1
00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:30,883
Hey, Melodie.

2
00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:33,636
- Hey.
- Look, I know

3
00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:37,268
we've known each other
for a really long time.

4
00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:41,735
And we live across the street
from each other and stuff.

5
00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:43,024
And...

6
00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:46,949
I know, like, in four days,

7
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,698
I'm sure, if...

8
00:01:49,698 --> 00:01:52,154
- You know, prom's, like, in four days...
- Oh, my God.

9
00:01:52,154 --> 00:01:54,080
You're not asking me to prom, are you?

10
00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:01,713
Fuck, no.

11
00:02:01,713 --> 00:02:03,665
No, I... No, I just...

12
00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:07,253
- You're probably going with someone.
- I'm sorry.

13
00:02:07,253 --> 00:02:09,088
I don't know how to put this nicely.

14
00:02:09,088 --> 00:02:10,639
There's not a nice way to put it.

15
00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:12,182
You're a fucking nerd.

16
00:02:12,182 --> 00:02:15,056
And, you know... I don't know. She's hot.

17
00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:18,059
Look at her. Look at her.

18
00:02:18,059 --> 00:02:20,558
- Look at her. Look at her. Look at her.
- I'll see you later.

19
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,897
- Bye.
- All right, buddy, good talk.

20
00:02:22,897 --> 00:02:24,478
Dude, classic.

21
00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:28,983
<i>Greg Jenko to the principal's office.
Greg Jenko to the principal's office.</i>

22
00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:30,784
- Shit.
- Good luck, bro.

23
00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:32,986
I said loud and clear,

24
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:36,415
if you didn't get your grades up,
you weren't going to the prom.

25
00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:39,288
You, my friend, are about to pay the piper.

26
00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:41,253
I should pay who?

27
00:02:41,253 --> 00:02:43,501
You're not going to the prom.

28
00:02:43,501 --> 00:02:45,833
Boy, you lucky you even graduating.

29
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,302
But I'm going to be prom king.

30
00:02:49,302 --> 00:02:51,346
I'm glad you had a great time in school.

31
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:54,057
'Cause you ain't learned nothing.

32
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,409
Fuck! Fuck!

33
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,010
Welcome to the Police Academy.

34
00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:33,464
Make sure your form is completely filled out,
then move along.

35
00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:39,470
Not-so-slim Shady, what's up? Holy shit!

36
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,151
Jenko, Schmidt, you're up.

37
00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:47,936
Oh, fuck!

38
00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:53,109
- You're good at this, huh?
- Yeah, I am.

39
00:03:53,109 --> 00:03:54,192
Thank you.

40
00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:57,954
Such bullshit.

41
00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:02,576
You're really good at this.

42
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,623
Yeah, I am.

43
00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:07,206
Hey, you want to be friends?

44
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,882
Come on. Come on, let's go.

45
00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:15,722
Come on, pick your knees up.
Pick your knees up.

46
00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:18,800
I'm telling you right now, it's not a felony.

47
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:22,309
Chill, all right?
Look, if it has intent, it's a felony.

48
00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:29,186
What did I tell you?
Come on, let's go, let's go, let's go!

49
00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:31,192
Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.

50
00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:32,814
Faster. Let's go.

51
00:04:37,152 --> 00:04:38,324
Clear!

52
00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:41,115
Clear!

53
00:04:41,115 --> 00:04:43,200
Come on, come on, come on! Stop.

54
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:44,830
Yes! Yes!

55
00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:50,291
Let me see. Let me see.

56
00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:53,547
Nice.

57
00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:57,464
Ten-hut! Ladies and gentlemen,

58
00:04:57,464 --> 00:05:01,302
I present to you the graduates of Class 137.

59
00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:04,638
Get ready for a lifetime
of being bad-ass motherfuckers.

60
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,064
I am.

61
00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:18,448
I really thought this job would have
more car chases and explosions,

62
00:05:18,448 --> 00:05:20,655
and less homeless people
doo-dooing everywhere.

63
00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:22,993
Do you guys really think
this is a police matter?

64
00:05:22,993 --> 00:05:24,245
To get your Frisbee back?

65
00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:27,749
Get your own fucking Frisbee.

66
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,413
Shit.

67
00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:32,549
Shit! Shit!

68
00:05:32,549 --> 00:05:35,002
Yours isn't loaded, right?

69
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,213
We're supposed to unload them first, right?

70
00:05:37,213 --> 00:05:38,672
What, you... No.

71
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,348
That's no fun. Come on.

72
00:05:40,348 --> 00:05:42,016
Sign says, "Do not feed the ducks."

73
00:05:42,016 --> 00:05:43,264
it's right there.

74
00:05:43,264 --> 00:05:45,391
- Don't you... Don't...
- Don't. Stop it.

75
00:05:45,391 --> 00:05:48,440
Don't. You did it. You fed the ducks.

76
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:50,312
You feel like a big shot?

77
00:05:51,226 --> 00:05:52,773
No fucking way.

78
00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:54,779
One Percenters?

79
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:56,944
These guys are, like, big-time drug dealers.

80
00:05:56,944 --> 00:06:01,028
If we could take them down as our first bust,
we'd be off park duty for sure.

81
00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:03,329
You see what I see?

82
00:06:03,329 --> 00:06:05,282
Cannabis sativa.

83
00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:07,541
Chaka Khan.

84
00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:10,745
Chaka Khan?

85
00:06:26,261 --> 00:06:29,435
Gentlemen. We having a little party?

86
00:06:29,435 --> 00:06:31,892
Have we forgotten
that the use of marijuana is illegal?

87
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:34,527
I have glaucoma.

88
00:06:34,527 --> 00:06:35,980
I get nervous in crowds.

89
00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:37,279
Herpes.

90
00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:41,444
Then you won't mind
if I search your bike, now, would you?

91
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:43,912
Go ahead. You won't find shit.

92
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,790
<i>- Get up.
- Cálmate, gringo.</i>

93
00:06:46,790 --> 00:06:51,416
Man, you guys even real cops?
You look like the kids on Halloween.

94
00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:56,045
If those boys is cops, I'm DEA.

95
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,510
I know, right? I know.

96
00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:00,378
It's hilarious.

97
00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:01,930
So why don't you show us a little respect?

98
00:07:01,930 --> 00:07:03,473
- Fuck you, pig.
- Hey.

99
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,176
You want me to beat your dick off?

100
00:07:05,176 --> 00:07:07,306
You want to beat my dick off?

101
00:07:07,306 --> 00:07:09,228
I'll beat your dick off with both hands.
What's up? Let's go.

102
00:07:09,228 --> 00:07:11,272
- That's weird, man.
- I think what he was trying to say was,

103
00:07:11,272 --> 00:07:13,942
he's going to punch you so many times
around the genital area

104
00:07:13,942 --> 00:07:16,145
that your dick's just going to fall off.

105
00:07:16,145 --> 00:07:17,570
Why do you have salt in your...

106
00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:19,569
- That's actual drugs.
- Oh, my God.

107
00:07:19,569 --> 00:07:21,275
Get on the ground! Hey!

108
00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:22,985
- Come here now!
- What do I do?

109
00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:24,820
- Chase someone!
- Chase someone?

110
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:27,702
Are you leaving your bike here?

111
00:07:27,702 --> 00:07:29,290
Okay. All right.

112
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,994
Don't run from me!
You're making it worse for yourself!

113
00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:34,421
No! Get out of the way!

114
00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:35,748
Stop!

115
00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:40,048
I'm going to shoot you
if you don't slow down, man! Come on!

116
00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:43,592
Hey! Come here!

117
00:07:43,592 --> 00:07:46,175
I'm not playing anymore! I'm so not kidding!

118
00:07:46,175 --> 00:07:48,134
I got him. I got him.

119
00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:55,434
Freeze! Freeze!

120
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,653
Hands up or I shoot you! Freeze!

121
00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:00,363
That's it! Come here!

122
00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:07,863
Freeze! Stop it!

123
00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:12,242
You're a pussy!

124
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:18,131
You got the right to... Give me that!
You got the right to...

125
00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:20,550
to suck my dick, motherfucker!

126
00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:22,252
My elbow.

127
00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:24,300
- You got nothing.
- How's my dick feel in your ass, huh?

128
00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:26,256
- Hey! Hey!
- How's it feel? How's it feel now?

129
00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:28,967
That's right. Schmidt! Schmidt, we got one!

130
00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,469
We got one! I got him!

131
00:08:30,469 --> 00:08:33,226
Yes! Yes!

132
00:08:33,226 --> 00:08:34,897
- Yeah!
- We got an arrest!

133
00:08:34,897 --> 00:08:37,317
- Yeah! We got him!
- Yes!

134
00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:40,899
- Yeah! Fuck you! Yeah!
- Fuck you! Yeah!

135
00:08:40,899 --> 00:08:42,026
What's up?

136
00:08:42,026 --> 00:08:48,488
Drop my nuts
on your motherfucking forehead!

137
00:08:48,488 --> 00:08:50,823
- That's right.
- Fuck you, park!

138
00:08:50,823 --> 00:08:52,703
- We arrest people now!
- What up, park?

139
00:08:52,703 --> 00:08:55,410
- What's up? What's up?
- What up, park? Who wants one?

140
00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:04,510
Congratulations on the bust, boys.
It sounds great.

141
00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:06,304
- Thank you, Cinnamon.
- Are those new?

142
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,890
The department was forced
to drop the charges

143
00:09:08,890 --> 00:09:11,684
because you forgot to read him
his Miranda rights.

144
00:09:11,684 --> 00:09:16,061
What possible reason is there
for not doing the only thing

145
00:09:16,061 --> 00:09:18,312
you have to do when arresting someone?

146
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:22,312
I did read him his right...
I did a version of that.

147
00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:25,528
- Do you even know the Miranda rights?
- Yes.

148
00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:27,484
Let's hear them, then.

149
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:29,615
You got a lot of stuff to do.

150
00:09:29,615 --> 00:09:31,662
No, go ahead.
You going anywhere, Schmidt?

151
00:09:31,662 --> 00:09:32,830
We got time.

152
00:09:32,830 --> 00:09:35,416
I had a thing, but I can probably push it back.

153
00:09:35,416 --> 00:09:38,746
Go ahead. It's four declamatory sentences,
followed by a question,

154
00:09:38,746 --> 00:09:40,421
for a total of 57 words.

155
00:09:40,421 --> 00:09:44,752
Okay. Look, it obviously starts with,
"You have the right to remain silent."

156
00:09:44,752 --> 00:09:47,838
I know you've heard this before. And then,

157
00:09:47,838 --> 00:09:51,425
I think it sounds something like...

158
00:09:51,425 --> 00:09:54,808
- "You have the right to an attorney."
- Well, the thing... Yeah, right.

159
00:09:54,808 --> 00:09:57,480
"You have the right to remain an attorney."

160
00:09:57,480 --> 00:10:00,604
Did you say
that you have the right to be an attorney?

161
00:10:00,604 --> 00:10:04,313
You do have the right to be an attorney,
if you want to.

162
00:10:04,313 --> 00:10:05,521
Where were you?

163
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:09,117
I was chasing my perp, sir.

164
00:10:09,117 --> 00:10:11,035
And how did that go for you?

165
00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:13,704
Honestly, he did get away,

166
00:10:13,704 --> 00:10:15,615
and he threw me down pretty hard.

167
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,871
Actually fucked up my elbow pretty bad.

168
00:10:17,871 --> 00:10:19,077
Can I see that?

169
00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:22,630
Yeah, actually, it hurts
'cause the dirt gets mushed into it.

170
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,166
Wow.

171
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:26,835
Fortunately for you two,

172
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:30,673
we're reviving a canceled
undercover police program from the '80s

173
00:10:30,673 --> 00:10:32,428
and revamping it for modern times.

174
00:10:32,428 --> 00:10:33,804
You see, the guys in charge of this stuff

175
00:10:33,804 --> 00:10:37,103
lack creativity
and are completely out of ideas,

176
00:10:37,103 --> 00:10:40,975
so all they do now
is recycle shit from the past

177
00:10:40,975 --> 00:10:42,900
and expect us all not to notice.

178
00:10:42,900 --> 00:10:47,193
One of these programs
involves the use of young,

179
00:10:47,193 --> 00:10:48,990
immature-seeming officers.

180
00:10:48,990 --> 00:10:52,660
Sir, are you saying
that you're going to send us into, like,

181
00:10:52,660 --> 00:10:55,614
a child sex slavery ring or something?

182
00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:59,292
Sir, if I have to suck somebody's dick, I will.

183
00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:03,125
It's just... I'd prefer not to.

184
00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:05,297
I think you idiots are perfect.

185
00:11:05,297 --> 00:11:06,837
You're officially transferred.

186
00:11:06,837 --> 00:11:08,463
- All right. Yeah.
- That's great.

187
00:11:08,463 --> 00:11:10,261
Where should we report to?

188
00:11:10,261 --> 00:11:11,963
Down on Jump Street.

189
00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:13,923
37 Jump Street.

190
00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:17,143
No, that doesn't sound right.

191
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:18,432
Is it...

192
00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:23,232
This has got to be a joke.

193
00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:25,143
This is it.

194
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,486
Aroma of Christ Church?

195
00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,508
How's it going?

196
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,718
This place is weird.

197
00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:10,564
Everybody comfortable?

198
00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:12,315
Yeah.

199
00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:18,204
Get your motherfucking ass up
when I'm talking!

200
00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:22,492
You will be going undercover
as high school students.

201
00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:26,581
You are here simply because you look young.

202
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:28,673
You some Justin Beaver,

203
00:12:28,673 --> 00:12:31,592
Miley Cyrus-looking motherfuckers.

204
00:12:31,592 --> 00:12:33,131
Captain Sassy.

205
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:34,887
I know what you're thinking,

206
00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:37,591
"Angry Black Captain."

207
00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:40,268
It ain't nothing but a stupid stereotype.

208
00:12:40,268 --> 00:12:42,721
Well, guess what, motherfuckers.

209
00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:44,056
I'm black.

210
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:47,233
And I worked my ass off to be the captain!

211
00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:51,900
And sometimes I get angry.

212
00:12:51,900 --> 00:12:53,527
So suck a dick!

213
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:55,780
What I'm trying to show you is,

214
00:12:55,780 --> 00:12:57,948
embrace your stereotypes.

215
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:02,036
Like this guy right here. Handsome.

216
00:13:02,036 --> 00:13:03,700
And he's probably a dummy.

217
00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:05,956
And then this guy.

218
00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:09,085
He's short and insecure.

219
00:13:09,085 --> 00:13:10,710
And he's probably good with money.

220
00:13:10,710 --> 00:13:13,134
- You are good with money.
- What the fuck?

221
00:13:13,134 --> 00:13:15,632
Didn't somebody tell you guys
this was an undercover unit?

222
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,259
I don't... I actually didn't..

223
00:13:17,259 --> 00:13:18,555
I didn't get a letter or anything.

224
00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:21,350
- Yeah, like, a start time...
- With a dress code or anything like that.

225
00:13:21,350 --> 00:13:23,224
Teenage the fuck up!

226
00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:28,600
Rule number one at Jump Street. Fugazy.

227
00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:30,352
Do not get expelled.

228
00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:33,484
Nobody in the system knows you're here.
All right? Nobody.

229
00:13:33,484 --> 00:13:35,156
You get kicked out of school,

230
00:13:35,156 --> 00:13:38,906
your monkey ass is getting kicked out
of Jump Street.

231
00:13:38,906 --> 00:13:40,737
Rule number two. Burns.

232
00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:45,417
Do not have sexual relations
with students or teachers, sir.

233
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:48,120
You hear that? That's you.

234
00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:49,916
- Don't do it, man.
- Why...

235
00:13:49,916 --> 00:13:52,624
- Keep that dirty dick in your pants.
- Dirty?

236
00:13:52,624 --> 00:13:54,425
Don't fuck no students.

237
00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:56,089
Don't fuck no teachers.

238
00:13:56,419 --> 00:13:59,639
Sir, I know we come off
as a couple of lady-killers,

239
00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:02,888
but I promise you
we will be super professional on the job.

240
00:14:02,888 --> 00:14:05,436
Clearly, I wasn't talking to you, Big Titties.

241
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,768
You Cherub-looking motherfucker.

242
00:14:07,768 --> 00:14:10,191
I was talking to your partner over here.

243
00:14:10,191 --> 00:14:12,234
Fake-ass Handsome McGee.

244
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,278
When I'm talking to him, I'm talking to him.

245
00:14:14,278 --> 00:14:15,526
When I say, "Shut the fuck up,"

246
00:14:15,526 --> 00:14:17,073
- I'm talking to you.
- Cool.

247
00:14:17,073 --> 00:14:20,694
Now, you two sons of bitches,
in my office now.

248
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:21,949
Right now!

249
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:24,621
<i>Hi. I am Billiam Willingham.</i>

250
00:14:24,621 --> 00:14:26,286
<i>So I bought these,</i>

251
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,619
<i>which is all anybody seems
to be talking about right now.</i>

252
00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:31,291
<i>Cheers.</i>

253
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:33,668
It's a new synthetic drug.

254
00:14:33,668 --> 00:14:36,922
Goes by the street name H.F.S.

255
00:14:36,922 --> 00:14:38,969
<i>Holy fucking shit.</i>

256
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,631
<i>Holy...</i>

257
00:14:40,631 --> 00:14:42,807
They put this on the Internet
for everybody to see?

258
00:14:42,807 --> 00:14:45,556
They're teenagers, man.
They're really stupid.

259
00:14:45,556 --> 00:14:47,478
So you should blend right in.

260
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:06,824
<i>Jessica, will you go to prom with me?
But I already know the answer It's yes.</i>

261
00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:22,721
I could watch this kid all day.

262
00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:24,382
Man, this kid rules.

263
00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:25,846
Ruled.

264
00:15:25,846 --> 00:15:29,179
His parents found him OD'd
in his room a few days ago.

265
00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:30,559
He's dead.

266
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:35,189
Whatever he took,
the lab has never seen it before.

267
00:15:35,393 --> 00:15:38,363
And as you can see, this kid is white.

268
00:15:38,363 --> 00:15:41,198
That means people actually give a shit.

269
00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:45,237
Sir, I just want to throw out to you
that I would give a shit if he was black.

270
00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:52,085
Right now, H.F.S.
is contained right there at Sagan High.

271
00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:56,456
Now, once this drug breaks containment,
it goes viral in a few days.

272
00:15:56,456 --> 00:16:00,252
Jenko, I looked at your old transcript.

273
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:03,304
I enrolled you in a bunch of bullshit courses

274
00:16:03,304 --> 00:16:05,427
like photography and drama.

275
00:16:05,427 --> 00:16:07,929
Get in with the burnouts and the cool kids.

276
00:16:07,929 --> 00:16:09,761
Find out who's slinging this shit.

277
00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:12,097
Schmidt, says you were a virgin

278
00:16:12,097 --> 00:16:13,727
- through high school.
- It says that?

279
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,566
No. I just assumed it,

280
00:16:15,566 --> 00:16:20,943
due to your many years on the honor roll
and your membership to the juggling squad.

281
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:24,363
It's the Juggling Society,
but it's fine. It's fine.

282
00:16:24,363 --> 00:16:26,820
They're stealing equipment
from the chemistry lab.

283
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:29,031
That's what we think
they're cooking the dope with.

284
00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:31,658
I enrolled you into honors chemistry.

285
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:34,711
Here's your new identities, all right?

286
00:16:34,711 --> 00:16:36,628
Brad and Doug McQuaid.

287
00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:38,498
The mission is this.

288
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:41,004
Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.

289
00:16:41,004 --> 00:16:42,926
We get to be brothers?

290
00:16:42,926 --> 00:16:46,097
Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.

291
00:16:46,097 --> 00:16:48,800
But if we find the supplier first,
we don't have to worry about the dealers.

292
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:51,636
God damn.
Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.

293
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,700
Hey, Korean Jesus.

294
00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:14,459
I don't know if you only cater
to Korean Christians

295
00:17:14,459 --> 00:17:18,705
or if you even exist. No offense.

296
00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:23,213
I just...

297
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:28,014
I'm really freaked out
about going back to high school.

298
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:34,479
It was just so fucking hard the first time.

299
00:17:36,097 --> 00:17:40,477
I know we haven't made our first arrest,
or maybe I'm not the best cop.

300
00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:44,147
Korean Jesus,
I just really don't want to fuck this up.

301
00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:46,820
I'm sorry for swearing so much.

302
00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:49,493
The end?

303
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:52,947
I don't really know now to end a prayer.
The end?

304
00:17:52,947 --> 00:17:54,202
Yeah.

305
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:00,871
Hey! Hey!

306
00:18:01,289 --> 00:18:03,337
Stop fucking with Korean Jesus!

307
00:18:03,337 --> 00:18:05,835
He ain't got time for your problems. He busy!

308
00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,465
With Korean shit.

309
00:18:07,465 --> 00:18:10,048
- You two get to your mama house ASAP.
- What?

310
00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:12,808
You're teenagers now, all right?

311
00:18:12,808 --> 00:18:15,102
You two are staying
at Schmidt's parents' house

312
00:18:15,102 --> 00:18:16,895
for the duration of this assignment.

313
00:18:16,895 --> 00:18:18,348
Fuck me.

314
00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:21,059
This house is adorable.

315
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,774
My baby's home! Come here.

316
00:18:23,774 --> 00:18:25,480
You will always be
my infant angel baby child.

317
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,281
There's my guy.

318
00:18:27,281 --> 00:18:28,949
It's great to see you guys.

319
00:18:28,949 --> 00:18:32,404
- Hey.
- Schmidt family! Up top, Papa Schmidt.

320
00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:34,614
Oh, my God.
Mama Schmidt, did you do all this yourself?

321
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,825
- This is unbelievable.
- Well, yeah.

322
00:18:36,825 --> 00:18:39,126
- I guess I did.
- It's gorgeous!

323
00:18:39,126 --> 00:18:40,703
So are you.

324
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:44,253
Honey, listen, I want to tell you,
we did blow up the air mattress in your room

325
00:18:44,253 --> 00:18:45,549
'cause we're kind of using that
as a workout area,

326
00:18:45,549 --> 00:18:47,293
so I hope you don't mind the elliptical.

327
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:50,092
No, no! Jenko, Jenko, oh, my God, please.
No, no.

328
00:18:50,092 --> 00:18:52,048
Don't touch that.
We just brought it back from Sedona.

329
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:54,634
Guys, can we get rid of this stuff?

330
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,185
I mean, it looks like I died in a car crash

331
00:18:56,185 --> 00:18:58,479
- and you guys haven't moved on.
- Rid of it?

332
00:18:58,479 --> 00:19:01,103
If we take it down,
we have to stop bragging about you.

333
00:19:01,103 --> 00:19:03,435
<i>I look like Fred Savage
from The Wonder Years,</i>

334
00:19:03,435 --> 00:19:06,400
but completely naked,
wearing Indian friendship bracelets.

335
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,481
That is a great picture, Morton.

336
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:09,907
You look like a young Jay Leno.

337
00:19:09,907 --> 00:19:12,610
Am I even wearing underwear in this picture?

338
00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:14,995
No.

339
00:19:14,995 --> 00:19:16,789
I remember. You know why?

340
00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:19,663
Because I've told it to a therapist
about 8,000 times.

341
00:19:19,663 --> 00:19:24,088
I mean, this is a fourth grade
participation medal for soccer.

342
00:19:24,088 --> 00:19:25,710
It's literally a medal for sucking.

343
00:19:25,710 --> 00:19:27,713
- No, that is a medal for trying.
- Yes.

344
00:19:27,713 --> 00:19:31,672
Let me tell you something.
This guy was always a great tryer.

345
00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:34,883
That must be Phyllis.
She is just dying to see you.

346
00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:38,014
What? Mom, you told Phyllis I was here?
She's going to tell the whole neighborhood.

347
00:19:38,014 --> 00:19:41,098
I told you, it's an undercover assignment.
It's super secretive.

348
00:19:41,098 --> 00:19:43,482
"Undercover." That's so cute.

349
00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:47,232
- I'm going upstairs.
- Okay, honey. I want you to know

350
00:19:47,232 --> 00:19:48,733
- we are so glad you're here.
- Okay.

351
00:19:48,733 --> 00:19:50,781
That's great. Thank you.

352
00:19:50,781 --> 00:19:53,109
- All right. Where is he?
- He's upstairs.

353
00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:55,991
He just needs to take a little rest,
and then he's dying to see you, too.

354
00:19:55,991 --> 00:19:58,368
- Bye-bye.
- I baked muffins!

355
00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:00,833
If you don't know your identity,
we're screwed tomorrow.

356
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,202
You got to study this stuff.

357
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:05,163
Forget those identities. They're bullshit.
They said I was held back a year.

358
00:20:05,163 --> 00:20:06,964
You were. You were held back two years.

359
00:20:06,964 --> 00:20:10,134
Just 'cause it's a fake backstory
doesn't mean it doesn't hurt my feelings.

360
00:20:10,134 --> 00:20:12,462
Fuck! Socks don't match.

361
00:20:12,462 --> 00:20:13,967
I got to start all over.

362
00:20:14,296 --> 00:20:16,139
It's the first day of school, dude.
I got to look awesome.

363
00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:18,969
You know, back in the day,
you were super popular,

364
00:20:18,969 --> 00:20:21,770
and I wasn't as much.

365
00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:25,350
We didn't really get along in high school.

366
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,482
You don't think that's going to happen again,
do you?

367
00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:32,532
No. Come on, man. We're adults now.
We're best buds.

368
00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:33,983
It's definitely not going to happen again.

369
00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:35,659
- We're good.
- Cool.

370
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:44,669
Beautiful day out there, boys.

371
00:20:45,453 --> 00:20:46,875
Just shut up.

372
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:50,712
"Anything you say can and will be used
against you in a court of law."

373
00:20:50,712 --> 00:20:52,008
"You have the right to an attorney."

374
00:20:52,008 --> 00:20:55,133
"If you cannot afford an attorney,
one will be appointed..."

375
00:20:55,133 --> 00:20:58,591
Dude, do you still not know
the Miranda rights? You're a cop.

376
00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:02,679
Come on, man. They always cut away on TV
before they finish them.

377
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:07,066
All right, let's do it.

378
00:21:07,066 --> 00:21:08,942
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- What?

379
00:21:08,942 --> 00:21:10,019
What are you doing?

380
00:21:10,019 --> 00:21:12,025
- What? What are you talking about?
- Are you two-strapping?

381
00:21:13,481 --> 00:21:15,734
- My backpack? Yeah.
- Yeah, I got to be seen with you.

382
00:21:16,066 --> 00:21:17,613
You got to one-strap it.

383
00:21:17,613 --> 00:21:20,287
Seriously, I would no-strap it
if that would even be possible.

384
00:21:20,287 --> 00:21:21,739
Okay, what makes you the expert?

385
00:21:21,739 --> 00:21:24,166
I was cool in high school, and you weren't.

386
00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:26,206
Okay, that makes sense. Continue.

387
00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:31,800
The Three Keys of Coolness in High School,
by Jenko.

388
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:35,253
One, don't try hard at anything.

389
00:21:35,253 --> 00:21:38,636
Okay? Two, make fun of people who do try.

390
00:21:38,636 --> 00:21:40,637
Three, be handsome.

391
00:21:40,637 --> 00:21:42,969
Four, if anyone steps to you
on the first day of school,

392
00:21:42,969 --> 00:21:45,100
you punch them directly in the face.

393
00:21:45,100 --> 00:21:47,557
Five, drive a kick-ass car.

394
00:21:48,724 --> 00:21:49,896
Shit.

395
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,357
All right, but just don't be driving it
like teenagers,

396
00:21:56,357 --> 00:21:59,284
revving up the engine and shit, okay?

397
00:21:59,284 --> 00:22:00,907
We would never.

398
00:22:01,445 --> 00:22:03,243
Come on, Hoffs. Give us a little credit.

399
00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:07,743
- Hey, you ready?
- Go!

400
00:22:15,084 --> 00:22:17,257
That was awesome! That was amazing.

401
00:22:17,461 --> 00:22:19,429
- Was I flying?
- That was amazing.

402
00:22:19,429 --> 00:22:20,802
All right, do mine, do mine.

403
00:22:20,802 --> 00:22:23,430
- Okay, ready? Here I go.
- Yeah, yeah.

404
00:22:29,598 --> 00:22:31,100
You okay?

405
00:22:32,142 --> 00:22:33,940
I think I shit my pants.

406
00:22:41,527 --> 00:22:42,619
Hey, park in that handicapped spot.

407
00:22:42,619 --> 00:22:45,494
- It'll make us look cool.
- That's awesome.

408
00:23:00,796 --> 00:23:01,968
Dude?

409
00:23:01,968 --> 00:23:04,926
- Everybody's two-strapping it.
- Just stay with the one-strap.

410
00:23:05,259 --> 00:23:06,886
I can't. I can't. I can't right now.

411
00:23:06,886 --> 00:23:09,563
What are you doing? What are you doing?
Don't succumb to the peer pressure.

412
00:23:09,563 --> 00:23:11,231
- What are you doing?
- You're supposed to use two straps.

413
00:23:11,231 --> 00:23:13,901
- One strap is peer pressure.
- No. No. You're fucking up right now.

414
00:23:14,184 --> 00:23:15,936
Okay, those are Goths.

415
00:23:17,521 --> 00:23:18,989
Those are nerds.

416
00:23:20,983 --> 00:23:22,451
I don't know what they are.

417
00:23:24,153 --> 00:23:26,702
What the fuck are those things?

418
00:23:26,702 --> 00:23:28,157
I'm so confused right now.

419
00:23:35,831 --> 00:23:36,832
Whoa.

420
00:23:39,043 --> 00:23:41,137
- Hi.
- Hey...

421
00:23:41,137 --> 00:23:42,963
- Hey.
- Good morning.

422
00:23:44,173 --> 00:23:46,426
Hey, yo. Hey.

423
00:23:47,843 --> 00:23:49,561
- Is that your car?
- Yeah.

424
00:23:49,561 --> 00:23:51,230
What's that thing get,
10 miles to the gallon?

425
00:23:51,230 --> 00:23:53,057
No, try, like, seven.

426
00:23:54,183 --> 00:23:56,060
- What about you?
- Biodiesel, dawg.

427
00:23:56,268 --> 00:23:57,520
Smells like egg rolls.

428
00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:01,403
Yeah, it does.
Runs on leftover fry oil from Hunan Palace.

429
00:24:01,403 --> 00:24:04,702
But we try to ride bikes when we can.
Global crisis and whatnot.

430
00:24:05,194 --> 00:24:07,663
Whatever, man. I don't care about anything.

431
00:24:07,663 --> 00:24:10,457
You don't care about the environment?
That's kind of fucked up, man.

432
00:24:10,457 --> 00:24:12,125
Hey, hey, will y'all shut the hell up?

433
00:24:12,125 --> 00:24:13,919
I'm trying to study. Thanks.

434
00:24:14,536 --> 00:24:17,585
Look at him. He's trying.

435
00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:19,508
He's actually trying. What a nerd.

436
00:24:19,508 --> 00:24:21,460
Look at the nerd. Look at the nerd.

437
00:24:21,460 --> 00:24:23,796
- Look at him. Look at the nerd.
- Who you calling a nerd, man?

438
00:24:23,796 --> 00:24:25,222
I'm sorry. What...

439
00:24:26,340 --> 00:24:27,967
- Shit!
- Shit, dude.

440
00:24:27,967 --> 00:24:30,144
Are you okay, man? Hey, what the hell?
Are you serious?

441
00:24:30,144 --> 00:24:31,892
Well, turn that gay-ass music off.

442
00:24:31,892 --> 00:24:33,848
- You punched me because I'm gay?
- What?

443
00:24:34,056 --> 00:24:36,650
No. Come on.

444
00:24:36,650 --> 00:24:37,897
That's not cool, man.

445
00:24:37,897 --> 00:24:39,194
That is really insensitive.

446
00:24:39,194 --> 00:24:40,612
I didn't punch him because he's gay.

447
00:24:40,612 --> 00:24:44,818
I punched him, and then he happened
to turn out to be gay afterwards.

448
00:24:44,818 --> 00:24:46,948
- I was gay when you punched me!
- In a weird way,

449
00:24:46,948 --> 00:24:49,371
it might have been
homophobic not to punch you

450
00:24:49,371 --> 00:24:51,289
- just because you were gay.
- Right.

451
00:24:51,289 --> 00:24:53,367
You punched a little gay
black kid in the face,

452
00:24:53,367 --> 00:24:55,794
and it's not even second period.
How do you explain that?

453
00:24:56,078 --> 00:24:58,581
Mr. Dadier, I'm so sorry about that. I just...

454
00:24:58,581 --> 00:25:00,211
Look, guys, I'm going to relate to you, okay?

455
00:25:00,416 --> 00:25:03,044
A kid died the other day from drugs,

456
00:25:03,044 --> 00:25:06,472
and nobody, including me,
is doing anything about it.

457
00:25:07,256 --> 00:25:08,974
That's weird, guys.

458
00:25:09,550 --> 00:25:12,053
And then you two show up, with 30 days left,

459
00:25:12,053 --> 00:25:14,355
causing trouble in my school.

460
00:25:14,355 --> 00:25:17,274
I am one more black gay kid
getting punched in the face

461
00:25:17,274 --> 00:25:20,774
away from a nervous breakdown.
Do I make myself clear?

462
00:25:20,774 --> 00:25:22,105
You guys cross my line again,

463
00:25:22,105 --> 00:25:26,697
and you walk into this office,
I'm going to expel you. You got me?

464
00:25:26,697 --> 00:25:30,120
All right, let's do this.
Which one of you is Doug?

465
00:25:31,697 --> 00:25:33,620
Let's do that again
and pretend you guys aren't weird.

466
00:25:33,824 --> 00:25:36,122
Which one of you is named Doug?

467
00:25:36,410 --> 00:25:38,287
- No, dude, I'm Brad.
- Okay, good.

468
00:25:38,287 --> 00:25:40,585
So that means your name is Doug, son.

469
00:25:40,585 --> 00:25:42,166
- Yeah, I'm Doug.
- Great.

470
00:25:42,166 --> 00:25:43,588
Here are your class schedules.

471
00:25:43,588 --> 00:25:46,295
Funny, I wouldn't have taken you
for the brainy type.

472
00:25:46,295 --> 00:25:49,097
I wouldn't.
But you as a drama geek, far less surprising.

473
00:25:49,097 --> 00:25:50,550
Thank you.

474
00:25:50,550 --> 00:25:52,259
Now we have the wrong identities,
you dumb-ass.

475
00:25:52,259 --> 00:25:55,471
I'm in drama. I suck at drama.
It's girly and embarrassing.

476
00:25:55,471 --> 00:25:57,977
Oh, my God. Relax, dude. Who cares?

477
00:25:57,977 --> 00:26:01,352
I can fake my way through band practice
and app chemistry for a few weeks.

478
00:26:01,352 --> 00:26:04,735
AP Chemistry. AP Chemistry.
And, no, you can't,

479
00:26:04,735 --> 00:26:06,736
because you don't even know
what it's actually fucking called!

480
00:26:07,149 --> 00:26:10,449
It's going to be fine. You go to my classes,
and I'm going to go to yours.

481
00:26:10,449 --> 00:26:12,621
Okay, now, chemistry's
the one with the shapes and shit, right?

482
00:26:13,030 --> 00:26:14,031
Fuck.

483
00:26:14,531 --> 00:26:18,786
So, we are going to hold auditions
for the Peter Pan part today.

484
00:26:19,703 --> 00:26:23,173
Billiam would have wanted the show to go on.

485
00:26:23,707 --> 00:26:27,302
When I was a young actor just starting out
in New York state,

486
00:26:27,302 --> 00:26:28,799
Albany, to be exact,

487
00:26:28,799 --> 00:26:31,098
<i>- I booked a local television commercial...
- Hey.</i>

488
00:26:31,098 --> 00:26:33,175
<i>In which I had to play a young man...</i>

489
00:26:33,175 --> 00:26:36,182
It's really sad about that kid.
He was talented.

490
00:26:36,428 --> 00:26:40,274
So are you saying if he wasn't talented,
it would be less sad?

491
00:26:40,682 --> 00:26:43,902
No. No, no, no, that's not what I meant.

492
00:26:45,229 --> 00:26:47,357
I was just busting your balls.

493
00:26:49,358 --> 00:26:51,360
Okay. Good.

494
00:26:52,069 --> 00:26:56,620
I remember, one time,
doing cocaine with Willie Nelson's horse,

495
00:26:58,367 --> 00:27:00,369
and we were having so much fun.

496
00:27:00,369 --> 00:27:03,672
And then I realized that she was dead.

497
00:27:05,666 --> 00:27:06,792
I remember one summer...

498
00:27:06,792 --> 00:27:08,882
Do kids still do this stuff?

499
00:27:08,882 --> 00:27:10,754
Even after what happened to him?

500
00:27:11,672 --> 00:27:14,346
Everyone's saying
that Billiam had a heart murmur.

501
00:27:14,346 --> 00:27:17,519
Pretty much everyone I know does it,
but it's not my thing.

502
00:27:17,886 --> 00:27:19,888
It's not really my thing, either,

503
00:27:19,888 --> 00:27:22,771
but a buddy of mine really wants it.

504
00:27:22,771 --> 00:27:25,774
Who would he call if he wanted it?

505
00:27:25,774 --> 00:27:27,981
Well, you can tell your friend

506
00:27:27,981 --> 00:27:30,407
that if he really wanted it,

507
00:27:30,407 --> 00:27:32,484
it's not so hard to find.

508
00:27:32,484 --> 00:27:34,991
<i>When to take it.
He shouldn't have been taking it at all.</i>

509
00:27:34,991 --> 00:27:36,913
<i>Drugs are bad.</i>

510
00:27:37,406 --> 00:27:41,161
<i>But they can have their place
in the life of a professional actor.</i>

511
00:27:41,161 --> 00:27:43,211
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

512
00:27:43,211 --> 00:27:45,255
<i>Notice the distinction.
I said "professional actor."</i>

513
00:27:49,918 --> 00:27:52,762
New person. Mr. Texty Texty.

514
00:27:52,762 --> 00:27:55,717
Since you have so much to say to Molly,

515
00:27:55,717 --> 00:27:58,264
let's see if you can be Peter to our Wendy.

516
00:27:58,264 --> 00:28:01,222
You look like you might have
a little Peter inside of you.

517
00:28:02,681 --> 00:28:05,810
I can't.
I'm fine just being a tree or something.

518
00:28:05,810 --> 00:28:08,028
Doug, you never won't know

519
00:28:08,028 --> 00:28:11,607
what you can't achieve
before you don't achieve it.

520
00:28:11,607 --> 00:28:12,816
My point is,

521
00:28:12,816 --> 00:28:15,699
you have to. Everyone auditions for Peter.

522
00:28:17,029 --> 00:28:18,622
Yeah, sure.

523
00:28:19,072 --> 00:28:20,745
My favorite molecule is water.

524
00:28:20,745 --> 00:28:23,122
I'd marry it, unless it was my daughter.

525
00:28:23,410 --> 00:28:27,756
Its solid form floats on its liquid form,
which makes it far outside the norm.

526
00:28:27,756 --> 00:28:32,132
It allowed life to form on ancient Mars,
and we use it to wash our cars.

527
00:28:32,878 --> 00:28:34,050
H2O.

528
00:28:34,296 --> 00:28:36,799
H2O. H2O.

529
00:28:37,549 --> 00:28:39,142
- 20
- It's okay. Thank you.

530
00:28:40,510 --> 00:28:42,979
Thank you, Zack. So good.

531
00:28:42,979 --> 00:28:45,854
All right, anybody else
for Molecule Mondays? Anyone?

532
00:28:46,725 --> 00:28:48,568
Okay. Time for a pop Quiznos.

533
00:28:48,936 --> 00:28:49,937
A what?

534
00:28:50,562 --> 00:28:51,859
I'm sorry.

535
00:28:51,859 --> 00:28:53,441
What is your name? Brad?

536
00:28:53,690 --> 00:28:55,408
- Brad. Yes, ma'am.
- Wow. Look at you,

537
00:28:55,408 --> 00:28:57,111
Brad. Big.

538
00:28:59,029 --> 00:29:00,702
What is a pop Quiznos?

539
00:29:00,702 --> 00:29:07,167
It's a quiz, and the first person who finishes
gets a $10 gift certificate to Quiznos.

540
00:29:07,704 --> 00:29:10,332
- Today's quiz is on...
- You look really old.

541
00:29:10,666 --> 00:29:14,512
- Were you held back or something or...
- No. You look super young.

542
00:29:14,512 --> 00:29:16,463
Were you held forward?

543
00:29:17,839 --> 00:29:19,637
I went to school in France, so..

544
00:29:19,637 --> 00:29:23,186
And they do, like, two extra years
of middle school there. It's so lame.

545
00:29:23,186 --> 00:29:26,098
French, the language of love.

546
00:29:26,515 --> 00:29:28,813
That's cool, man. It's nice to meet you also.

547
00:29:29,768 --> 00:29:30,860
Hey.

548
00:29:33,021 --> 00:29:34,364
Good luck.

549
00:29:49,413 --> 00:29:51,336
<i>I've gotta crow.</i>

550
00:29:53,333 --> 00:29:54,630
<i>I'm just the cleverest.</i>

551
00:29:55,002 --> 00:29:56,094
Okay.

552
00:29:58,005 --> 00:30:00,599
Maybe try one cooler.

553
00:30:01,591 --> 00:30:02,968
And faster.

554
00:30:03,927 --> 00:30:06,555
And louder. And better.

555
00:30:07,014 --> 00:30:10,393
And less insecure and more just cool.

556
00:30:15,981 --> 00:30:17,983
Okay, yeah, those are great notes.

557
00:30:17,983 --> 00:30:19,238
I'm going to run outside,

558
00:30:19,238 --> 00:30:22,117
and I'm going to utilize those,
and I'm going to come back.

559
00:30:33,415 --> 00:30:34,416
It's such bullshit.

560
00:30:42,549 --> 00:30:43,971
Wow. You're fast.

561
00:30:44,551 --> 00:30:46,804
Not like that. Just, let me check you out.

562
00:30:47,137 --> 00:30:49,185
Let me check out your chest.

563
00:30:49,185 --> 00:30:50,982
Check out your test... Let me...

564
00:30:50,982 --> 00:30:52,605
Let me grade your quiz.

565
00:30:57,147 --> 00:30:58,990
Can I go take a dump?

566
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:02,368
Yeah, okay. That's cool.

567
00:31:03,487 --> 00:31:06,161
We have this "hurry back" rule,

568
00:31:06,161 --> 00:31:09,288
so if you're not back in six minutes,
I have to send you to the principal.

569
00:31:10,118 --> 00:31:11,791
Rules are rules, so,

570
00:31:12,371 --> 00:31:15,045
I guess this will have to be a quickie.

571
00:31:15,457 --> 00:31:16,879
- Which way is yearbook?
- I don't know.

572
00:31:16,879 --> 00:31:18,005
- Is it this way?
- I don't know!

573
00:31:33,683 --> 00:31:36,061
- Hey.
- Hey.

574
00:31:36,061 --> 00:31:37,145
You guys, huh?

575
00:31:38,897 --> 00:31:41,616
That was a total mix-up,
what happened earlier.

576
00:31:41,616 --> 00:31:42,817
- Yeah.
- He feels awful. He feels...

577
00:31:42,817 --> 00:31:44,744
Totally, very nervous.

578
00:31:44,986 --> 00:31:47,114
You're the dealer?

579
00:31:47,114 --> 00:31:48,244
- You're the dealer guy?
- Is that you?

580
00:31:48,907 --> 00:31:49,954
Yep...

581
00:31:49,954 --> 00:31:51,159
So do you make the stuff or...

582
00:31:51,159 --> 00:31:53,996
Do I look like a fucking scientist?
No, I just sell it.

583
00:31:54,329 --> 00:31:56,627
- Yeah, he just sells it. Come on.
- Yeah, no, I'm sorry.

584
00:31:56,627 --> 00:31:58,674
- I meant I just...
- How many you guys want?

585
00:31:58,875 --> 00:32:00,422
20 bucks a pop.

586
00:32:01,420 --> 00:32:04,390
One each? One pop each of drugs.

587
00:32:04,965 --> 00:32:06,012
You guys aren't narcs, are you?

588
00:32:06,299 --> 00:32:07,300
Whoa!

589
00:32:08,510 --> 00:32:10,228
- Dude, come on.
- No! Maybe you're a narc.

590
00:32:10,470 --> 00:32:12,188
You know who calls people narcs?

591
00:32:12,188 --> 00:32:13,857
Narcs, narc.

592
00:32:14,516 --> 00:32:17,144
First of all, your argument
kind of just collapsed on itself,

593
00:32:17,144 --> 00:32:18,945
because if you call us narcs,

594
00:32:19,729 --> 00:32:22,778
if narcs call people narcs,
and you call us narcs, then that's kind of...

595
00:32:22,778 --> 00:32:24,701
- 'Cause you just said that.
- They call people...

596
00:32:24,701 --> 00:32:27,074
Look, I don't have time for this shit.
You guys want to do this or not?

597
00:32:27,074 --> 00:32:28,246
- Jesus.
- Yes.

598
00:32:28,246 --> 00:32:30,198
- Yes, yes.
- No problem.

599
00:32:31,950 --> 00:32:33,827
All right, take it here
so I know you're cool.

600
00:32:33,827 --> 00:32:35,002
I'm sorry. What?

601
00:32:35,996 --> 00:32:38,124
- We were going to take it home.
- I gotta go back to class,

602
00:32:38,124 --> 00:32:40,584
- is the only thing.
- I was thinking that I was going to go home,

603
00:32:40,584 --> 00:32:42,177
maybe turn down the lights,

604
00:32:42,177 --> 00:32:43,629
getting snuggy, get a little weird.

605
00:32:43,629 --> 00:32:45,464
I was going to take it,
and then masturbate later.

606
00:32:45,464 --> 00:32:48,391
Okay, I'm not asking.
Take it now or get the fuck out.

607
00:32:48,391 --> 00:32:50,435
I got to finish the girls' volleyball page
by lunch.

608
00:32:52,512 --> 00:32:53,604
Yeah?

609
00:32:55,765 --> 00:32:57,733
Yeah, no, it's all good.

610
00:32:57,733 --> 00:33:01,484
- I love doing drugs at school.
- I'll just take the drugs right here,

611
00:33:01,813 --> 00:33:03,156
in our mouths.

612
00:33:03,156 --> 00:33:04,903
There you go. That's it.

613
00:33:10,989 --> 00:33:13,538
What is that? Barbecue? Cool Ranch?

614
00:33:13,742 --> 00:33:14,994
Have fun.

615
00:33:16,411 --> 00:33:17,788
- You got to pull the trigger!
- Okay.

616
00:33:17,788 --> 00:33:19,498
You got to pull the trigger!

617
00:33:19,498 --> 00:33:21,379
- We got to throw up, man.
- I can't.

618
00:33:21,379 --> 00:33:23,506
We gotta throw up. That kid, Billiam, died.
We got to throw up.

619
00:33:23,506 --> 00:33:25,303
Just think of something gross.
Think of something gross.

620
00:33:25,303 --> 00:33:28,006
- You fucking think of something.
- Okay, all right, all right.

621
00:33:28,006 --> 00:33:30,558
Your grandma's vagina,
and there's a dick going into it.

622
00:33:30,558 --> 00:33:32,511
- What the fuck are you saying?
- I don't know! I'm just trying!

623
00:33:32,511 --> 00:33:34,312
- I'm trying my best! I'm just trying!
- Fuck! Come on, man!

624
00:33:34,312 --> 00:33:36,264
Dude, let's just finger each other's mouths.

625
00:33:36,765 --> 00:33:37,937
- No!
- Yeah.

626
00:33:37,937 --> 00:33:39,142
No, you're not fingering my mouth.

627
00:33:39,142 --> 00:33:41,945
- Do you wanna die? Do you wanna die?
- Okay, fine!

628
00:33:41,945 --> 00:33:44,739
Let's go. Come on. Come on! Come on!

629
00:33:52,155 --> 00:33:54,078
What are you doing?
Are you trying to find my G-spot?

630
00:33:54,078 --> 00:33:56,159
- Just stick it in!
- I don't know. I've never done this before!

631
00:33:56,159 --> 00:33:57,369
Just stick it in! Go!

632
00:34:02,999 --> 00:34:04,421
Cut your fucking fingernails!

633
00:34:06,419 --> 00:34:07,636
Oh, God!

634
00:34:09,256 --> 00:34:10,758
Is it me?

635
00:34:10,758 --> 00:34:12,183
I'm sorry.

636
00:34:12,183 --> 00:34:13,351
I just can't sometimes.

637
00:34:14,386 --> 00:34:16,184
Think we're going to be fine.
I don't feel anything.

638
00:34:16,184 --> 00:34:17,685
Me, neither.

639
00:34:17,685 --> 00:34:19,353
Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

640
00:34:20,016 --> 00:34:22,769
You got a pass for running around
the hallways like a couple of ding-a-lings?

641
00:34:22,769 --> 00:34:24,567
Pass, in your hand.

642
00:34:24,567 --> 00:34:25,818
Hello.

643
00:34:26,356 --> 00:34:28,575
Damn. You guys are late.

644
00:34:28,575 --> 00:34:30,402
Now I'm going to have to take you
to the principal's office.

645
00:34:30,402 --> 00:34:34,615
- No, no, no, man. Come on, please. Sorry.
- Come on, please.

646
00:34:34,615 --> 00:34:36,700
You have exceptional muscle tone there,
young man.

647
00:34:36,992 --> 00:34:39,290
When'd you go through puberty?
Like, at seven or something?

648
00:34:39,619 --> 00:34:41,587
You look like you're in your mid-20s,
for crying out loud.

649
00:34:42,038 --> 00:34:44,507
McQuaid, huh? Doug McQuaid.

650
00:34:44,507 --> 00:34:45,630
I read your file.

651
00:34:45,875 --> 00:34:48,845
You got a lot of something special
going on there, young man.

652
00:34:48,845 --> 00:34:51,093
What the hell was that? God damn it, son!

653
00:34:51,093 --> 00:34:53,015
Don't ever raise your hand to me like that
again, all right?

654
00:34:53,015 --> 00:34:54,263
I consider that a threat.

655
00:34:54,263 --> 00:34:56,094
I was just saying that I'm Doug.

656
00:34:56,094 --> 00:34:59,021
I'm Doug McQuaid. See, that's Brad.

657
00:34:59,848 --> 00:35:00,849
That's Brad.

658
00:35:00,849 --> 00:35:03,435
You're the new kid who's All County in track?

659
00:35:03,435 --> 00:35:05,316
Yes, I'm Doug McQuaid,

660
00:35:06,187 --> 00:35:10,693
the track star, and this is Brad,
the science prodigy.

661
00:35:13,194 --> 00:35:15,322
He's really fast.

662
00:35:18,950 --> 00:35:20,042
Is this funny to you guys?

663
00:35:27,834 --> 00:35:30,257
So you're Doug. You're Doug. You're Doug.

664
00:35:30,257 --> 00:35:31,554
You're Doug. You're Doug.

665
00:35:31,838 --> 00:35:33,215
Here's the deal.

666
00:35:33,215 --> 00:35:36,139
My track team is full
of physically incapable rejects.

667
00:35:36,551 --> 00:35:39,270
I mean, if I wasn't the coach,
I'd be laughing my ass off

668
00:35:39,270 --> 00:35:42,725
at how spastic they are, but I am the coach,

669
00:35:43,058 --> 00:35:44,776
so I need you.

670
00:35:45,393 --> 00:35:47,145
I need me some Doug McQuaid.

671
00:35:47,145 --> 00:35:48,354
Understand?

672
00:35:48,855 --> 00:35:52,576
I need you to run anchor on the 4X400
at today's track meet.

673
00:35:52,576 --> 00:35:55,245
You do that, and I'll sign this pass.

674
00:35:55,904 --> 00:35:57,372
Don't blow on me, son.

675
00:35:58,073 --> 00:36:00,201
I haven't trained.

676
00:36:00,450 --> 00:36:03,920
Guys, don't make me take you
to the principal's office.

677
00:36:04,412 --> 00:36:06,085
Do we have a deal?

678
00:36:07,749 --> 00:36:08,875
Yes.

679
00:36:09,876 --> 00:36:11,093
Nice.

680
00:36:13,713 --> 00:36:16,717
I don't like that.
Put your tongue back in your mouth.

681
00:36:16,717 --> 00:36:18,430
Put your tongue in your mouth, and close it.

682
00:36:19,094 --> 00:36:21,222
What are you doing? Stop it.

683
00:36:21,596 --> 00:36:23,598
Actually, that's not bad.

684
00:36:23,598 --> 00:36:25,605
All right, here you go.

685
00:36:27,602 --> 00:36:29,479
Are you guys on drugs?

686
00:36:35,235 --> 00:36:36,236
Okay.

687
00:36:36,236 --> 00:36:38,993
One particle of Unobtainium has
a nuclear reaction with a flux capacitor.

688
00:36:38,993 --> 00:36:42,618
Carry the two, changing its atomic isotoner
into a radioactive spider.

689
00:36:44,828 --> 00:36:46,455
Fuck you, science!

690
00:36:52,919 --> 00:36:54,717
All right, all right, we're good.

691
00:36:54,717 --> 00:36:56,719
We're good. We're good, man. We're good.

692
00:36:56,719 --> 00:36:58,471
We're good, baby.

693
00:36:59,134 --> 00:37:00,977
Good work. Hit that shit.

694
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:11,734
<i>I've gotta crow.</i>

695
00:37:12,063 --> 00:37:14,316
<i>I'm just the cleverest fellow</i>

696
00:37:14,316 --> 00:37:18,029
<i>'Twas ever my fortune to know.</i>

697
00:37:18,862 --> 00:37:21,115
<i>I taught a trick to my shadow.</i>

698
00:37:21,115 --> 00:37:24,246
<i>To stick to the tip of my toe.</i>

699
00:37:24,993 --> 00:37:28,372
<i>I've gotta crow.</i>

700
00:37:29,497 --> 00:37:30,817
<i>I've gotta.</i>

701
00:37:33,293 --> 00:37:34,543
<i>Crow!</i>

702
00:37:39,424 --> 00:37:41,176
Christoph, did you feel that?

703
00:37:41,176 --> 00:37:42,681
Who are you?

704
00:37:46,389 --> 00:37:48,562
Welcome aboard, Peter.

705
00:37:59,235 --> 00:38:00,703
No, keep it going!

706
00:38:00,703 --> 00:38:02,914
Keep it going. That was so tight!

707
00:38:02,914 --> 00:38:04,248
No, no, no, keep it going. Keep it going.

708
00:38:08,787 --> 00:38:11,006
All right, let's go, McQuaid!

709
00:38:11,247 --> 00:38:12,794
All right! Yeah!

710
00:38:13,291 --> 00:38:15,214
I like it! I like the confidence, son!

711
00:38:16,377 --> 00:38:18,846
I know y'all seen this shit before.

712
00:38:18,846 --> 00:38:20,344
I know you've seen this shit before.

713
00:38:20,344 --> 00:38:23,093
Huge lead! Huge lead! We got this. All right.

714
00:38:23,093 --> 00:38:25,061
You're looking amped!

715
00:38:27,222 --> 00:38:28,394
Here we go.

716
00:38:28,394 --> 00:38:29,816
Here we go! Here we go!

717
00:38:30,850 --> 00:38:32,067
Hey, pick it up!

718
00:38:32,067 --> 00:38:35,238
Hey, no, McQuaid, pick it up.
What are you doing?

719
00:38:37,273 --> 00:38:38,365
What are you doing? Pick it...

720
00:38:38,733 --> 00:38:40,610
What? McQuaid!

721
00:38:41,486 --> 00:38:44,114
Don't throw the baton, you jackass!

722
00:38:44,739 --> 00:38:45,991
Come on!

723
00:38:45,991 --> 00:38:47,747
McQuaid!

724
00:38:47,747 --> 00:38:49,954
Run that way!

725
00:38:49,954 --> 00:38:53,173
Spike that! Fuck you, Miles Davis!

726
00:38:55,583 --> 00:38:58,132
Let's go, God damn it! Let's do this!

727
00:38:58,132 --> 00:38:59,505
Let's go! Come on!

728
00:38:59,838 --> 00:39:01,181
Oh, my God.

729
00:39:02,173 --> 00:39:03,390
No, no.

730
00:39:03,925 --> 00:39:05,268
No, stop.

731
00:39:05,552 --> 00:39:06,849
Come here. Come here.

732
00:39:06,849 --> 00:39:08,350
Don't make a...

733
00:39:08,350 --> 00:39:09,931
That is a baton penis.

734
00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:21,534
Speak of the devil!

735
00:39:21,534 --> 00:39:24,283
Dude, that was awesome
how you sabotaged that track meet, man.

736
00:39:24,283 --> 00:39:26,615
Organized sports are so fascist.
It makes me sick.

737
00:39:27,073 --> 00:39:28,575
That's just what I do.

738
00:39:28,783 --> 00:39:30,626
Okay. Shit, man. See you around, all right?

739
00:39:33,955 --> 00:39:35,957
I don't get this school.

740
00:39:36,958 --> 00:39:38,460
That was awesome.

741
00:39:40,295 --> 00:39:42,138
Okay, so we stayed up all night making this.

742
00:39:42,138 --> 00:39:43,590
It's awesome. You're really going to like it.

743
00:39:43,590 --> 00:39:45,471
All yarn work was done by Jenko.

744
00:39:45,471 --> 00:39:47,598
Okay, Captain, look,
the dealers are the popular kids,

745
00:39:47,598 --> 00:39:48,894
but they're not normal popular.

746
00:39:48,894 --> 00:39:51,439
They're these crunchy granola dudes
that have convinced everyone

747
00:39:51,439 --> 00:39:52,857
that they're cool, and they're not cool.

748
00:39:53,141 --> 00:39:55,018
It's backwards and unnatural,
and it's got to be stopped.

749
00:39:55,351 --> 00:39:57,820
Lead dealer, Eric Molson. Alpha dog.

750
00:39:57,820 --> 00:39:59,990
Sick chicks, killer steeze.

751
00:39:59,990 --> 00:40:01,278
Did the AIDS run this year.

752
00:40:01,649 --> 00:40:03,902
He's getting into Berkeley, early admish,

753
00:40:03,902 --> 00:40:05,362
and he totally gets me.

754
00:40:05,362 --> 00:40:07,743
Who put this together? Are you autistic?

755
00:40:07,743 --> 00:40:09,699
It is artistic, sir, because the thing is,

756
00:40:09,699 --> 00:40:12,126
- the yarn actually indicates...
- We're compiling a list

757
00:40:12,126 --> 00:40:14,249
of suspicious types at school.
The users are here.

758
00:40:14,249 --> 00:40:16,627
This kid was actually talking
to a tree this morning.

759
00:40:16,627 --> 00:40:17,798
Cut the bullshit!

760
00:40:17,999 --> 00:40:20,468
I want to know who's the supplier.

761
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:23,463
We don't know. That's why
there's a question mark on his face.

762
00:40:23,463 --> 00:40:25,719
That's not the way his face looks.
That's just a question mark.

763
00:40:25,719 --> 00:40:28,426
Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.

764
00:40:28,426 --> 00:40:29,723
Simple.

765
00:40:29,969 --> 00:40:33,018
Sounds like you guys
really cracked the whole case.

766
00:40:33,018 --> 00:40:34,561
Great job. You guys are on fire.

767
00:40:34,974 --> 00:40:36,976
- So proud.
- Like you could do any better?

768
00:40:36,976 --> 00:40:38,941
We just brought down a group
of wannabe thugs

769
00:40:38,941 --> 00:40:41,364
stripping down cars
in the Garfield High metal shop.

770
00:40:41,689 --> 00:40:44,568
- What?
- Meanwhile, you two were standing around

771
00:40:44,568 --> 00:40:46,528
finger-popping each ether's assholes.

772
00:40:46,528 --> 00:40:49,205
We're not finger-popping
each ether's assholes.

773
00:40:49,205 --> 00:40:51,783
What we're doing is getting shit done.

774
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:53,292
<i>Yeah, as a matter of fact,</i>

775
00:40:53,292 --> 00:40:54,995
<i>I'm about to infiltrate
a super high-tech</i>

776
00:40:54,995 --> 00:40:58,423
<i>drug manufacturing ring
in the chemistry classroom.</i>

777
00:41:05,755 --> 00:41:07,132
- Password!
- Open the door!

778
00:41:07,590 --> 00:41:09,183
- You have to say the password.
- I'm sorry. What?

779
00:41:09,183 --> 00:41:10,635
What are you...

780
00:41:12,220 --> 00:41:13,392
Geez.

781
00:41:17,225 --> 00:41:19,227
What are y'all doing?
How'd you get a key in here?

782
00:41:19,227 --> 00:41:22,564
Ms. Griggs gave us one
so we could work, tutor, deal Bakugan.

783
00:41:23,064 --> 00:41:24,987
Bakugan? You dealing drugs?

784
00:41:25,274 --> 00:41:26,651
- Let me see. You dealing drugs?
- No.

785
00:41:26,651 --> 00:41:28,577
It's just a card game.
It's, like, a hybrid card game.

786
00:41:28,778 --> 00:41:30,496
- See? They open up.
- Battle Brawlers.

787
00:41:30,496 --> 00:41:32,414
- You're not doing anything illegal?
- No.

788
00:41:32,657 --> 00:41:36,036
- What are you doing in here?
- I'm here to study.

789
00:41:36,536 --> 00:41:38,630
Good. You could use it.
You're pretty far behind, so...

790
00:41:38,913 --> 00:41:40,790
You're behind. I'm ahead.

791
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:43,088
- I know everything.
- Really?

792
00:41:43,088 --> 00:41:44,927
What's a covalent bond?

793
00:41:44,927 --> 00:41:47,005
Fuck you, man. I don't need to tell you.

794
00:41:47,005 --> 00:41:49,557
I wasn't trying to be rude. Sorry.

795
00:41:49,557 --> 00:41:52,351
I just... I don't think you know everything.

796
00:41:52,635 --> 00:41:53,727
I know everything.

797
00:41:54,303 --> 00:41:55,475
Okay.

798
00:42:02,729 --> 00:42:06,279
What kind of bullshit do they say
about a covalent bond in this school?

799
00:42:06,607 --> 00:42:10,703
They say it's when two atoms
share both their electrons.

800
00:42:10,703 --> 00:42:12,371
It helps them to stick together.

801
00:42:13,114 --> 00:42:15,663
I could help you out if you want,
tutor you for the test.

802
00:42:16,367 --> 00:42:18,745
What are you doing
with all those phones anyway?

803
00:42:19,370 --> 00:42:21,873
I crack and jailbreak kids' phones
to try and save for college.

804
00:42:21,873 --> 00:42:24,709
You know, I switch their wireless carriers,
get them restricted apps.

805
00:42:24,709 --> 00:42:26,009
Can you listen in on phone calls and stuff?

806
00:42:26,009 --> 00:42:29,965
No, no, I can't install a spyware
to remotely monitor calls

807
00:42:29,965 --> 00:42:31,425
or anything that the mic picks up.

808
00:42:31,716 --> 00:42:33,935
- I can't do that at all.
- Wait, you can't do it?

809
00:42:33,935 --> 00:42:35,557
No, I can't.

810
00:42:36,971 --> 00:42:38,723
- Is he being sarcastic?
- I don't know.

811
00:42:39,974 --> 00:42:41,100
So you can.

812
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:47,278
Liking comic books is popular.

813
00:42:47,278 --> 00:42:50,109
Environmental awareness, being tolerant.

814
00:42:50,109 --> 00:42:53,367
If I was just born 10 years later,
I would have been the coolest person ever.

815
00:42:53,367 --> 00:42:55,365
I know. It's bullshit.

816
00:42:56,783 --> 00:42:57,909
You know what?

817
00:42:57,909 --> 00:43:00,336
I totally know the cause.

818
00:43:00,336 --> 00:43:02,834
<i>Glee. Fuck you, Glee.</i>

819
00:43:03,998 --> 00:43:05,841
Man, I got to say, this is kind of awesome.

820
00:43:05,841 --> 00:43:10,050
I might become popular.
I might get in with the popular kids.

821
00:43:10,963 --> 00:43:14,388
We just have to do something
wildly irresponsible to earn their trust.

822
00:43:14,388 --> 00:43:15,635
You saying we should throw a party?

823
00:43:15,885 --> 00:43:18,604
I'll invite Molly,
and then Molly will invite Eric,

824
00:43:18,930 --> 00:43:20,728
and that'll be the quickest way for me
to bro down with him.

825
00:43:20,728 --> 00:43:23,185
Wouldn't it be better if we both infiltrated
the cool kids' group?

826
00:43:23,185 --> 00:43:24,644
I think it would be better if you get in

827
00:43:24,644 --> 00:43:26,274
with the nerdy kids
and see what's going on over there.

828
00:43:26,274 --> 00:43:27,856
That'd be the best thing for the case.

829
00:43:28,314 --> 00:43:30,988
Yeah. I mean, I guess that makes sense.

830
00:43:40,451 --> 00:43:42,545
- Hello?
- Hey. Is this Molly?

831
00:43:42,995 --> 00:43:44,121
Speaking.

832
00:43:44,121 --> 00:43:45,673
Hey. It's Schmidt.

833
00:43:46,207 --> 00:43:49,552
It's Doug Schmug McQuaid.

834
00:43:49,552 --> 00:43:51,925
Hey, man.

835
00:43:51,925 --> 00:43:53,972
It's so weird that you're calling me.

836
00:43:53,972 --> 00:43:58,178
I pretty much text
except for when a random old relative calls.

837
00:43:58,553 --> 00:44:02,057
I was just calling 'cause we're co-starring
in this play together,

838
00:44:02,057 --> 00:44:03,232
<i>- and.!
- Hello.</i>

839
00:44:03,232 --> 00:44:04,521
Mom, get off the phone!

840
00:44:04,892 --> 00:44:06,644
<i>Sorry, Doug,</i>

841
00:44:06,644 --> 00:44:08,400
<i>- my teen son.
- Mom!</i>

842
00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:10,861
<i>I love you, honey, Dougie,
Doug, Douglas McQuaid.</i>

843
00:44:10,861 --> 00:44:12,783
Mom, so serious right now! Stop!

844
00:44:16,737 --> 00:44:19,456
<i>I'm sorry. My mom's such a dick.</i>

845
00:44:19,456 --> 00:44:23,624
She just, like, smothers me with affection
and makes me feel like I'm five years old.

846
00:44:23,624 --> 00:44:26,957
Wow. You're a sharer. I dig that.

847
00:44:27,248 --> 00:44:30,468
<i>Well, I'm 18 years old, and my mom
still packs a lunch for me every day.</i>

848
00:44:30,468 --> 00:44:33,805
There was this one month
where she bought me 43 stuffed animals.

849
00:44:34,088 --> 00:44:36,682
<i>The doctor thought
I was gonna spontaneously grow a vagina.</i>

850
00:44:37,216 --> 00:44:38,718
I didn't, though, just to be clear.

851
00:44:39,427 --> 00:44:40,599
Yeah, because you already had one.

852
00:44:40,599 --> 00:44:42,183
Exactly. I already had one.

853
00:44:42,183 --> 00:44:44,015
And you don't need two vaginas.
You just don't.

854
00:44:44,015 --> 00:44:46,100
<i>Although you could use
one as a coin purse.</i>

855
00:44:47,059 --> 00:44:48,686
I never got any stuffed animals growing up.

856
00:44:48,686 --> 00:44:51,022
Wait, actually, that's not true. I did.

857
00:44:51,022 --> 00:44:52,948
My dad gave me a stuffed puppy
the day he bailed on us.

858
00:44:55,026 --> 00:44:56,403
I'm just fucking with you.

859
00:44:56,944 --> 00:44:58,491
That is a weird joke.

860
00:44:58,491 --> 00:45:00,206
I thought your dad abandoned your family.

861
00:45:00,206 --> 00:45:01,874
No, he did walk out on us, though.

862
00:45:02,491 --> 00:45:04,869
But he didn't even leave me a stuffed puppy.

863
00:45:04,869 --> 00:45:06,044
Just broken dreams.

864
00:45:06,044 --> 00:45:09,465
Oh, man. Well, I guess, to that, I would say,

865
00:45:09,465 --> 00:45:10,625
well,

866
00:45:12,001 --> 00:45:14,129
that there are some good guys out there,

867
00:45:14,129 --> 00:45:17,807
and I wouldn't let, you know, one experience

868
00:45:17,807 --> 00:45:20,226
taint your memory.

869
00:45:20,468 --> 00:45:21,811
<i>Oh, my God.</i>

870
00:45:21,811 --> 00:45:24,730
Are you getting choked up?
I'm sorry if I made you upset.

871
00:45:25,056 --> 00:45:28,651
<i>No, it's just, you know,
I don't like when guys are mean to girls.</i>

872
00:45:28,651 --> 00:45:31,070
Yeah. Well, thanks.

873
00:45:31,646 --> 00:45:33,569
Normal transition here.

874
00:45:34,774 --> 00:45:37,903
Actually, I'm having a party next weekend.
You should come!

875
00:45:37,903 --> 00:45:39,828
You and Eric and Juario, whatever.

876
00:45:40,112 --> 00:45:43,082
Do you mind if I just put, like,
a posting on Facebook?

877
00:45:43,082 --> 00:45:45,159
Okay. Yeah, yeah!

878
00:45:45,826 --> 00:45:46,873
<i>I should call you back.</i>

879
00:45:46,873 --> 00:45:49,206
Well, all right, I'll see you at school.
You're a great person.

880
00:45:49,206 --> 00:45:50,255
<i>- Bye-bye. Bye.
- Bye.</i>

881
00:45:50,255 --> 00:45:51,878
<i>What the fuck are you...</i>

882
00:46:02,718 --> 00:46:04,061
Are y'all throwing a party?

883
00:46:05,054 --> 00:46:08,979
- What?
- There's rumors in the Twittersphere.

884
00:46:09,850 --> 00:46:11,602
And if any of my officers

885
00:46:11,602 --> 00:46:14,781
are caught giving alcohol to minors,

886
00:46:15,189 --> 00:46:17,157
they'll find theyself in prison

887
00:46:18,150 --> 00:46:21,575
with a snorkel duct-taped to they mouth

888
00:46:21,575 --> 00:46:24,870
and me shitting down that snorkel.

889
00:46:26,826 --> 00:46:28,703
That's extremely vivid. Thank you.

890
00:46:29,203 --> 00:46:31,752
You're the best. You are the best.

891
00:46:32,081 --> 00:46:33,458
- Oh, my God.
- We love you.

892
00:46:33,458 --> 00:46:34,633
- Enjoy the vineyard.
- You boys be good, now.

893
00:46:34,633 --> 00:46:37,007
Yeah, I can't believe
you guys did this for us.

894
00:46:37,295 --> 00:46:38,467
Bye;

895
00:46:38,467 --> 00:46:41,049
"We love you"? What are you doing?
Why you saying "I love you" to my mom?

896
00:46:41,049 --> 00:46:42,475
- I'm in character. Shut up.
- It's weird.

897
00:46:44,051 --> 00:46:46,725
Look, dude, it's kind of like we're brothers.

898
00:46:47,221 --> 00:46:48,973
Wait, how are we going to buy alcohol?

899
00:46:49,598 --> 00:46:51,316
Dude, I don't have a fake ID.

900
00:46:58,899 --> 00:47:00,993
How are we going to get drugs for the party?

901
00:47:01,861 --> 00:47:03,158
Oh, no.

902
00:47:09,910 --> 00:47:10,957
We got a pound of coke.

903
00:47:10,957 --> 00:47:13,415
We're trying to show them a good time,
not ruin their fucking lives.

904
00:47:13,415 --> 00:47:14,589
Pound of marijuana?

905
00:47:15,082 --> 00:47:16,675
- Best party ever.
- Boo-yah!

906
00:47:31,015 --> 00:47:34,485
To a brilliant idea

907
00:47:34,485 --> 00:47:36,437
from my brilliant brother

908
00:47:36,437 --> 00:47:38,564
that I love so very much.

909
00:47:38,564 --> 00:47:41,275
And this is going to fucking rock.

910
00:47:41,275 --> 00:47:43,198
- Cheers, man.
- Cheers.

911
00:47:49,825 --> 00:47:51,702
- Who invited you guys?
- I did!

912
00:47:51,702 --> 00:47:52,787
The party's here!

913
00:47:53,454 --> 00:47:55,047
- What's up, Zack?
- Hey, buddy.

914
00:47:55,047 --> 00:47:56,169
What's up, Roman?

915
00:47:56,169 --> 00:47:59,627
This is crazy. This is, like,
the craziest thing I've ever been a part of.

916
00:48:03,589 --> 00:48:05,387
Where is Eric, man? He said he'd be here.

917
00:48:05,387 --> 00:48:07,013
Do we have enough chips?

918
00:48:07,013 --> 00:48:09,016
Is this playlist too dance-y?

919
00:48:09,016 --> 00:48:10,221
- Feels too dance-y.
- Too dance-y?

920
00:48:10,221 --> 00:48:13,729
- What are you talking about?
- I don't know, it just feels dance-y.

921
00:48:18,312 --> 00:48:19,655
What are you doing?

922
00:48:19,655 --> 00:48:21,858
- That's my mom's Kokopelli vase.
- I got it, I got it.

923
00:48:21,858 --> 00:48:23,409
Doug, Doug, hey!

924
00:48:23,409 --> 00:48:26,658
<i>Hey, Paul Blart: Molly Cop.</i>

925
00:48:27,655 --> 00:48:28,872
Such a bad joke.

926
00:48:28,872 --> 00:48:30,074
Terrible, terrible.

927
00:48:30,074 --> 00:48:31,329
- You guys know each other, right?
- Yeah.

928
00:48:31,329 --> 00:48:34,249
Get ready, get ready, there's Eric.
Wait for the signal.

929
00:48:34,249 --> 00:48:36,251
And then you come in here
looking like a rock-solid 10.

930
00:48:36,251 --> 00:48:37,456
What?

931
00:48:38,207 --> 00:48:39,424
What's up, man, how you doing?

932
00:48:39,750 --> 00:48:41,297
Eco Suave.

933
00:48:41,836 --> 00:48:42,837
Whoa.

934
00:48:43,295 --> 00:48:46,094
Wow, so I'm really digging this decor.

935
00:48:46,424 --> 00:48:48,347
Very Native American.

936
00:48:48,884 --> 00:48:50,227
Yeah, our parents are actually

937
00:48:50,227 --> 00:48:52,771
- really into Native American...
- Let's rock and roll.

938
00:48:54,515 --> 00:48:56,062
- Sorry.
- What are y'all doing?

939
00:48:56,517 --> 00:48:58,235
- Come on.
- Did you guys even see Eric?

940
00:48:58,519 --> 00:49:00,362
Seriously, did you not see Eric?

941
00:49:00,896 --> 00:49:02,614
No offense, man, but your brother sucks.

942
00:49:02,614 --> 00:49:05,443
Yo, this is butt.
There's, like, no hot dudes here.

943
00:49:05,443 --> 00:49:07,278
- Man, let's bounce.
- We're out of here, man.

944
00:49:07,278 --> 00:49:10,205
No, no, no, come on, you guys just got here,
you just got here.

945
00:49:10,205 --> 00:49:12,454
Come on, let me at least give you a tour.

946
00:49:12,454 --> 00:49:14,911
Okay, boys, come on, we did it,
we can do this, just go,

947
00:49:14,911 --> 00:49:16,541
just go as fast as you possibly can.

948
00:49:16,541 --> 00:49:20,257
Taking out the SIM card.

949
00:49:20,257 --> 00:49:22,300
<i>Taking down Eric
with the SIM card information.</i>

950
00:49:22,300 --> 00:49:24,128
<i>Come on, CSI the shit
out of this thing.</i>

951
00:49:24,128 --> 00:49:25,838
- Are you drunk?
- No.

952
00:49:25,838 --> 00:49:27,298
Have you even been drunk before?

953
00:49:27,298 --> 00:49:28,928
- No, but...
- Give me this.

954
00:49:28,928 --> 00:49:30,635
- What?
- Can we get some bitches up in here?

955
00:49:30,635 --> 00:49:32,516
'Cause it's just boys right now.

956
00:49:32,516 --> 00:49:34,313
No, you can't get any bitches up here.

957
00:49:34,597 --> 00:49:36,099
This is my parents' bedroom.

958
00:49:38,225 --> 00:49:39,522
- What the fuck, bro? Some privacy!
- Shit, shit, shit!

959
00:49:39,522 --> 00:49:42,025
And that is a really gross three-way.

960
00:49:43,564 --> 00:49:45,111
But what was the girl in the back doing?

961
00:49:45,111 --> 00:49:47,193
Warehouse rave in Ellsworth.

962
00:49:47,193 --> 00:49:49,028
Cool, yeah.

963
00:49:49,028 --> 00:49:51,113
Hey, man, thank you for the hospitality,

964
00:49:51,113 --> 00:49:53,291
but we got to get going.
You know how it is, yeah?

965
00:49:53,291 --> 00:49:54,992
Dude, tell me about it.

966
00:49:56,118 --> 00:49:57,620
Is it ready? He's gonna leave right now.

967
00:49:57,620 --> 00:49:59,167
It's extracting right now.

968
00:49:59,167 --> 00:50:01,169
Dude, it's now or never! Is it ready or not?

969
00:50:01,169 --> 00:50:03,000
Read this.
"Please wait. Extracting data from SIM card."

970
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:05,256
Shit! It's a bust.

971
00:50:09,423 --> 00:50:10,640
- Keep it casual.
- Yeah.

972
00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:11,725
- Go with the flow, dude.
- Cool, man.

973
00:50:11,725 --> 00:50:13,177
- I don't like to make plans or whatever.
- You got it.

974
00:50:13,177 --> 00:50:14,352
- Thank you again, though, man.
- All right.

975
00:50:14,352 --> 00:50:17,853
Eric, Eric, Eric. Hey, man, what's up?

976
00:50:18,432 --> 00:50:20,025
Hey, why you here, Scott?

977
00:50:20,025 --> 00:50:22,523
What, Kennedy High
isn't having any parties tonight?

978
00:50:22,523 --> 00:50:24,605
No, I heard you guys were partying
with some new stuff.

979
00:50:24,855 --> 00:50:27,199
Wanted to know your hookup
so me and my boys can get in on it.

980
00:50:27,199 --> 00:50:29,197
Got other commitments on that front,
so, you know...

981
00:50:29,197 --> 00:50:30,368
I wasn't asking.

982
00:50:31,904 --> 00:50:33,281
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

983
00:50:33,572 --> 00:50:36,041
Take five, take five, man, let me get this.
I got this.

984
00:50:36,041 --> 00:50:38,460
- Yeah? You sure?
- I got this one.

985
00:50:39,370 --> 00:50:41,372
Hey, big player, I don't know who you are.

986
00:50:41,372 --> 00:50:43,378
- Don't worry about who I am.
- I'm worried about it.

987
00:50:43,378 --> 00:50:45,459
- Why?
- 'Cause you're at my party right now, dude.

988
00:50:45,459 --> 00:50:47,962
This is my temple,
this is where I come to find peace, dawg,

989
00:50:48,170 --> 00:50:50,889
and you're coming in here
like an emotional bull in a china shop,

990
00:50:50,889 --> 00:50:53,468
metaphorically knocking over vases,
messing with my crew,

991
00:50:53,468 --> 00:50:57,647
and I'm like, "What, Scott, what, Scott,
what, what, what, what, Scott?"

992
00:50:57,647 --> 00:50:59,098
- It's that kind of party?
- Yeah, dude.

993
00:50:59,098 --> 00:51:01,149
Matter of fact, it's
getting hot in here, huh?

994
00:51:01,149 --> 00:51:03,227
- No, it's getting real.
- It's getting very real.

995
00:51:03,227 --> 00:51:06,109
Yeah. It's like seven strangers
living in one house. True story.

996
00:51:06,109 --> 00:51:07,565
<i>- You want Real World?
- Yeah, let's do it, man.</i>

997
00:51:07,565 --> 00:51:09,241
<i>- Come on. What's your Real...
- Here's Real World.</i>

998
00:51:09,942 --> 00:51:11,239
What was that? Did you hear that?

999
00:51:11,239 --> 00:51:12,786
Real enough for you?

1000
00:51:12,786 --> 00:51:14,329
Schmidt. Doug.

1001
00:51:14,329 --> 00:51:15,998
- What do I do?
- Hit him!

1002
00:51:17,992 --> 00:51:19,539
Shit! That hurt worse than when he hit me!

1003
00:51:26,250 --> 00:51:27,467
Fight normal.

1004
00:51:27,467 --> 00:51:28,965
Yo, I'm serious.

1005
00:51:28,965 --> 00:51:30,170
Sorry.

1006
00:51:34,300 --> 00:51:36,894
- I'll fucking kill you!
- I'm sorry! I'm very sorry!

1007
00:51:38,095 --> 00:51:41,269
Seriously, use your words, use your words!

1008
00:51:44,018 --> 00:51:45,065
I kicked him in the nuts.

1009
00:51:50,524 --> 00:51:52,868
Fight's over, dude!
Fight's over! Fight's over!

1010
00:51:57,281 --> 00:51:58,453
No, watch my mom's shit, man!

1011
00:51:58,453 --> 00:52:00,409
- I'm gonna fucking kill you!
- You'll knock over my mom's vase!

1012
00:52:00,409 --> 00:52:02,540
- Fuck your mom's vase!
- Fuck this!

1013
00:52:07,791 --> 00:52:08,883
Oh, Shit!

1014
00:52:09,627 --> 00:52:10,924
Yeah!

1015
00:52:15,090 --> 00:52:16,842
That's my brother!

1016
00:52:21,889 --> 00:52:24,267
- That was insane!
- You're so cool!

1017
00:52:25,726 --> 00:52:28,229
Did you see that shit? That was crazy.

1018
00:52:32,650 --> 00:52:33,742
Oh, Shit,

1019
00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:35,737
when did I get stabbed?

1020
00:52:37,279 --> 00:52:38,451
That's awesome.

1021
00:52:40,574 --> 00:52:41,575
Yeah!

1022
00:52:44,953 --> 00:52:46,580
Is that a cop?

1023
00:52:46,580 --> 00:52:47,916
Where?

1024
00:52:47,916 --> 00:52:50,259
No, it's not. Here.

1025
00:52:50,918 --> 00:52:53,012
I'm so glad we're going back
to get my phone.

1026
00:52:53,012 --> 00:52:54,930
I just hope we don't wake up Schmidty.

1027
00:52:54,930 --> 00:52:56,424
Oh, my God, he's a policeman now.

1028
00:52:56,424 --> 00:52:58,601
It's like we're living with a narc.

1029
00:52:59,301 --> 00:53:00,644
The boy is an angel.

1030
00:53:01,178 --> 00:53:02,304
Pull it out!

1031
00:53:02,638 --> 00:53:06,359
Pull it out! Pull it out! Pull it out!

1032
00:53:06,359 --> 00:53:07,559
Sorry!

1033
00:53:17,569 --> 00:53:18,821
Okay, let's take some shots.

1034
00:53:18,821 --> 00:53:20,281
Shots, shots!

1035
00:53:25,452 --> 00:53:27,750
That's like us fucking Mother Earth
without a condom.

1036
00:54:04,575 --> 00:54:06,202
What the fuck is going on?

1037
00:54:06,202 --> 00:54:08,169
Annie, hang on.

1038
00:54:11,165 --> 00:54:12,883
Are you fucking kidding me?

1039
00:54:12,883 --> 00:54:15,924
Get out of my house. I said get out!
The party's over!

1040
00:54:15,924 --> 00:54:17,471
I'm sorry, Mom, I'm sorry!

1041
00:54:17,755 --> 00:54:19,348
The mom is coming!

1042
00:54:19,631 --> 00:54:21,508
- Listen to me!
- Chill out! Chill out!

1043
00:54:22,009 --> 00:54:23,306
- Let go of me!
- You're embarrassing me

1044
00:54:23,306 --> 00:54:25,353
- in front of my friends!
- Get back here, you shit!

1045
00:54:28,640 --> 00:54:30,483
Dude, that was so crazy, man.

1046
00:54:30,483 --> 00:54:32,778
I swear, best party I've been to in years.

1047
00:54:32,778 --> 00:54:34,480
Dude, I'm doing crazy stuff like that,

1048
00:54:34,480 --> 00:54:36,236
- like, all the time, man.
- I bet you are.

1049
00:54:36,236 --> 00:54:38,779
Dude, I'm so amped right now, God!

1050
00:54:40,235 --> 00:54:41,828
You, dude, I like you, man.

1051
00:54:41,828 --> 00:54:43,497
How do you feel about making
a little extra money?

1052
00:54:43,497 --> 00:54:45,662
Whatever it is, I'm in.

1053
00:54:45,662 --> 00:54:46,993
All right, here's the deal.

1054
00:54:46,993 --> 00:54:51,000
Okay, I can't sell all this shit on my own,
but I only bring in people I like.

1055
00:54:51,705 --> 00:54:54,049
Okay, you do good,
maybe we bring you in on what we're doing,

1056
00:54:54,049 --> 00:54:56,214
I introduce you to my hookup.
How's that sound?

1057
00:54:57,169 --> 00:54:58,466
- Cool with me.
- My man.

1058
00:54:58,466 --> 00:55:00,422
That is my man...

1059
00:55:00,756 --> 00:55:02,383
That was nuts. I lost you guys.

1060
00:55:04,968 --> 00:55:07,187
Hey, thank you again for the party, man.

1061
00:55:07,187 --> 00:55:08,639
Yo, yo.

1062
00:55:12,893 --> 00:55:14,236
Come on!

1063
00:55:16,897 --> 00:55:18,319
"I love dick"?

1064
00:55:18,319 --> 00:55:19,900
You think that's funny?

1065
00:55:19,900 --> 00:55:21,485
<i>"Wonder Years douche"?</i>

1066
00:55:21,485 --> 00:55:23,787
What kind of a sick animal draws

1067
00:55:23,787 --> 00:55:27,332
an ejaculating penis
into an 8-year-old's mouth?

1068
00:55:27,332 --> 00:55:30,456
It's arguably, like, an airplane throwing up.

1069
00:55:31,245 --> 00:55:32,918
You think I don't know
that's a dick and balls?

1070
00:55:32,918 --> 00:55:34,915
I know all about dick and balls!

1071
00:55:34,915 --> 00:55:37,376
I partied with Robert Downey Jr.
before he got sober,

1072
00:55:37,376 --> 00:55:39,712
when he was really fucked up
and a lot of fun!

1073
00:55:39,920 --> 00:55:41,843
You know what?
From now on, you're gonna do some chores.

1074
00:55:41,843 --> 00:55:44,220
You're gonna wash the laundry,
you're gonna fold it,

1075
00:55:44,220 --> 00:55:47,929
you're gonna do the dishes,
you're gonna mow the lawn...

1076
00:55:53,851 --> 00:55:55,273
Dude, I have a surprise for you.

1077
00:55:55,273 --> 00:55:57,150
Last night at the party, I took Eric's phone

1078
00:55:57,150 --> 00:55:59,945
and I had Zack put
this monitoring device in it,

1079
00:55:59,945 --> 00:56:03,194
so we're gonna get to hear every single thing
that little prick is up to.

1080
00:56:03,443 --> 00:56:05,195
Dude, I don't know if that was a good idea.

1081
00:56:05,195 --> 00:56:06,246
What?

1082
00:56:06,246 --> 00:56:08,289
- What if you had gotten found out?
- But it worked.

1083
00:56:08,289 --> 00:56:10,242
This is, like,
the smartest move I've ever pulled,

1084
00:56:10,242 --> 00:56:12,953
so, I'm sorry,
what are you getting mad at me for?

1085
00:56:12,953 --> 00:56:15,960
I'm not getting mad at you.
I'm glad you have something to do.

1086
00:56:18,458 --> 00:56:19,505
Good.

1087
00:56:22,713 --> 00:56:24,056
What's up?

1088
00:56:29,845 --> 00:56:31,062
Great job, Schmidt.

1089
00:56:46,820 --> 00:56:49,039
- Password!
- Kneel before Zod!

1090
00:56:49,039 --> 00:56:50,411
You may enter.

1091
00:56:50,411 --> 00:56:52,083
Thank you, Zod.

1092
00:57:00,167 --> 00:57:01,293
Let's tap that wire, huh?

1093
00:57:01,293 --> 00:57:03,128
We were just about to go outside
with a bunch of chemicals.

1094
00:57:03,128 --> 00:57:05,009
We were going to test what blows up.

1095
00:57:05,505 --> 00:57:08,349
There's no reason the wiretap
is super urgent, right?

1096
00:57:09,509 --> 00:57:11,637
Not that I can think of
that would make sense.

1097
00:57:11,845 --> 00:57:13,643
Go for it, go for it.

1098
00:57:13,643 --> 00:57:15,520
- Look out.
- Go, go, go!

1099
00:57:18,560 --> 00:57:19,561
Yes!

1100
00:57:19,937 --> 00:57:21,860
Yes, that's what I'm talking about!

1101
00:57:21,860 --> 00:57:23,361
That's what I'm talking about!

1102
00:57:23,361 --> 00:57:24,908
I love this science shit!

1103
00:57:24,908 --> 00:57:27,406
This is what you guys do all day?
Let's do it again.

1104
00:57:43,919 --> 00:57:45,262
Are you texting Molly?

1105
00:57:45,712 --> 00:57:46,759
What?

1106
00:57:47,214 --> 00:57:48,682
I don't... Molly...

1107
00:57:49,341 --> 00:57:50,638
Maybe. Is that...

1108
00:57:50,638 --> 00:57:53,345
Whoa, it's cool, man, come on.

1109
00:57:53,345 --> 00:57:56,602
I'm not some, like,
'50s letterman who pins a girl.

1110
00:57:56,602 --> 00:57:59,310
I mean, yeah, we blow each other sometimes,
but it's not a thing.

1111
00:57:59,310 --> 00:58:02,522
I just, like... I don't know,
I don't believe in possessions, ja feel?

1112
00:58:03,271 --> 00:58:05,399
Ja feel, ja definitely feel.

1113
00:58:05,691 --> 00:58:07,489
- Yeah.
- Schmidty?

1114
00:58:09,069 --> 00:58:10,241
Schmidty

1115
00:58:11,405 --> 00:58:12,406
Phyllis.

1116
00:58:13,699 --> 00:58:15,076
- I'll be right back, dude.
- Okay.

1117
00:58:17,035 --> 00:58:19,379
Hey. How are you?

1118
00:58:19,379 --> 00:58:21,673
- How is my favorite police officer?
- Okay.

1119
00:58:21,673 --> 00:58:24,297
Your mother told me that you are undercover.

1120
00:58:24,297 --> 00:58:25,878
Listen, now is not a really good time.

1121
00:58:26,211 --> 00:58:27,929
Are you undercover right now?

1122
00:58:27,929 --> 00:58:29,473
Yes, it means I'm undercover right now.

1123
00:58:29,473 --> 00:58:31,266
Are those the bad guys over there?

1124
00:58:31,266 --> 00:58:34,185
Do they have guns? Oh, my God.
Oh, God, this is so exciting.

1125
00:58:34,185 --> 00:58:36,104
I have got to call Annie. She is gonna die.

1126
00:58:36,104 --> 00:58:39,100
I heard that that Jenko boy is your partner.

1127
00:58:39,100 --> 00:58:40,809
- Where is my phone?
- Okay, okay.

1128
00:58:40,809 --> 00:58:42,189
Shut your fucking mouth.

1129
00:58:42,189 --> 00:58:44,397
Shut your fucking mouth,
you understand me?

1130
00:58:44,397 --> 00:58:46,322
Let's go check this out.

1131
00:58:46,322 --> 00:58:48,526
I will straight-up punch you in the face
if you do not shut up.

1132
00:58:48,526 --> 00:58:50,702
- There is no...
- A straight-up face punch.

1133
00:58:50,702 --> 00:58:51,903
I swear to God, you're gonna get me killed.

1134
00:58:51,903 --> 00:58:53,409
- Hey, yo.
- That is...

1135
00:58:55,323 --> 00:58:57,121
Shit! She just tried to grab my dick, dude!

1136
00:58:57,121 --> 00:58:59,419
- What? You tried to grab his...
- She tried to grab my junk.

1137
00:58:59,419 --> 00:59:01,041
She was like, "Oh, my God, I have arthritis,"

1138
00:59:01,041 --> 00:59:02,794
"it hurts my hand,
I need to grab a handful of that dick."

1139
00:59:02,794 --> 00:59:03,999
I was like, "Get the fuck off me!"

1140
00:59:03,999 --> 00:59:05,459
She said, "I need to grab
a handful of that dick"?

1141
00:59:05,459 --> 00:59:07,169
And it felt good,
but then it felt weird for a second,

1142
00:59:07,169 --> 00:59:09,346
so I pushed her. We got to get out of here.

1143
00:59:09,346 --> 00:59:10,422
All right, cool, let's get the...

1144
00:59:26,730 --> 00:59:30,530
So your parents are just cool
with having people over whenever?

1145
00:59:30,530 --> 00:59:32,368
Yeah, you know, they're out most nights.

1146
00:59:32,368 --> 00:59:34,159
Pretty laissez-faire about the whole thing.

1147
00:59:34,696 --> 00:59:36,949
You're so lucky your parents
don't give a shit about you.

1148
00:59:36,949 --> 00:59:38,249
Right?

1149
00:59:38,249 --> 00:59:40,168
- This place is awesome.
- Yeah.

1150
00:59:40,168 --> 00:59:41,453
Hey.

1151
00:59:41,912 --> 00:59:42,913
Hey, what's up?

1152
00:59:42,913 --> 00:59:44,464
How's it going?

1153
00:59:44,464 --> 00:59:47,463
Wow, that's a bigger hug
than I was expecting.

1154
00:59:48,251 --> 00:59:49,628
Sorry. I'm happy to see you.

1155
00:59:49,628 --> 00:59:51,304
Yeah. Yeah, me, too.

1156
00:59:51,304 --> 00:59:52,972
- Hey.

1157
00:59:55,175 --> 00:59:56,392
Good?

1158
00:59:56,676 --> 00:59:58,019
- All right, come on.
- Yeah, let's...

1159
00:59:58,019 --> 01:00:00,348
I brought tacos, so that's cool.

1160
01:00:00,597 --> 01:00:03,271
<i>Try to turn it, try to
turn it, spoiler alert.</i>

1161
01:00:03,271 --> 01:00:06,024
<i>Spoiler alert, spoiler alert!</i>

1162
01:00:06,024 --> 01:00:10,942
Hey, boys, this eco-pussy
is going down today.

1163
01:00:10,942 --> 01:00:13,698
<i>Take down eco-pussy.</i>

1164
01:00:13,698 --> 01:00:16,530
<i>Take down eco-pussy!</i>

1165
01:00:16,988 --> 01:00:21,038
<i>Mother Earth, Mother Earth is dying.</i>

1166
01:00:21,743 --> 01:00:23,916
<i>And when it rains.</i>

1167
01:00:23,916 --> 01:00:25,872
<i>It means that beautiful
bitch is crying.</i>

1168
01:00:26,081 --> 01:00:27,924
- It's really not a planet.
- It's for sure a planet.

1169
01:00:28,375 --> 01:00:29,797
Pluto is a planet.

1170
01:00:29,797 --> 01:00:30,923
- It's ready!
- It used to be a planet.

1171
01:00:30,923 --> 01:00:32,049
- It's ready.
- Not anymore.

1172
01:00:32,049 --> 01:00:35,303
<i>Reduce, reuse.</i>

1173
01:00:36,508 --> 01:00:37,555
<i>Recycle</i>

1174
01:00:37,555 --> 01:00:38,760
I'm embarrassed.

1175
01:00:38,760 --> 01:00:41,222
- I always feel exposed after playing.
- Do not feel exposed.

1176
01:00:41,222 --> 01:00:42,393
I got to use the bathroom.

1177
01:00:42,393 --> 01:00:44,391
- Is it in there?
- Yeah, yeah, right up there, dude.

1178
01:00:44,391 --> 01:00:46,476
All right, all right, all right, all right.
God damn that.

1179
01:00:46,476 --> 01:00:49,029
The mic is live and we can
hear how the other half lives.

1180
01:01:04,077 --> 01:01:05,499
What are you doing?

1181
01:01:05,499 --> 01:01:07,126
I heard something.

1182
01:01:07,126 --> 01:01:09,333
<i>Hey, can I ask you something?
Sit down.</i>

1183
01:01:09,333 --> 01:01:10,588
<i>Okay.</i>

1184
01:01:11,168 --> 01:01:14,172
<i>I just want to make sure
that you and Eric are going to be careful</i>

1185
01:01:14,172 --> 01:01:17,884
with whatever it is
that you're getting involved in.

1186
01:01:19,009 --> 01:01:20,932
Yeah, I promise we will.

1187
01:01:20,932 --> 01:01:23,389
It would just suck
if something bad happened,

1188
01:01:24,890 --> 01:01:26,563
because you're a good guy.

1189
01:01:26,766 --> 01:01:29,861
Yeah, no, I feel the same way about you,

1190
01:01:29,861 --> 01:01:31,779
except girl version.

1191
01:01:32,105 --> 01:01:33,607
You're a girl.

1192
01:01:34,024 --> 01:01:35,446
- I am.
- Yeah.

1193
01:01:36,151 --> 01:01:37,528
That's why I put this dress on,

1194
01:01:37,528 --> 01:01:39,033
- to remind you.
- Exactly.

1195
01:01:39,237 --> 01:01:42,116
- Are you excited about the play?
- Yes.

1196
01:01:42,116 --> 01:01:43,291
Yeah, you were just

1197
01:01:43,291 --> 01:01:44,413
- right in there with excitement.
- Yes.

1198
01:01:44,413 --> 01:01:45,869
- No hesitash.
- I'm very excited.

1199
01:01:45,869 --> 01:01:47,499
Yeah.

1200
01:01:47,499 --> 01:01:49,214
Does that make me a super nerd?

1201
01:01:49,214 --> 01:01:50,916
No, not at all.

1202
01:01:51,124 --> 01:01:52,421
<i>We get to act together.</i>

1203
01:01:52,421 --> 01:01:55,379
What a vagina. He has no chance with her.

1204
01:01:55,379 --> 01:01:56,554
<i>So...</i>

1205
01:01:56,554 --> 01:01:57,882
- Shit.
- Sorry.

1206
01:01:57,882 --> 01:01:59,762
You're on the prom committee.

1207
01:01:59,762 --> 01:02:01,343
Do you think it's going to be fun?

1208
01:02:01,593 --> 01:02:02,765
Did she just bring up prom on her own?

1209
01:02:02,765 --> 01:02:04,642
- She did, she just brought up prom.
- What is she doing?

1210
01:02:04,642 --> 01:02:06,348
I think it's going to be awesome.

1211
01:02:06,348 --> 01:02:07,857
- Prom eats a dong.
- Multiple dongs.

1212
01:02:07,857 --> 01:02:09,025
All right, anyone who says

1213
01:02:09,025 --> 01:02:11,899
they don't care about prom
actually secretly does.

1214
01:02:11,899 --> 01:02:14,072
Who we gonna take to the prom?
No one's going to prom with us.

1215
01:02:14,072 --> 01:02:17,401
Come on, picture it.
You pull up in a white stallion of a limo.

1216
01:02:17,401 --> 01:02:19,111
You got fine-ass honeys with you.

1217
01:02:19,111 --> 01:02:21,367
You're dressed to the nines
with your best buds.

1218
01:02:21,367 --> 01:02:23,448
Doves fly out behind you, slow motion.

1219
01:02:23,448 --> 01:02:25,249
Doves. Why doves?

1220
01:02:25,825 --> 01:02:28,954
'Cause doves make you look
like a bad-ass, that's why.

1221
01:02:28,954 --> 01:02:30,755
I am pretty skeptical,

1222
01:02:31,498 --> 01:02:36,004
but maybe, if someone fun asked me,
I would go.

1223
01:02:37,712 --> 01:02:40,090
Aren't... Isn't... Aren't you and Eric...

1224
01:02:40,090 --> 01:02:41,766
Wouldn't you and Eric go together?

1225
01:02:43,051 --> 01:02:44,724
Not that I know of.

1226
01:02:53,061 --> 01:02:54,187
Would you...

1227
01:02:54,187 --> 01:02:55,318
He's going to choke.

1228
01:02:55,522 --> 01:02:58,071
He always chokes.
He's going to choke, wait for it.

1229
01:02:58,525 --> 01:03:01,449
So would...

1230
01:03:01,695 --> 01:03:03,242
So would...

1231
01:03:04,364 --> 01:03:05,991
Would you...

1232
01:03:07,701 --> 01:03:08,953
Mayb...

1233
01:03:09,869 --> 01:03:12,247
- Oh, my God. Are you okay?
- Yeah.

1234
01:03:12,455 --> 01:03:15,425
That is the actual sound of choking.

1235
01:03:16,293 --> 01:03:19,388
I was wondering if you...

1236
01:03:20,797 --> 01:03:22,265
Would you

1237
01:03:23,883 --> 01:03:25,556
maybe want to go

1238
01:03:27,554 --> 01:03:28,680
with me to prom?

1239
01:03:28,680 --> 01:03:30,891
Would you want to go to me...
Maybe with me to prom?

1240
01:03:31,516 --> 01:03:32,563
Yes.

1241
01:03:33,727 --> 01:03:35,695
I would love to go to prom with you.

1242
01:03:36,396 --> 01:03:38,490
What? She just said yes!

1243
01:03:38,490 --> 01:03:40,033
- Whoa.
- Wow.

1244
01:03:40,033 --> 01:03:42,193
Good for you, Doug.

1245
01:03:42,527 --> 01:03:44,404
Thank you for asking.

1246
01:03:52,704 --> 01:03:53,751
Put her there, man.

1247
01:03:53,751 --> 01:03:55,753
Just put... Put it right there.

1248
01:03:56,041 --> 01:03:59,341
I'm putting it right there.

1249
01:03:59,627 --> 01:04:01,345
<i>Yeah. There you guys are.</i>

1250
01:04:01,345 --> 01:04:02,968
<i>What's up, my man?</i>

1251
01:04:02,968 --> 01:04:04,049
- Hi.
- How you doing?

1252
01:04:04,049 --> 01:04:05,805
- Whazzup?
- Yeah.

1253
01:04:06,384 --> 01:04:09,228
Doug... Okay, settle an argument.

1254
01:04:09,228 --> 01:04:11,064
You and your brother aren't related, right?

1255
01:04:11,064 --> 01:04:12,356
'Cause you look totally different.

1256
01:04:12,356 --> 01:04:13,775
He's adopted.

1257
01:04:13,775 --> 01:04:16,103
<i>We all suspect from
a very lame family.</i>

1258
01:04:17,562 --> 01:04:18,814
<i>Where is he tonight?</i>

1259
01:04:18,814 --> 01:04:22,693
<i>Probably at home with those lame tools
he hangs out with. I don't know.</i>

1260
01:04:22,693 --> 01:04:25,370
You know how Tom Cruise is
always pissed off at Rain Man?

1261
01:04:25,370 --> 01:04:28,995
That's like my life,
except Brad is really shitty at math.

1262
01:04:31,451 --> 01:04:32,919
Your brother's kind of a dick.

1263
01:04:32,919 --> 01:04:34,541
Well, yeah,

1264
01:04:36,081 --> 01:04:37,458
he kind of is, isn't he?

1265
01:04:37,458 --> 01:04:38,799
Don't listen to that.

1266
01:04:39,125 --> 01:04:40,877
I don't give a fuck.

1267
01:04:46,966 --> 01:04:49,389
Dude, Eric is the funniest IM-er.

1268
01:04:56,267 --> 01:04:57,689
Oh, fuck.

1269
01:04:59,479 --> 01:05:01,823
Hey, guys. It's so funny seeing you here.

1270
01:05:01,823 --> 01:05:03,571
How are you? Guess what, I don't care.

1271
01:05:03,571 --> 01:05:06,119
We just closed our third
high school operation.

1272
01:05:06,119 --> 01:05:08,117
And check what we found at Kennedy.

1273
01:05:08,117 --> 01:05:10,790
Looks like we're going to have to do
your job for you.

1274
01:05:10,790 --> 01:05:14,165
Your drugs is spreading
to different schools now, sucker.

1275
01:05:16,413 --> 01:05:20,384
You failed to stop the outbreak,
and you have no leads!

1276
01:05:20,667 --> 01:05:22,510
We are running out of time!

1277
01:05:22,510 --> 01:05:24,337
You either find the supplier,

1278
01:05:24,337 --> 01:05:26,924
or I'm gonna jump your asses
off Jump Street!

1279
01:05:26,924 --> 01:05:28,974
I totally understand
where you're coming from, sir,

1280
01:05:28,974 --> 01:05:31,473
but, look, I heard Eric
talking on the phone yesterday

1281
01:05:31,473 --> 01:05:33,726
with somebody that sounded very suspect

1282
01:05:33,726 --> 01:05:35,978
about meeting up with a stuffed piñata.

1283
01:05:37,600 --> 01:05:39,728
Is that a code for sex?

1284
01:05:42,397 --> 01:05:44,274
- Piñata? Really?
- Yep.

1285
01:05:44,566 --> 01:05:46,239
Remember that wiretap
I put on Eric's phone?

1286
01:05:46,239 --> 01:05:49,033
While you were having the time of your life
last night, I was listening.

1287
01:05:49,033 --> 01:05:51,953
I overheard a phone call between Eric
and some dude about a piñata.

1288
01:05:54,075 --> 01:05:55,201
That's all you heard?

1289
01:05:55,785 --> 01:05:56,877
Yep.

1290
01:06:00,457 --> 01:06:02,050
<i>I am so nervous.</i>

1291
01:06:02,050 --> 01:06:05,216
We are about to premiere
in front of the whole school.

1292
01:06:05,216 --> 01:06:07,764
I apologize in advance
if I throw up on you onstage.

1293
01:06:08,381 --> 01:06:09,974
Serious question, though.

1294
01:06:10,758 --> 01:06:12,260
How do I look?

1295
01:06:12,969 --> 01:06:14,266
Ravishing.

1296
01:06:14,266 --> 01:06:16,810
Is it too sexy of an outfit?

1297
01:06:16,810 --> 01:06:18,187
Bend the knee a little bit.

1298
01:06:18,187 --> 01:06:19,643
Yep, it is.

1299
01:06:21,895 --> 01:06:25,069
It's going to be so much easier
having you onstage with me.

1300
01:06:25,069 --> 01:06:26,650
I am so happy that I met you.

1301
01:06:26,650 --> 01:06:30,033
You're, like, the only guy
that I can really trust.

1302
01:06:30,033 --> 01:06:32,580
Yep. That's me.

1303
01:06:33,406 --> 01:06:34,498
Doug.

1304
01:06:39,913 --> 01:06:41,586
Potassium nitrate.

1305
01:06:42,457 --> 01:06:45,461
Don't hate. It's great.

1306
01:06:45,461 --> 01:06:47,341
It can act as an oxidizer.

1307
01:06:47,341 --> 01:06:49,263
I didn't know that, but now I'm wiser.

1308
01:06:50,757 --> 01:06:53,055
It has a crystalline structure.

1309
01:06:53,055 --> 01:06:55,933
If you can't respect that,
you're a butt muncher.

1310
01:06:56,596 --> 01:06:58,894
It's a key ingredient in gunpowder.

1311
01:06:59,265 --> 01:07:02,018
K-NO-three, don't give no grief.

1312
01:07:02,644 --> 01:07:05,318
It can be used to make corned beef.

1313
01:07:07,106 --> 01:07:09,154
It's also known as saltpeter.

1314
01:07:15,156 --> 01:07:16,282
- Brad?
- Shit.

1315
01:07:16,282 --> 01:07:18,039
Where are you going?

1316
01:07:18,039 --> 01:07:20,290
I don't want to look like
it's like I'm wearing makeup.

1317
01:07:20,290 --> 01:07:22,088
- Right.
- Doug! Hi.

1318
01:07:22,088 --> 01:07:23,540
Brad!

1319
01:07:23,540 --> 01:07:24,840
Whoa. What are you wearing?

1320
01:07:24,840 --> 01:07:26,509
Potassium nitrate. Thanks for noticing.

1321
01:07:26,751 --> 01:07:27,798
I need to borrow you.

1322
01:07:27,798 --> 01:07:29,550
Now's not a good time, Brad.

1323
01:07:30,129 --> 01:07:31,381
It's a really good time.

1324
01:07:31,965 --> 01:07:35,640
'Cause my piñata is killing me.

1325
01:07:35,885 --> 01:07:37,728
Is that code for a sex thing?

1326
01:07:37,728 --> 01:07:39,431
It's leaving the parking lot.

1327
01:07:39,431 --> 01:07:40,686
Piñata?

1328
01:07:42,475 --> 01:07:43,195
Molly,

1329
01:07:44,852 --> 01:07:46,820
I will be right back.
I need to help Brad with something, okay?

1330
01:07:46,820 --> 01:07:48,489
I just need to help Brad
with something real quick.

1331
01:07:48,489 --> 01:07:49,691
- What? No. What?
- I promise you...

1332
01:07:49,691 --> 01:07:51,526
Do you understand how soon
the show is starting?

1333
01:07:51,526 --> 01:07:53,202
I swear to you
I will be back in time for curtain.

1334
01:07:53,202 --> 01:07:55,121
- I swear. I swear to you.
- Tell me you understand how soon...

1335
01:07:55,121 --> 01:07:57,164
What? Are you kidding me?

1336
01:07:59,325 --> 01:08:00,918
What did I say? What did I say?

1337
01:08:00,918 --> 01:08:03,873
See? Whose wiretap is
working for him now, huh?

1338
01:08:13,590 --> 01:08:14,762
Shit.

1339
01:08:15,008 --> 01:08:16,180
Fuck!

1340
01:08:16,676 --> 01:08:18,644
You told me not to worry about the tickets!

1341
01:08:18,644 --> 01:08:20,893
I thought they made us look cool.

1342
01:08:20,893 --> 01:08:23,100
- Cones, cones...
- Driver's ed car.

1343
01:08:23,100 --> 01:08:24,229
- I'm driving.
- No, you're not.

1344
01:08:24,229 --> 01:08:27,229
- I never get to drive. I'm driving this time.
- Fine! Drive!

1345
01:08:27,229 --> 01:08:29,276
- Hey, guys.
- Just borrowing this for one sec.

1346
01:08:29,276 --> 01:08:31,449
- Sure.
- Go. Go, go, go, go.

1347
01:08:32,025 --> 01:08:33,618
Guys, hey, wait.
Guys, you're not on the list.

1348
01:08:33,618 --> 01:08:35,991
Hey, guys, wait! Who cares?

1349
01:08:51,794 --> 01:08:53,762
- Holy fucking shit.
- No fucking way.

1350
01:08:54,380 --> 01:08:55,723
Those are the guys from the park.

1351
01:08:55,723 --> 01:08:57,095
That's just too crazy.

1352
01:08:58,384 --> 01:09:00,478
What do you think's in that thing?

1353
01:09:00,478 --> 01:09:02,226
I don't know, money, drugs.

1354
01:09:02,226 --> 01:09:04,774
They could be a new buyer,
or they could be the supplier.

1355
01:09:04,774 --> 01:09:06,726
If it's good, you'll hear from me.

1356
01:09:06,726 --> 01:09:10,313
If it's not good, you'll hear from me
about telling you how it's not good.

1357
01:09:10,313 --> 01:09:11,488
Makes sense.

1358
01:09:11,488 --> 01:09:13,987
- Get the fuck out of here.
- Yeah, no worries, man.

1359
01:09:13,987 --> 01:09:15,740
I'll see you guys.

1360
01:09:15,740 --> 01:09:18,071
We definitely got to follow
them and find out, though.

1361
01:09:20,573 --> 01:09:22,496
- Get down! Get down!
- Get down! Get down!

1362
01:09:26,037 --> 01:09:27,209
- What are you doing?
- If they see us,

1363
01:09:27,209 --> 01:09:28,540
just pretend like you're sucking my dick.

1364
01:09:28,540 --> 01:09:30,125
- What? No!
- Yes. Stop.

1365
01:09:30,125 --> 01:09:31,801
You pretend like you're sucking my dick.

1366
01:09:31,801 --> 01:09:33,511
No, just pretend like you're sucking my dick.

1367
01:09:33,511 --> 01:09:34,929
Why am I automatically blowing you?

1368
01:09:34,929 --> 01:09:37,132
'Cause you're in
a fucking Peter Pan costume!

1369
01:09:37,132 --> 01:09:38,307
Okay.

1370
01:09:44,430 --> 01:09:45,522
Okay, let's go. Let's go, let's go.

1371
01:09:45,522 --> 01:09:47,066
- Go, go, go.
- Okay, fine, we'll follow them.

1372
01:09:47,066 --> 01:09:49,109
But we need to be back in
30 minutes for curtain.

1373
01:09:55,233 --> 01:09:56,530
Dude, did you just hit the teacher brake?

1374
01:09:56,530 --> 01:09:57,656
Yeah, you're following too close, dude.

1375
01:09:57,656 --> 01:09:59,450
- They're going to make us.
- Well, if I go too far back,

1376
01:09:59,450 --> 01:10:01,372
it's going to look even
more suspicious, so just stop.

1377
01:10:01,372 --> 01:10:02,619
God, just let me do my thing.

1378
01:10:02,619 --> 01:10:04,333
I know what I'm doing.

1379
01:10:06,452 --> 01:10:09,080
Seriously, if you do that again,
I'm going to Whac-A-Mole you in the balls.

1380
01:10:09,080 --> 01:10:10,210
Just stay back.

1381
01:10:10,210 --> 01:10:13,168
- I could not be more serious.
- Take your foot off the brake.

1382
01:10:13,168 --> 01:10:15,629
- No. I'm not... No.
- Take your foot off the brake!

1383
01:10:23,553 --> 01:10:25,021
Oh, Shit! Oh, Shit!

1384
01:10:25,021 --> 01:10:26,393
- Look what you did!
- Look what you did!

1385
01:10:26,393 --> 01:10:29,396
What the fuck?
You non-driving motherfuckers!

1386
01:10:29,396 --> 01:10:31,273
Get the fuck out of the car!

1387
01:10:31,273 --> 01:10:33,946
- Oh, fuck.
- Lock the door! Lock the door!

1388
01:10:33,946 --> 01:10:35,147
What do I do? Go away!

1389
01:10:35,147 --> 01:10:36,483
What are you, a fucking Keebler Elf?

1390
01:10:37,483 --> 01:10:38,985
Get him out of that car!

1391
01:10:40,903 --> 01:10:42,701
- No, no!
- It's fucking ZZ Top!

1392
01:10:42,701 --> 01:10:44,495
- No, no! No, no, no!
- It's fucking ZZ Top!

1393
01:10:44,495 --> 01:10:45,575
Like an angry Walrus!

1394
01:10:45,575 --> 01:10:48,252
- I stomp the car now!
- Oh, my God!

1395
01:10:49,662 --> 01:10:51,664
- Stomp! Stomp!
- Oh, shit.

1396
01:10:51,664 --> 01:10:54,042
- Okay. Okay.
- Oh, my God! Stop, dude! Go!

1397
01:10:57,503 --> 01:10:59,505
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

1398
01:11:02,717 --> 01:11:05,095
- Just let me drive!
- Stop hitting me!

1399
01:11:13,436 --> 01:11:14,938
Dude, watch out!

1400
01:11:16,189 --> 01:11:18,738
Will you stop front-seat driving?
Get your hands off the wheel!

1401
01:11:18,738 --> 01:11:20,610
Man, you just hit two people back there!

1402
01:11:20,610 --> 01:11:22,695
- You stop. I'm not...
- Take your hands off. Shit!

1403
01:11:27,325 --> 01:11:28,622
- We're stuck in traffic!
- Oh, shit.

1404
01:11:28,622 --> 01:11:30,999
- Shit, they're coming! They're coming!
- What?

1405
01:11:31,537 --> 01:11:32,834
Oh, my God, dude.

1406
01:11:32,834 --> 01:11:34,006
What do we do?

1407
01:11:34,006 --> 01:11:35,298
What the... What the...

1408
01:11:35,298 --> 01:11:37,172
Oh, Shit. Oh, Shit.

1409
01:11:37,172 --> 01:11:38,628
Oh, Shit.

1410
01:11:38,628 --> 01:11:40,088
- Oh, shit.
- What's wrong with you? Run!

1411
01:11:40,088 --> 01:11:42,048
I can't! I'm wearing tights!

1412
01:11:42,048 --> 01:11:44,509
I got skinny jeans on!
It's the same fucking thing!

1413
01:11:46,552 --> 01:11:48,554
They're going to make us, or kill us.

1414
01:11:49,889 --> 01:11:51,812
- Porsche! Porsche!
- Police! Get out of the car, douche!

1415
01:11:51,812 --> 01:11:53,484
I'm on a call here, jackass.

1416
01:11:53,484 --> 01:11:56,859
That's right. Go to sleep, bitch.
You just got head-butted, motherfucker!

1417
01:11:56,859 --> 01:11:58,190
- Go, go, go, go, go, go!
- Shit.

1418
01:12:02,151 --> 01:12:04,074
Check around for a gun or something,
all right?

1419
01:12:04,074 --> 01:12:05,496
Where? Where?
There's no glove compartment

1420
01:12:05,496 --> 01:12:08,700
in this shitty-ass car!
There's golf balls and this.

1421
01:12:08,700 --> 01:12:10,660
- What am I supposed to do with this?
- I don't know, man!

1422
01:12:10,660 --> 01:12:12,370
I've never been in a freeway chase before!

1423
01:12:26,968 --> 01:12:30,017
Watch out! It's going to explode!
It's going to go!

1424
01:12:30,888 --> 01:12:32,686
- What happened?
- I don't know.

1425
01:12:32,686 --> 01:12:34,017
- It just didn't explode.
- That's weird.

1426
01:12:36,727 --> 01:12:39,401
Can anybody tell me where my Peter is?

1427
01:12:40,022 --> 01:12:43,526
French! You're not my first choice,
but I need you to go on as Peter.

1428
01:12:43,526 --> 01:12:45,737
Oh, gosh. And I've been in character
for months now.

1429
01:12:45,737 --> 01:12:47,572
Great. Nobody cares.

1430
01:12:48,114 --> 01:12:49,957
Come on! Another traffic jam?

1431
01:12:51,033 --> 01:12:53,035
I'm sorry I didn't check the traffic report

1432
01:12:53,035 --> 01:12:54,962
- before we got in a car chase!
- Let's go! Come on!

1433
01:12:54,962 --> 01:12:58,086
- Come on. Let's go, let's go, let's go!
- Shit!

1434
01:12:59,750 --> 01:13:01,878
- Are you texting?
- No, I'm not texting!

1435
01:13:01,878 --> 01:13:04,134
- Yes, you are! You're texting!
- No, I'm not!

1436
01:13:04,134 --> 01:13:05,214
Okay, almost done.

1437
01:13:07,008 --> 01:13:08,134
"LOL."

1438
01:13:10,344 --> 01:13:11,721
I'm driving!

1439
01:13:11,721 --> 01:13:13,647
Why do you always jump
over the car like that?

1440
01:13:13,647 --> 01:13:14,940
Hi. Hi. How are you?

1441
01:13:14,940 --> 01:13:16,393
- Hi.
- God damn, you are beautiful.

1442
01:13:16,393 --> 01:13:18,728
- Oh. Hi.
- You are fine as shit.

1443
01:13:18,728 --> 01:13:20,108
Don't worry. Someone will pick you up.

1444
01:13:20,108 --> 01:13:22,030
- Wow.
- Hurry. Just drive.

1445
01:13:22,030 --> 01:13:23,650
Wait. Pick me up?

1446
01:13:27,069 --> 01:13:28,742
- They're coming! They're coming!
- I got an idea.

1447
01:13:28,742 --> 01:13:30,994
Why don't you text them
and ask them to stop chasing us?

1448
01:13:36,787 --> 01:13:38,209
Oh, Shit!

1449
01:13:40,666 --> 01:13:41,758
He's got a gun!

1450
01:13:41,758 --> 01:13:42,801
I'm going to throw this thing at him!

1451
01:13:42,801 --> 01:13:43,969
Okay, you don't have to narrate everything!

1452
01:13:43,969 --> 01:13:45,422
- Just throw it!
- Okay! Okay, okay!

1453
01:14:01,812 --> 01:14:03,439
- It's going to explode!
- Oh, my God! Roll up the windows!

1454
01:14:03,439 --> 01:14:04,694
- What the fuck is that going to do?
- Roll it up!

1455
01:14:04,694 --> 01:14:05,900
- I don't fucking care! Just do it!
- Oh, God!

1456
01:14:12,615 --> 01:14:15,243
I really thought that one
was going to explode.

1457
01:14:21,582 --> 01:14:22,834
Oh, Shit!

1458
01:14:25,294 --> 01:14:26,637
Look in the glove compartment for a gun.

1459
01:14:26,637 --> 01:14:28,339
What are you talking about?
We're in a pink Bug!

1460
01:14:28,339 --> 01:14:31,426
I don't care.
Look in the goddamn glove compartment!

1461
01:14:31,426 --> 01:14:33,011
What the hell?

1462
01:14:37,390 --> 01:14:39,233
- Shoot.
- Oh, my God. Okay! Okay!

1463
01:14:39,233 --> 01:14:41,185
Shoot the gun! Shoot the gun!

1464
01:14:41,185 --> 01:14:43,396
Can't get a good shot, man!
I can't get a good shot!

1465
01:14:43,396 --> 01:14:45,072
- Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
- Take the shot!

1466
01:14:45,072 --> 01:14:46,483
Take the shot! Just shoot him! Let's go!

1467
01:14:46,483 --> 01:14:47,908
Shit, Shit, Shit, Shit, Shit, Shit, Shit.

1468
01:14:47,908 --> 01:14:49,368
- Shoot! Shoot!
- Shit, shit...

1469
01:15:05,543 --> 01:15:07,921
That's what exploded? Holy shit.
That was crazy.

1470
01:15:07,921 --> 01:15:09,426
Why did you shoot for me?

1471
01:15:09,755 --> 01:15:11,177
You weren't shooting, you were choking,

1472
01:15:11,177 --> 01:15:12,759
- so I had to save us.
- I was going to shoot.

1473
01:15:12,759 --> 01:15:15,227
- You always do this, every single time.
- What?

1474
01:15:15,227 --> 01:15:17,020
Seriously, just take me back to school, man.

1475
01:15:17,020 --> 01:15:20,521
If I miss this play, Molly's going to freak out
and she's not going to go to prom with me.

1476
01:15:20,521 --> 01:15:22,601
- Are you fucking serious right now?
- Fuck, yes, I'm serious!

1477
01:15:26,063 --> 01:15:29,158
Can't believe you made me late.
You're so selfish.

1478
01:15:29,158 --> 01:15:31,152
- I'm selfish?
- Yes, you're selfish!

1479
01:15:31,152 --> 01:15:32,369
Are you fucking kidding me?

1480
01:15:32,369 --> 01:15:33,867
Look at yourself!

1481
01:15:34,947 --> 01:15:36,790
You're in too deep, man.

1482
01:15:37,366 --> 01:15:39,664
Yesterday, I found
a college application on your desk!

1483
01:15:39,664 --> 01:15:41,958
I don't know how long this case
is going to last.

1484
01:15:41,958 --> 01:15:45,629
And Eric's going to get into Berkeley,
and, honestly, I can get in, too.

1485
01:15:45,629 --> 01:15:48,382
Who knows? I could ride this thing out.
I could be a doctor or something.

1486
01:15:48,382 --> 01:15:49,804
Have you lost your fucking mind?

1487
01:15:49,804 --> 01:15:52,139
You screwed this investigation all up.

1488
01:15:52,715 --> 01:15:54,763
At least I know my Miranda rights, you idiot.

1489
01:16:00,014 --> 01:16:02,312
You are a very silly man indeed.

1490
01:16:02,312 --> 01:16:04,519
Boys, squaws, come quickly.

1491
01:16:04,519 --> 01:16:08,106
Hey! Sorry! It's okay. I'm here.

1492
01:16:08,647 --> 01:16:10,365
I know I missed the first few scenes.

1493
01:16:10,365 --> 01:16:12,819
I want to thank...
Give it up to French Samuels

1494
01:16:12,819 --> 01:16:16,247
- for ably backing me up.
- Fuck you, Doug! What?

1495
01:16:16,247 --> 01:16:18,324
I say we just roll right
into this thing, huh?

1496
01:16:20,951 --> 01:16:22,999
This is my twin. We're together in...

1497
01:16:22,999 --> 01:16:24,337
Get the fuck out of here.

1498
01:16:25,498 --> 01:16:28,001
What are you doing?
Have you completely lost your mind?

1499
01:16:28,334 --> 01:16:29,551
What is this?

1500
01:16:29,551 --> 01:16:31,925
I don't know, but it's already more exciting.

1501
01:16:31,925 --> 01:16:33,472
You're embarrassing me.

1502
01:16:33,472 --> 01:16:34,799
It's okay. I'll make it up to you.

1503
01:16:35,424 --> 01:16:38,018
And... Let's fly!

1504
01:16:41,764 --> 01:16:43,858
- Such bullshit!
- Get off of me!

1505
01:16:46,143 --> 01:16:48,441
I'm not dumb! I'm smart!

1506
01:16:48,441 --> 01:16:50,489
You think I'm stupid? You're stupid!

1507
01:16:50,489 --> 01:16:53,317
- Go, Doug!
- I guess I should do something.

1508
01:16:53,317 --> 01:16:55,118
I should probably not
just stand here watching.

1509
01:16:55,118 --> 01:16:56,571
I should take action.

1510
01:16:56,571 --> 01:16:58,031
Worst best friend ever!

1511
01:17:03,786 --> 01:17:04,958
Molly, I'm sorry!

1512
01:17:05,287 --> 01:17:06,960
I don't want to talk to you ever again.

1513
01:17:06,960 --> 01:17:08,211
I'm sorry.

1514
01:17:14,171 --> 01:17:15,263
You stupid idiot!

1515
01:17:20,886 --> 01:17:22,638
- Come here!
- Come on!

1516
01:17:29,186 --> 01:17:31,905
Make fun of me behind my back
and everybody laughs at me?

1517
01:17:31,905 --> 01:17:35,322
I was a loser for four years!
You couldn't handle it for five minutes!

1518
01:17:35,322 --> 01:17:37,529
Have some fairy dust, motherfucker!

1519
01:17:40,739 --> 01:17:41,831
Hey, guys, no!

1520
01:17:43,284 --> 01:17:46,254
I heard you call me Rain Man, you asshole!

1521
01:17:46,254 --> 01:17:48,547
Principal Dadier sucks dick!

1522
01:17:51,417 --> 01:17:52,885
You're supposed to be my friend!

1523
01:17:52,885 --> 01:17:56,635
Stop! Stop it. You're expelled.
Both of you are expelled.

1524
01:18:00,050 --> 01:18:02,018
And that's the end of Act Two.

1525
01:18:21,947 --> 01:18:24,951
Is that it? You're not going to scream at us?

1526
01:18:25,618 --> 01:18:26,790
Nope.

1527
01:18:27,912 --> 01:18:29,505
I'm gonna just fire you.

1528
01:19:18,921 --> 01:19:20,468
Moving out?

1529
01:19:20,468 --> 01:19:21,764
Yep...

1530
01:19:24,343 --> 01:19:26,437
You know what's crazy to me

1531
01:19:26,971 --> 01:19:29,315
is that I think that I actually
thought that we were brothers.

1532
01:19:31,308 --> 01:19:33,686
I would've tooken a bullet for you.

1533
01:19:40,526 --> 01:19:42,949
Get in now. Both of you.

1534
01:19:42,949 --> 01:19:44,154
Why should I?

1535
01:19:45,155 --> 01:19:46,156
Just get in the car, man.

1536
01:19:46,532 --> 01:19:48,626
Get in the fucking car.

1537
01:19:48,626 --> 01:19:50,169
Nope, not until you ask nicely.

1538
01:19:51,996 --> 01:19:53,623
Please get in the car.

1539
01:19:58,419 --> 01:20:00,922
Come on, you guys. Come on. Please. Jesus.

1540
01:20:02,923 --> 01:20:05,142
Some messed up shit went down yesterday.

1541
01:20:05,467 --> 01:20:07,140
Yeah, after we made the exchange,

1542
01:20:07,140 --> 01:20:10,723
our potential business partners
got followed by some fucking cops.

1543
01:20:10,723 --> 01:20:12,228
That's insane, man.

1544
01:20:12,228 --> 01:20:13,646
Are you serious?

1545
01:20:13,646 --> 01:20:15,854
Okay, it's just I don't want to go to jail!

1546
01:20:15,854 --> 01:20:18,314
You know what happens to
a handsome guy like me in jail?

1547
01:20:18,314 --> 01:20:20,149
It rhymes with "grape"!

1548
01:20:20,816 --> 01:20:22,284
It rhymes with "grape"

1549
01:20:23,235 --> 01:20:24,532
I can't let that happen.

1550
01:20:24,532 --> 01:20:25,737
So I got these from my dad's gun cabinet.

1551
01:20:25,737 --> 01:20:27,494
- Eric, Eric, Eric, Eric.
- Whoa. Come on. Whoa.

1552
01:20:27,494 --> 01:20:31,373
Springfield .45s, police issue.
Very powerful guns.

1553
01:20:31,994 --> 01:20:33,621
You ever use one?

1554
01:20:34,413 --> 01:20:37,007
- We're not really gun people, man. No.
- No?

1555
01:20:38,500 --> 01:20:40,377
A lot of things
have made me wonder about you.

1556
01:20:40,377 --> 01:20:41,508
Come on.

1557
01:20:42,046 --> 01:20:44,014
Your taste in music.

1558
01:20:44,014 --> 01:20:46,763
The fact that you look
like a fucking 40-year-old man.

1559
01:20:47,384 --> 01:20:50,684
Then after that shit at the play, I realized

1560
01:20:53,390 --> 01:20:56,018
there's no way you guys could be cops.

1561
01:20:58,437 --> 01:21:01,031
Yeah, I got this deal going down.
The supplier's going to be there.

1562
01:21:01,031 --> 01:21:03,325
I need people I can trust.

1563
01:21:05,110 --> 01:21:06,578
All right. All right, come on.

1564
01:21:06,578 --> 01:21:08,326
Okay, right over here,
we're going to shoot these bottles.

1565
01:21:08,326 --> 01:21:09,790
- We're going to practice, okay?
- Okay.

1566
01:21:20,292 --> 01:21:23,262
That was... That was actually
really fuckin' awesome.

1567
01:21:23,262 --> 01:21:24,589
Beginner's luck.

1568
01:21:24,589 --> 01:21:26,014
All right.

1569
01:21:26,014 --> 01:21:27,717
The supplier wants the deal
to go down at prom.

1570
01:21:27,717 --> 01:21:29,302
All right, there's going to be
all these heavies there,

1571
01:21:29,302 --> 01:21:30,928
but as long as you guys have my back...

1572
01:21:30,928 --> 01:21:32,854
Yeah? Yeah? Shit.

1573
01:21:32,854 --> 01:21:34,682
I always got your back.

1574
01:21:35,682 --> 01:21:37,730
Time to get our jobs back.

1575
01:21:40,062 --> 01:21:41,359
Let's get ready for prom.

1576
01:21:56,328 --> 01:21:58,547
<i>Schmidty! Chore time!</i>

1577
01:21:58,547 --> 01:22:00,962
Mom, we don't have time
for chores right now!

1578
01:22:00,962 --> 01:22:04,887
<i>If you stay in this house,
you have time for chores!</i>

1579
01:22:04,887 --> 01:22:06,259
Mom!

1580
01:22:21,979 --> 01:22:23,822
Fuck this thing.

1581
01:22:29,403 --> 01:22:30,575
Here.

1582
01:22:30,575 --> 01:22:32,744
It'll be quicker if I help.

1583
01:22:34,908 --> 01:22:36,000
There you go.

1584
01:22:37,578 --> 01:22:38,830
Thanks.

1585
01:22:44,877 --> 01:22:47,096
Your shotgun's hanging too low.

1586
01:22:47,096 --> 01:22:48,798
They're gonna see it.

1587
01:22:52,050 --> 01:22:53,222
Thanks.

1588
01:23:00,851 --> 01:23:02,319
Jenko...

1589
01:23:07,733 --> 01:23:09,861
Will you go to prom with me?

1590
01:23:14,031 --> 01:23:15,374
I guess.

1591
01:23:17,576 --> 01:23:21,206
Are we really going to take down
a whole drug operation by ourselves?

1592
01:23:23,415 --> 01:23:26,134
I got some contacts that'll help us.

1593
01:24:07,876 --> 01:24:10,220
Brad, what are you doing here?
You can't be here.

1594
01:24:10,220 --> 01:24:11,387
What if the principal sees you?

1595
01:24:11,387 --> 01:24:13,682
- This is wrong, yet so right.
- What?

1596
01:24:13,682 --> 01:24:16,052
I am so happy you're willing
to get in trouble for me.

1597
01:24:16,052 --> 01:24:18,683
You have to go. Please, don't leave me ever.

1598
01:24:18,683 --> 01:24:20,021
Ms. Griggs, stop. Stop.

1599
01:24:20,021 --> 01:24:21,474
- Stay! Stay.
- Stop.

1600
01:24:21,474 --> 01:24:23,225
- What?
- Stay.

1601
01:24:23,600 --> 01:24:24,601
- Go!
- Okay.

1602
01:24:24,601 --> 01:24:25,937
- Stay.
- Stop. Stop.

1603
01:24:25,937 --> 01:24:27,737
- I'm lost without you.
- What?

1604
01:24:29,314 --> 01:24:30,816
Get out of me. I'm going to throw up.

1605
01:24:31,483 --> 01:24:33,110
You are so hot!

1606
01:24:35,028 --> 01:24:36,120
All right.

1607
01:24:41,702 --> 01:24:43,249
Hey, pumpkin head.

1608
01:24:43,249 --> 01:24:45,672
I'm very mad at you. Dance with me.

1609
01:24:45,672 --> 01:24:47,715
- Are you on that shit?
- So what if I am?

1610
01:24:47,715 --> 01:24:50,757
Look, Molly, some serious stuff
is about to go down,

1611
01:24:50,757 --> 01:24:53,055
and I don't want you to get hurt.

1612
01:24:53,055 --> 01:24:55,553
I've already been hurt, Doug. I don't care.

1613
01:24:55,553 --> 01:24:59,599
You need to leave. You need to leave.
You need to get out of here right now.

1614
01:24:59,599 --> 01:25:01,430
Making a lot of hand gestures!

1615
01:25:03,098 --> 01:25:04,224
Okay, my name's not Doug.

1616
01:25:04,224 --> 01:25:05,605
- It's Schmidt.
- What?

1617
01:25:05,605 --> 01:25:07,277
- And I'm a cop.
- What?

1618
01:25:07,277 --> 01:25:11,073
Okay, and I care about you,
and I don't want you to get busted,

1619
01:25:11,073 --> 01:25:13,276
so you have to leave right now.

1620
01:25:13,276 --> 01:25:15,031
Leave the prom right now, Molly.

1621
01:25:15,031 --> 01:25:16,612
- I'm serious.
- Hey. Hey.

1622
01:25:16,612 --> 01:25:17,992
Penthouse now. Supplier's waiting.

1623
01:25:17,992 --> 01:25:19,288
- What are you?
- Come on. Hey, come on.

1624
01:25:19,288 --> 01:25:20,866
- Supplier's waiting.
- Is that Eric?

1625
01:25:20,866 --> 01:25:22,997
- Molly, leave right now.
- What are you...

1626
01:25:22,997 --> 01:25:25,499
- Just leave right now!
- What is this?

1627
01:25:39,718 --> 01:25:40,810
Mr. Walters?

1628
01:25:41,678 --> 01:25:42,679
Hey!

1629
01:25:42,679 --> 01:25:45,266
Beautiful Brad, and his brother.

1630
01:25:45,266 --> 01:25:46,692
Wow. You look great.

1631
01:25:46,692 --> 01:25:48,269
You're the supplier? You're a teacher.

1632
01:25:48,269 --> 01:25:49,979
And I was stuck on a teacher's salary, bro.

1633
01:25:49,979 --> 01:25:52,565
Could barely pay my alimony.
What are you gonna do?

1634
01:25:53,565 --> 01:25:54,566
Oh, yeah.

1635
01:25:54,566 --> 01:25:56,489
You boys are so good at this.

1636
01:25:56,489 --> 01:25:58,161
Oh, yeah, Cinnamon!

1637
01:25:58,161 --> 01:26:00,830
Oh, my God,
we're getting such good evidence.

1638
01:26:00,830 --> 01:26:02,658
<i>I stole some of that
Bunsen burner crap</i>

1639
01:26:02,658 --> 01:26:05,039
from the chem lab,
threw in some of my Cool Deets,

1640
01:26:05,039 --> 01:26:07,086
<i>and it was muy delicioso!</i>

1641
01:26:07,086 --> 01:26:09,415
Then one day I catch
Eco Butt-munch over here

1642
01:26:09,415 --> 01:26:11,250
smoking a J.J. behind the field house,

1643
01:26:11,250 --> 01:26:13,210
and I'm like,
"Hey, you want to make some coin?"

1644
01:26:13,210 --> 01:26:15,261
What a green penis that guy is, huh?

1645
01:26:17,130 --> 01:26:18,302
There's my quesadilla.

1646
01:26:19,758 --> 01:26:21,431
I hurt my hands!

1647
01:26:22,427 --> 01:26:23,428
Bitch.

1648
01:26:30,769 --> 01:26:31,941
Oh, Shit.

1649
01:26:31,941 --> 01:26:34,364
You guys look crazy scary.

1650
01:26:34,364 --> 01:26:35,531
How many of you are there?

1651
01:26:35,816 --> 01:26:36,863
A lot.

1652
01:26:36,863 --> 01:26:38,114
Karl.

1653
01:26:38,610 --> 01:26:39,862
Patch looks pimp, man.

1654
01:26:40,445 --> 01:26:41,788
Thank you.

1655
01:26:42,531 --> 01:26:44,033
He's gonna recognize us, man.

1656
01:26:44,033 --> 01:26:45,584
I'm freaking out.

1657
01:26:45,584 --> 01:26:47,286
This is Walters, he made the stuff.

1658
01:26:47,744 --> 01:26:49,872
- Real pleasure to meet you.
- Fuck what his name is.

1659
01:26:49,872 --> 01:26:51,207
Your shit's good.

1660
01:26:51,207 --> 01:26:53,257
Thank you.
That means a lot coming from you.

1661
01:26:53,257 --> 01:26:54,550
What, you having a party now?

1662
01:26:54,550 --> 01:26:56,469
Who are these two motherfuckers?

1663
01:26:56,469 --> 01:26:57,546
Fuck!

1664
01:26:59,339 --> 01:27:01,182
- Hey.
- Hey. How's it going?

1665
01:27:02,175 --> 01:27:04,018
Nah, nah, it's cool, man,
they're my boys, so...

1666
01:27:04,469 --> 01:27:05,470
- Are they?
- Yeah.

1667
01:27:05,470 --> 01:27:06,972
I don't like strangers.

1668
01:27:07,264 --> 01:27:09,983
How do you ever expect
to make any new friends with that attitude?

1669
01:27:09,983 --> 01:27:12,902
It's, like, everyone's a stranger
till you give them a chance, man.

1670
01:27:12,902 --> 01:27:14,400
What the fuck are you talking about?

1671
01:27:14,400 --> 01:27:15,480
I don't even...

1672
01:27:15,480 --> 01:27:17,157
Just fuckin' around.

1673
01:27:17,607 --> 01:27:19,200
Do your thing, man. Proceed.

1674
01:27:21,194 --> 01:27:22,491
Hey, kid, come here.

1675
01:27:22,491 --> 01:27:24,660
You, you look familiar.

1676
01:27:25,365 --> 01:27:26,662
- Me?
- Yeah.

1677
01:27:27,576 --> 01:27:31,171
I was in a French fry commercial
when I was a kid,

1678
01:27:31,171 --> 01:27:33,624
so people are like, you know, often say,
"Oh, I think I know you,"

1679
01:27:33,624 --> 01:27:35,835
but I don't think we've ever met before.

1680
01:27:35,835 --> 01:27:38,136
Do I look like I eat French fries?

1681
01:27:38,136 --> 01:27:40,259
I don't know, you look like
you're in great shape,

1682
01:27:40,259 --> 01:27:44,639
but maybe you have, like, one cheat day,
like a carb blowout, you know? I don't know.

1683
01:27:44,639 --> 01:27:45,890
Nah.

1684
01:27:45,890 --> 01:27:47,388
Yeah, the theme song was, like...

1685
01:27:48,346 --> 01:27:52,692
<i>Come to Andrew's French Fly Emporium.</i>

1686
01:27:53,310 --> 01:27:56,063
<i>Where friendship and French fries.</i>

1687
01:27:56,063 --> 01:27:58,615
<i>Go hand in hand.</i>

1688
01:28:02,611 --> 01:28:04,033
That's my quesadilla!

1689
01:28:04,033 --> 01:28:05,238
Who wants a piece? Huh?

1690
01:28:05,238 --> 01:28:07,165
I know you're in there, Doug,
or whatever your name is!

1691
01:28:07,165 --> 01:28:08,287
You lied to me!

1692
01:28:10,619 --> 01:28:13,873
I'm gonna kill you, you stupid fucking cop!

1693
01:28:13,873 --> 01:28:16,708
Hey, you guys, she just called me
a stupid fucking cock. That's rude.

1694
01:28:16,708 --> 01:28:19,211
Dickhead narc motherfucker!

1695
01:28:19,211 --> 01:28:22,218
Did she just say
“nickhead dark motherfucker”?

1696
01:28:22,218 --> 01:28:23,640
That's just racist.

1697
01:28:23,640 --> 01:28:25,183
I know these two.

1698
01:28:25,183 --> 01:28:26,931
Your boys are cops! They're cops!

1699
01:28:26,931 --> 01:28:28,224
Police! Get on the ground!

1700
01:28:28,224 --> 01:28:30,226
You get on the fuckin' ground!

1701
01:28:30,226 --> 01:28:32,273
- We asked you first!
- I don't give a damn!

1702
01:28:32,273 --> 01:28:34,022
You're fucking cops?

1703
01:28:34,022 --> 01:28:35,943
But we partied together, man.

1704
01:28:36,770 --> 01:28:38,568
You bought us Taco Bell.

1705
01:28:38,568 --> 01:28:40,986
Eric, honestly, that was a sincere gesture.

1706
01:28:40,986 --> 01:28:42,568
You made me this friendship bracelet.

1707
01:28:42,568 --> 01:28:45,491
Well, he's not really your friend.
He was pretending the whole time.

1708
01:28:45,491 --> 01:28:47,572
I'm gonna cut this
the fuck off later, all right?

1709
01:28:48,448 --> 01:28:50,576
What the fuck is going on?

1710
01:28:50,576 --> 01:28:52,286
Shut this kid up!

1711
01:28:53,870 --> 01:28:55,463
- Him, too.
- No, no! Hey, wait!

1712
01:28:55,463 --> 01:28:56,711
No, no, no. Listen, I'm with you guys!

1713
01:28:56,711 --> 01:28:57,916
I didn't know these guys were cops!

1714
01:28:57,916 --> 01:28:59,251
I'm getting out of here.

1715
01:28:59,251 --> 01:29:00,756
I fucking hate you!

1716
01:29:00,756 --> 01:29:02,094
Get that out of my face!

1717
01:29:02,094 --> 01:29:04,093
- Molly!
- Oh, there you are!

1718
01:29:05,173 --> 01:29:06,174
What the fuck!

1719
01:29:06,174 --> 01:29:08,727
Drop your guns, or I'll spray her brains
all over the room!

1720
01:29:08,727 --> 01:29:11,180
Trying to take a hostage,
some goddamn IV show shit?

1721
01:29:11,180 --> 01:29:14,312
I don't know! I'm trying to help, all right?
I've never done this shit before.

1722
01:29:14,312 --> 01:29:15,438
Well, you're fucking up.

1723
01:29:15,438 --> 01:29:18,191
- Drop the guns or she's dead!
- She looks dead already.

1724
01:29:18,562 --> 01:29:19,814
What? No.

1725
01:29:20,522 --> 01:29:21,523
Jesus.

1726
01:29:22,482 --> 01:29:24,029
Yeah, I can hear her breathing.

1727
01:29:24,029 --> 01:29:26,328
She just passed out from the drugs.
We're good.

1728
01:29:26,328 --> 01:29:27,495
Drop the guns or...

1729
01:29:27,495 --> 01:29:29,164
All right, all right, just chill out.

1730
01:29:29,164 --> 01:29:30,957
We're gonna drop our guns.

1731
01:29:30,957 --> 01:29:34,206
You got to let the kids go,
and no one's gonna die, okay?

1732
01:29:34,206 --> 01:29:36,380
Just drop the guns, and kick them over here.

1733
01:29:37,706 --> 01:29:40,084
D.B., shoot these motherfuckers.

1734
01:29:40,084 --> 01:29:42,544
Oh, come on, that's unfair!
We put our guns down in good faith.

1735
01:29:42,544 --> 01:29:44,300
You're a liar, and you're mean!

1736
01:29:45,046 --> 01:29:46,889
- That's unfair.
- We're all friends here.

1737
01:29:47,215 --> 01:29:49,343
Let's just relax, and we can
all leave here as friends.

1738
01:29:49,343 --> 01:29:51,724
- Yeah, let's do that.
- Y'all boys are stupid.

1739
01:29:52,178 --> 01:29:55,432
Oh, my God, We're gonna die.
We're gonna die.

1740
01:29:56,141 --> 01:29:57,267
God damn it!

1741
01:29:57,601 --> 01:29:59,478
Tom Hanson, DEA! On your knees!

1742
01:29:59,478 --> 01:30:00,608
What the fuck?

1743
01:30:00,608 --> 01:30:02,564
- Now!
- Fuck!

1744
01:30:02,564 --> 01:30:04,741
Doug Penhall, DEA! You're under arrest!

1745
01:30:04,741 --> 01:30:06,944
Guns down, all of you! Domingo, tell them!

1746
01:30:07,235 --> 01:30:09,829
Put them down.

1747
01:30:09,829 --> 01:30:11,448
Nice! Yes!

1748
01:30:11,865 --> 01:30:13,538
Shut the fuck up!

1749
01:30:14,242 --> 01:30:16,870
You little dweebs just ruined
a five-year investigation.

1750
01:30:16,870 --> 01:30:18,079
We had no idea.

1751
01:30:18,079 --> 01:30:19,540
You're, like, an amazing actor, man.

1752
01:30:19,789 --> 01:30:22,133
You played saxophone
at my sister's wedding, man!

1753
01:30:22,133 --> 01:30:23,710
Tough titty. I fucked her, too.

1754
01:30:24,044 --> 01:30:25,216
What?

1755
01:30:25,216 --> 01:30:26,592
You little turds.

1756
01:30:26,592 --> 01:30:29,470
Do you have any idea how difficult it is
to infiltrate a gang like this?

1757
01:30:32,844 --> 01:30:34,221
Do you see this nose?

1758
01:30:34,554 --> 01:30:35,897
That is a fake nose.

1759
01:30:35,897 --> 01:30:37,937
Do you want to wear a fake nose
on your fuckin' head

1760
01:30:37,937 --> 01:30:39,859
for, like, months on end? Glue and shit?

1761
01:30:41,019 --> 01:30:42,271
Worse things in the world.

1762
01:30:42,271 --> 01:30:44,607
We had to get fuckin' tattoos
on our dicks, man.

1763
01:30:44,607 --> 01:30:46,566
Hey, actually, I just said that

1764
01:30:46,566 --> 01:30:48,323
- to mess with you.
- What?

1765
01:30:48,323 --> 01:30:49,778
Looks tough.

1766
01:30:49,778 --> 01:30:52,535
Look, we know what
it's like being undercover.

1767
01:30:52,535 --> 01:30:53,831
Metro Police, Jump Street Division.

1768
01:30:53,831 --> 01:30:54,999
Come on, you guys are Jump Street?

1769
01:30:54,999 --> 01:30:56,122
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.

1770
01:30:56,122 --> 01:30:58,169
That's funny, because
we were actually Jump Street.

1771
01:30:58,169 --> 01:30:59,712
- What?
- Yeah. Oh, yeah.

1772
01:31:00,246 --> 01:31:01,293
Oh, Shit!

1773
01:31:01,293 --> 01:31:03,216
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, shit.

1774
01:31:03,216 --> 01:31:04,292
Oh, my God, dude!

1775
01:31:04,292 --> 01:31:05,628
Get them!

1776
01:31:05,628 --> 01:31:07,337
Motherfucker!

1777
01:31:09,506 --> 01:31:10,883
Shoot them!

1778
01:31:12,300 --> 01:31:13,301
Fuck that.

1779
01:31:24,729 --> 01:31:25,730
That was a gun.

1780
01:31:25,730 --> 01:31:27,072
Somebody definitely got shot.

1781
01:31:31,069 --> 01:31:32,070
All right.

1782
01:31:33,113 --> 01:31:35,582
Here, take the money, all right?
We're getting out of here.

1783
01:31:45,208 --> 01:31:46,209
Did I hit anything?

1784
01:31:46,501 --> 01:31:47,923
You were shooting at the fuckin' ceiling.

1785
01:31:48,878 --> 01:31:49,970
Doug.

1786
01:31:51,047 --> 01:31:53,971
I know sometimes I was a jerk to you

1787
01:31:54,551 --> 01:31:55,973
when we were undercover.

1788
01:32:01,307 --> 01:32:04,277
It's just... I didn't feel good about myself.

1789
01:32:04,978 --> 01:32:10,109
All that stuff I wore, like the bracelets,
the rings, the tight pants,

1790
01:32:11,568 --> 01:32:12,865
was just so

1791
01:32:12,865 --> 01:32:15,367
that people would think I'm cool.

1792
01:32:16,114 --> 01:32:17,536
The only approval

1793
01:32:18,616 --> 01:32:20,334
that I ever needed

1794
01:32:22,579 --> 01:32:23,671
was my best friend.

1795
01:32:24,205 --> 01:32:25,957
Thanks, man.

1796
01:32:44,976 --> 01:32:46,569
The money's gone!

1797
01:32:46,569 --> 01:32:48,021
Come on, let's roll.

1798
01:32:48,021 --> 01:32:49,443
We gotta get out of here, man.

1799
01:32:49,443 --> 01:32:50,774
Are you telling me it's on?

1800
01:32:51,232 --> 01:32:52,984
- Let's do this.
- Let's make a baby.

1801
01:32:53,359 --> 01:32:54,827
- What? What are you talking about?
- I don't know.

1802
01:32:54,827 --> 01:32:56,491
I was trying to sound cool. Sorry.

1803
01:33:47,664 --> 01:33:50,417
That was crazy! You killed a guy!

1804
01:33:51,459 --> 01:33:53,211
Oh, fuckin' shit!

1805
01:33:55,171 --> 01:33:57,014
Hey, hey, we'll lose them in the prom! Go!

1806
01:34:18,403 --> 01:34:19,575
Go, go, go, go.

1807
01:34:21,698 --> 01:34:22,870
Where'd they go?

1808
01:34:25,410 --> 01:34:26,411
Molly!

1809
01:34:31,457 --> 01:34:32,504
Shit!

1810
01:34:36,504 --> 01:34:38,006
- You want to drive?
- Yeah, I do, actually.

1811
01:34:38,006 --> 01:34:39,261
Okay, cool.

1812
01:34:40,300 --> 01:34:42,428
- Nice!
- Did it look cool when I did it?

1813
01:34:42,428 --> 01:34:44,433
- That's what I'm talking about!
- Yeah!

1814
01:34:46,931 --> 01:34:48,558
How you guys doing back there, huh?

1815
01:34:48,558 --> 01:34:50,102
God, I love high school!

1816
01:34:50,102 --> 01:34:51,440
Best prom night ever!

1817
01:34:57,150 --> 01:34:58,777
- Shoot them!
- Stay on them!

1818
01:34:59,027 --> 01:35:00,620
I'm on them! I'm on them!

1819
01:35:00,620 --> 01:35:03,244
Oh, good, you guys,
come hang out with me back here.

1820
01:35:03,244 --> 01:35:05,746
- Oh, fuck, dude. Lisa, what are you doing?
- Did she pass out back there?

1821
01:35:09,871 --> 01:35:12,169
Hey, you got a gun.
Why don't you shoot back there?

1822
01:35:12,169 --> 01:35:13,758
Shoot that gun, shoot that gun!

1823
01:35:13,758 --> 01:35:15,176
All right, one second!

1824
01:35:15,176 --> 01:35:16,545
Just shoot someone, you bitch!

1825
01:35:19,047 --> 01:35:20,299
Peek-a-boo!

1826
01:35:20,299 --> 01:35:21,637
Give me my money!

1827
01:35:22,508 --> 01:35:24,681
Fuck that! Fuck that! No! No!

1828
01:35:24,681 --> 01:35:27,389
I can't do this!
I'm supposed to go to Berkeley!

1829
01:35:28,890 --> 01:35:29,982
I'm gonna get the party started!

1830
01:35:29,982 --> 01:35:31,563
- I'm gonna get the party started!
- No! No! Lisa, no!

1831
01:35:31,563 --> 01:35:34,772
Hey, I'm living my dream
of standing in a limo!

1832
01:35:34,772 --> 01:35:35,980
What?

1833
01:35:38,566 --> 01:35:40,159
- You're killing my dream!
- Come in.

1834
01:35:40,159 --> 01:35:41,365
- What? I'm trying to party.
- Down!

1835
01:35:41,611 --> 01:35:42,658
Bitch!

1836
01:35:44,155 --> 01:35:46,078
What? Fuck!

1837
01:35:46,078 --> 01:35:47,500
I'll kill you!

1838
01:35:47,500 --> 01:35:48,701
Kill you!

1839
01:35:49,786 --> 01:35:51,584
- No! No!
- Stay where you are.

1840
01:35:51,788 --> 01:35:52,835
Go! Go, go!

1841
01:35:56,292 --> 01:35:57,635
No! Stop!

1842
01:35:57,635 --> 01:35:59,929
I'm not fucking kidding!
Look, I'm trying to shoot people!

1843
01:35:59,929 --> 01:36:01,347
Will you stop! Just for two seconds!

1844
01:36:01,347 --> 01:36:03,265
You're really hot and you're really slutty
and it's awesome,

1845
01:36:03,265 --> 01:36:04,638
but I got to shoot people right now!

1846
01:36:04,638 --> 01:36:06,139
You think I'm hot?

1847
01:36:20,608 --> 01:36:22,451
I wanna... Oh, my God!

1848
01:36:23,444 --> 01:36:25,162
Wait, guys! Call me!

1849
01:36:25,162 --> 01:36:26,956
Let me know where you're ending up later.

1850
01:36:31,369 --> 01:36:32,791
I'm almost out of ammo.

1851
01:36:32,791 --> 01:36:33,996
We're fucked.

1852
01:36:34,956 --> 01:36:36,048
Give me my money!

1853
01:36:36,541 --> 01:36:37,713
I got an idea.

1854
01:36:37,713 --> 01:36:39,510
- You still got those shotgun shells?
- Yeah.

1855
01:36:40,295 --> 01:36:41,342
Pop Quiznos.

1856
01:36:41,838 --> 01:36:46,344
What do you get when lithium batteries
react to potassium nitrate?

1857
01:36:46,551 --> 01:36:48,974
That would be a covalent bond, brother.

1858
01:36:48,974 --> 01:36:51,556
That's when two atoms, they share electrons.

1859
01:36:51,556 --> 01:36:53,641
You see, they both need
what the other one has.

1860
01:36:53,641 --> 01:36:55,193
That makes them stick together.

1861
01:36:55,193 --> 01:36:56,520
Are you saying we're covalent bonds?

1862
01:36:57,145 --> 01:36:58,692
What? No.

1863
01:36:59,439 --> 01:37:00,816
We're not atoms, dude.

1864
01:37:18,958 --> 01:37:20,585
- What's this?
- Tequila?

1865
01:37:21,252 --> 01:37:22,845
I don't know, it was supposed to explode.

1866
01:37:23,880 --> 01:37:26,053
Oh, Shit!

1867
01:37:30,928 --> 01:37:32,430
Where'd you learn how to do that, man?

1868
01:37:32,430 --> 01:37:33,765
App chemistry, bitch.

1869
01:37:39,937 --> 01:37:41,109
Come on, blondie.

1870
01:37:42,982 --> 01:37:44,029
Molly!

1871
01:37:46,819 --> 01:37:48,241
Drop your weapon!

1872
01:37:48,613 --> 01:37:49,956
Don't you fuckin' pull that arm up.

1873
01:37:50,239 --> 01:37:51,331
Don't.

1874
01:37:51,699 --> 01:37:55,044
Looks like you're out of ammo, asshole!

1875
01:37:55,286 --> 01:37:56,378
Come on! Get out here!

1876
01:37:56,378 --> 01:37:58,172
- What? What's going on?
- All right.

1877
01:37:58,172 --> 01:38:01,467
All right, here's the deal.
Nobody moves, or she's gonna get hurt.

1878
01:38:01,467 --> 01:38:03,886
Do you understand? Nobody move!

1879
01:38:03,886 --> 01:38:05,759
- All right.
- Eric, help me.

1880
01:38:06,464 --> 01:38:07,886
Don't you have a gun?

1881
01:38:08,925 --> 01:38:10,222
All right, don't move!

1882
01:38:11,135 --> 01:38:13,308
- Come on, let's go. Let's go.
- No!

1883
01:38:13,308 --> 01:38:15,648
- Hey! Hey, hey!
- Hey, no, no, I said don't move!

1884
01:38:19,602 --> 01:38:22,071
- Oh, fuck, you shot him!
- Oh, God!

1885
01:38:22,071 --> 01:38:23,272
Are you okay?

1886
01:38:23,272 --> 01:38:24,983
You shot my partner, you motherfucker!

1887
01:38:24,983 --> 01:38:27,151
I didn't mean to shoot you!
I meant to shoot him!

1888
01:38:27,151 --> 01:38:30,200
Are you alive, buddy? You okay?
You took a bullet for me, man.

1889
01:38:30,200 --> 01:38:32,702
Yeah, I'm feeling a little ambivalent
about that right now.

1890
01:38:32,702 --> 01:38:35,877
Didn't you hear me? I said don't move!
I said that! You heard, right?

1891
01:38:35,877 --> 01:38:37,078
Eric, you heard me!

1892
01:38:37,078 --> 01:38:38,504
- I said don't move!
- Eric, help me!

1893
01:38:38,504 --> 01:38:40,047
- You got this.
- Hey, hold still.

1894
01:38:47,171 --> 01:38:48,343
Freeze!

1895
01:38:48,343 --> 01:38:49,681
Shoot!

1896
01:38:52,677 --> 01:38:53,769
Come on.

1897
01:38:55,179 --> 01:38:57,398
You peaked in high school, motherfucker.

1898
01:38:59,767 --> 01:39:00,893
Oh, Shit.

1899
01:39:01,144 --> 01:39:02,191
I shot him in the dick.

1900
01:39:02,191 --> 01:39:04,693
You shot me in the dick!

1901
01:39:04,693 --> 01:39:05,940
Oh, my God!

1902
01:39:06,149 --> 01:39:07,150
Yes!

1903
01:39:07,358 --> 01:39:09,110
Yes! Yes!

1904
01:39:09,318 --> 01:39:10,365
Yes!

1905
01:39:10,365 --> 01:39:12,371
You are under arrest!

1906
01:39:12,371 --> 01:39:15,958
- It definitely came out my asshole!
- You have the right to remain silent!

1907
01:39:15,958 --> 01:39:19,128
Anything you say can
and will be used against you

1908
01:39:19,128 --> 01:39:20,295
in a court of law!

1909
01:39:20,295 --> 01:39:21,873
You have the right to an attorney!

1910
01:39:21,873 --> 01:39:25,426
If you cannot afford an attorney,
one will be appointed for you!

1911
01:39:25,710 --> 01:39:28,554
Do you understand these rights
as they have been read to you?

1912
01:39:28,554 --> 01:39:30,427
Fuck you! Bitch!

1913
01:39:30,427 --> 01:39:32,221
Yes! Yes!

1914
01:39:32,508 --> 01:39:34,135
We did it, man!

1915
01:39:34,135 --> 01:39:35,310
We did it.

1916
01:39:35,310 --> 01:39:36,558
God, I feel so good.

1917
01:39:36,558 --> 01:39:38,059
We did it, man!

1918
01:39:38,890 --> 01:39:40,563
You're a goddamn rock star.

1919
01:39:42,059 --> 01:39:43,356
Do you feel that?

1920
01:39:43,356 --> 01:39:44,437
God damn, you're so cool.

1921
01:39:45,104 --> 01:39:46,321
You just shot him in the dick.

1922
01:39:46,981 --> 01:39:48,949
I've never seen that. Who does that?

1923
01:39:49,734 --> 01:39:51,407
Look, I'm sorry I called you Rain Man.

1924
01:39:51,407 --> 01:39:53,950
I know I didn't say you were,
but you're smart.

1925
01:39:53,950 --> 01:39:56,665
You're a smart guy, and you're thoughtful,

1926
01:39:56,665 --> 01:40:00,962
and you're sincere and you're sweet
and you're loyal...

1927
01:40:02,038 --> 01:40:03,790
And I fuckin' cherish you.

1928
01:40:06,751 --> 01:40:07,752
Should we high-five?

1929
01:40:13,799 --> 01:40:15,346
My hand!

1930
01:40:16,636 --> 01:40:18,354
Are you all right?
Should we get you to the hospital, man?

1931
01:40:18,354 --> 01:40:20,272
- Yeah, I think we need to call somebody.
- Hey, call somebody!

1932
01:40:20,272 --> 01:40:22,354
I got to get my dick sewn back on.

1933
01:40:22,354 --> 01:40:23,980
- You shut the fuck up.
- Hey, you shut up.

1934
01:40:24,185 --> 01:40:25,778
- That's not funny.
- Is that it?

1935
01:40:26,020 --> 01:40:27,146
What?

1936
01:40:28,648 --> 01:40:30,070
That's my dick!

1937
01:40:30,775 --> 01:40:31,822
Pick up my dick! Please!

1938
01:40:31,822 --> 01:40:33,198
No, we're not picking up your dick.

1939
01:40:33,198 --> 01:40:34,699
Fuckin' pick my dick up!

1940
01:40:37,990 --> 01:40:38,991
Oh, fuck!

1941
01:40:44,497 --> 01:40:45,669
He's my friend.

1942
01:40:46,499 --> 01:40:48,627
They don't serve vegan in jail, bitch.

1943
01:40:56,300 --> 01:40:57,517
Hey.

1944
01:40:59,095 --> 01:41:00,472
Molly...

1945
01:41:01,889 --> 01:41:02,890
I'm really sorry.

1946
01:41:04,141 --> 01:41:07,816
I know you wanted a guy to trust,
and I wanted to be that person so badly.

1947
01:41:08,854 --> 01:41:10,982
And I let you down in a lot of ways.

1948
01:41:11,649 --> 01:41:12,821
And...

1949
01:41:15,194 --> 01:41:16,867
It's good that you're mad at me.

1950
01:41:17,488 --> 01:41:20,207
I think it's good.
I think you should be mad at more guys,

1951
01:41:20,207 --> 01:41:25,335
because you deserve a guy who's good
and who doesn't lie to you.

1952
01:41:25,663 --> 01:41:28,166
And you should never settle
for less than that.

1953
01:41:28,499 --> 01:41:30,467
There are good guys out there

1954
01:41:32,336 --> 01:41:34,009
who aren't assholes like me.

1955
01:41:36,674 --> 01:41:38,597
Thanks for saving my life,

1956
01:41:38,597 --> 01:41:40,428
asshole.

1957
01:41:43,014 --> 01:41:45,016
Put her there, partner.

1958
01:41:58,362 --> 01:41:59,989
I'll come back later.

1959
01:42:04,702 --> 01:42:07,922
<i>We're, like, in the end of Die Hard right now,
but it's our actual life.</i>

1960
01:42:08,247 --> 01:42:09,294
It's crazy.

1961
01:42:09,294 --> 01:42:11,717
- Number one or two?
- Three.

1962
01:42:12,543 --> 01:42:14,386
- Sam Jackson one. Yeah!
- Sam Jackson style.

1963
01:42:16,005 --> 01:42:19,179
Boom, motherfuckers!
What's going on? Come on!

1964
01:42:24,013 --> 01:42:25,560
Where is he? There's my guy!

1965
01:42:25,560 --> 01:42:28,025
There he is! That's him. That's him.

1966
01:42:28,392 --> 01:42:29,393
- Enough.
- Too long on the hug.

1967
01:42:29,894 --> 01:42:33,694
Congratulations, you crazy,
sick, vigilante motherfuckers.

1968
01:42:33,694 --> 01:42:35,525
You got your first arrest, huh?

1969
01:42:36,525 --> 01:42:38,493
- Look. Got something made for you.
- You didn't!

1970
01:42:38,493 --> 01:42:40,788
- Come on. All right, all right.
- Enough. Enough.

1971
01:42:40,788 --> 01:42:42,243
New assignment.

1972
01:42:42,698 --> 01:42:45,372
Since you two cowboys love to drink booze,

1973
01:42:45,618 --> 01:42:49,668
smoke weed with kids, and fuck
anything with a big ass in jeans

1974
01:42:49,668 --> 01:42:51,090
with low self-esteem,

1975
01:42:51,090 --> 01:42:55,136
I'm gonna send you to a place
where all that shit is allowed.

1976
01:42:55,136 --> 01:42:56,428
Oh, I love Disneyland!

1977
01:42:56,754 --> 01:42:59,849
You two sons of bitches
are going to college!

1978
01:42:59,849 --> 01:43:01,551
- Yes!
- No!

1979
01:43:42,800 --> 01:43:43,801
Boo-yah!

1980
01:44:20,629 --> 01:44:22,677
Oh, my God!
You're like two Hardy Boys in one!

1981
01:44:37,521 --> 01:44:38,522
Oh, fuck!

1982
01:46:28,173 --> 01:46:29,425
<i>Hey, why are you here, Scott?</i>

1983
01:46:29,425 --> 01:46:31,977
<i>What, Kennedy High
isn't having any parties tonight?</i>