1 00:00:01,137 --> 00:00:02,478 I am the system. 2 00:00:02,638 --> 00:00:04,275 I consume humanity. 3 00:00:04,432 --> 00:00:07,397 - There is no escape. - Objection! 4 00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:10,194 Jeff Winger, hero-at-law 5 00:00:10,354 --> 00:00:11,991 Best lawyer you ever saw 6 00:00:12,607 --> 00:00:13,781 Hero to freedom 7 00:00:13,941 --> 00:00:15,365 Defender of liberty 8 00:00:15,526 --> 00:00:17,329 South of the 40 at Lincoln 9 00:00:17,487 --> 00:00:18,910 You park for free Jeff 10 00:00:19,071 --> 00:00:22,286 Are you a good person being sued, oppressed or beaten? 11 00:00:22,450 --> 00:00:26,163 I can help, and that's the Winger Guarantee. 12 00:00:26,329 --> 00:00:29,046 Call 555-her... 13 00:00:29,207 --> 00:00:31,792 Maybe you should've spent less money on special effects. 14 00:00:31,959 --> 00:00:35,803 Yeah. Thanks a lot, Francis Ford Repo Man. 15 00:00:42,345 --> 00:00:45,144 Jeff Winger, loser-at-law 16 00:00:45,306 --> 00:00:49,103 Rented office in a mini mall 17 00:00:49,769 --> 00:00:52,189 Relax, Tango. I come in peace. 18 00:00:52,355 --> 00:00:53,861 Way I see it, I screwed you... 19 00:00:54,023 --> 00:00:56,787 ...I got screwed back. Now we can bygone the bygones. 20 00:00:56,943 --> 00:00:59,529 I got a juicy new client and a bone to throw you. 21 00:00:59,695 --> 00:01:01,535 Hear about that bridge that collapsed? 22 00:01:01,697 --> 00:01:03,584 A human could say that without salivating. 23 00:01:03,741 --> 00:01:06,458 I represent Marvin Humphries, the engineer who designed it. 24 00:01:06,619 --> 00:01:08,126 He wants to seek damages. 25 00:01:08,287 --> 00:01:09,711 From what? His own pencil? 26 00:01:09,872 --> 00:01:13,550 From the only school reckless enough to give him a degree in engineering. 27 00:01:13,709 --> 00:01:17,138 City-funded school, deep government pockets. 28 00:01:17,421 --> 00:01:18,928 Maybe you've heard of it. 29 00:01:19,090 --> 00:01:21,510 Greendale Community College. 30 00:01:21,676 --> 00:01:24,310 Weird choice, by the way, bachelor's degree on the wall. 31 00:01:24,470 --> 00:01:27,056 You're gonna sue my school, you're bothering to tell me? 32 00:01:27,223 --> 00:01:28,350 You have access there. 33 00:01:28,516 --> 00:01:32,396 I need Marvin's records to prove that he was irresponsibly educated. 34 00:01:32,562 --> 00:01:34,567 - Well, why don't you just subpoena? - Right. 35 00:01:34,730 --> 00:01:36,985 So they can have a shredding party. 36 00:01:37,150 --> 00:01:39,653 That's the difference between you and Greendale, Alan. 37 00:01:39,819 --> 00:01:41,160 They wouldn't shred evidence. 38 00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:42,993 It's a good place for good people. 39 00:01:43,156 --> 00:01:44,283 It's a diploma mill. 40 00:01:44,448 --> 00:01:46,785 It turns idiots into bridge collapsers... 41 00:01:46,951 --> 00:01:50,747 ...and Jeff Winger into an attorney that thought he could... 42 00:01:50,913 --> 00:01:53,250 ...help people? 43 00:01:53,416 --> 00:01:56,263 Jeff, I once saw you convince an arson victim... 44 00:01:56,419 --> 00:01:58,424 ...that he liked his house better burnt. 45 00:02:00,089 --> 00:02:02,640 God, look what that school did to you. 46 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:05,386 It took all your money, it took four years of your life. 47 00:02:05,553 --> 00:02:08,056 And worst of all, it took your Winger moves. 48 00:02:08,222 --> 00:02:09,776 I still got my Winger moves. 49 00:02:09,932 --> 00:02:11,937 Prove it. Get me Humphries' records. 50 00:02:12,101 --> 00:02:15,447 Because the next bone you get thrown might be through a dude's zipper... 51 00:02:15,605 --> 00:02:19,116 ...in the warehouse district and I can't guarantee you it'll be from me. 52 00:02:19,275 --> 00:02:21,446 I might be broke, desperate, nearly homeless... 53 00:02:21,611 --> 00:02:25,668 ...but I still got one thing deep down inside that gives me power... That was it. 54 00:02:25,823 --> 00:02:26,950 That was all I had. 55 00:02:52,308 --> 00:02:54,230 Welcome back, human beings. 56 00:02:54,393 --> 00:02:57,490 Dean Pelton here, wishing you another magic year at Greendale... 57 00:02:57,647 --> 00:03:00,411 ...ranked America's number two community college... 58 00:03:00,566 --> 00:03:02,821 ...by greendalecommunitycollege.com. 59 00:03:02,985 --> 00:03:07,208 Regarding the recent tragedy surrounding a certain collapsed bridge... 60 00:03:07,365 --> 00:03:09,951 ...we'll be observing a moment of silence on the quad... 61 00:03:10,117 --> 00:03:13,581 ...followed by four years of silence to the press. 62 00:03:13,746 --> 00:03:14,957 I told you you'd be back. 63 00:03:15,122 --> 00:03:16,594 Shut up, Leonard. I'm not here. 64 00:03:16,749 --> 00:03:19,549 I'm just a figment of your creeping dementia. 65 00:03:26,425 --> 00:03:27,932 Hi. 66 00:03:28,219 --> 00:03:31,268 How would I go about getting records for certain alumni? 67 00:03:31,430 --> 00:03:34,527 Why would you think a stranger could just walk in here and do that? 68 00:03:34,684 --> 00:03:36,274 You're Rita. 69 00:03:36,435 --> 00:03:38,690 - Rhonda. - I've always regretted not telling you... 70 00:03:38,855 --> 00:03:42,236 ...how much you remind me of my aunt. 71 00:03:44,402 --> 00:03:46,870 It's more disarming than it sounds. 72 00:03:47,029 --> 00:03:50,126 I have a very attractive aunt. 73 00:03:50,283 --> 00:03:52,335 Rhonda, why are you wearing Jeff Winger's...? 74 00:03:53,161 --> 00:03:54,371 Jeffrey. 75 00:03:54,537 --> 00:03:57,385 Are you looking for your friends? They don't go here anymore. 76 00:03:57,540 --> 00:04:00,043 Looking for something in front of you the whole time? 77 00:04:00,209 --> 00:04:01,550 He's asking for records... 78 00:04:02,628 --> 00:04:03,802 ...for a certain alumni. 79 00:04:05,381 --> 00:04:08,229 In the midst of all this Marvin Humphries business... 80 00:04:08,384 --> 00:04:12,893 ...I doubt this is a coincidence. You're here to save me, aren't you? 81 00:04:13,473 --> 00:04:14,813 Yes. 82 00:04:14,974 --> 00:04:16,730 I thought I might contact alumni... 83 00:04:16,893 --> 00:04:18,234 ...to form a committee. 84 00:04:18,394 --> 00:04:20,731 The Save Greendale Committee. Working title. 85 00:04:20,897 --> 00:04:22,617 Jeffrey, I'm gonna cry. 86 00:04:22,773 --> 00:04:25,491 - Please don't. - Request denied. 87 00:04:26,736 --> 00:04:29,072 Rhonda will let you in the records room. 88 00:04:29,238 --> 00:04:31,041 It's actually your old study room. 89 00:04:31,199 --> 00:04:35,209 After you and your friends left, it was closed for sentimental reasons. 90 00:04:35,369 --> 00:04:38,584 And asbestos reasons, but it's clean as a whistle now. 91 00:04:43,002 --> 00:04:45,766 "Harassment reports, hazardous waste citations... 92 00:04:45,922 --> 00:04:47,927 ...herpes, water fountains." 93 00:04:48,090 --> 00:04:49,977 Come on. Where's Humphries? 94 00:04:50,134 --> 00:04:52,222 - I see your value now. - Abed, why? 95 00:04:52,386 --> 00:04:54,641 It's a callback to when we met first season. 96 00:04:54,806 --> 00:04:57,605 Me calling years "seasons" is a callback to my dialogue and... 97 00:04:57,767 --> 00:04:59,439 I know what makes you off-putting... 98 00:04:59,602 --> 00:05:02,781 - ...but why are you here? - Dean called me about the committee. 99 00:05:02,939 --> 00:05:05,026 - Can I join? - Oh, no. Who else did he call? 100 00:05:05,191 --> 00:05:07,445 Just me. I called everyone else. 101 00:05:07,860 --> 00:05:09,367 Jeffrey. 102 00:05:11,781 --> 00:05:13,334 Jeff. 103 00:05:13,950 --> 00:05:16,453 - Is that cool? - It's the coolest. 104 00:05:16,619 --> 00:05:20,380 Jeff, if you wanted to save Greendale, why didn't you call us first? 105 00:05:20,540 --> 00:05:22,675 Well, you guys just got sprung from this joint. 106 00:05:22,834 --> 00:05:24,969 And I figured you had careers to get started. 107 00:05:25,127 --> 00:05:26,718 - Yeah, working hard. - Yes. 108 00:05:26,879 --> 00:05:28,931 - Yeah. So many things. - Yeah. Sandwiches... 109 00:05:29,090 --> 00:05:30,478 Us, always doing stuff. 110 00:05:30,633 --> 00:05:33,397 What have they done to our home? The table's buried. 111 00:05:36,764 --> 00:05:39,184 - I got it. - This is where we became a family. 112 00:05:39,350 --> 00:05:40,940 Where Jeff made us a family. 113 00:05:42,478 --> 00:05:44,234 We can repilot. 114 00:05:44,397 --> 00:05:47,327 This could be like Scrubs season nine, a revamp, a do-over. 115 00:05:47,483 --> 00:05:50,746 - Jeff could come back as a teacher. - I'm not gonna be a teacher, Abed. 116 00:05:51,154 --> 00:05:52,245 Come on. 117 00:05:52,405 --> 00:05:53,911 Sit in your chair. 118 00:05:54,073 --> 00:05:55,995 Complete the table. 119 00:05:56,159 --> 00:05:58,792 - We wanna help you save Greendale. - Yeah. 120 00:05:58,953 --> 00:06:01,373 - Greendale. Greendale. Greendale. - Save it. 121 00:06:01,539 --> 00:06:02,832 I gotta go to the bathroom. 122 00:06:04,625 --> 00:06:05,669 Give him space. 123 00:06:05,835 --> 00:06:07,009 Repiloting can be intense. 124 00:06:07,170 --> 00:06:09,887 New people show up, regulars shift roles or even fall away. 125 00:06:10,047 --> 00:06:12,384 In Scrubs, Zach was only in the first six episodes. 126 00:06:12,550 --> 00:06:13,677 That son of a bitch. 127 00:06:13,843 --> 00:06:16,691 After everything Scrubs did for him? 128 00:06:17,013 --> 00:06:18,056 I'm sorry. 129 00:06:19,348 --> 00:06:21,484 Vision boarding. 130 00:06:21,642 --> 00:06:22,816 Okay, vision boarding... 131 00:06:22,977 --> 00:06:24,104 Oh, hi, Jeffrey. 132 00:06:24,270 --> 00:06:27,533 I have to warn you about something because it's the right thing to do. 133 00:06:27,690 --> 00:06:31,487 First, why is there a big empty box on your desk that says "Humphries" on it? 134 00:06:35,364 --> 00:06:37,334 The press has been calling about Humphries. 135 00:06:37,492 --> 00:06:39,960 I didn't want any details about his enrolment here... 136 00:06:40,119 --> 00:06:41,626 ...to be spun against us... 137 00:06:41,787 --> 00:06:43,294 ...so now there are no details. 138 00:06:44,165 --> 00:06:45,209 That was his thesis. 139 00:06:48,377 --> 00:06:50,217 Okay. So sue me. 140 00:06:50,379 --> 00:06:51,851 This ain't Harvard, Jeffrey. 141 00:06:52,006 --> 00:06:56,147 Okay, my job is to give a certain number of degrees per year... 142 00:06:56,302 --> 00:06:57,975 ...or we could get shut down. 143 00:06:58,137 --> 00:06:59,810 And that would be bad because...? 144 00:07:00,223 --> 00:07:02,062 Because then I wouldn't have a job. 145 00:07:02,642 --> 00:07:05,276 And, you know, Greendale is a good place for good people. 146 00:07:05,436 --> 00:07:06,647 That whole spiel, huh? 147 00:07:06,938 --> 00:07:08,148 Yeah. 148 00:07:08,314 --> 00:07:10,236 That whole spiel. 149 00:07:13,736 --> 00:07:14,780 Wing Blade. 150 00:07:14,946 --> 00:07:16,832 Shock me by impressing me. 151 00:07:16,989 --> 00:07:19,244 - He shredded Humphries. - What? 152 00:07:19,575 --> 00:07:21,746 I told you. How could you let this happen? 153 00:07:21,911 --> 00:07:24,675 Sir, I have to ask you to leave the concierge desk. 154 00:07:26,082 --> 00:07:29,676 Jeff, this case was all I had. I am screwed. 155 00:07:29,836 --> 00:07:31,971 My wife left, my girlfriend dumped me. 156 00:07:32,129 --> 00:07:34,217 And they're sisters, whole family's pissed. 157 00:07:34,382 --> 00:07:36,885 Shut up. Bring me paperwork for filing a class action. 158 00:07:37,051 --> 00:07:40,183 Letters of intent, engagement, everything. Multiple copies. 159 00:07:40,346 --> 00:07:42,731 Winger, you just lost our client! 160 00:07:42,890 --> 00:07:45,773 Yeah. But I can create five new ones. 161 00:07:45,935 --> 00:07:47,276 So dusty. Let's get this off. 162 00:07:47,436 --> 00:07:50,783 - Season nine of Scrubs. - And that's the Winger Guarantee. 163 00:07:54,694 --> 00:07:57,826 Okay. Maybe we should brainstorm fundraising ideas... 164 00:07:57,989 --> 00:07:59,958 ...that aren't bake sales. 165 00:08:00,116 --> 00:08:04,078 Or opening a zoo where the humans are in cages and the animals come to visit. 166 00:08:04,245 --> 00:08:07,294 Are you okay, Jeff? You left kind of freaked out. 167 00:08:07,665 --> 00:08:12,007 Well, I can't stop thinking this school might be in trouble... 168 00:08:12,170 --> 00:08:15,302 - ...because of this bridge guy. - He's the one making bad bridges. 169 00:08:15,464 --> 00:08:18,811 That's like me blaming owls for how much I suck at analogies. 170 00:08:18,968 --> 00:08:22,147 Sometimes a student will claim, in court... 171 00:08:22,305 --> 00:08:24,891 ...that their school ruined their life... 172 00:08:25,308 --> 00:08:26,565 ...and they'll win. 173 00:08:26,726 --> 00:08:29,490 You wanna save Greendale? Make it litigation-proof. 174 00:08:29,645 --> 00:08:32,493 - How? - Think like the enemy. 175 00:08:32,732 --> 00:08:34,404 How did Greendale damage you, Annie? 176 00:08:34,567 --> 00:08:36,987 It didn't. I love hospital administration. 177 00:08:37,153 --> 00:08:40,166 - Is that your job? - Well, not yet. 178 00:08:40,323 --> 00:08:46,338 But I administer things to hospitals, like these. Pen? 179 00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:50,506 - "Futurza"? - They're a rising star in pharmaceuticals. 180 00:08:50,666 --> 00:08:54,130 They invented fibromyalgia and the cure for fibromyalgia. 181 00:08:54,295 --> 00:08:56,098 You push drugs now? That's ironic. 182 00:08:56,255 --> 00:08:57,679 I push pens, Britta. 183 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:00,640 Speaking of irony, how's the therapy market? Depressed? 184 00:09:00,802 --> 00:09:02,688 - I'm on sabbatical. - You're Jewish? 185 00:09:02,845 --> 00:09:06,274 I'm doing hands-on research about the psychology of alcoholism. 186 00:09:06,432 --> 00:09:07,939 You're a bartender, aren't you? 187 00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:10,236 Which is basically like a modern-day therapist. 188 00:09:10,394 --> 00:09:12,863 Somebody tells me about a murder, I can't tell anyone. 189 00:09:13,022 --> 00:09:14,612 You're even bad at bartending. 190 00:09:14,774 --> 00:09:15,948 What about you? 191 00:09:16,108 --> 00:09:18,826 Abed's working on the next billion-dollar social media app. 192 00:09:18,986 --> 00:09:21,704 And when it takes off, all I gotta do is sue him. 193 00:09:21,864 --> 00:09:24,545 - It's foolproof. - You're programming now, Abed? 194 00:09:24,700 --> 00:09:27,121 Didn't get any work with your four-year film degree? 195 00:09:27,286 --> 00:09:29,541 Directing a commercial. Still haven't been paid. 196 00:09:29,705 --> 00:09:33,134 I'll cut you a cheque tomorrow, but just so we're clear, you quit. 197 00:09:33,292 --> 00:09:35,712 - Differences. - I asked you to put the phone number... 198 00:09:35,878 --> 00:09:38,215 - ...on the screen. - I didn't like the number. 555? 199 00:09:38,381 --> 00:09:40,220 - The number of my business. - Sounds fake. 200 00:09:40,383 --> 00:09:43,182 Every number starts with 555. Are there only 10,000 numbers? 201 00:09:43,344 --> 00:09:44,555 Abed, you quit? 202 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:47,983 Said you got fired. You haven't paid rent in our apartment in months. 203 00:09:48,141 --> 00:09:50,821 Sell him a pill that will help him give up on his dreams. 204 00:09:50,977 --> 00:09:54,441 Relaxabrex doesn't make you give up on your dreams. That's a side effect. 205 00:09:54,605 --> 00:09:57,738 At least the drugs I sell don't get slurped out of my belly button. 206 00:09:57,900 --> 00:10:01,079 - That's only on Tummy Tuesdays! Sorry... - It's okay to... 207 00:10:01,237 --> 00:10:03,408 Andre left again. 208 00:10:05,783 --> 00:10:09,580 It's not like last time. He's staying with family. 209 00:10:09,745 --> 00:10:11,916 He took the boys, he took the dog. 210 00:10:12,081 --> 00:10:13,255 He took the DVR. 211 00:10:13,416 --> 00:10:16,595 Hundred and sixty-six episodes of Bones just gone. 212 00:10:17,253 --> 00:10:19,839 It was my fault this time. 213 00:10:20,006 --> 00:10:21,097 I cheated on him... 214 00:10:22,425 --> 00:10:24,097 ...with Shirley's Sandwiches. 215 00:10:24,260 --> 00:10:29,100 I threw the money into expanding. I just didn't think I could fail. 216 00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:34,067 Okay. 217 00:10:34,604 --> 00:10:36,443 Well, just so you know... 218 00:10:36,606 --> 00:10:38,112 ...this is the sort of stuff... 219 00:10:38,274 --> 00:10:41,620 ...that someone could use to make a claim against a school. 220 00:10:47,658 --> 00:10:50,126 I have to go to the bathroom again. 221 00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:52,294 While I'm gone... 222 00:10:52,455 --> 00:10:54,626 ...I want you to think about what I said. 223 00:10:54,790 --> 00:10:56,297 As an exercise. 224 00:11:00,004 --> 00:11:04,476 Do you guys feel weird about doing this without Magnitude? 225 00:11:10,765 --> 00:11:12,568 That's everything you asked for. 226 00:11:13,184 --> 00:11:15,734 - Who are you flipping? - My friends... 227 00:11:15,895 --> 00:11:18,196 ...who are now the Save Greendale Committee... 228 00:11:18,356 --> 00:11:19,399 ...which I created. 229 00:11:20,733 --> 00:11:21,907 Classic Winger. 230 00:11:22,068 --> 00:11:24,785 I forgot what it was like to be good at being bad. 231 00:11:24,946 --> 00:11:27,330 So just close the deal and bring it home to Daddy. 232 00:11:27,490 --> 00:11:28,961 Sorry, Alan. Change of daddies. 233 00:11:29,116 --> 00:11:31,620 - I'll take it from here. - But it's my case. 234 00:11:31,786 --> 00:11:34,170 - Humphries was your case. - Jeff... 235 00:11:35,498 --> 00:11:36,839 - ...you're scaring me. - Good. 236 00:11:36,999 --> 00:11:38,672 Guys like you should be more scared. 237 00:11:38,835 --> 00:11:42,049 You trust-funded, body-sprayed, Eli Roth DVD-owner. 238 00:11:42,213 --> 00:11:46,009 You're an amateur monster and you stomped on the grave of a real monster... 239 00:11:46,175 --> 00:11:49,723 ...who was willing to stay buried because real monsters have shame... 240 00:11:49,887 --> 00:11:53,850 ...because they wish that... You're not worth the monologue. Give me your tie. 241 00:11:54,016 --> 00:11:56,946 - What? - No monologue for you. Give me your tie. 242 00:11:58,187 --> 00:12:00,157 That's for making me go to this school. 243 00:12:00,314 --> 00:12:02,533 That's for making the last four years happen. 244 00:12:02,692 --> 00:12:05,076 And now I get to make them un-happen for me... 245 00:12:05,236 --> 00:12:08,201 ...and the only people I care about. 246 00:12:11,784 --> 00:12:14,370 I failed my husband, I failed my kids. 247 00:12:14,537 --> 00:12:16,257 I've failed Bones. 248 00:12:16,414 --> 00:12:19,712 I'm helping to hook a whole new batch of little Annies on Adderall. 249 00:12:19,876 --> 00:12:23,138 I've spent so much time with computers your tears are 1s and 0s to me. 250 00:12:23,296 --> 00:12:25,846 Yeah, you were a real Hallmark card before. 251 00:12:26,007 --> 00:12:29,186 I'm much sadder than the rest of you. 252 00:12:29,552 --> 00:12:31,391 I will figure out why later. 253 00:12:31,554 --> 00:12:33,393 Jeff, full disclosure. 254 00:12:34,557 --> 00:12:37,357 Our lives are worse than the day we got here. 255 00:12:37,518 --> 00:12:41,231 Well, that is a serious allegation to arrive at all by yourselves. 256 00:12:41,397 --> 00:12:42,904 - Are you sure? - Yes. 257 00:12:43,065 --> 00:12:45,367 And we've come to a decision as a group... 258 00:12:45,526 --> 00:12:48,908 ...and please don't judge us for suggesting it. 259 00:12:49,071 --> 00:12:52,204 - I'll back you up no matter... - We decided to reenroll at Greendale. 260 00:12:52,366 --> 00:12:53,754 What? Are you nuts? 261 00:12:53,910 --> 00:12:57,089 Greendale! Greendale! Greendale! 262 00:12:57,246 --> 00:12:59,583 You guys wanna keep it down? 263 00:13:00,666 --> 00:13:02,090 - Chang? - Kevin? 264 00:13:04,712 --> 00:13:08,425 Chang. I've dropped the amnesia thing, copped to my crimes and went to jail. 265 00:13:08,591 --> 00:13:09,765 Now I'm on work release. 266 00:13:09,926 --> 00:13:11,432 - Working as what? - Math teacher. 267 00:13:11,594 --> 00:13:14,144 - Explain the pyjamas. - Work release from house arrest... 268 00:13:14,305 --> 00:13:17,402 ...but I don't have a home. See this? This won't let me travel... 269 00:13:17,558 --> 00:13:19,279 ...a hundred yards from this. 270 00:13:19,435 --> 00:13:23,907 And this only has a 30-yard cord, so I can only travel... 271 00:13:24,232 --> 00:13:26,403 - You do the math. - You said you teach math. 272 00:13:26,567 --> 00:13:28,738 Exactly. I teach it, you do it. 273 00:13:31,113 --> 00:13:34,127 Chang was faking his Changnesia? 274 00:13:34,283 --> 00:13:38,376 Seriously rehired a teacher they fired for trying to burn down the school? 275 00:13:38,538 --> 00:13:42,595 After being rehired as a guard after being fired for impersonating a teacher. 276 00:13:42,750 --> 00:13:44,221 That's insane, and I'm Abed. 277 00:13:44,377 --> 00:13:46,216 Worse than insane. Irresponsible. 278 00:13:46,379 --> 00:13:48,016 - Evil. - I don't believe in evil. 279 00:13:48,172 --> 00:13:51,138 But this school clearly got a finger up its butt as a child. 280 00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:52,937 This place ruins lives. 281 00:13:53,094 --> 00:13:54,565 If that were true... 282 00:13:54,846 --> 00:14:00,018 ...then what could we possibly do about it? 283 00:14:05,314 --> 00:14:06,738 Make them dance, Winger. 284 00:14:07,150 --> 00:14:10,496 Jeff, what's your evil legal nemesis doing here? 285 00:14:10,653 --> 00:14:12,207 Nemesis? 286 00:14:12,530 --> 00:14:14,333 No, we were partners again... 287 00:14:14,949 --> 00:14:16,788 ...until I lost my usefulness. 288 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,832 I may be evil... 289 00:14:18,995 --> 00:14:22,672 ...but your friend here is so much more dangerous. 290 00:14:22,832 --> 00:14:25,513 Tell them how it took you 30 minutes to make them think... 291 00:14:25,668 --> 00:14:27,839 ...they wanted to sue their own school. 292 00:14:30,256 --> 00:14:31,430 I did it. 293 00:14:31,591 --> 00:14:32,718 Sorry. 294 00:14:32,884 --> 00:14:35,849 Anyway, I'll leave you to pick up these pieces. 295 00:14:36,012 --> 00:14:37,353 I'm gonna go score some blow. 296 00:14:37,513 --> 00:14:39,732 My dealer's a gym teacher here. 297 00:14:49,066 --> 00:14:50,869 You were lying to us? 298 00:14:51,027 --> 00:14:52,830 I never lied to you. 299 00:14:52,987 --> 00:14:55,621 I showed you the right truth. 300 00:14:55,781 --> 00:14:59,044 Britta, when we met, you were an eclectic anarchist. 301 00:14:59,202 --> 00:15:01,372 How did you become the group's airhead? 302 00:15:01,537 --> 00:15:03,127 - Thank you? - And, Shirley... 303 00:15:03,289 --> 00:15:05,590 ...you've gone from an independent divorcée... 304 00:15:05,750 --> 00:15:07,221 ...striking out on her own... 305 00:15:07,376 --> 00:15:11,220 ...to a bankrupt fry cook hoping for a call from her husband. 306 00:15:11,380 --> 00:15:13,551 Troy, your entire identity has been consumed... 307 00:15:13,716 --> 00:15:17,310 - ...by your relationship with another man. - You found my Clive Owen Tumblr. 308 00:15:17,470 --> 00:15:19,557 What happened to Annie, unstoppable go-getter? 309 00:15:19,722 --> 00:15:21,561 There was that gas leak last year. 310 00:15:21,724 --> 00:15:23,860 Oh, don't blame it all on the gas leak year. 311 00:15:24,018 --> 00:15:25,572 This was a four-year process. 312 00:15:25,728 --> 00:15:27,401 We went in one end as real people... 313 00:15:27,563 --> 00:15:29,983 ...and out the other end as mixed-up cartoons. 314 00:15:30,149 --> 00:15:31,537 - Cool. - Sure. 315 00:15:31,692 --> 00:15:34,243 Coming from the guy who's had how many psychotic breaks? 316 00:15:34,403 --> 00:15:35,696 Including gas leak year? 317 00:15:35,863 --> 00:15:38,082 You all came here with a chance to be something. 318 00:15:38,241 --> 00:15:41,871 And you all had that taken away from you. Get something back. 319 00:15:42,036 --> 00:15:44,290 Seek damages. 320 00:15:44,914 --> 00:15:46,207 Sign here. 321 00:15:46,374 --> 00:15:47,762 But you're our hero. 322 00:15:47,917 --> 00:15:51,096 - I mean, in the commercial... - The commercial was a lie. 323 00:15:51,254 --> 00:15:53,093 You staged a robot fight? 324 00:15:53,256 --> 00:15:56,602 Yeah. In real life, the robot wins. 325 00:16:02,056 --> 00:16:03,777 Troy? 326 00:16:06,394 --> 00:16:09,941 If Jeff didn't change, then Jeff is right. 327 00:16:10,606 --> 00:16:12,528 Case closed. Let's make some money. 328 00:16:13,276 --> 00:16:16,325 Okay, Jeff, if this is what you really want to do... 329 00:16:16,487 --> 00:16:17,579 ...I'll sign. 330 00:16:17,738 --> 00:16:19,459 The choice to make is yours. 331 00:16:19,615 --> 00:16:21,455 No, it's yours. 332 00:16:23,244 --> 00:16:25,878 We're putting Greendale in your hands. 333 00:16:34,714 --> 00:16:37,727 - Do we all have to say something? - No, you can just sign it. 334 00:16:39,635 --> 00:16:41,806 - You brought us together. - With lies. 335 00:16:41,971 --> 00:16:43,893 But what you do is above lying, remember? 336 00:16:44,390 --> 00:16:46,442 You show us the right truth. 337 00:16:48,853 --> 00:16:50,823 You won't regret this. 338 00:16:56,652 --> 00:16:59,333 I'd like to take the study room table in back and burn it. 339 00:16:59,489 --> 00:17:01,161 Burn it? Why? 340 00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:04,836 The same reason I never returned Time Bandits to Blockbuster. 341 00:17:05,578 --> 00:17:07,001 Nobody else deserves it. 342 00:17:16,172 --> 00:17:17,679 Jesus. 343 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,854 - Looks as if you've lost your way. - Pierce? 344 00:17:21,010 --> 00:17:23,691 Continue on this path, you might miss your last chance... 345 00:17:23,846 --> 00:17:26,694 ...to see the Pierce Hawthorne Museum of Gender Sensitivity... 346 00:17:26,849 --> 00:17:28,854 ...and Sexual Potency on the central quad. 347 00:17:29,018 --> 00:17:30,525 The museum and this hologram... 348 00:17:30,686 --> 00:17:33,023 ...were donated in compliance with a court order... 349 00:17:33,189 --> 00:17:35,111 ...I'm not allowed to discuss. 350 00:17:35,274 --> 00:17:37,860 Let's just say some women can't take a compliment. 351 00:17:38,027 --> 00:17:39,664 Unbelievable. 352 00:17:39,821 --> 00:17:42,538 What I am allowed to discuss is Greendale. 353 00:17:42,698 --> 00:17:46,210 And I'll say this: don't turn your back on it. 354 00:17:46,369 --> 00:17:48,872 Take it from a man with no legal right to be there. 355 00:17:49,038 --> 00:17:51,174 You're in a special place. 356 00:17:51,332 --> 00:17:54,464 A crappy place, sure, but only because it gives crappy people... 357 00:17:54,627 --> 00:17:57,676 ...a chance to sort themselves out. 358 00:17:59,006 --> 00:18:01,854 Did I sound gay at the end? Do you wanna do another take? 359 00:18:03,219 --> 00:18:05,687 - Jeffrey, I'm not decent. - I know. 360 00:18:05,847 --> 00:18:08,397 These are the signatures of the five people... 361 00:18:08,558 --> 00:18:11,144 ...that are crazy enough to care about this toilet. 362 00:18:11,310 --> 00:18:13,730 And tonight, I almost got them to sue it. 363 00:18:13,896 --> 00:18:16,744 - Heed the warning. - It's not easy being dean, Jeffrey. 364 00:18:16,899 --> 00:18:18,192 Then stop being the dean. 365 00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:20,032 It's my whole ideantity. 366 00:18:20,194 --> 00:18:22,199 I mean... See what I did there? That's proof. 367 00:18:22,363 --> 00:18:24,617 Get your crap together. 368 00:18:24,782 --> 00:18:26,918 Your job is not to hand out degrees. 369 00:18:27,076 --> 00:18:29,164 Your job is to make this a toilet... 370 00:18:29,328 --> 00:18:31,914 ...that people don't have to be crazy to care about. 371 00:18:32,081 --> 00:18:35,047 But you could stay here and help me save the school. 372 00:18:35,209 --> 00:18:36,420 For how much money? 373 00:18:36,586 --> 00:18:39,266 I can't offer you any money. I could offer you a job. 374 00:18:39,422 --> 00:18:40,763 You just described slavery. 375 00:18:40,923 --> 00:18:43,604 I mean, there's nothing in the budget for school-saver... 376 00:18:43,759 --> 00:18:48,185 ...but I could hire you as... 377 00:18:50,183 --> 00:18:52,401 Screw you, Abed. 378 00:18:54,896 --> 00:18:56,983 I'd be depressed if these samples from work... 379 00:18:57,148 --> 00:18:59,153 ...weren't giving me a new outlook on life. 380 00:18:59,317 --> 00:19:03,279 If you're interested in learning more, ask your doctor if Joyvatrex is right for you. 381 00:19:03,446 --> 00:19:05,118 Oh, honey. 382 00:19:05,281 --> 00:19:07,701 If we sue Greendale, can I be a surprise witness? 383 00:19:07,867 --> 00:19:10,548 - Wait. Don't tell me. - Stop. 384 00:19:11,621 --> 00:19:14,089 - We shouldn't sue the school. - Oh, come on! 385 00:19:14,248 --> 00:19:16,882 Are you trying to give us emotional whiplash? 386 00:19:17,043 --> 00:19:19,973 Look, if you feel there's more work to be done on yourselves... 387 00:19:20,129 --> 00:19:24,305 ...then as crappy as this place is, it's a place that you can do it. 388 00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:27,314 - You got a job teaching here. - I don't wanna talk about it. 389 00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:30,732 Well, then, I'm getting back into forensic science. 390 00:19:30,890 --> 00:19:33,820 That was my actual dream. It's my fault I bailed on it. 391 00:19:33,976 --> 00:19:35,898 A film degree doesn't make me a filmmaker. 392 00:19:36,062 --> 00:19:37,319 I need to work with others. 393 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:39,948 - I need to figure out who I am. - I'll help you. 394 00:19:40,107 --> 00:19:41,828 Get out of my brain. 395 00:19:41,984 --> 00:19:44,155 I need to learn how to really run a business... 396 00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:46,539 ...by my own standards, not Greendale's. 397 00:19:46,697 --> 00:19:49,415 I'm gonna get a four-year psych degree, then a master's... 398 00:19:49,575 --> 00:19:51,830 ...and become a real psychologist. 399 00:19:51,994 --> 00:19:54,414 Or you could find another major. 400 00:19:54,580 --> 00:19:55,873 A real psychologist. 401 00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:58,294 - How about English? - Psychology. 402 00:19:58,459 --> 00:20:01,591 All right, what's important is no matter what... 403 00:20:01,754 --> 00:20:06,263 ...we'll be trying to talk Britta into doing something different together. 404 00:20:10,096 --> 00:20:11,852 Burn, hopelessness. 405 00:20:16,894 --> 00:20:18,152 Oh, my God! 406 00:20:18,312 --> 00:20:20,483 It's a fire! Somebody help us! 407 00:20:22,817 --> 00:20:25,534 Little victories count for a lot around here. 408 00:20:27,864 --> 00:20:29,417 Good. 409 00:20:29,574 --> 00:20:32,077 Even if you never asked to win in the first place. 410 00:20:33,703 --> 00:20:36,716 And you have to enjoy those nice moments while you can. 411 00:20:36,873 --> 00:20:39,553 He does a voice-over wrap-up at the end of every episode. 412 00:20:39,709 --> 00:20:41,215 Cool. 413 00:20:41,377 --> 00:20:45,090 Because around here, they never last very long. 414 00:20:45,798 --> 00:20:47,684 Once more. More teacher-y. 415 00:20:47,842 --> 00:20:49,135 I wanna kill myself. 416 00:20:49,302 --> 00:20:50,476 Use that. 417 00:20:57,477 --> 00:20:58,687 Are you a good person? 418 00:20:58,853 --> 00:21:00,146 Yes, unlike you. 419 00:21:00,313 --> 00:21:03,196 I can guarantee, the Winger beaten you. 420 00:21:03,357 --> 00:21:04,864 Not anymore.