1 00:00:02,436 --> 00:00:04,038 - IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL AND SPARKLY. - I KNOW. 2 00:00:04,072 --> 00:00:06,240 AND IT'S A NON-CONFLICT DIAMOND. - AW. 3 00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:08,276 - WHEN ANDY PROPOSED TO ME, HE GAVE ME A RING POP, 4 00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:10,578 BUT THEN HE ATE IT FIRST. HOW DID BEN DO IT? 5 00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:12,246 - LET ME START FROM THE BEGINNING. 6 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:14,082 - UH-OH. - IN 1832, 7 00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:17,718 BEN'S GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT- GRANDFATHER, TEODORE WYATT, 8 00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:20,421 A BASTARD, MET A BEAUTIFUL SEAMSTRESS FROM ANTWERP. 9 00:00:20,454 --> 00:00:21,755 BEN AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED, AND I'VE BEEN TELLING 10 00:00:21,789 --> 00:00:23,324 EVERYBODY ABOUT IT. 11 00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:24,725 I'M SO HAPPY, I WANT TO SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS. 12 00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,127 - AND SHE HAS. 13 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:28,162 WE'VE GOTTEN SEVERAL NOISE COMPLAINTS. 14 00:00:28,196 --> 00:00:30,631 - WE'RE GETTING MARRIED! - ALL RIGHT. 15 00:00:30,664 --> 00:00:34,235 - MM, THE JOY THAT I AM FEELING 16 00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:38,206 RIGHT NOW IS PROFOUND AND UNMATCHED IN THE MODERN ERA. 17 00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:40,341 AND I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT IT MEANS TO ME 18 00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:42,643 THAT I'M THE VERY FIRST PERSON THAT YOU CHOSE TO TELL. 19 00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:43,777 - OH-- 20 00:00:43,811 --> 00:00:46,847 - LET ME WALK AROUND WITH YOU 21 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:47,948 AS YOU TELL EVERYONE ELSE 22 00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:53,387 SO THAT I CAN SHARE TRUE JOY BEING SPREAD, PLEASE? 23 00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:54,388 - HEY, EVERYONE! 24 00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:56,624 WE HAVE SOMETHING VERY EXCITING TO TELL YOU 25 00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:58,359 THAT YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD BEFORE. 26 00:00:58,392 --> 00:00:59,627 - BEN AND I ARE ENGAGED... - WHAT? 27 00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:00,794 - AND YOU'RE HEARING ABOUT IT 28 00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,496 FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME RIGHT NOW. 29 00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:03,631 [all cheering] 30 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:06,334 - COME ON, EVERYBODY! HOW ABOUT A LITTLE EXCITEMENT? 31 00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:07,201 LESLIE AND BEN ARE ENGAGED! 32 00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:08,035 NOTHING WILL EVER COME BETWEEN THEM! 33 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:10,338 [all cheering] LESLIE AND BEN ARE-- 34 00:01:10,371 --> 00:01:12,273 - [laughs] WHAT'S GOING ON? 35 00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:13,274 - LESLIE AND BEN ARE ENGAGED! 36 00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:16,377 - [gasps] AGAIN? 37 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:17,311 YOU GUYS! - OH. 38 00:01:17,345 --> 00:01:18,412 - OH. - OH, YEAH! 39 00:01:18,446 --> 00:01:20,214 - [grunts] AAH! 40 00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:23,217 [triumphant music] 41 00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:31,259 * 42 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:43,171 - OKAY, T-MINUS SIX HOURS UNTIL THE ENGAGEMENT PARTY. 43 00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:45,406 HAS YOU-KNOW-WHO RESPONDED YET? 44 00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:48,276 - SURPRISINGLY, NO, LARRY BIRD HAS NOT RSVP'D YET. 45 00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:49,643 - WELL, HE KIND OF WAITS UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE. 46 00:01:49,677 --> 00:01:51,212 THAT'S HIS STYLE. PUT HIM DOWN AS A "MAYBE." 47 00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:52,646 ARE YOU EXCITED? - YEAH, TOTALLY. 48 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,515 I-I JUST HAVE TWO SMALL REQUESTS. 49 00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:56,884 ONE, PUT TWIZZLERS ON THE CANDY TABLE, 50 00:01:56,917 --> 00:02:00,188 AND TWO, CANCEL THE PARTY 51 00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:01,189 BECAUSE YOU INVITED MY PARENTS, 52 00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:03,657 AND THEY CAN'T BE IN THE SAME ROOM TOGETHER. 53 00:02:03,691 --> 00:02:05,326 OKAY? GREAT, THANK YOU. 54 00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:07,761 - NO TO CANCELING THE PARTY, AND NO TO TWIZZLERS. 55 00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:09,563 WE ARE A RED VINES FAMILY. 56 00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:10,664 YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET USED TO THAT. 57 00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:12,833 I KNOW YOU'RE SCARED, BUT I LOVE YOU, 58 00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:14,835 AND THIS PARTY IS GONNA GO GREAT. 59 00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:16,304 - WELL, IF THERE'S ANYONE 60 00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:19,173 WHO CAN BRING MY PARENTS TOGETHER, 61 00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:20,441 IT'S NO ONE. 62 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:23,344 NO ONE CAN EVER BRING THEM TOGETHER. 63 00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:24,845 MY FAMILY SITUATION IS COMPLICATED. 64 00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:27,615 MY PARENTS GOT DIVORCED 30 YEARS AGO 65 00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:30,484 AND THEY HATE EACH OTHER. 66 00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:32,820 OKAY, I GUESS IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED. 67 00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:36,424 - OKAY! YOU GUYS PRETEND YOU'RE RON SWANSON, 68 00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:38,226 AND YOU'RE TRYING TO DECIDE 69 00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:39,660 WHETHER YOU WANT TO INVEST IN THIS COMPANY. 70 00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:41,362 BE SUPER CRITICAL. 71 00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:42,496 - YOU'RE SHORT. 72 00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,832 - AND HERE...WE...GO! 73 00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:46,334 [dance music] 74 00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:50,371 TOM HAVERFORD AND JEAN-RALPHIO SAPERSTEIN... 75 00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:53,274 - CREATORS OF ENTERTAINMENT 720... 76 00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:55,243 - PROUDLY PRESENT... 77 00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:58,646 both: RENT A SWAG! - WAH! 78 00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:00,514 - PARENTS, ARE YOU TIRED OF WATCHING 79 00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:02,250 YOUR MIDDLE-SCHOOL-AGED CHILDREN GROW OUT 80 00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:04,285 OF THE NICE CLOTHES YOU BUY FOR THEM? 81 00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:06,287 THEN RENT THEM! FROM RENT A SWAG. 82 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:07,488 I OWN IT. 83 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:10,324 YOU RENT IT. YOU WEAR IT. 84 00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:12,726 YOU CLEAN IT. YOU RETURN IT. 85 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:14,562 I GET RICH. WINK! 86 00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:15,696 - RENT A SWAG! 87 00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:16,830 * WHERE YOUR SWAG IS MY BUSINESS! * 88 00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,499 - OKAY, STOP. YOU GUYS, STOP! 89 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:19,633 STOP! 90 00:03:19,667 --> 00:03:20,701 - * AND YOUR BUSINESS IS MY SWAG * 91 00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,336 - STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP! 92 00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:24,238 - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. - PLEASE. 93 00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:26,307 - THERE'S ACTUALLY A LOT MORE, 94 00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:27,941 BUT TELL US YOUR THOUGHTS SO FAR. 95 00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:29,777 - IT'S THE GREATEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. 96 00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:31,512 - YES! - NO! IT'S TERRIBLE. 97 00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,281 - IT'S TERRIBLE, YOU GUYS. 98 00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:34,715 I LOVE YOU, BABY. YOU'RE SO SMART. 99 00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:36,584 - YOU'RE PRESENTING THIS TO RON SWANSON. 100 00:03:36,617 --> 00:03:39,420 DON'T TALK ABOUT ANY OF YOUR OLD, FAILED BUSINESSES, 101 00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:40,754 GET RID OF THAT STUPID LIGHT SHOW, 102 00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:42,890 AND DEFINITELY DON'T USE ANY WEIRD, MADE-UP WORDS 103 00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:44,525 THAT RON DOESN'T UNDERSTAND. 104 00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,327 - BUT THE PRESENTATION'S TOMORROW AT 8:00 A.M. 105 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:47,828 WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO START FROM SCRATCH. 106 00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:51,732 - WELL, IF YOU DO ANY OF THAT, HE'S NOT GONNA INVEST, SO... 107 00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:54,268 YOUR FUNERAL. 108 00:03:54,302 --> 00:03:55,269 - HEY! I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE. 109 00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:56,704 LET'S GO OVER THE PLAN. 110 00:03:56,737 --> 00:04:00,541 - OKAY, YOU AND I GO STARGAZING IN HARVEY JAMES PARK, 111 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:03,411 WHILE MY PARENTS SLOWLY STRANGLE EACH OTHER 112 00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:04,512 IN THE LIVING ROOM. 113 00:04:04,545 --> 00:04:07,448 - NO. YOUR MOM ARRIVES AT 7:00. 114 00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,817 WE HAND HER A GLASS OF CHILLED WHITE WINE, 115 00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:12,019 AND, OH, LOOK, MY MOM IS WALKING OVER, 116 00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:13,887 AND THEY'RE BOTH EDUCATORS AND MOTHERS. 117 00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:15,656 WHAT A FABULOUS COINCIDENCE. 118 00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:17,925 THEN LATER, STEPHEN WYATT SHOWS UP--THAT'S YOUR DAD. 119 00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:19,527 - YES. HE'S TERRIFYING. 120 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:20,994 - WE MAKE SOME SMALL TALK, 121 00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:22,463 AND 30 MINUTES LATER, 122 00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:26,033 I SHOW EVERYBODY THE BIG SURPRISE. 123 00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:27,635 THE KNOPE-WYATT UNITY QUILT. 124 00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:28,969 BEN AND I ARE WEAVING OUR LIVES TOGETHER, 125 00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:30,838 SO I HAVE WOVEN THIS QUILT. 126 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:35,343 IT REPRESENTS EVERY MEMBER OF OUR NEW UNITED FAMILY. 127 00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:37,077 OF ALL MY METAPHORICAL ART PROJECTS, 128 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,313 THIS IS BY FAR THE COZIEST. 129 00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:41,349 - THIS IS AMAZING. - I KNOW. 130 00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:42,616 I WORKED REALLY HARD ON IT. 131 00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:44,051 AND, OUT OF RESPECT, 132 00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:46,086 I DID NOT INCLUDE ANY IMAGES OF THE ONLY OTHER MAN 133 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:48,456 IN THE WORLD WHO'S AS SEXY AS YOU, JOE BIDEN. 134 00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:49,923 - YES, YOU DID, RIGHT THERE. - HMM? 135 00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:52,360 OH, WELL, THAT'S JUST A LITTLE ONE. 136 00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:54,928 THE POINT IS, THIS QUILT IS GOING TO UNITE THE WYATT CLAN. 137 00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:58,799 - IT'S BEAUTIFUL, AND IT WON'T. 138 00:04:58,832 --> 00:04:59,767 [chattering] [tapping glass] 139 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,735 - EVERYONE, BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE GETS HERE, 140 00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:04,004 I'D LIKE TO MAKE A LITTLE TOAST. 141 00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:07,775 MY ROMANTIC LIFE HAS BEEN A BIT OF A MIXED BAG LATELY. 142 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:11,545 AND WHEN THAT'S THE CASE, IT'S HARD NOT TO BE CYNICAL 143 00:05:11,579 --> 00:05:13,847 ABOUT LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS, BUT IT'S COUPLES LIKE YOU 144 00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:15,349 THAT GIVE HOPE TO THE REST OF US. 145 00:05:15,383 --> 00:05:18,886 LESLIE, YOU DESERVE THE BEST, AND YOU FOUND IT. 146 00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:22,022 BEN, DON'T YOU DARE HURT HER. [laughter] 147 00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:23,357 - I WON'T. 148 00:05:23,391 --> 00:05:25,526 - DON'T LAUGH. SHE MEANS IT. 149 00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:26,927 - OKAY, I-I WON'T. 150 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,563 - SERIOUSLY, SON, DON'T HURT HER. 151 00:05:29,597 --> 00:05:31,665 - OKAY, I'M NOT PLANNING ON HURTING HER. 152 00:05:31,699 --> 00:05:33,734 - YOU BETTER NOT BE. - I'M NOT! 153 00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:36,437 - HEY, BEN, YOU BEST WATCH YOURSELF. 154 00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:37,971 - WHY WOULD ANY OF YOU THINK I WOULD HURT LESLIE? 155 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,873 YOU'RE ALL MY FRIENDS TOO. 156 00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:41,074 - NAH. 157 00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:42,943 - THIS WAS LITERALLY 158 00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:45,813 THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND MOVING THING 159 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:49,383 THAT I HAVE EVER HEARD. [cries] 160 00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:50,718 - THERE, THERE, BABY BOY. 161 00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:54,688 TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED. - [cries] 162 00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:57,425 - WELL, SURE, IN A WRESTLING MATCH, KIRK WOULD WIN. 163 00:05:57,458 --> 00:05:59,393 BUT OVERALL, WHO WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE AT THE HELM 164 00:05:59,427 --> 00:06:01,462 OF YOUR SOVEREIGN-CLASS STARSHIP? 165 00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:03,397 JEAN-LUC PICARD. NO CONTEST. 166 00:06:03,431 --> 00:06:04,432 - HEY, YOUR MOM'S HERE. I NEED YOU. 167 00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:05,799 - THANK GOD. 168 00:06:05,833 --> 00:06:08,001 - THERE'S MY BOY! - HEY, MOM. 169 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,437 NICE TO SEE YOU. 170 00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:11,472 THIS IS LESLIE KNOPE, MY FIANCEE. 171 00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:13,774 - HI. IT'S--IT'S REALLY NICE TO FINALLY MEET YOU, MS. WYATT. 172 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,443 - OH! PLEASE CALL ME JULIA. 173 00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:17,077 IS YOUR FATHER HERE YET? 174 00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:20,013 - NO FIGHTING TONIGHT, MOM. - DON'T WORRY! 175 00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:21,148 I'M GOING TO BE CIVIL, AS LONG AS HE IS. 176 00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:24,017 FRANKLY, AFTER WHAT HE DID AT GEOFFREY'S GRADUATION-- 177 00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:26,086 - OH, I HAVE SOME WHITE WINE FOR YOU, SOME CHARDONNAY. 178 00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:28,188 - OH, THANK YOU. - YOU'RE WELCOME. 179 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,758 RIGHT THIS WAY. [laughter] 180 00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:33,160 - [laughs nervously] 181 00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:36,430 - HEY, YOU GUYS, COME ON IN. - THANK YOU. 182 00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:38,732 - [cries] 183 00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:41,602 ANN. 184 00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:42,736 - HEY. 185 00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:44,638 YOU ALL RIGHT, MAN? 186 00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:46,874 - THE TOAST THAT YOU GAVE TO BEN AND LESLIE 187 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,008 WAS SO BEAUTIFUL, 188 00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:51,579 AND I'M FEELING VERY RAW FROM MY THERAPY. 189 00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:56,450 I AM SO HAPPY... AND SO SAD. 190 00:06:56,484 --> 00:06:59,587 IT'S LIKE A PERFECT STORM OF EMOTIONS. 191 00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:05,158 AND SO I'M HIDING OUT HERE, SO I DON'T RUIN THIS PARTY 192 00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:07,695 FOR MY TWO AMAZING BEST FRIENDS 193 00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:10,130 WHO I LOVE SO MUCH. 194 00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:11,465 OH! 195 00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:13,701 THERE'S NO MORE TISSUE. 196 00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:15,168 EVERYTHING ENDS! [cries] - NO, NO, NO. 197 00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:16,904 NO, THERE'S MORE TISSUE. 198 00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:20,708 THERE'S-- - EVERYTHING GOES AWAY. 199 00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:22,643 - AND I SAID, RULES OR NO RULES, 200 00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:23,944 I JUST HAVE TO KISS THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE. 201 00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:25,112 - [chuckles] 202 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:26,113 - WELL, THAT'S A KNOPE WOMAN FOR YOU. 203 00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:28,115 WHEN WE SEE SOMETHING ADORABLE, WE ATTACK IT. 204 00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:31,018 - HE IS ADORABLE, ISN'T HE? 205 00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:33,220 YOU CHOSE WELL, BENNY. 206 00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:35,255 - AW, THANK YOU. 207 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,156 SO FAR, SO GOOD. 208 00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:37,491 - I'LL ADMIT IT. 209 00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:38,759 THINGS ARE GOING SURPRISINGLY WELL. 210 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,127 - YEAH. 211 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,261 - AND PACK IT UP. IT'S OVER, WE'RE SCREWED. 212 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:42,796 - HE BROUGHT HIS GIRLFRIEND? 213 00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:44,264 HE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BRING HIS GIRLFRIEND, BEN. 214 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,799 - OH, BEN! 215 00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:47,735 YOUR FATHER BROUGHT HIS LITTLE PLAYTHING. 216 00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:49,169 - HIYA, BENNY. - HEY, DAD, HI. 217 00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:51,939 - [laughs] - HI. 218 00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,040 [smack] UNH. 219 00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:54,708 HI, ULANI. 220 00:07:54,742 --> 00:07:56,276 THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T COMING. 221 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:59,713 - ULANI IS MY GIRLFRIEND, AND SHE'S IMPORTANT TO ME, 222 00:07:59,747 --> 00:08:01,048 AND I NEED HER HERE. 223 00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:03,250 - ULANI, HI, I'M LESLIE. WHAT A WONDERFUL SURPRISE. 224 00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:05,118 WE'RE SO HAPPY THAT YOU'RE HERE. 225 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,254 - WHAT THE HELL, STEVE? THEY DIDN'T KNOW I WAS COMING? 226 00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:10,223 - WE DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS SPRING BREAK. [chuckles] 227 00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:11,659 - OKAY, THANKS, EVERYBODY, FOR COMING. 228 00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:13,160 I'M SO SORRY YOU ALL HAVE TO GO HOME. 229 00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:15,963 - HEY, RED VINES ANYONE? 230 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:18,999 - WE'RE A TWIZZLERS FAMILY. 231 00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,202 - OKAY, WE ARE OFF TO A ROCKY START, 232 00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:24,638 BUT WE ARE GONNA FIX THIS. - YES, WE WILL. 233 00:08:24,672 --> 00:08:26,874 I CALLED A CAB. IT'S OUTSIDE. 234 00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:29,810 I GAVE THE DRIVER 100 BUCKS TO SIT AND WAIT, 235 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,112 SO WHENEVER WE'RE READY TO GO-- 236 00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:33,313 LIKE, MAYBE RIGHT NOW-- 237 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,082 ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS WALK OUTSIDE. 238 00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:37,951 - NO, I WANT TO BE HERE NOW, WITH YOU AND YOUR PARENTS. 239 00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:39,152 HELP ME MAKE THIS WORK. 240 00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,254 - OKAY, FINE. BEST THING TO DO IS 241 00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:43,290 DISTRACT THEM WITH INNOCUOUS TALK 242 00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:45,793 ABOUT THE STUFF THEY CARE ABOUT. - GREAT, LIKE WHAT? 243 00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:47,795 - WELL, THEY'RE WHITE PEOPLE FROM MINNESOTA, 244 00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:50,130 SO HOCKEY, FISHING, SKIING, SAILING, AND AFTER A FEW DRINKS, 245 00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:51,699 PUT ON A PRINCE ALBUM. 246 00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:53,266 DON'T MENTION THE GREEN BAY PACKERS 247 00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:55,603 OR THE STATE OF IOWA. AND ALSO, 248 00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:56,870 I HAVE ENOUGH FREQUENT FLYER MILES 249 00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:58,639 TO GET US TO AUSTRALIA TONIGHT. 250 00:08:58,672 --> 00:08:59,640 - EVERYTHING OKAY? - UH, SLIGHT SPEED BUMP. 251 00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:02,843 EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE, BUT I AM GOING TO FIX IT 252 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,044 WITH MY SECRET WEAPON. 253 00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:05,779 - [cries] - OKAY, WELL I WILL MAKE SURE 254 00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:06,614 THAT EVERYTHING ELSE RUNS SMOOTHLY. 255 00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:07,848 - ANN, YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD FRIEND. 256 00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:11,919 YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL, TALENTED, BRILLIANT, POWERFUL MUSK OX. 257 00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:14,855 THANK YOU, OX, FOR KEEPING THIS SHIP AFLOAT. 258 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,690 - YOU GOT IT. 259 00:09:16,724 --> 00:09:18,859 GUYS, I NEED YOUR HELP, OKAY? 260 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:21,094 CHRIS IS IN THE BACK ROOM, AND HE'S CRYING. 261 00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:22,730 GO IN THERE, CALM HIM DOWN, MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER. 262 00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:25,098 LESLIE AND BEN HAVE ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH, OKAY? 263 00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:26,967 THANK YOU. - WAIT, WHY IS CHRIS CRYING? 264 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:30,671 - UH, HE'S EMOTIONAL. - WAIT, WHY IS CHRIS EMOTIONAL? 265 00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:32,640 - BECAUSE HE'S IN THERAPY RIGHT NOW, 266 00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:33,841 AND IT'S DREDGING UP A LOT OF STUFF FOR HIM. 267 00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:36,009 - WAIT, WAIT, LIKE WHAT KIND OF STUFF? 268 00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:37,878 - LIKE, I DON'T KNOW, HIS FRIENDS ARE GETTING MARRIED, 269 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,246 AND HE'S NOT DATING ANYONE. 270 00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,214 - WHY ISN'T HE DATING ANYONE? 271 00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,250 - YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU DATE HIM? 272 00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:45,352 - BECAUSE I'M DATING MYSELF RIGHT NOW, OKAY? 273 00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:48,121 I'M--I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE ME HAPPY. 274 00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:49,790 - UGH, WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU, ANN? 275 00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:50,824 SELF-CENTERED MUCH? 276 00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:55,896 - JUST GO, OKAY? THANK YOU. 277 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,330 - RON IN 60 SECONDS. - TOM. 278 00:09:57,364 --> 00:09:58,799 I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU TONIGHT. 279 00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:01,168 - I'VE BEEN WORKING ON MY PRESENTATION. 280 00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:02,703 I JUST CAME BY TO CONGRATULATE LESLIE, 281 00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:03,871 AND THEN I'M HEADING BACK. 282 00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:05,272 - I ADMIRE THE WORK ETHIC. 283 00:10:05,305 --> 00:10:07,708 I'M ALWAYS LOOKING FOR NEW INVESTMENTS. 284 00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:10,077 EVER SINCE I GOT MY FIRST JOB AT THE AGE OF NINE, 285 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,279 I HAVE PUT ALL MY MONEY INTO GOLD, 286 00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:14,414 WHICH IS CURRENTLY AT AN ALL-TIME HIGH. 287 00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:20,020 SO I HAVE A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF MONEY. 288 00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:22,189 I'VE SAID TOO MUCH. 289 00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:24,357 LOOKING FORWARD TO TOMORROW. 290 00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:26,126 - YES... ABOUT THAT. 291 00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:29,162 I WAS WONDERING, IS THERE ANY CHANCE WE COULD RESCHEDULE? 292 00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:30,864 I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS UP 293 00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:31,965 TO MY WORLD-CLASS "STANDEES." 294 00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:34,735 - I LIKE TO KEEP MY APPOINTMENTS, SON, 295 00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:36,203 AND I LIKE OTHERS TO DO THE SAME. 296 00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:39,673 - OF COURSE, YES. NO PROBLEM, 8:00 A.M. TOMORROW. 297 00:10:39,707 --> 00:10:41,875 I THINK YOU'RE GONNA BE VERY IMPRESSED 298 00:10:41,909 --> 00:10:43,343 WITH OUR PRESENTATION. 299 00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:46,680 - "OUR PRESENTATION"? WHO ELSE IS JOINING YOU? 300 00:10:46,714 --> 00:10:47,815 - RICKA RICKA RICKA RICKA! 301 00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:50,450 [imitating DJ scratching] 302 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,852 [whispering] SWANSON. 303 00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:53,687 - JEAN-RALPHIO. - THAT'S ME. 304 00:10:53,721 --> 00:10:55,756 - I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU WERE A PART OF THIS. 305 00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:57,357 - OF COURSE HE IS. HE'S MY BUSINESS PARTNER. 306 00:10:57,390 --> 00:11:00,761 both: [inhale sharply] SHH! CLEAN! 307 00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:02,730 - BUSINESS PARTNER, NOW AND FOREVER. 308 00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:05,866 HOLD UP! FOREVER 21. 309 00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:07,901 21-GUN SALUTE. SALUTE YOUR SHORTS. 310 00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:09,002 KABOOSH! 311 00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:10,871 I JUST FREE-ASSOCIATED ALL OVER THE "MOUSSE-TACHE." 312 00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:12,873 - THAT'S JUST ONE OF MANY SKILLS HE BRINGS 313 00:11:12,906 --> 00:11:13,640 TO THIS BUSINESS PARTNERSHIP. 314 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,776 - WHAT ARE THOSE, SHRIMP? AH! 315 00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:19,046 OKAY. - RETHINK THAT MOVE, SON. 316 00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:21,849 - LET'S JUST DRIVE BACK. I FEEL WEIRD. 317 00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:24,251 - STEVE, YOU LIKE SAILING, RIGHT? 318 00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:26,119 - NOT ANYMORE, SINCE JULIA GOT THE BOAT IN THE DIVORCE 319 00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:27,988 AND THEN SOLD IT TO A SCRAPYARD 320 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,823 BECAUSE SHE'S TERRIBLE. 321 00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:30,791 - WELL, AT LEAST YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEAL 322 00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:32,926 WITH ALL THAT BOAT UPKEEP NOW, RIGHT, HUH? 323 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,261 YECH, NO THANKEE. 324 00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:36,396 LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN SAILING. 325 00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:37,798 WHY DON'T YOU HEAD IN THE OTHER ROOM? 326 00:11:37,831 --> 00:11:40,200 I HAVE A SURPRISE THAT-- THERE SHE GOES. 327 00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,903 THERE'S A SURPRISE FOR YOU, SO, UM, HEAD ON IN. 328 00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:44,805 - I DON'T LIKE SURPRISES. 329 00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:45,773 - OKAY, LOOK, YOU GAVE IT A TRY, 330 00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:48,776 BUT THIS QUILT THING IS NOT GOING TO WORK. 331 00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:50,277 - BEN, ON THREE SEPARATE OCCASIONS, 332 00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:52,746 I HAVE USED A QUILT TO MEND FENCES. 333 00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:54,481 IN NINTH GRADE, A QUILT ENDED AN ARGUMENT 334 00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:55,749 BETWEEN MY TWO BEST FRIENDS, 335 00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:57,818 AND A QUILT SETTLED 336 00:11:57,851 --> 00:12:00,120 THE DONNA-JERRY PARKING LOT FEUD OF 2006. 337 00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:01,789 - WHAT WAS THE THIRD TIME? 338 00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:03,757 - RIGHT [bleep] NOW. 339 00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:05,158 - OKAY, I STILL DON'T THINK IT'S GONNA WORK, 340 00:12:05,192 --> 00:12:07,094 BUT I AM REALLY ATTRACTED TO YOU RIGHT NOW. 341 00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:10,430 - I KNOW. LET'S DO THIS. 342 00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:11,531 [knock at door] 343 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:12,766 - POLICE, OPEN UP! WE HAVE A WARRANT! 344 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:13,867 JUST KIDDING, IT'S US. 345 00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:15,803 HA, WE GOT YOU! - ANDY AND APRIL. 346 00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:17,070 - WE HAVE SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO SEE YOU! 347 00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:18,806 - CHAMPION! 348 00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,473 COME HERE. HEY, BIG BOY. 349 00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:22,542 YOU ARE SUCH A BRAVE, GOOD DOG, 350 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,177 WITH SO MUCH SPIRIT. 351 00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:25,278 YOU'VE OVERCOME SO MUCH. 352 00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:30,183 YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL DOG IN THE WHOLE WORLD. 353 00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:31,785 AND I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU. 354 00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:33,420 [sobbing] 355 00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,989 - OKAY, EVERYONE, I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR ALL OF YOU. 356 00:12:36,023 --> 00:12:37,991 VOILA! 357 00:12:38,025 --> 00:12:41,795 [both gasping] THE KNOPE-WYATT UNITY QUILT! 358 00:12:41,829 --> 00:12:44,898 IT REPRESENTS OUR TWO FAMILIES COMING TOGETHER, 359 00:12:44,932 --> 00:12:46,566 AND THERE IS A PERSONALIZED SQUARE FOR EACH MEMBER 360 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,802 OF OUR JOINT FAMILY, SEE? 361 00:12:48,836 --> 00:12:51,404 - SWEETHEART, THIS IS LOVELY. - THANKS, MOM. 362 00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:53,540 - WHERE'S MY SQUARE? 363 00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:55,308 - WELL, YOU'RE NOT TECHNICALLY-- 364 00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:57,911 - NOT TECHNICALLY WHAT? - NOT TECHNICALLY AN ADULT. 365 00:12:57,945 --> 00:13:00,881 - THIS IS A VERY THOUGHTLESS OMISSION, LESLIE, 366 00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:03,851 AND AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, IF THERE'S NO ULANI SQUARE, 367 00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:06,053 THIS IS NOT A LEGITIMATE UNITY QUILT. 368 00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:08,088 - OH, THAT OLD CHESTNUT. - OKAY. 369 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:11,324 I WILL MAKE AN ULANI SQUARE. 370 00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:13,994 VERY, VERY EASY. OKAY. 371 00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:15,395 LOOK, THIS IS YOUR SQUARE NOW. 372 00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:16,864 WHAT DOES "ULANI" MEAN? 373 00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:18,365 - "CHEERFUL." 374 00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:19,900 - SURE. 375 00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:22,936 ALL RIGHT. LOOK AT THAT. 376 00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:25,839 UNITY! IT'S THAT SIMPLE. ALL WE HAD TO DO WAS-- 377 00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:27,307 - I DON'T WANT HER NAME ON MY QUILT. 378 00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,476 - IT'S NOT YOUR-- IT'S EVERYONE'S QUILT. 379 00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:30,610 IT'S A UNITY QUILT. 380 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:33,246 - I THINK IT'S MEAN THAT YOU DIDN'T DO A SQUARE FOR ME. 381 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,547 - IT'S A DISASTER IS WHAT IT IS. 382 00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:36,349 - YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN, STEVE. 383 00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:38,318 - SEE, BEN, THEY'RE AGREEING. 384 00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:39,920 IT'S WORKING. 385 00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:40,854 - OKAY, I'M THINKING 386 00:13:40,888 --> 00:13:43,623 WE JUNK EVERYTHING EXCEPT THE MANNEQUINS. 387 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,158 RON'S GOTTA SEE HOW DOPE THE OUTFITS ARE. 388 00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:46,326 THAT'S THE BUSINESS. 389 00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:49,062 - WHY ARE WE GOING TO RON? RON SHOULD BE COMING TO US! 390 00:13:49,096 --> 00:13:50,898 WE CREATED ENTERTAINMENT 720. 391 00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:51,965 - WHICH WAS A HUGE FAILURE. 392 00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:53,166 - I DON'T KNOW-- 393 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,935 - LOOK, A BANK'S NOT GONNA GIVE US A LOAN, 394 00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:58,205 AND RON LOVES MY ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT. 395 00:13:58,238 --> 00:14:00,307 TRUST ME, HE'S OUR BEST CHANCE AT GETTING START-UP MONEY. 396 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:01,975 - I HEAR THAT. LET'S GO CLUBBING. 397 00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:03,443 - NO, WE GOTTA WORK. 398 00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:04,444 DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME SAY WE GOTTA JUNK 399 00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:05,378 MOST OF THE PRESENTATION? 400 00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:08,015 - TOMMY, I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU, 401 00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:09,549 NO MATTER WHAT, BUT RIGHT NOW, 402 00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:12,252 I CANNOT BE THERE FOR YOU BECAUSE I HAVE TO GO. 403 00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:14,988 - I HATE TO SAY THIS, BUT... 404 00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:18,591 SOMETIMES YOU'VE GOTTA WORK A LITTLE, 405 00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:20,928 SO YOU CAN BALL A LOT. 406 00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:23,396 - THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL. 407 00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:27,901 THAT CHANGED ME. I'LL GIVE YOU TEN MINUTES. 408 00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:30,337 - YOU HAVE TO TRY TO EAT SOMETHING, OKAY? 409 00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:36,977 - MMM! WOW, THAT'S AMAZING. 410 00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:40,147 - SEE? THERE YOU GO. 411 00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:41,614 - THIS ONE'S NOT AS GOOD. 412 00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:43,183 - ALL RIGHT, CHRIS, HERE'S THE PLAN. 413 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,152 I'M JUST GONNA LIST OFF HAPPY THINGS 414 00:14:45,185 --> 00:14:47,054 UNTIL YOU'RE CHEERED UP. 415 00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:50,323 PIZZA, THE BEACH, ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC-- 416 00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:52,492 - AND I'LL LIST TERRIBLE THINGS TO BRING YOU BACK DOWN. 417 00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:54,995 SMALLPOX, BOTCHED SURGERY, 418 00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:57,164 SNAILS CRAWLING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. 419 00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:59,666 - THIS IS WEIRDLY WORKING. IT'S EVENING ME OUT. 420 00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:01,935 - OKAY, KEEP GOING, KEEP GOING. - LAUGHTER. 421 00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:02,769 - SNAILS CRAWLING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. 422 00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:04,004 - THE BEACH. - SNAILS CRAWLING OUT 423 00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:05,572 OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. - CUTE CATS. 424 00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,040 - SNAILS CRAWLING OUT OF YOUR BUTT. 425 00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:08,708 - DAVE MATTHEWS BAND. 426 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,343 - DAVE MATTHEWS BAND. 427 00:15:10,377 --> 00:15:13,246 - LOOK, DAD, LESLIE WORKED REALLY HARD ON THIS, 428 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,715 SO CAN YOU JUST COOL IT FOR, LIKE, 30 SECONDS? 429 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:18,085 - SURE, I CAN. 430 00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:19,987 BUT YOUR MOTHER CAN'T. SEE? 431 00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:22,489 SHE'S RUINING YOUR QUILT, 432 00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:24,224 JUST LIKE SHE RUINED OUR MARRIAGE! 433 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,458 - MOM! 434 00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:26,626 - OH, I DIDN'T KNOW WE COULD CUT THAT. 435 00:15:26,659 --> 00:15:27,727 - IT HAD TO BE DONE, BEN. 436 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,363 - IT ABSOLUTELY DID NOT HAVE TO BE DONE. 437 00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:32,399 - LOOK, CHAMPAGNE! 438 00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,134 - YEAH, WHY DON'T WE JUST FORGET ABOUT THE QUILT 439 00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:36,569 AND JUST RAISE A GLASS? - YES! TOASTS ARE FUN. 440 00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,705 THEY USUALLY SIGNIFY THE END OF A PARTY. 441 00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:39,606 HERE YOU ARE, ULANI. 442 00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:40,673 - I'M GOOD, THANKS. 443 00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:42,575 - OH, BY ALL MEANS, GO AHEAD AND TAKE IT, ULANI. 444 00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:44,477 OR, WAIT, ARE YOU EVEN OLD ENOUGH TO DRINK? 445 00:15:44,511 --> 00:15:46,279 - YES, JULIA, I AM, 446 00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:49,582 BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE I'M PREGNANT. 447 00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:50,717 - YOU'RE WHAT? 448 00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:52,119 - OH, BOY. - [whines] 449 00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:53,486 - I DIDN'T MEAN TO STEAL YOUR SPOTLIGHT, 450 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:54,554 BUT THE CAT'S OUT OF THE BAG. 451 00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:59,359 YOUNG BEN IS GOING TO HAVE A NEW BABY SISTER, HUH? 452 00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:02,229 STILL FIRING BULLETS, SON. [laughs] 453 00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:03,763 - I CANNOT BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS HIM. 454 00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:05,265 - WHAT ABOUT THE WEDDING? 455 00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:08,401 - I'M TALKING ABOUT THE WEDDING. 456 00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:12,039 - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE WYATT FAMILY. 457 00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:16,209 - GOD, IT'S LIKE THE WAR OF THE WYATTS OUT THERE, HUH? 458 00:16:16,243 --> 00:16:19,212 - I MEAN, IT'S SO BRUTAL! - OH, MY GOD. 459 00:16:19,246 --> 00:16:20,513 - WERE YOU AND DAD EVER LIKE THAT? 460 00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:22,515 - WELL, LIKE ANY MARRIED COUPLE, 461 00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:24,517 HONEY, YOUR FATHER AND I FOUGHT OCCASIONALLY, 462 00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:27,187 AND SOMETIMES HE WON THE ARGUMENT, 463 00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:28,621 AND SOMETIMES I WON. 464 00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:31,391 BUT USUALLY, WE FORGOT WHAT WE WERE ARGUING ABOUT 465 00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:32,459 AND JUST HAD SEX. 466 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,594 - LA LA LA LA LA. - ANYWAY, THE IMPORTANT THING 467 00:16:34,627 --> 00:16:38,465 IS THAT WE ALWAYS ENDED UP ON THE SAME TEAM. 468 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:39,799 AND IN THE SAME BED. 469 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:41,134 - [groans] 470 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,370 - GOD, I MISS THAT MAN. 471 00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:45,138 - HOW CAN YOU BE SO WISE AND SO INAPPROPRIATE 472 00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:46,639 AT THE SAME TIME? 473 00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:49,176 - I'M A PARENT. 474 00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:50,310 - [sighs] 475 00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:51,711 I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO PHRASE THIS MISSION STATEMENT. 476 00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:53,180 - LET ME GET A SHOT AT IT. 477 00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:54,314 I'M ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD AT THIS STUFF. 478 00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,516 [whistles] [keyboard clicking] 479 00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:57,550 SEE? 480 00:16:57,584 --> 00:16:59,552 - YOU JUST GOOGLED, "AMANDA BYNES SIDE BOOB." 481 00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:01,121 WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? 482 00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:02,822 - WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? WHY IS YOUR SAFESEARCH ON? 483 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,692 THAT IS AMATEUR HOUR, TOM. 484 00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:08,595 LISTEN, WE'VE BEEN AT THIS FOR AN ENTIRE EVENING. 485 00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:10,397 I SAY, WHY DON'T WE CUT OUR LOSSES? 486 00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:12,732 IF IT WAS SUCH A GOOD IDEA, WE WOULD BE MILLIONAIRES BY NOW. 487 00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:13,833 HELLO. 488 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,602 - LOOK, MAN, I BELIEVE IN THIS IDEA. 489 00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:18,371 DO YOU? 490 00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:20,507 YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, BUT... 491 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,409 I DON'T THINK YOU'RE AS SERIOUS ABOUT THIS BUSINESS AS I AM. 492 00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:25,812 - OH, YEAH, NO, I'M DEFINITELY NOT. 493 00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:28,615 [soft music, indistinct chatter] 494 00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:30,517 - [clears throat] 495 00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:36,623 [sniffs] 496 00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:40,393 - HEY, I GOT YOUR TEXT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 497 00:17:40,427 --> 00:17:42,429 - I GRABBED ALL OF THE BROWNIES FROM THE DESSERT TABLE 498 00:17:42,462 --> 00:17:43,363 AND FOUR BOTTLES OF WINE. 499 00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:44,731 GET IN THE CAR. WE'RE GOING TO AUSTRALIA. 500 00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:46,599 - LESLIE-- - I AM SO SORRY FOR EVERYTHING. 501 00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:49,169 I LOVE YOU, AND I WANT TO BE ON YOUR TEAM. 502 00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:50,603 I AM ON YOUR TEAM, BUT I THINK THAT 503 00:17:50,637 --> 00:17:52,439 OUR TEAM SHOULD BE FAR AWAY FROM HERE. 504 00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:54,607 - NORMALLY, I WOULD GET IN THE CAB WITH YOU, 505 00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:57,544 BUT I AM SO SICK OF THEM RUINING EVERYTHING, 506 00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,646 AND I REALLY LIKED THAT UNITY QUILT. 507 00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:02,382 - IT WAS A GOOD QUILT. - IT WAS AN AWESOME QUILT. 508 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,484 LOOK, MY PARENTS ARE INSANE, 509 00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:06,819 BUT THEY NEED TO BE AT OUR WEDDING. 510 00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:08,355 YOU KNOW WHAT? 511 00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:09,822 IT'S TIME FOR THIS TEAM 512 00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:11,524 TO COME UP WITH A NEW PLAN. - I AGREE. 513 00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:13,660 PHASE ONE OF OUR NEW PLAN, YOU GET IN THE BACKSEAT 514 00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:16,129 OF THIS CAB, AND WE HARDCORE MAKE OUT FOR 15 MINUTES. 515 00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:17,497 - I WOULD LOVE TO DO THAT. 516 00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:19,332 I'M JUST NOT SURE IF THE DRIVER WOULD BE OKAY WITH IT. 517 00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:21,668 - FOR ANOTHER 100 BUCKS, YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. 518 00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:23,670 - LET'S DO THIS. 519 00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:26,139 - [sniffing] 520 00:18:26,173 --> 00:18:27,640 SWAN SONG! 521 00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:28,841 WHAT UP, MY MAN? 522 00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:31,611 OW, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? - JEAN-RALPHIO. 523 00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:33,680 I THOUGHT YOU AND TOM WERE WORKING ON YOUR PRESENTATION. 524 00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:36,649 - NO, I DECIDED IT WAS BEST IF I TOOK MY TALENTS ELSEWHERE. 525 00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:38,851 DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? - YOU ABANDONED YOUR FRIEND? 526 00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:40,920 - GOD, NO. HE FIRED ME, STRAIGHT UP. 527 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,722 TALKED ABOUT HOW I WASN'T SERIOUS ENOUGH 528 00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:43,790 ABOUT THE PROJECT, 529 00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:45,592 HOW HE NEEDED TO GROW UP. 530 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,860 ANYWAY, I HAVE AN AMAZING INVESTMENT IDEA FOR YOU. 531 00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:49,829 CONDOMS WITH PICTURES ON THEM. 532 00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:51,264 - PASS. - GOOD. SMART. 533 00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:52,599 I THINK YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION. 534 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:55,168 TAKE CARE. 535 00:18:55,202 --> 00:18:57,537 - OH. CHRIS? 536 00:18:57,570 --> 00:19:00,573 SEEMS LIKE THE STORM HAS PASSED. - INDEED IT HAS. 537 00:19:00,607 --> 00:19:02,742 I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I SPENT THE ENTIRE PARTY IN A ROOM 538 00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:05,478 BEING HAPPY-SAD ON A NIGHT THAT MEANS SO MUCH 539 00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:06,746 TO MY TWO BEST FRIENDS. 540 00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:08,315 - I MEAN, YOU'RE GOING THROUGH A LOT. 541 00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:10,550 YOU NEED TO PURGE ALL THIS STUFF THAT'S BEEN BUILDING UP. 542 00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:12,885 - THIS LESBIAN NURSE IS RIGHT, CHRIS. 543 00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:14,787 YOU CAN'T KEEP IT ALL BOTTLED UP. 544 00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:17,190 - MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT. MAYBE ALL OF MY EMOTIONS 545 00:19:17,224 --> 00:19:19,626 TUMBLING OUT LIKE THIS MEANS THAT I CAN GET A CLEAN START. 546 00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:20,960 - WELL, FOR THAT, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO VISIT 547 00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:21,961 THE BATHROOM FIRST. 548 00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:23,463 - RIGHT? - NO. 549 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,631 - [laughs] ANN PERKINS! - NOPE. 550 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,634 - YOU ARE, WITHOUT A DOUBT, THE QUEEN OF TOILET HUMOR. 551 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:32,239 - THAT'S ALL I EVER WANTED TO BE. 552 00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:34,674 - THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A HAPPY OCCASION. 553 00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:36,409 YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO COME HERE, 554 00:19:36,443 --> 00:19:39,579 CELEBRATE YOUR SON'S ENGAGEMENT, MAYBE BURY THE AX? 555 00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:40,680 AND NOT IN EACH OTHER'S BACK. 556 00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:44,317 - BUT IT DID NOT WORK OUT THAT WAY. 557 00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:45,552 SO HERE IS THE NEW PLAN. 558 00:19:45,585 --> 00:19:47,520 I DON'T EXPECT YOU TO LIKE EACH OTHER, 559 00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:49,656 BUT YOU HAVE TO COME TO THE WEDDING, OKAY? 560 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:50,957 WE'LL SEAT YOU FAR AWAY FROM EACH OTHER. 561 00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:52,359 YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO SOCIALIZE. 562 00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,227 - YEAH, IN FACT, WE INSIST THAT YOU DON'T. 563 00:19:54,261 --> 00:19:55,795 BUT YOU DO HAVE TO SHOW UP 564 00:19:55,828 --> 00:19:57,497 AND TELL US THAT YOU HAD A GREAT TIME. 565 00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:58,465 THAT'S THE DEAL. 566 00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:00,967 YOU CAN EITHER TAKE IT, OR YOU CAN TAKE IT. 567 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,636 - I CAN TAKE IT. I'M SORRY. 568 00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:06,573 - I'M SORRY TOO, BENNY. - SORRY. WHATEVER. 569 00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:08,541 - AW, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL APOLOGY. 570 00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:09,676 - JULIA... - GUYS. 571 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:10,677 both: SORRY. 572 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,445 - BEN'S PARENTS ARE INSANE, 573 00:20:12,479 --> 00:20:13,613 BUT HE IS NOT. HE'S AMAZING. 574 00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:15,715 AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS. 575 00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:18,017 I GUESS HE MIGHT BECOME INSANE AS HE AGES. 576 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:21,254 I SHOULD KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR THAT. 577 00:20:21,288 --> 00:20:22,822 ALSO, FOR THE RECORD, MY UNITY QUILT WORKED. 578 00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:25,825 SO TECHNICALLY, I AM THREE FOR THREE WITH UNITY QUILTS. 579 00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:26,993 - WE ONLY HAVE 30 BUCKS LEFT. 580 00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:28,361 LET'S GO. - OH, OKAY. 581 00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:29,462 GET READY, DRIVER. [engine turns over] 582 00:20:29,496 --> 00:20:31,998 WE'RE GONNA MAKE OUT SO HARD IN THE BACK OF YOUR CAB. 583 00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:39,739 - ARE YOU OKAY, SON? DID YOU GET ANY SLEEP? 584 00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:42,442 - UH, NOT REALLY. I STAYED UP MOST OF THE NIGHT. 585 00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:45,412 BUT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT. [exhales sharply] 586 00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:47,380 LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT RENT A SWAG. 587 00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:48,548 NOW-- - NO NEED, TOM. 588 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:49,949 I'M IN. 589 00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:52,885 I LIKE DOING BUSINESS WITH SERIOUS PEOPLE, 590 00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:56,323 AND WHEN YOU REMOVED YOURSELF FROM THE COMPANY OF THAT MORON, 591 00:20:56,356 --> 00:20:58,825 YOU SHOWED ME YOU'RE A SERIOUS PERSON. 592 00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:00,827 YOU HAVE YOUR START-UP MONEY. - WOW. 593 00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:02,929 I APPRECIATE IT. [door opens] 594 00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:04,331 - TOMMY "T"! 595 00:21:04,364 --> 00:21:06,899 YOU JUST MISSED THE CRAZIEST OF CRAZIES. 596 00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:08,835 CLUBS. GIRLS. DANCING. 597 00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:11,338 NAKED. MOM? ARGUMENT. 598 00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:13,940 POLICE. FLEEING THE SCENE. HIDING IN A DUMPSTER. 599 00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:14,874 COMING HERE. 600 00:21:14,907 --> 00:21:16,843 CRASHING ON YOUR COUCH FOR A WEEK 'CAUSE 601 00:21:16,876 --> 00:21:19,078 * TECHNICALLY, I'M HOMELESS * 602 00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:20,747 HEY, "MOUSSE-TACHE." I'MA HIT THE COUCH. 603 00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:23,850 YOU KNOW WHERE I BE.