1
00:00:01,136 --> 00:00:04,388
I'm gonna get 12 eggs
and part of a dead animal.
2
00:00:04,389 --> 00:00:06,188
Dealer's choice.
Please and thank you.
3
00:00:06,189 --> 00:00:07,389
What can I get you, Ann?
4
00:00:07,390 --> 00:00:09,491
I will have oatmeal
and berries.
5
00:00:09,992 --> 00:00:12,825
And I will have catfish
and grits,
6
00:00:13,161 --> 00:00:14,261
with pumpernickel toast.
7
00:00:14,262 --> 00:00:15,329
Explain.
8
00:00:15,330 --> 00:00:16,680
Well, instead
of getting swept up
9
00:00:16,681 --> 00:00:18,482
in my boyfriends'
personalities,
10
00:00:18,483 --> 00:00:21,218
I am dating myself
and trying new things.
11
00:00:21,219 --> 00:00:22,386
So every time
I go out to eat,
12
00:00:22,387 --> 00:00:24,588
I order one thing
that's typical me
13
00:00:24,589 --> 00:00:26,923
and then something
that I would never order.
14
00:00:26,924 --> 00:00:28,758
Now I have two best friends,
Ann and Ann.
15
00:00:28,759 --> 00:00:30,292
Each one more beautiful
than the other.
16
00:00:30,293 --> 00:00:31,927
Oh, I also
have been documenting
17
00:00:31,928 --> 00:00:34,464
all the new things I'm trying
on my blog.
18
00:00:34,465 --> 00:00:35,465
Check this out.
19
00:00:35,466 --> 00:00:36,866
I went skydiving.
20
00:00:36,867 --> 00:00:37,967
[Screaming on video]
21
00:00:37,968 --> 00:00:40,102
Which Ann is screaming
like a maniac?
22
00:00:40,103 --> 00:00:42,739
Oatmeal Ann or catfish Ann?
23
00:00:42,740 --> 00:00:44,740
I'm not sure,
because I instantly blacked out
24
00:00:44,741 --> 00:00:45,807
from extreme terror.
25
00:00:45,808 --> 00:00:48,410
[Shrieks on video]
26
00:00:48,411 --> 00:00:51,413
[Triumphant music]
27
00:00:51,414 --> 00:00:55,747
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
28
00:01:09,097 --> 00:01:11,164
Hey, I have an idea
for your blog.
29
00:01:11,165 --> 00:01:12,633
I think you should
take yourself ice-skating.
30
00:01:12,634 --> 00:01:13,768
That sounds fun.
31
00:01:13,769 --> 00:01:14,769
Yeah, we'll do a double date:
32
00:01:14,770 --> 00:01:15,902
You and you,
and me and Ben.
33
00:01:15,903 --> 00:01:16,936
But I have to warn you,
34
00:01:16,937 --> 00:01:17,937
I'm very good at ice-skating.
35
00:01:17,938 --> 00:01:19,171
I can do jumps.
36
00:01:19,172 --> 00:01:20,306
You know what?
I probably shouldn't come.
37
00:01:20,307 --> 00:01:21,908
I'll embarrass
the both of you.
38
00:01:21,909 --> 00:01:23,976
Actually, I know what
my next activity is gonna be.
39
00:01:23,977 --> 00:01:26,279
And it's a biggie.
40
00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:27,447
I want to be a mom.
41
00:01:27,448 --> 00:01:29,516
I'm going
to the sperm bank today.
42
00:01:29,517 --> 00:01:30,817
Can you come?
43
00:01:30,818 --> 00:01:31,983
Wow, today?
44
00:01:31,984 --> 00:01:35,020
Ann, you know
that I fully support
45
00:01:35,021 --> 00:01:36,488
any woman's decision--
46
00:01:36,489 --> 00:01:39,257
especially a beautiful
unicorn-nurse like yourself--
47
00:01:39,258 --> 00:01:41,493
in creating the family
that she wants.
48
00:01:41,494 --> 00:01:44,129
But you are so brilliant
and kind and stupid hot.
49
00:01:44,130 --> 00:01:45,363
I mean,
you're definitely gonna find
50
00:01:45,364 --> 00:01:47,532
a wonderful guy
who loves you and respects you
51
00:01:47,533 --> 00:01:50,134
and fills your home
with multi-ethnic genius babies.
52
00:01:50,135 --> 00:01:52,403
Maybe,
or maybe not.
53
00:01:52,404 --> 00:01:55,372
You hit the lottery with Ben,
and that's great,
54
00:01:55,373 --> 00:01:57,374
but not everybody's so lucky.
55
00:01:57,375 --> 00:01:58,843
I've wanted to be a mom
for a long time,
56
00:01:58,844 --> 00:02:00,878
I'm ready, and I think
I'd be good at it.
57
00:02:00,879 --> 00:02:03,314
Ann is giving up on love
58
00:02:03,315 --> 00:02:05,081
and deciding
to have a baby with herself.
59
00:02:05,082 --> 00:02:07,584
And she has only been
dating herself for six weeks.
60
00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:09,920
If she were dating a guy
for six weeks,
61
00:02:09,921 --> 00:02:11,421
and they decided
to have a kid,
62
00:02:11,422 --> 00:02:13,557
I'd be like,
"Congratulations, Ann...
63
00:02:13,558 --> 00:02:15,191
And Channing Tatum."
64
00:02:15,192 --> 00:02:16,526
Because that is
the only scenario
65
00:02:16,527 --> 00:02:18,161
that would make sense to me.
66
00:02:18,162 --> 00:02:21,263
What a gorgeous
herbaceous medley.
67
00:02:21,264 --> 00:02:22,731
There's been a mistake.
68
00:02:22,732 --> 00:02:26,001
You've accidentally given me
the food that my food eats.
69
00:02:26,002 --> 00:02:27,870
Salad is traditionally
the first course at a wedding.
70
00:02:27,871 --> 00:02:30,238
Is a gerbil marrying
a rabbit?
71
00:02:30,239 --> 00:02:31,907
I'm in charge of food
for the wedding.
72
00:02:31,908 --> 00:02:34,510
So I brought in
Pawnee's three best caterers
73
00:02:34,511 --> 00:02:36,611
and a panel of experts.
74
00:02:36,612 --> 00:02:38,412
Chris loves vegetables.
75
00:02:38,413 --> 00:02:40,114
Ron loves meat.
76
00:02:40,115 --> 00:02:42,917
And Tom considers himself
a foodie,
77
00:02:42,918 --> 00:02:45,620
which apparently means
taking instagrams of food
78
00:02:45,621 --> 00:02:46,754
instead of eating it.
79
00:02:46,755 --> 00:02:49,290
Okay, so I liked number one,
80
00:02:49,291 --> 00:02:50,592
Chris liked number two,
81
00:02:50,593 --> 00:02:52,993
and Ron liked number three.
82
00:02:52,994 --> 00:02:54,728
Tom, what about you?
83
00:02:54,729 --> 00:02:57,430
Caterer number one's
presentation was simple,
84
00:02:57,431 --> 00:02:58,832
mm, yet exhausting.
85
00:02:58,833 --> 00:03:02,166
Number two's was subtle
and provocative,
86
00:03:02,203 --> 00:03:04,571
like a coy Dutch woman
guarding a dark secret.
87
00:03:04,572 --> 00:03:06,206
Nothing you're saying
is helpful.
88
00:03:06,207 --> 00:03:08,374
But number three's told
a story--
89
00:03:08,375 --> 00:03:10,810
a story from a book
I wouldn't read
90
00:03:10,811 --> 00:03:13,012
but I would watch
the movie of.
91
00:03:13,013 --> 00:03:14,246
[Sighs]
That's nonsense.
92
00:03:14,247 --> 00:03:15,681
You know what?
93
00:03:15,682 --> 00:03:17,016
I'm gonna go
with the first place.
94
00:03:17,017 --> 00:03:18,518
I really loved that appetizer.
95
00:03:18,519 --> 00:03:19,685
Oh, the mini-calzone?
96
00:03:19,686 --> 00:03:20,753
I wouldn't call it that.
97
00:03:20,754 --> 00:03:22,488
It was more like
a savory pastry.
98
00:03:22,489 --> 00:03:24,656
Delicate little dough pocket
99
00:03:24,657 --> 00:03:27,792
filled with tomato sauce,
cheese, and seasoned meat.
100
00:03:27,793 --> 00:03:30,094
Just a stunning
culinary innovation.
101
00:03:30,095 --> 00:03:31,696
It was a calzone.
102
00:03:31,697 --> 00:03:33,732
It was literally
just a small calzone.
103
00:03:33,733 --> 00:03:36,234
Let me just get some details
for your file.
104
00:03:36,235 --> 00:03:37,502
Now, are you two a couple?
105
00:03:37,503 --> 00:03:40,203
No. Tragically,
we are both heterosexual.
106
00:03:40,204 --> 00:03:42,239
So, Ann, what
are you looking for
107
00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:43,707
in particular?
108
00:03:43,708 --> 00:03:45,876
Some sperm.
109
00:03:45,877 --> 00:03:47,444
I meant
in terms of a donor?
110
00:03:47,445 --> 00:03:50,998
Oh, you know, nice guy...
Nice sperm.
111
00:03:51,082 --> 00:03:52,282
Flip through this binder,
112
00:03:52,283 --> 00:03:53,984
make a note
of anyone who interests you,
113
00:03:53,985 --> 00:03:56,452
and I'll be back shortly.
114
00:03:56,453 --> 00:03:58,187
Oh!
This guy went to Harvard!
115
00:03:58,188 --> 00:03:59,288
So did the Unabomber.
116
00:03:59,289 --> 00:04:00,322
This guys seems healthy.
117
00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:01,323
Loves cycling.
118
00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:02,792
Yeah, so did Lance Armstrong,
119
00:04:02,793 --> 00:04:04,427
and he turned out
to be a lying drug user.
120
00:04:04,428 --> 00:04:05,628
Or a hero.
121
00:04:05,629 --> 00:04:07,229
I don't know where we stand
on him now.
122
00:04:07,230 --> 00:04:08,264
Hello, ladies.
123
00:04:08,265 --> 00:04:09,465
Fancy meeting you here.
124
00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:11,600
Whoa, Sewage Joe.
125
00:04:11,601 --> 00:04:13,401
Wow. Ann, you remember
Joe Fantringham.
126
00:04:13,402 --> 00:04:15,537
He is the gentleman
who was fired
127
00:04:15,538 --> 00:04:16,872
for emailing
a picture of his penis
128
00:04:16,873 --> 00:04:17,940
to every woman in city hall.
129
00:04:17,941 --> 00:04:19,140
Guilty.
130
00:04:19,141 --> 00:04:20,676
Yeah, that's what
the judge said.
131
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:23,244
- Mmhmm.
- Joe, you are a donor here, huh?
132
00:04:23,245 --> 00:04:24,345
Did you hear that, Ann?
133
00:04:24,346 --> 00:04:25,847
Big time,
me and all my buddies.
134
00:04:25,848 --> 00:04:27,782
Free money, free porn.
135
00:04:27,783 --> 00:04:29,383
Best job I ever had.
136
00:04:29,384 --> 00:04:30,785
Also...
137
00:04:30,786 --> 00:04:32,954
If you're looking
to buy some weed,
138
00:04:32,955 --> 00:04:35,155
I'm looking as well.
139
00:04:35,756 --> 00:04:36,424
[Clicks mouth]
140
00:04:36,425 --> 00:04:37,894
- Shall we?
- Yup.
141
00:04:39,895 --> 00:04:42,797
Okay, Leslie Knope outfit
number eight.
142
00:04:42,798 --> 00:04:44,664
Babe, you look super hot.
143
00:04:44,665 --> 00:04:46,800
You realize you've said that
about all of them?
144
00:04:46,801 --> 00:04:47,968
Well, she has,
every single time.
145
00:04:47,969 --> 00:04:49,636
'Cause she is super hot.
146
00:04:49,637 --> 00:04:51,905
Honestly,
you'd look hot naked.
147
00:04:51,906 --> 00:04:55,239
Ugh. This suit makes me want
to scold a Catholic child.
148
00:04:55,676 --> 00:04:57,644
I don't know who Ann Taylor is,
149
00:04:57,645 --> 00:04:59,145
but I hate her
and I want to kill her.
150
00:04:59,146 --> 00:05:02,147
I have to lead a public forum
for the Pawnee Commons
151
00:05:02,148 --> 00:05:03,448
every day this week,
152
00:05:03,449 --> 00:05:06,051
and I hate talking to people.
153
00:05:06,052 --> 00:05:07,285
So, to get through it,
154
00:05:07,286 --> 00:05:08,988
I figured
I'm just gonna basically try
155
00:05:08,989 --> 00:05:10,188
to imitate Leslie.
156
00:05:10,889 --> 00:05:12,491
She still wears this.
157
00:05:12,492 --> 00:05:13,892
She had the patch sewn in.
158
00:05:13,893 --> 00:05:15,594
You can't remove it.
159
00:05:15,595 --> 00:05:17,495
What's in the pocket, you ask?
160
00:05:17,496 --> 00:05:20,829
A ticket stub from
a Fleetwood Mac concert in 1995,
161
00:05:21,033 --> 00:05:22,335
and...
162
00:05:24,336 --> 00:05:25,737
This one is terrible,
163
00:05:25,738 --> 00:05:28,405
but it is slightly less terrible
than the rest.
164
00:05:28,406 --> 00:05:31,242
So tomorrow,
I lead a public forum
165
00:05:31,243 --> 00:05:33,176
in Leslie's Fleetwood Mac
sex pants.
166
00:05:33,177 --> 00:05:35,411
Fleetwood Mac Sex Pants.
New band name. I call it.
167
00:05:35,412 --> 00:05:36,747
[Snaps fingers]
Ooh, you know what?
168
00:05:36,748 --> 00:05:40,081
Maybe just Fleetwood Mac.
169
00:05:40,351 --> 00:05:41,685
So what's the next move?
170
00:05:41,686 --> 00:05:43,186
Is there, like,
a better sperm bank
171
00:05:43,187 --> 00:05:44,487
in Eagleton or something?
172
00:05:44,488 --> 00:05:45,989
Um, you don't want
a demon baby.
173
00:05:45,990 --> 00:05:47,190
Look, you're Ann Perkins.
174
00:05:47,191 --> 00:05:48,858
Sperm that is worthy
of your perfect eggs
175
00:05:48,859 --> 00:05:50,192
does not grow on trees.
176
00:05:50,193 --> 00:05:51,593
I think, ideally,
177
00:05:51,594 --> 00:05:53,729
you'd want
to know the guy, right?
178
00:05:53,730 --> 00:05:55,197
You'd want
to know his personality,
179
00:05:55,198 --> 00:05:57,232
his favorite season
of Friends,
180
00:05:57,233 --> 00:05:59,101
whether or not he hates jazz--
hopefully, he does.
181
00:05:59,102 --> 00:06:00,269
You'd want to know him.
182
00:06:00,270 --> 00:06:02,138
Yes, Leslie,
you're totally right.
183
00:06:02,139 --> 00:06:03,472
I'm gonna go home,
184
00:06:03,473 --> 00:06:04,839
and I'm gonna make a list
185
00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:07,108
of all the guys I already know
who could be donors.
186
00:06:07,109 --> 00:06:08,977
And then,
I'm gonna call them
187
00:06:08,978 --> 00:06:10,145
and tell them
I'm doing some blog entry
188
00:06:10,146 --> 00:06:11,980
on men's health or something.
189
00:06:11,981 --> 00:06:13,948
I can interview them
and ask them whatever I want.
190
00:06:13,949 --> 00:06:15,249
You're a genius!
191
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:16,284
This is your idea,
and I love it.
192
00:06:16,285 --> 00:06:17,318
I'll call you later.
193
00:06:17,319 --> 00:06:18,920
No.
194
00:06:18,921 --> 00:06:20,754
If I don't slow
this baby train down,
195
00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:23,290
Ann may end up having a baby
with some random weirdo
196
00:06:23,291 --> 00:06:24,558
instead of her soul mate.
197
00:06:24,559 --> 00:06:25,625
I fully believe
198
00:06:25,626 --> 00:06:26,760
that a woman
should be in charge
199
00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:28,195
of what happens
to her body.
200
00:06:28,196 --> 00:06:30,330
In this case,
the body is Ann's,
201
00:06:30,331 --> 00:06:32,566
and the woman
in charge of it is me.
202
00:06:34,660 --> 00:06:35,909
I was up all night brainstorming
203
00:06:35,910 --> 00:06:37,709
and this is
the complete official list
204
00:06:37,710 --> 00:06:40,046
of candidates
for Ann's baby daddy.
205
00:06:40,047 --> 00:06:42,381
Wow, how did you come up
with these three names?
206
00:06:42,632 --> 00:06:44,767
Well, I eliminated everyone
in a relationship
207
00:06:44,768 --> 00:06:45,967
and the obvious "No" s,
208
00:06:45,968 --> 00:06:48,036
like Knuckle-hair Dave
from HR.
209
00:06:48,037 --> 00:06:49,171
I don't mind the knuckle hair.
210
00:06:49,172 --> 00:06:50,772
- I just think he's a dick.
- Yeah.
211
00:06:50,773 --> 00:06:52,774
And I was left
with those three guys.
212
00:06:52,775 --> 00:06:54,742
Don't forget, they don't know
about the sperm donor thing.
213
00:06:54,743 --> 00:06:56,076
I don't want them to know.
214
00:06:56,077 --> 00:06:57,812
I told them I was
interviewing them for a blog.
215
00:06:57,813 --> 00:06:59,314
Here comes the first one.
Dr. Harris!
216
00:06:59,315 --> 00:07:00,315
- H-hey, there he is.
- Hi.
217
00:07:00,316 --> 00:07:01,783
Ann, Leslie.
218
00:07:02,284 --> 00:07:03,651
Small office.
Mine's way bigger.
219
00:07:03,652 --> 00:07:06,120
Is this gonna take long?
Got a patient coming in.
220
00:07:06,121 --> 00:07:08,488
No, not at all.
Please have a seat.
221
00:07:08,489 --> 00:07:10,190
Actually, maybe you should
check in on your patient.
222
00:07:10,191 --> 00:07:12,225
I know that I hate it
when my doctor makes me wait.
223
00:07:12,226 --> 00:07:13,460
[Scoffs]
Guy's got a spinal fracture.
224
00:07:13,461 --> 00:07:14,494
He's not going anywhere.
225
00:07:14,495 --> 00:07:16,129
- Uh-huh.
- Ooh.
226
00:07:16,130 --> 00:07:17,997
The seats in my office
are leather.
227
00:07:17,998 --> 00:07:19,999
Okay.
228
00:07:23,937 --> 00:07:25,037
Chris?
229
00:07:25,338 --> 00:07:27,039
I'm dying.
230
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:28,741
[Straining]
I was dying earlier today.
231
00:07:29,242 --> 00:07:30,876
And then I died.
232
00:07:31,377 --> 00:07:32,577
Now I'm dead.
233
00:07:32,578 --> 00:07:33,846
I had to cancel a date
234
00:07:33,847 --> 00:07:35,548
with Shauna Malwae-Tweep.
235
00:07:35,549 --> 00:07:36,849
And I really like her.
236
00:07:37,350 --> 00:07:39,352
Do you think
she'll still like me
237
00:07:39,353 --> 00:07:40,385
now that I'm dead?
238
00:07:40,386 --> 00:07:41,986
What is this?
239
00:07:41,987 --> 00:07:45,089
It's food poisoning.
I have it too.
240
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:48,109
I did not sleep
for one second last night.
241
00:07:48,110 --> 00:07:50,177
And I cracked the bottom
of the toilet bowl.
242
00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:51,778
Oh, God, don't say that.
243
00:07:51,779 --> 00:07:53,446
Has anybody talked to Tom?
244
00:07:53,447 --> 00:07:54,915
I can't even imagine
245
00:07:54,916 --> 00:07:57,250
what that tiny little man
must be feeling like.
246
00:07:57,251 --> 00:07:58,852
I have voided more
than Tom's body weight
247
00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:01,121
in the last 12 hours alone.
248
00:08:01,122 --> 00:08:02,956
He might have just disappeared
off the earth.
249
00:08:02,957 --> 00:08:05,759
We need to call him.
We must reach out to him.
250
00:08:09,596 --> 00:08:11,530
I can't do it.
251
00:08:11,531 --> 00:08:14,533
[Grunts fiercely]
252
00:08:17,504 --> 00:08:20,606
[Sighing heavily]
253
00:08:20,607 --> 00:08:22,307
[Dial tone droning]
254
00:08:22,308 --> 00:08:24,909
Ben, extension 7820.
255
00:08:30,850 --> 00:08:34,183
[Phone keys beeping]
256
00:08:34,253 --> 00:08:36,220
[Whimpers]
257
00:08:36,721 --> 00:08:38,023
Hello, everyone.
258
00:08:38,024 --> 00:08:40,423
I'm April Ludgate
from the Parks Department.
259
00:08:40,424 --> 00:08:44,657
And welcome to a public forum
about the Pawnee Commons.
260
00:08:44,729 --> 00:08:47,531
As Eleanor Roosevelt once said
261
00:08:47,532 --> 00:08:50,433
to Betty Ford...
262
00:08:50,434 --> 00:08:52,302
"Hillary Clinton is great."
263
00:08:52,803 --> 00:08:56,136
Now, if you all would
kindly look under your chairs,
264
00:08:56,506 --> 00:08:58,507
you will find
a special surprise--
265
00:08:58,508 --> 00:09:00,977
a flyer with details
about the project,
266
00:09:00,978 --> 00:09:03,379
and... Friendship bands
267
00:09:03,380 --> 00:09:05,682
that I've made
for each and every one of you.
268
00:09:05,683 --> 00:09:08,985
So now,
I guess we're Park Pals.
269
00:09:08,986 --> 00:09:10,752
You should see the booger
under this chair.
270
00:09:11,253 --> 00:09:12,154
Andy.
271
00:09:12,655 --> 00:09:14,389
It's nice
to see you again, Ann.
272
00:09:14,390 --> 00:09:15,557
I was happy to get the call.
273
00:09:15,558 --> 00:09:17,859
- Yeah, Pete, you look great.
- Aww.
274
00:09:17,860 --> 00:09:20,495
So are you still
dunking basketballs?
275
00:09:20,496 --> 00:09:22,097
You know, I'm a lot more
276
00:09:22,098 --> 00:09:24,299
than just a former
high school basketball star.
277
00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:27,034
I teach marketing over
at Pawnee Community College.
278
00:09:27,035 --> 00:09:28,869
- Oh, that's great.
- Yeah.
279
00:09:28,870 --> 00:09:32,203
Would you say
you value education?
280
00:09:33,374 --> 00:09:35,509
I see what's going on here.
281
00:09:35,510 --> 00:09:37,078
You want my sperm.
282
00:09:37,079 --> 00:09:39,613
What?
What are you talking about?
283
00:09:39,614 --> 00:09:40,748
When will women
in this town
284
00:09:40,749 --> 00:09:43,583
stop scheming
to get my sperm?
285
00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:44,951
Wow.
286
00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:47,187
That son of a bitch is astute.
287
00:09:47,188 --> 00:09:48,554
Okay, all I need to do
288
00:09:48,555 --> 00:09:50,289
is just shoot
one more person down
289
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:51,624
and then I can
buy some time
290
00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:54,958
and convince Ann to wait
for her own Ben-level soul mate.
291
00:09:55,529 --> 00:09:58,264
The last guy
is Howard Tuttleman.
292
00:09:58,265 --> 00:09:59,664
I know that name.
293
00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:01,133
How do I know that name?
294
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:02,567
I know it's a winter's morn,
295
00:10:02,568 --> 00:10:04,302
but it feels
like a summer's eve,
296
00:10:04,303 --> 00:10:06,972
'cause "the douche"
is in the building.
297
00:10:06,973 --> 00:10:09,975
What's up, ladies?
298
00:10:09,976 --> 00:10:12,111
[Scatting]
299
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,712
Oh, whoa!
300
00:10:13,713 --> 00:10:15,479
Smells like some vomit
took a dump in here.
301
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:16,513
What happened?
302
00:10:16,514 --> 00:10:18,315
We got food poisoning, Tom.
303
00:10:18,316 --> 00:10:19,383
Yuck.
304
00:10:19,384 --> 00:10:21,318
How do you
not have food poisoning?
305
00:10:21,319 --> 00:10:23,121
Because he didn't eat
anything.
306
00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:24,388
He just took pictures
307
00:10:24,389 --> 00:10:26,557
and talked
about the "wow" factor.
308
00:10:26,558 --> 00:10:28,192
Not true.
I ate everything you did.
309
00:10:28,193 --> 00:10:29,393
Are you sure?
310
00:10:29,394 --> 00:10:31,061
Is there anything
that you didn't eat?
311
00:10:31,062 --> 00:10:32,295
Oh, yeah.
312
00:10:32,296 --> 00:10:33,496
I didn't eat
those stupid mini-calzones.
313
00:10:33,497 --> 00:10:35,932
Haver-food rule number six--
314
00:10:35,933 --> 00:10:38,135
never eat anything with
a sauce I have to dip myself.
315
00:10:38,136 --> 00:10:39,535
Drizzle it on for me.
316
00:10:39,536 --> 00:10:41,104
I'm not your maid.
317
00:10:41,105 --> 00:10:44,107
The calzones... betrayed me?
318
00:10:44,108 --> 00:10:45,642
Never again, guys.
319
00:10:45,643 --> 00:10:47,676
As God as my witness,
320
00:10:47,677 --> 00:10:48,978
they're dead to me.
321
00:10:48,979 --> 00:10:51,147
All right, well,
Tommy feels great.
322
00:10:51,148 --> 00:10:53,249
And I'm about
to go eat some lasagna.
323
00:10:53,250 --> 00:10:54,416
Peace!
324
00:10:54,417 --> 00:10:56,418
[Stifles vomit]
325
00:10:56,419 --> 00:10:59,288
I'm afraid this park
will raise my taxes.
326
00:10:59,289 --> 00:11:00,990
Ah, well, fear not.
327
00:11:00,991 --> 00:11:03,291
Between the normal Parks budget
and our corporate partners--
328
00:11:03,292 --> 00:11:05,626
- I'm also afraid
the park will be noisy.
329
00:11:05,627 --> 00:11:07,095
And full of spiders.
330
00:11:07,096 --> 00:11:08,496
And dark at nighttime.
331
00:11:08,497 --> 00:11:10,598
[Voice breaks]
I'm scared of a lot of stuff.
332
00:11:10,599 --> 00:11:12,267
Everything's fine.
333
00:11:12,268 --> 00:11:14,468
I'm fine.
I'm Walter, and I'm fine.
334
00:11:14,469 --> 00:11:16,537
Is this gonna be
a topless park?
335
00:11:16,538 --> 00:11:19,306
I don't think there are
topless parks.
336
00:11:19,307 --> 00:11:21,175
Well, let's build
the first one
337
00:11:21,176 --> 00:11:22,810
and be heroes.
338
00:11:22,811 --> 00:11:24,377
If this is going to be
a topless park,
339
00:11:24,378 --> 00:11:26,180
I won't sign your petition.
340
00:11:26,181 --> 00:11:27,915
If she's going
to the topless park,
341
00:11:27,916 --> 00:11:31,249
I'm not signing
the topless park petition.
342
00:11:31,719 --> 00:11:33,854
You know, I take that back,
I'm still in.
343
00:11:33,855 --> 00:11:35,387
What's up?
I'm Harris.
344
00:11:35,388 --> 00:11:38,257
Yeah, yeah. Forget whatever
that Pawnee Commons is.
345
00:11:38,258 --> 00:11:39,391
I'm with that pervert.
346
00:11:39,392 --> 00:11:41,660
Topless park.
Topless park!
347
00:11:41,661 --> 00:11:44,463
Topless park!
Both: Topless park!
348
00:11:44,464 --> 00:11:46,165
Where'd you go
to school again?
349
00:11:46,166 --> 00:11:48,400
Northwestern.
I studied semiotics.
350
00:11:48,401 --> 00:11:51,402
Wrote a thesis on narrative
forms in the digital world.
351
00:11:51,403 --> 00:11:53,004
Then you became
a morning shock-jock
352
00:11:53,005 --> 00:11:56,107
and created
the sport "taint ball"?
353
00:11:56,108 --> 00:11:57,742
Yeah. You know,
the douche persona
354
00:11:57,743 --> 00:11:59,544
is something I came up with
during college.
355
00:11:59,545 --> 00:12:01,379
It started as satire,
356
00:12:01,380 --> 00:12:03,248
and, you know, we snowballed
to where we are today.
357
00:12:03,249 --> 00:12:04,850
I mean, I know it's
a silly thing to do,
358
00:12:04,851 --> 00:12:06,351
but it pays the bills.
359
00:12:06,352 --> 00:12:07,818
Well, I think, you probably
need to get back to the studio,
360
00:12:07,819 --> 00:12:10,520
play some fart jokes,
make fun of some immigrants.
361
00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:13,523
Actually, a farting immigrant
segment would be really funny.
362
00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:15,125
Ay dios...
[Blows raspberry]
363
00:12:16,126 --> 00:12:17,494
[Laughs]
Good looking out, Leslie.
364
00:12:17,495 --> 00:12:19,129
You guys ever want
to do this again,
365
00:12:19,130 --> 00:12:21,098
sans clothing,
give me a shout.
366
00:12:21,099 --> 00:12:22,999
- Gross.
- That was the douche talking.
367
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,767
Honestly, good luck
on this project.
368
00:12:24,768 --> 00:12:26,535
It sounds really interesting.
369
00:12:26,536 --> 00:12:28,137
I'm gonna scan a quick pic
of them boobies
370
00:12:28,138 --> 00:12:31,307
for a little deposit
in "El banco de spanko."
371
00:12:31,308 --> 00:12:32,842
That was the douche talking.
372
00:12:32,843 --> 00:12:34,110
Douche nation.
373
00:12:34,111 --> 00:12:36,079
You guys know
where the library is?
374
00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:38,281
Wow.
Okay, that's not gonna work.
375
00:12:38,282 --> 00:12:39,748
Back to the drawing board.
376
00:12:39,749 --> 00:12:41,416
No need.
I choose Howard.
377
00:12:41,417 --> 00:12:43,252
You want to have a baby
with the douche?
378
00:12:43,253 --> 00:12:45,120
His name's Howard Tuttleman,
Leslie.
379
00:12:45,121 --> 00:12:47,256
And I know he plays
that obnoxious character
380
00:12:47,257 --> 00:12:49,057
on the radio,
but he's a good guy,
381
00:12:49,058 --> 00:12:50,592
his family is healthy,
382
00:12:50,593 --> 00:12:52,460
and he is successful
and smart.
383
00:12:52,461 --> 00:12:54,129
Ann, you cannot be serious.
384
00:12:54,130 --> 00:12:56,197
I am.
And I've made my decision.
385
00:12:56,198 --> 00:12:58,900
- I am sure of it.
[Sighs] Okay.
386
00:12:58,901 --> 00:13:01,102
Douche!
Hey, douche!
387
00:13:01,603 --> 00:13:02,803
Councilman Howser.
388
00:13:02,804 --> 00:13:04,305
Councilwoman Knope.
389
00:13:04,306 --> 00:13:05,773
'Sup, Leslie?
390
00:13:05,774 --> 00:13:08,376
You wanna funk this junk
in the back of my trunk?
391
00:13:08,377 --> 00:13:10,144
[Laughs]
That was the douche talking.
392
00:13:10,145 --> 00:13:12,279
Okay, look,
Ann is not interviewing you
393
00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:13,613
for her blog.
394
00:13:13,614 --> 00:13:15,015
She's thinking
about having a baby,
395
00:13:15,016 --> 00:13:18,118
and she's considering you
as a possible donor.
396
00:13:18,119 --> 00:13:19,119
Wow.
397
00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:20,520
[Sighs]
398
00:13:20,521 --> 00:13:22,755
You know, I've thought a lot
about having kids.
399
00:13:22,756 --> 00:13:24,357
It's the next big step
400
00:13:24,358 --> 00:13:26,592
in this grand adventure
that we call life.
401
00:13:26,593 --> 00:13:27,692
Frankly, I don't think
you would be
402
00:13:27,693 --> 00:13:28,794
the right man for the job.
403
00:13:28,795 --> 00:13:29,962
Well, frankly,
404
00:13:29,963 --> 00:13:31,063
I don't think
it's for you to decide.
405
00:13:31,064 --> 00:13:32,697
You know, if we had
a little girl,
406
00:13:32,698 --> 00:13:34,499
I would name her Elizabeth,
after my grandmother.
407
00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:37,602
She was this strong,
amazing woman.
408
00:13:37,603 --> 00:13:39,471
And if we had a boy,
409
00:13:39,472 --> 00:13:40,739
I don't know,
I'd name him something funny,
410
00:13:40,740 --> 00:13:42,641
like "Dick" or "O. J."
411
00:13:42,642 --> 00:13:43,707
[Laughs]
412
00:13:43,708 --> 00:13:45,276
Guess I have
a lot to consider.
413
00:13:45,277 --> 00:13:46,495
My God.
414
00:13:46,946 --> 00:13:49,981
I have driven Ann right
into the belly of the douche.
415
00:13:51,283 --> 00:13:52,782
- Hey, what's up?
- Oh, nothing.
416
00:13:52,783 --> 00:13:53,883
I was listening
to the radio
417
00:13:53,884 --> 00:13:55,084
on my way here,
418
00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:56,152
and I heard something
very interesting.
419
00:13:56,153 --> 00:13:58,020
[Over speaker]
So, Crazy Ira,
420
00:13:58,021 --> 00:13:59,489
remember that chick Ann
I used to...
421
00:13:59,740 --> 00:14:01,540
[Female moaning excitedly]
422
00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:03,476
Yeah, she was smoking hot!
423
00:14:03,477 --> 00:14:04,978
[Flatulence]
424
00:14:04,979 --> 00:14:09,280
Turns out, she wants
to have my baby.
425
00:14:09,281 --> 00:14:10,716
[Female moaning, baby crying]
426
00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:12,250
Anyway, her lesbo friend
tells me
427
00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:14,519
she's on the prowl
for some baby beans...
428
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,887
[Liquid squirts]
429
00:14:15,888 --> 00:14:18,356
And it's down to me
and some other turd-munchers.
430
00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:20,358
[Flatulence]
431
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:22,493
Wow.
You should be angry.
432
00:14:22,494 --> 00:14:24,128
I can't believe
Howard did that to you.
433
00:14:24,129 --> 00:14:26,998
I can't believe
you did that to me.
434
00:14:26,999 --> 00:14:29,734
I am making
a very important life decision,
435
00:14:29,735 --> 00:14:31,301
and you betrayed me.
436
00:14:31,302 --> 00:14:32,703
Because I thought
you were making a huge mistake.
437
00:14:32,704 --> 00:14:33,938
Look, I get it.
438
00:14:33,939 --> 00:14:35,172
I know you're frustrated
with dating,
439
00:14:35,173 --> 00:14:36,741
and you think you're
not gonna meet someone,
440
00:14:36,742 --> 00:14:38,574
but two years ago,
I didn't think
441
00:14:38,575 --> 00:14:40,176
I would meet someone like Ben,
and I did.
442
00:14:40,177 --> 00:14:41,577
My idea of a perfect family
443
00:14:41,578 --> 00:14:43,947
does not require a soul mate.
444
00:14:43,948 --> 00:14:46,783
I want a baby, that's it,
accept it.
445
00:14:46,784 --> 00:14:48,317
[Knock at door]
446
00:14:48,318 --> 00:14:49,886
Councilman Milton,
do we have a meeting?
447
00:14:49,887 --> 00:14:51,154
Oh, no, no, no.
448
00:14:51,155 --> 00:14:53,689
I just wanted to toss
my name into the ring,
449
00:14:53,690 --> 00:14:57,023
in respect
to this Indian woman's vagina.
450
00:14:59,495 --> 00:15:01,630
Hey, how was the forum?
451
00:15:01,631 --> 00:15:03,431
Um, crappy.
452
00:15:03,432 --> 00:15:05,467
We only got four signatures.
453
00:15:05,468 --> 00:15:06,802
Two of them were me and Andy,
454
00:15:06,803 --> 00:15:09,138
and one of them
said "Farts McCool."
455
00:15:09,139 --> 00:15:11,673
I just don't know
how Leslie can be Leslie
456
00:15:11,674 --> 00:15:12,840
all the time.
457
00:15:12,841 --> 00:15:16,174
I was her for two hours
and I want to die.
458
00:15:16,444 --> 00:15:17,611
Well, you know what?
459
00:15:17,612 --> 00:15:19,047
We've got another forum today.
460
00:15:19,048 --> 00:15:21,149
Let's just hop back
in that saddle.
461
00:15:21,150 --> 00:15:23,084
What should I do?
Should I wear a blonde wig?
462
00:15:23,085 --> 00:15:24,152
Oh, my God, yes.
463
00:15:24,153 --> 00:15:26,653
- That would be so hot.
- Andy.
464
00:15:26,654 --> 00:15:28,188
If you think--if you--
do you think it would help?
465
00:15:28,189 --> 00:15:30,456
I mean, if you think
it'd help you.
466
00:15:30,457 --> 00:15:31,624
[Sighs]
467
00:15:31,625 --> 00:15:33,493
Well, I'm feeling
so much better.
468
00:15:33,494 --> 00:15:36,529
Almost no weird stuff snuck out
of my body last night.
469
00:15:36,530 --> 00:15:38,264
And I feel like the emptiness
of my stomach
470
00:15:38,265 --> 00:15:39,966
is gonna lead
to a pretty epic breakfast.
471
00:15:39,967 --> 00:15:41,168
Guys, what do I do?
472
00:15:41,169 --> 00:15:42,968
My choice almost killed us,
473
00:15:42,969 --> 00:15:45,304
and we can't agree
on another one, so--
474
00:15:45,305 --> 00:15:46,872
Maybe there's
a catering company
475
00:15:46,873 --> 00:15:49,175
in Snerling
that we should look into.
476
00:15:49,176 --> 00:15:50,876
No, it has to be
from Pawnee.
477
00:15:50,877 --> 00:15:51,977
I just know
that's what Leslie wants.
478
00:15:51,978 --> 00:15:52,978
I got it.
479
00:15:52,979 --> 00:15:54,313
This might sound crazy,
480
00:15:54,314 --> 00:15:57,449
but Jean-Ralphio has started
a catering company.
481
00:15:57,450 --> 00:15:58,883
He has?
482
00:15:58,884 --> 00:16:00,118
Now, granted,
he is currently
483
00:16:00,119 --> 00:16:01,452
standing trial
for counterfeiting Euros,
484
00:16:01,453 --> 00:16:03,722
but the trial's
gonna be over quick.
485
00:16:03,723 --> 00:16:04,956
He's definitely guilty.
486
00:16:04,957 --> 00:16:06,289
Ugh, forget it.
487
00:16:06,290 --> 00:16:09,593
Dry toast
and half a grapefruit for Chris.
488
00:16:09,594 --> 00:16:10,694
Thank you.
489
00:16:10,695 --> 00:16:11,995
- Egg whites for Ben.
- Thank you.
490
00:16:11,996 --> 00:16:13,964
Egg whites for Tom,
491
00:16:13,965 --> 00:16:17,298
and pretty much
everything we make for Ron.
492
00:16:17,335 --> 00:16:18,568
And don't you go sneaking off.
493
00:16:18,569 --> 00:16:21,205
I'm sending home
some free waffles for Leslie.
494
00:16:21,206 --> 00:16:23,639
Thanks, JJ.
You're the best.
495
00:16:26,076 --> 00:16:27,610
Okay, we're back.
496
00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:30,613
We, uh, got an update
on "Operation...
497
00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:32,014
[Baby voice]
Baby douche."
498
00:16:32,015 --> 00:16:33,382
[Laughs]
499
00:16:33,383 --> 00:16:36,716
All right, special guest
is Councilwoman Leslie Knope.
500
00:16:36,854 --> 00:16:38,987
- How are you, les?
[Female voice] "Me so horny."
501
00:16:38,988 --> 00:16:40,021
That was not me.
502
00:16:40,022 --> 00:16:41,089
That was
a farcical sound effect.
503
00:16:41,090 --> 00:16:42,590
Did she say "fartsicle"?
504
00:16:42,591 --> 00:16:43,992
[Both laugh]
505
00:16:43,993 --> 00:16:47,195
The fartsicle.
Frozen farts you can eat.
506
00:16:47,196 --> 00:16:50,031
Put it in your face-mouth!
[Flatulence]
507
00:16:50,032 --> 00:16:52,033
[Child's voice]
It's cold and it smells.
508
00:16:52,034 --> 00:16:53,768
God, how did you make that
so fast?
509
00:16:53,769 --> 00:16:55,469
Anyway, look, I am here
510
00:16:55,470 --> 00:16:56,570
because I want you
to stop talking
511
00:16:56,571 --> 00:16:58,405
about my friend's womb.
512
00:16:58,406 --> 00:16:59,907
Sorry, Councilwoman.
I'm in it to win it.
513
00:16:59,908 --> 00:17:01,341
The douche is gonna be
a daddy.
514
00:17:01,342 --> 00:17:04,675
And Crazy Ira's gonna be
the creepy Uncle.
515
00:17:04,780 --> 00:17:06,213
Okay, all right.
516
00:17:06,214 --> 00:17:07,982
Look, she is
a wonderful person,
517
00:17:07,983 --> 00:17:09,283
and she does not
deserve this.
518
00:17:09,284 --> 00:17:10,383
So I need you to lay off.
519
00:17:10,384 --> 00:17:12,118
Okay, I will lay off
520
00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:15,452
if you can survive one round
with Breasty Bertha in...
521
00:17:16,757 --> 00:17:18,524
Both: The Jell-o Pit!
522
00:17:18,525 --> 00:17:21,360
(Bill Cosby's Voice:)
Rudy! Get in the Jell-o.
523
00:17:21,361 --> 00:17:23,296
Okay, I am
a city councilwoman,
524
00:17:23,297 --> 00:17:24,397
so I am not gonna
Jell-o wrestle.
525
00:17:24,398 --> 00:17:25,598
I mean, this is fun.
526
00:17:25,599 --> 00:17:26,865
Don't you want
your constituents to know
527
00:17:26,866 --> 00:17:28,200
that you got a fun side?
528
00:17:28,201 --> 00:17:29,935
Yeah, show your fun sides.
529
00:17:29,936 --> 00:17:31,536
This is not about me
and my constituents!
530
00:17:31,537 --> 00:17:33,338
This is about you talking
about my friend.
531
00:17:33,339 --> 00:17:35,274
All right, I will stop talking
about your friend
532
00:17:35,275 --> 00:17:36,942
if you get in that Jell-o
for one second
533
00:17:36,943 --> 00:17:38,243
- and say, "Rudy."
(Cosby's voice:) Rudy.
534
00:17:38,244 --> 00:17:40,212
- 'Cause The Cosby Show.
- Classic.
535
00:17:40,213 --> 00:17:41,513
[Bass voice]
Classic.
536
00:17:41,514 --> 00:17:43,181
Fine, I will stand there
for one second
537
00:17:43,182 --> 00:17:44,348
and say it,
and then we're done.
538
00:17:44,349 --> 00:17:45,716
- Fair's fair.
- Fair's fair.
539
00:17:45,717 --> 00:17:47,718
(Cosby's voice:) Somebody get me
a pudding pop.
540
00:17:47,719 --> 00:17:48,752
Both: Oh!
541
00:17:48,753 --> 00:17:51,923
[Laughter]
Yeah!
542
00:17:52,224 --> 00:17:53,057
Rudy.
543
00:17:53,058 --> 00:17:54,258
There, happy?
544
00:17:54,259 --> 00:17:57,592
No, say it like Bill Cosby.
545
00:17:57,696 --> 00:18:00,263
[As Bill Cosby]
Rudy.
546
00:18:00,264 --> 00:18:02,098
- I don't know.
Both: Yeah!
547
00:18:02,099 --> 00:18:03,700
Oh, she's touching
her boobs now.
548
00:18:03,701 --> 00:18:05,501
No, I'm not.
I'm just standing here.
549
00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:07,871
And I am leaving, just like
you're gonna leave Ann alone.
550
00:18:07,872 --> 00:18:09,605
[Grunts]
551
00:18:09,606 --> 00:18:10,773
- [Laughs]
- Oh, she's in there!
552
00:18:10,774 --> 00:18:11,942
She's into it now!
553
00:18:11,943 --> 00:18:13,509
Cosby: Oh, Rudy has fallen
into the Jell-o.
554
00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:14,743
[Laughter]
555
00:18:14,744 --> 00:18:16,611
Theo, now there's Jell-o
556
00:18:16,612 --> 00:18:18,814
all over
my favorite sweater.
557
00:18:18,815 --> 00:18:20,082
[Imitating sports announcer]
And the gold medal
558
00:18:20,083 --> 00:18:23,052
goes to Leslie Knope!
559
00:18:23,053 --> 00:18:24,553
Okay, can you give me
that bag?
560
00:18:24,554 --> 00:18:26,255
I have to go change
into my Leslie suit.
561
00:18:26,256 --> 00:18:28,157
You got it, babe.
562
00:18:28,158 --> 00:18:29,325
Thanks.
563
00:18:30,726 --> 00:18:31,993
[Whispering] Andy!
564
00:18:31,994 --> 00:18:33,661
- What?
- This is the wrong bag.
565
00:18:33,662 --> 00:18:34,896
What?
566
00:18:34,897 --> 00:18:35,930
This bag is full
of Fruit Roll-Ups
567
00:18:35,931 --> 00:18:37,065
and baseball cards.
568
00:18:37,066 --> 00:18:38,967
I don't have
my Leslie pantsuit
569
00:18:38,968 --> 00:18:40,835
or my Leslie headband
or my Leslie notes.
570
00:18:40,836 --> 00:18:43,037
I can't do this meeting
without my Leslie stuff.
571
00:18:43,038 --> 00:18:44,638
- Honey, I am so sorry.
- Andy!
572
00:18:44,639 --> 00:18:45,740
I guess
I must have screwed up.
573
00:18:45,741 --> 00:18:47,374
Look, you look amazing
in this outfit.
574
00:18:47,375 --> 00:18:49,977
Plus you're the smartest person
on the planet.
575
00:18:49,978 --> 00:18:51,578
I think you can do this
just being yourself.
576
00:18:51,579 --> 00:18:53,646
[Groans]
577
00:18:55,616 --> 00:18:56,984
Yeah, so how much money
578
00:18:56,985 --> 00:19:00,053
is this whole Pawnee Commons
project gonna cost me?
579
00:19:00,054 --> 00:19:01,355
Uh, good question.
580
00:19:01,356 --> 00:19:04,490
40% will be coming
from our corporate partners,
581
00:19:04,491 --> 00:19:06,425
- and another 30%--
- Excuse me, ma'am.
582
00:19:06,426 --> 00:19:08,094
I didn't ask
for a math lesson.
583
00:19:08,095 --> 00:19:10,562
So why don't you just tell me
how much it's gonna cost me?
584
00:19:10,563 --> 00:19:13,632
And don't use numbers.
585
00:19:13,633 --> 00:19:16,235
Look, you won't have
to pay any extra money, okay?
586
00:19:16,236 --> 00:19:18,069
And don't ever
call me "ma'am" again.
587
00:19:18,070 --> 00:19:20,105
Thanks.
Next question.
588
00:19:20,106 --> 00:19:22,740
Yeah, I wanted to talk more
about that topless park idea
589
00:19:22,741 --> 00:19:24,910
that a local hero
brought up yesterday.
590
00:19:24,911 --> 00:19:26,378
Yeah, there's not gonna be
a topless park, Harris.
591
00:19:26,379 --> 00:19:28,446
Nobody wants
your creepy stoner eyes
592
00:19:28,447 --> 00:19:30,181
staring at them while
they're enjoying a park, okay?
593
00:19:30,182 --> 00:19:32,450
Stop being gross.
594
00:19:32,951 --> 00:19:34,285
[Applause]
Yeah.
595
00:19:34,286 --> 00:19:36,020
Shut me down!
596
00:19:36,021 --> 00:19:37,288
You scare me,
597
00:19:37,289 --> 00:19:40,190
and I gotta say,
I kinda dig that.
598
00:19:40,191 --> 00:19:41,458
What's your deal?
599
00:19:41,959 --> 00:19:43,794
She's married to me.
600
00:19:43,795 --> 00:19:45,662
I heard you on the radio.
601
00:19:45,663 --> 00:19:47,798
- Thanks for doing that.
- Got dicey.
602
00:19:47,799 --> 00:19:49,733
But they did invite me
to participate
603
00:19:49,734 --> 00:19:51,634
in their
topless Jell-o-lympics...
604
00:19:51,635 --> 00:19:53,970
- Oh.
- So that's something.
605
00:19:53,971 --> 00:19:56,973
It is possible
that you were right.
606
00:19:56,974 --> 00:20:00,176
This is obviously
a huge decision,
607
00:20:00,177 --> 00:20:02,378
and I should take my time.
608
00:20:02,379 --> 00:20:03,846
I want you
to be happy, you know?
609
00:20:03,847 --> 00:20:05,181
I-I guess I just didn't consider
610
00:20:05,182 --> 00:20:06,448
that you would take
a different path than I did.
611
00:20:06,449 --> 00:20:08,817
I tried
to impose my dream on you,
612
00:20:08,818 --> 00:20:10,118
and that's wrong.
613
00:20:10,119 --> 00:20:11,186
And I'm sorry.
614
00:20:11,187 --> 00:20:12,554
But I think you do need
615
00:20:12,555 --> 00:20:14,056
to take a little bit more time
with this decision.
616
00:20:14,057 --> 00:20:16,258
Maybe employ
a more methodical approach.
617
00:20:16,259 --> 00:20:19,592
One that involves
color-coded binders.
618
00:20:20,330 --> 00:20:22,029
Is that a drawing
619
00:20:22,030 --> 00:20:24,798
of my reproductive system
saying "Let's do this"?
620
00:20:24,799 --> 00:20:27,634
The Knope way involves
a lot of uterine cartoons.
621
00:20:27,635 --> 00:20:28,669
What can I tell you?
622
00:20:28,670 --> 00:20:30,571
Besides,
what is more cuter-us
623
00:20:30,572 --> 00:20:31,973
than your uterus?
624
00:20:32,474 --> 00:20:34,075
- You ready, Ann?
- Yeah, I'm ready.
625
00:20:34,076 --> 00:20:35,642
- We're in it now.
- Yes, we are.
626
00:20:35,643 --> 00:20:36,777
Let's make a baby together.
627
00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:38,511
You should phrase that
differently.
628
00:20:38,512 --> 00:20:39,545
Right.
629
00:20:40,762 --> 00:20:42,509
Are you sure you're cool
with JJ's Diner
630
00:20:42,510 --> 00:20:44,077
catering what
you've referred to
631
00:20:44,078 --> 00:20:45,745
as "The wedding
of the millennium"?
632
00:20:45,996 --> 00:20:47,479
Are you kidding me?
633
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,081
I thought that I could not love
you any more than I already did.
634
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:51,518
But I was dead wrong.
635
00:20:53,369 --> 00:20:56,702
- Is that smoke?
- Hmm?
636
00:20:57,189 --> 00:21:00,358
- Hey! What are you doing?
- Celebrating.
637
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:03,027
We got 80 signatures
and, like, 30 complaints
638
00:21:03,028 --> 00:21:04,662
of excessive rudeness,
but who cares?
639
00:21:04,663 --> 00:21:06,330
Yeah, you should have
seen her, Leslie.
640
00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:09,166
She was awesome.
So smart, so hot, so mean.
641
00:21:09,167 --> 00:21:11,701
I wanted to bone her right there
in that dirty church basement.
642
00:21:11,702 --> 00:21:13,220
No, what are you doing?
643
00:21:13,221 --> 00:21:16,554
Uh, we are burning
this awful pantsuit.
644
00:21:16,558 --> 00:21:17,725
That's mine.
645
00:21:17,726 --> 00:21:19,059
I wanted that back.
646
00:21:19,460 --> 00:21:21,260
Well, frankly,
you should have thought of that
647
00:21:21,261 --> 00:21:22,929
before we burned it.
648
00:21:23,429 --> 00:21:28,450
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com