Ah! It's just not fair!
What not fair?
This whole thing with Scarlet Witch.
Come on, Reptil. Quit being such a sore lizard.
(grunts)
Oh, Hulk sick and tired of lobster belly-aching.
-(scoffs) -(roars)
Tyrannosaurus-Rex.
(growls)
I've been here longer than she has.
So why did she get to be a full-time Squaddie before me?
You haven't figured it out yet?
Even Hulk knows. Tell him, greenbean.
-(power surges) -Hulk?
Hulk?
Where did he go?
(whistles)
(tapping)
-Hey, Wanda, you ready? -(Wanda) Almost.
You like miniature golf, right? Wait until you try miniature bowling.
It's so awesome.
Sounds perfect.
There's nothing worse than lugging around those big, heavy bowling balls.
(thud)
(whistles)
She'll be ready in a minute, Red Wing.
(groans, squaks)
(strains) Can't break the circuit,
or we'll all be seeing Valhalla a lot sooner than we expected.
Thor, could you please re-route that current and hurry?
The switch is on the wall.
Yeah, by the ancient curse pole.
That's a lot of switches.
Um, uh, let's see.
Eeny, meeny, miney, moeth. Uh!
Iron Man?
Uh, where Hulk?
Uh-duh.
(laughs) Oh! Iron Man sound like Hulk.
-We're in a pocket-dimensional rift. -Huh?
Who are you?
And how come you know so much?
I know everything, I'm Nighthawk.
With this Infinity Gauntlet, I, Thanos, will rule the universe!
All right, Squaddies, time to hero up!
♪ When the bad guys are out, All you have to do is shout now ♪
♪ Who's gonna hero up? ♪
♪ Well, they may not get along But they're always fighting strong now ♪
♪ Who's gonna hero up? ♪
♪ Who'll save the day? ♪
♪ The Super Hero Squad ♪
♪ They'll hero up again ♪
♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪
♪ Wolverine and Hulk are fierce, Thanos ends in tears ♪
♪ When Iron Man Joins the fight ♪
♪ Falcon darts in from the sky, Scarlet Witch by his side ♪
♪ Thor's hammer Has thunder's might ♪
♪ Who'll save the day? ♪
♪ The Super Hero Squad ♪
♪ They'll hero up again ♪
♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪
♪ Super Hero Squad ♪
(groans)
Scarlet Witch was supposed to go. mini-bowling tonight.
And the green guy over there,
he had something called Banana Whackies for breakfast.
-Ooh! -And lunch and dinner.
How can he know so much?
And how him see with eyes all scrunched up like that?
(laughs) Good one, Hulk.
Iron Man, aka Tony Stark,
you regularly visit the following websites.
Hey, hey!
Hold it, Iron Man.
You'll have your chance in a few minutes.
Thanos, didn't get enough of us last time, huh?
Quiet, Witch.
No, I want to know what's going on here.
I am Grandmaster, games man extraordinaire,
and today, my team of heroes is going to face a team chosen by Thanos.
That would be you three.
Heroes fighting heroes? That's just a...
-It's... fight time. -(bell rings)
Weighing in at a combined total of 550 pounds,
and hailing from another dimension,
where they are their universe's greatest heroes we have,
the Squadron Supreme.
Power Princess, whose energy devices
will be matched against Scarlet Witch's energy factor.
Nighthawk, whose awesome tech factor rivals the mighty Iron Man's.
And Hyperion, whose strength factor means
he could run a train up a tall building without stopping once.
Who big jaw fight? Oh!
What if we don't want to?
I won't send you back home, and I'm your only way out of here.
(laughs)
So, what are we waiting for? Have a taste of my invisible shield, Witch.
-(grunts) -(gasps)
-(roars) -(grunts)
(laughs) Et cetera.
(grunts)
(vocalizes) No, no, no, not here!
And not until I blow my whistle.
(scoffs) Hulk not care what purple man blow.
(growls)
The battles will take place at three points on the Super Hero Squad's Earth.
Ooh!
I'm giving Thanos home dimension advantage. It's only fair.
What do you know about fairness? What does anyone know?
The things I have seen.
Oh, when he gets going like that, there's no stopping him.
Oh, please. He won't be able to focus.
♪ My team's going to win ♪
♪ Sorry ♪
Mine's more experienced. They'll stomp yours into the ground.
Okay, fine. So either way, I still win. (scoffs)
(beeps) Now you see him. Now you don't.
Yeah, weird.
What is it? Some kind of teleportation?
'Tis magic. Wizardry! Iron Man hath also vanished, as if swept up by the Valkyries.
Not such a bad way to go. And Falcon hath disappeared from his quarters.
Hey, what about Scarlet Witch?
Her voicemail doth answer. And frankly, I feel dissed.
And they made her a Squaddie before me.
A bad guy. A criminal.
(beeps)
Will you please... Numbscale?
Aah! Come on, Wanda.
It doesn't even take Hulk this long to get ready.
Then again, he doesn't smell as good as you.
No, not nearly as good. Uh-oh.
There she is, the Statue of Liberty.
Symbol of everything my dimension holds dear.
Don't call me "dear."
Look, you and me, we stand for the same things.
Rooting out the vermin that infests our cities? Choking it with your bare hands?
-Okay. -If you're not with me, you're against me.
(grunts)
Gotcha!
I don't think so.
(yells) Electrified grappler cable!
You can put a fancy suit of armor on it, but it's still vermin.
This like big sandbox.
Hulk like!
Ooh, big kitty!
Hulk, listen to me. I can help you.
Maybe find you a place on the Special Heroes Squad.
You'll be happy there.
(grunts)
You think you can damage this jaw?
It hurts me to do this.
(yowls) Hulk, too!
You know, we can be done with this if you just surrender to me.
Unconditionally, of course.
(chuckles) Me, surrender to you?
Listen lady, I might be a witch, but you're an epic...
-(grunts) -(gasps)
(rumbling)
(gasps)
(grunts)
Some days, it just doesn't pay to turn good guy.
(beeps) Alert. Missing Squaddies found.
Except, now, they're all over the world. Weird.
(beeps) This tracker will lead you to them.
-Hence, the name. -Huh, I can handle this,
even though I'm not a full-time Squaddie yet, unlike certain people.
Okay, last warning, Veloci-whiner.
Oh. Oh, mine allies.
See what Odin hath granted me, along with my fine new armor.
Uh, it's just your hammer, Thor.
Aye, 'tis, but now Mjolnir hath what men call an Easter egg.
I can teleport.
Linketh thine hands and...
-Uh, really? -No.
-(beep) -'Twould do well to read the instructions.
Oh, tarry not, lest our friends meet an untimely fate. Come now.
(beeps)
This is you getting back at me for that time
I spit a sunflower seed into your hair, isn't it, Wanda?
I was just compensating for all the teasing I used to get, that's all.
You know, the other kids would tickle me until I wet my pants.
You know, I've never told anybody that before.
I like how I can just open up to you like this.
Ah, woo-song.
Don't you ever give up?
Thought you'd distract me, huh?
(grunts)
(Iron Man grunts, coughs)
(grunts) You second-hand fiend.
(grunts)
(yells, grunts)
(grunts) Get them off me. Get them off me.
You're not vermin. You're just a clown.
I hate clowns, too.
Nighthawk, Don't you ever get tired of all this dark vengeancey stuff?
Sometimes, but then I think of Tommy.
Tommy? Your son? Your brother? Your rock opera?
My tortoise, and my only friend.
We'd go on long walks together. Very long walks.
We were going to grow old together, him and me.
But then, there were these punks in a stolen SUV.
I-I should have had Tommy on a leash that day, but I was young, stupid.
Guilt, vengeance. You got all the bases covered, don't you?
Don't you? Nothing like that ever happened to me.
I just do this because...
Well, because it's the right thing.
Hey, doesn't that make me morally superior to you?
Uh.
(growls) This ends now.
(grunts)
(rumbling)
-(rumbling) -(gasps)
Didn't think I'd have an invisible, collapsible battering ram, did you?
(explosion)
(grunts)
And have you forgotten my invisible shield so quickly?
Hope you've got an invisible parachute, princess.
Don't need one. Invisible mini-copter.
Give up, Witch, or I'll crush you with my invisible steamroller.
You're the one who needs to give up
because-because I have an invisible sword
that cuts right through invisible shields. Yeah. An invisible sword.
Hah, you think I didn't plan for that?
My shield is coated with invisible, sword-proof invisible paint. See?
(grunts)
I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice.
I'm going to have to use my invisible death ray on you.
Invisible death ray?
I-I have no counter-measure for that.
(sighs) I'm the one with no choice.
(metal clanging)
That was me dropping my invisible shield.
(metal clanging)
(rumbling)
(grunts)
Listen to me.
-I don't like doing this. -(scoffs)
(growls)
(roars)
(grunts)
(growls)
(grunts)
(strains, grunts)
(grunts)
-(scuffling) -(grunts)
-(rumbling) -(yells)
(grunts)
(growls)
I've been holding back. I always hold back. Yeah!
I-I can't.
(pants)
Why you do that to big kitty?
It... No, it was an accident.
This not going to be accident.
-(roars) -(screams)
(rumbling)
Now, you fit right in.
(bell rings)
Bah, it can't be over.
Come on, I wasn't even trying.
Redo!
(growls)
Gone.
Huh? But they were here.
Where to now?
Oh, got another one. Quick.
(all scream)
Man, not here either.
But they were definitely here.
(grunts)
Uh, maybe if I patch this scanner
into Herbie's intergalactic rangefinder.
(beeps)
And I said, "Pops, why do I have to do the yardwork?
You're so good at it." (laughs)
And that's, uh, that's pretty much all I remember.
Okay, we flash forward to when I was, uh, 14...
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Did I tell you about the Frisbee I had one time?
(groans)
Well, Thanos, your team won fair and square.
-Vermin. -(all laugh)
Though I suppose spoils go to the victor.
My name's Thanos. Thanos!
Well, here you are, Thanos.
Oh, the Mind Stone. Capable of increasing brain power beyond limit.
I'll be able to access the deepest, darkest thoughts
and dreams of other beings.
Uh, Thanos? You know those dreams that I keep having?
(chuckles) They don't mean anything, right?
Why, soon, I'll have all the stones.
Don't forget Mick Taylor.
Nobody ever remembers Mick Taylor.
Fool! These Infinity Stones will give me the power
to turn my entire universe into my very own toy box.
And I wreck my toys for fun.
Squaddies, time to hero up!
♪ The bad guys are out, All you have to do Is shout now ♪
♪ Who's gonna hero up? ♪
♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪
Squadron Supreme, time to Hero Out!
Uh, sorry, guys. No time.
Aah, but you got to do yours.
-It's our show. -Yeah. Get your own show, big jaw.
Hmm.
And I used to have one of those guns that would shoot marshmallows.
But we had a dog, and instead of marshmallows...
Aah, doesn't matter. It didn't even last me 20 minutes.
Uh, Thanos? Uh-oh.
Oh, you see this?
It's the Time Stone.
If you take another step, I'll send you all back to the Big Bang.
-Huh, Hulk like explosions. -(smack)
Well, good for you because I'm gonna send you back there
even if you don't take another step. (laughs)
(grunts)
Not so fast.
(grunts)
(screams)
Jackpot.
(growls)
(grunts)
(scuffle)
(whistle blows)
Foul!
Time out!
This is unsanctioned competition.
It's non-league play and beneath my notice.
Blow it out your whistle, bub.
-(grunts) -(scuffle)
(whistle blows)
(whistle faintly blows)
Thanks, pal.
And, uh, that whole dream thing, it'll be our little secret.
Meant to do that.
(grunts)
Uh, huh?
Aah, where purple face?
Purple face?
Hulk coming!
(whistles)
(grunts)
Oopsie.
(chuckles)
(tinkling)
(beeps) You're safe. You're safe.
But who knows for how long?
Yeah, this Thanos sicko is all about destruction.
That much we know.
If he gets the rest of those Infinity Stones, the universe is gone.
Herbie, monitor the whole cosmos for any sign of the big purple guy.
Galactus?
Thanos, Herbie, Thanos. Active listening, remember?
(beeps)
(tinkling)
Well, I'm not worried about either of them.
I can handle anything that comes my way.
Even if you did make Wanda a full-time Squaddie before moi.
-Reptil! -She's older than you!
Older!
Duh, even Hulk know that.
I'm sorry you had to wait, Falc, but...
Ssh. You're a good listener, Wanda. And that's what really matters.
Okay.
Are we still mini-bowling?
-(pins crash) -(tinkling)
(caws)