(mouse squeaks) (penguins chirp) (screeches)
♪ Adventure time, come on, grab your friends, we'll go to very distant lands. ♪
♪ With Jake the dog and Finn the human ♪
♪ the fun will never end. It's adventure time! ♪
(insects chirping) (suspenseful music plays) Uh!
(squeak!) Uh! Uh, hello?
- Hi! Uh, is this the secret mee... - "What errand? What haste?"
Uh! Oh, shoot. Oh! "To beelzebub with the brewer's knave!" (whirring)
- (clears throat) Ah, Kenneth! - Hey, Starchy!
Glad you could make it. I officially call this meeting of the veritas brigade to order.
- Lux in tenebris. - Lux in tenebris!
So... Anybody have any weird stuff to report?
Well, sometimes, at night, I see a shadowy figure around
Princess Bubblegum's tower. I have a feeling it might be otherworldly!
Whoa! This is some good stuff! We are this close to finally
exposing the princess' shady dealings. Meanwhile, PB remains blissfully
unaware up in her ivory tower. (snorts) (laughs)
Excuse me! I believe I've made a startling discovery of my own.
I've developed this high-tech device. It broadcasts waves that...
- Theoretically, disrupt parallel dimensions! - Whoa, Kenny boy, you're blowing my mind!
(chuckles) (evil chuckling)
So... A tinkerer, eh? Fiddling at the fringes of unknown realms.
Tell me, Kenneth! Will you be ready when the flames of those evil places consume everything
- you hold dear?! - What? - I thought not!
Hey, Peace Master... Oh! (gasps)
- Oh! My noodle. - There is something very wrong dwelling in the Candy Kingdom.
- A dark entity I plan to purge from the face of Ooo. - Ho! Uh-oh!
Its presence has infected every home, every place of business, even here in this very room.
Yes, this foul creature watches us even... Now! (all gasp)
I know you can hear me! Tonight, your reign ends, 'cause I am totally gonna vanquish you!
Whoa! Holy flippin' flap!
Red alert! Pep But, start brewing up some chamomile tea so I don't stress out!
- Aaahhh! - Sorry, I hate evil so much.
- It's all cool, Peace Master. Truth sleuths keep it real. - Yes. As lone scouts,
we may fall, but together, we will stand as a mighty force! (beeping)
- Oh, dang! I got to go. But I shall return in one hour! - All right, Peace Master.
We'll be ready. (crunch!) Mmm! Dill-icious!
♪ Dun-de-dun-dun-dun! Peace Master! Dun-dun-dun dun-dun-dun... ♪
- Finally! - Uh, sorry about the wait, guys.
Daddy was pontificating.
Hey, dad, can we go to the sorcery and dark arts faire tomorrow?
No, honey. That stuff is highly inappropriate for kids.
Daddy works very hard to protect you guys from that kind of stuff.
If you only knew of the monstrosities that lurk around
- every corner! - Dark arts! (growls)
(children laughing) Stop laughing! You're stressing daddy out!
Aaah! (tires screech) See?! See what happens when you
mess with the dark arts? I'll get you, dark one! You wrecked Peace Master's minivan!
(growls) (engine turns over) (tires screech)
(panting) (both snoring) Yo! Red alert!
- Oh, shoot! - Right, guys? Whatcha doin' about it?!
Whoa! Be careful about old-man naptime, pls. That could have been it for me just now.
What is going on here?
- Don't. No! Hey, watch your pieces, man. - I thought you were
- gonna whip these guys into shape, Colonel. - PB, you can't teach a
butterfly to bark. You know what I'm saying? (chuckles)
Well, they like my stories. They're good listeners. It ain't like them old days with
those hard-nosed Rattleball boys. Say, what happened to them
- Rattleball boys? - (chuckles) Okay, you guys.
Keep up the good work! (doors creaking)
(dialing) (ringing)
- (both gasping) What was your count? - Uh, 3 minutes.
- What about you? - Uh, 3 minutes, 30 seconds.
- What's that? Your invisible watch? - No, I was just pointing at my wrist.
- Oh! 57 seconds. - Oh, dang, we were both counting fast!
Hey, Rattleballs, are you sure you're waterproof?
- No. - Do you even need to breathe, Rattleballs?
Continue training! 3, 2, 1... (all gasp)
- (grunts) Hey, Peps, where's the tea?! - Uh, just a second.
Just leave it out for me. I'm gonna go find Finn or
- Rattleballs or somebody to run down this Peace Master bozo. - Okay, take your time.
- "Take my time"? All right. - Oooh-wah-ooooh-wah!
My light will move in darkness. I go unseen by low-level biddies.
(chanting)
Whah-ha! Yes! Light of the hermit, reveal my nemesis,
and in the folds of Horus, carry me in haste! Fold I say!
(whooshing)
- Yaaaaaaaaaah! - You going stinkhouse, baby? Oh!
- Aaaaah... - Whomp! Almost got me, but my lucky
- talisman sensed your presence. - Phew! Phew! Phew! Haha!
- (both grunting) Ah! Oh! - Look here, friends.
- The beast lies exposed! (sizzle!) - Oh, this is a mistake.
- That's my boy Peppermint Butler. - His powers of darkness made me go crazy
- and crash my minivan earlier! - You need to chill, Peace Master.
- I'm just a harmless old butler. (shing!) - Mm?!
(shing!) Yaaaaah! Oh!
- Ugh! - Haha! In you go!
You see this?! My dark wizard gobbler poots evil souls into the void.
- You can't do that to our friend! - Oh! I see how it is.
Maybe y'all should get in here, too! (all scream)
- (gurgling) My candy flesh! - Digest!
(laughing evilly) Dimension disruptor, come on! Please, please, please!
(beeping) Hey, what? (pulsing)
- Yes! - Aaah! (groans)
- Impossible! - (coughs, gasping) Time-out.
- You can't time-out... - Whaaa-zah! Whoop! - No!
Your dirty hobo birthday tricks won't save you long time! You hear?!
- You still here? - Uh, no? I don't know. No.
Then hear my challenge! On the field of wizard battles, armed in my talismans of light,
I will destroy you and free my children from the spell you cast over their minds!
- I accept! - See you tomorrow, Butler.
- See you tomorrow, Momo. - (growls) Tomorrow!
(tires screech) (insects chirping) (suspenseful music plays)
Peppermint Burfer, show yourself! (rumbling)
- (whoosh!) Yeah, yeah, I'm here, Momo. - You're the Momo.
- Your spells are no match for my righteous charm sack. - Dark arts!
- My kids! - You like hunting monsters, do you?
Lords of the nightosphere, he must pay a penalty. Transfigure this babe
- into a super weirdie! - Ha! - Nooo!
- Bam! Now you got a monster kid. - Son!
- (laughs) Look, pappy, dark magic! - Remember, you still got two
non-monster kids. And if you want to keep them that way, you better toss all
- your charms down the hole! - I will smite thee! - A'ight.
- (pulses) Whoa, sweet! - Nooo!
(crying) All right, all right. Oh, okay. All right, you win.
(sobs) One more thing... Show us your underwear.
(laughter) You fiend. (laughs)
Now, um, uh, walk around like a big chicken. (crows)
(clucking) (crows) (laughter)
- Now eat some dirt off the ground. - Please don't make me!
'Ey! You want three demon babies?! (munch! munch! munch!)
Okay, stop! I took it too far. (spits)
We're done here. Run... Run along, children. (whoosh!)
Dada, can I go to the park and eat flies? (sniffles)
Yes?
(engine turns over)
Princess, I think I got something on Camera 206! (whirrs)
Just look at that sicko!
Where's Peace Master?! Gah, I am freakin' out here!
- Princess, your chamomile tea. - Whfff! Thanks. (humming)
Well, how do I check my e-mails on this?
(chanting) Birthday! Birthday! Birthday!
Birthday! Birthday! Birthday! Birthday!
Birthday! Birthday! Birthday! Birthday! Birthday! Birthday!
Yeah!
Yay! Nice job, Mr. Birthday Boy!
- Thanks. - Man, you are like another year older,
but you look good... Like, super good.
Yup. Mom and dad passed down some pretty good genes.
Oh, yeah, mom and dad! Hey, did mom and dad tell you any stories about when you were born?
Yay! Birthday story time, please!
(chuckles) Well, it was a day like any other day...
(creak! sloop!) There, there, baby. You're going to be a fighter,
just like your mother. (whoosh!) (plong-g-g-g!)
Yes! Barrel roll. Ugh!
- Guh. (whoosh!) - Steak break.
- Let's get started. - These steaks are tough and stringy... Like you.
(laughing) Oh, good one, dear. Hey, after dinner, what do you
- say we check the ticker-type for new cases? - Margaret, you're in a family way now.
You should take a backseat from investigations.
Oh, come on, Joshua! Even with this ankle-biter, I'm as quick as ever.
Sure, my waist is bigger, but that just means more bullets in my ammo belt.
You're missing the point, sugar. What if something bad happens?
Let's say we're out on the beat, fighting some lowlife. He throws a punch.
You zig when you should have zagged, and... Oops! Junior takes a knock to the noodle,
comes out with a shiner the size of a grapefruit. I can't take that kind of guilt,
- and neither can you. - I can take care of myself just fine.
And besides, these babies don't come cheap. We need to work together,
- as a team to bring in the bread. - Yeah, you got me there.
Now let's get over to that ticker-type and look for some perps.
You relax, dear. I got it. (whoosh!) Hmm. Let's get a look here.
"Vampire girl spotted in the grasslands harassing sheep and cattle."
Nope, nope, nope. "Small fire goblin burns down Candy Kingdom forest."
- Hey, that sounds fun. Let's do that! - Wait. Wait! Here's one...
"Woman's pies go missing in bucolic countryside, where nothing ever happens."
- The perfect case for my pregnant wife! - What?
Now let's get an egg in our shoe and beat it.
♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh... ♪
(brakes squeal) (door creaks) Yes? Hello?
Afternoon, Mrs. Tree Trunks. We're Joshua and Margaret of Joshua and Margaret Investigations.
And this is our boy. We're responding to a wire about missing pies.
Oh, yes! A... A monster's been stealing
- my pies off of the windowsill. - A monster, eh?
Oh, yes! You can see the monster tracks leading off into the forest.
Well, those tracks are as phony as a 3 dollars bill.
The monster tracks are very real. My husband told me so. (grunting)
- Oh! - Wyatt! - Aw, geez, you got me.
What's the big idea, Wyatt? Why'd you burgle your wife's pie?
Because it's amazing! Oh, I can't get enough of it.
- You could just ask for seconds. - But I want thirds and fourths!
- I want to stop when I want to stop! - Oh, Wyatt!
(crying) Oh, it's the only good part of my day.
(sobbing) Well, there you have it. The only monster here was this
- man's appetite for his wife's pie. - Oh, no!
But the monster is real. He snuck up and rubbed my elbow while I was gardening.
And Leftenant Candy Corn said it came in through the window and touched him on the chest.
Oh! Oh, now I got myself all scared. Won't you check around to make
- sure no one is out there? - Of course. Probably nothing more than a peeper.
Ha! These country yokels are all just superstitious.
I bet you that old elephant sees a monster a day.
Joshua, look... Something way larger than Wyatt made them. These tracks look real.
Hot cram! A peeping monster! This town would surely put up a collection to nab this guy.
Oh, too bad you're preggo. We got to pass.
- Come on, Joshua! - What? - Haha!
Margaret! Margaret! Wait for pappy!
(hoots) Hmm. The tracks end here. (rustling)
(growls) (meows) (purring)
Hey, hey! Beat it, uggos! (yowls, hisses)
(rustling) The peeper! (panting)
I'll show that peepsie the pepper! (creak!)
(grunting) (creak!) Joshua dear, I'm stuck.
(growling) Joshua, the beast outflanked us!
(screeches) Gads! (screeches)
Boom! (grunting) Do your worst, you masher.
Joshua! (grunts) Oh!
(sniffing) Oh! (whmmmp!)
(gasps) (shing!) Drop that daddy!
(warbles) (groans) Babycakes!
- Oh, this is all my fault! - Uh, yeah, pretty much. (groans)
(smacking lips) Mmm. Mmm.
Ah, good last meal. Okay, well, I got a bite by a monster, a creature of the night.
We both know what comes next for me. (shing!)
- Just make it snappy, darling. - Don't! (sniffles) Don't be melodramatic, Joshua.
I've been doing some research. Listen here! I think if we can get a sample
of that creature's venom, we can use it to synthesize an antidote. (thud!)
- Joshua?! Oh! Puddin' pie! - Ugh.
I'm fine. Just got to pop out and fetch that venom.
You're about as fine as a canary in a cat mine!
(clicks)
(zwip!) (creak!) Oof!
Hey, where's the fire, kiddo? You stay put. (mumbling)
So's I can keep tabs on you. Feel better. Over. (smooches)
(mumbling) (chuckles) (brakes squeal)
(suspenseful music plays) (insects chirping) (static crackles)
Come in, Margaret. Do you read me? Over. (static crackles)
I've got the peep peep's trail. In pursuit.
(static crackles) You have to say, "over," or I think you're still talking. Over.
Joshua, I've stumbled upon the beast's lair.
Just hang on, honey bunny. Over. (growling)
(screams) (howls)
(whoosh!) (gasps) (warble!)
- Bleh! - Stay right there. (zwip!)
What?! (whoosh! whoosh!) (sloop!)
(meows) (hoots) Oh!
(grunting) (creak!) Oh! Not yet.
(grunting) (zwip!) (zwip! zwip! zwip! zwip!)
- (roars) Come on, come on! - Hey!
(rumbling) Hup! (groans)
(cooing) What? What's your angle, slick?
You poison my hubby, then play the innocent?
And what's with all this baby paraphernalia? Wait a tick. Are you a baby?
- Uh-huh. - Oh, no! I must've scared the dickens out of you!
(imitating baby cooing) There, there, baby.
I'm so sorry... (ting! ting!) For this!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. (creak!) (zwip!)
(chuckles evilly)
(pulsing) (zwip! zwip!)
(siren wailing in distance) Joshua, I got the venom! Oh!
(creak!) Uh-oh, this baby business is getting serious!
(breathing sharply) Oh, oh! (suspenseful music plays)
Joshua! Oh! Oh! Ohhh!
Ohhh! (breathing sharply) (groans)
Margaret, stay away. Something's about to happen!
- Something's about to happen with me, too! - Aaah! - Ohhh!
- Margaret! Aaah! - Ohhh!
(splat!) (glass shatters) Shine the light, dear.
Yowzers! * Hello, daddy! Hello, mommy! *
♪ It's so nice to be here with you now... ♪ (snoring)
Ohhh!
Boy, Jake left a scar on my head the size of a nickel. I'll have to wear a hat now, Margaret.
Well, I think you'll look good in one.
Are you sure having him next to Jermaine is safe? We don't even know what he is.
(smacks lips) Of course we do, dear... He's our boy.
- That he is. - Yes, we've got one boy that I gave birth to,
and one boy you gave birth to. Let's never tell him how it happened.
Agreed.
- And so they never told me. - Never told you what?
I don't know. They never told me. Ha!