Subs created by: David Coleman.
Morning, Mom.
Eh.
Tough night?
I had to get up three times with the baby and your Father was absolutely no help.
Sure I was.
Flicking me in the forehead and saying "baby's crying" is not helpful.
Honey, if I flicked you in the forehead and didn't say anything, that'd just be mean.
Hey, after breakfast can somebody watch Toby while I grab a quick shower?
Oh, I can't.
I have a maggot-infested rats' nest that needs my attention.
- Bye. - Bye.
Sorry, Mom. I'd love to, but I'm going to the mall with Ivy.
We're gonna shop and look for jobs.
Mostly shop.
See you.
And I'm taking Charlie to the park.
Oh, maybe you can take Toby with you.
No thank you, Mama.
Hmm.
- Bye. - Bye.
Gabe?
No thank you, Mama.
Today's all burnt toast running late and Dad jokes.
"Has anybody seen my left shoe?"
I close my eyes, take a bite grab a ride, laugh out loud.
There it is up on the roof.
I've been there, I survived.
So just take my advice.
Hang in there, baby things are crazy.
But I know your future's bright.
Hang in there, baby.
There's no maybe everything turns out all right.
Sure life is up and down.
But trust me, it comes back around.
You're gonna love who you turn out to be.
Hang in there, baby.
Okay, Charlie. Here we go. Have fun.
Not too fast.
Not too fast. She's already the fastest kid in the park.
If you want to see fast, you should see my nephew Mason ride his trike.
He's so fast, he doesn't have time to make friends.
Yeah, well, Charlie's so fast, that.. That she makes friends,
but then she goes so far, by the time she comes back they've changed and moved on.
And.. I am really not good at this.
The point is, Mason's faster.
No. Charlie's faster.
You know what this reminds me of?
The conversation that we had before the baby race.
Oh. The baby race.
Come on, Charlie, you can do it.
Coming down the home stretch, it's still Mason in the lead!
Come on, Charlie. It's now or never!
And the winner is Charlie!
Okay.
Charlie may be faster on her feet, but on wheels?
Mason's the man.
Guess there's only one way to find out.
Are you saying what I think you're saying?
Baby race two.
The empire trikes back!
Hey, Dad.
Hi, Mr. Wentz.
We're going to the mall to shop and look for jobs..
But mostly shop.
- Wallet's over there. - How much can I take?
Doesn't matter.
Nothing matters.
Ivy, why is your Dad so depressed?
I don't know.
I think it might be something about his job.
- What does he do? - I don't know.
Ivy, you're not going to the mall without cleaning your room, are you?
Oh, Harry, honey. I don't know why you're so down.
Show Teddy the award you got last night.
That's The Silver Plungie.
It's in recognition of Harry's 25 years in the plumbing supply business.
Oh, congratulations, Mr. Wentz. That is quite an honor.
Well, I think so. It even has an inscription. See?
It says, "to Harry Wentz, for 25 years of duty".
Well, that's unfortunate.
Oh, I'm gonna go find a place for it.
Is this all I have to show..
For 25 years of my life?
A plunger that they spray-painted silver.
It's glittery, too.
I used to have dreams.
Big dreams.
I wanted to be..
A weatherman.
I wanted to open a restaurant.
But..
I'm too old for any of that now.
Mr. Wentz, you are never too old to pursue your dreams.
Oh, Teddy, I don't know.
Have you seen that commercial for the new fitness centers?
The one with the talking gophers?
Right. The skinny gopher says to the fat gopher..
"If you want to lose that weight, you gotta get off your butt and 'gopher' it".
Sure, it's a terrific commercial.
But what's your point?
That's what you gotta do, Mr. Wentz.
You gotta follow your dreams and "gopher" it!
"Gopher" it.
Why are you dressed like that?
Because I haven't had a chance to do the laundry.
Believe it or not, this is your shirt, your Dad's sweats,
and you don't even want to know whose underwear I have on.
- They're PJ's. - You don't know that.
I can see Batman's head on the waistband.
What is that smell?
That's my new body spray.
Check it out.
"Duude".
With two "U"s.
Body spray for cool dudes ages 12 to 13.
What's all this about?
Nothing.
Oh, and by the way, for the next couple of days,
I'm gonna be working on a project with a kid from summer school.
Oh, I see. Is this kid a boy kid or a girl kid?
I don't remember.
When I'm at school I'm all about the work.
Aw.
My little baby has a crush.
Honey, can I give you some advice?
I'm 13 now. I don't need any help from my Mommy.
That's a direct quote from the "Duude" commercial.
Get out!
Okay.
I got all dressed up for nothing?
Hi, Gabe.
Hi, Jade.
I like hanging out at your house. It's always so nice and peaceful.
You did what?! Without even asking me?
Harry, you come back here!
Girls, I have some exciting news.
Your Father quit his job, took our life savings, and bought a restaurant.
I combined both my passions and created the world's first weather-themed eatery.
Hurricane Harry's Weather Cafe.
And I owe it all to Teddy.
What did I do?
You did this.
And we're all gonna work there.
Me? What did I do?
Well, you wanted jobs? Now you got them.
- That's okay, Mr. Wentz.. - Oh, no, no, no, no, Teddy.
You are going to be a part of this, too.
Because of you, this family is taking a ride on the crazy train.
All aboard.
Woo-woo.
Hmm.
Ah.
Okay.
Charlie, I've made some adjustments. Your trike is now much more aerodynamic.
Where's my bell?
Oh, you don't need a bell, you'll be in front the whole time.
Right?
Yes.
Well, well, well. You here to back out?
No, I'm here to show you a preview of what you're gonna see tomorrow after the race.
My victory dance.
Uh! You like that?
- Oh yeah? - Yeah.
Well, I got a victory dance, too.
- Where's it at? - Goes a little something like this.
That's okay, you like this?
Oh, yes.
All right, everybody, we open in five minutes.
Where's Mother nature?
Here I am.
Oh, Mary Lou, you look stunning.
Oh, you know what?
I thought this would be silly, but I must say..
I do make it work.
All right, where are my special waitresses?
Sunny and Cloudy?
Here we are.
So..
Kind of a bummer having to go to summer school, right?
I like summer school.
Me too.
When I said bummer, I meant bummer!
You can't change the meaning of a word by just saying it differently.
Bummer.
Um..
I'll be right back.
Hey.
How's it going out there, tiger?
Terrible. I keep saying the wrong thing.
Well.
I know how you can win her over without saying a single word.
The baby? How is he gonna help me?
Once she sees how great you are with Toby..
She is guaranteed to melt.
Now..
Hold him close.
Cradle the head.
I hope you're better with girls than my older brother.
Jade, I don't think you've met my baby brother.
This is Toby.
Oh my gosh, he's so cute.
And you're so good with him.
The trick is to cradle the head.
Here, have some more rain.
That's what we call water.
Isn't that fun?
Martin, party of four, your table is ready.
This is Hurricane Harry with a special bulletin.
The forecast for the next few minutes is entertaining.
Ladies and gentlemen, the musical stylings of..
Wentz's Weather Girls.
Hit it.
Hurricane Harry's is the spot doo-dah, doo-dah.
We serve our dishes cold and hot all the doo-dah day.
And night!
Wentz's Weather Girls.
And they'll be back to do it again every hour on the hour.
I liked it better when I didn't know what my Dad did.
Think we're dry enough to go in yet?
Nope.
Still squishing.
Hey.
What hit us during that last storm? Was that sleet?
No. Kid threw a bowl of nachos into the fan.
We gotta quit this job.
We can't. Your Mom would kill me and your Dad would be crushed.
Well, if he adds an earthquake tomorrow, we might actually be crushed.
Wait, we can't quit.
But we could get fired.
Yeah.
Ooh, I don't know what you're thinking, but I like it.
Hey, do you mind if we take a break for a second?
Why?
There's just this thing I do for my baby brother.
I share life lessons and give him advice.
I call it a video diary.
That is the sweetest thing ever.
I get that a lot.
Hey, char..
Toby.
It's your big brother Gabe here with another one of my signature video diaries.
Anyway, last night after I tucked you in and kissed you on your head,
I sang you to sleep with a song.
Oh, can you sing it now?
Please?
Um.
Hush, little Toby go to sleep.
You're already asleep so stay asleep.
La-la-la la-la-la la-la-la.
Sleep.
Sleepy sleep, sleepy sleep sleep, sleep, sleep.
Aw.
Well, that's all for now, so, I'll just say..
Good..
Fortune, Toby.
That's sort of my trademark.
Now, remember, Charlie. Winning isn't everything.
- It's the only thing. - Yes. Yes.
Okay, you know that shame you felt for the last two years?
It ends today.
Or it could get worse depending on how this goes.
Okay.
The race is to that lamppost and back.
First trike to cross the finish line wins.
Wins what?
- Hey, Dad. - What is going on?
Nothing.
We're just hanging out at the park.
Then why have the kids got numbers on them?
Because we're teaching them their ones and twos.
How many times have we been over this?
You cannot race children like horses.
Can we race them like dogs?
You can't race them at all.
All right, kids, come on. Hey, who wants to go to the playground?
Huh? Okay, come on.
Man!
I was all fired up for a race today.
Yeah, me too.
You know, we could still have a race.
Where's Toby?
Dad took him to the park.
What?
No, no, Jade's about to leave and I need to make a move.
So make your move.
I don't have a move.
I need Toby.. She likes it when I do nice things for him.
Gabe, I'm leaving.
Wait!
Hey.
So..
Um..
Uh..
I was just wondering if..
You wanted to go to a movie with me sometime?
Oh..
Um..
No, thank you.
But I thought you were kinda into me?
Yeah, as a friend but..
I could never date you.
I like bad boys.
Wha.. But I am a bad boy.
I was just kidding about all that baby stuff.
Gabe, be proud of who you are.
A sweet, sensitive, good boy.
No. I'm not. I'm a total jerk, ask anyone.
Sweetie-pie.
This blanket you knit for the baby is..
Absolutely precious.
Bye, Gabe.
Whoa!
Woo! Yes! Yes!
Watch this!
Well, that brings us to the top of the hour which means that it's time
to give it up again for Wentz's Weather Girls.
You ready to get fired?
Hit it.
I guess that was a bad idea.
We've ruined everything.
If you have to make some tough choices, we understand.
And I'm talking about firing us.
That was..
Awesome!
My weather girls.
We are going to be together forever.
Well, what do you know.
My boys.
Yeah.
He woke up from his nap so we're just hanging out.
Oh.
You know who Toby reminds me of?
You.
Because he doesn't have a girlfriend?
No.
Because you both have that sparkle in your eyes.
And that's another thing girls like..
A sparkle.
Thanks, Mom.
Well, since you're watching Toby, you don't, um, mind if I take a nap, do you?
Well, I.. I guess, but if he..
Mom?
Hey, Toby. Gabe here.
So, I want to tell you everything that I've learned about girls.
That's it.
Anyway, if you ever need any advice in the future..
Wait. What.. What are you doing?
Making a video diary for Toby.
Wha.. That's kind of my thing.
Not any more.
So..
The next time I have a crush on a girl, wish me good fortune, Toby.
Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
Jealous?
What? No. Confused. What does "good fortune, Toby" even mean?
It means that Toby has the good fortune not to hear "good luck, Charlie".
Okay, give me my camera.
Good fortune, Toby.
Good luck, Charlie.
Woo. What a ride.
You know, after a workout like that,
I don't want some kind of kiddie bubble bath.
I'm 12 to 13 now.
I want a body spray that works as hard as I do.
That's why I use "Duude".
Duude, when you don't need help from your Mommy any more.
Duude, from the makers of "Guy" and "Bro".
Subs created by: David Coleman.