[BO narrating] Last time on Lost Girl:
[PERSEPHONE] This is Tartarus.
I am Persephone. Wife of Hades.
And I am your stepmother.
[BO] I know this place.
I was born in Hell.
[PERSEPHONE] Hades would gloat about
what his daughter would become.
You're not a god. You're a coward.
[BO] I got your candle. Your way out.
[PERSEPHONE] Light this when you get home.
For my family. So they know I'm safe.
I can't keep being a lost human in the Fae world
[KENZI] trying to be Fae. I'm not Fae.
I need to go.
[dance music plays]
[DYSON] You sure you don't want to use a bigger roller?
Uh, size isn't everything. And you have to admit,
this one's pretty cute.
Sure.
You know you had to prime this wall first, right?
And take valuable time away from picking out
the perfect painting outfit?
[DYSON] You know what? You're right.
Time well spent.
Every occasion is an occasion,
so you might as well dress for it.
Sounds like wise Kenzi words.
Okay, you're killin' me.
It's a "w."
[BO chuckles]
What's next? You gonna teach me how to shoot pool?
I don't think we've actually used a pool table to shoot pool.
There's no strings attached here,
if that's what you're worried about.
I'm not worried.
I have a headache.
Just--paint fumes.
Well it's nothing I haven't helped cure before.
Uh, heh.
Mmm, it's nice.
Are you thirsty?
[BO] I'm like, so thirsty.
[music continues]
[PEOPLE SINGING] ♪ You can ring my bell ♪
♪ Ding, dong, ding, ah-ah, ring it ♪
♪ You can ring my bell, anytime, anywhere ♪
♪ Ring it, ring it, ring it, ring it, oww ♪
[cheering and clapping]
Thank you Musashi and Ikettes.
Once again proving just because you're Fae
doesn't mean you can sing.
[GIRLS giggling]
[MUSASHI grunts]
Wanna apologize, jackass?
I'm sorry you're having such a terrible time.
Here, for your dry cleaning.
[MUSASHI] Your next round of drinks and...
a down payment on your mortgage, perhaps.
[in Japanese]
[MUSASHI] Mhm.
What is that?
New cocktail. It's deadly.
♪
[opening theme]
[LAUREN] Three unharmed bodies all from the elevator crash.
Three blood types. All human. But--
There's a fourth blood type. Fae.
Could you just, try to be surprised?
That machine cost a hundred thousand dollars.
--[DYSON] Priceless. --[LAUREN] Mhmmm.
[LAUREN] No bruises, no scratches.
Three of them like this. Completely unscathed.
Aside from being dead.
Elizabeth Helm. Junior Lawyer. Healthy. She's pretty too.
Any connection between her and the other two?
No, nothing yet. One was a VP. Family man.
The other's a bike courier taking classes at night school.
The key is this Fae blood.
Yeah. I'm processing it.
I'll see if I can determine the exact type.
[LAUREN'S cell phone ringing]
Little on edge, Doctor Lewis?
[LAUREN chuckles]
I'm fine, Dyson.
[LAUREN] You just help me locate the owner of the Fae blood type.
I'll see if I can isolate what preserved the bodies.
[cell phone continues]
You gonna get that?
I think this is a little more important, Dyson.
Someone begs to differ.
[cell phone continues]
[LAUREN] Okay.
Uh, no. No thank you.
Not interested.
"Free Caribbean cruise."
That was a death threat, wasn't it?
Yep.
I bet you've been getting a lot of those
since you turned the Morrigan into a human.
Word is spreading.
Well, it's good to have fans, right?
The kind that wanna kill you?
Oh, come on, Dyson. It's not that big a deal.
It is to the Fae.
With the Light and Dark in flux, lines are being blurred.
[DYSON] Especially those of the law.
Lauren, you created a powerful weapon.
A weapon people want.
It's gonna make you a bit of a walking target.
Uh, well, when have I not been a walking target, Dyson?
I'm kinda used to it.
[DYSON] This is different.
The Fae are scared.
Okay. So? I have to be, too?
Not scared.
Ready.
Look Dyson, I appreciate your concern, I do.
But do you really think that if somebody was trying to kill me
[LAUREN] they'd call me up and warn me about it first?
Come on.
How's Bo? How is she... dealing with everything?
Still renovating?
Yeah. Still renovating.
What, that's it?
That's it.
♪
It's so not okay.
Yo!
What if I was doing something important?
Like porn?
What is that?
Post work day nosh. Let's get our night on, Bobo.
Well, it looks like you've already started.
[TAMSIN] Mhmmm. And you need to catch up.
Behold, all things gummy, yummy, and covered in tube-cheese.
Oh my god.
It's like eating a burp out of a frat boy's mouth.
I know. It doesn't look very good.
Honestly. How did Kenzi do it?
Top Cheffing out of all this disgusting food in that kitchen.
You put that tube-cheese away.
No. I'm gonna get this right.
[BO] No. There's no need. We're goin' out.
Girl.
[BO and TAMSIN giggle]
So, are you hungry?
Yeah. Good idea.
[BO] Two sausages comin' up. My treat.
[TAMSIN] Not the kind of sausage I had in mind,
but who am I to turn down free food.
[MUSASHI] North of the Border.
How much would it cost to get you two there?
Uh, I hate to break it to ya, buddy,
but we're not prostitutes.
Yeah.
But like, how much ya got?
[MUSASHI] North of the Boarder's a club. N.O.B.?
[MUSASHI] Thought you two might be interested in a night cap.
At the nob club? No thanks. Now if you'll excuse us--
We're just buying sweaty hot dogs from a guy
who hasn't showered in weeks.
Woo! Friday!
[BO] So you would rather catch a ride with could-be Ted Bundy?
Yeah.
I'm not a serial killer.
Too much of a neat freak.
And I'm also not funny.
Look, um... I've insulted you.
How 'bout you give me a chance to make it up?
[speaking Japanese]
Not tonight, night rider.
[speaking Japanese]
You speak Japanese?
[speaking Japanese]
That's incredible.
Thanks.
You know what else is incredible?
Tonight. You. Me. Having fun.
What do you say?
[BO] Yes.
You're right. Cancel those dogs.
We're young, fun, and up for anything.
[MUSASHI] So you'll let me buy you those drinks?
Oh yes. And many more after that.
You coming?
What the hell. On one condition.
[TAMSIN] I drive.
Rock and roll.
[MUSASHI] You want me to adjust the seat for you?
[car door shuts]
[beeping]
Doctor Lewis.
[clears throat] Sorry.
You almost gave me a heart attack.
Sorry. I'll, uh, walk louder next time.
Is it okay if Sam and I head out now?
Uh, both of you? Now?
Um, should--[chuckles]
Should have a great night.
Party hardy as they say.
Okay. Well, you have a good night now.
Okay.
Don't stay too late.
Okay.
Lisa is that you?
Did you forget something?
[distant thud]
Hello?
I'm warming you. I'm armed.
And I'm... I'm very toned.
♪
[muffled music from headphones]
Um, just uh...
Just in case you were wondering where this is, it's uh, just...
[clears throat]
Just put it right there.
Lucky.
Tell me again why I took the boards off the windows.
Uh...
Something about maturity, growing up, and taking control.
I don't--[mutters]
I am so wrecked.
Hey, did we?
No.
Oh.
Do you mind if I--?
No. Go ahead.
Ugh, I can't.
Well your breath isn't exactly a minty explosion either,
"chosen one."
Uh, Tamsin.
What, woman? I am tired.
[TAMSIN] Make up your mind.
No. Not that.
Tokyo Police Club. He's still here.
Nice knife.
I thought you weren't a serial killer.
[TAMSIN] Mmm, cereal.
[TAMSIN] Do I know you?
Ooh. Harsh. A first for me.
Yeah, well, it's common for the guy to take off in the morning.
I can't do that.
Care to explain why?
A fail-safe assassin has been tapped to kill me.
Sucks. Looks like you need a bodyguard.
It's a good thing I already have two.
[TAMSIN groans]
This the fish that almost killed you?
That's hamachi. The assassin used a rare breed of piranha.
Big Tak'o. It's kind of his signature.
Those are some hands.
Thanks to grandma Yuki Onna. It's not even their best trick.
So what are we up against?
The best. Tak'o was the top competition from
my bounty hunter days.
[war chanting music plays]
Wait. You're not that Musashi?
The Musashi?
Musashi, Musashi!
Ow.
In the flesh.
[TAMSIN sighs] I can die in peace.
Care to fill a country girl in?
Yes. Musashi fought and won one of the
greatest battles in all of Fae history.
The greatest.
Oh, and he's humble.
[sighs]
From within the darkness evil spread across the land,
and the great Musashi rode in on a ray of sun.
Musashi called forth the wind,
[TAMSIN] commanding a great blizzard to distract the army.
And though miles away, Musashi lept over the army
and landed at the warlord's feet with a blade to his throat.
And then I suppose he slept with the village's thirty virgins?
Forty. My honor and skills are unmatched.
Seriously?
I beg your pardon, great Musashi.
I didn't realize pouring tea was such a difficult task.
If my girls weren't so hungover from
accompanying you last night,
[WOMAN] they could pour your tea instead,
Exalted One.
Tomoe. My charming sister.
Only sibling?
Three brothers.
Haru. Osamu. Craig.
So if you are such a god among Fae,
why is someone trying to kill you?
It may have something to do with this.
♪
He's ascending.
[TAMSIN] Becoming king of his ancestors.
A god.
♪
To what do I owe the privilege, Doctor Lewis?
Train me. Like you did Kenzi.
You don't exactly scream shadow thief.
Well, I was thinking less panty removal, more self-defense.
I thought you said there was nothing to worry about.
Well, last night's tango with a broom...
gave me time to rethink.
Okay.
Take your coat off. We can start with some basics.
What? Now?
You wanna wait until after you're attacked?
Do you wanna put your shirt on?
I'd hate to offend your delicate sensibilities, doc.
Happy?
Delighted.
Show me how you defend yourself.
Um, I--
Okay. Uh, Dyson, wait.
Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.
Keep your eyes open.
Okay. Gah, is this what your foreplay with Bo is like?
Okay. Um. M-M-M-Maybe we can start with
something a little simpler?
You turned a Fae into a human.
Your life isn't simple anymore, Lauren.
Now defend yourself.
Well, does it have to be so extreme, Dyson?
[DYSON] Extreme is your new reality.
Whether you like it or not.
You know what? This was a mistake.
I never should have come. It's...
Lauren wait. Wait.
I just wanted to see how you moved.
But you're warmed up. We'll find something that works for you.
[DYSON] We can run some practice tests.
Test. See, I like tests.
Yeah.
Okay.
[BO] Let's find out who called the hit
so we can get them to call it off.
[MUSASHI] Maybe a survivor from the Koretoki clan.
To think I still have enemies...
[TAMSIN] Well, take it from me, if you don't have enemies,
you're doing something wrong.
[MUSASHI] Honor is very important.
[MAN yelling]
If you're going to kill me, at least tell me who sent you.
[MAN panting]
I didn't know it was you.
Exalted One, please accept my life as penance
for this grave insult.
[grunting]
No. No.
Feed off of me.
No. I can't.
I can't.
Assassin down. Unknown person who hired assassin,
still at large.
[LAUREN] Deep breath. Just a little prick.
I never thought I'd hear you say that.
[LAUREN] Yeah, well, I've never had to stitch you up before.
It's like you're human.
Yeah. We're the same now.
No, no, no. No. This is a minor set back.
Before you know it, you'll be back to your Succubus-self.
I don't know what is wrong with me. I tried feeding off Tamsin.
Oh. Well... [chuckles] Tamsin.
Well not just Tamsin. Dyson too.
Ow!
Sorry.
[medical tools clang]
You know what?
Why don't you let a medical professional help you heal?
--[BO] Lauren-- --[LAUREN] Trust me.
Lie back.
[distant beeping]
It's not gonna work.
Well, well, that is, um.
That is a problem.
Yeah, I told you.
Bo, it's nothing to be ashamed of. There could be many causes--
Look, it's not that I don't want to. I want to.
It happens.
No. Not to me.
[LAUREN] Bo, it's perfectly normal from time to time
not to want to.
You know, sometimes if there is a--
a major change in your life, or--
I have no sex drive.
The last time I didn't want to was before I even knew I could.
Why don't you stay here with me? I'll monitor you.
I'll conduct some tests. I'll--
[BO] No. I have to go. I have plans. Case plans.
Bo. You have never been this vulnerable before.
You get any injury, and your life could be in danger.
Just promise me that you'll be careful.
I promise.
Trick. Did Aife ever go through... a dry spell?
Um. The year my daughter lost interest in... you know...
was the longest year of my life.
Year? Like a weird sprite year that translates into
maybe two Succubus days?
[TRICK] For Fae, um, sex is... an important release.
For you, a Succubus, the um, uh,
orgasm, is particularly vital.
You just said "orgasm."
[sighs]
It's conceivable that because of the year that you've had--
the deaths, going to Hell, Kenzi leaving...
It could be psychological.
[BO] Maybe this is a good thing.
No power, no responsibility, no being "The One."
I can be free.
Bo.
It's one of the brothers.
[BO] The picture that we found on Big Tak'o?
Musashi said Craig took it while on a secret party trip in Osaka.
He's the only one who could have it.
Jealous Craig? Next in line to ascend?
But we can't let Craig know Musashi questioned his loyalty.
[TAMSIN] He's big on honor.
So we tread lightly.
Yeah, that's not my forte.
I got this.
[zen music plays]
You're new.
[CRAIG] I can tell by your touch.
How's the pressure?
You don't need lotion. My skin is... naturally lubricated.
Yes. You are rather... slippery.
I am new, but I'm here to please you. And your brothers.
It is the greatest escape from the pressures of the day.
Mmm. What can I say? It's...
[CRAIG] Mmm. Spiritual.
I can see that.
Do you ever bring Musashi?
With all the pressure he's under?
Musashi? Not often, no.
Well why not include the ascending one?
I asked for a deep tissue, not an interrogation.
You. What do you want?
[WOMAN grunts]
Hot stone massage to the rescue.
What are you doing here?
Oh no, no, no. Take it easy.
I'm just trying to help your brother.
[TOMOE] You're getting in the way.
My brother can't ascend.
It was you.
You ordered the hit.
To save him. Before it's too late.
Musashi cannot ascend.
Not if his sister's calling hits on him, he can't.
[TOMOE] No, you don't understand.
If he attempts to ascend at the ceremony,
he will turn into this...
This can't be a real thing.
[TOMOE] It is. It's an akaname.
If someone is dishonest with our ancestors,
they bestow this fate.
So Musashi is lying?
It would be dishonorable for me to say.
The sun, the blizzard, the virgins.
The whole sweeping saga wasn't him?
He's not a bad man.
He has lived his lie for so long he's come to believe it.
If he's not the warrior, who is?
There is dishonor in revealing a truth
that is not yours to reveal.
So you called the hit because death is better than
becoming a human plunger?
I knew Big Tak'o would never kill the Exalted One.
No one would.
[TOMOE] I hired him to scare Musashi into
finding his truth again.
If Musashi could admit his dishonor, he'd be saved.
[TAMSIN] Whoa.
Where's Musashi?
He left for his ceremony.
We have to stop him.
[TAMSIN] What? What are you talking about?
He'll be safe now.
He's not the real deal.
If he ascends, he'll turn into an edamame.
Mm. Delicious. Oh, wait. You mean akaname?
Filth licker?
[TAMSIN] Yeah. That's the one.
Ugh!
Eternity spent as a toilet brush.
[TAMSIN] There's a fate worse than death.
It's time to pull back the curtains on the
great and powerful Musashi. Suit up.
Got one of those for me?
Oh! My Kill Bill Part 1 and 2 fantasy's coming true.
Let's take down an ascension.
May the feet of the Exalted One never touch the ground.
[distant footsteps]
[NINJA 1 grunts and yells]
[NINJA 2 grunts and yells]
[NINJA 3 grunts and yells]
[TAMSIN speaking Japanese]
[BO] What?
[TAMSIN] Go!
[FEMALE NINJA grunting]
[TAMSIN'S VOICE] And the great Musashi rode in on a ray of sun.
[FEMALE NINJA] Hiya!
[TAMSIN'S VOICE] Musashi called forth the wind,
commanding a great blizzard to distract the army.
Musashi lept over the army and landed at the warlord's feet.
[BO] Putting a blade to his throat.
And the war was over.
What have you done?
[BO] Dirty laundry, meet air.
Musashi is not the true Exalted One.
The honor belongs to Tomoe.
Musashi? Care to explain?
I--
Someone assumed it was me. I didn't--
I never denied it. I--
All this time, it was our sister.
Tomoe.
You are the Exalted One.
That's right. Bow down, bitches.
You sure this is my thing?
From the wrist. Not the whole arm.
[throwing star clangs]
Okay, if you were at your clinic right now
and you were attacked, what would you use?
To make someone unconscious, etorphine or go home.
[LAUREN] For paralysis, a tabun spray.
And to kill: digoxin.
Or I could go classic with a good ol' fashioned
batrachotoxin dart.
[makes dart noise]
What?
If you could throw with the same passion
you apply to your science, we'd be gettin' somewhere.
Now remember: wrist.
[sighs]
I wanna try the axe again.
Maybe when you're a little less agitated.
Well, maybe you could give me something
other than "from the wrist."
What do you want? A physics equation?
Do you have one?
It's about listening to your gut. Your instinct.
You have one, right?
Well, Dyson, I'm usually fixing the damage these things cause.
Okay, good. And why do you do that?
Because I'm a doctor. I help people. I save them.
[DYSON] Well think of this as the same thing.
We keep you safe so you can keep saving others.
Like Bo.
Yeah, like Bo.
What's wrong?
Back at the portal I stopped Bo from saving Kenzi.
[DYSON] I don't know if it was the right thing to do
or the wrong thing, but...
what I know for certain is that Bo blames me. Always will.
Hm. I wish.
[LAUREN] I--I wish she blamed you, Dyson. Or me. Or... Trick.
Or Jean Luc Picard for all I care, but...
Bo blames herself.
Weight of the world.
Rests on her very attractive shoulders.
So it's not me?
[LAUREN] No. It's not just you.
And you guys?
You know, what? I think what Bo needs right now is a friend.
Now.
From the gut.
You're okay.
Everything is okay.
You're strong. You're smart.
You're sexy.
I was meant to ascend.
[MUSASHI] The honor was mine.
You ruined everything.
♪
Bo, please feed off of me.
[TRICK] Lauren, what's happening?
There's no medical explanation. It doesn't make sense. Suction!
[beeping]
[LAUREN] She's stabilized, Dyson.
But the internal damage is bad.
If she doesn't feed--
It's really stupid what you're doing.
Tamsin.
This is who you are now.
I don't wanna do this.
You wanna leave?
--[BO] Ah! --[TAMSIN] Fine.
--[TRICK] Enough! --[LAUREN] What're you doing?
You wanna pack it in? Let me help you out.
Tamsin, stop it. You're gonna kill her.
[TAMSIN] It's what she wants.
You heard me. Leave.
I lose everyone.
My mom, dad, Kyle, Rainer, Hale...
Kenzi.
Bo.
She's gone, Trick.
[BO] Who's next?
I mean, that's what being The One is, right?
[BO] The queen marching forward, never looking back.
It's only a matter of time before I lose all of you.
I will always be alone.
We share the same blood. Wherever you go, I go.
You will never be alone.
Bo. You stole my heart.
And I am never gonna ask for it back.
You will never be alone.
I'm not going anywhere.
Ever.
Out.
Everybody.
[LAUREN and TRICK] What?
Oh.
[BO] Except you.
No strings, right?
No strings.
[DYSON growling] [BO moaning]
So your new-- Your new lab is really nice.
It's really um... bright.
Yeah. Yeah. It's not the worst is it?
No.
And the equipment is...
Fuggetaboutit.
Top o' the line.
Yeah.
[BO moaning] [metal clanging]
So, uh, you-- You okay with, you know,
what's goin' on in there?
Oh.
Bo and I are friends so...
Yes. I am okay with what's going on in there.
That's--That's good.
[clanging]
What's going on here?
[chuckles]
I--I just wanna say that you are full of surprises
and most of them are down right horrible.
But, sometimes...
every once in a while...
they're just what everybody needs.
Get it together.
Is that green? Jasmine?
A subtle blend of stab-in-back?
You survived.
[BO] Yes.
So you'll keep an eye on him?
He will pay his debt to our family.
Table three wants more tea.
And the toilet's overflowed, again.
Please.
End this.
End me.
[MUSASHI] That's what you came here to do isn't it?
That's the easy way out. This is your new life.
Try and live this one with honor.
You don't know what it's like.
You betrayed the people that were there for you.
I was "The One." I was their leader.
I couldn't reveal that I was weak.
Being open doesn't make you weak.
It's honest.
A good leader is being what you need to be,
when you need to be it.
Strong.
[BO] Merciless.
Vulnerable.
I was chosen. You don't know what that's like.
Oh, heh.
Actually, I do.
And it's bullshit.
♪
Last one today. Not critical, but insisted on seeing you.
Mr. Keats. Says here you have...
stomach pain and a history of peptic ulcers.
Doctor Lewis?
I didn't think you'd be so small.
Thank you.
[LISA and LAUREN chuckle]
[KEATS] Serum. Now.
Okay. Okay.
Just--Just put the knife down.
Just stay calm, Lisa. Okay?
Please, I beg of you--
[yells]
Move.
Okay. Okay.
I just need to get it. Please, just don't hurt her.
♪
[KEATS] Is that all of it?
I want all of it.
You want it? You got it.
[KEATS gasps]
[LISA gasping]
Ketamine.
Good choice.
Does that super nose of yours not work on popcorn?
I like it burnt.
That's sociopathic of you.
So...
You and Bo?
What about it?
I help her heal from time to time, okay?
So I'm single. Ready to--
Don't say mingle. It creeps me out.
And what about you, huh?
You really quitting the force?
Yeah. I'm gonna quit my well paying job with a pension
to play PI with my roommate.
Um, Kickstarter. Hey. Do you have any money for spy cams?
[DYSON] Well after seeing you guys in action...
Yes, you were a hot mess. But I think it works.
Come on. The guys at the shop will miss me too much.
The boys at the shop crap their pants whenever you walk in.
Yeah, they'll miss that.
[DYSON] Work with Bo.
She needs you.
Wine! Beer!
[DYSON] Yes!
What took you so long?
[LAUREN] Well, I had to get something under control.
I used my gut.
Well done.
And any news on the Fae blood sample?
No, not even close.
No. I've checked it against ever single database.
This has never happened before.
Must be dealing with something hella old.
Or brand new.
[BO] Hey, guys.
Are we watching a movie or not?
[LAUREN] Of course.
Yes.
Wine or beer, Bo?
Beer me.
Okay.
--[DYSON] Me too. --[TAMSIN] Me three.
Okay. What's it gonna be?
Rom-com? Trashy sci-fi? Period drama?
[TAMSIN, LAUREN, and DYSON] Horror.
Horror?
--[DYSON] Yeah. --[BO] Horror it is.
Oh yeah, yeah. Werewolves. Come on.
No way.
[laughs]
[banging]
[panting]
♪
[LISA giggling]
No way this date can be worse than the last guy.
Yeah. The one that checked his Tinder
while I was mid jalapeño popper.
[chuckles]
Ugh. I should've worn a better bra.
Can you see me?
Can. You. See. Me?
Say it.
I... I can see you.
Good. For me.
For you?
♪
Hm.
Thanks.
I needed that.
♪
[ending theme]