My name is Lance Clayton.
My biggest fear in life is that I'm going to end up all alone.
I'm a writer.
I'm a writer, but so far nothing I've written has ever been published.
Ernest Hemingway once said
all he wanted to do was write one true sentence.
He also tried to scratch an itch on the back of his head with a shotgun.
(APPLAUDING)
I've always dreamed of being a famous author,
of creating an important work.
Something that connected with people and helped them
as they suffered through the human condition.
Also something that made a shitload of cash.
(COINS CLINKING)
I've written novels, books, magazine articles and even children's stories.
All have been rejected.
I did sell a few greeting cards once, though.
It felt pretty good.
I don't find the creative process in itself rewarding enough.
I have to be honest, I want to reach an audience.
This is my fifth novel.
I've promised myself that if this one is rejected,
I'll give up writing.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Come on, boy, we're late. Hey, buddy, I...
Kyle? Oh, fuck. What the fuck? God! Kyle?
Dad? What are you doing?
- What are you doing? - God, I was coming, you fag!
Jesus Christ! I thought you were dead.
- Do you knock? Please! - I knocked.
- Okay, yep. - Out!
- God, I... - Get out of my room!
- I'm out. I'm gone. I'm out of here. - You ever heard of privacy? You freak!
Yeah, I'm the weird one. Yeah. Oh, God.
(SIGHS) What the fuck?
(INVISIBLE PLAYING)
KYLE: Dad?
Dad? Dad!
Oh, yeah. Right.
(TURNS MUSIC OFF)
You were up early.
- You're not funny. - Okay.
What a Monday.
(TURNS MUSIC ON)
Why are we listening to this?
'Cause I like Bruce Hornsby.
Stop it.
Bruce Hornsby is a fag.
- He's got kids, Kyle. - You have a kid.
- Mmm. - And you're a fag.
- Why? Because I like Bruce Hornsby? - Yeah.
Well, put on some music you like, Kyle. Okay?
No, I fucking hate music.
- You hate music? - Yeah.
- All music? - Yes.
You know, the only thing queerer than music are the people who like it.
All music is gay now? What about heavy metal?
That's probably the faggiest of all the fag music out there.
Kyle, you could have died this morning.
Well, of embarrassment.
- What you're doing is dangerous. - What? Beating off?
- No, no. Not that. We all have needs, Kyle. - Needs? What are you talking about?
Masturbation is natural, okay?
- Oh, you know what's not natural? - What?
Talking about jerking off with your dad, that's not natural. Shit.
- Don't do that, please, okay? - Why?
Because your feet are dirty.
Because I said so.
(SCREECHES)
(SIGHS)
- KYLE: Whoa, let me out here. - Let me park in the lot.
Lance, I'm gonna look like a dillweed walking in with you, all right?
It's bad for my rep.
- Don't call me Lance. - It's your name, isn't it? Lance?
(INVISIBLE PLAYING)
Slow down, boys.
- Morning. - Morning.
(INDISTINCT)
Danny.
Morning.
- Good morning, Lance. - Morning, Principal Anderson.
- What was that? - Oh, personal mail.
But I used my own postage.
- Mmm. Good. - Right.
- May I speak with you for a moment? - Sure.
Your poetry course, it's not very popular.
- Neither is poetry, sir. - Mmm.
But the few who take it, they get a lot out of it.
Yes, yes, I'm sure they do.
But I am sorry, if your class enrolment doesn't improve by next semester,
we're going to have to drop it.
We're only budgeted for one English elective
and Mike Lane's Creative Writing course is quite the hit.
Mmm.
- I just wanted to give you a heads-up. - Well, thank you, sir.
Hey, what's going on, Mr L?
- Hey, how you doin', man? - Good. How are you?
- Ready for tonight's game? - You're gonna be there?
- I'll be there. Of course. - Good.
- Throw a touchdown for me, all right? - Of course!
Hey, Lancelot! What's up, buddy?
- Not much, Mike. - All right.
- Morning, Miss Reed. - Hello, Mr Clayton.
- How are you? - Good. How are you?
Mmm.
Ah, my favourite.
I thought teachers weren't supposed to have favourites.
Not favourite students.
(CHUCKLING) I'm a lucky guy. How does a lump like me get a dame like you?
Don't insult my taste. I'm the lucky guy.
- You've finished? - Yeah.
I wanted you to be the first to read it.
- I'm honoured. - Really?
Maybe I'll take you someplace fancy for dinner.
How about you come over to my place for something hot and spicy?
Is that a double entendre?
- No, I was just going to make you my chilli. - Oh.
- And then bang you. - Great!
You have a very professional day, Miss Reed.
- Right back at you, Mr Clayton. - Take care.
Have an extremely professional day.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
Andrew, I want to show you something.
What is it?
Ew, is that woman being crapped on?
Happy birthday. It's fucking German Scheisse porn.
All right, dude? It's fucking hot, right, yo?
No, dude, what the fuck is wrong with you, yo?
Nothing. You wouldn't say that if you lived in Europe.
I mean, these Europeans are much more broad-minded
than these uptight Americans. Shit's huge in Germany.
Yeah, well, we're not in Europe and I don't like that kind of stuff.
- Yeah, I know, that's 'cause you're a fag. - Dude, it's gross.
- I'd do it to someone. - Oh.
I would. I'd chilli-dog her.
Hi, Jennifer.
Come on, baby. That pussy's not gonna eat itself.
What the fuck did you just say?
Uh, nothing.
- You're a fucking pig. - Wow, okay.
Hold that.
(GRUNTING)
No, no, no. Get off me, you dumb jock!
What are you talking about? I don't even play sports.
Hey! Come on, guys, knock it off. Knock it off!
Yeah. Yeah, that's right, bitch.
Oh, you're gonna help me up?
- (ALL EXCLAIMING) - Come on.
Can't you control that animal?
Now, come on, tough guy, let's go. Let's go, guys. Come on.
Kyle, what did you say to Jennifer?
Nothing.
He said that her pussy is not going to eat itself.
Do you hear that? You are... That is rude.
- And you're a pervert. - Be quiet.
Kyle, is that what you said?
No.
Jennifer, Chris, get back to class.
Kyle, I need to speak with you and your father.
Kyle, right now you're on academic probation
and your grades show no sign of improvement.
If you don't straighten up,
I'm going to have to expel you. Do you understand?
Yes, Mr Anderson. I do understand.
Now get out of here. And no more trouble.
Wait for me outside.
Lance, this isn't easy for me.
- What isn't easy, Mr Anderson? - How's Kyle been acting at home?
I mean, does he seem normal to you?
Oh, yeah.
Oh. You and I both know that sometimes these things take a long time to surface.
What things?
Well, I think that Kyle's poor grades and acting out
show signs of a serious development problem.
He belongs in a special-needs school
where he can get the proper attention and care that he requires...
- What? - That's nothing to be ashamed of.
Sir, he's... He's not slow.
He's just being a pain. Give him another chance.
Well, I have. I've given him many chances.
That's true.
(SIGHS)
All right.
All right, but he'd better start showing signs of improvement and quickly.
And he's got to stop disturbing the other students.
Thank you, sir. Thank you.
Thank you.
- You're grounded. - I'll run away.
- Oh, and live with your mother? - And her boy-toy Todd? That's a great idea.
- Okay. I'll take away your computer. - No, you won't.
Yes, I will.
Jesus Christ, Kyle, what did I do to deserve this?
I didn't ask to be born.
Neither did I.
Boo-hoo.
WOMAN: You are so funny!
- Wait, read from here. - Starting there.
- What are you reading? - "We don't experience it as a restriction!"
(ALL LAUGHING)
- What's that? - Oh, God, you are so funny.
It's... Come here. Give it to me.
Oh, this is embarrassing.
- Mike got published in The New Yorker. - The New Yorker!
- Hello! - The New Yorker?
WOMAN: It's about the first robot that joins the NBA.
- It's like a parody about racism. - CLAIRE: Racism.
- It's hysterical. - No, it isn't.
No, it is seriously so good.
Called "I, forward." Get it?
Yeah, like I, Robot.
- WOMAN: Right, but "I, forward." - Yeah.
It's really hard getting in The New Yorker.
- It is? - Yeah, really.
It's the first thing I submitted.
- That's amazing. I'm amazed. - WOMAN: God, are you serious?
The first thing? No. That's great.
- Good for you. - What's that?
Mike got published in The New Yorker.
- You don't say! May I see it? - Sure.
It's about racism.
Hot dog! Now, don't go getting too famous on us.
What's that?
Mike published an article in The New Yorker. Take a look at that.
(EXCLAIMING) Right on. You dog, you dog!
Yeah!
This should be read at assembly.
Now, that is a great idea. Mike, would you read it at the assembly?
If you twist my arm, all right.
- May I take this with me? - Yeah, sure.
- Can I read it after him? - No problem.
That's awesome. Congratulations. Blow my whistle.
Come on, The New Yorker! For The New Yorker! Yeah!
(ALL CHEERING)
Wow, I cannot wait to get my own copy.
Oh, The New Yorker. It's not a national, but that's amazing.
- No... - Actually, it is a national magazine.
- It's national. - Really?
- Whoa, I didn't know that. - CLAIRE: Mmm.
- How's Kyle? - Great.
Raising a son is so hard.
Don't get me wrong, my Hunter is the best thing that ever happened to me.
But man, can he be a handful.
- How old is he? - Two, going on 20.
Oh, God.
- The kid's a player. - Well, I wonder where he gets that from.
I have no idea.
How's he dealing with the separation?
Real well.
- I didn't know you were separated. - Yeah. I mean, it's been tough,
but his mother and I were supposed to make a baby together.
We just weren't supposed to live together.
- That's so sad. - Yeah. Thanks.
- How often do you see him? - Every other weekend.
They're not kidding when they say that raising a child
is the toughest job you'll ever love.
Mmm. Well, you sound like a great dad.
Ah, well, I try my best.
(LAUGHING)
- Hi, Andrew. - Hey.
I enjoy our little chats.
WOMAN: (ON COMPUTER) Oh, yeah.
- Kyle? - Hi, Dad.
- What are you doing? - What? Nothing.
What's Andrew doing here?
What? Don't bother Andrew, all right? He has asthma.
Then he shouldn't be having milk products.
- What? - Listen, you're grounded. Send him home.
I can't send him home, Dad! God, man, you never listen to me.
I told you, he doesn't have a father and he has a mother who's an alcoholic.
Kyle, send him home. You don't get to have friends over.
Fine, you know what? You can send him home.
I'm not gonna do that to this guy.
Okay? You don't care about anyone but yourself.
- Kyle? - You're so... What? What do you want?
Do you want to do some homework?
I would love to, but I can't. You have to go home.
- Why? - Oh, well, that's a question for my father.
Fine, Andrew can stay. You can do homework.
Oh, you can stay now!
- You can stay. - Go on, get in. Shut up.
- Oh, you're gonna tell me to shut up now. - Yeah, I am.
KYLE: Prick.
- Mr Clayton, do you have anything to eat? - Sure, Andrew.
Uh, I'm a vegetarian.
(LAUGHS)
Here you go, Andrew.
It's just cheese. I hope you're okay with that. Be careful. It's hot.
Thanks, Mr Clayton.
All right, Kyle, let's see how much you've got here.
On, online.
Well, "Farmers relied on good soil, worker animals, sunshine and perspiration."
You mean like sweat?
- No, perspiration. When it rains! - Uh, that's precipitation.
- No, I meant sweat. - Oh.
It's hot. You want something to drink, Andrew?
- Uh-uh. - You okay?
I'm trying to write.
- Sorry. - Please.
(MOBILE PHONE RINGING)
- Hello? Hi. - LANCE: Hey.
As soon as I finish helping Kyle with his homework,
I'm coming over to your house and putting my penis in your vagina.
(CHUCKLES)
That's a single entendre.
Oh, I should have called you earlier. I didn't get to the store, so I didn't make chilli.
Oh. Well, I'll take you out to dinner.
Oh, I don't know if that's a good idea.
I mean, we really shouldn't go out where students might see us.
Well, you know what? I'll pick up some takeout and bring it over.
Oh, would you just hate me if we did this tomorrow night instead?
I'm just not feeling that great and it's already kind of late.
No. No, tomorrow night will be great.
Okay. Are you sure you're not mad at me?
No, not at all.
Okay. Then good night, sugar.
Good night, popsicle.
(EXHALES)
Let's see how you're doing with that report, huh?
It's good.
See, Kyle?
- What are you doing? - Cool-down.
Oh. What time do you have to be home, Andrew?
It doesn't matter.
Well, you know, it's just 9:30. We can go to a video store, get a movie.
Are you stupid? I hate watching movies.
You used to like watching movies when you were a kid.
Yeah, only 'cause you wanted me to. Movies are for losers and art fags.
Oh. What would you like to do?
Um, can Andrew and I play Doom on my computer?
Yeah. Just Doom, nothing else.
- I like your dad. - My dad? He's a fucking idiot.
BOY: (READING) "Insanity laughs
"Under pressure we're cracking
"Can't we give ourselves one more chance?
"Why can't we give love one more chance?
"Why can't we give love, give love,
"give love..."
Stop. Jason, you didn't write that.
That's a Queen-Bowie song, Under Pressure.
- What were you thinking? - I didn't think you knew that one.
Jason, I'm white.
- Sit down. - Oh, boy. Thank you.
Guys, why are you here if you're not gonna even try?
Poetry is about saying something from your heart.
Something personal. Okay?
Yes, Ginger?
I have something that's kind of personal.
Great. Go ahead.
"It was raining yesterday afternoon
"Water dripping off the lilac bushes my mother loves
"And as I sat and watched the blood pour out from between my legs
"And felt the pain of motherhood myself
"I wondered if it would have been a boy or a girl."
Thank you.
That was very personal.
Thanks.
If you ever need to talk to someone, I'm here.
Why?
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
(LAUGHING)
(IT'S A GOOD DAY PLAYING)
- Hello, lamb chop. - Hello, honeydew melon.
- What's wrong? - Nothing.
- Something's bothering you. - Do you like Mike?
- What are you talking about? - Don't get mad.
I mean, I know we've never talked about not seeing anyone else.
I'm sorry I said that.
Are we still on for dinner?
(IS YOU IS OR IS YOU AIN'T MY BABY PLAYING)
(MOBILE PHONE RINGING)
- Hello? - CLAIRE: Hello, jerk.
I am so sorry.
Yeah, you're a real shitbird. Don't let it happen again.
I am such a jerk and it will never happen again.
- Hello? - CLAIRE: I'm in here!
Oh, great. Thanks.
That's great.
- It's an interesting piece. - Yeah?
- You're an interesting piece. - Oh!
(BOTH MOANING)
This is just like high school, right?
Except I didn't have any girlfriends in high school.
Oh, well, those girls were idiots. I would have been your girlfriend.
Oh.
If we had a time machine, let's see...
Mmm, I'd be in high school and you'd be a foetus.
I think that's...
- No, that's not cool. - No, not cool.
I'm sorry.
Ala la la la.
Weekend summary, we did nothing, followed by nothing,
with a grand finale of nothing.
About time, Felter.
I think they're doing it.
What? You think that they're fucking?
Andrew, Andrew, look, you have to know that fucking pussy is virgin shit, all right?
When I'm with a bitch, I just go straight for the brown eye.
What?
I stick my cock in her asshole.
I got that part, but you've never been with a woman.
Fuck you.
- Kyle, I'm always with you. I know. - No, you're not always with me.
- Yes, I am. - No, you're not.
Loser!
- Oh, you're fucking fucked! You're fucking... - Let it go, Kyle. They're not worth it.
(LAUGHING)
"Ha, ha," yeah. That's right. Laugh it up, you fucking whores.
Don't be shy. There you go.
(MOANING)
Yeah. Oh.
LANCE: Hey, buddy. What you doin'?
I'm doing my homework. What does it look like I'm doing?
Oh.
- What? - Nothing. Need a hand?
You know, your report, or...
No. No, it's... No.
Okay.
Hey, listen. I'm going on a date tonight.
And if you're hungry, I could fix you some food before I go.
You're going on a date with who?
Well, no one's supposed to know because it could cause problems at school.
Claire.
Claire? Do I know this Claire?
Miss Reed. Hmm?
(LAUGHS) Really? You're going out with the TILF, that's great.
- The what? - TILF.
- Teacher I'd like to fuck. - Nice mouth.
Hey, it's just what the other kids at school call her.
What do you think about Miss Reed?
Well, she's got a hot body, helmet's okay. Do her from behind.
Hey, come on now!
Kyle, when did you become such a pervert?
You sound like your uncle Pete. There's more to a woman than that.
I mean, what you think about her personality?
Oh, um, nah.
She's pretty stuck-up and she's a phoney.
Why do I even tell you these things?
(PHONE RINGING)
- CLAIRE: Hello? - Hey.
- Hi. - We still on for some vittles?
Oh, I'm so sorry I didn't call you sooner. My mother is having a nervous breakdown.
Her dog got burnt by a hair crimper.
They were playing fetch or something. She's fucking bananas.
Ah.
I'm so sorry about tonight. You're not mad, are you?
Mmm, not at all.
Okay, good night, cupcakes.
Good night, watermelon sherbet.
(BLUES SONG PLAYING)
(COUGHING)
- Your pot smells like shit. - Oh. Oh, sorry.
- That's okay. - Would you like some?
Are you kidding? I can barely breathe.
Oh, I'm really sorry. Oh.
(WOMAN COUGHING)
However, if you were to offer me some pot brownies, I wouldn't say no.
- Really? - Yeah.
Tonight, when you're getting changed,
would you mind pulling your bedroom drapes?
Why?
I think my son watches you.
- Get out of here. - No, no. I think he watches you change.
- Your son? - Mmm-hmm.
- I thought he was a zombie. - I wish. I like zombies.
Oh, yeah, you do? Me, too. I do.
- Really? - Yeah.
Oh, I like the early zombie movies like Night of the Living Dead.
Me, too.
- Oh, yeah, don't watch that one alone. - I don't like the new ones.
- No. Zombies are too fast, you know? - Yeah, too fast. Yeah.
I believe, like Simon Pegg said,
"Death is an impediment, not an energy drink."
(BOTH LAUGHING)
- What are you doing? - Jesus! Dad, you almost made me crap.
Did you get your homework done?
- Yeah, a long time ago. - Yeah.
- (CHUCKLING) Yeah. - What?
- Are you stoned? - No.
Seriously, you smell like pot. Are you smoking pot?
- No. - You can tell me.
- No. - You're not using grass?
No, you don't use grass. No.
Then what's that smell?
(CHUCKLES) What smell? It's probably a skunk outside or something, you know.
Oh, yeah, sure, a skunk.
Hey, you know what? Why don't we do something together tomorrow?
- Why? 'Cause you feel bad? - Yeah. No.
I mean, it'd be just fun to do something together, you know?
- Okay. - Mmm.
Yeah. Yeah, like build a rocket?
- Sure, if you want to. - That's retarded.
Yeah.
- What do you want to do? - Nothing.
Oh, come on now, Kyle, you must be passionate about something.
- You want to know what I like? - Yeah.
- I like looking at vaginas all day long. - Ah.
(LAUGHING)
- There you go. - Yeah.
But maybe do something non-vagina-related.
You know, outside the vagina.
Okay, uh, we could go to the mall.
- Okay. And then we'll catch a movie. - Yeah, sure, at the mall, you know?
And then we'll maybe look for a new computer.
No. No, no, we'll just hang.
Well, Dad, did I tell you that we had to buy a new computer?
No, I said,
if you were listening to me, that we could look for a new computer, okay?
And then we'll go to your movie.
Okay. But we're not buying a new computer.
Yeah, all right. Sounds fun.
- This isn't the biggest screen. - Jesus Christ, how about a thank-you?
Are you on your period or something? Can I not say anything?
Hey, isn't that... Isn't that Mike with Miss Reed?
Yeah, it is.
Dude, I wouldn't let my bitch treat me that way.
- You don't have a bitch. - How do you know?
- Hi, Kyle. - Hey.
- Mr Clayton. - Hello, Andrew.
Oh, wow, so he got it for you.
- Sweet. - Not that sweet. It's not the biggest one.
Dad, we're gonna go home and hook this up.
- What about going to the movies? - Dad, we'll go to dinner later!
Okay, fine.
Uh, what are you gonna do, Mr Clayton?
Oh, probably go to the movies by myself, Andrew.
Andrew! What are you doing?
You're carrying that the rest of the way.
What, are you gonna cry? Fucking pussy.
Goddamn it.
(MOBILE PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
Hey, it's me.
What did you do today?
I was with Mike. He was having a breakdown about his divorce.
He was depressed 'cause he had to go to this wedding,
so I went with him to the mall and helped him pick out a suit to wear.
I know, I saw you two there.
You did? Why didn't you say hi?
I don't know. It seemed weird.
Does it bother you that I have male friends?
No, it bothers me you keep our relationship secret
and you're out in public with him.
Okay. What are you doing tonight, hmm?
Let's go out. We'll go out someplace fancy. Someplace the world can see us.
How about Outback Steakhouse?
(CHUCKLES) Oh.
Anyone who's anybody will be there. You know, we can have Aussietizers...
You know, wait, I can't. I promised Kyle I'd take him out.
Let me take both of you out. It'll be my treat.
Really?
Oh. That's so nice.
- Hey, Kyle. - I'm in here.
- Why do you always tip over this photo? - 'Cause I hate it. I look inbred.
I think you look handsome.
- We're going out to dinner tonight with Claire. - What? No.
- No, we're not. - Oh, come on.
Well, I thought she was seeing Mr Lane.
They're just friends and she's trying to help him out through a tough time...
Why am I explaining this to you, Kyle?
Dad, okay, look, it's bad enough being seeing with a teacher as a dad,
but being seen with two teachers is AIDS.
Okay, get dressed, put on something nice.
If you don't act right at dinner, I'll stab you in the face.
So what do you like to do, Kyle?
- Nothing. - Nothing?
- You must like to do something. - No.
Kyle just got a new monitor for his computer.
So what do you like to do on the computer?
Oh, well, you know, it's funny you ask, I like...
Games, mostly.
- Kyle, who are you texting? - Andrew.
Well, why don't you give it a break while we're eating, son?
- No, I can't do that. It's important. - Put it away!
(CHUCKLES)
So, Kyle, do you have a girlfriend?
I'm not gonna talk to you about my personal affairs.
- Okay. - Oh. Watch out.
Are you guys doing it?
Yeah, all the time. Non-stop.
I'm hurting right now.
(LAUGHING)
Let's not make me throw up.
(ALL LAUGHING)
So, do you play sports?
No, no. I'm a big spaz like my dad.
Well, I was on the dive team in college.
Diving's not really a sport, it's falling.
(CHUCKLING)
I'm sorry. No offence. It's just funny.
Hey, why don't we rent a movie after dinner?
Sure, as long as it's not horror.
- Really? - I do not like horror.
Zombies? Are you okay with zombies?
- No. - Oh, right.
CLAIRE: Do you like musicals? I love musicals.
LANCE: Bob Fosse was a great director, you know.
I mean, he did Sweet Charity and All That Jazz.
- Cabaret. - Oh, one of the great Nazi musicals of all time.
- Besides The Sound of Music, you know? - Mmm.
Then he did Star 80. That was not a musical, but, you know.
CLAIRE: I only like the musicals. LANCE: Oh, well.
Me, too.
- Willy Wonka. - Which one?
Well, Gene Wilder.
- I like Johnny Depp. - Oh!
Yeah. But you know what? I like Gene Wilder
- in Young Frankenstein. - (MIMICS) Frankenstein.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
LANCE: "What hump?"
- Did you see it? - No.
Oh, you should. It's amazing.
- Really wonderful. - Yeah.
- Everybody's seen it. - I'm sure.
- CLAIRE: Yeah. - Mmm-hmm.
- Night, Miss Reed. - Good night, Kyle.
So, do you think you're gonna hit that shit tonight?
- Shut up! - Come on, dude. That shit's tight, dude.
Seriously, if you don't nail her... Hey, hey...
If you don't nail her, dude, you're an asshole.
Will you stop it?
Don't act like you don't think about pussy all the time, too.
I know you do. That's why you're dropping me off first.
- I get it. You want me to go. - LANCE: No, no.
I just wanna say good night to her alone, okay?
- With your cock. - Kyle, you ruin everything.
Will you just shut the fuck up?
Jesus, man. You fucking need to get laid. Go over there.
- I'll be right back. - All right.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do, okay?
Short of killing her, that leaves me a lot of room.
Hey, baby.
- See you tomorrow, Kyle. - Night, whore.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
- Hey! - (BOTH MOANING)
- That was fun. - The kiss?
- Mmm-hmm. - I'll show you fun. Come on.
- Oh, not tonight. - Wow. Are you shooting me down?
Listen, I'd love to stay, but I promised Kyle I'd be right back.
- (WHINING) Kyle doesn't like me. - Oh, no. He likes you a lot.
- No. - Mmm-hmm.
He told me that when I dropped him off.
- He did? - Yeah. He said I was a lucky guy.
No, I'm the lucky guy.
- I gotta go. - Oh, come on. He's almost an adult.
- Yeah. - Mmm-hmm.
- Huh? - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
So, how are you gonna drive home with that boner, huh?
I don't know. There's a stick-shift joke there somewhere,
but I can't find it 'cause all the blood's leaving my brain.
Sleep well.
Hey.
Oh, that's sweet. Mmm.
- I'll call you tomorrow. - Oh, boo! You're mean.
- Good night, sweet pea. - Good night, cream cheese.
You know, I... (SCOFFS) Damn you.
- You sure? - (SIGHS)
I'm back.
Kyle.
Hey, Kyle.
Oh, oh, Kyle. I told you to stop doing that.
Kyle?
(DON'T BE AFRAID, YOU'RE ALREAD Y DEAD PLAYING)
- Welcome back, Lance. - Hi.
- Are you okay? - Yeah.
If you need more time off, take it. Nobody here would fault you for that.
No, I'm okay. Thanks.
Ginger.
Hey, Mike.
- It's good to have you back, Lancelot. - Thanks.
- Mr Clayton. - Andrew.
- How are you doing? - Okay.
- I'm really sorry. - Thanks.
- And I'm sorry about my mom. - Why?
'Cause she threw up in your planter at that thing at your house after the funeral.
- I wondered who did that. - She drinks too much.
I know. Don't worry, Andrew.
- It meant a lot to me that you came. - Thanks, Mr Clayton.
Mr Clayton.
- Something doesn't make sense to me. - What, Andrew?
Did Kyle seemed that bummed-out to you?
- What do you mean? - To do what he did. He just...
It's just, he didn't seem that sad.
Andrew, Kyle was a complex guy.
Yeah, I'll say.
Hey.
How are you?
I'm okay.
Good.
I want to apologise that I haven't been there more for you.
It's just that I don't do death well.
Don't worry about it. You know, I... I've been kind of a zombie lately anyway.
I'm really sorry. Please don't be mad.
I'm not.
- Let's do something soon, all right? - All right.
Cheer up, pumpkin.
- I like you. - Thanks.
ANDERSON: Hardly anyone came to the funeral.
- I felt bad. I should have gone. - Don't blame yourself. It was a weekday.
(DOOR OPENING)
Lance, this is Mr Pentola.
- Mr Pentola. - Doctor.
ANDERSON: Dr Pentola.
Nice to meet you, Mr Clayton. I'm very sorry for your loss.
- Thank you. - Dr Pentola is a therapist.
We called him in because we were afraid Kyle's death may trigger other suicides.
- He's a grief counsellor. - Oh.
Before we begin, I've read a lot of suicide notes
and this one seemed...
- Deep. - Really?
I need to ask you a question.
And I want you to be completely honest with me.
Of course.
- Did Kyle have any friends? - Excuse me?
- Well, it's just no one's come to see me. - You'd have to know Kyle.
Well, I shouldn't say "no one".
A couple of kids came in with age-appropriate depression, eating disorders.
- One kid came in with head lice. - I know him.
Not really my area of expertise, but no one's come to talk about Kyle.
LANCE: Hmm. Oh.
Who were his friends?
- Andrew Troutman. - And who else?
That's it. Kyle was kind of a Ioner.
A Ione wolf.
I'll have to ask Andrew to come and see me.
And, Lance, that goes for you, too.
If you need to talk, if you wanna get anything off your chest,
please, just come and see me.
Of course, doc, I will.
- Thank you, Lance. - You're welcome, Mr Anderson.
All right, guys, who wants to read next?
(KIDS CLAMOURING)
All right. Who's gonna give me $20?
- (ALL EXCLAIMING) - Oh, come on now.
- (ALL LAUGHING) - MIKE: All right. All right. Okay.
Jason.
Go ahead.
Negro?
I may be young, but I'm not your boy.
I won't pick your cotton or pick up your dishes.
Yeah, I sing, I dance.
But I do it with the dignity of my ancestors.
I am not your monkey.
Right on.
Stay black, y'all.
Anybody else have their haiku?
(CRYING)
(SOBBING)
- CLAIRE: Hello? - Hey, sweet tarts.
Hey.
How are you? What are you doing?
I'm watching Mike play basketball.
Oh.
- You okay? - Yeah.
- You sure? - Oh, yeah.
- (GASPS) Oh, my God! - What?
I got to go. Mike just won the basketball game.
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
Yeah, Mike!
- Hi. - Hi.
- I made you something. - What?
- Those brownies. - Oh!
- Oh. - Yeah.
Well, I'll come over and have some.
I was thinking maybe I could come in and we'd eat them together.
No, I can't.
- Why not? - I'm busy.
- Bonnie, I really need to talk to somebody. - I don't like people in my apartment.
My apartment is a little sad right now, you know?
If I let you in, you can't tell anybody.
- Okay. - Okay.
So...
- Brownies, huh? - Yeah.
- Come in. - Ah.
Please don't tell anybody, okay?
Because I don't wanna get thrown out of here.
- Oh, I promise. - Thanks.
I know it's a fire hazard and I know it's not rational,
but I feel that if I throw anything out,
something terrible will happen.
- No, I understand that. - Good.
What's wrong, sweetie?
I know my son was a jerk, but I miss him.
- Hey. Of course you do. - Mmm.
It'll get better.
- It doesn't feel like it right now. - Mmm.
Do you know that I have read every one of your books?
- How? - How?
- You threw 'em out. - Oh, yeah.
You are very talented.
- Really? - Honest.
You have a gift and you can't give up.
I won't.
Listen, they're gonna have a zombie marathon on television
and I cordially invite you, sir.
- Oh, well, bless you, madam. - Uh-huh.
- It's a date. - Good.
Don't forget the brownies.
- I won't forget. - No.
Your dog's staring at me.
What dog?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
I got ya.
- ANDERSON: Lance! - Oh.
- I'm glad I caught you. - What's up?
(SIGHS) You know that while we respect individual privacy,
we also respect freedom of speech and expression here at school?
Yeah.
Well, one of the kids on the paper went online
and they found Kyle's police report, the report of his death.
And now they've gone and published his suicide note.
- Oh, my God. - Yeah. I just found out about it.
I thought you should know. It's all over campus.
- Really? - Yeah.
- You... Are you gonna be all right? - Sure.
Yeah. I'm really sorry about this, Lance.
- It's that goddamn First Amendment, huh? - Yeah.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
LANCE: "To all those I hate, I don't know why I'm writing this.
"You never cared about what I thought or felt while I was alive.
"Besides, you're all too shallow to comprehend the pain I feel."
(I HOPE I BECOME A GHOST PLAYING)
LANCE: "Which brings me to you, Dad.
- "Don't blame yourself." - KYLE: Don't blame yourself.
- "You tried hard... - You tried hard...
- "...and were the best dad a kid could want." ...and were the best dad a kid could want.
- "I blame me doing this on a defect in me." - I blame me doing this on a defect in me.
KYLE: In my soul.
I'm sorry.
I love you, Dad.
Has anyone seen Carl or Steven?
BOY: Mmm-hmm.
Oh, you have? So they're in school?
Yeah, I saw 'em this morning.
First of all, I want to thank you all for being here, especially the newcomers.
It means a lot to me.
Who has experience with writing poetry?
- Yes, Heather. - Can I ask a question?
- Sure. - What was Kyle's favourite band?
Uh, he liked Bruce Hornsby.
- Yes, Ray? - Did he listen to any metal?
- A little Ozzy. - I knew it.
Anybody have any questions about poetry or, you know...
- Yes, Jason? - Did the boy know Jesus before he went?
Well, I would say he was an agnostic, but I think he was spiritual in his own way.
- Yeah. Yes, Heather? - What's his sign?
- Oh, he was born April 18th, so... - Aries. (MOUTHING)
I can't believe you didn't know that.
You know, anybody know Ezra Pound?
Lawrence Ferlinghetti?
You know what Kyle really liked?
- Emily Dickinson. - What band is that?
- Uh, it wasn't a band. She was a poet. - Is she hot?
She was a Victorian.
If you like your buttoned-down girls, she was one of 'em.
- (CHUCKLES) Nice. - (SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
PETER: Mr Clayton. LANCE: Peter.
PETER: Can I talk to you? LANCE: Sure.
It's about Kyle's note. It affected me a lot.
Well, it seemed to affect a lot of students.
(SIGHS)
- I'm not happy, Mr Clayton. - Mmm?
I'm living a lie. I'm gay.
And Kyle's suicide note,
it's helped me get the courage to come out finally.
Well, are you sure you want to do that?
I'm misunderstood too, just like he was.
- I just want to be happy. - Good for you, Peter. I wish you the best.
Thank you.
BOY: Hey, Mr Clayton. GIRL: Hi.
- Mr Clayton. - Ginger.
- Kyle was right. Emily Dickinson's great. - Isn't she?
- HEATHER: Mr Clayton? - Yes.
- I wrote another poem. - Can't wait to hear it, Heather.
- John. Doctor. - Hey.
Claire.
Mr C, what's up?
"Milky white skin and hair so brown
"I wish I had known how bad you hurt
"I could have held you while you cried
"You were too sweet to stay in this harsh world
"But I will always keep you close to my heart
"My angel in cargo pants."
BOY: Oh, wow.
(ALL APPLAUDING)
(ALL CHEERING)
He was such a sweet kid.
And kind.
(DOOR OPENING)
Oh, please. They're everywhere.
(SIGHS) As a father,
I don't know what I'd do if Hunter did something like this.
- My heart really goes out to you, Lance. - Thanks.
It's so sad. I didn't know he was such a good writer.
Did he write anything else?
Yeah, he did.
I know it's really personal, but do you think I could read it?
Well, if you came over to my apartment...
I just don't want his stuff out there, you know, floating around.
- Sure. How about tonight? - Great.
My play-off game's tonight.
Oh! All right. Not the lip.
- You know I can't take the lip. - Oh, thanks, Mike.
What time?
I'm gonna need a little time because, you know, I haven't cleaned.
Yeah, I understand.
Well, 8:00?
That's great.
Good luck tonight.
Thanks.
- Lf you think this is a bad idea... - No, no, no. Not at all.
I found something Kyle wrote and I really think you need to hear it.
Okay.
This is from his journal.
"I went out to dinner with my dad and Claire tonight.
"I'm so happy for him,
"but at the same time seeing them together only proves that I'll never be happy.
"I know I'll never find a woman like her.
"So pretty, so perfect.
"She seems to complete him.
"I hope they make it.
"I hope they last.
"I hope I'm leaving my dad in good hands.
(CRYING)
"No one could ever get me.
"I don't even get me."
(SOBBING) Oh!
I didn't know anyone could feel that way about me.
- He did like me. He really did. - Oh, yeah, he did. He really did.
I thought you were lying to make me feel better.
No. I'd never do that.
- Really? - Really.
Oh!
(CLAIRE MOANING)
Mr Clayton.
- Good morning, Heather. - Yes. Good morning.
Do you have anything of Kyle's?
- What? - That I could have?
- No. - Oh.
Wait a second.
Here you go.
Bruce Hornsby?
That was his favourite.
Thank you.
(LANCE CLEARS THROAT)
I need to talk about last night.
Yeah, I need to talk about last night, too.
- Yeah. - (SIGHS)
I'm tired of hiding our relationship.
(CHUCKLING) Yeah.
(LAUGHS)
- Dan. - Lance.
- Ginger. - Mr Clayton, look at this.
Oh.
Heather.
PETER: Hey, Mr C.
Oh, Peter.
- Don't leave me hanging. - Oh! Uh...
(PETER LAUGHS)
I don't know if Kyle ever told you, but he and I were kinda bros.
- Really? - I'm gonna win this game tonight
- in his honour. - Great, Peter.
- Mr Clayton? - Andrew.
- It doesn't seem right, does it? - What doesn't seem right?
How everyone is acting. Like they liked Kyle.
No, it doesn't.
You know what else is weird?
- What? - Kyle's suicide note.
In what way?
That stuff about being an insignificant molecule,
bouncing around in a meaningless, godless universe.
Don't take this the wrong way, but Kyle was, uh...
- What? - Kind of dumb.
Ha! No. Kyle was actually smart, Andrew.
He... You know, he just pretended to be dumb, even around you,
so, you know, people wouldn't pick on him.
Yeah, maybe.
GINGER: It's mine! HEATHER: Let go, you crazy whore!
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
Hey! Oh! Get off!
- You didn't even like Kyle! - You didn't like Kyle!
Shut up, whore!
- (HEATHER SCREAMING) - (STUDENTS EXCLAIMING)
(HEATHER GRUNTING)
Bruce Hornsby?
- LANCE: I need to talk to someone. - That's why I'm here.
I feel terrible.
Suicide leaves many victims. Don't beat yourself up.
Kyle may have been suffering from a chemical imbalance.
And I know that the note being published has caused you some distress,
but in many ways, it's been a very positive thing.
Students are coming to see me. It's the breakthrough I've been waiting for.
Who knows how many of these kids
I can help because they're reaching out for the first time?
You have to remember the part where Kyle writes,
"I love you, Dad."
- But what if he didn't really feel that way? - But he did.
Lance, suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems.
And who knows how many kids we won't lose because of that note?
Keep your chin up knowing that Kyle may have not died in vain.
(SHADOW HAND PLAYING)
- Dr Pentola. - Lance, you don't look so good.
Well, I had kind of a rough weekend. I did a lot of soul-searching
and I thought about what you said about Kyle's note
and the effect on the other kids, and, uh...
(WHISPERING) This is Kyle's journal. I brought it to you to read.
I want you to read it
and if you think it'll be of value to the other kids,
I want to publish it and hand it out to them.
- I'll see if I can't give it a look. - (SIGHING) Oh, thanks.
LANCE: Well?
- It's so sad. - Yeah.
I mean, Kyle was such a strong, powerful writer.
So tortured.
Yes, he was.
(CLAIRE SIGHING)
What are you going to call it?
I was thinking, I Am What I Hate.
What?
"I am what I hate." Kyle wrote that in chapter six.
Oh.
- Really? - Yeah.
- I don't like it at all. - Why?
It's...
- To me, a better title... - Mmm-hmm.
...would be, You Don't Know Me.
Oh.
You know? Because we didn't know him.
- But he didn't write that, though. I mean... - Yeah, but he felt that.
Mmm-hmm, you're... You're inferring that from him.
- Yes. - Oh.
I Am What I Hate doesn't make sense as a title.
Give me a kiss. (CLICKING TONGUE) Aw!
(CLAIRE MOANING)
- (GIGGLING) Come here. - Oh.
(GENIUS PLAYING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
- Everybody loves the book. - Yes, they do.
- You did the right thing. - Yeah. Yeah.
- Fuck me. - I am.
Harder.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
No, no, no. From behind.
(PANTING) Oh, okay. Okay.
(GRUNTING CONTINUES)
- Like that? - Yeah.
- Okay. - To the left. To the left.
- My left. My left. - Oh, sorry.
Oh, oh, yeah! Yeah! Don't stop.
Oh! Don't stop. Don't stop!
(SCREAMING) Oh, stop! Stop.
- Stop. - Okay. Sorry.
- CLAIRE: Pull my hair. - Like this?
- CLAIRE: Not... Not so hard. - Oh, okay.
Are you ready for our undead marathon?
LANCE: (OVER PHONE) Well, that's the thing. Something came up.
Kind of an emergency. I can't make it.
- Oh! Uh... - Sorry.
- No, it's okay. - Can I take a rain check?
Oh, yeah, dear. Good. Yeah, listen, I... I hope everything's okay.
Oh, yeah. It's just a small emergency.
Okay. See you.
Sorry. Bye.
- (LANCE SIGHING) - MIKE: Everything okay there, pal?
Yeah, it's great.
- Here you go. - Thanks.
You know what line really blew me away, is when Kyle wrote,
"America is one of the finest countries anyone ever stole."
That was brilliant.
Oh, he reminds me of my Hunter.
Uh, Lance, I have a confession to make. I lured you out here under false pretences.
I need to ask you something.
Would it be all right with you if we renamed the library
The Kyle Clayton Memorial Library?
But you were going to put him in a special-needs class.
Yeah.
- Yeah, and I feel really bad about that. - Oh.
He wasn't slow. Obviously he was brilliant. He was just bored.
You know, we had him totally wrong.
I just hope to God that our mistake didn't have anything to do with...
Well, with what happened.
- I'm pretty sure it didn't. - Thanks, Lance.
Your saying that means a lot.
This tribute will be an inspiration to other students
and it'll help keep Kyle's memory alive.
Sure, sir. Wyatt.
Thanks, Lance. Thanks.
(YELLING) Oh!
(GRUNTS) Just like my prom night, nothing went in the hole.
No, it's good. It's going to be a tasteful dedication.
Very tasteful.
(MOBILE PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
You're kidding me. Thank you so much.
Wow! Oh!
What?
Pentola, he sent Kyle's journal to Dr Dana. She loves it. She wants me to be on the show.
She's gonna fly me to LA.
- What's Dr Dana? - Uh, she's like Oprah.
Well, she's not as big as Oprah.
I mean, it's a good show, you know? Women seem to really like it.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
- Andrew! - Are you busy, Mr Clayton?
- Oh, no, no. Just packing for my trip. - Yeah, that TV show.
Dr Dana.
- What's up? - I feel bad.
I wish I knew he was that depressed.
- You and me both. - You know what's strange about the book?
What?
Kyle never talks about vaginas, anal sex, fisting, felching or rim jobs.
It is a little light in the felching area, you're right.
But I think it's there, Andrew, in its own way.
I was his best friend. The book is so smart and sad.
He never talked with me like that. I wish he did.
Maybe he wouldn't have done what he did.
Now, don't blame yourself, Andrew. One thing I know, he liked you.
- Then why didn't he talk to me? - What do you want me to tell you, Andrew?
Maybe it's like I told you before, he was super-smart,
he didn't want people to know
because he was afraid of being treated differently.
But that doesn't make sense. He was already treated like a freak.
And if he was that smart, he would have loved to rub their noses in it.
Oh, Jesus Christ, Andrew. Why can't you let it go, okay?
No wonder your mother drinks.
You know one of the last things Kyle said to me?
He said that you're a stupid fucking idiot.
Have a good time on your TV show. Kyle's still dead.
Andrew.
Are you almost ready? I think we should get going.
CLAIRE: I think you should keep your pants on.
- I think you should put your pants on. - CLAIRE: I'm not going to wear pants.
Oh.
- I'm really nervous. - CLAIRE: Yeah, you should be.
Mmm. Thanks.
- I'm using backward psychology. - It's not working. I have to pee again.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
- Hello. - Uh, Mr Clayton.
I don't want to be rude, but the show called again
and we really should be leaving.
Okay, thank you very much.
Baby, that was the driver. He said the show called.
We got to get going, okay?
- (CLAIRE SIGHING) - Oh, you look gorgeous.
Let's get going, come on.
- Does this make my ass look big? - No, no. Not at all.
You can't see your ass.
- What do you mean? - Well, I mean it doesn't...
So, you're saying I don't have an ass?
I'm saying your ass is there, but it's not too much.
- I'm changing again. - No.
You know, sweetheart, I really should get over there,
so I could sit down with the producer and go over with what I'm going to say.
That would really help me a lot.
- All right. - Okay.
- What do you think? - Oh, fabulous!
- I really... - Nope.
I like that dress.
Sometimes people, on the way, they throw up in my car.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Okay, let's go.
You look pretty.
- Thank you. You're so sweet. - Thanks.
- Which one of you is on the show? - I am.
Oh.
- No, you're gonna do great. - Well, thanks.
LANCE: Hi, Lance Clayton for the Dr Dana show.
- Oh, hi, guys. - Dr P!
Lance, hi. Uh, Jerry Klein. We spoke on the phone.
- Mmm-hmm. - Uh, we can let them in.
Follow me. We can go right in. We're running a little late.
- You guys hit some traffic, huh? - Oh, yeah.
- Ah, wonderful. - This is Claire, my girlfriend.
- Hi, Claudia. Jerry Klein. - Hi! Claire.
Uh, we... We're not gonna have time to go through the notes
in the green room as we planned, so we're gonna do it in make-up.
- Make-up? - And that's this way.
- Claudia? - Uh, Claire.
Thank you so much for sending the photos of Kyle. They're beautiful.
- And also the book. - I sent the book.
Is she gonna be holding up the back of the book?
I don't... That's a director question. I'm a segment producer.
Uh, how do I know when the camera is on me?
You're going to be in the friends and family section, so...
(PEOPLE CHEERING DISTANTLY)
- WOMAN: Could you grab a seat? - Okay, yeah. Sure.
Uh, I just have a couple of issues to discuss with Lance.
- Uh, Lance, do you have questions? - No, no.
- Good. Good. - Look over here, please.
So, Lance, if you should start to talk about your son...
- Mmm-hmm. ...and begin to cry...
- Yeah. - Or well up...
- Okay. - Just go with it. Don't be ashamed, okay?
- Yeah. Mmm-hmm. - And if you cry, look up.
- WOMAN: No, look down, please. - Oh.
- Don't look down. Look up. - Can you look down?
- Don't... Don't tuck your chin. - Oh, so...
And above all, don't be nervous.
- Lance, hi. - Hi.
- Look this way, please. - Mmm-hmm.
I don't mean to bug you right now. My name is Bert Green.
- I'm with McKenna Artist. - Hi, Bert.
Uh, your son's memoir is so strong. My God, it's so moving.
My heart goes out to you.
- Mmm-hmm. - WOMAN: Mmm-hmm.
- Oh, thank you. - Have you been talking to publishers?
- No. - Because I honestly think
this could be the biggest posthumous autobiography
since The Diary of Anne Frank, honestly.
- Oh, really? - Yeah, yeah.
- Oh, gosh. - No, you know what she's done for...
Yes. Yeah, that's huge.
Look, I'm going to get out of your hair right now,
but if any of this interests you, give me a call, okay?
- Okay. - Just...
Just give me a ring. It's great to meet you. Great to meet you.
Go out there and kill 'em. Do it.
Oh, okay.
(SQUEALING) Oh, now I'm nervous.
Oh, Claire, that's great.
- It's go time, all right? - Okay.
So, uh, again, Lance, I'm so sorry for your loss
and let's have a great show.
(PEOPLE APPLAUDING)
My guest today is Mr Lance Clayton.
Lance's 15-year-old son Kyle tragically took his own life.
But from this terrible story of loss arose one of hope.
Here he is to share this powerful story, Mr Lance Clayton.
- Thanks so much for joining us. - Thank you, Doctor.
We know it takes great courage for you to do this.
- Well, thank you. - Thank you so much.
DR DANA: Now, Lance... Is it all right if I call you Lance?
Yes, that's my name.
One of the most difficult things is for a parent to lose a child.
Yes. Yes, it is.
Tell us about your son Kyle.
- It's difficult, isn't it? - Yeah.
He was a sweet boy.
Kind.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. He was a sweet boy.
- I'm sorry. - But there was a lot brewing underneath?
The tragedy is I didn't know until his death how sad he was...
Or profound.
(CLICKING TONGUE)
- (LANCE SOBBING) - Here's a tissue for you.
Profound. Indeed profound.
Indeed.
You Don't Know Me.
This is so beautifully written.
I just... You know, the thing is, I didn't know... I'm so proud of him.
He was a great writer.
DR DANA: Yes, this is really remarkable work.
No matter what page I turn to,
there's something here that really moves me.
- I want to read this. - LANCE: Okay.
"Is it more important for me to be a good person
"or to be thought of as a good person?
"I'm so sick of living a life in fear of being found out for the phoney I am.
"A life where I don't trust anyone's intentions, including my own."
Wow, that is really deep.
Hard to imagine that it was written by a 15-year-old.
He was an old soul.
You know, I'm not going to pretend that I know what's going on
in the mind of a teenager. All I'm saying is, Kyle made a mistake.
If you're that depressed, reach out to someone.
And remember, suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems.
- Do you want my job? - No.
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) - Please, Dana, no. Thank you.
Again, the book, You Don't Know Me.
And my guest has been Lance Clayton.
- (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) - Thank you.
You were so good!
(CLAIRE SQUEALING EXCITEDLY)
Thanks, doll.
- And I'm so glad you used my title. - Oh, it's a great title.
(PHONE RINGING)
- Hello? - Lance, hi. It's Bert Green.
- Hi! - BERT: You were so great on Dr Dana.
Oh, thanks, Bert.
It was like... It was like watching a ballet.
Hey, do you have time to meet tomorrow?
Because there's a number of publishers who are dying to meet with you.
Well, really, no. Actually, we have to head back tomorrow.
They're dedicating the school library in Kyle's honour.
Good for him. Good, I mean, good for you.
That's good. Hey, uh, let's do it soon.
Because this book is hot. It's like a volcano on the sun.
Wow! That's... That's a lot of heat.
I'm going to get a hold of you soon. Okay? Bye.
Lance, Lance! Oh, God. I'm glad I caught you.
- Oh, your book is on fire. - Oh.
It is. This is... This is Bill Tobin.
- Hi. - From Simon and Simon.
- Carl Kleinman from Howard Publishing. - Hi.
And this is George Kenny from Kaufmann Press.
They love your book and they wanna meet with you.
It's true.
Really. We're not going to bother with that right now.
They're going to have a chance to talk with you after the dedication, okay?
- Great. - Okay?
And... And they also want a book of yours, too.
- That's amazing. - Yeah.
- Okay. We'll see you in there. - Yeah.
I'm so proud of you, lamb chop.
Thanks.
(CLAIRE CHUCKLING EXCITEDLY)
Mr Clayton.
- Bruce Hornsby! - We wrote Mr Hornsby and he came.
Hey, man, when I heard what a fan Kyle was, I thought, "How can I say no?"
LANCE: Thanks.
(LANCE SIGHING)
STUDENT: (WHISPERING) Bruce Hornsby.
I'd like to dedicate this song to my biggest fan, Kyle Clayton.
(ALL APPLAUDING)
(PIANO PLAYING)
BRUCE: # Another song came and went like the times that we spent
# Hiding out from the rain under the carnival tent
# I laughed and she'd smile
# It would last for a while
# You don't know what you got till you lose it all again
# Listen to the mandolin rain
# Listen to the music on the lake
# Listen to my heart break every time she runs away
# Listen to the banjo wind A sad song drifting low
# Listen to the tears roll down my face as she turns to go
# Listen to the tears as they roll
# Down my face as she turns to go #
Mr Clayton, I want you to know that I've always felt not enough.
My dad rides me all the time.
He calls me a loser.
I almost killed myself until Kyle's note and book came out.
It saved my life.
I know he's looking down on you so proud.
Thanks, Pete.
(ALL APPLAUDING)
Thank you, Bruce Hornsby.
Welcome students, faculty and guests.
Today we celebrate Kyle.
Kyle has shown us so many things.
How fleeting the time we spend on this earth really is.
Kyle did not die in vain.
Through his book and through our hearts,
he will live on.
Today we dedicate this library in his spirit.
A tribute to his deep intelligence
and to the profound impact he made on all of us
in the brief time we were fortunate enough to know him.
And now, to accept this honour on his behalf,
I give you his father, Mr Lance Clayton.
(STUDENTS WHOOPING)
You guys didn't like Kyle.
But that's okay. I didn't either.
I loved him.
He was my son.
But he was also a douche-bag.
He wasn't very smart.
And he didn't kill himself.
Kyle died accidentally while masturbating.
I made it look like a suicide and I wrote a suicide note.
I also wrote his journal. Thank you.
(UNDER PRESSURE PLAYING)
Thanks.
You are an asshole.
Yeah.
LANCE: I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone.
It's not.
The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone.
I knew you wrote the book.
- I liked it. - Really?
You're a good writer. I think you should keep writing.
Thanks, Andrew. I will.
- Hey, Andrew. What are you doing? - Nothing.
Do you want something to eat?
I'd like that very much, sir. I'm a vegetarian.
I know.
(TINY SPARK PLAYING)
THE END Subtitles by: