Now, what I'm gonna show you today -
and It's not just me who says this - ls the eighth wonder of the world.
And for £11.50 each, you can't say fairer than that, can you?
Passing now through some Important landmarks In his life.
Mandarin Palace on your right,
Chinky restaurant where he was first introduced to his favourite takeaway.
For the record, that was Shanghai black bean chicken with eggy fried rice.
(Jeremy Kyle talking on TV)
(Both) You fat bastard!
Coming up on the left, Sinitta'Scissors.
The receptionist there has six fingers on her hand.
What about that, Nana? We can pop in there on the way back if you like.
(Japanese accent) Excuse me. At the house, after song, we can touch?
Yes, it's all included. £11.50.
(Speak Japanese)
(Excited chatter)
It's only me, Georgie.
Excuse me, love.
Now, then, ladies and gentlemen, international guests,
two nations, former enemies...
united today by one man.
Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of Valmo Productions
I present to you the fattest man in Britain... Mr Georgie Godwin.
(# Turning Japanese)
- Hello. - Hello.
# I've got your picture, I've got your picture
# I'd like a million of them all round my cell
# I want a doctor to take your picture
# So I can Look at you from inside as well
# You got me turning up and turning down and turning in and turning round
# I'm turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese
# I really think so
# I'm turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese
# I really think so #
- (Music stops) - Ha-ha-ha!
Bienvenue, willkommen, hola, shalom.
- Hello. - Hello.
I'm Georgie Godwin, fattest man in Britain.
Guaranteed. And the only one that sings.
Now, I've spotted you're Japanese so first things first.
Arigato kotaimo.
Arigato.
Ask me anything you want. Anything.
(Speaks Japanese)
Er...she says...you're very big.
Oh, you won't get bigger than Georgie, love.
And if anybody tells you that Tommy Stafford from Burnley is bigger than him,
they're talking out their arsehole.
Erm...he says erm...can he touch now?
Yes. Yes, it's all included.
But I would ask you to respect Georgie's private zones. Health and safety.
(Talking in Japanese)
(Camera shutter clicking)
Er...er...Morris. Morris.
Morris. M-Morris.
Whoa, Nana. Whoa, Nana. Come on. We don't want to lose you, do we?
Gently, gently.
Come on, Tokyo Joe, don't milk it.
Now, you're probably wondering, "Should I tip in dollars or pounds?"
Can I be cheeky, with the exchange rate and everything, and say pounds?
(Distant) As a guide, 20. That's the purple one, Nana.
(Morris) Now, do you want to go back into town or to the hotel?
Thank you, Mr Georgie.
You sing beautiful.
(Chuckles) Oh.
- (TV) 1' know, 1' know, - (Grunts)
She were only a Little Lass.
After the performance she came up to me...
and touched me hand, just gentle,
and said, "Thank you, Georgie."
Oh...
It's moments like that, Janice, that make me realise
why I'm in the entertainment industry.
They were gorgeous, them chops, Janice. Thank you.
Good.
I'm sorry, Love...
but I'm afraid it's Viennetta again.
Oh, Look how white that sand is, Georgie.
I wonder how they get it so white.
- It's Mauritius. - Have we been here before?
Probably the last place in the Indian Ocean we've not been to.
Shall I pop us on...to verify?
Oh, yes.
Madeira. Been there.
Madagascar. Been there.
Mauritius.
A thoroughly enjoyable visit.
There. Verified.
(Laughs)
'Ey, I got a Letter today from social sen/ices.
You never went all the way down the hallway?
Why didn't you wait for me? I'd have picked it up for you, Georgie love.
No, no, no, I fancied a stroll.
Anyway, they're only sending me a problem teenager to community-sen/ice my garden.
A problem teenager? Does it say what the problem is?
Well, there's two shopping trolleys out there. That'll be his first problem.
(Morris) # And it doesn't matter how I cry
# My tears of love are a waste of time
# If I turn away Am I strong enough to see it through?
# Going crazy is what I will do
# If I can't have you I don't want nobody, baby
# If I can't have you, ah-ah-ah #
All right, Nana? ls he in?
- All right, Mad Bob? - All right, Morris?
When are you gonna visit Georgie? He'd love to see you.
And remember, half price Sundays.
Fuck off, Morris.
- Hello, Mr Morris. - Come on, hurry up, Raj.
Or I'll go to Tesco's, where you can be sure of your sell-bys. Fill her up.
Now, then...
...our Georgie's took a sudden dislike to Viennettas.
- Really? - Nothing sinister.
He says it's a case of familiarity breeding contempt.
Instead of Viennettas, he said he'd like to tn; this...er, Aggen Dazzi.
- What's a tub of that? - Er, £3.85.
Shove the Viennettas in.
Ah. Quavers expired only three month.
Completely safe. Daughter tested.
- Bung 'em in. - (Chuckles)
What's the Latest sales figures on the T-shirts?
Nana... (Speaks Urdu)
N“.
You're not promoting 'em right. You've gotta get 'em out there.
- They'll sell, as sure as I've hole in my... - (Tannoy feedback)
# You spin me right round, baby, right round
- # Like a record, baby, right... - Hiya, Morris.
# Right round # They're here, cock.
You all right?
# You spin me right round, baby, right round
# Like a record, baby, right, right, right round
# You spin me right round, baby, right round #
Now, then, cock...
- What do you think...
- of that? - (Gasps)
I've had some printed up. Flying off Raj's shelves like hotcakes.
(TV) ..some stronger regulations on seal-hunting...
What's the face on for?
I don't like them touching. You know that.
'Ey, don't come the temperamental diva wi' me.
I'll tell you what, Janice. Two-Ton Tubby in Stafford
has let 'em touch him up for six months now.
- Well, he would. - We've got to compete, Georgie.
There's a lot more fat fuckers around now than when you started off.
I don't Like me audience touching me, that's aLL I'm saying.
Any road...I've got nowt down for you tomorrow morning.
But I've got an 'eavy pencil on two Saudis... at 3:30.
Then you've got somebody in at half five.
No, sorry, that's Valerie’s smear test.
Right...
I'll love you and leave you.
Me and Valerie are going over to Ralph and Nikita's tonight.
- She's had underfloor heating installed. - Ooh! Underfloor heating. (Laughs)
- Where's your Turk tonight? - 'Ey, you've not heard the latest.
She only had to wax his back, neck to crack, twenty past two in t'morning.
He's a lucky sod, that Turk.
My Valerie won't even pull me hairs out of the plughole.
Don't forget, Janice. Put that food in the freezer.
- Bye, Morris. - I bet he never got me any Aggen Dazzi.
(Grunts)
Got me night-nights.
Oh...!
Oh...
Oh.
Ha-ha-ha!
(whirring)
(Grunts)
# Yes, I've seen a rainbow
# And I've felt the rain
# Woke up to a sunrise
# And I've felt the pain
- (Snoring) - # I've seen it all somehow
# Let's just look at us now #
(Shorts)
“we'll be asking, "Is this the father of baby Daniel?"
Not a chance.
- ..Cousins. But this is not gonna happen. - No, it's not. No.
(Woman) I want it all to stop, all the texts and everything.
(Woman 2) When you people argue, you get us all involved.
(Arguing)
(Jeremy Kyle) Oi. Then we will work out
whether it is, "You go that way, you go that way,"
or if there is any common ground by which this child...
Frankly, this is the worst thing about this story.
A two-year-old. I hope to God she never sees this.
All of you - her family...
Oh, for Christ's sake. Do a DNA and Let's have done.
Now, you say that...
Let's do those DNA results cos that's what we came for.
Now, you say that only when you split with him
did you have sex with three other men.
He is aware of that. You're cool with that?
You say you're 700% sure, you say you're 1,000% sure. How sure are you, Zena?
100%. Now, you, on the other hand, said, "I'm only really 50..."
(Zena) ..said he is not the father and then she said he is the father
so it's her own fault if people have doubts.
(Jeremy Kyle) A long, long relationship with him, lasting 768 hours. She said...
She said that she's 100% sure that...
I think there's a bit of Portuguese in her or something, with all that black hair.
She's a pretty Little thing. Dead cheerful.
Always gives me a smile when I walk past.
There's nothing of her. What d'you say? Six and half? Seven?
- Seven stone three? - I'd have said...seven four.
- No, go on, seven three. - Seven three.
She's veny petique. Like a lickle bird. But she's a grafter.
Just turn your face that way, will you, for me?
Yesterday, she were on that mobile for 18 minutes
but the whole time her other Little hand was still weeding.
Oh, was she?
She's taken them shopping trolleys to Somerfield.
No.
- (Laughs) - Yeah.
Now...ten minutes.
And this time I'm going to use the timer.
Whoa! Don't waste it.
There's a couple of sausage rolls over here, doing nothing.
- There you go. - Right.
Now...you know what, Georgie?
People would never believe just how much work goes into you.
Ha-ha!
There we are.
# Ooh-ooh ooh ooh
# Ooh-ooh ooh ooh ooh
# Ooh-ooh ooh ooh
# Ooh ooh ooh
# Ooh-ooh ooh ooh ooh
# Ooh ooh ooh-ooh ooh
Give it a rest, Georgie love.
She'll think you're a stalker.
D'you know, even] morning at 2O past 11 she sits on that rucksack
- and has a Snickers. - Does she?
This week, Monday, 2O past 11, a Snickers.
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, 2O past 11, a Snicker.
Well, blow me, Janice,
- guess what she did this morning. - I don't know.
2O past 11, she goes into that Little rucksack and what did she pull out?
- Only a Crunchie. - Does she?
So I'm sat here trying to puzzle it out.
Is there any significance in the Friday? Religion or something like that.
Everything went from me mind.
Well, bugger me, five to four, what does that Little minx bring out of that rucksack?
A Snickers.
Ha-ha-ha!
Honestly, even] day...a different story].
Bloody 'ell, Janice. Look how much the Reilly’s' yucca plant's grown.
'Ey? It's like Hawaii over there. Ha-ha!
# Ooh-ooh ooh
# Ooh-ooh ooh ooh
# Ooh-ooh ooh ooh ooh
# Ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ooh
# Ooh-ooh ooh ooh ooh
# Ooh-ooh-ooh ooh
# Ooh ooh-ooh ooh ooh ooh
(Thunder)
- (TV) You heard what he just said? - Yeah, he was, like, having a laugh.
(Faint music from headphones)
- It is quite a big thing, isn't it? - No.
- So why didn't you tell him? - Because it's just, like, idle chit-chat.
# You ain't so tough
- That's not idle chit-chat! - It is. Come on, babe.
Agh!
Where did you fucking put that money?
What the fuck are you doing when I need my money?
You got it out of the bedroom quick enough so I couldn't see the fucker, didn't you?
- You think you're... - I haven't got any!
(Yelling continues)
- You need... - I don't...
“television and then say...
- (Girl shrieking) - This is fucking...
Eh! Eh! Eh! Eh! Eh!
- Fuck off, you... - Get off her, you bloody bastard bully boy!
Fucking hell. What is that?
I'll deal with you later!
What day was that? What day was that you were in a fight? Was that...
...five million there.
Five million women? Extraordinary. It wasn't a Thursday, was it?
It was at the karaoke, mate. It was, like, you didn't actually...
Hello, love. Amy, in't it?
I'm Georgie Godwin, the fattest man in Britain.
“The baby nine weeks ago, did you?
Come and sit yourself down here now. Come on.
- He bought your baby a teddy bear. - Yeah.
- Have you still got that teddy bear? - No.
- Did you tell Shane? - Whatever.
Thank you.
Go on, love.
Oh.
There you go.
Can I get you anything?
Cheese and onion pasty?
- Sausage roll? - No, thanks.
Jumbo.
- What's he done to deserve this? - Nothing.
Let me tell you what's been going on.
You see Shane, with the teeth?
Well, he's brought up lickle Paris, thinking he was the dad of it.
Any road, Shane's had to go to Edgbaston for work,
a carpet-fitter by trade.
And see him there, him with all the bling there, yeah? Jazzy D.
Well, he's saying that lickle baby Paris is his.
Are you with me, Amy?
Well, when Shane was away, Jazzy D has fornicated with Paris's mother, Chelsea.
And you know what put the lid on it for me, Amy?
I bet they did it on one of Shane's bloody carpets what he fitted himself.
That's a dirty trick, in't it, Amy, eh?
And Jeremy's right. Why should I pay taxes, if I did pay taxes,
just for it all to go up in smoke with Jazzy D? Ha-ha-ha!
- I'm pregnant. - Paris's father...
- That's... - "is jazzy D.
Oh, bugger me. It were Jazzy D's. Poor lickle Paris.
- You told me you pulled out! - (Audience) 0h...'
Well, congratulations.
- That's smashing news. - (Shouting continues)
Yeah.
Well, I'll tell you this -
if you're as good at looking after a baby as you are my garden, you're Laughing.
Hey! Ho-ho! Look at that, eh?
Here. Hey.
Kew Gardens! Ha-ha!
Now, then.
Lickle Pop Tart?
...In sure and certain hope of resurrection to eternal life,
we commend to Almighty God...
our brother, Thomas Stafford...
also known as Two-Ton Tommy...
(Morris singing along to radio) # Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
# Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
# Don't ya?
# Don '2' ya wish your girlfriend was raw like... #
(Music off)
(Priest continues)
“just taking a shot of the graveyard and then er...
(Mobile rings)
Bloody hell, they're milking it, Valerie.
They've got television cameras here. Big crowd of people.
All right, Mad Bob? What a circus, eh?
- Apparently, Stan Boardman's coming. - (Priest) ..the Holy Spirit...
I'll tell you this, Valerie - with all due respect, rest in peace and all that,
there's no way that fat dead fucker is fatter than my Georgie.
Well, Burniey hasn't seen many send-offs quite like this one. As you can see...
We commit his oversize body to the ground,
earth to earth, ashes to ashes,
dust... (Coughs) ..to dust.
In the name of the Father, Son, Holy Spirit.
(Creaking)
If I could be so bold, Joyce, what in fact was his last meal?
Funny enough, he'd gone off his food at the end.
The only thing he had that day were a double rogan josh and a beef biryani.
Well, I bet right now the blessed Saint Peter
is up there defrosting a leg of lamb for him.
What a lovely thought, Father.
Well, Joyce, in my prayers this morning I warned God to expect a big one.
Jesus Christ! Here's the fat... Here he is now.
Here he is.
OK, OK. Easy, easy. To me. To me.
- Father! - He doesn't want to go, Joyce, does he?
Bastard.
Here, RoLy-Polys, come on. He's your brother. Put a bit of weight on this.
Come on. Off you go. One, two, three, hup...
Hold hands, hold hands, and get in the middle. One, two, three, hup!
(Morris) Sorry about your Loss, Morley.
He was your biggest earner, Tommy, wasn't he?
Still, one door shuts, another one opens.
I'm fielding offers for my Georgie left, right and centre.
Yeah, I heard about the T-shirt.
Richard.
Thanks, Richard.
Richard Barter. He's doing a bit of a special on Tommy on the news tonight.
"Local Legend" sort of thing.
Thank you for even/thing you've done for our Tommy, Morley.
- You couldn't have done more. - You're welcome, Joyce.
Tommy was very close to my heart.
Thank you.
- Sorry about your Loss, Joyce. - Ah, thanks, Love.
Are you still representing Georgie Godwin, Morris?
Sole representation, yeah.
Only, we've got trunks full of Tommy's clothes, haven't we?
And Vi said they won't fit anybody else. I were gonna get a skip, weren't I?
Then I thought, what about your Georgie having them?
Oh, that's a lovely offer, Joyce.
And I'd like to say a big thank you on behalf of our Georgie.
But there's one reason I can't accept those clothes.
They'd be too tight for him.
Tears and sandwiches were in order today at the Burnley funeral of Britain's...
- (Janice) ls it on yet? - Just started.
There she is, the Linda Lusardi of Chapel Street. Ooh...
- Richard Barter was there. - You've not missed anything.
You'll have one of these, won't you, Georgie?
- No, not for me. - Shut up, will you?
Burnley hasn't seen many send-offs quite Like this one.
As you can see, behind me are hundreds of mourners,
all here to say goodbye to one of the region's most colourful figures,
Tommy "Two Tons" Stafford.
There I am. Look. That's me! Yeah, look, you can see me Bluetooth.
- Get out the way! - “a former dinner lady.
And, adding a touch of celebrity to the proceedings,
Amongst the condolence cards was one believed to have been
- from comedian, Stan Boardman. - Ooh, Stan Boardman.
Tommy rose from obscurity to eat his way into the record books
- as becoming Britain's? biggest. - That's bollocks.
At his peak, he was believed to have weighed
- in excess of 50 stones. - Bollocks.
- Tommy was a giant of a man... - Bollocks!
...who was also known for having a giant heart
which, sadly, gave out last Tuesday.
Claire.
When I were at GK Morley's on Ashcroft Road
and they weighed me on the thing what they weigh their vans on,
- I were 53 and a half stone. - Yeah, but that was over 2O years ago.
And there were Cliffy Proudfoot there, Shaky Dave,
and Eileen Hopkirk from the canteen, with the raised shoe, and they'll verify that.
WeLL, with the exception of CLiFFy Proudfoot, who's since expired.
- But there's nothing I can do about that. - What are you getting worked up about?
Come on, Georgie. You're number one now. No question.
I just don't like lies.
RIP and all that, but it were all girth with Tommy.
With me, you get the density.
God rest his soul, but Tommy Stafford was an out-and-out con artist.
That...should have been my funeral.
(# Cracklin' Rosie)
# Cracklin' Rose, you're a store-bought woman
# You make me sing like a guitar humming
# Hang on to me, girl, our song keeps running o-o-o-o-o-o-o-on
(Out of time) # Play it now, play it now
- # Play it now, my baby - (Music off)
Stop, stop, stop, stop. Play it when? Now.
Neil's not saying, "Play it tomorrow," or "a week on Wednesday".
He's saying, "Play it..." When?
- Now. - Right now, Georgie.
That's got to be the attitude, cock. Otherwise it's all meaningless.
# Play it now, my baby
Ohh.
So, what's with the Neil Diamond, then?
We're in the big-time, Janice. We've got to go classic.
Oh, Georgie...
With Tommy out of the way, there's going to be advertising, sponsorship...
- (Knock on door) - Who's that, Georgie?
Hey, maybe It's already started.
Maybe it's Hagen Dazzi come round with an offer. What about that?
"Georgie Godwin, the face of Hagen Dazzi."
- (Janice) What's happened, love? - (Sobbing)
Bloody hell.
Am'!-
Look at your lickle face.
I'm so sorry. I just... I had nowhere else to go.
Was it that fella I saw you with?
He... He's been on smack all day and I could tell by his eyes when he come in.
He wanted more money and I never had any
and he said he was gonna kick that baby out of me.
Then he star-ted kicking me and punching me
and wouldn't stop. I had to get away from him.
- (Bangs on door) Amy! - That's him.
- (Mufﬂed) I know you're in there! - Right...
- (Banging) - Amy!
Janice. Janice love!
Janice, step back. Leave this with me.
- You can get out here, you slag! Now! - Yeah, I think it's him.
I know you're fucking in there!
- She's not here. - You can fucking get out here!
- Fucking get out here! - (Banging)
Now then, cock, best thing you can do, with all due respect, is fuck off.
What are you gonna do about it, you fucking dwarf?
- Fuck off! - You prick!
There's a 50-stone man in here who would like nothing better than to sit on you.
Amy! You can fucking get out here, you slag!
There you go.
She doesn't...want to see you!
Amy, I've sorted it. He'll not be back now.
(Screams)
I'm...I'm so sorry.
- You got nothing to be sorry For. - Amy. Amy.
You are not...going back there tonight.
You don't understand. I've...I've got...
I've not got...nowhere else to go.
As Jeremy Kyle says, Amy, you shouldn't stay in an abusive relationship.
I'll tell you what. My Valerie has driven me ragged,
but never once have I hit her.
Fair enough, the odd V-sign behind her back
and once, under duress, I used her flannel on me arse.
That's better, Amy. What about your mum and dad? Can't you go to them?
No.
Well, haven't you got any friends that you can stay with?
Not really. They're...they're all his friends.
WeLL, you got Friends here. You're stopping wi' me tonight.
I mean it. You're to stop here,
away from that bully-boy hoodie!
Right. That's settled, then. I'd best be off.
Right, Amy, I don't want any arguing.
I want you to take this... and I want to hear no more about it.
Normally, they're ten quid. But under the circumstances,
- you give me eight whenever you can. - She's not paying nothing.
We'll sort something out. I'll see you all tomorrow.
Amy, you're safe now.
You couldn't have a bigger bodyguard, could you?
- Bye, Morris. - Bye.
- I'll show you where you're sleeping. - No, no, Georgie love. I'll show her.
- I'm fine. I can manage. - No, let me show her. It's too much.
You get home. Go on. She'll be all right with me.
- Well, what about the window? - Oh, we'll sort that in the morning.
No problem. Don't worn]. Come on, get home.
Oh, Amy love, I would stay, only I've got the Turk coming round.
Go on, she'll be fine with me. I'll Look after her.
All right?
- Night-night, love. - Night-night, love. Thank you.
Come on. Ha-ha! Follow me.
(Wheezes)
Follow me, darling.
There you go. This is a very special room, Amy.
This was me mam's room.
(Breathes heavily)
She only took up half that bed.
She could have had a cot, to be honest.
She were like a lickle Russian doll.
You know, the smallest one in the middle.
Aye.
I don't come in here much.
When I do, it's like she's still here.
It's like I can still see her. I can still hear her.
Still smell her.
There, you get some sleep now.
Look after that baby, eh?
(Strains)
No, it's all right. No, I can manage. I've got it.
Night, Georgie. And thank you.
Night, love.
Me mam will be looking down on you tonight.
That were the bed she died in.
Night-night.
# Rushing round in circles
# To brighten all the corners
# Busy making friends with all your enemies
# You finger through your Bible
# While looking through your window
# The look you gave, it raised a thousand memories
# Ooh, I'm sorry
# Ooh, I am sorry
- # This page in your story - (Knock on door)
- Room service. - Come in.
# Who am I to ask you why
- # You feel the way you do - There you go.
- # If you feel the way you do - A cup of tea for you.
- Thanks. - # Is there nothing we can do?
Who's that film star you've got on your shirt there, Amy?
Ha-ha-ha!
Oh...
Ha-ha-ha!
I'm so sorry about Last night.
Done and dusted, love.
- I was looking at your photos. - Oh.
- Is that your mum? - Aye. That's me tickle mam.
She was tiny, wasn't she?
Size two feet, Amy.
She used to make these huge big meals.
She'd have none for herself. It were all for me.
I'd eat it for her and she'd give me this lovely big smile.
So is that how you got to be...biggish?
Oh, no, no, no. In them days I could still tie me own Shoelaces.
It were after Mam died it started.
I came home that night from the funeral.
It wasn't till I ate even/thing in that fridge that I could stop crying.
It was like I was eating for her.
It was as if there was an angel... on me fork.
Thanks for putting me up. I'd...better be going now, Georgie.
Where to?
I thought so. Right, you are stopping here until you get yourself sorted.
L...l can help out.
I can cut hair. I used to do everybody's at the foster home.
I could...do some decorating for you, if you like. I'm good at decorating.
Hmm. Can you cook?
WeLL, then. Get in that kitchen and start decorating a Frying pan with a bit of bacon.
Four eggs, sausages, tomatoes,
beans, chips, mushrooms, hash browns and all the trimmings.
'Ey, there's no rush.
Take me a while to get back to me chair.
Ha-ha-ha!
(Jeremy Kyle) It's not for anybody on this show to influence anybody.
We put the facts, we try and help resolve conflict.
You say if Dan, back here today for a third time, has cheated...
(Chuckles)
Oh, 180!
- Heh-heh-hey! - Cheating.
(Laughs)
That's right.
(Laughter)
(Slurps) Mm
(Horn sounds)
(Morris) Now, what I'm gonna show you today, and it's not just me who says this,
is the eighth wonder of the world.
# Her name is Rio
# And she dances on the sand
# Just like that river twists across a dusty [and
# And when she shines she really shows you all you can
# Oh, Rio, Rio, dance across the Rio Grande #
- (Music off) - Bienvenue, wilkommen, hola, shalom.
- Hallo! - Hallo!
I am Georgie Godwin, the fattest man in Britain.
- Guaranteed. - Now, then. Brazil.
Population, 186 million.
That's including you five. Ha-ha-ha!
Brazil is primarily known for coffee, nuts, and harbouring great train robbers.
But fair do's, you have won the World Cup five times.
So it's not all bad, is it? Ha-ha!
George. Oh.
(Speaks Portuguese)
- (Speaks Portuguese) - (Speaks Portuguese)
(Speaks Portuguese)
# La-La, la-la, la-la-la La-la!
# La-La, la-la, la-la-la la-la
# La-La, la-la, La-La-la...
Come on now, just one Little go.
- Don't take the piss, love. - Oh.
(Man) The central part of the Sahara...
That new conditioner's really made a difference, Georgie.
Well, that'd be the jojoba.
...And areas of sparse grassland and desert shrub
with trees and taller shrubs and wadies...
They disrespected you today.
- Who? - Them Brazilians.
They all paid.
It was horrible.
Them all touching you like that.
WeLL, I'm providing a service, aren't I, Amy?
...Used by nomads.
This is the death-stalker scorpion...
Oh! Big lizard there, Amy.
There we go. Sahara Desert there, verified.
Do you know what, Georgie?
I could make you stuff to eat that's Low calorie but still tastes the same.
Oh, no, no. No...no, no. No, love.
No, that's Morris's job. My food intake is carefully worked out by him.
Anyway, I'm happy the way I am.
Look at the joy that I bring to people.
Ha-ha-ha!
- Now, wax or gel? - Eh? Oh.
Hey.
You've got that spot-on. You're very good at this, Amy. It's very professional.
Janice's friend, Sinitta, who works at Sinitta'Scissors,
has said she might give me a part-time job.
And Like if I'm any good, she's gonna train me up...
Any good? You get Sinitta'Scissors down here to have a Look at that, eh?
(Snoring)
(Loud snore)
(Gentle snore)
(Gentle snoring)
(Loud snore)
(Gentle snore)
(Wheezes)
(Morris) It's all psychology, Valerie.
He said seven. I'm going in there at quarter past. Let him know I'm a busy man.
- (Beeping) - Ooh, hang on. I've got to go, love.
He's on the other line.
Morris Morrisey Personal Management. Morris speaking.
- it’s Morley. - All right, Morley?
- Where are you? - Running Late. You know what it's like.
- I'm just in an important meeting. - Oh, really?
Vis-a-vis-a George's media strategy.
- I can see you, you... - What?
I can see you.
You can see me?
Yeah, I'll be straight in.
- (Cutlery clinking) - (Coffee machine frothing)
(Low chatter)
- Can I get you anything, Mr Raisin? - Cafe' Latte', Clive.
Bet you don't know what a Latte is, do you, Morris?
Don't underestimate me, Morley.
I'LL have a cafe' Latte as weLL.
Black.
I've heard your dwarf’s retired. That's another loss for you.
Once he passed 70, he couldn't do the cycling no more.
I've got another one coming through the ranks anyway.
Two-foot hypnotist. Mini-medium.
(Milk froths in machine)
Well, if that's it, Morley...
How do you explain that?
I don't know if it's escaped your notice, but you buried Tommy Stafford six months ago.
So that's the way you want to play it?
See, that T-shirt is officially a lie.
Oh, yeah?
I've got a fella down in Birmingham.
I'm training him up. He's big.
- Oh, big, is he? How big's big? - Big.
- What's his name? - Brian. Big Brian.
- Big Brian? - Yeah, Big Brian. I've got plans for this one.
Talented eater. I think he can go all the way.
He can go all the way up your ring-piece, Morley.
Georgie Godwin's the fattest man in Britain. That's it, end of.
We don't do black lattes, sir.
You know what this means, don't you?
Weigh-off.
Why would Georgie Godwin do a weigh-off? What's he got to prove?
If I were you, I wouldn't let this fucking Big Brian humiliate himself.
A televised weigh-off.
- What do you mean, televised? - On the television, Morris.
I had a word with Richard Barter. He's up for it.
Thinks it'd make a nice quirky one for the tea-time bulletin.
Course, if Georgie don't do weigh-offs...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I didn't say he didn't do weigh-offs on the telly.
So you're in?
(spits)
Grow up, Morris.
- (Vehicle sounds horn) - All right, on my way, Georgie.
- (Music playing) - Be there in ten. I hope you're sitting down.
# You can stand under my umbrella...
- # Ella, ella... - # Ella, ella...
Come on, Georgie!
Tell me this, Amy. Why the fuck is that fucking Turk not fucking answering his fucking mobile?
- (TV theme tune plays) - Oh, now, come on, now, Janice.
We've all been there, love.
Amy's been there. I've been there.
Have you, Georgie? Who've you been there with?
I don't like to talk about it, love. It's still raw.
It were eight years ago.
Bernadette. Irish girl
Born with a full set of teeth, she was, Amy. Can you imagine?
She were one of my care assistants before Janice took over.
She never washed him properly.
She Loved me very much, Amy.
But I was mostly asleep in them days.
Then they sorted out my medication and she went back to Ireland.
She stole his post office book.
- Since that heartbreak, I've not bothered. - (Church bell chiming)
Well, it was Bernadette's loss if you ask me.
No, it wasn't. It was George's. How much did you have in that book?
Amy, look. That's cat they're eating there. That's a tickle moggy.
D'you know what, Amy?
In one whole year, all that fucking Turk's ever given me are six finger bowls.
And they were from his restaurant.
Ah, come on, Janice. You're better off without him.
Oh, Amy, he's so gorgeous, though.
(Sniffs) He never wears socks.
Any, do you know how many times that Turk's Let me down?
- No. - Go on, guess.
I don't know. Lots.
- (Vehicle outside) - Loads. And you know who'll verify that?
That man over there, that oversized man sat there in that chair,
is the only decent man in my life.
He's always there for me.
- He's got an 'eart of gold. - (Snorts)
- And d'you know who'll verify that, Amy? - (Door shuts)
- (Morris) # My umbrella, ella, ella... - Me.
# Eh, eh, eh, under my umbrella
# Ella, eh, eh
# Under my umbrella
# Eh, eh, eh'. #
What's up with you, panda eyes?
- The Turk's not rang her. - It's supposed to be her anniversary.
Well, maybe he's had to stop in and do his homework.
- Come on, Janice. It's just a joke. - (Sniffing)
- Now, then, Georgie. - Hey, what you...
We...we were visiting Acapulco!
Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of Valmo Productions,
I've an announcement to make.
Take a good Look at this man here sitting in this corner of the room,
because on September 23rd at 6:40pm he's going to be in that corner of the room.
- What do you mean? - You're gonna be on the telly.
Now, there are those that have doubted Valmo Productions.
Well, to be honest, it were my Valerie.
But, Georgie, this is it. Big-time.
We're going to do a live weigh-off.
- A... A what? A weigh-off? - It's against this lad called Brian.
Big Brian from Birmingham. He's out of Morley Raisin's stable.
But even/body already knows I'm the fattest man in Britain. Why do I need a weigh-off?
Georgie, it's Like Andy Wartle said, everybody gets their ten minutes of Fame.
Well, it's Georgie Godwin's turn.
Listen, cock, we're gonna bulk you up to peak condition.
And when you get on them scales, who knows? You may be the fattest man in the world.
Hey. Ha-ha-ha!
What you on about? You can't bulk him up any more.
He's on oxygen as it is.
Listen, with all due respect, with the best will in the world, Amy love,
- fuck off, it's nowt to do with you. - Course it is, if I care about him!
- And I don't? - No, it don't Look like it.
Would you answer me one question, please, Amy?
If I didn't care about him, how else do you think that fat lump sat there...
how else do you think he would have met Edwina Currie?
How else do you think he would have met Grant Bovey? Answer me that!
Georgie, I see you there, sat with that mask on at night,
gasping away like it's your last breath.
You need to lose weight, not put on any more.
Are you gonna take this from her? Lose weight? Lose weight?
His weight didn't bother you the night he asked you to move in,
when you had nowhere to go, Orphan Annie.
Come on now. She's only thinking about me.
I'm the one thinking of you, 24-7.
It's all right sat in that chair watching Angela Lansbury with a fucking Magnum
and giving orders like Hitler,
"I don't want any Viennettas any more. I want Hagen Dazzy now."
You never got me any. You still got me Viennetta.
I've said my piece, Georgie. If I say any more, I might regret it.
I'll take Janice home before she's sick. We don't want to see that again, do we?
Come on.
I'll be round tomorrow, 12pm, noon.
And then perhaps you can suggest what I'm going to say to Richard Barter.
(Door opens and closes)
The fucking cheek of her! With her dyed-black hair.
Who wants all this painting even/thing eggshell? It's just magnolia, Janice.
- (Gate creaks) - For five quid a tin extra.
Her and her fucking energy-saving Light bulbs. What a load of cock.
She's got herself up the duff, and now she's found a sugar daddy.
She's exploiting him, Janice, because of his size.
Are you all right, Janice? You're not gonna be sick, are you?
- George, Morris is your pimp! - I won't have you bad-mouthing him!
He's just getting money out of people by showing you off like you're the Elephant Man.
If it wasn't for Morris Morrisey I'd be Living the Life of an invalid!
- (Bed springs creaking) - (Morris) It's happening, Valerie!
- (Rapid creaking) - Oh, Val!
- (Siren blaring outside) - (Panting)
Oh, bloody hell I'm sorry], Janice love. I lost my bearings for a moment there.
(Both sighing)
I've been called worse.
(Gasping) Twice now, we've been making love and the Turk's called me Mama.
Me and Valerie, we're not even in the same bedroom now.
She says it's because of my...you know, my...
- Snoring. - ..psoriasis.
Some nights my elbows are on fire.
But does she care?
Do you know something, Morris?
I've never seen that Turk in daylight.
He finishes in t'restaurant, comes over for his knock-off and then he goes straight after.
And I'm left with a bed full of hairs.
I've tried to get Valerie to come and see Georgie, take an interest in me career,
but she says she can't stand looking at him, makes her feel sick.
(Tuts) Oh.
Bloody hell, give us another go at them, Janice.
- (Blowing raspberries) - Oh, Morris!
Thank you very much.
- Ah, Raj. Thank you very much. Thanks, Raj. - Mr Morris.
- Take care, Georgie. - Thanks, Nana.
Ah! Thank you very much.
Good luck to Georgie.
- Give my love to Whiplash. - Will do.
- Couple of pound in here. - It'll all go down the same hole, eh?
Just make sure you fucking win.
(Chatter)
(Woman) ..is now locked and the numbers are loaded.
(Gasping)
...to get your free cards for the rest of tonight's game...
- (Birdsong) - (Dog barks outside)
- (Chatter outside) - (Gasps)
(Chatter)
Nana, we're sitting here.
Joan
Now, what we're gonna do...
That's fine.
- That's my daughter over there. - Oh. I'll make sure we can give her a mention.
- Love the pompoms. - Ooh.
This is it, Georgie.
You're gonna get on them scales a fat man, and you're gonna get off a legend.
Are you in the zone? Come on, get in the zone. Get in the zone!
Think, "I'm a winner, I'm a heavy winner."
- Come on, say it! - I'm a heavy...I'm a heavy winner.
- Come on! - I'm an 'eavy winner. I'm an 'eavy winner!
You've got it! Hey! You haven't had a slash this morning, have you?
- No. - Good. That's an extra half-pound there.
(Vehicle sounds horn)
- Morley's here. - Yeah?
(Morris) There he is.
Big Brian's here now.
Is that it? You'll fucking walk this, Georgie. I've a bigger belly than him.
Ha-ha-ha!
(Door clangs)
(Heavy footsteps)
- Oh, fucking hell. - Eh? What?
(whirring)
(Shouts)
What are you doing here?
You ate all the pies!
# Oh, Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind
# Hey, Mickey! Hey, Mickey!
- # Oh, Mickey, you're so fine... - Mickey!
# Hey, Mickey! Hey, Mickey!
Hello, Brian. Nice to see you.
And Morley.
- (Door opens) - (George groans)
- Morley. - Morris. George.
Ah...hiya, Morley.
I thought you were bringing Big Brian. Who's this, his anorexic fucking brother?
- How are you, Big Brian? - (Birmingham accent) Nice to meet you.
- (# Eye Of The Tiger plays) - Here, come and sit here. That's you.
Oh, thank you.
Sit yourself down there, Brian. Save yourself for the weigh-off.
(Gasping)
Hiya! You all right?
(Giggles)
Would you like a towel, Big Brian?
- Would Big Brian like a towel? - We don't do towels, darling.
Oh.
- Who's this stunner, then, Morris? - This is Janice. She's part of Team Georgie.
- Morley Raisin. - Oh.
(Giggles)
OK, guys, hello there and good luck to you both.
Now, once the studio throws to me, I'll do a quick introduction,
we'll get the first one on, weigh him, he can waddle off,
get the second one on, announce the winner,
quick interview, "Always wanted to be fattest man" sort of thing,
then it's Joan Cropper, her dance troupe, and we're out.
OK? Any questions?
- We're good to go, Richard. - Yeah, yeah, we're good to go, Richard.
Thank you, Richard.
(# Synthesizer playing Eye Of The Tiger)
(Feedback squeaks)
(Woman) “two large gentlemen waiting for us right now
in a front room somewhere in Rochdale.
For them big is beautiful,
as they attempt to smash the record of Britain's fattest man on tonight's programme.
As ever, our reporter Richard Barter's with them now. Richard?
Thanks, Claire. josh Cropper and her troupe there,
one of whom I am reliably informed is her daughter.
Well, regular viewers to the programme will remember
that the title of Britain's fattest man was held until recently
by Burnley's "Two-Ton" Tommy Stafford,
whose funeral we covered on this very show.
Here with me are two gentlemen hoping to claim that title for themselves,
Rochdale's Georgie Godwin and Birmingham's Big Brian Porter.
- (Ice cream van music) - Well, this really could go either way.
Big Brian, you're first up on the scales, please.
(Boeing)
(Fruit-machine style beeping)
(Boeing)
(Richard) It's all very tense here, Claire.
Behind Big Brian there's his manager Morley Raisin,
who spotted Big Brian aged just 18
when he was stuck in the turnstiles at the Birmingham NEC.
(Booing continues)
We'll have the results any second now.
(Chuckles) And there it is.
That is an incredible 54 stones and six pounds.
That is amazing.
- Nice one, Brian. - Well done, Big Brian.
Now on to our next contender,
- Rochdale 's very own Georgie Godwin, - (Cheering)
Ha-ha-ha!
When I last weighed myself, I were 53 and a half stone.
And that were at GK Morleys on Ashcroft Road.
They weighed me on the thingy that they weigh...
- Gonna have to hurry you there, George. - Sorry, Richard.
- Ha-ha-ha! - So here we go, Georgie Godwin.
- Up on the scales. - Get in there, Georgie.
- (Crowd outside) Georgie! Georgie! Georgie! - History in the making here, Claire.
Georgie! Georgie! Georgie!
(Beeping)
Baited breath as we wait to see if George can top Big Brian's score.
- Georgie! Georgie! - Twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three...
- (Beeping) - (Crowd outside) Georgie! Georgie!
Come on, Georgie, come on!
Come on, Georgie!
Georgie! Georgie!
- (Beeping) - (Crowd outside) Georgie! Georgie! Georgie!
(Beeping)
Here it is.
- George... - (Beep)
...you are 42 stones
- and three pounds! - Yes!
- (Richard) It's good but it's not good enough! - You what?
- (Cliff Richard's Congratulations plays) - Oh!
Morley Raisin, Big Brian's manager, you must be delighted.
- He's a very good boy. - Big Brian, Let's have a reaction.
Yeah, yeah, delighted. In all fairness, I really enjoyed it.
So there you have it,
by some 12 stones, Britain's fattest man is Big Brian Porter from Birmingham.
Ha-ha! Back to you, Claire.
What a load of bollocks! I've taken t'afternoon off work for this!
Forty-two stone? I've shit bigger than that.
Thanks, everyone. That's it. ReaLLy good human interest story.
- Thanks very much. WeLL done, Brian. - Forty-two stone?
- How about turning on the Christmas Lights? - I can't be!
I were 53 at GK Morleys on Ashcroft Road!
I'm twice the size I was then! Look at me!
- Richard! Richard! - Look at me!
Richard! We're not happy with the result. We want a recount.
Sony, boys. You play with feathers, you get your arse tickled.
I suppose access might be a problem.
We'll have to get him up in a...
(Door shuts)
I'll make us a cup of tea, cock.
(Vehicle starts up outside)
(Coins jingle)
(Low chatter)
(Dog barking in distance)
(Door closes)
(Clock ticking)
Well, thanks for your support.
Morris says he's gonna sort me out another weigh-off with the right scales this time.
He said them ones must've been faulty.
Janice says I was robbed. In any other sport there'd have been an inquiry.
Heads would roll, she said.
Well, that's what she said.
(Sighs) They've made a right mess of the garden.
Can I ask you a question, Georgie?
How Long is it since you've been outside this house?
- None of your business. - It's not since your mum died, is it, George?
- I've told you, Amy. I'm happy how I am. - Georgie!
That's 23 years!
What have you done to yourself?
In... In the lift at work the sign said, "Maximum 16 persons".
Underneath someone had written, "Or one Georgie Godwin".
No bugger would sit with me in the canteen.
Not even Shaky Dave.
Even] day I'd get his straw for him for his soup, and he still wouldn't sit next to me.
And when I'd go out, I'd always get the same.
Michelin Man! Mr Wobbly!
Hey, you fucking fat twat!
I heard 'em. Even when they said it quietly, I still heard 'em.
And then along came Morris with his enthusiasm and his panache,
and suddenly people started to pay to see me.
All right, they were mainly foreigners, but...
but I didn't have to be ashamed about my size any more.
That's why this... this title is so important to me, Amy!
The fattest man in Britain!
Because if I'm not the fattest, what am I, eh? I'm just a fat man!
Just a big fat man sat in his chair!
But you've already got a title, Georgie.
You're my friend.
L...I've never had a dad.
But when I met you, it felt like I'd been given one.
But that's shite, because a real dad wouldn't eat himself to death in front of his daughter!
(Gasps)
' (Sobs) _ Amy.
Oh, fuck.
- Fuck! - What is it? ls it happening, love?
How do I know? Call an ambulance.
- (Gasps) - Right.
(Keypad beeps)
Come on, come on, come on.
- (Woman) Emergency services. - Hello, love! Ambulance, please.
Yes, I think my friend's having a baby. Yes, right...right now.
That is the correct address, number 42, yes.
Ambulance is on its way, love.
Oh, how many weeks gone are you?
Um...28.
- (Woman) 28'. - 28! Did you hear that?
- Has she had a show? - Well, we...we're not sure.
- Have you had a show? A show of what? - No.
No, no show yet. That's a no-show.
- Ask her if she wants to push. - Do you feel like pushing?
- Cos she's saying if you do, don't. - That's correct,
All right, love. Oh, thank you, love. Thank you.
- (Beep) - Ambulance is on its way, love.
Right, now Let's get your baby bag. Come on.
- (She gasps) - Oh.
Oh! 'Ey!
- Aaah! Aaah! - Oh! Oh! Ooh!
- (He gasps) - (She sobs)
I tell you what, forget that. I'll just lie down here with you for a bit.
Oh.
It's too early, Georgie. It...it shouldn't be happening yet.
Don't worn], love. I'm down here with you now and I shall stay here all the time.
You are not alone, Amy.
- (Gasping) - 'Ey, I were premature and Look at me.
" (sobbing) “ Oh...'ey!
Why...why I don't I sing you a Little song, eh? Take your mind off it, eh?
'Ey, now, what can I get you from Georgie's jukebox, eh?
- Um...how about a Little bit of Neil Diamond? - No.
No. Right, all right, then.
Hang on.
Right, here, here! What about this one?
# Moon river
# Wider than a smile
- # I'm crossing... - It's mile.
- You what? - It's "wider than a mile", not "smile".
Well, how does that work?
It isn't...it isn't "mile", it's "smile".
I know that song, Georgie. I'm telling you it's fucking "mile".
- It doesn't make sense to me. It's not, is it? - (Sobs)
# Two drifters
# Off to see the world
# There's such a lot of world to see
# We're after the same # After the same
- (Both) # Rainbow's end... - (Siren outside)
- # Waiting round the bend... - That's it.
# My huckleberry friend
# Moon fiver and me #
Come on, again.
- (Moon River plays) - # Moon river
- # Wider than a mile - (Georgie) # Wider than a smile
- # I’m crossing you in style - (Georgie) # Crossing you in style
# Some day
# Oh, dream maker
# You heartbreaker
# Wherever you're going
# I'm going your way...
- (George sighs) - # Two drifters...
- (Ambulance siren) - # Off to see the world
# There's such a lot of world to see...
(Ringing)
- # We're after.” - (George) Oh.
# The same rainbows end
- Hello! This is Georgie Godwin,” - (Knocking)
...the fattest man in Britain.
Please Leave a message after the tone.
- Ha-ha! - (Beep)
- (Janice) Georgie love, it's me, - (Knocking)
- (Grunts) - Amy's fine...
- Oh. - ..but she's lost the baby.
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no. No, no.
- It was a little boy. - No.
They tried but...
they couldn't save it.
(Sniffs)
I'm stopping with her for now and, um...
and I'll be home later, love.
(Sniffs) That poor baby.
(Sniffs) Poor lickle baby.
- (Footsteps) - (Door opens)
I'm in here.
Georgie love!
Oh, my God! Have you been here all night?
L...l told them to go. I said I'd be all right. How is she?
She's resting. Let... Oh.
Oh, no, no, don't. Don't, don't. Don't, Janice, don't, don't.
Oh. Hello?
Um...yes, hang on, I'm not sure.
- Do we need fire, ambulance or police? - I don't know.
We don't really know. We've got a 42-stone man here stuck on the ﬂoor.
- 53. - A 53-stone man stuck on the ﬂoor.
Yes, um...Chapel Street.
Thanks.
- They're on their way. - When will she be home, Janice?
Um...well, she...she's got to stay in hospital for another couple of days.
We...we need to get her home so we can Look after her.
- Yes, love. - Right, I'm gonna tape all the Jeremy Kyles.
And she's going to rest on that sofa with her feet up whilst I run around after her.
Yes.
- Oh, Georgie love, you must be parched. - Yeah.
I'll go and get you some cherryade and a plateful of nibbles.
Can I talk to her, Janice? WilL..will they let me speak to her?
Eh? Eh?
- Georgie love. - Eh?
She asked me to give you this letter.
Oh!
(Siren outside)
What's that all about?
- It's over there, in't it? - Oh, I think it's Georgie.
- They're looking good. - Bring your hosepipe over here, love.
(Air hissing)
(Low chatter)
Ah.
Ah. Oh.
- We'll do that. - OK.
- Oh. - OK.
- Oh. - On three. One, two, three.
- Oh! - It's away.
- All the way round. - Oh.
- Nearly there. Sit down. - Oh, we're there. Oh.
- (Man on radio) - There we go. You all right?
- Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. - Thank you so much.
It's OK.
- Bye. - Bye.
(Door closes)
- (Clock ticking) - (Amy) Dear George,
please don't worry about me.
I will just have to get through this like I have a lot of other bad things in my Life.
They said at the hospital that the baby was too tiny for Life.
They let me hold him for a few minutes.
I named him Georgie.
I love you so very much. You are the kindest person I have ever met.
But I won't be coming back,
because I can't bear to sit by and watch you eat yourself to death.
I've lost one Georgie and I don't want to lose another.
I hope you will understand.
Your friend always, Amy.
PS, "smile” is much better than "mile".
(Folds letter)
(Children shout)
(Clock ticking)
No.
- (Chatter) - Georgie!
- (Knocking) - Georgie! It's me!
- (Knocking) - (Morris) Georgie! Georgie!
Sorry about this.
(Oxygen hisses)
(Loud snoring)
(Snorting)
(Shorts)
People are worried about you, Georgie.
I was there when Tommy breathed his last breath.
Nobody ever enjoyed dying more.
But at the end of the day, Georgie, he's still dead.
- (Sighs) - (Birdsong outside)
(Vehicle sounds horn)
Have you thought about God in any of this?
I mean, God already got that big fat bastard Tommy up there already.
He could wait a Little while for another.
And...and you can use that time. To pull yourself together.
And with the help of God, fight this vicious disease
of...of eating even] fecking thing.
Hm?
- That's my blessing to you, Georgie. - Thank you, Father.
Georgie, if I may be so bold, and seeing as how you're not eating at the moment,
could I have these Pop Tarts?
Father Brendan, he hides them in the sacristy].
Heh-heh! He's a miserable bastard.
(Door closes)
(Morris) Will you stop looking out that fucking window?
Come on, Georgie.
What's the matter with you? You've got to eat something.
Morris, I've told you.
I don't want to do it no more.
I'm sorry,
but I'm not the fattest man in Britain... and I never was.
(Clock ticking)
Well...
you are to me, cock.
You are to me.
(Door opens and shuts)
(Crow caws outside)
(sighs)
(Grunts)
- (Crow caws) - Hm.
(Clock ticking)
(Children shout)
(Grunts)
(Door creaks)
(Door clicks)
# Wider than a smile
# The truth can be unkind
# So take the only one
# Who thought you were someone
# No apology
# I'll live the life I lead
# I hope you understand
# That none of this was planned
# No apology
# I'll live the life I lead...
It's Moby fuckin' Dick!
# I hope you understand
# That none of this was planned
You fat bastard!
Fat bastard!
Georgie!
Fat bastard!
- Look at that fat bastard! - (Laughter)
(Shouts)
(Car sounds horn)
# Who am I to ask you why you feel the way you do...
Hey.
# If you feel the way you do
Hey.
# There must be something we could do...
' (Beeping) - (He grunts)
(Sniffs)
(Gasping)
Hello, love.
(Chuckles)
Oh.
Oh!
(He chuckles)
Oh.
(Music plays)
(Morris) Now, what I'm gonna show you today, and it's not just me who says this,
is the eighth wonder of the world.
Touching will not be permitted under any circumstances. Health and safety.
I can confirm to you that Georgie Godwin holds the world's record
for Britain's biggest weight Loss.
And if anybody tells you that Big Brian from Birmingham has lost more,
they're talking out of their arsehole.
# You and me, we go in style
# Cracklin' Rosie, you're a store-bought woman
# But you make me sing like a guitar humming
# So hang on to me, girl
# Our song keeps running on
# Play it now, play it now
# Play it now, my baby
# Crackling Rosie, make me smile
# Girl, if it lasts for an hour, that's all right
# Cos we got all night
# To set the world right
# Find us a dream that don't ask no questions
# Yeah
# Oh, I love my Rosie child
# You've got the way to make me happy
# You and me... #