1 00:00:03,375 --> 00:00:05,682 Dammit! 2 00:00:05,683 --> 00:00:06,771 Come on. 3 00:00:06,772 --> 00:00:08,053 Oh, Elroy! 4 00:00:08,054 --> 00:00:12,214 Elroy, hey. 5 00:00:12,215 --> 00:00:14,700 - Computer no worky. - Please don't do that. 6 00:00:16,540 --> 00:00:19,450 - Computer no worky. - Did you forget your password again? 7 00:00:19,451 --> 00:00:22,360 Pelton, I can't keep track of all the parakeets you had growing up. 8 00:00:22,361 --> 00:00:23,520 This is different. 9 00:00:23,521 --> 00:00:25,980 No matter what I do, I get the same error. 10 00:00:25,981 --> 00:00:27,040 Which one? 11 00:00:27,041 --> 00:00:29,490 You have been owned by Elite Fleet 69. 12 00:00:29,491 --> 00:00:32,370 Our hacks are all up in your systems. 13 00:00:32,371 --> 00:00:35,397 I'm not bothering to pronounce them, but there are a lot of z's being used. 14 00:00:38,398 --> 00:00:39,466 Oh, crap. 15 00:00:39,467 --> 00:00:41,561 What? 16 00:00:41,562 --> 00:00:44,585 Is there another Mask movie coming out? 17 00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:46,814 - The school's been hacked. - What? 18 00:00:46,815 --> 00:00:49,040 - How can we stop it? - It's too late, it's happened. 19 00:00:50,130 --> 00:00:55,530 No parlo hablo too late at Greendale Elroy. There's always something that can be done. 20 00:00:55,531 --> 00:00:57,730 You know I, I wasn't gonna say anything but. 21 00:00:57,731 --> 00:00:59,157 You could cut the hardline at the mainframe. 22 00:00:59,158 --> 00:01:00,524 Hardline. Mainframe. 23 00:01:03,650 --> 00:01:07,943 To the mainframe! To the mainframe! 24 00:01:07,944 --> 00:01:13,970 Cut the hardline. 25 00:01:13,971 --> 00:01:17,199 - You were being sarcastic? - Yeah, but you should look at this. 26 00:01:18,630 --> 00:01:20,620 Cancel your offensive performance. 27 00:01:20,621 --> 00:01:22,310 You know the one we mean. 28 00:01:22,311 --> 00:01:24,080 We have all your information. 29 00:01:24,081 --> 00:01:30,360 If you do not cancel this hateful comedy show, you will taste our power in this way. 30 00:01:30,361 --> 00:01:32,040 - There's a link. - Don't click it. 31 00:01:32,041 --> 00:01:33,881 Oh, what, the green skull will give me a virus? 32 00:01:36,020 --> 00:01:37,020 My God. 33 00:01:38,060 --> 00:01:39,014 It's the lunch lady's emails. 34 00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:42,073 It's all the lunch lady's emails. 35 00:01:42,074 --> 00:01:44,284 Which lunch lady? 36 00:01:44,285 --> 00:01:45,352 The hot one? 37 00:01:47,349 --> 00:01:48,864 You mean the one who serves the hot food? 38 00:01:48,865 --> 00:01:53,095 Mmm, that's the one. 39 00:02:32,950 --> 00:02:35,830 Please tell me you guys aren't sitting there reading the lunch lady's 40 00:02:35,831 --> 00:02:36,604 leaked e-mails. 41 00:02:36,605 --> 00:02:42,250 No one here could ever do that, not even in shifts, it's decades of data. 42 00:02:42,251 --> 00:02:45,310 I'm reading the Greendale Gazette's highlights of the lunch lady's e-mails. 43 00:02:45,311 --> 00:02:47,490 I found a torrent of all the highlights if you don't want to wait for 44 00:02:47,491 --> 00:02:48,070 the ads to load. 45 00:02:48,071 --> 00:02:49,250 Abed, that's stealing. 46 00:02:49,251 --> 00:02:50,030 Those ads are there so 47 00:02:50,031 --> 00:02:52,460 the Gazette can pay people to go through the lunch lady's email. 48 00:02:52,461 --> 00:02:54,630 Not to get too liberal, but once they're online, 49 00:02:54,631 --> 00:02:57,150 does anyone really own the lunch lady's emails? 50 00:02:57,151 --> 00:03:00,040 That's why the future of the internet is branded content. 51 00:03:00,041 --> 00:03:03,662 WazzleDazzle.com has got five Bacardi cocktails inspired by the lunch 52 00:03:03,663 --> 00:03:05,424 lady's most embarrassing secrets. 53 00:03:05,425 --> 00:03:06,748 Ooh. 54 00:03:06,749 --> 00:03:09,560 You guys are violating her privacy. 55 00:03:09,561 --> 00:03:11,350 I'm pretty sure the media's doing that, Britta. 56 00:03:11,351 --> 00:03:12,540 We're just reading the news. 57 00:03:12,541 --> 00:03:15,347 The police are here, about our computers being hacked. 58 00:03:17,147 --> 00:03:17,925 Hi, guys. 59 00:03:17,926 --> 00:03:20,120 I see a few familiar faces here. 60 00:03:20,121 --> 00:03:21,340 A few new ones, as well. 61 00:03:23,150 --> 00:03:25,519 No, just gonna keep the cop you've known for five years at arms length? 62 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:26,680 I get it. 63 00:03:26,681 --> 00:03:28,700 What have you boys been able to figure out? 64 00:03:28,701 --> 00:03:29,430 Don't call us boys. 65 00:03:29,431 --> 00:03:30,480 And it's a unique case, 66 00:03:30,481 --> 00:03:33,700 because it's hard to decide what laws are being broken. 67 00:03:33,701 --> 00:03:35,720 Unless you count the lunch lady's sex life. 68 00:03:40,170 --> 00:03:41,128 Thanks, thanks a lot. 69 00:03:41,129 --> 00:03:46,034 Anyway, our city does have a cyber-crime division, but it's well, 70 00:03:46,035 --> 00:03:47,356 it's pretty new. 71 00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:48,053 Any leads? 72 00:03:48,054 --> 00:03:49,350 Officer Warburton. 73 00:03:49,351 --> 00:03:51,440 I want McDonald's. 74 00:03:52,530 --> 00:03:53,630 Wants. 75 00:03:53,631 --> 00:03:54,919 McDonald's. 76 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:56,552 Some of you probably can't see from where you're sitting. 77 00:03:56,553 --> 00:04:00,100 It's literally a child in an adult sized police uniform. 78 00:04:00,101 --> 00:04:02,610 It's cute, but it doesn't help our situation. 79 00:04:02,611 --> 00:04:04,170 So what do we make of the demands? 80 00:04:04,171 --> 00:04:05,980 Well we were able to find out a little more. 81 00:04:05,981 --> 00:04:09,900 This message was posted online and signed, The Hackers. 82 00:04:09,901 --> 00:04:14,110 And we assume it's legit because well, that's just where we're at. 83 00:04:14,111 --> 00:04:16,758 Greendale, cancel the performance of the terrorist comedian 84 00:04:16,759 --> 00:04:21,670 Gupta Gupti Gupta, who seeks to spread hatred with his hateful comedy. 85 00:04:21,671 --> 00:04:23,495 You guys booked Gupta Gupti Gupta? 86 00:04:23,496 --> 00:04:24,704 $700. 87 00:04:24,705 --> 00:04:27,914 Oh my God, Dean, he's renowned for his racist act. 88 00:04:27,915 --> 00:04:30,090 How can he be racist? 89 00:04:30,091 --> 00:04:31,940 Listen to his name. 90 00:04:31,941 --> 00:04:34,700 Well, the message says if you don't cancel his performance, what happened 91 00:04:34,701 --> 00:04:37,710 to the lunch lady's gonna happen to everyone on the activities committee. 92 00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:38,470 Ha. 93 00:04:38,471 --> 00:04:39,960 We don't have a... 94 00:04:39,961 --> 00:04:40,848 Oh, God, that's us. 95 00:04:40,849 --> 00:04:41,776 Ha! 96 00:04:41,777 --> 00:04:42,920 So, what do we do? 97 00:04:42,921 --> 00:04:43,838 That's up to the school. 98 00:04:43,839 --> 00:04:47,178 Though I'm just a cop, born in a small town, raised in the heartland, 99 00:04:47,179 --> 00:04:50,520 but I say cancel the performance, and give the government the sweeping powers 100 00:04:50,521 --> 00:04:53,723 it needs to detect and eliminate people before they turn into hackers. 101 00:04:53,724 --> 00:04:54,849 Think that's all I've got. 102 00:04:54,850 --> 00:04:56,309 How's everything otherwise? 103 00:04:56,310 --> 00:05:00,688 Stoked for avengers, avengers, avengers, avengers? 104 00:05:00,689 --> 00:05:02,538 I hear Marvel got really hands on this time, 105 00:05:02,539 --> 00:05:05,648 they really pinned in Joss Whedon creatively, so how can that go wrong? 106 00:05:05,649 --> 00:05:07,325 Okay, see ya. 107 00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:12,564 I guess I'm gonna call a press conference and 108 00:05:12,565 --> 00:05:14,117 announce the comedy is cancelled. 109 00:05:14,118 --> 00:05:15,118 Wait hold on. 110 00:05:19,335 --> 00:05:19,962 What's that? 111 00:05:19,963 --> 00:05:21,953 Do your thing, inspire them. 112 00:05:21,954 --> 00:05:22,760 To do what? 113 00:05:22,761 --> 00:05:24,925 To rise to the occasion. 114 00:05:24,926 --> 00:05:28,630 To not let these hackers push us around. 115 00:05:28,631 --> 00:05:31,217 Don't you guys think that we have an obligation here? 116 00:05:31,218 --> 00:05:33,191 The cop says no. 117 00:05:33,192 --> 00:05:37,853 Well the cops say that your car trunk has something to do with 9/11. 118 00:05:37,854 --> 00:05:40,233 They're not philosophers, they're crossing guards with guns. 119 00:05:40,234 --> 00:05:42,230 This is on us as a committee. 120 00:05:42,231 --> 00:05:43,774 The eyes of the world... 121 00:05:43,775 --> 00:05:46,108 Are within hundreds of miles of this room. 122 00:05:46,109 --> 00:05:47,908 Okay, how about the eyes of something bigger? 123 00:05:47,909 --> 00:05:49,034 Aren't you an atheist? 124 00:05:49,035 --> 00:05:50,915 Don't you hate this government? 125 00:05:50,916 --> 00:05:53,297 Are you even planning on going to see this comic? 126 00:05:53,298 --> 00:05:57,384 Yes, pretty much and of course not, I was planning to protest him. 127 00:05:57,385 --> 00:05:59,805 But I can't believe I'm the one saying this. 128 00:05:59,806 --> 00:06:02,466 For God sakes, we're freaking Americans. 129 00:06:02,467 --> 00:06:05,533 We're talking about freedom of speech, it's the amendment so 130 00:06:05,534 --> 00:06:08,675 important it's literally the first one they remembered to add. 131 00:06:08,676 --> 00:06:09,557 For white people. 132 00:06:09,558 --> 00:06:10,579 With penises. 133 00:06:10,580 --> 00:06:13,556 We prefer to be called people without color or vaginas. 134 00:06:13,557 --> 00:06:16,139 Look, I know some things have gotten too simple and 135 00:06:16,140 --> 00:06:19,806 other things have gotten too complicated, but we still have a legacy 136 00:06:19,807 --> 00:06:20,963 and a job in this country. 137 00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:24,009 We're the colony so high maintenance the British gave up. 138 00:06:24,010 --> 00:06:27,172 We're so obnoxious the French sent us a statue. 139 00:06:27,173 --> 00:06:29,279 Nobody tells us to shut up. 140 00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:32,942 And yes, I know that our wealth is no longer distributed, and yes, 141 00:06:32,943 --> 00:06:36,737 our democracy has been hijacked and turned into a puppet show about two 142 00:06:36,738 --> 00:06:40,209 fake parties that are controlled by a cartel of monopolies, and 143 00:06:40,210 --> 00:06:43,321 yes, if our votes had any real power they'd be illegal. 144 00:06:43,322 --> 00:06:45,893 Britta! Freedom of speech acknowledged. 145 00:06:45,894 --> 00:06:47,158 Trust us. 146 00:06:47,159 --> 00:06:48,969 Cancel the show and you cancel people. 147 00:06:48,970 --> 00:06:50,919 Might as well bring dinosaurs back. 148 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:52,115 What? Let her finish. 149 00:06:52,116 --> 00:06:54,826 Britta, you saw what they did to the lunch lady. 150 00:06:54,827 --> 00:06:57,067 You wanna guess how much better my emails are? 151 00:06:57,068 --> 00:07:00,277 You want me to call a press conference and say, now do me? 152 00:07:00,278 --> 00:07:03,146 No, I'll do it. 153 00:07:03,147 --> 00:07:05,135 Let them leak me. 154 00:07:09,610 --> 00:07:11,172 I'm not letting you do this alone. 155 00:07:12,423 --> 00:07:13,352 Screw it. 156 00:07:13,353 --> 00:07:16,999 I'm in. 157 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:21,381 Someone has to be the last to stand up, and now that someone isn't me. 158 00:07:21,382 --> 00:07:24,805 I kinda zoned out and assume we're standing to go see Avengers. 159 00:07:24,806 --> 00:07:27,597 These guys are giving hackers a bad name. 160 00:07:27,598 --> 00:07:30,801 And hacker is already such a dumb name. 161 00:07:30,802 --> 00:07:33,352 I'm not an idealist, I'm a pragmatist. 162 00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:35,806 And it's never pragmatic to piss you guys off. 163 00:07:35,807 --> 00:07:39,255 So, fine. 164 00:07:39,256 --> 00:07:40,346 You guys. 165 00:07:40,347 --> 00:07:42,180 This is so inspiring. 166 00:07:42,181 --> 00:07:45,489 I guess, just let me know how it goes. 167 00:07:45,490 --> 00:07:48,322 No matter what happens I'm with you, but don't tell anyone I'm with you. 168 00:07:48,323 --> 00:07:51,152 If you do, I'll deny it, but I'm with you here and now. 169 00:07:51,153 --> 00:07:53,993 Not literally here and now, right now I'm leaving, 170 00:07:53,994 --> 00:07:56,466 but I will always have been with you secretly. 171 00:07:56,467 --> 00:07:57,467 Bye. 172 00:07:59,222 --> 00:08:03,381 The performance by Gupta Gupti Gupta will go on as scheduled tomorrow 173 00:08:03,382 --> 00:08:07,402 night, and we encourage anyone who believes in freedom to attend Mr. 174 00:08:07,403 --> 00:08:08,918 Gupta's performance. 175 00:08:08,919 --> 00:08:12,918 Although, as a woman, and someone with many Jewish and black friends, 176 00:08:12,919 --> 00:08:14,436 I will be deeply offended. 177 00:08:14,437 --> 00:08:18,425 I'm petitioning to have Mr. Gupta banned from all campuses across America. 178 00:08:18,426 --> 00:08:20,327 But, one thing at a time. 179 00:08:20,328 --> 00:08:24,268 First, freedom of speech does not just apply to speech you want to hear. 180 00:08:24,269 --> 00:08:25,365 Case in point, am I right? 181 00:08:26,828 --> 00:08:27,983 Definitely get my good side, right here. 182 00:08:27,984 --> 00:08:28,639 Mm. 183 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:30,200 Oh, I'm being censored! 184 00:08:30,201 --> 00:08:31,460 I'm being censored! 185 00:08:31,461 --> 00:08:33,388 Anyway, there's coffee and scotch in the corner. 186 00:08:33,389 --> 00:08:35,825 Screw the hackers and long live Greendale! 187 00:08:35,826 --> 00:08:41,472 Yeah. 188 00:08:41,473 --> 00:08:44,131 All right, I'll see you guys at sound check in the cafeteria tomorrow. 189 00:08:44,132 --> 00:08:47,140 And there is a good chance that we are going to be targeted, so 190 00:08:47,141 --> 00:08:49,034 nobody gets on the internet tonight. 191 00:08:49,035 --> 00:08:50,137 What do we say? 192 00:08:50,138 --> 00:08:51,449 No peeking at the leaking. 193 00:08:51,450 --> 00:08:53,010 Promise, promise, promise? 194 00:08:53,011 --> 00:08:54,011 Okay. 195 00:08:56,005 --> 00:08:56,603 Jeff. 196 00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:57,178 Mm. 197 00:08:57,179 --> 00:08:59,593 Thank you for backing me up, a little. 198 00:08:59,594 --> 00:09:01,949 Well, you turned into the path of least resistance. 199 00:09:01,950 --> 00:09:04,770 Deflect all you want, but you're putting your ass one the line for an ideal. 200 00:09:04,771 --> 00:09:07,359 Well, maybe a fraction of a butt cheek on the line. 201 00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:10,457 It's not like I used that stupid Greendale email for anything 202 00:09:10,458 --> 00:09:12,945 but porn subscriptions and improv show mailing lists. 203 00:09:12,946 --> 00:09:16,846 What makes you think it's only your Greendale email they'll be leaking? 204 00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:19,464 Because they hacked Greendale. 205 00:09:19,465 --> 00:09:21,042 Do you have a computer in your office? 206 00:09:21,043 --> 00:09:21,850 Yes. 207 00:09:21,851 --> 00:09:24,090 Do you check your emails on that computer? 208 00:09:24,091 --> 00:09:25,415 Uh-huh. 209 00:09:25,416 --> 00:09:27,377 You look at boobies on it? 210 00:09:27,378 --> 00:09:29,710 One time. 211 00:09:29,711 --> 00:09:31,464 They got it. 212 00:09:31,465 --> 00:09:33,691 They got everything. 213 00:09:33,692 --> 00:09:37,425 It's Vietnam now, baby. 214 00:09:37,426 --> 00:09:39,259 It's Vietnam! 215 00:09:44,383 --> 00:09:46,595 Anyways, like I said, thanks. 216 00:10:11,216 --> 00:10:12,295 Hello. 217 00:10:12,296 --> 00:10:13,921 Hello. 218 00:10:24,230 --> 00:10:25,171 Girls. 219 00:10:25,172 --> 00:10:25,856 Frankie. 220 00:10:25,857 --> 00:10:27,400 Francesca. 221 00:10:27,401 --> 00:10:30,480 Word around school is our emails have been leaked. 222 00:10:30,481 --> 00:10:31,180 Is that so? 223 00:10:31,181 --> 00:10:33,020 Oh, the first you've heard of it? 224 00:10:33,021 --> 00:10:35,020 I guess I heard some rumblings. 225 00:10:35,021 --> 00:10:38,000 Hm, rumblings. 226 00:10:38,001 --> 00:10:39,001 Hm. Hm. 227 00:10:45,786 --> 00:10:46,669 Hello, Jeff. 228 00:10:46,670 --> 00:10:47,876 Hello, Jeff. 229 00:10:47,877 --> 00:10:50,372 Jeff Winger. 230 00:10:50,373 --> 00:10:51,324 Annie. 231 00:10:51,325 --> 00:10:52,741 Britta. 232 00:10:52,742 --> 00:10:54,471 Frankie. 233 00:11:03,550 --> 00:11:04,850 I hear the hackers leaked our emails. 234 00:11:04,851 --> 00:11:07,892 Yeah. Something like that. 235 00:11:07,893 --> 00:11:09,184 Should we help set up chairs? 236 00:11:09,185 --> 00:11:10,310 Sure. 237 00:11:20,464 --> 00:11:24,847 Something was wrong with that one. 238 00:11:24,848 --> 00:11:28,795 Bad chair. 239 00:11:28,796 --> 00:11:30,247 Hi, how's everybody doing? 240 00:11:30,248 --> 00:11:31,756 I asked a damn question. 241 00:11:31,757 --> 00:11:32,499 Fine. 242 00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:33,172 Fine. 243 00:11:33,173 --> 00:11:33,881 New look. 244 00:11:33,882 --> 00:11:35,332 I'm glad you like it. 245 00:11:35,333 --> 00:11:38,770 I'd hate to think my wardrobe wasn't passing muster with this group. 246 00:11:38,771 --> 00:11:42,225 So here I am in a brand new outfit with an up-to-the-minute shirt. 247 00:11:42,226 --> 00:11:43,304 Okay. 248 00:11:43,305 --> 00:11:45,584 I'm not usually the best at non-verbal cues, so I have to ask, 249 00:11:45,585 --> 00:11:48,690 is it possible that everyone here but me read all of each other's leaked emails? 250 00:11:48,691 --> 00:11:49,380 No. Absolutely not. 251 00:11:49,381 --> 00:11:50,381 It's possible. 252 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:53,020 I read it all. 253 00:11:53,021 --> 00:11:54,719 I read all your crap. 254 00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:59,628 I have read everything you guys have ever wrote about me in an email. 255 00:11:59,629 --> 00:12:03,801 And you guys are the worst people in the world. 256 00:12:03,802 --> 00:12:05,540 Screw you guys. 257 00:12:05,541 --> 00:12:06,680 Not cool. 258 00:12:06,681 --> 00:12:09,240 Mean, mean, mean. 259 00:12:09,241 --> 00:12:10,340 Point it at me and I will eat it! 260 00:12:10,341 --> 00:12:11,010 What? 261 00:12:11,011 --> 00:12:13,480 I will bite your little finger off and I will eat it! 262 00:12:13,481 --> 00:12:17,152 Then, let's see you type more descriptions of my Houseguest-era Sinbad 263 00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:17,765 wardrobe. 264 00:12:17,766 --> 00:12:19,430 Ah-ha. 265 00:12:19,431 --> 00:12:22,620 That's a direct quote from a really mean email I wrote about him. 266 00:12:22,621 --> 00:12:24,247 So now who's the bad guy? 267 00:12:24,248 --> 00:12:25,804 Okay. How much of the leak did each of you read? 268 00:12:25,805 --> 00:12:26,773 I have a right to fit in! 269 00:12:26,774 --> 00:12:27,640 Okay, stop it! Stop it! 270 00:12:27,641 --> 00:12:30,570 Why don't we all just admit that we... 271 00:12:30,571 --> 00:12:31,779 I'm not admitting it. 272 00:12:31,780 --> 00:12:32,476 Oh, Annie, get over it. 273 00:12:32,477 --> 00:12:33,894 Come on. 274 00:12:33,895 --> 00:12:38,014 You had my blood tested for amphetamines? 275 00:12:38,015 --> 00:12:40,710 You were extra jumpy last spring. 276 00:12:40,711 --> 00:12:42,700 We had to double check to be safe. 277 00:12:42,701 --> 00:12:46,300 I don't think I'm jumpy enough if my friends can steal my blood. 278 00:12:46,301 --> 00:12:47,690 Oh, you gave it to us. 279 00:12:48,690 --> 00:12:50,730 For that human genome project? 280 00:12:50,731 --> 00:12:52,360 We only used half of it for that. 281 00:12:52,361 --> 00:12:53,391 By the way, you're one percent Neanderthal. 282 00:12:53,392 --> 00:12:54,355 Ew. 283 00:12:54,356 --> 00:12:57,510 How can you judge anyone, light switch licker? 284 00:12:57,511 --> 00:12:59,290 Like this, ew. 285 00:12:59,291 --> 00:13:00,970 You guys hear that sound? 286 00:13:00,971 --> 00:13:03,240 That is the sound of the hackers winning. 287 00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:07,960 Our school's out there right now, pawing through our dirty laundry, 288 00:13:07,961 --> 00:13:10,970 laughing at us, waiting to see what we're gonna do, 289 00:13:10,971 --> 00:13:15,750 waiting to see who wins in the battle between terror and cool. 290 00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:18,040 We got to be cool, man. 291 00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:21,242 We got to be cool. 292 00:13:25,026 --> 00:13:29,322 And set up for a show. 293 00:13:29,323 --> 00:13:32,611 Abed, if you wouldn't mind please checking the sound system. 294 00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:33,970 No problem. 295 00:13:33,971 --> 00:13:35,510 Unless you're too busy telling your girlfriend I 296 00:13:35,511 --> 00:13:37,250 don't understand Donnie Darko. 297 00:13:37,251 --> 00:13:38,251 Annie. I'm cool. 298 00:13:39,380 --> 00:13:40,461 I'll set up the box office. 299 00:13:42,968 --> 00:13:47,402 Oh, or will me opening a box office unfairly influence wagers 300 00:13:47,403 --> 00:13:50,996 in your betting pool about my sexual preference? 301 00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:54,590 We saw this one coming, and we are so sorry. 302 00:13:54,591 --> 00:13:55,530 Oh, that cuts it. 303 00:13:55,531 --> 00:13:58,100 The word sorry fills that crater right to the brim, yeah. 304 00:13:58,101 --> 00:13:59,101 Oh, boo hoo. 305 00:14:00,420 --> 00:14:02,970 Your friends are curious about your night life. 306 00:14:02,971 --> 00:14:04,540 We kept it among friends. 307 00:14:04,541 --> 00:14:08,820 You told human resources I was a functional alcoholic. 308 00:14:08,821 --> 00:14:11,770 I am required to file a report on every teacher, and 309 00:14:11,771 --> 00:14:14,620 if you throw another tantrum I will revise yours. 310 00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:16,660 To what? Non-lethal murderer? 311 00:14:16,661 --> 00:14:18,820 Armless javelin thrower? 312 00:14:18,821 --> 00:14:21,670 What in your unqualified, buzzword-bloated, 313 00:14:21,671 --> 00:14:25,850 little red school house of a brain is a functional alcoholic? 314 00:14:25,851 --> 00:14:28,390 What in your brain is a chapstick lesbian? 315 00:14:28,391 --> 00:14:29,980 To me, 300 bucks. 316 00:14:29,981 --> 00:14:31,420 Unless you care to refute it. 317 00:14:31,421 --> 00:14:36,110 My sexuality is of zero concern to my job and to everyone here. 318 00:14:36,111 --> 00:14:39,700 I swear, if you people were trapped on a tiger-infested island 319 00:14:39,701 --> 00:14:44,830 with no food or water, you would judge every ship that came to save you. 320 00:14:44,831 --> 00:14:47,790 How does the tigers survive without food or water? 321 00:14:47,791 --> 00:14:49,760 Oh, it's not cute, Annie. 322 00:14:49,761 --> 00:14:51,195 And I read your entry in the pool. 323 00:14:51,196 --> 00:14:54,657 Was your goal to win or just be disgusting? 324 00:14:54,658 --> 00:14:56,868 I had to pick last. 325 00:14:56,869 --> 00:15:00,274 Yeah, well, we all read about ourselves in your weirdly long, 326 00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:04,330 melodramatic emails to your sister, who you might notice never responds. 327 00:15:04,331 --> 00:15:05,530 Take a hint. 328 00:15:05,531 --> 00:15:06,531 She's dead. 329 00:15:10,004 --> 00:15:14,720 I pretend to write her emails as a journaling device. 330 00:15:14,721 --> 00:15:17,780 You wretched, evasive little gremlin. 331 00:15:17,781 --> 00:15:22,420 Okay, why don't we just call that rock bottom. 332 00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:22,974 Check one, check two. 333 00:15:22,975 --> 00:15:25,307 Check one, check two. 334 00:15:25,308 --> 00:15:29,599 Well, well, well, it looks like Jeff Winger auto-paid his car insurance and 335 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:32,060 Annie's book club has a meeting tomorrow. 336 00:15:33,550 --> 00:15:35,030 Where do you guys find the bad stuff? 337 00:15:36,718 --> 00:15:40,022 Maybe, maybe what we all need to do here is have everyone in the room 338 00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:42,690 address and own one thing that they know is out there. 339 00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:44,390 No blame, no shame. 340 00:15:44,391 --> 00:15:46,290 Just an explanation. 341 00:15:46,291 --> 00:15:47,060 I'll start. 342 00:15:47,061 --> 00:15:49,380 Now, I'm sure by now, you've all seen the emails between me and 343 00:15:49,381 --> 00:15:51,910 the Patterson family of Herndon, Virginia. 344 00:15:51,911 --> 00:15:52,880 Not me. No. 345 00:15:52,881 --> 00:15:56,303 I received their first letter as part of a family email chain, 346 00:15:56,304 --> 00:15:57,593 Christmas of 2007. 347 00:15:57,594 --> 00:15:58,610 I don't think you owe us. 348 00:15:58,611 --> 00:16:01,960 Although, I, I didn't understand why they'd written me. 349 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,680 I responded politely. 350 00:16:03,681 --> 00:16:06,710 When I realized they had somehow mistaken me for their cousin. 351 00:16:06,711 --> 00:16:10,130 For some reason, I suppose it was loneliness, 352 00:16:10,131 --> 00:16:13,180 I simply failed to disabuse them of that notion. 353 00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:13,870 Well, that's... 354 00:16:13,871 --> 00:16:17,763 I've come to love Barb and George, and Gelson and Roselle. 355 00:16:17,764 --> 00:16:21,182 And even Uncle Paul with all his flaws. 356 00:16:21,183 --> 00:16:24,620 And even though our relationship is based on a lie, for me it's. 357 00:16:27,623 --> 00:16:29,625 One of the realest, I'll ever know. 358 00:16:29,626 --> 00:16:30,969 Mm. 359 00:16:30,970 --> 00:16:35,358 I hope you don't think by explaining that, you're off the hook for 360 00:16:35,359 --> 00:16:40,136 the 3D models you've been making of our bodies without our permission. 361 00:16:40,137 --> 00:16:43,100 That's what those photos were for? 362 00:16:43,101 --> 00:16:45,670 I'm making a game about lady time travelers. 363 00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,730 Where in your pants? 364 00:16:47,731 --> 00:16:49,050 That's pretty creepy, Elroy. 365 00:16:49,051 --> 00:16:50,260 Oh, you guys are so suave. 366 00:16:51,490 --> 00:16:52,490 You're such gentlemen. 367 00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:56,470 You and Chang have a daily email chain ranking Annie and 368 00:16:56,471 --> 00:16:57,880 Britta one and two. 369 00:16:57,881 --> 00:17:02,003 By which you mean, Chang emails me rankings every day and I don't respond. 370 00:17:02,004 --> 00:17:05,869 Except for February 7th, 2013. 371 00:17:05,870 --> 00:17:08,080 Chang, Britta is one, Annie is two. 372 00:17:08,081 --> 00:17:10,291 Jeff, ha, yeah. 373 00:17:10,292 --> 00:17:12,293 Jeff, gross. 374 00:17:12,294 --> 00:17:16,890 And Britta, way to instantly memorize the exact date of your big victory. 375 00:17:16,891 --> 00:17:20,450 Hey, silver and gold, ladies, ain't no losers there. 376 00:17:20,451 --> 00:17:22,590 Okay, I think we're losing sight of what's important. 377 00:17:22,591 --> 00:17:24,710 Says the woman suing her father for $80. 378 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:27,110 Tell it to your fake family. 379 00:17:27,111 --> 00:17:30,560 Have you made any creepy boob models of Jezel yet? 380 00:17:30,561 --> 00:17:32,310 Jezel is like a daughter to me. 381 00:17:32,311 --> 00:17:36,120 But arguably more like a daughter to her parents. 382 00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:38,710 Didn't you have your own family? 383 00:17:38,711 --> 00:17:40,571 Oh, go write an astronaut. 384 00:17:40,572 --> 00:17:42,280 Oh, did anyone see Jeff's letters? 385 00:17:42,281 --> 00:17:43,281 He writes to astronauts. 386 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:45,370 Talk about creepy. 387 00:17:45,371 --> 00:17:46,600 They're national heroes! 388 00:17:46,601 --> 00:17:47,286 Yes, they are! 389 00:17:47,287 --> 00:17:48,245 Leave them alone. 390 00:17:48,246 --> 00:17:49,955 Ooh, this I gotta see. 391 00:17:49,956 --> 00:17:51,332 You know, what I don't want to see? 392 00:17:51,333 --> 00:17:54,915 Your exchanges with your life coach about the study group when we were 393 00:17:54,916 --> 00:17:55,760 dating. 394 00:17:55,761 --> 00:17:59,150 Oh, and by the way, clearly, not a life coach, and absolutely, 395 00:17:59,151 --> 00:18:02,780 just an Italian sociopath you met at a dispensary. 396 00:18:02,781 --> 00:18:04,650 You two dated? 397 00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:06,080 This was a study group? 398 00:18:06,081 --> 00:18:07,290 Yeah, Chang was our teacher. 399 00:18:07,291 --> 00:18:08,120 What? 400 00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:12,035 That's right, and frankly, haven't been well utilized since. 401 00:18:15,739 --> 00:18:19,235 Dear Reid Wiseman, congratulations on your successful return to Earth... 402 00:18:19,236 --> 00:18:20,378 Ladies. 403 00:18:20,379 --> 00:18:21,404 Video games. 404 00:18:21,405 --> 00:18:23,489 Do you have any more advice? 405 00:18:26,659 --> 00:18:28,827 Dear new ensemble, I love you more than my dad. 406 00:18:31,830 --> 00:18:35,042 What! 407 00:18:35,043 --> 00:18:36,919 This is Gupta Gupti Gupta. 408 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:37,670 Yeah, hi. 409 00:18:37,671 --> 00:18:38,545 Fine, whatever. 410 00:18:38,546 --> 00:18:40,381 Congratulations. 411 00:18:40,382 --> 00:18:41,613 You guys okay? 412 00:18:41,614 --> 00:18:42,514 To tell you the truth, 413 00:18:42,515 --> 00:18:44,802 Gupta Gupti, we've been through a bit of a rough patch. 414 00:18:44,803 --> 00:18:48,430 Yeah, the dean was telling me about it and I've been reading about it. 415 00:18:48,431 --> 00:18:50,641 Hope you were entertained. 416 00:18:50,642 --> 00:18:53,394 To be honest, I'm really grateful. 417 00:18:55,396 --> 00:18:58,983 This is the first school in six months that hasn't canceled, so thanks. 418 00:19:01,402 --> 00:19:03,570 I'm gonna go get ready. 419 00:19:08,367 --> 00:19:10,286 We really did the right thing didn't we? 420 00:19:10,287 --> 00:19:11,245 Yeah. 421 00:19:11,246 --> 00:19:13,679 It doesn't matter what we read in the leaks or 422 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:15,720 what we said to each other tonight. 423 00:19:15,721 --> 00:19:18,340 What matters is that right now here on this campus, 424 00:19:18,341 --> 00:19:19,990 the people are in charge. 425 00:19:19,991 --> 00:19:21,300 Not the hackers. 426 00:19:21,301 --> 00:19:24,780 Not the media, not the cops, the people. 427 00:19:24,781 --> 00:19:26,410 Abed, go put on some music. 428 00:19:26,411 --> 00:19:28,510 Elroy, Jeff, put out some more chairs. 429 00:19:28,511 --> 00:19:30,520 Annie get ready to introduce our star. 430 00:19:30,521 --> 00:19:32,182 Chang, go talk to yourself in the corner. 431 00:19:32,183 --> 00:19:34,393 Frankie, let the people in. 432 00:19:46,616 --> 00:19:47,575 Hey. 433 00:19:47,576 --> 00:19:48,576 Hi. 434 00:20:00,546 --> 00:20:01,798 Hey. Hey, Neil. 435 00:20:01,799 --> 00:20:03,775 Hey. 436 00:20:03,776 --> 00:20:05,470 That's the whole audience? 437 00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:07,132 I... 438 00:20:07,133 --> 00:20:08,690 I can't do a show for one person. 439 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:11,182 Well, you kinda have to. 440 00:20:11,183 --> 00:20:12,895 But I'd rather not. 441 00:20:12,896 --> 00:20:14,410 Well, you have to, jackass, 442 00:20:14,411 --> 00:20:16,811 because there's more at stake here than what you'd rather do. 443 00:20:20,659 --> 00:20:22,800 Oh, God. 444 00:20:22,801 --> 00:20:24,300 There's a new message from the hackers. 445 00:20:24,301 --> 00:20:25,690 Everyone, quiet down! 446 00:20:25,691 --> 00:20:26,691 Abed, cut the music. 447 00:20:27,750 --> 00:20:30,770 People of Greendale, your activities committee has defied our demands, and 448 00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:33,650 the horrible racist comedian is still about to perform. 449 00:20:33,651 --> 00:20:34,520 Yeah, that's right. 450 00:20:34,521 --> 00:20:35,375 We beat you. 451 00:20:35,376 --> 00:20:37,716 If this performance goes on as scheduled, 452 00:20:37,717 --> 00:20:40,128 all of your information will be published. 453 00:20:40,129 --> 00:20:42,229 If you do not want this to happen, 454 00:20:42,230 --> 00:20:45,091 you will find a way to stop this performance. 455 00:20:47,510 --> 00:20:49,053 Whoa! Stop, stop, hey! 456 00:20:49,054 --> 00:20:50,179 Sit down, Neil! 457 00:20:50,180 --> 00:20:53,933 You can stop me, but you can't stop the people from stopping this show. 458 00:20:53,934 --> 00:20:57,419 Shhhh. 459 00:20:57,420 --> 00:21:03,081 You hear that? 460 00:21:03,082 --> 00:21:04,381 My God! 461 00:21:04,382 --> 00:21:07,430 It's the people coming to stop the show. 462 00:21:07,431 --> 00:21:08,050 Now what do we do? 463 00:21:08,051 --> 00:21:09,486 We have to stop the people. 464 00:21:09,487 --> 00:21:11,576 Their freedom of speech depends on it. 465 00:21:11,577 --> 00:21:13,286 Frankie, Chang, bar the doors. 466 00:21:13,287 --> 00:21:14,623 Annie, introduce him, quick! 467 00:21:24,597 --> 00:21:25,932 I don't wanna do this. 468 00:21:25,933 --> 00:21:29,900 Listen, you piece of crap, we've been to hell and back for you. 469 00:21:29,901 --> 00:21:32,740 Get up there and do your stupid act for freedom. 470 00:21:32,741 --> 00:21:34,200 Okay, okay. 471 00:21:34,201 --> 00:21:38,436 Ladies and gentlemen, he's performed at colleges and clubs all over. 472 00:21:38,437 --> 00:21:39,896 Gupta Gupti Gupta! 473 00:21:43,358 --> 00:21:45,237 Hey, y'all. 474 00:21:45,238 --> 00:21:48,613 Look, I see there's a lot of Jews in the crowd. 475 00:21:48,614 --> 00:21:53,284 I mean, you know, there isn't, but usually when I do my act, there's more. 476 00:21:53,285 --> 00:21:55,745 But, you know, I have a whole Jew thing. 477 00:21:55,746 --> 00:21:57,706 Do it! 478 00:21:57,707 --> 00:21:58,915 Okay, okay. 479 00:21:58,916 --> 00:22:00,180 Who is this guy? 480 00:22:00,181 --> 00:22:01,470 Stop performing! 481 00:22:01,471 --> 00:22:02,909 Do not stop performing! 482 00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:05,150 Okay, this guy. 483 00:22:05,151 --> 00:22:05,930 Look at him. 484 00:22:05,931 --> 00:22:07,830 It looks like he ate so much. 485 00:22:07,831 --> 00:22:08,883 He's very fat. 486 00:22:08,884 --> 00:22:09,884 Don't do this to me. 487 00:22:09,885 --> 00:22:11,178 Shut up and listen. 488 00:22:11,179 --> 00:22:14,900 I see that you're fat, but are you also black or Jewish? 489 00:22:14,901 --> 00:22:17,670 You know, it's hard to be fat when you're black or 490 00:22:17,671 --> 00:22:21,790 Jewish because when you're black, your community steals all your food, so 491 00:22:21,791 --> 00:22:23,920 you can't eat as much. 492 00:22:23,921 --> 00:22:27,110 And when you're Jewish, nobody ever buys anything, 493 00:22:27,111 --> 00:22:31,073 so you can't eat as much. 494 00:22:31,074 --> 00:22:34,534 You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. 495 00:22:38,246 --> 00:22:39,998 Oh, dear God. 496 00:22:39,999 --> 00:22:41,833 The bastards did it. 497 00:22:41,834 --> 00:22:43,334 They leaked the entire school's data. 498 00:22:54,846 --> 00:22:55,638 Oh, okay. 499 00:22:55,639 --> 00:22:57,682 So hey, fat guy in the audience. 500 00:22:57,683 --> 00:23:01,936 Have you found anyone else you could love, like another fat person? 501 00:23:01,937 --> 00:23:06,149 Or, are you one of those fat people who will always be alone? 502 00:23:15,281 --> 00:23:18,880 Hey, Leonard, you enjoy my girlfriend in 2009? 503 00:23:18,881 --> 00:23:22,874 As much as she enjoyed your plagiarized poetry. 504 00:23:22,875 --> 00:23:25,033 I will kill you. 505 00:23:25,034 --> 00:23:26,705 Don't act like you care about me. 506 00:23:26,706 --> 00:23:29,236 I've seen all of your cartoons about me. 507 00:23:29,237 --> 00:23:31,860 I am this school's worst nightmare! 508 00:23:31,861 --> 00:23:39,057 I am a. 509 00:23:39,058 --> 00:23:41,740 Man, it's like Road Warrior out there, 510 00:23:41,741 --> 00:23:45,780 but if petrol were privacy and bad teeth were dirty secrets. 511 00:23:45,781 --> 00:23:47,710 Good news! Neil's talking to us again. 512 00:23:47,711 --> 00:23:49,778 He says he respects our moral position, but not our execution. 513 00:23:49,779 --> 00:23:51,486 Also, he says he's never talking to us again. 514 00:23:51,487 --> 00:23:53,988 I don't see how we can bounce back from this one. 515 00:23:53,989 --> 00:23:54,489 This one? 516 00:23:54,490 --> 00:23:55,114 Yeah. 517 00:23:55,115 --> 00:23:57,666 If you follow a theme of revealed secrets, the email hack is the third 518 00:23:57,667 --> 00:23:59,911 installment of a trilogy that began with Annie losing a pen, 519 00:23:59,912 --> 00:24:01,835 in what I've come to call the Golden Age. 520 00:24:01,836 --> 00:24:04,686 I'm guessing the second chapter would be when your best friend vanished on 521 00:24:04,687 --> 00:24:07,504 a mysterious boat trip after the older one masturbated himself to death? 522 00:24:07,505 --> 00:24:08,386 Yeah. 523 00:24:08,387 --> 00:24:11,756 If that's one you guys bounced back from, we might be okay. 524 00:24:11,757 --> 00:24:13,243 What's the lesson here? 525 00:24:13,244 --> 00:24:16,640 I always wanna make sure I know what the lesson is. 526 00:24:16,641 --> 00:24:18,030 I'm a completist. 527 00:24:18,031 --> 00:24:19,480 The rest of the school's in shambles, 528 00:24:19,481 --> 00:24:22,480 so maybe we're more evolved and forgiving than them. 529 00:24:22,481 --> 00:24:23,641 We already know that, stupid. 530 00:24:24,690 --> 00:24:27,510 I feel more desensitized to jokes about Jews and blacks. 531 00:24:27,511 --> 00:24:28,270 Is that good? 532 00:24:28,271 --> 00:24:29,940 Say what? 533 00:24:29,941 --> 00:24:31,770 We know the pieces of our privacy, freedom of speech, 534 00:24:31,771 --> 00:24:32,910 terrorism, and government. 535 00:24:32,911 --> 00:24:34,560 So, the lesson is probably an ironic pairing, 536 00:24:34,561 --> 00:24:36,270 like one man's privacy is another man's freedom. 537 00:24:36,271 --> 00:24:37,770 Government is terrorism. 538 00:24:37,771 --> 00:24:39,909 The only free speech is private speech. 539 00:24:39,910 --> 00:24:43,246 A free government terrorizes privacy. 540 00:24:43,247 --> 00:24:45,039 That's all four, bitches. 541 00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:48,460 Terror is terrorized by... 542 00:24:48,461 --> 00:24:49,919 Terry the terrorist? 543 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:54,757 Tarry not, for terrorism terrifies. 544 00:24:54,758 --> 00:24:56,093 Government. 545 00:24:56,094 --> 00:24:57,802 Speech. 546 00:24:57,803 --> 00:24:58,803 Government. 547 00:25:03,523 --> 00:25:05,108 We caught the hacker. 548 00:25:05,109 --> 00:25:09,216 This is Ryan, AKA StringCheeseHustler, AKA Fartmitzvah, 549 00:25:09,217 --> 00:25:13,630 Skullandboners88, Frozensucked, Captaintitty. 550 00:25:13,631 --> 00:25:15,540 You don't need to know all his names. 551 00:25:15,541 --> 00:25:17,010 He lives across the street from the campus, and 552 00:25:17,011 --> 00:25:18,560 he's got something he wants to say. 553 00:25:20,060 --> 00:25:22,240 Don't you? I'm sorry. 554 00:25:22,241 --> 00:25:23,220 For what? 555 00:25:23,221 --> 00:25:26,090 For guessing your school master password was changeme. 556 00:25:26,091 --> 00:25:28,459 Oops. 557 00:25:28,460 --> 00:25:31,140 How do you sleep at night, Warburton? 558 00:25:31,141 --> 00:25:32,141 You were one of us. 559 00:25:32,930 --> 00:25:33,900 You were free. 560 00:25:33,901 --> 00:25:35,960 No one's free when they're one of anything. 561 00:25:35,961 --> 00:25:40,250 And to answer your question, I sleep alone with one eye open. 562 00:25:40,251 --> 00:25:44,022 That's why I'm not the one in cuffs. 563 00:25:44,023 --> 00:25:48,276 Let's go, Fartmitzvah. 564 00:25:48,277 --> 00:25:50,028 Crime doesn't pay. 565 00:25:50,029 --> 00:25:53,698 Crime doesn't pay. 566 00:25:53,699 --> 00:25:54,699 Crime doesn't pay. 567 00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:10,920 I'm sorry if I used photography to digitally approximate some of your naked 568 00:26:10,921 --> 00:26:11,424 bodies. 569 00:26:11,425 --> 00:26:12,884 It's all right. 570 00:26:12,885 --> 00:26:14,094 It is? No! 571 00:26:22,311 --> 00:26:23,312 Anything? 572 00:26:23,313 --> 00:26:25,760 Same as yesterday. 573 00:26:25,761 --> 00:26:28,910 Big cloud of data raining over a pasture. 574 00:26:28,911 --> 00:26:30,746 All 8 billion sheep keep grazing. 575 00:26:30,747 --> 00:26:35,219 Is that good? 576 00:26:35,220 --> 00:26:37,010 Sure. 577 00:26:37,011 --> 00:26:40,340 The thing you said back there about not being a part of anything. 578 00:26:40,341 --> 00:26:42,491 Is that really how you feel? 579 00:26:42,492 --> 00:26:45,080 It's not a question of how I feel. 580 00:26:45,081 --> 00:26:46,550 I feel like flying. 581 00:26:46,551 --> 00:26:47,631 I don't jump off buildings. 582 00:26:50,050 --> 00:26:51,840 Do you believe in God, Warburton? 583 00:26:53,378 --> 00:26:56,030 You know, there's no rule that says we have to be friends, right? 584 00:26:56,031 --> 00:26:57,010 How about common courtesy? 585 00:26:57,011 --> 00:26:58,770 Familiar with that rule? 586 00:26:58,771 --> 00:27:00,771 The words common and courtesy have opposite values. 587 00:27:01,630 --> 00:27:04,855 Common courtesy is just gibberish, hocus pocus, 588 00:27:04,856 --> 00:27:07,709 a spell we cast when hoping to cheat reality. 589 00:27:08,990 --> 00:27:10,290 You're a cynical son of a bitch. 590 00:27:10,291 --> 00:27:11,968 I'll give you that. 591 00:27:11,969 --> 00:27:15,019 You know, my wife, she makes these dream catchers. 592 00:27:15,020 --> 00:27:16,990 Shut the hell up. 593 00:27:16,991 --> 00:27:18,992 How fast can you get us to the mainframe hardline? 594 00:27:18,993 --> 00:27:20,327 Yankee Doodle Dandy!