1
00:00:02,861 --> 00:00:04,908
Well...
See you after the break.
2
00:00:04,937 --> 00:00:06,680
What are you all doing
for Thanksgiving?
3
00:00:06,703 --> 00:00:08,137
I'm having
Andre's whole family over,
4
00:00:08,150 --> 00:00:10,598
though he'll be stuck working at the
stereo store for Black Friday.
5
00:00:10,622 --> 00:00:12,697
Oh, sure, you get to say that, but...
6
00:00:12,804 --> 00:00:14,973
we're stuck
calling it "Jew Friday."
7
00:00:15,029 --> 00:00:18,531
Ugh, I'll be with my family,
fielding the same old questions.
8
00:00:18,593 --> 00:00:20,731
"How's community college?"
"What's your major?"
9
00:00:20,755 --> 00:00:21,981
"Are those real?"
10
00:00:22,041 --> 00:00:22,963
My aunt's boyfriend.
11
00:00:22,975 --> 00:00:25,178
"Oh, my family's
a normal religion,
12
00:00:25,196 --> 00:00:26,763
"so I have to talk to them
for five minutes
13
00:00:26,785 --> 00:00:29,870
before I get a casserole
that's all marshmallow."
14
00:00:29,972 --> 00:00:32,133
- That's you.
- Brainstorm.
15
00:00:32,146 --> 00:00:33,616
Why don't you all
come over to my house?
16
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:34,691
I'll have plenty of food.
17
00:00:34,709 --> 00:00:35,812
- That would be great.
- Marshmallows.
18
00:00:35,837 --> 00:00:37,687
- Sounds good to me. - I was going
to microwave buttered noodles,
19
00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:38,888
but this sounds
equally promising.
20
00:00:38,907 --> 00:00:40,019
- I'm in.
- Oh, goody.
21
00:00:40,031 --> 00:00:42,011
Well, you know,
you're all welcome, of course.
22
00:00:42,178 --> 00:00:44,147
- I'm in.
- Or, you know, Jeff or whoever.
23
00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:45,147
Can't. Plans.
24
00:00:45,172 --> 00:00:46,353
Well, if you change your mind,
25
00:00:46,365 --> 00:00:48,341
I can't think of anyone
who would enjoy having you more.
26
00:00:48,353 --> 00:00:51,077
How-Dean, pilgrims.
27
00:00:51,111 --> 00:00:52,583
- Is that...
- John Wayne, yes.
28
00:00:52,588 --> 00:00:53,808
Oh, good, you got it.
29
00:00:53,849 --> 00:00:57,672
Anyhoo, I just thought
I'd mosey on over here,
30
00:00:57,701 --> 00:01:00,242
invite you all
to Greendale's annual
31
00:01:00,254 --> 00:01:03,026
Thanks-living
potluck dinner,
32
00:01:03,057 --> 00:01:05,925
where we remember all we have
to be thankful for.
33
00:01:06,037 --> 00:01:07,559
There may be a statistical link
34
00:01:07,577 --> 00:01:10,073
to enrollment at Greendale
and holiday suicide.
35
00:01:10,141 --> 00:01:11,842
- Oh.
- Just a shoelace...
36
00:01:11,873 --> 00:01:13,945
and belt-free night
full of fun.
37
00:01:14,110 --> 00:01:15,225
You should all drop by.
38
00:01:15,243 --> 00:01:16,855
Or Jeff.
Or whoever.
39
00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:18,284
Oh, he can't.
He has plans.
40
00:01:18,303 --> 00:01:19,109
Oh, right,
41
00:01:19,126 --> 00:01:20,704
you are spending Thanksgiving
with your father.
42
00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:24,173
I thought I told you
to stop reading my email.
43
00:01:24,207 --> 00:01:27,333
Yeah, well, I thought I told
you to stop keeping secrets.
44
00:01:27,376 --> 00:01:30,122
How am I supposed to keep track
of what you tell me in confidence
45
00:01:30,139 --> 00:01:32,884
and what I hear through you
walls with a glass to my ear?
46
00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:37,937
Fine.
Close your mouths.
47
00:01:37,949 --> 00:01:40,267
I'm having Thanksgiving
with my estranged father.
48
00:01:40,273 --> 00:01:42,242
- Can we move on now?
- Makes sense.
49
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:43,673
Jeff's at a point in his life
50
00:01:43,685 --> 00:01:45,993
where he needs a strong
father figure to come out to.
51
00:01:46,005 --> 00:01:48,239
Jeff, this is huge news.
52
00:01:48,339 --> 00:01:49,335
Huger news.
53
00:01:49,368 --> 00:01:52,156
Was this decision made after
our Halloween conversation?
54
00:01:52,168 --> 00:01:55,003
Yes, after.
Not because of.
55
00:01:55,035 --> 00:01:56,815
I'll take it.
56
00:01:58,572 --> 00:02:00,551
You had that teed up?
57
00:02:00,926 --> 00:02:03,117
When I say "thera,"
you say "pist."
58
00:02:03,136 --> 00:02:04,219
- Thera...
- pist.
59
00:02:04,238 --> 00:02:05,474
Thera...
60
00:02:05,492 --> 00:02:06,542
Thanks for the support, guys.
61
00:02:06,564 --> 00:02:09,718
Oh, the support has just begun.
62
00:02:09,948 --> 00:02:11,682
What do you want me to bring
to papa Winger's house,
63
00:02:11,703 --> 00:02:13,376
some vegan pumpkin pie?
64
00:02:13,389 --> 00:02:15,120
Britta, you're not coming.
65
00:02:15,138 --> 00:02:17,209
Fine, regular pumpkin pie.
66
00:02:17,366 --> 00:02:20,413
Jeff, you're going to need me
when things get messy and emotional.
67
00:02:20,444 --> 00:02:21,923
The only thing that's going
to get messy and emotional
68
00:02:21,954 --> 00:02:23,838
is Troy, when he realizes
there are yams
69
00:02:23,849 --> 00:02:25,073
underneath those marshmallows.
70
00:02:25,109 --> 00:02:27,110
I knew it was too good
to be true.
71
00:02:27,179 --> 00:02:29,657
Jeff, speaking not just
as your friend
72
00:02:29,697 --> 00:02:32,331
but as an avid
daytime TV watcher,
73
00:02:32,364 --> 00:02:36,467
these parent-child reunions
can get intense.
74
00:02:36,518 --> 00:02:38,135
Chairs might be thrown.
75
00:02:38,180 --> 00:02:39,543
Weaves might be pulled.
76
00:02:39,561 --> 00:02:40,781
Or I could just go in there,
77
00:02:40,811 --> 00:02:44,081
show him how awesome I am,
no thanks to him, meet my half-brother...
78
00:02:44,139 --> 00:02:46,669
And then, boom. Closure.
79
00:02:46,992 --> 00:02:48,609
Your dad has another son?
80
00:02:48,634 --> 00:02:50,149
Yeah.
So, clearly, he's moved on.
81
00:02:50,187 --> 00:02:51,722
Why can't I?
Close your mouths.
82
00:02:51,747 --> 00:02:53,863
Look, I appreciate
your concern,
83
00:02:53,875 --> 00:02:56,226
but really, the most helpful
thing you can do
84
00:02:56,254 --> 00:02:57,221
is stay out of my business.
85
00:02:57,233 --> 00:02:59,466
Oh, can you
say that last part again?
86
00:02:59,692 --> 00:03:01,743
These walls
are entirely too thick.
87
00:03:02,180 --> 00:03:03,853
♪ Give me some rope
88
00:03:03,864 --> 00:03:05,472
♪ tie me to dream
89
00:03:05,514 --> 00:03:06,830
♪ give me the hope
90
00:03:06,931 --> 00:03:08,648
♪ to run out of steam
91
00:03:08,667 --> 00:03:11,969
♪ somebody said
it can be here ♪
92
00:03:11,982 --> 00:03:13,699
♪ we could be roped up
93
00:03:13,731 --> 00:03:16,066
♪ tied up, dead in a year ♪
94
00:03:16,099 --> 00:03:21,087
♪ I can't count the reasons
I should stay ♪
95
00:03:21,121 --> 00:03:25,157
♪ one by one,
they all just fade away ♪
96
00:03:25,183 --> 00:03:27,944
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
97
00:03:51,935 --> 00:03:54,171
Oh!
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
98
00:03:54,196 --> 00:03:55,052
- Hey.
- Hi.
99
00:03:55,071 --> 00:03:57,139
Let's carve that jive turkey!
100
00:03:57,464 --> 00:03:59,588
- Got that out of your system?
- Yeah.
101
00:03:59,618 --> 00:04:01,368
Then I'm so happy
to welcome you all to my home.
102
00:04:01,399 --> 00:04:04,063
- Oh, thank you.
- Hello, come in.
103
00:04:04,251 --> 00:04:06,564
Take your coats off.
Make yourself comfortable.
104
00:04:06,577 --> 00:04:08,115
Browse the available literature
105
00:04:08,127 --> 00:04:09,654
about Jesus Christ
as your personal savior.
106
00:04:09,678 --> 00:04:11,464
Or not.
No agenda.
107
00:04:11,963 --> 00:04:13,751
Are you going
to pass some apps soon,
108
00:04:13,763 --> 00:04:16,113
or do I have to die
of starvation to prove a point?
109
00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:17,101
Oh, everybody,
110
00:04:17,119 --> 00:04:18,560
this is Mr. Bennett,
my father-in-law.
111
00:04:18,585 --> 00:04:20,235
Dad, these are my friends
from college.
112
00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:23,488
Oh, yeah.
That's Andre's people.
113
00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:26,252
They're a bunch of characters.
That's a good one, dad.
114
00:04:26,283 --> 00:04:28,511
- Oh, I brought something.
- Oh.
115
00:04:29,415 --> 00:04:30,732
Dip.
116
00:04:30,849 --> 00:04:33,481
Oh, Abed, why is this
seven layer dip so puffy?
117
00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:35,092
Oh, it's been in the fridge
for two years.
118
00:04:35,104 --> 00:04:36,315
I was saving it
for a special occasion.
119
00:04:36,321 --> 00:04:38,340
Oh, that's so thoughtful.
120
00:04:38,365 --> 00:04:41,391
I'm going to put this on a nice platter
with some crackers in the trash.
121
00:04:41,410 --> 00:04:42,377
Where's Britta?
122
00:04:42,545 --> 00:04:44,357
Hey, Jeff.
What's up?
123
00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:46,230
What's up is closure.
124
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,871
I met my dad,
we talked things out as men.
125
00:04:48,950 --> 00:04:50,325
I think I'm ready to move on.
126
00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:51,656
Really, in 20 minutes?
127
00:04:52,268 --> 00:04:56,266
Fine.
Look, I couldn't do it.
128
00:04:56,325 --> 00:04:58,426
I was at the front door,
totally in control,
129
00:04:58,438 --> 00:05:00,322
and then I started thinking
about all that stuff you said
130
00:05:00,349 --> 00:05:04,407
about messiness,
and it threw me off my game.
131
00:05:04,583 --> 00:05:05,700
You know, the irony is,
132
00:05:05,712 --> 00:05:08,377
after all your pestering that
I deal with my daddy issues,
133
00:05:08,466 --> 00:05:10,731
you're the reason
I'm not meeting my father.
134
00:05:10,750 --> 00:05:13,581
Or maybe I'm the reason
you'll come here after all.
135
00:05:13,621 --> 00:05:14,738
Britta, I...
136
00:05:14,777 --> 00:05:17,629
Wait.
What do you mean by "here"?
137
00:05:17,768 --> 00:05:19,186
Your dad's house,
138
00:05:19,205 --> 00:05:22,758
where I kind of, sort of, am.
139
00:05:23,492 --> 00:05:25,099
Yeah, thanks, Sharon.
140
00:05:25,130 --> 00:05:26,680
I never thought
about it that way.
141
00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:28,318
Batman is sort of gay.
142
00:05:28,346 --> 00:05:29,843
Be right back.
143
00:05:30,655 --> 00:05:32,209
What is going on?
144
00:05:32,220 --> 00:05:34,229
Why is Thanksgiving
so terrible?
145
00:05:34,266 --> 00:05:35,398
I know.
146
00:05:35,443 --> 00:05:38,629
The tension, the backbiting,
the judgmental comments.
147
00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:41,144
This makes Thanksgiving
with my family look...
148
00:05:41,225 --> 00:05:42,679
eh, still pretty bad.
149
00:05:42,712 --> 00:05:44,730
I said Batman was gay.
150
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,536
Ugh.
Sheesh.
151
00:05:46,568 --> 00:05:49,449
You ask one lady
if she's Tyler Perry in drag,
152
00:05:49,468 --> 00:05:50,902
and suddenly,
you're the bad guy.
153
00:05:50,930 --> 00:05:53,182
It's a reference.
That's my humor.
154
00:05:53,195 --> 00:05:54,582
Abed gets it.
155
00:05:54,611 --> 00:05:56,831
Oh, you're all hiding out
in here.
156
00:05:56,916 --> 00:05:59,834
- We're not hiding.
- You know us, hide away.
157
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:01,040
Well, be careful.
158
00:06:01,050 --> 00:06:04,009
You might be giving the impression
that you prefer the cold garage
159
00:06:04,028 --> 00:06:06,606
to the warm heart
of my hospitality.
160
00:06:06,623 --> 00:06:08,774
What? As if.
161
00:06:08,787 --> 00:06:09,687
Yay.
162
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:10,784
Uh-huh.
Okay.
163
00:06:10,813 --> 00:06:13,657
Well, hurry back soon.
164
00:06:13,890 --> 00:06:15,540
This is the Jonestown
of dinners.
165
00:06:15,552 --> 00:06:16,678
I feel like I'm in jail.
166
00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:18,961
And you know what happens
to guys like me in jail.
167
00:06:19,043 --> 00:06:20,320
They get really
into push-ups,
168
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:23,753
and I am fine with my upper body
the way it is!
169
00:06:25,221 --> 00:06:26,689
It did feel like a prison,
170
00:06:26,715 --> 00:06:29,633
and that meant only one thing
made sense, conceptually.
171
00:06:29,671 --> 00:06:30,988
We had to break out.
172
00:06:31,064 --> 00:06:34,097
And someone with the gravitas
of Morgan Freeman had to narrate it.
173
00:06:34,623 --> 00:06:36,089
We need to do a prison break.
174
00:06:41,872 --> 00:06:43,140
Happy Thanksgiving?
175
00:06:43,157 --> 00:06:44,795
You really "you'd"
this one, huh?
176
00:06:44,814 --> 00:06:47,059
Okay, yes, I meddled
against your wishes,
177
00:06:47,077 --> 00:06:48,951
and yes, I got this address
from the Dean,
178
00:06:48,982 --> 00:06:49,732
but hey.
179
00:06:49,750 --> 00:06:52,683
You had a moment of doubt,
and here I am to help you through it.
180
00:06:52,695 --> 00:06:54,978
Psychology tells us
there are no accidents.
181
00:06:54,997 --> 00:06:55,647
Oh, really?
182
00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:57,205
What about car accidents,
Tara Reid,
183
00:06:57,217 --> 00:06:58,834
or the Hindenburg?
184
00:06:59,224 --> 00:07:00,773
Here goes nothing.
185
00:07:04,947 --> 00:07:06,191
Hello, William.
186
00:07:12,196 --> 00:07:15,737
So, uh... how about we make
a couple of ground rules?
187
00:07:15,743 --> 00:07:18,610
Actually, that sounds good.
Okay. No hugs.
188
00:07:18,705 --> 00:07:20,396
Wouldn't want one.
No apologies.
189
00:07:20,421 --> 00:07:22,404
Wouldn't accept one.
No calling you "dad."
190
00:07:22,416 --> 00:07:24,288
- No expectations.
- No B.S.
191
00:07:24,321 --> 00:07:25,217
- Drink?
- Scotch.
192
00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:26,587
- 18?
- Neat.
193
00:07:26,682 --> 00:07:27,752
I just want to acknowledge
194
00:07:27,770 --> 00:07:30,358
that there are a lot
of emotions flowing right now,
195
00:07:30,377 --> 00:07:33,329
and you two are probably
feeling a strong impulse
196
00:07:33,367 --> 00:07:37,191
to sleep with each other,
and hey, that's normal.
197
00:07:37,429 --> 00:07:40,867
Wow.
I'll get the drinks.
198
00:07:41,099 --> 00:07:44,225
So, how about that?
No muss, no fuss.
199
00:07:44,249 --> 00:07:47,351
Jeff, I urge you not to run
from the muss and fuss.
200
00:07:47,381 --> 00:07:49,000
Hi.
201
00:07:50,484 --> 00:07:51,517
Hi.
202
00:07:51,543 --> 00:07:53,027
You must be
my half-brother.
203
00:07:53,727 --> 00:07:56,508
Oh, your hands are so much
bigger than mine.
204
00:07:56,645 --> 00:07:58,479
Your nail beds are perfect.
205
00:07:58,521 --> 00:07:59,914
I can't do it.
I can't.
206
00:07:59,939 --> 00:08:00,753
Oh, God.
207
00:08:00,771 --> 00:08:02,531
Oh, it's coming up.
208
00:08:02,556 --> 00:08:03,888
When I get upset, I vomit.
209
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,489
Oh, I see you've
met Willy Junior.
210
00:08:06,521 --> 00:08:09,427
You said he wasn't going
to replace me.
211
00:08:09,518 --> 00:08:12,069
He's the Schwarzenegger.
I'm the DeVito.
212
00:08:12,101 --> 00:08:13,285
I get it.
213
00:08:14,748 --> 00:08:17,005
Okay, fellas,
let's get right into it.
214
00:08:17,017 --> 00:08:20,524
I think the big question
on everyone's mind is
215
00:08:21,175 --> 00:08:23,376
why don't I go
help Willy Junior?
216
00:08:23,448 --> 00:08:24,781
Hmm?
217
00:08:27,243 --> 00:08:29,382
One thing was clear to me
and the rest of the crew.
218
00:08:29,390 --> 00:08:31,778
Bennett lockup was not
where we belonged.
219
00:08:31,860 --> 00:08:34,078
We belonged in the sun,
with the wind in our hair,
220
00:08:34,103 --> 00:08:36,399
or maybe at a Bennigan's,
enjoying a Turkey O'Toole.
221
00:08:36,486 --> 00:08:38,153
We should tunnel out.
222
00:08:38,349 --> 00:08:41,028
Abed, Shirley is our friend,
and we're guests in her home.
223
00:08:41,059 --> 00:08:42,741
We need a plan
that won't hurt her feelings,
224
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,467
or damage her property.
225
00:08:44,513 --> 00:08:46,630
Definitely don't look
behind that poster, then.
226
00:08:46,939 --> 00:08:48,545
I could pretend
to have a stroke.
227
00:08:48,584 --> 00:08:50,680
Do a gibberish
foreign language.
228
00:08:50,742 --> 00:08:53,656
What if I did a gibberish
foreign language like Star Wars?
229
00:08:53,698 --> 00:08:55,867
You'd like that, I bet.
Dick.
230
00:08:56,004 --> 00:08:58,600
Look, I'm sure we'll
figure out a way out of here.
231
00:08:58,635 --> 00:09:01,630
What's important right now
is that we stick together.
232
00:09:02,043 --> 00:09:04,177
- Yeah.
- Oh, there you are.
233
00:09:04,197 --> 00:09:05,625
Who wants
a pre-dinner snack?
234
00:09:05,657 --> 00:09:07,113
Oh!
235
00:09:07,131 --> 00:09:08,582
Oh, pumpkin, what's wrong?
236
00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:11,568
Oh, it's too embarrassing
237
00:09:11,613 --> 00:09:13,380
to talk about
in front of the guys,
238
00:09:13,398 --> 00:09:15,618
know what I mean, girlfriend?
- Oh, sweetie.
239
00:09:15,659 --> 00:09:17,480
Do you have your monthly shame?
240
00:09:17,497 --> 00:09:19,431
Do you want to lie down
in Elijah's room?
241
00:09:19,470 --> 00:09:21,759
Oh, I don't think
that's going to cut it.
242
00:09:21,777 --> 00:09:23,904
I probably need to go home
and call Dr. Collins.
243
00:09:23,922 --> 00:09:25,855
- It's that bad.
- Oh, well, you know,
244
00:09:25,867 --> 00:09:27,570
my sister-in-law's
a gynecologist,
245
00:09:27,582 --> 00:09:28,667
and she's right
in the other room.
246
00:09:28,673 --> 00:09:31,593
There's no need to bother
your doctor on a holiday.
247
00:09:31,812 --> 00:09:33,082
Go ahead.
Mm-hmm.
248
00:09:33,111 --> 00:09:36,305
I'd like to tell you Annie avoided
Shirley's doctor sister-in-law,
249
00:09:36,330 --> 00:09:38,093
but this ain't no fairy tale.
250
00:09:38,443 --> 00:09:40,344
This is Thanksgiving.
251
00:09:40,726 --> 00:09:42,562
Let's see, what else?
252
00:09:42,717 --> 00:09:45,797
You've got some diabetes,
on my mother's side.
253
00:09:45,971 --> 00:09:46,921
Good to know.
254
00:09:46,985 --> 00:09:47,898
I like your hair.
255
00:09:47,916 --> 00:09:50,046
The presence of it, I mean.
256
00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:53,146
So I have a question,
257
00:09:53,258 --> 00:09:55,209
and it's been weighing
on me pretty heavily.
258
00:09:55,279 --> 00:09:58,226
At your age, in the bedroom...
259
00:09:58,741 --> 00:10:01,426
Oh, yeah.
It's all good.
260
00:10:01,589 --> 00:10:03,447
- Yeah?
- Real good.
261
00:10:03,618 --> 00:10:06,076
Look at them.
Bonding.
262
00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:09,012
Probably laughing
'cause I can't grow a beard.
263
00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:10,187
I have an idea.
264
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,069
Why don't we
use these dinner rolls
265
00:10:12,081 --> 00:10:14,158
to do some "roll" play?
266
00:10:15,245 --> 00:10:16,329
I see what I did there.
267
00:10:16,353 --> 00:10:17,692
Okay.
268
00:10:17,876 --> 00:10:21,320
This roll, this is me.
269
00:10:21,866 --> 00:10:23,055
He's crying.
270
00:10:23,067 --> 00:10:25,635
Good.
That's really good.
271
00:10:25,807 --> 00:10:28,275
So, uh, what do you do?
272
00:10:28,308 --> 00:10:30,843
I'm a lawyer
who faked a bachelor's degree
273
00:10:30,861 --> 00:10:33,534
and practiced law for seven
years before I got caught.
274
00:10:34,918 --> 00:10:36,252
I like your hustle.
275
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:40,234
Reminds me of the summer
I was Ralph Lauren out in St. Tropez.
276
00:10:40,259 --> 00:10:42,836
'83, I'm on a boat with, uh...
277
00:10:43,152 --> 00:10:44,503
Damn it, Willy!
278
00:10:44,521 --> 00:10:46,716
- I'm expressing.
- Knock it off.
279
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:49,830
Why can't you just swallow it,
like any normal person?
280
00:10:49,852 --> 00:10:52,739
Oh! Oh, right.
Like your new son.
281
00:10:52,764 --> 00:10:56,328
Like mister...
mister I've got my shirt...
282
00:10:56,347 --> 00:10:58,312
I don't know a lot of
personal details about you yet.
283
00:10:58,331 --> 00:10:59,368
Well, my name's Jeff.
284
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:02,294
Don't help me,
mister helper guy.
285
00:11:02,489 --> 00:11:03,966
First mom dies, now this?
286
00:11:03,984 --> 00:11:05,888
Hey, she died
20 years ago, Willy.
287
00:11:05,907 --> 00:11:08,029
He keeps singing
the same old song.
288
00:11:08,048 --> 00:11:10,190
Wow.
She died on you.
289
00:11:10,289 --> 00:11:11,957
Here I thought you'd
become father of the year,
290
00:11:11,982 --> 00:11:13,525
but you just got stuck.
291
00:11:13,550 --> 00:11:16,728
Yeah, well, look, I don't have to tell you
I'm not a natural caretaker,
292
00:11:16,740 --> 00:11:20,268
but with Willy, you know,
I-I checked all the boxes,
293
00:11:20,286 --> 00:11:23,154
and he still turned out
softer than wet cheese.
294
00:11:23,196 --> 00:11:24,638
I don't get it.
295
00:11:24,906 --> 00:11:28,089
He keeps saying he's going
to move out next week, since '03.
296
00:11:28,124 --> 00:11:30,392
Oh, man, I couldn't
wait to get out.
297
00:11:30,430 --> 00:11:31,864
I got my own place
when I was 18.
298
00:11:31,897 --> 00:11:34,615
I was the same way.
299
00:11:35,033 --> 00:11:37,978
So who's ready to eat?
300
00:11:38,820 --> 00:11:40,736
Jeff, you care
to carve the turkey?
301
00:11:40,769 --> 00:11:42,197
I knew it!
302
00:11:42,222 --> 00:11:43,853
You love him more than me.
303
00:11:43,967 --> 00:11:46,295
I'll show you.
I'll run away.
304
00:11:46,314 --> 00:11:49,299
Oh, please.
Hey, be my guest.
305
00:11:49,345 --> 00:11:52,880
You run away, and I'm going
to sleep like a baby tonight.
306
00:11:54,867 --> 00:11:57,303
Oh, now, I'm sorry
you guys had to see that,
307
00:11:57,322 --> 00:11:59,231
but maybe you could
shrink his head,
308
00:11:59,243 --> 00:12:01,169
since you're here
for some reason.
309
00:12:01,205 --> 00:12:04,163
Yes.
I can do this.
310
00:12:04,371 --> 00:12:06,741
Show me on the dinner roll
where you're hurt!
311
00:12:07,740 --> 00:12:09,747
And that's how it went
for the afternoon.
312
00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:12,582
This tag team turkey day
became our routine.
313
00:12:12,749 --> 00:12:15,217
We endured the indignities
as best we could.
314
00:12:15,298 --> 00:12:17,533
Cousins fighting,
complaints about the food,
315
00:12:17,554 --> 00:12:19,983
listening to a nephew
do Borat for a full hour.
316
00:12:20,116 --> 00:12:22,767
We figured out ways
to steal away from time to time,
317
00:12:23,042 --> 00:12:25,504
saying we had to pee,
had to get ice,
318
00:12:25,529 --> 00:12:27,230
had to do a jewish thing
in the other room.
319
00:12:29,364 --> 00:12:32,196
I became known as the guy
who could get you things
320
00:12:33,117 --> 00:12:36,853
piece of gum, playing cards,
321
00:12:36,903 --> 00:12:39,673
some novelty glasses I found
in a box marked "crap."
322
00:12:39,882 --> 00:12:42,701
In those brief,
tranquil moments, we felt human.
323
00:12:42,741 --> 00:12:44,208
We felt free.
324
00:12:44,471 --> 00:12:47,365
But sooner or later,
our warden would come knocking.
325
00:12:47,852 --> 00:12:50,738
Mostly, we just waited
for our time to be served,
326
00:12:50,929 --> 00:12:53,179
but some didn't
take kindly to waiting.
327
00:12:53,658 --> 00:12:55,136
Some didn't
have much time left.
328
00:12:55,205 --> 00:12:57,399
Enough.
Amateur hour is over.
329
00:12:57,417 --> 00:13:00,019
I'm going in there,
pretend to break a hip,
330
00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:04,466
and we'll be sipping Sambuca
at Skeepers in no time.
331
00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:11,097
Whoa.
He tripped on the rug.
332
00:13:11,128 --> 00:13:12,444
Wait, now he's getting up.
333
00:13:12,456 --> 00:13:14,732
He's walking around dazed
like he's got a head injury.
334
00:13:14,797 --> 00:13:16,886
Oh, groin into the corner
of the table.
335
00:13:16,904 --> 00:13:18,237
This might actually work.
336
00:13:18,263 --> 00:13:19,230
Ow.
337
00:13:20,145 --> 00:13:22,497
Wait, wait,
why are people laughing?
338
00:13:24,144 --> 00:13:27,414
Let's see, I need a broom,
a rake, or two rakes...
339
00:13:27,426 --> 00:13:29,475
Pierce, you were supposed
to pretend to injure yourself
340
00:13:29,496 --> 00:13:30,880
so we could leave.
341
00:13:30,932 --> 00:13:32,248
Leave?
342
00:13:32,421 --> 00:13:34,990
This is my
showtime at the Apollo.
343
00:13:35,034 --> 00:13:36,567
I'm killing out there.
344
00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:41,585
Pierce was our last hope,
or so we thought.
345
00:13:42,624 --> 00:13:45,432
It seemed Troy Barnes
had a plan.
346
00:13:45,444 --> 00:13:46,563
What if we got sick?
347
00:13:46,587 --> 00:13:48,984
No.
No more faking illnesses.
348
00:13:49,002 --> 00:13:52,445
Not fake sick.
Real sick.
349
00:14:00,137 --> 00:14:04,048
And that's when I told
my old firm to shove it.
350
00:14:05,372 --> 00:14:07,183
I've always been more
of a free agent, anyway.
351
00:14:07,196 --> 00:14:09,114
Yeah, I can see that about you.
352
00:14:09,329 --> 00:14:11,883
You seem
like a self-made man.
353
00:14:12,122 --> 00:14:14,557
Well, I kind of had to be.
354
00:14:14,664 --> 00:14:17,373
Look, if it's okay with you,
I'd like to break a rule.
355
00:14:17,405 --> 00:14:19,052
I know we said
"no mushy stuff,"
356
00:14:19,065 --> 00:14:22,551
but for what it's worth,
I'm proud of you.
357
00:14:22,799 --> 00:14:25,149
Wow.
Thanks.
358
00:14:25,427 --> 00:14:27,184
Makes you think.
359
00:14:27,654 --> 00:14:29,057
Wait, what do you mean?
360
00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:32,114
Well, look, I mean, you've
seen how Willy turned out.
361
00:14:32,126 --> 00:14:34,361
I mean, I haven't
done that kid any favors.
362
00:14:34,396 --> 00:14:36,114
And so I look at you,
363
00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:39,337
so self-reliant
and well-adjusted,
364
00:14:39,362 --> 00:14:41,747
and I think
maybe I did something right.
365
00:14:41,910 --> 00:14:43,855
You did something right?
366
00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:46,955
Well, let me
say that different. Uh,
367
00:14:47,226 --> 00:14:49,305
the universe
is a constantly expanding...
368
00:14:49,317 --> 00:14:50,380
Stop.
369
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:52,186
I get the impulse, but
that's not going to work here.
370
00:14:52,204 --> 00:14:53,597
No, I just mean that, uh,
371
00:14:53,633 --> 00:14:56,254
we are defined
by what happens to us,
372
00:14:56,367 --> 00:15:00,320
and me leaving seems
to have made you independent,
373
00:15:00,350 --> 00:15:01,923
made you strong.
374
00:15:02,131 --> 00:15:05,473
With all due respect,
which is none,
375
00:15:05,815 --> 00:15:07,261
go to hell.
376
00:15:07,355 --> 00:15:09,205
So tunneling out
is off the table?
377
00:15:09,624 --> 00:15:12,680
Who's hungry for turkey?
378
00:15:12,789 --> 00:15:14,289
Shirley, we were just...
379
00:15:14,302 --> 00:15:15,241
About to...
380
00:15:15,253 --> 00:15:16,846
Eat garbage dip.
381
00:15:16,934 --> 00:15:19,211
Why did I have to go third?
382
00:15:19,230 --> 00:15:21,616
Look, I get it.
You want to leave.
383
00:15:21,643 --> 00:15:23,370
Shirley, we're sorry.
384
00:15:23,388 --> 00:15:25,823
No, I'm sorry.
385
00:15:26,227 --> 00:15:28,789
To be honest, I invited you
as a bit of a buffer.
386
00:15:28,827 --> 00:15:31,419
With Andre's family,
I'm always the butt of the joke,
387
00:15:31,439 --> 00:15:33,219
and with Andre gone this year,
388
00:15:33,510 --> 00:15:37,334
I thought I could tip the scales in my
favor by having a few friends around.
389
00:15:37,512 --> 00:15:39,963
That was wrong of me.
390
00:15:40,139 --> 00:15:41,645
See you Monday.
391
00:15:43,682 --> 00:15:46,966
I can't believe none of us noticed
she was having such a hard time.
392
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:48,748
We can't leave.
393
00:15:48,773 --> 00:15:50,161
Funny thing about prison.
394
00:15:50,203 --> 00:15:52,320
Sometimes the person
you thought was your warden
395
00:15:52,346 --> 00:15:54,114
turns out
to be a fellow prisoner,
396
00:15:54,128 --> 00:15:56,061
which doesn't really line up
with the whole Shawshank thing,
397
00:15:56,086 --> 00:15:58,491
but maybe we've always been doing
more of a Prison Break.
398
00:15:58,710 --> 00:15:59,721
The show.
399
00:16:08,691 --> 00:16:12,276
- Whoa, what are you doing in my car?
- Take me with you.
400
00:16:12,476 --> 00:16:13,790
Teach me what you know.
401
00:16:13,815 --> 00:16:15,749
What in the cat's cradle
is happening?
402
00:16:15,777 --> 00:16:16,899
Dad hates me.
403
00:16:16,911 --> 00:16:18,424
What do you care
what that guy thinks?
404
00:16:18,442 --> 00:16:19,374
He's a dick.
405
00:16:19,392 --> 00:16:21,590
See, that's
what I need to learn!
406
00:16:21,632 --> 00:16:24,450
How to be all dead inside
with muscles on top,
407
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,376
not all emotional and flabby.
408
00:16:26,395 --> 00:16:29,530
Yeah, but you are emotional,
and if you pretend you're not,
409
00:16:29,542 --> 00:16:31,912
you're only letting him off the hook
for being a terrible father,
410
00:16:31,943 --> 00:16:33,791
which he is
and always has been.
411
00:16:33,809 --> 00:16:36,081
I mean,
he meant the world to you,
412
00:16:36,087 --> 00:16:38,204
and you meant nothing to him,
413
00:16:38,271 --> 00:16:42,170
and if you run away now,
he'll never know.
414
00:16:43,140 --> 00:16:45,170
He should know.
415
00:16:46,224 --> 00:16:47,881
Britta's the worst.
416
00:16:48,583 --> 00:16:49,683
Ow!
Jeez.
417
00:16:52,076 --> 00:16:54,060
Oh.
I thought you guys left.
418
00:16:54,092 --> 00:16:55,422
We started as your buffer,
419
00:16:55,455 --> 00:16:56,635
but we're busting you
out of here now.
420
00:16:56,675 --> 00:16:57,392
Mm-hmm.
421
00:16:57,404 --> 00:16:59,689
I drew a map of your house
on my stomach.
422
00:16:59,708 --> 00:17:01,828
Uh, I know what my house
looks like.
423
00:17:01,871 --> 00:17:03,457
That's what I said.
424
00:17:03,499 --> 00:17:05,573
Look, if we act fast,
we can get through this plan,
425
00:17:05,585 --> 00:17:08,223
which is to put you in the trash can,
take you out like trash,
426
00:17:08,253 --> 00:17:09,153
but we got to dress you
like a baby.
427
00:17:10,233 --> 00:17:13,178
Thank you so much for doing this,
but I'm not going anywhere.
428
00:17:13,190 --> 00:17:15,588
Those people up there,
they may be rude, they may be pushy,
429
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,493
they may have come
to some wrongheaded conclusions
430
00:17:17,524 --> 00:17:18,943
about Batman and Robin...
431
00:17:18,990 --> 00:17:20,044
Oh, thank you.
432
00:17:20,062 --> 00:17:21,495
But they're my family,
433
00:17:21,507 --> 00:17:24,199
and family means putting up with
each other even when it's hard.
434
00:17:24,241 --> 00:17:26,721
You guys can go.
I'll be fine.
435
00:17:27,556 --> 00:17:30,427
Actually, we're going to stay.
436
00:17:30,570 --> 00:17:31,954
- Oh.
- Yeah.
437
00:17:32,026 --> 00:17:33,309
Family sticks it out.
438
00:17:33,329 --> 00:17:35,031
That's ni...
439
00:17:38,048 --> 00:17:39,984
Okay, full disclosure.
440
00:17:40,008 --> 00:17:42,959
We're hiding out
from that crazy white guy.
441
00:17:44,279 --> 00:17:45,599
You came back!
442
00:17:45,784 --> 00:17:46,719
I'm sorry.
443
00:17:46,737 --> 00:17:48,950
You should take some credit
for who I've become.
444
00:17:49,015 --> 00:17:49,936
Okay.
445
00:17:49,961 --> 00:17:53,095
So, let me tell you
how I turned out,
446
00:17:53,127 --> 00:17:56,677
just so you're crystal clear
on your impact.
447
00:17:57,503 --> 00:18:00,236
I am not well-adjusted.
448
00:18:00,575 --> 00:18:03,740
More often than not,
I am barely keeping it together.
449
00:18:04,032 --> 00:18:05,943
I'm constantly texting,
450
00:18:06,081 --> 00:18:07,732
and there's no one
at the other end.
451
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:09,281
I'm just a grown man
452
00:18:09,306 --> 00:18:12,029
who can't even look his own
friends in the eye for too long
453
00:18:12,059 --> 00:18:14,267
because I'm afraid
that they'll see
454
00:18:14,298 --> 00:18:15,566
that I am broken.
455
00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:17,932
So you get credit for that.
456
00:18:17,951 --> 00:18:18,907
Oh, come on, now...
457
00:18:18,925 --> 00:18:20,993
One time,
when I was in seventh grade,
458
00:18:21,020 --> 00:18:24,096
I told everybody at school
that I had appendicitis.
459
00:18:24,333 --> 00:18:26,337
I wanted someone
to worry about me.
460
00:18:26,607 --> 00:18:29,299
But when Beth Brannon asked
to see the scar,
461
00:18:29,436 --> 00:18:30,643
I didn't want to get found out,
462
00:18:30,649 --> 00:18:35,187
so I took mom's scissors,
and I made one.
463
00:18:35,344 --> 00:18:38,032
It hurt like hell,
but it was worth it.
464
00:18:38,056 --> 00:18:41,310
Because I got 17 cards,
465
00:18:41,484 --> 00:18:44,026
and I still keep them in a box
underneath my bed
466
00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:45,549
22 years later
467
00:18:45,563 --> 00:18:47,929
because it proves that someone,
468
00:18:47,954 --> 00:18:50,408
at some point, cared about me.
469
00:18:50,453 --> 00:18:52,298
You want to see the scar?
470
00:18:54,102 --> 00:18:56,591
So you get credit
for that, too.
471
00:18:56,906 --> 00:18:58,557
This is me.
472
00:18:58,890 --> 00:19:02,124
Look, Jeff, I, uh...
473
00:19:03,757 --> 00:19:04,501
Daddy!
474
00:19:04,514 --> 00:19:07,649
Are you faking a heart attack?
475
00:19:07,799 --> 00:19:09,967
Kind of a Hail Mary.
476
00:19:10,978 --> 00:19:12,740
Happy Thanksgiving, dad.
477
00:19:19,725 --> 00:19:22,953
Look, you're probably
feeling a very strong urge
478
00:19:22,978 --> 00:19:25,541
to sleep with me right now,
and that is normal.
479
00:19:25,666 --> 00:19:27,609
Sha.
480
00:19:28,045 --> 00:19:31,037
Britta, thank you.
481
00:19:31,850 --> 00:19:33,551
You were right.
482
00:19:34,058 --> 00:19:36,160
You're not going to get all
"jock jams" on me, are you?
483
00:19:36,315 --> 00:19:38,169
No, of course not.
484
00:19:38,466 --> 00:19:40,166
I left my boom box at school.
485
00:19:40,401 --> 00:19:42,900
Oh. Jeez.
486
00:19:43,359 --> 00:19:44,643
You got to stop doing that.
487
00:19:44,689 --> 00:19:47,060
Thank you.
Come here, brother.
488
00:19:47,079 --> 00:19:48,512
- Oh.
- Come here, brother.
489
00:19:48,537 --> 00:19:49,306
Wow.
490
00:19:49,331 --> 00:19:51,082
Why don't you save some
for Christmas, buddy, okay?
491
00:19:51,114 --> 00:19:54,087
And then Pierce did whiteface
over blackface.
492
00:19:54,106 --> 00:19:55,164
No one was amused.
493
00:19:55,176 --> 00:19:57,110
It's meta.
Abed gets it.
494
00:19:57,134 --> 00:19:59,886
So, Troy, how was
your first real Thanksgiving?
495
00:19:59,915 --> 00:20:00,965
No offense to Shirley,
496
00:20:00,977 --> 00:20:02,496
but I don't see
what the fuss is about.
497
00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:04,918
Thanksgiving's the wors...
498
00:20:05,019 --> 00:20:06,302
Oh!
499
00:20:06,314 --> 00:20:08,593
I heard your Thanksgiving
wasn't much better than mine,
500
00:20:08,644 --> 00:20:12,533
so I thought we could take some time
and be grateful for our real family.
501
00:20:12,727 --> 00:20:14,321
The one we chose.
502
00:20:14,487 --> 00:20:17,083
- So pretty.
- Sit, sit, sit.
503
00:20:17,582 --> 00:20:19,484
We never got
to do a Shawshank homage,
504
00:20:19,572 --> 00:20:21,656
not the way I wanted to.
505
00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:24,054
Maybe the hardest prisons
to break out of
506
00:20:24,092 --> 00:20:26,410
are the ones without locks.
507
00:20:26,771 --> 00:20:28,794
Wait, that doesn't
make any sense.
508
00:20:29,047 --> 00:20:31,471
After that day, Jeff seemed
like a man unburdened.
509
00:20:31,568 --> 00:20:33,408
He told me
about seeing his father again,
510
00:20:33,445 --> 00:20:35,003
about how leaving there
felt like breaking free
511
00:20:35,021 --> 00:20:37,189
of an emotional prison
he'd been in for years.
512
00:20:37,252 --> 00:20:39,370
Something about shackles
on his heart?
513
00:20:39,499 --> 00:20:41,134
To be honest,
I stopped listening.
514
00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:42,556
I was thinking about Christmas.
515
00:20:42,569 --> 00:20:43,869
I hope we do Die Hard.
516
00:20:43,895 --> 00:20:45,181
I hope it's in a restaurant.
517
00:20:45,226 --> 00:20:47,728
I hope it lays out as cleanly
as it does in my dreams.
518
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:49,244
I hope it's cool.
519
00:20:49,276 --> 00:20:50,383
Cool, cool, cool.
520
00:20:50,474 --> 00:20:51,764
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
521
00:20:51,788 --> 00:20:54,576
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone,
including you, Dean.
522
00:21:19,805 --> 00:21:21,335
Oh, my.
523
00:21:23,582 --> 00:21:26,086
I'll have to remember this
for next year.