1 00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:04,538 . 2 00:00:04,572 --> 00:00:05,539 - I MEAN, THERE WERE RUMORS THAT THEY WERE GONNA 3 00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:08,109 ANNOUNCE IT NEXT MONTH, BUT THEY MUST HAVE GOTTEN IMPATIENT. 4 00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:08,976 OKAY. 5 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,244 WHATEVER THEY SAY, WE NEED TO COME UP 6 00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:14,615 WITH 10,000 POSSIBLE RESPONSES TO 10,000 POSSIBLE SCENARIOS. 7 00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:16,084 - OKAY, JUST TO REMIND YOU, 8 00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:17,651 I DON'T WORK FOR THE NATIONAL PARK SERVICE. 9 00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:19,120 - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. HOW ARE THOSE SCENARIOS COMING? 10 00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:20,221 - OKAY, LOOK. 11 00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:22,556 BEFORE WE GO IN THERE, YOU NEED TO KNOW SOMETHING. 12 00:00:22,590 --> 00:00:24,225 HE'S HERE. - WHO'S HERE? 13 00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:26,127 - THE GUY WHOSE NAME YOU FORBID ME FROM SAYING 14 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:27,228 OUT LOUD BECAUSE IT FILLS YOU WITH RAGE. 15 00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:28,529 - [groans] 16 00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:30,131 - LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHO HE'S WORKING FOR, 17 00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:31,132 BUT I GUESS HE'S PART OF ONE OF THE BIDDING GROUPS. 18 00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:32,700 ARE YOU GONNA BE ABLE TO BE CIVIL IN THERE? 19 00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:34,335 - I'M PERFECTLY CIVIL. 20 00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,104 HE'S THE STUPID GARBAGE-HEAD DOO-DOO FACE. 21 00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:37,271 - PERFECT. 22 00:00:37,305 --> 00:00:38,472 - THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING. 23 00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:41,209 I AM TREVOR NELSON, LEGAL COUNCIL TO THE NEWPORT FAMILY. 24 00:00:41,242 --> 00:00:45,313 THE NEWPORT FAMILY TRUST INTENDS TO SELL A 25-SQUARE MILE PARCEL 25 00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:49,250 OF PRISTINE, UNDEVELOPED LAND CONTAINING LAKE EAGLETON 26 00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:51,219 AND THE SOUTHERN INDIANA FOOTHILLS. 27 00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:52,286 - WHY NOW? 28 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:54,322 THE NEWPORTS HAVE OWNED THIS LAND FOR 100 YEARS. 29 00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:57,091 - THANKS TO THE RECENT ECONOMIC BOOM IN PAWNEE, 30 00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:58,692 REAL ESTATE PRICES ARE AT AN ALL TIME HIGH. 31 00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:01,429 AND IN THE WORDS OF JESSICA WICKS-NEWPORT, HEIR 32 00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:04,232 TO THE ENTIRE NEWPORT FORTUNE, QUOTE, "IT'S TIME TO TRADE 33 00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:06,667 THOSE DUMB, OLD TREES FOR A BUTT LOAD OF CASH." 34 00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:09,370 - IT IS. IT TRULY IS. 35 00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:12,273 - THIS LAND IS BEGGING TO BE A NEW NATIONAL PARK. 36 00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:13,607 AND IT'S IN MY OWN BACKYARD. 37 00:01:13,641 --> 00:01:14,842 THIS COULD BE MY CROWNING ACHIEVEMENT. 38 00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:16,344 I COULD RETIRE. 39 00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:17,378 I MEAN, I WOULDN'T. 40 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:18,812 I'M GONNA WORK UNTIL I'M 100 41 00:01:18,846 --> 00:01:20,714 AND THEN CUT BACK TO FOUR DAYS A WEEK. 42 00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:23,884 OH, GOD, I'M ALREADY SO BORED THINKING ABOUT THAT ONE DAY OFF. 43 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:25,653 MAYBE I'LL GO TO LAW SCHOOL OR SOMETHING. 44 00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:26,887 - WE WILL SELECT THE FINALISTS 45 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:30,358 FROM A SET OF INITIAL SEALED BIDS DUE AT 5:00 P.M. TOMORROW. 46 00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:31,392 GOOD LUCK. 47 00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:33,261 - OKAY. - COOL. 48 00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:34,262 - THERE HE IS. - WHAT? 49 00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:35,363 - OKAY. - HE'S HERE? 50 00:01:35,396 --> 00:01:36,797 - HE IS COMING OVER. - I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HIM. 51 00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:38,132 I SHOULD HIDE. NO, HE SHOULD HIDE. 52 00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:39,200 HE SHOULD RUN. HE SHOULD RUN AWAY. 53 00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:42,303 HE SHOULD HIDE HIS STUPID FACE. HE SHOULDN'T BE-- 54 00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:47,275 - HELLO, MS. KNOPE. 55 00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:51,245 - HELLO, FORMER STRANGE PERSON I USED TO FRIEND. 56 00:01:51,279 --> 00:01:55,783 YOU'RE LOOKING VERY... RON-LIKE. 57 00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:57,551 - YOU HAVE YOUR SAME HAIR. - NO, I DON'T. 58 00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:58,586 I HAVE BANGS NOW. 59 00:01:58,619 --> 00:01:59,820 - I'VE NEVER KNOWN WHAT BANGS ARE, 60 00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:01,189 AND I DON'T INTEND TO LEARN. 61 00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:02,523 - WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD! 62 00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:05,293 - I LEFT THE PARKS DEPARTMENT TWO YEARS AGO. 63 00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:06,727 NOW I WORK IN THE PRIVATE SECTOR, 64 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,230 RUNNING MY OWN BUILDING AND DEVELOPMENT COMPANY. 65 00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:12,433 IT'S CALLED VERY GOOD BUILDING AND DEVELOPMENT COMPANY. 66 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,402 I WANTED TO CONVEY THE QUALITY OF OUR WORK 67 00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:16,237 WITHOUT SEEMING FLASHY. 68 00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:19,240 - SO YOUR COMPANY IS INVOLVED WITH ONE OF THE BIDDERS? 69 00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:21,909 - HELL YEAH, PIMP! 70 00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:23,644 HE'S ON TEAM GRYZZL NOW. 71 00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:25,779 WE, UH, HIRED HIS COMPANY TO HELP PLAN AND BUILD 72 00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,615 OUR NEW GRYZZL CAMPUS. 73 00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:29,583 RIGHT HERE IN TOWN. OH, AND THAT LAND? 74 00:02:29,617 --> 00:02:31,252 OH, MY GOSH. IT'S PERFECT. 75 00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:33,654 THE TREES AND ROCKS AND SKY. 76 00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:36,890 - YES, THE LAND HAS GOOD SKY. 77 00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:39,360 - SKY! HE'S SO FAR OUT. 78 00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:41,929 SO NORM-CORE. 79 00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:45,299 - YOU KNOW THAT THE NATIONAL PARK SYSTEM DESERVES THIS LAND. 80 00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:46,934 WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO SCREW ME? 81 00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:49,237 THIS IS LIKE MORNING STAR ALL OVER AGAIN. 82 00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:50,838 - THIS IS NOTHING LIKE MORNING STAR. 83 00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:52,806 AND THAT WAS TWO YEARS AGO. 84 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:53,974 - WELL, YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU'RE DEALING WITH. 85 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,510 I DIRECTLY OVERSEE 1,200 PEOPLE. 86 00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:59,847 I HAVE A STAFF OF CREATIVE GENIUSES 87 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:03,551 THAT WILL NOT STOP WORKING UNTIL WE WIN THIS BID. 88 00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:04,752 - LESLIE? 89 00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:06,220 I-I COULDN'T FIND THAT FILE YOU WANTED, 90 00:03:06,254 --> 00:03:09,790 BUT I DID FIND A FILE CALLED BIRD CENSUS, 1980. 91 00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:12,393 AND...IT'S EMPTY. - GET OUT OF HERE, ED! 92 00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:13,594 I FIRED YOU. - RIGHT. 93 00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:19,467 IF ANYONE WANTS TO HANG, I WILL BE AT SUBWAY. 94 00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:20,701 - HE'S VERY STUPID. 95 00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:24,472 [triumphant music] 96 00:03:24,505 --> 00:03:27,508 * 97 00:03:41,855 --> 00:03:43,357 - BABE? 98 00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:44,458 JUST DROPPED OFF LESLIE'S TRIPLETS WITH HER MOM. 99 00:03:44,492 --> 00:03:45,826 ALL THREE OF 'EM. NAILED IT. 100 00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:47,395 LOOK WHAT SHE GAVE US. SLOW COOKER. 101 00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:48,629 - GREAT. - YEAH. 102 00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:51,365 - UM, SO HURRY UP AND GET READY. THE GALA STARTS IN AN HOUR. 103 00:03:51,399 --> 00:03:53,401 AND DON'T FORGET, TOMORROW WE HAVE TO GO TO THAT GUY'S OFFICE 104 00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:54,768 TO SIGN THE RENTER'S INSURANCE FORMS. 105 00:03:54,802 --> 00:03:56,370 GET READY. GO. 106 00:03:56,404 --> 00:03:58,038 - EVERYTHING IS GOING GREAT. 107 00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,541 APRIL'S KICKING ASS AT HER NATIONAL PARKS JOB. 108 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:04,912 UH, I WORK THERE PART TIME. AND I HAVE MY OWN TV SHOW. 109 00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:07,415 WELCOME BACK TO THE JOHNNY KARATE SUPER AWESOME 110 00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:08,882 MUSICAL EXPLOSION HOUR. 111 00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:11,352 [cheering children] 112 00:04:11,385 --> 00:04:13,687 - MORNING, JOHNNY. I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YA. 113 00:04:13,721 --> 00:04:16,290 - IT'S MAILMAN BARRY. MORNING, BARRY. 114 00:04:16,324 --> 00:04:18,058 I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU. - ANDY, NO. 115 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,928 - NINJAS ATTACK! - NO. 116 00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:23,397 OH! THAT'S MY CROTCH. 117 00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:25,433 - OKAY, GUYS. THREE MORE KICKS A PIECE. 118 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,068 - UH, JESSICA? HI. 119 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,770 I'M GLAD I CAUGHT YOU BEFORE YOU LEFT. 120 00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:31,939 JUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR LAND 121 00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:33,507 MIGHT SELL FOR TOMORROW? 122 00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:37,945 - TREVOR SAYS IT'LL PROBABLY BE AROUND $90 MILLION. 123 00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:39,747 AH HA! WOO! 124 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,849 - OH. - OH--OH, WOW. 125 00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:45,386 - I KNOW. I AM JUST--I AM SO HAPPY FOR ME. 126 00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:47,721 - WOULD YOU EVER CONSIDER GIVING THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT 127 00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:48,589 A DISCOUNT? 128 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:51,692 FOR A VERY GOOD CAUSE? A NATIONAL PARK. 129 00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:53,561 - OH, LESLIE. I HAVE ALWAYS LIKED YOU. 130 00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:54,695 - YEAH, NO, YOU HAVEN'T, THOUGH. 131 00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:59,500 - BUT I ALSO LIKE MONEY. AND MONEY PAYS FOR MY LIFESTYLE. 132 00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:02,102 LESLIE DOESN'T PAY FOR MY LIFESTYLE, MONEY DOES. 133 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:05,072 SO BETWEEN MONEY AND LESLIE... 134 00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:06,940 UHH. 135 00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:10,511 YOU SEE THE BIND THAT I'M IN? - YEAH, IT'S A TOUGH ONE. 136 00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:11,379 WELL, THANK YOU, JESSICA. 137 00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:13,080 YOU DID AND SAID EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT 138 00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:14,181 YOU WERE GONNA DO AND SAY. 139 00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:18,452 AND THAT'S ODDLY COMFORTING. - THANK YOU, SWEETIE. 140 00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:24,425 - WHO IS TOM HAVERFORD? HE'S A MENTOR, A LOVER, A HERO. 141 00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:27,127 BUT WHO IS MY HERO? SIMPLE. 142 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,096 IT'S ME. FIVE YEARS FROM NOW. 143 00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:30,464 - OKAY, I REALLY ONLY NEED 144 00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:32,366 A CORRECT SPELLING OF YOUR LAST NAME. 145 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,935 - YOU ARE LOOKING AT ONE OF INDIANA BUSINESS MONTHLY'S 146 00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:36,637 35 UNDER 35. 147 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,372 I OWN PAWNEE'S HOTTEST RESTAURANT, 148 00:05:38,406 --> 00:05:41,975 TWO FAST-CASUAL EATERIES, AND THE TOMMY CHOPPER. 149 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,544 WE SERVE CHOPPED SALADS OUT OF A DECOMMISSIONED 150 00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:45,413 MILITARY HELICOPTER. 151 00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:47,381 I'M A MOGUL NOW. 152 00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:48,248 - HEY, TOM? 153 00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:50,418 - BEN WYATT, CITY MANAGER OF PAWNEE. 154 00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:51,685 CHAMBER OF COMMERCE ASKED ME TO INTRODUCE HIM 155 00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:53,887 AT A VERY FANCY BLACK TIE GALA TONIGHT. 156 00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:55,122 ONE OF THE MANY AREA BIG WIGS 157 00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:57,725 WHO COMES TO ME FOR LIFE ADVICE, FASHION TIPS. 158 00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,560 UH, YOU GET IT. WRITE THIS ALL DOWN. 159 00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:00,828 - SO FOR THE INTRODUCTION, 160 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,596 I'D LOVE IT IF YOU COULD JUST KEEP IT BRIEF. 161 00:06:02,630 --> 00:06:04,131 LIKE, STICK TO MY FISCAL ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 162 00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:05,265 - [snores] 163 00:06:05,298 --> 00:06:07,801 OH, WANNA WAKE ME UP WHEN YOU'RE DONE BORING US TO DEATH? 164 00:06:07,835 --> 00:06:09,169 AM I RIGHT, JANET? 165 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,604 [laughs] 166 00:06:10,638 --> 00:06:12,740 WRITE DOWN THAT I'M FUNNY. 167 00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:14,608 BENJI? RELAX, COME ON. 168 00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:16,577 WHEN'S TOMMY EVER LET YOU DOWN? 169 00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:18,145 - CONSTANTLY. 170 00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:21,148 I'M BEING HONORED AT A GALA TONIGHT BECAUSE I'M IN CHARGE 171 00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:23,951 OF THE PAWNEE BICENTENNIAL CELEBRATION. 172 00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:25,986 IT'S MY BIGGEST PROJECT SINCE ICE TOWN. 173 00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:28,088 SO IT REALLY MEANS A LOT THAT I'M BEING RECOGNIZED 174 00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:31,024 AS A CITY LEADER, INSTEAD OF BEING YELLED AT 175 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:34,194 AND PELTED WITH THINGS. 176 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:35,996 WAIT, YOU DON'T THINK THIS IS ALL AN ELABORATE SETUP 177 00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:39,099 TO PELT ME WITH THINGS, DO YOU? 178 00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:41,569 - IT TAKES LIKE EIGHT HOURS TO COOK SOMETHING IN THIS THING. 179 00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:43,737 I GUESS I COULD PICK UP A BRISKET TOMORROW 180 00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:45,172 AND START IT FOR DINNER THURSDAY. 181 00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:46,440 - OH, THURSDAY'S NO GOOD. 182 00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:48,676 I HAVE PRODUCTION MEETINGS ALL DAY. 183 00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:50,911 THEN WE'VE GOT DINNER WITH JOE AND DONNA ON FRIDAY. 184 00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,646 HEY, YOU KNOW, SUNDAY. 185 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:53,714 WE CAN GO TO THE FARMER'S MARKET, 186 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,082 PUT THE BRISKET IN THE SLOW COOKER, 187 00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:56,784 GET A MOVIE ON PAY PER VIEW. 188 00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:59,119 THE NEW JASON BOURNE MOVIE'S SUPPOSED TO BE PRETTY FUNNY. 189 00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:00,721 - [screams] 190 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:03,857 ANDY? WE'RE PLANNING OUR WHOLE WEEK. 191 00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:04,725 LIKE OLD PEOPLE. 192 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,460 WE USED TO BE SPONTANEOUS AND WEIRD. 193 00:07:06,494 --> 00:07:07,895 WE USED TO EAT CEREAL OUT OF FRISBEES 194 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:08,996 BECAUSE WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY BOWLS. 195 00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:11,231 YOU ONCE BROKE A RIB TRYING TO WRESTLE ONE OF THOSE 196 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:12,566 INFLATABLE FLOPPY GUYS AT A CAR DEALERSHIP. 197 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:13,667 - I WON. 198 00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:14,968 - NOW YOU SPRAINED YOUR SHOULDER TRYING TO CLEAN OUT 199 00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:16,504 THE STUPID GUTTER. 200 00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:19,106 YOU EVEN HAVE A JOB. WE HAVE A BANK ACCOUNT! 201 00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:20,340 THAT'S IT. 202 00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:22,876 WE'VE HELD OUT AS LONG AS WE COULD, BUT IT FINALLY HAPPENED. 203 00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:24,111 WE'RE BORING. 204 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:26,246 WE'RE BORING PEOPLE WHO WILL BORE EACH OTHER BY BEING BORING. 205 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,948 - NO! WE ARE STILL FUN. 206 00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:28,982 I'M GONNA PROVE IT TO YOU. 207 00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:31,251 TONIGHT AT THE GALA, WE ARE GONNA DO SOMETHING 208 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,487 SPONTANEOUS AND WEIRD. 209 00:07:33,521 --> 00:07:37,257 - OKAY. 210 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,760 STOP TAUNTING ME. 211 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,061 - GET ON THE PHONE TO WASHINGTON. 212 00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:42,863 CALL IN EVERY FAVOR THAT WE HAVE. 213 00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:44,565 DAVE, PUT MISSOURI ON THE BACK BURNER. 214 00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:45,899 THIS IS TOP PRIORITY. 215 00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:48,636 YOU ALL HAVE 36 HOURS TO FIND ME $90 MILLION. 216 00:07:48,669 --> 00:07:49,670 GO! 217 00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:51,572 - WHOA, $90 MILLION? 218 00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:53,006 - WELL, I ONLY HAVE $2 MILLION 219 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,208 IN THE DISCRETIONARY FUND AND I'VE ALREADY USED SOME OF IT 220 00:07:55,242 --> 00:07:57,144 TO MAKE THOMAS JEFFERSON SEXIER 221 00:07:57,177 --> 00:07:59,246 IN THOSE MOUNT RUSHMORE PROMOTIONS. 222 00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:01,214 WHICH, BY THE WAY, ATTENDANCE HAS BEEN UP. 223 00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:02,349 THAT'S NOT A COINCIDENCE. 224 00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:04,985 - PAWNEE'S RICH AND FAMOUS WILL ALL BE HERE TONIGHT. 225 00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:07,120 MAYBE YOU START THERE. - THAT IS A VERY SMART IDEA. 226 00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:10,190 AND THAT TUXEDO MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A SEXY ORCHESTRA CONDUCTOR. 227 00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:11,625 HERE, WAVE THIS PEN AROUND. - FOCUS. 228 00:08:11,659 --> 00:08:13,794 - FINE. LET'S GO GET THAT PARK. 229 00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:16,296 THAT PARK IS MY DREAM. I'M NOT GONNA LET IT SLIP AWAY. 230 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,966 WHO CARES IF GRYZZL AND RON HAVE MORE MONEY? 231 00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:21,268 I HAVE THE MOST VALUABLE CURRENCY IN AMERICA. 232 00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:29,242 . 233 00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:30,143 - KEN HOTATE. GREAT BOW TIE, IS THAT NEW? 234 00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:34,147 - WHY, YES IT IS. MY SON SELLS THEM ON ETSY. 235 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:36,049 HE IS A HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT. 236 00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:37,551 - OH, WELL. 237 00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:39,152 NOW THAT WE'RE CHATTING, THE NATIONAL PARK SERVICE 238 00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,989 IS LOOKING TO BUY THE NEWPORT LAND. 239 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,824 BUT WE'RE A LITTLE SHORT ON FUNDS. 240 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,660 - HOW SHORT? - $88 MILLION. 241 00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:49,697 WHAT DO YOU SAY YOU PUT SOME OF THAT CASINO MONEY TO GOOD USE? 242 00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:51,231 - YOU KNOW, WE HAVE BEEN CONSIDERING OPENING 243 00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:52,232 A SECOND RESORT. 244 00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:53,901 - NO, IT WOULD BE A DONATION. 245 00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:55,302 THE GOVERNMENT WOULD KEEP THE LAND. 246 00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:57,571 - SO YOU WOULD LIKE THE WAMAPOKE PEOPLE TO PAY 247 00:08:57,605 --> 00:09:00,974 THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO BUY LAND 248 00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:03,877 THAT WAS STOLEN FROM US BY THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT? 249 00:09:03,911 --> 00:09:05,779 AND WE DON'T EVEN GET TO KEEP THE LAND? 250 00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:08,616 - WELL, WHEN YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT, I SEE THE IRONY. 251 00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:10,250 SO ARE YOU IN? NO? 252 00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:12,319 WHAT IF I BUY SOME OF YOUR DISAPPOINTING SON'S BOLO TIES? 253 00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:13,320 DAMN IT. 254 00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:14,321 - HEY, CHECK IT OUT. 255 00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:15,589 I'M SO CRAZY AND SPONTANEOUS, 256 00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:16,824 I DON'T EVEN NEED THIS SLING ANYMORE. 257 00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:18,291 - YES. - PA-DOW. 258 00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:20,828 OH! OH, DID YOU HEAR THAT POP? 259 00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:22,162 COULD YOU HEAR THAT? 260 00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:24,865 YOU WANNA DO SHOTS? - YEAH, I'D LOVE TO DO A SHOT. 261 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,834 'CAUSE WINE MAKES ME SLEEPY NOW. 262 00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:28,702 - THIS IS GONNA BE FUN. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO FIRST? 263 00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:29,703 - OOH. 264 00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:32,906 I DARE YOU TO EAT THIS ENTIRE JUG OF OLIVES. 265 00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:35,108 - DONE! 266 00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:36,677 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - I'MMA TAKE A ZANTAC. 267 00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,078 ALL THAT SALT WILL GIVE ME HEARTBURN. 268 00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:39,346 - OH, GOD. YOU RUINED IT. 269 00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:41,248 WE--WE HAVE TO FIGURE SOMETHING ELSE OUT. 270 00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:42,650 - SHOULD I STILL TAKE THE ZANTAC? 271 00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:45,719 - YEAH, YOU ALWAYS FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU DO. 272 00:09:45,753 --> 00:09:47,387 OH, MY GOD, I HATE US! 273 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:48,521 LET'S GO. 274 00:09:48,555 --> 00:09:51,959 - NOW, I KNOW ALL OF YOU ARE OFF DOING YOUR OWN THINGS 275 00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:54,261 AND WE DON'T SEE EACH OTHER AS MUCH AS WE USED TO, 276 00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:56,396 BUT I NEED MY OLD TEAM BACK FOR ONE LAST MISSION. 277 00:09:56,429 --> 00:10:00,000 SO HANDS IN. DEFEAT RON ON THREE. 278 00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:01,802 ONE, TWO, THREE! - OOH. 279 00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:04,638 ACTUALLY, RON PROMISED ME I COULD BUILD A RESTAURANT 280 00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:08,809 ON THE NEW GRYZZL CAMPUS SO I'M KIND OF TOTALLY ON RON'S SIDE. 281 00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:09,977 - OKAY. TOM'S DEAD TO ME. 282 00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:11,845 DONNA? WAITING FOR YOUR HAND. 283 00:10:11,879 --> 00:10:15,883 - YEAH, RON HIRED REGAL MEAGLE REALTY TO BROKER THE DEAL. 284 00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:18,218 AND I'M GONNA NEED THE MONEY FOR MY WEDDING. 285 00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:19,419 - [gasps] 286 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,321 SHIA LABEOUF-DESIGNED WEDDING DRESSES DO NOT COME CHEAP. 287 00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:22,890 - OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED? 288 00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:25,325 THAT'S AMAZING. AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME EARLIER? 289 00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:26,694 HOW COULD YOU? 290 00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:28,095 - JOE POPPED THE QUESTION A FEW DAYS AGO. 291 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,296 I DIDN'T POST ANYTHING ON GRYZZLFEED 292 00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,231 'CAUSE I WANTED TO TELL YOU IN PERSON. 293 00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:34,668 - THIS IS VERY BEAUTIFUL. AND I'M FURIOUS AT YOU. 294 00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:35,869 - HOW ARE YOU? HOW ARE THE KIDS? 295 00:10:35,903 --> 00:10:37,337 - OH, THEY'RE GREAT. YOU KNOW. 296 00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:38,839 THEY'RE TRYING TO DESTROY US. THERE'S THREE OF THEM. 297 00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:39,940 IT'S INSANE. BUT THEY'RE GREAT. 298 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,743 - WE GOTTA RUN, LES. SORRY FOR TOTALLY CRUSHING IT. 299 00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:45,846 AND YOU IN THE PROCESS. LATER. 300 00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:49,917 - WELL, NEVER FEAR, BECAUSE TERRY IS HERE. 301 00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:51,384 YES, I GO BY TERRY NOW. 302 00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:53,153 BECAUSE THERE WAS A GUY AT NATIONAL PARKS, 303 00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:54,421 HE WAS ALREADY NAMED LARRY. 304 00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:56,924 SO THEY SUGGESTED I GO BY TERRY. 305 00:10:56,957 --> 00:11:00,761 AND THEN I SAID MY REAL NAME IS GARY AND THEY SAID, WHO CARES. 306 00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:03,363 SO. IT'S JUST A FUN GROUP. 307 00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:04,364 - GOOD EVENING, 308 00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:07,868 AND WELCOME TO THE PAWNEE BICENTENNIAL GALA. 309 00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:11,772 [applause] 310 00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:15,142 NOT LONG AGO, THIS TOWN WAS BARELY ON THE MAP. 311 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,409 UNLESS YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT A MAP OF THE CITIES 312 00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:19,980 WITH THE MOST OBESE PETS. 313 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:23,817 BUT THEN, ONE GREAT MAN CAME ALONG 314 00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:26,319 AND HE LIFTED ALL OF US UP. 315 00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:34,094 AND THAT MAN WAS ME. TOM HAVERFORD. 316 00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:37,097 OWNER AND PROPRIETOR OF THE EFFORTLESSLY CHIC, 317 00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:40,768 CELEBRITY-PACKED ITALIAN RESTAURANT, TOM'S BISTRO. 318 00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:42,402 AND SEVERAL OTHER ESTABLISHMENTS. 319 00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:43,737 - RON? HOW COULD YOU? 320 00:11:43,771 --> 00:11:45,305 - I SIMPLY TOOK A SKEWER FOR ONE SHRIMP 321 00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:46,940 AND ADDED MANY SHRIMP TO IT. 322 00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:48,141 THEY'RE LONG ENOUGH FOR FIVE OR SIX. 323 00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:51,178 - FIRST YOU TRY TO STEAL MY PARK AND NOW YOU STEAL MY TEAM? 324 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,445 - I DIDN'T STEAL THEM. 325 00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:55,415 THEY'RE INDEPENDENT PEOPLE WHO HAVE MOVED ONTO BETTER THINGS, 326 00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:57,417 JUST LIKE YOU DID. 327 00:11:57,450 --> 00:12:00,453 BACON-WRAPPED SHRIMP. I FIT SEVEN ON THIS ONE. 328 00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:02,022 IT'S A MASTERPIECE. 329 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,223 - WHY DON'T YOU SHOVE THEM ALL IN YOUR DUMB MOUTH 330 00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:05,325 AND THEN WHEN I TURN AROUND, YOU CAN STAB ME IN THE BACK 331 00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:06,393 WITH THE SKEWER? 332 00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:08,428 - PEOPLE COME UP TO ME AND THEY SAY THINGS LIKE, 333 00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:11,331 TOM, GIVEN ALL THAT YOU'VE ACCOMPLISHED, 334 00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:13,333 IS IT HARD TO STAY HUMBLE? 335 00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:17,137 AND I SAY...NOT FOR ME. 336 00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:19,907 I'M PRETTY AMAZING AT BEING HUMBLE. 337 00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:22,442 BUT, ENOUGH ABOUT ME. 338 00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:24,411 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME 339 00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:28,148 PAWNEE'S MAN OF THE YEAR 2017, MR. BEN WYATT. 340 00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:31,084 [cheers and applause] 341 00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:33,286 - THANK YOU. THANKS. 342 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:38,425 AND THANK YOU TO TOM FOR THAT MOVING TRIBUTE TO YOU. 343 00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:41,394 AND THANK YOU TO THE BOYS AND GIRLS CLUB FOR THE INCREDIBLY 344 00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:44,064 LIFELIKE PAPER-MACHE STATUE. 345 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,365 YOU KNOW, WHEN I FIRST MOVED HERE-- 346 00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:47,167 [interrupting music] 347 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:50,337 OH, UH. I GUESS IT'S TIME FOR CAKE? 348 00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:52,039 OKAY. GREAT. 349 00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:54,174 PERFECT. TIMING. 350 00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:55,408 - OH, HOW ABOUT THIS? 351 00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:57,144 WE SHUT OFF THE LIGHTS, 352 00:12:57,177 --> 00:13:00,047 TURN 'EM BACK ON, EVERYBODY'S FANCY JEWELRY IS MISSING. 353 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:03,984 MEANWHILE, YOU AND I ARE ALREADY ON A BOAT TO THE AIRPORT. 354 00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:05,385 - LET'S PUT STINK BOMBS IN ALL THE VENTS. 355 00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:07,154 - YES. - WAIT, NO. 356 00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:08,155 I FORGOT. 357 00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:09,256 I GOT RID OF ALL THE STINK BOMBS 358 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:11,558 BEFORE YOU BABYSAT LESLIE'S KIDS. 359 00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:13,861 BEING RESPONSIBLE ADULTS SUCKS BUTTS. 360 00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:15,395 - BUTTS, THAT'S IT. I'LL STREAK ACROSS THE STAGE. 361 00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:16,897 - YES, I LOVE IT. 362 00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:19,166 - I'M GONNA GET NAKED. I'M GONNA GET UP THERE. 363 00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:20,868 EVERYONE IS GONNA SEE MY WEINER. 364 00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,435 I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN IT. YOU KNOW HOW DUMB IT LOOKS. 365 00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,004 - UH-HUH. - PERFECT PLAN. 366 00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:26,173 - WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE? 367 00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:27,540 WHAT HAVE YOU EVER DONE FOR THIS CITY? 368 00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:31,278 - MY COMPANY HAS STIMULATED PAWNEE'S ECONOMY. 369 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:34,848 YOU'RE JUST STILL UPSET ABOUT MORNING STAR. 370 00:13:34,882 --> 00:13:36,850 - I TOLD YOU TO NEVER SAY THAT WORD TO ME. 371 00:13:36,884 --> 00:13:38,485 NO ONE SHOULD EVER SAY THAT WORD OUT LOUD. 372 00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:40,387 IT'S LIKE VOLDEMORT. OR RON. 373 00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:42,389 YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU DON'T DESERVE THAT CANDLE. 374 00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:43,390 GIMME THAT CANDLE! - LET GO. 375 00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:44,391 LET GO. - THIS CANDLE'S MINE. 376 00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:45,292 NO, GIVE ME THIS CANDLE. 377 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,493 YOU STEAL MY TEAM, I STEAL YOUR CANDLE. 378 00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:47,494 - I STOLE NOTHING. - GUYS? 379 00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:48,495 - NEH. - GUYS? 380 00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:49,496 - I WANT IT! - LESLIE. 381 00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:51,364 - STOP! - [grunts] 382 00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:53,967 [crowd gasps] 383 00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,404 - IT'S OKAY. EVERYTHING'S FINE. 384 00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,006 JUST WHEEL OUT THE BACKUP CAKE. 385 00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:01,041 - THERE IS NO BACKUP CAKE. 386 00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:03,476 - WHO DOESN'T BAKE A BACKUP CAKE? 387 00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,312 - OKAY, WELL THAT SEALS IT. 388 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,415 EVEN LESLIE IS CRAZIER THAN WE ARE. 389 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:13,320 . 390 00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:14,521 - AND THEN I SAID, UH, YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHECK WITH THE PENGUIN. 391 00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:19,026 [laughter] 392 00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:19,826 - I UNDERSTAND IT. 393 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,395 - YOU GRYZZL GUYS ARE A REAL HOOT. 394 00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:25,365 AND YOU HAVE SO MUCH MONEY. - THANKS, JESSIE. 395 00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:28,235 AND, HEY, ENJOY THAT NEW PROTOTYPE GRYZZL TABLET, HUH? 396 00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:29,602 - I WILL. I JUST LOVE IT. 397 00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:32,239 tablet: THANK YOU, JESSICA. I LOVE YOU TOO. 398 00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:34,607 I LOVE YOUR SKIN. GIVE ME YOUR SKIN. 399 00:14:34,641 --> 00:14:36,176 OH. 400 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:37,310 - THERE'S STILL A COUPLE BUGS WITH THE A.I. SOFTWARE. 401 00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:41,181 BUT, UH, MAYBE JUST TURN IT OFF BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP. 402 00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:42,349 - ALL RIGHT, DONNA. LET'S HIT IT. 403 00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:43,683 ABOUT TO GET SOME PEDDIES. - OKAY. 404 00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,385 - PEDDIES ON PEDDIES ON PEDDIES. 405 00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:47,420 - OKAY. YOU'RE NEXT. 406 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,558 - HELLO, RON. 407 00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:53,360 I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I AM NOT SORRY 408 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,062 THAT I PUSHED YOU INTO A GIANT CAKE. 409 00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:58,932 - WELL, I AM SORRY. THAT I ATTENDED A PUBLIC EVENT. 410 00:14:58,966 --> 00:15:00,567 - YO, RON? COME ON, BUD. 411 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:01,935 WE'RE GONNA GO PLAY SOME VIDEO GAMES 412 00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:04,437 AND WE WANT YOU TO WATCH QUIETLY. 413 00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:12,345 - [sighs] 414 00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,648 - AFTER WE DROP OFF THE RENTER'S INSURANCE FORMS, 415 00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:17,384 WE NEED TO STOP BY THE GROCERY STORE. 416 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,119 AND THEN WE NEED TO SIGN A SUICIDE PACT, 417 00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:20,220 BECAUSE OUR LIVES ARE MEANINGLESS. 418 00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,555 - BABE, WE ARE NOT BORING PEOPLE. 419 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:25,025 WOULD BORING PEOPLE GET RENTER'S INSURANCE, 420 00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:26,593 EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT LEGALLY REQUIRED? 421 00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:27,594 WHERE ARE WE? 422 00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:30,230 I HAVE NEVER ONCE BEEN TO THIS PART OF PAWNEE. 423 00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,599 - IT'S THE CREEPY WAREHOUSE DISTRICT. 424 00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:36,169 IT'S MOSTLY JUST RACCOONS AND OLD CAR BATTERIES. 425 00:15:36,203 --> 00:15:38,271 WHOA, HANG ON. PULL OVER. 426 00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:39,406 LOOK AT THAT. 427 00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:47,680 THIS PLACE IS AMAZING. - LET'S GO IN. 428 00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,985 [knock on door] - WHAT UP, PLAYA? 429 00:15:52,019 --> 00:15:54,354 JUST WANTED TO APOLOGIZE FOR MY INTRO RUNNING LONG. 430 00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:55,422 BUT, UH, YOU KNOW. 431 00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,224 WHEN IT COMES TO INSPIRATIONAL WILL SMITH QUOTES, 432 00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:58,325 HOW ARE YOU GONNA STOP AT TEN? 433 00:15:58,358 --> 00:16:00,093 - YOU KNOW, WHEN THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE ASKED YOU 434 00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:02,395 TO INTRODUCE ME, I WAS A LITTLE WORRIED YOU WOULD SPEND 435 00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:05,265 THE ENTIRE TIME TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF, 436 00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:08,135 WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID. 437 00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:10,037 - I'M SORRY. 438 00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:12,705 TRUTH IS, THEY DIDN'T ASK ME TO INTRODUCE YOU. 439 00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:14,174 I ASKED THEM IF I COULD DO IT. 440 00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:17,510 I WAS GONNA TALK ABOUT HOW I OWE YOU SO MUCH. 441 00:16:17,544 --> 00:16:20,547 HOW YOU STOOD BY ME THROUGH ALL MY FAILURES AND I STOOD BY YOU 442 00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:22,249 THROUGH ALL YOUR TERRIBLE OUTFITS. 443 00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:25,218 BUT WHEN I GOT UP THERE, I GOT PRETTY EMOTIONAL. 444 00:16:25,252 --> 00:16:30,057 TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU, I'D LIKE TO READ YOU THE SPEECH NOW. 445 00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:32,292 I'VE KNOWN A LOT OF BALLERS IN MY DAY. 446 00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:35,728 BUT NO MAN BALLS HARDER THAN THE MAN I'M ABOUT TO BRING UP. 447 00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:39,332 HE'S KIND, HE'S INTELLIGENT. [sobs] 448 00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:42,702 HE'S A PERSON I'M DEEPLY PROUD TO CALL MY FRIEND. 449 00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:46,539 - PRETTY GOOD SPEECH. I MEAN, IT WAS, UM... 450 00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:49,509 A LITTLE SAPPY, MAYBE. 451 00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:50,510 [sobs] 452 00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:53,513 I THINK I LIKED IT. 453 00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:58,551 [sobbing] 454 00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:02,055 - JESSICA, MR. NELSON. 455 00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:04,257 YOU ARE GOING TO HEAR A LOT OF BIDS TODAY. 456 00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:08,795 BUT THIS IS THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS. 457 00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:11,264 - IS THIS A CIRCLE? 458 00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:13,700 OR, IS IT AN "O"? 459 00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,102 [gasps] 460 00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:17,270 IS OPRAH INVOLVED IN YOUR BID? 461 00:17:17,304 --> 00:17:18,805 - IT'S A ZERO. 462 00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:21,108 I BID ZERO DOLLARS. 463 00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:23,576 - I HAVE TO SAY, THAT'S ONE OF THE LOWER ONE'S WE'VE SEEN. 464 00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:26,446 - PAWNEE IS CELEBRATING ITS 200th ANNIVERSARY, 465 00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:29,249 AND THE NEWPORT FAMILY HAS BEEN HERE SINCE DAY ONE. 466 00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:32,219 THROUGH FEAST AND FAMINE, TRANSFORMATION, UPHEAVAL, 467 00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:34,121 CELEBRATION. 468 00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:36,656 THE NEWPORT FAMILY IS PART OF THE FABRIC OF THIS TOWN, 469 00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:38,325 AND NOT ALWAYS IN A GOOD WAY. 470 00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:40,593 LIKE WHEN YOUR HOT FUDGE PIPELINE EXPLODED. 471 00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:42,629 - OH, BOO HOO. IT ALL RAN OFF INTO THE LAKE. 472 00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:43,630 - WELL, YES. 473 00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:46,199 ADMITTEDLY, IT DID MAKE THE FISH TASTE DELICIOUS, 474 00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,434 BUT IT WAS A P.R. NIGHTMARE. 475 00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:49,336 MY QUESTION IS THIS. 476 00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:52,605 WHAT DO YOU WANT THE NEWPORT NAME TO MEAN IN THE FUTURE? 477 00:17:52,639 --> 00:17:55,408 IF YOU DONATE THIS LAND AND YOU LET ME TURN IT 478 00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:57,844 INTO A NATIONAL PARK-- 479 00:17:57,877 --> 00:18:01,181 THE NEWPORT NATIONAL PARK-- 480 00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:04,317 YOUR NAME WILL STAND FOR SOMETHING GOOD. 481 00:18:04,351 --> 00:18:06,586 FOR GENERATIONS TO COME. 482 00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:11,491 - HOW MUCH WAS HER BID AGAIN? - IT WAS, UH...ZERO DOLLARS. 483 00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:13,493 - OH. THAT'S THE PART I DON'T LIKE. 484 00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:16,596 - JUST KEEP ME IN THE RUNNING. 485 00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:19,632 GIVE ME A CHANCE TO PROVE TO YOU HOW GREAT THIS COULD BE. 486 00:18:22,369 --> 00:18:26,373 - SAYS HERE THERE ARE 12 CLOSETS, THREE BOMB SHELTERS, 487 00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:29,409 FIVE DUMB WAITERS, TWO AND THREE EIGHTS BATHS. 488 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:30,743 NO KITCHENS. 489 00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:32,245 IT'S A FAIRLY STANDARD LAYOUT. 490 00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:34,247 - COOL, IS THAT A STAIRCASE TO NOWHERE? 491 00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:36,383 - YES, IT IS. GOOD EYE. 492 00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:37,717 - WHAT WAS THIS PLACE? 493 00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:40,320 - REMEMBER THE PAWNEE DOLL HEAD FACTORY? 494 00:18:40,353 --> 00:18:42,355 - THIS WAS A DOLL HEAD FACTORY? - NO. 495 00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:45,192 THIS WAS A HOLDING CELL FOR PEOPLE WHO WENT INSANE 496 00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:48,195 ON THE ASSEMBLY LINE. 497 00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:49,829 - WHAT'S BEHIND THIS DOOR? 498 00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:51,264 [gasps] 499 00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:52,332 FIRE POLL. 500 00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:54,434 - SO THIS PLACE HAS HAD ZERO OFFERS? 501 00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:57,170 - PEOPLE SEEM TO BE SCARED OFF 502 00:18:57,204 --> 00:19:00,707 ON ACCOUNT OF IT BEING HAUNTED... 503 00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,309 AND DISGUSTING. 504 00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:06,346 AFTER 47 YEARS LIVING HERE, I DECIDED TO MOVE 505 00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:09,416 TO ORLANDO TO BE CLOSER TO DISNEY WORLD. 506 00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:12,752 - WE ARE RESPONSIBLE ADULTS. 507 00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:14,421 YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. - I KNOW. 508 00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:17,657 - WE HAVE MONEY AND WE ARE GOING TO BUY THE [bleep] 509 00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:18,858 OUT OF THIS HOUSE. 510 00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:19,959 - SERIOUSLY? - YES. 511 00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:31,871 . 512 00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:32,772 - WE NOW GO LIVE TO THE PRESS CONFERENCE. 513 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:34,140 - GOOD EVENING. 514 00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,243 I'M ATTORNEY TREVOR NELSON WITH THE LAW FIRM 515 00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:37,577 FWAR, DIPS, WINSHARES, GRITT, BABIP, 516 00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:38,911 PECOTA, VORP, AND ECKSTEIN. 517 00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:41,248 LEGAL COUNSEL TO THE NEWPORT FAMILY. 518 00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:42,949 HERE TO ANNOUNCE THAT THE NEWPORT FAMILY TRUST 519 00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:45,552 HAS NARROWED THE SEARCH TO TWO FINAL CANDIDATES. 520 00:19:45,585 --> 00:19:48,888 THE GRYZZL CORPORATION AND THE NATIONAL PARK SERVICE. 521 00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:51,391 - OKAY. I'M IN THE GAME. 522 00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:54,594 ALL I HAVE TO DO IS CONVINCE THEM THAT IT'S BETTER TAKING 523 00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:56,896 NO MONEY THAN TAKING $90 MILLION. 524 00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:59,699 - WELL, YOU DID CONVINCE THREE UNSUSPECTING TODDLERS 525 00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:02,235 THAT PEAS TURN INTO CUPCAKES IN THEIR TUMMIES. 526 00:20:02,269 --> 00:20:06,373 - I STARTED MY CAREER IN PAWNEE BY TURNING A PIT 527 00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:08,007 INTO A COOL, LITTLE PARK. 528 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:12,245 AND NOW, I HAVE THE CHANCE TO GIVE THIS TOWN A MASSIVE, 529 00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:14,747 BEAUTIFUL GIFT THAT THEY CAN USE FOREVER. 530 00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:17,684 IN THE WORDS OF JASON BOURNE, "THIS IS WHERE IT STARTED 531 00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:20,253 FOR ME, THIS IS WHERE IT ENDS." 532 00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:21,954 - YEAH, YOU KNOW, I STILL THINK KEVIN JAMES 533 00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:23,923 WAS A WEIRD CHOICE FOR THE REBOOT. 534 00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:27,460 - OH, I DON'T. I THINK HE NAILED IT. 535 00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:29,862 - SO I'M THINKING IN ADDITION TO THE TOM'S BISTROS, 536 00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:33,333 WE HAVE A HYPER EXCLUSIVE LOUNGE AREA CALLED TOMMY'S LOUNGE. 537 00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:35,635 - ATTENTION! THIS IS WAR. 538 00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:39,439 YOU GUYS ARE GOING DOWN. AND THAT'S ALL I WANTED TO SAY. 539 00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:41,040 EXCEPT DONNA, TOM. HEY. 540 00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:43,510 I'M--I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T KEPT IN BETTER TOUCH WITH YOU RECENTLY. 541 00:20:43,543 --> 00:20:45,512 BUT I'VE JUST, YOU KNOW, I'M A LITTLE PREOCCUPIED WITH MY KIDS 542 00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:46,613 AND MY JOB, SO. 543 00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:47,780 IT'S REALLY GOOD TO SEE YOU BOTH. 544 00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:49,916 AND ALSO, PREPARE FOR WAR. 545 00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:52,952 BECAUSE YOU CHOSE THE WRONG SIDE AND WE ARE GONNA SMOKE YOU. 546 00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:54,687 AND ALSO, I MADE COOKIES. 547 00:20:54,721 --> 00:20:56,856 BUT RON IS NOT ALLOWED TO EAT THEM. 548 00:20:56,889 --> 00:20:59,926 AND THEY SAY PREPARE FOR WAR ON THEM. 549 00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:03,363 BUT THE "O" IN THE WORD FOR IS A HEART. 550 00:21:03,396 --> 00:21:05,398 - AND... 551 00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:07,834 I ATE A LOT OF THEM ON THE WAY OVER HERE, 552 00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:09,736 BECAUSE WE'RE AT WAR. 553 00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:11,338 HEY, TOM. - HEY, MAN. 554 00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:13,039 BUDDY, GOOD TO SEE YOU. - HOW'S IT GOING? 555 00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:14,774 - IT'S PRETTY GOOD. - HEY, ANDY! 556 00:21:14,807 --> 00:21:16,443 LET'S GO. 557 00:21:16,476 --> 00:21:18,044 WAR.