1 00:01:01,127 --> 00:01:03,128 - Good. Are you on? - Yeah, we're ready. 2 00:01:01,127 --> 00:01:03,128 My name is Calvin Cutler. 3 00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:05,964 What you're about to witness is the most badass, 4 00:01:05,965 --> 00:01:08,092 fucked-up thing you'll ever see. 5 00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:10,259 We call this the "Bull's Eye." 6 00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:14,201 Oh, yeah. Don't try this at home. 7 00:01:15,175 --> 00:01:18,235 You're good? You ready, buddy? All right. Right, ready? 8 00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:22,339 One... two... three! 9 00:01:26,119 --> 00:01:27,159 Tell me we got it. Just... 10 00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:32,224 Did we? No! No way, we got it! No fucking way, dude! 11 00:01:32,225 --> 00:01:34,093 We got it! We got it! We got... Oh, shit! 12 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,392 Look at that! Look at that! Dude. Bull's eye, bro! 13 00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:41,300 Awesome! 14 00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:43,963 We're putting it on You Tube! Let's go! Yeah! 15 00:01:44,204 --> 00:01:45,262 Dude, we got a view! 16 00:01:47,307 --> 00:01:49,298 Yeah, buddy, that was us when we uploaded it. 17 00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:53,108 Well, then upload it again so we can have two views. 18 00:01:53,413 --> 00:01:55,176 I-I don't think that's how it works. 19 00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:57,511 - Hit "refresh," dude. - Oh, yeah. 20 00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:03,288 - No way. - That can't be right. 21 00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:04,590 - Do me a favour. - I just refreshed it. 22 00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:05,956 Let's see if it pulls up. 23 00:02:06,259 --> 00:02:10,525 No way. Twenty-five thousand views, man! 24 00:02:11,931 --> 00:02:13,159 Five hundred thousand! 25 00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:16,227 - One million? Yes! - You're too money! 26 00:02:16,369 --> 00:02:19,204 - I told you we're gonna be famous. - We're gonna be famous and... 27 00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:21,196 April fools, suckers! 28 00:02:22,108 --> 00:02:26,145 I took the liberty of cloning You Tube and hyper-inflating your Views. 29 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,545 You... You little shit! 30 00:02:28,014 --> 00:02:30,549 Did you just try to hit me through your computer screen? 31 00:02:30,550 --> 00:02:31,650 Yeah, I did! 32 00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:34,292 Why don't you come in here so I can hit you like a real man, pussy! 33 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:37,312 Working on my science project. Enjoy your page Views. 34 00:02:37,557 --> 00:02:39,286 God, he's such a little spaz! 35 00:02:39,626 --> 00:02:41,960 - We need revenge. - We do. 36 00:02:41,961 --> 00:02:45,130 - We need to April fools prank him. - Yeah! 37 00:02:45,131 --> 00:02:47,232 - Hit him where it hurts. - Square in his balls. 38 00:02:47,233 --> 00:02:49,034 No! We gotta do something better. 39 00:02:49,035 --> 00:02:52,163 We steal his computer and load it full of viruses. 40 00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:55,240 - Wait, where do we get viruses? - Uh, duh! Porn sites. 41 00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:58,210 Hy do you think my computer's so slow? It's full of 'em. 42 00:02:58,344 --> 00:03:01,213 Oh, okay, but how-how do we get his laptop if it's in his room? 43 00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:03,549 We can't just-just kick in the door and steal it. 44 00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:06,280 How do you lure a dragon out of a lion's den? 45 00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:07,319 I don't know. 46 00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:10,556 - You present him with a challenge. - Challenge? 47 00:03:10,557 --> 00:03:12,354 A challenge. Jus... Follow my lead. 48 00:03:13,059 --> 00:03:16,290 - Baxter! Baxter, my man! - What? 49 00:03:16,963 --> 00:03:20,421 Uh, me and J.J., we have this computer problem. 50 00:03:21,067 --> 00:03:25,436 There's this Movie on the Internet and we can't find it. 51 00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:27,072 Can you help us? 52 00:03:27,073 --> 00:03:29,337 You're trying to get back at me for that prank, right? 53 00:03:29,409 --> 00:03:33,478 No! Truce! Truce. Seriously, we just, uh... 54 00:03:33,479 --> 00:03:38,849 we need to find it, uh, before the FBI takes it down. 55 00:03:39,285 --> 00:03:40,352 You said the FBI? 56 00:03:40,353 --> 00:03:44,423 - Fucking FBI, the CIA... - The CSI, NCIS... 57 00:03:44,424 --> 00:03:46,491 I mean, this video is so illegal, 58 00:03:46,492 --> 00:03:49,188 it has been banned by every country in the world. 59 00:03:49,295 --> 00:03:50,395 Including Amsterdam. 60 00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:52,497 Where you could slap a cop in the face with your penis, 61 00:03:52,498 --> 00:03:53,897 and they'd say, "danka." 62 00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:55,559 Amsterdam is not a country! 63 00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:58,303 - Amsterdam's not a country? - Since when? 64 00:03:58,304 --> 00:04:00,372 The shit's still banned there, dude. 65 00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:03,253 Yeah. Think about it. They... it's- It's like it's the-the-the fucking... 66 00:04:03,676 --> 00:04:06,278 It's the most dangerous film in the world. 67 00:04:06,279 --> 00:04:07,541 - It is. - What's it called? 68 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:13,285 Actually, you know what, Baxter? You're right. 69 00:04:13,286 --> 00:04:15,083 It was an April Fool's prank. 70 00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:17,489 I'm sorry we brought you into this. 71 00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:19,524 You know, you should probably just... 72 00:04:19,525 --> 00:04:22,594 go on with your life and never think about this again. Please. 73 00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:23,619 Wait. 74 00:04:24,464 --> 00:04:27,262 - What's so bad about it? - You don't wanna know. 75 00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:28,595 What's so bad about it? 76 00:04:30,136 --> 00:04:33,438 Hey, slim! What's so bad about it? 77 00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:35,236 - It can kill you. - How? 78 00:04:35,642 --> 00:04:38,310 It can make you shit out your intestines. 79 00:04:38,311 --> 00:04:40,279 It can make you bleed out of your eyes. 80 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,047 You know, one guy saw it, 81 00:04:42,048 --> 00:04:45,217 and he ran into a church, and he just started humping the nuns. 82 00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:47,219 That was a huge story a few years back. 83 00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:49,054 It can make you pull off your own dick. 84 00:04:49,055 --> 00:04:50,656 Okay, why would you want to watch it... 85 00:04:50,657 --> 00:04:52,257 if it can make you pull off your own dick? 86 00:04:52,258 --> 00:04:53,282 Because... 87 00:04:53,493 --> 00:04:57,987 if you can watch it all the way through from the beginning to end, 88 00:04:58,431 --> 00:05:02,128 you're rewarded beyond your wildest dreams. 89 00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:07,332 With money. And sex. And women. 90 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:11,269 It's like that Movie The Ring, but with a good ending. 91 00:05:11,444 --> 00:05:14,277 - Yeah. And boobs. - Lots of boobs. 92 00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:16,982 So what's this Movie called? 93 00:05:19,085 --> 00:05:20,279 Movie. 94 00:05:21,287 --> 00:05:23,414 - Forty-three. - Movie forty-three. 95 00:05:27,093 --> 00:05:28,287 It's not on Zwoogle. 96 00:05:29,295 --> 00:05:31,627 Yeah, of course it's not on Zwoogle. It's banned! 97 00:05:32,565 --> 00:05:35,233 Okay. Then I guess we'll need to dig deeper. 98 00:05:35,234 --> 00:05:37,429 Visit some dark corners of the Internet. 99 00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:40,472 Mm, yeah, the dark corners, dude. 100 00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:42,270 Yeah, get in there. We gotta find this thing. 101 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:45,377 I found a cloaked server that houses banned videos. 102 00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:48,413 Start out with the forty-third one on the list. Sound good? 103 00:05:48,414 --> 00:05:51,049 Yes! Yeah, you guys keep working on this. 104 00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:54,586 I'm gonna go guard the door for the uh, FBI, 105 00:05:54,587 --> 00:05:56,521 the CIA, and Mom. 106 00:05:57,457 --> 00:05:59,118 Look at this. Check it out. 107 00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:03,322 Hey. Ooh! You look good. 108 00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:05,664 Hope you're almost ready. He's gonna be here any second. 109 00:06:05,665 --> 00:06:08,467 I don't know why I'm doing this, Pam. I don't trust Julie. 110 00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:12,104 - I mean, what if this guy's a loser? - He's not a loser. 111 00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,972 He made senior partner at his law firm by the time he was, 112 00:06:13,973 --> 00:06:15,065 like, twenty-eight. 113 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,472 So all he cares about is his career and money. 114 00:06:18,244 --> 00:06:21,513 Mm, not according to Julie. He's a volunteer with the Special Olympics, 115 00:06:21,514 --> 00:06:23,434 he's on the board of the New York Philharmonic... 116 00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:25,540 He's opening a new restaurant with Derek Jeter! 117 00:06:25,985 --> 00:06:28,687 But he's probably got one of those awkward character faces... 118 00:06:28,688 --> 00:06:31,179 that sort of really has to grow on you, right? 119 00:06:32,492 --> 00:06:36,189 Mr. "Character Face" is on the cover of Gotham Magazine. 120 00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:39,397 - That's him? - That's him. 121 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,391 Yeah. 122 00:06:47,273 --> 00:06:48,407 And he's here. Go. 123 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:49,941 - Do I look okay? - Gorgeous. 124 00:06:49,942 --> 00:06:51,176 - You sure? - have fun! 125 00:06:51,177 --> 00:06:52,303 Bye! 126 00:06:57,283 --> 00:06:58,650 - I mean, you gotta be kidding. - Several of them. 127 00:06:58,651 --> 00:07:01,987 I'm telling you, don't knock shopping on TV until you've tried it. 128 00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:03,655 Beth, I think-I think you're the first person I've ever met... 129 00:07:03,656 --> 00:07:05,023 who actually buys stuff off television. 130 00:07:05,024 --> 00:07:06,224 - No! Come on! - No, it's true. 131 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,427 Oh, well where do you think I got this scarf? 132 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:11,263 And you know what? I bet it's softer than yours. 133 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:13,165 Okay. See, that's where I draw the line. 134 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:14,966 Do not start putting down the scarf. 135 00:07:14,967 --> 00:07:17,502 Here. Feel this. One-hundred percent pashmina. 136 00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:19,704 Well, at least that's what the guy on the street told me. 137 00:07:19,705 --> 00:07:22,607 Come on, then. Wow, that is soft. Well, you know, I... 138 00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:25,338 Hey, Mr. H. Table's ready, sir. 139 00:07:25,478 --> 00:07:26,536 Great. 140 00:07:26,979 --> 00:07:28,412 - I'll take those. - Thank you. 141 00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:30,182 - Please. - Our table's ready. 142 00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:31,150 Thank you. 143 00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:32,342 After you. 144 00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:40,223 So, um, Carrie tells me you design clothes for kids. No? 145 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,553 Yes. Clothes for kids. I design... 146 00:07:43,496 --> 00:07:46,231 clothes... for kids. Kids clothes. 147 00:07:46,232 --> 00:07:47,529 Awesome. Awesome. 148 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:51,593 So, if I see some kids looking weird this summer, it may be your fault, huh? 149 00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:54,964 I'm just joking. I'm just joking. 150 00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:57,976 Your Russian Standard Vodka, sir. 151 00:07:57,977 --> 00:07:59,535 Am I that predictable, Abby? 152 00:08:01,581 --> 00:08:03,448 Eh... Yeah, you good with that? Or would you prefer a glass of wine or? 153 00:08:03,449 --> 00:08:07,408 No. No, I c-I could, use it. 154 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,579 Thank you. 155 00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:14,182 So, here's to a, Here's to a wonderful evening. Cheers. 156 00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,257 Cheers. 157 00:08:21,901 --> 00:08:23,425 Those Russians know something. 158 00:08:26,472 --> 00:08:29,464 This is... a nice place. 159 00:08:29,609 --> 00:08:32,578 Oh, it's great. This pl... Oh, you gotta check out the ceiling. 160 00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:34,613 Those beams were taken out... 161 00:08:34,614 --> 00:08:37,148 of this old Quaker meetinghouse out in rural Pennsylvania. 162 00:08:37,149 --> 00:08:41,586 I mean, look. It's all oak. Isn't that something? It's gorgeous, huh? 163 00:08:42,421 --> 00:08:43,622 Oh, wow, Jake. What's this? 164 00:08:43,623 --> 00:08:48,660 Well, Mr. H, this is a vichyssoise courtesy of Chef Billy. 165 00:08:48,661 --> 00:08:50,562 Now, he heard that you guys were coming in tonight, 166 00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:53,265 so he's put together a special four-course meal for you. 167 00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:54,597 Lobster okay tonight? 168 00:08:54,967 --> 00:08:57,102 That's okay with me if it's okay with you, 169 00:08:57,103 --> 00:08:58,866 un-unless you wanna check out the menu. 170 00:08:59,138 --> 00:09:01,439 Beth? Unless you wanna check out the menu, or? 171 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:03,374 - No, that's sounds lovely. - Right. 172 00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:05,176 Terrific. 173 00:09:05,177 --> 00:09:07,441 Please thank the chef. Thank you. 174 00:09:08,147 --> 00:09:09,273 Bon Appétit. 175 00:09:13,519 --> 00:09:16,613 Oh, you've, got something on your... 176 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:20,624 Something on my neck? Leave it to me to embarrass myself on a first date. 177 00:09:23,162 --> 00:09:24,220 Here... 178 00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:26,565 There? There? I got it? 179 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:30,135 A little bit... bit more on-on the left b-ball... One. 180 00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:33,037 Uh, left side. Of... Dribbly bit. O. 181 00:09:36,609 --> 00:09:40,912 Thanks. I mean, no biggie. Trust me, I've been through worse. I mean, as... 182 00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:44,280 As a kid, I used to get made fun of all the time. 183 00:09:44,383 --> 00:09:46,985 Was it, because of your... 184 00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:49,588 My stutter. I-I used to have a really bad stutter. 185 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:53,218 Actually took probably nine years of speech therapy to get rid of it. 186 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:09,098 So, was there anything else they... may have made fun of? 187 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,912 - I don't know. - Anything at all? 188 00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:17,015 Oh, yeah, some kids used to talk a little smack about my neck. 189 00:10:17,016 --> 00:10:19,075 - You know. - Oh, thank God! 190 00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:22,955 - What's up? - I thought I was going crazy. L... 191 00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:24,146 What? 192 00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:28,627 I mean... not a big deal... at all. 193 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:32,894 It's just, what is the story there? 194 00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:38,436 Well, when I was six, I fell off my bike and I landed on a sprinkler head... 195 00:10:38,437 --> 00:10:40,972 and they had to stitch me up at the hospital. 196 00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:43,407 See, it's, it's just a scar. Right? 197 00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:47,003 I mean, kids could be mean. They used to call me Frankenstein. 198 00:10:48,347 --> 00:10:52,477 They're like, "He's alive. He's alive!" 199 00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:58,186 Well, I don't care, you know. Kids make fun of everything, right? 200 00:10:59,458 --> 00:11:02,359 Is it just me or did it suddenly get a little chilly in here? 201 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,189 I think it may be that vent there. 202 00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:11,970 - Here we are. - Man! Look at the size of those things. 203 00:11:11,971 --> 00:11:14,973 Oh, Jake, buddy, would you mind turning up the heat just a tad? 204 00:11:14,974 --> 00:11:17,334 I think that, that vent's blowing right on... Not a problem. 205 00:11:17,977 --> 00:11:19,010 Thank you. 206 00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:20,311 And, uh, just let me go ahead and... 207 00:11:20,312 --> 00:11:22,647 - Sure. - Get this out of your way here. 208 00:11:22,648 --> 00:11:24,138 Oh, God! Are you-Are you okay? 209 00:11:26,052 --> 00:11:27,610 It's my stomach. There's... 210 00:11:29,955 --> 00:11:31,445 Just get my breath back, you know. 211 00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:35,360 There he is! There's the stud! 212 00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:36,988 Hey! Angie! Ray! 213 00:11:37,263 --> 00:11:38,963 Hey, how the hell are you guys? You're good? 214 00:11:38,964 --> 00:11:40,591 Apparently not as good as you. 215 00:11:40,966 --> 00:11:43,435 Hi, I'm Angie and this is my husband Ray. 216 00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:46,271 - Hi. - This is my new friend, Beth. 217 00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:48,440 She's slowly restoring my faith in blind dates. 218 00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:50,008 Well, kudos to you, Beth, 219 00:11:50,009 --> 00:11:52,177 for getting this old workaholic out of his office for once. 220 00:11:52,178 --> 00:11:53,577 Come on. Come on, Ray. 221 00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:56,944 Nice work! You caught the big one! 222 00:11:57,016 --> 00:11:58,040 Did I? 223 00:11:59,485 --> 00:12:00,919 But... Do you not notice the... 224 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:04,287 - Look how big little Evan's getting! - Yeah. Little? 225 00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:07,148 Yeah. He's growing like crazy. 226 00:12:08,694 --> 00:12:10,252 - No. - Who's a big boy? 227 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:13,430 Who's a big boy, huh? 228 00:12:13,933 --> 00:12:16,935 Wow, Ray, he's a monster. You got yourself a little linebacker here. 229 00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:19,304 A little linebacker that needs to go to bed! 230 00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:21,569 Okay. You're off to bed. There you go. 231 00:12:22,608 --> 00:12:25,477 - Fumble. - Another pacifier down. 232 00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:26,604 I got it. 233 00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:29,642 Thanks, buddy. Thanks bud. 234 00:12:30,182 --> 00:12:31,483 Here, bud. Angie? 235 00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:33,051 You guys look so cute. I gotta take a picture. 236 00:12:33,052 --> 00:12:34,041 Really? 237 00:12:35,020 --> 00:12:37,055 - Angie, please. - Hey, let-let the man eat, honey. 238 00:12:37,056 --> 00:12:39,424 Come on, Ray. We have a picture of our first date. 239 00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,326 They should have a picture of theirs. 240 00:12:41,327 --> 00:12:45,163 Come on, get your fanny over there behind her and don't be shy. 241 00:12:45,164 --> 00:12:48,500 - All right. Okay, okay. All right. - Okay. 242 00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:50,332 - I'm sorry about this. - Get in close. 243 00:12:50,536 --> 00:12:53,027 Beth, I'm gonna need you to hold still. 244 00:12:53,239 --> 00:12:55,073 Oh, God, they look so... 245 00:12:55,074 --> 00:12:58,042 Get down! Get your face down next to hers! Come on! 246 00:12:58,043 --> 00:13:00,204 Take it. Take it. Take it, take it, take it, take it. 247 00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:02,876 - So good! - How's that? 248 00:13:04,016 --> 00:13:05,550 Now why don't you give each other a little kiss? 249 00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:07,051 Oh, come on. Angie, we just met. 250 00:13:07,052 --> 00:13:09,087 Come on, let 'em eat! Let the man eat! 251 00:13:09,088 --> 00:13:10,922 - Come on! Just a little kiss. - All right, all right. 252 00:13:10,923 --> 00:13:13,324 We'll do one, one kiss on the forehead. 253 00:13:13,325 --> 00:13:14,325 - One peck on the forehead. - We don't need to. 254 00:13:14,326 --> 00:13:15,560 - Ready? Okay. - We really don't. 255 00:13:15,561 --> 00:13:16,926 We don't need... 256 00:13:19,198 --> 00:13:22,292 The fuck, man! Keep looking. 257 00:13:25,070 --> 00:13:27,300 Let's try the forty-second one. 258 00:13:27,973 --> 00:13:28,940 Yeah, yeah, good idea. 259 00:13:33,345 --> 00:13:34,903 Boobs. 260 00:13:37,049 --> 00:13:39,313 Pornography with viruses. 261 00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:43,045 Yeah, Baxter, you're going down. 262 00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:44,955 Keep looking. 263 00:13:52,097 --> 00:13:54,432 It's uh, roast Sumatra. I grind the beans myself. 264 00:13:54,433 --> 00:13:57,035 Hey, thanks again for dinner. You really didn't have to do this. 265 00:13:57,036 --> 00:13:58,036 Oh, please. 266 00:13:58,037 --> 00:13:59,437 What kind of neighbours would we be... 267 00:13:59,438 --> 00:14:01,339 if we didn't have you over for a welcome dinner? 268 00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:04,976 Sean, Samantha was just saying that they homeschool their son. 269 00:14:04,977 --> 00:14:06,110 Oh, that is interesting. 270 00:14:06,111 --> 00:14:08,446 Well, we just think it's the only way to make sure... 271 00:14:08,447 --> 00:14:11,075 that he gets the best education possible. 272 00:14:11,150 --> 00:14:13,117 You should really consider it for your kids. 273 00:14:13,118 --> 00:14:15,887 Hey, you know, Kevin's upstairs doing his homework right now. 274 00:14:15,888 --> 00:14:17,422 I'm sure he'd love to talk to you guys about it. 275 00:14:17,423 --> 00:14:21,052 Wait. He... So you homeschool your son but he still gets homework? 276 00:14:23,495 --> 00:14:26,097 It's very important to us that Kevin has... 277 00:14:26,098 --> 00:14:29,124 a normal and complete high school experience. 278 00:14:31,003 --> 00:14:36,007 Written assignments are to be done in black ink. Not green or blue or pink. 279 00:14:36,008 --> 00:14:39,000 When are you gonna get that through your thick skull, Mr. Morris? 280 00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:41,003 It's Miller. 281 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,141 That's a detention. 282 00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:47,118 Move, move, move, move, move! Pick it up! Pick it up! 283 00:14:47,119 --> 00:14:49,314 Come on, girlfriend, pick your knees up! 284 00:14:50,956 --> 00:14:52,457 Oh, I-I see. It's... 285 00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:56,461 But don't you feel like maybe he's, I don't know, missing out? 286 00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:59,030 Yeah, high school is about more than just classes and homework. 287 00:14:59,031 --> 00:15:02,133 Absolutely. There's the alienation, the loneliness. 288 00:15:02,134 --> 00:15:05,136 It should be the unhappiest time in a boy's life. 289 00:15:05,137 --> 00:15:06,237 That's why we try to make sure... 290 00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:09,307 that Kevin doesn't miss out on any of those essential... 291 00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:13,005 emotionally scarring experiences that he'd get at a regular school. 292 00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:16,181 Fag! 293 00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:18,982 Faggot! 294 00:15:21,553 --> 00:15:24,021 You dropped your books, fuckface! 295 00:15:31,630 --> 00:15:33,962 Jesus! Dad, what the fuck! 296 00:15:34,566 --> 00:15:36,466 Whoa. You've got weird pubes. 297 00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:40,594 Hey, guys! Come check out this kid's weird pubes! 298 00:15:41,073 --> 00:15:44,208 Still, it must be an awful lot of work for you guys, though. 299 00:15:44,209 --> 00:15:47,145 Oh, sure, there is. But we love it. 300 00:15:47,146 --> 00:15:49,681 I think we've put together a pretty comprehensive plan... 301 00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:53,209 that provides Kevin with every important adolescent experience. 302 00:15:53,919 --> 00:15:55,480 You know, socializing with other kids... 303 00:16:06,932 --> 00:16:09,059 Hey. Kevin, right? 304 00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,063 Can I please come in? 305 00:16:13,672 --> 00:16:15,440 Look, Debbie Clark's here, 306 00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:18,342 the girl you asked out before. It's gonna be awkward. 307 00:16:24,183 --> 00:16:27,151 Sorry. No. Sorry, sorry. No. Sorry. Okay, okay. 308 00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:29,052 Mom. Mom, please no, wait. Mom, just... if I... 309 00:16:35,427 --> 00:16:37,224 Extracurricular activities. 310 00:16:38,364 --> 00:16:39,888 What do you do? 311 00:16:40,632 --> 00:16:41,929 I suck. 312 00:16:42,267 --> 00:16:43,393 What do you suck? 313 00:16:45,037 --> 00:16:47,038 - Dicks. - Louder! 314 00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:49,574 - I suck dicks! I suck dicks! - Like you mean it! 315 00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:52,443 I suck dicks, I suck dicks, I suck 'em all the time! 316 00:16:52,444 --> 00:16:54,345 If you were a superhero, what would your superpower be? 317 00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:56,581 My superpower would be sucking dicks! 318 00:16:56,582 --> 00:17:00,177 Dude. You have so much poop on you right now. 319 00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:04,522 And of course the first kiss... 320 00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:07,959 that should be the most awkward moment in any boy's life. 321 00:17:12,331 --> 00:17:16,165 Emily and Kara said we should go all the way. 322 00:17:18,604 --> 00:17:20,265 What do you think? 323 00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:53,161 Um, do you have protection? 324 00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:57,202 So, dude. 325 00:17:58,310 --> 00:18:00,608 Don't tell Jeff or any of those guys, but... 326 00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:03,505 I just wanted to say that... 327 00:18:06,118 --> 00:18:07,915 if I did like guys... 328 00:18:10,155 --> 00:18:12,885 you'd totally be the kind of guy that I'd like. 329 00:18:17,296 --> 00:18:18,593 This is weird. 330 00:18:26,672 --> 00:18:28,435 I didn't mean any of that. 331 00:18:29,975 --> 00:18:31,169 Just talking, you know? 332 00:18:31,477 --> 00:18:33,211 Wow. 333 00:18:33,212 --> 00:18:36,214 I don't think I'll ever forget the first time Kevin told us that... 334 00:18:36,215 --> 00:18:38,616 he wished he'd never been born. 335 00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:41,916 - He was only twelve. - Precocious kid. 336 00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:44,222 You know, studies show that the average child... 337 00:18:44,223 --> 00:18:46,591 doesn't express that kind of self-loathing till they're fifteen. 338 00:18:46,592 --> 00:18:48,287 I bet. 339 00:18:50,229 --> 00:18:51,218 Here he comes. 340 00:18:52,631 --> 00:18:55,199 Hey, honey. Meet the neighbours. 341 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:59,070 Kevin, this is Sean and Clare. They moved into the house three doors down. 342 00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:01,305 Oh, the Yeagers' old place. Great. 343 00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:02,940 Yeah, I'm, um, I'm-I'm Kevin. 344 00:19:02,941 --> 00:19:05,061 Uh, pleased to meet you. Welcome to the neighbourhood. 345 00:19:05,110 --> 00:19:07,670 - Nice to meet you, too. - Thank you. That's so polite. That's... 346 00:19:08,413 --> 00:19:10,615 I'm heading out. A bunch of us are gonna meet up at The Green. 347 00:19:10,616 --> 00:19:12,140 Ooh, The Green. 348 00:19:12,351 --> 00:19:14,619 And, uh, yes, I finished my homework. 349 00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:17,488 Oh, and Jen and I are gonna catch a Movie afterwards, 350 00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:18,589 so I won't be home until late. 351 00:19:18,590 --> 00:19:21,582 Oh, that's fine. Just make sure you say hello from us. 352 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,520 Jen, my mom says hi. 353 00:19:27,266 --> 00:19:28,255 Hello, Jen. 354 00:19:29,034 --> 00:19:32,197 Hello, Mrs. Miller. I'm the pretty girl. 355 00:19:33,405 --> 00:19:34,565 She is. 356 00:19:36,208 --> 00:19:39,006 You guys have fun tonight. - All right. 357 00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:41,279 Nice meeting you! 358 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:43,305 So. Who wants cake? 359 00:19:44,249 --> 00:19:46,217 Creepy. Let's move on. 360 00:19:46,485 --> 00:19:48,350 Keep searching, dude. 361 00:20:06,405 --> 00:20:07,438 Hi. 362 00:20:07,439 --> 00:20:09,907 - There. - Oh, wow. 363 00:20:09,908 --> 00:20:12,103 Now it's a picnic. 364 00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:14,679 Would you care for a chocolate-covered strawberry? 365 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:18,377 Oh my gosh, sweetie. Talk about romantic. 366 00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:20,418 This is perfect! 367 00:20:20,419 --> 00:20:23,421 Julie, we've been together for over a year... 368 00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:25,856 Sixteen months and two weeks. 369 00:20:27,326 --> 00:20:32,457 And in that time, I've come to realize that you mean everything to me. 370 00:20:33,432 --> 00:20:35,457 Oh, Doug. You, too. 371 00:20:37,436 --> 00:20:39,237 And there's something I want to ask you. 372 00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,399 There's something I'd like to ask you. 373 00:20:42,307 --> 00:20:44,342 Okay, uh, you go first. 374 00:20:44,343 --> 00:20:46,143 - No, you go first. - No, you first. 375 00:20:46,144 --> 00:20:47,304 No, you first. 376 00:20:47,646 --> 00:20:50,410 How about we say it at the same time? 377 00:20:50,616 --> 00:20:51,605 Okay. 378 00:20:53,452 --> 00:20:55,613 - One, two... - One, two. 379 00:20:55,988 --> 00:20:57,421 Will you poop on me? 380 00:20:59,157 --> 00:21:01,887 - What? - Will you poop on me? 381 00:21:02,494 --> 00:21:03,859 What? What are you... 382 00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:06,530 Wait, what did- what did you say? 383 00:21:06,531 --> 00:21:09,667 I... I trust you. I feel like you're my soul mate. 384 00:21:09,668 --> 00:21:13,504 I want to give you this gift. I want you to be my first. 385 00:21:13,505 --> 00:21:16,235 To poop... 386 00:21:16,375 --> 00:21:17,933 On me. What? 387 00:21:18,677 --> 00:21:21,512 You don't want to? 388 00:21:21,513 --> 00:21:23,147 No, I-I mean... 389 00:21:23,148 --> 00:21:24,649 Are you not attracted to me any more? 390 00:21:24,650 --> 00:21:27,318 Of course I'm attracted to you, honey. 391 00:21:27,319 --> 00:21:30,288 So will you? Poop on me? 392 00:21:34,493 --> 00:21:37,360 Ah, man. You just hit the fucking lottery, man. 393 00:21:38,397 --> 00:21:42,433 You don't think it's a little weird for wanting him to shit on her? 394 00:21:42,434 --> 00:21:46,165 Slow down, man. have some respect for this guy, okay? 395 00:21:46,405 --> 00:21:48,172 She did not ask him to shit on her. 396 00:21:48,173 --> 00:21:49,573 Shitting is something you do on a whore. 397 00:21:49,574 --> 00:21:50,941 - Right. - Right? 398 00:21:50,942 --> 00:21:53,570 Pooping is a gift you give to your soul mate. 399 00:21:54,446 --> 00:21:56,614 - 'Course. - I never looked at it like that. 400 00:21:56,615 --> 00:21:59,550 So tell me, man, what's on the menu? Before you do the big deed. 401 00:21:59,551 --> 00:22:02,076 I don't... I don't know. Does it fucking matter? 402 00:22:02,387 --> 00:22:05,423 - Is she a vegetarian? - No. 403 00:22:05,424 --> 00:22:09,493 Boom! Big beef burrito, with extra beans on that bad boy. 404 00:22:09,494 --> 00:22:11,996 Put some salsa, some guacamole for colour. 405 00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:14,598 When it come out of you, it's a festival. You know what I'm saying? 406 00:22:14,599 --> 00:22:17,501 You went the extra yard for your lady. You hear me? 407 00:22:17,502 --> 00:22:19,570 No, I'm doing something classy, okay? 408 00:22:19,571 --> 00:22:23,302 I'm doing seared ahi tuna steaks, a salad, and red wine. 409 00:22:23,442 --> 00:22:25,609 - No. No, no, no! Fuckin' no! - Nice. 410 00:22:25,610 --> 00:22:29,979 It's not about how fancy it goes in. It's about how fancy it comes out. 411 00:22:30,549 --> 00:22:33,984 Well... And believe me, Mexican food makes a fuckin' mess. 412 00:22:33,985 --> 00:22:35,486 And don't mess with fuckin' salads. 413 00:22:35,487 --> 00:22:37,655 You know what salad does? It locks down your bowels. 414 00:22:37,656 --> 00:22:40,420 You don't want your bowels all locked down, do you? No. 415 00:22:40,926 --> 00:22:43,127 Drinks are cool. have a few fuckin' drinks. 416 00:22:43,128 --> 00:22:44,662 - Makes you last longer. - Last longer? 417 00:22:44,663 --> 00:22:47,531 You don't want to be Mr. Two Squeeze, Thank-You Please, right? 418 00:22:47,532 --> 00:22:50,267 - You really don't want to be that. - Billy, goddamn, Billy. 419 00:22:50,268 --> 00:22:52,603 Why don't you go over there while grown people are talking over here. 420 00:22:52,604 --> 00:22:54,505 Go over there and play with your GI Joes or some shit, man. 421 00:22:54,506 --> 00:22:56,107 Yeah, I'll go over there. 422 00:22:56,108 --> 00:22:58,633 Lookit. Take my advice on this one. 423 00:22:59,177 --> 00:23:02,646 You go out tonight and you shit on a few skanks. Okay? 424 00:23:02,647 --> 00:23:04,348 Get it all out your system. 425 00:23:04,349 --> 00:23:09,218 Fuckin' tomorrow, you are a one-poop man. 426 00:23:09,588 --> 00:23:10,919 Understand? 427 00:23:12,958 --> 00:23:14,425 What the fuck is this? 428 00:23:14,426 --> 00:23:18,419 Viagra, brother. Poop Viagra. Yeah. 429 00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:21,599 - Just carry that on you? - Yeah, I carry that shit around on me. 430 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:23,334 - At barbecues? - You goddamn right. 431 00:23:23,335 --> 00:23:24,368 I got a meat problem. 432 00:23:24,369 --> 00:23:26,036 All your fuckin' meat, I gotta clean that shit out. 433 00:23:26,037 --> 00:23:27,334 - Okay, yeah. - Okay? Fine, then. 434 00:23:42,988 --> 00:23:45,183 - I'm ready, sweetie. - Oh, fuck. 435 00:23:45,457 --> 00:23:46,549 One second. 436 00:24:17,556 --> 00:24:20,389 I love her. Hey, I love her. 437 00:24:27,666 --> 00:24:29,667 - Oh, oh! You look nice. - Thank you. 438 00:24:29,668 --> 00:24:32,503 Okay. Let's go... 439 00:24:32,504 --> 00:24:35,405 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Honey. What are you doing? 440 00:24:35,474 --> 00:24:38,509 What am I doing? I'm... You know what I'm doing. 441 00:24:38,510 --> 00:24:39,910 I'm trying to, you know. 442 00:24:39,911 --> 00:24:44,939 Not yet, tiger. I wanna savor this. 443 00:24:45,150 --> 00:24:47,141 Oh, okay. Well, I kinda-I kinda got to, uh... 444 00:24:47,552 --> 00:24:50,851 No, no, no, no. Come here. Come here and kiss me, 445 00:24:51,189 --> 00:24:55,023 and then you can give me your special present. 446 00:24:57,562 --> 00:25:00,531 - Tell me how much you love me. - Oh, I love you so much. 447 00:25:00,532 --> 00:25:02,900 - How much? - I love you so much I'd kill a man. 448 00:25:02,901 --> 00:25:03,959 Can we do this, please? 449 00:25:06,605 --> 00:25:09,972 - I bought this special lavender lotion. - Okay. 450 00:25:10,108 --> 00:25:13,210 - Why don't you get my neck ready. - You want it on your neck? 451 00:25:13,211 --> 00:25:15,212 Why? Does that not work for you? 452 00:25:15,213 --> 00:25:17,238 It's fine, it's fine. Here we go. 453 00:25:23,922 --> 00:25:25,122 That's nice. 454 00:25:25,123 --> 00:25:27,591 Okay, okay. There we go. Let's get it and... 455 00:25:30,395 --> 00:25:33,558 - No. No. Not yet. - What? 456 00:25:33,932 --> 00:25:36,457 - No. Come here. - What? 457 00:25:37,602 --> 00:25:40,935 - You're so excited. - I know. I can't stand it. 458 00:25:43,508 --> 00:25:46,210 Gosh. Remember the day that we met? 459 00:25:46,211 --> 00:25:47,473 Yes. 460 00:25:47,612 --> 00:25:52,345 Did you ever think that someday you'd be able to... 461 00:25:53,518 --> 00:25:56,120 - you know? - Honestly, no. No, I didn't. 462 00:25:56,121 --> 00:25:58,180 Do you remember what I was wearing that day? 463 00:25:59,624 --> 00:26:01,325 Baby, what was I wearing? 464 00:26:01,326 --> 00:26:03,327 - Do you remember what I was wearing? - A yellow sun dress! 465 00:26:03,328 --> 00:26:05,319 Come on! Roll over and let me shit on you, please! 466 00:26:06,598 --> 00:26:07,932 Excuse me? 467 00:26:07,933 --> 00:26:10,234 I'm sorry. Poop on you. I meant poop on you. 468 00:26:10,235 --> 00:26:12,069 Honey, I would never shit on you. 469 00:26:12,070 --> 00:26:13,594 I would never shit on you. Honey? 470 00:26:13,939 --> 00:26:16,430 Come here. I love you! Fuck! 471 00:26:17,475 --> 00:26:18,965 Oh, I can't. 472 00:26:20,545 --> 00:26:22,342 Julie! Come back! 473 00:26:23,181 --> 00:26:26,480 Oh, baby, please! I love you! I want you to marry you! 474 00:26:28,954 --> 00:26:30,615 Oh, my God! Doug, no! 475 00:26:33,892 --> 00:26:35,382 Oh, jeez! 476 00:26:37,929 --> 00:26:40,056 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 477 00:26:40,966 --> 00:26:44,301 - Doug! Doug! Call a fucking ambulance! - I'm on it! 478 00:26:44,302 --> 00:26:48,261 Hold on. Hold on, baby, okay? Hold on. You're gonna make it. 479 00:26:49,474 --> 00:26:50,941 Oh, Julie, I love you. 480 00:26:51,910 --> 00:26:53,343 I love you. 481 00:26:54,312 --> 00:26:57,110 All of this was for me? 482 00:26:58,249 --> 00:27:00,012 Yeah, I guess so. 483 00:27:00,619 --> 00:27:05,921 Oh, yeah? It's so beautiful. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. 484 00:27:06,958 --> 00:27:09,859 Yes... I will marry you. 485 00:27:10,629 --> 00:27:12,597 I will marry you, Doug. 486 00:27:22,941 --> 00:27:26,110 CougarCrate, where the web's hottest cougars hang out. 487 00:27:26,111 --> 00:27:27,635 CougarCrate. Perfect. 488 00:27:27,946 --> 00:27:32,249 Prepare yourselves, because the cougars are on the prowl. 489 00:27:32,250 --> 00:27:36,584 Look at you. You are nice. I like that peace sign. 490 00:27:37,255 --> 00:27:38,882 Just warmin' up... What? 491 00:27:39,424 --> 00:27:40,658 - Calvin? - Wh-What's going on? 492 00:27:40,659 --> 00:27:42,292 He's gone all Beautiful Mind on us. 493 00:27:42,293 --> 00:27:43,851 He's off the fuckin' grid. 494 00:27:44,896 --> 00:27:46,930 - Come on, Baxter. Think! - Dude, 495 00:27:46,931 --> 00:27:48,332 he's taken this shit to a whole new level. 496 00:27:48,333 --> 00:27:54,363 Everything... divided by nine... 497 00:27:58,043 --> 00:28:02,079 Calvin, great. J.J. And I were trying to delineate our search protocols. 498 00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:05,000 Can you tell me anything more about this video? Where'd you hear about it? 499 00:28:05,250 --> 00:28:06,376 St-Stevie Schraeder. 500 00:28:06,951 --> 00:28:11,012 Stevie Schraeder. Stevie. 501 00:28:11,322 --> 00:28:14,223 Got it! It's time to bring out the big guns. 502 00:28:17,562 --> 00:28:19,897 "Falcontron"? What's this? 503 00:28:19,898 --> 00:28:22,332 It's the most elite search engine on the Internet. 504 00:28:22,333 --> 00:28:26,133 Only fifty humans have access. Twelve are heads of state. 505 00:28:26,671 --> 00:28:28,372 So how do you have access to it? 506 00:28:28,373 --> 00:28:32,104 I hacked into the mainframe of the Bundesnachrichtendienst. 507 00:28:33,044 --> 00:28:35,279 Stop making up words, Baxter. Seriously. 508 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:37,414 He does that all the time. He just makes up... 509 00:28:37,415 --> 00:28:39,906 It's the German intelligence bureau. 510 00:28:40,652 --> 00:28:43,553 "Bureau"? It's not a word. 511 00:28:45,457 --> 00:28:47,618 Attention P-Town shoppers: 512 00:28:48,059 --> 00:28:51,153 Be sure to check out our insert in Sassy Lass magazine... 513 00:28:51,396 --> 00:28:55,332 for killer deals on the Dr. Cole family of products. 514 00:28:56,101 --> 00:29:01,105 We're now offering a buy one get one "Senior Prom" special... 515 00:29:01,106 --> 00:29:03,939 on lambskin condoms and boxed wine. 516 00:29:04,209 --> 00:29:07,010 And don't forget our "Deadbeat Dad" discount... 517 00:29:07,011 --> 00:29:10,180 on all disposable cameras and whiffle ball bats. 518 00:29:10,181 --> 00:29:12,081 Got a dry, itchy vag? 519 00:29:12,383 --> 00:29:16,183 Today, we are offering a two-for-one deal on Beave Lotion. 520 00:29:16,955 --> 00:29:20,124 That's lotion for your beave by Moisture Maid, ladies... 521 00:29:20,125 --> 00:29:24,994 now on sale on aisle four. Be sure to check out... 522 00:29:30,969 --> 00:29:31,958 Neil. 523 00:29:32,303 --> 00:29:33,895 Veronica. 524 00:29:34,105 --> 00:29:35,094 Neil. 525 00:29:35,573 --> 00:29:37,007 You look pale. 526 00:29:37,008 --> 00:29:38,408 You look pregnant. 527 00:29:38,409 --> 00:29:40,944 You look like you slept in a soup kitchen urinal. 528 00:29:40,945 --> 00:29:43,547 You look like you bathed in a Dumpster behind the abortion clinic. 529 00:29:43,548 --> 00:29:45,949 You look like the kid who got cancer for Christmas. 530 00:29:45,950 --> 00:29:47,951 You look like the slutty one on The Golden Girls. 531 00:29:47,952 --> 00:29:49,586 - Dorothy? - Blanche. 532 00:29:49,587 --> 00:29:52,122 You take that back! You son of a bitch! 533 00:29:52,123 --> 00:29:54,023 You take it back! Take that back! 534 00:29:57,929 --> 00:29:59,362 I want to taste you. 535 00:29:59,931 --> 00:30:02,991 I want to lick you till you weep. 536 00:30:09,974 --> 00:30:12,568 - How's your acid reflux? - How's your HPV? 537 00:30:12,977 --> 00:30:15,179 It's your HPV, Veronica. I'm just carrying it. 538 00:30:15,180 --> 00:30:18,015 Let's not have another "chicken or the egg" debate, Neil. 539 00:30:18,016 --> 00:30:20,117 No. Let's. 540 00:30:20,118 --> 00:30:24,987 - Chicken. - Egg. 541 00:30:26,391 --> 00:30:28,120 Your flesh... 542 00:30:29,060 --> 00:30:31,187 slick with cocoa butter... 543 00:30:33,198 --> 00:30:34,597 It haunts me. 544 00:30:40,171 --> 00:30:43,173 - How's Veronica? - Veronica's fine, Veronica. 545 00:30:43,174 --> 00:30:45,108 I can't believe you named your dog Veronica. 546 00:30:45,109 --> 00:30:47,444 Can't believe you sucked off that hobo from Magic Bean. 547 00:30:47,445 --> 00:30:49,140 He was a wizard, Neil. 548 00:30:51,482 --> 00:30:53,416 Shh. I wanna be on you. 549 00:30:54,085 --> 00:30:55,347 In you. 550 00:31:00,491 --> 00:31:02,159 I wanna be... 551 00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:04,321 all... 552 00:31:09,133 --> 00:31:12,102 over your chin. 553 00:31:16,641 --> 00:31:19,109 Do you still like crème brûlée? 554 00:31:19,277 --> 00:31:22,246 Do you still like fingers in your butthole? 555 00:31:22,247 --> 00:31:24,044 You know the answer is yes. 556 00:31:25,016 --> 00:31:26,083 Oh, Neil. 557 00:31:26,084 --> 00:31:27,551 Veronica. 558 00:31:28,019 --> 00:31:30,214 - Neil. - Veronica. 559 00:31:30,521 --> 00:31:32,189 I wanna get over you. 560 00:31:32,190 --> 00:31:34,385 I wanna give you a hickey on your vagina. 561 00:31:46,137 --> 00:31:48,469 You already have, Neil. 562 00:31:50,241 --> 00:31:52,072 You already have. 563 00:31:58,149 --> 00:31:59,912 I'll see you in church. 564 00:32:00,118 --> 00:32:01,483 Not if I see you f... 565 00:32:17,268 --> 00:32:18,257 May I? 566 00:32:22,373 --> 00:32:27,276 I'm no Romeo, folks, but I know what love is. 567 00:32:27,378 --> 00:32:32,582 It's an over-the-chinos rub and tug during your first AA meeting. 568 00:32:32,583 --> 00:32:34,117 Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. 569 00:32:34,118 --> 00:32:36,253 And if I was in your shoes, 570 00:32:36,254 --> 00:32:41,425 I would climb Dick Mountain mouth first just to get her back! 571 00:32:41,426 --> 00:32:42,518 Yes, sir! 572 00:32:42,660 --> 00:32:45,562 Are we gonna let that foxy little thing... 573 00:32:45,563 --> 00:32:48,665 run willy-nilly out of this boy's life? 574 00:32:48,666 --> 00:32:50,300 No! No! 575 00:32:50,301 --> 00:32:52,202 Are we gonna help this youngster... 576 00:32:52,203 --> 00:32:54,967 take that sweet ass to pound town? 577 00:32:56,140 --> 00:32:58,575 - When's your shift up? - Five a.m. 578 00:32:58,576 --> 00:33:01,477 - I'll take it till three. - I got three to five! 579 00:33:02,313 --> 00:33:03,302 Thank you. 580 00:33:04,515 --> 00:33:06,380 Don't be a bitch about it. 581 00:33:07,285 --> 00:33:08,513 Go get her, son! 582 00:33:17,228 --> 00:33:18,354 What's that? 583 00:33:43,988 --> 00:33:46,388 It's not as exciting as you might think. It's-it's... 584 00:33:47,258 --> 00:33:50,360 For me, I like to say it's more about, just like, helping people, you know. 585 00:33:50,361 --> 00:33:53,630 - It's not about punishing criminals... - Right, yeah, I totally understand. 586 00:33:53,631 --> 00:33:55,465 - It's just, it makes you feel good... - Robin! 587 00:33:55,466 --> 00:33:57,161 - Oh, no. - Robin! 588 00:33:59,170 --> 00:34:00,296 Hey, Robin. Where ya been? Hi, how ya doing. 589 00:34:00,438 --> 00:34:02,358 You missed your meeting with your parole officer. 590 00:34:03,007 --> 00:34:05,409 - What? Parole officer? - No. He's kidding. 591 00:34:05,410 --> 00:34:07,511 Yeah, yeah, this guy got in some trouble a while back for... 592 00:34:07,512 --> 00:34:09,880 whipping out his little Dick Grayson on a playground. 593 00:34:09,881 --> 00:34:11,114 No, I didn't. 594 00:34:11,115 --> 00:34:12,549 But, it's all good. I mean, your wife forgave you, right? 595 00:34:12,550 --> 00:34:14,279 - What? - You're married? 596 00:34:15,319 --> 00:34:17,354 - Married pervert. Yeah. - No, I'm not! 597 00:34:17,355 --> 00:34:19,389 Stacey, I'm-I'm not married! He's kidding! 598 00:34:19,390 --> 00:34:21,358 Oh, man. Dodged that bullet. 599 00:34:21,359 --> 00:34:23,460 The hell are you doing here, Batman! You're gonna ruin this! 600 00:34:23,461 --> 00:34:25,362 Calm down! Hey, look, I read on Twitter... 601 00:34:25,363 --> 00:34:28,198 that a super-villain's gonna bomb this loser meet and greet. 602 00:34:28,199 --> 00:34:31,268 So I'm here to save the day, like I do, all the time. 603 00:34:31,269 --> 00:34:32,436 I mean, you know, it's my thing. 604 00:34:32,437 --> 00:34:34,271 - I'm the Batman! - Yeah, baloney! 605 00:34:34,272 --> 00:34:37,174 You're here to ruin my chances with women like you do all the time. 606 00:34:37,175 --> 00:34:39,609 No way, brother! No way! No, I'm-I'm in support of this. 607 00:34:39,610 --> 00:34:42,279 Get one more speed date, okay, then we gotta find that bomb. 608 00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:44,145 Ah, this sucks. 609 00:34:45,349 --> 00:34:48,185 Uh, little tip. Uh, less boy, more wonder, right? 610 00:34:48,186 --> 00:34:49,219 Ah, that's very clever. 611 00:34:49,220 --> 00:34:51,388 - Dazzle them! - Yeah, okay. Thanks. 612 00:34:51,389 --> 00:34:52,356 Hi. 613 00:34:52,623 --> 00:34:55,292 - Oh, hi. - Lois. Lois Lane. 614 00:34:55,293 --> 00:34:57,352 No, I... I know. I've-I've... 615 00:34:57,895 --> 00:35:00,564 It's... it's me, Robin. We-We've met several times. 616 00:35:00,565 --> 00:35:04,134 - Robin what? - Ro-Robin. That's it. 617 00:35:04,135 --> 00:35:06,303 I helped save you from Lex Luthor. 618 00:35:06,304 --> 00:35:07,370 Sorry. 619 00:35:07,371 --> 00:35:09,439 You were like, "I'll never forget this as long as I live." 620 00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:10,634 Sorry again. 621 00:35:11,075 --> 00:35:13,343 - I thought you were dating Superman. - No, no. 622 00:35:13,344 --> 00:35:16,279 - We broke up about six months ago. - I didn't-I didn't know that. 623 00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:18,373 - He's been stalking me ever since. - Really? 624 00:35:19,283 --> 00:35:21,478 Last night, I look out my bedroom window, 625 00:35:21,919 --> 00:35:24,020 and there he is just floating there, 626 00:35:24,021 --> 00:35:27,457 just stroking that nasty little curl, and masturbating! 627 00:35:27,458 --> 00:35:30,260 Blew his wad all over my window! 628 00:35:30,261 --> 00:35:33,096 - He broke the window! - The, the... From the... 629 00:35:33,097 --> 00:35:36,066 Uh, his jizz is like a shotgun blast! 630 00:35:36,234 --> 00:35:38,634 You know that shiny stuff in his hair? It's not hair gel. 631 00:35:40,938 --> 00:35:42,929 - Lois! Oh, my God! - Oh, no! 632 00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:46,076 - Nice to see you! - Nice to be seen! Oh, my goodness! 633 00:35:46,077 --> 00:35:47,077 No, no, no. Yeah, we're in the... 634 00:35:47,078 --> 00:35:49,112 - Do you know each other? - Yeah, we work together. 635 00:35:49,113 --> 00:35:50,353 - You do? - Hey, how's Superman? 636 00:35:51,449 --> 00:35:53,283 I'm gonna give him a call right now, actually. I need... 637 00:35:53,284 --> 00:35:55,285 - No, no! Don't do that! - Oh, no, I'm gonna do it. 638 00:35:55,286 --> 00:35:56,920 - Batman, don't. Please. Please. - It's already ringing. 639 00:35:56,921 --> 00:35:59,656 Hey, Soups! What's up, brother! It's the Dark Knight. 640 00:35:59,657 --> 00:36:01,258 Hey, man, I was just thinking about you here... 641 00:36:01,259 --> 00:36:03,026 'cause I'm sitting with Lois... 642 00:36:03,027 --> 00:36:05,295 and she's on a date with my boy, Robin. 643 00:36:05,296 --> 00:36:07,330 - No! - Oh, he hung up. I lost him. 644 00:36:07,331 --> 00:36:10,167 Stay away from Lois or I'll use my heat vision... 645 00:36:10,168 --> 00:36:13,934 to fuse your balls into one big ridiculous uniball. 646 00:36:14,005 --> 00:36:15,272 Superman, you don't understand. 647 00:36:15,273 --> 00:36:17,503 I'm not here to hit on your girlfriend. That's crazy! 648 00:36:17,575 --> 00:36:20,110 Batman and I are undercover and we're looking for a bomb. 649 00:36:20,111 --> 00:36:23,480 Bomb? I don't give two super-shits about a bomb. 650 00:36:23,481 --> 00:36:27,611 As long as I'm balls-deep in Lois, I'm solid gold. 651 00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:31,115 Stay away from Lois, bitch! 652 00:36:31,589 --> 00:36:33,216 Goddammit! That's his thing! 653 00:36:34,158 --> 00:36:35,525 No, so I told him, you know, 654 00:36:35,526 --> 00:36:37,160 "I mean, we're gonna be fighting crime, buddy, so..." 655 00:36:37,161 --> 00:36:38,228 Oh, there he is. 656 00:36:38,229 --> 00:36:39,396 "Uh, you know, you should put on some pants." 657 00:36:39,397 --> 00:36:41,231 But he liked the costume the way it is, so, 658 00:36:41,232 --> 00:36:42,712 you know, what are you gonna do. Kids. 659 00:36:42,900 --> 00:36:44,968 - Well... Thursday? - Thursday it is! 660 00:36:44,969 --> 00:36:46,403 - See ya then. - All right, now. 661 00:36:46,404 --> 00:36:49,373 And, nice legs. 662 00:36:50,508 --> 00:36:52,509 You make me wear this. He makes me wear this outfit! 663 00:36:52,510 --> 00:36:54,375 So unfair! I hate it! 664 00:36:56,447 --> 00:36:58,348 She's a hoot! All right, that was your date. Let's go. 665 00:36:58,349 --> 00:37:01,418 - Bullcrap! That doesn't count! - What do you mean that doesn't count? 666 00:37:01,419 --> 00:37:02,686 That was a girl, this was a date. 667 00:37:02,687 --> 00:37:04,488 Now, let's boogie. We gotta go find that bomb. 668 00:37:05,189 --> 00:37:07,290 Please, just let me do one more. That doesn't count. Please. 669 00:37:07,291 --> 00:37:09,526 Oh, my God, you're such a baby. Go! Sit down. Fine. 670 00:37:09,527 --> 00:37:10,594 - Yes! - Fine. Go ahead. 671 00:37:10,595 --> 00:37:12,329 have fun. But you're not gonna do it on your own. 672 00:37:12,330 --> 00:37:13,530 - Pop that in your ear. - What's that? 673 00:37:13,531 --> 00:37:15,599 What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna get underneath the table, 674 00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:19,502 hide down there and feed you lines to help bag this next gal. 675 00:37:19,503 --> 00:37:21,137 Oh, right, like Cyrano de Bergerac. 676 00:37:21,138 --> 00:37:23,039 I don't know what that is. It's more like Roxanne. 677 00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:25,375 Okay, but look, I-I'd really rather do this on my own. 678 00:37:25,376 --> 00:37:27,410 Okay, and I hear you, and I appreciate what you're saying, 679 00:37:27,411 --> 00:37:29,606 - but I, you know, I'm gonna do it. - Please don't. 680 00:37:30,414 --> 00:37:33,016 - I'm gonna do it. - Batman, don't. Please, please, don't... 681 00:37:33,017 --> 00:37:36,180 Hi. Sorry, sorry I'm late. There's a line in the bathroom. 682 00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:37,621 Hi. I'm Supergirl. 683 00:37:37,622 --> 00:37:39,556 - My name... - I'm Robin. 684 00:37:40,458 --> 00:37:41,425 Hi, I'm Robin. 685 00:37:43,427 --> 00:37:44,594 Um, so where you from? 686 00:37:44,595 --> 00:37:47,086 - So, where you from? - L... Um, Krypton. 687 00:37:48,599 --> 00:37:50,934 Krypton, eh. Where... That's, that's, uh... 688 00:37:50,935 --> 00:37:52,435 - Oh, shit. - Oh, shit! 689 00:37:52,436 --> 00:37:54,537 - Dude, I can see her snatch. - Dude, I can sn... 690 00:37:54,538 --> 00:37:57,073 Oh, my God! I can't believe the size of this thing. 691 00:37:57,074 --> 00:38:01,511 It's like a giant fucking cornfield. It's enormous down here. 692 00:38:01,579 --> 00:38:05,148 It's crazy. Look at that. I-I-I feel like at any moment, 693 00:38:05,149 --> 00:38:08,451 Shoeless Joe Jackson could walk out of it and I could play catch with him. 694 00:38:08,452 --> 00:38:12,589 Krypton. I-I hear it's really nice. I-I have never been... 695 00:38:12,590 --> 00:38:15,425 You didn't hear that the Sun supernova and destroyed our entire race? 696 00:38:15,426 --> 00:38:16,893 I wanna wash dishes with it. 697 00:38:16,894 --> 00:38:19,362 Did it? I did not... 698 00:38:19,363 --> 00:38:21,998 It's a huge, bushy catastrophe down here. 699 00:38:21,999 --> 00:38:24,467 Feel like Sean Penn should do a benefit for this thing. It's... 700 00:38:24,468 --> 00:38:27,404 What? Oh, no. You can hear him, can't you? 701 00:38:27,405 --> 00:38:28,429 Yeah, I can hear him. 702 00:38:30,107 --> 00:38:32,405 I can also see Batman underneath the table. 703 00:38:32,576 --> 00:38:34,311 Cause of the x-ray vision. Of course. 704 00:38:34,312 --> 00:38:38,248 No, I can just see him. It's a cafe table. I mean, it's really obvious. 705 00:38:39,483 --> 00:38:40,507 - Hi. - Hi. 706 00:38:41,619 --> 00:38:44,554 Ah, dude. I'm so sorry about your family dying and... 707 00:38:46,157 --> 00:38:48,523 Oh, man! That took me back to the seventies, huh? 708 00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:52,562 Hold on. There's our culprit. It's the Penguin. 709 00:38:52,563 --> 00:38:54,531 Excuse me. I'm gonna go do some Batman-ing. 710 00:38:54,532 --> 00:38:55,999 Do you need any... Can I help? 711 00:38:59,503 --> 00:39:01,869 Oh, it's hard to pick up with gloves. There ya go. 712 00:39:02,106 --> 00:39:04,607 Excuse me, sweetie. How ya doing. You mind fucking off for a little bit? 713 00:39:04,608 --> 00:39:06,309 Thank you. I appreciate it. Thanks. 714 00:39:06,310 --> 00:39:07,577 - See you later, citizen. - How dare you! 715 00:39:07,578 --> 00:39:10,570 You son of a bitch! Where's the bomb, you fat fucker? 716 00:39:11,115 --> 00:39:13,276 - Hey! Asshole! - Oh, shit. 717 00:39:13,517 --> 00:39:15,485 What do you think you are? Some big man? 718 00:39:15,486 --> 00:39:17,387 Picking on a little fat guy? 719 00:39:17,388 --> 00:39:19,481 Take it easy! That's the Penguin. That's what I do. 720 00:39:20,391 --> 00:39:21,551 Why didn't you call me? 721 00:39:21,625 --> 00:39:22,892 L... No... l... 722 00:39:22,893 --> 00:39:24,588 You said that you were gonna call me. 723 00:39:24,929 --> 00:39:28,456 Wait a minute. Did I not? I know I dialed a number... Did I not hit "send"? 724 00:39:29,266 --> 00:39:32,861 You said that you were gonna stick by me no matter what happened. 725 00:39:33,371 --> 00:39:37,974 And then your little Bat-condom breaks, and then you just disappear! 726 00:39:37,975 --> 00:39:42,309 Do you know what it's like going to Planned Parenthood by yourself, 727 00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:44,409 when you're Wonder Woman? 728 00:39:44,615 --> 00:39:46,449 Okay. Not very romantic talk. 729 00:39:46,450 --> 00:39:49,044 Roe v. Wade here at a speed dating situation. 730 00:39:49,353 --> 00:39:52,222 Uh, look, I was fighting crime! Ask Robin. Robin, vouch for me. 731 00:39:52,223 --> 00:39:54,524 - He cries after sex. Do you know that? - Why would I know that? 732 00:39:54,525 --> 00:39:57,494 Like a baby. After sex, what do you say? 733 00:39:57,495 --> 00:40:00,530 "Oh, my soul's so dark." Because you saw some bats... 734 00:40:00,531 --> 00:40:02,499 when you were little? You pussy! 735 00:40:02,500 --> 00:40:05,333 Attention, Gotham City speed daters: 736 00:40:06,537 --> 00:40:08,071 How the fuck did he get over there? 737 00:40:08,072 --> 00:40:11,141 It was all a clever ruse. I'm not speed dating. 738 00:40:11,142 --> 00:40:13,133 Some of you should remember I'm happily married. 739 00:40:13,577 --> 00:40:15,612 - That's right! - You were all there at the wedding. 740 00:40:15,613 --> 00:40:17,881 - Okay, bomb strapped to my chest. - Oh, yes. In any case, 741 00:40:17,882 --> 00:40:20,116 you all have to give me some unimaginable sum of money... 742 00:40:20,117 --> 00:40:22,483 or else I'm going to blow up Supergirl with this bomb. 743 00:40:24,355 --> 00:40:26,189 Dat dat dat dat! The detonator is in this umbrella. 744 00:40:26,190 --> 00:40:27,521 - Cool it. - No, you cool it. 745 00:40:28,559 --> 00:40:30,560 My non-monocled eye! Where are you? 746 00:40:30,561 --> 00:40:31,585 Disarm! 747 00:40:32,963 --> 00:40:34,089 Yes! 748 00:40:36,567 --> 00:40:38,262 - Are you okay? - I think so. 749 00:40:38,669 --> 00:40:40,864 You saved my life! 750 00:40:41,539 --> 00:40:42,904 Just-Just doing my job. 751 00:40:43,908 --> 00:40:45,307 Kiss. Kiss her. 752 00:40:46,944 --> 00:40:48,878 Open her mouth and touch tongues. 753 00:40:53,951 --> 00:40:55,885 Put your tongue inside her mouth... 754 00:40:55,886 --> 00:40:58,514 and that'll coax her tongue to go into your mouth! 755 00:41:00,357 --> 00:41:02,848 Yeah! You, uh, squeeze her boobies. 756 00:41:03,027 --> 00:41:04,551 Yeah, and touch her butt. 757 00:41:05,930 --> 00:41:07,898 - Doesn't that look nice? - It looks so nice. 758 00:41:08,098 --> 00:41:10,896 Oh, yeah. Hold on! Not so fast! 759 00:41:14,538 --> 00:41:15,905 Oh, God! 760 00:41:15,906 --> 00:41:17,339 - Riddler! - Riddler! 761 00:41:18,242 --> 00:41:20,267 That is right! The Riddler! 762 00:41:20,644 --> 00:41:24,581 In a diabolical scheme to get Robin and me to this speed date to stop a bomb, 763 00:41:24,582 --> 00:41:29,586 only to lure Robin away to some seedy warehouse... 764 00:41:29,587 --> 00:41:33,356 where you're gonna hang him above a vat filled with thumbtacks... 765 00:41:33,357 --> 00:41:35,552 or lizards or some fucking bullshit! 766 00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:37,627 Well it didn't work, muchacho! 767 00:41:37,628 --> 00:41:39,195 That was amazing. How did you do that? 768 00:41:39,196 --> 00:41:41,187 I mean, how'd you know that she was a fake? 769 00:41:41,265 --> 00:41:43,066 Bush that size is only good for one thing, 770 00:41:43,067 --> 00:41:45,635 and that one thang is hidin' the wang! You know what I'm saying? 771 00:41:45,636 --> 00:41:47,670 Wait. Let me get this straight. So you knew all the way back then? 772 00:41:47,671 --> 00:41:49,639 - You knew that she was a dude? - Whole time. 773 00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:51,441 Wh-Why'd you make me kiss her? 774 00:41:51,442 --> 00:41:53,376 Him. This. 775 00:41:53,444 --> 00:41:54,477 I don't know. 776 00:41:54,478 --> 00:41:57,572 I guess I woke up this morning with a little case of the fuck-arounds. 777 00:41:57,948 --> 00:41:59,939 You know I'm just having fun. My buddy! Woo! 778 00:42:19,670 --> 00:42:21,069 Remember this? 779 00:42:22,439 --> 00:42:23,599 Ugly isn't it? 780 00:42:29,980 --> 00:42:31,607 But think how they feel. 781 00:42:32,883 --> 00:42:35,852 Working without thanks to make your life better. 782 00:42:47,665 --> 00:42:51,192 Lonely, unloved, hurt. 783 00:42:57,675 --> 00:43:01,008 Physical, Verbal, emotional abuse... 784 00:43:01,679 --> 00:43:03,874 to get what we want done. 785 00:43:07,384 --> 00:43:09,614 Can't you see they're doing their best? 786 00:43:17,094 --> 00:43:19,629 They're not trying to take oVer your world. 787 00:43:19,630 --> 00:43:22,861 They're just trying to find a little place in your hearts. 788 00:43:23,667 --> 00:43:27,899 Remember, machines, they're full of kids. 789 00:43:35,446 --> 00:43:36,845 Dude, click the button. 790 00:43:38,015 --> 00:43:39,312 Do not click the button. 791 00:43:40,150 --> 00:43:42,880 - Who the fuck are you? - I am the Minotaur. 792 00:43:43,087 --> 00:43:44,954 You are in my maze. 793 00:43:44,955 --> 00:43:47,090 Do you know where we can find Movie 43? 794 00:43:47,091 --> 00:43:50,083 Movie 43? Movie 43? 795 00:43:50,661 --> 00:43:54,995 Are you prepared to have your brains butchered into tiny pieces? 796 00:43:55,132 --> 00:43:59,933 Are you prepared to have a starving rat nibble out your eyeballs, 797 00:44:00,004 --> 00:44:05,008 and then have the holes fucked by angry, thick-dicked wolves? 798 00:44:05,009 --> 00:44:08,035 Dude, calm down. I think you're- I think you're just confused. 799 00:44:08,545 --> 00:44:11,139 We're-we're talking about Movie 43. You've never heard of that. 800 00:44:11,949 --> 00:44:14,008 Oh, yeah. She's here. 801 00:44:14,551 --> 00:44:16,917 I think we have a connection. 802 00:44:19,156 --> 00:44:22,492 It is the one Movie that can bring down society as we know it. 803 00:44:22,493 --> 00:44:25,361 No, dude. That's something different. I guarantee it. 804 00:44:25,362 --> 00:44:29,966 I have taken a vow to keep anybody from viewing this film. 805 00:44:29,967 --> 00:44:31,000 Dude, dude. 806 00:44:31,001 --> 00:44:34,300 This guy's for real. He's protected by firewalls I've never even seen. 807 00:44:34,605 --> 00:44:35,972 We gotta click this button. 808 00:44:35,973 --> 00:44:38,373 Do not click the button. 809 00:44:39,176 --> 00:44:41,076 Do not click the... 810 00:44:42,446 --> 00:44:43,572 Suck it! 811 00:44:53,023 --> 00:44:56,982 Tyler De Soto. Fifteen. Port St. Lucie, Florida. 812 00:44:57,127 --> 00:44:58,924 He only lost a finger. 813 00:45:05,135 --> 00:45:06,295 It's horrific. 814 00:45:07,337 --> 00:45:09,939 I'm still not seeing what the problem is, though. 815 00:45:09,940 --> 00:45:10,998 Brian? 816 00:45:11,108 --> 00:45:15,135 The iBabe has an advanced 3.2 gigahertz processor. 817 00:45:15,212 --> 00:45:18,548 We left an opening for a vent and then we placed a highly-efficient, 818 00:45:18,549 --> 00:45:23,282 super powerful micro-fan in the opening. 819 00:45:24,054 --> 00:45:27,123 - And? - The vent is in her, 820 00:45:27,124 --> 00:45:28,157 Lower quadrant. 821 00:45:28,158 --> 00:45:29,926 Vagi-port. 822 00:45:29,927 --> 00:45:31,594 - Vagina. - Vagi-port. 823 00:45:31,595 --> 00:45:33,062 The vent is in the vagina. 824 00:45:33,063 --> 00:45:35,465 A certain percentage of our younger demographic... 825 00:45:35,466 --> 00:45:39,027 are sticking their you-know-what in the vent. 826 00:45:39,937 --> 00:45:41,070 No, I don't know what. 827 00:45:41,071 --> 00:45:43,403 Kids are sticking their penises in the vent. 828 00:45:43,941 --> 00:45:46,603 The fan then mangles their penises. 829 00:45:47,010 --> 00:45:48,010 Disgusting! 830 00:45:48,011 --> 00:45:50,413 Sir, the iBabe is a... 831 00:45:50,414 --> 00:45:53,015 High fidelity music player. 832 00:45:53,016 --> 00:45:56,349 Yes, it also looks and feels exactly like a naked woman. 833 00:45:57,254 --> 00:46:01,418 Teenage boys are physically attracted to naked women. 834 00:46:01,592 --> 00:46:04,026 Our research doesn't support that, sir. 835 00:46:04,094 --> 00:46:07,552 Look, at the very least, we need to put a warning sticker on the box. 836 00:46:08,198 --> 00:46:12,362 Other MP3 players don't have a warning not to have sex with it. Right? 837 00:46:13,203 --> 00:46:15,865 A bag of potato chips doesn't have a warning, 838 00:46:16,039 --> 00:46:18,439 "Please don't fuck these potato chips." 839 00:46:19,109 --> 00:46:20,542 Am I crazy here? 840 00:46:21,044 --> 00:46:23,205 None of us could have seen this one coming. 841 00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:24,280 I did. 842 00:46:24,281 --> 00:46:26,408 Take it easy, Erin Brockovich. 843 00:46:28,986 --> 00:46:31,287 R and D team. You did extensive testing here. 844 00:46:31,288 --> 00:46:35,124 Did you anticipate anybody breaching the cooling system? Any red flags? 845 00:46:35,125 --> 00:46:36,183 Dave? 846 00:46:39,029 --> 00:46:43,591 Also, we've broken down our problem into three steps. 847 00:46:43,901 --> 00:46:46,870 Step 1: Kid buys iBabe. 848 00:46:48,205 --> 00:46:51,174 Step 2: Kid fucks iBabe. 849 00:46:52,042 --> 00:46:56,843 Step 3: Kid mangles dick and sues iBabe. 850 00:46:58,182 --> 00:47:03,415 Our goal is to eliminate step two and step three. 851 00:47:07,224 --> 00:47:09,624 Now I know what the problem is. 852 00:47:11,228 --> 00:47:14,857 Why don't we just move the fan? Why don't we just put it in her ear? 853 00:47:14,932 --> 00:47:16,627 No. No, no, no, no, no, sir. 854 00:47:17,267 --> 00:47:20,269 Uh, my team spent two years doing the impossible, 855 00:47:20,270 --> 00:47:24,106 and you're pretty much just telling us to go back and start from scratch. 856 00:47:24,107 --> 00:47:26,242 You know, to go fuck ourselves! 857 00:47:26,243 --> 00:47:30,079 Okay, look. The iBabe weighs over a hundred pounds, okay? 858 00:47:30,080 --> 00:47:33,049 It's basically illegal to take it out in public. 859 00:47:33,050 --> 00:47:36,219 Women's organizations are calling for the boycott of our entire company. 860 00:47:36,220 --> 00:47:40,850 Our stock is plummeting and kids' dicks are getting horribly mangled! 861 00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:44,222 Uh, come in, come in, come in. 862 00:47:44,328 --> 00:47:49,131 Sir, may I introduce you to the iBabe Special Edition. 863 00:47:49,132 --> 00:47:50,292 Oh, my God. 864 00:47:53,403 --> 00:47:56,272 Faster processing, double storage capacity, 865 00:47:56,273 --> 00:47:58,264 and how about that elegant finish. 866 00:48:00,210 --> 00:48:02,178 Just gorgeous. Gorgeous, gorgeous! 867 00:48:02,346 --> 00:48:04,046 - Congratulations! - Thank you. 868 00:48:04,047 --> 00:48:07,949 Finally we can give our customers a choice of colour. 869 00:48:09,119 --> 00:48:12,247 Oh, my God. Just when I thought it couldn't get more offensive. 870 00:48:14,157 --> 00:48:15,920 Oh, for Christ's sake. 871 00:48:18,128 --> 00:48:19,288 Yeah. Now I understand. 872 00:48:33,644 --> 00:48:35,168 Enough! Enough! 873 00:48:35,312 --> 00:48:38,247 What do you want? Money? Women? 874 00:48:38,248 --> 00:48:41,081 Just stop looking for Movie 43. 875 00:48:41,318 --> 00:48:42,512 Hey! Who are you? 876 00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:46,155 Movie 43. Where is Movie 43? 877 00:48:46,156 --> 00:48:48,147 I don't know what you're talking about. 878 00:48:49,326 --> 00:48:51,527 Where is Movie 43? Don't lie! 879 00:48:51,528 --> 00:48:53,860 Get away from me! Get off me! No! 880 00:48:54,631 --> 00:48:56,121 The fuck, man! 881 00:48:58,001 --> 00:49:00,469 So you know where Movie 43 is. 882 00:49:00,470 --> 00:49:01,504 No! 883 00:49:01,505 --> 00:49:04,307 The Movie that allows you to see into the future. 884 00:49:04,308 --> 00:49:06,475 No! It will destroy society! 885 00:49:06,476 --> 00:49:09,172 He will unleash the dead up in protocol! 886 00:49:09,379 --> 00:49:12,109 Did Stevie Schraeder tell you any of this? 887 00:49:12,249 --> 00:49:14,308 Who is this Stevie Schraeder? 888 00:49:14,584 --> 00:49:16,347 Who is Stevie Schraeder? 889 00:49:16,453 --> 00:49:20,189 - Who is this Stevie Schraeder? - I don't know Stevie Schraeder! 890 00:49:20,190 --> 00:49:21,357 - You lie! - What the fuck? 891 00:49:21,358 --> 00:49:23,025 Fuck you! 892 00:49:23,026 --> 00:49:25,528 Who is Stevie Schraeder? You tell me where Stevie Schraeder is! 893 00:49:25,529 --> 00:49:27,129 Who is this motherfucker? 894 00:49:27,130 --> 00:49:29,189 He's a kid in my fucking Driver's Ed class! 895 00:49:29,566 --> 00:49:34,236 You will find us Movie 43, J.J. And Baxter. 896 00:49:34,237 --> 00:49:35,636 What the fuck, man! 897 00:49:36,373 --> 00:49:38,102 Keep looking! 898 00:49:38,542 --> 00:49:40,567 - I'm looking! - Don't look! 899 00:49:43,246 --> 00:49:45,578 I'm, uh, RSVP-ing to Sammy's Bar Mitzvah. 900 00:49:46,350 --> 00:49:47,612 Yeah, me too. 901 00:49:48,352 --> 00:49:50,616 The party, not the service. 902 00:49:51,254 --> 00:49:54,223 My mom always makes me go to both. Sucks. 903 00:49:56,193 --> 00:49:57,182 Yeah. 904 00:50:16,279 --> 00:50:17,371 Yeah! 905 00:50:18,015 --> 00:50:21,109 Nathan on a date for once! 906 00:50:21,251 --> 00:50:23,378 Jesus, Mikey, shut up! 907 00:50:23,487 --> 00:50:26,979 What? Mom told me to watch you guys. I'm just doing my job. 908 00:50:28,058 --> 00:50:29,389 I mean it, Mikey. Leave! 909 00:50:31,395 --> 00:50:32,555 I'm watching you. 910 00:50:35,332 --> 00:50:37,232 Sorry, my brother's an idiot. 911 00:50:38,035 --> 00:50:39,366 Whatever. 912 00:50:43,640 --> 00:50:47,303 - You have a bathroom? - Totally. It's right back there. 913 00:50:58,288 --> 00:50:59,380 - Yuck! - Nathan? 914 00:51:01,391 --> 00:51:02,458 Nathan, I... 915 00:51:02,459 --> 00:51:05,494 My brother spilled fruit punch on the couch. There's a big red stain. 916 00:51:05,495 --> 00:51:07,395 I, I, um... I need to go. 917 00:51:08,031 --> 00:51:10,397 But you're not getting picked up for another half hour. 918 00:51:10,634 --> 00:51:12,898 Wanna sit and watch some more TV? 919 00:51:14,971 --> 00:51:18,463 Yeah. I'll-I'll just... I'll just watch it from back here. 920 00:51:20,043 --> 00:51:21,601 That's cool. I like standing. 921 00:51:24,347 --> 00:51:27,908 Whoa! Mikey spilled fruit punch on the wall, too! 922 00:51:28,318 --> 00:51:31,320 - My mom is gonna be so pissed! - Nathan, I really need to go! 923 00:51:31,321 --> 00:51:33,489 Hey, lovebirds, I hope I'm not... 924 00:51:33,490 --> 00:51:36,258 Holy shit, you are covered in blood! Oh, my God! 925 00:51:36,259 --> 00:51:37,960 - What? - Oh, my God! 926 00:51:37,961 --> 00:51:39,595 - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God! 927 00:51:39,596 --> 00:51:42,331 Oh, my God! You must've s-sat on a nail or something! 928 00:51:42,332 --> 00:51:44,960 - You idiot! She's having her period! - Oh, my God! 929 00:51:45,335 --> 00:51:46,563 What do I do? 930 00:51:46,937 --> 00:51:48,671 You don't know what to do? You've never had your period before? 931 00:51:48,672 --> 00:51:50,906 - No, I haven't. - Oh, my God, 932 00:51:50,907 --> 00:51:52,508 Mikey, she's already lost a lot of blood! 933 00:51:53,410 --> 00:51:54,710 Okay. Um, you know what? 934 00:51:54,711 --> 00:51:56,712 Mom's gotta have some tampons around here somewhere, right? 935 00:51:56,713 --> 00:51:58,981 Oh, my God! This is not happening! 936 00:51:58,982 --> 00:52:00,483 Fuck! You are way skinnier than Mom! 937 00:52:00,484 --> 00:52:02,351 There-There's no way they're gonna fit you! 938 00:52:02,352 --> 00:52:03,986 Look, I'm just gonna walk home! 939 00:52:03,987 --> 00:52:06,387 No, no, no, no! You can't walk home in your condition, silly! 940 00:52:06,490 --> 00:52:07,990 Mikey, hurry! 941 00:52:07,991 --> 00:52:10,892 There's just plastic bags! I don't know what the fuck you want me to do! 942 00:52:12,095 --> 00:52:13,195 - What? - Wipe yourself! 943 00:52:13,196 --> 00:52:14,897 Hey, hey, hey! Guys, I'm home early. 944 00:52:14,898 --> 00:52:16,126 Dad, help us! 945 00:52:16,500 --> 00:52:18,491 Pardon me, I'm Nathan's father, Steve. 946 00:52:19,202 --> 00:52:22,338 Oh, we're just gonna have to plug it up. I found this and this. 947 00:52:22,339 --> 00:52:23,619 All right, what's going on here? 948 00:52:25,442 --> 00:52:27,643 Nathan's date is on her period for the first time, 949 00:52:27,644 --> 00:52:29,411 and she's bleeding everywhere! 950 00:52:29,412 --> 00:52:30,446 - Oh, disgusting. - What? 951 00:52:30,447 --> 00:52:32,148 I mean, congratulations, young lady. 952 00:52:32,149 --> 00:52:34,383 "Congratulations"? She's bleeding to death! 953 00:52:34,384 --> 00:52:36,418 Oh, my God! My stomach hurts! 954 00:52:36,419 --> 00:52:38,120 She's having contractions! 955 00:52:38,121 --> 00:52:39,918 No! Oh, no! 956 00:52:40,590 --> 00:52:41,891 All right. 957 00:52:41,892 --> 00:52:45,394 N-Nine-one-one? Yeah, my friend is bleeding out of her vagina! 958 00:52:45,395 --> 00:52:46,384 Nathan, Nathan, listen! 959 00:52:46,496 --> 00:52:48,487 Why are you laughing at me? 960 00:52:48,932 --> 00:52:52,299 It's just... it's... The-The lining of Amanda's... 961 00:52:52,602 --> 00:52:55,332 internal organs just spilling out of her. 962 00:52:56,006 --> 00:52:57,337 Oh, my God! 963 00:52:57,641 --> 00:52:59,441 Look, I'm not dying! 964 00:52:59,442 --> 00:53:01,376 I got frozen peas and a sponge! 965 00:53:01,678 --> 00:53:03,612 If you wanna keep the lining intact, 966 00:53:03,613 --> 00:53:07,917 the man has to insert his erect phallus into her vagina. 967 00:53:07,918 --> 00:53:10,113 - A what? - You know what? I got a perfect thing. 968 00:53:11,421 --> 00:53:13,055 Maxi pad on a stick. 969 00:53:13,056 --> 00:53:15,388 Oh, my God! I wanna kill myself! 970 00:53:15,559 --> 00:53:17,117 Hello! Hey, baby, you ready? 971 00:53:18,461 --> 00:53:20,162 - What the hell's going on here? - Dad! 972 00:53:20,163 --> 00:53:21,221 Oh, my God! Honey! 973 00:53:21,431 --> 00:53:24,433 What the hell kind of sick family squashes a large tomato... 974 00:53:24,434 --> 00:53:25,958 on my daughter's pants? 975 00:53:26,336 --> 00:53:28,571 Whoa. Watch what you're implying about my family. 976 00:53:28,572 --> 00:53:30,597 Oh, I don't gotta watch anything, Jack! 977 00:53:31,208 --> 00:53:33,438 - Yeah? - Yeah! 978 00:53:33,577 --> 00:53:34,610 - You touching me? - Yeah, yeah, bitch, yeah! 979 00:53:34,611 --> 00:53:36,111 - You touching me? - You're not to touch me! 980 00:53:36,112 --> 00:53:37,909 - Let's go, bitch! - Let's go! 981 00:53:39,249 --> 00:53:41,410 Sucker punch him! Sucker punch him in the throat! 982 00:53:43,587 --> 00:53:45,452 Everybody shut up! 983 00:53:47,157 --> 00:53:50,292 Look, I'm just a regular seventh-grade girl getting my period, 984 00:53:50,293 --> 00:53:53,126 and it really sucks that it had to be in front of all you idiots. 985 00:53:55,465 --> 00:53:58,457 Dad, call Mom and tell her to meet us at home. 986 00:54:03,506 --> 00:54:05,371 She's got her period? 987 00:54:06,576 --> 00:54:07,941 So disgusting. 988 00:54:08,612 --> 00:54:11,137 You don't have a camping tarp I could borrow, do you? 989 00:54:12,182 --> 00:54:13,444 Sorry about all that. 990 00:54:14,618 --> 00:54:16,347 Hey, honey, don't sit in the car! 991 00:54:17,487 --> 00:54:20,081 Vagina is way too complicated! 992 00:54:20,490 --> 00:54:21,980 Yeah, no shit. 993 00:54:24,327 --> 00:54:25,589 Really? 994 00:54:29,432 --> 00:54:30,592 Dad, that was epic! 995 00:54:32,235 --> 00:54:35,398 I've been trying to push that puppy out since this morning's conference call. 996 00:54:35,472 --> 00:54:38,236 Woo! I gotta take a massive dump, and then we're watching the game. 997 00:54:38,341 --> 00:54:39,603 - Yeah. - Yes! 998 00:54:47,617 --> 00:54:48,879 Oh, nice! 999 00:55:17,881 --> 00:55:19,281 Come on, come on, come on, come on. 1000 00:55:19,316 --> 00:55:20,476 Look who we found. 1001 00:55:22,585 --> 00:55:23,574 J. J? 1002 00:55:24,521 --> 00:55:26,889 - Stevie Schraeder? - I freaking told you. 1003 00:55:26,890 --> 00:55:28,557 Wh... What the fuck! How'd he get there? 1004 00:55:28,558 --> 00:55:31,393 Stevie, tell them about Movie 43! 1005 00:55:31,394 --> 00:55:34,897 What's Movie 43? They keep asking me that. 1006 00:55:34,898 --> 00:55:37,332 - Cut off Stevie Schraeder's finger. - What! 1007 00:55:37,467 --> 00:55:39,568 No, don't cut off Stevie Schraeder's finger! 1008 00:55:39,569 --> 00:55:42,371 Don't cut off Stevie Schraeder's finger! Please! 1009 00:55:42,372 --> 00:55:44,139 Movie 43 isn't real. 1010 00:55:44,140 --> 00:55:46,408 It's just something Calvin and I made up to prank you! 1011 00:55:46,409 --> 00:55:47,976 Well, apparently it is real, 1012 00:55:47,977 --> 00:55:50,468 and we need to find it or else your stupid friend dies! 1013 00:55:50,880 --> 00:55:53,508 - Unless... - Unless what? Unless what? 1014 00:55:54,117 --> 00:55:56,652 I can fashion a ninety-one-F-Theta Box. 1015 00:55:56,653 --> 00:55:58,921 No. Not the Theta Box. Please! Do not do that! 1016 00:55:58,922 --> 00:56:01,590 Go! Make a Theta Box, dude. Whatever that is. 1017 00:56:01,591 --> 00:56:03,252 Okay. Don't wait for me. 1018 00:56:05,128 --> 00:56:07,528 Movie 43. Wh-Where is it? Where is it? 1019 00:56:12,936 --> 00:56:14,563 Go fuck yourself, asshole! 1020 00:56:15,638 --> 00:56:17,071 Don't do this. 1021 00:56:17,207 --> 00:56:20,142 Brian, we're best friends, man. You can't move out. 1022 00:56:20,443 --> 00:56:21,610 You fucked my girlfriend, dude. 1023 00:56:21,611 --> 00:56:23,203 One time. 1024 00:56:23,646 --> 00:56:25,080 For a week. 1025 00:56:25,081 --> 00:56:26,981 - What? - But I want to make it up to you. 1026 00:56:27,584 --> 00:56:29,279 Can I fuck your girlfriend? 1027 00:56:29,953 --> 00:56:31,887 Yes, but she broke up with me... 1028 00:56:31,888 --> 00:56:33,655 when she found out I slept with your girlfriend... 1029 00:56:33,656 --> 00:56:35,248 so I can't arrange it. 1030 00:56:35,558 --> 00:56:39,153 But Brian, I got you something. 1031 00:56:39,929 --> 00:56:43,330 Best birthday present ever. You are going to love this. 1032 00:56:44,434 --> 00:56:46,994 - Is this really necessary? - Trust me. 1033 00:56:49,005 --> 00:56:51,496 It's better if it's a... 1034 00:56:51,674 --> 00:56:55,132 One, two, three, surprise! 1035 00:56:59,516 --> 00:57:01,916 I know, right, buddy? Happy birthday. 1036 00:57:02,018 --> 00:57:03,585 You kidnapped an lrish midget. 1037 00:57:03,586 --> 00:57:06,021 No, I caught you a leprechaun. 1038 00:57:06,022 --> 00:57:07,922 Moron. There's no such thing as leprechauns. 1039 00:57:08,591 --> 00:57:10,024 Dude, watch this. 1040 00:57:11,361 --> 00:57:12,394 Hey, little buddy. 1041 00:57:12,395 --> 00:57:15,990 Tell my friend you're going to give us a big pot of gold. 1042 00:57:16,633 --> 00:57:19,435 I'm going to cut off your balls and feed them to you! 1043 00:57:19,436 --> 00:57:20,630 Good Lord. 1044 00:57:21,638 --> 00:57:25,607 He's just joking. He's got to give us the gold. That's the rules. Right? 1045 00:57:25,608 --> 00:57:29,203 The last thing you'll ever see is my cock, skull-fucking you! 1046 00:57:32,582 --> 00:57:34,106 Let me ask him again. 1047 00:57:36,886 --> 00:57:38,854 Give us the fucking gold! 1048 00:57:39,889 --> 00:57:41,123 Do you want the lights on or off... 1049 00:57:41,124 --> 00:57:43,490 when I fuck you with a pair of rusty scissors? 1050 00:57:45,028 --> 00:57:47,463 Stop, stop! Chill! Chill! 1051 00:57:47,464 --> 00:57:50,499 What are you doing? You're going to kill him! 1052 00:57:50,500 --> 00:57:53,992 Watch out! Relax! I'll handle this, okay? I'll handle this. 1053 00:57:57,106 --> 00:57:59,540 Hey, Mr. Leprechaun. 1054 00:58:01,978 --> 00:58:04,012 I am super sorry about this. 1055 00:58:04,013 --> 00:58:05,514 It's just a misunderstanding, 1056 00:58:05,515 --> 00:58:09,611 so what I'm going to do... is untie you and let you go. 1057 00:58:10,520 --> 00:58:11,851 How does that sound? 1058 00:58:13,022 --> 00:58:14,887 Okay... but first... 1059 00:58:16,192 --> 00:58:19,855 Lick my crusty lrish taint, ya yeast-breeding cunt hole! 1060 00:58:20,663 --> 00:58:23,598 Die! Die, you little magical fuck! 1061 00:58:24,033 --> 00:58:26,668 Whoa, stop! Stop! Think! 1062 00:58:26,669 --> 00:58:29,238 If he's dead, he can't tell us where the gold is! 1063 00:58:29,239 --> 00:58:33,505 Fucking giants. Motherfucking full-growns! 1064 00:58:34,043 --> 00:58:37,179 When all this is over, I'm going to crawl up your mother's cunt... 1065 00:58:37,180 --> 00:58:38,981 and start a fucking campfire! 1066 00:58:38,982 --> 00:58:42,918 Hey! No! Shut up! You can't do anything... 1067 00:58:42,919 --> 00:58:46,088 because you're tiny and tied to a chair, and nobody knows where you are. 1068 00:58:46,089 --> 00:58:47,113 No one! 1069 00:58:48,658 --> 00:58:50,387 I wouldn't bet on that. 1070 00:58:50,894 --> 00:58:52,088 Who's calling? 1071 00:58:53,963 --> 00:58:55,030 Hello? 1072 00:58:55,031 --> 00:58:57,466 So this is what a dead man sounds like. 1073 00:58:57,467 --> 00:58:59,434 - It's another leprechaun. - Fuck! 1074 00:58:59,435 --> 00:59:00,903 If that's my brother... 1075 00:59:00,904 --> 00:59:04,339 prepare to have your dickhole stretched over a fucking fire hydrant! 1076 00:59:04,340 --> 00:59:06,909 - What's wrong with your fucking mouth? - Gag him. 1077 00:59:06,910 --> 00:59:07,899 Your balls... 1078 00:59:09,078 --> 00:59:10,245 Listen, Cookie O'Puss... 1079 00:59:10,246 --> 00:59:13,949 I got a leprechaun and I want some gold or we're going to kill him. 1080 00:59:13,950 --> 00:59:16,851 How do you feel about having your balls cut off? 1081 00:59:17,153 --> 00:59:19,212 Jeez, they're so into balls. 1082 00:59:19,622 --> 00:59:22,090 I'm serious. You better make with the gold... 1083 00:59:22,091 --> 00:59:24,960 or your little green man will be pushing up four-leaf clovers! 1084 00:59:24,961 --> 00:59:26,861 That was so good. You sounded so tough. 1085 00:59:27,263 --> 00:59:28,525 Okay. 1086 00:59:30,333 --> 00:59:31,857 What did he say? 1087 00:59:32,569 --> 00:59:34,036 He said "Okay." 1088 00:59:35,672 --> 00:59:38,072 No way. How did he get here so fast? 1089 00:59:56,993 --> 00:59:58,085 Sweet! 1090 01:00:03,132 --> 01:00:06,329 - Gold coins! - Gold! 1091 01:00:09,405 --> 01:00:11,930 - Happy Birthday, dude! - Holy crap! 1092 01:00:12,041 --> 01:00:14,041 So, we get the gold and we keep this little fucker? 1093 01:00:14,210 --> 01:00:17,145 Did you hear that? Looks like your lucky charms just ran out. 1094 01:00:17,914 --> 01:00:20,280 Who's magically delicious now, bitch? 1095 01:00:21,017 --> 01:00:22,584 What? Did you say something? 1096 01:00:22,585 --> 01:00:26,077 I couldn't hear you over my giant pot of leprechaun gold! 1097 01:00:27,090 --> 01:00:28,387 Top o' the morning, ladies! 1098 01:00:31,227 --> 01:00:34,287 - He shot me in the eye! - He shot me in my nipples! 1099 01:00:35,965 --> 01:00:37,990 I'm half goddamn blind! 1100 01:00:39,335 --> 01:00:41,098 Taste Celtic steel! 1101 01:00:43,039 --> 01:00:45,173 That's right, brother! Fuck him up good! 1102 01:00:45,174 --> 01:00:48,043 This is what happens when you take a leprechaun's gold! 1103 01:00:48,044 --> 01:00:51,013 Stab him with your leprechaun knife! Cut off his balls! 1104 01:00:51,014 --> 01:00:52,381 Go leprechauns! 1105 01:00:52,382 --> 01:00:55,017 - Walk to the rainbow. - What? 1106 01:00:55,018 --> 01:00:58,153 - Cut off his balls! - Help! Pete! Help! 1107 01:00:58,154 --> 01:01:01,089 I'm going to mangle your balls! 1108 01:01:01,090 --> 01:01:03,524 Shoot him! Shoot the fucking leprechaun! 1109 01:01:04,594 --> 01:01:07,195 You moron! Not that leprechaun! This leprechaun! 1110 01:01:07,196 --> 01:01:09,994 Tell St. Patty you like it up the ass! 1111 01:01:17,073 --> 01:01:18,165 What now? 1112 01:01:21,177 --> 01:01:22,611 Not much to these guys. 1113 01:01:22,612 --> 01:01:24,580 Yeah. I thought they'd be bigger. 1114 01:01:25,181 --> 01:01:27,615 Hey, Pete, I just want to say thank you. 1115 01:01:28,051 --> 01:01:31,111 - Yeah, it is a lot of gold. - Nah, it's more than gold. 1116 01:01:31,187 --> 01:01:33,288 Catching that leprechaun must have been hard work. 1117 01:01:33,289 --> 01:01:36,156 Something that only a true friend would do for me. 1118 01:01:36,359 --> 01:01:39,419 Yeah, well, I should have never slept with your girlfriend. 1119 01:01:39,629 --> 01:01:42,154 Whatever. We can buy new girlfriends. 1120 01:01:43,066 --> 01:01:46,168 Dude, I totally forgot the second part of your gift! 1121 01:01:46,169 --> 01:01:47,136 Really? 1122 01:01:53,676 --> 01:01:57,043 - Who is she? - She's a fairy. Storybook fairy. 1123 01:01:58,414 --> 01:02:00,882 What the hell am I supposed to do with a fairy? 1124 01:02:01,084 --> 01:02:03,348 I suck cock for gold coins. 1125 01:02:07,457 --> 01:02:09,049 J.J., make some space! 1126 01:02:11,461 --> 01:02:14,089 - What can I do? - I need metal. Right now! Go! 1127 01:02:15,264 --> 01:02:17,198 Use your Tinker Toys. 1128 01:02:17,633 --> 01:02:21,433 - Trophies! Spoons! - Stop yelling at me! I'll do it! 1129 01:02:25,141 --> 01:02:28,310 - Right. - I'm go. Initiate sequence. 1130 01:02:28,311 --> 01:02:29,544 Is this going to work? 1131 01:02:29,545 --> 01:02:30,569 It better! 1132 01:02:32,415 --> 01:02:33,575 Here we go! 1133 01:02:35,284 --> 01:02:36,581 How do you do this? 1134 01:02:38,521 --> 01:02:40,182 We're getting close! 1135 01:02:40,456 --> 01:02:41,514 Yeah? 1136 01:02:44,060 --> 01:02:45,584 Yes, we're getting very close! 1137 01:02:47,897 --> 01:02:49,626 Uno marguerita, por favor? 1138 01:02:49,966 --> 01:02:51,058 You want salt? 1139 01:02:51,234 --> 01:02:52,394 Sí, bueno. 1140 01:02:53,236 --> 01:02:56,271 - And for you? - Whynatte and rum, please. 1141 01:02:56,272 --> 01:02:57,398 Got it. 1142 01:02:58,107 --> 01:03:00,268 Do you mind me asking a question? It may seem personal. 1143 01:03:00,443 --> 01:03:05,080 I'm quite surprised that a lady with your face needs to resort to... 1144 01:03:05,081 --> 01:03:06,241 - Match dot com? - Right. 1145 01:03:06,415 --> 01:03:11,253 Truth is, I have completely exhausted all of my options. 1146 01:03:11,254 --> 01:03:12,287 - Really? - Yeah. 1147 01:03:12,288 --> 01:03:14,656 Oh, dear. That's a shame. And are you from the area? 1148 01:03:14,657 --> 01:03:16,291 No. Let's not do that, okay? 1149 01:03:16,292 --> 01:03:18,326 I've been on so many blind dates in the past year, 1150 01:03:18,327 --> 01:03:19,555 and they're all the same. 1151 01:03:20,129 --> 01:03:22,063 "Where are you from? What does your sister do? 1152 01:03:22,064 --> 01:03:23,165 What does your father..." Blah, blah, blah. 1153 01:03:23,166 --> 01:03:25,167 Do you really care if my father is a garbage man? 1154 01:03:25,168 --> 01:03:27,169 - Is your father a garbage man? - No, he's not! That's the point. 1155 01:03:27,170 --> 01:03:28,537 - Who cares? - Not important. 1156 01:03:28,538 --> 01:03:32,240 So let's not do that. Let's have this date be different. 1157 01:03:32,241 --> 01:03:35,277 - Let's talk about real things, okay? - Great. 1158 01:03:35,278 --> 01:03:38,042 - Real, straight conversations. - I'm all about that. 1159 01:03:39,282 --> 01:03:40,943 So what does your father do for a living? 1160 01:03:43,352 --> 01:03:46,116 Okay. Let's play a game. 1161 01:03:46,355 --> 01:03:48,023 - Okay. - have you played Truth or Dare? 1162 01:03:48,024 --> 01:03:49,491 I haven't played it, but I'm aware of it. 1163 01:03:49,492 --> 01:03:53,087 Well, you start first. You ask me, "Truth or Dare." 1164 01:03:53,362 --> 01:03:55,125 - Truth or Dare? - Truth. 1165 01:03:55,364 --> 01:04:00,202 Is there any possibility in this noble cosmos... 1166 01:04:00,203 --> 01:04:04,367 or any alternative parallel cosmos where you might... 1167 01:04:05,208 --> 01:04:07,938 Is there any chance I'm your type? 1168 01:04:10,346 --> 01:04:12,280 Yeah. Yeah. You're tall. 1169 01:04:12,915 --> 01:04:14,542 - And that's good? - I like tall. 1170 01:04:15,318 --> 01:04:16,351 Okay, Truth or Dare? 1171 01:04:16,352 --> 01:04:17,376 Truth? 1172 01:04:18,154 --> 01:04:22,147 I knew you'd say that. I am going to push the limits just a little bit. 1173 01:04:22,992 --> 01:04:26,120 - Are you circumcised? - Am I circumcised? 1174 01:04:26,195 --> 01:04:27,924 That's personal. 1175 01:04:29,031 --> 01:04:32,267 Circumcision has never really taken off, to be honest, where I'm from. 1176 01:04:32,268 --> 01:04:35,533 It's not... it's not the vogue. 1177 01:04:36,205 --> 01:04:38,366 I tend to associate it with Jewish people... 1178 01:04:38,941 --> 01:04:41,209 and we don't have many Jewish people in Europe any more... 1179 01:04:41,210 --> 01:04:43,912 because of the... trouble. 1180 01:04:43,913 --> 01:04:45,938 So, no, I'm not. 1181 01:04:46,382 --> 01:04:49,215 But if you would need me to get circumcised, I'm sure I could. 1182 01:04:50,386 --> 01:04:52,547 - Truth or Dare? - Truth. 1183 01:04:52,989 --> 01:04:55,257 When was the last time you kissed a man? 1184 01:04:55,258 --> 01:04:59,319 Twenty-six days ago in an alley behind a Pilates studio. Truth or Dare? 1185 01:05:00,196 --> 01:05:01,517 Dare. I'm going to go with a Dare. 1186 01:05:02,198 --> 01:05:05,565 Here we go. Now we're cooking. Okay. 1187 01:05:06,035 --> 01:05:09,596 I dare you to go over there. 1188 01:05:10,373 --> 01:05:13,408 See that man with the black jacket? The husky guy? 1189 01:05:13,409 --> 01:05:16,244 I dare you to go and pinch his ass. 1190 01:05:16,245 --> 01:05:18,346 - Do what now? - Just cup it. 1191 01:05:18,347 --> 01:05:19,939 Grab his cheeks and cup it. 1192 01:05:20,983 --> 01:05:22,250 - No. - Yeah. 1193 01:05:22,251 --> 01:05:24,653 You said Dare, not me. That's what Dare is. 1194 01:05:24,654 --> 01:05:26,554 - have a look at him. He's quite... - I see him. 1195 01:05:26,555 --> 01:05:28,356 Go back there and cup his ass. 1196 01:05:28,357 --> 01:05:29,391 He's quite a stocky man. 1197 01:05:29,392 --> 01:05:31,493 - He might have a knife. - I don't even have to be here. 1198 01:05:31,494 --> 01:05:34,129 I can go home and watch Family Guy if you don't want to play. 1199 01:05:34,130 --> 01:05:35,163 I'll get the check. Excuse me! 1200 01:05:35,164 --> 01:05:36,631 - Can I have the check? - She doesn't need the check. 1201 01:05:36,632 --> 01:05:37,929 She's joking. 1202 01:05:38,234 --> 01:05:40,202 - Then go cup his ass. - Okay, I will. 1203 01:05:49,345 --> 01:05:54,009 I call him, and he never answers the phone. I'm sick of it. 1204 01:05:54,250 --> 01:05:56,343 - Go pay him a visit. - You call him. 1205 01:05:58,988 --> 01:06:02,389 I'm sick and tired of it. It's... 1206 01:06:03,326 --> 01:06:05,427 - What the fuck? - I did. Sorry. 1207 01:06:05,428 --> 01:06:08,397 You touching my fucking ass! What's the matter with you! 1208 01:06:08,497 --> 01:06:11,466 - What do you mean, you? Fuck you! - Sorry. Sorry. 1209 01:06:11,467 --> 01:06:14,636 - You touch the wrong ass, asshole! - It's all good. 1210 01:06:14,637 --> 01:06:16,366 - What's the matter with you? - Sorry. Apologies. Sorry. 1211 01:06:16,639 --> 01:06:18,139 That was great! 1212 01:06:18,140 --> 01:06:20,308 Truth or Dare? Truth or Dare? 1213 01:06:20,309 --> 01:06:21,376 Wait a minute. Can I enjoy the... 1214 01:06:21,377 --> 01:06:23,504 Truth or Dare? Come on. 1215 01:06:23,646 --> 01:06:25,146 Okay. Dare. 1216 01:06:25,147 --> 01:06:26,948 Right. You go and cup his ass. 1217 01:06:26,949 --> 01:06:30,151 No. You can't dare me to do the same thing I just dared you to do. 1218 01:06:30,152 --> 01:06:32,153 - Truth or Dare. - Come up with your own dare. 1219 01:06:32,154 --> 01:06:33,143 Be original. 1220 01:06:34,523 --> 01:06:38,857 See that blind kid over there? Blow out his candles before he can. 1221 01:06:40,329 --> 01:06:43,064 I can't do that! That's cruel! 1222 01:06:43,065 --> 01:06:44,332 It's Truth or Dare. That's the rule. 1223 01:06:44,333 --> 01:06:46,968 I could take off if you want. I could go home. 1224 01:06:46,969 --> 01:06:49,504 I'll probably get home in time to put Benny Hill DVDs on. 1225 01:06:49,505 --> 01:06:52,030 - You're doing that? - It's up to you. 1226 01:06:52,341 --> 01:06:54,576 I'll go over there and blow out the candles, 1227 01:06:54,577 --> 01:06:56,101 but you need to know something. 1228 01:06:56,379 --> 01:06:57,437 This is war. 1229 01:06:58,914 --> 01:07:02,213 I wish it was my birthday So I could party, too. 1230 01:07:02,485 --> 01:07:06,285 Happy, happy birthday May all your dreams come true. 1231 01:07:07,390 --> 01:07:09,924 Happy, happy birthday From all of us to you. 1232 01:07:09,925 --> 01:07:10,983 Hey! 1233 01:07:20,536 --> 01:07:22,902 Excuse me. I got $200. Can you give me the whole thing? 1234 01:07:43,526 --> 01:07:46,495 I dare you to make guacamole with your right breast. 1235 01:08:18,961 --> 01:08:21,486 "...elucidate several most important, however... 1236 01:08:21,964 --> 01:08:25,400 intricate passages and scenes hereafter to be painted." 1237 01:08:25,401 --> 01:08:28,336 Chapter 64: Stubb's Supper. 1238 01:08:28,404 --> 01:08:31,396 "Stubb's whale had been killed some distance from the ship." 1239 01:08:38,581 --> 01:08:41,379 When the swelling goes down, you're going to look great, Emily. 1240 01:08:42,251 --> 01:08:43,513 Thanks, sweetie. 1241 01:09:00,603 --> 01:09:04,239 - That was fun, huh? - Yes. I had a really great time. 1242 01:09:04,240 --> 01:09:05,366 Yeah? Me, too. 1243 01:09:05,608 --> 01:09:08,576 - It was definitely interesting. - Yeah. We did a lot. 1244 01:09:08,577 --> 01:09:11,546 Yes. Yeah. We did. We did. 1245 01:09:11,981 --> 01:09:13,481 - We did it up. - Yes. 1246 01:09:13,482 --> 01:09:16,417 It was enchanting. You're really a... 1247 01:09:17,586 --> 01:09:19,213 very delightful woman. 1248 01:09:19,455 --> 01:09:20,922 - Well, thank you. - Yeah. 1249 01:09:21,190 --> 01:09:22,350 So... Yeah. 1250 01:09:23,559 --> 01:09:27,120 This is that slightly awkward moment. 1251 01:09:27,563 --> 01:09:28,552 Well... 1252 01:09:29,498 --> 01:09:31,363 No. I'm sorry. 1253 01:09:31,967 --> 01:09:35,436 You're sweet, really, and I really did have a good time... 1254 01:09:35,437 --> 01:09:39,430 but I'm just not that attracted to Asian men. 1255 01:09:48,984 --> 01:09:51,452 Psych! Get in here, Yao Ming! 1256 01:09:51,620 --> 01:09:54,180 We don't want these puppies to go to waste. 1257 01:10:02,398 --> 01:10:03,490 Dude... 1258 01:10:04,133 --> 01:10:05,532 We're getting closer! 1259 01:10:07,203 --> 01:10:10,104 - I need one more! - I'm freaking out, man! 1260 01:10:19,882 --> 01:10:22,851 Terrapin Protocol initiated. 1261 01:10:23,886 --> 01:10:25,220 I have failed. 1262 01:10:25,221 --> 01:10:27,522 You have found Movie 43. 1263 01:10:27,523 --> 01:10:29,457 - What the fuck did you do? - Movie 43. 1264 01:10:30,893 --> 01:10:32,413 I used to be great cameraman in Russia. 1265 01:10:32,528 --> 01:10:34,587 Dude, what's up with the power? 1266 01:10:35,164 --> 01:10:36,898 Mission accomplished. 1267 01:10:36,899 --> 01:10:40,001 - We don't have much time. - You little shit! 1268 01:10:40,002 --> 01:10:41,526 We found Movie 43, buddy. 1269 01:10:43,439 --> 01:10:45,498 Good. We found it. 1270 01:10:47,576 --> 01:10:49,544 The fuck? Dude, that's you! 1271 01:10:49,545 --> 01:10:51,479 My name is Baxter Cutler. 1272 01:10:51,480 --> 01:10:54,582 It has been 141 days since The Darkness. 1273 01:10:54,583 --> 01:10:59,486 J.J., Calvin and Baxter, this is Movie 43! 1274 01:10:59,922 --> 01:11:03,324 You see, when you idiots made me search for Movie 43... 1275 01:11:03,325 --> 01:11:07,495 we triggered the Terrapin Protocol, the top-secret Cold War initiative... 1276 01:11:07,496 --> 01:11:09,964 to control the mind of every American citizen. 1277 01:11:09,965 --> 01:11:12,333 So that in the event of a soviet attack... 1278 01:11:12,334 --> 01:11:16,361 every man, woman and child would be converted into fighting machines. 1279 01:11:16,538 --> 01:11:19,007 Only there were no more soviets to fight. 1280 01:11:19,008 --> 01:11:22,510 So everyone turned on each other and now the country is in ruins. 1281 01:11:22,511 --> 01:11:24,945 China? Gone! Russia? Gone! 1282 01:11:25,180 --> 01:11:28,513 Amsterdam? Still not a goddamn country! Gone! 1283 01:11:29,285 --> 01:11:31,919 That is why I'm sending this message back in time. 1284 01:11:31,920 --> 01:11:34,022 Baxter, listen to me. You need to hack into... 1285 01:11:34,023 --> 01:11:35,590 Boss, the perimeter's clear! 1286 01:11:35,591 --> 01:11:39,357 Son of a bitch, J. J! I'm trying to rewrite the fucking past! 1287 01:11:39,895 --> 01:11:43,160 Yeah? Some Infecteds were trying to rewrite your fucking existence! 1288 01:11:43,532 --> 01:11:44,521 Two got away. 1289 01:11:45,901 --> 01:11:47,335 One did not. 1290 01:11:47,336 --> 01:11:49,937 Oh, man, this is sick! Where am I? 1291 01:11:49,938 --> 01:11:51,565 Has the cripple been fed? 1292 01:11:51,940 --> 01:11:55,977 I'm sorry, Mommy! I'm sorry, Mom! 1293 01:11:55,978 --> 01:11:57,502 Why am I Rain Man? 1294 01:11:57,613 --> 01:11:59,580 Make Sitara feed him. 1295 01:11:59,581 --> 01:12:02,283 You fucking feed him! I need to be out slaughtering. 1296 01:12:02,284 --> 01:12:04,385 No! You carry my seed. 1297 01:12:04,386 --> 01:12:07,155 You must stay here where it's safe, where I can protect you. 1298 01:12:07,156 --> 01:12:09,147 - I'm sorry! - Come here, Mama. 1299 01:12:11,660 --> 01:12:13,218 - Sorry, Mommy. - Back to business. 1300 01:12:13,562 --> 01:12:16,931 Security breach! Security breach! Commence evasive maneuvers. 1301 01:12:16,932 --> 01:12:19,423 - Defensive maneuvers! - Dammit, they jumped the wire! 1302 01:12:19,601 --> 01:12:23,560 Vrankovich! On me, you dumb Ruskie! 1303 01:12:24,006 --> 01:12:25,940 Baxter! You can prevent this from happening! 1304 01:12:25,941 --> 01:12:28,209 Hack into the Department of Defence security mainframe... 1305 01:12:28,210 --> 01:12:31,941 using a Mark-7 Spartan from the Bundesnachrichtendienst... 1306 01:12:37,219 --> 01:12:38,920 - No way! - Oh, shit! 1307 01:12:38,921 --> 01:12:42,379 - That was awesome! - No way! 1308 01:12:42,524 --> 01:12:44,425 Dude! No way! I'm never making fun of you again. Period. 1309 01:12:44,426 --> 01:12:46,194 We were trying to prank you! You turned that around... 1310 01:12:46,195 --> 01:12:47,628 I swear it wasn't a prank! 1311 01:12:47,996 --> 01:12:50,398 Oh, my God. You're expecting me to believe... 1312 01:12:50,399 --> 01:12:52,633 that somehow in the next six months the whole world ends... 1313 01:12:52,634 --> 01:12:55,535 - and I'm a drooling cripple? - I didn't do it! 1314 01:12:56,038 --> 01:12:57,071 What are you? 1315 01:12:57,072 --> 01:12:58,573 What's with the lights? That was weird. 1316 01:12:58,574 --> 01:13:00,775 I'm going to the supermarket. Does anyone need anything? 1317 01:13:06,248 --> 01:13:07,215 No. 1318 01:13:07,649 --> 01:13:09,173 What is it? 1319 01:13:15,657 --> 01:13:17,852 No! 1320 01:13:18,394 --> 01:13:21,591 - I'm sorry, Mommy! I'm sorry! - What are you sorry about? 1321 01:13:24,600 --> 01:13:26,864 - What's happening? - Shit! 1322 01:13:28,270 --> 01:13:29,464 God! 1323 01:13:30,906 --> 01:13:33,941 I can fix this! Mark-7 Spartan! 1324 01:13:33,942 --> 01:13:36,911 That computer's fried. Go get my laptop out of my room! 1325 01:13:36,912 --> 01:13:39,142 All right, I got it! I got it. Don't worry. 1326 01:13:39,314 --> 01:13:42,477 - Don't let him pull his own dick off. - Why would he pull his own dick off? 1327 01:13:43,118 --> 01:13:44,608 I fucking got it! I got it! 1328 01:13:48,924 --> 01:13:50,983 Why is my computer so slow? 1329 01:13:54,396 --> 01:13:56,626 Why is there porn on my computer? 1330 01:13:56,999 --> 01:13:58,193 April Fools. 1331 01:13:58,300 --> 01:14:00,029 Oh, shit! 1332 01:14:48,984 --> 01:14:50,076 I can't believe it! 1333 01:15:44,006 --> 01:15:48,242 In 1959, Kenny Jackson coached the Ellison High Journeymen... 1334 01:15:48,243 --> 01:15:50,645 to become the first Negro high school team... 1335 01:15:50,646 --> 01:15:52,876 ever to compete for a state title. 1336 01:15:53,215 --> 01:15:55,308 Theirs was Victory's glory. 1337 01:15:56,618 --> 01:15:59,620 Come on, y'all. Why y'all still sitting here? The game's all about to start. 1338 01:15:59,621 --> 01:16:01,919 Coach, we scared. 1339 01:16:02,658 --> 01:16:07,152 There's 10,000 white people out there that think that we ain't good enough. 1340 01:16:08,664 --> 01:16:11,531 You know what? Maybe we ain't. 1341 01:16:12,234 --> 01:16:13,997 All of y'all feel like that? 1342 01:16:14,937 --> 01:16:16,962 Four hundred years in this country... 1343 01:16:17,573 --> 01:16:21,907 the black man has been spit on, kicked... 1344 01:16:23,011 --> 01:16:24,478 dragged through the mud. 1345 01:16:25,047 --> 01:16:27,208 But I've got two things I can tell you. 1346 01:16:28,150 --> 01:16:31,950 Number one, win or lose... 1347 01:16:33,155 --> 01:16:35,089 I am so proud of y'all. 1348 01:16:37,025 --> 01:16:38,390 Number two... 1349 01:16:40,028 --> 01:16:42,053 You're going to win. 1350 01:16:43,198 --> 01:16:45,223 It's just that plain and fucking simple. 1351 01:16:45,434 --> 01:16:47,265 You're going to win! 1352 01:16:48,103 --> 01:16:49,570 But them white boys from Hickory Tech... 1353 01:16:49,571 --> 01:16:52,039 - What game are we playing? - Basketball, Coach. 1354 01:16:52,307 --> 01:16:53,968 What colour is their skin? 1355 01:16:54,076 --> 01:16:56,177 - White. - Exactly! 1356 01:16:56,178 --> 01:16:58,043 They're white, you're black. 1357 01:16:58,547 --> 01:17:00,014 This is basketball... 1358 01:17:01,049 --> 01:17:02,617 Am I speaking fucking Chinese? 1359 01:17:02,618 --> 01:17:05,586 Come on, people. You guys are 25 and 0. 1360 01:17:05,587 --> 01:17:08,112 Yeah, Coach, but that was against all-black teams. 1361 01:17:08,557 --> 01:17:12,159 That's the point! Y'all are going to kill those Caucasians! 1362 01:17:12,160 --> 01:17:14,362 But, Coach, look at their fundamentals. 1363 01:17:14,363 --> 01:17:17,127 The fundamentals! It doesn't matter! 1364 01:17:17,432 --> 01:17:22,203 It's all the same when you're some cement-foot troglodyte white boy... 1365 01:17:22,204 --> 01:17:25,206 getting dunked on with a big pair of black fucking nuts... 1366 01:17:25,207 --> 01:17:27,141 hanging on your forehead! 1367 01:17:27,142 --> 01:17:29,143 Speaking of nuts... Lucious. 1368 01:17:29,144 --> 01:17:30,577 Come on up here, Lucious. 1369 01:17:32,214 --> 01:17:34,444 Tell them. How long is your dick? 1370 01:17:35,217 --> 01:17:37,048 I don't know, Coach. Like a foot. 1371 01:17:38,920 --> 01:17:40,012 Foot and a half. 1372 01:17:40,188 --> 01:17:41,177 Foot and a ha... 1373 01:17:43,458 --> 01:17:45,016 Foot and a half? 1374 01:17:45,994 --> 01:17:48,062 Their arm ain't even that long! 1375 01:17:48,063 --> 01:17:52,056 All right, let's kick some butt. You scared? 1376 01:17:52,234 --> 01:17:54,225 Well, well, well. 1377 01:17:55,103 --> 01:17:57,138 You Negroes going to play basketball, or what? 1378 01:17:57,139 --> 01:18:00,233 Yeah, you Negroes. What's the matter? 1379 01:18:00,442 --> 01:18:04,173 Did you realize you didn't belong in a white man's game, you Negroes? 1380 01:18:04,246 --> 01:18:06,881 That's right. This isn't a game for Negroes. 1381 01:18:06,882 --> 01:18:11,218 It's a game for good, honest white people, not for Negroes. 1382 01:18:11,219 --> 01:18:13,050 You understand, Negroes? 1383 01:18:14,222 --> 01:18:17,919 - White Knights! - White Knights! 1384 01:18:19,895 --> 01:18:21,228 Man, Coach, they looked tough. 1385 01:18:21,229 --> 01:18:23,431 "They looked tough"? I'm so scared! 1386 01:18:23,432 --> 01:18:25,066 You know what they might do? 1387 01:18:25,067 --> 01:18:28,502 One of them might dribble with his left hand... 1388 01:18:28,503 --> 01:18:31,238 all the way down the lane and then go up for a left-handed layup... 1389 01:18:31,239 --> 01:18:33,230 and you know what's going to happen then? 1390 01:18:33,942 --> 01:18:37,070 Your black ass is going to swat that shit... 1391 01:18:37,245 --> 01:18:42,283 jump over his cracker ass, and dunk in his goddamn face! 1392 01:18:42,284 --> 01:18:45,286 How many fucking times do I have to tell you? 1393 01:18:45,287 --> 01:18:49,485 You're black, they're white, this ain't hockey! 1394 01:18:50,158 --> 01:18:54,925 Guys, I think what Coach is trying to say is that the key word is "teamwork." 1395 01:18:55,297 --> 01:19:00,234 No, the key word is "you're black, they're white"! 1396 01:19:00,936 --> 01:19:03,504 So, Coach, what you're saying is, if we just walk with the Lord... 1397 01:19:03,505 --> 01:19:06,140 The Lord? Nigger, the Lord done did his part already! 1398 01:19:06,141 --> 01:19:09,269 He made you black. He made them white. 1399 01:19:09,578 --> 01:19:13,275 He gave you a foot-and-a-half dick! Dribble with that motherfucker! 1400 01:19:14,549 --> 01:19:16,983 As long as y'all are out there on the floor... 1401 01:19:17,285 --> 01:19:19,987 you're going to score more points than them. 1402 01:19:19,988 --> 01:19:22,149 That's just how basketball works! 1403 01:19:27,295 --> 01:19:30,526 Cut that goddamn slow clap shit out! 1404 01:19:30,632 --> 01:19:33,100 Tries my motherfucking patience! 1405 01:19:33,368 --> 01:19:35,131 Go out there and win! 1406 01:19:36,204 --> 01:19:38,195 - Let's go! - Come on! 1407 01:20:05,367 --> 01:20:07,494 It was a glorious game. 1408 01:20:08,370 --> 01:20:10,371 But late in the fourth quarter... 1409 01:20:10,372 --> 01:20:14,275 when Lucious Williams dribbled the entire length of the court... 1410 01:20:14,276 --> 01:20:16,369 with his foot-and-a-half penis... 1411 01:20:16,645 --> 01:20:20,206 the referees had no choice but to call a technical foul... 1412 01:20:20,916 --> 01:20:24,352 sending young Bobby Lee Mayflower to the line... 1413 01:20:24,586 --> 01:20:27,919 for the most dramatic moment of the contest. 1414 01:20:51,046 --> 01:20:52,279 Hey, guys. Hello. 1415 01:20:52,280 --> 01:20:53,941 Who is that woman you are with? 1416 01:20:54,216 --> 01:20:55,583 That's my mother. 1417 01:20:55,584 --> 01:20:57,313 I want your mother. 1418 01:21:01,022 --> 01:21:03,252 - Baxter, turn that shit off, man. - Okay. 1419 01:21:04,392 --> 01:21:06,072 I'm going to go to the bathroom, all right? 1420 01:21:12,434 --> 01:21:14,026 I can't fucking do it. 1421 01:21:14,302 --> 01:21:17,137 - I don't know, but I been told. - I don't know, but I been told. 1422 01:21:17,138 --> 01:21:18,405 Gym class gives you great big balls. 1423 01:21:18,406 --> 01:21:19,395 Gym class gives you... 1424 01:21:23,111 --> 01:21:24,378 Out here shooting the shit. 1425 01:21:24,379 --> 01:21:28,213 Some guys shoot the shit, and some people get shot with shit. Right? 1426 01:21:28,383 --> 01:21:30,463 - Am I right? - I don't know what he's talking about. 1427 01:21:30,652 --> 01:21:32,286 You know what the fuck I'm talking about. 1428 01:21:32,287 --> 01:21:34,221 I want to be on you. 1429 01:21:35,290 --> 01:21:36,621 In you. 1430 01:21:38,660 --> 01:21:40,355 - Sorry. Fuck. - Not a problem. 1431 01:21:46,468 --> 01:21:47,435 No. 1432 01:21:48,536 --> 01:21:51,130 No, I can just see him underneath the table. 1433 01:21:52,374 --> 01:21:54,854 And he's had his fingers in my pussy for the last five minutes. 1434 01:21:54,910 --> 01:21:58,243 It's monstrous. It looks like she's sitting on Art Garfunkel's shoulders. 1435 01:22:06,421 --> 01:22:09,322 No one leaves this room till we figure this out. 1436 01:22:11,359 --> 01:22:13,427 Mangled dicks. Mangled... 1437 01:22:13,428 --> 01:22:15,629 Dicks, dicks, dicks, dicks... 1438 01:22:15,630 --> 01:22:18,265 - Mangled dicks. - Mangled dicks. Mangled... 1439 01:22:18,266 --> 01:22:20,325 - Dicks. - Dicks. 1440 01:22:20,468 --> 01:22:22,069 I got frozen peas and a sponge. 1441 01:22:22,070 --> 01:22:24,305 No, Mikey, there's steel wool on one side. 1442 01:22:24,306 --> 01:22:25,439 Shit, you're right. 1443 01:22:25,440 --> 01:22:28,075 Okay, Amanda, you're going to want to keep the yellow side up. 1444 01:22:28,076 --> 01:22:29,941 Otherwise, there's going to be lots more blood. 1445 01:22:38,386 --> 01:22:40,354 I suck cock for gold coins. 1446 01:22:41,923 --> 01:22:43,356 So do I. 1447 01:22:56,171 --> 01:22:59,106 So what you're saying is, if we go out there and give 110 percent... 1448 01:22:59,107 --> 01:23:02,343 A hundred and ten percent! Fifty percent! Three percent! 1449 01:23:02,344 --> 01:23:05,472 I think what Coach is trying to say is that the key word here is "teamwork." 1450 01:23:05,647 --> 01:23:09,105 Lucious, will you whip out your dick and smack this motherfucker with it? 1451 01:23:10,618 --> 01:23:12,353 - What? - I love you even more. 1452 01:23:12,354 --> 01:23:14,345 - Oh, Anson. - I do. 1453 01:23:14,889 --> 01:23:16,447 - Me, too. - You do? 1454 01:23:21,896 --> 01:23:24,956 He's America's favourite cat... Beezel 1455 01:23:31,406 --> 01:23:33,374 I'm embarrassed to even say this, but... 1456 01:23:33,375 --> 01:23:34,467 What? 1457 01:23:35,310 --> 01:23:37,369 Amy, ever since you moved in here, I... 1458 01:23:38,546 --> 01:23:40,381 - What? - I love you even more. 1459 01:23:40,382 --> 01:23:42,316 - Oh, Anson. - I do. 1460 01:23:42,384 --> 01:23:44,215 - Me, too. - You do? 1461 01:23:47,589 --> 01:23:50,080 Beezel! How are you? 1462 01:23:50,558 --> 01:23:52,924 How is my handsome little boy? 1463 01:23:58,933 --> 01:24:03,404 Hey, Anson, do you ever feel like your relationship with Beezel... 1464 01:24:03,405 --> 01:24:05,168 is a little strange? 1465 01:24:05,573 --> 01:24:06,540 Amy! 1466 01:24:07,442 --> 01:24:09,309 Please don't tell me you're one of those girls... 1467 01:24:09,310 --> 01:24:11,210 that gets jealous of a guy's pet! 1468 01:24:11,379 --> 01:24:14,405 Even if that pet is thuper thilly! 1469 01:24:14,949 --> 01:24:18,519 No, no. I just don't think he likes me very much. 1470 01:24:18,520 --> 01:24:21,188 Come on, Amy. He loves you! 1471 01:24:21,189 --> 01:24:22,520 - Really? - Yeah. 1472 01:24:23,224 --> 01:24:24,350 There we go. 1473 01:24:26,628 --> 01:24:28,220 Now, where were we? 1474 01:24:37,472 --> 01:24:38,871 What's wrong? 1475 01:24:41,476 --> 01:24:42,465 Nothing. 1476 01:25:29,591 --> 01:25:31,559 Get off of me! 1477 01:25:58,553 --> 01:26:00,248 - What happened? - Beezel... 1478 01:26:00,622 --> 01:26:03,455 pissed all over me! 1479 01:26:03,892 --> 01:26:05,860 Oh, no, he just sprayed you. 1480 01:26:06,027 --> 01:26:09,563 It's something male cats do sometimes. It means he likes you. 1481 01:26:09,564 --> 01:26:11,498 - He likes me? - Yeah. 1482 01:26:11,499 --> 01:26:14,525 Or it could mean that he's sick. Buddy, are you sick? 1483 01:26:14,636 --> 01:26:17,271 Anson, he did this on purpose! 1484 01:26:17,272 --> 01:26:20,974 - I caught him masturbating. - He was probably just cleaning himself. 1485 01:26:20,975 --> 01:26:24,545 It was to pictures of you in a swimsuit! 1486 01:26:24,546 --> 01:26:27,047 Cats can't even process images in that way. 1487 01:26:27,048 --> 01:26:29,583 But he is not a normal cat. 1488 01:26:29,584 --> 01:26:30,884 Of course he is. 1489 01:26:30,885 --> 01:26:33,945 He just put a fucking thermometer in his mouth! 1490 01:26:34,189 --> 01:26:35,520 He thinks it's a toy. 1491 01:26:40,295 --> 01:26:41,557 Oh, Beezel. 1492 01:26:43,531 --> 01:26:45,532 Anson. I love you. 1493 01:26:45,533 --> 01:26:48,535 I do, but as long as that little fucker is around... 1494 01:26:48,536 --> 01:26:50,060 I cannot be with you. 1495 01:26:50,271 --> 01:26:52,535 No, Amy, Amy. Look. 1496 01:26:53,908 --> 01:26:56,443 If it'll make you happy, I'll find another home for Beezel. 1497 01:26:56,444 --> 01:26:57,570 He's just a cat. 1498 01:26:58,880 --> 01:26:59,972 But you... 1499 01:27:01,216 --> 01:27:02,581 you're the woman that I love. 1500 01:27:04,485 --> 01:27:07,318 - You'd get rid of him? - I will. 1501 01:27:07,622 --> 01:27:09,389 - I love you. - I love you. 1502 01:27:09,390 --> 01:27:10,550 No, I love you. 1503 01:27:34,415 --> 01:27:36,906 Beezel, where are you, boy? 1504 01:27:37,252 --> 01:27:39,186 Come out, come out, you little rat-fucker. 1505 01:27:40,054 --> 01:27:41,316 Beezel! 1506 01:27:42,991 --> 01:27:46,360 Shit, I told my mother we'd have him there in an hour. 1507 01:27:46,361 --> 01:27:48,921 She was nice enough to take him off our hands. 1508 01:27:49,330 --> 01:27:51,992 - Do you mind checking outside for him? - Absolutely. 1509 01:27:52,333 --> 01:27:53,561 I'm going to go upstairs. 1510 01:27:56,638 --> 01:27:57,969 Beezel? 1511 01:28:34,008 --> 01:28:37,444 That's it, you son of a bitch! 1512 01:28:41,015 --> 01:28:42,983 Cock-sucking... 1513 01:28:43,885 --> 01:28:45,652 motherfucking... 1514 01:28:45,653 --> 01:28:48,417 Garfield reject piece of shit! 1515 01:28:52,060 --> 01:28:54,187 Die, you... 1516 01:28:55,063 --> 01:28:57,896 dick-loving devil cat! 1517 01:29:05,406 --> 01:29:08,000 What? 1518 01:29:09,677 --> 01:29:10,974 Don't look. 1519 01:29:11,379 --> 01:29:14,143 Mommy, she's beating that cat... 1520 01:29:14,916 --> 01:29:15,940 to death! 1521 01:29:17,218 --> 01:29:18,879 He tried to kill me. 1522 01:29:19,253 --> 01:29:21,050 No, you don't understand. 1523 01:29:21,389 --> 01:29:23,880 You don't understand. 1524 01:29:27,895 --> 01:29:29,260 Please. 1525 01:29:31,366 --> 01:29:32,856 Get her!