1
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:54,972
EVAN: What's out there?
Out in the great beyond?
2
00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:59,894
And what's beyond that?
What's beyond "beyond"?
3
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,779
The answer is,
I don't know.
4
00:01:02,938 --> 00:01:05,862
And quite frankly,
I don't want to know.
5
00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:08,452
Because what I do know is
that they don't hold a candle
6
00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:09,995
to the greatest town...
7
00:01:10,279 --> 00:01:13,533
in the greatest country
on the greatest planet...
8
00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:15,959
in the whole universe.
9
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,078
Glen view, Ohio...
10
00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:21,457
USA, Earth.
11
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,882
Here in Glenview,
we value diversity.
12
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:29,723
I, myself, am friends with
an Indian man named Clyde...
13
00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:32,517
and Mrs. Kim, a wonderful
widow from Korea.
14
00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,891
Hey, Mrs. Kim.
Spray me!
15
00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:36,062
Spray me, neighbor.
16
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:37,514
Whoo!
17
00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:40,689
Sun shower.
Fun shower.
18
00:01:40,976 --> 00:01:44,606
I don't have any black friends
yet, but I am on the market.
19
00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:46,773
My name's Evan Trautwig.
Oh, Ed Bosani.
20
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:50,069
Every day, I ask not what
Glenview can do for me...
21
00:01:50,152 --> 00:01:51,449
but what can I do
for Glen view.
22
00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,326
Jared, your glutes are
tighter than a snare drum.
23
00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:55,954
That's why I founded
the running club...
24
00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:59,203
the Spanish table
at the community center.
25
00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:01,288
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
26
00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:04,716
And created the position of Deputy
Secretary at the city council.
27
00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,798
All right, next item
on the agenda...
28
00:02:07,044 --> 00:02:09,638
stipulates curb height
for wheelchair access...
29
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:11,135
be no more than
six inches in height.
30
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:14,058
I know this is a hot topic, so I
will defer to the commissioner.
31
00:02:14,593 --> 00:02:17,142
Here, dreams
really do come true.
32
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:20,599
A simple man can start out as
a junior manager at Costco.
33
00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:23,105
And, 12 years later, with
hard work and gumption...
34
00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:27,148
end up the senior manager
at that very same Costco.
35
00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:30,784
I should know, because
that man's name is me.
36
00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:31,906
(CAMERA CLICKS)
37
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,579
I don't mean to bust your chops,
kid, but this is total bullshit.
38
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,157
Those rats are as flat
as they ever have been.
39
00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:37,582
I'm sorry. It really
should be working.
40
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,080
Excuse me, sir,
if I might.
41
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:41,912
The activation button
is right there.
42
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:45,044
Holy shit!
This is incredible.
43
00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:48,092
There's chipmunks coming
out of the TV, Costco!
44
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,636
Look, the whole
gang's here.
45
00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:52,931
It's a great set. Full HD.
1080p, 240 hertz, TrueMotion.
46
00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:56,560
Hey! Buddy, please, this is
a miracle of technology.
47
00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:59,229
This is incredible. Where
do I pay for this baby?
48
00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,022
Justin will load you up.
Go to front-end check out.
49
00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:03,442
You're a beauty.
Thank you, switch man.
50
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:06,236
Turning the switch on. Turning
on a whole new world for me.
51
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:08,359
Hey, Justin, if we stop by
some free food samples...
52
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:10,111
I'm not going to
be pissed, either.
53
00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:15,571
EVAN: But you know what?
It's not all about work.
54
00:03:15,654 --> 00:03:17,281
I have had a lot of fun...
55
00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:21,122
and formed friendships
that will last a lifetime.
56
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,328
(WATCH BEEPING)
57
00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:25,664
Hey! There he is.
58
00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:29,338
So?
59
00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:31,091
There are fifty stars
in the American flag.
60
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:34,048
The Constitution
was created in 1787.
61
00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:37,476
And, I am now
an American citizen.
62
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,679
(LAUGHS) Really!
63
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:40,887
Yes.
Oh!
64
00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:43,106
Antonio, that's great!
65
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:46,435
I knew it. Good things
happen to good people.
66
00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:47,565
And you are a good man.
67
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,072
And look, boss.
68
00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:52,866
I got a new tattoo
to celebrate.
69
00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:56,078
Wow. That's really fresh, isn't it?
Yeah.
70
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,909
"Proud to be an American."
Good.
71
00:03:57,988 --> 00:04:00,832
Maybe keep it covered, though, because
it's not really Costco policy, okay?
72
00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:02,413
Yes, of course, boss.
73
00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:04,415
I'm proud of you.
This is great.
74
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:06,622
All right,
I have to get out of here.
75
00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:07,957
Oh, hey, listen.
76
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:10,963
If a bag of Bugles and a
six-pack of Coke go missing...
77
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:12,544
it's on me.
You earned it.
78
00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:14,797
Thanks, boss.
79
00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:16,006
(BOTH BIDDING FAREWELL
IN SPANISH)
80
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,090
(BOYZ N THE HOOD
PLAYING ON STEREO)
81
00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:20,219
Woke up quick
at about noon
82
00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:22,680
Just thought that
I had to be in Compton soon
83
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:25,061
I gotta get drunk
before the day begins
84
00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:28,064
Before my mother starts
bitching about my friends
85
00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:30,817
A car pulls up
Who can it be?
86
00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:33,615
A fresh El Camino
rolling Kilo G
87
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:36,409
He rolled down his window
and he started to say
88
00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:39,364
It's all about making
that G. T.A.
89
00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:44,038
Costco security,
motherfuckers!
90
00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:48,543
Yo, man
91
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,169
Get the fuck out
92
00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:52,797
Cruising down the street
in my six-fo'
93
00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:55,550
Jocking the bitches
Slapping the hos
94
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,927
I went to the park
to get the scoop
95
00:04:58,006 --> 00:05:00,680
Knuckleheads out there
Cold, shooting some hoop
96
00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:03,353
'Cause the boys in the hood
are always hard
97
00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:05,851
You come talking that trash
and we'll pull your card
98
00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,899
Oh, yeah.
99
00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:10,857
It's time to come out
of the pool, Denise.
100
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,314
Hey...
101
00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:16,274
What the hell, man!
102
00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:19,403
(SIGHS)
103
00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,084
Shit.
104
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,579
(SWITCHES CLICKING)
105
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:32,625
(ELECTRICITY SURGES)
106
00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:37,553
Hello?
107
00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:40,720
Mr. Trautwig?
108
00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:42,801
Is that you?
109
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:48,182
(PANTING)
110
00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:55,943
(CLATTERING)
(GASPS)
111
00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:57,987
Who's there?
112
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:06,662
Okay.
113
00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:08,247
(SOFT GROWL)
(RATTLES)
114
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,208
Oh.
115
00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:17,631
What the fuck?
116
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:25,685
Listen,
they gave me a gun, okay?
117
00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:28,848
And they didn't teach me
to use it properly.
118
00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:32,150
So, you're in
a lot of danger
119
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:35,737
If you don't just
back the fuck up, okay?
120
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,029
(THUDDING)
121
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:39,816
Oh, no!
122
00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:43,198
(GRUNTING)
123
00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:45,239
(GASPING)
124
00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:10,639
ABBY: It's just
a baby shower, hon.
125
00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:12,557
EVAN: I don't know why you're
so excited about going there.
126
00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:14,692
Everything is
so great here.
127
00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,979
We used to hate
New York together.
128
00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:18,188
It was like
one of our things.
129
00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:21,655
It is great here, Evan. I love it.
It's just a little boring.
130
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:24,031
Actually,
it's super boring.
131
00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:26,738
I want to get out and see
the world a little bit.
132
00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:31,414
Get some culture, eat some good food.
Go to a few museums.
133
00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:32,619
We have museums here.
134
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:35,129
I think we're still
a couple of days away.
135
00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:38,300
But when I get back, I'm going
to walk through that door...
136
00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:41,800
and we're going
to S-C-R-E-W...
137
00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:42,970
Ooh!
138
00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:44,423
Right on the kitchen floor.
139
00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:46,549
Mmm. I love it
when you spell it.
140
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:49,060
Definitely. Or we could
do it in the bedroom.
141
00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:50,345
Thank you.
142
00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:53,557
Or we could start in the kitchen,
then move up to the bedroom.
143
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:56,109
Bye.
Have fun.
144
00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:58,110
Be safe!
145
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:00,063
I love you.
146
00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:07,408
What is going on?
147
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,034
(SIREN WAILS)
148
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:24,588
Whoa. Sorry, sir,
I can't let you in there.
149
00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:27,098
It's okay, I'm the manager.
This is my store.
150
00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:29,806
I'm afraid your store is
closed until further notice.
151
00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:31,185
What are you
talking about?
152
00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:34,140
We can't divulge that, sir.
Police policy.
153
00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:36,725
Oh, wait a second,
you're the manager.
154
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:39,812
Do you happen to know the name of
the guy who was working last night?
155
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:43,611
Yes, Antonio.
Antonio Guzman.
156
00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:45,275
Why? Did something
happen to him?
157
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:48,116
Guzman.
158
00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:49,746
Yeah, he's dead.
159
00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:51,952
What?
160
00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:54,288
Are you sure?
161
00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:55,918
Pretty sure.
162
00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:59,794
It looks like your friend was
ripped apart by a wild animal.
163
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,173
Jesus!
164
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:03,334
We're dealing with
one sick son of a
165
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:05,636
Took the victim's skin.
166
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:09,265
(STAMMERING)
Are there... any leads?
167
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:12,219
Or fingerprints?
Or did they...?
168
00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:15,556
Slow down, guy. We only
got here two hours ago.
169
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:18,687
We strung up this yellow
tape, which took a while.
170
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:21,861
So, you knew
the victim well?
171
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,864
Yeah, he's a friend.
172
00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:26,946
He just became
an American citizen.
173
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:28,743
And that made you angry.
174
00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:31,496
No, it made me happy.
I was happy for him.
175
00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:33,369
Then why did
you kill him?
176
00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:35,868
I didn't kill him.
177
00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:39,587
What are you
talking about?
178
00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:42,840
Why are you
staring at me like that?
179
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:47,508
Just kidding. Come on, maybe
you can help ID the body.
180
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:50,389
Back here. I had you going, though.
Man!
181
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:01,185
(THE SOUNDS OF SILENCE
PLAYING IN SPANISH)
182
00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:06,940
(EXHALES)
183
00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:14,698
NEWSCASTER ON TV: The victim has
been identified as Antonio Guzman.
184
00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,832
Here's what police told us
about the attack.
185
00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:19,164
BRESSMAN: We will do
the best we can...
186
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:22,206
but I, for one, would like to put
some of the responsibility...
187
00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:24,045
on the citizens
of this town.
188
00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:26,092
(SCOFFS) There are only
eight cops in this town,
189
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,386
and there's
thousands of you guys.
190
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:31,845
Not to point fingers
or anything, but...
191
00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:34,892
Stay with us for the latest
details on this developing story.
192
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:36,724
Back to you, Gail.
193
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:39,397
(ANTE UP PLAYING)
194
00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:43,939
(CHEERING)
195
00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:45,565
(HORN BLARING)
196
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:49,362
That's the half, and as the players
march into the locker room...
197
00:10:49,524 --> 00:10:51,026
we're going to be joined
on the field by, um...
198
00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:54,033
Evan Trautwig.
199
00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:12,673
Did anyone here cry themselves
to sleep last night?
200
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:14,428
(CROWD SNICKERING)
201
00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:17,810
It's okay.
You can laugh.
202
00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:20,472
Laughter is a common
expression of grief.
203
00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:22,766
And yes, I did cry...
204
00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:25,944
because a man was
killed yesterday.
205
00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:30,403
But tonight, my tears
have turned to fists.
206
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:33,367
(BLOWS RASPBERRY) Because whoever
did this is still out there.
207
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:34,535
BOY: Who is this guy?
208
00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:37,990
And we need to stop him
before he strikes again!
209
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,037
(BLOWS RASPBERRY) Oh, he struck again.
(BOYS LAUGHING)
210
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:41,914
EVAN: No more murders!
211
00:11:41,993 --> 00:11:43,245
Shh!
212
00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:46,548
EVAN: Because
our society has rules.
213
00:11:46,998 --> 00:11:49,376
And one of
those rules is...
214
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:53,638
you can't kill someone
and take their skin!
215
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,510
That's not cool.
216
00:11:57,300 --> 00:12:01,771
So, with that in mind, I am
forming a neighborhood watch.
217
00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:04,979
A task force of
concerned citizens
218
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:08,312
to solve the murder
of Antonio Guzman.
219
00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:12,108
To keep an eye on any and all
suspicious activities...
220
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:14,651
and generally...
221
00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:17,036
get to the bottom
of things.
222
00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:19,493
Thank you.
223
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,165
(MARCHING BAND PLAYING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
224
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:49,023
Okay. Solid turnout.
225
00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:50,903
Thanks everybody
for coming.
226
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:52,401
You're that guy
from Costco, right?
227
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,357
Yes. I am that guy.
228
00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:55,741
Okay.
229
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:57,527
EVAN: All right. You want to--?
(DOORBELL RINGS)
230
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:58,736
Oh.
231
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,197
One more concerned citizen.
232
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:01,532
Do you mind if I look around
the place a little bit?
233
00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:04,000
Looks like you have
a lot of knickknacks.
234
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,207
Oh, wow. Hi.
235
00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:09,042
Neighborhood watch
meeting is...?
236
00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:11,424
Yes. Really?
Yeah.
237
00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:13,843
Great. I'm Evan.
I'm Jamarcus.
238
00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:15,545
Great to meet you.
Good to meet you.
239
00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:18,591
Great, that's great. I was hoping
another person would come...
240
00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:20,929
and you're the best type
of person it could be.
241
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:25,021
Actually, I couldn't have even
hoped for someone like you.
242
00:13:25,096 --> 00:13:27,599
I'm so pleased to have
this effect this early.
243
00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:29,605
Terrific, this is exciting.
Come on in.
244
00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:31,519
I'm excited, too.
Great.
245
00:13:31,686 --> 00:13:33,939
Most people are disappointed
when they meet me which is so...
246
00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:35,903
British?
lam, and you're American.
247
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:37,112
Yeah.
248
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,402
This looks like it's from
Thailand or something.
249
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:42,075
I don't know what it is.
Beautiful.
250
00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:45,124
Oh, my God! There's
another doll in here.
251
00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:46,951
Hi, look at this.
There's a doll in here.
252
00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:49,833
Man, look at this thing. Oh,
my God, there's another one.
253
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:51,418
Look at this.
Did you know that?
254
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:52,840
Yeah. I did.
255
00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:54,462
It's a Russian nesting doll.
Do you want to have a seat?
256
00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:56,507
That's incredible.
Look at that little doll.
257
00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:59,009
Oh, my goodness, look at that.
It keeps going.
258
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,174
It keeps going, there's more.
There's more dolls in here.
259
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:02,342
They call them
nesting dolls.
260
00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:03,768
You want to sit down?
We can start the meeting.
261
00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:05,428
There's more dolls. You have
one doll, you have another.
262
00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:07,017
I put this on
top of this doll.
263
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,274
I just have to see. I have
to get to the bottom of it.
264
00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:10,433
You're kidding me.
265
00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,394
Okay, why don't
we start the meeting?
266
00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:14,229
You're not going to tell me
that goes again.
267
00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:15,521
What's that?
268
00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:19,026
Guys, there's another one.
269
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,193
Where can I pick
one of these up?
270
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:21,323
I'm not sure.
271
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:23,200
Want to sit down?
We can get going.
272
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:25,281
I'm going to jump
in here and do this.
273
00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:26,950
Let's make party
out of this thing, right?
274
00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:28,163
Here's some handbooks.
275
00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:30,620
Uh-huh.
276
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,876
All right.
My name is Evan.
277
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:34,632
I want to thank
you all for coming...
278
00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:37,260
and I thought we'd start out by
just getting to know each other.
279
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,591
Maybe we each stand up,
say who we are...
280
00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:42,598
why we joined up, what it's
all about for us, okay?
281
00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:44,759
You have any beers
while we get acquainted?
282
00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:47,475
Beers? No, no beers.
283
00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:49,059
All right,
I'll start this off.
284
00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:51,641
My name is Bob,
with a (CHUCKLES)
285
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:52,900
Welcome, Bob.
286
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:55,653
I love the town. I love my
wife, I love my daughter.
287
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,898
And I love getting a chance
to hang with the guys.
288
00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:00,074
So, I'm really into
what you're doing here.
289
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,327
Once a week, away from
the wife and kids.
290
00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:05,580
Telling some dirty jokes, having
some beers, if we're good.
291
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:09,243
I really look forward to getting a
chance at tearing this shit up.
292
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:10,827
Really fucking it up.
293
00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:12,833
Great. Thank you, Bob.
294
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:15,131
Really great to meet you, bub.
You, too, pal.
295
00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:16,332
Uh...
296
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:21,262
That was a great speech.
297
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,424
I'm Franklin.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
298
00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:25,554
Welcome, Franklin.
299
00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:26,680
Yeah.
300
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:30,814
A few years ago, I dropped
out of high school.
301
00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:32,690
I wasn't feeling
the vibe.
302
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:35,477
I wanted to become a member of
the Glenview Police Department.
303
00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:39,526
I guess they didn't see
the magic that was me.
304
00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:42,613
Apparently, I didn't
pass the written exam...
305
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:46,700
or the physical exam,
or the mental health exam.
306
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:48,615
Whatever that means.
307
00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:52,794
So, here I am with
this vigilante squad.
308
00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:54,587
And I figure,
that's the best way
309
00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:56,039
to work through
my emotional shit...
310
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:57,544
and bust some heads
in the process.
311
00:15:57,874 --> 00:16:00,798
Okay. Just to be clear,
we're not a vigilante squad.
312
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,634
Vigilante squad, militia... Whatever
you're going for, doesn't matter.
313
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,390
No, not a militia
or a vigilante squad.
314
00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:07,550
Every group
needs a wild card...
315
00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:09,890
and I think it's safe
to say we found ours.
316
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:10,970
L dig it.
317
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:12,225
Thank you, Franklin.
318
00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:13,810
You got a good one here.
319
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,145
What are you about?
320
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:19,900
Hello, my name is Jamarcus. I'm
recently very happily divorced...
321
00:16:20,021 --> 00:16:23,070
and just looking to get more
involved in the local community.
322
00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:26,573
Well, that was simple.
Welcome, Jamarcus.
323
00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:30,749
Also, I have this one
scenario in my mind...
324
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:33,035
that I'm kind of hoping
plays out like this.
325
00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:37,588
Young, sexy, Asian housewife.
Alone at night, frightened.
326
00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:39,749
A noise out
by the trash cans.
327
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,876
Best call
the Neighborhood Watch.
328
00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:45,547
I show up, look heroic
and then, get this...
329
00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:48,391
She sucks my balls.
330
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:51,268
(IMITATES GUNSHOT)
331
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:52,766
Hear me now.
332
00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,771
I'm also interested
in that happening to me.
333
00:16:58,226 --> 00:17:01,776
Okay, well,
Jamarcus, Bob, Franklin.
334
00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:04,448
I guess it doesn't matter
what brought us all here.
335
00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:07,201
What matters is that we're
all united in one cause.
336
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:09,699
And, with that,
I would like to welcome
337
00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:12,453
you all to the first
official meeting of...
338
00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:14,959
the Neighborhood Watch.
339
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:16,456
(SOFTLY) Yay!
340
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:19,961
Now, I've taken
the liberty...
341
00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:23,467
of dividing Glenview
into 12 sectors.
342
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:25,344
Though some might argue
there are 13...
343
00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:27,888
if you abide by the Yorktown
Zoning Commission ruling.
344
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,300
I'm not buying it, but I'm
not from Honeywell County.
345
00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:31,558
Thank God.
346
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:33,011
I'm sorry to be
the squeaky wheel...
347
00:17:33,094 --> 00:17:35,517
but it feels like you have
a lot of dense material...
348
00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:36,973
that you're starting
to go through here.
349
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:40,310
And to be honest with you, my house
is about five blocks away...
350
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,895
and I just
fixed her up.
351
00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:45,107
Gentlemen, I got drinks, I got
La-Z-Boys, I got flat screens.
352
00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:47,196
I got the whole nine. I know
you guys are going to love it.
353
00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:48,401
I just want to
throw it out there.
354
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:49,986
If I'm overstepping,
just say the word...
355
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:52,242
and you're not going to hear another
squeak from this little wheel.
356
00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:53,910
Well, honestly...
357
00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:56,789
That sounds a fuck-load better than this.
No offense.
358
00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:58,084
I don't even know
why I'm still sitting here.
359
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,457
I'm going to go
warm up the car.
360
00:17:59,662 --> 00:18:01,460
BOB: You're going to love this place.
It's awesome.
361
00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:05,171
Gentlemen...
362
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:07,633
Welcome to paradise.
363
00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:10,764
Oh, yes.
364
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:13,176
BOB: I'm a construction
manager, and...
365
00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:15,845
I built this little slice of
heaven with my own two hands.
366
00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:19,266
It's so nice. I love it.
I'll set up over there.
367
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:20,440
You have a pool table.
368
00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:24,692
Yeah, I just got it re-felted. Go
ahead and take her for a spin.
369
00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:26,356
Hey, you like
that thing, huh?
370
00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:28,024
It feels like this chair
is inside me, Robert.
371
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,238
That is the best
$2,300 I ever spent.
372
00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:32,241
I got it at a place called
relaxtheback.com.
373
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,288
It's like Toys "R" Us
for your ass and back.
374
00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:36,957
It feels like a thousand little baby
wizards are massaging my ass cheeks...
375
00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:38,580
with their little
baby wands.
376
00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:41,538
Powerful imagery, brother. I'm
digging where he's coming from.
377
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:43,544
Handbooks. Boom.
378
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,296
What's your poison?
You down with Scotch?
379
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:47,047
No poison.
Scotch and yes.
380
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,719
No poison.
Scotch and yes.
381
00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:50,801
No.
Scotch and yes!
382
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,260
EVAN: We got a lot
of ground to cover
383
00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:53,307
and we're already
an hour behind.
384
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:55,976
So, why don't we just dig in and then
we can get to whatever afterwards?
385
00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:57,144
Guitar.
386
00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:59,392
Come on, Evan, we're just
bonding a little bit.
387
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,099
Tell me about yourself.
I know you got a wife.
388
00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:02,559
Do you have any kids?
How old?
389
00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:05,645
Uh, zero years old.
No kids.
390
00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:06,695
That's a shame.
391
00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:09,320
I couldn't imagine my life
without my little Chelsea.
392
00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:13,073
Being a parent is unbelievable.
That's great.
393
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,405
CHELSEA: Dad, can I go
to a movie at 11?
394
00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:17,577
Hell, no!
It's a weeknight!
395
00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:19,326
But Mandy and
Judy are going.
396
00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,786
Mandy? Thank you
for proving my point.
397
00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:24,748
Mandy's dead weight, she's a succubus.
I told you that.
398
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:27,333
Dad, I'm trying to talk to you
like an adult, and you just--
399
00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:29,510
Don't want to listen!
That's right, so skedaddle.
400
00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:30,882
Get up there and
do your homework.
401
00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:32,838
Are you serious?
I fucking hate it here.
402
00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:34,924
I fucking love it here!
403
00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:38,094
That's my little princess.
That's my little angel, Chelsea.
404
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,850
I'm sorry I didn't get a
chance to introduce you guys.
405
00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:42,770
How about some drinks?
Fresh horses for my men.
406
00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:44,058
Yes, thank you.
407
00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:45,267
BOB: Get in there,
Frankfurter!
408
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:46,440
Yeah.
No.
409
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:47,987
BOB: Come on, Evaroo.
410
00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:49,696
No, thanks. You'll be
bummed if you don't.
411
00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:51,528
Can I interest anyone
in some finger foods?
412
00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:53,325
I got to order some pies
up in this thing, right?
413
00:19:53,401 --> 00:19:56,621
Okay, you know what? You guys got
your own thing going on there.
414
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:59,540
I am going to
put up some fliers.
415
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,451
Come on,
have one drink.
416
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,460
No?
I'll see you guys.
417
00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,713
Okay. See you
tomorrow night.
418
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:07,965
Same Bob time.
Same Bob place.
419
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,968
Hey, fella!
What are you doing?
420
00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:19,684
There you are.
421
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,309
1162 Jerome Park Drive.
422
00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:23,472
Excuse me?
423
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,729
I'm 1157 Jerome Park Drive.
424
00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:27,981
Name's Paul.
I just moved in.
425
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,479
EVAN: Oh.
426
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:32,903
Oh, sorry. I'm Evan, hi.
427
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:34,237
Evan.
428
00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:37,286
Evan Trautwig, subscriber
to Men's Fitness.
429
00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:40,324
Oh, yeah, that's mine.
430
00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:42,784
Thank you.
Not that you need it.
431
00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:44,706
Excuse me?
432
00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:47,914
You got the body of
a decathlete, Evan.
433
00:20:49,623 --> 00:20:51,125
And you got great skin.
434
00:20:52,668 --> 00:20:56,013
You live here alone
in this big old house?
435
00:20:56,172 --> 00:20:59,642
No, I live with my wife.
436
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,518
My female wife, Abby.
437
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,518
I'm going to go inside now.
Mmm.
438
00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:11,187
All right, Evan Trautwig,
nice to meet you.
439
00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:12,821
Stay fit.
440
00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:15,199
Evan Trautwig!
441
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:17,033
Yeah.
442
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,703
It was really cute. We all
got our own puff paints...
443
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:25,956
and made these little
customized onesies.
444
00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:30,548
Wow. So, you started
another club.
445
00:21:30,706 --> 00:21:34,802
No, it's not a club. It's a task
force of concerned citizens.
446
00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:37,050
I went to the Spartan's game
and made a speech.
447
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:38,551
And the community
really responded.
448
00:21:40,007 --> 00:21:43,637
Guess who peed on an ovulation
stick on the plane?
449
00:21:43,719 --> 00:21:45,346
You?
Yep
450
00:21:45,805 --> 00:21:47,899
It's kind of faint, but I
think there's two pink lines.
451
00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:49,691
Yeah? I can't tell.
452
00:21:49,767 --> 00:21:51,144
Well, I think we
should do it anyway.
453
00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:52,729
I would love to do it.
Just to be safe.
454
00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:54,155
Mmm. Mmm.
455
00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:57,651
But I got to go meet the Neighborhood
Watch guys for a patrol.
456
00:21:57,733 --> 00:22:00,737
Evan, you promised.
457
00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:04,290
I know, but I also promised Antonio's
family that I would catch his killer.
458
00:22:04,573 --> 00:22:05,574
I made a vow.
459
00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:06,659
Okay, okay.
460
00:22:06,742 --> 00:22:08,210
It's a great
group of guys.
461
00:22:08,369 --> 00:22:10,337
Really. I'm very excited.
462
00:22:10,913 --> 00:22:13,666
Here we go. Badass
jackets for the Watch.
463
00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:15,797
I went to the mall this morning
and I had them made up.
464
00:22:15,876 --> 00:22:17,093
Get them
while they're hot.
465
00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:18,216
JAMARCUS: Let's do it.
466
00:22:19,171 --> 00:22:20,764
Got your names on them.
467
00:22:21,423 --> 00:22:23,425
All right, Bob,
this is great.
468
00:22:26,053 --> 00:22:27,225
What happened
to my logo?
469
00:22:27,930 --> 00:22:31,935
This is just like your initial
logo, only now it's awesome.
470
00:22:32,017 --> 00:22:33,360
This has nothing to do
with my original logo.
471
00:22:33,435 --> 00:22:37,030
My logo was an eye that was
watching over the neighborhood.
472
00:22:37,106 --> 00:22:39,905
I don't know what this is.
A tiger with wings?
473
00:22:39,984 --> 00:22:41,110
Exactly.
474
00:22:41,193 --> 00:22:43,696
This is a tiger,
who's fierce and sleek.
475
00:22:43,863 --> 00:22:45,786
But it's got wings, so it
flies above the neighborhood.
476
00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:48,584
And if it sees a domestic
problem, it kills it.
477
00:22:48,784 --> 00:22:51,162
The other thing is,
your original one is here.
478
00:22:51,287 --> 00:22:52,413
FRANKLIN: Got the eye
right there on the side.
479
00:22:52,580 --> 00:22:53,957
It's always on the side.
480
00:22:54,123 --> 00:22:56,217
That's weird, because it's
like an eye on the shoulder...
481
00:22:56,292 --> 00:22:57,635
but there's
a tiger on your back.
482
00:22:57,710 --> 00:22:58,711
Weird, how?
483
00:22:58,794 --> 00:22:59,966
What are we,
the Flaming Tigers?
484
00:23:00,129 --> 00:23:01,221
Because that's
what it looks like.
485
00:23:01,297 --> 00:23:02,469
We're the Flaming
Flying Tigers.
486
00:23:02,798 --> 00:23:03,845
It makes no sense.
487
00:23:03,924 --> 00:23:05,221
Are you out of your mind?
488
00:23:05,301 --> 00:23:06,894
This is inspiring
for the Watch.
489
00:23:06,969 --> 00:23:09,563
Vvhenever you have a
tiger, flames and wings,
490
00:23:09,638 --> 00:23:10,981
all on the same logo...
491
00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:14,151
it's like the Chinese symbol for
"Shut the fuck up and dance!"
492
00:23:14,268 --> 00:23:16,020
This is inspiring
for the Watch.
493
00:23:16,103 --> 00:23:17,571
I don't know. What, are
we in a doo-wop group?
494
00:23:17,646 --> 00:23:20,399
Are we're going to stand over a
garbage can with fire and harmonize?
495
00:23:20,482 --> 00:23:21,825
I would see
this doo-wop group.
496
00:23:21,984 --> 00:23:25,204
For your information, doo-wop
groups were known to close ass.
497
00:23:25,279 --> 00:23:27,828
Singing was their hobby.
Closing ass was their job.
498
00:23:27,907 --> 00:23:29,454
The baritone from Boyz Il Men
had to stop making music...
499
00:23:29,533 --> 00:23:30,750
because he got
so much pussy.
500
00:23:30,826 --> 00:23:32,749
Thank you. They're
like ass collectors.
501
00:23:32,828 --> 00:23:34,876
This is not about fashion.
This is about brotherhood.
502
00:23:34,955 --> 00:23:37,253
This is about solidarity. You
should get that more than anybody.
503
00:23:37,333 --> 00:23:38,380
He's actually right.
504
00:23:38,459 --> 00:23:41,008
Pigs have uniforms. I think
we should have uniforms, too.
505
00:23:41,170 --> 00:23:43,013
We have to match those
fuckers on every level.
506
00:23:43,172 --> 00:23:44,799
You understand?
Every level.
507
00:23:44,965 --> 00:23:48,469
Can I just say, Bob,
that these are the shits?
508
00:23:48,969 --> 00:23:50,016
Just "the shit."
509
00:23:50,846 --> 00:23:53,850
These are just shit.
510
00:23:55,684 --> 00:23:58,984
Okay, you know what?
Fine, I'll wear it.
511
00:23:59,146 --> 00:24:00,819
But you have to promise
me that tonight...
512
00:24:00,981 --> 00:24:02,858
we're actually going
to do something. Okay?
513
00:24:03,025 --> 00:24:04,322
Absolutely.
For sure.
514
00:24:04,610 --> 00:24:06,829
Gentlemen, we're part
of more than a club.
515
00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:08,038
We're part of
a way of life.
516
00:24:08,155 --> 00:24:10,157
We're making a commitment to
ourselves and to the Watch today.
517
00:24:10,324 --> 00:24:11,450
Get your hands
in here, Evan.
518
00:24:11,533 --> 00:24:12,659
Get that pretty
hand in there.
519
00:24:12,785 --> 00:24:15,880
On three, let me hear you singing
out with pride in your hearts.
520
00:24:16,038 --> 00:24:18,666
Neighborhood Watch.
One, two, three.
521
00:24:18,874 --> 00:24:20,046
ALL: Neighborhood Watch.
522
00:24:22,962 --> 00:24:24,384
FRANKLIN: Yeah,
this is boring.
523
00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:26,761
Franklin's right. We're not going
to sit here all night, are we?
524
00:24:26,966 --> 00:24:30,812
Yeah, guys, we are, if we need to.
It's a stakeout.
525
00:24:31,345 --> 00:24:34,690
I don't mean to sound childish,
but I do have to pee.
526
00:24:35,015 --> 00:24:36,267
You should have
peed earlier.
527
00:24:36,350 --> 00:24:38,694
I'm sorry, as an adult, you're
just going to have to hold it.
528
00:24:39,895 --> 00:24:41,647
How are you doing, Jamarcus?
Ready.
529
00:24:41,730 --> 00:24:43,983
I still have to pee. The liquid comes
in, the liquid's got to come out.
530
00:24:44,066 --> 00:24:45,158
I got to piss.
531
00:24:45,234 --> 00:24:47,282
Why don't you just pee in this?
BOB: Oh, great.
532
00:24:47,653 --> 00:24:48,825
That's a good idea.
533
00:24:48,904 --> 00:24:50,156
Don't pee in that.
534
00:24:50,322 --> 00:24:51,744
I'm mounting up to piss.
535
00:24:51,824 --> 00:24:52,996
No, you're not
going to pee in a can.
536
00:24:53,075 --> 00:24:54,167
Why not?
No, Bob.
537
00:24:54,243 --> 00:24:55,995
I'm not going to miss
anything. I'm a good shot,
538
00:24:56,078 --> 00:24:57,079
I'm going to get it perfect.
Open the door.
539
00:24:57,162 --> 00:24:58,755
I've taken lots of road trips.
I've always done that shit.
540
00:24:58,831 --> 00:24:59,832
No. Piss out the door.
541
00:24:59,915 --> 00:25:01,167
And blow our
stakeout position?
542
00:25:01,250 --> 00:25:02,297
You're not going
to pee in a can.
543
00:25:02,376 --> 00:25:04,595
I'd never hear the end of it from you
if I blew our stakeout position.
544
00:25:04,670 --> 00:25:05,671
There's no shot.
545
00:25:05,754 --> 00:25:07,256
I got to mount up.
I'm mounting up.
546
00:25:08,007 --> 00:25:11,932
Okay, in we're going. Oh, my
God, we're going. (URINATING)
547
00:25:12,136 --> 00:25:14,514
I've had to pee
so bad for so long,
548
00:25:14,596 --> 00:25:15,973
it's borderline sexual,
Evaroo.
549
00:25:16,098 --> 00:25:17,941
I'm not missing, either.
Tell him.
550
00:25:18,100 --> 00:25:19,272
It's incredibly
controlled, Evan.
551
00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:20,352
It's like he's
threading a needle.
552
00:25:20,436 --> 00:25:22,859
I know I'm okay because I can feel
the steel right around the tip.
553
00:25:22,938 --> 00:25:25,532
I've got the mushroom pushed
right against the cold steel.
554
00:25:25,607 --> 00:25:27,701
Bob, hit me with a beat.
Hit me with a stop and go.
555
00:25:27,776 --> 00:25:28,777
Stop it.
(STOPS URINATING)
556
00:25:28,861 --> 00:25:29,862
Make it happen.
(CONTINUES URINATING)
557
00:25:29,945 --> 00:25:30,912
Stop it.
558
00:25:30,988 --> 00:25:31,989
Make it happen.
559
00:25:32,072 --> 00:25:33,665
Stop it.
Make it happen.
560
00:25:34,199 --> 00:25:35,200
You're killing it.
561
00:25:35,284 --> 00:25:36,877
And we're done.
562
00:25:36,952 --> 00:25:37,999
Well done.
563
00:25:38,078 --> 00:25:39,500
Thank you.
That was a good idea.
564
00:25:39,580 --> 00:25:40,877
Would you be a pal
and hold this for me?
565
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,088
Oh, come on!
That's enough.
566
00:25:43,250 --> 00:25:45,469
I'm busting your chain!
567
00:25:45,627 --> 00:25:47,755
Hey, did I miss anything
while I was pissing?
568
00:25:47,921 --> 00:25:49,798
Did we catch the killer?
(CACKLING)
569
00:25:49,965 --> 00:25:51,433
Lighten up, big guy!
570
00:25:51,967 --> 00:25:54,265
I'm glad you think
this is so funny, Bob.
571
00:25:54,428 --> 00:25:56,556
I'm glad you think this
is a laugh riot, okay?
572
00:25:56,722 --> 00:25:59,316
Let's all have a laugh
while Antonio Guzman's killer
573
00:25:59,433 --> 00:26:01,276
continues to roam free.
574
00:26:01,435 --> 00:26:03,654
You know what?
He's right.
575
00:26:03,812 --> 00:26:05,485
That sicko's probably
out there right now,
576
00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:07,566
staring at us
from a distance.
577
00:26:07,733 --> 00:26:09,485
Beating the living
shit out of his dick.
578
00:26:09,651 --> 00:26:11,904
Reliving his sick fantasy.
579
00:26:12,696 --> 00:26:13,868
(POPS)
580
00:26:14,156 --> 00:26:15,499
What are you doing?
581
00:26:16,325 --> 00:26:17,747
Popping a top.
582
00:26:17,910 --> 00:26:19,753
No, you can't do that.
Why not?
583
00:26:19,912 --> 00:26:21,255
It's against the law,
it's illegal.
584
00:26:21,330 --> 00:26:22,331
You can't have
open alcohol in a car.
585
00:26:22,498 --> 00:26:25,092
The car's not moving. There's
not even a key in the ignition.
586
00:26:25,250 --> 00:26:26,342
Doesn't matter.
587
00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:28,637
Franklin, you failed the police test.
Is this illegal?
588
00:26:28,921 --> 00:26:30,423
It's definitely illegal.
589
00:26:30,589 --> 00:26:32,762
But I also failed the boring
test, you know what I'm saying?
590
00:26:32,883 --> 00:26:33,930
I dig it.
Hook me up.
591
00:26:34,510 --> 00:26:37,104
I'm going to drink
this little, little cervezas.
592
00:26:37,179 --> 00:26:41,275
All right, Jamarky-Mark? Cannonball
coming at you, coming in hot.
593
00:26:41,350 --> 00:26:42,772
Evaroo,
you want to hold off?
594
00:26:42,851 --> 00:26:44,103
I don't blame you,
you're driving.
595
00:26:44,186 --> 00:26:46,530
Hey, to great times.
And doing it right.
596
00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:47,697
JAMARCUS:
To criminality.
597
00:26:47,689 --> 00:26:49,862
FRANKLIN: Evan, tasty cervezas.
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
598
00:26:49,942 --> 00:26:51,194
Keep it low, guys.
Seriously.
599
00:26:51,276 --> 00:26:53,779
Put it low, put it between your knees.
Even lower.
600
00:26:53,862 --> 00:26:55,284
I've been here
many times, trust me.
601
00:26:55,364 --> 00:26:57,162
Act like nothing's
going on, you're fine.
602
00:26:57,241 --> 00:26:59,289
FRANKLIN: Fucking guys.
603
00:27:02,121 --> 00:27:03,247
Hello, officers.
604
00:27:03,330 --> 00:27:05,628
Evening, gentlemen. Are you
doing a little cruising?
605
00:27:06,500 --> 00:27:09,470
No, officers.
We're actually on...
606
00:27:10,170 --> 00:27:11,467
Neighborhood Watch business.
607
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:15,305
Hide your bong, Chucho!
Neighborhood Watch is here.
608
00:27:16,552 --> 00:27:18,725
Sergeant,
do you remember me?
609
00:27:18,804 --> 00:27:19,805
BRESSMAN: No.
610
00:27:19,888 --> 00:27:23,483
Have I arrested you before?
I'm not so good with faces.
611
00:27:23,559 --> 00:27:24,731
(SIGHS IN EXASPERATION)
Not good with faces.
612
00:27:25,060 --> 00:27:29,031
You're a cop. What do you mean
you're not good with faces?
613
00:27:29,398 --> 00:27:30,866
I don't see
the connection.
614
00:27:31,024 --> 00:27:32,901
But what I have been seeing
are these babies.
615
00:27:33,068 --> 00:27:34,160
How's it been going?
616
00:27:34,236 --> 00:27:36,830
Good, actually.
Very good.
617
00:27:36,905 --> 00:27:37,952
Great.
618
00:27:38,031 --> 00:27:40,910
We thought we'd start here at the
Costco and stake it out for a while.
619
00:27:41,410 --> 00:27:43,754
Because as you know, most killers
return to the scene of the crime.
620
00:27:44,163 --> 00:27:45,756
Oh, of course they do.
621
00:27:45,873 --> 00:27:48,877
The killer always returns
to the scene of the crime.
622
00:27:49,710 --> 00:27:53,715
So, fancy seeing
you here, Trautwig.
623
00:27:53,881 --> 00:27:55,178
At the scene
of the crime.
624
00:27:55,924 --> 00:27:57,267
I don't know
what that means.
625
00:27:57,426 --> 00:28:00,350
It means it's super-suspicious
that you're here right now.
626
00:28:00,512 --> 00:28:03,265
And it makes me feel
like you have some secrets.
627
00:28:03,557 --> 00:28:05,104
Well, I don't.
628
00:28:07,019 --> 00:28:11,024
Anyhoo, when you fellas
finish playing Hardy Boys...
629
00:28:11,273 --> 00:28:12,570
don't forget to
pay this ticket
630
00:28:12,649 --> 00:28:15,277
for those open
alcohol containers.
631
00:28:19,615 --> 00:28:23,540
And, this one is for putting up
200 fliers without a permit.
632
00:28:23,619 --> 00:28:24,666
What?
633
00:28:24,745 --> 00:28:25,997
I'm sorry, guys-
634
00:28:29,166 --> 00:28:30,338
You fellas
have a safe night.
635
00:28:30,876 --> 00:28:31,968
Hit it, Chucho.
636
00:28:32,461 --> 00:28:34,338
(SIREN WAILS)
637
00:28:37,382 --> 00:28:39,100
God damn it!
638
00:28:39,259 --> 00:28:41,637
I know he remembers me. He's
just messing with my head.
639
00:28:41,803 --> 00:28:43,225
You can't drink
in your car anymore?
640
00:28:43,305 --> 00:28:44,978
What the hell is
this country coming to?
641
00:28:45,057 --> 00:28:46,809
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
642
00:28:47,434 --> 00:28:49,061
Evan Trautwig.
643
00:28:49,561 --> 00:28:51,905
Yes. Of course.
644
00:28:52,481 --> 00:28:55,325
Noise complaint at
the football field.
645
00:28:55,984 --> 00:28:57,611
This is it, guys.
646
00:28:58,403 --> 00:28:59,620
It's our first call.
647
00:28:59,696 --> 00:29:01,414
Hell, yeah! Let's roll.
648
00:29:01,657 --> 00:29:03,500
Let's do it.
649
00:29:10,707 --> 00:29:12,380
(TIRES SCREECHING)
650
00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:25,605
Do you see anything?
651
00:29:25,764 --> 00:29:26,765
Uh-uh.
652
00:29:30,519 --> 00:29:31,771
Hello?
BOB: What the hell?
653
00:29:31,853 --> 00:29:32,945
Turn off the lights!
654
00:29:33,230 --> 00:29:34,231
Ahh!
655
00:29:35,023 --> 00:29:36,115
(ALL GROANING)
FRANKLIN: I'm mu
656
00:29:36,191 --> 00:29:37,943
BOB: What the fuck
is going on?
657
00:29:38,110 --> 00:29:39,612
FRANKLIN: Robert,
we're getting ambushed!
658
00:29:39,778 --> 00:29:40,870
BOB: What's happening?
659
00:29:41,613 --> 00:29:42,785
We're getting egged.
It's raining egg!
660
00:29:42,948 --> 00:29:44,120
We came to help!
661
00:29:44,283 --> 00:29:45,705
Yolks on you,
ass-wipes!
662
00:29:45,867 --> 00:29:47,119
Yolks on me?
663
00:29:47,202 --> 00:29:49,125
A fucking pun! I'm going
to kill this kid.
664
00:29:50,122 --> 00:29:51,214
I'm going to kill you.
665
00:29:51,373 --> 00:29:52,374
FRANKLIN: God damn it!
666
00:29:52,541 --> 00:29:53,667
They're getting away, Bob!
667
00:29:53,834 --> 00:29:54,881
No, they're not.
668
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:58,715
Because one of us is the founder
of the Glenview Running Club!
669
00:30:05,846 --> 00:30:07,689
(YELLS)
(GRUNTS)
670
00:30:10,058 --> 00:30:11,856
Yeah, you fucked
him up, man!
671
00:30:11,935 --> 00:30:13,482
BOB: Who's laughing now, kid?
672
00:30:13,562 --> 00:30:16,065
I bet you didn't egg-spect
to get your ass kicked.
673
00:30:16,273 --> 00:30:17,946
You throw eggs at people.
You think that's funny?
674
00:30:18,066 --> 00:30:19,318
Look at how much
pain he's in.
675
00:30:19,401 --> 00:30:20,823
Guess what you
learned tonight?
676
00:30:20,902 --> 00:30:23,496
You don't mess with
the Neighborhood Watch, baby!
677
00:30:23,572 --> 00:30:25,199
Undefeated!
678
00:30:25,574 --> 00:30:27,918
Look at Evaroo
with the high hands.
679
00:30:28,910 --> 00:30:31,038
FRANKLIN:
Shit, we got him!
680
00:30:31,621 --> 00:30:32,747
(ALL CLAMORING)
681
00:30:32,831 --> 00:30:33,832
(THE NEXT EPISODE PLAYING)
682
00:30:33,915 --> 00:30:36,088
La, da, da, da, dah It's the
motherfucking D-O-double-G
683
00:30:36,168 --> 00:30:37,715
Snoop Dogg
684
00:30:37,794 --> 00:30:41,219
La, da, da, da, dah You know
I'm mobbing with the D-R-E
685
00:30:41,798 --> 00:30:43,141
Yeah, yeah, yeah
686
00:30:43,216 --> 00:30:45,344
You know who's back up
in this motherfucker
687
00:30:45,427 --> 00:30:47,771
Motherfucker
688
00:30:48,388 --> 00:30:49,480
A-ha!
689
00:30:49,556 --> 00:30:52,435
That's right.
Neighborhood Watch.
690
00:30:52,517 --> 00:30:54,019
Suck a fat dick, Chucho.
691
00:30:55,395 --> 00:30:56,772
What's going
on here, guys?
692
00:30:56,938 --> 00:30:58,736
Egging, Sergeant.
693
00:30:59,608 --> 00:31:01,406
This guy's an egger.
Eggs, huh?
694
00:31:01,568 --> 00:31:03,616
Yeah, eggs.
The coward's weapon.
695
00:31:03,779 --> 00:31:04,905
It's good you
brought him in.
696
00:31:04,988 --> 00:31:09,038
And then he tried to run away
on his little skitterboard.
697
00:31:09,117 --> 00:31:10,118
Did you really? Hmm?
698
00:31:11,411 --> 00:31:14,631
Get back to the playground,
and the monkey bars.
699
00:31:14,790 --> 00:31:16,758
Do you think it's nice
to throw eggs at people?
700
00:31:17,209 --> 00:31:18,301
Do you?
701
00:31:18,377 --> 00:31:19,720
Answer the question.
702
00:31:19,961 --> 00:31:21,383
It's rude.
703
00:31:21,463 --> 00:31:23,636
It hurts people's feelings,
and it hurts their faces.
704
00:31:23,799 --> 00:31:26,723
And now, you deal
with the consequences.
705
00:31:26,885 --> 00:31:28,307
Homegirl's trying
to make an omelet.
706
00:31:28,470 --> 00:31:29,892
Look at me.
Look at his face.
707
00:31:30,055 --> 00:31:31,932
Look at my face. Look at
his face and listen to me.
708
00:31:32,015 --> 00:31:33,062
Look at him
and listen to me.
709
00:31:33,141 --> 00:31:34,484
Look at him
and understand me.
710
00:31:34,643 --> 00:31:36,316
Look at both of us,
but understand no one.
711
00:31:36,478 --> 00:31:38,731
Listen to my words
and hear his face.
712
00:31:38,897 --> 00:31:41,241
EVAN: Do you think it is funny to
throw an egg in somebody's face?
713
00:31:41,316 --> 00:31:42,408
FRANKLIN: You think
it's a yolk?
714
00:31:42,567 --> 00:31:44,820
I'll shove a full egg inside
your asshole and watch it hatch.
715
00:31:44,986 --> 00:31:46,784
Franklin...
Inappropriate.
716
00:31:46,947 --> 00:31:49,245
I understand, that's too far.
Sorry.
717
00:31:50,742 --> 00:31:51,789
She's all yours.
718
00:31:52,452 --> 00:31:53,499
Great work.
719
00:31:56,248 --> 00:31:58,296
Here's your bag.
720
00:32:02,504 --> 00:32:04,677
(LAUGHS) Well,
that was super weird.
721
00:32:05,173 --> 00:32:06,390
Am I under arrest?
722
00:32:06,466 --> 00:32:08,218
Of course not.
Those guys are a joke.
723
00:32:08,343 --> 00:32:09,970
Can one of you guys give me
a ride home or something?
724
00:32:10,053 --> 00:32:11,100
Fuck, no.
725
00:32:11,179 --> 00:32:13,056
I'm not a chauffeur, and
neither is Chucho over here.
726
00:32:13,140 --> 00:32:15,017
Right, buddy?
Get out of here.
727
00:32:16,852 --> 00:32:17,853
Real nice.
728
00:32:39,166 --> 00:32:40,213
Hello?
729
00:32:46,506 --> 00:32:48,850
Okay. Really hilarious.
730
00:32:49,009 --> 00:32:50,977
Quit screwing around or I'm
going to pelt somebody.
731
00:32:53,555 --> 00:32:55,853
Screw you. I'm out of here.
732
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:06,743
Leave me alone!
733
00:33:09,070 --> 00:33:10,322
Just leave me alone!
734
00:33:13,533 --> 00:33:15,376
(CAR ALARM BLARING)
735
00:33:18,413 --> 00:33:19,630
FRANKLIN:
We are fucking gods!
736
00:33:19,706 --> 00:33:20,832
(YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING YET
PLAYING)
737
00:33:20,916 --> 00:33:21,963
BOB: What did she say, Evan?
738
00:33:22,042 --> 00:33:23,544
ALL: (SINGING)
You ain't seen nothing yet
739
00:33:23,627 --> 00:33:24,674
Come back again.
740
00:33:24,753 --> 00:33:27,597
B-b-baby, you just
ain't seen nothing yet
741
00:33:28,256 --> 00:33:29,303
Tell me about it.
742
00:33:29,382 --> 00:33:30,884
(OVERLAPPING SINGING)
743
00:33:32,260 --> 00:33:33,261
What?
744
00:33:33,345 --> 00:33:36,189
B-b-baby, you just
ain't seen nothing yet
745
00:33:36,264 --> 00:33:38,232
Damn right.
You been around!
746
00:33:38,308 --> 00:33:39,355
(VOCALIZING)
747
00:33:39,434 --> 00:33:40,856
BOB: All the way
from London, England.
748
00:33:40,936 --> 00:33:43,815
Put your hands together. Make
him feel welcome, everybody.
749
00:33:44,940 --> 00:33:46,066
Now this is Jamarky-Mark.
750
00:33:46,149 --> 00:33:48,527
He said that
any love is good love
751
00:33:48,610 --> 00:33:50,203
Here we go.
752
00:33:50,278 --> 00:33:52,201
So I took what I could get
753
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:53,907
Yes, I took what I could get
754
00:33:53,990 --> 00:33:56,413
And then she looked at me
with those big, brown eyes
755
00:33:56,493 --> 00:33:58,871
(THUDS)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
756
00:33:58,954 --> 00:34:00,627
ALL: Oh, shit!
757
00:34:00,789 --> 00:34:02,257
BOB: Is everyone all right?
Are you guys okay?
758
00:34:02,332 --> 00:34:03,629
We hit someone.
759
00:34:03,708 --> 00:34:04,709
What?
760
00:34:04,793 --> 00:34:06,636
Was it a kid?
Evan, did you hit a kid?
761
00:34:06,711 --> 00:34:07,712
No. What?
762
00:34:07,796 --> 00:34:09,548
Why did you take your eyes
off the road to sing?
763
00:34:09,631 --> 00:34:11,554
There's beer and piss
all over the car.
764
00:34:11,633 --> 00:34:13,852
Everyone just stay calm for a second.
Let's focus, just relax.
765
00:34:13,927 --> 00:34:14,974
We can't calm down.
766
00:34:15,053 --> 00:34:18,148
There's open alcohol, we're inebriated.
I have weed in my pocket.
767
00:34:18,223 --> 00:34:19,896
Evan could get 15 years
to life for this.
768
00:34:19,975 --> 00:34:21,067
What?
769
00:34:21,142 --> 00:34:22,143
FRANKLIN:
Don't worry about that.
770
00:34:22,227 --> 00:34:24,446
This can't happen to me.
771
00:34:24,604 --> 00:34:27,403
Here's what we do, we focus on the living.
Just drive us out of here.
772
00:34:27,983 --> 00:34:29,656
I'm not going to drive away.
I'm going to see what it is.
773
00:34:29,734 --> 00:34:30,986
Evan?
774
00:34:39,369 --> 00:34:40,461
What is it?
775
00:34:41,329 --> 00:34:45,880
It looks like you just hit some
freakishly big fly or something.
776
00:34:49,004 --> 00:34:51,006
What the fuck
is this thing?
777
00:34:53,174 --> 00:34:56,098
It looks like an octopus
tentacle or something.
778
00:34:56,845 --> 00:35:00,019
All right, I think it's very
obvious what happened here, guys.
779
00:35:00,098 --> 00:35:02,351
It doesn't take a brain surgeon
to figure this one out.
780
00:35:02,434 --> 00:35:05,278
Evan accidently,
obviously,
781
00:35:05,353 --> 00:35:07,071
hit a crate that fell off
the back of a truck...
782
00:35:07,230 --> 00:35:10,905
that just so happened to be carrying
some freshly caught octopus...
783
00:35:11,192 --> 00:35:13,570
to a nearby
sushi establishment.
784
00:35:13,737 --> 00:35:15,660
It's octopus
and a fresh one.
785
00:35:16,031 --> 00:35:18,705
You got nothing but the thing
and the octopus and this...
786
00:35:18,783 --> 00:35:20,831
and I think we pack it in
and we know what happened.
787
00:35:21,202 --> 00:35:22,920
Okay. Worst-case scenario.
788
00:35:23,163 --> 00:35:24,460
Evan murdered
a Japanese man
789
00:35:24,539 --> 00:35:27,133
who was eating octopus while crossing
the street. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
790
00:35:27,208 --> 00:35:29,427
Come on.
I did not murder anybody.
791
00:35:29,586 --> 00:35:31,930
It doesn't matter.
Do you know why?
792
00:35:32,088 --> 00:35:33,965
Because no one's going to say
shit about this to anybody.
793
00:35:34,132 --> 00:35:37,727
Because we don't dime on our fellow
Neighborhood Watchers, okay?
794
00:35:39,679 --> 00:35:41,522
Wait a second, I've
seen this stuff before.
795
00:35:41,681 --> 00:35:44,400
Back at Costco, this was the
stuff by Antonio's body.
796
00:35:44,601 --> 00:35:46,945
Had he just won a Nickelodeon's
Kids' Choice award?
797
00:35:47,020 --> 00:35:48,488
Franklin, he was dead.
798
00:35:48,563 --> 00:35:49,610
So, he wasn't eligible.
799
00:35:49,689 --> 00:35:50,815
That's pretty amazing,
then, that he won.
800
00:35:50,899 --> 00:35:52,867
Because, usually you have
to do some sort of...
801
00:35:52,942 --> 00:35:54,785
kids-type thing
to win that award.
802
00:35:56,738 --> 00:35:58,081
(SQUISHING)
803
00:35:58,156 --> 00:35:59,157
It feels like cum.
804
00:35:59,240 --> 00:36:00,241
Ew.
805
00:36:00,325 --> 00:36:02,327
I dare anyone to touch it and
tell me it doesn't feel like cum.
806
00:36:02,410 --> 00:36:03,878
May I?
807
00:36:04,454 --> 00:36:06,127
Yeah, that's cum.
808
00:36:06,206 --> 00:36:08,425
Well, it's green. It's not
cum, it feels like cum.
809
00:36:08,500 --> 00:36:13,256
The texture, the flavor,
the color, the consistency.
810
00:36:14,464 --> 00:36:15,511
It's very cum-like.
811
00:36:15,590 --> 00:36:17,342
Hey, guys, check this out.
I found something.
812
00:36:17,759 --> 00:36:18,851
What is it?
813
00:36:18,927 --> 00:36:20,600
FRANKLIN: I don't know.
814
00:36:20,762 --> 00:36:24,357
It looks like a big, silver
basketball or something.
815
00:36:29,187 --> 00:36:30,188
What is it?
816
00:36:30,271 --> 00:36:32,069
It looks like a toy.
817
00:36:35,110 --> 00:36:36,327
What the fuck is that?
818
00:36:36,778 --> 00:36:38,872
What is going on
up here?
819
00:36:38,947 --> 00:36:40,039
We got company.
820
00:36:40,115 --> 00:36:42,868
What in the hell are you
people doing in my yard?
821
00:36:42,951 --> 00:36:45,329
Hi. Sorry, we're the
Neighborhood Watch.
822
00:36:45,412 --> 00:36:46,789
We're just out on
a nightly patrol.
823
00:36:46,871 --> 00:36:47,872
How are you doing?
I'm Evan Trautwig.
824
00:36:47,956 --> 00:36:51,005
I got your neighborhood watch
right here, sweet lips.
825
00:36:51,084 --> 00:36:52,210
EVAN: We're on
your side, sir.
826
00:36:52,293 --> 00:36:54,045
We're just wondering if you
heard anything strange...
827
00:36:54,129 --> 00:36:56,097
or just anything out of
the ordinary tonight.
828
00:36:56,214 --> 00:36:57,932
You mean like
four nitwits...
829
00:36:58,007 --> 00:37:00,635
standing around on my lawn
in the middle of the night?
830
00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:02,721
That's kind of strange,
don't you think?
831
00:37:02,804 --> 00:37:06,399
If being overly aggressive and a
little bit snippy was a crime...
832
00:37:06,474 --> 00:37:08,442
I'd be making a citizen's
arrest right now.
833
00:37:08,518 --> 00:37:11,567
Why don't you just shut your
cocksucker there, dickweed?
834
00:37:11,646 --> 00:37:14,650
We're taking time out of our busy
schedules to help the neighborhood...
835
00:37:14,774 --> 00:37:15,991
so, I think you could
just-- (CELL PHONE RINGING)
836
00:37:16,067 --> 00:37:18,240
Excuse me.
I got a phone call, here.
837
00:37:19,362 --> 00:37:20,579
Hey, Bill.
"Bill."
838
00:37:20,655 --> 00:37:23,249
I got four members of the
Baby-sitters Club up here...
839
00:37:23,324 --> 00:37:24,621
It's the Neighborhood Watch.
840
00:37:24,701 --> 00:37:27,045
...trying to solve some kind of
mystery before beddy-bye time.
841
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:29,088
I'll call you back later.
842
00:37:29,497 --> 00:37:32,876
It's okay, sir, we get it.
Thank you. (COCKS RIFLE)
843
00:37:33,001 --> 00:37:34,674
You guys,
I'm going to count to ten.
844
00:37:34,753 --> 00:37:36,005
You know what?
Let's start again.
845
00:37:36,087 --> 00:37:37,259
I'm going to
count to ten!
846
00:37:37,338 --> 00:37:38,385
He wants to count.
847
00:37:38,465 --> 00:37:39,887
Steal that cool ball.
848
00:37:40,091 --> 00:37:42,389
Two. Three.
849
00:37:42,469 --> 00:37:43,436
Nice to meet you.
850
00:37:43,511 --> 00:37:44,763
Fuck you, Curly.
851
00:37:45,138 --> 00:37:46,139
Four
852
00:37:46,222 --> 00:37:49,567
Get in your goddamn soccer
mom van and move on out.
853
00:37:50,852 --> 00:37:53,571
Neighborhood Watch,
what a fucking joke.
854
00:37:56,524 --> 00:37:58,276
EVAN: Look at this.
855
00:37:58,359 --> 00:38:00,236
Every time I stick a finger
in, another light goes off.
856
00:38:00,987 --> 00:38:02,113
That's weird.
857
00:38:04,699 --> 00:38:06,451
Why don't we try to stick all
our fingers in at the same time
858
00:38:06,534 --> 00:38:07,535
and see what happens?
859
00:38:07,744 --> 00:38:10,623
All right, guys, let's all
finger these holes together.
860
00:38:10,705 --> 00:38:12,207
This is a bad idea.
861
00:38:12,457 --> 00:38:14,710
Don't be such a pussy,
Jamarcus. Come on.
862
00:38:14,876 --> 00:38:16,298
Come over here and finger-bang
this ball with us.
863
00:38:16,377 --> 00:38:18,129
I don't like this.
864
00:38:18,296 --> 00:38:19,468
Come on, Jamarcus.
865
00:38:19,631 --> 00:38:22,100
Fine, but this
is a bad idea.
866
00:38:22,258 --> 00:38:23,384
Get your finger in there.
867
00:38:29,641 --> 00:38:31,314
(MOOS)
ALL: Whoa!
868
00:38:31,392 --> 00:38:32,518
Jesus!
869
00:38:33,353 --> 00:38:35,731
Holy shit!
Are you kidding me?
870
00:38:35,814 --> 00:38:36,940
Did you see that shit?
871
00:38:37,065 --> 00:38:38,988
That cow's fucking
head exploded.
872
00:38:39,067 --> 00:38:41,741
That's terrible for the cow but
this thing's fucking awesome.
873
00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:43,163
This is a major find.
874
00:38:43,238 --> 00:38:44,490
This thing is the shit!
875
00:38:44,572 --> 00:38:47,917
Okay, nobody touches this ball
until we figure out what it is.
876
00:38:47,992 --> 00:38:49,915
We definitely should not
fuck around with this thing.
877
00:38:50,245 --> 00:38:53,624
The last thing we want to do
is cause a disturbance.
878
00:38:54,249 --> 00:38:56,001
(STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON
PLAYING)
879
00:38:57,585 --> 00:38:58,837
(ALL EXCLAIM)
880
00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:00,922
(WHOOPING)
Goodbye, tractor!
881
00:39:07,887 --> 00:39:09,605
Yeah!
882
00:39:12,433 --> 00:39:13,901
(ALL WHOOPING)
883
00:39:21,776 --> 00:39:24,905
BOB: Hay, yeah!
Hay, now!
884
00:39:26,614 --> 00:39:29,618
Hey, great. That's
hilarious, that was so fun.
885
00:39:29,701 --> 00:39:31,078
We blew that Shit up.
886
00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:34,505
That cow's fucking head
just poof ed, just puffed.
887
00:39:34,622 --> 00:39:35,965
Guys, this is not
from this world.
888
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:37,292
I think it could
be the government.
889
00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:39,719
There are lots of these kind
of prototypes that you find.
890
00:39:39,836 --> 00:39:41,634
It's always
the government.
891
00:39:41,713 --> 00:39:43,215
I don't disagree that there
could be a government...
892
00:39:43,298 --> 00:39:45,676
or an alien or where governments
and aliens connect.
893
00:39:45,758 --> 00:39:48,056
Get the fuck out of here, man.
They're not aliens.
894
00:39:48,136 --> 00:39:50,013
EVAN: I think you're paranoid.
I'm not paranoid.
895
00:39:50,096 --> 00:39:51,393
Everything's
on the table.
896
00:39:51,472 --> 00:39:54,146
It was probably on the way to the
Mac Store and fell off the truck.
897
00:39:54,225 --> 00:39:57,274
This is like a magical 8-Ball,
bowling ball that blows shit up.
898
00:39:57,353 --> 00:39:58,775
I'm trying to find
a killer, here.
899
00:39:58,855 --> 00:40:00,277
Right. A killer alien.
900
00:40:00,356 --> 00:40:02,734
Somebody killed Antonio, okay? I
don't know if they're an alien.
901
00:40:02,817 --> 00:40:04,911
I don't know if it was an octopus.
I don't know what it was...
902
00:40:04,986 --> 00:40:07,080
or who it was, but this has
something to do with it, right?
903
00:40:07,196 --> 00:40:09,119
Yes. That's a yes.
904
00:40:09,198 --> 00:40:10,290
We don't know what it is.
905
00:40:10,366 --> 00:40:11,413
That's a correct as well.
906
00:40:11,492 --> 00:40:13,586
It's the same goo
that was on Antonio's body.
907
00:40:13,661 --> 00:40:15,334
This is information you're sharing
and I'll say "yes" to it.
908
00:40:15,413 --> 00:40:16,630
The goo was on the car.
909
00:40:16,706 --> 00:40:17,878
The orb was near the car.
910
00:40:17,957 --> 00:40:19,254
Let's call her Lucy.
911
00:40:19,334 --> 00:40:20,927
The second
after we find...
912
00:40:21,002 --> 00:40:22,049
BOTH: Lucy...
913
00:40:22,128 --> 00:40:25,678
who kicks us off his property?
Crazy old guy with a shotgun.
914
00:40:25,757 --> 00:40:27,259
Why did he want us
off his property?
915
00:40:27,342 --> 00:40:29,686
Why did he not want us
near the ball or the goo?
916
00:40:29,761 --> 00:40:30,808
We have got to
kick his tires.
917
00:40:30,887 --> 00:40:32,184
There's something
we have to figure out.
918
00:40:32,263 --> 00:40:35,437
I think we dress Franklin up
as a girl named Francesca.
919
00:40:35,516 --> 00:40:37,268
He goes to the door
as a salesman
920
00:40:37,352 --> 00:40:38,695
because they'll suspect
him any other way.
921
00:40:38,770 --> 00:40:40,272
He's pretty enough.
I'm listening.
922
00:40:40,355 --> 00:40:43,154
He's an attractive guy and he has the
features where he can fool them.
923
00:40:43,232 --> 00:40:44,404
Feminine features.
924
00:40:44,484 --> 00:40:46,862
We put Franklin in a costume
to befriend the old man.
925
00:40:46,945 --> 00:40:49,949
He lets Franklin in the house.
Boom, he's in!
926
00:40:50,031 --> 00:40:51,954
Now it's intel,
he's under the radar.
927
00:40:52,033 --> 00:40:53,876
It's an attractive
lady showing up.
928
00:40:54,035 --> 00:40:56,629
His liver-spotted hands are
going to want to caress her.
929
00:40:56,704 --> 00:40:58,251
Can I tell you
something, Bob?
930
00:40:58,331 --> 00:40:59,332
BOB: Mmm?
931
00:40:59,415 --> 00:41:00,541
That could work.
932
00:41:00,625 --> 00:41:01,626
Yes!
933
00:41:01,709 --> 00:41:03,302
FRANKLIN: Here's the thing.
Finally!
934
00:41:03,378 --> 00:41:05,380
I'm not going to go past
second with this old guy...
935
00:41:05,463 --> 00:41:06,555
but if I have to,
I will.
936
00:41:06,714 --> 00:41:09,308
I think it's important
we get really confirmed...
937
00:41:09,384 --> 00:41:11,057
on what you're prepared to do,
so it's not a new thing.
938
00:41:11,135 --> 00:41:13,809
I will use both hands.
I won't use a mouth.
939
00:41:13,888 --> 00:41:15,811
He may use his hands
and may not use his mouth.
940
00:41:15,890 --> 00:41:18,518
I think you got to make it all go
down before you get found out.
941
00:41:18,601 --> 00:41:19,818
What's the best
case on this one?
942
00:41:19,894 --> 00:41:20,986
Here's the best
case scenario.
943
00:41:21,062 --> 00:41:22,814
He's a lonely old man,
he wants to waltz.
944
00:41:22,897 --> 00:41:25,241
He wants to listen to some of the
old songs from his childhood.
945
00:41:25,316 --> 00:41:27,819
Worst case scenario, you're
getting fucked in the ass.
946
00:41:27,902 --> 00:41:29,575
Either way, we're going to
find out who this old guy is.
947
00:41:29,654 --> 00:41:31,873
Either way, we're going to get
involved in this guy's life.
948
00:41:31,948 --> 00:41:34,167
Here's the pressing question.
What do we do with this?
949
00:41:34,242 --> 00:41:35,494
We don't give it
to the cops.
950
00:41:35,576 --> 00:41:38,375
Agreed. This is ours,
no one hears about it.
951
00:41:38,454 --> 00:41:40,001
We keep it
a Neighborhood Watch secret.
952
00:41:40,081 --> 00:41:41,378
Cheers.
We're in the game.
953
00:41:41,457 --> 00:41:42,674
To the Watch.
954
00:41:42,750 --> 00:41:43,797
Boom!
955
00:41:47,922 --> 00:41:49,139
(SIGHS)
956
00:41:56,806 --> 00:41:57,853
Ew.
957
00:42:23,708 --> 00:42:26,302
"OMG, Mandy's party
is so awesome."
958
00:42:26,377 --> 00:42:27,629
Good for Mandy.
959
00:42:29,672 --> 00:42:31,800
Fricking kidding me, right?
960
00:42:31,966 --> 00:42:33,593
(CROWD CHEERING)
961
00:42:41,642 --> 00:42:43,644
Chelsea!
962
00:42:44,312 --> 00:42:45,359
Dad, what the eff!
963
00:42:45,438 --> 00:42:47,861
Don't "eff" me. Who's
this boy toy named Jason?
964
00:42:48,024 --> 00:42:49,071
Boy toy?
965
00:42:49,150 --> 00:42:50,151
What's his toy story?
966
00:42:51,152 --> 00:42:53,280
Wait, were you creeping
on my Facebook again?
967
00:42:53,362 --> 00:42:54,454
Are you kidding me?
968
00:42:54,530 --> 00:42:57,283
You're going to let some guy carwash
the inside of your mouth...
969
00:42:57,366 --> 00:42:59,915
with his tongue, and then you're
going to post it on the Internet?
970
00:42:59,994 --> 00:43:02,918
Stop Internet-stalking me, okay?
Just get out of my room.
971
00:43:02,997 --> 00:43:05,250
You don't see me and your mom posting
our sessions on the Internet?
972
00:43:05,333 --> 00:43:06,459
Ew! That's disgusting!
973
00:43:06,542 --> 00:43:08,044
How do you think that makes me feel?
It is disgusting.
974
00:43:08,127 --> 00:43:09,629
You keep your tongue
in your mouth.
975
00:43:09,712 --> 00:43:11,589
And what's going on
with this collage?
976
00:43:11,672 --> 00:43:14,016
This is moving in the direction
of strippers on spring break.
977
00:43:14,092 --> 00:43:16,060
That's a collage
of my friends, Dad.
978
00:43:16,177 --> 00:43:17,224
The whole thing
is uncomfortable.
979
00:43:17,303 --> 00:43:18,805
I'm not comfortable with
what's going on, Chelsea.
980
00:43:18,888 --> 00:43:20,481
If you're uncomfortable,
then get out!
981
00:43:20,556 --> 00:43:22,308
Sex is for love.
982
00:43:22,683 --> 00:43:24,026
"Sex is for love."
983
00:43:24,185 --> 00:43:25,732
Here's what's happening now,
the video is off.
984
00:43:25,853 --> 00:43:27,446
Okay, Dad, I'm going
to get the video off.
985
00:43:27,522 --> 00:43:29,365
We got a problem.
Okay, please, get out.
986
00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:31,067
Houston, we have a problem.
987
00:43:31,150 --> 00:43:33,118
That's good. Really
productive conversation.
988
00:43:33,194 --> 00:43:34,867
We should do more of it.
989
00:43:37,865 --> 00:43:39,788
Right on the edge.
990
00:43:40,701 --> 00:43:42,328
You're right on the edge.
991
00:44:00,221 --> 00:44:02,223
(SIGHS)
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
992
00:44:08,020 --> 00:44:11,615
(SINGING) You and
tequila make me crazy
993
00:44:12,066 --> 00:44:13,659
Hey.
Hey, buddy.
994
00:44:13,734 --> 00:44:15,407
Come on,
I saved a seat for you.
995
00:44:16,487 --> 00:44:17,579
You said
you were desperate.
996
00:44:17,655 --> 00:44:18,907
Here, take a load off.
997
00:44:19,073 --> 00:44:21,246
Look, I know we're trying to
catch the Costco killer, but...
998
00:44:21,409 --> 00:44:23,127
it's good to have
an honest heart-to-heart
999
00:44:23,202 --> 00:44:25,580
with just a couple
of guys, right?
1000
00:44:26,038 --> 00:44:29,713
There's my boy. Bring it down here.
Get in here.
1001
00:44:29,917 --> 00:44:33,137
It's all about honesty, right?
Mmm.
1002
00:44:33,212 --> 00:44:34,634
I've been being honest
with my daughter,
1003
00:44:34,714 --> 00:44:37,263
I don't think she wants to hear it.
(CHUCKLES)
1004
00:44:37,341 --> 00:44:39,389
My wife's been traveling
so much for work...
1005
00:44:39,468 --> 00:44:42,472
that a lot of the parenting
stuff has fallen on me lately.
1006
00:44:42,763 --> 00:44:44,060
How about you?
1007
00:44:44,140 --> 00:44:47,519
When are you going to take the
plunge and knock a few out?
1008
00:44:48,686 --> 00:44:50,654
It's not that simple.
1009
00:44:50,813 --> 00:44:54,192
Well, it's about as simple as
putting your dick in a vagina.
1010
00:44:54,275 --> 00:44:55,777
You know what I mean?
Make it happen.
1011
00:44:56,068 --> 00:44:59,163
Well, I really
don't have a choice.
1012
00:45:00,698 --> 00:45:03,622
It turns out
that my gun...
1013
00:45:03,826 --> 00:45:07,547
doesn't really...
shoot too well.
1014
00:45:07,663 --> 00:45:08,789
Gun?
1015
00:45:08,873 --> 00:45:10,216
You mean your prick?
1016
00:45:10,291 --> 00:45:12,635
Why are you saying "gun"? It's
just two guys, sitting on a bench.
1017
00:45:12,710 --> 00:45:15,304
You can say it. Say "prick,"
say "cock." Just say "prick."
1018
00:45:15,379 --> 00:45:17,677
Anyway, then you take a
couple of those blue bombers.
1019
00:45:17,757 --> 00:45:19,134
You got to get that whang
nice and stiff.
1020
00:45:19,217 --> 00:45:20,890
It'll get you all monstered up.
Oh, it will.
1021
00:45:20,968 --> 00:45:22,686
And then you'll be fucking
like a champ in no time.
1022
00:45:22,762 --> 00:45:24,810
I know a guy that'll give you some,
and I got some from Mexico--
1023
00:45:24,889 --> 00:45:26,891
That's not the problem.
1024
00:45:26,974 --> 00:45:28,271
I'll get you some
of those Mexican bombs.
1025
00:45:28,351 --> 00:45:31,696
I can do everything.
It's just that...
1026
00:45:34,649 --> 00:45:35,696
About a year
and a half ago...
1027
00:45:35,775 --> 00:45:36,776
Okay.
1028
00:45:36,859 --> 00:45:39,237
...Abby and I started
trying to have kids.
1029
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:40,663
And nothing
was happening.
1030
00:45:40,738 --> 00:45:44,914
So, on my own, I went to see this
doctor to get my sperm checked.
1031
00:45:44,992 --> 00:45:46,209
I've always
wondered about that.
1032
00:45:46,285 --> 00:45:48,253
I've had a curiosity,
if you don't mind.
1033
00:45:48,329 --> 00:45:50,331
When you go to one
of those doctors...
1034
00:45:50,581 --> 00:45:53,801
do you jerk yourself off, or
does the doctor jerk you off?
1035
00:45:53,876 --> 00:45:54,923
Or an assistant?
1036
00:45:55,002 --> 00:45:56,254
Is it like
a massage parlor?
1037
00:45:56,337 --> 00:45:57,589
Or do they have
a medical machine
1038
00:45:57,672 --> 00:45:58,924
that does
the milking for you?
1039
00:45:59,006 --> 00:46:00,599
Like, milks you
like an animal.
1040
00:46:03,177 --> 00:46:04,394
I'm asking how you get
the cum out of you.
1041
00:46:04,762 --> 00:46:06,264
I...
They do it.
1042
00:46:06,347 --> 00:46:08,475
No, I jerk me off.
1043
00:46:08,557 --> 00:46:09,604
Okay.
1044
00:46:09,684 --> 00:46:13,905
Doesn't matter. The point
is, I went, I got tested.
1045
00:46:14,272 --> 00:46:17,742
And... no go.
1046
00:46:18,943 --> 00:46:20,445
I'm shooting blanks.
1047
00:46:21,362 --> 00:46:23,990
I could shoot a bucketful,
it would make no difference.
1048
00:46:24,073 --> 00:46:27,577
The doctor's actual words.
"A bucketful."
1049
00:46:28,077 --> 00:46:29,920
It's because of me
we can't have kids.
1050
00:46:30,371 --> 00:46:32,044
Just me.
1051
00:46:33,124 --> 00:46:34,626
I didn't realize that
that's such a big deal.
1052
00:46:34,709 --> 00:46:38,134
I mean, it's 2012. Can't you
just get a ball transplant?
1053
00:46:38,462 --> 00:46:41,966
Yeah, I don't think the
science is there yet.
1054
00:46:42,216 --> 00:46:44,719
What did the old lady say
when you told her?
1055
00:46:48,306 --> 00:46:50,809
Evaroony, don't tell me that you
haven't talked to her about it.
1056
00:46:53,102 --> 00:46:54,570
What am I going to say?
1057
00:46:55,396 --> 00:46:56,989
"Hey, honey, guess what.
1058
00:46:57,982 --> 00:47:02,579
"The one thing you want most in
the world, I can't give you."
1059
00:47:03,237 --> 00:47:05,740
Evan, you listen to me.
1060
00:47:05,823 --> 00:47:07,951
You talk to Abby.
1061
00:47:08,617 --> 00:47:10,290
She married you.
1062
00:47:10,828 --> 00:47:13,422
Not your dead jizz.
1063
00:47:14,749 --> 00:47:16,092
Thanks.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
1064
00:47:21,047 --> 00:47:22,048
Evan Trautwig.
1065
00:47:22,131 --> 00:47:23,849
This is Manfred Salisbury.
1066
00:47:23,924 --> 00:47:25,676
Are you on my roof?
What?
1067
00:47:25,760 --> 00:47:29,014
There is somebody on my roof,
jumping around like a maniac.
1068
00:47:29,096 --> 00:47:30,564
Is that one of you idiots?
1069
00:47:30,639 --> 00:47:32,186
It most certainly is not.
1070
00:47:32,767 --> 00:47:35,361
Please, just hang tight,
Mr. Salisbury, we'll be right there.
1071
00:47:35,436 --> 00:47:36,983
Yeah, I bet you will.
1072
00:47:37,063 --> 00:47:39,942
We have to get to Manfred's.
Call the Watch, come on.
1073
00:47:50,284 --> 00:47:51,331
Nobody's here.
1074
00:47:52,661 --> 00:47:53,787
Seriously?
1075
00:47:54,163 --> 00:47:55,255
Did you see anybody
on the roof?
1076
00:47:55,331 --> 00:47:56,378
No.
1077
00:47:56,457 --> 00:47:57,879
Okay, we should fan out.
1078
00:47:57,958 --> 00:47:59,426
Franklin, you and
Bob get in the car.
1079
00:47:59,502 --> 00:48:01,004
Check the block, see
if you get any action.
1080
00:48:01,087 --> 00:48:03,055
Jamarcus and I will go around back.
Okay.
1081
00:48:03,130 --> 00:48:04,382
Got it.
1082
00:48:04,465 --> 00:48:05,637
Good.
1083
00:48:05,883 --> 00:48:08,978
Hey, guys, let's stay focused.
We're in the field, right?
1084
00:48:09,053 --> 00:48:10,054
Okay.
1085
00:48:10,137 --> 00:48:11,559
N.W.
1086
00:48:19,105 --> 00:48:20,573
(OWL HOOTING)
1087
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:22,441
(ANIMAL HOWLING)
1088
00:48:24,735 --> 00:48:26,237
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Shh.
1089
00:48:27,154 --> 00:48:28,781
Hear that?
1090
00:48:37,832 --> 00:48:39,505
This is Manfred's.
1091
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:41,252
This is not good.
1092
00:48:41,335 --> 00:48:42,336
(RUSTLING)
1093
00:48:47,550 --> 00:48:48,597
(WHISPERING)
What is that?
1094
00:48:48,676 --> 00:48:50,053
I don't know.
1095
00:48:52,430 --> 00:48:54,148
(SOFT GROWL)
1096
00:48:59,437 --> 00:49:00,780
Oh, my God.
1097
00:49:00,855 --> 00:49:04,234
Evan, we should
run for our lives.
1098
00:49:08,529 --> 00:49:09,701
We should go up to it.
1099
00:49:09,780 --> 00:49:12,533
Why would we go up to it?
We should go.
1100
00:49:13,534 --> 00:49:14,706
EVAN: It looks scared.
1101
00:49:15,077 --> 00:49:18,297
Maybe he's injured. Maybe
that's what we hit in the car.
1102
00:49:18,497 --> 00:49:21,967
Yeah, and maybe it's really pissed
off about it and is going to eat us.
1103
00:49:22,042 --> 00:49:24,716
Only one way to find out.
1104
00:49:26,297 --> 00:49:27,719
Come on.
1105
00:49:28,257 --> 00:49:29,600
Evan.
1106
00:49:30,801 --> 00:49:33,896
(HUMMING)
1107
00:49:37,224 --> 00:49:39,147
Evan, what the fuck
are you doing?
1108
00:49:39,310 --> 00:49:41,563
EVAN: It obviously doesn't
understand our language.
1109
00:49:41,729 --> 00:49:46,155
I'm making friendly tones to
show it that we mean no harm.
1110
00:49:46,901 --> 00:49:51,281
(SINGING) Hello
1111
00:49:52,072 --> 00:49:53,745
Wow.
1112
00:49:53,908 --> 00:49:55,251
Oh, no.
1113
00:49:58,621 --> 00:50:06,005
I see you.
1114
00:50:06,253 --> 00:50:07,755
Hungry?
1115
00:50:08,255 --> 00:50:09,598
Food?
1116
00:50:10,174 --> 00:50:11,221
Food?
1117
00:50:11,926 --> 00:50:13,303
Gum.
1118
00:50:14,512 --> 00:50:16,856
It's okay.
You just chew it.
1119
00:50:19,517 --> 00:50:20,939
You want some?
1120
00:50:21,769 --> 00:50:27,276
(SINGING)
Gum, gum, gum for you
1121
00:50:35,366 --> 00:50:37,789
He likes it.
Jamarcus, he likes it.
1122
00:50:37,952 --> 00:50:39,704
Everyone likes gum.
Let's go.
1123
00:50:39,870 --> 00:50:41,167
He's digging something.
1124
00:50:41,330 --> 00:50:43,708
He's got something
he wants to show us.
1125
00:50:44,458 --> 00:50:45,801
Want to share
your gift, huh?
1126
00:50:48,629 --> 00:50:51,382
Oh, mother of fuck!
1127
00:50:55,261 --> 00:50:56,808
(GROWLS)
1128
00:50:56,887 --> 00:50:58,013
(SCREAMS)
1129
00:51:03,811 --> 00:51:05,188
Jamarcus,
what are you doing?
1130
00:51:05,563 --> 00:51:07,031
Run, man!
1131
00:51:08,399 --> 00:51:09,651
Run!
1132
00:51:18,826 --> 00:51:20,169
Fucked
1133
00:51:21,662 --> 00:51:23,335
Oh, shit!
1134
00:51:24,665 --> 00:51:26,292
Jesus!
1135
00:51:26,875 --> 00:51:28,877
Are you okay?
1136
00:51:29,336 --> 00:51:31,759
That was
really stressful.
1137
00:51:32,423 --> 00:51:34,221
EVAN: I think I killed it.
1138
00:51:35,384 --> 00:51:36,601
BOB: What's going on here?
1139
00:51:36,677 --> 00:51:38,600
Gentlemen, we formed
the Neighborhood Watch...
1140
00:51:38,679 --> 00:51:40,602
with a very specific task.
1141
00:51:40,848 --> 00:51:43,852
To find the murderer of my
friend, Antonio Guzman.
1142
00:51:44,393 --> 00:51:46,987
Well, tonight,
I say to you...
1143
00:51:49,398 --> 00:51:50,695
Holy shit!
1144
00:51:50,774 --> 00:51:52,276
Jesus Christ!
1145
00:51:52,359 --> 00:51:53,611
What the fuck
is that?
1146
00:51:53,694 --> 00:51:55,537
It's an alien.
1147
00:51:55,613 --> 00:51:57,866
It killed Manfred, then it
tried to kill Jamarcus.
1148
00:51:57,948 --> 00:52:00,292
I came up and nailed it
with a garden gnome...
1149
00:52:00,367 --> 00:52:02,461
and it cracked its neck,
and it's dead.
1150
00:52:02,536 --> 00:52:03,958
This is fucking insane.
1151
00:52:04,038 --> 00:52:06,461
I know, we tried to find a
killer, but guess what?
1152
00:52:06,540 --> 00:52:07,962
We found
a fricking alien.
1153
00:52:08,417 --> 00:52:10,920
It touches it
and it feels it. Ugh.
1154
00:52:11,253 --> 00:52:15,383
This intelligent,
sentient being...
1155
00:52:15,549 --> 00:52:20,271
travelled untold light years
to come and visit our planet.
1156
00:52:20,429 --> 00:52:22,352
And you killed him.
1157
00:52:24,266 --> 00:52:26,644
Nice! Evan, yeah!
1158
00:52:27,603 --> 00:52:28,650
He killed it.
1159
00:52:28,729 --> 00:52:30,026
Holy shit.
1160
00:52:30,105 --> 00:52:33,075
Screw the police department.
I'll get into the CIA for this.
1161
00:52:33,150 --> 00:52:35,027
I think we should slow down,
keep this quiet.
1162
00:52:35,110 --> 00:52:37,158
Or 100 miles an hour
and really loud,
1163
00:52:37,237 --> 00:52:38,614
because you're
looking at an alien.
1164
00:52:38,697 --> 00:52:41,246
I'm thinking about T-shirts,
merchandising, movie deals.
1165
00:52:41,325 --> 00:52:43,748
My mind's going crazy
with this thing, here.
1166
00:52:43,827 --> 00:52:45,875
Who wants a snapper with the alien?
I do.
1167
00:52:45,954 --> 00:52:48,673
Let's go, bitches. I don't
want to put pressure on you...
1168
00:52:48,749 --> 00:52:50,592
but it's the first historical
picture of anyone with an alien.
1169
00:52:50,668 --> 00:52:52,170
So, whatever that means to you.
Here we go.
1170
00:52:52,252 --> 00:52:53,845
Ready?
And we're bringing it.
1171
00:52:53,921 --> 00:52:56,094
Let me share in the sunshine.
Somebody get in here.
1172
00:52:56,173 --> 00:52:57,174
(CENTERFOLD PLAYING)
1173
00:52:57,257 --> 00:52:58,258
Does she walk?
Does she talk?
1174
00:52:58,342 --> 00:53:00,015
Does she come complete?
1175
00:53:00,094 --> 00:53:02,188
The memory of my angel
1176
00:53:02,262 --> 00:53:03,980
Could never cause me pain
1177
00:53:04,056 --> 00:53:06,058
My blood runs cold
1178
00:53:06,141 --> 00:53:08,485
My memory has just been sold
1179
00:53:08,560 --> 00:53:10,733
My angel is the centerfold
1180
00:53:10,813 --> 00:53:12,861
Angel is the centerfold
1181
00:53:12,940 --> 00:53:20,916
Na, na, na-na-na-na,
na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na
1182
00:53:20,989 --> 00:53:22,616
Yeah. Put your dick
on its shoulder.
1183
00:53:23,951 --> 00:53:24,952
Boom!
1184
00:53:25,577 --> 00:53:28,046
Na, na, na-na-na-na,
na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na
1185
00:53:28,122 --> 00:53:29,089
(MAKE IT LAST FOREVER PLAYING)
1186
00:53:29,164 --> 00:53:31,417
Make it last forever
1187
00:53:31,500 --> 00:53:33,468
Ever
1188
00:53:34,378 --> 00:53:38,099
Don't let our love end
1189
00:53:38,173 --> 00:53:39,550
(LAUGHS)
1190
00:53:39,967 --> 00:53:42,561
Make it last forever
1191
00:53:42,636 --> 00:53:44,263
And ever...
1192
00:53:45,973 --> 00:53:47,395
Ahh!
1193
00:53:50,978 --> 00:53:52,525
(ALL SCREAMING)
1194
00:54:06,827 --> 00:54:07,828
(GASPING)
1195
00:54:08,537 --> 00:54:09,754
Oh, my God!
1196
00:54:10,664 --> 00:54:12,007
Bob, the pool balls
aren't hurting him!
1197
00:54:12,249 --> 00:54:13,341
Franklin,
you have to hit him.
1198
00:54:13,417 --> 00:54:15,010
JAMARCUS: This is bad aim
Fuck!
1199
00:54:15,669 --> 00:54:17,171
Please don't kill me!
1200
00:54:17,421 --> 00:54:20,140
What the fuck are you doing, Jamarcus?
He's not a bumble-bee!
1201
00:54:20,215 --> 00:54:22,764
Evan, help! He's going to kill me, man.
I don't know what to do!
1202
00:54:22,843 --> 00:54:24,015
(YELLS)
1203
00:54:28,766 --> 00:54:29,983
(EXCLAIMS IN FEAR)
1204
00:54:33,562 --> 00:54:35,860
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
1205
00:54:35,939 --> 00:54:37,031
He's going to eat my face!
1206
00:54:37,107 --> 00:54:38,484
(FRANKLIN WHIMPERING)
1207
00:54:39,693 --> 00:54:41,946
He's getting goo
in my mouth!
1208
00:54:43,155 --> 00:54:44,577
(SNARLING)
1209
00:54:45,574 --> 00:54:46,917
(GRUNTING)
1210
00:54:48,160 --> 00:54:49,207
Franklin, Jamarcus!
1211
00:54:50,370 --> 00:54:51,496
We got him.
1212
00:54:54,291 --> 00:54:57,044
I can taste
the fucking goo!
1213
00:54:57,211 --> 00:54:59,760
That's right, give up.
Just go to sleep.
1214
00:54:59,838 --> 00:55:01,306
(SHUSHING)
1215
00:55:01,381 --> 00:55:02,974
Relax. You go to sleep.
1216
00:55:03,050 --> 00:55:06,805
We are already among you.
1217
00:55:06,887 --> 00:55:08,013
(ALL SCREAM)
1218
00:55:15,062 --> 00:55:16,564
(ALL GROANING)
1219
00:55:17,815 --> 00:55:19,909
What the fuck
was that?
1220
00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:22,698
You can forget about the
damn merchandising play.
1221
00:55:22,778 --> 00:55:24,325
Is everyone all right?
1222
00:55:24,404 --> 00:55:26,247
Fucking alien
came on my face.
1223
00:55:26,406 --> 00:55:27,828
(GROANS) Ow!
1224
00:55:29,201 --> 00:55:30,669
FRANKLIN: Did you
hear that thing?
1225
00:55:31,870 --> 00:55:34,669
"We are among you."
What does that mean?
1226
00:55:34,832 --> 00:55:37,426
It means there's more of
those damn things out there.
1227
00:55:38,502 --> 00:55:40,300
Oh, my God.
1228
00:55:40,379 --> 00:55:41,881
That's why they
take the skins.
1229
00:55:43,382 --> 00:55:45,225
To wear them.
1230
00:55:45,759 --> 00:55:47,557
They're among us.
1231
00:55:47,761 --> 00:55:49,388
Oh, fucking great.
1232
00:55:49,555 --> 00:55:51,933
And that damn thing's been to my
house, he knows where I live.
1233
00:55:52,015 --> 00:55:54,438
I think if that thing had wanted
us dead, we'd be dead, Bob.
1234
00:55:55,727 --> 00:55:57,525
So, we don't know who is
and who isn't an alien.
1235
00:55:57,896 --> 00:56:00,866
Bressman's one of them, I
guarantee it, 1000 percent.
1236
00:56:00,941 --> 00:56:02,033
Yeah, we should
keep this quiet
1237
00:56:02,109 --> 00:56:03,907
until we find out
who we can trust.
1238
00:56:04,278 --> 00:56:06,952
Right now,
we can't trust anybody.
1239
00:56:07,030 --> 00:56:08,031
(PEOPLE ARE STRANGE PLAYING)
1240
00:56:08,115 --> 00:56:11,619
People are strange
when you're a stranger
1241
00:56:11,702 --> 00:56:13,796
Faces look ugly
when you're alone
1242
00:56:13,871 --> 00:56:15,043
(YELPS)
1243
00:56:15,122 --> 00:56:18,752
What are you doing?
Back off.
1244
00:56:19,501 --> 00:56:22,846
Streets are uneven
when you're down
1245
00:56:22,921 --> 00:56:25,265
When you're strange
1246
00:56:25,340 --> 00:56:28,640
Faces come out of the rain
1247
00:56:28,719 --> 00:56:31,142
When you're strange
1248
00:56:31,221 --> 00:56:34,395
No one remembers your name
1249
00:56:34,474 --> 00:56:40,857
When you're strange
1250
00:56:42,816 --> 00:56:46,616
People are strange
when you're a stranger
1251
00:56:46,695 --> 00:56:50,416
Faces look ugly
when you're alone
1252
00:56:50,490 --> 00:56:54,120
Women seem wicked
when you're unwanted
1253
00:56:54,202 --> 00:56:57,923
Streets are uneven
when you're down
1254
00:56:57,998 --> 00:57:00,000
When you're strange
1255
00:57:00,083 --> 00:57:03,087
Faces come out of the rain
1256
00:57:03,170 --> 00:57:10,270
When you're strange
1257
00:57:11,929 --> 00:57:13,272
Have you guys
been sleeping?
1258
00:57:14,389 --> 00:57:17,268
I haven't slept at all. I'm
not dealing with this well.
1259
00:57:17,351 --> 00:57:19,979
Anyone of these people
could be an alien.
1260
00:57:23,023 --> 00:57:24,866
Check her out.
1261
00:57:25,150 --> 00:57:28,029
It's like she's studying some
new discovery or something.
1262
00:57:28,362 --> 00:57:34,369
Some strange object. Some weird,
bizarre human... circle-fruit.
1263
00:57:34,701 --> 00:57:37,295
Looks like she's thinking,
"Can I ingest this?
1264
00:57:37,454 --> 00:57:40,207
"Should I put it
in my flavor snout?"
1265
00:57:40,666 --> 00:57:42,543
Look at this piece
of shit over here.
1266
00:57:43,710 --> 00:57:46,338
That alien hasn't learned
how to eat properly yet.
1267
00:57:47,464 --> 00:57:50,217
He's so primitive.
So clumsy.
1268
00:57:51,051 --> 00:57:52,223
So dangerous.
1269
00:57:56,473 --> 00:57:58,441
There's that
motherfucking Jason kid.
1270
00:57:58,517 --> 00:58:00,736
That's the kid that's all
over Chelsea's Facebook page.
1271
00:58:03,397 --> 00:58:04,774
Magnums? There's no way
your dick's that big!
1272
00:58:04,856 --> 00:58:05,857
Hey, hey, he)'-
1273
00:58:06,316 --> 00:58:08,819
Bob. It's a family store.
1274
00:58:08,902 --> 00:58:10,654
There's no way
his dick's that big,
1275
00:58:10,737 --> 00:58:11,954
that he needs
to buy that shit.
1276
00:58:12,030 --> 00:58:13,657
Some people's
are that big.
1277
00:58:13,740 --> 00:58:15,413
Otherwise they wouldn't
sell condoms like that.
1278
00:58:15,492 --> 00:58:16,960
He's right.
They're a big seller.
1279
00:58:17,035 --> 00:58:18,833
I swear to God, I'm going
to rip his dick off.
1280
00:58:18,912 --> 00:58:20,664
You're going to
need two hands, Bobby.
1281
00:58:21,373 --> 00:58:22,841
Hello there, neighbor.
(YELLS)
1282
00:58:22,916 --> 00:58:24,259
(LAUGHS)
Jesus!
1283
00:58:24,334 --> 00:58:26,462
I'm so sorry,
did I startle you?
1284
00:58:26,962 --> 00:58:28,509
It's good for you, though.
1285
00:58:28,588 --> 00:58:31,512
It gets the heart racing and
I know you like to stay fit.
1286
00:58:31,925 --> 00:58:34,678
In any case, I just
moseyed on over here...
1287
00:58:34,761 --> 00:58:39,767
to invite you to a little bit of a
gathering I'm having at my home.
1288
00:58:39,891 --> 00:58:44,692
A lot of interesting characters
will be in attendance...
1289
00:58:44,771 --> 00:58:48,742
and I think you might
be interested in them.
1290
00:58:50,360 --> 00:58:51,452
Um...
1291
00:58:52,696 --> 00:58:53,868
I'll think about it.
1292
00:58:53,947 --> 00:58:57,326
Don't think about it too long,
because before you know it...
1293
00:58:57,409 --> 00:58:58,831
(IMITATES POP)
1294
00:58:58,910 --> 00:59:00,537
Life's over.
1295
00:59:01,121 --> 00:59:03,089
Isn't that the truth?
1296
00:59:09,629 --> 00:59:12,052
Holy shit!
1297
00:59:12,966 --> 00:59:14,468
He's one of them.
1298
00:59:15,719 --> 00:59:17,392
I can't believe I didn't
figure it out earlier.
1299
00:59:17,471 --> 00:59:19,974
He's so creepy.
He's been spying on me.
1300
00:59:20,182 --> 00:59:24,107
He said I had nice skin the other night.
Get it? Skin.
1301
00:59:24,478 --> 00:59:26,572
You have incredible skin. You
don't have to brag about it.
1302
00:59:26,646 --> 00:59:28,740
No, the aliens
rip off the skin.
1303
00:59:28,982 --> 00:59:30,529
Did you see all the
batteries that guy bought?
1304
00:59:30,650 --> 00:59:33,369
Nobody needs
that many batteries.
1305
00:59:33,445 --> 00:59:34,822
Nobody from Earth,
that is.
1306
00:59:35,155 --> 00:59:39,456
He said before we know it,
life ends.
1307
00:59:39,534 --> 00:59:41,411
Maybe he thinks you're
getting kind of close...
1308
00:59:41,495 --> 00:59:43,122
and he wants
to take you out.
1309
00:59:43,205 --> 00:59:44,627
This is what it's about.
Tonight.
1310
00:59:44,706 --> 00:59:46,754
This is why we formed
the Neighborhood Watch.
1311
00:59:49,336 --> 00:59:50,838
I just have to
grab my jacket.
1312
00:59:51,838 --> 00:59:56,093
Oh. Thank goodness. It's the
leader of the Neighborhood Watch.
1313
00:59:56,176 --> 00:59:57,268
Abby, what the fuck?
1314
00:59:57,511 --> 00:59:59,058
I'm forming
a little club, too,
1315
00:59:59,137 --> 01:00:00,639
and it's only got
one opening...
1316
01:00:00,722 --> 01:00:02,599
...and it needs to be filled.
Do you have any water?
1317
01:00:02,682 --> 01:00:03,649
(GASPS) Oh, my God!
1318
01:00:03,725 --> 01:00:05,398
No. Go out, go out!
(MEN EXCLAIMING)
1319
01:00:06,103 --> 01:00:07,195
FRANKLIN:
Is that Mrs. Evan?
1320
01:00:07,270 --> 01:00:09,364
Is that your jacket?
That's your wife?
1321
01:00:09,439 --> 01:00:11,487
It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Trautwig.
I'm Franklin.
1322
01:00:11,566 --> 01:00:13,034
I'm a dear friend
of Evan's.
1323
01:00:13,110 --> 01:00:14,407
EVAN: She doesn't care.
1324
01:00:16,029 --> 01:00:18,452
What? You're starting a club,
you want me to fill your hole?
1325
01:00:18,532 --> 01:00:20,205
What's going on?
Are you making fun of me?
1326
01:00:20,283 --> 01:00:22,126
Honey, I'm not making fun of you.
You look awesome.
1327
01:00:22,202 --> 01:00:25,046
It's just
the timing is weird.
1328
01:00:25,122 --> 01:00:28,217
No, what's weird is that I
have to make an appointment...
1329
01:00:28,291 --> 01:00:30,009
to have sex with my husband.
No you don't.
1330
01:00:30,085 --> 01:00:32,964
And then he forgets and brings
a bunch of weird dudes over.
1331
01:00:33,046 --> 01:00:35,970
That little one saw everything.
Evan, come on!
1332
01:00:36,049 --> 01:00:38,677
I'm sorry.
I forgot, I'm sorry.
1333
01:00:38,760 --> 01:00:40,979
Yeah. You forgot.
1334
01:00:41,138 --> 01:00:43,061
BOB: Give her some truth, pal.
She needs it.
1335
01:00:43,140 --> 01:00:44,562
What? What is that?
1336
01:00:44,641 --> 01:00:46,143
BOB: Be that
truth-teller, brother.
1337
01:00:46,226 --> 01:00:47,569
I have no idea.
1338
01:00:48,103 --> 01:00:51,198
I don't even care.
Just... here.
1339
01:00:51,273 --> 01:00:53,617
Go play with your friends. Take
your stupid jacket and go.
1340
01:00:53,692 --> 01:00:56,036
Please believe me,
there are forces greater
1341
01:00:56,111 --> 01:00:57,658
than what we're
talking about here...
1342
01:00:57,737 --> 01:00:59,080
that I can't
explain to you.
1343
01:00:59,156 --> 01:01:01,375
That I promise I will explain
to you at a certain point...
1344
01:01:01,449 --> 01:01:02,666
but it can't be right now.
1345
01:01:02,742 --> 01:01:04,039
Go!
I'm sorry.
1346
01:01:04,119 --> 01:01:05,712
Honey, if I...
1347
01:01:09,666 --> 01:01:11,009
Come on.
1348
01:01:23,722 --> 01:01:24,894
(POPS)
1349
01:01:30,395 --> 01:01:33,444
Hey, it's beer.
1350
01:01:33,940 --> 01:01:35,988
Are you serious?
Do you want some?
1351
01:01:36,151 --> 01:01:38,119
Here we go.
Someone's coming.
1352
01:01:41,948 --> 01:01:43,040
Do you see that?
1353
01:01:43,450 --> 01:01:45,452
We don't know what that is,
but that's a couple.
1354
01:01:46,036 --> 01:01:47,083
(DOOR OPENS)
1355
01:01:53,627 --> 01:01:54,674
Guys...
1356
01:01:55,212 --> 01:01:58,136
I definitely smell alien
all over this thing.
1357
01:01:58,215 --> 01:01:59,216
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
1358
01:01:59,299 --> 01:02:00,425
Bob, vibrate.
1359
01:02:00,508 --> 01:02:02,306
It'll be one second.
Hang on, one second.
1360
01:02:02,385 --> 01:02:04,479
Hello? What?
1361
01:02:05,138 --> 01:02:06,811
Are her parents
going to be there?
1362
01:02:07,140 --> 01:02:09,234
Absolutely not! What the
hell are you talking about?
1363
01:02:09,392 --> 01:02:10,644
No.
(SHUSHING)
1364
01:02:11,186 --> 01:02:14,156
Damn it, guys, I'm sorry. We have
to get out of here. Let's go!
1365
01:02:14,648 --> 01:02:17,868
What are you doing? You're going
to give away our position.
1366
01:02:18,526 --> 01:02:20,654
Okay, listen to me.
I have to fill you in quick.
1367
01:02:20,987 --> 01:02:22,955
Chelsea is on her way to
Mandy's house for a party.
1368
01:02:23,031 --> 01:02:24,032
Her parents are not there.
1369
01:02:24,115 --> 01:02:25,913
What I can gather so far from
Mandy's Facebook page...
1370
01:02:25,992 --> 01:02:26,959
is she's a total whore.
1371
01:02:27,035 --> 01:02:28,161
This is going to be
a full-blown fuck festival.
1372
01:02:28,245 --> 01:02:30,714
There is going to be touching and pulling.
There is going to be climaxing.
1373
01:02:30,789 --> 01:02:31,756
Chelsea's going to
be there any minute
1374
01:02:31,831 --> 01:02:32,832
and I cannot
allow that to happen.
1375
01:02:32,916 --> 01:02:33,917
I need you guys
to come with me.
1376
01:02:34,000 --> 01:02:34,967
We need to put
a stop to this.
1377
01:02:35,043 --> 01:02:36,795
Bob, what are you
talking about?
1378
01:02:36,878 --> 01:02:40,553
We are literally at the possible
doorstep of an alien hive.
1379
01:02:40,840 --> 01:02:42,934
You're right. We have to
split up for a little bit.
1380
01:02:43,009 --> 01:02:45,182
Jamarky-Mark, you stay with the Evanator.
That's right.
1381
01:02:45,262 --> 01:02:47,310
Frankfurter, you come with me. Me
and my guy work well together.
1382
01:02:47,389 --> 01:02:48,766
So fucking far ahead of
you, it's not even funny.
1383
01:02:48,848 --> 01:02:50,976
What? No! Franklin!
1384
01:02:51,184 --> 01:02:52,777
Franklin,
you're not going anywhere.
1385
01:02:52,852 --> 01:02:55,446
Bob, your daughter
is not official business.
1386
01:02:55,522 --> 01:02:58,992
Our mandate is to pursue murderers,
and thieves, and aliens...
1387
01:02:59,067 --> 01:03:00,410
and anyone who
threatens to tear
1388
01:03:00,485 --> 01:03:02,453
the fabric of this
neighborhood apart.
1389
01:03:02,529 --> 01:03:04,952
My mandate, as a father,
is to pursue little pricks...
1390
01:03:05,031 --> 01:03:07,284
that try to tear the fabric
of my daughter's hymen apart.
1391
01:03:07,367 --> 01:03:08,493
Shh!
1392
01:03:08,576 --> 01:03:11,546
Don't you walk away.
Don't you dare.
1393
01:03:11,621 --> 01:03:13,498
Oh, I dare!
1394
01:03:14,874 --> 01:03:15,921
(CROWS)
1395
01:03:16,209 --> 01:03:17,677
This sucks! This sucks!
1396
01:03:17,752 --> 01:03:19,379
(CROWS)
Shut up!
1397
01:03:19,546 --> 01:03:22,049
I'm a bird.
They can't hear me, idiot.
1398
01:03:22,799 --> 01:03:25,222
We're good. Let's go.
1399
01:03:25,927 --> 01:03:27,474
(MAN SCREAMING)
1400
01:03:37,230 --> 01:03:39,904
It sounds like somebody's
getting ripped apart in there.
1401
01:03:40,066 --> 01:03:42,910
Smells funky and musty.
1402
01:03:43,069 --> 01:03:44,571
Do you see anything interesting?
(BOTH EXCLAIM IN FEAR)
1403
01:03:47,449 --> 01:03:49,292
You Okay?
Are you okay?
1404
01:03:49,367 --> 01:03:51,040
I'm okay.
1405
01:03:51,286 --> 01:03:52,538
Hi, Paul.
1406
01:03:52,620 --> 01:03:54,122
Hi, Evan.
1407
01:03:54,205 --> 01:03:55,752
Phew!
You all right?
1408
01:03:55,832 --> 01:03:57,254
You scared us.
1409
01:03:57,500 --> 01:03:59,127
And who is this
mountain of a man?
1410
01:04:00,086 --> 01:04:02,009
My name's Jamarcus.
1411
01:04:02,464 --> 01:04:03,511
Jamarcus.
1412
01:04:03,757 --> 01:04:05,430
Shall we?
1413
01:04:09,095 --> 01:04:10,187
(GOOD GOOD NIGHT PLAYING)
1414
01:04:10,263 --> 01:04:13,016
Show time like cable
Get up on that table
1415
01:04:13,099 --> 01:04:16,069
I love your sexy body
And I know you like this paper
1416
01:04:16,144 --> 01:04:18,522
Bottles coming like
they got legs on 'em
1417
01:04:18,605 --> 01:04:22,200
The way I kill 'em, man This beat will
make 'em wanna call the feds on me
1418
01:04:22,275 --> 01:04:25,199
Good, good night
Good, good night, night, night
1419
01:04:25,278 --> 01:04:27,701
Good, good night
Good, good night
1420
01:04:27,781 --> 01:04:31,251
Thanks for taking me here.
This is erotic as hell.
1421
01:04:31,326 --> 01:04:32,327
(SIGHS)
1422
01:04:32,994 --> 01:04:34,962
Big Bob, you got daughter
at 12 o'clock.
1423
01:04:35,121 --> 01:04:36,338
Move to extraction?
1424
01:04:36,414 --> 01:04:37,461
BOB: Stand down, seal six.
1425
01:04:37,624 --> 01:04:38,796
If we go in there hot,
we'll humiliate her
1426
01:04:38,875 --> 01:04:40,752
for the rest of
her high school days.
1427
01:04:40,835 --> 01:04:43,384
Let's just lay low.
Just taking in intel.
1428
01:04:43,463 --> 01:04:45,966
Look, there's that kid from
Costco with the big fat dick.
1429
01:04:46,299 --> 01:04:49,052
Walking around with his massive
cock, like he owns the joint.
1430
01:04:49,135 --> 01:04:51,137
That shit's just banging
against his kneecaps.
1431
01:04:51,638 --> 01:04:53,060
Twenty bucks that guy's
dick dips into the toilet
1432
01:04:53,139 --> 01:04:54,265
when he takes a shit.
1433
01:04:55,850 --> 01:04:57,397
Whoo!
(LAUGHS)
1434
01:04:57,477 --> 01:04:58,478
Hey, girl.
1435
01:04:58,645 --> 01:04:59,692
Uh-oh.
1436
01:05:00,146 --> 01:05:01,489
(GIGGLING)
1437
01:05:03,191 --> 01:05:06,320
Dig that shit! Dig that shit.
Who's your daddy?
1438
01:05:06,403 --> 01:05:08,326
I'm her daddy,
you piece of shit!
1439
01:05:08,571 --> 01:05:10,414
Come to daddy's bedroom.
Okay.
1440
01:05:10,490 --> 01:05:12,163
It's the master bedroom.
Ooh!
1441
01:05:12,409 --> 01:05:13,956
Let's move ass.
1442
01:05:14,035 --> 01:05:16,333
Which way are we going?
Down! Down!
1443
01:05:16,955 --> 01:05:18,298
Right this way, gentlemen.
1444
01:05:19,290 --> 01:05:22,419
Please, after you.
Thank you, Jamarcus.
1445
01:05:24,546 --> 01:05:25,923
(LOCKING DOOR)
1446
01:05:29,092 --> 01:05:30,139
(CLEARS THROAT)
1447
01:05:30,218 --> 01:05:34,348
It's a nice place you got here, Paul.
I like the paint.
1448
01:05:34,514 --> 01:05:36,357
Thank you,
Evan Trautwig...
1449
01:05:36,516 --> 01:05:39,395
and allow me to pay you
a compliment in kind.
1450
01:05:39,561 --> 01:05:42,405
I see you out there,
jogging...
1451
01:05:42,564 --> 01:05:45,283
and I often think
to myself, "My God.
1452
01:05:45,442 --> 01:05:47,365
"What a perfect specimen."
1453
01:05:47,527 --> 01:05:50,201
Excuse me,
two perfect specimens.
1454
01:05:50,530 --> 01:05:51,827
Gentlemen...
1455
01:05:53,283 --> 01:05:55,536
Say goodbye to the
world as you know it.
1456
01:05:56,119 --> 01:05:57,371
(GRUNTS)
1457
01:05:57,537 --> 01:05:59,380
More!
1458
01:05:59,456 --> 01:06:02,426
And say hello
to paradise.
1459
01:06:04,544 --> 01:06:07,889
Welcome to the sanctuary of
the human spirit, gents...
1460
01:06:08,214 --> 01:06:11,388
because tonight is
all about freedom...
1461
01:06:13,386 --> 01:06:16,390
and, some about boning.
(CHUCKLES)
1462
01:06:16,764 --> 01:06:19,392
I think we solved
the battery mystery.
1463
01:06:20,477 --> 01:06:24,402
Come on in, boys.
The water is just right.
1464
01:06:24,481 --> 01:06:26,233
Yeah, the cinematography
is unreal.
1465
01:06:26,316 --> 01:06:28,410
It's definitely going
to win Best Picture.
1466
01:06:28,485 --> 01:06:30,032
Switch?
Yeah.
1467
01:06:32,655 --> 01:06:34,498
EVAN: This is disgusting.
1468
01:06:34,574 --> 01:06:37,248
It stinks in here. Come on, I was wrong.
Let's go.
1469
01:06:37,327 --> 01:06:39,750
Hey, do you mind
if I suck on your balls?
1470
01:06:40,788 --> 01:06:42,836
I'm going to see
how this plays out.
1471
01:06:42,916 --> 01:06:44,168
I'm going.
1472
01:06:44,918 --> 01:06:46,090
Oh, here we go.
1473
01:06:46,169 --> 01:06:48,137
I'll get your name
in due course.
1474
01:06:48,463 --> 01:06:51,091
(BEAMER, BENZ,
OR BENTLEY PLAYING)
1475
01:06:51,174 --> 01:06:52,676
Mr. McAllister.
1476
01:06:52,759 --> 01:06:55,182
Mandy, this is quite a gathering
you got cooking here.
1477
01:06:55,261 --> 01:06:56,513
I'm a little surprised.
1478
01:06:56,596 --> 01:06:58,974
It's a little late for the
chess club to be out.
1479
01:06:59,057 --> 01:07:00,229
What have we got here?
1480
01:07:00,308 --> 01:07:01,776
A little weed,
a little tequila.
1481
01:07:01,851 --> 01:07:03,023
Where's the hard stuff,
pussies?
1482
01:07:03,102 --> 01:07:04,945
Are you guys twins?
BOTH: Yes.
1483
01:07:05,021 --> 01:07:06,898
Oh, my gosh. I can't even
tell you guys apart.
1484
01:07:06,981 --> 01:07:10,281
I'm kidding. Slow down. You
kids are out of your mind.
1485
01:07:10,360 --> 01:07:12,237
I feel like
the three of us just met...
1486
01:07:12,320 --> 01:07:13,947
but I feel like I'm the
triplet in a weird way...
1487
01:07:14,030 --> 01:07:15,907
but in a sexual way.
1488
01:07:15,990 --> 01:07:17,367
Where do we
take it from here?
1489
01:07:17,450 --> 01:07:19,669
I'm located about 45
minutes south of here.
1490
01:07:19,744 --> 01:07:20,745
I live with my mom.
1491
01:07:20,828 --> 01:07:22,546
I'm not here to
break up the party.
1492
01:07:22,622 --> 01:07:24,044
I want you kids
to get hopped up,
1493
01:07:24,123 --> 01:07:26,467
but I'm looking for
a Chelsea McAllister.
1494
01:07:26,543 --> 01:07:27,920
Anyone here know
where she might be?
1495
01:07:28,002 --> 01:07:29,549
You guys know who I'm
talking about, right?
1496
01:07:33,132 --> 01:07:34,429
(MOANING)
1497
01:07:37,136 --> 01:07:39,059
Maybe we should go
back to the party?
1498
01:07:39,138 --> 01:07:41,857
No. I want to
keep doing this.
1499
01:07:43,142 --> 01:07:45,895
Okay, I just think
we're going a little fast.
1500
01:07:45,979 --> 01:07:48,107
We're not.
This is amazing.
1501
01:07:48,189 --> 01:07:50,942
We should keep moving
at this exact pace.
1502
01:07:51,025 --> 01:07:53,073
Maybe even
a little bit faster.
1503
01:07:53,152 --> 01:07:54,495
Seriously, Jason,
stop it.
1504
01:07:54,571 --> 01:07:56,744
Seriously, Chelsea,
I don't want to.
1505
01:07:56,823 --> 01:07:58,871
Chelsea?
Dad?
1506
01:07:58,950 --> 01:08:00,668
What are you doing here?
What the hell?
1507
01:08:00,743 --> 01:08:02,666
Dude, get out of here.
1508
01:08:03,246 --> 01:08:04,793
Let's just go.
Are you okay?
1509
01:08:04,872 --> 01:08:05,964
You're ruining this.
1510
01:08:07,750 --> 01:08:09,093
Catch you later, Chels.
1511
01:08:09,752 --> 01:08:11,345
Oh, shit.
1512
01:08:11,421 --> 01:08:12,764
Hey!
1513
01:08:12,922 --> 01:08:16,802
Hey, jackass. I'm
talking to you, prick!
1514
01:08:16,884 --> 01:08:18,727
You think you're cute,
you little fuck!
1515
01:08:19,178 --> 01:08:20,555
Oh, my God!
1516
01:08:22,432 --> 01:08:24,230
Ouch!
(COUGHING)
1517
01:08:24,684 --> 01:08:27,107
That looks like
a real gusher, Bob.
1518
01:08:28,771 --> 01:08:29,988
Come here.
1519
01:08:30,064 --> 01:08:31,065
CHELSEA: Dad!
1520
01:08:31,441 --> 01:08:32,909
(CROWD GASPS)
1521
01:08:33,443 --> 01:08:34,695
Dad!
1522
01:08:35,361 --> 01:08:36,453
(GROANS)
1523
01:08:38,114 --> 01:08:39,491
Are you okay, Dad?
1524
01:08:39,574 --> 01:08:41,167
I'm okay, honey.
Just stung a little bit.
1525
01:08:44,579 --> 01:08:47,958
You don't fuck with Bob.
You show Bob respect.
1526
01:08:48,041 --> 01:08:49,088
(LAUGHS) Okay.
1527
01:08:49,542 --> 01:08:51,385
Bob's my special guy.
1528
01:08:54,964 --> 01:08:57,888
That's right.
That just happened.
1529
01:08:57,967 --> 01:08:59,810
You don't tell your
parents about this.
1530
01:08:59,886 --> 01:09:01,559
You don't tell your
friends about this.
1531
01:09:01,638 --> 01:09:04,141
You write it in your dream
journal, you lock it up...
1532
01:09:04,223 --> 01:09:06,066
and you put it
under your pillow.
1533
01:09:06,225 --> 01:09:09,525
Or I will come back here and I will
kill each and every one of you.
1534
01:09:11,814 --> 01:09:13,407
Except for those two hot
girls I was talking to.
1535
01:09:13,483 --> 01:09:15,485
They have my information, please
have them get in contact with me.
1536
01:09:15,568 --> 01:09:16,569
They seemed great.
1537
01:09:17,403 --> 01:09:19,531
I'm glad you showed up tonight.
I'm sorry.
1538
01:09:19,614 --> 01:09:21,036
It's okay, honey.
1539
01:09:22,075 --> 01:09:23,998
Come on, let's go home.
Okay.
1540
01:09:35,129 --> 01:09:36,255
I'm okay, honey.
1541
01:09:36,339 --> 01:09:38,341
I think you got it all.
You can put it away.
1542
01:09:38,424 --> 01:09:39,721
You doing all right?
Mmm-hmm.
1543
01:09:39,801 --> 01:09:41,678
Bob, can I talk
to you for a second?
1544
01:09:41,761 --> 01:09:43,513
Yeah, sure.
1545
01:09:45,264 --> 01:09:47,687
Okay, I'll be in in a second.
I love you so much.
1546
01:09:47,767 --> 01:09:49,235
I love you, too.
1547
01:09:52,271 --> 01:09:56,367
I appreciate you showing up. I know
it takes a big man to apologize.
1548
01:09:56,442 --> 01:09:58,695
What happened back there
was not cool.
1549
01:09:58,778 --> 01:10:00,280
You abandoned your post.
1550
01:10:00,363 --> 01:10:02,616
If that had been an alien hive,
we would have been killed.
1551
01:10:02,699 --> 01:10:04,701
So, it wasn't a hive.
Where's Jamarcus?
1552
01:10:04,951 --> 01:10:06,419
Jamarcus decided
to stay at Paul's.
1553
01:10:06,494 --> 01:10:10,089
And no, it wasn't a hive. It
turned out to be a local orgy.
1554
01:10:10,164 --> 01:10:12,337
What? There's an orgy
happening, locally?
1555
01:10:13,000 --> 01:10:14,923
So, you're mad at me
for leaving an orgy?
1556
01:10:15,002 --> 01:10:17,380
It doesn't matter what it was. The
point is, you left us hanging.
1557
01:10:17,463 --> 01:10:18,555
It's the principle.
1558
01:10:18,631 --> 01:10:21,384
No, the principle is I went to go
help my daughter who was in trouble.
1559
01:10:21,467 --> 01:10:24,767
Evan, you can't be such a control freak.
You're too uptight.
1560
01:10:24,846 --> 01:10:26,393
Yeah, Bob, I'm uptight.
1561
01:10:26,472 --> 01:10:29,976
I'm uptight about the aliens that are
killing people in our neighborhood.
1562
01:10:30,059 --> 01:10:31,732
That's what
I'm uptight about.
1563
01:10:31,811 --> 01:10:33,063
Neighborhood Watch
isn't for people
1564
01:10:33,146 --> 01:10:35,319
who can't handle their
daughter's personal shit.
1565
01:10:35,398 --> 01:10:37,321
Did you even hear
how you sound right now?
1566
01:10:37,400 --> 01:10:38,993
Why don't you look at your
own personal life, Evan...
1567
01:10:39,068 --> 01:10:40,240
because you don't
even have one.
1568
01:10:40,319 --> 01:10:42,947
You don't talk to your wife.
You don't have any friends.
1569
01:10:43,030 --> 01:10:44,623
I have friends.
No, you don't, man.
1570
01:10:44,741 --> 01:10:46,835
I have tons of friends. No, you don't.
You have clubs.
1571
01:10:46,909 --> 01:10:49,003
You start these clubs,
and you become a dictator.
1572
01:10:49,078 --> 01:10:50,751
You just boss everyone and
you tell them what to do...
1573
01:10:50,830 --> 01:10:52,332
because you're running away
from what really matters.
1574
01:10:52,415 --> 01:10:54,838
You don't have the guts to deal with
what's going on in your own home.
1575
01:10:56,836 --> 01:10:58,884
I have the guts to do this.
1576
01:10:59,672 --> 01:11:01,265
You're out of the Watch.
1577
01:11:01,841 --> 01:11:03,684
You can't throw me
out of the Watch.
1578
01:11:04,343 --> 01:11:05,435
I just did.
1579
01:11:05,845 --> 01:11:07,688
Okay, I don't care. I'm going
to start my own watch.
1580
01:11:08,055 --> 01:11:10,604
You can't, because there already is a watch.
So you can't do that.
1581
01:11:10,767 --> 01:11:12,940
Oh, yes, I can
start my watch...
1582
01:11:13,019 --> 01:11:14,646
because if I'm
not in your watch,
1583
01:11:14,729 --> 01:11:16,447
you can't give me
rules anymore.
1584
01:11:16,522 --> 01:11:18,024
I'm going to keep
my own logo, too.
1585
01:11:18,107 --> 01:11:19,324
I never liked
that logo, anyway.
1586
01:11:19,400 --> 01:11:22,529
My logo is awesome!
My logo is Chinese.
1587
01:11:22,612 --> 01:11:24,706
The Chinese
understand movement...
1588
01:11:24,864 --> 01:11:26,958
and I understand
the Chinese.
1589
01:11:27,033 --> 01:11:30,958
I combined flight with
flames, with a tiger.
1590
01:11:31,037 --> 01:11:32,755
What am I combining, Evan?
1591
01:11:32,955 --> 01:11:36,084
Serenity, optimism, attack.
1592
01:11:38,085 --> 01:11:40,213
Franklin, let's get
some pudding inside you.
1593
01:11:40,296 --> 01:11:41,889
Franklin, you do not
go in that house.
1594
01:11:42,381 --> 01:11:45,806
Jesus, Evan, you don't own him.
You don't own all of us.
1595
01:11:45,885 --> 01:11:49,105
Franklin is his own man. He
can make his own decisions.
1596
01:11:49,305 --> 01:11:50,852
He can think
for himself.
1597
01:11:50,932 --> 01:11:52,605
Franklin, get your fucking
ass in the house!
1598
01:11:52,809 --> 01:11:53,981
EVAN: Don't you
speak with Franklin!
1599
01:11:54,060 --> 01:11:56,404
Franklin, you stay!
Franklin, stay!
1600
01:11:56,687 --> 01:11:58,064
Come! Franklin, come.
1601
01:11:58,564 --> 01:11:59,736
Come here.
1602
01:11:59,899 --> 01:12:01,901
Frank. Come here, Franklin.
1603
01:12:03,653 --> 01:12:05,906
Come here, Franklin.
Franklin, look at me.
1604
01:12:06,864 --> 01:12:08,081
Franklin, come on.
1605
01:12:08,825 --> 01:12:10,498
Evan, you're
a special friend...
1606
01:12:13,287 --> 01:12:14,789
But I live here.
1607
01:12:22,171 --> 01:12:25,801
How does it feel, Evan,
to be in a club of one?
1608
01:12:34,433 --> 01:12:35,730
(PANTING)
1609
01:12:47,697 --> 01:12:49,540
Maybe he's
jacking off too much.
1610
01:12:49,615 --> 01:12:51,663
Like, the well is dry
by the time you get home.
1611
01:12:51,784 --> 01:12:52,876
Ew. Stop.
1612
01:12:52,952 --> 01:12:56,877
Have you noticed any abrasions
or signs of stress on his penis?
1613
01:12:56,956 --> 01:12:58,048
Abrasions? No.
1614
01:12:58,124 --> 01:12:59,467
Like, he's pulling
on it too hard?
1615
01:13:00,626 --> 01:13:02,048
(PANTING)
1616
01:13:02,128 --> 01:13:03,630
I'm sterile.
1617
01:13:05,298 --> 01:13:06,470
Bye-bye.
1618
01:13:08,801 --> 01:13:10,803
Hey, Carla.
Hey.
1619
01:13:10,887 --> 01:13:13,231
Honey, I can't have kids.
1620
01:13:13,639 --> 01:13:15,983
I went to a doctor
and got it checked out.
1621
01:13:16,058 --> 01:13:18,311
And I am barren.
1622
01:13:18,728 --> 01:13:20,071
It's me, it's not you.
1623
01:13:20,354 --> 01:13:21,901
It's not the both of us,
it's me.
1624
01:13:22,064 --> 01:13:23,611
And I've been
trying to tell you,
1625
01:13:23,691 --> 01:13:26,661
but just every time
you wanted to have sex...
1626
01:13:26,819 --> 01:13:28,571
it was all
I could think about.
1627
01:13:28,738 --> 01:13:31,412
And I didn't know
how to tell you, so...
1628
01:13:35,494 --> 01:13:37,496
Why wouldn't you tell me?
1629
01:13:38,539 --> 01:13:42,715
Isn't that the kind of thing that
couples figure out together?
1630
01:13:43,377 --> 01:13:47,098
I just knew how much
that you wanted this...
1631
01:13:49,008 --> 01:13:50,510
and I didn't want
to let you down.
1632
01:13:51,010 --> 01:13:53,433
Yeah, but I want this.
1633
01:13:53,512 --> 01:13:55,514
More than anything.
1634
01:13:57,558 --> 01:14:01,062
I don't know, we can figure
all that other stuff out.
1635
01:14:02,730 --> 01:14:05,734
All I ever wanted
was for us to be a team.
1636
01:14:06,734 --> 01:14:08,862
That's all I ever wanted.
1637
01:14:10,196 --> 01:14:11,948
No more secrets, okay?
1638
01:14:13,449 --> 01:14:14,951
Actually...
1639
01:14:16,869 --> 01:14:19,167
There is one more secret.
1640
01:14:20,581 --> 01:14:21,958
Okay.
1641
01:14:22,041 --> 01:14:24,590
(DOORBELL RINGING)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
1642
01:14:27,004 --> 01:14:28,130
Hey, Evan.
1643
01:14:28,297 --> 01:14:29,799
Jamarcus,
now is not a good time.
1644
01:14:29,966 --> 01:14:31,183
Well, I need to
tell you something.
1645
01:14:31,550 --> 01:14:33,393
I know, I just need to be
with my wife right now.
1646
01:14:33,552 --> 01:14:34,769
This is more important.
1647
01:14:34,971 --> 01:14:36,223
Whatever it is,
it isn't.
1648
01:14:36,389 --> 01:14:39,939
Trust me, we need to get the
Neighborhood Watch together now.
1649
01:14:40,184 --> 01:14:41,811
Do you want another one? Is
that going to hold you over?
1650
01:14:41,894 --> 01:14:43,396
I'll eat more pudding
if you have more.
1651
01:14:46,565 --> 01:14:48,693
I don't know that I'm open
to an apology yet.
1652
01:14:49,235 --> 01:14:50,987
Are you serious?
1653
01:14:51,070 --> 01:14:53,368
Jamarcus,
what is going on?
1654
01:14:54,615 --> 01:14:55,662
Oh.
1655
01:14:55,741 --> 01:14:56,788
What the fuck?
1656
01:14:59,286 --> 01:15:01,038
Oh, my God.
1657
01:15:02,289 --> 01:15:03,757
Is that a parlor trick?
1658
01:15:04,000 --> 01:15:06,674
It's okay. It's okay.
1659
01:15:06,836 --> 01:15:08,213
Touch my goo, Bob.
1660
01:15:12,675 --> 01:15:13,847
Feels like cum.
1661
01:15:13,926 --> 01:15:16,304
Holy fuck,
it feels like cum!
1662
01:15:16,387 --> 01:15:17,434
He's a fucking alien!
1663
01:15:17,513 --> 01:15:19,356
You stay the fuck back,
Jamarcus!
1664
01:15:19,432 --> 01:15:21,230
What the hell
is going on?
1665
01:15:21,308 --> 01:15:22,560
Franklin, I'm not
here to hurt you.
1666
01:15:22,643 --> 01:15:25,522
Believe me, I've had many
chances to kill you.
1667
01:15:25,604 --> 01:15:26,776
You're one of them?
1668
01:15:28,941 --> 01:15:30,409
You're an alien?
1669
01:15:30,484 --> 01:15:33,283
Look, our ship came here
six months ago...
1670
01:15:33,404 --> 01:15:35,031
and we have been
hiding ever since.
1671
01:15:35,322 --> 01:15:38,451
We inhabited your human form
to infiltrate your society...
1672
01:15:38,534 --> 01:15:40,912
and learn your weaknesses,
but instead--
1673
01:15:40,995 --> 01:15:43,544
Why is this thing still talking?
Let's kill him.
1674
01:15:43,748 --> 01:15:47,924
Because in a few hours, our
transmitter will become operational.
1675
01:15:48,169 --> 01:15:52,424
When it signals, our armada will
commence a global invasion...
1676
01:15:52,506 --> 01:15:56,477
starting here in Glenview, which
is clearly not ideal for you.
1677
01:15:56,635 --> 01:15:57,932
What?
Why?
1678
01:15:58,012 --> 01:16:00,106
We're aliens.
That's what we do.
1679
01:16:00,181 --> 01:16:02,980
We come to planets, we
destroy them, we move on.
1680
01:16:03,059 --> 01:16:04,231
Wait a minute.
1681
01:16:05,478 --> 01:16:06,695
Did you kill Antonio?
1682
01:16:07,146 --> 01:16:10,901
No! God, of course not. I know
who did, his name is Flertrok.
1683
01:16:10,983 --> 01:16:12,985
The man is a fucking cunt.
1684
01:16:13,069 --> 01:16:15,492
Where is this
transmitter thing?
1685
01:16:15,696 --> 01:16:19,121
The only place big enough, with
enough power and supplies.
1686
01:16:20,326 --> 01:16:21,373
Costco?
1687
01:16:21,952 --> 01:16:22,999
Yeah.
1688
01:16:23,079 --> 01:16:26,504
You've been planning an alien
invasion in my Costco?
1689
01:16:26,665 --> 01:16:29,544
You really do have everything
we need under one roof.
1690
01:16:29,627 --> 01:16:31,846
Why are you telling us this if we
don't have any time to stop it?
1691
01:16:31,921 --> 01:16:33,798
What kind of sick fucking
head game are you playing?
1692
01:16:33,881 --> 01:16:35,554
Well, because
there's good news.
1693
01:16:35,758 --> 01:16:39,058
If you leave now, you will
survive the initial invasion.
1694
01:16:39,178 --> 01:16:40,771
And after that, if you
take to the desert
1695
01:16:40,846 --> 01:16:42,848
and live in
caves and crevices...
1696
01:16:42,932 --> 01:16:46,482
you could live with moderate
dignity for most of your lives.
1697
01:16:46,894 --> 01:16:50,114
I don't believe a word he's saying.
He betrayed the Watch.
1698
01:16:50,272 --> 01:16:51,569
JAMARCUS: Yes,
but since then...
1699
01:16:51,649 --> 01:16:55,904
I've come to know humanity's
compassion and beauty and love.
1700
01:16:56,570 --> 01:16:58,243
I don't want
to lie anymore.
1701
01:16:58,656 --> 01:17:01,000
And also the ball-sucking
was a real eye opener.
1702
01:17:01,575 --> 01:17:04,328
Look, I'm not going to ask
for your forgiveness...
1703
01:17:04,411 --> 01:17:05,628
because I don't deserve it.
1704
01:17:07,039 --> 01:17:08,131
I'm really sorry.
1705
01:17:09,875 --> 01:17:11,092
Just go.
1706
01:17:11,669 --> 01:17:12,795
Okay.
1707
01:17:17,091 --> 01:17:20,766
Please, save yourselves
while there's still time.
1708
01:17:22,555 --> 01:17:24,398
ABBY: What the hell
is happening?
1709
01:17:24,473 --> 01:17:26,316
FRANKLIN: If we don't leave here
right now, we're going to die.
1710
01:17:26,392 --> 01:17:29,191
Guys, are you actually talking about
giving up and leaving Glenview?
1711
01:17:29,270 --> 01:17:31,944
No, I think we go and
alert the authorities.
1712
01:17:32,022 --> 01:17:33,569
Get as many people
out as possible.
1713
01:17:33,649 --> 01:17:34,821
And then what?
1714
01:17:34,900 --> 01:17:36,277
And then, I don't know.
1715
01:17:36,360 --> 01:17:38,362
Evan's right.
We need to hit the caves.
1716
01:17:38,445 --> 01:17:40,573
Guys, we're not going to let
Glenview become ground zero...
1717
01:17:40,656 --> 01:17:42,829
for an alien invasion
and not do something about it.
1718
01:17:43,284 --> 01:17:45,878
We're the Neighborhood Watch.
This is what we do.
1719
01:17:45,953 --> 01:17:47,921
No, Bob, come on.
1720
01:17:47,997 --> 01:17:49,874
It's what we did,
or never really did,
1721
01:17:49,957 --> 01:17:51,083
because we didn't
really do anything.
1722
01:17:51,167 --> 01:17:54,216
Until now. I say,
tonight we change that.
1723
01:17:54,295 --> 01:17:55,672
Evan, you started
the Neighborhood Watch
1724
01:17:55,754 --> 01:17:57,347
because you believed
in something.
1725
01:17:57,423 --> 01:17:58,766
You believed
in this town.
1726
01:17:58,841 --> 01:18:01,720
You believed in these people. You
believed in us and I still do.
1727
01:18:01,802 --> 01:18:04,021
We're not going to let a bunch
of aliens waltz in here...
1728
01:18:04,096 --> 01:18:05,769
and do whatever the hell
they want to do.
1729
01:18:05,848 --> 01:18:07,691
I say,
not on our watch.
1730
01:18:07,766 --> 01:18:10,360
I say, they drew the short straw
when they picked Glenview.
1731
01:18:10,436 --> 01:18:12,530
Now, come on, guys.
Get your heads right.
1732
01:18:12,605 --> 01:18:15,108
This neighborhood is going
to need our best tonight.
1733
01:18:15,900 --> 01:18:20,371
Evan, some aliens just set
up tents in your store.
1734
01:18:20,446 --> 01:18:21,914
What do you want
to do about it?
1735
01:18:23,449 --> 01:18:25,702
Costco is for
members only.
1736
01:18:28,037 --> 01:18:29,414
Let's take out
that transmitter.
1737
01:18:29,914 --> 01:18:31,461
Now we're talking.
1738
01:18:32,208 --> 01:18:35,087
All right, Watch,
this is it.
1739
01:18:35,544 --> 01:18:36,545
Now it gets real.
1740
01:18:36,629 --> 01:18:38,302
That's a cute
10-milli Beretta, Bobby.
1741
01:18:38,672 --> 01:18:41,300
But I say we make
a pit stop at my house.
1742
01:18:42,468 --> 01:18:44,470
(I GOT MINE PLAYING)
1743
01:18:58,734 --> 01:19:00,907
Welcome to the candy shop,
motherfuckers.
1744
01:19:01,570 --> 01:19:02,787
Jesus.
Nice.
1745
01:19:02,863 --> 01:19:04,035
Holy shit.
1746
01:19:04,240 --> 01:19:05,617
Ladies first.
1747
01:19:06,867 --> 01:19:08,540
This one looks cute.
1748
01:19:10,120 --> 01:19:11,463
Cute and deadly.
1749
01:19:11,580 --> 01:19:12,832
Just like me.
1750
01:19:12,915 --> 01:19:13,916
Ew.
1751
01:19:13,999 --> 01:19:16,343
Franklin, what are you doing?
Who are these people?
1752
01:19:16,418 --> 01:19:17,635
And what are you doing
with these guns?
1753
01:19:17,711 --> 01:19:20,055
God damn it, Mom. Stay
the fuck out of my room!
1754
01:19:20,130 --> 01:19:23,384
I don't go through your shit. I
don't touch your butterflies.
1755
01:19:23,842 --> 01:19:24,934
Stay the fuck out.
1756
01:19:25,010 --> 01:19:26,808
Everyone out of my room.
Everyone out of my room.
1757
01:19:26,887 --> 01:19:28,685
Everyone leave.
Everyone out.
1758
01:19:28,764 --> 01:19:30,391
Nice to meet you.
1759
01:19:30,975 --> 01:19:32,693
It was a pleasure.
1760
01:19:32,851 --> 01:19:34,728
I'm sorry, Mama. I was just
trying to impress my friends.
1761
01:19:34,812 --> 01:19:36,530
I was trying
to be a big man.
1762
01:19:36,605 --> 01:19:39,734
I love you. Stay inside
the house tonight, okay?
1763
01:19:41,151 --> 01:19:43,404
You're an angel.
1764
01:19:50,953 --> 01:19:52,876
ON PHONE: Glenview P.D.
This is Sergeant Bressman.
1765
01:19:52,955 --> 01:19:55,674
Bressman, it's Evan Trautwig.
Listen to me very carefully.
1766
01:19:55,749 --> 01:19:58,798
There is an alien invasion
happening at the Costco.
1767
01:19:58,877 --> 01:20:01,300
I know it sounds crazy, but you
have to get down there right now.
1768
01:20:01,380 --> 01:20:03,678
An alien invasion, really?
At Costco?
1769
01:20:03,882 --> 01:20:06,476
Right now?
Oh, great, I'm on my way.
1770
01:20:06,552 --> 01:20:10,147
Oh, wait, no, I'm not. I'm
still here for some reason.
1771
01:20:10,222 --> 01:20:11,439
Give me the phone.
Give me the phone.
1772
01:20:12,433 --> 01:20:14,481
Bressman, you were right.
Trautwig is the Costco killer.
1773
01:20:14,560 --> 01:20:16,233
He's going to take us to
Costco right now and kill us.
1774
01:20:16,312 --> 01:20:18,110
You've got to help us.
(SCREAMS)
1775
01:20:18,897 --> 01:20:20,149
He's coming.
Really?
1776
01:20:20,232 --> 01:20:21,825
Yeah.
He believed that?
1777
01:20:22,901 --> 01:20:24,403
(TIRES SCREECH)
1778
01:20:39,126 --> 01:20:40,469
Look.
1779
01:20:41,045 --> 01:20:44,720
Oh, my God, that's an alien.
I am looking at an alien.
1780
01:20:44,798 --> 01:20:46,550
I know.
It can be a total mind-fuck.
1781
01:20:46,633 --> 01:20:48,852
What do we do? Bust in the
front door, guns blazing?
1782
01:20:49,094 --> 01:20:51,188
I love the enthusiasm,
Frank-n-Beans...
1783
01:20:51,472 --> 01:20:53,645
but I think we're going to need a
different kind of strategy here.
1784
01:20:54,391 --> 01:20:56,644
There's only one way
underneath the store.
1785
01:20:56,727 --> 01:20:59,276
It's through the drainage
grate in frozen foods.
1786
01:20:59,355 --> 01:21:01,028
When we re-built
the tire section...
1787
01:21:01,106 --> 01:21:05,703
we put shelving over the trash
chute, but we never sealed it off.
1788
01:21:07,029 --> 01:21:09,373
Stay behind me.
1789
01:21:12,326 --> 01:21:13,919
BOB: Let's go.
1790
01:21:16,997 --> 01:21:20,752
Pop this bitch open.
I'll cover you.
1791
01:21:22,836 --> 01:21:24,383
Let's go, guys.
Let's go.
1792
01:21:25,339 --> 01:21:27,182
I can't.
Shh!
1793
01:21:28,425 --> 01:21:29,802
Do you have nails?
Do you have nails?
1794
01:21:49,988 --> 01:21:51,114
(BEEPS)
1795
01:21:51,198 --> 01:21:53,667
BOB: (ON RADIO) He's guarding the grate.
Are you guys in position?
1796
01:21:53,742 --> 01:21:55,836
In position.
1797
01:21:56,537 --> 01:21:58,335
This is exciting.
1798
01:21:58,539 --> 01:21:59,916
Okay.
1799
01:21:59,998 --> 01:22:01,295
All right,
we shoot him on three.
1800
01:22:01,375 --> 01:22:03,343
I repeat. Shoot on three.
1801
01:22:03,419 --> 01:22:04,420
One.
1802
01:22:04,503 --> 01:22:05,504
Two.
1803
01:22:06,380 --> 01:22:07,597
Three.
(DOOR OPENS)
1804
01:22:08,465 --> 01:22:09,557
Freeze, Trautwig.
1805
01:22:10,676 --> 01:22:12,178
Game over.
1806
01:22:12,511 --> 01:22:13,763
Where did it go?
I don't know.
1807
01:22:13,846 --> 01:22:15,769
You're under arrest for the
murder of Manfred Salisbury...
1808
01:22:15,848 --> 01:22:18,852
Antonio Guzman and that
little punk skater kid.
1809
01:22:18,934 --> 01:22:20,060
Drop the guns.
1810
01:22:20,144 --> 01:22:21,441
You don't understand
what's happening.
1811
01:22:21,520 --> 01:22:23,272
There's aliens
in the store.
1812
01:22:23,355 --> 01:22:24,698
Oh, yeah? Aliens? Where?
1813
01:22:24,773 --> 01:22:26,446
It was right over there
until you scared it.
1814
01:22:26,525 --> 01:22:27,777
Now keep your mouth down.
1815
01:22:27,860 --> 01:22:30,534
Oh, aliens who are scared by
the sound of a door opening.
1816
01:22:30,904 --> 01:22:32,781
Look out, Earth,
you've met your match.
1817
01:22:32,865 --> 01:22:34,162
Drop the guns!
1818
01:22:34,241 --> 01:22:36,118
We're not going to drop our guns,
because there are aliens here.
1819
01:22:36,201 --> 01:22:37,248
(HICCUPS)
1820
01:22:37,327 --> 01:22:39,921
Chucho, what's up, buddy?
You got something to say?
1821
01:22:40,706 --> 01:22:42,128
(SCREAMS)
1822
01:22:42,207 --> 01:22:44,005
What the fuck is that thing?
1823
01:22:44,084 --> 01:22:45,301
(SCREAMS)
1824
01:22:46,128 --> 01:22:47,129
Oh.
1825
01:22:49,381 --> 01:22:50,382
(ROARS)
1826
01:22:51,633 --> 01:22:52,805
(WHIMPERS)
1827
01:22:56,346 --> 01:22:57,939
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
1828
01:23:04,104 --> 01:23:07,074
(SOBBING) Chucho!
Chucho, Chucho!
1829
01:23:08,192 --> 01:23:10,240
Stay with me, buddy.
Stay with me!
1830
01:23:10,486 --> 01:23:12,955
No, no, Chucho.
Come on!
1831
01:23:13,113 --> 01:23:14,456
Come on,
stay with me!
1832
01:23:16,992 --> 01:23:18,494
His heart is out
of his body, fella.
1833
01:23:18,577 --> 01:23:19,999
I don't think
he's going to make it.
1834
01:23:20,078 --> 01:23:21,625
What? No, he's
going to make it.
1835
01:23:21,705 --> 01:23:23,173
Come on! Come on!
1836
01:23:23,832 --> 01:23:24,924
Listen, cop!
1837
01:23:25,000 --> 01:23:26,752
You got a lot of shit you need
to brought up to speed on...
1838
01:23:26,835 --> 01:23:28,178
and I don't have
the goddamn time
1839
01:23:28,253 --> 01:23:29,846
to hold your hand
and walk you through it.
1840
01:23:29,922 --> 01:23:33,051
First, aliens exist.
Deal with it.
1841
01:23:33,258 --> 01:23:35,681
Second, your boy Chucho
is dead as fuck.
1842
01:23:35,761 --> 01:23:37,013
And there isn't anything
on God's green earth
1843
01:23:37,095 --> 01:23:38,813
that's going to
bring him back to us.
1844
01:23:38,889 --> 01:23:40,983
Now, I have a bunch of aliens
underneath this Costco...
1845
01:23:41,058 --> 01:23:44,608
and we are moments away from this
Earth being stomped a new asshole!
1846
01:23:45,229 --> 01:23:46,355
I have one
important question,
1847
01:23:46,438 --> 01:23:48,281
and I need you to answer
it for me right now.
1848
01:23:49,316 --> 01:23:50,363
Are you with us?
1849
01:23:50,526 --> 01:23:52,073
Are you a cop?
1850
01:23:52,236 --> 01:23:53,909
No.
1851
01:23:54,071 --> 01:23:57,826
You rejected me because I
was too awesome for you.
1852
01:23:58,200 --> 01:24:01,249
Well, that was clearly the biggest
goddamn mistake I've ever made.
1853
01:24:01,328 --> 01:24:03,046
I'll do whatever
you say, kid.
1854
01:24:04,039 --> 01:24:07,293
Lock and load, bitches. Anything
from outer space, kill it.
1855
01:24:08,252 --> 01:24:11,131
Come on. That alien was guarding
that grate for a reason.
1856
01:24:18,804 --> 01:24:20,021
(SCREAMS)
1857
01:24:23,058 --> 01:24:24,059
(GROWLS)
1858
01:24:28,564 --> 01:24:30,783
Die! Die!
1859
01:24:30,941 --> 01:24:33,694
You... killed...
my... friend!
1860
01:24:33,860 --> 01:24:35,533
You stupid Flertrok!
1861
01:24:35,696 --> 01:24:37,073
I don't know if we
can confirm or deny
1862
01:24:37,155 --> 01:24:38,327
whether or not
that's Flertrok...
1863
01:24:38,407 --> 01:24:40,034
but this thing's
a goner for sure.
1864
01:24:51,003 --> 01:24:52,050
(GROANS) it hurts.
1865
01:24:59,469 --> 01:25:01,813
I guess this is the part
where you leave me to die.
1866
01:25:01,888 --> 01:25:04,437
No, no.
You're not going to die.
1867
01:25:04,516 --> 01:25:06,063
Yeah, you're not
going to die.
1868
01:25:06,143 --> 01:25:07,486
(SOFTLY)
He's going to die.
1869
01:25:08,103 --> 01:25:09,605
You better get some help.
1870
01:25:09,688 --> 01:25:11,611
(METALLIC GRATING)
1871
01:25:11,690 --> 01:25:13,067
That doesn't sound good.
1872
01:25:13,400 --> 01:25:14,868
Come on, we got to
find that transmitter.
1873
01:25:14,943 --> 01:25:16,035
Hey.
1874
01:25:16,570 --> 01:25:17,947
Go kill me
some aliens, baby.
1875
01:25:18,030 --> 01:25:19,373
All right.
1876
01:25:20,866 --> 01:25:22,413
Okay.
1877
01:25:22,492 --> 01:25:24,961
Hey. I need you to be
strong for me, okay?
1878
01:25:25,037 --> 01:25:26,038
Ew.
1879
01:25:26,413 --> 01:25:28,381
Franklin.
What are we doing?
1880
01:25:28,457 --> 01:25:29,629
You ready?
Yeah, okay.
1881
01:25:29,708 --> 01:25:30,709
I'm just going
to lift your arm.
1882
01:25:44,806 --> 01:25:46,683
Here we go.
1883
01:26:03,241 --> 01:26:05,039
FRANKLIN: Holy shit.
1884
01:26:05,202 --> 01:26:06,624
JASON: Gentlemen.
1885
01:26:09,790 --> 01:26:11,508
What the hell are you
doing down here?
1886
01:26:11,667 --> 01:26:15,513
Nothing, really. Just picking
up some paper towels in bulk.
1887
01:26:15,671 --> 01:26:18,345
A super big tub of mayo,
and what else?
1888
01:26:18,882 --> 01:26:20,680
Oh, yeah,
transmitting a signal
1889
01:26:20,759 --> 01:26:24,229
to my armada to destroy
your entire race.
1890
01:26:24,304 --> 01:26:26,022
Holy shit!
He's an alien!
1891
01:26:26,098 --> 01:26:27,645
BOB: You motherfucker!
1892
01:26:31,603 --> 01:26:34,072
You guys go destroy the transmitter.
I'll deal with this jackass.
1893
01:26:34,147 --> 01:26:35,899
No. We're not going to
leave you alone with him.
1894
01:26:35,982 --> 01:26:37,529
Goddamn it, Evan, we don't
have time for this shit.
1895
01:26:37,609 --> 01:26:39,407
Just go, go, go! I got him!
1896
01:26:39,486 --> 01:26:40,533
Bob's right,
they have some shit
1897
01:26:40,612 --> 01:26:41,829
they have to work out.
Let's just go.
1898
01:26:41,905 --> 01:26:43,532
Okay, you be careful.
FRANKLIN: Come on.
1899
01:26:43,615 --> 01:26:45,617
Okay. Okay, Bob.
1900
01:26:46,284 --> 01:26:47,331
You can do this.
1901
01:26:47,953 --> 01:26:48,954
(GROWLING)
1902
01:26:51,123 --> 01:26:52,170
(GRUNTS)
1903
01:26:53,333 --> 01:26:56,633
Come on, Bob!
This is too easy.
1904
01:27:02,968 --> 01:27:04,311
(GRUNTING)
1905
01:27:07,097 --> 01:27:08,440
Whoo!
1906
01:27:08,515 --> 01:27:10,017
Yeah!
1907
01:27:11,643 --> 01:27:12,895
(GRUNTS)
1908
01:27:16,356 --> 01:27:19,781
Oh, my God.
What do we do?
1909
01:27:19,985 --> 01:27:21,157
I have an idea.
1910
01:27:28,160 --> 01:27:29,833
My idea didn't work.
1911
01:27:31,913 --> 01:27:32,914
(ROARS)
1912
01:27:38,837 --> 01:27:40,714
FRANKLIN: Evan,
they're not dying!
1913
01:27:42,215 --> 01:27:43,262
(CLICKING)
1914
01:27:43,341 --> 01:27:44,388
I'm out of bullets.
1915
01:27:45,135 --> 01:27:46,978
(CLICKING)
So am I.
1916
01:27:47,387 --> 01:27:49,936
It will be an honor getting
skinned alive next to you.
1917
01:27:50,515 --> 01:27:51,892
(GUN FIRING)
1918
01:27:54,519 --> 01:27:55,520
What is happening?
1919
01:27:58,190 --> 01:27:59,737
Why are their
dicks exploding?
1920
01:28:05,822 --> 01:28:07,039
Hi.
1921
01:28:07,115 --> 01:28:08,617
That's the only
way to kill us.
1922
01:28:08,700 --> 01:28:10,043
Severe trauma
to the dick.
1923
01:28:11,077 --> 01:28:12,374
That's where
our brains are.
1924
01:28:12,454 --> 01:28:13,751
Like all guys,
am I right?
1925
01:28:13,830 --> 01:28:14,831
JAMARCUS: You know it.
1926
01:28:14,915 --> 01:28:19,261
Bob, come in. If you can hear me,
their weakness is their dick.
1927
01:28:19,336 --> 01:28:21,464
Their Achilles' heel
is in their dicks.
1928
01:28:22,798 --> 01:28:24,095
Die!
1929
01:28:27,219 --> 01:28:28,391
(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)
1930
01:28:29,971 --> 01:28:31,518
(SCREAMS)
1931
01:28:31,598 --> 01:28:32,724
(RIPS)
1932
01:28:38,355 --> 01:28:39,698
(GROANING)
1933
01:28:43,109 --> 01:28:45,032
Magnum, my ass.
1934
01:28:45,195 --> 01:28:48,369
I only needed one hand
for that shit.
1935
01:28:50,075 --> 01:28:52,578
Jamarcus, how do you
shut this thing down?
1936
01:28:52,744 --> 01:28:54,496
Looks like the orb's
powering it,
1937
01:28:54,579 --> 01:28:57,753
so maybe removing the
orb would de-power it?
1938
01:28:57,958 --> 01:28:59,005
You're guessing?
1939
01:28:59,084 --> 01:29:00,552
You seriously don't know
how this thing works?
1940
01:29:00,627 --> 01:29:01,844
I'm not an engineer,
I didn't build it.
1941
01:29:01,920 --> 01:29:03,513
Do you know how
your cell phone works?
1942
01:29:03,588 --> 01:29:05,932
Yes, I know how
my cell phone works.
1943
01:29:06,049 --> 01:29:07,471
You hit a bunch of numbers,
and you hit send.
1944
01:29:07,551 --> 01:29:08,643
At least don't you
know the basic--?
1945
01:29:08,718 --> 01:29:10,937
What do you mean, "the basic"? Look
at it, it's not fucking basic.
1946
01:29:11,137 --> 01:29:13,356
It looks complicated.
1947
01:29:13,431 --> 01:29:14,478
That light bit...
1948
01:29:14,558 --> 01:29:16,526
That light. That means it's
almost charged, right?
1949
01:29:16,643 --> 01:29:18,145
What's happening?
1950
01:29:18,562 --> 01:29:20,530
Whoa! What the fuck
is he doing here?
1951
01:29:20,605 --> 01:29:22,607
Bob, it's all right. We were
surrounded and he saved our asses.
1952
01:29:22,691 --> 01:29:23,863
EVAN: Are you okay?
1953
01:29:23,942 --> 01:29:25,615
He came in here jacking dicks.
Left and right.
1954
01:29:26,194 --> 01:29:27,195
(ALIEN CHITTERS)
1955
01:29:27,279 --> 01:29:28,326
Shit! What is that?
1956
01:29:29,573 --> 01:29:30,620
I'm going to go
get that orb thing.
1957
01:29:30,699 --> 01:29:31,700
You guys cover me,
all right?
1958
01:29:31,783 --> 01:29:35,208
Yeah, Evaroo, just go quick.
Hurry up, this place sucks.
1959
01:29:35,704 --> 01:29:38,048
I've gone to the other side,
guys, I'm fucking way in it.
1960
01:29:38,123 --> 01:29:40,376
If first thing in war is lost
is fucking innocence...
1961
01:29:40,458 --> 01:29:41,425
(SPITS)
1962
01:29:41,501 --> 01:29:42,753
Yeah!
1963
01:29:46,298 --> 01:29:48,050
BOB: Better watch it.
Hurry up, buddy.
1964
01:29:48,133 --> 01:29:49,885
Hurry UP-
1965
01:29:50,218 --> 01:29:51,686
(POWERING UP)
1966
01:29:53,889 --> 01:29:54,981
FRANKLIN:
It's transmitting!
1967
01:30:00,604 --> 01:30:01,651
Get it off that thing.
1968
01:30:02,814 --> 01:30:04,612
(POWERING DOWN)
1969
01:30:11,489 --> 01:30:13,162
It worked!
All right!
1970
01:30:13,241 --> 01:30:15,243
Let's get the fuck
out of here.
1971
01:30:17,203 --> 01:30:18,705
What is it?
1972
01:30:22,167 --> 01:30:23,339
Franklin!
1973
01:30:25,879 --> 01:30:27,881
Holy shit!
Evan, let's go!
1974
01:30:27,964 --> 01:30:28,965
(YELLS)
1975
01:30:31,176 --> 01:30:32,519
We got to get
the orb out of here!
1976
01:30:33,178 --> 01:30:34,179
Cover us.
1977
01:30:34,429 --> 01:30:36,397
Let's go.
I got you Frank-n-Bean!
1978
01:30:45,357 --> 01:30:46,700
(GROWLING)
1979
01:30:56,117 --> 01:30:58,870
Come on! Let's go!
1980
01:31:00,121 --> 01:31:01,168
Get up there, Frank.
1981
01:31:01,915 --> 01:31:05,385
Come on, move, move, move!
This place is crawling.
1982
01:31:07,796 --> 01:31:08,797
Ahh!
1983
01:31:08,880 --> 01:31:09,881
(SNARLS)
1984
01:31:09,965 --> 01:31:11,638
Jamarcus!
Give me your hand!
1985
01:31:12,258 --> 01:31:13,680
Take the orb out and go!
1986
01:31:13,760 --> 01:31:16,138
No Watchman left behind!
Give me your hand!
1987
01:31:16,221 --> 01:31:17,268
Come on, pal!
1988
01:31:19,099 --> 01:31:20,976
Come on, brother.
Let's go.
1989
01:31:21,142 --> 01:31:22,314
Fridge!
1990
01:31:22,394 --> 01:31:23,737
Let's go.
1991
01:31:24,896 --> 01:31:26,068
(GRUNTS)
1992
01:31:27,649 --> 01:31:29,777
Come on, go, go!
1993
01:31:34,406 --> 01:31:35,908
(ALIEN GROWLS)
1994
01:31:37,283 --> 01:31:38,535
Come on! Let's go!
1995
01:31:48,044 --> 01:31:49,796
Franklin, the switch!
1996
01:31:51,256 --> 01:31:52,929
(ALARM BLARING)
1997
01:32:04,519 --> 01:32:05,771
EVAN: Get back, Abby!
1998
01:32:06,229 --> 01:32:08,197
Abby! Take cover!
1999
01:32:10,233 --> 01:32:13,487
Come on, boys! Let's plug
these motherfucking holes!
2000
01:32:21,327 --> 01:32:23,955
Goodbye,
sweet child of mine.
2001
01:32:34,966 --> 01:32:36,343
Evan!
2002
01:33:05,497 --> 01:33:07,249
BRESSMAN: Wait, what's happening?
Did we win?
2003
01:33:07,332 --> 01:33:09,209
I can't see.
Are those tears of joy?
2004
01:33:10,293 --> 01:33:12,637
They're not tears
of joy, are they?
2005
01:33:12,796 --> 01:33:15,845
Oh, no! Your husband's
dead, isn't he?
2006
01:33:15,924 --> 01:33:18,302
Your husband's dead.
I'm so sorry.
2007
01:33:18,384 --> 01:33:21,479
You're going to find somebody.
You're going to find somebody.
2008
01:33:21,554 --> 01:33:24,023
You're a great person.
Life goes on.
2009
01:33:24,140 --> 01:33:26,188
There's always something
better around the corner.
2010
01:33:26,267 --> 01:33:27,769
That's what my mom
always said.
2011
01:33:27,852 --> 01:33:29,729
I'm single, too, actually.
2012
01:33:47,747 --> 01:33:49,169
Hey.
2013
01:33:53,336 --> 01:33:54,758
Your Costco.
2014
01:33:54,921 --> 01:33:56,639
I'm sorry, baby.
2015
01:33:56,714 --> 01:33:57,715
Don't be.
2016
01:33:58,883 --> 01:34:03,354
She'll rise again, like a
phoenix from the ashes.
2017
01:34:03,429 --> 01:34:05,227
And when she does,
we'll be there.
2018
01:34:08,226 --> 01:34:10,024
We did it, Ev.
2019
01:34:11,020 --> 01:34:12,772
Yeah. We did.
2020
01:34:17,944 --> 01:34:19,446
You came back for us.
2021
01:34:20,655 --> 01:34:25,582
We went to an orgy together.
We are friends forever, now.
2022
01:34:26,911 --> 01:34:28,128
I'll explain
that to you later.
2023
01:34:28,204 --> 01:34:29,330
Yeah.
2024
01:34:29,956 --> 01:34:31,128
Hey.
2025
01:34:31,207 --> 01:34:33,710
I'm sorry about that
stuff I said before.
2026
01:34:33,793 --> 01:34:38,094
Forget it, man. I'm really sorry
about the stuff I said, too.
2027
01:34:38,173 --> 01:34:40,926
I mean, that's what brothers do.
They fight.
2028
01:34:42,385 --> 01:34:44,308
But then they always
make up, right?
2029
01:34:46,431 --> 01:34:48,024
Are we cool?
2030
01:34:50,018 --> 01:34:51,395
Yeah.
2031
01:34:52,437 --> 01:34:55,737
Get in here, little big man!
That's my guy.
2032
01:34:56,149 --> 01:34:58,072
That was really
beautiful, you guys.
2033
01:34:58,234 --> 01:34:59,781
Now, do me.
2034
01:34:59,861 --> 01:35:00,908
What?
2035
01:35:01,446 --> 01:35:03,039
Apologize to me.
2036
01:35:03,114 --> 01:35:04,206
For what?
2037
01:35:04,282 --> 01:35:07,081
If I have to tell you, then
the apology is meaningless.
2038
01:35:07,577 --> 01:35:10,080
All right, Frank-n-Beans.
Get in here.
2039
01:35:10,163 --> 01:35:11,210
Thank you.
2040
01:35:12,123 --> 01:35:13,670
Come on, Jamrock.
2041
01:35:15,710 --> 01:35:18,088
Listen, baby, I know things
get tough, but I'm okay.
2042
01:35:18,171 --> 01:35:19,218
You got to stop that.
2043
01:35:19,297 --> 01:35:20,264
I understand.
2044
01:35:20,340 --> 01:35:21,717
What are you
doing? Really.
2045
01:35:21,799 --> 01:35:23,642
I'm in a weird place.
I'm sorry.
2046
01:35:24,761 --> 01:35:26,559
I don't want to come off
as a bottom feeder...
2047
01:35:26,638 --> 01:35:28,640
but there could be a couple of
knickknacks in that store...
2048
01:35:28,723 --> 01:35:30,851
Don't even finish it.
2049
01:35:31,601 --> 01:35:33,444
I'm going to pick up a couple
of knickknacks or something...
2050
01:35:33,519 --> 01:35:35,988
That stuff is all covered by insurance.
You can't...
2051
01:35:36,981 --> 01:35:37,948
What are you...?
Hey.
2052
01:35:38,024 --> 01:35:39,822
EVAN: I used to think
I had it all-
2053
01:35:39,901 --> 01:35:42,996
But then I realized, what was
it all about without friends?
2054
01:35:43,071 --> 01:35:44,573
Let's get in
a little tighter, here.
2055
01:35:44,656 --> 01:35:46,124
Let's keep the hands
above the hips.
2056
01:35:46,199 --> 01:35:47,746
Let's keep it 1950s
in this bitch, okay?
2057
01:35:47,825 --> 01:35:51,170
Is it true your dad ripped your
last boyfriend's dick off?
2058
01:35:51,246 --> 01:35:52,372
Yup.
2059
01:35:52,455 --> 01:35:54,173
You guys be home
by midnight.
2060
01:35:54,249 --> 01:35:56,343
I was thinking 10:30, sir,
if that's okay with you?
2061
01:35:56,417 --> 01:35:58,511
Don't be such a suck-up. Are you
going to blow me in the driveway?
2062
01:35:58,586 --> 01:36:00,259
Midnight's going to be fine.
2063
01:36:00,338 --> 01:36:03,137
EVAN: Sometimes, someone you
thought was a total douchebag...
2064
01:36:03,216 --> 01:36:05,560
I mean, like a real
piece of shit guy...
2065
01:36:05,635 --> 01:36:10,311
turns out to be your best
friend, and your partner.
2066
01:36:10,390 --> 01:36:11,437
And for me...
2067
01:36:11,516 --> 01:36:15,566
even though my testicles had
completely betrayed me, Abby hadn't.
2068
01:36:15,645 --> 01:36:19,525
She and I were a team.
And a family.
2069
01:36:19,607 --> 01:36:20,859
Where did you come from?
2070
01:36:21,526 --> 01:36:24,200
I now know that
we are not alone.
2071
01:36:25,488 --> 01:36:27,240
And I'm feeling
pretty good about that.
2072
01:36:27,323 --> 01:36:29,325
That's right.
2073
01:36:29,409 --> 01:36:32,333
So, if you hear something go
bump in the night, never fear...
2074
01:36:32,412 --> 01:36:37,293
because the Neighborhood
Watch, as always, is watching.
2075
01:36:37,667 --> 01:36:39,044
The neighborhood.
2076
01:36:39,210 --> 01:36:40,962
For aliens.
2077
01:36:41,212 --> 01:36:43,590
(YOU AIN'T SEEN
NOTHING YET PLAYING)
2078
01:36:43,673 --> 01:36:47,052
B-b-baby, you just
ain't seen n-n-nothing yet
2079
01:36:47,802 --> 01:36:49,975
(BOYZ N THE HOOD PLAYING)
2080
01:36:50,054 --> 01:36:52,398
Woke up quick
at about noon
2081
01:36:52,473 --> 01:36:55,147
Just thought that
I had to be in Compton soon
2082
01:36:55,226 --> 01:36:57,695
I gotta get drunk
before the day begins
2083
01:36:57,770 --> 01:37:00,899
Before my mother starts
bitchin' about my friends
2084
01:37:00,982 --> 01:37:03,656
Then I let the Alpine play
Play
2085
01:37:03,735 --> 01:37:05,988
Bumping new shit by NWA
2086
01:37:06,070 --> 01:37:08,744
It was gangsta, gangsta
at the top of the list
2087
01:37:08,823 --> 01:37:11,918
Then I played my own shit
It went something like this
2088
01:37:11,993 --> 01:37:14,496
Cruising down the street
in my six-fo'
2089
01:37:14,579 --> 01:37:17,298
Jocking the bitches
Slapping the hos
2090
01:37:17,373 --> 01:37:19,671
I went to the park
to get the scoop
2091
01:37:19,751 --> 01:37:22,675
Knuckleheads out there
Cold, shooting some hoop
2092
01:37:22,754 --> 01:37:25,473
A car pulls up
Who can it be?
2093
01:37:25,548 --> 01:37:28,176
A fresh El Camino
rolling Kilo G
2094
01:37:28,259 --> 01:37:30,887
He rolled down his window
and he started to say
2095
01:37:30,970 --> 01:37:33,393
It's all about making
that G. T.A.
2096
01:37:33,473 --> 01:37:36,022
'Cause the boys in the hood
are always hard
2097
01:37:36,100 --> 01:37:38,853
You come talking that trash
and we'll pull your card
2098
01:37:38,936 --> 01:37:41,610
Knowing nothing in life
but to be legit
2099
01:37:41,689 --> 01:37:44,693
Don't quote me boy
'cause I ain't saying shit
2100
01:37:44,776 --> 01:37:45,902
Yo, man
2101
01:37:47,487 --> 01:37:48,613
Yo, man
2102
01:37:48,696 --> 01:37:50,073
Yo, yo
2103
01:37:50,156 --> 01:37:51,157
Yo, man
2104
01:37:51,240 --> 01:37:53,493
Get the fuck out
2105
01:41:54,317 --> 01:41:55,318
English - US - PSDH