1 00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:08,442 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:13,781 * ALL THE SHADOWS IN THE CITY * 3 00:00:13,881 --> 00:00:17,451 * USED TO LOVE YOU, WHAT A PITY * 4 00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:21,522 * I MISS THE QUESTIONS YOU USED TO ASK ME * 5 00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:25,593 * BORED TO DEATH, CUT, MAD AND LONELY * 6 00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:29,497 * BORED TO DEATH, CUT, MAD AND LONELY * 7 00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:31,632 - ( coughs ) - * BORED TO DEATH 8 00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:34,235 * CUT, MAD AND LONELY. 9 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,038 ( whistle blows ) 10 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,353 ( plucking a string ) 11 00:01:06,434 --> 00:01:08,102 ( sighs ) 12 00:01:11,972 --> 00:01:15,008 ( chuckles ) HI. 13 00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:17,545 HI. 14 00:01:18,446 --> 00:01:21,182 YOU STILL SMELL LIKE YOU. 15 00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:23,617 ( phone ringing ) 16 00:01:27,155 --> 00:01:28,922 - UM... - TAKE IT. 17 00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:31,725 OKAY. 18 00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:33,093 HELLO. 19 00:01:33,194 --> 00:01:35,396 I SAW YOUR AD ON CRAIGSLIST. 20 00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:37,931 I NEED A PRIVATE DETECTIVE. 21 00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:39,933 YES, OF COURSE. 22 00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:41,502 THANK YOU FOR CALLING. 23 00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:43,971 BUT CAN I GET BACK TO YOU IN A LITTLE WHILE? 24 00:01:44,071 --> 00:01:46,039 I'M-- I'M WITH ANOTHER CLIENT. 25 00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:48,309 But you'll definitely call back? 26 00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:50,411 I NEED YOUR HELP. I THINK MY BOYFRIEND IS CHEATING ON ME. 27 00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:53,414 Yes, I promise I will definitely call back. 28 00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:55,549 OKAY, GOODBYE NOW. I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT. 29 00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:57,551 IT'S ALL RIGHT. A NEW GIRLFRIEND? 30 00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:59,553 OH, NO, OF COURSE NOT. I DON'T HAVE-- 31 00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:01,655 WAIT A SECOND. ARE YOU SEEING SOMEONE? 32 00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:03,624 LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT IT. 33 00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:04,992 WELL, YOU JUST ASKED ME. 34 00:02:05,092 --> 00:02:06,827 I'M SORRY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE BROUGHT IT UP. 35 00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:09,663 NO, I'M NOT SEEING ANYONE, 36 00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:12,233 BUT WE SHOULDN'T TALK ABOUT THAT KIND OF STUFF. 37 00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:14,235 WE SHOULD REALLY ONLY DISCUSS 38 00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:16,870 NEUTRAL, NON-PAINFUL TOPICS. 39 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,473 BUT ALL TOPICS WITH YOU FEEL PAINFUL. 40 00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:22,576 LET'S JUST START OVER, OKAY? 41 00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:26,079 SO HOW ARE YOU? 42 00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:27,815 - I'M IN PAIN. - JONATHAN-- 43 00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:29,283 I NEED YOU. I MISS YOU. 44 00:02:29,383 --> 00:02:30,784 I'M LIVING LIKE AN ANIMAL. 45 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,786 I HAVE NO TOILET PAPER, NO FOOD, 46 00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:34,555 NO TOOTHPASTE. I MISS YOU. 47 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,390 YOU MISS ME SHOPPING FOR US. THAT'S GREAT, JONATHAN. 48 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:40,428 NO, I MISS MORE THAN THAT. I-- 49 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,964 YOU FORGOT MY BOX OF LOVE NOTES. 50 00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:47,201 I BROUGHT IT FOR YOU. 51 00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:49,703 "I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW. 52 00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,171 JONATHAN." 53 00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:53,641 THAT WAS A NICE NOTE. 54 00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:56,210 BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ THE NAME AT THE END. 55 00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:59,046 I'M VERY LITERAL-MINDED. YOU KNOW THAT. 56 00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:01,449 IS THAT RAY? 57 00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:03,451 IS HE COMING IN HERE? 58 00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:05,553 I THOUGHT I MIGHT NEED TO SEE HIM AFTER SEEING YOU. 59 00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:07,755 I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D OVERLAP. 60 00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:10,658 JONATHAN, I DON'T LIKE TO SEE YOUR FRIENDS. 61 00:03:10,758 --> 00:03:13,093 THIS IS REALLY HARD FOR ME TOO, YOU KNOW. 62 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,095 HEY, SUZANNE. HOW ARE YOU? 63 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,598 OKAY. I WAS JUST GOING. 64 00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:20,301 IT'S OKAY. I CAN SIT RIGHT OVER THERE. 65 00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:22,069 OH, NO NO NO, I REALLY NEED TO GO. 66 00:03:22,169 --> 00:03:24,672 - SAY HI TO LEAH FOR ME, THOUGH. - OKAY. 67 00:03:24,772 --> 00:03:26,740 SUZANNE. 68 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,047 ( sighs ) 69 00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:36,016 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. 70 00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:37,585 SHE FORGOT MY BOX OF LOVE NOTES. 71 00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:39,487 TELL ME ABOUT IT, MAN. WOMEN ARE TOUGH. 72 00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:41,989 LEAH'S MAKING ME GET A COLONIC TOMORROW. 73 00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:43,457 WHAT? 74 00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,359 SHE WANTS ME TO GET A COLONIC-- 75 00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:47,361 SOMETHING ABOUT ME BEING IN A BAD MOOD ALL THE TIME 76 00:03:47,461 --> 00:03:49,229 BECAUSE I'M LEAKING TOXINS. 77 00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:51,031 LEAKING TOXINS FROM WHERE? 78 00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:54,268 YOU GOTTA GO WITH ME. I HAVE A REAL PHOBIA AROUND MY ASS. 79 00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:56,804 YEAH, SURE, I'LL GO. 80 00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:58,939 I GUESS IT'S A GOOD THING THAT YOU'RE WILLING TO CHANGE FOR LEAH. 81 00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:01,942 IF I HAD CHANGED FOR SUZANNE SHE WOULDN'T HAVE MOVED OUT. 82 00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:04,278 I'M NOT GONNA CHANGE. I'M JUST GONNA PRETEND TO CHANGE. 83 00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,013 I CAN'T CHANGE. THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. 84 00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:09,450 "YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND. JONATHAN." 85 00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,018 YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND TOO, RAY. 86 00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:12,753 NO, I'M JUST READING THIS THING. 87 00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:14,455 OH, COME ON, COME ON. THESE ARE MY LOVE NOTES. 88 00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:16,023 DON'T READ THESE. GIVE ME THESE. 89 00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:18,492 UGH, RAY. 90 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,933 I'M JUST-- 91 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,240 GEORGE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 92 00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:36,243 HEY, I'M JUST PRACTICING THE SPEECH 93 00:04:36,344 --> 00:04:38,178 I HAVE TO GIVE TOMORROW IN MY MIND. 94 00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:39,913 I NEED AN AUDIENCE. 95 00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:41,181 ALL OF MANHATTAN? 96 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,850 I LOVE THIS CITY. 97 00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:45,486 I WAS WALKING AROUND THIS MORNING AND I SAW THIS WOMAN 98 00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:48,456 WHO LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE, 99 00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:50,524 YOU KNOW, THAT ACTRESS IN THE ALMODOVAR FILM. 100 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,225 - WITH THE BIG NOSE? - YES. 101 00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:54,528 OH, I WOULD LOVE ONE NIGHT WITH HER. 102 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,830 SHE MIGHT BE COMPLETELY BORING, 103 00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:59,700 BUT THE NOSE WOULD BE SO DISTRACTING, 104 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,135 YOU KNOW, YOU COULDN'T GET BORED. 105 00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:04,137 MEN MUST CHASE AFTER HER LIKE CRAZY. 106 00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:06,340 YEAH, BUT SHE PROBABLY NEVER KNOWS 107 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:09,977 IF SOMEONE WANTS HER FOR HER NOSE OR FOR HERSELF. 108 00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:11,945 THAT'S TRUE. THAT'S TRUE. 109 00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:15,082 BUT THEN NOBODY'S REALLY LOVED FOR THEMSELVES, ARE THEY? 110 00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:17,117 I MEAN, ALL LOVE IS PROJECTION. 111 00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:18,819 REALLY? 112 00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:20,621 COME ON, THINK ABOUT IT. 113 00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:23,991 YOU KNOW, I'M IN YOUR MOVIE AND YOU'RE IN MINE-- 114 00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:26,226 TWO DIFFERENT FILMS REALLY. 115 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,995 WE DON'T REALLY KNOW EACH OTHER. 116 00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:30,598 WE'RE JUST MAKING GUESSES AT KNOWING EACH OTHER, RIGHT? 117 00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:32,966 I THINK THE SAME IS TRUE ABOUT LOVE. 118 00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:36,570 YOU PURPOSELY TRY TO DEPRESS ME EVERY TIME WE SEE EACH OTHER. 119 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,806 ( chuckles ) YES YES, I DO. 120 00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:41,241 NOW WHY ARE YOU HERE, YOUNG'UN? 121 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,877 OH, RIGHT RIGHT. 122 00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:47,247 THE GREEN ISSUE IS COMING AROUND AGAIN. 123 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,617 NOW I WANT YOU TO GO OUT AND ASK PEOPLE 124 00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:53,120 WHAT'S MOST UPSETTING TO THEM ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT-- 125 00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:55,188 - YOU KNOW, MAN-ON-THE-STREET-- - ( phone ringing ) 126 00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:57,758 PLEASE. RIGHT. 127 00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,928 WHY NOT? 128 00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:02,763 IS IT A WOMAN? 129 00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:05,433 SORT OF. 130 00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:15,409 JENNIFER GLADWELL? 131 00:06:15,509 --> 00:06:18,145 YES. JONATHAN, THE PRIVATE DETECTIVE? 132 00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:19,880 THAT'S RIGHT. 133 00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,048 HI. 134 00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:23,651 CAN I JUST HAVE A WHITE WINE? 135 00:06:23,751 --> 00:06:26,119 I THOUGHT YOU'D BE OLDER. 136 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:30,390 YEAH, WELL, I GOT INTO THE BUSINESS AT A YOUNG AGE. 137 00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:32,159 I WAS DRAWN TO IT. 138 00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:33,827 WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK DRINK? 139 00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:36,263 OH, NO, I'M ON THE WATER WAGON TONIGHT. 140 00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:37,631 OH, I UNDERSTAND. 141 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:39,567 I AVOID THE WAGON BY DRINKING WHITE WINE. 142 00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,469 IT HAS A VERY LOW ALCOHOL CONTENT. 143 00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:43,971 OH, THAT'S REALLY SMART. 144 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:45,973 I LOVE WHITE WINE, 145 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,675 AND RED, 146 00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:49,109 AND RUM. 147 00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:51,945 HMM. 148 00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:53,380 SO TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON. 149 00:06:53,481 --> 00:06:55,015 YOU THINK YOUR BOYFRIEND'S CHEATING ON YOU? 150 00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:56,416 I'M NOT 100% SURE, 151 00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:58,151 BUT I'M, LIKE, 95% SURE. 152 00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,954 I DID TRY TO ACCESS HIS EMAIL, BUT HE CHANGED HIS PASSWORD. 153 00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:02,122 YOU HAD HIS PASSWORD? 154 00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:04,224 WELL, YEAH. JUST LIKE A YEAR AGO 155 00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:06,960 I WENT THROUGH A JEALOUS PHASE. 156 00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:08,629 - BUT THIS TIME IT'S REAL. - ARE YOU SURE? 157 00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:10,230 THAT'S WHAT ONE OF MY THERAPISTS SAID. 158 00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:12,432 "ARE YOU SURE?" YES, I'M SURE. 159 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,668 GOD, IT'S LIKE I'M SURROUNDED BY HOLOCAUST DENIERS. 160 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,638 IT HAPPENED. I'M SURE. 161 00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:19,607 YOU KNOW, MY THERAPISTS AREN'T HELPING ME AT ALL, 162 00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:21,709 WHICH IS WHY I CONTACTED YOU. BUT IF YOU CAN'T HELP ME 163 00:07:21,809 --> 00:07:24,478 THEN MAYBE I SHOULD GO BACK AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE WHO CAN HELP ME. 164 00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:26,580 I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. I DO WANT TO HELP YOU. 165 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:30,117 HAS YOUR BOYFRIEND BEEN ACTING DIFFERENTLY IN ANY WAY? 166 00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:33,587 YES. WE DON'T LIVE TOGETHER, 167 00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:35,756 SO WHEN I CALL HIM AT NIGHT 168 00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:38,992 HIS PHONE GOES STRAIGHT TO VOICEMAIL, WHICH IT NEVER USED TO. 169 00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:41,328 AND HE'S ALWAYS BEEN VERY AVAILABLE TO ME, 170 00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:44,197 - WHICH IS WHAT I NEED. - HUH. 171 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:47,167 SO YOU'D LIKE ME TO FOLLOW HIM-- 172 00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:49,236 A TAIL JOB? 173 00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:52,139 - YES, A TAIL JOB, YEAH. - MM-HMM, OKAY. 174 00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:54,808 I BROUGHT A PICTURE. 175 00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:00,681 OH, HE'S A GOOD-LOOKING GUY. 176 00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:03,684 YEAH, ALL WOMEN WANT HIM. 177 00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:06,654 SO HAVE YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND BEEN HAVING 178 00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:09,089 SPECIFIC PROBLEMS OTHER THAN THE VOICEMAIL ISSUE? 179 00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:11,091 HE THINKS I DRINK TOO MUCH, 180 00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:12,860 WHICH IS WHY I'M QUITTING. 181 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,295 REALLY? MY GIRLFRIEND LEFT ME FOR THE SAME REASON. 182 00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:18,465 BUT IT'S ALL PROJECTION. IT'S HER FATHER WHO'S THE ALCOHOLIC. 183 00:08:18,566 --> 00:08:22,302 I JUST HAVE, LIKE, TWO WHITE WINES A NIGHT. 184 00:08:22,402 --> 00:08:24,337 YEAH, I DO DRINK MORE THAN THAT. 185 00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:25,873 BUT YOU'RE RIGHT. 186 00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:27,975 GARY'S MOTHER IS AN ALCOHOLIC. 187 00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:29,977 THAT MAKES SENSE, BECAUSE IN EVERY RELATIONSHIP 188 00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:32,112 WE'RE EITHER WITH OUR MOTHER OR OUR FATHER. 189 00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:34,214 I THINK GARY IS MY FATHER. 190 00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:36,383 OH, NO. 191 00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:38,218 MY GIRLFRIEND SUZANNE WAS MY FATHER-- 192 00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:40,821 AS A WOMAN, YOU KNOW. AND NOTHING I DID WAS RIGHT IN HER EYES. 193 00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:42,856 AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT WAS LIKE GROWING UP WITH MY DAD. 194 00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:45,859 YEAH, I'M SORRY, I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND OR YOUR DAD. 195 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:49,262 I REALLY JUST NEED YOU TO FIND OUT IF GARY IS CHEATING ON ME. 196 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,565 I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT. 197 00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,734 YES, I WOULD LIKE A WHITE WINE, PLEASE. 198 00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:57,070 NO, I WOULD LIKE A VODKA MARTINI, DRY, WITH AN OLIVE. 199 00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:59,372 - ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE THE WHITE WINE... - YES, I'M SURE. 200 00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:01,208 - ...WITH LOW ALCOHOL CONTENT? - YES. 201 00:09:05,846 --> 00:09:07,781 THANKS AGAIN FOR BEING HERE, MAN. 202 00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,750 NO, I LIKE BEING HERE. 203 00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:12,720 THIS PAMPHLET HAS A LOT OF GOOD INFORMATION IN IT. 204 00:09:12,820 --> 00:09:15,923 YOU KNOW, WE REALLY SHOULD ALL BE VEGANS. 205 00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:18,091 I'M KIND OF A NON-PRACTICING VEGAN. 206 00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:20,994 THAT'S THE OTHER THING-- LEAH WANTS ME TO CHANGE MY DIET. 207 00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:22,963 SO WHEN I'M WITH HER I'M GONNA EAT HEALTHY, 208 00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:25,532 AND WHEN I'M NOT WITH HER I'M GONNA EAT LIKE AN AMERICAN. 209 00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:27,300 CAN YOU PULL THAT OFF? 210 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,236 YEAH. IT'S JUST A DOUBLE LIFE, 211 00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,138 BUT WE ALL LEAD DOUBLE LIVES. 212 00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:35,843 RAY, THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE BEEN MEANING TO TELL YOU. 213 00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:38,946 OH, SHIT. I HATE WHEN PEOPLE SAY THAT. WHAT? 214 00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:41,481 THREE WEEKS AGO WHEN SUZANNE MOVED OUT 215 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,017 I PUT UP AN AD ON CRAIGSLIST. 216 00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:46,920 SO? EVERYBODY DOES THAT. I JUST BOUGHT BIRKENSTOCKS ON CRAIGSLIST. 217 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:49,556 NO, THIS IS DIFFERENT. I PUT UP A LISTING 218 00:09:49,657 --> 00:09:52,459 ADVERTISING MYSELF AS A PRIVATE DETECTIVE. 219 00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:54,327 A WHAT? 220 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:57,865 I'VE BEEN MOONLIGHTING AS A PRIVATE DETECTIVE ON THE SIDE. 221 00:09:57,965 --> 00:09:59,667 YOU CAN'T DO THAT. THAT'S ILLEGAL. 222 00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:01,735 WHY? I SAY THAT I'M NOT LICENSED. 223 00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:03,771 AND THAT MAKES IT MORE LEGALISH. 224 00:10:03,871 --> 00:10:06,774 YOU HAVE TO TAKE THAT DOWN. YOU CAN'T JUST DO THAT. 225 00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:08,942 NO, I'VE ALREADY HAD A CLIENT. I FOUND THE MISSING GIRL. 226 00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:11,378 IT WAS LIKE AN OUT-OF-BODY EXPERIENCE. 227 00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:14,114 I WASN'T ME. I WAS HEROIC. 228 00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:15,683 ARE YOU DELUSIONAL? 229 00:10:15,783 --> 00:10:18,986 NO, I KEEP GETTING CALLS. I JUST GOT MY SECOND CASE. 230 00:10:19,086 --> 00:10:21,855 I HAVE BEEN READING SO MANY OF THESE DETECTIVE NOVELS 231 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,324 THAT I KNOW WHAT TO DO. 232 00:10:24,424 --> 00:10:26,293 I CAN HELP PEOPLE. 233 00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:28,762 JONATHAN, I CONSIDER MYSELF A VERY OPEN-MINDED FRIEND. 234 00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:31,064 HALF THE PEOPLE I KNOW ARE DISTURBED. 235 00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:33,901 BUT YOU CANNOT JUST GO AROUND 236 00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:36,069 AND SAY THAT YOU'RE A DETECTIVE. 237 00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:38,138 YOU CAN'T MESS WITH PEOPLE'S LIVES LIKE THAT. 238 00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:40,307 YOU CAN BARELY LEAD YOUR OWN LIFE. 239 00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:42,109 WHICH ONE OF YOU IS RAY HOUSTON? 240 00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:44,544 - THAT'S ME. - I AM HAPPY TO MEET YOU. 241 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,513 I'M YUSEF. 242 00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:48,982 AND WHO IS THIS? YOUR PARTNER? 243 00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:50,517 YES. NO. 244 00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:52,953 HE'S MY FRIEND. HE'S HERE TO SUPPORT ME. 245 00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:54,654 THAT'S NICE. 246 00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:56,656 HAVE YOU BEEN TO OTHER COLON HYGIENISTS 247 00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:58,792 OR IS THIS YOUR FIRST COLONIC? 248 00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:01,661 - THIS IS MY FIRST. - WELL, DON'T BE SCARED. 249 00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:04,097 IT WILL BE A GOOD EXPERIENCE FOR YOU, I PROMISE. 250 00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:08,135 I AM GOING TO FIND ALL YOUR TREASURES. 251 00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:21,715 THE WORLD IS COMPLETELY MELTING, 252 00:11:21,815 --> 00:11:24,718 AND YET BEAUTIFUL WOMEN ARE STILL BEING PRODUCED. 253 00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:28,288 IT'S THE ONE POSITIVE IN THESE PREAPOCALYPTIC TIMES. 254 00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:30,457 I NEED TO FIND A BATHROOM. 255 00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:32,592 I THINK SOME OF THAT WATER THAT HE PUMPED INSIDE ME 256 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,061 NEEDS TO GET OUT. 257 00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:37,264 DON'T YOU FEEL ANY RELIEF, ANY SENSE OF LIGHTNESS? 258 00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,266 NO, I FEEL WORSE. 259 00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:41,034 I'M PROBABLY A HARD CASE-- 260 00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:44,471 ALL THOSE GYROS ROTTING IN MY INTESTINES. 261 00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:46,940 I'D LOVE TO DETOXIFY. 262 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,242 I THINK I'LL USE THE MONEY FROM MY NEW CASE FOR A COLONIC. 263 00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:51,812 I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE DETECTIVE STUFF RIGHT NOW. 264 00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:53,814 I JUST WANT TO FIND A COMMODE. 265 00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:56,649 DO YOU WANT ME TO RUB YOUR SHOULDERS OR SOMETHING? 266 00:11:56,750 --> 00:12:00,087 NO, NOT ON THE SUBWAY. JESUS. 267 00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:03,757 IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT YUSEF THOUGHT YOU WERE MY PARTNER. 268 00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:08,996 WELL, IF WE WERE LOVERS 269 00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:11,932 WHO DO YOU THINK WOULD BE THE TOP? 270 00:12:12,032 --> 00:12:15,368 I'M BIGGER THAN YOU, SO CLEARLY I'M THE TOP. 271 00:12:15,468 --> 00:12:17,404 I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW, THOUGH. 272 00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,439 YEAH, BUT SOMETIMES THE LITTLE GUY COULD BE THE TOP-- 273 00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:21,741 - YOU KNOW, LIKE A DOG THAT HERDS CATTLE. - MM-HMM. 274 00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:23,911 YOU WOULD BE THE COW 275 00:12:24,011 --> 00:12:25,946 AND I WOULD BE THAT LITTLE DOG 276 00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:29,016 JUST BARKING AT YOU-- WOOF WOOF WOOF! 277 00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,552 DID YOU GET STONED WHILE I WAS GETTING MY COLONIC? 278 00:12:32,652 --> 00:12:35,488 NO. WELL, A LITTLE. 279 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,590 OH, GOD, HERE WE GO. 280 00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:39,626 - YOU ALL RIGHT? - ( grunts ) 281 00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:41,228 IT'S OKAY. 282 00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:45,298 WE'RE ALMOST HOME. WE'RE ALMOST HOME. 283 00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:32,779 This is Suzanne. Please leave a message. 284 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,414 ( machine beeps ) 285 00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:36,316 HI, I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I'M SHOPPING. 286 00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:38,318 I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE I'M CHANGING. 287 00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:41,154 BUDDHISM SAYS THAT IF A MAN WALKS ACROSS A ROOM 288 00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:43,156 HE COMES BACK A DIFFERENT PERSON. 289 00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:45,158 SO ANYWAYS, I'M SORRY TO BRING THIS UP, 290 00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:48,028 BUT YOU FORGOT THE BOX OF LOVE NOTES 291 00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:49,496 AND I HAD A COUPLE OF NEW ONES. 292 00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:52,732 SO I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE I COULD 293 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,302 BRING THEM BY? 294 00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:57,670 ANYWAYS, 295 00:13:57,770 --> 00:14:00,140 I DO MISS YOU. 296 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:03,076 OKAY, BYE. THIS IS JONATHAN. 297 00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:06,079 ( sighs ) 298 00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:48,788 CAN I EXERCISE JUST FOR TONIGHT, 299 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,558 LIKE A DAY PASS? 300 00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:08,308 ( whistles a tune ) 301 00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:17,117 DAMN, SHE'S HOT. 302 00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:19,019 WHAT? 303 00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:21,588 DID YOU SEE THAT REDHEAD, THAT LITTLE FRIEND IN THE PINK? 304 00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:24,591 NO, SORRY. 305 00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:26,259 OH MY GOD. 306 00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,395 HEY, MAN, LOOK AT THAT STRETCHING AREA. 307 00:15:28,495 --> 00:15:30,263 I CAN ALMOST UNDERSTAND THE MUSLIMS 308 00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:32,899 WANTING TO KEEP WOMEN SEPARATE. 309 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:36,703 I'M NOT REALLY FOLLOWING YOU. 310 00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:38,838 IT'S LIKE A LAMAZE CLASS OVER THERE. 311 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:41,808 ARE WE SUPPOSED TO JUST SIT HERE LIKE A COUPLE OF EUNUCHS AND WATCH? 312 00:15:41,908 --> 00:15:43,243 IT'S UNNATURAL. 313 00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:44,944 LISTEN, I'M TRYING TO EXERCISE. 314 00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:47,280 - I DON'T HAVE THAT MUCH TIME. - SORRY. 315 00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:50,583 YOU'RE A REALLY GOOD BIKER. 316 00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:54,487 CAN I ASK YOU A QUICK QUESTION? 317 00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:56,256 OKAY. 318 00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:58,725 I'M WRITING AN ARTICLE-- A MAN-ON-THE-STREET SORT OF THING. 319 00:15:58,825 --> 00:16:03,296 WHAT UPSETS YOU MOST ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH THE ENVIRONMENT? 320 00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:06,199 OH, THAT'S ACTUALLY A GOOD QUESTION. 321 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:09,736 WHEN I WAS A KID I GREW UP ON A POND 322 00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:12,872 AND WE USED TO ICE-SKATE EVERY WINTER. 323 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,574 AND NOW THE POND NEVER FREEZES OVER. 324 00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:17,244 I'M SORRY. 325 00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:19,379 SORRY TO KEEP BOTHERING YOU, 326 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,248 BUT IS THIS A GOOD PLACE TO PICK UP WOMEN? 327 00:16:21,348 --> 00:16:23,450 IT'S KIND OF WHAT I LOOK FOR IN A GYM. 328 00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:26,019 I DON'T KNOW, HAVE YOU EVER PICKED UP ANYONE HERE? 329 00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:28,488 - NOPE. - REALLY? 330 00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:30,390 LISTEN, I JUST WANT TO RIDE MY BIKE. 331 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,925 IF YOU COULD PICK UP SOMEONE HERE, WOULD YOU? 332 00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:35,295 I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, SO I DON'T THINK ABOUT IT. 333 00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:37,330 REALLY? YOU DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT? 334 00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,532 DOES THAT MEAN YOU HAVEN'T CHEATED ON HER, 335 00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:42,169 LIKE NOT JUST ONCE YOU HAD SEX WITH ANOTHER WOMAN 336 00:16:42,269 --> 00:16:44,037 - AND MAYBE USED A CONDOM--? - NICE TALKING TO YOU. 337 00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:46,673 THANK YOU. GOODBYE. 338 00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:52,245 - SEE YOU IN THE SHOWERS. - YEAH. 339 00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:13,966 EXCUSE ME, DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON INSIDE THERE? 340 00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:15,802 IS IT LIKE A CHURCH SINGLES GROUP? 341 00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:17,437 IT'S AN AL-ANON MEETING. 342 00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:20,140 AL-ANON? RIGHT. THAT'S FOR RELATIVES OF ALCOHOLICS? 343 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,908 YEAH, OR FRIENDS OF ALCOHOLICS. 344 00:17:22,008 --> 00:17:24,311 OKAY, GREAT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. YOU'VE BEEN VERY HELPFUL. 345 00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:26,746 OH, I DON'T MEAN TO BE INSENSITIVE, 346 00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:29,482 BUT DO YOU KNOW A GOOD BAR AROUND HERE I COULD KILL SOME TIME? 347 00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:32,152 - ( phone rings ) - EXCUSE ME ONE SECOND. 348 00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:37,090 - HELLO, GEORGE. - What are you doing? 349 00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:38,325 I'M ABOUT TO GET A DRINK. 350 00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:40,460 I need you to come over right now. 351 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,829 YOU KNOW, I REALLY CAN'T RIGHT NOW. 352 00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:46,599 You can have the drink here. I'm having a crisis. 353 00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:52,872 OH MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOUR LIP? 354 00:17:52,972 --> 00:17:55,142 JUST GET IN. 355 00:17:56,643 --> 00:17:58,611 WERE YOU STUNG BY A BEE? 356 00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:01,581 YES, A BEE WITH HERPES. 357 00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:04,984 THAT'S HERPES? BUT YESTERDAY YOU WERE FINE. 358 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,420 I KNOW. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. 359 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:10,190 I WAS WITH YOU AND THEN I WENT AND GOT A MASSAGE 360 00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:14,227 AND I FELT THIS KIND OF INSANE GRATITUDE FOR EVERYTHING. 361 00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:16,563 IT WAS PRACTICALLY RELIGIOUS. 362 00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:19,566 AND THEN HALF AN HOUR LATER MY LIP EXPLODED. 363 00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:23,370 I GOT TESTED SPIRITUALLY AND I FAILED. 364 00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:26,773 GOD, THAT'S THE BIGGEST HERPES BLISTER I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. 365 00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:28,475 THANK YOU. WE'RE VERY PROUD OF IT. 366 00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:30,677 I KIND OF WISH THAT THING WAS A BEE STING. 367 00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:32,011 OH GOD. 368 00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:33,713 YOU KNOW ALL THE BEES ARE DYING, RIGHT? 369 00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:35,882 IT'S ONE OF THE DEPRESSING THINGS SOMEBODY TOLD ME 370 00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:37,650 FOR THIS ARTICLE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 371 00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:39,652 LISTEN TO ME. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT. 372 00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:42,355 RIGHT NOW MY ENTIRE FOCUS IS ON MY LIP. 373 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,424 I CANNOT GO OUT INTO THE WORLD 374 00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:47,460 AND I HAVE TO GIVE A SPEECH AT THE PUBLIC THEATER IN TWO HOURS. 375 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,128 IS THERE ANY MEDICATION THAT HELPS? 376 00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:51,398 NO, NOT REALLY. THAT'S WHY I CALLED YOU OVER HERE. 377 00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:55,202 NOW I WANT YOU TO HIT ME IN THE MOUTH AND THE FACE. 378 00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:57,170 GEORGE, THAT'S CRAZY. 379 00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:59,472 HOW WILL MY HITTING YOU HEAL YOUR BLISTER? 380 00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:02,175 NO, IT WON'T HEAL IT, BUT THE HERPES WILL BE OBSCURED 381 00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:05,412 AND I CAN CLAIM THAT I WAS SPARRING AT THE GYM 382 00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:07,314 AND THINGS GOT OUT OF CONTROL. 383 00:19:07,414 --> 00:19:08,981 RIGHT? 384 00:19:09,081 --> 00:19:12,185 I WAS WATCHING TV AND I GOT THE IDEA. "FIGHT CLUB" WAS ON. 385 00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:13,353 I DON'T THINK I CAN HIT YOU. 386 00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:14,954 YES, YOU CAN. COME ON, WHAT ARE YOU--? 387 00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:16,756 YES, YOU CAN. JUST GET ANGRY WITH ME. 388 00:19:16,856 --> 00:19:20,560 I'M NOT GOOD WITH ANGER. I GO STRAIGHT TO DEPRESSION. 389 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,795 COME ON, IT'LL BE FUN. I'LL BE BRAD PITT 390 00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:24,531 AND YOU CAN BE EDWARD NORTON. 391 00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:26,633 YOU SAID YESTERDAY THAT WE WERE IN TWO DIFFERENT MOVIES. 392 00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:29,369 DON'T BE A WISEASS, WILL YOU? THIS IS AN EMERGENCY. 393 00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:31,103 NOW STAND UP AND SMACK ME LIKE A MAN. 394 00:19:31,204 --> 00:19:33,406 OKAY OKAY. 395 00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:37,210 THANK YOU. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. 396 00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:38,811 WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE. 397 00:19:38,911 --> 00:19:40,247 WAIT A MINUTE. 398 00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:42,549 GEORGE, I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS, 399 00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:45,352 BUT IS IT POSSIBLE THAT IF I HIT YOU 400 00:19:45,452 --> 00:19:47,454 I MIGHT GET A HERPES ON MY HAND? 401 00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:49,188 WOW. 402 00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:52,225 MAN, I NEVER CONSIDERED THAT. 403 00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:55,528 I'M SORRY, JONATHAN. I SHOULDN'T-- 404 00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:57,063 HERE. 405 00:19:57,163 --> 00:19:59,532 THE MAID USES THESE TO CLEAN. 406 00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:02,101 - GEORGE-- - HERE YOU GO. 407 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,970 NOW YOU KNOW HOW TO HIT SOMEBODY? 408 00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:05,171 YOU GOTTA PUT YOUR HIP INTO IT. 409 00:20:05,272 --> 00:20:07,607 LET ME SHOW YOU. YOU SPIN THE RIGHT FOOT 410 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,542 LIKE YOU'RE PUTTING OUT A CIGARETTE BUTT OR SOMETHING, 411 00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:11,944 LIKE THAT, RIGHT? YOU JUST-- THERE, SEE? 412 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:14,447 NOW DON'T-- DON'T LOOK-- 413 00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,883 ALL RIGHT, NEVER MIND. JUST HIT ME. 414 00:20:16,983 --> 00:20:18,985 OKAY. 415 00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:21,621 THIS IS KIND OF AN INTIMATE MOMENT. I'VE NEVER HIT ANYBODY BEFORE. 416 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:24,291 JUST STOP TALKING AND HIT ME, WILL YOU, PLEASE? GET IT OVER WITH. 417 00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:25,792 - ARE YOU READY? - I SAID STOP-- 418 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:32,265 ( grunting ) 419 00:20:32,365 --> 00:20:35,602 ( laughs ) I'M SORRY, MAN. 420 00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:39,238 I TOOK THAT ISRAELI ARMY DEFENSE CLASS ONCE. 421 00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:41,073 I GUESS THE OLD MUSCLE MEMORY CLICKED IN. 422 00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:43,276 ( laughs ) 423 00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:45,244 I THINK YOU CRUSHED ONE. 424 00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:46,546 NOW YOU HAVE A HELL OF A RIGHT. 425 00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:48,247 YOU SHOULD HIT PEOPLE MORE OFTEN. 426 00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:49,416 THANK YOU. 427 00:20:49,516 --> 00:20:52,352 DO YOU THINK YOU GOT ONE MORE IN YOU? 428 00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:54,721 YEAH, I CAN DO ONE MORE. 429 00:21:16,042 --> 00:21:17,610 HI. 430 00:21:22,048 --> 00:21:23,516 OH MY GOD. 431 00:21:24,684 --> 00:21:26,853 OH, GOD. 432 00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:34,561 ( phone ringing ) 433 00:21:34,661 --> 00:21:36,062 YO. 434 00:21:36,162 --> 00:21:38,831 HELLO, RAY. I'M FREAKING OUT. I AM FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW. 435 00:21:38,931 --> 00:21:40,099 WHAT'S GOING ON? 436 00:21:40,199 --> 00:21:42,869 I'M IN MANHATTAN AND I'M FOLLOWING SUZANNE 437 00:21:42,969 --> 00:21:44,771 AND SHE'S WITH THE REALLY HANDSOME GUY FROM MY CASE. 438 00:21:44,871 --> 00:21:47,139 WHAT, ARE YOU STALKING SUZANNE? YOU CAN'T DO THAT. 439 00:21:47,239 --> 00:21:49,141 I'M NOT STALKING HER. I'M ON MY CASE, 440 00:21:49,241 --> 00:21:51,678 BUT THE GUY THAT I'M FOLLOWING MET UP WITH SUZANNE AT AN AL-ANON MEETING. 441 00:21:51,778 --> 00:21:53,780 I DIDN'T EVEN SEE HER GO IN, BUT NOW THEY'VE LEFT TOGETHER. 442 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,815 JONATHAN, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 443 00:21:55,915 --> 00:21:59,752 SUZANNE IS WITH ANOTHER MAN. DO I CONFRONT HER? 444 00:21:59,852 --> 00:22:03,456 LISTEN TO ME. DO NOT CONFRONT. REPEAT: DO NOT CONFRONT. 445 00:22:03,556 --> 00:22:05,492 Get back to Brooklyn. Get on a train, get back. 446 00:22:05,592 --> 00:22:08,461 OH, NO. OH GOD, THEY'RE GOING INTO A DINER. 447 00:22:08,561 --> 00:22:10,563 JONATHAN. JONA-- 448 00:22:19,739 --> 00:22:22,108 DON'T TOUCH MY GIRLFRIEND'S HAND. 449 00:22:23,910 --> 00:22:28,080 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I'M NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND ANYMORE, BY THE WAY. 450 00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:29,549 WAIT, ARE YOU STALKING ME? 451 00:22:29,649 --> 00:22:31,584 SUZANNE, YOU'RE STILL MY GIRLFRIEND IN MY HEART. 452 00:22:31,684 --> 00:22:33,386 - I'VE SEEN YOU EARLIER. - AND I'M NOT STALKING. 453 00:22:33,486 --> 00:22:35,388 I WAS WALKING BY THIS PLACE. I LOOK INSIDE 454 00:22:35,488 --> 00:22:37,156 AND I SEE THE TWO OF YOU MAKING OUT. 455 00:22:37,256 --> 00:22:39,526 WHAT? YOU REEK OF POT. 456 00:22:39,626 --> 00:22:42,495 I DON'T REEK OF POT. I WAS WALKING BY THESE KIDS 457 00:22:42,595 --> 00:22:44,564 AND THEIR POT GOT ON ME. YOU KNOW IT WAFTS. 458 00:22:44,664 --> 00:22:47,333 - YOU FOLLOWED ME, RIGHT? - WHY ARE YOU MAKING OUT WITH THIS GUY? 459 00:22:47,434 --> 00:22:50,403 MAKING OUT WITH HIM? I WASN'T MAKING OUT WITH HIM. 460 00:22:50,503 --> 00:22:53,005 HE WAS CONSOLING ME ABOUT YOU. 461 00:22:53,105 --> 00:22:54,641 WE'RE AL-ANON FRIENDS. 462 00:22:54,741 --> 00:22:56,676 WHY ARE YOU GOING TO AL-ANON? 463 00:22:56,776 --> 00:22:58,978 - BECAUSE OF YOU. - YOU FOLLOWED ME. 464 00:22:59,078 --> 00:23:01,748 BUT I'M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC. YOUR FATHER'S AN ALCOHOLIC. 465 00:23:01,848 --> 00:23:03,650 DON'T BRING MY FATHER INTO THIS. 466 00:23:03,750 --> 00:23:05,652 SUZANNE, LET'S JUST GET OUT OF HERE. THIS GUYS IS NUTS. 467 00:23:05,752 --> 00:23:07,654 WHAT? EXCUSE ME, THERE'S NO HAND HOLDING HERE. 468 00:23:07,754 --> 00:23:09,689 SUZANNE, YOU DON'T WANT TO GO OUT WITH THIS GUY. 469 00:23:09,789 --> 00:23:11,891 I KNOW HE'S WELL-ENDOWED, BUT HE'S A METAMUCIL ADDICT. 470 00:23:11,991 --> 00:23:13,826 - WHAT? - YEAH, HE'S A METAMUCIL ADDICT, SUZANNE. 471 00:23:13,926 --> 00:23:16,295 WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 472 00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:18,631 YOU ARE A FREAK. YOU FOLLOWED ME INTO THE GYM. 473 00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:20,700 I THOUGHT YOU WERE A NICE GUY. 474 00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:22,502 I LIKED YOUR STORY ABOUT THE POND, BUT I'M NOT GONNA USE IT NOW. 475 00:23:22,602 --> 00:23:24,704 YOU'RE STALKING BOTH OF US? 476 00:23:24,804 --> 00:23:26,205 AND HOW DO YOU KNOW HE'S WELL-ENDOWED? 477 00:23:26,305 --> 00:23:28,608 BECAUSE-- FORGET THAT I SAID THAT. 478 00:23:28,708 --> 00:23:31,410 SUZANNE, I AM NOT STALKING ANYONE. 479 00:23:31,511 --> 00:23:32,645 I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU. 480 00:23:32,745 --> 00:23:34,747 LEAVE NOW OR I'M CALLING THE COPS. 481 00:23:34,847 --> 00:23:37,784 LISTEN, YOU LEAVE NOW, MR. CONSTIPATED, 482 00:23:37,884 --> 00:23:39,486 SO I CAN PLEASE SIT AND TALK TO MY GIRLFRIEND. 483 00:23:39,586 --> 00:23:41,387 I'M NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND. 484 00:23:41,488 --> 00:23:43,422 GET OUT OF HERE. 485 00:23:45,558 --> 00:23:47,359 OKAY, NOW WE'RE EVEN, EVEN STEVEN. 486 00:23:47,460 --> 00:23:48,961 SUZANNE, LISTEN TO ME-- 487 00:23:51,163 --> 00:23:53,533 OH MY-- 488 00:23:56,102 --> 00:24:00,540 YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S JUST GET OUT OF HERE. 489 00:24:01,407 --> 00:24:04,010 NO HAND HOLDING! 490 00:24:06,579 --> 00:24:08,715 HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND! 491 00:24:11,250 --> 00:24:13,820 * YOU FUCKED ME RIGHT UP * 492 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:15,955 * JUST FUCKED ME RIGHT UP... * 493 00:24:16,055 --> 00:24:18,024 WHAT HAPPENED? 494 00:24:18,124 --> 00:24:19,792 OH, ANOTHER DOMESTIC CASE, 495 00:24:19,892 --> 00:24:22,629 TROUBLES OF MY BUSINESS, NO BIG DEAL. 496 00:24:22,729 --> 00:24:24,497 ARE YOU SURE? DO YOU WANT SOME ICE? 497 00:24:24,597 --> 00:24:27,900 IT'S FINE. SO I HAVE YOUR REPORT FOR YOU. 498 00:24:30,737 --> 00:24:33,439 I DON'T THINK YOUR BOYFRIEND IS CHEATING ON YOU. 499 00:24:33,540 --> 00:24:35,141 ( exhales ) 500 00:24:35,241 --> 00:24:37,610 HE GOES TO THE GYM AND HE HARDLY LOOKS AT OTHER WOMEN. 501 00:24:37,710 --> 00:24:41,013 AND THEN AFTER THE GYM HE'S GOING TO AL-ANON MEETINGS. 502 00:24:41,113 --> 00:24:44,250 SO THAT'S WHAT YOUR BOYFRIEND IS DOING AT NIGHT-- 503 00:24:44,350 --> 00:24:46,919 HE'S GOING TO A 12-STEP PROGRAM. 504 00:24:47,019 --> 00:24:49,455 AL-ANON? 505 00:24:49,556 --> 00:24:51,390 I GUESS IT'S BETTER THAN ANOTHER WOMAN, RIGHT? 506 00:24:51,490 --> 00:24:53,059 YEAH, I GUESS IT'S BETTER. 507 00:24:53,159 --> 00:24:55,795 I MEAN, IF HE'S GOING TO AL-ANON, THAT MEANS HE REALLY LOVES ME. 508 00:24:58,130 --> 00:25:00,099 A CLUB SODA, PLEASE. 509 00:25:00,199 --> 00:25:03,269 WHAT DO I OWE YOU? 510 00:25:03,369 --> 00:25:05,437 YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO-- 511 00:25:05,538 --> 00:25:07,607 100 BUCKS, NO EXPENSES. 512 00:25:09,475 --> 00:25:11,043 I HAVE TO JUST SAY THIS-- 513 00:25:11,143 --> 00:25:14,413 I REALLY HOPE THINGS WORK OUT WITH YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND, 514 00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:17,316 BUT IF THEY DON'T, YOU CAN ALWAYS CALL ME, 515 00:25:17,416 --> 00:25:19,418 'CAUSE, HEY, 516 00:25:19,518 --> 00:25:22,655 I DON'T MIND A WOMAN WHO DRINKS. 517 00:25:26,693 --> 00:25:28,127 YOU'RE SWEET. 518 00:25:28,227 --> 00:25:31,197 ( phone ringing ) 519 00:25:31,297 --> 00:25:33,600 - OH, IT'S GARY. - GARY? 520 00:25:33,700 --> 00:25:36,202 - I SHOULD PROBABLY GET THIS. - NO, WAIT, ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO TAKE IT? 521 00:25:36,302 --> 00:25:38,337 MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T TALK TONIGHT. MAYBE WAIT TILL TOMORROW. 522 00:25:38,437 --> 00:25:41,774 - MAYBE HE SPOTTED ME FOLLOWING HIM. - HI, GARY. 523 00:25:41,874 --> 00:25:43,175 YEAH. 524 00:25:43,275 --> 00:25:44,711 * GOODBYE GOODBYE 525 00:25:44,811 --> 00:25:47,580 * GOODBYE GOODBYE GOODBYE GOODBYE * 526 00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:50,382 * GOODBYE GOODBYE GOODBYE GOODBYE * 527 00:25:50,482 --> 00:25:53,853 * GOODBYE GOODBYE GOODBYE GOODBYE * 528 00:25:53,953 --> 00:25:56,222 * YOU FUCKED ME RIGHT UP... * 529 00:25:56,322 --> 00:25:57,990 AND THEN I ASKED HER FOR 100 BUCKS. 530 00:25:58,090 --> 00:26:00,727 AT LEAST I'LL GET A COLONIC OUT OF THIS WHOLE MESS. 531 00:26:00,827 --> 00:26:03,129 DO YOU THINK THE GUY TOLD HIS GIRLFRIEND, 532 00:26:03,229 --> 00:26:05,364 THEN THEY GOT INTO A FIGHT AND SHE PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER? 533 00:26:05,464 --> 00:26:07,499 PROBABLY. 534 00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,803 LOOK, I'M SORRY THAT YOU GOT HIT IN THE FACE 535 00:26:10,903 --> 00:26:12,872 AND I'M SORRY THAT SUZANNE THINKS THAT YOU'RE INSANE, 536 00:26:12,972 --> 00:26:15,074 BUT I TOLD YOU THAT THIS WAS GONNA BLOW UP IN YOUR FACE. 537 00:26:15,174 --> 00:26:17,209 - ( phone ringing ) - DID I NOT? REMEMBER THAT? 538 00:26:17,309 --> 00:26:20,079 HOLD ON. I GOTTA TAKE THIS. IT'S GEORGE. 539 00:26:20,179 --> 00:26:21,447 Hello, George. 540 00:26:21,547 --> 00:26:23,382 HAVE YOU SEEN "THE NEW YORK POST"? 541 00:26:23,482 --> 00:26:26,953 NOBODY BELIEVED THAT I HAD A FAT LIP. 542 00:26:27,053 --> 00:26:28,655 THEY ALL KNEW IT WAS HERPES. 543 00:26:28,755 --> 00:26:30,522 You shouldn't have hit me, Jonathan. 544 00:26:30,623 --> 00:26:32,124 BUT THAT WAS YOUR IDEA. 545 00:26:32,224 --> 00:26:34,260 YEAH, WELL, YOU NEED TO KNOW WHEN TO GIVE ME GOOD ADVICE, 546 00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:35,594 AND THAT WAS BAD ADVICE. 547 00:26:35,695 --> 00:26:38,397 YOU NEED TO BE SANE WHEN I'M INSANE. 548 00:26:38,497 --> 00:26:39,565 BUT I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE INSANE. 549 00:26:39,666 --> 00:26:41,133 WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE. 550 00:26:41,233 --> 00:26:44,003 PLEASE, NO CELL PHONES IN MY OFFICE. 551 00:26:44,103 --> 00:26:47,640 GEORGE, I HAVE TO GO. I'M ABOUT TO GET A COLONIC. 552 00:26:47,740 --> 00:26:49,776 WHAT? I WANT A COLONIC. 553 00:26:49,876 --> 00:26:53,412 SO I HAVE BOTH OF YOU TODAY. I'M GLAD. 554 00:26:53,512 --> 00:26:55,481 EARLY-MORNING COLONICS ARE THE BEST. 555 00:26:55,581 --> 00:26:57,684 THEY'RE MOST CLEANSING. 556 00:27:02,621 --> 00:27:04,991 A LOVERS' QUARREL? 557 00:27:05,091 --> 00:27:08,227 MM, MORE OR LESS. 558 00:27:08,327 --> 00:27:11,063 ( theme music playing ) 559 00:27:12,531 --> 00:27:16,435 * ALL THE SHADOWS IN THE CITY * 560 00:27:16,535 --> 00:27:20,406 * USED TO LOVE YOU, WHAT A PITY * 561 00:27:20,506 --> 00:27:24,376 * I MISS THE QUESTIONS YOU USED TO ASK ME * 562 00:27:24,476 --> 00:27:28,180 * ALL THE SHADOWS IN THE CITY * 563 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:29,982 * ALL RIGHT 564 00:27:32,819 --> 00:27:36,989 * BORED TO DEATH, PLUS EXPENSES * 565 00:27:37,089 --> 00:27:41,127 * THE ONLY TROUBLE IS MY SENTENCE * 566 00:27:41,227 --> 00:27:44,831 * YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER LOVE ANOTHER * 567 00:27:44,931 --> 00:27:49,301 * A RUSSIAN DOLL, ONE INSIDE THE OTHER. *