Subs created by: David Coleman.
Chew carefully, I'm missing an earring.
Eh, I'll roll the dice.
Hey, everybody.
I have some big news..
- I'm moving out. - You're what?
What do you mean you're moving out?
I am moving in with Emmett.
His parents promised him an apartment when he turned 18.
They had a party for him, gave him a cake and drove him to the new place.
All in like 20 minutes.
P.J., I'm not sure about this.
Mom, it totally makes sense.
I'm about to start Community College and the apartment is right near campus.
That is a good point.
Blah blah blah. All I'm hearing is that I'm getting my own room.
Let's get you packed. Come on.
Bob, are you sure PJ's ready to live on his own?
Well, he is 18, honey.
Oh, it sounds like somebody's experiencing empty-nest syndrome.
Well, the good news there is that our nest is still very very full.
In fact, the challenge is to avoid having any more little birdies.
It just went by so fast.
It seems like just yesterday that P.J. was tripping
over his shoelaces and we were wiping his nose.
It was yesterday.
Today's all burnt toast running late and Dad jokes.
"Has anybody seen my left shoe?"
I close my eyes, take a bite.
Grab a ride, laugh out loud.
There it is up on the roof.
I've been there, I survived.
So just take my advice.
Hang in there, baby things are crazy.
But I know your future's bright.
Hang in there, baby there's no maybe.
Everything turns out all right.
Sure life is up and down.
But trust me, it comes back around.
You're gonna love who you turn out to be.
Hang in there, baby.
I left my coat downstairs. I'll be right back.
Would you like to come in?
Oh no, that's okay. I'm fine, thanks.
So it's been awhile. How have you been?
I'm good. Thank you.
- And you? - Good good.
So how about that weather?
It's like it's not too hot, not too cold.
- Temperate, you might say. - Yes.
Temperate.
Oh, Spencer's back.. Yay!
Hey, it wasn't there. I must have left it in the backyard.
- I'll just.. - No no.
You can get it next time. Out you go.
- Bye. - Bye, guys.
Temperate? What..?
Bob, would you take Toby upstairs and put him down for his nap?
Uh.. Up.. Up.. Upstairs?
That's uh..
It's kinda lonely up there, isn't it?
Would you take Toby upstairs and put him down for his nap?
Hey, you know what? Have him nap right here.
Bob, he's six weeks old.
Never too early to learn how to couch-nap.
Okay, fine. I will take him upstairs.
And you better get real comfortable on that couch.
- What was that about? - What?
Not wanting to take the baby upstairs.
I mean, that's lazy..
Even for you.
What? I just didn't feel like it.
That's all.
No, there's something going on with you.
Since when did you become so interested in me?
Since the cable went out.
Man, this place is great.
We should really call your Dad and thank him.
We can't. Part of the agreement about the new apartment is that I never call.
This is so awesome.
We can eat whatever we want.
Stay up past our bedtime.
Dude, there is no bedtime!
Yay, we're adults now!
Yeah!
Dude, I'm gonna go check out the view.
Hey, look at this clown.
Oh, it's an actual clown.
You're not still afraid of clowns, are you?
No.
You know what the best part
- about this place is? - Huh?
Our moms aren't around to tell us what to do.
Ah.
It's your Mom.
Hi, guys! Brought you some lunch.
Lunch.. Awesome.
Except for we don't have any plates.
Or forks.
Hey, why don't you go see if that clown next door has any?
I'm on it.
Sweetheart, that's not nice.
We don't call our neighbors clowns.
Well, if I knew his professional name I'd use it.
So what do you think of the place?
- It's nice! - Yeah.
Yeah, it's a little small maybe.
Call it cozy.
Kinda drafty.
We call it inside breezy.
That's Emmett's bed and that's mine.
Oh, Emmett's a little messy, isn't he?
Yeah. Well, that's Emmett.
Honey, just because it's Emmett's apartment
doesn't mean you should let him walk all over you.
If you don't like the mess, say something.
Mom, stop worrying, okay? It's gonna be fine.
We're grown-ups now..
Ugh, it was just so awkward and I kept saying "temperate".
And I never say temperate.
You just said it twice.
Does your Mom like me?
Hey, of course she likes you.
I mean, does your Mom like me?
Let's keep it on your Mom.
Hey Teddy, look, my Mom likes you, all right?
That's just how she is. You know, she's reserved.
Well, I want us to have a good relationship.
So tell me some stuff about her.
Okay, um, what do you want to know?
I want to know who is Lynn Walsh?
What's her favorite color, her favorite food?
Who would play her in the movie of her life?
Do you know that stuff about your Mom?
Purple, lasagna and Reese Witherspoon.
Oh, um..
All right, well, there's one thing I can tell you..
She likes orchids.
- Orchids. - Yeah.
Good, okay. So what else?
Uh, oh, she likes going to this one fancy place downtown for high tea.
Great. Okay, keep going.
That's all I got.
That's it?
Hey look, I think it's pretty great I came up with that.
Okay, I just had an awesome idea.
I'm gonna take your Mom out to tea and we're gonna talk about orchids..
And tea.
That's great.
I don't have to come to this, do I?
I just need you to watch the baby for a sec..
Whoa!..
No!
Oh ow!
Mmm.
Nobody tells Mom!
- What are we not telling Mom? - What?
What?
Dude, you just yelled "nobody tells Mom" in your sleep.
I mean I'm in, I just want to know what we're not telling her.
No.
No, I was just dreaming about that time I dropped Charlie.
Oh.
I remember that day.
That was a really good sandwich.
Now I'm worried I'm gonna do the same thing to Toby.
I can't stop thinking about it.
So that's why you didn't want to carry him up the stairs.
I don't want to carry him down the stairs either.
- What are you gonna do, Dad? - I don't know!
But I can't drop Toby like I did Charlie.
- You did what? - I did wh.. Hey!
Hey hey, Sweetie.
No no no no, Daddy didn't drop you.
It was more.. It.. It.. It was more like a toss.
And then you flew a little!
Bad Daddy.
But Daddy caught you.
Lucky Daddy.
Thanks for buying plates and forks, Emmett.
Too bad we're having soup.
Hey, would you mind picking that up?
I will, just let me finish my plate of soup first.
- It'll take one second. - I don't have a second.
Soup gets cold really fast when it's on a plate.
How long does it take to pick up a piece of trash?
Okay, well, wait. What's your problem?
My problem is my roommate is a slob.
- I'm a slob? - You're a slob.
- You take that back! - I will not.
You know, I hate when you get like this. I'm going to my room.
All right, well, I'm going to my room.
You better not be looking at me.
- Stop it! - You stop it!
- No, you stop it! Turn around. - You.. Okay.
You want something to look at?
Try this.
Ha! See, that doesn't bother me.
- Now you're the clown. - No, you're the clown.
- You're the clown. - You're the clown.
You don't think you're a clown?
- What me to prove that you're a clown? - Fine!
Look at your bed!
Yes hi, um..
I'm just double-checking a reservation for Duncan?
Yes yes, I know I called five minutes ago.
It's just..
It's a.. It's a very important reservation.
See, it's with my boyfriend's Mom..
Yes, the one who likes orchids.
Oh, okay, she's here.
Okay, I have to go. I'll..
I'll call you from the car.
- Hello! - Hello.
- Come in, sit. - Oh, love to.
You look lovely.
So do you.
- Shall we? - Sure.
- Hey, Mom. - Hey, P.J. what are you doing here?
Oh, Emmett and I had a big fight.
Really?
That's terrible.
Oh, you know what? Gabe put a lock on your bedroom door but I'll get the bolt cutters.
No, Mom, Mom, no! Mom, I'm not moving back.
We worked it out.
- Oh, you did? - Yeah.
I got mad because he was messing up the place.
He got mad because I got mad. Then we got tired of being mad.
He agreed to stop being a slob and we made chocolate toast.
Oh. Well, good for you, standing up for yourself.
- Mmm. - And I'm sure Emmett
will live up to his promise of not being a slob.
I mean you know what they say.
"People change".
Or is it that people never change?
Doing great, big guy.
I don't know if I can do this.
- Just keep coming. - No, my knees are wobbling.
Yes!
Okay, all right.
So you made it down with a roast, a ham and a chicken.
You wanna try some side dishes?
I'm ready to carry a real kid.
What are you looking at?
- Hi. - Hi!
Hi.
Okay uh, two questions..
Why are you carrying Gabe and..
Why does that chicken have a face?
Oh, you know why?
We're playing a new game.
We're playing a new game called uh..
Chicken drop.
And he who drops the chicken must carry the victor down the stairs.
We're still working out the kinks.
- May I help you? - Hi.
We have a reservation. Duncan, party of two.
Sorry, I don't have you down.
What? But, um..
I confirmed the reservation and then I reconfirmed..
And then I reconfirmed the reconfirm.
Which is basically just a long way of saying that I put a lot of
work into this reservation so I want my table and I want it now!
Oh, here it is, "Duncan".
Shall we?
So who are you again?
I'm the Window Inspector from the Department of See-through Services.
Okay, I've been a building manager for 25 years, and I have never heard of that.
Well, you're hearing about it now.
All right, let's see what we got here.
Oh yeah.
P87, single pane.. We see a lot of these.
Okay, for the final part of my inspection
I'm gonna need you to vacate the premises.
I can't do that. I take the security of my building very seriously.
- I have a candy bar. - Lock up when you're done.
P.J.!
Unbelievable!
He promised.
Oh!
Oh, so "the clown next door" meant the clown next door.
So how's your tea?
Actually it's a little cold.
Well, I can fix that.
Um, excuse me, her tea is cold.
Could you get her a fresh cup?
And make sure it's hot, like piping hot.
I hear that you like orchids.
I used to and then my Mother passed away.
Orchids were her favorite too.
And now I can't even look at one without crying.
Oh my gosh.
Are you okay?
Yes. Oh, my hand fell asleep.
Darn it.
Thank you.
- Ah ah! - What, what's wrong?
I burned my tongue.
Ice ice! We need ice!
Ah, ice.
Is that helping?
I'm stuck.
You're what?
I'm stuck!
You're a duck? Could you sound it out?
How is everything over here?
Well, Mom, I'm moving back home.
Oh no.
It's such sad, unexpected news.
I came back home today and the place was a mess.
What was it? Unmade bed?
Potato chips everywhere?
How do you know about the chips?
I don't.
Man. And after he promised me he was going to keep the place clean.
I'm never talking to that guy again.
Hey, once you get over this, you guys will be best friends again.
I don't think so. I mean, really I could have dealt with the mess..
But he looked me right in the eye and said he didn't do it.
Best friends don't lie to each other.
I'm gonna go put my stuff away.
P.J., wait.
Emmett didn't mess up your apartment.
I did.
What?
Why would you do that?
Because I thought you weren't ready to live on your own. And..
The truth is..
I'm the one who's not ready.
But, Mom, I'm 18.
I'm an adult now.
But you're still my little boy.
You'll always be my little boy.
You're a good Mom.
I know.
A good Mom who broke into my apartment and trashed it.
I know.
How you feeling, Dad?
Good good.
- Yeah! - Yes, I did it!
- I did it! - Nice! What were you so worried about?
I don't know. It was a piece of cake.
- Where are you going? - To get a piece of cake.
A guy's gotta celebrate.
Oh hey, thank you..
So much for getting me through this. You real..
No!
Hey, honey..
You dropped the baby again, didn't you, Bob?
What?
Well, Charlie, um, I went to tea with Spencer's Mom.
And we had so much fun..
We decided to keep that party going..
In the emergency room.
Yeah, I don't think Mrs. Walsh will be talking to me anytime soon.
Or to anyone.
What..
Dad, what are you doing?
Taking Toby for a walk.
That doesn't really look like a walk.
No, it will be eventually.
Well, don't you need the diaper bag?
Aw, man!
Well, you survived him for three years, all you need is 15 more.
Good luck, Charlie.
Hi, Bob Duncan here with another amazing product
that is going to make your life easier.
You have stairs, do you have a baby?
Well, how many times has this happened to you?
Whoa!
Well, those days are gone.
Because the next time your baby goes flying,
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That's right!
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Woo!
So what are you waiting for? Pick up that phone and call.
Call right now. And if you drop the phone..
We've got that covered too..
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Subs created by: David Coleman.