1 00:00:08,899 --> 00:00:12,362 Please stay for complimentary saltines and full-price sodas. 2 00:00:12,527 --> 00:00:16,158 But first, the dulcet tones of The Bennett Boys. 3 00:00:18,158 --> 00:00:22,298 When you were here before 4 00:00:23,038 --> 00:00:27,677 Couldn't look you in the eye 5 00:00:34,174 --> 00:00:37,638 Hey, bro, free crackers. Wanna spend your life opening lockers? 6 00:00:37,802 --> 00:00:40,816 You don't have to raise your voice! I'm going as fast as I can! 7 00:00:44,017 --> 00:00:46,354 Oh, great, now I have these folders to deal with! 8 00:00:47,354 --> 00:00:49,406 Et tu, pencil? 9 00:00:50,857 --> 00:00:52,743 When it rains, it pours. 10 00:01:04,037 --> 00:01:06,885 Ass Crack Bandit! 11 00:01:40,282 --> 00:01:40,447 Okay. Let's settle down! Guys, what is known... 12 00:01:40,448 --> 00:01:43,912 Okay. Let's settle down! Guys, what is known... 13 00:01:44,077 --> 00:01:47,459 What's known is that around noon yesterday... 14 00:01:47,622 --> 00:01:49,710 ...an unidentified student dropped a coin... 15 00:01:49,875 --> 00:01:52,508 ...in another student's, you know, upper buttock fold. 16 00:01:53,837 --> 00:01:55,889 - Yes, yes. - Gwen Ridley, Greendale Gazette. 17 00:01:56,047 --> 00:01:58,349 Is this the return of the Ass Crack Bandit? 18 00:01:58,508 --> 00:02:01,059 Okay, that person, Gwen, if he ever existed... 19 00:02:01,219 --> 00:02:03,271 ...stopped being active over a year ago. 20 00:02:04,181 --> 00:02:05,936 - Yeah. - Tim Briggs, Greendale Mirror. 21 00:02:06,099 --> 00:02:07,772 Is it true that after the attack... 22 00:02:07,934 --> 00:02:09,737 ...you received a letter from the Ass Crack Bandit? 23 00:02:09,895 --> 00:02:13,027 I never said that. When did we split The Gazette from The Mirror? 24 00:02:13,190 --> 00:02:15,574 And how many photographs do you people need? 25 00:02:15,734 --> 00:02:19,874 Raul Lopez, Las Noticias Hispanicas de Greendale. Will this affect soccer? 26 00:02:20,030 --> 00:02:23,458 We did, in fact, receive a letter an hour after the incident... 27 00:02:23,617 --> 00:02:25,871 ...including details not known to the public... 28 00:02:26,036 --> 00:02:28,919 ...about the brand of Garrett's underwear. 29 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:30,255 Hanes His Ways. 30 00:02:31,208 --> 00:02:32,548 "I am the Ass Crack Bandit. 31 00:02:32,709 --> 00:02:34,512 Humans make better banks than piggies. 32 00:02:34,669 --> 00:02:36,674 Whenever I get more change at the store... 33 00:02:36,838 --> 00:02:38,890 ...I can't wait to drop it down your butts. 34 00:02:39,049 --> 00:02:41,896 I think I will go to the bank and get so much change... 35 00:02:42,052 --> 00:02:44,104 ...and make all my dollars into change... 36 00:02:44,262 --> 00:02:45,769 ...and drop it all down there." 37 00:02:45,931 --> 00:02:47,484 He should be called "The Run-on Sentence Bandit." 38 00:02:47,641 --> 00:02:49,977 From this moment, people, we are at DEFCON 4... 39 00:02:50,143 --> 00:02:53,690 If that's the highest DEFCON, and if high DEFCONs are worse than low ones. 40 00:02:53,855 --> 00:02:56,323 You all remember psychology Professor Duncan. 41 00:02:56,483 --> 00:02:59,330 - Hey, where'd you go? - I was taking care of my sick mother. 42 00:02:59,486 --> 00:03:01,989 She's still alive, but I've put in my time. 43 00:03:02,155 --> 00:03:04,623 Britta. Oh, Pierce, good for you. 44 00:03:04,783 --> 00:03:07,369 I always thought that hairpiece was a bit cowardly. 45 00:03:07,536 --> 00:03:11,546 Duncan is going to help us work up something called a profile... 46 00:03:11,706 --> 00:03:13,628 ...so we can root this student out. 47 00:03:13,792 --> 00:03:14,836 For the record... 48 00:03:15,001 --> 00:03:16,591 ...I tried to get something done about this two years ago. 49 00:03:16,753 --> 00:03:18,972 This is not about you. It's about the school. 50 00:03:19,130 --> 00:03:21,467 This is the biggest PR crisis to hit Greendale... 51 00:03:21,633 --> 00:03:24,018 ...since our rally protesting the wrong Korea. 52 00:03:24,177 --> 00:03:26,017 Jeffrey, how can you help? 53 00:03:26,179 --> 00:03:28,350 I'll take a look at the whole picture... 54 00:03:28,515 --> 00:03:30,022 ...see if any pieces match up. 55 00:03:30,809 --> 00:03:32,695 Double fruit bonus. 56 00:03:33,436 --> 00:03:36,154 Crikey! Kiwi combo, mate. 57 00:03:36,314 --> 00:03:39,577 I took a map of the campus and pinpointed all the locations... 58 00:03:39,734 --> 00:03:42,867 - ...of the Ass Crack Bandit strikes. - You can't handle the fruit. 59 00:03:43,029 --> 00:03:45,663 During the Bandit's most daring spree... 60 00:03:45,824 --> 00:03:47,876 ...he cracked three people in a row. 61 00:03:48,034 --> 00:03:50,917 Today, I sprinted between all three sites. 62 00:03:51,121 --> 00:03:52,877 My quickest time was 20 minutes. 63 00:03:53,039 --> 00:03:55,341 The A.C.B. did it in 10. So he's got long legs. 64 00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:58,217 I think he has something I don't, a shortcut. 65 00:03:58,378 --> 00:04:01,142 The faculty lounge. You think the Bandit's a teacher? 66 00:04:01,298 --> 00:04:03,385 The dean's not gonna help me pursue this. 67 00:04:03,550 --> 00:04:05,602 - I need help. - Pineapple penalty, fool! 68 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:08,346 No! Unfair and racist. 69 00:04:08,513 --> 00:04:10,067 Look, no way, Annie. 70 00:04:10,223 --> 00:04:12,525 Faculty hates me and the dean signs my cheques. 71 00:04:12,684 --> 00:04:13,728 This is important! 72 00:04:13,894 --> 00:04:17,240 - I can assure you that's not true. - Fruit, fruit, fruit! 73 00:04:17,397 --> 00:04:18,987 Yeah, collect the seeds, sucker! 74 00:04:19,149 --> 00:04:21,201 After the tone, please leave a message. 75 00:04:21,359 --> 00:04:24,207 Hey, Abed. Lab ran late. 76 00:04:24,362 --> 00:04:27,577 What'd Annie get us for dinner? I hope it's not salad again. 77 00:04:30,035 --> 00:04:31,921 I'd rather just stop at the meat store. 78 00:04:35,582 --> 00:04:37,587 All right. Talk to you later. 79 00:04:47,010 --> 00:04:48,137 Well, hello. 80 00:04:56,937 --> 00:04:59,108 Will you stop with the cups and the blankets? 81 00:04:59,314 --> 00:05:01,236 It's how they comfort victims in movies. 82 00:05:01,399 --> 00:05:04,033 Okay, I am hereby banning change from this campus. 83 00:05:04,194 --> 00:05:08,037 - You really think that's an effective... - Guess what, your two cents is change... 84 00:05:08,198 --> 00:05:09,918 - ...and it's banned. - Got something. 85 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:16,717 Frankie, somebody get me a bag. 86 00:05:16,873 --> 00:05:18,131 Oh, give me that. 87 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,673 "I hope you enjoyed my work again. 88 00:05:20,836 --> 00:05:24,050 You can't stop me, because what are you gonna do, not have butts?" 89 00:05:24,214 --> 00:05:26,017 Dean, I think it's a teacher. 90 00:05:26,216 --> 00:05:28,387 - I beg your what? - I have evidence showing... 91 00:05:28,552 --> 00:05:32,348 Yeah, and I have evidence that shows I'm not listening. Exhibit A, exhibit B. 92 00:05:32,514 --> 00:05:35,729 This is never gonna end if you keep choosing politics over justice. 93 00:05:35,892 --> 00:05:39,653 Okay, you wanna make trouble? Go to Parker Brothers. You're out. 94 00:05:41,815 --> 00:05:43,487 Take it easy. 95 00:05:43,650 --> 00:05:47,328 Taking it easy is how Troy ended up with a quarter of a buck in his crack. 96 00:05:47,529 --> 00:05:50,115 - Annie, nobody's asking you to do th... - Jeff, come on! 97 00:05:50,282 --> 00:05:53,746 You know how this school works. We do it, or it doesn't get done. 98 00:05:53,910 --> 00:05:55,666 The men on our coins understood that. 99 00:05:55,871 --> 00:05:59,334 Maybe the Ass Crack Bandit's point is we're letting our values slide. 100 00:05:59,499 --> 00:06:03,046 Or maybe he's a frat boy coming from the Laundromat. 101 00:06:03,253 --> 00:06:05,970 The important question is "who cares?" 102 00:06:08,550 --> 00:06:09,724 Look... 103 00:06:11,511 --> 00:06:16,020 Let me know what you need from me. On the down low. Way down low. 104 00:06:16,725 --> 00:06:18,362 And no squealing. 105 00:06:20,061 --> 00:06:21,698 Okay, squeal. 106 00:06:26,610 --> 00:06:30,323 Real Neil here, five days into the return of the Ass Crack Bandit. 107 00:06:30,489 --> 00:06:33,253 - It's alive! - Since we last spoke... 108 00:06:33,408 --> 00:06:35,709 ...three more victims have caught the quarter... 109 00:06:35,869 --> 00:06:37,340 ...with no end in sight. 110 00:06:37,496 --> 00:06:40,379 - Safety pants, 100 bucks a pop. - All sandwiches, $5. 111 00:06:40,540 --> 00:06:42,213 Sorry, no change. Blame the Bandit. 112 00:06:42,375 --> 00:06:45,093 Here's a song that's been shooting up the request line... 113 00:06:45,253 --> 00:06:46,974 ...faster than coins are dropping. 114 00:07:00,393 --> 00:07:02,564 The nature of the Ass Crack Bandit's crimes... 115 00:07:02,729 --> 00:07:05,944 ...would suggest that he's angry or just fell in love. 116 00:07:06,107 --> 00:07:08,160 We know that he hates money or loves it... 117 00:07:08,318 --> 00:07:11,248 ...or doesn't care about money and hates butts or loves them. 118 00:07:11,404 --> 00:07:12,876 Abed, you're special. 119 00:07:13,031 --> 00:07:15,416 Can't you just stand at the scene of the crime... 120 00:07:15,575 --> 00:07:18,339 - ...and see what happened? - Yeah. 121 00:07:21,373 --> 00:07:23,923 I see a man... 122 00:07:24,084 --> 00:07:27,714 ...using a social disorder as a procedural device. 123 00:07:27,879 --> 00:07:30,015 Wait, wait, wait, I see another man. 124 00:07:30,173 --> 00:07:32,261 Mildly autistic super detectives everywhere. 125 00:07:32,425 --> 00:07:35,937 Basic cable, broadcast networks. 126 00:07:36,096 --> 00:07:39,939 Pain. Painful writing. 127 00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:43,481 It hurts. 128 00:07:43,645 --> 00:07:45,733 Okay. Hickey, what have you got? 129 00:07:45,897 --> 00:07:48,401 Heartburn. It doesn't help me catch criminals. 130 00:07:48,567 --> 00:07:50,951 Okay. I didn't wanna take drastic measures... 131 00:07:51,111 --> 00:07:54,457 ...but I've cooked up a little something. Chang? 132 00:07:56,449 --> 00:07:59,463 You better put a quarter in that crack, Mr. Bandit. 133 00:07:59,619 --> 00:08:02,253 Professor Hickey. 134 00:08:11,131 --> 00:08:13,765 - Gotcha! - What do you think? 135 00:08:13,925 --> 00:08:16,310 I think it's spending too much money on a crime... 136 00:08:16,469 --> 00:08:19,851 - ...that nets you 25 cents a pop. - No, no. This was free. 137 00:08:20,056 --> 00:08:23,022 Then I think you just admitted you already owned a fake butt. 138 00:08:25,479 --> 00:08:27,863 "I am the mad hatter, if hats were butts. 139 00:08:28,857 --> 00:08:31,621 I am neither left nor right. I am the space between. 140 00:08:31,776 --> 00:08:33,367 To me, you're all like ants... 141 00:08:33,570 --> 00:08:35,492 ...marching to class, freaks on parade." 142 00:08:35,655 --> 00:08:38,455 I mean, why mix metaphors? Ants don't have butts. 143 00:08:39,284 --> 00:08:42,132 - Wait a minute. - Ants do have butts. 144 00:08:42,287 --> 00:08:44,173 No. These are Dave lyrics. 145 00:08:44,331 --> 00:08:45,458 - Dave? - Dave Matthews. 146 00:08:45,624 --> 00:08:47,463 Hard-core fans call him Dave. 147 00:08:47,626 --> 00:08:49,761 Oh, excuse me for being alive in the '90s... 148 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:52,007 ...and having two ears connected to a heart. 149 00:08:52,172 --> 00:08:54,473 Okay, so all we need to do is assemble a list... 150 00:08:54,633 --> 00:08:56,389 ...of which Greendale teachers are Dave Matthews fans. 151 00:08:56,551 --> 00:08:58,853 Guess we better get to work. 152 00:09:08,647 --> 00:09:12,574 - Done. - Thought that would take longer. 153 00:09:12,734 --> 00:09:15,534 So please approve the dean's new security measure... 154 00:09:15,695 --> 00:09:17,083 ...called Troy's Law... 155 00:09:17,239 --> 00:09:19,825 ...because a camera in the bathroom... 156 00:09:22,035 --> 00:09:24,005 ...is better than a quarter in your butt. 157 00:09:24,830 --> 00:09:26,882 As we've seen, the Ass Crack Bandit... 158 00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:29,840 ...can be defeated by using the three B's: 159 00:09:30,001 --> 00:09:33,264 Belts, briefs, and buddies. Good. 160 00:09:33,463 --> 00:09:37,343 The Bandit always gets his victims when they're alone. 161 00:09:37,509 --> 00:09:41,436 Bend over with friends over. There's safety in numbers. 162 00:09:43,431 --> 00:09:45,022 I got cracked! 163 00:09:46,059 --> 00:09:48,064 He's under the bleachers! 164 00:09:48,228 --> 00:09:51,241 Everyone remain calm, please! All right, free-for-all! 165 00:09:53,358 --> 00:09:55,695 - Hey. Where you been? - I questioned Guterman. 166 00:09:55,861 --> 00:09:56,904 We can cross him off. 167 00:09:57,070 --> 00:10:00,249 The first cracking, he was chaperoning Greendale's science dance. 168 00:10:00,407 --> 00:10:01,913 The student that attended can vouch for him. 169 00:10:02,075 --> 00:10:03,416 I checked out Mrs. Plimpton. 170 00:10:03,577 --> 00:10:05,214 Airtight alibi. She's dead. 171 00:10:05,370 --> 00:10:07,790 Next on my list is this one. 172 00:10:07,998 --> 00:10:11,212 Bublitz. We're close, I can feel it. 173 00:10:12,669 --> 00:10:15,884 This extra long churro tastes good in my real mouth. 174 00:10:23,138 --> 00:10:24,810 May I help you? 175 00:10:25,015 --> 00:10:28,112 We'd like to ask you a few questions if that's okay. 176 00:10:28,268 --> 00:10:30,320 He's bolting! 177 00:10:36,109 --> 00:10:37,153 He's there! 178 00:10:44,284 --> 00:10:47,333 If you're going to confiscate this, know one thing. 179 00:10:48,288 --> 00:10:52,381 It's a mild, kind sativa, perfect for playing guitar. 180 00:10:53,293 --> 00:10:55,132 There's been another... 181 00:10:58,173 --> 00:11:00,260 What the hell? 182 00:11:00,425 --> 00:11:01,813 Destroying classrooms? 183 00:11:02,010 --> 00:11:05,474 Secretly investigating teachers behind my back? 184 00:11:05,639 --> 00:11:09,352 Someone has to investigate faculty, but you're like a single-celled organism: 185 00:11:09,518 --> 00:11:12,483 - No nerve. - Annie, you're suspended. 186 00:11:12,646 --> 00:11:14,318 Wait, you can't do that! 187 00:11:14,481 --> 00:11:16,071 Don't tell me what I can't do. 188 00:11:16,233 --> 00:11:18,487 What do you think you are, Cosmo's July quiz? 189 00:11:18,652 --> 00:11:19,993 She was trying to help you. 190 00:11:20,153 --> 00:11:21,874 Let me ask you two something. 191 00:11:22,072 --> 00:11:24,836 Let me be, like, the 50th person at this school to ask: 192 00:11:24,991 --> 00:11:26,961 What is this, huh? 193 00:11:27,118 --> 00:11:29,539 - What is this creepy business? - What? 194 00:11:29,704 --> 00:11:33,002 I think you two like to partner up on cutesy capers... 195 00:11:33,166 --> 00:11:35,302 ...so you can hold hands in the dark... 196 00:11:35,460 --> 00:11:39,304 ...and address your urges in semi-acceptable scenarios. 197 00:11:39,464 --> 00:11:40,556 Whoa, not cool! 198 00:11:40,757 --> 00:11:43,177 You not cool! You unprofessional! 199 00:11:43,343 --> 00:11:45,680 I'm punishing you, Jeffrey. Starting next week... 200 00:11:45,846 --> 00:11:48,479 ...you are the new coach of the water polo team. 201 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:49,732 - What? - That's right. 202 00:11:49,891 --> 00:11:52,525 Every morning, in the water... 203 00:11:53,937 --> 00:11:56,737 Craig Pelton, dean and assistant water polo coach. 204 00:11:56,940 --> 00:11:59,526 - What? - This is the Ass Crack Bandit. 205 00:12:00,569 --> 00:12:03,072 I find it funny you ever thought you could catch me. 206 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:05,700 Oh, that's very interesting. Please continue. 207 00:12:05,866 --> 00:12:08,286 I've enjoyed our game. It's funny how close... 208 00:12:08,451 --> 00:12:10,753 ...your two little helpers came to catching me. 209 00:12:10,912 --> 00:12:13,463 I liked watching them run in circles. But I wonder... 210 00:12:13,623 --> 00:12:16,553 ...are they chasing me as an excuse to get near each other? 211 00:12:16,710 --> 00:12:20,008 - I mean, get a room already. - We're friends! 212 00:12:20,172 --> 00:12:22,307 Why don't you tell us where you are, and we'll discuss it? 213 00:12:22,465 --> 00:12:25,051 I am the bringer of change. I am the filler of cracks. 214 00:12:25,218 --> 00:12:28,896 Oh, that's very interesting. I myself was in 4H. 215 00:12:30,891 --> 00:12:32,444 Trace the call, Rhonda! 216 00:12:32,642 --> 00:12:34,564 This means trace the call! 217 00:12:34,728 --> 00:12:36,234 Look at the extension. 218 00:12:37,230 --> 00:12:39,033 Five-nine-four. Okay. 219 00:12:39,191 --> 00:12:40,744 Tracing... 220 00:12:40,942 --> 00:12:42,912 Tracing... 221 00:12:43,069 --> 00:12:45,288 Got it, the stables! We have stables? 222 00:12:45,447 --> 00:12:46,740 Let's go. 223 00:12:52,954 --> 00:12:55,125 - Creepy. - I don't know. 224 00:12:55,373 --> 00:12:57,046 Add some doilies and a foot bath... 225 00:12:57,209 --> 00:12:58,929 ...and this is my mom's house. 226 00:13:10,889 --> 00:13:12,100 Mush! mush! 227 00:13:12,265 --> 00:13:14,650 Mush! Mush! 228 00:13:14,810 --> 00:13:17,395 - No, run. Mush! - Star-Burns? 229 00:13:20,398 --> 00:13:22,984 Since faking his death to escape meth charges... 230 00:13:23,193 --> 00:13:26,871 ...Alex "Star-Burns" Osbourne has been living in the stables... 231 00:13:27,030 --> 00:13:30,127 ...eating garbage, and trying to build a cat car. 232 00:13:30,325 --> 00:13:32,460 He's also confessed to dropping coins... 233 00:13:32,619 --> 00:13:35,965 ...down exposed butt cracks. Case closed. 234 00:13:38,583 --> 00:13:39,924 - High five? - Sure. 235 00:13:40,085 --> 00:13:42,802 - No. - Oh, American high five. Sorry. 236 00:13:45,048 --> 00:13:46,471 Oh, my God. 237 00:14:03,859 --> 00:14:05,994 So much pain. 238 00:14:06,153 --> 00:14:07,493 But now it's time to heal! 239 00:14:07,654 --> 00:14:09,457 You're all invited to the official... 240 00:14:09,614 --> 00:14:12,165 ..."We Caught the Ass Crack Bandit" Dance tonight... 241 00:14:12,325 --> 00:14:13,618 ...in the cafeteria! 242 00:14:19,166 --> 00:14:20,293 Jeff! 243 00:14:20,458 --> 00:14:22,012 There's no way Star-Burns did it. 244 00:14:22,169 --> 00:14:23,806 Innocent people don't confess. 245 00:14:23,962 --> 00:14:27,177 Are you kidding me? You knew it was a teacher. It doesn't add up. 246 00:14:27,382 --> 00:14:28,853 Maybe I was wrong. 247 00:14:29,009 --> 00:14:32,022 Or maybe the dean was right about us. 248 00:14:32,179 --> 00:14:33,685 What? No. Annie... 249 00:14:33,847 --> 00:14:36,730 ...I took this case because I wanted to help you. 250 00:14:36,892 --> 00:14:38,185 Then what is this? 251 00:14:38,351 --> 00:14:40,403 It's platonic shoulder holding. 252 00:14:40,562 --> 00:14:42,365 Look. 253 00:14:42,522 --> 00:14:44,741 Leonard, hello, how are you? 254 00:14:47,152 --> 00:14:50,746 It's a guy who puts quarters down butt cracks, Jeff. 255 00:14:50,906 --> 00:14:52,993 Let's just let it go. 256 00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:01,713 We can do better. 257 00:15:05,212 --> 00:15:06,552 All right. Change is money! 258 00:15:08,715 --> 00:15:10,767 What are you guys, millionaires? 259 00:15:10,967 --> 00:15:13,055 T-shirts here! Cracked but not broken, huh? 260 00:15:13,220 --> 00:15:14,691 Who's in? T-shirts! 261 00:15:14,846 --> 00:15:17,314 T-shirts here! Twenty bucks. 262 00:15:20,852 --> 00:15:22,608 - Professor Duncan? - Yeah? 263 00:15:22,813 --> 00:15:24,699 - Not going to the dance? - I'll go later. 264 00:15:24,856 --> 00:15:27,905 Actually, would you mind coming to get me when Britta's drunk? 265 00:15:28,109 --> 00:15:31,158 Listen, as Britta's friend, I should give you this ad... 266 00:15:31,988 --> 00:15:35,417 Yes! That is my jam right there. 267 00:15:36,451 --> 00:15:39,630 - Dave Matthews fan? - Obviously you're not. 268 00:15:39,788 --> 00:15:42,635 Real fans call him Dave. 269 00:15:44,584 --> 00:15:46,921 I've heard this song before. Winger, who is this? 270 00:15:47,128 --> 00:15:49,098 What are you talking about? Don't know? 271 00:15:49,256 --> 00:15:50,928 I remember it from the '90s. 272 00:15:53,718 --> 00:15:55,770 - It's Dave. - Lee Roth? 273 00:15:55,971 --> 00:15:58,735 - You're not the Ass Crack Bandit. - Keep it down, huh? 274 00:15:58,890 --> 00:16:00,278 I made a deal with the dean. 275 00:16:00,433 --> 00:16:03,363 Said as long as I confessed, he'd let me slide on the meth... 276 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:05,490 ...and buy a space heater for my stable. 277 00:16:05,647 --> 00:16:08,779 - But why call the dean and pretend that... - I didn't call no dean. 278 00:16:08,942 --> 00:16:11,196 I don't call nobody don't call me. 279 00:16:12,404 --> 00:16:14,990 I got to go backstage once and meet the whole band. 280 00:16:15,157 --> 00:16:17,327 Everyone except Dave. 281 00:16:17,534 --> 00:16:20,417 There's a whole album of photos online if you go to... 282 00:16:20,579 --> 00:16:22,631 You actually wouldn't be able to access it. 283 00:16:22,789 --> 00:16:26,336 I use an older, British form of Facebook called Mug-scroll. 284 00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:35,430 - I guess I should be going. - No, no, stay. 285 00:16:35,594 --> 00:16:37,396 We're just getting to know each other. 286 00:16:37,554 --> 00:16:39,144 I really shouldn't, I have a... 287 00:16:40,974 --> 00:16:43,026 Aren't you going to pick those up? 288 00:16:44,561 --> 00:16:45,688 Yes. 289 00:16:49,816 --> 00:16:54,206 Just reach down with your hand and... 290 00:17:00,243 --> 00:17:01,797 Bye. 291 00:17:07,501 --> 00:17:08,972 This is the Ass Crack Bandit. 292 00:17:09,169 --> 00:17:12,052 I find it funny that you ever thought you could catch me. 293 00:17:12,214 --> 00:17:13,305 Jeff. 294 00:17:14,174 --> 00:17:16,511 It's Duncan. 295 00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:25,275 Annie? 296 00:17:25,977 --> 00:17:27,365 Jeff? 297 00:17:27,521 --> 00:17:30,071 Very nice. 298 00:17:30,232 --> 00:17:31,655 Oh, bloody hell... 299 00:17:31,817 --> 00:17:35,031 ...my shoe is untied by British standards. 300 00:17:35,904 --> 00:17:36,948 Here we go. 301 00:17:37,113 --> 00:17:39,368 One bunny, two bunnies. 302 00:17:39,533 --> 00:17:41,253 Get Britta! 303 00:17:41,409 --> 00:17:44,458 Annie! Did Duncan get cracked? 304 00:17:44,621 --> 00:17:47,089 Where's the Bandit? Do you see him? 305 00:17:47,249 --> 00:17:49,835 - Over there! - Come on, let's get him! 306 00:17:52,546 --> 00:17:55,049 - Shirley, what are you doing? - Looking for you. 307 00:17:55,215 --> 00:17:57,267 Did you see someone come this way? 308 00:17:57,467 --> 00:18:00,849 Jeff, Annie, Pierce is dead. 309 00:18:08,478 --> 00:18:11,741 Tonight's celebration was cut short by some tragic news. 310 00:18:11,898 --> 00:18:14,402 Pierce Hawthorne, 14-year Greendale student... 311 00:18:14,568 --> 00:18:17,201 ...entrepreneur, and expert heart attack faker... 312 00:18:17,362 --> 00:18:19,450 ...has passed away, for real this time. 313 00:18:19,614 --> 00:18:23,043 Pierce had been recently banned from campus but not from our hearts. 314 00:18:23,201 --> 00:18:25,123 He's survived by many ex-wives... 315 00:18:25,287 --> 00:18:28,419 ...and all of us here at Greendale that called him friend. 316 00:18:28,582 --> 00:18:32,425 If you're listening, Pierce, you were a hell of a D&D player. 317 00:18:32,586 --> 00:18:33,879 It's time to level up. 318 00:18:34,045 --> 00:18:35,932 Up next on the dial is Dr. Farts. 319 00:18:41,761 --> 00:18:43,601 I can't believe Pierce is gone. 320 00:18:43,763 --> 00:18:48,105 Yeah. Life is weird. 321 00:18:48,268 --> 00:18:51,447 It's a container for all this little stuff... 322 00:18:51,605 --> 00:18:53,242 ...and you get caught up in it. 323 00:18:53,398 --> 00:18:57,111 And then, the container just: 324 00:18:59,112 --> 00:19:01,580 That hallway led to a dead end. 325 00:19:01,740 --> 00:19:04,753 We might've had him. 326 00:19:05,327 --> 00:19:08,625 I should get home. Haven't slept. 327 00:19:15,086 --> 00:19:18,016 The case goes cold again. 328 00:19:21,134 --> 00:19:23,471 Don't worry. I got a feeling he'll be back. 329 00:19:23,637 --> 00:19:26,140 Or her. 330 00:20:42,549 --> 00:20:45,052 You know, climate change is threatening our world... 331 00:20:45,218 --> 00:20:46,725 ...but there is a solution: 332 00:20:46,887 --> 00:20:48,358 The cat car. 333 00:20:48,513 --> 00:20:51,017 The world's first animal-powered vehicle. 334 00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:53,686 My original prototype was hunger-based. 335 00:20:53,852 --> 00:20:56,272 But sometimes, cats aren't hungry. 336 00:20:56,438 --> 00:20:59,784 My new model will use a rear-fixed dog system. 337 00:20:59,941 --> 00:21:01,911 But dogs cost money, your money. 338 00:21:02,068 --> 00:21:04,916 By donating to this project, you'll be like an investor... 339 00:21:05,071 --> 00:21:07,408 ...except without taking all my profits. 340 00:21:07,574 --> 00:21:10,208 Donate $5, and you get a thank-you e-mail. 341 00:21:10,368 --> 00:21:12,089 Fifty dollars gets you a T-shirt. 342 00:21:12,245 --> 00:21:15,923 One hundred gets you a T-shirt and a thank-you e-mail. 343 00:21:16,082 --> 00:21:17,589 All aboard the cat car... 344 00:21:17,751 --> 00:21:21,594 ...and all aboard helping our nation's global warming.