1 00:00:00,884 --> 00:00:02,721 My second novel was just rejected. 2 00:00:02,813 --> 00:00:05,427 The board in Dallas wants to cut you your colon. 3 00:00:05,522 --> 00:00:08,548 I quit. The magazine doesn't need me any more and I don't need it. 4 00:00:08,702 --> 00:00:11,026 You've may been sold under illegally obtained sperm. 5 00:00:11,127 --> 00:00:13,013 You're telling me that I'm pregnant with this guy's baby!? 6 00:00:13,102 --> 00:00:13,988 - You're pregnant? - You're pregnant? 7 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:16,209 Well, it's very early. We're not really telling anyone. 8 00:00:16,326 --> 00:00:18,103 - I have a daughter. - You guys close? 9 00:00:18,193 --> 00:00:20,739 We love each other but we don't really know each other. 10 00:00:20,842 --> 00:00:22,691 Hey, should I send her a text message? 11 00:00:22,785 --> 00:00:24,563 I want you to bring $20,000! 12 00:00:24,645 --> 00:00:27,642 - Why did your friend poker alone? - Mom, he's not my friend! 13 00:00:27,737 --> 00:00:28,670 Got the money? 14 00:00:28,780 --> 00:00:31,064 My stoker sent me 12 e-mails last night. 15 00:00:31,143 --> 00:00:32,350 This was left downstairs. 16 00:00:32,476 --> 00:00:34,072 It's a knife! 17 00:00:36,335 --> 00:00:37,465 Oh, love, you're right. 18 00:00:37,932 --> 00:00:40,209 I can do anything I want. I can open a restaurant, 19 00:00:40,310 --> 00:00:44,593 I can start an Internet magazine, we're both our own bosses now. 20 00:00:50,740 --> 00:00:53,740 ( Theme music playing ) 21 00:00:55,109 --> 00:00:59,078 ♪ All the shadows in the city ♪ 22 00:00:59,112 --> 00:01:02,747 ♪ used to love you, what a pity ♪ 23 00:01:02,782 --> 00:01:06,818 ♪ I miss the questions you used to ask me ♪ 24 00:01:06,852 --> 00:01:10,920 ♪ bored to death, cut, mad and lonely ♪ 25 00:01:10,954 --> 00:01:14,755 ♪ bored to death, cut, mad and lonely... ♪ 26 00:01:14,789 --> 00:01:16,923 - ( Coughs ) - ♪ Bored to death ♪ 27 00:01:16,958 --> 00:01:19,525 ♪ cut, mad and lonely. ♪ 28 00:01:21,194 --> 00:01:22,727 ( Whistle blows ) 29 00:01:25,306 --> 00:01:30,960 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 30 00:01:35,536 --> 00:01:38,236 ( Crowd gasping ) 31 00:01:47,576 --> 00:01:49,577 - ( Groans ) - ( Applause ) 32 00:01:52,113 --> 00:01:53,914 Thank you all for coming tonight. 33 00:01:53,948 --> 00:01:55,915 I thought that these knives would be a sort of 34 00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:58,451 metaphorical ribbon cutting for my new book 35 00:01:58,485 --> 00:01:59,852 "the blonde in the woods." 36 00:01:59,886 --> 00:02:02,554 Oh, it's metaphorical. 37 00:02:02,588 --> 00:02:05,056 I thought he was just being self-destructive. 38 00:02:05,090 --> 00:02:07,925 - Is it over? - It's all over, sweetie. 39 00:02:07,959 --> 00:02:10,995 I'll be signing books, iPads and kindles. 40 00:02:11,029 --> 00:02:12,496 Ah! 41 00:02:16,599 --> 00:02:19,030 - Who should I sign it to? - Just sign it, kid. 42 00:02:24,130 --> 00:02:25,964 Thank you very much. 43 00:02:26,966 --> 00:02:29,200 Weak grip. Good to know. 44 00:02:29,234 --> 00:02:30,834 What? 45 00:02:32,737 --> 00:02:36,305 Mom, dad, you guys don't have to wait in line. I'll sign your books after. 46 00:02:36,339 --> 00:02:38,007 But I'm your biggest fan. 47 00:02:38,041 --> 00:02:41,209 I'm his biggest fan. 48 00:02:41,277 --> 00:02:45,011 He was a 10-month baby. He didn't want to leave. 49 00:02:50,084 --> 00:02:52,218 Ray: I love your organic restaurant, George. 50 00:02:52,253 --> 00:02:54,988 Thank you, Ray. And now let's toast to Jonathan 51 00:02:55,022 --> 00:02:56,656 and his wonderful new book. 52 00:02:56,690 --> 00:03:00,193 I'm not the only one who has a reason to celebrate. 53 00:03:00,228 --> 00:03:02,596 - Ray. - Oh, you got a job? 54 00:03:02,630 --> 00:03:04,364 No, nothing terrible like that. 55 00:03:04,398 --> 00:03:07,133 Remember the lesbian couple in Ditmas Park 56 00:03:07,167 --> 00:03:08,767 that got pregnant from my stolen sperm? 57 00:03:08,802 --> 00:03:12,471 Yes, that was and still is very memorable. 58 00:03:12,505 --> 00:03:16,373 Well, they're getting a divorce and I get to see my son one day a week. 59 00:03:16,408 --> 00:03:18,875 I meet him tomorrow. 60 00:03:18,910 --> 00:03:22,111 The nice mom decided that he needed a male role model. 61 00:03:22,145 --> 00:03:23,845 Oh, that's fantastic. 62 00:03:23,879 --> 00:03:26,647 But I don't understand. Your sperm was stolen? 63 00:03:26,681 --> 00:03:29,315 Did they take it from you while you were sleeping? 64 00:03:29,350 --> 00:03:30,917 No, I put it in a cup. 65 00:03:30,984 --> 00:03:32,518 And they stole the cup? 66 00:03:39,525 --> 00:03:42,126 Florence: I love the view, Jonathan. 67 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:43,594 But how can you afford this place? 68 00:03:43,628 --> 00:03:46,228 Well, because of the clock, everything trembles once an hour. 69 00:03:46,263 --> 00:03:48,163 It's why the rent is so cheap. 70 00:03:48,198 --> 00:03:49,999 It's like living in California but in Brooklyn. 71 00:03:50,033 --> 00:03:53,535 Ray probably kept his sperm in a fridge, don't you think? 72 00:03:53,570 --> 00:03:56,038 Yeah, I remember something about having to keep it chilled. 73 00:03:56,072 --> 00:03:58,906 So what do you make of this whole situation with Ray? 74 00:03:58,940 --> 00:04:02,208 - I think it's great. - So you're not against sperm donation? 75 00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:04,343 Not at all. I think it's a nice use of sperm. 76 00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:05,845 Ira, I don't think-- 77 00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:08,580 Florence, I've been waiting 30 years for a good opening. 78 00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:10,348 What are you guys talking about? 79 00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:13,618 Jonathan, I'm sterile. 80 00:04:13,652 --> 00:04:16,219 But there was never the right moment to tell you. 81 00:04:16,254 --> 00:04:18,655 I never wanted you to think I wasn't your father. 82 00:04:18,689 --> 00:04:22,058 I was too proud. But hearing Ray's story-- 83 00:04:22,092 --> 00:04:24,293 I don't understand. 84 00:04:24,328 --> 00:04:26,562 To conceive you 85 00:04:26,596 --> 00:04:28,363 we went to a sperm bank. 86 00:04:28,431 --> 00:04:31,232 ( Chuckles ) 87 00:04:36,103 --> 00:04:38,237 I come from a sperm bank? 88 00:04:38,272 --> 00:04:41,174 Yes, it was in fair lawn 89 00:04:41,209 --> 00:04:43,109 near the kosher nosh restaurant. 90 00:04:43,144 --> 00:04:45,078 You know, the place with the wonderful kugel. 91 00:04:45,112 --> 00:04:46,579 Florence, that's not relevant. 92 00:04:46,613 --> 00:04:48,947 I can't believe this. 93 00:04:48,982 --> 00:04:51,350 Who's my father? 94 00:04:52,351 --> 00:04:54,619 All we know is that he was Jewish 95 00:04:54,653 --> 00:04:57,888 and very bright, which is what we requested. 96 00:04:57,922 --> 00:04:59,623 He was a member of Menscha. 97 00:04:59,657 --> 00:05:01,257 Menscha? 98 00:05:01,291 --> 00:05:03,392 He was a member of mensa. 99 00:05:09,665 --> 00:05:12,633 And so I come from a sperm bank in fair lawn, new Jersey. 100 00:05:12,667 --> 00:05:16,170 At least the guy was a member of mensa. 101 00:05:16,205 --> 00:05:19,140 I always said you were very bright. 102 00:05:19,174 --> 00:05:21,308 You know, the whole thing was pretty emotional. 103 00:05:21,343 --> 00:05:23,710 I had to reassure my dad that I'll always love him 104 00:05:23,744 --> 00:05:25,477 and I'll always think of him as my father. 105 00:05:25,512 --> 00:05:27,579 Oh, good boy. I'm so proud of you. 106 00:05:27,613 --> 00:05:29,980 If my daughter said something like that to me 107 00:05:30,015 --> 00:05:32,548 I'd dissolve and turn into mist. 108 00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:34,550 It is weird. 109 00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:37,953 All my life I've defined myself by saying I'm not like my dad. 110 00:05:37,988 --> 00:05:40,422 But now that it's true, I feel... 111 00:05:40,456 --> 00:05:42,390 Completely disoriented. 112 00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:45,794 I have to say I'm at a loss as how to console you. 113 00:05:47,163 --> 00:05:49,897 - I'll pay for lunch. - Thank you, George. 114 00:05:51,266 --> 00:05:53,199 Oh shit, George. I'd better get going. 115 00:05:53,234 --> 00:05:56,235 I have a case. I have to follow a woman off the 1:10 from Katonah. 116 00:05:56,270 --> 00:05:59,438 You know, I don't know if it's the placebo effect, 117 00:05:59,473 --> 00:06:02,508 but I always feel so virile after eating oysters. 118 00:06:02,542 --> 00:06:06,711 Like I should mount a woman immediately. 119 00:06:08,246 --> 00:06:10,714 But you always feel that way. 120 00:06:15,519 --> 00:06:16,818 What do you think? 121 00:06:16,853 --> 00:06:19,823 Super Ray versus x-acto man. 122 00:06:19,857 --> 00:06:23,260 Ray, you have to stop drawing that stabbing over and over again. 123 00:06:23,294 --> 00:06:25,662 Why? It took Monica Seles years to get over her stabbing 124 00:06:25,696 --> 00:06:27,664 and she was the number one tennis player in the world. 125 00:06:27,698 --> 00:06:29,732 You're not Monica seles. You have to let it go. 126 00:06:31,768 --> 00:06:33,469 Okay. 127 00:06:33,503 --> 00:06:36,505 I think I'm just getting a little overwhelmed about meeting Spencer. 128 00:06:36,539 --> 00:06:39,474 It'll be fine. You're good with children. 129 00:06:39,508 --> 00:06:41,676 No I'm not. I've always been bad with children. 130 00:06:41,710 --> 00:06:44,912 When I was little, kids would call me gay Hueston. 131 00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:47,480 They hated me. They'd say, 132 00:06:47,515 --> 00:06:50,382 "Hueston, we have a problem because you're gay." 133 00:06:51,817 --> 00:06:53,384 It's why I became an artist. 134 00:06:53,418 --> 00:06:55,886 ( Doorbell rings ) 135 00:06:57,354 --> 00:06:58,988 That's them. That's them. 136 00:06:59,023 --> 00:07:00,823 You get the door, okay? And just tell them 137 00:07:00,857 --> 00:07:03,691 that I have very bad diarrhea and that I don't want Spencer to catch it. 138 00:07:03,726 --> 00:07:05,460 Ray, diarrhea is not contagious. 139 00:07:05,494 --> 00:07:07,828 That is not true and you know it. 140 00:07:07,862 --> 00:07:10,464 You're going to meet your son. 141 00:07:12,567 --> 00:07:13,967 - Hi. - Hi. 142 00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:16,703 Hello. Come on, Ray. 143 00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:19,305 Renee and Spencer are here. 144 00:07:19,340 --> 00:07:20,840 Is he wearing a red cape? 145 00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:24,410 Oh yes. He wanted to look heroic for Spencer. 146 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,979 - It's his alter ego. - Oh, that's sweet. 147 00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:28,547 Is he all right? 148 00:07:28,581 --> 00:07:31,350 He's nervous and didn't sleep well so he's overtired. 149 00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:34,519 So is Spencer. Maybe later you can put them both down for a nap. 150 00:07:34,553 --> 00:07:37,321 Anyway, I'm gonna pick him up at 6:00. 151 00:07:37,355 --> 00:07:39,823 - Come on, Ray. - No! 152 00:07:39,857 --> 00:07:41,791 Ray, you have nothing to be afraid of. 153 00:07:41,825 --> 00:07:45,728 Spencer is so excited to meet you and spend the day with you. 154 00:07:45,763 --> 00:07:47,663 Really? 155 00:07:47,698 --> 00:07:49,431 Yeah, just keep him in his regular routine-- 156 00:07:49,466 --> 00:07:51,433 A walk, a nap, a bottle. 157 00:07:51,467 --> 00:07:53,435 Here, you hold him. 158 00:07:56,239 --> 00:07:58,240 ( Coos ) 159 00:08:00,376 --> 00:08:02,443 I love you. 160 00:08:04,212 --> 00:08:07,481 My mark is supposed to be tall and wearing a distinctive yellow hat. 161 00:08:07,515 --> 00:08:09,582 Is the hat distinctive because it's yellow 162 00:08:09,617 --> 00:08:11,951 or is it yellow and distinctive? 163 00:08:11,985 --> 00:08:14,085 I don't know. Good point. 164 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,487 I was hired over the phone.All w 165 00:08:16,522 --> 00:08:18,589 her wherever she goes and report where she lands. 166 00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:20,524 Sounds easy enough. I'll help you for a while, 167 00:08:20,559 --> 00:08:22,392 but then I've got to go meet my daughter. 168 00:08:22,427 --> 00:08:23,960 Did she find a place to live? 169 00:08:23,995 --> 00:08:26,429 Yeah, she and her new boyfriend found a sublet down in Chelsea. 170 00:08:26,463 --> 00:08:28,598 I'm meeting him today as well. 171 00:08:28,666 --> 00:08:31,768 I hope I don't loathe the kid immediately. 172 00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:35,271 That must be her. That hat is yellow and distinctive. 173 00:08:35,305 --> 00:08:37,339 - Let's go. - Oh my God, what a robust figure. 174 00:08:37,373 --> 00:08:38,974 It's like she has a cello in that dress 175 00:08:39,008 --> 00:08:40,809 - George. Whoa whoa. - I love this case. 176 00:08:40,843 --> 00:08:43,077 George, George. Slow down, you'll tip her off. 177 00:08:43,112 --> 00:08:45,580 I want to get a better look. I just had oysters. 178 00:08:45,614 --> 00:08:47,081 But you're not being professional. 179 00:08:47,115 --> 00:08:48,848 I don't want to be professional. 180 00:08:48,883 --> 00:08:50,950 Oh my God, what about her? Let's follow her. 181 00:08:50,985 --> 00:08:52,952 - She's going towards my subway. - George! 182 00:08:52,987 --> 00:08:55,487 The oysters are kicking in. Good luck. 183 00:09:24,112 --> 00:09:26,113 ( Spencer giggles ) 184 00:09:30,185 --> 00:09:33,454 - Sorry. - ( Giggles ) 185 00:09:38,693 --> 00:09:40,660 Come on, dude. 186 00:09:42,595 --> 00:09:45,530 Hey, you could have been a gentleman and helped me open the door at least. 187 00:09:45,564 --> 00:09:47,698 - Fuck you, estrogen bomb. - Estrogen? 188 00:09:49,501 --> 00:09:51,334 Spencer! 189 00:10:01,942 --> 00:10:04,209 Fuck it. 190 00:10:07,713 --> 00:10:09,613 More coffee, Mr. Christopher? 191 00:10:09,648 --> 00:10:12,550 No, no thank you, Phillip. Have you seen the new article? 192 00:10:12,584 --> 00:10:15,655 I saw it, Mr. Christopher. But my name is Stephen. 193 00:10:15,689 --> 00:10:18,660 I've been with you since you left "edition." 194 00:10:18,694 --> 00:10:20,395 I am so sorry, Stephen. 195 00:10:20,430 --> 00:10:23,865 Because of the marijuana my whole life is like that film "memento." 196 00:10:23,900 --> 00:10:26,467 And I'm nervous. 197 00:10:26,502 --> 00:10:30,404 I'm seeing my daughter for the first time in two years. 198 00:10:30,438 --> 00:10:32,739 Here she is. Emily. 199 00:10:32,773 --> 00:10:34,974 Oh, hi daddy. 200 00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:37,710 My dear girl. Oh, look at you. 201 00:10:37,744 --> 00:10:39,444 You are so beautiful. 202 00:10:39,479 --> 00:10:41,446 Oh, really? I haven't put on weight? 203 00:10:41,481 --> 00:10:42,881 No no no no no. 204 00:10:42,915 --> 00:10:44,649 - Come on, let's sit down. - Okay. 205 00:10:47,653 --> 00:10:50,955 All right, I want all your headlines immediately. 206 00:10:50,989 --> 00:10:52,788 - Okay. - But before you start, 207 00:10:52,823 --> 00:10:56,124 I just want to tell you that I am so so so sorry 208 00:10:56,158 --> 00:10:58,792 that I've been a lousy father for the past couple of years. 209 00:10:58,827 --> 00:11:00,560 I want us to be close again. 210 00:11:00,595 --> 00:11:03,963 No, I'm sorry I've been a lousy daughter. 211 00:11:03,998 --> 00:11:05,765 No, you haven't been lousy. 212 00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:08,133 I'm the only one allowed to feel guilty here. 213 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,236 That's my job as a parent, to feel inadequate. 214 00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:13,338 Okay, dad, you're inadequate. 215 00:11:13,372 --> 00:11:15,172 All right, give me your headlines. 216 00:11:15,207 --> 00:11:17,608 - Okay, I'm-- - Wait wait wait. Hold the presses. 217 00:11:17,642 --> 00:11:20,343 Where's your new boyfriend? I thought he was coming with you. 218 00:11:20,378 --> 00:11:22,278 Oh yeah. He's out running errands for me. 219 00:11:22,346 --> 00:11:25,848 We like to pretend that he's my dog. It's our fun little thing. 220 00:11:25,883 --> 00:11:29,118 Well, that sounds good, I guess. 221 00:11:29,152 --> 00:11:31,486 I mean, dogs are loyal, right? 222 00:11:31,521 --> 00:11:33,554 - Where'd you meet him? - At a seance. 223 00:11:33,589 --> 00:11:36,924 We were trying to communicate with the original designer of Fiestaware. 224 00:11:36,958 --> 00:11:39,326 I went with my a.A. Sponsor Sophie. 225 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:41,561 Wait wait, slow down, sweetheart. 226 00:11:41,595 --> 00:11:44,397 - You're in a.A.? - Mm-hmm. 227 00:11:44,431 --> 00:11:47,332 - When did this happen? - About nine months ago. 228 00:11:47,367 --> 00:11:49,034 I was drinking a lot. 229 00:11:49,068 --> 00:11:51,636 But mostly I was just becoming a pot-head. 230 00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:53,738 Like you used to be when I was a kid. 231 00:11:53,772 --> 00:11:56,173 Well, yes. That-- that is true. 232 00:11:56,207 --> 00:11:59,309 I was a pot-head... Back then. 233 00:11:59,343 --> 00:12:02,312 But anyway, I'm so glad that you're sober. 234 00:12:02,346 --> 00:12:04,114 So what about you? 235 00:12:04,148 --> 00:12:07,017 Why did you open this elitist, artisanal restaurant? 236 00:12:07,051 --> 00:12:10,821 Well, it's kind of my new canvas, you know? 237 00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:13,056 It's like the magazine but with steak frites. 238 00:12:13,091 --> 00:12:15,325 Oh, have you seen this article? 239 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:18,829 - You're gonna get a kick out of it. - Ooh, there's Bernard. 240 00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:21,531 Bernard, over here. Here, boy. 241 00:12:21,566 --> 00:12:24,567 Here, boy. ( Growls ) 242 00:12:26,603 --> 00:12:28,504 Hi. 243 00:12:30,306 --> 00:12:32,641 ( Moans ) 244 00:13:07,136 --> 00:13:09,837 - Man: Yeah? - Ames here, your detective. 245 00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,505 The woman in the yellow hat 246 00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:14,174 is in room 1527 of the iroquois hotel. 247 00:13:14,209 --> 00:13:15,809 Got it. 248 00:13:15,844 --> 00:13:17,778 Speaking of the woman in the yellow hat, 249 00:13:17,812 --> 00:13:19,679 did you ever read the curious George books? 250 00:13:19,714 --> 00:13:22,582 - I loved them when I was a kid. - ( Hangs up ) 251 00:13:22,617 --> 00:13:25,252 ( Woman screaming ) 252 00:13:29,357 --> 00:13:32,259 What's going on here? I heard a scream. 253 00:13:32,293 --> 00:13:34,027 Well, actually two screams. 254 00:13:34,061 --> 00:13:36,162 ( Groans ) 255 00:13:38,765 --> 00:13:40,666 ( Baby crying ) 256 00:13:40,701 --> 00:13:43,836 You've got to stop crying. Shh. 257 00:13:43,870 --> 00:13:45,804 Shh. 258 00:13:45,838 --> 00:13:48,206 It's okay. 259 00:13:49,608 --> 00:13:51,275 - Shh. - Hello? 260 00:13:51,309 --> 00:13:52,676 - Mom. - Hey, Ray. 261 00:13:52,711 --> 00:13:54,711 The baby won't stop crying. 262 00:13:54,746 --> 00:13:57,280 What do I do? Leah's out with the girls. 263 00:13:57,315 --> 00:14:00,016 Put some whiskey on a nipple. That's what I used to do for you. 264 00:14:00,050 --> 00:14:01,584 - Really? - Sure. 265 00:14:01,618 --> 00:14:03,552 It's amazing I'm not an alcoholic. 266 00:14:03,586 --> 00:14:06,288 - You're not? - Mom, God. 267 00:14:06,322 --> 00:14:08,189 Shh. It's okay. 268 00:14:08,224 --> 00:14:10,758 It's okay. 269 00:14:10,793 --> 00:14:14,061 It's okay. Shh. 270 00:14:14,095 --> 00:14:16,629 Shh. All right. 271 00:14:26,105 --> 00:14:28,238 There's no nipple. 272 00:14:28,273 --> 00:14:30,640 It's a goddamn sippy cup. 273 00:14:35,211 --> 00:14:37,846 ( Crying continues ) 274 00:14:52,227 --> 00:14:55,162 I used to cry a lot too when I was a kid. 275 00:14:55,197 --> 00:14:58,398 But sometimes you have to just suck it up, okay? 276 00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,808 See this? 277 00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:13,511 Take this, go like this. Right? 278 00:15:13,545 --> 00:15:16,580 ( Crying continues ) 279 00:15:16,615 --> 00:15:18,515 It's okay. 280 00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:21,151 It's okay. 281 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,120 Shh. 282 00:15:27,157 --> 00:15:28,958 ( Crying stops ) 283 00:15:37,966 --> 00:15:40,501 Not bad. 284 00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:59,383 ( Groans ) 285 00:16:04,422 --> 00:16:06,722 ( Screams ) Oh my God. 286 00:16:10,526 --> 00:16:11,860 Hello? 287 00:16:15,964 --> 00:16:18,098 Please don't be dead. Please don't be dead. 288 00:16:18,133 --> 00:16:19,901 Please don't be dead. 289 00:16:21,437 --> 00:16:24,472 Dead. ( Whimpers ) 290 00:16:24,506 --> 00:16:26,874 Oh my God. Oh my God. 291 00:16:26,908 --> 00:16:29,110 Oh my God. 292 00:16:29,144 --> 00:16:31,512 I've been framed. 293 00:16:31,546 --> 00:16:34,681 Why are my pants at my ankles? 294 00:16:49,524 --> 00:16:50,890 Ah! Oh my God! I'm sorry. 295 00:16:50,925 --> 00:16:53,092 Are you okay? I mean... 296 00:16:54,494 --> 00:16:56,895 ( Radio chatter ) 297 00:17:10,175 --> 00:17:12,610 ( Knocking ) 298 00:17:12,644 --> 00:17:15,313 Police, open up. 299 00:17:17,749 --> 00:17:20,251 Open up, police. 300 00:17:20,286 --> 00:17:22,053 - Ah! Shh! - ( Gasps ) 301 00:17:22,087 --> 00:17:25,422 Please don't scream. I'm not here to molest you. 302 00:17:25,457 --> 00:17:28,993 I mean, you're very beautiful. 303 00:17:29,027 --> 00:17:30,894 Go back into the bathroom, come out in two minutes 304 00:17:30,929 --> 00:17:32,963 and I'll be gone, okay? 305 00:17:40,839 --> 00:17:42,706 Goodbye. Thank you. 306 00:17:51,748 --> 00:17:55,317 So did you have fun with your superhero daddy? 307 00:17:55,351 --> 00:17:57,452 "Yes I did. I love being with daddy. 308 00:17:57,487 --> 00:17:59,221 I want to be with him all the time." 309 00:17:59,255 --> 00:18:02,691 Uh-oh, I think somebody might need a diaper change. 310 00:18:03,993 --> 00:18:06,928 I'm sorry, does he-- does he smell like booze? 311 00:18:06,962 --> 00:18:09,864 No, I don't think so. 312 00:18:09,898 --> 00:18:12,333 Maybe he snuck a drink earlier. You know kids. 313 00:18:12,367 --> 00:18:15,370 Well, I'd better get him over to my ex's house. 314 00:18:15,404 --> 00:18:17,272 She can change his diaper. 315 00:18:17,306 --> 00:18:19,541 That's one of the benefits of divorce. 316 00:18:19,575 --> 00:18:22,711 Now that you've been cut loose, 317 00:18:22,746 --> 00:18:25,782 have you been getting a lot of puss? 318 00:18:25,816 --> 00:18:27,451 Yeah, it's actually okay. 319 00:18:27,485 --> 00:18:30,320 You know, I was never single in Brooklyn before. 320 00:18:30,355 --> 00:18:33,056 It's kind of wonderful. It's kind of like college. 321 00:18:33,091 --> 00:18:36,393 You know, a lot of girls, a lot of-- lot of puss. 322 00:18:36,427 --> 00:18:39,329 Hmm. Guess it gives a new meaning 323 00:18:39,363 --> 00:18:41,064 to the phrase "gay divorcee." 324 00:18:41,098 --> 00:18:44,533 Right. So I guess we'll see you next week, Ray? 325 00:18:44,567 --> 00:18:47,035 Great. Do remember to have your ex change him right away. 326 00:18:47,069 --> 00:18:48,736 If he's anything like his old man, 327 00:18:48,770 --> 00:18:52,505 he has a sensitive tushy. Right, little guy? 328 00:18:52,539 --> 00:18:54,539 Oh, good to know. 329 00:18:54,574 --> 00:18:57,041 - Okay - Bye, Spencer. 330 00:18:57,076 --> 00:18:58,643 - Bye. - Bye. 331 00:18:58,678 --> 00:19:00,745 - Bye, guys. - Bye. 332 00:19:00,779 --> 00:19:03,348 Bye, Spencer. 333 00:19:03,382 --> 00:19:06,516 Bye, Spencer. Spencer. 334 00:19:06,551 --> 00:19:08,551 Spencer! 335 00:19:10,586 --> 00:19:12,487 And so I'm living right upstairs. 336 00:19:12,521 --> 00:19:14,022 There's even a dumbwaiter. 337 00:19:14,056 --> 00:19:16,691 So if I want, they can send my meals right up the chute. 338 00:19:16,725 --> 00:19:18,860 I want a dumbwaiter. 339 00:19:18,894 --> 00:19:21,229 George, I keep noticing the staff down here 340 00:19:21,263 --> 00:19:23,231 is serving telephones? 341 00:19:23,265 --> 00:19:25,767 Yes, I've banned cell phones from the restaurant. 342 00:19:25,801 --> 00:19:28,235 But if you have an emergency, 343 00:19:28,270 --> 00:19:31,071 you can have a telephone plugged in at your table. 344 00:19:31,105 --> 00:19:34,207 Why the ban, daddy? You love texting. 345 00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:36,009 Well, we are organic. 346 00:19:36,076 --> 00:19:38,510 And lately with all the "pods" 347 00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:41,113 and "pads" I'm feeling choked by technology. 348 00:19:41,147 --> 00:19:43,181 I even started getting emails in my mind. 349 00:19:43,215 --> 00:19:45,382 You know I was working on brain emails, 350 00:19:45,417 --> 00:19:48,284 I was gonna call them bmails, at my company 351 00:19:48,319 --> 00:19:50,486 before I sold everything to Microsoft. 352 00:19:50,521 --> 00:19:54,223 My beautiful genius lover. 353 00:19:58,861 --> 00:20:00,628 Sal. 354 00:20:00,663 --> 00:20:01,930 Hey, sal. 355 00:20:01,964 --> 00:20:05,433 Sal, can I have the-- Thank you. 356 00:20:05,467 --> 00:20:08,369 Daddy, where's the ladies' room? I need to drain my lizard. 357 00:20:08,403 --> 00:20:10,538 It's down to the right, sweetheart. 358 00:20:15,743 --> 00:20:17,943 Ah. 359 00:20:17,944 --> 00:20:21,076 - I'm smitten, George. - I can see that. 360 00:20:21,110 --> 00:20:24,477 But I have to be straight with you about something.. 361 00:20:24,511 --> 00:20:26,712 You are too old for Emily. 362 00:20:26,746 --> 00:20:29,781 That's not true, George. 363 00:20:29,816 --> 00:20:32,218 No, life is being extended. 364 00:20:32,252 --> 00:20:33,819 Something is happening. 365 00:20:33,854 --> 00:20:36,221 Especially for those of us in the upper income brackets. 366 00:20:36,222 --> 00:20:38,924 Don't you feel unusually young? 367 00:20:38,959 --> 00:20:40,726 Especially for those of us yes, actually I do. Brackets. 368 00:20:40,761 --> 00:20:43,097 But I'm talking about my daughter. 369 00:20:43,132 --> 00:20:44,667 So am I. 370 00:20:44,701 --> 00:20:47,802 I've fallen in love with Emily and I want to marry her. 371 00:20:47,837 --> 00:20:49,904 I would like your permission. 372 00:20:49,938 --> 00:20:51,772 I want to be your son-in-law. 373 00:20:51,806 --> 00:20:54,106 Marry? Are you delusional? 374 00:20:54,140 --> 00:20:55,441 Sometimes. 375 00:20:55,475 --> 00:20:57,142 But about this I have clarity. 376 00:20:57,176 --> 00:21:00,278 Well, what if I were to say no? 377 00:21:00,312 --> 00:21:02,446 I think you'd make Emily terribly unhappy. 378 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:04,347 She wanted me to ask you first. 379 00:21:04,382 --> 00:21:06,416 Your approval is very important to her. 380 00:21:08,184 --> 00:21:11,418 Is this the kind of thing that I could think about? 381 00:21:39,671 --> 00:21:41,972 Ah. 382 00:21:42,007 --> 00:21:45,642 What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? 383 00:21:52,415 --> 00:21:54,349 Yes, can I please speak to George Christopher? 384 00:21:54,384 --> 00:21:57,485 Oh, sal. I'm so upset about my daughter. 385 00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:00,754 I'll have one more. But that'll be the last one. 386 00:22:02,457 --> 00:22:04,925 You have a phone call, Mr. Christopher. 387 00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:06,261 Oh, thank you, Richard. 388 00:22:06,295 --> 00:22:08,697 It's Stephen, Mr. Christopher. 389 00:22:08,731 --> 00:22:11,634 - I don't know a Stephen. - No, it's Jonathan. 390 00:22:11,668 --> 00:22:14,136 Oh, sorry. Thank you, Jonathan. 391 00:22:14,170 --> 00:22:17,139 - Hello, Stephan. - George? 392 00:22:17,173 --> 00:22:19,208 Hello, George? 393 00:22:19,242 --> 00:22:21,176 Oh dear. 394 00:22:21,211 --> 00:22:22,678 Hello? 395 00:22:26,849 --> 00:22:28,182 ( Knocking ) 396 00:22:28,216 --> 00:22:30,017 Police, open up. 397 00:22:30,051 --> 00:22:32,019 ( Knocking ) 398 00:22:32,086 --> 00:22:34,387 Not again. 399 00:22:38,525 --> 00:22:39,958 ( Knocking ) 400 00:22:39,993 --> 00:22:43,194 Jonathan Ames, if you're in there, open the door. 401 00:22:51,738 --> 00:22:53,473 ( Horns honking ) 402 00:22:53,507 --> 00:22:56,975 Police: Jonathan Ames, open the door. 403 00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:07,986 Leah, today with Spencer 404 00:23:08,021 --> 00:23:10,056 was one of the best days of my life. 405 00:23:10,090 --> 00:23:13,025 I felt needed. 406 00:23:13,059 --> 00:23:15,624 It's like being with Jonathan but better. 407 00:23:15,659 --> 00:23:17,592 Ray, that's beautiful. 408 00:23:19,294 --> 00:23:21,728 It's different being a dad. 409 00:23:21,763 --> 00:23:24,930 Most of the time lately I feel like I've been 410 00:23:24,965 --> 00:23:27,900 sleepwalking my way through life. 411 00:23:29,769 --> 00:23:31,670 Like I really wasn't here, you know? 412 00:23:31,704 --> 00:23:34,038 That's how you feel when you're with me? 413 00:23:34,073 --> 00:23:36,007 No, not with you. 414 00:23:36,041 --> 00:23:38,909 I just only see you at night now that you're working most of the time. 415 00:23:38,944 --> 00:23:41,612 So it's when you're alone that you feel this way? 416 00:23:41,646 --> 00:23:44,114 Yeah, but today I felt... 417 00:23:44,148 --> 00:23:46,983 Completely awake, 418 00:23:47,018 --> 00:23:49,886 like my heart was as big as the moon. 419 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:53,255 I just love that little kid. I'd do anything for him. 420 00:23:53,289 --> 00:23:55,523 Ray, I'm so proud of you. 421 00:23:55,558 --> 00:23:57,859 And even if you feel lost sometimes, 422 00:23:57,893 --> 00:24:00,761 you've been doing a wonderful job running the house for me. 423 00:24:00,795 --> 00:24:02,729 Yeah, I know. I'm good at it. 424 00:24:02,764 --> 00:24:06,199 I guess I've become a real park slope mom. 425 00:24:07,234 --> 00:24:09,768 A hot park slope mom. 426 00:24:15,974 --> 00:24:17,375 Get the lube. 427 00:24:17,409 --> 00:24:19,212 Really? 428 00:24:19,246 --> 00:24:21,683 Would you like me to shower first? I know you like me to be clean. 429 00:24:21,717 --> 00:24:24,718 - No, I'm ready now. - I love you, leah. 430 00:24:32,858 --> 00:24:34,492 Where is it? 431 00:24:35,928 --> 00:24:38,529 Oh yeah. 432 00:24:38,563 --> 00:24:41,532 - ( Phone rings ) - Oh God. 433 00:24:41,566 --> 00:24:43,100 It's Jonathan. 434 00:24:43,134 --> 00:24:45,402 This'll only take a second. No backing out! 435 00:24:47,372 --> 00:24:50,274 Jonathan, I don't appreciate such a late phone call. 436 00:24:50,309 --> 00:24:52,677 Do you know what time it is? 437 00:24:52,712 --> 00:24:54,780 11:15. 438 00:24:54,814 --> 00:24:57,016 No, actually 11:16. 439 00:24:57,050 --> 00:24:59,718 Ah! 440 00:25:04,391 --> 00:25:06,426 Ray. 441 00:25:06,460 --> 00:25:08,728 Help. 442 00:25:18,475 --> 00:25:21,370 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 443 00:25:21,579 --> 00:25:24,748 ( Music playing ) 444 00:25:29,586 --> 00:25:32,448 ♪ I was in a functional way ♪ 445 00:25:34,149 --> 00:25:36,215 ♪ and I have my bounce sound jacket ♪ 446 00:25:36,250 --> 00:25:39,251 ♪ queen of call collect on my arm ♪ 447 00:25:40,353 --> 00:25:43,121 ♪ she was my calm-me-down ♪ 448 00:25:43,155 --> 00:25:47,092 ♪ she was my good luck charm ♪ 449 00:25:47,126 --> 00:25:48,493 ♪ she was my good luck ♪ 450 00:25:48,527 --> 00:25:52,663 ♪ here it come running, here it come running again ♪ 451 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,035 ♪ trouble come running ♪ 452 00:25:57,069 --> 00:25:59,471 ♪ here it come running again ♪ 453 00:26:00,773 --> 00:26:03,007 ♪ here it come running ♪ 454 00:26:03,041 --> 00:26:06,243 ♪ here it come running again ♪ 455 00:26:07,111 --> 00:26:09,479 ♪ running again ♪ 456 00:26:10,547 --> 00:26:12,381 ♪ running again ♪ 457 00:26:13,717 --> 00:26:15,751 ♪ running again ♪ 458 00:26:16,820 --> 00:26:19,087 ♪ oh, running. ♪