Going to the North Side, huh? 614 00:37:44,179 --> 00:37:46,764 Takes you right past the Devil Worshiper Woods. 615 00:37:46,848 --> 00:37:48,432 The Devil Worshiper Woods? 616 00:37:49,351 --> 00:37:51,018 You know about that story, right? 617 00:37:52,354 --> 00:37:56,941 Well, there used to be this house right here where these woods are. 618 00:37:57,525 --> 00:38:01,153 They had to tear it down because what happened there was so terrible. 619 00:38:01,237 --> 00:38:02,780 What happened there? 620 00:38:02,864 --> 00:38:07,201 Well, a long time ago, two kids who were, l don't know, 621 00:38:08,036 --> 00:38:10,037 maybe in middle school, 622 00:38:10,538 --> 00:38:13,791 they trick-or-treated at that house on Halloween night. 623 00:38:13,875 --> 00:38:20,089 But the house was full of devil worshipers 624 00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:24,510 who put the kids in these giant pizza ovens. 625 00:38:24,636 --> 00:38:28,055 And they cooked them and they ate them. 626 00:38:28,890 --> 00:38:31,308 But they forgot to turn off the ovens. 627 00:38:31,393 --> 00:38:34,687 So the house burned down with everyone in it. 628 00:38:35,563 --> 00:38:37,564 How'd the trees get there? 629 00:38:38,024 --> 00:38:40,943 And then they planted trees. 630 00:38:41,569 --> 00:38:42,653 Oh. 631 00:38:42,737 --> 00:38:46,115 And to this day, on Halloween night, 632 00:38:46,783 --> 00:38:51,412 you can still hear the demonic laughter of the devil worshiper ghosts 633 00:38:51,496 --> 00:38:56,834 as they roam the woods, looking for more kids to sacrifice! 634 00:38:57,085 --> 00:39:00,254 Hey, Rodrick. l need you to help me out. Like. . . 635 00:39:02,799 --> 00:39:05,300 Are you wearing eyeliner? 636 00:39:05,844 --> 00:39:06,844 Trick or treat. 637 00:39:06,928 --> 00:39:07,928 Susan ! 638 00:39:08,013 --> 00:39:09,304 l'm on door duty! 639 00:39:09,389 --> 00:39:10,556 Thank you. 640 00:39:11,975 --> 00:39:13,475 Bubby! 641 00:39:13,685 --> 00:39:15,978 Mom, can you tell him to stop calling me that? 642 00:39:16,062 --> 00:39:17,646 What if somebody hears? 643 00:39:17,731 --> 00:39:20,524 Then they'll know how much he loves you. 644 00:39:21,609 --> 00:39:24,862 Frank, Frank, honey, honey, can you go with them? 645 00:39:24,946 --> 00:39:26,739 No, l can't. l got to guard the house 646 00:39:28,283 --> 00:39:30,159 They're gonna get drenched from the roof. 647 00:39:31,411 --> 00:39:34,038 Honey, for goodness sakes, don't do that again. 648 00:39:34,122 --> 00:39:35,706 Remember what happened last year? 649 00:39:36,541 --> 00:39:38,125 l got you ! 650 00:39:42,505 --> 00:39:43,630 Hi. 651 00:39:46,593 --> 00:39:48,343 l thought they were teenagers. 652 00:39:48,428 --> 00:39:49,970 And l couldn't see through the bushes. 653 00:39:50,055 --> 00:39:52,056 My legs, they hurt from the squatting. 654 00:39:52,140 --> 00:39:55,476 So, that's why l'm doing it from the roof this year. 655 00:39:55,977 --> 00:39:58,604 So l can see when they're coming. 656 00:40:01,316 --> 00:40:02,357 Can we go now? 657 00:40:03,485 --> 00:40:04,985 Yes, go. 658 00:40:05,070 --> 00:40:07,196 But stay in the neighborhood. 659 00:40:07,489 --> 00:40:08,572 Trick or treat. 660 00:40:08,656 --> 00:40:10,032 And no North Side! 661 00:40:10,116 --> 00:40:11,366 We promise! 662 00:40:27,675 --> 00:40:29,718 We got to stay in this neighborhood the rest of the night. 663 00:40:29,803 --> 00:40:32,679 That guy gave me two full-size Snickers! 664 00:40:32,764 --> 00:40:34,807 Did l tell you or did l tell you? 665 00:40:34,891 --> 00:40:36,850 These people have money to burn ! 666 00:40:38,019 --> 00:40:39,978 l can't believe we got this much candy. 667 00:40:40,522 --> 00:40:42,022 This is, like, the best day ever. 668 00:40:42,107 --> 00:40:45,067 Hey, reflector dude, nice costume! 669 00:40:45,568 --> 00:40:47,027 Thanks! My mom made it. . . 670 00:40:53,701 --> 00:40:55,452 Oh, that was awesome! 671 00:40:55,537 --> 00:40:57,830 l saw your plates! We're calling the cops! 672 00:41:00,375 --> 00:41:01,458 Uh-oh. 673 00:41:03,044 --> 00:41:04,253 Oh, boy. 674 00:41:06,464 --> 00:41:07,589 Run ! 675 00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:13,637 Hey, they're going through the yard ! 676 00:41:13,721 --> 00:41:15,848 Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! 677 00:41:18,101 --> 00:41:20,936 Where are we going? We're totally exposed ! 678 00:41:23,857 --> 00:41:25,440 My grandma's house! 679 00:41:25,525 --> 00:41:26,775 Quickly! 680 00:41:27,026 --> 00:41:28,569 They're coming ! 681 00:41:31,614 --> 00:41:32,656 Hello? 682 00:41:32,740 --> 00:41:33,907 That's not helping ! She's not home! 683 00:41:34,033 --> 00:41:35,617 Bingo night. Okay, you guys are dead. 684 00:41:35,743 --> 00:41:37,536 Open the door! Get the key! Okay. Okay. 685 00:41:37,662 --> 00:41:39,454 Open the door! Get it! Come on, let's get them, boys. 686 00:41:39,539 --> 00:41:41,081 They're coming ! 687 00:41:41,916 --> 00:41:43,709 - Now! - Oh, l got you now! 688 00:41:43,793 --> 00:41:45,085 Hey, hey! 689 00:41:47,422 --> 00:41:49,381 Come on, you babies! 690 00:41:51,759 --> 00:41:52,843 l'm gonna kick your butts! 691 00:41:54,888 --> 00:41:56,847 Yeah? You and what army? 692 00:41:57,390 --> 00:41:58,724 Whatever. 693 00:42:03,938 --> 00:42:07,024 You guys are so lucky you can hide in there behind your mommy! 694 00:42:07,108 --> 00:42:08,901 No, we aren't! lt's not our house! 695 00:42:08,985 --> 00:42:11,820 lt's his grandma's and she's not even home! 696 00:42:15,408 --> 00:42:18,118 What? Why would you tell them that? 697 00:42:18,203 --> 00:42:19,453 Did he just say that? 698 00:42:19,537 --> 00:42:20,537 Oops. 699 00:42:24,834 --> 00:42:26,335 Now they're never gonna leave. 700 00:42:26,419 --> 00:42:28,045 You need to call your mom to come get us. 701 00:42:28,129 --> 00:42:30,589 Mine'll kill me if she knows we're here. 702 00:42:30,673 --> 00:42:33,926 Mine will, too. She thinks you're a bad influence. 703 00:42:35,386 --> 00:42:36,803 She's right. 704 00:42:38,097 --> 00:42:40,015 Then we're gonna have to bust out of here. 705 00:42:40,892 --> 00:42:42,392 You have any threes? 706 00:42:43,436 --> 00:42:44,645 Go fish. 707 00:42:48,399 --> 00:42:50,275 Hey, what's that? 708 00:42:56,532 --> 00:42:58,408 Danger, danger 709 00:42:59,285 --> 00:43:00,744 High Voltage 710 00:43:04,374 --> 00:43:05,999 Danger, danger 711 00:43:07,085 --> 00:43:08,585 High Voltage 712 00:43:14,092 --> 00:43:16,468 Just back off! l don't want to hurt anybody, 713 00:43:16,552 --> 00:43:19,596 we just want to walk away and forget this ever happened. 714 00:43:19,681 --> 00:43:22,015 Nobody needs to be a hero! Whoa! 715 00:43:30,900 --> 00:43:32,276 Are you kidding me? 716 00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:36,905 l'm gonna rip off your arms and punch you in the face with your own fists! 717 00:43:42,370 --> 00:43:44,329 They're gaining ! This way! 718 00:43:50,336 --> 00:43:53,130 The Devil Worshiper Woods! No way! 719 00:43:53,464 --> 00:43:57,384 Hey! Stay right there! We're gonna get you ! 720 00:44:00,138 --> 00:44:02,180 They're going into the woods. 721 00:44:02,265 --> 00:44:05,600 No, no way l go into Devil Worshiper Woods. Uh-uh. 722 00:44:06,978 --> 00:44:08,603 This isn't over! 723 00:44:12,191 --> 00:44:13,734 l'm really scared ! 724 00:44:13,818 --> 00:44:15,068 Just keep running ! 725 00:44:22,869 --> 00:44:25,787 Did you hear that? lt's the devil worshipers. 726 00:44:45,558 --> 00:44:46,725 Guys? 727 00:44:55,193 --> 00:44:56,693 Are we safe? Yeah. 728 00:44:56,819 --> 00:44:59,654 And we made it with still a ton of candy. 729 00:45:02,283 --> 00:45:05,911 Sorry. l was. . . l thought you were teenagers. 730 00:45:09,165 --> 00:45:10,540 Maybe next year, Pops! 731 00:45:10,625 --> 00:45:11,708 Hey! 732 00:45:26,015 --> 00:45:29,226 So anyone eIse exhibiting symptoms of pink eye 733 00:45:29,310 --> 00:45:31,686 shouId contact the nurse immediately. 734 00:45:31,771 --> 00:45:34,815 ln field trip news, consent forms are going out today 735 00:45:34,899 --> 00:45:38,193 for our annuaI History of Plumbing excursion. 736 00:45:38,277 --> 00:45:39,486 ln sports news... 737 00:45:40,488 --> 00:45:45,492 I think Shelly is looking hot today. 738 00:45:46,202 --> 00:45:47,577 Yeah. 739 00:45:47,662 --> 00:45:49,579 Are they talking about me? 740 00:45:49,664 --> 00:45:51,706 l don't know. l don't speak Russian. 741 00:45:52,875 --> 00:45:57,629 And finally, some positions have opened up for the Safety PatroI. 742 00:45:57,713 --> 00:46:01,550 lf anyone is interested, see Mr. Winsky after homeroom. 743 00:46:01,634 --> 00:46:03,802 Now that's what l'm talking about. 744 00:46:05,012 --> 00:46:08,348 Safety PatroI. The cops of middle school. 745 00:46:09,100 --> 00:46:10,976 You boss people around, 746 00:46:11,060 --> 00:46:15,188 report the jerks, and miss cIass three times a week. 747 00:46:19,986 --> 00:46:21,820 Safety Patrol is a sacred trust. 748 00:46:21,904 --> 00:46:25,949 When you put on this vest and that badge you become a protector of the weak. 749 00:46:26,033 --> 00:46:29,619 You become an enforcer of the laws of this school, 750 00:46:29,704 --> 00:46:32,873 because today's litterer and jaywalker 751 00:46:32,957 --> 00:46:35,459 is tomorrow's window breaker and graffiti vandal, 752 00:46:35,543 --> 00:46:37,752 and it's our job to stop it. 753 00:46:37,837 --> 00:46:40,839 So l ask you, are you up for the job? 754 00:46:41,841 --> 00:46:43,216 Yes! Yes! 755 00:46:44,051 --> 00:46:46,303 Then welcome to Safety Patrol. 756 00:46:46,387 --> 00:46:49,306 Just remember, with great power. . . 757 00:46:49,390 --> 00:46:50,390 Whoa. 758 00:46:50,475 --> 00:46:52,684 . . .comes great responsibility. 759 00:46:53,561 --> 00:46:56,229 Now, you get your first assignment just after lunch, 760 00:46:56,314 --> 00:46:58,356 so you'll be excused from the first 20 minutes of sixth period. 761 00:46:58,441 --> 00:47:00,025 But that means we'll miss Algebra. . . 762 00:47:00,109 --> 00:47:01,318 Ouch ! 763 00:47:01,402 --> 00:47:02,903 Do we get free stuff? 764 00:47:03,905 --> 00:47:04,988 Free hot cocoa. 765 00:47:05,072 --> 00:47:07,199 Could this day get any better? 766 00:47:07,283 --> 00:47:08,992 Whoa, is that cocoa? 767 00:47:09,076 --> 00:47:10,869 Sorry, Safety Patrol only. 768 00:47:10,953 --> 00:47:12,120 Sorry. 769 00:47:15,374 --> 00:47:17,167 You rejected the school paper, 770 00:47:17,251 --> 00:47:19,586 but you joined the Safety Patrol? 771 00:47:19,670 --> 00:47:21,755 Look, are you working your way down the evolutionary ladder? 772 00:47:21,839 --> 00:47:22,881 What? 773 00:47:22,965 --> 00:47:26,426 Look, Safety Patrol is the lowest of the low, 774 00:47:26,511 --> 00:47:29,596 the geekiest of the geeky, the lsland of Misfit Toys. 775 00:47:29,680 --> 00:47:32,516 You're just jealous they don't trust you to keep our school safe. 776 00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:36,269 Now if you'll excuse me, l need to secure the perimeter. 777 00:47:40,399 --> 00:47:41,733 l'm hungry. 778 00:47:41,817 --> 00:47:43,109 Keep it straight, people. 779 00:47:43,194 --> 00:47:45,862 Single-file line, one by one. 780 00:47:53,788 --> 00:47:56,790 Greg ! lt's those guys from Halloween ! 781 00:47:57,959 --> 00:47:59,459 What do we do? 782 00:48:02,463 --> 00:48:04,047 Come on, man, just pull my finger. 783 00:48:04,131 --> 00:48:05,882 l swear to God, l'm not gonna do anything. 784 00:48:05,967 --> 00:48:08,677 Everybody, shoulder to shoulder. Shoulder to shoulder. 785 00:48:08,761 --> 00:48:10,720 Go. Go! Whoa, whoa. 786 00:48:23,442 --> 00:48:25,402 That was close. 787 00:48:25,486 --> 00:48:26,820 Too close. 788 00:48:30,449 --> 00:48:33,410 lt's times like these that make me reaIize 789 00:48:33,578 --> 00:48:36,621 Rowley's pretty lucky to have me as a friend. 790 00:48:39,166 --> 00:48:42,460 And l got Twisted Wizard Two, and a new bike! 791 00:48:43,212 --> 00:48:47,424 And we're going to take a family trip to New York City for New Year's Eve! 792 00:48:47,508 --> 00:48:49,217 What did you get? 793 00:48:49,302 --> 00:48:51,469 My dad got me a weight-lifting set. 794 00:48:51,554 --> 00:48:54,514 Do you know how many video games l could've gotten instead? 795 00:48:54,599 --> 00:48:58,602 l had to get out of there before he expected me to, like, use it. 796 00:48:58,894 --> 00:49:02,063 Anyway, let's play some Twisted Wizard Two at your house. 797 00:49:02,148 --> 00:49:03,940 Probably not a good idea. 798 00:49:04,025 --> 00:49:06,109 My dad's still annoyed at you. 799 00:49:06,193 --> 00:49:07,360 For what? 800 00:49:07,570 --> 00:49:10,322 Remember that secret language we made up last week? 801 00:49:11,324 --> 00:49:15,076 Your-pa dad-pa smells-pa like-pa a woman-pa. 802 00:49:18,205 --> 00:49:20,457 l think he cracked our code. 803 00:49:20,541 --> 00:49:22,542 We should probably do something outside. 804 00:49:24,712 --> 00:49:27,589 Why can't you ride and l throw at you first? 805 00:49:28,049 --> 00:49:30,425 My legs kind of hurt from walking over here. 806 00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:50,445 Okay, Rowley. Come on. Get up. 807 00:49:51,697 --> 00:49:53,281 Shake it off. 808 00:49:54,617 --> 00:49:56,493 Are you sure the doctor was right? 809 00:49:56,577 --> 00:49:58,620 lt really didn't look that broken to me. 810 00:49:58,704 --> 00:50:03,166 Yeah, it's broken. The X-ray never lies. 811 00:50:05,378 --> 00:50:07,587 Oh, my gosh. What happened? 812 00:50:08,255 --> 00:50:09,339 l broke it. 813 00:50:09,423 --> 00:50:10,465 How? 814 00:50:10,549 --> 00:50:12,258 Big Wheel accident. 815 00:50:13,219 --> 00:50:14,844 You're funny. 816 00:50:14,929 --> 00:50:16,763 Can l sign your cast? Me, too. 817 00:50:16,847 --> 00:50:18,056 l wanna sign it, too. 818 00:50:18,140 --> 00:50:19,474 Why, sure. 819 00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:22,143 Hey, l'm the one who broke his hand. 820 00:50:22,895 --> 00:50:24,604 Then you're a jerk. 821 00:50:25,439 --> 00:50:27,232 Sorry. Does it hurt? 822 00:50:30,861 --> 00:50:32,862 Rowley, you're so funny. 823 00:50:34,448 --> 00:50:35,490 After l stood. . . 824 00:50:35,574 --> 00:50:36,741 l couldn't believe it! 825 00:50:36,826 --> 00:50:41,413 Rowley was eating at an actuaI tabIe because of something l did! 826 00:50:42,164 --> 00:50:43,915 Where's my credit? 827 00:50:44,291 --> 00:50:47,877 And he's right handed! He can feed himself just fine. 828 00:50:50,798 --> 00:50:53,925 So, how's that class favorite thing working out for you? 829 00:50:54,009 --> 00:50:55,301 Great. 830 00:51:12,236 --> 00:51:15,905 I reaIized Rowley's injury thing was a pretty good racket. 831 00:51:19,994 --> 00:51:21,077 lt's gonna be so much fun. 832 00:51:21,162 --> 00:51:23,079 Hey, guys. Check it out. 833 00:51:23,914 --> 00:51:25,707 Oh, my gosh, what happened? 834 00:51:25,791 --> 00:51:30,044 lt's a raging infection caused by a splinter that was left untreated. 835 00:51:30,463 --> 00:51:33,506 Want to be the first to sign my sympathy sheet? 836 00:51:33,841 --> 00:51:34,883 No. 837 00:51:38,179 --> 00:51:42,348 l'll sign it, Greg Heffley, if you'd let me look at your infection. 838 00:51:46,687 --> 00:51:50,273 And on the X-ray, you could see where the bone just snapped right in half. 839 00:51:50,357 --> 00:51:54,068 l had the exact same break last year, and it got all purple! 840 00:51:54,195 --> 00:51:55,779 Cool ! Mine, too! 841 00:51:55,863 --> 00:51:57,989 Hey, Gregory, want to sign the card? 842 00:51:58,365 --> 00:52:00,366 You got Rowley a card? 843 00:52:00,534 --> 00:52:03,119 What? No, it's for Bryan Little. 844 00:52:03,204 --> 00:52:05,538 You know, the guy who writes the Wacky Dawg cartoons 845 00:52:05,623 --> 00:52:07,373 for the school paper? 846 00:52:07,458 --> 00:52:11,002 He has mono and he's going to be out for three months. 847 00:52:11,462 --> 00:52:13,463 That really stinks. 848 00:52:13,547 --> 00:52:17,300 So, just out of curiosity, who's gonna do the cartoon? 849 00:52:17,635 --> 00:52:21,888 They're having tryouts, but the important thing is Bryan gets better. 850 00:52:22,181 --> 00:52:23,556 Absolutely. 851 00:52:25,601 --> 00:52:28,186 Bryan Little getting mono was destiny. 852 00:52:28,312 --> 00:52:31,773 I draw cartoons aII the time. l'm gonna win this. 853 00:52:42,034 --> 00:52:46,204 l decided to go ahead and forgive Rowley for milking the broken hand so hard 854 00:52:46,288 --> 00:52:49,249 and I toId him he couId work on the cartoon with me. 855 00:52:50,125 --> 00:52:53,419 So, l was thinking we could do something like this! 856 00:52:53,712 --> 00:52:55,880 Oops, I stepped in a puddle! 857 00:52:55,965 --> 00:52:58,424 At Ieast it's not an acid puddle. 858 00:52:58,551 --> 00:53:00,969 Oy, oy, oy! lt is an acid puddle! 859 00:53:01,053 --> 00:53:06,140 Zoo-wee Mama! 860 00:53:07,852 --> 00:53:10,228 lt's the same joke every time. 861 00:53:10,312 --> 00:53:12,897 Yeah ! Zoo-wee Mama! 862 00:53:13,816 --> 00:53:16,276 We can't just do the same thing over and over. 863 00:53:16,360 --> 00:53:18,152 We can if it's Zoo-wee Mama. 864 00:53:18,237 --> 00:53:21,197 lt has to be a little more sophisticated. 865 00:53:21,532 --> 00:53:24,284 I wonder what is in this cute IittIe box. 866 00:53:24,368 --> 00:53:25,577 It's not a box, 867 00:53:25,661 --> 00:53:27,036 it's a brick, you dumb moron. 868 00:53:27,121 --> 00:53:30,164 Oops! I've been trying to open it all day! 869 00:53:33,043 --> 00:53:35,086 Can he say, "Zoo-wee Mama"? 870 00:53:35,588 --> 00:53:37,213 No, it's not funny. 871 00:53:37,298 --> 00:53:40,216 Well, l think it is. l like Zoo-wee Mama. 872 00:53:40,342 --> 00:53:41,342 You know what? 873 00:53:41,427 --> 00:53:44,971 lf you like it so much, then why don't you go do it yourself? 874 00:53:48,183 --> 00:53:51,477 Okay. l will. 875 00:53:52,855 --> 00:53:54,105 See you. 876 00:54:05,034 --> 00:54:08,953 Hey, l forgot my raincoat, so l'm gonna need you to walk the kids home today. 877 00:54:09,038 --> 00:54:11,414 l can't. l can't get my cast wet. 878 00:54:12,416 --> 00:54:14,292 You can borrow my coat. 879 00:54:17,963 --> 00:54:20,006 Where's Rowley? 880 00:54:20,215 --> 00:54:21,925 He couldn't get his cast wet! 881 00:54:22,009 --> 00:54:23,760 He walks us better! 882 00:54:30,809 --> 00:54:31,976 Oh, no. 883 00:54:37,566 --> 00:54:39,776 Oh, my gosh ! Space monsters! 884 00:54:40,027 --> 00:54:44,072 They're going to eat us, unless we can get into that hole! 885 00:54:44,239 --> 00:54:47,575 Come on, people, move it! Now, people! We're gonna get eaten ! 886 00:54:47,660 --> 00:54:50,411 Come on ! Don't worry! l'm right behind you ! 887 00:54:50,496 --> 00:54:51,871 Whoa! Go! 888 00:55:04,134 --> 00:55:05,259 Hey! 889 00:55:06,220 --> 00:55:08,638 Rowley Jefferson, is that you? 890 00:55:09,890 --> 00:55:12,392 Yes, Mrs. lrvine! 891 00:55:16,146 --> 00:55:17,689 Sorry, kids! 892 00:55:25,823 --> 00:55:27,824 Are you going to eat us? 893 00:55:28,909 --> 00:55:33,287 And though doctors assure us that Mrs. Cheznik is no longer contagious, 894 00:55:33,372 --> 00:55:37,750 the cafeteria nachos bar wiII be cIosed for the remainder of the week. 895 00:55:38,085 --> 00:55:40,461 And now, what you've all been waiting for. 896 00:55:40,629 --> 00:55:44,632 The facuIty, Student CounciI and editors have aII met 897 00:55:44,717 --> 00:55:48,094 and seIected the new cartoonist for the school paper. 898 00:55:49,054 --> 00:55:50,680 And the winner is 899 00:55:51,432 --> 00:55:54,392 "Zoo-wee Mama" by Rowley Jefferson! 900 00:55:59,273 --> 00:56:00,231 What? 901 00:56:00,315 --> 00:56:01,649 That is funny! 902 00:56:02,568 --> 00:56:03,943 Great job. 903 00:56:05,279 --> 00:56:06,237 Zoo-wee Mama. 904 00:56:06,321 --> 00:56:07,905 l couldn't believe it. 905 00:56:09,199 --> 00:56:11,534 Am l the only one who gets comedy? 906 00:56:11,618 --> 00:56:13,327 Rowley, will you put me in your cartoon? 907 00:56:13,412 --> 00:56:14,495 Sure. 908 00:56:14,580 --> 00:56:17,540 And me, too. l want to be the one who says, "Zoo-wee Mama." 909 00:56:17,624 --> 00:56:18,875 You got it! 910 00:56:18,959 --> 00:56:20,418 Hey, Rowley, congratulations. 911 00:56:20,502 --> 00:56:21,669 Thanks. No problem. 912 00:56:21,754 --> 00:56:24,547 You know, l read all the submissions and yours was by far the best. 913 00:56:24,631 --> 00:56:26,424 l read yours, too. 914 00:56:26,925 --> 00:56:27,967 Hey, Rowley. 915 00:56:28,052 --> 00:56:29,093 Hey, Bryce. 916 00:56:29,178 --> 00:56:30,887 Yeah, hey, Bryce. 917 00:56:30,971 --> 00:56:32,889 Hey, fella. 918 00:56:33,766 --> 00:56:36,684 Wow. Everyone knows me now. 919 00:56:37,269 --> 00:56:40,104 lt's like l'm famous! lsn't this great? 920 00:56:40,814 --> 00:56:41,939 Yeah. 921 00:56:42,274 --> 00:56:46,277 Rowley Jefferson? l need to see you in my office, now. 922 00:56:57,956 --> 00:56:59,916 l just took a call from a Mrs. lrvine 923 00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:02,668 about what happened to the kindergarteners last week. 924 00:57:02,753 --> 00:57:05,505 She was very upset. And so am l. 925 00:57:06,381 --> 00:57:07,381 What? 926 00:57:07,466 --> 00:57:09,342 You violated the sacred trust. 927 00:57:10,719 --> 00:57:12,011 This. . . 928 00:57:14,348 --> 00:57:18,267 This badge is supposed to mean something, and you just spat on it. 929 00:57:18,352 --> 00:57:20,394 l can barely even look at you. 930 00:57:20,479 --> 00:57:21,437 l really don't. . . 931 00:57:21,522 --> 00:57:22,814 Just save it. 932 00:57:23,023 --> 00:57:26,109 You are officially suspended from Safety Patrol. 933 00:57:26,527 --> 00:57:29,821 And l expect a full apology to the kindergarteners. 934 00:57:30,614 --> 00:57:31,906 Yes, sir. 935 00:57:40,833 --> 00:57:43,251 Hey. What did he have to say? 936 00:57:43,919 --> 00:57:45,461 l'm kicked off. 937 00:57:45,838 --> 00:57:48,172 l don't even know what he's talking about. 938 00:57:51,135 --> 00:57:52,385 Rowley? 939 00:57:54,429 --> 00:57:55,555 What? 940 00:57:56,473 --> 00:57:57,723 Nothing. 941 00:58:13,574 --> 00:58:17,618 You've been home for an hour and haven't badgered me for any snacks. 942 00:58:17,703 --> 00:58:19,537 Are you feeling okay? 943 00:58:20,747 --> 00:58:24,458 Well, l'm kind of in a tough situation. 944 00:58:25,419 --> 00:58:27,003 l know something 945 00:58:27,087 --> 00:58:30,173 and if l tell the truth about it, it could hurt somebody. 946 00:58:30,257 --> 00:58:33,342 But if l don't, it could hurt somebody else. 947 00:58:33,427 --> 00:58:38,764 Well, you have to trust your gut and try to do the right thing, 948 00:58:40,392 --> 00:58:44,812 because it's our choices that make us who we are. 949 00:58:47,608 --> 00:58:48,774 Okay. 950 00:58:52,696 --> 00:58:54,113 l was up all night, tossing and turning, 951 00:58:54,198 --> 00:58:56,574 thinking about my mom's advice. 952 00:58:56,658 --> 00:58:59,619 And l finally decided to do the right thing. 953 00:59:00,913 --> 00:59:03,623 l'm sorry l terrorized you, children. 954 00:59:04,333 --> 00:59:05,499 What? 955 00:59:06,251 --> 00:59:09,629 l decided to let Rowley take one for the team. 956 00:59:12,841 --> 00:59:17,011 But l'm not entirely sure that was the right call. 957 00:59:25,562 --> 00:59:27,021 Hey, how's it going? 958 00:59:27,105 --> 00:59:31,150 Well, l was pretty upset about being suspended from Safety Patrol, 959 00:59:31,235 --> 00:59:33,653 but then l just started drawing a bunch of Zoo-wee Mamas 960 00:59:33,737 --> 00:59:35,279 and l felt better. 961 00:59:35,364 --> 00:59:38,324 Look. l put you in this week's cartoon. 962 00:59:38,492 --> 00:59:41,285 And you even get to say, "Zoo-wee Mama." 963 00:59:41,870 --> 00:59:44,413 Wow. That's really 964 00:59:49,836 --> 00:59:51,671 So, listen. 965 00:59:51,755 --> 00:59:55,258 lt's kind of funny, you know, the whole Safety Patrol thing. 966 00:59:55,342 --> 00:59:56,467 Yeah? 967 00:59:57,135 --> 00:59:58,928 Ready for the funny part? 968 00:59:59,012 --> 01:00:02,431 Well, l'm the one who terrorized those kids! 969 01:00:05,269 --> 01:00:06,852 What? Yeah, 970 01:00:07,104 --> 01:00:09,939 and l think we can both learn some valuable lessons from this. 971 01:00:10,023 --> 01:00:14,402 Like, l should be more careful what l do in front of Mrs. lrvine's house. 972 01:00:14,486 --> 01:00:16,529 And you, well, 973 01:00:17,656 --> 01:00:20,032 you should be more careful who you lend your coat to. 974 01:00:23,537 --> 01:00:27,039 You know what, Greg? You're not a good friend. 975 01:00:27,708 --> 01:00:30,459 Whoa. How could you even say that? 976 01:00:30,544 --> 01:00:31,669 l'm a great friend. 977 01:00:31,753 --> 01:00:34,922 lf you were a great friend, you would have told Mr. Winsky the truth. 978 01:00:35,007 --> 01:00:37,717 Okay, one thing. You can't get mad about just. . . 979 01:00:37,801 --> 01:00:40,386 You only care about yourself. 980 01:00:40,721 --> 01:00:42,638 You hated my cartoon. 981 01:00:43,724 --> 01:00:47,393 You made fun of my clothes. You disrespected Joshie. 982 01:00:47,644 --> 01:00:51,063 You broke my hand and you didn't even seem sorry. 983 01:00:51,148 --> 01:00:53,858 That broken hand was the best thing that ever happened to you ! 984 01:00:55,610 --> 01:00:57,236 Don't call me. 985 01:00:57,946 --> 01:01:01,282 Don't come by my house. We're done. 986 01:01:19,384 --> 01:01:21,469 l thought the whole thing wouId bIow over. 987 01:01:21,553 --> 01:01:24,555 But Rowley was still giving me the siIent treatment. 988 01:01:24,639 --> 01:01:26,682 Even when I tried to make the first move. 989 01:01:26,767 --> 01:01:27,850 Yeah. 990 01:01:32,272 --> 01:01:35,983 So, anyway, l was so angry at him, l didn't know what to say. 991 01:01:37,235 --> 01:01:38,194 One of the kindergarteners 992 01:01:38,278 --> 01:01:41,113 finally told their parents the whole story. 993 01:01:42,616 --> 01:01:47,119 Greg? You're relieved of your Safety Patrol duties, effective immediately. 994 01:01:48,330 --> 01:01:49,705 Rowley, 995 01:01:50,916 --> 01:01:54,877 for showing dignity under false suspicion, l am promoting you 996 01:01:55,754 --> 01:01:56,879 to team captain. 997 01:01:59,049 --> 01:02:03,552 Now, that's a position that l held for two years. l know you'll honor it. 998 01:02:24,658 --> 01:02:25,866 Okay 999 01:02:27,786 --> 01:02:30,496 You're supposed to be my friend 1000 01:02:31,623 --> 01:02:33,833 We're supposed to get along 1001 01:02:35,085 --> 01:02:38,129 Hey, you're supposed to be my friend 1002 01:02:39,589 --> 01:02:42,842 Hey, Rowley, my mom says it's okay for me to sleep over tonight. 1003 01:02:42,926 --> 01:02:44,260 Awesome! 1004 01:02:45,470 --> 01:02:49,432 The whole thing with Rowley is, l was willing to let bygones be bygones. 1005 01:02:49,516 --> 01:02:52,059 But then he made friends with CoIIin just to mess with me. 1006 01:02:52,144 --> 01:02:53,686 As if I even care if he... 1007 01:02:56,815 --> 01:02:58,858 Well, you know what? 1008 01:02:59,192 --> 01:03:00,860 Two can play at that game. 1009 01:03:01,736 --> 01:03:03,612 There's no going back, Sergeant. 1010 01:03:03,697 --> 01:03:05,573 l need to board the helicopter. 1011 01:03:05,657 --> 01:03:07,533 Do you have my back? 1012 01:03:07,617 --> 01:03:09,994 l will always have your back, Captain. 1013 01:03:10,078 --> 01:03:12,955 Yeah, maybe l'll meet up with some friends 1014 01:03:13,874 --> 01:03:16,667 Yeah, maybe l'll meet up with some dogs 1015 01:03:17,711 --> 01:03:19,879 'Cause you're supposed to be 1016 01:03:19,963 --> 01:03:21,338 You're supposed to be 1017 01:03:21,423 --> 01:03:23,757 Supposed to be my friend 1018 01:03:23,842 --> 01:03:27,052 You're supposed to be my friend now 1019 01:03:30,932 --> 01:03:32,016 Hey. 1020 01:03:32,434 --> 01:03:33,893 Hey, Greg Heffley. 1021 01:03:36,104 --> 01:03:40,357 So, l was thinking maybe you might want to have a sleepover? 1022 01:03:41,526 --> 01:03:43,569 Yeah. With who? 1023 01:03:44,696 --> 01:03:45,905 Me. 1024 01:03:46,239 --> 01:03:47,573 Yeah, when? 1025 01:03:48,825 --> 01:03:49,909 Now. 1026 01:03:51,077 --> 01:03:53,120 Greg Heffley, l love you ! 1027 01:03:53,205 --> 01:03:55,331 We are going to be best friends forever! 1028 01:03:56,875 --> 01:03:59,251 Wanna have a tickle fight? 1029 01:04:03,423 --> 01:04:05,925 Okay. Let's get inside. 1030 01:04:08,595 --> 01:04:10,346 l can't believe it! 1031 01:04:10,639 --> 01:04:14,725 Greg Heffley's in my room ! Greg Heffley's in my room, Rebecca. 1032 01:04:15,018 --> 01:04:17,937 What do you want to do, Greg Heffley? How about Twister? 1033 01:04:18,021 --> 01:04:20,898 l'm not really that much of a Twister guy. 1034 01:04:21,858 --> 01:04:23,108 Candy! Wait! 1035 01:04:23,193 --> 01:04:25,569 No, no, no! Fregley, come on ! Really! 1036 01:04:25,779 --> 01:04:27,571 l really think we should save those for later! 1037 01:04:27,656 --> 01:04:29,156 Maybe we should go outside and. . . 1038 01:04:29,241 --> 01:04:30,783 My mom doesn't let me have sugar. 1039 01:04:30,867 --> 01:04:34,495 She says high glucose in my diet induces hyperactivity. 1040 01:04:35,914 --> 01:04:37,748 But it's so good ! 1041 01:04:38,250 --> 01:04:39,875 Greg Heffley, you want to jumpety-jump? 1042 01:04:39,960 --> 01:04:41,710 Yeah, you know what, Fregley? l just remembered, 1043 01:04:41,795 --> 01:04:44,255 l have an appointment, a really important appointment. 1044 01:04:44,339 --> 01:04:48,300 lt's a homework appointment. Yeah, and l really should be going. 1045 01:04:51,513 --> 01:04:52,846 Get away from me! 1046 01:04:55,642 --> 01:04:58,352 l can fly! Whoa. 1047 01:04:58,603 --> 01:05:00,604 How fun, Greg Heffley! 1048 01:05:01,064 --> 01:05:05,526 Greg? Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg? Greg? Greg? 1049 01:05:07,153 --> 01:05:09,780 l hear you breathing, Greg Heffley. 1050 01:05:36,433 --> 01:05:38,017 Dear Gregory 1051 01:05:38,184 --> 01:05:41,687 l'm very sorry l chased you with a booger on my finger. 1052 01:05:42,188 --> 01:05:45,482 Here, l put it on this paper so you can get me back. 1053 01:05:59,205 --> 01:06:00,372 What? 1054 01:06:04,836 --> 01:06:06,170 All right. 1055 01:06:07,213 --> 01:06:11,800 Okay, enough. l'll show Rowley I don't need him. 1056 01:06:11,885 --> 01:06:14,637 When he sees me in the yearbook as Most TaIented, 1057 01:06:14,721 --> 01:06:16,722 he's gonna come running back. 1058 01:06:18,933 --> 01:06:22,853 Okay, since there are so many of you here auditioning, 1059 01:06:22,937 --> 01:06:27,733 to save time, we're gonna do a group sing of one of my favorite songs. 1060 01:06:27,817 --> 01:06:30,527 Please refer to the lyrics on this handout. 1061 01:06:30,612 --> 01:06:34,239 l will pick out the best voices and place you accordingly. 1062 01:07:36,803 --> 01:07:42,015 Greg Heffley, what a lovely soprano voice you have. l'm stunned ! 1063 01:07:42,976 --> 01:07:44,852 Maybe you should be Dorothy! 1064 01:07:48,815 --> 01:07:50,774 No, no, l can't be. . . No! 1065 01:07:51,234 --> 01:07:54,486 Greg Heffley was suspended from the school Safety Patrol ! 1066 01:07:54,571 --> 01:07:58,157 How can you trust him with the lead role in the play? 1067 01:07:58,283 --> 01:08:00,451 He can't be Dorothy! l'm Dorothy! 1068 01:08:00,535 --> 01:08:01,660 All right, Patty, calm down. 1069 01:08:01,745 --> 01:08:03,787 l'm Dorothy! l am ! 1070 01:08:04,038 --> 01:08:07,374 My mother is the president of the P.T.A. 1071 01:08:07,459 --> 01:08:09,668 She can ruin your life! 1072 01:08:10,378 --> 01:08:11,920 Just an idea. 1073 01:08:13,173 --> 01:08:17,593 All right, well, Greg, your voice is too high for any of the other male roles. 1074 01:08:17,677 --> 01:08:19,678 Perhaps you can be a tree! 1075 01:08:19,971 --> 01:08:21,180 A tree? 1076 01:08:22,223 --> 01:08:23,432 No way. 1077 01:08:29,856 --> 01:08:32,983 The trees get to throw apples at Patty Farrell. 1078 01:08:33,693 --> 01:08:35,819 Haven't you seen the movie? 1079 01:08:45,914 --> 01:08:48,207 Wait, we don't get arm holes? 1080 01:08:48,291 --> 01:08:50,626 How are we gonna throw apples at Dorothy without arm holes? 1081 01:08:50,710 --> 01:08:53,796 You don't need arm holes because nobody's throwing any apples. 1082 01:08:53,880 --> 01:08:57,674 We're not doing the movie. ln my version, the trees sing. 1083 01:08:57,842 --> 01:08:59,551 These, my dear. 1084 01:08:59,719 --> 01:09:03,388 Down the winding yellow road 1085 01:09:03,765 --> 01:09:07,810 Doth she know to where it goes 1086 01:09:07,894 --> 01:09:11,480 With her dog so smaII and true 1087 01:09:11,606 --> 01:09:14,149 We hope she fares well 1088 01:09:14,234 --> 01:09:18,403 Yes, we do 1089 01:09:24,077 --> 01:09:27,204 My tooth ! l think l knocked out my tooth ! 1090 01:09:27,288 --> 01:09:29,790 Perhaps we should cut out some arm holes. 1091 01:09:29,874 --> 01:09:31,583 ls he okay? You think? 1092 01:09:45,181 --> 01:09:48,684 lsn't this exciting? Your son's in a play. 1093 01:09:48,768 --> 01:09:52,437 Yeah, sure. lt's not wrestling, but. . . 1094 01:09:55,316 --> 01:09:57,150 But at least it's something. Come on, Toto. 1095 01:09:57,235 --> 01:10:01,113 Let us explore this magical path ! 1096 01:10:08,454 --> 01:10:09,538 Bubby! 1097 01:10:10,874 --> 01:10:13,333 Bubby! Bubby! 1098 01:10:13,418 --> 01:10:14,960 Bubby. 1099 01:10:17,755 --> 01:10:20,966 Hey, Bubby, l think you dropped an apple. 1100 01:10:21,092 --> 01:10:22,092 Huh? 1101 01:10:25,555 --> 01:10:29,224 We three trees from yonder glen 1102 01:10:29,309 --> 01:10:33,896 Do spy a fair and sweet maiden 1103 01:10:33,980 --> 01:10:37,524 WhiIst we're rooted to our spots 1104 01:10:37,609 --> 01:10:42,154 ln silver slippers she doth trot 1105 01:10:42,322 --> 01:10:45,908 Down the winding yellow road 1106 01:10:45,992 --> 01:10:46,950 Oh, yes. 1107 01:10:47,035 --> 01:10:50,329 Doth she know to where it goes 1108 01:10:50,413 --> 01:10:51,538 You're dead. 1109 01:10:51,623 --> 01:10:54,249 With her dog so smaII and true 1110 01:10:54,334 --> 01:10:56,627 We hope she fares well 1111 01:10:56,711 --> 01:11:00,797 Yes, we do 1112 01:11:00,882 --> 01:11:03,508 We three trees from... 1113 01:11:09,098 --> 01:11:10,807 From yonder glen ! 1114 01:11:10,892 --> 01:11:14,353 Wish her joy through journey's end ! 1115 01:11:17,607 --> 01:11:24,279 Sing ! 1116 01:11:24,364 --> 01:11:25,656 This bites! 1117 01:11:25,990 --> 01:11:27,950 Come on, Greg Heffley! 1118 01:11:28,034 --> 01:11:31,453 Stop ruining the play like you ruin everything else! 1119 01:11:32,455 --> 01:11:36,291 Don't make me come over there and beat you up again ! 1120 01:11:49,889 --> 01:11:53,600 Eat this! 1121 01:11:57,981 --> 01:11:58,981 Wow. 1122 01:12:13,871 --> 01:12:15,831 What'd you think? l thought he was the best one up there. 1123 01:12:15,915 --> 01:12:17,374 Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. 1124 01:12:17,458 --> 01:12:18,709 You know, l'm. . . 1125 01:12:25,591 --> 01:12:27,759 l thought Dorothy deserved it. 1126 01:12:29,595 --> 01:12:31,138 Thanks, Dad. 1127 01:12:32,265 --> 01:12:34,725 You got some good shots in there. 1128 01:12:41,524 --> 01:12:43,775 Look what l found in the trash. 1129 01:12:43,860 --> 01:12:45,527 Guess you threw it away by accident. 1130 01:12:46,154 --> 01:12:47,362 Give it back, Rodrick! 1131 01:12:47,447 --> 01:12:49,322 No way! You want it? 1132 01:12:49,407 --> 01:12:51,283 Come and get it then ! Come on. 1133 01:12:51,367 --> 01:12:53,035 Give it! Come on ! 1134 01:12:53,119 --> 01:12:55,370 Use your muscular legs! No, you can't have it. 1135 01:12:55,455 --> 01:12:56,955 Okay, okay, boys! Give it back! 1136 01:12:57,040 --> 01:12:58,290 Hold on, don't you want it? Okay! 1137 01:12:58,374 --> 01:12:59,791 lt's for you. 1138 01:13:01,711 --> 01:13:04,755 lt's an invitation for the Mother and Son Sweetheart Dance. 1139 01:13:05,965 --> 01:13:07,924 l knew you didn't want to miss that. 1140 01:13:08,009 --> 01:13:09,468 lt looks like a lot of fun. 1141 01:13:09,552 --> 01:13:12,554 l think you should go. l think it'd be a lot of fun. 1142 01:13:12,638 --> 01:13:15,849 Fun? That's the exact opposite of fun! 1143 01:13:17,018 --> 01:13:20,812 This entire year has been terribIe and nobody even cares! 1144 01:13:20,938 --> 01:13:23,315 My family, my best friend. 1145 01:13:23,941 --> 01:13:27,194 WeII, I'm sick of it. Somebody needs to pay. 1146 01:13:32,075 --> 01:13:36,411 Okay, Manny, l'm putting this Tootsie Roll in Rodrick's backpack. 1147 01:13:37,163 --> 01:13:41,833 lt's for Rodrick, so whatever you do, don't touch the Tootsie Roll. 1148 01:13:42,752 --> 01:13:44,002 Mmm-hmm. 1149 01:13:47,173 --> 01:13:50,300 Greg? Coaster. Where's he. . . 1150 01:13:52,512 --> 01:13:55,680 Manny? Where did you get that? 1151 01:14:02,563 --> 01:14:05,023 Oh, my. That's offensive. 1152 01:14:13,825 --> 01:14:16,118 Rodrick? Rodrick! 1153 01:14:17,453 --> 01:14:20,038 l need to talk to you inside! Now! 1154 01:14:20,706 --> 01:14:24,126 Go ahead and talk. We're a band and we have no secrets. 1155 01:14:24,210 --> 01:14:25,502 Okay, fine. 1156 01:14:25,586 --> 01:14:27,045 What is this? 1157 01:14:29,715 --> 01:14:30,841 lt's not mine. 1158 01:14:30,925 --> 01:14:32,300 lt was in your backpack. 1159 01:14:32,385 --> 01:14:34,553 No, it was in my room. 1160 01:14:37,181 --> 01:14:40,433 Does owning this magazine make you a better person? 1161 01:14:41,519 --> 01:14:42,519 No. 1162 01:14:42,603 --> 01:14:44,396 Did it make you more popular at school? 1163 01:14:44,480 --> 01:14:45,730 Yes! 1164 01:14:46,482 --> 01:14:47,774 No. 1165 01:14:47,859 --> 01:14:52,654 How do you feel about having owned this type of magazine? 1166 01:14:54,240 --> 01:14:56,116 Ashamed ! Nice. 1167 01:14:56,200 --> 01:14:57,200 Hmm. 1168 01:14:59,579 --> 01:15:03,165 Do you have anything you wanna say to women 1169 01:15:03,249 --> 01:15:07,127 for having owned this offensive magazine? 1170 01:15:08,713 --> 01:15:10,088 l'm sorry, women. 1171 01:15:10,256 --> 01:15:11,298 Yeah, women. 1172 01:15:11,382 --> 01:15:12,924 Yeah. 1173 01:15:15,553 --> 01:15:18,763 You're grounded for two weeks. 1174 01:15:19,056 --> 01:15:22,184 Okay, settle down, Susan ! l think one week is plenty! 1175 01:15:22,268 --> 01:15:25,979 Make it four weeks and l'm gonna need the keys to your van ! 1176 01:15:26,439 --> 01:15:27,606 My van? 1177 01:15:28,733 --> 01:15:31,276 Yeah ! Yeah. 1178 01:15:33,112 --> 01:15:34,279 Yeah. 1179 01:15:36,449 --> 01:15:37,782 Hello? 1180 01:15:39,035 --> 01:15:40,285 HeIIo? 1181 01:15:53,758 --> 01:15:55,550 All right, smile. 1182 01:15:55,885 --> 01:15:58,845 Look at this place! Wanna dance? 1183 01:15:59,513 --> 01:16:02,057 Mom, stop dancing. You're embarrassing me. 1184 01:16:02,141 --> 01:16:05,310 Come on. l'm just keeping time to the music. 1185 01:16:05,394 --> 01:16:07,938 l'm begging you, please stop it. 1186 01:16:08,022 --> 01:16:09,981 Okay, okay, okay. 1187 01:16:12,068 --> 01:16:13,276 Thanks, honey. 1188 01:16:14,487 --> 01:16:15,737 Hi ! 1189 01:16:15,821 --> 01:16:18,198 Well, if we're not here to dance, 1190 01:16:18,282 --> 01:16:20,700 maybe you should go talk to Rowley. 1191 01:16:21,035 --> 01:16:23,578 l think it's time you two made up. 1192 01:16:24,163 --> 01:16:25,413 l can't. 1193 01:16:26,165 --> 01:16:30,126 Sweetheart, he's your best friend. 1194 01:16:31,128 --> 01:16:34,631 And sometimes, when somebody's worth it, 1195 01:16:34,715 --> 01:16:37,175 you just have to put yourself out there. 1196 01:16:39,804 --> 01:16:41,930 l wouldn't know what to say. 1197 01:16:42,348 --> 01:16:45,558 Well, l could go for an ice cream after the dance. 1198 01:16:45,643 --> 01:16:48,228 Maybe you could invite him to join us. 1199 01:16:48,396 --> 01:16:49,479 Yeah. 1200 01:16:55,778 --> 01:16:57,195 Hey, Rowley. 1201 01:16:59,156 --> 01:17:00,282 Hey. 1202 01:17:00,616 --> 01:17:04,286 So you want to go get some ice cream after? 1203 01:17:04,620 --> 01:17:07,539 l'm sorry. We already have plans. 1204 01:17:09,125 --> 01:17:11,710 Yeah. We do. 1205 01:17:13,546 --> 01:17:18,174 Oh, fine. My mom wanted me to ask. So l did. 1206 01:17:18,592 --> 01:17:20,719 l didn't even want to go. 1207 01:17:29,687 --> 01:17:30,895 Well? 1208 01:17:34,525 --> 01:17:36,484 Honey, l'm sorry. 1209 01:17:41,365 --> 01:17:42,574 Yeah ! 1210 01:17:54,337 --> 01:17:57,714 Well, now, don't you tell me to smile 1211 01:17:57,798 --> 01:17:59,674 You stick around l'll make it worth your while 1212 01:17:59,759 --> 01:18:02,260 Got numbers beyond what you can dial 1213 01:18:02,345 --> 01:18:04,512 Maybe it's because I'm so versatiIe 1214 01:18:04,597 --> 01:18:06,806 StyIe profiIe, I said 1215 01:18:06,891 --> 01:18:09,059 lt always brings me back when I hear, Ooh, ChiId 1216 01:18:09,143 --> 01:18:11,269 From the Hudson River out to the NiIe 1217 01:18:11,354 --> 01:18:13,480 I run the marathon till the very last mile 1218 01:18:13,564 --> 01:18:15,899 lf you battle me I wiII reviIe 1219 01:18:15,983 --> 01:18:18,068 People always say my style is wild 1220 01:18:18,152 --> 01:18:20,403 You've got gall, you've got guile 1221 01:18:20,488 --> 01:18:22,697 To step to me, l'm a rapophile 1222 01:18:22,782 --> 01:18:24,866 lf you want to battle, you're in denial 1223 01:18:24,950 --> 01:18:27,160 Coming from Uranus to check my style 1224 01:18:27,244 --> 01:18:29,412 Go ahead, put my rhymes on trial 1225 01:18:29,497 --> 01:18:31,748 Cast you off into exiIe 1226 01:18:43,094 --> 01:18:45,345 You have got to be kidding me. 1227 01:18:58,818 --> 01:19:00,985 - Hey, what's up? - Hey. 1228 01:19:10,663 --> 01:19:14,249 Hey. 1229 01:19:15,167 --> 01:19:17,919 So, l left my racing game at your house 1230 01:19:18,003 --> 01:19:20,130 and Collin's sleeping over tonight. 1231 01:19:20,214 --> 01:19:21,840 So l need it back. 1232 01:19:22,675 --> 01:19:24,926 What? No way. 1233 01:19:25,010 --> 01:19:26,553 Finders, keepers. 1234 01:19:26,679 --> 01:19:28,930 You didn't find it, l left it. 1235 01:19:29,932 --> 01:19:33,059 Fine, then leavers, losers. 1236 01:19:34,186 --> 01:19:36,271 That's not even a real thing. 1237 01:19:36,355 --> 01:19:37,814 lt is if l say it is. 1238 01:19:37,898 --> 01:19:39,441 lt's my game. 1239 01:19:39,525 --> 01:19:40,692 Do you know what? 1240 01:19:40,776 --> 01:19:43,736 You wouldn't even have that game if l hadn't told you about it. 1241 01:19:43,821 --> 01:19:45,738 You wouldn't have half the stuff you have without me. 1242 01:19:45,823 --> 01:19:48,241 Yeah, like a broken hand ! 1243 01:19:49,869 --> 01:19:51,703 That was a million years ago. 1244 01:19:51,787 --> 01:19:53,455 lt clicks now! 1245 01:19:54,039 --> 01:19:56,708 Hear that? Click, click, click, click. 1246 01:19:56,792 --> 01:19:58,585 And it's all your fault! 1247 01:19:58,669 --> 01:20:00,003 lt was an accident! 1248 01:20:00,087 --> 01:20:02,922 Kick his butt, Rowley! lt's easy. 1249 01:20:03,090 --> 01:20:05,300 Guys, Greg and Rowley are gonna fight. 1250 01:20:05,384 --> 01:20:17,228 Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! 1251 01:20:27,865 --> 01:20:31,493 Come on, what's wrong with you guys? Start punching ! 1252 01:20:33,746 --> 01:20:34,787 You start. 1253 01:20:34,872 --> 01:20:35,997 You start it. 1254 01:20:36,081 --> 01:20:37,499 No, you ! 1255 01:20:39,043 --> 01:20:40,585 Quit copying me! 1256 01:20:41,295 --> 01:20:44,756 This has got to be the worst fight ever! Do something ! 1257 01:20:55,935 --> 01:21:00,188 Well, well, well. Look who we have here. 1258 01:21:00,940 --> 01:21:03,107 You're so freaking dead. 1259 01:21:03,317 --> 01:21:06,027 All you guys better scram or l'm gonna kick your butts, too! 1260 01:21:08,030 --> 01:21:09,656 Not you two. 1261 01:21:12,952 --> 01:21:17,622 You guys have no idea what l'm gonna do to you. 1262 01:21:17,790 --> 01:21:18,790 Oh, um. . . 1263 01:21:20,793 --> 01:21:22,544 What are we gonna do? 1264 01:21:23,629 --> 01:21:25,338 l don't know. We need to move this along. 1265 01:21:25,422 --> 01:21:28,216 My shift at Cinnabon starts in half an hour. 1266 01:21:44,567 --> 01:21:47,735 l know what we're gonna do. Give me the wide one. 1267 01:21:47,945 --> 01:21:49,988 That's you, let's go. 1268 01:21:51,991 --> 01:21:53,449 Pick it up. 1269 01:21:53,534 --> 01:21:55,159 But. . . Pick it up. 1270 01:22:10,175 --> 01:22:12,135 Now eat it. 1271 01:22:12,886 --> 01:22:13,886 No! 1272 01:22:13,971 --> 01:22:17,307 Eat it or l'll shove the entire thing down your throat. 1273 01:22:30,404 --> 01:22:32,780 l don't even want to say exactly what happened 1274 01:22:32,865 --> 01:22:36,367 because if Rowley ever tries to run for President 1275 01:22:36,493 --> 01:22:39,454 and someone finds out what these guys made him do, 1276 01:22:39,538 --> 01:22:41,456 he won't have a chance. 1277 01:22:41,540 --> 01:22:42,874 Now you. 1278 01:22:43,042 --> 01:22:45,001 But l'm allergic to dairy! 1279 01:22:45,085 --> 01:22:47,670 l'll die, and then you'll go to jail ! And. . . 1280 01:22:47,755 --> 01:22:49,213 Hey! 1281 01:22:49,381 --> 01:22:50,548 What are you doing on school property? 1282 01:22:50,633 --> 01:22:51,716 Go, go, go! 1283 01:22:51,800 --> 01:22:52,967 Shotgun ! 1284 01:22:53,052 --> 01:22:55,219 Pete Hosey, is that you? 1285 01:23:00,017 --> 01:23:01,517 You boys okay? 1286 01:23:02,645 --> 01:23:04,228 Yeah? All right. 1287 01:23:08,067 --> 01:23:11,235 Out of my way! Out of my way! 1288 01:23:20,788 --> 01:23:22,747 Oh, my God. 1289 01:23:24,166 --> 01:23:25,750 Rowley Jefferson ate. . . 1290 01:23:25,834 --> 01:23:27,585 l ate the cheese! 1291 01:23:44,937 --> 01:23:47,230 Yeah. l ate it. 1292 01:23:48,023 --> 01:23:50,024 And you know what, people? 1293 01:23:50,609 --> 01:23:52,902 l just did you all a huge favor. 1294 01:23:55,030 --> 01:23:58,950 l ate the cheese to show you all how stupid this whole school is. 1295 01:24:00,452 --> 01:24:01,869 The wrong friends. 1296 01:24:03,497 --> 01:24:05,373 The wrong lunch table. 1297 01:24:06,291 --> 01:24:07,959 The wrong butt? 1298 01:24:09,378 --> 01:24:11,504 lt's all meaningless. 1299 01:24:12,131 --> 01:24:14,298 Just like this cheese. 1300 01:24:15,801 --> 01:24:18,177 l know it. You all know it. 1301 01:24:18,679 --> 01:24:20,221 So come on. 1302 01:24:20,723 --> 01:24:24,559 Everyone else who's sick of it, step forward and join me! 1303 01:24:27,479 --> 01:24:30,565 Cheese Touch ! Greg Heffley has the Cheese Touch ! 1304 01:24:30,649 --> 01:24:31,816 Run ! 1305 01:24:31,900 --> 01:24:34,152 He's got the Cheese Touch ! 1306 01:24:43,203 --> 01:24:46,789 Not bad, Heffley. Not bad at all. 1307 01:24:59,344 --> 01:25:02,764 So you want to come over after school and 1308 01:25:04,224 --> 01:25:05,349 play? 1309 01:25:09,229 --> 01:25:10,438 Yeah. 1310 01:25:13,901 --> 01:25:15,109 Okay. 1311 01:25:30,542 --> 01:25:33,169 Here's your yearbook. Have a great summer. 1312 01:25:33,253 --> 01:25:34,962 Here's your yearbook. Have a great summer. 1313 01:25:35,047 --> 01:25:36,172 Thanks! 1314 01:25:36,632 --> 01:25:38,424 Here's your yearbook. Have a great summer. 1315 01:25:38,509 --> 01:25:39,926 Thanks, Patty. 1316 01:25:40,010 --> 01:25:43,638 Here's your yearbook. You're not in it that much. 1317 01:25:43,722 --> 01:25:46,390 Maybe try to get out there a little next year. 1318 01:25:46,475 --> 01:25:48,434 You know what, Patty? 1319 01:25:48,519 --> 01:25:51,687 One day middle school will end and become high school. 1320 01:25:51,772 --> 01:25:54,315 And after that, it just becomes life. 1321 01:25:54,399 --> 01:25:59,320 And all those things you think are important now won't be anymore. 1322 01:25:59,905 --> 01:26:01,906 You wish. 1323 01:26:03,742 --> 01:26:05,201 As if! 1324 01:26:07,746 --> 01:26:10,039 Handing it to you is like touching you 1325 01:26:10,123 --> 01:26:13,876 and l am way too smart to touch somebody who ate the cheese. 1326 01:26:14,503 --> 01:26:18,130 Rowley! Have a great summer! 1327 01:26:18,590 --> 01:26:19,882 Stay cool. 1328 01:26:20,884 --> 01:26:24,053 Yep, you're way too smart for me, Patty Farrell. 1329 01:26:28,559 --> 01:26:30,852 So the year turned out pretty good. 1330 01:26:30,936 --> 01:26:34,063 My goal was to be a class favorite, and l made it. 1331 01:26:34,147 --> 01:26:38,401 Even if it wasn't exactly the way l planned it. 1332 01:26:39,278 --> 01:26:41,654 Zoo-wee Mama! 1333 01:26:46,201 --> 01:26:48,786 Hey! Oh! 1334 01:26:55,294 --> 01:26:57,545 I don't wanna waste my time again 1335 01:26:57,629 --> 01:26:59,797 By getting wasted with so-caIIed friends 1336 01:26:59,882 --> 01:27:01,132 'Cause they don't know me 1337 01:27:01,216 --> 01:27:04,510 But they pretend to be part of my social scenery 1338 01:27:04,595 --> 01:27:06,345 Hey, maybe l'm a critic, a cynic 1339 01:27:06,430 --> 01:27:09,223 Or am I jaded or am I afraid of it? 1340 01:27:09,308 --> 01:27:10,600 'Cause It's dragging me down 1341 01:27:10,684 --> 01:27:11,767 lt's bumming me out 1342 01:27:11,852 --> 01:27:15,855 lt's making my head spin round and round 1343 01:27:16,481 --> 01:27:17,523 Can you say, "Hey?" 1344 01:27:17,608 --> 01:27:18,733 Can you say, "Oh?" 1345 01:27:18,817 --> 01:27:21,110 That's right, what do you want from me? 1346 01:27:21,194 --> 01:27:22,361 Can you say, "Hey?" 1347 01:27:22,446 --> 01:27:23,446 Can you say, "Oh?" 1348 01:27:23,530 --> 01:27:25,948 That's right, what do you want from me? 1349 01:27:26,033 --> 01:27:28,034 l get the feeling we're on to something 1350 01:27:28,118 --> 01:27:30,411 l say jump and you start jumping 1351 01:27:30,495 --> 01:27:31,787 Can you say, "Hey?" 1352 01:27:31,872 --> 01:27:33,039 Can you say, "Oh?" 1353 01:27:33,123 --> 01:27:35,666 That's right, what do you want from me? 1354 01:27:35,751 --> 01:27:37,960 Just another day in the Iife of me 1355 01:27:38,045 --> 01:27:40,254 It's 3:00 am, and l can't sleep 1356 01:27:40,339 --> 01:27:41,964 Maybe l'm a critic, a cynic 1357 01:27:42,049 --> 01:27:44,842 Or am I crazy? Do they all hate me? 1358 01:27:44,927 --> 01:27:47,261 'Cause they pick me up and throw me down 1359 01:27:47,346 --> 01:27:51,849 lt's making my head spin round and round 1360 01:27:54,353 --> 01:27:55,478 Can you say, "Hey?" 1361 01:27:55,562 --> 01:27:56,687 Can you say, "Oh?" 1362 01:27:56,772 --> 01:27:59,065 That's right, what do you want from me? 1363 01:27:59,149 --> 01:28:00,316 Can you say, "Hey?" 1364 01:28:00,400 --> 01:28:01,442 Can you say, "Oh?" 1365 01:28:01,526 --> 01:28:03,486 That's right, what do you want from me? 1366 01:28:03,570 --> 01:28:05,780 l get the feeling, we're on to something 1367 01:28:05,864 --> 01:28:08,407 l say jump and you start jumping 1368 01:28:08,492 --> 01:28:09,617 Can you say, "Hey?" 1369 01:28:09,701 --> 01:28:10,952 Can you say, "Oh?" 1370 01:28:11,036 --> 01:28:13,162 That's right, now what do you want from me? 1371 01:28:13,246 --> 01:28:14,413 Can you say, "Hey?" 1372 01:28:14,498 --> 01:28:15,623 Can you say, "Oh?" 1373 01:28:15,707 --> 01:28:17,833 That's right, what do you want from me? 1374 01:28:17,918 --> 01:28:19,126 Can you say, "Hey?" 1375 01:28:19,211 --> 01:28:20,294 Can you say, "Oh?" 1376 01:28:20,379 --> 01:28:22,505 That's right, what do you want from me? 1377 01:28:22,589 --> 01:28:24,632 l get the feeling, we're on to something 1378 01:28:24,716 --> 01:28:27,343 l say jump and you start jumping 1379 01:28:27,427 --> 01:28:28,594 Can you say, "Hey?" 1380 01:28:28,679 --> 01:28:29,804 Can you say, "Oh?" 1381 01:28:29,888 --> 01:28:32,056 That's right, what do you want from me?