1
00:00:00,920 --> 00:00:02,178
Didn't they say 304?
2
00:00:02,315 --> 00:00:03,815
No, 303.
I wrote it twice.
3
00:00:05,466 --> 00:00:07,968
♪ Troy
and Abed's new apartment! ♪
4
00:00:08,002 --> 00:00:11,339
Hiiii!
5
00:00:11,373 --> 00:00:12,457
- Come on in.
- Come on.
6
00:00:12,491 --> 00:00:14,175
Wow.
7
00:00:14,210 --> 00:00:16,111
What a great place.
8
00:00:16,146 --> 00:00:18,831
You guys--you guys
look so fancy.
9
00:00:18,865 --> 00:00:21,083
Thanks. We read a book on how
to be the perfect party hosts.
10
00:00:21,118 --> 00:00:22,118
Rule number one--
dress to impress.
11
00:00:22,153 --> 00:00:23,353
Rule number two--
12
00:00:23,387 --> 00:00:26,356
avoid touchy topics
like the negro problem.
13
00:00:26,390 --> 00:00:27,792
- The book was written
in the '40s. - Yeah.
14
00:00:27,826 --> 00:00:29,794
Oh, good, you guys
are finally here.
15
00:00:29,828 --> 00:00:30,795
Finally?
16
00:00:30,829 --> 00:00:32,463
Shirley showed up
at 3:00.
17
00:00:32,497 --> 00:00:33,949
Time flies when I'm baking.
18
00:00:33,983 --> 00:00:35,500
No, it doesn't.
19
00:00:35,535 --> 00:00:37,970
Oh, the door downstairs
was propped open with this.
20
00:00:38,004 --> 00:00:39,271
This is really unsafe.
21
00:00:39,305 --> 00:00:41,040
Anyone could have just
wandered into your building.
22
00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:43,243
Like one of our guests?
23
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:44,811
- I'll be right back.
- Thank you, Troy.
24
00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:46,347
Let me give you ladies
the grand tour.
25
00:00:46,381 --> 00:00:48,999
Bathroom, kitchen, who cares,
and this is my scale model
26
00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:50,334
of the rolling Boulder scene
from raiders...
27
00:00:50,385 --> 00:00:52,152
With actual rolling Boulder.
28
00:00:52,187 --> 00:00:53,338
Ooh.
29
00:00:53,389 --> 00:00:54,339
Adiós, Sapito.
30
00:00:54,390 --> 00:00:57,008
Ahh.
31
00:00:57,059 --> 00:00:58,159
Pretty cool, huh?
32
00:00:58,194 --> 00:01:00,162
Super cool.
And sexy.
33
00:01:00,197 --> 00:01:01,397
Super sexy cool.
34
00:01:01,431 --> 00:01:02,815
Overselling it.
35
00:01:02,849 --> 00:01:04,350
I made pizza.
36
00:01:04,401 --> 00:01:05,569
But we ordered real pizza.
37
00:01:05,603 --> 00:01:07,337
Well, there's nothing
more real than homemade.
38
00:01:07,372 --> 00:01:08,705
You didn't have
some of the ingredients,
39
00:01:08,740 --> 00:01:11,141
so I used ketchup
and cream cheese.
40
00:01:11,176 --> 00:01:12,527
We ordered real pizza.
41
00:01:16,081 --> 00:01:19,368
Okay.
Hey, got you that.
42
00:01:21,338 --> 00:01:24,190
Bienvenido de la Casa
Chez Trobed.
43
00:01:24,225 --> 00:01:25,325
Very nice.
44
00:01:25,343 --> 00:01:27,560
Oh, look, Indiana Jones
45
00:01:27,595 --> 00:01:29,662
and the apartment
of perpetual virginity.
46
00:01:31,350 --> 00:01:34,168
Chop busted, fellow adult,
chop busted.
47
00:01:34,202 --> 00:01:36,772
It's nice. Not mansion-nice,
but it's nice.
48
00:01:36,806 --> 00:01:39,507
Didn't you used to live
in a mansion with me?
49
00:01:39,525 --> 00:01:42,110
Yeah, but this is more
my speed and century.
50
00:01:42,145 --> 00:01:44,213
Doesn't bother me.
I've hardly missed you at all
51
00:01:44,248 --> 00:01:45,715
since I had you removed
from my portraits.
52
00:01:45,749 --> 00:01:46,949
Jeff!
53
00:01:46,984 --> 00:01:48,451
Check it out.
Serbian rum.
54
00:01:48,485 --> 00:01:51,855
So strong it is banned there.
55
00:01:51,873 --> 00:01:54,158
Banned in Serbia, Jeff.
56
00:01:54,192 --> 00:01:56,795
Let that concept sink in.
57
00:01:56,829 --> 00:01:58,630
Yeah, well, you enjoy.
I have to leave early.
58
00:01:58,664 --> 00:02:00,298
- Oh?
- Yeah, sorry.
59
00:02:00,333 --> 00:02:02,401
I've got an invite to
the opening of a new club.
60
00:02:02,436 --> 00:02:04,603
Look at this place. It's like
it was designed for me.
61
00:02:04,638 --> 00:02:06,705
It was. I made that in
Photoshop and mailed it to you
62
00:02:06,723 --> 00:02:08,442
a month ago so that you'd keep
tonight open on your calendar.
63
00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:09,676
There's no such thing as
64
00:02:09,711 --> 00:02:12,779
single malt platinum
boobs and billiards club?
65
00:02:14,183 --> 00:02:16,217
I guess I never
said it out loud.
66
00:02:16,251 --> 00:02:18,386
Tonight we offer something far
more than boobs and billiards.
67
00:02:18,404 --> 00:02:21,156
- What?
- One word, two syllables.
68
00:02:21,191 --> 00:02:23,959
- Don't say charades.
- Yahtzee!
69
00:02:23,993 --> 00:02:26,663
Is charades off the table?
70
00:02:26,697 --> 00:02:29,697
Sync by mczolly, corrected by susanaLC
www.Addic7ed.Com
71
00:02:53,528 --> 00:02:57,281
Come on.
And...
72
00:02:57,315 --> 00:02:59,801
Okay.
73
00:02:59,835 --> 00:03:02,971
Now...
"How to play Yahtzee."
74
00:03:03,005 --> 00:03:05,408
Is there nothing from our youth
75
00:03:05,442 --> 00:03:07,827
that these companies won't
repackage for a buck?
76
00:03:07,878 --> 00:03:09,712
Call it Yahtzee all you want.
77
00:03:09,746 --> 00:03:12,215
Everybody knows
it's Puerto Rican chess.
78
00:03:14,118 --> 00:03:15,285
Annie, it's just the pizza.
79
00:03:15,319 --> 00:03:17,638
We can't buzz him up.
Someone has to go down.
80
00:03:20,559 --> 00:03:21,976
Okay.
81
00:03:22,010 --> 00:03:24,630
Starting on my left with one,
your number comes up, you go.
82
00:03:24,664 --> 00:03:25,697
Just so you know, Jeff,
you are now creating
83
00:03:25,732 --> 00:03:26,682
six different timelines.
84
00:03:26,733 --> 00:03:28,633
Of course I am, Abed.
85
00:03:32,656 --> 00:03:34,474
Two. One, two-- Annie.
86
00:03:34,508 --> 00:03:36,744
Okay, fine.
I guess I'm going down.
87
00:03:37,779 --> 00:03:38,946
All this talk of going down...
88
00:03:38,980 --> 00:03:39,980
Did you guys know I had sex
89
00:03:40,015 --> 00:03:41,950
with Eartha Kitt
in an airplane bathroom?
90
00:03:41,984 --> 00:03:43,752
We're about to eat.
91
00:03:43,786 --> 00:03:45,954
It's not namedropping
if it comes up organically.
92
00:03:45,988 --> 00:03:47,489
I'm gonna check in on my pies.
93
00:03:47,507 --> 00:03:50,092
- ♪ Roxa-- ♪
- No.
94
00:03:50,127 --> 00:03:51,627
Bathroom?
95
00:03:51,661 --> 00:03:53,931
Over here.
96
00:03:53,965 --> 00:03:56,166
Uh, guys?
97
00:03:56,201 --> 00:03:57,667
What does a pregnancy test
look like?
98
00:03:57,685 --> 00:03:59,770
Like a thin piece of plastic
with a thing on the end of it.
99
00:03:59,804 --> 00:04:01,573
Okay, so this is
definitely a gun.
100
00:04:01,607 --> 00:04:03,441
Whoa!
Yeah, put that away.
101
00:04:03,476 --> 00:04:05,676
Oh, my-- Why does
Annie have a gun?
102
00:04:05,694 --> 00:04:07,580
That's not a gun,
that's a girl's peashooter.
103
00:04:07,614 --> 00:04:08,781
Here, Troy.
104
00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,349
Happy housewarming.
105
00:04:10,367 --> 00:04:12,919
Jeff, what are
we gonna do about this?
106
00:04:12,954 --> 00:04:14,621
I'm gonna get a drink.
Ow!
107
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:17,541
What's so funny?
108
00:04:17,575 --> 00:04:19,076
I don't know, people
hitting their heads.
109
00:04:19,127 --> 00:04:23,297
Don't fight over them.
110
00:04:23,332 --> 00:04:25,217
Well, y-you can fight
a little.
111
00:04:25,251 --> 00:04:27,569
Smells weird.
112
00:04:27,604 --> 00:04:29,071
I beg your pardon?
113
00:04:29,105 --> 00:04:30,706
Smells weird.
What did you do?
114
00:04:30,740 --> 00:04:32,909
Abed, you don't ask someone
a question like that.
115
00:04:32,943 --> 00:04:35,211
It's not dignified.
116
00:04:35,246 --> 00:04:36,646
Pizza!
117
00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:38,065
♪ Pizza, pizza, go in tummy ♪
118
00:04:38,099 --> 00:04:40,734
♪ me so hung-ee
me so hung-ee ♪
119
00:04:40,769 --> 00:04:42,953
That pizza guy
was super creepy.
120
00:04:42,988 --> 00:04:47,025
So you're saying
he was a pizza guy?
121
00:04:47,059 --> 00:04:48,527
I wonder what happened
in those other timelines.
122
00:04:48,561 --> 00:04:51,964
Abed, there are
no other timelines.
123
00:04:54,368 --> 00:04:55,785
Okay.
124
00:04:55,836 --> 00:04:58,738
Starting on my left with one,
your number comes up, you go.
125
00:04:58,756 --> 00:04:59,806
Just so you know, Jeff,
you are now creating
126
00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:00,791
six different timelines.
127
00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:02,609
Of course I am, Abed.
128
00:05:06,632 --> 00:05:09,184
Four. One, two,
three, four-- Shirley.
129
00:05:09,219 --> 00:05:11,303
Okay, just don't
let my pies burn.
130
00:05:13,607 --> 00:05:16,126
Remember, no one eats
those pies.
131
00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:17,644
Come on, let's just
talk to her.
132
00:05:17,695 --> 00:05:19,729
We tried that, Annie,
but she ignored us.
133
00:05:19,764 --> 00:05:21,449
The woman has a baking problem.
134
00:05:21,483 --> 00:05:23,067
Now, I-I don't like
being the bad guy
135
00:05:23,101 --> 00:05:24,268
anymore than anybody else--
136
00:05:24,303 --> 00:05:26,470
- ♪ Roxa-- ♪
- No.
137
00:05:26,505 --> 00:05:27,873
Bathroom?
138
00:05:27,907 --> 00:05:30,042
Yeah, over here.
139
00:05:30,076 --> 00:05:34,180
We have a pact.
We do not enable her baking.
140
00:05:34,214 --> 00:05:35,548
It's gonna be better
for her in the long run.
141
00:05:35,583 --> 00:05:37,617
Heh, you know who got it
in the long run.
142
00:05:37,651 --> 00:05:40,821
Eartha Kitt, when I nailed her
in the airplane bathroom.
143
00:05:40,855 --> 00:05:41,889
Ew, Pierce.
144
00:05:41,923 --> 00:05:44,024
What? Came up organically.
145
00:05:44,059 --> 00:05:46,478
Here, Troy.
Happy housewarming.
146
00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:49,514
Oh, cool.
147
00:05:49,565 --> 00:05:51,600
Thanks, Pierce.
148
00:05:52,736 --> 00:05:53,903
What is it?
149
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:57,073
What? It's a traditional
Norwegian troll.
150
00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:58,407
When Troy and I were
living together,
151
00:05:58,442 --> 00:05:59,910
I had it on display
in the hall.
152
00:05:59,944 --> 00:06:02,212
You know, outside his bedroom.
153
00:06:02,246 --> 00:06:03,830
He seemed very taken with it.
154
00:06:05,701 --> 00:06:06,718
It used to watch me sleep!
155
00:06:06,752 --> 00:06:08,219
Pierce, shame on you.
156
00:06:08,253 --> 00:06:09,721
Jeff, what are you
gonna do about this?
157
00:06:09,755 --> 00:06:11,155
I'm gonna get a drink.
158
00:06:11,190 --> 00:06:12,725
Ow!
159
00:06:12,759 --> 00:06:13,709
Oh, my God!
Are you okay?
160
00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:14,826
Barely felt it.
161
00:06:14,844 --> 00:06:16,095
I'm gonna look at it
in the bathroom.
162
00:06:16,129 --> 00:06:18,431
It's not dignified.
163
00:06:18,466 --> 00:06:19,833
Pizza!
164
00:06:19,867 --> 00:06:21,901
♪ Pizza, pizza in my tummy ♪
165
00:06:21,936 --> 00:06:23,836
♪ me so hung-ee
me so hung-ee ♪
166
00:06:23,854 --> 00:06:28,042
Did someone remember
to take out my pies?
167
00:06:28,076 --> 00:06:29,276
Seriously?
168
00:06:29,311 --> 00:06:31,730
Oh!
169
00:06:31,781 --> 00:06:33,682
Oh! Oh, no.
170
00:06:33,716 --> 00:06:37,453
Seriously?
171
00:06:37,488 --> 00:06:39,155
Shirley, it doesn't matter.
172
00:06:39,189 --> 00:06:40,657
We weren't gonna eat them.
173
00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:43,193
You're not allowed to have
"baking things" as an identity.
174
00:06:43,228 --> 00:06:45,629
Excuse me for being
the only married woman
175
00:06:45,664 --> 00:06:48,415
in a group full of horny toads
who sit around all night
176
00:06:48,466 --> 00:06:49,801
just making googly eyes
at each other.
177
00:06:49,835 --> 00:06:54,806
Googly eyes?
178
00:06:56,610 --> 00:06:58,144
Shirley, it's okay.
179
00:06:58,178 --> 00:07:00,479
Nobody makes googly eyes
at me either. We're the same.
180
00:07:04,902 --> 00:07:07,287
♪ Roxanne ♪
181
00:07:07,321 --> 00:07:09,240
Adiós, Sapito.
182
00:07:09,274 --> 00:07:12,293
I don't know why
she's so upset.
183
00:07:12,327 --> 00:07:14,296
Her pies probably didn't burn
in the other timelines.
184
00:07:14,330 --> 00:07:16,281
Abed, Shirley just had
a nervous breakdown.
185
00:07:16,332 --> 00:07:18,283
- More like a nervous--
- Bakedown! I know!
186
00:07:18,334 --> 00:07:19,568
I didn't say it on purpose.
187
00:07:19,586 --> 00:07:21,904
And Abed, there are
no other timelines.
188
00:07:23,841 --> 00:07:25,542
Okay.
189
00:07:25,576 --> 00:07:28,345
Starting on my left with one,
your number comes up, you go.
190
00:07:28,380 --> 00:07:29,597
Just so you know, Jeff,
you are now creating
191
00:07:29,631 --> 00:07:31,982
- six different timelines.
- Of course I am, Abed.
192
00:07:39,151 --> 00:07:41,733
Three. One, two,
three-- Pierce.
193
00:07:41,784 --> 00:07:43,367
Crap.
194
00:07:43,402 --> 00:07:46,534
Speaking of crap, I was taking
one in an airplane bathroom
195
00:07:46,568 --> 00:07:48,567
when Eartha Kitt
decided to bang me.
196
00:07:48,619 --> 00:07:50,950
What? It's where my mind went.
197
00:07:50,985 --> 00:07:52,684
Your mind went years ago.
198
00:07:55,619 --> 00:07:56,651
Ugh.
199
00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:58,284
I'm gonna check on my pies.
200
00:07:58,318 --> 00:08:01,350
- ♪ Roxa-- ♪
- No.
201
00:08:01,368 --> 00:08:02,517
Bathroom?
202
00:08:02,552 --> 00:08:03,534
Yeah, over here.
203
00:08:03,568 --> 00:08:05,584
I love your place, Troy.
204
00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:07,851
You're all... grown up now.
205
00:08:07,885 --> 00:08:11,085
I can't believe those are real
mahogany bunk beds in there.
206
00:08:11,118 --> 00:08:12,851
I bet that cost you
a few allowances.
207
00:08:14,036 --> 00:08:15,401
Okay.
208
00:08:15,452 --> 00:08:16,584
Aww! Troy.
209
00:08:16,619 --> 00:08:18,784
Now we done it.
210
00:08:18,819 --> 00:08:19,884
Britta's in the bath--
211
00:08:19,919 --> 00:08:25,085
Adiós, Sapito.
212
00:08:26,119 --> 00:08:27,318
- Who is it?
- Troy.
213
00:08:27,352 --> 00:08:29,484
Um, I'm washing my hands.
214
00:08:29,518 --> 00:08:31,051
Good, then I can come in.
215
00:08:31,086 --> 00:08:33,618
Oh, hi!
216
00:08:33,652 --> 00:08:37,018
Um, I was smoking a cigarette.
217
00:08:37,052 --> 00:08:39,851
I know what you were doing.
I'm 21 years old.
218
00:08:39,885 --> 00:08:42,884
I'm a man.
219
00:08:47,885 --> 00:08:49,585
I know that.
220
00:08:49,620 --> 00:08:50,951
We all know that.
221
00:08:50,986 --> 00:08:54,085
Then why is Jeff
always picking on me?
222
00:08:54,119 --> 00:08:56,185
You seem to be a little hard
on Troy lately.
223
00:08:56,219 --> 00:08:58,402
I'm gonna get a drink.
Ow!
224
00:08:58,453 --> 00:08:59,918
Oh, my God, are you okay?
225
00:08:59,952 --> 00:09:01,018
I barely felt it.
226
00:09:01,036 --> 00:09:02,085
Well, let me look at it
in the bathroom.
227
00:09:02,119 --> 00:09:03,118
Britta's in the bathroom.
228
00:09:03,152 --> 00:09:06,018
Oh, um...
229
00:09:06,036 --> 00:09:09,151
Oh, no, what happened?
230
00:09:09,185 --> 00:09:11,051
Minor head wound.
If there's an abrasion,
231
00:09:11,086 --> 00:09:12,402
we'll clean it with iodine
and apply ice.
232
00:09:12,436 --> 00:09:13,552
You make a good nurse.
233
00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:14,952
Thanks.
234
00:09:14,986 --> 00:09:17,018
Dr. Shirley says mini
pies are the best medicine.
235
00:09:17,052 --> 00:09:19,852
Then I'd like
to see her degree.
236
00:09:19,886 --> 00:09:22,268
He's butting antlers with you
because you're a threat now.
237
00:09:22,319 --> 00:09:24,935
You've got your own place,
you've got a future,
238
00:09:24,987 --> 00:09:28,218
you've got a... bowl full
of olives next to the toilet.
239
00:09:28,236 --> 00:09:29,785
It's a fancy party, Britta.
240
00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:32,652
You know what Jeff has
in his bathroom?
241
00:09:32,686 --> 00:09:34,318
Neither do I.
242
00:09:34,353 --> 00:09:37,452
He keeps his toiletries
in a safe under the sink.
243
00:09:37,486 --> 00:09:41,186
His whole personality is based
around guarding himself.
244
00:09:41,220 --> 00:09:46,052
You don't have to be like that
to be a man.
245
00:09:46,087 --> 00:09:48,852
You're really cool, Britta.
246
00:09:48,886 --> 00:09:51,386
Man, pizza guys are getting
worse and worse-looking.
247
00:09:51,420 --> 00:09:53,885
Guess all the good ones
went into porn.
248
00:09:53,903 --> 00:09:56,219
- Ceiling fan.
- I miss all the fun.
249
00:09:56,237 --> 00:09:57,919
I wonder what happened
in all those other timelines.
250
00:09:57,953 --> 00:10:01,785
Who cares?
251
00:10:06,753 --> 00:10:08,186
Okay.
252
00:10:08,220 --> 00:10:10,852
Starting on my left with one,
your number comes up, you go.
253
00:10:10,886 --> 00:10:11,852
Just so you know, Jeff,
you are now creating
254
00:10:11,886 --> 00:10:12,852
six different timelines.
255
00:10:12,886 --> 00:10:14,569
Of course I am, Abed.
256
00:10:18,604 --> 00:10:21,436
Six. One, two, three,
four, five, six-- Britta.
257
00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:23,419
- Great.
- Great.
258
00:10:23,454 --> 00:10:25,419
You know what's great?
Air travel.
259
00:10:25,454 --> 00:10:28,586
I've flown a lot, a lot
of airplane stories.
260
00:10:28,621 --> 00:10:29,953
I once had sex
with Eartha Kitt--
261
00:10:29,988 --> 00:10:31,987
Okay, I'm gonna check
on my pies.
262
00:10:38,654 --> 00:10:39,786
You guys are my best--
263
00:10:39,821 --> 00:10:41,936
I'm gonna get a drink.
Ow!
264
00:10:42,988 --> 00:10:44,236
Oh, my God, are you okay?
265
00:10:44,270 --> 00:10:45,269
Barely felt it.
266
00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:48,586
Let me look at it
in the bathroom.
267
00:10:48,621 --> 00:10:50,753
Do I need to refill
the toilet olives?
268
00:10:50,787 --> 00:10:52,519
- We're good. I checked.
- You're the best.
269
00:10:52,554 --> 00:10:53,786
Want to stay up all night
talking in our bunk beds?
270
00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:55,569
Duh-doy.
271
00:10:55,604 --> 00:10:58,270
Here, Troy.
Happy housewarming.
272
00:10:58,321 --> 00:11:01,220
Oh, cool.
Thanks, Pierce.
273
00:11:01,254 --> 00:11:02,786
You make a good nurse, Annie.
274
00:11:02,821 --> 00:11:04,404
Thank you.
275
00:11:04,438 --> 00:11:06,936
I actually had to apply
a tourniquet the other day.
276
00:11:06,988 --> 00:11:09,387
A guy got stabbed
outside my building--
277
00:11:09,405 --> 00:11:12,287
What? Annie, you've got to get
the hell out of that apartment.
278
00:11:12,321 --> 00:11:14,786
You don't have to treat me
like a kid anymore, remember?
279
00:11:14,821 --> 00:11:17,621
Yeah, but adults
still need to be protected.
280
00:11:17,655 --> 00:11:20,621
I-I can't help but
worry about you, Annie.
281
00:11:20,655 --> 00:11:23,654
You're important to me.
282
00:11:27,455 --> 00:11:29,754
Feel the terror!
Stop the tantrum!
283
00:11:29,788 --> 00:11:32,604
Feel the terror
of the Norwegian troll!
284
00:11:32,655 --> 00:11:34,070
What's going on in here?
285
00:11:34,104 --> 00:11:35,454
Pierce is terrorizing Troy
because he's jealous
286
00:11:35,488 --> 00:11:36,553
we moved in together.
287
00:11:36,571 --> 00:11:37,787
You're the one who's jealous.
288
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:38,854
Why would I be jealous?
289
00:11:38,888 --> 00:11:41,187
Because you're lonely
and crazy.
290
00:11:46,722 --> 00:11:50,054
Hey, guys, this is Toby,
our pizza delivery guy.
291
00:11:50,072 --> 00:11:51,587
And I know this
is gonna sound nuts,
292
00:11:51,622 --> 00:11:55,354
but we're in love
and we're getting married.
293
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:04,721
I wonder what happened
in all those other timelines.
294
00:12:04,755 --> 00:12:07,221
Wait, there are
other timelines?
295
00:12:09,322 --> 00:12:10,754
Okay.
296
00:12:10,788 --> 00:12:13,221
Starting on my left with one,
your number comes up, you go.
297
00:12:13,255 --> 00:12:14,321
Just you know, Jeff,
you are now creating
298
00:12:14,356 --> 00:12:15,355
six different timelines.
299
00:12:15,389 --> 00:12:17,254
Of course I am, Abed.
300
00:12:21,255 --> 00:12:22,438
One. Troy.
301
00:12:22,489 --> 00:12:23,988
Damn it.
302
00:12:24,022 --> 00:12:26,555
I'm gonna go as fast as I can
so I don't miss anything.
303
00:12:28,922 --> 00:12:30,088
Adiós, Sapito.
304
00:12:30,122 --> 00:12:31,571
You know who I used
to call miss anything?
305
00:12:31,606 --> 00:12:32,787
Eartha Kitt.
306
00:12:32,822 --> 00:12:35,887
What? He totally set me up.
307
00:12:35,905 --> 00:12:38,188
I'm gonna check in on my pies.
308
00:12:38,222 --> 00:12:40,355
- ♪ Roxa-- ♪
- No.
309
00:12:40,389 --> 00:12:43,588
- Bathroom?
- Yeah, over here.
310
00:12:43,623 --> 00:12:44,954
Jeff, tell us
about your father.
311
00:12:44,989 --> 00:12:47,521
I'm gonna get a drink.
Ow!
312
00:12:47,556 --> 00:12:48,655
Oh, my God, are you okay?
313
00:12:48,689 --> 00:12:49,738
Barely felt it.
314
00:12:49,773 --> 00:12:52,088
Well, let me look at it
in the bathroom.
315
00:12:59,906 --> 00:13:01,438
What the hell?
316
00:13:03,623 --> 00:13:05,421
No!
317
00:13:05,456 --> 00:13:07,221
Call 911!
318
00:13:07,239 --> 00:13:11,355
Abed, help me
stop the bleeding!
319
00:13:11,389 --> 00:13:12,388
I'm dying!
320
00:13:12,406 --> 00:13:16,555
- Pierce.
- I am dying.
321
00:13:18,056 --> 00:13:19,888
♪ You don't have to
put on the red light ♪
322
00:13:19,906 --> 00:13:21,622
Water. Water! Water!
323
00:13:21,656 --> 00:13:25,588
Breathe, breathe.
324
00:13:25,623 --> 00:13:29,456
♪ Put on the red light ♪
325
00:13:29,490 --> 00:13:32,189
♪ put on the red light ♪
326
00:13:32,223 --> 00:13:33,389
You.
327
00:13:33,423 --> 00:13:35,055
♪ Put on the red light ♪
328
00:13:35,073 --> 00:13:39,105
Nooooooo!
329
00:13:41,256 --> 00:13:42,721
Okay.
330
00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:45,255
Starting on my left with one,
your number comes up, you go.
331
00:13:45,290 --> 00:13:46,255
Just so you know, Jeff
you are now creating
332
00:13:46,290 --> 00:13:47,239
six different timelines.
333
00:13:47,273 --> 00:13:48,888
Of course I am, Abed.
334
00:13:56,005 --> 00:13:58,704
Five. One, two, three,
four, five-- Abed.
335
00:13:58,739 --> 00:13:59,972
I'm on it.
336
00:13:59,990 --> 00:14:01,073
You know who else was on it?
337
00:14:01,107 --> 00:14:02,706
And do you know what "it" is?
338
00:14:02,741 --> 00:14:04,474
Everybody give me money.
339
00:14:04,508 --> 00:14:07,525
Wow, that ascot really
softens your personality.
340
00:14:07,576 --> 00:14:08,842
Thanks.
341
00:14:08,876 --> 00:14:11,677
I banged Eartha Kitt.
342
00:14:11,711 --> 00:14:14,294
- ♪ Roxa-- ♪
- No.
343
00:14:14,329 --> 00:14:15,328
Bathroom?
344
00:14:15,362 --> 00:14:19,513
Down the hall.
345
00:14:19,548 --> 00:14:22,531
I'm getting a drink.
Ow!
346
00:14:22,582 --> 00:14:24,165
Oh, my God, are you okay?
347
00:14:24,199 --> 00:14:25,315
Barely felt it.
348
00:14:25,333 --> 00:14:26,616
Well, let me look at it
in the bathroom.
349
00:14:26,651 --> 00:14:28,616
Britta's in the bathroom.
350
00:14:31,086 --> 00:14:33,035
Oh, no, what happened?
351
00:14:33,087 --> 00:14:36,287
Minor head wound.
352
00:14:36,321 --> 00:14:38,554
Oh, my God.
What smells amazing?
353
00:14:38,588 --> 00:14:40,872
Oh! Someone wants pie!
354
00:14:40,923 --> 00:14:42,489
You make a good nurse.
355
00:14:44,708 --> 00:14:50,125
Oh, my God. They taste
just like regular-size pies.
356
00:14:50,159 --> 00:14:51,209
Oh, yay!
357
00:14:51,260 --> 00:14:53,160
Happy housewarming.
358
00:14:53,195 --> 00:14:56,495
Oh, cool.
Thanks, Pierce.
359
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:58,495
Hey, while we're alone,
I just wanted to say,
360
00:14:58,529 --> 00:14:59,996
thanks for letting me
live with you.
361
00:15:00,031 --> 00:15:01,330
Sometimes I feel
like making desserts
362
00:15:01,364 --> 00:15:04,198
is the only thing I'm good
for in the group.
363
00:15:04,232 --> 00:15:07,165
But now it's time for me
to try and make it on my own.
364
00:15:07,183 --> 00:15:09,700
Just like you did.
365
00:15:09,734 --> 00:15:10,967
I can't help but
worry about you, Annie.
366
00:15:11,001 --> 00:15:12,034
Hey, I don't think
you should open this.
367
00:15:12,068 --> 00:15:13,634
No, what-- what are you
talking about?
368
00:15:13,669 --> 00:15:16,136
You're very important to me.
369
00:15:16,170 --> 00:15:18,204
Crap. I was not supposed
to eat your stuff.
370
00:15:18,238 --> 00:15:19,370
We all made an agreement.
371
00:15:19,405 --> 00:15:21,705
Crap, I was not supposed
to say that out loud!
372
00:15:21,739 --> 00:15:24,389
Crap, okay, cards on the table,
I'm really high right now.
373
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,041
- Seriously!
- Would you stop and give me--
374
00:15:28,075 --> 00:15:29,108
No, I wanna give you
something else.
375
00:15:29,142 --> 00:15:30,141
A waterpik!
376
00:15:30,175 --> 00:15:32,175
A speedboat!
Two waterpiks.
377
00:15:32,193 --> 00:15:34,143
I can't believe
I'm feeding my pies
378
00:15:34,177 --> 00:15:35,310
to a drug addict!
379
00:15:35,344 --> 00:15:37,678
Drug addict?
You're a pie pusher!
380
00:15:37,712 --> 00:15:40,012
You push pies to get love.
381
00:15:40,030 --> 00:15:41,546
Give it, Pierce!
382
00:15:41,581 --> 00:15:43,197
It feels fun!
383
00:15:43,231 --> 00:15:48,015
I'm sorry, I just...
had a weird déjà vu.
384
00:15:48,050 --> 00:15:49,399
You're bad at gift-giving!
385
00:15:49,450 --> 00:15:51,517
That thing you said
about worrying about me...
386
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:53,650
It's something
my dad always said.
387
00:15:53,685 --> 00:15:55,067
I demand to be housewarmed!
388
00:15:55,119 --> 00:15:57,419
Shouldn't have brought it up.
389
00:15:57,453 --> 00:15:59,853
Just reminded me of my dad.
Anyway...
390
00:15:59,871 --> 00:16:02,187
Stop. A little Make Out 101.
391
00:16:02,205 --> 00:16:03,621
Less dad talk.
392
00:16:03,655 --> 00:16:06,189
And, uh, you could ease up
on the bubblegum lip gloss.
393
00:16:06,224 --> 00:16:07,823
No, I really--
394
00:16:07,857 --> 00:16:09,857
No, you--!
395
00:16:12,526 --> 00:16:13,658
Pizza time.
396
00:16:13,693 --> 00:16:16,193
Give me this,
you godless hippie skank!
397
00:16:16,211 --> 00:16:18,827
You're a sick, sad,
twisted old man.
398
00:16:18,861 --> 00:16:20,862
And I hope you die alone.
399
00:16:24,464 --> 00:16:27,231
I wonder what happened
in all those other timelines.
400
00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:32,733
I gotta say, I hope
this is the real one,
401
00:16:32,767 --> 00:16:34,200
because I just found
a nickel in the hallway.
402
00:16:40,103 --> 00:16:41,554
Okay.
403
00:16:41,588 --> 00:16:44,204
Starting on my left with one,
your number comes up, you go.
404
00:16:44,239 --> 00:16:45,388
Just so you know, Jeff,
you are now creating
405
00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:48,039
- six different timelines.
- Of course I am, Abed.
406
00:16:52,075 --> 00:16:54,575
I don't think you should.
407
00:16:54,610 --> 00:16:57,910
Chaos already dominates
enough of our lives.
408
00:16:57,944 --> 00:17:01,211
The universe is an endless
raging sea of randomness.
409
00:17:01,246 --> 00:17:02,545
Our job isn't to fight it,
but to weather it--together.
410
00:17:02,579 --> 00:17:04,012
On the raft of life.
411
00:17:04,046 --> 00:17:05,513
A raft held together by
412
00:17:05,547 --> 00:17:07,914
those few rare, beautiful things
that we know to be predictable.
413
00:17:07,948 --> 00:17:09,381
Ropes?
414
00:17:09,415 --> 00:17:10,815
Vines. Vines?
415
00:17:10,849 --> 00:17:11,948
Let him finish!
416
00:17:11,983 --> 00:17:14,049
Us.
417
00:17:14,084 --> 00:17:15,350
It won't matter
what happens to us
418
00:17:15,384 --> 00:17:16,518
as long as we stay
honest and accepting
419
00:17:16,552 --> 00:17:18,285
of each ether's
flaws and virtues.
420
00:17:18,318 --> 00:17:20,285
Annie will always be driven.
Shirley will always be giving.
421
00:17:20,319 --> 00:17:21,652
Pierce will never apologize.
422
00:17:21,686 --> 00:17:23,520
Britta's sort of a wild card
from my perspective.
423
00:17:23,554 --> 00:17:26,455
And Jeff will forever remain
a conniving son-of-a-bitch.
424
00:17:26,489 --> 00:17:27,855
Abed!
425
00:17:27,890 --> 00:17:29,623
There are six sides to
this die and seven of us.
426
00:17:29,657 --> 00:17:31,756
He devised a system by which
he never has to get the pizza.
427
00:17:31,790 --> 00:17:33,091
Jeff!
428
00:17:33,125 --> 00:17:35,625
- Really? Dang, man.
- You crafty jackrabbit.
429
00:17:35,659 --> 00:17:37,125
- Asshole.
- Pretty low, dude.
430
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:39,894
It's called friendship,
look it up. Encarta it.
431
00:17:39,928 --> 00:17:43,128
I think we just found
our pizza-getter.
432
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,745
Yes, we did!
433
00:17:45,997 --> 00:17:46,946
Oh, like it matters who goes.
434
00:17:46,997 --> 00:17:48,947
Ow!
435
00:17:48,998 --> 00:17:50,197
What's so funny?
436
00:17:50,231 --> 00:17:52,899
Karma.
437
00:17:52,933 --> 00:17:54,099
That guy sucks harder
438
00:17:54,133 --> 00:17:55,766
than the toilet
in an airplane bathroom.
439
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,200
Airplane bathroom...
440
00:17:57,234 --> 00:17:58,784
Oh, my pies!
441
00:17:58,835 --> 00:18:00,535
♪ Roxanne ♪
442
00:18:00,569 --> 00:18:02,202
Oh!
443
00:18:02,236 --> 00:18:05,470
♪ you don't have
to put on the red light ♪
444
00:18:05,504 --> 00:18:07,737
Ooh!
445
00:18:07,755 --> 00:18:09,805
♪ those days are over ♪
446
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:13,240
♪ you don't have to
sell your body to the night ♪
447
00:18:13,274 --> 00:18:14,424
Sing, Britta!
448
00:18:14,458 --> 00:18:16,641
I really love your place.
449
00:18:16,675 --> 00:18:17,909
You should move here.
450
00:18:22,211 --> 00:18:24,611
♪ walk the streets for money ♪
451
00:18:24,646 --> 00:18:26,744
♪ you don't care
if it's wrong... ♪
452
00:18:26,762 --> 00:18:28,429
♪ or if it is right ♪
453
00:18:28,463 --> 00:18:31,763
♪ Roxanne ♪
454
00:18:31,798 --> 00:18:34,931
♪ you don't have
to put on the red light ♪
455
00:18:34,966 --> 00:18:39,100
You guys see what happens
when I leave you alone, huh?
456
00:18:39,134 --> 00:18:43,351
♪ You don't have
to put on the red light ♪
457
00:18:43,386 --> 00:18:46,769
♪ put on the red light ♪
458
00:18:46,804 --> 00:18:48,687
♪ put on the red light ♪
459
00:18:48,721 --> 00:18:50,421
Go, Abed!
460
00:18:50,439 --> 00:18:54,023
♪ put on the red light ♪
461
00:18:54,057 --> 00:18:55,390
♪ put on the red light ♪
462
00:18:58,979 --> 00:19:01,541
To Pierce. May he rest in Pierce.
463
00:19:03,598 --> 00:19:05,350
Shirley, don't you think
you've had enough?
464
00:19:05,385 --> 00:19:07,508
Of you.
465
00:19:07,543 --> 00:19:09,211
Guys, I've been thinking about
that night over and over.
466
00:19:09,245 --> 00:19:10,981
One thing has become clear.
467
00:19:11,016 --> 00:19:12,566
This is the darkest,
most terrible timeline.
468
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:15,668
Enough with
the timeline crap, Abed!
469
00:19:15,702 --> 00:19:17,927
Pierce got shot
in the leg and died!
470
00:19:17,962 --> 00:19:19,107
Shirley's a drunk.
471
00:19:19,141 --> 00:19:21,197
Annie's locked in a mental ward
472
00:19:21,232 --> 00:19:23,119
because her guilt
drove her insane.
473
00:19:23,154 --> 00:19:25,344
Jeff lost an arm in the fire.
474
00:19:25,379 --> 00:19:28,919
Troy lost his larynx because,
for some dumb reason,
475
00:19:28,953 --> 00:19:31,986
he tried to destroy a flaming
troll doll by eating it.
476
00:19:32,022 --> 00:19:33,234
Clearly you don't understand
477
00:19:33,269 --> 00:19:35,190
anything about
defeating trolls.
478
00:19:35,224 --> 00:19:38,090
Life has gone to hell, Abed.
479
00:19:38,124 --> 00:19:39,370
This is real!
480
00:19:39,405 --> 00:19:41,899
Look at us.
Look at me!
481
00:19:41,934 --> 00:19:44,326
Britta, you put one wash-away
blue streak in your hair.
482
00:19:44,362 --> 00:19:46,248
And I lost an arm.
483
00:19:46,284 --> 00:19:48,491
Exactly.
Life got dark.
484
00:19:48,525 --> 00:19:49,620
And all because
Jeff rolled a one.
485
00:19:49,655 --> 00:19:51,643
Oh, I love how this is
my fault somehow.
486
00:19:51,678 --> 00:19:52,958
It's mine.
487
00:19:52,993 --> 00:19:54,391
I've run over that night
over and over in my head,
488
00:19:54,426 --> 00:19:55,740
and I keep coming back
to one thought.
489
00:19:55,774 --> 00:19:57,780
I should've caught the die
and not let you roll it.
490
00:19:57,814 --> 00:20:00,578
I failed to do that
and we all suffered for it.
491
00:20:00,612 --> 00:20:03,781
But I'm gonna
make it up to you.
492
00:20:03,816 --> 00:20:05,164
What is this?
493
00:20:05,198 --> 00:20:07,220
Of all the timelines,
this is clearly the darkest,
494
00:20:07,255 --> 00:20:09,041
which is why I propose
we commit to being evil.
495
00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:10,828
I made us all black goatees
out of felt.
496
00:20:10,863 --> 00:20:14,098
I suggest you put them on until
you're able to grow your own.
497
00:20:14,116 --> 00:20:16,728
From now on, I am evil Abed.
498
00:20:16,763 --> 00:20:19,729
We're the evil study group,
and we have but one evil goal.
499
00:20:19,764 --> 00:20:21,955
Return somehow
to the prime timeline,
500
00:20:21,989 --> 00:20:23,505
the one that I stopped you
from rolling that die,
501
00:20:23,540 --> 00:20:25,157
then we destroy
the good versions of ourselves,
502
00:20:25,192 --> 00:20:27,585
and reclaim our proper lives.
503
00:20:27,619 --> 00:20:29,439
- Evil Abed.
- Mm-hm?
504
00:20:29,474 --> 00:20:32,643
As evil Jeff, am I allowed
to pull fewer punches with you?
505
00:20:32,677 --> 00:20:34,716
- Certainly.
- I hate you!
506
00:20:34,768 --> 00:20:36,318
Shut up
with your Sci-Fi crap!
507
00:20:36,352 --> 00:20:38,745
I lost my damn arm,
508
00:20:38,780 --> 00:20:40,532
and you're making fake beards!
509
00:20:40,567 --> 00:20:42,251
Goatees.
510
00:20:53,109 --> 00:20:56,851
♪ evil Troy
and evil Abed ♪
511
00:21:03,629 --> 00:21:05,347
What's wrong?
512
00:21:05,382 --> 00:21:08,416
I don't know.
513
00:21:10,574 --> 00:21:12,192
I guess nothing.
514
00:21:12,602 --> 00:21:20,272
Sync by mczolly, corrected by susanaLC
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