Whoa!
Hup, hup, hup, hup.
You are about to be doomed!
Hup, hup, hup, hup.
Oh!
Ah! I'll shield my vault from you.
Aah!
No!
Come on, men. Let's make sweat!
The cavalry!
Ah-ha!
What the...
Ooh!
We must hurry, Mole Man.
How is Operation Down Under coming?
Oh, fantastic.
I'm about to tunnel right into the vault.
Garbage dump?
I knew I should have made that left turn at Albuquerque.
Oh, how do my minions always fail?
We may have some new guests for you here in a minute, Cap.
This could not get any worse.
Oy vey.
Yes, it could. For you, anyway.
Mole Man, emergency recall.
Hurry! Into the hole!
That was weird.
Well, at least we don't have to take out the garbage.
With that Infinity Sword, I will rule the universe.
All right, Squaddies! Time to Hero Up!
I hate those Squaddies!
Another failed plan to add to the wall of shame.
All my failures have something in common...
They all involve you three potato-heads!
Uh, you know, sir,
there may be some valuable things in this garbage.
Look, Captain America's cable bill.
The only things that stink worse than this garbage
are you three!
You force me to unleash my emergency evil plan!
Are you saying we're not tough enough?
Ew!
Ah! My dust allergy!
Watery eyes! Inhaler! I need my inhaler!
This will lead us
to the ultimate evil-doer,
my personal hero...
the Red Skull!
Yuck. He's got a face like a caboose.
No wonder, it's red.
That's my hero.
Just follow the directions on this map,
and we will find him.
You'll stay here and clean up the garbage.
124, 125.
Hey! We're here.
Ugh! What? I smell sauerkraut.
The Villainville Weiner Hut.
What does the map say now, MODOK?
Uh-uh.
Hey, look.
I can't believe it!
It's astounding.
The world's largest bratwurst!
MODOK!
We are not here for the sausage,
we are here for the wicked genius!
Now, pick him up and let's go.
I bet that sausage is wicked tasty.
Hands off!
So, Cap took out a dozen enemy soldiers with his shield,
and says, "Never insult my mom's apple pie again!"
Oh, good times. And remember, Nick,
you brought down that zeppelin with a blowgun dart.
"You're full of hot air!" he shouts!
Ha-ha-ha! A master of the hard-boiled jest.
-Uh, I don't get it. -Oh, gee, look at the time.
-Oh, quite interesting. -Ha-ha, levity.
And then, there's the time
I caught one of the managers at HQ with an extra box of pens,
and I had him fired and arrested.
Because he had the pens.
Hey, great story.
So, Fury, you come to town every year on Cap's birthday? Awesome!
Yes. The two of us perform a very secret ritual
known as karaoke.
Kariooq, the Corruptor?
What hath yon obscure villain done now?
No, Thor. Karaoke . It's Japanese.
Yes, the Japanese are on our side now,
and I bid them welcome.
Karaoke is okie-dokie, I say.
Hey, let's have the whole group join us.
Yeah, we can really make a night of it.
Yay, I hath experience from organizing the Asgard Talent Show.
Mine brother Loki didst sing "Desperado" every year.
It make me cringeth so.
Uh, Hulk sing.
Lay it on us!
-Oh!
Check it out. These readings show sonic properties
that can shatter glass, crack steel,
and disrupt magnetic fields.
Aw, usually Hulk only sings to his rubber ducky in shower.
Oh, you've never showered!
That's why we haven't heard it before.
Hulk don't understand.
Yes, yes.
Awake! Arise!
Live on, evil genius.
Grosse Schnitzel, you are ugly.
Has he looked in a mirror?
Welcome to Villainville.
Ja, ja. Is it 1947 already?
Ah! Twenty-first century.
Himmel! I overslept!
Yes, yes. Well, I have thawed you out
to help me rule the world.
Ja, ja. Ah!
Failed plan, failed plan, failed plan,
failed plan, failed plan, failed plan.
Failed plan. Ach !
The streak is over.
So, first of all, the chain of command...
I am in charge.
Hey, I like a take-charge kind of guy.
That's my chair.
So, back in the day, I was really evil.
I'll show you how it's done.
That's my chair.
-Ach!
My spies have located a fractal.
We must move quickly.
What ist das fractal?
One of the pieces of the shattered Infinity Sword.
We must collect it before Captain America does.
Captain America!
There is a Captain America in the future?
-The same guy. -Long story.
Uh, I dunno.
He destroyed my plans for ruling the world!
I must fulfill my destiny and defeat him.
I have not forgotten.
Well, I started as the Pink Skull, but I was not so scary.
Then, I decided to go red, and it made all the difference.
It helped make me very evil.
I was even about to rule the world!
Then those goody-goodies
Captain America and Nick Fury
destroyed my greatest plan,
Operation USB.
Ha-ha! But now is my chance for revenge.
They don't know that I can still enact Operation USB!
I will defeat Captain America and Nick Fury,
and I will rule the world.
Oy gevalt.
So, I made a reservation for all of us
at the new karaoke and comedy club, the Rotten Tomato.
Where's Ms. Marvel?
Check this out. I have her doing inventory
of all the paper clips on the Helicarrier.
Weird thing is, I think she actually likes it.
Huh?
Hey, they're after a fractal. We've got to stop them.
Red Skull?
I can't believe somebody found you and thawed you out.
And I can't believe you're still wearing that ridiculous suit,
with the little wings that go flippity, flippity, flippity.
These colors don't change, Fritz.
Cap, don't let the Skull distract you.
It can't be! Skullbots!
I thought I'd seen the last of those.
Skullbots, attack!
Have at thee.
Mjolnir, to me.
Huzzah!
Ha-ha-ha! Red,
hup, white, hup, blue, hup.
Hup, hup.
Good Herr Doktor, you and the other minions get the fractal.
Cosmic.
We have the fractal. Let's go.
Auf Wiedersehen.
We'll meet again.
Don't know where, don't know when.
Who's the crazy redhead?
My arch-nemesis, the Red Skull.
I remember him like it was yesterday.
The height of the war. The Big One. WWII.
The fate of mankind hung in the balance.
We had to stop that Black Forest ham, the Red Skull,
and his cohort of evil.
I needed men with diverse talents
on that top-secret mission.
A mission to stop the Red Skull and his nefarious Plan USB.
I was leading the Howlin' Commandos...
Dum-Dum Dugan, Gabe Jones, Izzy Cohen.
Fine, fine men.
We were able to defeat the Skull's army of Skullbots,
but we never did learn what Plan USB was.
No, the Skull accidentally shot himself
with his freeze ray first.
He never could work that thing.
So, there you have it.
The Red Skull was on ice for good,
right next to the world's largest bratwurst.
Only now he's thawed, and working with Doom.
It's dollars to donuts Plan USB could be back, too.
Oh, not while we're around.
Hey, I know, we could be the new Howlin' Commandos,
and help you defeat the Red Skull once and for all.
This won't be an easy assignment.
And now that the Red Skull has that fractal,
we've got no time to lose. Let's roll.
Our new Howlin' Commandos.
What do you think, Colonel Fury?
I'd still like to cut the blond's hair, but they'll have to do.
Right. Howlers, we have a rendezvous with destiny...
and the Red Skull.
Ah! With this Infinity fractal,
I can finally enact
my long-lost uber-scheme, Plan USB.
Ha, good old USB! Plan USB. Finally, Plan USB.
Uh, what's Plan USB?
How should I know? But he's the Red Skull,
so it must be great, right?
Plan USB. Wunderbar.
What exactly is Plan USB?
Ah, good Herr Doktor, I am so glad you asked.
Oh! A model. Oh, I simply love a good model.
Oh, look at the detail.
So, back in the good old days,
I buried a huge, enormous, carefully crafted uber-robot...
the Uberskullbot.
Oh!
Ooh, an action figure. I love action figures.
So, when did they stop being dolls?
Destructive loudness.
The finest Bavarian cuckoo clock makers
hand-crafted this incredible instrument of destruction.
And it just so happens
it's still buried right under these headquarters.
That is your super-secret plan?
It's just a bigger version of your last plan.
Uh, Mr. Skull, how will you get it out of the ground?
The Mole Man will dig it up, and then,
I will use it to destroy those Howlin' Commandos.
USB. USB. USB.
USB.
Maybe I'll come up with a plan of my own.
How's about Plan UDB.
Emphasis on the D.
I need to lay down.
All right, we're going in
and we're doing it old-school Howlin' Commando-style.
I don't have to tell you guys how dangerous this will be.
Excuse me. Pardon me.
Mr. Fury, sir, here's the report on the paper clip inventory,
including all clasps, staples and metal fasteners.
With your permission,
I'll inventory all the pens, pencils and markers now.
Yeah, sure. Knock yourself out.
Oh, yeah. Sorry, sir.
Over the drop zone now.
Let's go. Geronimo!
Hulk not need parachute.
Forsooth.
Oh, ha-ha, look. That is so cute.
They're making a little plan.
But it won't be as good as Plan USB.
Man of the moles,
unleash Plan USB.
Yes, great leader.
Hit the switch.
No, not that switch.
That's when you two will come in with a pincer movement
to catch them off-guard.
Ah, yon old pincer movement.
Truly thou art lord of the spies.
Odin's spork!
What the heck?
Whoa! Get hopping, Howlers.
My Uberskullbot. This is fantastiche.
Of course. Plan USB. Uber-skull-bot.
Great! So, now we know what it is.
We still have to destroy it.
I can have a super-secret not-so-secret plan, too.
It's my specialty.
Oh, the good Herr Doktor has his own robot?
How copy-the-cat of you.
What now, Colonel Fury?
I guess we just sit back and enjoy the show.
This is so dumb-dumb stupid, good Herr Doktor.
We should be attacking them.
Argh!
This is pointless.
We've got to try something else.
Sing, Hulk, sing.
Uh, Hulk not understand.
Just do it, it's our last chance.
That infernal noise is destroying our robots.
Now's our chance, Cap.
And rest.
Ooh, Hulk smash?
Let's get going while the going is good.
But... but Plan USB?
Ugh! It failed?
After all these years, my great Plan USB failed?
Ugh!
I'll take care of the fractal.
Give it up, Skull.
Ja... it would appear you have me surrounded.
But then, I'm the one with the freeze ray, ja.
Finally, my revenge.
Ach!
Can you believe it?
The Red Skull froze himself again.
Renting a karaoke machine for your birthday
was a great idea, Cap.
Ah, defeating the Red Skull's Plan USB
is the best birthday gift a star-spangled hero could ever have.
Thanks to our new Howlin' Commandos, we've triumphed again.
Where exactly did you put Red Skull?
He took a career in the food-service industry.
Hup, hey-oh.
Oh! Golly, that hurts.