1 00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:07,775 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:13,114 * ALL THE SHADOWS IN THE CITY * 3 00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:16,784 * USED TO LOVE YOU, WHAT A PITY * 4 00:00:16,884 --> 00:00:21,055 * I MISS THE QUESTIONS YOU USED TO ASK ME * 5 00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:25,159 * BORED TO DEATH, CUT, MAD AND LONELY * 6 00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:29,029 * BORED TO DEATH, CUT, MAD AND LONELY... * 7 00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:30,964 - ( coughs ) - * BORED TO DEATH 8 00:00:31,065 --> 00:00:33,567 * CUT, MAD AND LONELY. 9 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,604 ( whistle blows ) 10 00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,228 SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING, MR. AMES. 11 00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:03,764 I WAS LANCING A NECK BOIL. THE PATIENT WAS FIDGETY. 12 00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:05,599 OH, I UNDERSTAND. 13 00:01:05,699 --> 00:01:09,703 SO I'VE NEVER USED A PRIVATE DETECTIVE BEFORE. 14 00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:12,140 THAT'S ALL RIGHT. MOST OF MY CLIENTS ARE VIRGINS. 15 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:15,576 BUT I DIDN'T TELL YOU I WAS A VIRGIN. YOU'RE A VERY GOOD DETECTIVE. 16 00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:18,679 OH, THANK YOU, BUT I MEANT THAT METAPHORICALLY, DR. O'CONNOR. 17 00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:21,549 OH. WELL... 18 00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:24,185 PART OF THE REASON I NEED YOUR HELP 19 00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:26,053 IS MY VIRGINITY. 20 00:01:26,154 --> 00:01:28,088 WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU NEED DONE, DOCTOR? 21 00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:30,090 I ADVERTIZE ON CRAIGSLIST, 22 00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:32,160 BUT I AM NOT INVOLVED IN THE SEX TRADE. 23 00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:34,362 SORRY, THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT. 24 00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:38,532 UM, YOU SEE I'VE SAVED MYSELF FOR MARRIAGE. 25 00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:41,569 BUT MY FIANCEE'S FAMILY IS AGAINST ME. THEY BLOCK ALL COMMUNICATION 26 00:01:41,669 --> 00:01:44,572 - SO I NEED YOU TO TAKE A LETTER TO HER. - WHY ARE THEY AGAINST YOU? 27 00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:47,508 IT'S COMPLICATED, BUT ONE OF THE REASONS IS BECAUSE I'M IRISH. 28 00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:50,744 HMM, THAT'S STRANGE. THE IRISH ARE USUALLY VERY POPULAR. 29 00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:53,147 I KNOW. IT'S ODD. 30 00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:56,184 ANYWAY, PLEASE DELIVER THIS LETTER TO HER 31 00:01:56,284 --> 00:01:59,253 AT THE KOREAN SPA IN QUEENS-- THE CASTLE, DO YOU KNOW IT? 32 00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:01,555 YES, I'VE HEARD IT'S VERY GOOD FOR BIRTHDAY PARTIES. 33 00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:04,258 SO YOUR FIANCEE'S NAME IS HEE? 34 00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:06,560 YES, IT'S A COMMON KOREAN NAME. 35 00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:10,231 HER FATHER ACTUALLY OWNS THE CASTLE, BUT IT'S OUR BEST CHANCE TO REACH HER. 36 00:02:11,432 --> 00:02:13,467 I LOVE HER VERY MUCH. 37 00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:17,271 OKAY. YOUR LETTER WILL BE DELIVERED. 38 00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:19,740 THANK YOU. IT'S VERY IMPORTANT. 39 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:23,211 A SHIP LEAVING TOMORROW NIGHT NEEDS A DOCTOR AND I'VE TAKEN THE POSITION. 40 00:02:23,311 --> 00:02:25,579 - WHERE IS THE BOAT GOING? - ARGENTINA. 41 00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:28,115 WE'LL START A NEW LIFE THERE. 42 00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:30,518 ARGENTINA HAS A HIGH RATE OF SKIN CANCER. 43 00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:32,853 IT'S VERY GOOD FOR DERMATOLOGISTS. 44 00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:35,356 - HMMM. - SPEAKING OF CANCER... 45 00:02:36,524 --> 00:02:39,059 THAT IS A VERY BIG MOLE. 46 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:41,295 I THINK WE SHOULD DO A QUICK BIOPSY. 47 00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:43,597 I WON'T REMOVE THE WHOLE THING. JUST A SLIVER. 48 00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,899 WHAT? I'M VERY ATTACHED TO THIS MOLE. 49 00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:48,669 OW OW. 50 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:55,376 I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU WRITING THESE SEALED TESTIMONIALS. 51 00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:59,079 IF I GET THE MIDWOOD COLLEGE JOB, I'VE GOT YOU GUYS TO THANK. 52 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,781 YOU'RE WELCOME, PROFESSOR AMES. 53 00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:04,752 OKAY. SO I THOUGHT WE'D START TONIGHT WITH AN EXERCISE-- 54 00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:07,355 WAIT. DID YOU READ THIS WEEK'S "NEW YORKER"? 55 00:03:07,455 --> 00:03:10,057 THEY ANNOUNCED THE WINNER FOR THE CONTEST. 56 00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:12,526 WHAT? ALREADY? DID I-- WHO-- WHO WON? 57 00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,395 NOBODY FROM OUR GREAT CLASS WON. 58 00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:16,230 SOMEONE NAMED LOUIS GREENE WON. 59 00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:19,032 OH NO, NOT GREENE. 60 00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:20,968 CAN I SEE THAT? I KNOW HIM. 61 00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:23,971 Nina: IT'S AN AMAZING STORY. 62 00:03:24,071 --> 00:03:25,306 I READ IT ON THE SUBWAY. 63 00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:27,408 IT'S REALLY FUNNY AND SEXY. 64 00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:29,343 DON'T-- DON'T SAY THAT, NINA. 65 00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:34,014 "I KNEW A FAILED WRITER WHO WAS MENTALLY 66 00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:35,883 AND EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE. 67 00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:37,718 HE BELIEVED THAT HE WAS A... 68 00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:40,288 PRIVATE DETECTIVE. 69 00:03:40,388 --> 00:03:43,524 HIS SKULL WAS ODDLY PINCHED AT THE TOP." 70 00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:45,893 OH MY GOD. 71 00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:50,264 HIS STORY IS ABOUT ME. 72 00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,671 - ( knocks ) - JONATHAN. 73 00:03:57,771 --> 00:04:00,941 YOU SEEMED SO UPSET ABOUT THE STORY, I THOUGHT I'D COME CHECK ON YOU. 74 00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:03,411 YEAH. 75 00:04:03,511 --> 00:04:05,779 WHAT'S WEIRD IS HE WROTE ABOUT ME 76 00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:07,681 AND I WROTE ABOUT HIM, 77 00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:10,584 EXCEPT IN MY STORY I TURNED HIM INTO A FEMME FATALE. 78 00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:12,019 A BLONDE. 79 00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:16,290 I'D LIKE TO BE A BLONDE FEMME FATALE IN ONE OF YOUR STORIES. 80 00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:31,705 I KNOW WE JUST HAD OUR FIRST KISS AND ALL, 81 00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,574 UM, BUT, UM... 82 00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:36,310 COULD WE DO SOME ROLE-PLAY? 83 00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:38,679 ROLE-PLAYING? 84 00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,414 WELL, I GUESS. 85 00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:44,652 WELL, EVER SINCE I READ "THE STORY OF O" WHEN I WAS 13, 86 00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:47,087 I'VE REALLY WANTED TO BE SPANKED 87 00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:50,391 AND CHASTISED BY A TEACHER IN A CLASSROOM. 88 00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:54,194 - BY A TEACHER LIKE ME? - YES. 89 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:57,398 GET BEHIND YOUR DESK. MAKE IT AUTHENTIC. 90 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,233 OKAY. 91 00:05:00,334 --> 00:05:02,536 I DO HAVE SOME EXPERIENCE WITH SPANKING. 92 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,705 DO YOU WANT A SAFETY WORD OR-- 93 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,640 I WON'T NEED ONE. 94 00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:15,983 UM, YOU WANTED TO SEE ME, MR. AMES? 95 00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:18,786 YES, MY STUDENT. 96 00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:22,055 I NOTICE THAT YOU'RE ALWAYS DRIFTING OFF IN CLASS. I-- 97 00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:26,527 ( softly ) SO NOW YOU WANT ME TO SPANK YOU? 98 00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:29,430 - DON'T BREAK CHARACTER! - ALL RIGHT, SORRY. 99 00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:34,334 HARDER. HARDER. 100 00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:38,271 HARDER! HARDER. 101 00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:40,107 - LIKE THAT? - YES! 102 00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:42,910 - YOU'RE VERY BAD AT MATH. YOUR HOMEWORK IS LATE. - ( squeals ) 103 00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:45,846 YOUR SPELLING IS AWFUL. YOU'RE A BAD GIRL. 104 00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,515 A BAD GIRL, A BAD GIR-- 105 00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:50,117 I GOT TO LOCK THE SCHOOL UP. 106 00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:52,152 RIGHT, UM... 107 00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:55,122 WELL, WE'RE ALMOST DONE IN HERE AND WE'LL BE RIGHT OUT. 108 00:05:59,393 --> 00:06:00,761 OH MY GOD. 109 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,464 - HOW EMBARRASSING. - THAT WASN'T EMBARRASSING. 110 00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:06,199 IT WAS JUST, YOU KNOW-- TOO BAD HE CAME IN. 111 00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:09,903 WELL, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO BACK TO MY PLACE AND KEEP GOING? 112 00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,839 OH NO. 113 00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:13,907 I DON'T FEEL READY. 114 00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:15,643 LET'S TAKE IT SLOW. 115 00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:20,013 I'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK. 116 00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:31,825 THIS IS A DISASTER. I CANNOT USE THESE LETTERS. 117 00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:34,628 THE WRITING IS HORRIBLE. I'LL SEEM LIKE A LOUSY TEACHER. 118 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,096 THIS ONE IS WELL WRITTEN, 119 00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:38,466 BUT IT SAYS YOU MAKE ALL THE GIRLS IN CLASS WET. 120 00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:40,534 OH YEAH, THAT MUST BE FROM NINA. 121 00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:43,704 YOU KNOW, SOMETHING STARTED UP WITH HER LAST NIGHT. 122 00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:46,440 SHE HAS A TEACHER FANTASY AND SO I SPANKED HER. 123 00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:49,376 GOOD, GOOD FOR YOU. IS THAT THAT LITTLE BLONDE MINX? 124 00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:52,312 YEAH. SHE HELPED ME FORGET ABOUT "THE NEW YORKER" CONTEST. 125 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,314 I'M SORRY THAT JERKOFF GREENE BEAT YOU OUT. 126 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:57,651 AW, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. I'LL JUST KEEP WRITING MY HARRY PARKER MYSTERIES. 127 00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:00,387 I'M NOT GOING TO LET SOME SOCIOPATH LIKE GREENE GET ME DOWN. 128 00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:02,122 WE HAVE GOT TO WATCH OUT FOR NUTS LIKE THAT. 129 00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:04,558 A SOCIOPATH SENT ME THREE HATE LETTERS THIS WEEK. 130 00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:07,561 - ( car honks ) - OH, MUST BE GEORGE. 131 00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:10,097 LET'S GO TO THE CASTLE, BIRTHDAY BOY. 132 00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:13,000 SO WHO DO YOU THINK SENT YOU THESE LETTERS? 133 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:16,870 UH, SOME ANONYMOUS JERK WHO'S JEALOUS OF MY SUCCESS. 134 00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:18,706 IT MIGHT BE MY DAD. 135 00:07:18,806 --> 00:07:20,508 OR IT COULD BE MY SISTER; 136 00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:22,776 MY LITTLE COUSIN DOUGLAS. 137 00:07:24,712 --> 00:07:26,547 AH, RAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY. 138 00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:29,349 OH, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE, BUT I'M GLAD YOU DID. 139 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:32,486 WELL, SHALL WE GO TO THE SPA AND GET HEALTHY? 140 00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,321 WE CAN DRINK THAT AFTERWARD 141 00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:36,790 AND UNDO EVERYTHING-- DETOX AND THEN RETOX. 142 00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:39,493 - YOU GUYS KNOW EACH OTHER, RIGHT? - HELLO, VIKRAM. 143 00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:42,563 - HELLO, MR. JONATHAN. - VIKRAM, THIS IS MY FRIEND RAY. RAY, THIS IS VIKRAM. 144 00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,865 HELLO, MR. RAY. I READ YOUR COMIC. I LOVED IT. 145 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,466 OH, THANK YOU. 146 00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:50,303 I NEARLY LOST MY WIFE, SO I IDENTIFIED WITH THE BOOK QUITE STRONGLY. 147 00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:53,406 I THINK YOU DREW TOO MANY PENISES, BUT I STILL ENJOYED IT. 148 00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:55,208 YEAH, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON. 149 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:59,446 - NOT THAT MANY PENISES. - HEY, I'M VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS CASTLE PLACE. 150 00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:03,350 - I READ ON THE INTERNET THAT THEY HAVE WASABI BODYRUBS. - ( engine cranks ) 151 00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:06,620 I LOVE SUSHI. WHAT'S THE MATTER? 152 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,589 I TOLD YOU THE CAR NEEDED A TUNE-UP, MR. CHRISTOPHER, 153 00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:11,959 - BUT YOU ALWAYS PROCRASTINATE. - WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS PICKING ON ME? 154 00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:14,562 I DON'T PROCRASTINATE. I JUST LIKE TO DO THINGS LATER. 155 00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:17,364 - GEORGE, WHEN DID YOU GET A DRIVER? - I STARTED A FEW WEEKS AGO. 156 00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:19,700 IT'S A WONDERFUL JOB, BUT I STILL WANT HEALTH INSURANCE. 157 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,603 - ONE THING AT A TIME. - ( engine starts ) 158 00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:25,138 - OH, WELL DONE, VIKRAM. - THANK YOU, BOSS. 159 00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:28,208 * STARS IN MY EYES, DREAMS IN MY POCKET * 160 00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:31,511 * MY HEART IS BEATING, I JUST CAN'T STOP IT * 161 00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:35,482 * IT'S MY HAPPY DAY 162 00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:39,219 * AW, HAPPY HAPPY. 163 00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:44,992 YOU KNOW, I'M NOT REALLY SHY, 164 00:08:45,092 --> 00:08:47,227 BUT I AM GLAD THERE'S A ROBE OPTION. 165 00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:49,797 YEAH, I DIDN'T KNOW THIS PLACE WAS DIVIDED BY GENDER. 166 00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:52,099 AT THE RUSSIAN BATHS IN MANHATTAN IT'S COED. 167 00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:54,501 YEAH, THIS IS A REAL ASIAN SAUSAGE FACTORY. 168 00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:56,570 REALLY? IT'S NOT JUST A SPA? 169 00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:59,372 YOU KNOW SOMETHING? I'VE NEVER HAD AN ASIAN SAUSAGE. 170 00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:01,208 I BET THEY'RE SPICY. I'D LIKE TO TRY ONE. 171 00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:03,644 ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE THE EDITOR OF A MAGAZINE? 172 00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:06,113 - YEAH. - SO LISTEN, GUYS, 173 00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:09,683 I HAVE US SCHEDULED FOR A MASSAGE AT 5:30. 174 00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:13,286 BUT FIRST I HAVE TO DELIVER A LETTER FOR A CLIENT. 175 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:15,422 WAIT, YOU'RE ON A CASE ON MY BIRTHDAY? 176 00:09:15,522 --> 00:09:18,158 NO, IT'S JUST A SIMPLE DELIVERY OF A LETTER, RAY. NOTHING BIG. 177 00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:20,828 - SO THAT'S WHY YOU WANTED TO COME HERE? - NO, I-- 178 00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:22,930 I HEARD THIS PLACE WAS GOOD FOR BIRTHDAYS 179 00:09:23,030 --> 00:09:25,666 AND I THOUGHT I'D KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE. 180 00:09:27,134 --> 00:09:29,436 YOU KNOW, THAT WASN'T VERY SENSITIVE, JONATHAN. 181 00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:32,706 THAT'S THE KIND OF THING I USED TO DO TO PRISCILLA ALL THE TIME 182 00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:35,843 AND IT WOULD INFURIATE HER-- HIDDEN MOTIVES AND ALL THAT. 183 00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:38,545 - I'M NOT PRISCILLA! - I KNOW, I KNOW. 184 00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:40,914 I'M SORRY, RAY. TO BE HONEST, 185 00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:44,451 I FORGOT ABOUT YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD COMPROMISE. 186 00:09:44,551 --> 00:09:48,288 IT'LL JUST TAKE ME TWO MINUTES AND I'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH YOU GUYS, OKAY? 187 00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:52,993 - ( softly ) OKAY. - HE SAID OKAY. 188 00:09:56,263 --> 00:10:00,300 HEY, YOU WANT TO GET STONED BEFORE THE MASSAGE? 189 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,603 THAT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL A LITTLE BIT BETTER, YEAH. 190 00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:05,372 OF COURSE I DO. 191 00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:13,714 OH! 192 00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,015 EXCUSE ME, HI. 193 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:17,951 - DO YOU KNOW HEE CHO? - NO. 194 00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:19,987 WELL-- 195 00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:22,589 OH. 196 00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:24,892 ( exhales ) 197 00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:02,896 ( falsetto ) EXCUSE ME. 198 00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:07,334 OH HI. DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE NAMED HEE CHO? 199 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,704 BYE. 200 00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:13,640 ( groans ) 201 00:11:13,741 --> 00:11:15,843 ( exhales ) 202 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:26,386 - ( yelps ) - THIS IS FOR WOMEN ONLY! 203 00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:28,856 I'M SO SORRY. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING. 204 00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:32,259 YOU KNOW, I WAS PRETENDING THAT I WAS TONY CURTIS. 205 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,928 LISTEN, DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE NAMED HEE CHO? 206 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,865 I HAVE A LETTER FOR HER. IT'S VERY IMPORTANT. 207 00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:42,169 YOU! YOU WAIT HERE, STUPID BOY. 208 00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:57,017 OH BOY, LOOK AT HER. 209 00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:59,186 I'M SO GLAD THE SUN DECK IS COED. 210 00:11:59,286 --> 00:12:01,521 HELLO. AND GOODBYE. 211 00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:03,490 NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN. 212 00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:06,659 HEY, JONATHAN TOLD ME YOU'RE QUITE THE LADIES' MAN NOWADAYS. 213 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,361 THAT'S RIGHT. 214 00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:11,164 I'VE BEEN WITH TWO WOMEN SINCE LEAH BROKE UP WITH ME-- 215 00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:15,068 A DRUNK AND AN ELF-- BOTH EXCELLENT IN BED. 216 00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,737 AN ELF? YOU MEAN A DWARF? 217 00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:21,174 NO, AN ELF. EVERY DAY SHE GLUED ON ELF EARS. 218 00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:24,211 NICE-- NICE KID, BUT SHE JUST KIND OF LEFT 219 00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:26,746 AND WENT BACK TO PROVIDENCE TO LIVE WITH HER PARENTS. 220 00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:29,082 - AW, THAT'S A SHAME. - NO, IT'S OKAY. 221 00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:31,651 I'M TRYING TO WIN LEAH BACK. 222 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:34,855 I SAVED HER DOG LITTLE RAY, SO I THINK THAT'S A GOOD FIRST STEP. 223 00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:37,490 OH MY GOD, LOOK AT HER. 224 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:40,360 AH HA HA HA. 225 00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,963 UGH. 226 00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:45,065 YEAH. ( laughs ) 227 00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:47,367 GEORGE, HOW MANY WOMEN HAVE YOU BEEN WITH? 228 00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:52,505 WELL, TOO MANY TO COUNT REALLY. 229 00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:57,845 BUT IT'S BEEN WONDERFUL IN ITS OWN WAY. 230 00:12:57,945 --> 00:13:00,981 I'VE BEEN LIKE BLANCHE DuBOIS REALLY. 231 00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:04,084 I'VE RELIED ON THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS. 232 00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:08,221 HELLO. 233 00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:11,524 AND GOODBYE. 234 00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:20,067 EXCUSE ME, I WAS TOLD YOU HAVE A LETTER FOR HEE CHO. 235 00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:21,969 WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE THAT? 236 00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:24,938 IT'S COMPLICATED. CAN YOU BRING ME TO HER? 237 00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:27,507 NO, BUT I CAN DELIVER THE LETTER FOR YOU. 238 00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:30,043 I'M THE ONLY PERSON AT THE SPA WHO REALLY KNOWS HER. 239 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:32,612 THE NOTE IS FROM DR. O'CONNOR? 240 00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:35,415 MAYBE. MAYBE NOT. 241 00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:38,451 WELL, IF IT'S FROM DR. O'CONNOR, SHE'LL WANT THE LETTER. 242 00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:40,988 I'M HER FRIEND. 243 00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,693 OKAY, BUT IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT THAT SHE GET THIS. 244 00:13:46,793 --> 00:13:49,729 I UNDERSTAND. 245 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,932 IT'S A MATTER OF THE HEART. 246 00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:58,538 ( groaning ) OH GOD. 247 00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,473 OH, I LOVE THIS. 248 00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:02,242 YOU KNOW, BEING CANCER-FREE 249 00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:05,412 HAS ME CRAVING ALL SORTS OF NEW EXPERIENCES. 250 00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:08,748 - IT'S ALWAYS LIKE THAT. - I GUESS IT'S HEIGHTENED NOW. 251 00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:11,251 I WANT TO TRY EVERYTHING. I WANT TO BE INSANE 252 00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,987 LIKE KLAUS KINSKI. I WANNA-- I WANNA 253 00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,289 LIVE IN STOCKHOLM IN THE WINTER 254 00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:19,759 BECAUSE I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE. I WANNA BE A EUNUCH 255 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,729 IN THE HAREM OF AN ARAB PRINCE. 256 00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:25,765 - GEORGE, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? - WE SMOKED POT ON THE ROOF. 257 00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,367 - YEAH. - OH. 258 00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:31,504 - I WANT TO GO TO STOCKHOLM. - ( Ray groaning ) OH YEAH. 259 00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:34,641 OH, THAT'S THE STUFF! CAN YOU KNEAD MY BUTTOCKS WITH YOUR TOES? 260 00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:38,011 - THAT'S WHERE I HOLD A LOT OF TENSION. - YES SIR. 261 00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:43,383 - I NEED TO SPEAK WITH YOU. - HEE? 262 00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,986 - YOU'RE THE BOY I GAVE THE LETTER TO? - YES. 263 00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:47,354 - WHAT? - I NEED YOUR HELP. 264 00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:49,756 MY FATHER'S SECURITY GUARDS ARE AFTER ME. 265 00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:53,060 - WHY, WHAT HAPPENED? - I TOOK $10,000 FROM THE SAFE FOR MY DOWRY. 266 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,095 - I LOVE TO SHOP. - ( knocks ) 267 00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:57,130 THAT'S THEM. IT'S TOO LATE. 268 00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,932 QUICK, HIDE UNDER THE TABLE! 269 00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:01,334 GUYS, GUYS, GUYS, HIDE HER, HIDE HER. 270 00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:03,503 COVER HER WITH YOUR LEGS. COVER HER WITH YOUR LEGS. 271 00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:07,007 - COME ON, COME ON. SONNY, DON'T SAY ANYTHING. - OKAY. 272 00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,377 ( speaking Korean ) 273 00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:15,515 OKAY OKAY. 274 00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:22,589 WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? THIS IS MY BIRTHDAY. 275 00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:26,426 OH, WAIT A MINUTE. 276 00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:28,661 IS SHE FOR ME? 277 00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:34,567 I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. I WAS REALLY ENJOYING HAVING THAT WOMAN WALK ON MY ASS. 278 00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:36,803 SORRY, RAY, BUT WE HAVE TO HELP HEE. SHE'S ALL ALONE. 279 00:15:36,903 --> 00:15:40,307 THIS IS FUN TOO, RIGHT? IT'LL MAKE A GREAT HARRY PARKER MYSTERY. 280 00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:42,875 YOU COULD MAKE THINGS UP. IT'S CALLED FICTION. 281 00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:45,578 NOW WHO EXACTLY IS HEE? 282 00:15:45,678 --> 00:15:49,049 MY CLIENT'S FIANCEE WHO IS A MAN, BUT ALSO A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. 283 00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:52,052 - SO HEE IS A HE, BUT ALSO A SHE? - YES. 284 00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:53,620 GOT IT. OH, I LIKE THIS. 285 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,788 IT'S VERY HELPFUL FOR MY MIND. 286 00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:59,826 THESE SORTS OF THINGS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE VERY GOOD FOR PREVENTING ALZHEIMER'S. 287 00:15:59,926 --> 00:16:01,928 YOU WENT DOWN THE WRONG HALLWAY. 288 00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:03,663 THE LAUNDRY ROOM IS BACK THAT WAY. 289 00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:06,066 - OH! - ( speaking Korean ) 290 00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,335 - OH SHIT. - GO GO GO! 291 00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:09,902 - GO GO GO GO GO! - THIS WAY, THIS WAY. 292 00:16:10,003 --> 00:16:11,471 HERE HERE. 293 00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:14,241 THERE'S AN EMERGENCY EXIT WE CAN USE. 294 00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:16,643 HERE HERE, JUMP JUMP JUMP. 295 00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:22,715 ( screaming ) 296 00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:30,190 OH, THIS IS WONDERFUL. 297 00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:33,193 GO GO GO GO GO GO GO! 298 00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:35,062 VIKRAM, VIKRAM, START THE CAR. 299 00:16:35,162 --> 00:16:38,131 GET IN THE CAR. GET IN THE CAR. 300 00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:40,167 GET IN, GO GO GO. 301 00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,494 ( car sputtering ) 302 00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:18,605 - ( engine dies ) - I TOLD YOU THE CAR NEEDED A TUNE-UP, MR. CHRISTOPHER. 303 00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:21,574 - OH, STOP NAGGING ME! - I AGREE WITH VIKRAM. THIS CAR SUCKS. 304 00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:24,344 EVERYONE SHUT UP. WE'LL WAIT TILL THE CAR COOLS DOWN. 305 00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:26,746 - I'LL JUST LET THEM HAVE ME. - ( tires squeal ) 306 00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:28,548 OH NO, THERE THEY ARE. 307 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:33,486 Jonathan: SHIT, LET'S GO! 308 00:17:44,997 --> 00:17:47,467 ( dog barking ) 309 00:17:50,337 --> 00:17:52,105 George: WAIT WAIT WAIT FOR ME. 310 00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:54,641 - HERE HERE. - WAIT-- OH JEEZ. 311 00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:57,210 OW OW OW OW. GOD, I CAN'T GO ANY FURTHER. 312 00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,712 - SHHH. - MY KNEES ARE LIKE FROZEN WITH ARTHRITIS. 313 00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:03,183 DOWN DOWN. 314 00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:06,186 VIKRAM, YOU KNOW MARTIAL ARTS. 315 00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:09,789 - CAN YOU TAKE THESE GUYS OUT? - MR. CHRISTOPHER, I'M INDIAN, NOT CHINESE. 316 00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:12,525 I CAN LOWER MY BODY TEMPERATURE, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIGHT. 317 00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:15,728 THAT'S NOT GOING TO DO US ANY GOOD. WHAT ABOUT INDIAN WRESTLING? 318 00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:18,165 MR. CHRISTOPHER, YOU KEEP THIS UP, I'M GOING TO RESIGN MY POSITION. 319 00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:19,832 OH LIGHTEN UP. TAKE A JOKE. 320 00:18:21,901 --> 00:18:23,670 GUYS, I'VE GOT AN IDEA. 321 00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:26,873 I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING. ( sighs ) 322 00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:29,609 WHAT EXACTLY IS YOUR FAMILY'S PROBLEM WITH YOU? 323 00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:32,379 THEY LOVE ME, BUT THEY'RE ASHAMED OF ME. 324 00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:35,081 THEY'RE VERY TRADITIONAL AND WANT ME TO BE A BOY. 325 00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:37,950 - THAT DOES SOUND TRADITIONAL. - SO I'M ELOPING. 326 00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:40,453 I LANDED A DOCTOR. 327 00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:43,590 - ARE YOU MARRIED? - NO, I'M A CARTOONIST. 328 00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:46,359 YOU'RE VERY HANDSOME. I LIKE YOUR BEARD. 329 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,461 - DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND? - THANK YOU. 330 00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:50,463 I DID, BUT SHE BROKE UP WITH ME. 331 00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:54,901 BUT I STILL LOVE HER. I REGARD HER AS MY BEST FRIEND. 332 00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:57,504 YOU KNOW, I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE IN A GRAVEYARD IN A SPA ROBE 333 00:18:57,604 --> 00:19:00,473 TALKING TO A BEAUTIFUL TRANSVESTITE IN THE MOONLIGHT. 334 00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:02,809 THAT'S ROMANTIC. 335 00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:05,178 ( speaking Korean ) 336 00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:08,581 HEY, I'M OVER HERE! I HAVE THE MONEY! 337 00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,450 - WHOO! - Ray: OH MY GOD, 338 00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:12,819 I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S TRYING TO BE A HERO AGAIN. 339 00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:15,688 I GOT THE MONEY, WHOO! 340 00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:18,858 JONATHAN, HE'S GOT A GUN! 341 00:19:18,958 --> 00:19:20,727 LOOK OUT. 342 00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:29,269 OH FOR GOD'S SAKE, PUT YOUR BACK INTO IT, MAN. 343 00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:32,038 DON'T BE SO CONDESCENDING, MR. CHRISTOPHER. 344 00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:34,741 RAY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?! 345 00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:39,312 IS HEE CHO OKAY? 346 00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:41,814 ( music playing ) 347 00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:55,562 - I LOVE YOU. - I LOVE YOU, MY DEAR. 348 00:19:58,164 --> 00:19:59,866 I'M FEELING VERY EMOTIONAL. 349 00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:03,202 - ME TOO, VIKRAM. - I'M HUNGRY. IS THAT AN EMOTION? 350 00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:05,472 SOMETIMES. 351 00:20:07,106 --> 00:20:08,808 THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING. 352 00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:11,978 YOU'RE WELCOME, BUT THERE'S ONE MORE THING, DR. O'CONNOR. 353 00:20:12,078 --> 00:20:15,282 AS YOUR PRIVATE DETECTIVE I SHOULD TELL YOU IN CASE YOU DON'T KNOW, 354 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,717 - THAT HEE IS-- - I KNOW. 355 00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,486 SHE'S PERFECT. 356 00:20:20,687 --> 00:20:22,855 HUH. 357 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,366 OH SHIT. WAIT WAIT! 358 00:20:33,466 --> 00:20:35,368 WHAT ABOUT MY BIOPSY? 359 00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:38,104 OH, I FORGOT TO TELL YOU. YOUR BIOPSY WAS-- 360 00:20:38,204 --> 00:20:41,140 - ( horn blares ) - WHAT? 361 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,476 - I-- - DON'T WORRY. 362 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,912 I KNOW A VERY GOOD DERMATOLOGIST. 363 00:20:46,012 --> 00:20:48,415 MUCH BETTER THAN MY UROLOGIST. 364 00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:50,750 WHAT NOW, GENTLEMEN? 365 00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:54,787 WELL, WE COULD GO BACK TO MY HOTEL AND ORDER ROOM SERVICE. 366 00:20:54,887 --> 00:20:57,590 - IT'S STILL YOUR BIRTHDAY. - WHAT ABOUT THAT BOTTLE OF WHISKEY? 367 00:20:57,690 --> 00:21:00,527 - MAYBE SMOKE A LITTLE BIRTHDAY POT? - OOOH. 368 00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:02,329 IS IT PRESUMPTUOUS OF ME TO WISH 369 00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:04,364 TO JOIN ALL OF YOU AFTER OUR SHARED ADVENTURE? 370 00:21:04,464 --> 00:21:06,232 George: NOT AT ALL, VIKRAM. 371 00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:08,601 IN THE END YOU DID VERY NICELY WITH THAT SHOVEL. 372 00:21:08,701 --> 00:21:09,902 THANK YOU, BOSS. 373 00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:12,672 ( music playing ) 374 00:21:16,743 --> 00:21:19,712 * I WANNA BE LOVED BY YOU 375 00:21:19,812 --> 00:21:23,983 * JUST YOU, NOBODY ELSE BUT YOU * 376 00:21:25,251 --> 00:21:28,154 * I WANNA BE LOVED BY YOU 377 00:21:28,254 --> 00:21:30,089 * ALONE 378 00:21:30,189 --> 00:21:32,459 * BOOP BOOP BE DOO 379 00:21:32,559 --> 00:21:36,363 * I WANNA BE KISSED BY YOU 380 00:21:36,463 --> 00:21:41,133 * JUST YOU, NOBODY ELSE BUT YOU * 381 00:21:41,233 --> 00:21:44,771 * I WANNA BE LOVED BY YOU 382 00:21:44,871 --> 00:21:47,039 * ALONE 383 00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:52,144 * I COULDN'T ASPIRE 384 00:21:52,244 --> 00:21:55,982 * TO ANYTHING HIGHER 385 00:21:56,082 --> 00:21:59,919 * THAN TO FEEL THE DESIRE 386 00:22:00,019 --> 00:22:03,923 * TO MAKE YOU MY OWN 387 00:22:05,224 --> 00:22:06,559 * BOOP BOOP BE DOO.