Once upon a time, long, long ago,
in a magical kingdom far, far away
known as Fairy Tale Land,
there lived a princess and a prince,
'cause there always is one when you have the other.
Hold up!
[record scratches]
Hold up!
[record scratches]
That's not what wizards wear, Mambo.
The clothes don't make the wizard, Munk.
It's the other way around.
Now what up with all this "once upon a time" bidness?
That's old school.
We gots to make the story fresh, yo.
You know, mix things up a bit.
D'oh!
Not the balance of good and evil!
[thunderclap]
D'oh! [groans]
Mambo! [grunts]
We're supposed to keep good and evil in fairy tales
balanced right where they are.
Capiche?
But-- Zaa!
Uh, but-- Zzz!
But-- Zaa!
Oh! Fine.
We'll do it your way.
Good.
Now, Fairy Tale Land was ruled
by the wise King Cole.
His wife, Queen Grace--
[Mambo] Who was big-time beautiful.
[Munk] ...and their daughter Snow White.
[Mambo] Things were pretty cool in the old kingdom.
[horses neigh]
[Mambo] Lots of joy and love and all that good stuff
was just bursting out everywhere.
[Munk] And this was in no small part
due to Queen Grace.
Wave to the people, Snow White.
Everyone in the kingdom is our friend.
Yes, Mommy, and they all love you.
[horses neigh, sputter]
[sheep bleating]
Morning!
[quacking]
[Mambo] For no matter what your problem...
[Munk] Or what you looked like...
[Mambo] She would bring joy into your world.
[both giggling]
[grunting]
[Munk] With a smile on her face
and love in her heart.
[horses neigh]
Yeah!
[both laughing]
[Hansel, Gretel] Yay!
[Hansel] Did you see that?
Mother, why does everyone love the queen so much?
Because she is beautiful.
I want to be queen someday.
Am I beautiful?
Uh...
Wh-What do you think?
[Queen Grace humming]
[humming continues]
Mommy, I want to be loved by everyone,
just like you are.
You will be, Snow White.
There. All done.
Whoa.
Just remember, Snow White,
the mirror only tells half the story.
True beauty comes from helping others.
Yes, Mommy.
[coughing]
Mommy.
Are you okay?
[groaning softly]
[thunderclap]
[townspeople crying]
Stop smiling.
This is a sad day for the kingdom.
But doesn't this mean
someone else gets to be queen?
[sighs]
Mommy.
Yes, someone else will be queen.
[thunderclap]
Now poor Snow White has to grow up
without the caring heart--
[whimpers]-- of her beloved mother.
♪ No, sugar, I like the spice ♪
♪ I'll never get enough ♪
♪ No, never get enough ♪
♪ I'll show you how, if you ask me nice ♪
♪ Just try to keep up ♪
♪ Try to keep up ♪
♪ Can you keep up with me? ♪
♪ Can you really keep up with me? ♪
♪ Do you think I'm gonna let you get ♪
♪ Your friends tonight and meet up with me? ♪
♪ No time for sleepin', baby ♪
♪ Up in the V to the I-P ♪
♪ Can you keep up? Can you keep up? ♪
♪ Can you really keep up with me? ♪
[vibrating, ringing]
Answer.
[All] Holla!
Hey, girls.
We're almost to your place. You ready?
You know it.
[knocking at door]
[King Cole] Snow White?
Oh, my dad's coming. Gotta go.
[All] Later.
Snow, honey, are you ready to go?
Hi, Daddy. You like?
It's the hottest, latest thing.
Well...
You don't like it?
No. It's nice.
I'm just not sure that's what a young princess wears.
Now, your mother,
she always dressed appropriately for a queen.
[sighs]
she always dressed appropriately for a queen.
[sighs]
Daddy, times have changed.
So has fashion.
You gotta keep up.
[sighs]
I take it from your dress
you've forgotten we were visiting
the Ten Little Indians Orphanage tonight?
But tonight's the opening of Mamma Goose's Joust House.
They're expecting me to be there.
Well, it would be nice
if you felt the orphanage needed you, too.
Yeah, I know.
Snow, you've gone out to some new opening
every night this summer.
So? So, honey,
there's more to being a princess
than red carpets and photo ops.
Honey, the children always loved it
when your mother visited them.
But they pick their noses.
It's so gross.
Your mother never seemed to mind.
You just don't understand.
[Girls] Snow White!
[All] Holla!
So you ready to get your joust on, girl?
[sighs] Go ahead.
We can visit with the children
another time.
[gasps]
Oh, thank you, Daddy!
Now, I don't want you coming home late again.
[scoffs] Daddy, curfews are so lame.
Do you want me to look like a loser?
Well, no, but--
Daddy.
Oh, well. Okay, okay.
But be home well before the rooster crows,
unlike last time.
I'm serious now.
Before the rooster crows.
Got it.
[snaps]
Aw, the royal robe?
Your mother wore this with pride.
I insist.
Fine.
And be safe.
I will be.
Mwah! Love you.
[sighs]
♪♪ [pop]
Uh, you're not really gonna wear that robe, are you?
What's wrong?
Girl, way too retro.
The Three Blind Mice could see that.
[Girls] Holla!
[giggling]
It'll be great.
Hi.
Mmm, who are they?
Dude, they're the Damsels.
Bo Peep, Goldilocks,
Little Red Riding Hood, and Snow White.
They're the most popular girls in Fairy Tale Land.
Thanks.
No cutting the line.
Bite me.
Sorry.
Whoo--
[snarls]
♪♪ [rock]
You're looking good tonight, Snow White.
Everyone's staring at you.
[laughs] Well, what can I say?
Designer clothes with matching shoes,
perfect makeup, and a killer do.
[All] Holl-a!
♪♪ [fanfare]
[gasps]
The main event is starting!
[chatter]
Are they starting?
There they are.
Young lads and lasses,
wizards and witches,
it's time to get your joust on!
[cheering]
On the red side, the man with the muscles,
the big bruiser who's never been a loser--
Sir Simple Simon!
[crowd cheering]
[neighs]
[crowd cheering]
[neighs]
[Girl] I love him! Whoo!
And on the blue side,
a newbie to the jousting games--
Sir Peter!
[neighing]
Sir Peter!
[neighing]
[crowd cheering]
Who's the new guy?
I haven't met him yet.
I wonder what he looks like.
He's probably an ogre.
[all giggling]
And, as a special treat, in attendance tonight
is the ever glamorous, always fabulous,
Fairy Tale Land's favorite gal--
Princess Snow White!
Thank you. Thank you.
[crowd cheering]
Boo!
Line-cutters!
[crowd grumbling]
They obviously let in too many peasants.
They shouldn't do that on opening night.
[horse neighs]
[sputters]
This is gonna be good.
[all giggling]
Knights, are you ready?
[sputters]
[bonk]
Then let's get your joust on!
Yah!
[neighing]
Yah!
[neighing]
Hyah!
[neighing]
Hyah.
[grunting]
[crowd groans]
[cheering]
So, Damsels, was that a joust,
or was that a joust?
So awesome!
Sweet!
It was the bomb!
Sweet!
It was the bomb!
[Pied Piper] Snow White, so, how about that Sir Peter?
He's cute.
[crowd murmurs, whistles]
♪♪ [dance]
Mmm. Mm-hmm.
Hah. Whoo. Ah.
Mmm. Ooh.
Yeah! [giggles]
All right, Petey.
Welcome to Fairy Tale Land.
Let's find you a girl.
I didn't come here to find a girl.
Yeah, yeah.
You only want to help people.
I know.
Always with the big heart.
You can save the world tomorrow.
Uh!
Oh!
Uh!
Oh!
[gasps]
♪♪ [R&B]
Hey. Hey.
♪ Your shining armor ♪
♪ Your heart's safe harbor ♪
Uh, you were brilliant tonight, Sir Peter.
I'm way honored you asked me to dance.
Please. The honor is all mine.
Really?
Yeah, really.
Your mother was a hero of mine.
Huh? My mother?
I was raised in one of her orphanages.
Heck, I probably wouldn't be here
if it wasn't for her.
She's, like--
[sighs]-- a legend.
[awkward laugh]
That's Mom.
♪ Surrender ♪
Looks like we might have a little love connection
between Snow White and that new knight.
Hmm.
There's something very odd
about that woman over there.
Ya think?
The veil kinda screams "creepy."
Yeah. Your mom was great.
She just had something about her.
Her looks?
Well, yeah, but--
Her looks?
Well, yeah, but--
Her fashion sense?
I guess, but--
Her fashion sense?
I guess, but--
Oh, the way she did her hair?
Huh?
[Goldilocks panting]
Hey, you two.
We got the VIP room to ourselves.
[squealing]
Oh, you have to come.
Well...
Please?
Yeah. Come on.
We can get away from all the--
Riffraff?
Totally.
I mean, Snow White's a princess, for goodness' sake.
I'll pass.
But why?
'Cause I'm one of the riffraff.
Miss Muffet?
May I have this dance?
[giggling]
[gasps]
Roses red, violets blue,
what I'm seeing,
it can't be true.
[scoffs]
[footsteps approaching]
My Lord, your curds and whey.
I understand the children at the orphanage
were quite disappointed Snow White wasn't there.
Yes. She's becoming quite a handful, Grimm.
Indeed, My Lord.
Ruling a kingdom--
no problem.
Raising a daughter--
[scoffs]-- I'm lost.
Perhaps she needs a mother, My Lord.
Someone like Queen Grace.
It has been some time.
Hmm.
Someone to help guide her into womanhood.
Precisely.
And the people have been longing for a queen.
Maybe you're right.
[sighs]
I will decide on such things on the morrow,
after the rooster crows.
♪♪ [dance]
Hey, Peter.
My Lady.
Ugh!
[horse neighs]
Hey, Jack.
How's Mrs. Sprat?
Still keeping the platter clean.
Thanks for asking, Peter.
We're going dancing, baby.
Huh?
Yeah. At the late night dance party
down at the Hickory Dickory Dock.
Oh, but I can't.
I told my father I'd be home before--
Girl, you're Snow White, not Cinderella.
Nothing's gonna turn into a pumpkin.
And you have to make an appearance.
Yeah. Please?
Damsels, let's dance!
[All] Holla!
I just don't get it.
Snow White is nothing like Queen Grace.
You didn't mess with the balance, did you?
No. I didn't mess with the balance.
Hmm!
Maybe there's a glitch in the system.
[yawns]
Oh, well.
We'll figure it out tomorrow.
Good night, Mambo.
Good night.
Why wait till tomorrow?
[inhales deeply]
Gotcha. No, no.
[muffled speech]
No. Shh! No, no, don't.
No, no, no. No. You don't--
Don't-- Don't crow. Shh, shh, shh.
[muffled speech]
[rattling]
[gasps]
Oh!
[exhales]
[clang]
[whimpers]
[sighs]
[door opens]
[gasps]
[Snow White laughs]
Daddy! [laughs]
[crowing wildly]
Why are you up so early?
Where was your robe?
Oh...
And it says you cut in line.
Well...
Staying out all night is no way for a princess to act.
Your mother didn't raise you like this.
Daddy, I'm trying my best.
I go to all the events, and I-- I wave and smile
to all the people, just like Mom did.
But your mother went to events to help people.
And I don't?
Sweetheart, you're only interested
in having a good time.
But, Daddy, that's so not fair!
[crying]
[sighs]
[door closes]
Grimm.
Yes, My Lord?
Find me a queen.
As you wish, My Lord.
[snoring]
[murmuring]
[straining]
One more twist--
Whoa! Whoa!
[grunting]
Hey.
[ropes stretching]
Whoa!
Aah! Whoa!
[thunderclap]
[whimpering]
Huh? Oh.
Huh?
Ehh.
Ehh!
[Munk] Mambo, what's all that noise?
Uh-oh.
[ding]
Hmm.
Hmm?
[interested] Mmm.
[disgusted] Mmm.
[gruff] Hmm.
[ding, ding]
[Woman] I'm coming.
[fluttering]
[gasps] Oh...
Greetings!
And welcome to the Fairy Godmother's Dating Service.
What does thou desire?
I have come looking for a wife.
Then you've come to the right place.
Just fill this out
and sign at the bottom.
Oh, it's not for me.
You want a wife, but not for you?
I am here to find a wife for the king.
The king? Yes.
Oh, my!
The king wants a wife.
I'll make it my top priority.
And is there any particular type of woman
the king wishes to marry?
Yes.
Someone just like this.
[Woman] I want to look like this.
Uh?
[swirling]
[rattling]
Oh, and you shall.
I think we've found your mirror.
[laughing]
Oh! Mambo! Look what you've done!
What? I didn't do nothing.
Oh, we have to fix it
before things get really out of hand.
[groans]
Hey, this is getting kinda interesting.
Now I will be queen!
♪♪ [pop]
♪ It's a sign, it's a clue ♪
♪ Maybe this time the sign will be true ♪
♪ You've waited in line, paid your dues ♪
♪ With all the false alarms and miscues ♪
A wife! [gasps]
[chatter]
I hear "Well To Do" is the king.
[giggles] That's what I heard, too.
Sleeping Beauty!
That's me!
And tell me about your best quality.
[thud]
[snoring]
♪ It's a sign, it's a clue ♪
♪ You put it together, and it hits you ♪
♪ The planets align ♪
♪ Is it true? ♪
♪ You finally find someone that fits you ♪
♪ Like a charm ♪
♪ False alarm ♪
[bell dinging]
Oh, who is it now?
I'm sorry, but we're closed.
[Woman] I'm here about the proposal.
Oh, my.
Now, what would Sir Peter like?
Damsels.
[dials, rings]
[All] Holla!
Girls, I need some 911.
Subject?
Clothing.
Situation?
A boy.
Situation?
A boy.
Ooh!
Someone's crushing on Sir Peter!
[giggling]
Hook it up.
Ooh!
Damsels, this is serious.
[door opens]
My Lady,
[door opens]
My Lady,
your father wishes to see you.
Oh, sure thing.
I'll be there in a second.
So, what do you think?
Didn't you say he liked helping people?
Yeah.
Then you should dress like a peasant girl.
Yeah.
Then you should dress like a peasant girl.
[groans]
[girls guffawing]
So not funny.
[girls guffawing]
So not funny.
Snow White, your father was quite insistent
that you come immediately.
Okay, I'm coming.
My dad's freaking.
I gotta go. Mwah!
[Together] Mwah!Later!
[King Cole] 15...
16...
17...
Daddy?
17...
Daddy?
What are you doing?
19.
Exercising.
Gotta firm up the flab.
But--
20...
But--
20...
...you have bad knees.
Well-- [huffs]--
Lady Vain says a little pain
should not keep me from having a proper body.
Huh? Who's Lady Vain?
Lady Vain is going to be your new mother.
What? My new mother?
Excuse me. Since when?
Since I decided I wanted to get remarried.
Lady Vain, I'd like you
to meet my daughter, Snow White.
Mommy.
Snow White, I knew you were pretty,
but now that I see you up close,
you look just like your mother.
And so do you.
She does have quite a resemblance, doesn't she?
Daddy, what's going on?
I decided I wanted a wife and you needed a mother.
And lo and behold, in walks Lady Vain.
She's just perfect, isn't she?
Too perfect. Oh!
This is, like, totally crazy!
I mean, you don't even know this woman!
[Munk] What's happening?
Whoa! Snow White is arguing with her father.
This is getting good.
What? What's going on?
Oh, no!
Get up here and help me!
Snow White, I am going to marry Lady Vain.
Our wedding is already planned.
Already planned?
Yes. When the cow jumps over the moon,
and that is final.
No, it isn't!
[sighs] Oh, dear.
Don't worry, honey bunny.
Snow White and I just need some girl time together.
Oh! Snow White has to go.
She'll ruin everything.
Oh. What happened?
She whined like a spoiled brat!
She was so...
[groans]
And to think I spent the entire day
listening to the king go on and on
about Queen Grace.
Ugh! Oh...
Mirror, mirror on the wall,
make me feel better and tell me
who is the fairest of them all?
Go on.
Say what you always say.
Em, well...
Well, what?
Am I not fairest of them all?
Well, now that I've seen Snow White,
I gotta say she's looking pretty darn fantastic
on the old fairest-o-meter.
I mean... [laughs]
have you ever seen such a natural beauty?
And have you ever seen a cracked mirror?
Aah!
And then what would become of the new you?
My power sustains your illusion.
I can't destroy you,
but you could spend the rest of your happily ever after
in a closet!
Ahh.
The power of vanity.
[laughing]
Get over here and help me with this!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Waa-ha-ha!
Oh, yeah!
[grunting]
Ow! Oh.
I'm here to save the day.
Ugh. Just pull this rope.
[both grunting, straining]
So, how to deal with little Miss Teen Queen Wannabe.
[both grunting]
Whoa!
[gasps]
Hmm.
[chuckling]
[sighs] Uh-oh.
Oh...
[sighs] Uh-oh.
Oh...
Now we're in really big trouble.
I still don't understand the purpose of this scheme.
Gossip.
If used properly, it can ruin a reputation,
but not necessarily about the person
being gossiped about.
Precisely.
And one bite of this magic apple
will make Snow White say the rudest things
she ever thought possible.
Really?
[sniffing]
Ooh! Whoo!
You can be such a nag.
[laughing]
Lady Vain is rotten to the core.
[laughing] Apple joke.
Well, the apple works.
But-- But I don't know anything about makeovers.
That's obvious.
Just poof and cream, and you'll do fine.
It's all about attitude.
Poof and cream.
Okay.
Snow White, honey.
It's Lady Vain.
Go away!
Please?
I think we got off on the wrong foot.
My friend Rumpy is the top hair, nail, and face man
in the kingdom.
I've convinced him to give you a makeover
as my little gift to you.
Makeover?
So, uh, let's take a look at you, yes.
My! Uh...
what pretty hair you have, yes.
Thanks. And, uh...
what-- what a beautiful set of eyes you have.
Oh, that's so sweet.
Ooh! And what big teeth you have, huh?
What?
Ooh!
Oh, yes. Uh...
So, uh, let's get started, yes.
First, we will...
uh, poof the hair!
Give it some air.
Let it breathe like fine wine, yes.
Breathe. Breathe.
Breathe. Yes.
Um, Rumpy, I think that's enough poofing.
Oh, yes. Well, of course.
Yeah. So, uh, now, we will--
[muttering]
[clattering]
No. Uh...
[chuckling]
Rumpy, don't you think
Snow White is looking a little pale?
Really?
Well, I feel fine.
Don't you have something you can give her?
Wh-What?
Oh, uh, yes!
Indeed, I do.
Uhh! What? Where is it?
Oh! Oh! Ah.
Here.
Oh.
Here.
Oh.
Eat this.
An apple? Oh, yes.
It'll make you feel better than pease-porridge pie.
But I feel fine.
It's good for the skin.
Oh. Oh!
No!
No! Don't!
No!
No! Don't!
[Munk, Mambo] Don't do it!
Don't do it--
[crunch]
[groans]
Well, she did it.
No! Come on!
[chuckles]
That a girl.
Now, tell old Rumpy about everything and everyone
that makes you mad, sad, or had.
And don't leave out any of the juicy details.
Well, let me tell you about...
[inhales deeply]
[crows]
[yawns]
[moans, yawns]
[ringing]
[yawns] Replay messages.
Now, Bo Peep, she's always braggin'
about her "junk in da trunk."
[snickers] Junk's right.
It's called "too much gingerbread," honey.
Maybe if she got off her trunk--
[gasps]
...she'd find her sheep.
And Goldilocks?
Talk about a whiny little airhead.
"The porridge isn't right.
It's too hot. It's too cold."
Make a decision, girl!
[crying]
And we can't forget Little Red Riding Hood.
Honey, stop wearing red.
It's totally not your color.
[gasps] Oh, no, she didn't just say that.
I think we all know why Simon is called simple.
If the butcher only knew
what the baker and the candlestick maker
were doing behind his back.
Now, Cinderella... [laughs]
Let me tell you about Prince Charming.
And Mistress Mary? Ew!
The ugly duckling.
And Sir Peter?
What's with the "nobler than thou" 'tude?
[scoffs] Like, chill!
[bird chirping]
[moaning]
[yawns]
[groans]
Hmm. He didn't even cut my hair.
Oh, well. Cute as ever.
[beep]
Goldilocks.
[auto dialing]
[ringing]
Hey, girl.
Want to go shopping?
You got some nerve calling me.
What are you talking about?
Oh, like you don't know?
[laughs] Whatever!
[dial tone]
Huh!
What's her problem?
[beep]
What's her problem?
[beep]
Go, Snow White, and meet your adoring subjects.
[laughing]
Hmm!
Hah!
[people murmuring]
She's got some nerve showing up here.
[people murmuring]
She's got some nerve showing up here.
She's showing her face in public.
Can you believe it?
[murmuring continues]
What is their problem?
[Goldilocks sobbing]
It's okay, girl.
Yeah, it's okay.
It's okay, girl.
Yeah, it's okay.
Too much gingerbread, huh?
Whiny airhead?
So, red isn't my color?
What are you talking about?
Don't play dumb.
We heard everything you said.
And it wasn't very nice.
[Red Riding Hood] Come on, let's get her!
[nervous chuckle]
[Goldilocks] Yeah, go get her!
Get back here!
Say, there she is!
There she is!
Say, there she is!
There she is!
Go get her!
Uh!
Go get her!
Uh!
Tell me, Snow White.
Why do they call me simple?
Ooh!
[quacking]
[panting]
[gasps]
There's Snow White!
There she is!
There's Snow White!
There she is!
[all shouting]
[shouting continues]
[horses neighing]
[panting]
An old fuddy-duddy, am I?
Daddy, I'm so glad you're here.
Something horrible has happened.
The entire kingdom hates me.
And you're surprised, after all the terrible things
you've been saying about people?
[sighs] Your mother would be ashamed.
Oh, Daddy!
[crying]
Snow, come back!
Grimm, follow her.
Yes, Your Majesty.
[crying]
[panting, wheezing]
[hooves clopping]
[neighs]
Whoa!
[neighs]
Whoa!
[crying] Everybody hates me.
[horse sputters]
[chuckling]
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
[coughing]
You idiot!
[humming]
You idiot!
[humming]
Not while I'm cackling.
Will you stop that primping
and get out of that silly costume?
Sorry.
This story is so out of control.
We have to do something.
But what? The scale is toast.
Kaput! Finito.
[grunts]
Aah!
Let's go!
What? Where to?
We've gotta stop Lady Vain.
Come on, I'll drive.
No. I'll drive.
Uh!
No. I'll drive.
Uh!
Rise. And away!
Whoa! Ho-ho!
Whoa ho ho! Yeah!
Whoa! Oh! Aah!
Pull over! Pull over!
I think I can drive a little better!
[screaming]
Aah! Come on, Munk, let me drive.
No. I'm driving.
Please, please, please, please?
Please, please?
Agh!
Please, please?
Agh!
[both yelping]
[Mambo] Hey!
Oh, hey, aah!
As a control freak, you need to let me drive!
Let go!
As a control freak, you need to let me drive!
Let go!
[both screaming]
[both yelling, grunting]
[both groaning]
Next time, you should drive.
[groans]
[whimpering]
[sniffing]
Mmm.
[boiling]
Hello.
Anybody home?
I'm a princess, heh.
Not a thief.
Mmm.
This looks delicious.
Mmm.
Oh...
[yawning]
Mmm.
Mmm!
Oh...
Aah!
Aaah!
What-- uh-- Wh-Who are you?
We be the dwarves of the forest, My Lady.
Well, it is so not cool
to freak out a fair maiden,
especially when she's sleeping.
Now don't be givin' us
none of that knick-knack paddy-whack, missy.
You're the one who done broke into our home,
ate our food, and slept in our beds!
Oh, right.
Well, my father will pay for whatever.
And who be your father? The king?
[laughter]
Actually, yes.
Giants and wizards!
You're Queen Grace's daughter, Snow White!
I can see the resemblance.
[murmuring]
I see it now.
Yeah. And?
We were friends with the queen.
My mother came here?
Here's us with Queen Grace
when we helped Mary get her little lamb back.
The poor thing got washed into the river.
Ooh! This is the day we all cleaned out the spiders
from Miss Muffet's attic.
Oh, and this is when we helped Old MacDonald plow his fields.
He was a little behind on the harvest that year.
[sniffles] And this--
the day she took care of us.
She knitted them herself.
I didn't know she did all these things.
Oh, sure. She did.
Bright and pretty. Yes, it's true.
Yep, she did.
Your mother loved to help people.
She was a beautiful woman.
Yeah.
So what be bringing you down
to our neck of the woods, Snow White?
Oh. [chuckle]
Well, I had a little situation back at the kingdom.
What kind of situation?
Well, I guess it all started
when I went to Mamma Goose's Joust House.
I was supposed to go to the orphanage, but...
...so after I said all those horrible things--
which I would never usually say, really--
the Damsels, my dad,
and everyone, like, totally freaked.
She may look like her mother,
but she sure don't act like her.
[Dwarves] Hear, hear.
Come on, now. Cut the girl some slack.
Her mother died when she was young.
In fact, I'd say it's our duty to fix her up
into the woman her mother would have wanted her to be.
Oh, we should be doing that for sure, yes!
For Queen Grace.
[together] For Queen Grace.
Snow White, we're gonna help you
win back your friends, family, and home.
But you have to do everything
we tell you to do, no questions asked.
Well, okay.
Come again?
You want me to do what?
Shovel some sticks and straw.
No way.
But why?
Hello!
I'm a princess.
I don't shovel.
Okay.
But there's wolves in them woods.
[howling] [gasp]
[howling continues]
Fine.
Happy now?
No! No! No! No! No!
No! Ooh!
Definitely no!
But, My Lady,
these are the finest wedding dresses
in all the kingdom.
Sewn by peasants, no doubt.
Pitiful, all of them.
I want only the finest dress made by the finest hands.
Um, My Lady, there was this cream-colored number
we saw over in Wonderland.
The cute little strapless couture
with organza and gold thread?
And the draped pickups and cinched pleats.
Uh, it was to die for.
We could get it on back order.
Ooh, but it might take a little while.
Can we push the wedding back,
say, um, a month?
Enough!
How dare you subject me to these peasants.
[door opens]
Have you seen Snow White?
Has she returned to the castle yet?
No, but I'm sure she'll be along soon.
You know how young girls are.
I hope you're right.
Trust me, dear.
Hmph.
[sighs]
Now what?
Maybe it's time for a little more direct approach.
So, my dear, tomorrow's a big day.
Are you excited to meet the kingdom?
Did Peter Piper pick a pickled pepper?
[chuckling] Excellent.
Did someone order bodyguards
from the employment service?
That's me.
Send them in.
Bodyguards?
Honey bunny, I'm not used to being among the people.
It makes me nervous.
Oh. Well, I suppose.
Now run along.
We'll play some patty-cake a little later.
Oh! I love patty-cake!
I'll make this simple.
No touching, no hugging,
no rubbing, no tugging, no kissing babies,
no "let's take a picture together
for my brother who's a big fan,"
for I am royalty and they are the commoners.
Can you handle that?
But, My Lady, you are going to be the queen of the people.
Why would you want to keep them away?
[snickering]
You are the first guard.
You are the alternate.
[Snow White muttering]
Ow! Ooh!
[panting]
[groans]
Sorry. Ohh!
Where are we going again?
Ohh!
We have some work to do.
[huffs] More work?
But I did that already!
The deal was "no questions asked." Remember?
Whatever.
Just remember, my dear,
the job gets harder when you only think of yourself.
♪ You're running out of options ♪
♪ They must be tryin' to test you ♪
♪ With such a big bad problem ♪
♪ And such a tiny little rescue ♪
The Three Little Pigs?
The Big Bad Wolf went a bit crazy
and blew down two of their houses.
So we're going to help them rebuild.
[groan]
♪ Try a little harder ♪
♪ Forget your reputation ♪
Whoo-- Whoa-- Whoop--
♪ You don't have to be a martyr ♪
[whining]
♪ You just need a little inspiration ♪
♪ Little by little, let a light in your heart ♪
♪ Take a step and stand up if you fall ♪
♪ You can make it to the finish ♪
♪ But you still have to start ♪
♪ 'Cause little by little ♪
♪ Is a lot more than nothing at all ♪
[chuckling]
Oops.
♪ At all ♪
[grunt]
Aah! Oh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.
♪ Little by little ♪
I broke a nail.
Well, Wee Willie Winkie,
I'd say we did a pretty good job.
Yeah.
[Pigs] ♪ Our houses are rebuilt ♪
♪ Hi-ho the merry-o ♪
♪ Our houses are rebuilt ♪
[laughing] Our houses are rebuilt!
They're rebuilt!
Yay! Hooray!
Oh, thank you.
Come one, come all!
Gather 'round to meet your new queen-to-be!
[applause]
[King Cole] They're really excited to meet you.
And me them.
Oh, and I have a little present for you.
[all gasp]
[Lady Vain] The royal robe!
[gasp]
Oh, pookums!
A queen's robe for my queen-to-be.
Ha! King Cole, you don't want to marry this woman!
She's a wolf in sheep's clothing!
[gasping]
Guards!
Aah!
[screaming]
So much for the direct approach.
A wolf in sheep's clothing?
Well, it's all I could think of.
[cheering]
[Pied Piper] So here she is--
Lady Vain!
Shall we?
Stick close to me.
Baby-sit?
But I don't know anything about babysitting.
It's for a friend. It'll be a breeze.
Well, okay.
[children shouting, laughing]
[glass shattering]
You've gotta be kidding me.
Thank you again for babysitting.
I really appreciate it.
How do I look?
Uh, why don't you let me do a few things?
There. All done.
Oh, my goodness.
I'm-- I'm almost beautiful.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you very much!
Now, children, you behave yourselves
and listen to Snow White.
She's in charge.
I won't be too late. Bye!
But I--
Just, eh, play with them.
It'll be easy as pie.
Easy as-- No, I don't think you--
[cheering]
Finally, some "me" time.
Ugh! Look at my hair.
What a mess.
Play with dolly?
Oh, honey, I'll play with dolly
right after I finish my hair, okay?
I promise.
Hey! Hey!
Aah!
We want you to play catch with us.
In the backyard.
Guys, I'll be done in a little while.
Then I promise we can play catch.
[sighs]
Ugh. I'll just be a second more, promise.
[humming]
Oh! Hey! Give that back!
[laughing] Look at me!
Hey, come here.
[laughing] I'm a princess!
You monsters! Come here!
[laughing]
Here, catch.
Stop!
Got it!
Hey! Oh!
Aah!
[raspberry]
[laughing]
Ohh!
[running footsteps]
[clatter] [laughter] [glass breaks]
Ha ha!
Ohh!
[panting] Run!
Hey! I'm a princess!
[panting, gasping]
Whoop! Ohh!
Oh.
[sobbing]
[child crying]
Why are you crying?
I'm the disaster.
'Cause you don't like us.
[crying continues]
No, it's not you. It's-- It's me.
It's just, I can't seem to do anything right.
Try singing.
That's what Mom does.
♪ Hush, little baby ♪
♪ Don't say a word ♪
♪ Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird ♪
♪ And if that mockingbird don't sing ♪
♪ Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring ♪
♪ And if that diamond ring ♪
♪ Turns brass ♪
♪ Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass ♪
♪ And if that looking glass gets broke ♪
♪ Mama's gonna buy you a billy goat ♪
♪ And if that billy goat won't pull ♪
[children laughing]
♪ And if that billy goat won't pull ♪
[children laughing]
♪ Mama's gonna buy you a cart and bull ♪
♪ And if that cart and bull turn over ♪
♪ Mama's gonna buy you a dog named Rover ♪
♪ And if that dog named Rover won't bark ♪
♪ Mama's gonna buy you a horse and cart ♪
♪ And if that horse and cart fall down ♪
♪ You'll still be ♪
♪ The sweetest girl in town ♪
Snow White, that was beautiful.
[Queen Grace] Just remember, Snow White,
the mirror only tells half the story.
True beauty comes from helping others.
Guys, I get it now.
I want to help others, like my mom.
[snoring]
[crash]
[groans]
Uh, time to change the guard.
Awesome.
It's good to get out of here.
My Lady complains louder than Little Boy Blue blowing his horn.
She sure is different than Queen Grace.
No fooling.
[groans]
[Rumplestilskin] The wedding is upon us, My Lady.
Our plan is almost complete.
Our plan?
I-- I mean your plan, of course!
If only Mother could see me now.
[chuckling]
Becoming Queen is going to be even easier
than getting rid of Snow White.
[laughter]
Ooh, terrific. Poofarama. Poof, poof--
[coughing]
Will you stop that!
[huffs]
[horse whinnies]
[horse neighs]
What's this?
All right, Pinocchio, good as new.
Thanks, Snow White.
You're welcome. And no more lying, okay?
Okay.
[knocking]
Peter.
Snow White?
What are you doing here?
I came looking for you.
You want me to go back to the castle?
Yes.
But why? Hold this.
To stop the wedding!
Here. If it makes my father happy to marry Lady Vain,
who am I to stop him?
But he doesn't know what he's getting himself into.
He doesn't know who the real Lady Vain is.
Hmm. I know something about that.
There. How do you feel, Humpty?
I feel fantastic!
Whoa!
Thanks, buddy.
And thanks a million, Snow White.
You're welcome.
And stay off the high walls.
You got it.
Hey, it's Snow White!
Holla!
[chuckles] Holla!
[Humpty Dumpty] Thanks again!
[Driver] Hee-ya!
[Humpty Dumpty] Toodle-oo!
I'd like to help, Peter, I would,
but I'm not exactly welcome back in the kingdom.
And besides, this is where I belong--
helping others.
They need me.
But your kingdom needs you.
Your father needs you.
Please.
[moo]
♪♪ [organ, "Wedding March"]
[neigh]
♪♪ ["Wedding March" continues]
[sniveling]
What is wrong with you?
Weddings always make me cry.
[blows]
We have gathered here today
to join this man and this woman
in holy matrimony.
[gasps] The drawbridge is up!
I have an idea.
[nervous chuckle]
Can't we use the back door?
No time.
[screams]
Ohhh!
We've got to stop the wedding.
But how?
[Peter, Snow White] Whoa!
Snow White!
Oh, it's good to see you, My Lady.
Am I too late?
You couldn't cut it any closer.
Come on.
Do you, Lady Vain, take this man
to be your lawful wedded husband,
to have and to hold through--
[Mirror] Uh-oh.
This might be trouble.
...good times and bad--
Psst!
...good times and bad--
Psst!
Pssst!
Psst. Poof. Yoo-hoo. Look.
...from this day forward?
Yes, yes, I do.
Hmm?
Can we hurry this along?
Ahem. Oh, yes. Of course.
And do you, King Cole--
Hello, Fashion Police.
[snickering]
[spectators murmuring]
Oh.
Snow White.
You're back.
Now is not the best time for reunions, honey bunny.
Dad, if you truly love Lady Vain,
then marry her.
I won't try to stop you.
But if you're doing this because I've been a brat,
then, well...
I've changed.
I found my way.
Why must you ruin my wedding?
She hasn't changed at all.
I mean, what has she ever done for anybody?
[murmuring]
[Pinocchio] She fixed my nose.
And she put me back together after I fell down.
She helped rebuild our home.
And helped me look prettier than I've ever looked.
[Girl] And she sang to me when I was sad.
[Girl #2] And tucked us into bed.
Wow. Girl really has changed.
She did all the things a queen is supposed to do.
Except one.
I want to apologize to everyone I've ever hurt.
Especially you, Dad.
Everything you loved about my mother,
I hope you can love about me.
I just want my daughter back.
[spectators murmur]
[weeping]
Maybe breaking the balance was not so bad after all.
[Lady Vain] No! No! No! No!
This isn't how the story ends!
You may have spoken too soon.
Mother always told me that if I was beautiful enough,
I would be queen!
And if I can't be queen,
then, mirror mirror in the hall,
kill the fairest of them all!
Kill Snow White!
[spectators gasp]
Ha-ha!
[thunderclap]
[gibbering]
[screaming]
Get me out of here!
[crowd panicking]
Aah!
Uh!
Hmm?
Huh?
Aah!
Peter! No!
[evil laughter]
I have you now.
[grunt]
Oh!
Whoa!
Oh!
Whoa!
No!
Oh! [gasp]
[moaning]
Aah!
No! No! No!
[sobbing]
Oh! My magic mirror!
Now I'll never be beautiful.
[gasps]
[sobbing]
Please. Wait.
Dad, may I?
You don't need a magic mirror to be beautiful.
Really?
Really.
Come on, lassie, we've got some work to do.
My little prom queen has now become a real queen.
♪♪ [fanfare]
All right, everybody.
Let's party!
[cheering, laughter]
You don't mind dancing with the riffraff?
I wouldn't have it any other way.
Now let's give this party some snap!
No, don't!
♪ Uh-oh-oh-ah ♪
♪ Uh-uh oh-oh-ah ♪
Yeah!
Woo-hoo! Come on! Let's party!
Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Gotta shake that thing!
Go! Yeah, go! Ha ha!
Now under! Now under!
That's the way! Come on! Woo-hoo!
Let's get down! [laughing]
♪ Holla, yeah ♪
♪ We up in the party ♪
♪ Like that ♪
♪ Will it make me stop pretending ♪
♪ Like that ♪
♪ Will it make me stop pretending ♪
♪ Like that ♪
♪ Let's just dance this dance ♪
♪ 'Cause we're takin' the night back ♪
♪ Holla, yeah ♪
♪ We up in the party ♪
♪ Like that ♪
♪ Uh-oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Uh-uh oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Uh-oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Uh-uh oh-oh-oh ♪
♪♪ [drum roll, fanfare]
♪♪ [hip-hop]
♪ No sugar, I like the spice ♪
♪ I'll never get enough ♪
♪ No, never get enough ♪
♪ I'll show you how, if you ask me nice ♪
♪ Just try to keep up ♪
♪ Try to keep up ♪
♪ Can you keep up with me? ♪
♪ Can you really keep up with me? ♪
♪ Do you think I'm gonna let you get ♪
♪ Your friends tonight and meet up with me? ♪
♪ No time for sleepin', baby ♪
♪ Hop in the V to the I-P ♪
♪ Can you keep up? Can you keep up? ♪
♪ Can you really keep up with me? ♪
♪ Can you keep up with me? ♪
♪ All the ladies want to be like me ♪
♪ They want to make the cut ♪
♪ You know the fellas like what they see ♪
♪ So try to keep up ♪
♪ Try to keep up ♪
♪ Can you keep up with me? ♪
♪ Can you really keep up with me?
♪ Do you think I'm gonna let you get ♪
♪ Your friends tonight and meet up with me? ♪
♪ No time for sleepin', baby ♪
♪ Up in the V to the I-P ♪
♪ Can you keep up? Can you keep up? ♪
♪ Can you really keep up with me? ♪
♪ I'm swift on the strip like a Velcro fly ♪
♪ Chicks start to trip, throwin' elbows high ♪
♪ Tryin' to get seen by a real swell guy ♪
♪ But it's kinda hard to see with a swelled-up eye ♪
♪ Haters out of line as I break to the front ♪
♪ How I tip into the club, well, let me be blunt ♪
♪ I'm pick of the litter, kid, you're just a little runt ♪
♪ I'm rippin' ribbons at the finish but you're lost from my dust ♪
♪ Hit the floor with the honey like mumsie beekeepers ♪
♪ A missile with the hotties, they call me the Heat Seeker ♪
♪ Whispered to her, she didn't hear like a deep sleeper ♪
♪ She needed repeatin', too much thump in these speakers ♪
♪ Oh, you drank a Red Bull, girl ♪
♪ We already off-schedule, girl ♪
♪ She want to see what the fuss be ♪
♪ Trust, it's lovely ♪
♪ But she huff, she puff,keep up ♪
♪ Can you keep up with me? ♪
♪ Can you really keep up with me? ♪
♪ Do you think I'm gonna let you get ♪
♪ Your friends tonight and meet up with me? ♪
♪ No time for sleepin', baby ♪
♪ Up in the V to the I-P ♪
♪ Can you keep up? Can you keep up? ♪
♪ Can you really keep up with me? ♪
♪ Oh-oh ♪
♪ Can you keep up with me? ♪
♪ Can you really keep up with me? ♪
♪ Do you think I'm gonna let you get ♪
♪ Your friends tonight and meet up with me? ♪
♪ No time for sleepin', baby ♪
♪ Up in the V to the I-P ♪
♪ Can you keep up? Can you keep up? ♪
♪ Can you really keep up with me? ♪
♪ Can you keep up with me? ♪
♪♪ [pop]
♪ You're running out of options ♪
♪ They must be tryin' to test you ♪
♪ With such a big bad problem ♪
♪ And such a tiny little rescue ♪
♪ Little by little ♪
♪ Let a light in your heart ♪
♪ Take a step and stand up if you fall ♪
♪ You can make it to the finish ♪
♪ But you still have to start ♪
♪ 'Cause little by little ♪
♪ Is a lot more than nothing at all ♪
♪ At all ♪
♪♪ [vocalizing]