1 00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:07,284 Abed, what are you doing? 2 00:00:07,285 --> 00:00:09,746 Freelancing. 3 00:00:09,747 --> 00:00:11,706 You're not a spy for the city, are you? 4 00:00:11,707 --> 00:00:14,235 They've been sending footage of my classroom and 5 00:00:14,236 --> 00:00:17,224 pronounced me no worse than the teachers that work hard. 6 00:00:17,225 --> 00:00:18,624 I can't tell you who I'm working for. 7 00:00:18,625 --> 00:00:19,744 It's a surprise. 8 00:00:19,745 --> 00:00:22,194 Well, don't get in the way. 9 00:00:22,195 --> 00:00:23,154 You know the rules, Jeff. 10 00:00:23,155 --> 00:00:25,994 The sooner you ignore me, the sooner I stop being a factor. 11 00:00:25,995 --> 00:00:26,964 All right, people. 12 00:00:26,965 --> 00:00:32,355 Yesterday I wrote the word law on the board. 13 00:00:33,645 --> 00:00:37,664 This time, don't erase it, and maybe tomorrow we'll get even further. 14 00:00:37,665 --> 00:00:41,034 Now, I'm told Garrett has prepared a presentation for extra credit. 15 00:00:41,035 --> 00:00:43,894 By the way, everyone in class gets the credit because I'm not sure how 16 00:00:43,895 --> 00:00:45,164 much I should encourage this. 17 00:00:45,165 --> 00:00:46,104 Go ahead, Garrett. 18 00:00:46,105 --> 00:00:47,105 Thank you. 19 00:00:50,368 --> 00:00:52,527 My presentation is about marriage law. 20 00:00:52,528 --> 00:00:57,124 This is me, Garrett. 21 00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:58,125 I'm in your class. 22 00:00:59,835 --> 00:01:01,644 This is Stacy. 23 00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:03,105 She is in our class as well. 24 00:01:05,495 --> 00:01:07,132 This is what I want. 25 00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:10,508 Oh, Garrett. 26 00:01:10,509 --> 00:01:13,148 Stacy, will you marry me? 27 00:01:13,149 --> 00:01:18,372 Oh. 28 00:01:18,373 --> 00:01:21,513 Yes, yes, Garrett, yes, I will! 29 00:01:22,599 --> 00:01:26,941 Oh, Garrett! 30 00:01:26,942 --> 00:01:30,793 Garrett and I have been seeing each other for 16 months, two weeks, and four days. 31 00:01:30,794 --> 00:01:33,045 We met at the school store, Pencils and Such. 32 00:01:33,046 --> 00:01:34,944 He said he was there for the such. 33 00:01:34,945 --> 00:01:38,114 I remember I was sweating a lot, and breathing heavy, and 34 00:01:38,115 --> 00:01:40,694 my heart felt like it was going to burst in my chest. 35 00:01:40,695 --> 00:01:43,445 But the day I met Stacy, most of those symptoms actually declined. 36 00:01:45,775 --> 00:01:46,944 Are you quite done? 37 00:01:46,945 --> 00:01:47,554 Yeah. 38 00:01:47,555 --> 00:01:48,894 Garrett wanted the proposal recorded. 39 00:01:48,895 --> 00:01:50,504 He thought his family might wanna see proof. 40 00:01:50,505 --> 00:01:51,984 So now what are you shooting? 41 00:01:51,985 --> 00:01:53,244 You had a strange look on your face. 42 00:01:53,245 --> 00:01:55,329 Oh, you're noticing faces now? 43 00:01:55,330 --> 00:01:58,354 Mm-hm. Aren't you still smelling hair to tell Frankie from Annie? 44 00:01:58,355 --> 00:01:59,334 Yeah. 45 00:01:59,335 --> 00:02:00,384 Well, it's official. 46 00:02:00,385 --> 00:02:02,604 I'm getting laid. 47 00:02:02,605 --> 00:02:05,904 Give me some more time in a dream. 48 00:02:05,905 --> 00:02:09,190 Give me the hope to run out of steam. 49 00:02:09,191 --> 00:02:12,604 Somebody said it could be here. 50 00:02:12,605 --> 00:02:16,651 We could be roped up, tied up, dead in a year. 51 00:02:16,652 --> 00:02:21,247 I can't count the reasons I should stay. 52 00:02:21,248 --> 00:02:24,689 One by one, they all just fade away. 53 00:02:33,209 --> 00:02:34,236 What are you doing? 54 00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:37,776 Stop. 55 00:02:37,777 --> 00:02:39,460 Hey, stop. 56 00:02:39,461 --> 00:02:46,301 If you don't put that silly thing away, I swear, I'm gonna stop loving you. 57 00:02:46,302 --> 00:02:47,302 Oh, that's it. 58 00:02:48,782 --> 00:02:53,322 Happy birthday. 59 00:02:53,323 --> 00:02:54,871 What are you two doing? 60 00:02:54,872 --> 00:02:57,571 We're doing Annie's missing lover footage. 61 00:02:57,572 --> 00:03:00,681 You, you know in movies where the hero's wife or girlfriend is dead or 62 00:03:00,682 --> 00:03:04,721 missing, and so he sits in the dark and he watches her in a home movie, 63 00:03:04,722 --> 00:03:05,711 or-Or a hologram. 64 00:03:05,712 --> 00:03:09,281 Or a hologram over and over, and she's always beautiful and full of love, 65 00:03:09,282 --> 00:03:10,661 almost to the point of being stupid. 66 00:03:10,662 --> 00:03:13,321 We're making footage like that for me in case I get kidnapped or murdered. 67 00:03:13,322 --> 00:03:14,621 Oh, super healthy, guys. 68 00:03:14,622 --> 00:03:15,641 The health department called. 69 00:03:15,642 --> 00:03:17,172 They don't want anything back. 70 00:03:19,122 --> 00:03:20,619 Britta, don't look at the camera. 71 00:03:20,620 --> 00:03:21,620 Okay, look at the camera. 72 00:03:22,642 --> 00:03:23,435 Today's Garrett's wedding. 73 00:03:23,436 --> 00:03:26,634 For those who don't know, Garrett, he's a guy we don't really know, 74 00:03:26,635 --> 00:03:29,897 that we've known for like six years at school, the funny-looking guy. 75 00:03:29,898 --> 00:03:31,429 Britta, mean! 76 00:03:31,430 --> 00:03:33,078 Sorry! 77 00:03:33,079 --> 00:03:36,381 The eccentric-looking guy. 78 00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:37,321 What's happening? 79 00:03:37,322 --> 00:03:38,321 Everything's going wrong. 80 00:03:38,322 --> 00:03:39,171 That guy. 81 00:03:39,172 --> 00:03:41,961 Remember when we said we were cleaning? 82 00:03:41,962 --> 00:03:44,741 Yeah. But remember about Abed's documentary? 83 00:03:44,742 --> 00:03:46,991 The documentary is about what we're doing. 84 00:03:46,992 --> 00:03:48,151 And we're cleaning. 85 00:03:48,152 --> 00:03:52,121 Yeah, but if we're both cleaning then there's nobody to explain why. 86 00:03:52,122 --> 00:03:53,691 She doesn't understand filmmaking. 87 00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:54,821 I lived in New York. 88 00:03:54,822 --> 00:03:56,216 What else should we talk about? 89 00:04:00,818 --> 00:04:04,693 We volunteered our apartment as a staging area where our friends can get 90 00:04:04,694 --> 00:04:06,575 ready and keep each other on time. 91 00:04:06,576 --> 00:04:08,091 Oh. 92 00:04:08,092 --> 00:04:10,641 The thing to understand about our friends 93 00:04:10,642 --> 00:04:15,121 is that friends isn't an adequate label. 94 00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:19,372 We're an intensely, intimately bonded crew. 95 00:04:20,422 --> 00:04:21,701 Oh, I can't, no! 96 00:04:21,702 --> 00:04:22,231 No! 97 00:04:22,232 --> 00:04:26,991 Do you want flashy forward, or cherry and classic? 98 00:04:26,992 --> 00:04:27,992 Do you have black? 99 00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:29,465 That's a no. 100 00:04:29,466 --> 00:04:32,801 That beleaguered sigh means, no, I can't have black nails. 101 00:04:32,802 --> 00:04:33,881 Don't look at the camera. 102 00:04:33,882 --> 00:04:38,021 You absolutely can, and we all will when our bodies decompose. 103 00:04:38,022 --> 00:04:39,761 Please don't Jim the camera like that. 104 00:04:39,762 --> 00:04:40,601 Jim the camera? 105 00:04:40,602 --> 00:04:42,251 The color black hasn't had-It's not a color. 106 00:04:42,252 --> 00:04:44,631 Anything to do with death or edginess since '89! 107 00:04:44,632 --> 00:04:45,881 I mean, absence of color. 108 00:04:45,882 --> 00:04:47,671 My accountant has black nails! 109 00:04:47,672 --> 00:04:48,731 Your what?! 110 00:04:48,732 --> 00:04:50,562 Don't jump on that, my accountant, it's a figure of speech. 111 00:04:50,563 --> 00:04:53,106 It's a form of speech called making things up. 112 00:04:55,047 --> 00:04:55,813 Abed, can you get that? 113 00:04:55,814 --> 00:04:57,771 I can film you getting it. 114 00:04:57,772 --> 00:04:58,897 It's open! 115 00:04:58,898 --> 00:04:59,604 Is it? 116 00:04:59,605 --> 00:05:03,187 I don't know, let's see. 117 00:05:03,188 --> 00:05:05,087 Frankie. Hi girl. 118 00:05:05,088 --> 00:05:08,101 So, I didn't, put on my wedding clothes, like you said. 119 00:05:08,102 --> 00:05:10,561 So we can get dressed together and be girls together. 120 00:05:10,562 --> 00:05:12,122 This is gonna be fun. 121 00:05:14,542 --> 00:05:17,401 Annie and Britta told me to come over and get ready with them for 122 00:05:17,402 --> 00:05:18,651 Garrett's wedding. 123 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,201 I didn't say no. 124 00:05:20,202 --> 00:05:22,039 Who says no to something like that? 125 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:26,681 A cold, off-putting incompatible person. 126 00:05:26,682 --> 00:05:31,381 The kind of person that turns a sleepover into a stoning. 127 00:05:31,382 --> 00:05:34,631 I had rocks, thrown at me. 128 00:05:34,632 --> 00:05:38,393 Biblical, igneous, jagged, hateful, pointy, ninja rocks, and 129 00:05:38,394 --> 00:05:40,246 that's not gonna happen again. 130 00:05:44,117 --> 00:05:44,801 What have you been up to? 131 00:05:44,802 --> 00:05:49,081 I think you already asked that. 132 00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:49,901 Did you answer? 133 00:05:49,902 --> 00:05:51,191 Didn't I? 134 00:05:51,192 --> 00:05:53,281 I think I did. I don't think you did. 135 00:05:53,282 --> 00:05:55,312 Well, that's not like me. 136 00:05:56,702 --> 00:05:57,646 Well, maybe you're nervous. 137 00:05:57,647 --> 00:06:00,653 No, no. 138 00:06:00,654 --> 00:06:03,918 Well, why don't we just say that if you did answer, we forgot so 139 00:06:03,919 --> 00:06:05,451 we're asking again. 140 00:06:05,452 --> 00:06:07,932 Oh, I have been working. 141 00:06:09,942 --> 00:06:13,051 And I've been tending to my personal affairs. 142 00:06:13,052 --> 00:06:14,052 Mm. 143 00:06:18,932 --> 00:06:21,757 Mia, I don't know if I mentioned. 144 00:06:21,758 --> 00:06:27,558 One of my sisters as well, you know, one of them is deceased, 145 00:06:27,559 --> 00:06:32,259 and the other is mentally retarded. 146 00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:34,947 Panty raid. 147 00:06:36,902 --> 00:06:38,431 When I say drink, you say now. 148 00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:39,091 Drink. Now. 149 00:06:39,092 --> 00:06:39,631 Drink. 150 00:06:39,632 --> 00:06:42,031 Now. When I say drink, you say now. 151 00:06:42,032 --> 00:06:42,844 Drink. Now. 152 00:06:42,845 --> 00:06:44,141 Drink. Now. 153 00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:47,931 Hey what are you guys doing? 154 00:06:47,932 --> 00:06:50,122 We gotta go. The wedding starts in like 40 minutes. 155 00:06:50,123 --> 00:06:52,791 We batted the time. 156 00:06:52,792 --> 00:06:55,041 Huh? We lied to you cause we knew you'd be late. 157 00:06:55,042 --> 00:06:57,071 So we lied to you about the time. 158 00:06:57,072 --> 00:07:00,971 Yeah! You don't need perfect people to make a perfect team. 159 00:07:00,972 --> 00:07:03,831 You need people whose flaws feed into each other. 160 00:07:03,832 --> 00:07:06,286 It's what do you call it? 161 00:07:06,287 --> 00:07:07,621 Co-dependence. 162 00:07:07,622 --> 00:07:08,141 Synergy. 163 00:07:08,142 --> 00:07:10,591 For instance, there might be something Britta hates doing, 164 00:07:10,592 --> 00:07:11,761 but Annie loves doing. 165 00:07:11,762 --> 00:07:13,781 Or there might be something that Annie hates doing, but 166 00:07:13,782 --> 00:07:18,141 she does it anyways, because what she really loves is to feel useful. 167 00:07:18,142 --> 00:07:20,651 You literally just defined co-dependence. 168 00:07:20,652 --> 00:07:21,652 Here's to synergy. 169 00:07:23,682 --> 00:07:24,411 Oh, look at you. 170 00:07:24,412 --> 00:07:25,111 You little helper. 171 00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:25,993 Oh. Okay, 172 00:07:25,994 --> 00:07:31,978 do you Garrett take Jack Nicholson to be your lawfully wedded wife? 173 00:07:31,979 --> 00:07:33,876 I do. 174 00:07:33,877 --> 00:07:36,998 I do, Johnny. 175 00:07:39,262 --> 00:07:41,241 We invented a new game. 176 00:07:41,242 --> 00:07:43,681 Celebrity Garrett marriage. 177 00:07:43,682 --> 00:07:46,592 Christian Slater to be your lawfully wedded wife. 178 00:07:46,593 --> 00:07:49,378 I do. 179 00:07:49,379 --> 00:07:51,711 I do. 180 00:07:51,712 --> 00:07:52,600 Boo. 181 00:07:52,601 --> 00:07:53,314 There's only Nicholson. 182 00:07:53,315 --> 00:07:54,451 Yeah, well, listen to him. 183 00:07:54,452 --> 00:07:56,761 We were genius to pad the time margin. 184 00:07:56,762 --> 00:07:58,761 Because now we have, like, three more hours to play the game. 185 00:07:58,762 --> 00:07:59,550 Okay. 186 00:07:59,551 --> 00:08:04,772 Do you, Garrett, take Aubrey Plaza to be your wife? 187 00:08:05,912 --> 00:08:07,038 I do. 188 00:08:07,039 --> 00:08:08,595 I do. 189 00:08:08,596 --> 00:08:11,211 Wait. 190 00:08:11,212 --> 00:08:12,190 What do you mean, three more hours? 191 00:08:12,191 --> 00:08:13,461 How is that even possible? 192 00:08:15,488 --> 00:08:18,110 What, what time is the wedding? 193 00:08:18,111 --> 00:08:19,759 Wait, what time is it now? 194 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,175 We're late. 195 00:08:21,176 --> 00:08:21,825 We're late. 196 00:08:21,826 --> 00:08:22,826 Aah! 197 00:08:24,192 --> 00:08:29,017 Gather everyone to the car. 198 00:08:29,018 --> 00:08:29,911 What? Yeah. 199 00:08:29,912 --> 00:08:30,660 We'll drive together. 200 00:08:30,661 --> 00:08:31,322 We are not driving together. 201 00:08:31,323 --> 00:08:31,856 It's already been settled. 202 00:08:31,857 --> 00:08:32,857 Nothing was settled. 203 00:08:36,843 --> 00:08:38,171 What? 204 00:08:38,172 --> 00:08:38,988 They left me home alone. 205 00:08:38,989 --> 00:08:41,837 I'm home alone. 206 00:08:41,838 --> 00:08:43,173 Well, not really. 207 00:08:46,047 --> 00:08:47,689 What the hell you doing? 208 00:08:47,690 --> 00:08:49,529 C'mon, let's go, go, go, go, go, go, go. 209 00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:50,530 Okay geez. 210 00:08:53,639 --> 00:08:54,428 Abed, you too. 211 00:08:54,429 --> 00:08:54,971 Come on. 212 00:08:54,972 --> 00:08:55,972 Oh, yeah. 213 00:08:59,607 --> 00:09:02,761 We are here to witness the union of Garrett and 214 00:09:02,762 --> 00:09:08,316 Stacy in the eyes of, well in the eyes of whatever power you choose. 215 00:09:08,317 --> 00:09:12,336 Personally, I find the notion of choosing to be needlessly limited. 216 00:09:12,337 --> 00:09:15,286 What if I'm capable of total contradiction? 217 00:09:15,287 --> 00:09:21,426 What if science and religion were mine to wield as I choose? 218 00:09:21,427 --> 00:09:22,502 What if I'm God? 219 00:09:22,503 --> 00:09:26,607 What if I'm God? 220 00:09:29,631 --> 00:09:31,680 It is likely that I am not, but 221 00:09:31,681 --> 00:09:36,846 I think it's totally out of line to take that possibility off of the table. 222 00:09:36,847 --> 00:09:39,647 Now, I understand that vows have been written. 223 00:09:40,807 --> 00:09:46,118 Stacy, when I first saw you, looking at you made me feel good. 224 00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,356 Touching you, felt better and 225 00:09:48,357 --> 00:09:53,272 knowing you made me realize that without you, I, I am incomplete. 226 00:09:53,273 --> 00:09:54,473 I know I look pretty complete. 227 00:09:56,565 --> 00:09:59,523 Somebody over there laughed at that the wrong way. 228 00:09:59,524 --> 00:10:02,273 You are my body and my soul. 229 00:10:02,274 --> 00:10:04,273 You are my favorite video game. 230 00:10:04,274 --> 00:10:04,857 Yes. 231 00:10:04,858 --> 00:10:05,402 Come on. 232 00:10:05,403 --> 00:10:06,163 Guys, guys guys. 233 00:10:06,164 --> 00:10:09,206 Everybody's looking at us. 234 00:10:10,773 --> 00:10:12,561 Your was louder than what I said. 235 00:10:18,964 --> 00:10:21,923 Welcome! Everyone back there, you're welcome. 236 00:10:21,924 --> 00:10:23,838 Please join us. 237 00:10:23,839 --> 00:10:25,068 Any of those people could be God. 238 00:10:25,069 --> 00:10:25,858 Okay. 239 00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:26,508 Over there. 240 00:10:26,509 --> 00:10:28,565 Yeah. Oh. 241 00:10:30,109 --> 00:10:32,550 Yes. Ow! 242 00:10:32,551 --> 00:10:38,240 Garrett, since we met you have felt so familiar. 243 00:10:38,241 --> 00:10:40,812 I love making sandwiches with you. 244 00:10:40,813 --> 00:10:42,896 I love folding towels with you. 245 00:10:42,897 --> 00:10:46,413 I love giving you your pain killers, at the end of the day. 246 00:10:46,414 --> 00:10:48,764 Aw. 247 00:10:48,765 --> 00:10:51,017 Well that, those aren't really vows. 248 00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:54,446 That's a list of things you love about me, yeah. 249 00:10:54,447 --> 00:10:55,536 I'm so sorry. 250 00:10:55,537 --> 00:10:56,140 It's okay. 251 00:10:56,141 --> 00:10:59,948 Garrett, do you take Stacy to be your lawfully wedded wife. 252 00:10:59,949 --> 00:11:00,949 I do. 253 00:11:01,737 --> 00:11:06,219 Stacy, do you take Garrett to be your lawfully wedded husband, 254 00:11:06,220 --> 00:11:08,470 to have and to hold and to honor. 255 00:11:08,471 --> 00:11:10,600 Yes I do. 256 00:11:17,752 --> 00:11:19,576 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. And Mrs. 257 00:11:19,577 --> 00:11:22,142 Garrett Lambert, Garrett you may kiss Mrs. Garrett. 258 00:11:34,321 --> 00:11:36,362 Where the party at? 259 00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:42,479 Okay, let's endure this. 260 00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:44,034 Are we mailing today, or what? 261 00:11:44,035 --> 00:11:45,263 Who would have thought Barrett's 262 00:11:45,264 --> 00:11:46,750 wedding would be the best day of our lives. 263 00:11:46,751 --> 00:11:48,950 Definitely not Garrett, since his name's not Barrett. 264 00:11:48,951 --> 00:11:49,647 Whoopsie. 265 00:11:49,648 --> 00:11:50,993 We say a wrong a name. 266 00:11:50,994 --> 00:11:51,504 Oh! 267 00:11:51,505 --> 00:11:52,195 Racist. 268 00:11:52,196 --> 00:11:53,123 Oh, no. You a racist. 269 00:11:53,124 --> 00:11:54,482 That guy's a racist. 270 00:11:54,483 --> 00:11:56,949 From here to there is racist. 271 00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:58,499 Hm. 272 00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:01,941 Oh. 273 00:12:01,942 --> 00:12:03,015 Hi. Having a good time? 274 00:12:03,016 --> 00:12:04,147 Oh, yes. 275 00:12:04,148 --> 00:12:05,511 Are you Garrett's mom? 276 00:12:05,512 --> 00:12:06,463 I sure am. 277 00:12:06,464 --> 00:12:08,201 Aw. 278 00:12:08,202 --> 00:12:13,126 I think you guys could maybe take a step back, gain a little perspective, 279 00:12:13,127 --> 00:12:18,249 so you don't wreck the whole night for some really wonderful people. 280 00:12:18,250 --> 00:12:22,621 You came to a wedding in the middle of the vows through a bush. 281 00:12:22,622 --> 00:12:27,640 I'm not Dr. Phil, but, I don't want my son to kill himself, 282 00:12:27,641 --> 00:12:29,737 so, do what you gotta do! 283 00:12:31,949 --> 00:12:34,612 Yeah. 284 00:12:34,613 --> 00:12:37,876 Hm. 285 00:12:37,877 --> 00:12:38,926 Holy crap. 286 00:12:38,927 --> 00:12:40,021 What have we done? 287 00:12:40,022 --> 00:12:41,986 Okay, we just got checked. 288 00:12:41,987 --> 00:12:43,226 Mm-hm. And it was pretty deserved. 289 00:12:43,227 --> 00:12:46,436 But, we're not just gonna stand here and lick our wounds either. 290 00:12:46,437 --> 00:12:47,437 Jeff is right. 291 00:12:48,107 --> 00:12:50,806 And that chipper passive aggressive lady, she's right, too. 292 00:12:50,807 --> 00:12:57,343 So, let's spread out and-Be the best wedding guests, anyone has ever seen! 293 00:12:57,344 --> 00:12:57,917 Yes. 294 00:12:57,918 --> 00:12:59,810 Yeah. I'm not gonna over think it, I'm just gonna try it. 295 00:12:59,811 --> 00:13:00,576 Try it. Okay. 296 00:13:00,577 --> 00:13:02,068 Yes. 297 00:13:02,069 --> 00:13:02,694 Hey. 298 00:13:02,695 --> 00:13:03,228 Mazel tov. 299 00:13:03,229 --> 00:13:07,763 So, a stranger walked over to our very proud group and smashed our pride 300 00:13:07,764 --> 00:13:12,566 into pieces with a hammer, which definitely felt like a disaster. 301 00:13:12,567 --> 00:13:17,676 Then, I started to pick up the pieces of our pride, and weirdly enough, 302 00:13:17,677 --> 00:13:22,586 the first piece I picked up was my own pride, all of it. 303 00:13:22,587 --> 00:13:25,076 It's almost like groups and people in groups, 304 00:13:25,077 --> 00:13:27,696 can never be complete at the same time. 305 00:13:27,697 --> 00:13:29,537 Does that make any sense? 306 00:13:30,857 --> 00:13:33,936 No? Well, that's your problem. 307 00:13:33,937 --> 00:13:37,266 I love you, Abed. 308 00:13:37,267 --> 00:13:39,326 Do I know how to be a good wedding guest? 309 00:13:39,327 --> 00:13:40,206 Yes, I do. 310 00:13:40,207 --> 00:13:42,646 A little too well, that's the problem. 311 00:13:42,647 --> 00:13:46,609 My name is Elroy Patashnik, and from 2006 to 2009, 312 00:13:46,610 --> 00:13:49,576 I was addicted to encouraging white people. 313 00:13:49,577 --> 00:13:51,062 All right! 314 00:13:51,063 --> 00:13:52,780 Now there's a man who knows his meatballs. 315 00:13:52,781 --> 00:13:54,103 Thank you. 316 00:13:54,104 --> 00:13:55,659 It started as simple survival. 317 00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:58,084 The tech industry in the 90s, this face, this voice, 318 00:13:58,085 --> 00:14:00,166 they're either gonna help you or hold you back. 319 00:14:00,167 --> 00:14:04,436 So, you tap the gas, because well, why tap the brake? 320 00:14:04,437 --> 00:14:08,456 Oh, you know, you know what you're doing. 321 00:14:08,457 --> 00:14:11,716 This man knows exactly what he's doing. 322 00:14:11,717 --> 00:14:14,376 I learned the cheat code. 323 00:14:14,377 --> 00:14:16,106 White people like encouragement. 324 00:14:16,107 --> 00:14:17,826 It really doesn't matter what for. 325 00:14:17,827 --> 00:14:19,531 Now, that's a container for liquid. 326 00:14:19,532 --> 00:14:20,576 I never felt like a sellout. 327 00:14:20,577 --> 00:14:23,966 I never laugh at anything unfunny, never said anything untrue. 328 00:14:23,967 --> 00:14:27,049 The thing is, and this will sound racist, 329 00:14:27,050 --> 00:14:32,576 white people are very discouraged, and very discouraging to each other. 330 00:14:32,577 --> 00:14:35,656 Sweetie, you, you're getting meatball juice everywhere but your plate. 331 00:14:35,657 --> 00:14:38,006 I think I'm going better than you are, with your asparagus. 332 00:14:38,007 --> 00:14:41,826 Oh, now that's the way to handle meatballs. 333 00:14:41,827 --> 00:14:43,446 And look at you. 334 00:14:43,447 --> 00:14:45,116 Working that asparagus. 335 00:14:45,117 --> 00:14:49,715 So, the day you start telling them, hey, just do what you're doing! 336 00:14:49,716 --> 00:14:50,411 I love you. 337 00:14:50,412 --> 00:14:51,269 I love you. 338 00:14:51,270 --> 00:14:53,150 You feel like a superhero. 339 00:14:53,151 --> 00:14:55,231 But, what's the danger? 340 00:14:55,232 --> 00:14:56,856 Why'd I stop? 341 00:14:56,857 --> 00:15:01,356 You know, same as anything else that makes you feel good. 342 00:15:01,357 --> 00:15:03,851 If you don't put a lid on it. 343 00:15:03,852 --> 00:15:06,916 Oh, look at these pants. 344 00:15:06,917 --> 00:15:07,986 Oh, oh, oh. 345 00:15:07,987 --> 00:15:11,890 He should keep on wearing, 346 00:15:11,891 --> 00:15:15,805 keep on wearing his pants. 347 00:15:15,806 --> 00:15:17,733 There's no lid. 348 00:15:17,734 --> 00:15:21,756 Stacy has a 90 year old meemaw here. 349 00:15:21,757 --> 00:15:23,126 I pushed her around the dance floor. 350 00:15:23,127 --> 00:15:25,006 I think she liked it. 351 00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:26,596 No, that's Polly. 352 00:15:26,597 --> 00:15:30,026 No, Great Aunt Polly is Garrett's side. 353 00:15:30,027 --> 00:15:31,027 I haven't met her. 354 00:15:31,827 --> 00:15:34,194 Oh my God, do you think she saw me pushing meemaw, and 355 00:15:34,195 --> 00:15:36,257 now she's wondering what's wrong with her? 356 00:15:36,258 --> 00:15:37,016 I'll be right back. 357 00:15:37,017 --> 00:15:39,857 Annie, the world will still need you after you finish your cake. 358 00:15:41,227 --> 00:15:42,646 Am I that bad? 359 00:15:42,647 --> 00:15:43,647 We have the same dragon. 360 00:15:44,707 --> 00:15:49,016 Eventually you will slay it, or train it, or dissolve in its stomach. 361 00:15:49,017 --> 00:15:51,676 Its name is Helping Others. 362 00:15:51,677 --> 00:15:53,326 If I train it, can I give it a cooler name? 363 00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:55,346 If you train it, you can do anything you want. 364 00:15:55,347 --> 00:15:57,086 If you slay it, I don't know. 365 00:15:57,087 --> 00:16:00,086 I guess you get a new dragon named Yourself. 366 00:16:00,087 --> 00:16:01,287 And then you'd be Jeff Winger. 367 00:16:02,427 --> 00:16:04,417 Yeah, that guy needs help! 368 00:16:05,836 --> 00:16:10,726 What would you name your dragon? 369 00:16:10,727 --> 00:16:14,506 I think we need a list of dragon names. 370 00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:17,886 Yeah! And then we need to get you away from Jeff. 371 00:16:17,887 --> 00:16:20,894 Is what I wanted to say, but how is that my business? 372 00:16:23,646 --> 00:16:27,133 You don't show these to people when you finish them? 373 00:16:27,134 --> 00:16:29,430 No. Okay, good. 374 00:16:32,971 --> 00:16:35,226 So then why do you make them, again? 375 00:16:35,227 --> 00:16:36,166 It relaxes me. 376 00:16:36,167 --> 00:16:37,727 It's like knitting with less discipline. 377 00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:39,866 Princess Firebreath. 378 00:16:39,867 --> 00:16:41,316 Sir Pent. 379 00:16:41,317 --> 00:16:43,076 Doctor Rachel Spinetail. 380 00:16:43,077 --> 00:16:43,986 Holly Hotbreath. 381 00:16:43,987 --> 00:16:44,966 Ugh. 382 00:16:44,967 --> 00:16:45,906 Jimmy Talon. 383 00:16:45,907 --> 00:16:47,246 Christian Scale. 384 00:16:47,247 --> 00:16:49,286 I got into a bit of a celebrity pun barrel here. 385 00:16:49,287 --> 00:16:50,346 Carson Scaley. 386 00:16:50,347 --> 00:16:51,416 Jude Claw. 387 00:16:51,417 --> 00:16:52,447 Ariana Puffington. 388 00:16:53,947 --> 00:16:56,446 Hi. Are these your biggest ice cubes? 389 00:16:56,447 --> 00:16:57,740 No, you're boisterous! 390 00:16:57,741 --> 00:16:59,066 Where's my brother!? 391 00:16:59,067 --> 00:17:01,166 I've gotta thing to say about my friend Garrett! 392 00:17:01,167 --> 00:17:05,926 There has been a plot twist in the story of our comeback as wedding guests. 393 00:17:05,927 --> 00:17:10,286 Garrett's older brother Bones has relapsed during his weekend pass and 394 00:17:10,287 --> 00:17:13,286 will be unable to do the best man toast. 395 00:17:13,287 --> 00:17:14,606 You got him? 396 00:17:14,607 --> 00:17:17,276 So, I took Garrett's mom's side and 397 00:17:17,277 --> 00:17:21,706 told her after our behavior today, it was the least I could do for them. 398 00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:25,316 And I'm not gonna Winger speech it, this is a thing of substance. 399 00:17:25,317 --> 00:17:28,736 We pooled all the inside info based on all the mingling, and 400 00:17:28,737 --> 00:17:31,956 this toast is rocket fueled selflessness. 401 00:17:31,957 --> 00:17:35,846 And this wedding is gonna regret the day it thought we'd make it about us. 402 00:17:35,847 --> 00:17:39,209 Because we're about to be the first guests in history to out-toast 403 00:17:39,210 --> 00:17:40,966 the entire wedding party. 404 00:17:40,967 --> 00:17:42,687 God, I love my job! 405 00:17:43,807 --> 00:17:44,956 Wait, this isn't my job. 406 00:17:44,957 --> 00:17:46,866 God, I love myself! 407 00:17:46,867 --> 00:17:50,218 That was Stacy's first time! 408 00:17:53,190 --> 00:17:55,987 But it's not gonna be her last time, right Garrett? 409 00:17:58,277 --> 00:18:00,706 So many classic toast errors. 410 00:18:00,707 --> 00:18:02,336 A fire hydrant could follow this. 411 00:18:02,337 --> 00:18:06,096 I love you so much, and please, keep painting. 412 00:18:06,097 --> 00:18:08,016 Don't let Garrett, don't paint. 413 00:18:08,017 --> 00:18:11,986 Don't let Garrett keep you from painting. 414 00:18:11,987 --> 00:18:12,856 Okay, I'm done. 415 00:18:12,857 --> 00:18:15,396 Okay, Stacy's friend Andi everybody. 416 00:18:15,397 --> 00:18:17,368 Next up we have a replacement best man, 417 00:18:17,369 --> 00:18:19,707 Garrett's friend from Greendale College, Jeffrey Winger. 418 00:18:20,977 --> 00:18:24,156 There's a lot of things I can say about this couple. 419 00:18:24,157 --> 00:18:26,536 They're both in my class at Greendale, and 420 00:18:26,537 --> 00:18:30,191 like all my students, I give them till about June. 421 00:18:31,323 --> 00:18:36,957 No, you guys'll be fine forever, as long as Stacy never lets Andi babysit. 422 00:18:38,107 --> 00:18:40,046 Or go near a child. 423 00:18:40,047 --> 00:18:43,946 Or be in the same town as a pair of scissors. 424 00:18:43,947 --> 00:18:45,866 This girl's a wreck. 425 00:18:45,867 --> 00:18:48,776 He's being too mean. 426 00:18:48,777 --> 00:18:49,901 No, he's reading the room. 427 00:18:49,902 --> 00:18:51,451 Andi was a bummer, they needed this. 428 00:18:51,452 --> 00:18:54,156 Life's about two people merging their lives, but 429 00:18:54,157 --> 00:18:59,206 that means two families are leaving here tonight as one. 430 00:18:59,207 --> 00:19:00,676 That's a big deal. 431 00:19:00,677 --> 00:19:04,346 Now my friends and I came here tonight as outsiders, but 432 00:19:04,347 --> 00:19:06,106 thanks to some good advice, 433 00:19:06,107 --> 00:19:12,006 we spent the night learning about these two clans of outsiders. 434 00:19:12,007 --> 00:19:15,496 We learned that Garrett's uncle Tony is a photographer. 435 00:19:15,497 --> 00:19:18,806 But Uncle Tony, did you know that Stacy's friend Lawrence makes and 436 00:19:18,807 --> 00:19:19,996 sells frames? 437 00:19:19,997 --> 00:19:22,556 Yeah, look each other up, get some business going. 438 00:19:22,557 --> 00:19:26,356 Oh, and Garrett's neighbor Dawn loves vintage cars. 439 00:19:26,357 --> 00:19:30,866 Stacy's chiropractor Susan brought her dad, and guess what? 440 00:19:30,867 --> 00:19:34,106 Her dad worked in an automobile factory in the 60s. 441 00:19:34,107 --> 00:19:37,826 Yeah, I know, these are the kind of things you learn being the biggest 442 00:19:37,827 --> 00:19:39,666 jerks at a wedding. 443 00:19:39,667 --> 00:19:41,656 Here's another golden nugget in the gravel. 444 00:19:41,657 --> 00:19:46,231 Some of you have worked the dance floor with Garrett's divine great aunt 445 00:19:46,232 --> 00:19:47,960 Polly, 90 years young. 446 00:19:49,260 --> 00:19:55,238 And some of you chatted with Stacy's meemaw, also 90 years young. 447 00:19:57,467 --> 00:20:02,314 Now, I don't know if they've even met before tonight, 448 00:20:02,315 --> 00:20:08,176 but we did learn that both of them were born in the same town. 449 00:20:08,177 --> 00:20:10,046 Sheridan, Wyoming. 450 00:20:10,047 --> 00:20:13,906 Now Garrett and Stacy, would you mind getting them both out here? 451 00:20:13,907 --> 00:20:14,666 All right. 452 00:20:14,667 --> 00:20:15,845 Yeah! 453 00:20:15,846 --> 00:20:18,102 I know Aunt Polly's here. 454 00:20:18,103 --> 00:20:19,645 Isn't she beautiful? 455 00:20:21,281 --> 00:20:22,477 Okay. 456 00:20:22,478 --> 00:20:25,619 Who has got eyes on meemaw? 457 00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:29,810 This is meemaw. 458 00:20:29,811 --> 00:20:32,778 Oh, this is meemaw! 459 00:20:32,779 --> 00:20:34,227 Okay, I feel like an idiot. 460 00:20:34,228 --> 00:20:36,128 I'm so, so sorry. 461 00:20:36,129 --> 00:20:38,119 Garrett, where's Aunt Polly? 462 00:20:40,894 --> 00:20:42,726 Okay. 463 00:20:42,727 --> 00:20:47,786 I, now I don't feel as stupid because either someone 464 00:20:47,787 --> 00:20:52,769 here is lying, or this family's a lot closer than we thought. 465 00:21:01,103 --> 00:21:08,436 And now, this is a man that knows how to marry his cousin. 466 00:21:22,688 --> 00:21:25,270 None of this would have happened if I wasn't always trying to help. 467 00:21:25,271 --> 00:21:27,536 Actually, none of this would have happened if I hadn't tried helping you 468 00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:28,312 with your helpfulness. 469 00:21:28,313 --> 00:21:30,229 Oh, don't torture yourself with that logic. 470 00:21:30,230 --> 00:21:32,729 None of us would have met if Hitler hadn't been born. 471 00:21:32,730 --> 00:21:35,355 Also none of Britta's arguments would have a default analogy. 472 00:21:35,356 --> 00:21:36,395 Excuse me? 473 00:21:36,396 --> 00:21:37,812 He's saying you go to the Hitler well a lot. 474 00:21:37,813 --> 00:21:39,312 What are you, Hitler, Hitler? 475 00:21:39,313 --> 00:21:42,979 Okay, Britta, we're all the worst right now, take a day off. 476 00:21:42,980 --> 00:21:44,395 I did. 477 00:21:44,396 --> 00:21:48,214 Between us ruining the ceremony and ruining the reception when we were all 478 00:21:48,215 --> 00:21:50,687 just individual people, I wasn't the worst. 479 00:21:50,688 --> 00:21:52,312 I'm only the worst with you guys. 480 00:21:52,313 --> 00:21:53,604 Well, me too. Me too. 481 00:21:53,605 --> 00:21:55,312 I was a good dean before you guys. 482 00:21:55,313 --> 00:21:55,937 Aw. 483 00:21:55,938 --> 00:21:56,859 You can't disprove it. 484 00:21:56,860 --> 00:21:58,812 I relapsed because of you guys. 485 00:21:58,813 --> 00:21:59,604 What? Oh it's not a big deal. 486 00:21:59,605 --> 00:22:00,729 White people problems. 487 00:22:00,730 --> 00:22:01,313 Oh. 488 00:22:01,314 --> 00:22:02,479 I like this group. 489 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:04,104 I'm at my best when I'm with you guys. 490 00:22:04,105 --> 00:22:04,854 Well, that clinches it. 491 00:22:04,855 --> 00:22:05,355 Separate cabs. 492 00:22:05,356 --> 00:22:05,895 Separate cabs. 493 00:22:05,896 --> 00:22:08,229 Separate cabs. 494 00:22:08,230 --> 00:22:09,604 Hi! 495 00:22:09,605 --> 00:22:13,312 For those still with us, we won't be cutting the cake or dancing. 496 00:22:13,313 --> 00:22:16,336 And I believe there was a guy in a Homer Simpson costume that was gonna 497 00:22:16,337 --> 00:22:16,979 surprise me. 498 00:22:16,980 --> 00:22:19,604 That won't be necessary! 499 00:22:19,605 --> 00:22:22,854 Drive safe, and thank you for coming. 500 00:22:22,855 --> 00:22:24,395 What are you going to do? 501 00:22:24,396 --> 00:22:25,063 Chang! 502 00:22:25,064 --> 00:22:25,979 Chang! 503 00:22:25,980 --> 00:22:27,229 We're going home. 504 00:22:27,230 --> 00:22:28,145 Are you gonna stay married? 505 00:22:28,146 --> 00:22:28,937 Chang! 506 00:22:28,938 --> 00:22:29,854 Chang! Chang! 507 00:22:29,855 --> 00:22:31,828 We consulted with a lawyer, and 508 00:22:31,829 --> 00:22:34,687 it is legal in this state to marry your cousin. 509 00:22:34,688 --> 00:22:38,520 But after talking to our family, we feel an annulment is warranted. 510 00:22:38,521 --> 00:22:39,395 What no, screw that. 511 00:22:39,396 --> 00:22:40,229 Chang. No. 512 00:22:40,230 --> 00:22:41,145 Chang. No. 513 00:22:41,146 --> 00:22:41,646 Chang, get back here. 514 00:22:41,647 --> 00:22:42,562 Hey, screw you guys. 515 00:22:42,563 --> 00:22:44,086 No, this family is so screwed up, 516 00:22:44,087 --> 00:22:46,145 you thought you were two different families. 517 00:22:46,146 --> 00:22:47,616 Now that you know you're not, 518 00:22:47,617 --> 00:22:50,395 you can't wait to leave, and you want this guy to do what? 519 00:22:50,396 --> 00:22:51,729 Forget he's in love? 520 00:22:51,730 --> 00:22:53,062 For you? 521 00:22:53,063 --> 00:22:55,344 You want him to take one for this crappy team? 522 00:22:55,345 --> 00:22:56,004 Let him finish. 523 00:22:56,005 --> 00:22:57,604 They were letting me finish, sir. 524 00:22:57,605 --> 00:22:59,104 I know, I was being sarcastic. 525 00:22:59,105 --> 00:23:00,438 Okay, you know? 526 00:23:06,438 --> 00:23:09,895 Garrett, who loves you here more than Stacy? 527 00:23:09,896 --> 00:23:11,729 Nobody. 528 00:23:11,730 --> 00:23:14,896 Stacy, is it your fault Garrett's your cousin? 529 00:23:14,897 --> 00:23:16,437 No. 530 00:23:16,438 --> 00:23:19,047 Is anyone here going to make less fun of these two or 531 00:23:19,048 --> 00:23:21,604 be better friends to them no matter what they do? 532 00:23:21,605 --> 00:23:22,312 No. No. 533 00:23:22,313 --> 00:23:23,020 No. 534 00:23:23,021 --> 00:23:26,562 It's you against the world, and you will not win. 535 00:23:26,563 --> 00:23:29,271 But, you get to make your moves. 536 00:23:29,272 --> 00:23:30,563 Not them. 537 00:23:37,693 --> 00:23:44,230 Stacy, will you be my legally incestuous wife? 538 00:23:44,231 --> 00:23:44,854 Yes. 539 00:23:44,855 --> 00:23:47,730 Everyone stay and eat cake, or go to hell. 540 00:23:55,813 --> 00:23:57,708 This is about me. 541 00:23:57,709 --> 00:24:04,094 I didn't think I could do it, but I did. 542 00:24:04,095 --> 00:24:04,791 Smile. 543 00:24:04,792 --> 00:24:05,952 Smile. 544 00:24:05,953 --> 00:24:07,020 Garrett, look up. 545 00:24:07,021 --> 00:24:08,979 Yay! 546 00:24:08,980 --> 00:24:10,105 Oh. 547 00:24:17,942 --> 00:24:19,688 So much Jenny. 548 00:24:24,981 --> 00:24:27,438 Wow, what an episode of Community. 549 00:24:27,439 --> 00:24:31,457 Hi, I'm Briggs Haddon credited author of this weeks episode. 550 00:24:31,458 --> 00:24:34,727 You might have noticed an emphasis on the topic of incest, 551 00:24:34,728 --> 00:24:36,117 well that's no accident. 552 00:24:36,118 --> 00:24:38,977 For the past two years, when not serving as writer's assistant on 553 00:24:38,978 --> 00:24:41,217 Community, I've been researching incest on the internet. 554 00:24:41,218 --> 00:24:43,317 What I found, surprised me. 555 00:24:43,318 --> 00:24:46,352 Did you know that first cousins can have children without great risk of 556 00:24:46,353 --> 00:24:47,855 birth defect or genetic disease? 557 00:24:47,856 --> 00:24:51,188 That's a quote directly from the New York Times, April 4, 2002. 558 00:24:51,189 --> 00:24:53,176 But despite this scientific fact, 559 00:24:53,177 --> 00:24:56,897 state laws on incest remain inconsistent and woefully outdated. 560 00:24:56,898 --> 00:24:59,586 I mean I, I can make love to my cousin in Nebraska, but if 561 00:24:59,587 --> 00:25:03,272 I take her on a date in South Dakota, I'm looking at 15 years prison time. 562 00:25:03,273 --> 00:25:06,730 I told the Community writers, attention must be paid. 563 00:25:06,731 --> 00:25:09,355 They said they'd allow me to address it on one condition. 564 00:25:09,356 --> 00:25:13,313 At the end of the episode, I must appear and identify myself as a writer. 565 00:25:13,314 --> 00:25:15,970 Look, I'm not trying to tell you how to feel about incest, 566 00:25:15,971 --> 00:25:19,228 I'm just letting you know, there's more to it than you've been told. 567 00:25:20,428 --> 00:25:25,447 I'm Briggs Haddon, and I wrote the Community season six, incest episode. 568 00:25:25,448 --> 00:25:26,564 Good night. 569 00:26:01,773 --> 00:26:02,939 Did you get any of that?