1
00:00:02,067 --> 00:00:04,595
Hey. Get out of my chair,
or I'll have you disbarred.
2
00:00:04,606 --> 00:00:06,643
Oh, wait.
That already happened.
3
00:00:07,166 --> 00:00:08,603
- Cash.
- Tango.
4
00:00:08,614 --> 00:00:10,871
My old partner in my new firm.
5
00:00:13,421 --> 00:00:14,582
Does it get any better?
6
00:00:14,601 --> 00:00:17,589
- Not unless you leave.
- Still got it.
7
00:00:17,857 --> 00:00:21,665
So a little birdie told me you're
graduating kiddie college.
8
00:00:21,678 --> 00:00:23,515
You must be excited
to get that lollipop.
9
00:00:23,575 --> 00:00:24,938
Hey.
10
00:00:25,138 --> 00:00:26,760
- It's a sticker.
- Ha.
11
00:00:26,778 --> 00:00:29,196
I know you're busy, not,
so allow me to whip it out.
12
00:00:29,249 --> 00:00:30,399
Come work with me.
13
00:00:30,427 --> 00:00:33,558
You'll be a full partner, six figures,
corner office, three secretaries.
14
00:00:33,576 --> 00:00:36,046
What's that? Not enough money?
I'll double it. Bam, done.
15
00:00:36,064 --> 00:00:37,752
That's how we negotiate.
Lunch?
16
00:00:37,775 --> 00:00:39,943
Wow.
I drive a hard bargain.
17
00:00:39,963 --> 00:00:42,409
But, Mark, aren't you worried
I'm a little out of practice?
18
00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:45,200
The only cases I've tried lately
are about sandwiches and yams.
19
00:00:45,225 --> 00:00:46,825
Please, you were
a better lawyer
20
00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:49,225
when you weren't a lawyer
than most lawyers I know.
21
00:00:49,349 --> 00:00:50,699
It's still in you.
22
00:00:51,224 --> 00:00:53,031
I'll give it some thought.
23
00:00:53,049 --> 00:00:55,573
Just shake my hand, idiot.
It's simple.
24
00:00:59,246 --> 00:01:00,653
I like simple.
25
00:01:00,724 --> 00:01:02,177
Take a look around, Winger.
26
00:01:02,189 --> 00:01:04,409
This is your new old life.
27
00:01:04,511 --> 00:01:07,733
I don't get it. We just had
Christmas, and now it's warm outside.
28
00:01:07,755 --> 00:01:10,318
Of course it is, dummy. We just
finished fall-spring semester.
29
00:01:10,337 --> 00:01:12,431
- Bring on summer-winter.
- I can't wait.
30
00:01:12,449 --> 00:01:14,546
My final film school class
is just called opinions.
31
00:01:14,563 --> 00:01:16,769
Professor Taylor is scheduled to
teach, but I have a rebuttal.
32
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:20,476
Lucky. I transferred to forensics
late and got the worst classes.
33
00:01:20,495 --> 00:01:23,592
Skull fragment collection,
advanced advanced decomp,
34
00:01:23,610 --> 00:01:25,774
and intro to senselessness
were all full.
35
00:01:25,809 --> 00:01:27,509
I still have a year
of A/C repair left.
36
00:01:27,542 --> 00:01:29,611
I passed all my classes,
so now I just do yoga
37
00:01:29,629 --> 00:01:30,999
while the teachers
write down my wisdoms.
38
00:01:31,017 --> 00:01:33,406
Wait a minute.
Jeff passed history.
39
00:01:33,424 --> 00:01:34,688
He's graduating early.
40
00:01:34,713 --> 00:01:36,888
I'm totally unprepared
to deal with this.
41
00:01:36,907 --> 00:01:38,087
No, Annie,
please, don't--
42
00:01:40,083 --> 00:01:42,423
Well, it's official.
It's on a banner.
43
00:01:42,434 --> 00:01:43,868
Congratulations, Jeffrey.
44
00:01:43,892 --> 00:01:46,105
You worked hard not to work
hard to earn that degree.
45
00:01:46,117 --> 00:01:48,478
Yeah, you took so many blow-off
classes and pointless electives.
46
00:01:48,493 --> 00:01:50,445
- What did you end up majoring in?
- Education.
47
00:01:50,466 --> 00:01:51,650
You had to win, didn't you?
48
00:01:51,672 --> 00:01:53,366
When I was inches
from the finish line.
49
00:01:53,384 --> 00:01:55,696
Pierce, you have so many credits,
they have grand-credits.
50
00:01:55,701 --> 00:01:56,844
Just graduate already.
51
00:01:56,863 --> 00:01:59,763
- When's the graduation ceremony?
- Never. It's community college.
52
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:02,855
You just send in some papers
and they stop charging you.
53
00:02:02,887 --> 00:02:04,430
It's moving, in its own way.
54
00:02:04,448 --> 00:02:07,723
So this is it? A banner and
some soda Troy forgot to bring?
55
00:02:07,748 --> 00:02:10,961
- No. - As far as graduations go,
it's boring but grounded.
56
00:02:10,983 --> 00:02:12,433
I was hoping for more.
57
00:02:12,439 --> 00:02:14,370
Can we at least walk with you
to the Dean's office?
58
00:02:14,394 --> 00:02:15,457
What, now?
No.
59
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:18,057
I was just--I was going to mail it in
next week, or, you know, whenever.
60
00:02:18,076 --> 00:02:19,179
Don't be silly.
61
00:02:19,198 --> 00:02:21,940
We started as a study group,
we'll finish as a study group.
62
00:02:21,958 --> 00:02:24,221
All for one, and one dude
we can all leave behind.
63
00:02:24,239 --> 00:02:25,450
Everybody, go quickly.
64
00:02:25,469 --> 00:02:26,204
Go.
65
00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:27,630
- Go, go, go, go, go, go.
- Hey.
66
00:02:28,319 --> 00:02:30,062
♪ Give me some rope
67
00:02:30,087 --> 00:02:31,733
♪ tie me to dream
68
00:02:31,739 --> 00:02:33,246
♪ give me the hope
69
00:02:33,264 --> 00:02:34,930
♪ to run out of steam
70
00:02:34,950 --> 00:02:38,311
♪ Somebody said it can be here ♪
71
00:02:38,323 --> 00:02:40,030
♪ we could be roped up
72
00:02:40,061 --> 00:02:42,294
♪ tied up, dead in a year ♪
73
00:02:42,312 --> 00:02:47,277
♪ I can't count the reasons
I should stay ♪
74
00:02:47,310 --> 00:02:54,397
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
75
00:02:54,555 --> 00:02:57,559
All right, Mr. Winger.
Et al. Britta.
76
00:02:57,585 --> 00:03:00,218
Emotions are running high,
so I will keep this
77
00:03:00,243 --> 00:03:01,368
tight and short.
78
00:03:01,385 --> 00:03:03,953
- You always do. - I see you have
all the necessary paperwork.
79
00:03:03,965 --> 00:03:06,159
Necessary?
You asked for proof of inseam.
80
00:03:06,177 --> 00:03:07,801
Ah, Jeffrey.
81
00:03:08,019 --> 00:03:11,495
I'm going to miss our playful,
"Get a room already" banter.
82
00:03:11,587 --> 00:03:13,299
- Oh, Dean.
- I can come back.
83
00:03:13,310 --> 00:03:14,412
No, I can do this.
84
00:03:14,431 --> 00:03:17,334
Just need to sign
the old John Dean-cock
85
00:03:17,353 --> 00:03:19,867
and you will be graduated.
86
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,245
So this is it?
87
00:03:23,263 --> 00:03:24,775
- Mm-hmm.
- Huh.
88
00:03:24,841 --> 00:03:26,216
I, uh--
89
00:03:26,259 --> 00:03:28,991
I expected
a little more pageantry.
90
00:03:29,586 --> 00:03:31,956
- I'm listening.
- Annie's right.
91
00:03:32,123 --> 00:03:33,936
We should throw a party
to mark the occasion.
92
00:03:34,691 --> 00:03:36,696
- A small one.
- The teensiest.
93
00:03:37,146 --> 00:03:38,832
Just close friends,
a small cake--
94
00:03:38,844 --> 00:03:40,744
- Maybe some flowers, an archway--
- A string quartet.
95
00:03:40,756 --> 00:03:42,338
Ooh, he could wear a suit.
96
00:03:42,369 --> 00:03:44,575
- Starting to sound like a wedding.
- Not a wedding.
97
00:03:44,598 --> 00:03:47,120
Just your average,
low-key diploma signing,
98
00:03:47,150 --> 00:03:49,319
to which you're all cordially
invited, tomorrow afternoon.
99
00:03:49,338 --> 00:03:50,181
Tomorrow?
100
00:03:50,187 --> 00:03:51,976
Is that enough time
to plan a whole wedding?
101
00:03:52,192 --> 00:03:53,593
- Absolutely.
- I'll get my book.
102
00:03:56,136 --> 00:03:58,435
Listen, I can't do a big party.
103
00:03:58,448 --> 00:03:59,303
It's too much.
104
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:01,781
Oh, I see what's going on here.
105
00:04:01,804 --> 00:04:04,067
This is about you getting
cold feet about graduating.
106
00:04:04,079 --> 00:04:04,990
Pshaw.
107
00:04:05,015 --> 00:04:08,071
I've been looking forward to graduation
since freshman registration.
108
00:04:08,142 --> 00:04:10,649
I already got a job lined up
at my old partner's firm.
109
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:12,464
Well, then, let them eat cake.
110
00:04:12,489 --> 00:04:13,701
It's just,
111
00:04:13,726 --> 00:04:15,974
I'm worried that the
group might not be able
112
00:04:15,992 --> 00:04:18,217
to handle it,
you know, emotionally.
113
00:04:18,253 --> 00:04:20,295
Everyone wants you
to graduate, Jeff.
114
00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:21,683
Well, what about Abed?
115
00:04:21,710 --> 00:04:23,736
I mean, the stress of me leaving
might send him spiraling.
116
00:04:23,748 --> 00:04:25,278
Come on,
give him some more credit.
117
00:04:25,291 --> 00:04:28,291
He's really progressed since
he opened up to my therapizing.
118
00:04:28,311 --> 00:04:29,915
Do you remember last year,
when he wouldn't stop
119
00:04:29,933 --> 00:04:31,821
talking about that
"darkest timeline" thing?
120
00:04:31,826 --> 00:04:35,001
- The one where I lost my arm?
- And Pierce died, and Annie went insane,
121
00:04:35,026 --> 00:04:37,096
and he blamed it all
on you throwing some dice.
122
00:04:37,109 --> 00:04:39,730
He has not brought that up
in months.
123
00:04:40,662 --> 00:04:42,468
You're right, Britta.
124
00:04:43,583 --> 00:04:45,400
I just need
to give Abed a chance.
125
00:04:45,489 --> 00:04:46,465
Then it's settled.
126
00:04:46,477 --> 00:04:48,393
The six of us will
take astronomy next semester.
127
00:04:48,411 --> 00:04:50,949
- So now you're leaving me out.
- No, we're leaving Jeff out.
128
00:04:50,955 --> 00:04:53,273
So I'm not even the one
who gets left out anymore.
129
00:04:53,308 --> 00:04:55,240
- Everything's Jeff, Jeff--
- Jeff.
130
00:04:55,259 --> 00:04:56,411
This seat taken?
131
00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:00,509
So everyone still excited
about the big shindig?
132
00:05:00,528 --> 00:05:02,703
Totally. I was worried about the
wedding-graduation mash up,
133
00:05:02,715 --> 00:05:04,959
but it's testing really
well with women.
134
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,053
Oh, well, that's a load off.
135
00:05:06,078 --> 00:05:09,457
Hey, we should probably figure out
who's bringing the soda now, right?
136
00:05:09,483 --> 00:05:11,996
- Just so there's not another hang up.
- I brought it.
137
00:05:12,355 --> 00:05:13,722
I-I just drank it all.
138
00:05:13,740 --> 00:05:15,516
It's okay.
I've got it covered.
139
00:05:15,522 --> 00:05:17,604
No, no, no.
You've already done so much.
140
00:05:17,637 --> 00:05:20,305
Besides, I think I have
a fun and fair way
141
00:05:20,332 --> 00:05:24,014
to decide which of the six of us
will bring the soda.
142
00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:27,493
We'll roll for it.
143
00:05:37,519 --> 00:05:39,387
It didn't land on a number.
144
00:05:39,475 --> 00:05:40,658
That probably means nothing.
145
00:05:40,689 --> 00:05:42,940
- Or it means everything.
- Let's hope not.
146
00:05:42,955 --> 00:05:44,357
You know what,
I'll bring the soda.
147
00:05:44,376 --> 00:05:46,217
Don't worry, I'll make sure
there aren't any more hang-ups.
148
00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:48,901
Must I bear this cross forever?
149
00:05:52,226 --> 00:05:54,280
I was hoping for more.
150
00:05:54,533 --> 00:05:58,673
♪ Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean,
Dean, Dean ♪
151
00:05:58,728 --> 00:06:02,614
♪ Dean, Dean, Dean,
Dean, Dean ♪
152
00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:06,716
♪ Dean, Dean, Dean,
Dean, Dean, Dean ♪
153
00:06:06,755 --> 00:06:09,224
♪ Dean, Dean, Dean,
Dean, Dean ♪
154
00:06:09,242 --> 00:06:11,630
♪ Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean
155
00:06:11,682 --> 00:06:14,217
♪ Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean
156
00:06:14,262 --> 00:06:17,267
♪ Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean,
Dean, Dean, Dean-- ♪
157
00:06:18,584 --> 00:06:19,681
Catherine?
158
00:06:19,716 --> 00:06:23,049
Do not even tell me
you dropped that cake.
159
00:06:28,229 --> 00:06:29,560
Parasites.
160
00:06:29,591 --> 00:06:31,607
Hey.
What's going on?
161
00:06:31,635 --> 00:06:34,063
Why are you trying
to avoid graduating?
162
00:06:34,182 --> 00:06:35,257
I wish I knew.
163
00:06:35,272 --> 00:06:36,735
I think it's because
you're scared
164
00:06:36,747 --> 00:06:39,129
to take this law job
with your old partner.
165
00:06:39,165 --> 00:06:41,258
But don't let that stop you
from graduating.
166
00:06:41,264 --> 00:06:42,970
Take the job,
don't take the job.
167
00:06:42,982 --> 00:06:45,806
Either way, your friends are always
going to be here to support you.
168
00:06:45,825 --> 00:06:46,890
Good to know.
169
00:06:46,935 --> 00:06:49,035
See you at graduation.
170
00:06:49,824 --> 00:06:52,580
- And they call us the worst.
- Took you long enough.
171
00:06:52,622 --> 00:06:54,576
Hey, nobody said you had
to travel naked.
172
00:06:54,589 --> 00:06:56,364
Oh.
You brought the good one.
173
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:58,700
You hold that,
I'll do the sleeve.
174
00:06:58,725 --> 00:07:00,672
Wait for the click.
There--
175
00:07:00,707 --> 00:07:02,566
Ah.
Good.
176
00:07:04,103 --> 00:07:06,498
Middle finger works great now.
177
00:07:06,724 --> 00:07:08,225
It's worse than I thought.
178
00:07:08,255 --> 00:07:11,006
They made lame Jeff
too lame to leave Greendale.
179
00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:12,608
He's got to take that job.
180
00:07:12,634 --> 00:07:14,187
But how do we make him do that?
181
00:07:14,205 --> 00:07:16,235
By turning the study group
against him
182
00:07:16,260 --> 00:07:19,692
so he'll run screaming
from this rancid cocoon
183
00:07:19,710 --> 00:07:21,723
into the welcoming arms
of darkness.
184
00:07:21,738 --> 00:07:24,094
- How hard is that to understand?
- It's not.
185
00:07:24,125 --> 00:07:26,513
I just like when you
talk down to me like a child.
186
00:07:31,193 --> 00:07:32,782
Oh!
Jeff.
187
00:07:32,883 --> 00:07:35,635
It's bad luck to see the
graduation before the graduation.
188
00:07:35,647 --> 00:07:37,010
I had to talk to you.
189
00:07:37,051 --> 00:07:39,526
Today is bringing up
so many emotions.
190
00:07:39,725 --> 00:07:40,875
It's a lot to take in.
191
00:07:40,909 --> 00:07:43,661
I'm not making you feel nervous
about graduating, am I?
192
00:07:43,679 --> 00:07:44,854
Well,
193
00:07:44,879 --> 00:07:47,248
you are making me
feel something.
194
00:07:47,685 --> 00:07:50,221
And it's not about graduating.
195
00:07:50,591 --> 00:07:51,947
I'm saying I'm hot for you.
196
00:07:51,974 --> 00:07:53,594
Me?
197
00:07:53,897 --> 00:07:55,203
Is this for real?
198
00:07:55,246 --> 00:07:57,580
Is my beating heart for real?
199
00:07:57,837 --> 00:07:58,756
Oh, Annie.
200
00:07:58,774 --> 00:08:00,751
I don't know if it's
the beautiful decorations,
201
00:08:00,778 --> 00:08:03,196
or the impending
floral archway,
202
00:08:03,318 --> 00:08:07,120
but there's something about this
that feels so right.
203
00:08:07,644 --> 00:08:10,091
It's the perfect moment
to remember you by.
204
00:08:10,122 --> 00:08:11,694
Remember me by?
205
00:08:11,815 --> 00:08:13,919
- I'm not going anywhere.
- Exactly.
206
00:08:13,944 --> 00:08:15,158
You're going nowhere.
207
00:08:15,176 --> 00:08:18,628
I'm about to return
to my cool, adult, lawyer life,
208
00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:20,649
and you're going to be
stuck here, playing high school.
209
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,236
- Why are you saying this?
- So you face the facts.
210
00:08:23,264 --> 00:08:24,820
Once I graduate,
211
00:08:24,851 --> 00:08:26,408
I'm gone.
212
00:08:30,345 --> 00:08:32,605
Winger, streaking
on your last day of school?
213
00:08:32,630 --> 00:08:33,686
Respect.
214
00:08:33,705 --> 00:08:36,350
Oh, so I got the save the date
for your graduation.
215
00:08:36,380 --> 00:08:38,681
Should I bring a date,
or try to hook up there?
216
00:08:38,709 --> 00:08:41,340
I'm not going to your
stupid graduation, jerk.
217
00:08:41,358 --> 00:08:43,303
I can't believe you said
those things to me.
218
00:08:43,327 --> 00:08:45,047
- What things?
- Don't play dumb.
219
00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:47,685
You want to leave? Leave.
See if I care.
220
00:08:47,735 --> 00:08:51,979
- What did you do?
- I have no earthly idea.
221
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,703
Look up there.
222
00:08:58,776 --> 00:09:00,926
- Hello, Abed.
- Hello, Evil Jeff.
223
00:09:00,946 --> 00:09:01,934
What?
How did you--
224
00:09:01,963 --> 00:09:03,344
I may not be good
with facial expressions,
225
00:09:03,356 --> 00:09:05,462
but I know an evil doppelganger
when I see one.
226
00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:07,077
Plus your arm makes a noise
every time you move it.
227
00:09:07,102 --> 00:09:08,681
Silence.
228
00:09:08,922 --> 00:09:11,788
- Are you here to kill Jeff?
- Oh, you non-evils are so naive.
229
00:09:11,822 --> 00:09:16,003
I'm here to save Jeff from the
smothering teat of his study group.
230
00:09:16,045 --> 00:09:19,489
- Is that a paintball gun?
- You wish.
231
00:09:22,188 --> 00:09:23,732
Cool.
232
00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:25,949
Wait.
Cold.
233
00:09:28,946 --> 00:09:30,578
How did I get
to the Dean's office?
234
00:09:30,928 --> 00:09:32,732
Hi.
235
00:09:37,380 --> 00:09:40,290
Out of my chair, monkey.
236
00:09:42,253 --> 00:09:44,359
The darkest timeline.
237
00:09:48,731 --> 00:09:50,282
Annie.
238
00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:56,705
Um, okay,
let's start with "Huh?"
239
00:09:56,735 --> 00:10:00,116
Jeff, I'm sorry.
I made it all up.
240
00:10:00,147 --> 00:10:02,233
I've been so upset
about you graduating
241
00:10:02,251 --> 00:10:04,953
that I've gone
a little crazy, emotionally.
242
00:10:04,963 --> 00:10:07,076
Oh, good.
I thought I was losing my mind.
243
00:10:07,088 --> 00:10:09,167
Make it up to you with a hug?
244
00:10:14,493 --> 00:10:17,117
This breakfast sandwich cart
is such a great idea.
245
00:10:17,129 --> 00:10:18,848
It's never too early
for Shirley--
246
00:10:18,872 --> 00:10:20,648
to make a boatload off
of hung over college kids.
247
00:10:20,679 --> 00:10:22,973
Speaking of great idea
having, hear me out.
248
00:10:22,992 --> 00:10:25,645
It's called
"The Troy-jan Horse."
249
00:10:25,832 --> 00:10:30,166
It goes bread, lettuce, ham,
ham, bacon, chocolate--
250
00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:31,979
Oh, how you doing,
the graduate?
251
00:10:31,998 --> 00:10:35,808
Just stopping by to hand out
some un-vites to my graduation.
252
00:10:35,839 --> 00:10:37,615
Here's one
for the desperate housewife
253
00:10:37,646 --> 00:10:41,451
who spends more time with her pathetic
business than with her family.
254
00:10:41,476 --> 00:10:42,526
And you.
255
00:10:42,550 --> 00:10:45,324
If you call a sandwich
a "Troy-jan Horse,"
256
00:10:45,365 --> 00:10:47,693
people are going
to think there's horse in it.
257
00:10:48,464 --> 00:10:50,183
Oh, my dreams.
258
00:10:50,208 --> 00:10:51,699
Whatever, losers.
259
00:10:51,724 --> 00:10:53,181
See you never.
260
00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:55,054
Where's Abed?
261
00:10:56,896 --> 00:10:58,054
Is anyone here?
262
00:10:58,072 --> 00:11:00,083
Hello, Abed.
Welcome to our home.
263
00:11:00,116 --> 00:11:02,334
- Hello, Evil Abed.
- It's just Abed now.
264
00:11:02,347 --> 00:11:03,878
After we met,
I abandoned my evil goal
265
00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,723
to focus on brightening
my own timeline instead.
266
00:11:05,756 --> 00:11:07,449
- Do you live here alone?
- Yes.
267
00:11:07,473 --> 00:11:09,474
Evil Troy moved out
when I gave up the cause.
268
00:11:09,504 --> 00:11:12,694
Now he only listens to Evil Jeff, who sort
of took over this year, villain-wise.
269
00:11:12,729 --> 00:11:16,168
Jeff left Greendale and became a scummy
lawyer again, but the more evil he got,
270
00:11:16,187 --> 00:11:18,922
the more he became tortured by the idea
that there's still a good Jeff out there,
271
00:11:18,940 --> 00:11:20,469
being good somewhere.
272
00:11:20,544 --> 00:11:22,857
That's why he forced me to show him
how to travel between timelines.
273
00:11:22,887 --> 00:11:24,211
My God.
274
00:11:24,236 --> 00:11:25,724
- This is so cool.
- I know.
275
00:11:25,749 --> 00:11:28,057
You have no idea how long I've been
waiting to talk to you about it.
276
00:11:28,082 --> 00:11:31,126
Kind of a Superman III meets that Star Trek
episode meets season three of The Cape.
277
00:11:31,138 --> 00:11:33,097
- The Cape was cancelled.
- Not here.
278
00:11:33,110 --> 00:11:35,917
They retooled it for cable,
and it's awesome.
279
00:11:36,024 --> 00:11:37,199
Want to see it?
280
00:11:37,650 --> 00:11:39,353
Desperately. But I need to
get back to my timeline
281
00:11:39,372 --> 00:11:40,451
and stop Evil Jeff.
282
00:11:40,476 --> 00:11:42,270
So I came to the only person
who could help me--me.
283
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:43,569
I'll get you home, Abed.
284
00:11:43,715 --> 00:11:45,197
But first,
285
00:11:45,228 --> 00:11:47,228
you'll need some supplies.
286
00:11:52,933 --> 00:11:54,400
Everyone must be running late.
287
00:11:54,434 --> 00:11:56,585
Here, Jeffrey.
You're graduated.
288
00:11:56,620 --> 00:11:58,821
Take your precious diploma
and just go.
289
00:11:58,839 --> 00:12:00,389
I cannot believe
290
00:12:00,401 --> 00:12:02,853
the hurtful things you
said to me in my office.
291
00:12:02,871 --> 00:12:05,593
I'll have you know that wanting
a little pageantry in your life
292
00:12:05,610 --> 00:12:09,233
isn't a crime
or a lifestyle choice.
293
00:12:13,103 --> 00:12:16,188
Okay, Annie, something
definitely weird is happening.
294
00:12:16,215 --> 00:12:18,255
No one's here,
the Dean is mad at me,
295
00:12:18,274 --> 00:12:20,628
and he is never
mad at me, and--
296
00:12:20,992 --> 00:12:22,011
a third reason.
297
00:12:22,035 --> 00:12:23,830
Congratulations, Jeff.
298
00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:26,172
Don't worry about the study group.
You can talk to them later.
299
00:12:26,197 --> 00:12:30,209
Why don't you and I go celebrate
someplace private and boozy?
300
00:12:30,215 --> 00:12:32,694
Annie, why are you acting like a
mistress in a Lifetime movie?
301
00:12:33,470 --> 00:12:34,512
You're funny.
302
00:12:34,525 --> 00:12:37,389
Oh, sweetheart,
you dropped your phone earlier.
303
00:12:37,422 --> 00:12:40,256
You've got a voicemail
from a guy named Mark?
304
00:12:40,469 --> 00:12:42,020
- You should call him.
- Not now.
305
00:12:42,038 --> 00:12:43,808
I have to find the others
and figure this out.
306
00:12:43,825 --> 00:12:45,705
Crap.
We're losing him.
307
00:12:46,325 --> 00:12:47,626
- What?
- What?
308
00:12:47,644 --> 00:12:48,714
Who are you?
309
00:12:48,738 --> 00:12:50,436
You're me?
310
00:12:50,508 --> 00:12:52,693
- But how?
- But how?
311
00:12:52,699 --> 00:12:53,880
Enough of the pleasantries
312
00:12:53,892 --> 00:12:57,280
I've come from the darkest timeline
to make sure you take that job.
313
00:12:57,313 --> 00:12:59,168
It's essential to our future.
314
00:12:59,174 --> 00:13:01,773
- You want it, idiot, so take it.
- I can't.
315
00:13:01,807 --> 00:13:05,937
I've spent almost four years here, growing
and changing and making dioramas.
316
00:13:05,969 --> 00:13:07,967
- I'm not that guy anymore.
- You're wrong.
317
00:13:07,979 --> 00:13:10,608
Greendale may have dulled
your killer instinct,
318
00:13:10,620 --> 00:13:12,949
but trust me,
it's still in you.
319
00:13:12,961 --> 00:13:16,764
It's time to leave this place
and reclaim your proper life.
320
00:13:16,773 --> 00:13:18,148
No.
321
00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:19,917
Not without my study group.
322
00:13:19,942 --> 00:13:22,489
Ugh.
Now who's in a Lifetime movie?
323
00:13:22,534 --> 00:13:24,912
Then I'll be rid of you
another way.
324
00:13:28,715 --> 00:13:33,852
Friendship!
325
00:13:39,005 --> 00:13:40,763
Mm.
Cold.
326
00:13:40,791 --> 00:13:42,792
Well, the subtle approach
failed.
327
00:13:42,829 --> 00:13:44,054
What's next?
328
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:45,641
Explain it slowly.
329
00:13:45,702 --> 00:13:47,828
Need some help?
330
00:13:48,332 --> 00:13:50,923
Let's burn this mother down.
331
00:13:57,402 --> 00:14:00,658
Jeff must be graduating about now.
I wonder if anyone's there.
332
00:14:00,689 --> 00:14:01,739
Doubt he cares.
333
00:14:01,761 --> 00:14:03,517
Pierce won't even
respond to my texts.
334
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,728
I wonder what terrible things
Jeff said about him.
335
00:14:05,756 --> 00:14:07,007
I've got some guesses.
336
00:14:08,314 --> 00:14:09,252
Let me finish.
337
00:14:09,283 --> 00:14:12,716
Look, I know this may sound crazy,
and more than a little convenient,
338
00:14:12,728 --> 00:14:15,394
but whatever I said to you,
it wasn't me.
339
00:14:15,419 --> 00:14:16,419
It was Evil Jeff.
340
00:14:17,019 --> 00:14:18,207
Come on.
341
00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:20,450
Something happened when I rolled that die.
Something terrible.
342
00:14:20,469 --> 00:14:22,101
Something only nerds
can understand.
343
00:14:22,125 --> 00:14:22,895
Mm-hmm.
344
00:14:22,914 --> 00:14:24,270
You have to believe me.
345
00:14:24,313 --> 00:14:25,602
They're coming for us.
346
00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:27,074
No.
347
00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:29,708
- We're coming for them.
- Abed, where have you been?
348
00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:30,724
The darkest timeline.
349
00:14:30,746 --> 00:14:34,246
You guys never believe me, so this time,
I brought proof, the doppeldeaner.
350
00:14:35,317 --> 00:14:37,492
Abed brought me here
to prove to all of you--
351
00:14:37,903 --> 00:14:38,997
Whoa.
352
00:14:39,017 --> 00:14:41,301
Actually, I figured that these paintball
warping guns would convince you.
353
00:14:41,329 --> 00:14:43,904
Listen up, people. We've got an
inter-dimensional battle on our hands.
354
00:14:43,931 --> 00:14:47,791
Our evil counterparts are waging
a war, and it's either us or us.
355
00:14:47,827 --> 00:14:49,194
All right.
356
00:14:49,341 --> 00:14:51,692
Let's light up
these dark suckers.
357
00:14:52,302 --> 00:14:53,846
Okay, everyone.
Stay sharp.
358
00:14:53,870 --> 00:14:56,690
If you see yourself,
warp on sight.
359
00:14:56,719 --> 00:14:59,459
I'd like to warp myself
to a dairy-free mudslide.
360
00:14:59,470 --> 00:15:01,097
That's just vodka, Shirley.
361
00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:03,363
- I know what it is.
- Ah-ha.
362
00:15:03,644 --> 00:15:04,700
Pierce?
363
00:15:04,724 --> 00:15:06,574
- We thought you were dead.
- Hell, no.
364
00:15:06,586 --> 00:15:09,056
After I got shot,
I faked my death
365
00:15:09,068 --> 00:15:11,540
- to teach you all a lesson.
- Lesson about what?
366
00:15:11,574 --> 00:15:13,839
Who can remember?
It was more than a year ago.
367
00:15:13,863 --> 00:15:15,169
And yet,
368
00:15:15,183 --> 00:15:18,001
here you all are, planning
an invasion without me.
369
00:15:18,013 --> 00:15:20,575
Again,
we thought you were dead.
370
00:15:20,593 --> 00:15:23,194
Listen, I-I can help you guys
beat the lame study group.
371
00:15:23,211 --> 00:15:24,563
Just tell me how this works.
372
00:15:24,604 --> 00:15:25,429
Fine.
373
00:15:25,460 --> 00:15:27,318
It's complicated,
but basically,
374
00:15:27,337 --> 00:15:29,869
the first person
to shoot themselves wins.
375
00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:32,456
Winner.
376
00:15:32,474 --> 00:15:34,053
Well, that bow tied itself.
377
00:15:34,095 --> 00:15:35,945
Dang, I got hair dye
on my coat.
378
00:15:35,955 --> 00:15:37,922
Dang, it's spreading.
379
00:15:37,944 --> 00:15:40,274
Damn it, Britta. Did you
shoot yourself too?
380
00:15:40,286 --> 00:15:42,167
- Every time.
- Hey.
381
00:15:42,198 --> 00:15:44,567
Don't talk to her like that.
382
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:48,016
- Every time.
- We're here. Scatter.
383
00:15:55,386 --> 00:15:57,046
Get help.
384
00:15:58,483 --> 00:16:01,227
Can't hide forever, lame Annie.
385
00:16:01,258 --> 00:16:02,489
Just let me shoot you.
386
00:16:02,515 --> 00:16:04,632
You'll love
the darkest timeline.
387
00:16:04,661 --> 00:16:06,621
We're sleeping with Jeff there.
388
00:16:06,672 --> 00:16:08,241
What?
We are?
389
00:16:08,283 --> 00:16:09,711
All the time.
390
00:16:09,729 --> 00:16:12,626
And he loves it.
391
00:16:15,039 --> 00:16:17,048
Nobody sleeps with Jeff.
392
00:16:17,067 --> 00:16:19,328
Not even me.
393
00:16:22,309 --> 00:16:23,726
I've been counting bullets.
394
00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:24,990
One of us is out.
395
00:16:25,008 --> 00:16:26,668
- Is it you?
- Yes.
396
00:16:26,758 --> 00:16:28,581
Why would you tell me that?
397
00:16:28,624 --> 00:16:30,574
To sound intimidating.
398
00:16:32,576 --> 00:16:34,194
Oh.
399
00:16:34,225 --> 00:16:35,922
Almost
400
00:16:35,959 --> 00:16:37,959
worked.
401
00:16:38,609 --> 00:16:40,621
Ballin'.
402
00:16:45,330 --> 00:16:47,217
Okay.
Only Evil Jeff is left.
403
00:16:47,238 --> 00:16:49,933
- You've got to take him out. What?
- Why don't I just give him what he wants?
404
00:16:49,953 --> 00:16:51,504
- You can't give up now.
- Why not?
405
00:16:51,529 --> 00:16:52,845
Because it's not real.
406
00:16:52,857 --> 00:16:53,904
Look around, Jeff.
407
00:16:53,910 --> 00:16:57,485
Haven't you noticed the vending machines
are full of meats and hard-boiled eggs?
408
00:16:58,013 --> 00:17:00,897
Or that all the background
students are attractive women?
409
00:17:01,469 --> 00:17:02,936
Hi.
410
00:17:03,351 --> 00:17:04,209
Yeah.
411
00:17:04,342 --> 00:17:06,595
This is a world you've created
in your own mind.
412
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:08,089
The real battle is within.
413
00:17:08,122 --> 00:17:09,693
You're afraid to graduate
because you think
414
00:17:09,705 --> 00:17:11,515
Greendale has
changed you too much.
415
00:17:11,540 --> 00:17:14,119
So part of you wants Evil Jeff to win,
because then you could go backwards
416
00:17:14,125 --> 00:17:15,850
and pretend you're the same guy
you were four years ago.
417
00:17:15,870 --> 00:17:18,483
But you're not. You're stronger.
You're better.
418
00:17:18,633 --> 00:17:21,039
You have friends. No, screw that.
You have a family.
419
00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:22,580
Wait.
420
00:17:22,937 --> 00:17:25,657
If this is all in my mind, then I
don't really need to fight him.
421
00:17:25,750 --> 00:17:27,728
Don't logic this one
away from me.
422
00:17:28,042 --> 00:17:31,031
We finally figured out a way
to make paintball cool again.
423
00:17:35,102 --> 00:17:36,896
Hey, handsome.
424
00:18:00,588 --> 00:18:02,139
On second thought,
425
00:18:02,165 --> 00:18:03,516
who needs to roll a die?
426
00:18:03,558 --> 00:18:05,224
And who cares if we have soda?
427
00:18:05,257 --> 00:18:07,171
As long as you guys
are with me,
428
00:18:07,198 --> 00:18:09,399
I have everything I need
to graduate.
429
00:18:09,428 --> 00:18:10,841
Yeah.
430
00:18:10,878 --> 00:18:12,540
Forget soda.
431
00:18:13,145 --> 00:18:16,295
Friends, Greendalians,
human beings,
432
00:18:16,313 --> 00:18:17,918
we are gathered here today
to honor
433
00:18:17,943 --> 00:18:22,982
that sacred and eternal bond
between a student and his Dean.
434
00:18:23,033 --> 00:18:26,064
Neither time nor distance
nor screening one's calls
435
00:18:26,083 --> 00:18:29,444
could ever sever what
nature herself has ordained.
436
00:18:29,463 --> 00:18:31,983
- When two men are drawn--
- I'll take it from here, Craig.
437
00:18:32,002 --> 00:18:34,778
Fair enough.
I was reaching.
438
00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:38,616
Three and a half years ago,
when I came to Greendale,
439
00:18:38,792 --> 00:18:41,453
- I met six very important people.
- Ooh.
440
00:18:41,659 --> 00:18:43,971
Burn on Britta. Sorry, seven.
441
00:18:44,220 --> 00:18:47,468
And meeting these people
changed my life.
442
00:18:48,518 --> 00:18:49,973
Yep.
443
00:18:51,593 --> 00:18:53,711
I'm sorry.
I-I don't know what to say.
444
00:18:54,677 --> 00:18:55,945
- Yeah, okay.
- Whatever.
445
00:18:55,957 --> 00:18:57,911
I'm so used to being the guy
446
00:18:57,945 --> 00:18:59,946
who can talk his way
out of anything,
447
00:18:59,985 --> 00:19:03,857
but what do you say
when you don't want a way out?
448
00:19:04,250 --> 00:19:07,053
What you all have done for me is
449
00:19:07,178 --> 00:19:08,809
indescribable.
450
00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:10,478
It's unbelievable.
451
00:19:10,605 --> 00:19:12,961
And my love for you is
452
00:19:13,005 --> 00:19:14,879
immeasurable,
453
00:19:15,088 --> 00:19:17,799
even when you split it
seven ways.
454
00:19:20,666 --> 00:19:22,496
Well said, Jeffrey.
455
00:19:22,565 --> 00:19:24,797
If anyone here
should have just cause
456
00:19:24,828 --> 00:19:27,614
why Jeffrey Tobias Winger
should not be graduated,
457
00:19:27,638 --> 00:19:29,256
speak now
or forever--
458
00:19:30,994 --> 00:19:31,907
Pierce.
459
00:19:31,937 --> 00:19:34,308
You don't have to do this.
I'm ready to graduate.
460
00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:35,739
Yeah?
461
00:19:35,779 --> 00:19:37,887
Well, I'm ready
to graduate first.
462
00:19:37,980 --> 00:19:40,337
Seems oddly appropriate.
463
00:19:40,362 --> 00:19:41,943
Congratulations, Pierce.
464
00:19:48,141 --> 00:19:49,858
Perfect.
465
00:19:49,886 --> 00:19:51,792
So what's next
for Jeffrey Winger?
466
00:19:51,804 --> 00:19:54,489
I'm thinking I might look
into some small local firms.
467
00:19:54,507 --> 00:19:56,535
I'm going to use my big mouth
to help the little guy.
468
00:19:56,554 --> 00:19:57,635
Aww.
469
00:19:57,654 --> 00:20:00,402
Plus, if I stay in town, I
can pop by any time I want.
470
00:20:00,434 --> 00:20:02,669
You know, just to settle
any group arguments
471
00:20:02,693 --> 00:20:04,115
about who misses me the most.
472
00:20:04,134 --> 00:20:05,576
Oh--
473
00:20:05,917 --> 00:20:07,249
What do you think?
474
00:20:07,279 --> 00:20:09,147
- To Jeff.
- To Jeffrey.
475
00:20:18,936 --> 00:20:20,880
♪ Troy and Abed in the morning ♪
476
00:20:20,923 --> 00:20:23,318
Welcome back. We've got a jam-packed
show, so let's get started.
477
00:20:23,346 --> 00:20:25,476
Today, as always, we'll
be visited once again
478
00:20:25,488 --> 00:20:28,101
by Greendale's king and supreme
lord master, Dean Chang.
479
00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:30,227
Looks like he'll be
talking about squash this time.
480
00:20:30,239 --> 00:20:31,811
Oh, I'm super excited for that.
481
00:20:31,836 --> 00:20:33,908
And not only
because it's mandatory.
482
00:20:33,926 --> 00:20:35,777
But first, we'll take a spin
around the timeline map
483
00:20:35,795 --> 00:20:39,301
and find out what's happening in
the universes that parallel ours.
484
00:20:40,870 --> 00:20:43,239
Thanks, us. I'm standing
here in timeline five,
485
00:20:43,266 --> 00:20:44,666
where things
are pretty much normal.
486
00:20:44,708 --> 00:20:45,414
Normal?
487
00:20:45,426 --> 00:20:47,722
Troy, people are on fire
in Nairobi.
488
00:20:47,744 --> 00:20:49,578
You call that normal?
489
00:20:49,612 --> 00:20:51,907
I've become much more
conscious of world issues
490
00:20:51,912 --> 00:20:55,172
since Troy and I decided to give
our baby an African name.
491
00:20:55,205 --> 00:20:57,373
Isn't that right, Chewbacca?
492
00:20:57,407 --> 00:20:59,267
It means,
"He who hunts bounties."
493
00:20:59,389 --> 00:21:00,843
Back to you.
494
00:21:02,078 --> 00:21:04,680
Wow, it sounds like things are
really heating up in Nairobi.
495
00:21:04,692 --> 00:21:07,536
That's nothing compared to the
fire in our studio audience.
496
00:21:07,947 --> 00:21:09,164
Hey, idiots.
497
00:21:09,230 --> 00:21:11,741
How many times have I told you,
the show doesn't really exist.
498
00:21:11,778 --> 00:21:13,510
No one's watching.
499
00:21:13,733 --> 00:21:15,451
Duh-doy.
We know.
500
00:21:15,528 --> 00:21:16,839
Yeah, we're just
messing around.
501
00:21:16,861 --> 00:21:19,349
- See you at lunch, Evil Jeff.
- See you at lunch.
502
00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:23,850
♪ Troy and Abed
in the morning ♪
503
00:21:25,231 --> 00:21:30,231
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