1
00:00:00,539 --> 00:00:01,338
Tom!
2
00:00:01,339 --> 00:00:04,873
I would like you to redesign
our Parks department logo.
3
00:00:04,941 --> 00:00:06,208
Sounds cool so far.
4
00:00:06,776 --> 00:00:09,878
Rethink our visual brand,
take these words,
5
00:00:09,946 --> 00:00:12,547
and make
something amazing.
6
00:00:12,615 --> 00:00:14,249
So you're saying you want me
to choose a new font?
7
00:00:14,317 --> 00:00:16,617
Yes, essentially I'd like
you to choose a new font.
8
00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:18,185
Jerry, I am making you
my number-two guy
9
00:00:18,753 --> 00:00:19,753
on the new font project.
10
00:00:19,821 --> 00:00:21,989
Come on, that's too close.
Let's make him a number-three.
11
00:00:22,057 --> 00:00:23,357
Fair enough.
Jerry, you're number three.
12
00:00:23,425 --> 00:00:25,293
There's only two of us.
13
00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:28,529
He has been
in this department a long time.
14
00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,131
I think maybe you could
learn somethg from him.
15
00:00:42,009 --> 00:00:47,009
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
16
00:00:59,159 --> 00:01:01,460
Our research shows
that our park
17
00:01:01,527 --> 00:01:03,862
will draw
5,000 visitors a year,
18
00:01:03,930 --> 00:01:06,998
and I want this to be
the most amazing, awe-inspiring,
19
00:01:07,066 --> 00:01:08,666
fun-filled park
ever conceived.
20
00:01:08,733 --> 00:01:10,234
Now how big
is the park, exactly?
21
00:01:10,302 --> 00:01:15,573
It is .000003
22
00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:16,941
square miles.
23
00:01:17,009 --> 00:01:18,943
Recently, the last remaining
telephone booths
24
00:01:19,011 --> 00:01:20,610
in Pawnee were torn down,
25
00:01:20,678 --> 00:01:21,979
and on that
patch of concrete,
26
00:01:22,046 --> 00:01:24,614
I am creating Pawnee's
newest tourist attraction$$$
27
00:01:24,682 --> 00:01:26,749
The smallest park
in Indiana.
28
00:01:26,817 --> 00:01:28,251
The title
is currently held
29
00:01:28,319 --> 00:01:30,187
by Martin Luther King, Jr. Park
in Terryville,
30
00:01:30,254 --> 00:01:31,588
but guess what?
31
00:01:31,655 --> 00:01:35,359
Terryville sucks old car tires,
and so does Martin Luther--
32
00:01:35,426 --> 00:01:38,327
No, he does not
suck old car tires.
33
00:01:38,395 --> 00:01:40,296
He was one of
the greatest men in history.
34
00:01:40,364 --> 00:01:43,765
I'm sorry.
Sometimes I get competitive.
35
00:01:43,833 --> 00:01:46,102
Has there been any resistance
from the community?
36
00:01:46,169 --> 00:01:47,303
No, not at all.
37
00:01:47,371 --> 00:01:48,637
It's so small
we don't even need to do
38
00:01:48,705 --> 00:01:50,406
an environmental impact report.
39
00:01:50,474 --> 00:01:53,241
It's inexpensive,
it benefits the town,
40
00:01:53,309 --> 00:01:54,709
it's a total slam dunk.
41
00:01:54,776 --> 00:01:56,811
You two, when you work
on a project together,
42
00:01:56,879 --> 00:01:58,946
are simply amazing.
43
00:01:59,015 --> 00:02:00,815
Great job, team.
44
00:02:00,883 --> 00:02:02,484
Man, all these classes
look amazing.
45
00:02:02,951 --> 00:02:03,985
I can't choose.
46
00:02:04,053 --> 00:02:05,620
They do this thing
called a "shopping period,"
47
00:02:05,687 --> 00:02:07,555
where you can just sample
as many classes as you want.
48
00:02:07,623 --> 00:02:08,822
- Really?
- Yeah.
49
00:02:08,890 --> 00:02:10,290
Sports and Society.
50
00:02:10,358 --> 00:02:12,692
Physical Science.
51
00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:14,161
A crash course?
52
00:02:14,229 --> 00:02:15,629
Yeah, but it's not
what you think.
53
00:02:15,696 --> 00:02:17,531
Oh.
54
00:02:17,598 --> 00:02:20,034
I did not graduate college,
because I did not "attend" it,
55
00:02:20,101 --> 00:02:21,701
but I'm trying
to improve myself,
56
00:02:21,769 --> 00:02:24,570
so I'm gonna start
by taking just one class.
57
00:02:24,638 --> 00:02:25,938
If you're gonna
take a college course,
58
00:02:26,006 --> 00:02:28,007
Andrew, you should
explore a new subject.
59
00:02:28,599 --> 00:02:30,576
- Broaden your horizons.
- Yup.
60
00:02:30,644 --> 00:02:32,078
Horizons are dumb.
Never broaden your horizons.
61
00:02:32,146 --> 00:02:33,546
Yup.
62
00:02:33,613 --> 00:02:35,314
Just take something you're
great at and get an easy "A".
63
00:02:35,382 --> 00:02:39,419
No offense, Ron, but April's
way sounds way easier.
64
00:02:39,486 --> 00:02:42,220
Guitar for beginners.
65
00:02:42,288 --> 00:02:43,221
I value a good education,
66
00:02:43,289 --> 00:02:44,456
so I don't want
to see Andy
67
00:02:44,524 --> 00:02:46,724
waste his time in college.
68
00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:49,428
Of all my coworkers,
he is one of a small number
69
00:02:49,495 --> 00:02:51,430
whom I do not
actively root against.
70
00:02:52,497 --> 00:02:55,700
Ugh, there I go
getting all sappy.
71
00:02:57,934 --> 00:02:59,303
- Hey.
- Hey.
72
00:02:59,371 --> 00:03:01,638
So, I have about nine things
I need to talk to you about.
73
00:03:01,706 --> 00:03:03,240
The first is
the ribbon-cutting ceremony.
74
00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:04,975
Do you know who's
bringing scissors?
75
00:03:05,043 --> 00:03:07,478
Because I cannot tell you
how many ceremonies get derailed
76
00:03:07,546 --> 00:03:08,845
when people don't
bring scissors.
77
00:03:08,913 --> 00:03:10,147
- Number two--
- Right. Um, listen.
78
00:03:10,215 --> 00:03:11,348
I'm actually
glad you're here.
79
00:03:11,416 --> 00:03:12,549
Oh, yeah?
80
00:03:12,616 --> 00:03:13,916
After
this project finishes,
81
00:03:13,984 --> 00:03:15,452
I'm gonna focus
on other departments
82
00:03:15,519 --> 00:03:17,454
and cut down my time
with Parks and Rec.
83
00:03:17,521 --> 00:03:18,955
What?
84
00:03:19,522 --> 00:03:22,358
Well, look, I mean,
we tried hanging out together,
85
00:03:22,426 --> 00:03:26,296
we tried working together,
and it just...
86
00:03:26,363 --> 00:03:27,630
Bums me out.
87
00:03:27,698 --> 00:03:29,831
No, no, no. We're just
working out the kinks.
88
00:03:29,899 --> 00:03:31,666
You don't need
to decrease your time with me.
89
00:03:31,734 --> 00:03:33,668
In fact, you need
to increase your time with me.
90
00:03:33,736 --> 00:03:35,571
You need to spend
more time with me.
91
00:03:35,638 --> 00:03:36,871
That make sense?
I think it does.
92
00:03:36,939 --> 00:03:38,207
No, Leslie,
no, listen to me.
93
00:03:38,274 --> 00:03:40,409
After The Smallest Park
wraps up,
94
00:03:40,477 --> 00:03:41,710
I am going to ask Chris
95
00:03:41,777 --> 00:03:44,545
to take over
all Parks and Rec business.
96
00:03:44,613 --> 00:03:47,215
Okay?
97
00:03:47,782 --> 00:03:49,317
- Okay.
- All right.
98
00:03:49,384 --> 00:03:50,784
Well,
if you'll excuse me,
99
00:03:50,852 --> 00:03:52,786
I need to ascertain
the whereabouts
100
00:03:52,854 --> 00:03:56,090
of some oversized
ceremonial scissors.
101
00:03:56,158 --> 00:03:57,592
I--
102
00:03:57,659 --> 00:04:01,694
Those are
my pens and pencils.
103
00:04:01,762 --> 00:04:05,265
No, see, I think that
Comic Sans always screams "fun."
104
00:04:05,333 --> 00:04:06,266
Right?
105
00:04:06,334 --> 00:04:08,568
But, man,
those "r"s in Helvetica,
106
00:04:08,636 --> 00:04:10,069
they're just, you know, like,
really popping for me.
107
00:04:10,138 --> 00:04:12,339
I've never been more bored
in my entire life.
108
00:04:12,406 --> 00:04:13,806
Who cares about letters?
109
00:04:13,874 --> 00:04:15,875
The only good font
is the Sopranos one,
110
00:04:15,943 --> 00:04:17,243
where the "r" is a pistol.
111
00:04:17,310 --> 00:04:19,311
Let's think bigger,
people, come on.
112
00:04:19,379 --> 00:04:21,213
What about
a top-to-bottom makeover
113
00:04:21,281 --> 00:04:22,848
for the entire department?
114
00:04:22,915 --> 00:04:25,784
I'm talking new uniforms,
new signage, new color scheme.
115
00:04:25,852 --> 00:04:27,319
A whole, new, sexy vibe.
116
00:04:27,387 --> 00:04:28,521
I don't know.
117
00:04:28,588 --> 00:04:29,821
This really isn't what Chris
asked us to do.
118
00:04:29,889 --> 00:04:32,024
You know, maybe we should just
stick to the assignment.
119
00:04:32,091 --> 00:04:33,191
Cool, Jerry.
120
00:04:33,259 --> 00:04:34,425
I'd take your advice
if I wanted to be
121
00:04:34,493 --> 00:04:37,028
a dead-eyed government drone
with no ambition.
122
00:04:37,095 --> 00:04:39,364
Yes, technically my new job
is my old job,
123
00:04:39,431 --> 00:04:42,333
but I'm not some boring,
Jerry Gergich-type guy.
124
00:04:42,401 --> 00:04:43,934
I'm more of a Steve Harvey.
125
00:04:44,002 --> 00:04:48,805
I dream big, I shake things up,
and I always wear dope suits.
126
00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:52,276
Okay, can anyone tell me
what this is called?
127
00:04:52,343 --> 00:04:53,443
- Uh, that's a fret.
- Yeah.
128
00:04:53,511 --> 00:04:55,145
And that little thing
you got right there--
129
00:04:55,213 --> 00:04:58,182
that's called a capo.
Changes the key.
130
00:04:58,249 --> 00:04:59,983
Uh, maybe you should be
in the advanced class?
131
00:05:00,051 --> 00:05:01,718
Yeah, maybe I should.
132
00:05:01,786 --> 00:05:03,487
Dude, dumb it down.
133
00:05:03,555 --> 00:05:07,122
But I couldn't possibly,
because I'm just a beginner.
134
00:05:07,191 --> 00:05:10,859
I barely haven't even
ever seen a "gortar."
135
00:05:10,927 --> 00:05:13,529
Okay.
136
00:05:13,597 --> 00:05:15,898
We will be working on basic
chords for the first four weeks.
137
00:05:15,965 --> 00:05:18,201
Oh, my God.
Four weeks.
138
00:05:18,268 --> 00:05:20,135
I'm already bored.
139
00:05:20,203 --> 00:05:22,404
Of course you are.
You're not challenging yourself.
140
00:05:22,471 --> 00:05:24,906
I suggest we sample
a few more classes.
141
00:05:24,973 --> 00:05:26,374
Fine.
142
00:05:26,442 --> 00:05:27,709
Very good.
143
00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:32,581
Good-bye, everybody.
Guess what.
144
00:05:32,648 --> 00:05:35,383
I was secretly an undercover
rock star this whole time.
145
00:05:37,686 --> 00:05:38,852
For what it's worth,
146
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,655
I think you would make
an incredible brunette.
147
00:05:41,723 --> 00:05:45,593
Ron Swanson.
148
00:05:45,660 --> 00:05:47,461
I mean,
he's not even attending
149
00:05:47,529 --> 00:05:50,231
the ribbon-cutting ceremony
of a park that we made together.
150
00:05:50,298 --> 00:05:51,699
I'm sorry, Leslie.
151
00:05:51,766 --> 00:05:53,333
I'm just freaking out.
152
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:55,501
The only thing
we have left is work.
153
00:05:55,569 --> 00:05:57,870
And now he doesn't want
to work together anymore?
154
00:05:57,938 --> 00:05:59,339
What does that all mean?
155
00:05:59,906 --> 00:06:01,807
I think you know what it means.
156
00:06:01,875 --> 00:06:04,744
Yeah.
157
00:06:04,811 --> 00:06:06,479
I should just drag out
that tiny park project
158
00:06:06,547 --> 00:06:07,547
for as long as possible
159
00:06:07,615 --> 00:06:08,913
so Ben and I can
keep working together.
160
00:06:08,981 --> 00:06:11,250
That's almost exactly
the opposite of what I meant.
161
00:06:11,317 --> 00:06:13,418
No, what I'll do is I'll get
the neighborhood all riled up,
162
00:06:13,486 --> 00:06:16,388
and then maybe they'll ask for
an environmental impact report--
163
00:06:16,456 --> 00:06:17,689
and then Ben and I
will work together
164
00:06:17,757 --> 00:06:18,957
for at least another year.
165
00:06:19,024 --> 00:06:20,191
- Leslie, for God's sakes.
- Good idea, Ann.
166
00:06:20,260 --> 00:06:21,293
No, Ann, please,
I beg of you.
167
00:06:21,361 --> 00:06:22,728
Will you just shut
your beautiful pie hole?
168
00:06:22,795 --> 00:06:25,263
Just sit there,
let me stare at you
169
00:06:26,030 --> 00:06:27,965
while you silently support me
on this game plan.
170
00:06:27,966 --> 00:06:28,966
- Leslie--
- Shh--
171
00:06:29,033 --> 00:06:30,501
- Ann...
- Leslie...
172
00:06:30,569 --> 00:06:32,336
Your quiet support
means the world to me.
173
00:06:32,404 --> 00:06:35,740
As well as your tacit
endorsement of all my behaviors.
174
00:06:35,807 --> 00:06:37,441
As a mature,
reasonable adult,
175
00:06:37,509 --> 00:06:39,377
I understand that
this will be the last project
176
00:06:39,444 --> 00:06:41,411
that Ben and I
are working on together.
177
00:06:41,479 --> 00:06:43,747
So please join us
for the grand opening
178
00:06:43,814 --> 00:06:47,917
of Pawnee's Smallest Park
on November 12th, 2070.
179
00:06:49,913 --> 00:06:51,912
Thank you for coming
to this very important
180
00:06:51,913 --> 00:06:55,149
and what I suspect
will be lengthy, meeting.
181
00:06:55,417 --> 00:06:57,985
The proposed park
is very small,
182
00:06:58,053 --> 00:07:00,619
but we believe we need
to investigate every detail.
183
00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:03,089
So if anyone
has any questions for me
184
00:07:03,157 --> 00:07:07,326
or assistant city manager
Ben Wyatt, go right ahead.
185
00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:08,327
Hi, I have a question
about this project.
186
00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:09,328
Whoa, wait.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
187
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:10,963
Where's the fire?
188
00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:13,332
Let's get to know
each other first.
189
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:15,000
Tell me
about your childhood.
190
00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:17,102
Is there going to be
basketball there?
191
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:21,573
Basketball courts attract
undesirables to my community.
192
00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:23,708
Well, there's barely room
for an actual basketball,
193
00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:25,043
much less a court.
194
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:27,546
Because there's
a definite type of person
195
00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:29,514
I associate
with basketball,
196
00:07:29,582 --> 00:07:31,849
and I'd rather not have
that type of person nearby.
197
00:07:31,917 --> 00:07:33,117
Don't worry.
You don't need to worry.
198
00:07:33,185 --> 00:07:35,119
Okay, I'll just
come right out and say it.
199
00:07:35,187 --> 00:07:36,921
I'll tell you what type
of person I don't like.
200
00:07:36,989 --> 00:07:38,056
You don't have to do that.
201
00:07:38,123 --> 00:07:39,691
No, no, no, no.
I think we get it.
202
00:07:39,758 --> 00:07:40,925
Yeah, we do, Rose,
203
00:07:40,993 --> 00:07:42,594
and you bring up
a very good point.
204
00:07:42,661 --> 00:07:45,262
Intolerance.
Can we be doing more?
205
00:07:45,330 --> 00:07:47,098
I'd like to hear
from each and every one of you
206
00:07:47,165 --> 00:07:49,900
about a time when prejudice
has touched your lives.
207
00:07:49,968 --> 00:07:51,234
Hello, everyone.
208
00:07:51,302 --> 00:07:52,903
My name
is Professor Barnes.
209
00:07:52,971 --> 00:07:54,838
The class I'll be
teaching this semester
210
00:07:54,906 --> 00:07:56,406
is introduction to lasers.
211
00:07:56,474 --> 00:07:59,275
The word "laser"
stands for
212
00:07:59,343 --> 00:08:00,343
light amplification
213
00:08:00,411 --> 00:08:03,113
by stimulated emission
of radiation.
214
00:08:03,180 --> 00:08:04,880
Where are the lasers?
215
00:08:04,948 --> 00:08:07,917
This graphic here represents
the electromagnetic spectrum
216
00:08:07,985 --> 00:08:09,251
arranged
from low frequency...
217
00:08:09,319 --> 00:08:11,420
He's not even
using a laser pointer.
218
00:08:11,488 --> 00:08:12,922
He's right.
This class stinks.
219
00:08:12,990 --> 00:08:15,157
Stick with it.
You might learn something.
220
00:08:15,225 --> 00:08:16,225
Uh, excuse me.
221
00:08:16,292 --> 00:08:17,760
Professor?
222
00:08:17,828 --> 00:08:19,428
Hi, there.
Andy Dwyer. Curious.
223
00:08:19,496 --> 00:08:22,396
When will you be bringing out
the lasers for me to play with?
224
00:08:22,464 --> 00:08:24,365
And will we start
with the small lasers,
225
00:08:24,433 --> 00:08:26,334
or could we go
just straight to the big lasers,
226
00:08:26,401 --> 00:08:27,936
in terms of
playing with them?
227
00:08:28,004 --> 00:08:29,971
We won't be using
actual lasers in this course.
228
00:08:30,039 --> 00:08:33,508
It's about the theory
that makes them possible.
229
00:08:33,575 --> 00:08:38,145
One of the most significant
bummers of my lifetime.
230
00:08:38,212 --> 00:08:40,080
First up,
a personal favorite,
231
00:08:40,148 --> 00:08:42,082
the Sopranos option.
232
00:08:42,150 --> 00:08:44,484
Now, I guarantee you,
anyone that sees this logo
233
00:08:44,552 --> 00:08:47,087
is not gonna
"fugghedaboudit."
234
00:08:47,955 --> 00:08:49,656
This is our current
community center.
235
00:08:49,723 --> 00:08:50,624
Ugh.
236
00:08:50,692 --> 00:08:52,825
This is our new
community center!
237
00:08:52,893 --> 00:08:55,427
That's right,
it looks like an apple store.
238
00:08:55,495 --> 00:08:57,063
Today, I'm a Beverly hills
plastic surgeon,
239
00:08:57,131 --> 00:08:59,265
and the Parks department
is a wrinkly old housewife
240
00:08:59,332 --> 00:09:00,900
in her early 30s.
241
00:09:00,968 --> 00:09:02,869
I'm about to work
a miracle.
242
00:09:02,936 --> 00:09:04,537
Thank you, ma'am.
What a story.
243
00:09:04,604 --> 00:09:05,805
Anyone else?
244
00:09:05,873 --> 00:09:07,373
Anyone...
245
00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:09,007
Uh, this gentleman
wants to say something.
246
00:09:09,075 --> 00:09:10,508
No, I don't.
247
00:09:10,576 --> 00:09:12,811
Come on, Mel. You're always
up in arms about something.
248
00:09:12,879 --> 00:09:14,046
No, I'm not.
249
00:09:14,113 --> 00:09:15,781
I'm not always
up in arms about something.
250
00:09:15,848 --> 00:09:17,215
There we go.
That's the spirit.
251
00:09:17,283 --> 00:09:18,483
Talk to me
about what's bothering you.
252
00:09:18,551 --> 00:09:22,154
Okay, that'll do it.
Thanks, everybody.
253
00:09:22,221 --> 00:09:23,954
I once hosted a forum
about a new bike rack
254
00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:25,455
that lasted seven hours.
255
00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:27,792
Now when I need
these people to complain,
256
00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:29,694
they're done
in 45 minutes?
257
00:09:31,161 --> 00:09:31,995
Whoa, check it out.
258
00:09:32,063 --> 00:09:35,232
You can get credit for playing
intramural frisbee golf.
259
00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:37,702
Okay, you can take a class
on the Civil War.
260
00:09:37,769 --> 00:09:38,869
Why would I take a class
261
00:09:38,937 --> 00:09:40,336
on something that's
already happened?
262
00:09:40,404 --> 00:09:42,172
Look, you guys have
already had your say.
263
00:09:42,239 --> 00:09:45,141
Now I want to try
something that I want to try.
264
00:09:45,209 --> 00:09:47,877
And I'm gonna make my choice
as I always do,
265
00:09:47,945 --> 00:09:50,880
at random.
266
00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:55,218
As she was
burned at the stake,
267
00:09:55,285 --> 00:09:56,484
Joan of Arc did not cower.
268
00:09:56,552 --> 00:09:59,154
She did not
beg for mercy.
269
00:09:59,222 --> 00:10:01,389
she said, in a strong,
clear voice,
270
00:10:01,457 --> 00:10:04,326
"I am not afraid.
I was born to do this."
271
00:10:04,393 --> 00:10:05,961
I want to be
burned at the stake.
272
00:10:06,029 --> 00:10:07,562
Many societal
institutions
273
00:10:07,630 --> 00:10:10,332
were established
solely to oppress women.
274
00:10:10,399 --> 00:10:11,867
To this day,
275
00:10:11,935 --> 00:10:14,936
some feminists have even
condemned marriage
276
00:10:15,003 --> 00:10:17,405
as a glorified form
of slavery.
277
00:10:17,473 --> 00:10:19,674
Amen.
278
00:10:19,742 --> 00:10:21,876
That class was awesome.
279
00:10:21,944 --> 00:10:23,978
I wholeheartedly agree.
280
00:10:24,046 --> 00:10:26,348
If that woman weren't so
violently opposed to marriage,
281
00:10:26,415 --> 00:10:29,049
I think I would
propose to her.
282
00:10:29,117 --> 00:10:30,718
Well, then,
it's decided.
283
00:10:30,785 --> 00:10:33,487
Andy Dwyer will be taking
"women's lasers."
284
00:10:33,555 --> 00:10:34,988
"Women's studies."
285
00:10:35,056 --> 00:10:37,958
Sorry. God, I cannot
stop thinking about lasers.
286
00:10:38,025 --> 00:10:39,159
"Women's studies."
287
00:10:39,227 --> 00:10:40,227
Is there such thing
as "women's lasers"?
288
00:10:40,295 --> 00:10:41,428
That'd be
my number one pick.
289
00:10:41,996 --> 00:10:44,497
Excuse me,
what the heck is going on here?
290
00:10:44,565 --> 00:10:46,031
Just preparing
for the grand opening
291
00:10:46,099 --> 00:10:48,834
of this tiny
but very intrusIVE park.
292
00:10:48,902 --> 00:10:49,969
We were told
this would have
293
00:10:50,036 --> 00:10:51,537
very little impact
on the neighborhood.
294
00:10:51,605 --> 00:10:53,406
This flyer has
hundreds of events.
295
00:10:53,474 --> 00:10:55,841
There are fireworks
every night at midnight?
296
00:10:55,909 --> 00:10:56,942
They start at midnight.
297
00:10:57,010 --> 00:10:58,444
Who knows when
they're gonna end?
298
00:10:58,512 --> 00:11:00,246
Look, I don't even know
the impact of this park,
299
00:11:00,313 --> 00:11:03,382
because the city skipped
an environmental impact report.
300
00:11:03,449 --> 00:11:05,250
So we don't know
about traffic problems
301
00:11:05,318 --> 00:11:07,586
or sound or lights
or crime.
302
00:11:07,654 --> 00:11:08,853
I mean,
it's all a mystery.
303
00:11:08,921 --> 00:11:10,121
Don't you work
for the government?
304
00:11:10,189 --> 00:11:11,990
I do, Joe.
Yeah, that's how I know
305
00:11:12,057 --> 00:11:13,792
just how high
this conspiracy goes.
306
00:11:13,859 --> 00:11:15,594
What can we do about it?
307
00:11:15,662 --> 00:11:17,728
I'm glad you asked.
I have some ideas.
308
00:11:17,796 --> 00:11:19,597
These are
our current park rangers.
309
00:11:19,665 --> 00:11:21,832
What are they up to?
No one cares.
310
00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:23,668
They're boring,
and I hate them.
311
00:11:23,735 --> 00:11:26,870
But coming this spring
to the style network...
312
00:11:26,938 --> 00:11:28,406
Ranger Reality Show.
313
00:11:28,473 --> 00:11:29,540
I'm sorry, tom,
but Chris,
314
00:11:29,608 --> 00:11:31,609
he just wanted us
to choose a new font.
315
00:11:31,677 --> 00:11:33,410
I mean, really,
you've gone way off track.
316
00:11:33,477 --> 00:11:35,111
Well, guess what, Jerry?
I'm a dreamer.
317
00:11:35,179 --> 00:11:36,613
Okay? I dream big.
Deal with it.
318
00:11:36,681 --> 00:11:38,782
Tom, weekends
are for dreaming.
319
00:11:38,849 --> 00:11:41,751
You are a government worker.
This is a government job.
320
00:11:41,819 --> 00:11:43,085
Plus isn't dreaming big
321
00:11:43,153 --> 00:11:46,088
exactly what got you in trouble
with your old company?
322
00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:55,263
- Hey, where you going, Joe?
- Bathroom break.
323
00:11:55,332 --> 00:11:56,432
No, get back
over there.
324
00:11:56,499 --> 00:11:58,066
I'll find you a bottle
or something.
325
00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:00,369
Where did
all these people come from?
326
00:12:00,437 --> 00:12:02,438
And why did they turn
so quickly on this project?
327
00:12:02,505 --> 00:12:03,672
Well,
you know how it goes.
328
00:12:03,740 --> 00:12:05,940
It only takes one nut job
to get people riled up.
329
00:12:06,007 --> 00:12:07,308
I hate to say this,
330
00:12:07,376 --> 00:12:08,476
but I think
we're gonna have to do
331
00:12:08,544 --> 00:12:10,445
that environmental
impact report.
332
00:12:10,512 --> 00:12:13,948
They are explicitly
demanding it.
333
00:12:14,015 --> 00:12:16,183
Hey, everybody,
listen up.
334
00:12:16,251 --> 00:12:18,886
Uh, in response
to your complaints,
335
00:12:18,954 --> 00:12:22,121
we are cancelling
all of these disruptive events.
336
00:12:22,189 --> 00:12:23,690
This park
is just gonna be
337
00:12:23,758 --> 00:12:26,259
a quiet patch of grass,
harming nobody.
338
00:12:26,327 --> 00:12:28,762
Everybody cool?
339
00:12:28,830 --> 00:12:31,264
Great.
340
00:12:31,332 --> 00:12:33,266
Dream team.
341
00:12:33,334 --> 00:12:35,535
Actually, Chris, I know you
think that we're a dream team--
342
00:12:35,603 --> 00:12:36,869
Dream team!
343
00:12:36,936 --> 00:12:37,870
Yeah.
344
00:12:37,937 --> 00:12:40,305
But we're not.
345
00:12:40,374 --> 00:12:42,941
You see, Leslie here
is a team of one.
346
00:12:43,009 --> 00:12:45,644
And that might be
a very good team,
347
00:12:45,712 --> 00:12:48,714
but she kind of steamrolls
the rest of her team,
348
00:12:48,782 --> 00:12:51,450
me,
to do whatever she wants.
349
00:12:51,518 --> 00:12:54,018
Regardless of how the rest
of her team,
350
00:12:54,086 --> 00:12:55,054
me,
351
00:12:55,786 --> 00:12:56,954
feels.
352
00:12:57,122 --> 00:13:01,125
So I don't think we should
work together anymore.
353
00:13:02,193 --> 00:13:04,796
Wow.
That was very hard to hear.
354
00:13:04,864 --> 00:13:06,631
So many negative words.
355
00:13:07,399 --> 00:13:11,368
I just need
to process this.
356
00:13:11,436 --> 00:13:12,503
Okay,
the dream team is dead.
357
00:13:12,570 --> 00:13:14,070
But you guys
had a great run.
358
00:13:14,538 --> 00:13:16,540
Oh, and the park is open.
Yay!
359
00:13:17,608 --> 00:13:19,209
Good job with that.
360
00:13:21,608 --> 00:13:24,809
Hello ma'am,
who is just as equal as man,
361
00:13:25,169 --> 00:13:29,873
I would like one ticket
for, uh, women.
362
00:13:29,941 --> 00:13:33,343
He would like to register
for Women's studies.
363
00:13:33,410 --> 00:13:35,145
Okay.
Here's the registration form.
364
00:13:35,213 --> 00:13:36,713
Ooh!
365
00:13:36,781 --> 00:13:40,382
And we'll need a check
or money order for $940.
366
00:13:40,450 --> 00:13:41,717
Why?
367
00:13:41,785 --> 00:13:43,819
Why didn't you tell me
it was so expensive?
368
00:13:43,887 --> 00:13:45,154
I didn't know.
369
00:13:45,222 --> 00:13:46,588
My parents
pay for my classes.
370
00:13:46,656 --> 00:13:47,923
I'll just have them
pay for yours too.
371
00:13:47,991 --> 00:13:51,593
Oh, God, no!
That's embarrassing.
372
00:13:51,661 --> 00:13:53,428
I know.
373
00:13:53,496 --> 00:13:55,463
I'm gonna beg for money in
the street like a drug addict.
374
00:13:55,530 --> 00:13:56,798
- No.
- Yeah.
375
00:13:56,866 --> 00:13:57,832
Oh my God.
376
00:13:57,900 --> 00:13:59,234
Everything in my life
is going wrong right now.
377
00:13:59,502 --> 00:14:02,270
Whose fault is this?
I demand to know.
378
00:14:02,338 --> 00:14:04,205
Actually--
379
00:14:04,273 --> 00:14:05,206
Ben thinks
that I'm a steamroller?
380
00:14:05,274 --> 00:14:06,374
That's unbelievable.
381
00:14:06,442 --> 00:14:07,843
How dare he think
that I'm a steamroller?
382
00:14:07,910 --> 00:14:09,177
Leslie,
I'm just telling you this--
383
00:14:09,244 --> 00:14:10,778
I know, he's going through
a phase right now,
384
00:14:10,846 --> 00:14:12,680
and eventually we're gonna
both be friends again.
385
00:14:12,747 --> 00:14:14,682
No, what I was gonna say
is that you really are--
386
00:14:14,749 --> 00:14:16,116
Working too hard.
I know, Ann,
387
00:14:16,184 --> 00:14:17,885
you keep starting all these
sentences and not finishing--
388
00:14:17,953 --> 00:14:19,386
You're a steamroller!
389
00:14:19,454 --> 00:14:22,923
You are a massive,
enormous, runaway steamroller
390
00:14:22,991 --> 00:14:26,793
with no brakes and a cement
brick on the gas pedal.
391
00:14:27,361 --> 00:14:29,596
You made me watch all eight
Harry Potter movies.
392
00:14:29,663 --> 00:14:30,964
I don't even
like Harry Potter.
393
00:14:31,031 --> 00:14:32,999
That's insane.
You love Harry Potter.
394
00:14:33,066 --> 00:14:34,767
You've seen
all eight movies!
395
00:14:34,835 --> 00:14:37,069
When we go out to a bar,
you order my drinks for me.
396
00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:39,071
Because you order white wine,
and it gives you a headache.
397
00:14:39,139 --> 00:14:40,306
Well, it's my headache!
398
00:14:40,374 --> 00:14:43,041
Leslie,
you do what you want,
399
00:14:43,109 --> 00:14:44,576
you ignore
what other people want,
400
00:14:44,644 --> 00:14:46,478
and you hear
only what you want to hear.
401
00:14:47,546 --> 00:14:51,216
Okay. I know.
I know I do this.
402
00:14:51,983 --> 00:14:53,451
I'm the worst.
403
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:55,353
No, you're
very passionate.
404
00:14:55,421 --> 00:14:56,922
You just push
too hard sometimes.
405
00:14:56,990 --> 00:14:58,289
Well, you should
call me a bulldozer
406
00:14:58,357 --> 00:15:00,625
rather than
a steamroller.
407
00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:02,459
I'm sorry.
408
00:15:02,828 --> 00:15:03,661
It's gonna be okay.
409
00:15:04,229 --> 00:15:07,932
Is it?
Honestly, is it?
410
00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:11,668
I mean, I guess I just
need to leave Ben alone.
411
00:15:11,736 --> 00:15:15,771
That's what
he says he wants.
412
00:15:15,839 --> 00:15:19,208
Okay.
413
00:15:19,276 --> 00:15:23,179
Well, this steamroller
is hangin' up her...
414
00:15:23,247 --> 00:15:25,348
The rolly thing
on the front of the machine.
415
00:15:25,416 --> 00:15:26,749
What do you--
what do you call that?
416
00:15:26,816 --> 00:15:28,884
- The roller?
- Probably.
417
00:15:28,952 --> 00:15:31,119
Okay.
418
00:15:31,187 --> 00:15:33,155
Got you a little
pick-me-up, Tommy.
419
00:15:33,222 --> 00:15:36,191
A triple-decker ham and cheese
from the cafeteria.
420
00:15:36,259 --> 00:15:37,459
Always makes me feel better.
421
00:15:37,527 --> 00:15:40,695
Two pathetic guys
eating pathetic sandwiches.
422
00:15:40,763 --> 00:15:41,696
Sounds terrific.
423
00:15:41,764 --> 00:15:42,797
I guess I'm Jerry now.
424
00:15:42,865 --> 00:15:44,566
After work,
I'll just go home,
425
00:15:44,633 --> 00:15:46,334
straight to my boring house,
426
00:15:46,402 --> 00:15:48,835
kiss my wife,
and have a home-cooked meal
427
00:15:48,903 --> 00:15:52,573
with my three
beautiful daughters.
428
00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:54,175
What a miserable life.
429
00:15:54,242 --> 00:15:57,211
I have been here,
well, 30-some years,
430
00:15:57,279 --> 00:15:58,745
and the best way
to cope with this job
431
00:15:58,813 --> 00:16:01,182
is to do everything
the exact same way
432
00:16:01,249 --> 00:16:03,450
every day.
433
00:16:03,517 --> 00:16:05,218
Heck, I still use
my original I.D. Card
434
00:16:05,286 --> 00:16:06,252
from my first day
on the job.
435
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:09,089
Check this out.
436
00:16:09,156 --> 00:16:10,190
Oh, my God.
437
00:16:10,257 --> 00:16:11,357
I got to go.
438
00:16:11,425 --> 00:16:14,360
Put my sammie in the fridge.
439
00:16:17,565 --> 00:16:20,365
Mouse Rat CD, $30.
440
00:16:20,433 --> 00:16:23,702
Candy bars, $50.
$50.
441
00:16:23,769 --> 00:16:25,404
God, people here
are so cheap.
442
00:16:25,472 --> 00:16:26,572
April, where have you been?
443
00:16:26,639 --> 00:16:29,508
Over two phone calls
came in unimpeded.
444
00:16:29,576 --> 00:16:31,843
We're raising money
for my college education, Ron.
445
00:16:31,911 --> 00:16:34,646
I took a second job
back at my old job.
446
00:16:34,714 --> 00:16:36,147
Do you want a shoe shine?
447
00:16:36,248 --> 00:16:37,948
It's $100.
448
00:16:38,016 --> 00:16:39,083
Laugh all you want, Kyle.
449
00:16:39,151 --> 00:16:40,884
I already took the money
out of your wallet.
450
00:16:40,952 --> 00:16:44,155
Oh.
451
00:16:44,223 --> 00:16:46,424
Good news, son.
452
00:16:46,492 --> 00:16:51,628
You have just won
a Ron Swanson scholarship.
453
00:16:51,695 --> 00:16:53,930
I don't think so.
I don't remember applying for--
454
00:16:53,998 --> 00:16:54,931
No, An--Andy.
455
00:16:54,999 --> 00:16:57,134
Ron Swanson...
456
00:16:57,201 --> 00:16:59,068
Scholarship.
457
00:17:00,137 --> 00:17:01,639
Wait, are you serious?
458
00:17:06,344 --> 00:17:07,276
Stop this.
459
00:17:07,344 --> 00:17:08,710
No.
460
00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:10,879
Stop,
or you lose the money.
461
00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,414
Why not?
462
00:17:12,482 --> 00:17:14,716
I like the kid,
and I have the money.
463
00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:16,619
One thing
I promised myself
464
00:17:16,686 --> 00:17:18,354
when I buried gold
in my backyard
465
00:17:18,421 --> 00:17:21,590
was that I'd never be a hoarder
or a miser about it.
466
00:17:21,658 --> 00:17:22,691
Hey.
467
00:17:22,759 --> 00:17:24,759
Okay, is this
health department business
468
00:17:24,826 --> 00:17:25,893
or Leslie business?
469
00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:27,495
You need to go talk to her.
470
00:17:27,563 --> 00:17:28,496
Why?
So she can force me
471
00:17:28,564 --> 00:17:30,665
to spend time
with her again?
472
00:17:30,732 --> 00:17:32,900
No. No way.
I'm done talking.
473
00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:33,934
Listen,
I know she can be
474
00:17:34,002 --> 00:17:35,903
strong-willed
and difficult, okay?
475
00:17:35,971 --> 00:17:37,738
She once made me eat
an entire cheesecake
476
00:17:37,806 --> 00:17:39,473
at a potluck
so she didn't look bad.
477
00:17:39,541 --> 00:17:42,676
But I really think
she's ready to listen.
478
00:17:42,743 --> 00:17:44,744
You ate
an entire cheesecake?
479
00:17:44,812 --> 00:17:46,813
Why didn't you just
throw it away?
480
00:17:46,881 --> 00:17:48,382
Because with everything
she's done for me,
481
00:17:48,449 --> 00:17:50,750
I would eat
ten cheesecakes for her.
482
00:17:50,818 --> 00:17:52,919
Also, P.S.,
it was delicious and amazing,
483
00:17:52,987 --> 00:17:54,521
like everything she does.
484
00:17:54,589 --> 00:17:56,722
Will you please just
talk to her? For my sake?
485
00:17:56,790 --> 00:17:57,956
I don't have
unlimited texting,
486
00:17:58,024 --> 00:18:00,459
and when she can't talk
to you, she texts me.
487
00:18:04,531 --> 00:18:08,167
So we take the old logo
from the 1970s,
488
00:18:08,235 --> 00:18:09,935
and we make limited-edition
hats, posters,
489
00:18:10,003 --> 00:18:11,369
t-shirts, everything.
490
00:18:11,437 --> 00:18:12,737
People love limited editions,
491
00:18:12,805 --> 00:18:15,307
plus parents will get swept up
in the nostalgia
492
00:18:15,374 --> 00:18:16,441
and want to go to the parks
493
00:18:16,509 --> 00:18:17,975
to recreate the fun
they had growing up.
494
00:18:18,043 --> 00:18:20,312
This... is amazing.
495
00:18:20,379 --> 00:18:22,714
It is possibly the best idea
anyone has had
496
00:18:22,781 --> 00:18:24,516
in this government
in 100 years.
497
00:18:24,584 --> 00:18:25,950
Tom, terrific.
498
00:18:26,018 --> 00:18:30,120
Thanks, but most of the credit
goes to my number-four, Jerry.
499
00:18:30,188 --> 00:18:31,822
He shared some words of wisdom
with me today,
500
00:18:31,889 --> 00:18:33,490
and while he was yammering on
about whatever,
501
00:18:33,558 --> 00:18:35,259
I happened to see
his old I.D. Card.
502
00:18:35,327 --> 00:18:37,027
Thanks, buddy.
503
00:18:37,095 --> 00:18:38,295
Yeah.
504
00:18:42,901 --> 00:18:44,400
- Hey.
- Hi.
505
00:18:44,401 --> 00:18:46,068
I wasn't sure
you were gonna come.
506
00:18:46,136 --> 00:18:48,238
Well, I got very curious
507
00:18:48,305 --> 00:18:50,005
when you only left me
one voicemail message,
508
00:18:50,073 --> 00:18:52,508
instead of your usual 20.
509
00:18:52,576 --> 00:18:54,210
I'm trying to be
a little less intense
510
00:18:54,278 --> 00:18:56,346
and a little more
considerate.
511
00:18:56,413 --> 00:18:57,747
Here, have a seat.
512
00:18:57,814 --> 00:18:59,348
But only if you want to.
513
00:18:59,415 --> 00:19:01,284
Okay.
I want to.
514
00:19:03,453 --> 00:19:05,854
I never listened
to what you wanted,
515
00:19:05,921 --> 00:19:08,990
or how you wanted us to be
when things...
516
00:19:09,058 --> 00:19:10,259
Ended between us.
517
00:19:10,326 --> 00:19:12,026
I just decided
what I wanted,
518
00:19:12,094 --> 00:19:14,663
and I got upset when
you didn't want the same thing.
519
00:19:14,731 --> 00:19:16,564
I know that's not fair,
520
00:19:16,632 --> 00:19:18,499
and I'm very sorry.
521
00:19:19,267 --> 00:19:21,736
Well, thank you.
I appreciate that.
522
00:19:21,803 --> 00:19:24,805
If you don't want to have
any more contact with me,
523
00:19:24,873 --> 00:19:26,907
I finally understand.
524
00:19:26,975 --> 00:19:28,909
I--I don't want that.
525
00:19:28,977 --> 00:19:30,611
Really.
526
00:19:30,679 --> 00:19:34,514
But I just think
it's for the best.
527
00:19:34,582 --> 00:19:36,516
- Okay.
- Okay.
528
00:19:39,987 --> 00:19:41,921
Okay.
529
00:19:44,492 --> 00:19:46,459
There is another option.
530
00:19:47,527 --> 00:19:49,194
We could just say "screw it"
531
00:19:49,262 --> 00:19:51,397
and do this thing
for real.
532
00:19:52,464 --> 00:19:53,265
What?
533
00:19:53,333 --> 00:19:54,767
I miss you like crazy.
534
00:19:54,834 --> 00:19:57,903
I think about you
all the time.
535
00:19:57,970 --> 00:20:00,606
I want to be with you.
536
00:20:00,674 --> 00:20:04,108
So let's just
say "screw it."
537
00:20:04,176 --> 00:20:05,676
No, we would have
to tell Chris.
538
00:20:05,744 --> 00:20:06,511
Yeah.
539
00:20:06,578 --> 00:20:07,645
It could turn
into a scandal.
540
00:20:07,713 --> 00:20:08,813
- Yeah.
- It could hurt your campaign.
541
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:10,348
I mean, how would
you imagine we do this?
542
00:20:10,416 --> 00:20:11,449
I don't know.
543
00:20:11,517 --> 00:20:13,951
But I--I know how I feel,
544
00:20:14,019 --> 00:20:17,021
and I want to be with you.
545
00:20:17,088 --> 00:20:19,656
But I'm done
steamrolling people.
546
00:20:19,724 --> 00:20:22,793
This is how I feel.
How do you feel?
547
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:32,680
First day.
548
00:20:32,981 --> 00:20:33,680
You ready?
549
00:20:33,681 --> 00:20:35,516
As ready as I'll ever be.
550
00:20:35,917 --> 00:20:38,217
Oh, crap, I forgot my books.
And my computer.
551
00:20:38,285 --> 00:20:40,620
Just pay attention
to the lecture and enjoy.
552
00:20:40,687 --> 00:20:43,455
My first day of college,
my father dropped me off
553
00:20:43,923 --> 00:20:45,390
at the steel mill.
554
00:20:45,458 --> 00:20:47,693
He didn't think
I should go to college.
555
00:20:47,761 --> 00:20:49,762
But I hitched a ride,
enrolled,
556
00:20:49,830 --> 00:20:51,997
and learned a lot.
557
00:20:52,065 --> 00:20:53,332
I hope Andy does too.
558
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:54,966
We need to start
teaching women football,
559
00:20:55,033 --> 00:20:56,735
teaching women U.F.C.,
560
00:20:56,802 --> 00:20:58,670
teaching them to drive trucks
without crashing.
561
00:20:58,738 --> 00:21:00,438
"Hey, maybe I'm only sexy.
562
00:21:00,506 --> 00:21:01,639
"Then--maybe that's
all you see,
563
00:21:01,707 --> 00:21:03,074
"but at least you can give me
extra money.
564
00:21:03,141 --> 00:21:04,409
"Tip money and stuff.
565
00:21:04,477 --> 00:21:06,210
I'll flirt with you,
write my name on a napkin."
566
00:21:06,278 --> 00:21:08,546
They're gonna do it
in a right, kind of legal way
567
00:21:08,614 --> 00:21:10,714
that empowers prostitution.
568
00:21:10,782 --> 00:21:11,982
We don't rest
until we get that.
569
00:21:12,049 --> 00:21:13,884
That will be progress.
570
00:21:13,951 --> 00:21:16,887
That is extremely incorrect.
571
00:21:16,954 --> 00:21:18,655
I thought--
I thought maybe it was
572
00:21:18,723 --> 00:21:19,923
when I was--
I, uh--
573
00:21:19,991 --> 00:21:23,260
I'll get 'em next time.
Back to you, Professor.
574
00:21:24,199 --> 00:21:31,033
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com