Breakfast! Hi, I'm Teddy Duncan,
Reporting live from the kitchen where, once again,
Mom has taken an innocent pancake and destroyed it.
Your thoughts?
Why are you insulting me into a fork?
I'm joining the South High action news team.
Today's the first meeting. Oh, that is so exciting!
You know, Teddy, when I was reporting for the...
Southwest Denver Community College TV news.
Oh, how funny. Heh heh.
Guess I must have... Mentioned that before.
Anyway, when I was reporting,
I had this really cute catchphrase.
It went a little something like this:
"I'm Amy Blankenhooper, gettin' all up in your news."
Morning.
Ooh, pancakes. Yay.
Uh, maybe I'll pick up something on the way to work.
When he won't eat it, that's a bad pancake.
Has anyone seen my boots?
Looks like Charlie has.
That's adorable!
Miss Duncan, are you aware that Dad sometimes
has to pour sweat out of those boots?
Ew.
Out of the mouths of babes.
This is Teddy Duncan... And Amy Duncan...
Mom, it's a fork. ... Gettin' all up in your news.
♪ Today's all burnt toast ♪
♪ Running late, and Dad jokes ♪
♪ Has anybody seen my left shoe ♪
♪ Close my eyes, take a bite ♪
♪ Grab a ride, laugh out loud ♪
♪ There it is up on the roof ♪
♪ I've been there, I survived ♪
♪ So just take my advice ♪
♪ Hang in there, Baby, things are crazy ♪
♪ But I know your future's bright ♪
♪ Hang in there, Baby ♪
♪ There's no maybe ♪
♪ Everything turns out all right ♪
♪ Sure life is up and down ♪
♪ But trust me, it comes back all around ♪
♪ You're gonna love who you turn out to be ♪
♪ Hang in there, Baby ♪
Oh, hey, sis. You want to sit together?
Yeah sure, I'd love to.
Oh, it never gets old. Yeah.
Oh, wait. Is that Dustin Reese?
Who's Dustin Reese?
We went to kindergarten together.
Back then he had a ponytail until...
Why'd you cut off his ponytail?
It was my first day with scissors.
I had eaten a doughnut. I was out of my mind.
So do you think he remembers you? I hope not.
Well, here he comes.
What... you could have just turned around.
Eh.
Okay, everyone, welcome to the South High
action news team, or "S.H.A.N.T."
Anyway, I wanted to apologize for postponing the meeting.
As you know, I fell off my bike... Again.
Who laughed?
Me. I was thinking about something else.
And what was that? The first time you fell off your bike.
Moving on.
All right, one of you
is going to have a big opportunity.
The Channel 8 news is looking for a teen reporter
for an internship which includes a chance to appear on TV.
If you're interested, have a two-minute piece on my desk by Friday...
Something juicy, explosive, hard-hitting... ow.
I'll pick the best one and submit it to Channel 8.
Now get to work.
Oh, and Teddy, was it? Yeah.
You're new around here. A piece of advice...
Don't fall in love with me.
I shan't.
Bob, Bob, big news.
Walt McGuire called and invited us
out to dinner at his country club. Who is Walt McGuire?
Honey, he's the hospital administrator.
I talk about him all the time.
And I listen about him all the time.
Ooh, ooh, ooh. You know what?
I'm going to wear that dress that makes people ask if I'm Teddy's sister.
Come on, honey, has anybody ever...
I love that dress.
You know what?
I think I'm going to buy a new pair of shoes too.
And you might want to try on your suit.
Why would I want to do that?
You might have put on a little weight.
Since our homecoming dance.
Thank you for saying "might have". Aw.
P.J.! Dustin.
What are you doing here?
Do you remember me from kindergarten?
I... I don't know.
It was... it was a long time ago.
And which year of kindergarten?
I want to show you something.
Come on out.
What's all this? I came to give you a haircut.
Oh. Oh well, that's very nice of you,
but I always go to Rachel at Crazy Cuts.
Not anymore. What do you mean?
Ahh!
No!
Oh.
Why do I always have nightmares when I nap on this couch?
Eh, five more minutes.
Why are you sitting with me? Because I didn't realize it was you.
Why are you dressed like that?
I don't want Dustin to recognize me. Oh, the ponytail kid?
You're worried he's going to get back at you?
He has gotten into my dreams, my nap dreams.
That is a place filled with gumdrops and lollipops.
He does not belong there! Okay.
Well, I'm sorry you had a bad nap, but I've got a real problem.
I have to come up with a good news story by Friday.
This could be my chance to be on local TV.
Ugh!
You want a good story, you should do a report
on whatever this mystery meat is.
Wait a minute. That's not bad.
I'll solve the mystery meat mystery.
This disgusting slop could be my ticket to the big time.
How's lunch today? Oh, really good, thanks.
Hey, honey.
You get some shoes?
Did I get some shoes? Did I get some shoes?
I don't know. You tell me. Ba-bam.
Wow! Nice!
Yeah, and only $400. What?!
Relax, I'm going to return them the day after the dinner.
I'm just borrowing them.
They're like a library book that makes my calves look hot.
Honey, no store is going to take back shoes once you've worn them.
They're not going to know that I've worn them.
I'm putting tape on the soles so they don't scuff.
Where did you learn this stuff?
It's an old trick from my starving student days.
I thought I'd outgrow it when I was married,
but four kids later and here we are... ba-bam!
I don't know. Sounds wrong to me.
Or we can just pay the $400. I'll get the tape.
So you cut a kid's hair in kindergarten
and now you're all freaked out?
It was the worst thing I ever did.
I don't know, maybe I should just apologize.
Apologize? I'd cut his hair again, show him who's boss.
Okay, guys, what do we think, huh?
Huh? Ready for the country club?
I don't know, Dad. Button the jacket.
That's not going to happen.
So I'm guessing the top button of your pants
is out of the question too?
Yes, sir, it is.
Bob, a little help, please?
Need a little help, please? What? Whoa, what's wrong?
Turns out that putting tape on your shoes makes them
just a little bit slippery.
Well, why don't you change shoes?
What, and kill the glamour?
How'd you like to pay all that money
to join the country club and see that coming in?
What is the meat in mystery meat?
To find out, I decided to sit down with Lydia the lunch lady.
And ask her some tough questions.
Pretty good so far, huh? Shh! Ow.
So, Lydia, let's get right to it.
Tell me about the meat.
Does that camera have to be so close?
Why are you sweating?
Because you're shining a very bright light in my face!
Or is it because you're lying?
What is it, Lydia? What is the meat?
Ground beef. Is it?
Or is it something else?
Mystery meat... is it really such a mystery?
This is Teddy Duncan and I'm on your side.
So, what do you think? I can't submit this.
Why not? Because there are no facts, no proof.
I'm sorry, but it stinks.
But I need that internship. I want to be on TV.
Then you'd better come up with something great by tomorrow.
Oh well, just watch me. I don't think you can do it.
I'm going to make you eat those words. Do you want to kiss me
as much as I want to kiss you? No, I don't.
Worth a shot.
Aw, that movie was awesome! So awesome!
When the blood shot out of that guy's arm,
it looked so real! So real!
What are you guys talking about?
Uh, nothing. We just saw "Decapitation 3."
No, we didn't. Yes, we did.
Remember I almost barfed when they used
that lady's head as a bowling ball?
Wait, wait, wait. That movie's rated PG-13,
who took you guys to go see it?
His mom. His dad.
We slipped the guy at the box office
five extra bucks and he let us in.
What is wrong with you?
She's a direct pipeline to the man.
And by the man I mean my mom.
Okay, so that sleazeball at the movie theater
is taking bribes from kids?
That's... Fantastic!
It is? Yes, yes.
This is exactly the kind of story I need.
This is going to put me on TV, where I belong.
You sound like mom.
Shut up.
Ugh, nice job.
We're probably going to get in trouble now. I'm sorry.
Hey, you want some melted pocket chocolate?
That's disgusting.
Yeah, okay.
Emergency! Bob, we have an emergency. What? What is it?
The shoes are gone. Nobody move!
This house is on lockdown!
What... wh-when was the last time you saw them?
Um, uh, when I got home last night,
I put them in the box and went to bed.
Then I got out of bed to go to the bathroom, put them back on,
went to the bathroom, put them back in the box and went to bed.
Wait, why would you put on shoes to go to the bathroom?
Because they make everything an event.
Honey, look, the only event right now is that we're out $400.
We've got to find the shoes!
Hey, guys. Hey.
Hi. Why is Charlie so dirty?
We were playing chase in the yard.
And because she was wearing high heels, she slipped and fell.
What heels? These.
No!
Yeah. Yeah, she looked pretty cute in them too.
I got some great pics on my phone.
You guys want to see? Ugh.
See?
It's funny, not sad.
Hey, Dustin, how's it going?
I'm P.J. I don't know if you remember me.
We went to kindergarten together. We did?
Yeah, yeah, I was the kid who glued his face to the desk.
I was the kid who got his tongue caught in the hamster wheel.
I was the kid who cut off your ponytail.
Oh yeah, I remember that.
Yeah, yeah.
Listen, I know it's probably way too late for this,
but I just... I want to say I'm really sorry.
Eh, don't worry about it. It was a long time ago.
So you're not mad? Not at all.
Oh, that's so great, man. You mind if I stay?
Sure sure. Cool.
You're not going to cut my hair again, are you?
Oh. Whoo. Yeah.
Okay, okay, you guys, come on. So here's the plan:
Gabe, you'll buy the tickets. Jake, you'll wear this hat.
It has a camera in it and it'll record the whole thing.
I don't look good in hats.
Jake, come on, we got to do this.
Dude, my hair is my best feature.
Okay, well, if you guys don't go through with this,
I'll tell both your moms about "Decapitation 3"...
and "1" and "2."
Uh, you know about those? I do now.
Can I at least wear it backwards?
It's more hip hop that way.
What he lacks in brains he makes up for in...
He's got a pool.
Sponge.
Marker.
Pretzel.
Are they going to make it? Shh.
A very critical part of the operation.
I need absolute quiet.
Hey, guys! How's it going? Ooh! My gosh!
Did we lose her?
What is it, P.J.? This is Dustin.
Is it okay if he sleeps over?
Sure. Hi. Fine. Cool, thanks.
What are they doing? I don't know. Playing catch with shoes.
Go go.
Two tickets for "Decapitation 3," please.
Ooh, that's PG-13, guys.
And since I don't see any adults around here,
if you want to buy a ticket,
there's going to be a handling fee.
Hey, maybe we should see "Fishy Friendz" instead.
No, no, no, no. Look at Gabe!
Oh!
It features the voice talents
of Steve Carell and Rosie Perez.
Enjoy the show.
Okay, are we done now? No, no, you didn't get it.
Jake was looking at the poster for "Fishy Friendz."
I couldn't help it. The fish was wearing glasses.
That's hilarious!
All right, we're doing this again.
This time I'm wearing the hat.
Here.
Jake, you wait here.
One ticket for "Decapitation 3". Weren't you just here?
Yeah, I was here and you were there,
and I gave you some money.
Now do you want to do it again or not?
Okay, you know the drill.
Handling fee.
Excuse me, did you just sell an 11-year-old boy.
A ticket to a PG-13 movie?
What? I... I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh yeah? Okay. Well, I think you do.
Because I just caught the whole thing on my hat cam.
Care to make a statement?
Yeah. How about... how about I give you
two free tickets to "Fishy Friendz"
and we make this thing go away, huh?
Do it!
Busted! This is Teddy Duncan, teen reporter.
Remember, when there's news to be reported, then...
the one reporting it will be me.
I'll fix that later.
Good morning. Hey.
Why are you holding the mirror?
Because now we're even.
Ahh!
Ah!
Dude, I just had the weirdest dream.
Really? What about?
It was actually kind of crazy.
To get back at me you shaved half my head.
Wow. Wow, that is crazy.
Should we get some breakfast? Yeah, sounds good.
Are you chilly? No.
I'm a little chilly. Huh.
This is Teddy Duncan getting all up in your news.
So what do you think?
It's hard-hitting, informative and entertaining.
It's the best piece I've seen all semester and... I'm killing it.
What? Why? That box office guy is my brother.
Your brother? Yeah.
I got the looks, but he got the crazy.
Wait, but I want that internship.
He's my ride to school. That's not fair.
Life isn't fair. You can't do this.
Kiss me. No, thank you.
Well, Charlie, looks like my reporting career
has hit a little bump in the road.
Oh, my feet are killing me.
Mom, why did you wear your heels to work?
Oh, they make everything an event.
Oh. The store wouldn't take them back, huh?
Laughed in my face.
See, this is a good lesson, Charlie.
If you try to pull a scam,
you're going to suffer the consequences.
Here, here, give me that camera.
No, Mom, I'll do the video diary, thank you.
No, no, no, no. I've got something I'd like to say to Charlie.
Stay out of my closet, all right?
Yeah? Next time you take a pair of my shoes...
You can take it from here.
Good luck, Charlie.
Good evening and welcome to "Gabe and Jake at The Movies."
I'm Gabe...
This popcorn makes my fingers shiny.
And that's Jake.
The first movie we're reviewing tonight is "Fishy Friendz."
Now I found it familiar and tired,
nothing I hadn't seen 100 times before.
Jake? It was awesome!
That's what you say about every movie.
Because I like every movie.
Then what's the point of doing this show?
Free popcorn.
You're an idiot. You're the idiot.
Am not! Are so!
That's all the time we have for this week.
See you next time on: "Gabe at The Movies".
Hey!