Guys. Great news!
I think I know where I want to have my birthday party.
Your birthday party? Your birthday was six months ago.
Yeah. But my party was cancelled because I got sick, remember?
And then it was cancalled because I was bad.
And it was too close to Christmas and then I was bad again.
I guess we never did have a party for him.
Well I suppose we could have one for him now.
I mean we do love him as much as the other kids, right?
Oh...
Well...
The party is gonna be at The Boom Zone.
Here. Take a look. Boom Zone.
It's totally fun. And it's the perfect birthday party place for me and ten of my closet friends.
Or as I like to call them: gift bringers.
Wow. That's gonna run us some money.
I mean maybe for one of the other kids.
Gabe, we'll do it. Yes!
Now you're talking.
On one condition. Oh and you're still talking.
We can have a party at the Boom Zone if you can be good for a whole week.
I can do that.
Can't be mean to your brother and sisters?
No problem. Can't make fun of my cooking?
Harder but I can do that.
And you can't make fun of your father's weight.
Ho, ho. Bye bye Boom Zone.
No Dad. Dad, you're wrong. I can do this.
For the next week, I will not say anything about your weight.
Really? Yeah.
Good luck with that. Thanks, baldie.
♪ Today's all burnt toast ♪
♪ Running late, and Dad jokes ♪
♪ Has anybody seen my left shoe ♪
♪ Close my eyes, take a bite ♪
♪ Grab a ride, laugh out loud ♪
♪ There it is up on the roof ♪
♪ I've been there, I survived ♪
♪ So just take my advice ♪
♪ Hang in there, Baby, things are crazy ♪
♪ But I know your future's bright ♪
♪ Hang in there, Baby ♪
♪ There's no maybe ♪
♪ Everything turns out all right ♪
♪ Sure life is up and down ♪
♪ But trust me, it comes back all around ♪
♪ You're gonna love who you turn out to be ♪
♪ Hang in there, Baby ♪
No, you tell her. No, you.
No, no, you tell her.
Somebody!
Okay, so Derek said the deepest thing.
Tell her, sweetie. I was looking at my cereal this morning.
"And I was thinking... wow... no two flakes are exactly alike."
That's snowflakes, not cornflakes.
I actually wrote a poem about it.
If you wanna hear it, my next poetry slam, T.
We'll be there. Um, actually,
I got another slam to go to that night.
Derek didn't say what night it was.
I got slams all week.
I'm just slammed.
We'll be there. Cool.
I gotta go.
You know, babe, and read something,
That would be awesome. Okay.
Cool. The theme of the night is pain.
Okay.
See ya. Okay.
You're gonna write a poem
About pain then get up and read it?
I don't think so.
You just said you would.
I did? Yes.
When he put his arm on your shoulder. Oh darn.
Whenever he does that I can't think straight.
Uh-huh. So did you really like.
That thing he said about cereal? What did he say about cereal?
Hey, honey, these pants are too tight.
Where are the new bigger ones I bought?
Those are the new bigger ones.
I'm leaving. This is not a safe environment for me.
These pants aren't so tight.
I can make this work.
Okay, Bob honey,
I love you to pieces, my dear,
but your waistline has now become a safety issue for the children.
Honey, I would love to lose a couple of pounds,
but diets just don't seem to work for me.
Well, Dad, it's not just abo...
Dad, it's not about dieting.
What you need is healthier eating choices combined with exercise.
What is that supposed to mean? Less bacon, more shakin'.
I can help you out, be like your trainer.
Okay.
Thank you very much, but I don't need your help.
Yup, split the underwear too.
Get started in the morning?
Uh, Teddy, are you okay?
No, my cereal's not speaking to me.
Has your cereal spoken to you before?
No, I just... I need some inspiration.
I told Derek that I'd read an original poem.
On Saturday night and so far I've got nothing.
Poetry you say?
Have I ever mentioned that I write poetry?
Mom, please don't make this about you.
Of course, that would be selfish.
Ooh! I wrote a great poem about selfishness.
It goes like this: "Me, me, me, me"... Mom!
Sorry.
Okay, what is your poem supposed to be about?
Well, it's supposed to be about pain,
But I can't think about anything painful.
I have happily-married parents,
A roof over my head, food on my table.
Why'd you guys have to give me such a good life?
Ah.
All right! Okay.
Let's go! Looking good, dad.
For starters, thank you for not wearing a tank top.
All right, what do we do first?
We... Sambacise.
What is this? This is a celebrity workout program.
Which combines exercise with samba dancing.
Oh, I don't know. This isn't gonna make me look stupid, is it?
Well, that's a big yes.
Come on, dad, just give it a chance.
Look how much fun Betty White's having.
Wow, that woman is everywhere.
Just follow me. Uh-huh.
To the side. Whoa!
Yeah, and watch this part... wha! Oh! Look at that!
Yeah, keep going, dad. There you go, there you go.
Hey, wait a minute. Betty's got a rose.
Well, way ahead of you, Dad.
Thank you, sir. Uh-huh.
All right, here we go.
Yeah!
Ain't bad.
Anything on your mind?
I can make fun of this, right?
I mean, this doesn't have anything to do with your weight.
Oh, yes it does.
I'm doing this to lose weight.
Big finish.
Ah!
"Deep, gut-wrenching pain,
Like an animal devouring me from the inside out
I cried in agony.
Then gave into the beast."
Thank you. That was called "Cereal."
Okay, you're up. Okay.
Hello. Hello.
Hi. I'm Teddy Duncan.
And this is called, "Nosebleed."
"Blood blood, watch it flow,
"From my nose it did go,
"I was a screamer, I was a crier,
"The doctor called for a humidifier,
"We tried ice, we tried cotton,
"I put my head way back...
"Nuttin'."
Thank you.
Was it really as bad as I thought?
No.
No, no, it was...
It wa... oh, uh,
I gotta take this. Oh.
Hello.
Okay, fake phone call... was it really that bad?
Hang on. Hello?
Hey! Stop that.
I can't believe I just made
a complete fool of myself in front of Derek.
So? Who cares what Derek thinks?
I do. He's my boyfriend.
Look, he's fine for now,
but he isn't exactly a keeper, right?
What do you mean? Come on. You guys are so different.
Well... different? How are we different?
You're smart. He's Derek.
You're fun. He's Derek.
You're interesting. He's Derek.
So you don't like Derek?
Okay. Well, maybe I don't like your boyfriend.
And what is wrong with my Ray-Ray?
Well, the fact that you call him Ray-Ray for starters.
"Ray-Ray said this. Ray-Ray said that."
Sometimes I just pray-pray.
You'll shut up about Ray-Ray.
Well, your prayers have just been answered,
Because I'm never talking to you again.
Well, that... that's right!
Go run-run away-way to Ray-Ray!
Look... no, it's not a poem.
But you liked it?
Whoa, it is really coming down out there.
Well, Mom, it wasn't easy,
but I've been good for an entire week.
Boom Zone, here I come!
I have to say, Gabe, you have really earned this party.
Hmm. Here you go.
What's this? It's a list of bad things
I thought of saying but didn't.
Part one is fat jokes about dad.
Gabe, there's nothing funny about...
That one's pretty good.
I like that one.
Oh, that one's even better.
That one...
What? What's so funny?
Nothing.
Ooh! Cake.
"Dear Dad, be strong."
Do not eat this cake.
"Love, your son and trainer P.J."
"Dear Dad, so you've thrown away my first note.
"Here is a second chance to make the right decision.
"Your son who believes in you, P.J."
"Dear Dad,
"Okay, so notes aren't your thing."
Hi, Mrs. Wentz. Hey. Goodness, Teddy, get in here.
Oh wow, it's really snowing out there.
I could barely park in your driveway.
We don't have a driveway.
Okay. Well, I know where it could go.
Can I talk to Ivy?
We got in a fight last night and I really need to apologize.
Oh, I'm sorry, Teddy. Ivy's not here.
She went to your house because she said she needed to apologize to you.
She did? Mm-hmm.
Okay, well, I... I'd better go home then.
Oh no, Teddy, you're not going anywhere.
Hi, Mr. Wentz.
Come on, take a look at this.
Okay. Now as you can see,
we've got a high-pressure system stalled over the Rockies,
And it's pushing cold Arctic air down from Canada.
Giving us a freak spring blizzard.
Oh. Harry always wanted to be a weatherman,
but he answered the call of plumbing supplies.
Mmm.
They've just closed all the roads,
and that means that you, young lady,
are gonna be staying right here, maybe overnight.
What? I'm sorry, I can't stay overnight.
I'd like to also send a shout out to Abner Johnson.
He's 104 today.
Who is he talking to?
Nobody. Harry... Mmm?
...You do know that you're not really on TV, right?
Of course I do. Back to you, Mary Lo.
We're expecting up to two feet of snow today,
so stay in your homes and off the roads.
Ivy? Get in here.
What are you doing here?
I came over to apologize to Teddy.
Teddy went to your house to apologize to you.
What? And now the roads are all closed,
so you're gonna be stuck here awhile. Really? You mean overnight?
Even maybe a few days?
Yes! Ah. Let's go, people.
We've got a party to go to.
Gabe honey, I'm afraid we have some bad news.
Just tell me on the way to the Boom Zone.
No, no. Come sit with mama, okay?
Okay. Hey.
Now, sweetie, because of the blizzard,
nobody's able to drive anywhere and...
I'm afraid your party is off.
What?! Again?!
No, no, take a deep breath. I can't believe this!
I've been keeping my mouth shut for nothing?!
Okay, Gabe, just calm... Save it, tubby!
Hey, Gabe! Your cooking stinks! And you're stupid!
I didn't say anything. Yeah, but you were thinking something stupid.
I hate my life!
Man. This is much better than my house.
You see, Teddy, most people actually think
that when the temperature rises,
so does the barometric pressure.
But that is not the case.
Harry, leave that girl alone.
Let's do something Teddy would enjoy, like...
A Jigsaw puzzle.
Oh!
Gabe, are you okay? Leave me alone.
Look, babe, I know how you feel.
No, you don't. You've never gone without a party on your birthday.
You've had like a million of them.
Okay, I'm gonna let that one go,
Because I know you're hurting right now.
But I promise you: You are going to have a birthday party.
Yeah, when I'm 100.
And I can't even blow out my candles?
Okay, if you're referring to grandpa,
he's only 70 and he has asthma.
Teddy, you've hardly touched your liver and onions.
Mmm.
I had liver for breakfast.
Got any requests?
How about a snowmobile?
How about "Row, row, row, your boat"?
It's my favorite. Come on.
Actually, Mr. Wentz, you really don't have to...
♪ Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream ♪
♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream ♪
We can't do this when Ivy's home. She won't let us.
Ha. I miss her so much.
Rounds!
Oh! ♪ Row, row, row, your boat... ♪
Teddy! ♪ Row, row, row, your boat... ♪
♪ Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream... ♪
Whatever this is, I'm sure it's gonna be lame.
Oh, I don't think so. Hit it, Charlie.
Surprise!
Happy Birthday!
What's all this? "What's all this?"
It's the Duncan fun zone!
Well, since we can't go to your party,
We brought the party to you.
Look out below!
Oh! Oh!
You want a turn?
You look kinda sick.
Yeah. Of course I want a turn!
All right!
♪ Row, row, row, your boat gently down the stream ♪
♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily merrily, life... ♪
Wait, wait. Guys, guys, does this song have an ending?
If it does, we've never found it.
Now...
In German!
Ooh! ♪ Zeile, zeile, zeile irh boot ♪
♪ Sanft den strom hinab! ♪
♪ Lustig, lustig, lustig, lustig ♪
♪ Leben ist nur ein traum! ♪
Ugh!
Yeah!
Ooh.
♪ and many more... ♪
Yeah!
Yay! Hey!
Thanks, everybody.
This really has been the best party ever.
Look, I'm sorry I called you fat,
stupid and a bad cook.
I mean, even though you are fat, stupid and a bad cook...
I love you all.
Well, we love you too.
Not as much as the others, of course...
But...
Teddy! Hey, everybody.
Hey! Oh, hey.
What are you doing here? The roads are all closed.
Yeah, I walked. Why did you do that?
I think I can answer that.
Liver and onions? Yup.
Jigsaw puzzle? Uh-huh.
"Row, row, row your boat"? In German.
Come here, girl. Okay.
Well, Charlie, the storm's over,
Sun's shining, Gabe had a great party.
And... ooh, best of all,
Thanks to sambacising, Dad's lost two pounds.
Yeah, he was so excited, he's now graduated to...
Tangocise!
Oh!
Ay-yi-yi.
Good luck, Charlie.
Huh.
Finally, we are alone.
Nuh-uh-uh. Whoa-ho-ho!
How did you...
But it was... but... how... how did you...
Now grab an apple and go back to bed.
You're just a head, right? Yes.
No arms, no legs? Nope.
Got eyes though, right? Of course.
Well, then you can watch me. No. No, no..
No, no, no, no, no! Mmm!
Now I'm wishing I didn't have eyes.
Wish you didn't have teeth? No, no!