1
00:00:03,316 --> 00:00:05,740
I really made my bones with
that last collar, babe.
2
00:00:06,055 --> 00:00:07,160
Today's the day.
3
00:00:07,194 --> 00:00:09,228
You woke up with
a guard this morning.
4
00:00:09,263 --> 00:00:13,483
But tonight, you're going
to bed with a detective.
5
00:00:13,517 --> 00:00:18,070
Shh...Okay, you get
some rest, 'kay?
6
00:00:18,105 --> 00:00:20,640
Probably need it.
7
00:00:23,577 --> 00:00:26,562
[Groans]
8
00:00:30,183 --> 00:00:32,017
Here's Ben dressed
like a dragon.
9
00:00:32,035 --> 00:00:33,536
All: Aww.
10
00:00:33,570 --> 00:00:36,322
Here's me and Abed dressed
as Nick Nolte and Eddie Murphy.
11
00:00:36,356 --> 00:00:37,723
All: Aww.
12
00:00:37,758 --> 00:00:39,024
Who's Nick Nolte?
13
00:00:39,042 --> 00:00:40,827
All: Aww.
14
00:00:40,861 --> 00:00:42,862
Hey, Abed, can I borrow some
change for the water fountain?
15
00:00:42,896 --> 00:00:44,080
Yeah. Here you go.
16
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:47,834
- Thank you.
- Wait. Change?
17
00:00:47,868 --> 00:00:49,702
- Hey, Dean.
- Hmm?
18
00:00:49,736 --> 00:00:50,887
What are you doing?
19
00:00:50,921 --> 00:00:52,221
Nothing after lunch.
20
00:00:52,256 --> 00:00:55,708
And I can skip lunch
if you want-- Oh. That.
21
00:00:55,742 --> 00:00:58,427
Keeps tuition down
and it saves on water, too.
22
00:00:58,478 --> 00:00:59,912
That's because nobody's
gonna pay to drink water.
23
00:00:59,947 --> 00:01:01,681
Actually it's a two
drink-minimum.
24
00:01:01,715 --> 00:01:03,566
It'll be reflected
in your tuition.
25
00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:05,601
Hey, Dean.
Thanks for the new digs.
26
00:01:05,652 --> 00:01:08,387
Ah, eh, remember
what we talked about?
27
00:01:08,405 --> 00:01:11,240
We have to keep this whole
living situation kind of quiet.
28
00:01:11,275 --> 00:01:13,192
You know, on the d-low.
29
00:01:13,226 --> 00:01:14,861
Sure, you know,
I'm barely there.
30
00:01:14,895 --> 00:01:16,746
I'm married to the job.
31
00:01:16,780 --> 00:01:19,115
And to a mannequin leg
I found in the boiler room.
32
00:01:19,166 --> 00:01:21,066
Homewrecker.
33
00:01:21,084 --> 00:01:22,468
Your first major lab assignment
34
00:01:22,502 --> 00:01:23,803
is to construct a terrarium.
35
00:01:23,837 --> 00:01:26,906
Sort of like a diorama.
[Groaning]
36
00:01:26,940 --> 00:01:30,776
You guys have
weird reactions to stuff.
37
00:01:30,811 --> 00:01:32,578
Hey, can I ask you something?
38
00:01:32,613 --> 00:01:34,647
This is unrelated.
39
00:01:34,681 --> 00:01:36,382
As someone who just finished
spending the majority
40
00:01:36,416 --> 00:01:37,650
of his life in prison,
41
00:01:37,684 --> 00:01:41,554
what happened with legos?
They used to be simple.
42
00:01:41,588 --> 00:01:43,556
Oh, come on, I know you know
what I'm talking about.
43
00:01:43,590 --> 00:01:46,559
Legos were simple.
44
00:01:48,562 --> 00:01:50,696
Something happened out here
while I was inside.
45
00:01:50,731 --> 00:01:53,933
Harry Potter legos,
Star Wars legos.
46
00:01:53,967 --> 00:01:55,735
Complicated kits,
47
00:01:55,769 --> 00:01:58,871
tiny little blocks.
48
00:01:58,906 --> 00:02:02,842
I mean, I'm not saying it's bad,
I just wanna know what happened.
49
00:02:02,876 --> 00:02:04,243
All right, fine.
50
00:02:04,278 --> 00:02:06,329
Your terrariums are due
tomorrow.
51
00:02:06,380 --> 00:02:08,214
And everyone look across
the table
52
00:02:08,248 --> 00:02:10,016
at the person in front of you.
53
00:02:10,050 --> 00:02:13,002
That's your lab partner
for the rest of the semester.
54
00:02:13,053 --> 00:02:15,287
Saddle up.
55
00:02:15,305 --> 00:02:18,124
Who are these people?
56
00:02:18,130 --> 00:02:19,030
Sync by honneybunny, corrected by susanaLC
www.addic7ed.com
57
00:02:19,330 --> 00:02:21,452
♪ Give me some rope,
tie me to a tree ♪
58
00:02:21,452 --> 00:02:25,031
♪ give me the hope
to run out of steam ♪
59
00:02:25,031 --> 00:02:28,358
♪ somebody said
we could be here ♪
60
00:02:28,635 --> 00:02:32,738
♪ We could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year ♪
61
00:02:32,773 --> 00:02:37,710
♪ I can't count the reasons
I should stay ♪
62
00:02:37,744 --> 00:02:42,782
♪ one by one they all
just fade away ♪
63
00:02:44,985 --> 00:02:48,287
Um, hello, please,
Professor Kane?
64
00:02:48,321 --> 00:02:49,689
Yes?
65
00:02:49,723 --> 00:02:51,724
I know you haven't been here
at Greendale very long,
66
00:02:51,758 --> 00:02:54,293
but, um...We're a study group.
67
00:02:54,328 --> 00:02:55,728
It's kind of a thing.
We've been through a lot.
68
00:02:55,762 --> 00:02:56,963
You probably heard
of the space bus.
69
00:02:56,997 --> 00:02:58,397
Paintball.
70
00:02:58,432 --> 00:03:00,599
I had sex with Eartha Kitt
in an airplane bathroom,
71
00:03:00,634 --> 00:03:02,501
and these are the only guys
I've ever told.
72
00:03:02,519 --> 00:03:03,886
Yeah, we're like a family.
73
00:03:03,937 --> 00:03:05,304
We love each other.
Second paintball.
74
00:03:05,339 --> 00:03:07,506
What is happening
at this school?
75
00:03:07,541 --> 00:03:09,809
I have so many conversations
that make no sense.
76
00:03:09,843 --> 00:03:12,845
Uh, we'd really prefer
to partner up amongst ourselves.
77
00:03:12,863 --> 00:03:15,197
I don't care.
Go ahead.
78
00:03:15,232 --> 00:03:17,817
[Cheering variously]
79
00:03:17,851 --> 00:03:19,719
It's not you, it's me.
80
00:03:19,753 --> 00:03:20,853
I'm just trying
to protect us both
81
00:03:20,871 --> 00:03:22,621
from more pain down the road.
82
00:03:22,656 --> 00:03:24,040
I may have
a developmental disorder.
83
00:03:24,074 --> 00:03:26,876
I need to catch up
on Breaking Bad, so...
84
00:03:26,910 --> 00:03:28,461
I'm so sorry.
85
00:03:28,495 --> 00:03:30,046
I have
a developmental disorder.
86
00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:31,497
Star Wars, Star Wars.
Cool, cool, cool. Hmm.
87
00:03:31,531 --> 00:03:32,965
You understand.
88
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:35,701
You're also, quite frankly,
a very weird-looking man.
89
00:03:35,736 --> 00:03:39,105
I don't know you,
but I just don't trust you.
90
00:03:39,139 --> 00:03:40,706
And I don't think
I could grow to like you.
91
00:03:40,741 --> 00:03:42,408
The point of what I'm trying
to tell you, Todd,
92
00:03:42,442 --> 00:03:43,876
is that I don't want
to be your lab partner.
93
00:03:43,910 --> 00:03:44,894
No offense.
94
00:03:44,928 --> 00:03:46,112
None taken.
95
00:03:46,146 --> 00:03:48,014
I understand, you wanna be
with your friends.
96
00:03:48,048 --> 00:03:50,149
Don't tell me what I'm feeling
or thinking. It's petty.
97
00:03:50,183 --> 00:03:52,935
Good-bye, Todd.
98
00:03:52,986 --> 00:03:57,990
Okay, how are we
gonna divide the--
99
00:03:58,025 --> 00:04:01,110
Hey, Todd! Todd, buddy!
You passed the test.
100
00:04:03,730 --> 00:04:05,765
I've been walking my beat
a long time, sir.
101
00:04:05,799 --> 00:04:07,266
A long time.
102
00:04:07,300 --> 00:04:09,468
I've kept my head down,
paid my dues.
103
00:04:09,503 --> 00:04:11,737
And, well, I think I'm ready
to make detective.
104
00:04:11,772 --> 00:04:13,572
You've only been here a month.
105
00:04:13,607 --> 00:04:15,441
You really haven't done
much of anything.
106
00:04:15,475 --> 00:04:18,444
And there's no such thing
as security guard detective.
107
00:04:18,478 --> 00:04:20,763
We don't solve crimes.
108
00:04:20,797 --> 00:04:22,348
We barely prevent them.
109
00:04:22,382 --> 00:04:25,084
You wanna detect something?
110
00:04:25,102 --> 00:04:29,922
Do it on your own time.
111
00:04:29,956 --> 00:04:32,224
Maybe I will.
112
00:04:32,259 --> 00:04:34,977
[In voiceover]
"Maybe I will."
113
00:04:35,028 --> 00:04:39,315
My own words rang in my head
like a bell inside a head.
114
00:04:39,366 --> 00:04:40,866
Maybe I was crazy.
115
00:04:40,901 --> 00:04:45,938
Or maybe, just maybe,
I was a detective.
116
00:04:45,956 --> 00:04:48,941
- Hey.
- What?
117
00:04:48,959 --> 00:04:51,210
- Looking for something?
- No.
118
00:04:51,244 --> 00:04:52,344
[In voiceover]
She said she wasn't,
119
00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:54,046
but her eyes said otherwise.
120
00:04:54,081 --> 00:04:56,348
She was all dame,
legs that went all the way
121
00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:57,683
to the bottom of her torso.
122
00:04:57,717 --> 00:04:59,885
The kind of arms
that had elbows.
123
00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:03,155
Um...Did you just call me
in here to stare at me?
124
00:05:09,963 --> 00:05:12,665
The way she left,
I could tell that somebody--
125
00:05:12,699 --> 00:05:15,501
or something--had really
put the scare on her.
126
00:05:15,535 --> 00:05:17,570
But what? Why?
127
00:05:17,604 --> 00:05:19,038
Stapler.
128
00:05:19,072 --> 00:05:20,539
Was I crazy?
129
00:05:20,574 --> 00:05:23,042
Or were they somehow connected?
130
00:05:23,076 --> 00:05:24,577
I can't believe it.
131
00:05:24,611 --> 00:05:27,196
This is the first time there
hasn't been a beetle in here.
132
00:05:27,247 --> 00:05:29,381
Should we move outside?
- Uh-huh.
133
00:05:29,416 --> 00:05:30,950
Did you even hear what I said?
134
00:05:30,984 --> 00:05:33,586
- Uh-huh.
- Seriously?
135
00:05:33,620 --> 00:05:35,287
Is this what it's gonna be
like working together?
136
00:05:35,322 --> 00:05:36,355
What?
137
00:05:36,389 --> 00:05:38,724
I lost three followers?
138
00:05:38,758 --> 00:05:40,192
Man, people just
can't handle the truth
139
00:05:40,227 --> 00:05:42,962
about Ben Sherman's
winter collection.
140
00:05:42,996 --> 00:05:45,865
[Chuckles]
141
00:05:45,899 --> 00:05:47,516
Roommates, study group,
lab partners.
142
00:05:47,551 --> 00:05:49,135
We really are gonna spend
all our time together.
143
00:05:49,169 --> 00:05:50,202
How awesome is that?
144
00:05:50,237 --> 00:05:52,271
Very.
You know what else is awesome?
145
00:05:52,305 --> 00:05:53,772
Last night I saw
the Hong Kong movie.
146
00:05:53,807 --> 00:05:55,040
That Kickpuncher is based on.
147
00:05:55,075 --> 00:05:56,475
Yeah, I know, I was there.
148
00:05:56,510 --> 00:05:57,509
Did you see the scene where
Kickpuncher kick-punches
149
00:05:57,527 --> 00:05:59,178
200 guys with one kick-punch?
150
00:05:59,212 --> 00:06:01,914
Yeah.
Both of them.
151
00:06:01,948 --> 00:06:03,749
Oh.
152
00:06:03,783 --> 00:06:07,453
Both: We spend
too much time together.
153
00:06:07,487 --> 00:06:08,554
Jinx.
154
00:06:08,588 --> 00:06:10,156
Here's Ben with his cupcake.
155
00:06:10,190 --> 00:06:11,207
[Giggling]
156
00:06:11,241 --> 00:06:12,558
And here he is
a few seconds later
157
00:06:12,592 --> 00:06:14,460
when he was crying because
he dropped his cupcake.
158
00:06:14,494 --> 00:06:15,494
Mm-hmm.
159
00:06:15,528 --> 00:06:17,246
And here he is
with another cupcake.
160
00:06:17,297 --> 00:06:18,330
Oh, oh, wait, these pictures
are out of order.
161
00:06:18,364 --> 00:06:19,532
That's the same cupcake.
162
00:06:19,566 --> 00:06:22,718
Oh, Shirley, these pictures
are adorable.
163
00:06:22,752 --> 00:06:23,903
And comprehensive.
164
00:06:23,937 --> 00:06:26,772
But did you know that
sugar is like baby meth?
165
00:06:26,806 --> 00:06:28,340
That's what my homeopath said.
166
00:06:28,375 --> 00:06:32,094
Well, maybe your gay friend
should mind his own business.
167
00:06:32,145 --> 00:06:35,848
"Forget about the girl,"
I told myself.
168
00:06:35,882 --> 00:06:39,185
"Let her go, like
a lobster claw letting go
169
00:06:39,219 --> 00:06:41,854
of a small balloon
for lobsters."
170
00:06:41,888 --> 00:06:44,490
Still, I had a hunch.
171
00:06:44,524 --> 00:06:47,559
Hmm. A matchbook.
172
00:06:47,577 --> 00:06:49,561
Something about it
seemed clue-y.
173
00:06:49,579 --> 00:06:52,448
"Arizona matchbook company."
174
00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:54,066
Arizona.
175
00:06:54,084 --> 00:06:56,769
Arizona backwards
is still Arizona!
176
00:06:56,803 --> 00:06:58,971
It's a palomino!
177
00:06:59,005 --> 00:07:00,072
Maybe I was crazy...
178
00:07:00,106 --> 00:07:03,209
Or maybe I was finally sane.
179
00:07:05,779 --> 00:07:09,215
Why does this guy keep
staring at me?
180
00:07:13,286 --> 00:07:15,621
Britta.
What are you doing here?
181
00:07:15,655 --> 00:07:17,256
Oh, I was just
getting some air.
182
00:07:17,290 --> 00:07:20,442
Me too.
And wondering something.
183
00:07:20,477 --> 00:07:21,777
I was wondering something, too.
184
00:07:21,811 --> 00:07:23,395
- Tell me.
- No, you first.
185
00:07:23,430 --> 00:07:24,897
Both: I was wondering,
what would it be like
186
00:07:24,931 --> 00:07:27,399
- if we were partners?
- What's going on here?
187
00:07:27,433 --> 00:07:28,734
Were you thinking of
changing partners?
188
00:07:28,768 --> 00:07:30,736
Who's thinking
of changing partners?
189
00:07:30,770 --> 00:07:32,771
Were you gonna bail on me?
190
00:07:32,806 --> 00:07:36,075
No. No one here is thinking
of changing partners. No, sir.
191
00:07:36,109 --> 00:07:37,276
I am!
192
00:07:37,294 --> 00:07:39,612
While he was spying,
I found a turtle.
193
00:07:39,646 --> 00:07:41,463
It's not fair that
I should be the only one here
194
00:07:41,498 --> 00:07:44,750
saddled with a total waste
of space loser.
195
00:07:44,784 --> 00:07:46,819
- No offense, Todd.
- None taken.
196
00:07:46,853 --> 00:07:49,088
Why should you all get
the exact partner you wanted?
197
00:07:49,122 --> 00:07:50,556
That's right.
198
00:07:50,590 --> 00:07:53,959
It's totally not fair that
we saddled Pierce with Todd.
199
00:07:53,977 --> 00:07:55,561
We should probably
choose partners again.
200
00:07:55,595 --> 00:07:56,895
I mean, just to be fair.
201
00:07:56,930 --> 00:07:58,664
So it's agreed.
Let's go to the study room
202
00:07:58,698 --> 00:08:01,066
and deal with this Todd problem
once and for all.
203
00:08:01,101 --> 00:08:02,351
Okay.
204
00:08:02,402 --> 00:08:04,603
Um, did you want me to come?
205
00:08:04,638 --> 00:08:07,413
Um, it's called
"the Todd problem."
206
00:08:16,410 --> 00:08:19,772
Okay, we just have to come up
with a fair way
207
00:08:19,892 --> 00:08:23,364
to decide who is gonna be stuck
for an entire semester
208
00:08:23,399 --> 00:08:26,653
with this... Random.
209
00:08:26,749 --> 00:08:29,250
This, uh... Non-grouper.
210
00:08:29,285 --> 00:08:30,485
No offense, Todd.
211
00:08:30,519 --> 00:08:33,288
None taken.
I'm happy to work with whoever.
212
00:08:33,322 --> 00:08:35,357
There's only one way
to decide this fairly.
213
00:08:35,391 --> 00:08:37,258
We go boy-girl, boy-girl.
214
00:08:37,293 --> 00:08:39,561
But everyone has to have
a different hair color.
215
00:08:39,595 --> 00:08:41,062
And be from a different
high school.
216
00:08:41,097 --> 00:08:43,264
And be a different race.
217
00:08:43,299 --> 00:08:45,300
I guess I'd be with... Britta.
218
00:08:45,334 --> 00:08:48,269
[Laughs]
I guess my--my hands are tied.
219
00:08:48,304 --> 00:08:49,471
The hair color concept
intrigues me
220
00:08:49,505 --> 00:08:50,839
because it's how
I distinguish you anyway.
221
00:08:50,873 --> 00:08:52,390
But what if we arrange by age,
so that way
222
00:08:52,425 --> 00:08:53,708
the young people can work
while the old people sleep
223
00:08:53,726 --> 00:08:55,143
and vice versa.
224
00:08:55,177 --> 00:08:56,511
Um, I-I was just wondering
who you considered old,
225
00:08:56,545 --> 00:08:59,014
because I'd like
to remind you again
226
00:08:59,048 --> 00:09:00,915
that I'm just about
the same age as Jeff.
227
00:09:00,950 --> 00:09:02,100
Oh, I was counting Jeff
as old, too.
228
00:09:02,151 --> 00:09:03,218
Hey!
229
00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:04,719
Oh, well, that's
all right then.
230
00:09:04,737 --> 00:09:06,888
I just don't understand how
my age has anything to--
231
00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:09,357
[Pierce snoring]
Oh, for heaven's sake, Pierce!
232
00:09:09,391 --> 00:09:11,159
I was thinking the thing
that would be most beneficial--
233
00:09:11,193 --> 00:09:12,927
you know, for the group--
would be
234
00:09:12,962 --> 00:09:15,797
to pair the people with the
lowest GPAs with the highest.
235
00:09:15,831 --> 00:09:17,432
Hmm. Interesting.
236
00:09:17,466 --> 00:09:19,467
The highest
carrying the lowest?
237
00:09:19,502 --> 00:09:21,202
I can see how
you might want that.
238
00:09:21,237 --> 00:09:22,253
You know what, Annie?
239
00:09:22,288 --> 00:09:24,606
Pew, pew, pew, pew, p--
240
00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:28,376
Wait, no.
Pew, pew, pew, pew.
241
00:09:28,411 --> 00:09:30,311
Does anyone else have kids?
242
00:09:30,346 --> 00:09:32,947
Because I have a gorgeous little
newborn that I'd like to get--
243
00:09:32,982 --> 00:09:34,132
Oh, perfect!
244
00:09:34,183 --> 00:09:36,084
You'll enjoy talking to Shirley
about her kids.
245
00:09:36,118 --> 00:09:38,620
Uh-uh, don't go trying to pawn
Todd off on me.
246
00:09:38,654 --> 00:09:40,121
Again, none taken.
247
00:09:40,156 --> 00:09:42,991
Guys, our terrariums are due
tomorrow and it's already nine.
248
00:09:43,025 --> 00:09:45,393
Okay, let's make this simple
and do it like student housing.
249
00:09:45,428 --> 00:09:47,696
Everyone write down
their lab partner preferences
250
00:09:47,730 --> 00:09:48,730
from one to eight.
251
00:09:48,764 --> 00:09:50,465
Abed, you're a computer.
252
00:09:50,499 --> 00:09:52,434
You figure out a way to put us
in our optimal pairings.
253
00:09:52,468 --> 00:09:55,837
And before you all go
putting Todd down last,
254
00:09:55,871 --> 00:09:57,972
don't forget he comes
with a turtle.
255
00:09:58,007 --> 00:09:59,507
You're halfway done.
256
00:09:59,542 --> 00:10:01,042
How does that sound?
257
00:10:01,077 --> 00:10:02,644
[Snores]
258
00:10:02,678 --> 00:10:04,112
Somebody wake up Pierce.
259
00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:06,047
Hello, Arizona
matchbook company.
260
00:10:06,082 --> 00:10:07,515
I had to get some answers.
261
00:10:07,550 --> 00:10:10,652
And I needed answers like a fish
needs a bicycle-- A lot.
262
00:10:10,686 --> 00:10:12,320
Hello?
Hello?
263
00:10:12,354 --> 00:10:14,723
Yeah, I am, uh, interested
in your matchbooks.
264
00:10:14,757 --> 00:10:16,091
Yes, would you like
to place an order?
265
00:10:16,125 --> 00:10:18,526
I had to think fast.
266
00:10:18,561 --> 00:10:20,595
- Yes.
- Get away from my desk.
267
00:10:20,629 --> 00:10:21,730
I'll call you back.
268
00:10:21,764 --> 00:10:23,031
You've been walking
around campus
269
00:10:23,065 --> 00:10:25,300
asking people weird questions
and then staring at them
270
00:10:25,334 --> 00:10:26,668
while slightly
moving your lips?
271
00:10:26,702 --> 00:10:28,069
I had to think fast.
272
00:10:28,104 --> 00:10:29,204
No.
273
00:10:29,238 --> 00:10:33,842
Ben... I think this job
might be getting to you.
274
00:10:33,876 --> 00:10:35,477
I think you need
to take some time off.
275
00:10:35,511 --> 00:10:37,545
Oh, you'd like that,
wouldn't you?
276
00:10:37,580 --> 00:10:41,316
Very much so.
Yes.
277
00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:43,051
All right, yep.
278
00:10:43,085 --> 00:10:45,319
According to my system,
Annie's gonna be with Shirley.
279
00:10:45,337 --> 00:10:46,671
Pierce is with me.
Troy is with Britta.
280
00:10:46,705 --> 00:10:47,756
And Jeff is with Todd.
281
00:10:47,790 --> 00:10:49,724
Okay, let's get to work.
282
00:10:49,759 --> 00:10:52,927
Uh, wait. Um, how did
I end up with Todd?
283
00:10:52,962 --> 00:10:54,262
I mean, no offense,
284
00:10:54,296 --> 00:10:55,764
but he wasn't exactly
at the top of my list.
285
00:10:55,798 --> 00:10:56,898
None taken.
286
00:10:56,932 --> 00:10:58,199
It's what the algorithm
dictated.
287
00:10:58,234 --> 00:10:59,300
And we're just supposed
to trust your algorithm?
288
00:10:59,335 --> 00:11:00,668
You're questioning
my algorithm?
289
00:11:00,686 --> 00:11:02,387
Not necessarily. Is your
algorithm above questioning?
290
00:11:02,438 --> 00:11:03,438
Not necessarily.
291
00:11:03,472 --> 00:11:04,706
Will you just tell us
how you chose?
292
00:11:04,740 --> 00:11:06,341
I used the ballots to rank
everyone by popularity.
293
00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:08,042
And I put the most popular
with the least popular.
294
00:11:08,077 --> 00:11:10,145
I figured it would maximize each
partnership's audience appeal.
295
00:11:10,179 --> 00:11:11,479
Oh, I-I see.
296
00:11:11,514 --> 00:11:12,814
So I was number one, and
he was obviously number eight.
297
00:11:12,848 --> 00:11:14,032
No offense, Todd.
298
00:11:14,066 --> 00:11:15,033
You and Todd
were four and five.
299
00:11:15,067 --> 00:11:17,185
[Splutters] I was four?
300
00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:18,753
- Todd was four.
- I was five?
301
00:11:18,788 --> 00:11:19,921
Well, that's insane!
302
00:11:19,955 --> 00:11:21,355
We don't even know him.
303
00:11:21,373 --> 00:11:22,407
He's a stranger.
304
00:11:22,458 --> 00:11:24,926
Please, Jeff.
It has feelings.
305
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:26,528
Wait, so we all know
Annie was number one,
306
00:11:26,562 --> 00:11:29,697
because she'd do all the work.
307
00:11:29,715 --> 00:11:32,750
And Shirley was
her partner, so...
308
00:11:32,802 --> 00:11:34,919
But that means--
so you all put--
309
00:11:34,970 --> 00:11:37,605
I just worked it out.
310
00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:41,276
I'm more popular than someone!
311
00:11:41,310 --> 00:11:46,064
Getting the matchbooks shipped
to me the same day wasn't easy.
312
00:11:46,098 --> 00:11:47,882
I had to pay the company money.
313
00:11:47,917 --> 00:11:50,018
I used Nunez's card.
314
00:11:50,052 --> 00:11:52,553
He'd thank me at
the Detective Awards.
315
00:11:52,571 --> 00:11:56,557
Somewhere, somehow, I was gonna
find what I was looking for.
316
00:11:56,575 --> 00:11:59,560
[Saxophone music]
317
00:11:59,578 --> 00:12:01,178
♪ ♪
318
00:12:09,872 --> 00:12:12,407
Holy Mary, mother of God.
319
00:12:12,441 --> 00:12:14,409
Was I crazy?
320
00:12:14,443 --> 00:12:16,110
Or was I on
the verge of something?
321
00:12:16,145 --> 00:12:18,263
My mind reeled with thoughts.
322
00:12:18,297 --> 00:12:20,248
Voices.
Stand-up premises.
323
00:12:20,282 --> 00:12:22,150
Why don't they just make tires
out of pavement
324
00:12:22,184 --> 00:12:24,018
so you can drive on anything?
What's up with buttons?
325
00:12:24,053 --> 00:12:26,421
What would happen if
Nicholson was a gynecologist?
326
00:12:26,455 --> 00:12:28,556
[Chuckles]
There was something there.
327
00:12:28,591 --> 00:12:30,225
I need a notepad.
328
00:12:30,259 --> 00:12:32,694
Maybe a blazer.
329
00:12:34,947 --> 00:12:37,832
Honey, I-I-I don't know
when I'll be home.
330
00:12:37,867 --> 00:12:40,835
How could you guys hate me
more than Pierce?
331
00:12:40,870 --> 00:12:42,403
Or anything more than Pierce?
332
00:12:42,437 --> 00:12:43,771
Thin ice, Shirley.
333
00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:45,506
My friends and I
are not gonna let you
334
00:12:45,541 --> 00:12:47,175
drive a wedge between us.
335
00:12:47,209 --> 00:12:48,626
Shirley has a point.
336
00:12:48,661 --> 00:12:51,246
This list stinks
like a butt convention.
337
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:54,148
How else could you explain
Troy being so unpopular?
338
00:12:54,183 --> 00:12:57,018
Uh, I think I was
the popular one in our pairing.
339
00:12:57,052 --> 00:12:59,053
Oh, Troy.
340
00:13:02,057 --> 00:13:04,592
Fine, why don't I just
go work with Todd?
341
00:13:04,627 --> 00:13:08,029
Hey, that's cool,
whatever gets this project done.
342
00:13:08,063 --> 00:13:10,498
Oh, wow, what a great guy.
343
00:13:10,532 --> 00:13:12,934
I can see why all of you like
him so much more than me.
344
00:13:12,968 --> 00:13:16,604
Jeff, maybe it's just that no
one wants to carry you all year.
345
00:13:16,638 --> 00:13:19,707
Gee, you're right, Annie,
it's not personal.
346
00:13:19,742 --> 00:13:21,509
I mean, it's not like
people really like you.
347
00:13:21,543 --> 00:13:23,378
You're just a good grade
in a tight sweater.
348
00:13:23,412 --> 00:13:25,847
You're just a bad grade
in a tight sweater.
349
00:13:25,881 --> 00:13:27,115
And who the hell
are you always texting?
350
00:13:27,149 --> 00:13:29,350
Everyone you know is here.
351
00:13:29,385 --> 00:13:30,668
Okay, let's all just
take a breath--
352
00:13:30,703 --> 00:13:32,537
Don't get your number four
stink on this, Todd.
353
00:13:32,588 --> 00:13:34,222
Okay, let's focus.
354
00:13:34,256 --> 00:13:38,927
We're all the same people
we were 12 hours ago.
355
00:13:38,961 --> 00:13:40,678
Maybe we should just revert
to our original pairings.
356
00:13:40,713 --> 00:13:42,330
But I thought you didn't want
to carry Jeff.
357
00:13:42,348 --> 00:13:43,381
Oh, you just don't want
to work with Shirley.
358
00:13:43,432 --> 00:13:45,300
[Gasps]
359
00:13:45,334 --> 00:13:47,018
You too, brute?
360
00:13:47,052 --> 00:13:49,170
It's just...
You're a creationist!
361
00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:51,439
- What?
- You're so religious.
362
00:13:51,473 --> 00:13:53,274
How are you gonna do
science experiments
363
00:13:53,309 --> 00:13:54,709
if you don't even
believe in science?
364
00:13:54,743 --> 00:13:56,611
Just because someone's
religious doesn't mean
365
00:13:56,645 --> 00:13:58,179
they have a problem
with science.
366
00:13:58,213 --> 00:13:59,814
And certainly,
367
00:13:59,848 --> 00:14:02,150
if an introductory biology
course at a community college
368
00:14:02,184 --> 00:14:04,569
can refute 2,000 years
of miracles--
369
00:14:04,620 --> 00:14:05,720
[groaning]
370
00:14:05,754 --> 00:14:06,871
And what about Britta?
371
00:14:06,905 --> 00:14:08,489
She's not gonna
dissect anything.
372
00:14:08,524 --> 00:14:11,359
Fine, you got me, I won't
dissect anything with a face.
373
00:14:11,377 --> 00:14:12,860
What about worms?
374
00:14:12,878 --> 00:14:14,495
Do they have tiny little faces?
375
00:14:14,530 --> 00:14:15,913
This is why
you're the stupidest!
376
00:14:15,965 --> 00:14:18,866
If loving worms is stupid,
I don't wanna be smart.
377
00:14:18,901 --> 00:14:21,052
It is, and you can't be.
378
00:14:21,086 --> 00:14:23,538
Guys, I just figured it
all out.
379
00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:26,574
Pierce, wake up,
Jeff is gonna heal us.
380
00:14:26,608 --> 00:14:28,109
We have been looking
at this totally wrong.
381
00:14:28,143 --> 00:14:30,878
There's no way I'm unpopular.
382
00:14:30,896 --> 00:14:32,814
One of you monsters
just put me last
383
00:14:32,848 --> 00:14:35,016
in a petty attempt
to humble me.
384
00:14:35,050 --> 00:14:36,651
[Fake-snores]
Oh!
385
00:14:36,685 --> 00:14:40,254
I just had a terrible nightmare
that Jeff was a pompous ass.
386
00:14:40,289 --> 00:14:41,906
Also Todd was there.
387
00:14:41,940 --> 00:14:45,226
Uh, no offense, Todd.
388
00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:49,247
[Fire alarm clanging]
389
00:14:52,618 --> 00:14:54,802
I'd poked my nose
where it didn't belong.
390
00:14:54,837 --> 00:14:58,406
Someone--or something--
had sent me a message.
391
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,124
[Gasps]
392
00:15:00,175 --> 00:15:02,126
Veronica.
393
00:15:02,177 --> 00:15:05,780
It was my fault she had
gotten mixed up in all this.
394
00:15:05,814 --> 00:15:08,816
[Yelling over each other]
395
00:15:08,851 --> 00:15:10,084
Uh-uh, Todd.
396
00:15:10,119 --> 00:15:11,819
Pretty sure I heard
a fire alarm.
397
00:15:11,854 --> 00:15:13,554
Nobody's going home until
we see those ballots.
398
00:15:13,588 --> 00:15:15,356
See the ballots?
Are you crazy?
399
00:15:15,391 --> 00:15:17,425
I say let's lay our cards
on the table
400
00:15:17,443 --> 00:15:19,593
and see what everyone really
thinks of each other.
401
00:15:19,611 --> 00:15:21,562
Get behind me, Abed.
402
00:15:21,596 --> 00:15:23,231
[Yelps]
[Shrieks]
403
00:15:23,265 --> 00:15:24,699
Jeff, stop it!
404
00:15:24,733 --> 00:15:25,933
Pass!
405
00:15:25,968 --> 00:15:27,652
Give it to me!
No, get back, get back!
406
00:15:27,703 --> 00:15:29,404
I am doing this for all of us.
407
00:15:29,438 --> 00:15:31,289
Oh, no, she's got
her marijuana lighter.
408
00:15:31,323 --> 00:15:33,741
Don't!
409
00:15:33,776 --> 00:15:37,211
Noooo!
The turtle is in there!
410
00:15:37,246 --> 00:15:38,946
Oh, my God, I am so sorry!
411
00:15:38,964 --> 00:15:43,251
What is wrong with you people?
412
00:15:43,285 --> 00:15:46,254
Huh?
413
00:15:46,288 --> 00:15:49,257
I thought you were
supposed to be friends!
414
00:15:49,291 --> 00:15:53,478
I thought you were supposed
to love each other!
415
00:15:53,512 --> 00:15:56,297
Your love is weird.
416
00:15:56,315 --> 00:15:58,466
And toxic!
417
00:15:58,484 --> 00:16:01,669
And it destroys
everything it touches!
418
00:16:01,703 --> 00:16:04,939
I no longer care about grades.
419
00:16:04,973 --> 00:16:09,026
Or biology. Or finally
graduating from college,
420
00:16:09,078 --> 00:16:13,081
like I promised
my dying father.
421
00:16:13,115 --> 00:16:15,783
I'm going home.
422
00:16:15,817 --> 00:16:18,503
I'm gonna hold my wife
and my child close.
423
00:16:18,537 --> 00:16:23,825
And I am gonna finally
take my Insulin shot!
424
00:16:23,859 --> 00:16:29,097
Offense taken.
425
00:16:29,131 --> 00:16:32,633
Offense taken.
426
00:16:36,105 --> 00:16:37,905
Well, he is right
about one thing.
427
00:16:37,940 --> 00:16:39,507
You're all terrible people.
428
00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:41,776
And I don't care about
this stupid assignment.
429
00:16:41,810 --> 00:16:45,546
I'm going home.
430
00:16:45,581 --> 00:16:47,448
No, I'm not,
I'm going to biology class.
431
00:16:47,483 --> 00:16:50,067
It starts in 15 minutes.
[Gasps]
432
00:16:53,003 --> 00:16:55,351
And eventually, this caterpillar
433
00:16:55,591 --> 00:16:58,392
will come out of its cocoon.
And then--
434
00:16:58,427 --> 00:17:00,011
Pop, pop!
435
00:17:00,045 --> 00:17:02,597
[Applause]
436
00:17:02,717 --> 00:17:05,032
Nice work, you two.
437
00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:07,246
You know they're laughing
at you, right?
438
00:17:07,538 --> 00:17:08,950
I mean, that's my theory.
439
00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:12,405
Now, super group.
440
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:15,471
I can't help but notice
a sorry lack of terrariums.
441
00:17:15,591 --> 00:17:16,924
We didn't have time to finish.
442
00:17:16,942 --> 00:17:18,827
Here's mine.
443
00:17:18,861 --> 00:17:20,747
When did you even
have time to do that?
444
00:17:20,867 --> 00:17:22,068
You're pathological.
445
00:17:22,102 --> 00:17:23,836
It's too late for flattery.
446
00:17:23,870 --> 00:17:26,705
Professor, obviously
this isn't working out.
447
00:17:26,740 --> 00:17:28,741
You're just gonna have to put us
with our original lab partners.
448
00:17:28,775 --> 00:17:31,544
- All right?
- I don't have to do anything.
449
00:17:31,578 --> 00:17:33,379
Not after you broke
my boy Todd.
450
00:17:33,413 --> 00:17:35,314
That man called me
crying this morning.
451
00:17:35,348 --> 00:17:37,183
You know he fought
in Iraq, right?
452
00:17:37,217 --> 00:17:40,186
We had a name for people
like you in prison.
453
00:17:40,220 --> 00:17:42,488
We called you
"the mean clique."
454
00:17:42,522 --> 00:17:43,489
[Gasping]
455
00:17:43,523 --> 00:17:44,924
But I have a solution.
456
00:17:44,958 --> 00:17:47,593
All seven of you
will share a microscope,
457
00:17:47,627 --> 00:17:49,762
one bench, and one grade
that I will average.
458
00:17:49,796 --> 00:17:51,330
Everyone else gets
their own stuff.
459
00:17:51,364 --> 00:17:53,599
So can we get an extension
on the first assignment?
460
00:17:53,633 --> 00:17:57,369
No. You all fail.
461
00:17:57,404 --> 00:17:59,538
[Gasps]
462
00:17:59,573 --> 00:18:01,941
Oh, my God.
463
00:18:01,975 --> 00:18:03,275
How did this happen?
464
00:18:03,309 --> 00:18:04,994
And did I miss the firemen?
465
00:18:05,028 --> 00:18:07,246
Dean, the explanation
is simple.
466
00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:09,665
It's all connected.
467
00:18:09,699 --> 00:18:11,667
A web of conspiracy that goes
468
00:18:11,701 --> 00:18:14,520
all the way to the top
of Arizona.
469
00:18:14,554 --> 00:18:17,123
All... Right.
470
00:18:17,157 --> 00:18:20,209
Hey, somebody's been
squatting in the utility closet.
471
00:18:20,260 --> 00:18:23,462
There's a hot plate back there,
thousands of matches.
472
00:18:23,497 --> 00:18:25,531
I mean, we're looking at dozens
473
00:18:25,565 --> 00:18:30,019
of major health
and fire code violations.
474
00:18:30,053 --> 00:18:32,338
I think we're gonna have to get
the police involved.
475
00:18:32,372 --> 00:18:34,740
[Voiceover]
And that's when it hit me.
476
00:18:34,774 --> 00:18:36,375
I was in really big trouble.
477
00:18:36,409 --> 00:18:39,061
Dean.
478
00:18:39,112 --> 00:18:40,112
Dean?
479
00:18:40,147 --> 00:18:43,115
Oh, uh...No.
480
00:18:43,150 --> 00:18:44,583
No need to get the cops.
481
00:18:44,618 --> 00:18:49,021
With a conspiracy this big,
they're probably involved.
482
00:18:49,039 --> 00:18:51,190
- What?
- What Chang says
483
00:18:51,208 --> 00:18:53,259
makes a lot of sense,
and, um...
484
00:18:53,293 --> 00:18:56,061
Okay, you know what?
I quit.
485
00:18:56,096 --> 00:18:58,430
I mean, I can deal
with the not getting paid,
486
00:18:58,465 --> 00:19:02,067
but I draw the line
at you enabling this man.
487
00:19:02,102 --> 00:19:05,538
I mean, I'm seriously concerned
that he's mentally ill.
488
00:19:05,572 --> 00:19:08,274
And--and it's not funny
at all. It's scary.
489
00:19:08,308 --> 00:19:10,276
- The top of Arizona...
- I needed to know more.
490
00:19:10,310 --> 00:19:11,710
- Was it a very high mesa?
- About those firemen.
491
00:19:11,745 --> 00:19:13,345
- Or was it a state of mind?
- Were they ethnically diverse?
492
00:19:13,380 --> 00:19:14,980
- Either way, I was going...
- Did they bring a dalmatian?
493
00:19:15,015 --> 00:19:16,382
- To have to climb it.
- Could I buy a calendar?
494
00:19:16,416 --> 00:19:21,754
Okay, screw this.
I-I quit.
495
00:19:21,788 --> 00:19:23,989
Hmm?
496
00:19:24,024 --> 00:19:27,059
Well, it seems that Greendale
owes you a debt of gratitude.
497
00:19:27,093 --> 00:19:30,196
How would you like to be
the new head of security?
498
00:19:30,230 --> 00:19:31,664
I had to think fast.
499
00:19:31,698 --> 00:19:32,731
Yes.
500
00:19:32,766 --> 00:19:35,918
I don't know, was I crazy?
501
00:19:35,952 --> 00:19:38,237
Or was I just doing right
by the school?
502
00:19:38,255 --> 00:19:41,273
[Cackles mentally]
503
00:19:46,613 --> 00:19:50,716
[Indistinct chatter]
504
00:19:50,750 --> 00:19:52,751
- This is awkward, isn't it?
- Yeah.
505
00:19:52,786 --> 00:19:54,586
You know, I think
it's pretty clear
506
00:19:54,604 --> 00:19:56,922
what destroyed the balance
in our study group's ecosystem.
507
00:19:56,957 --> 00:19:58,857
Ranking one person
above another.
508
00:19:58,892 --> 00:20:00,776
Letting our differences
get the bets of us.
509
00:20:00,810 --> 00:20:02,928
- Racism?
- No.
510
00:20:02,963 --> 00:20:04,230
Todd.
511
00:20:04,264 --> 00:20:07,233
All: Todd!
512
00:20:07,267 --> 00:20:08,701
Did you see the head
on that guy?
513
00:20:08,735 --> 00:20:09,702
"None taken."
514
00:20:09,736 --> 00:20:11,337
What was wrong with him?
515
00:20:11,371 --> 00:20:13,439
Not to be unchristian,
but that boy sucked.
516
00:20:13,473 --> 00:20:14,974
I missed this.
517
00:20:15,008 --> 00:20:16,008
All: Aww!
518
00:20:16,042 --> 00:20:17,376
And his dumb baby!
519
00:20:17,410 --> 00:20:18,510
- I know!
- On and on.
520
00:20:18,545 --> 00:20:20,512
He wouldn't shut up.
521
00:20:20,547 --> 00:20:23,000
[Overlapping complaints]
522
00:20:38,885 --> 00:20:40,926
These questions
are really personal.
523
00:20:41,046 --> 00:20:42,227
Are you sure this is anonymous?
524
00:20:42,262 --> 00:20:44,210
Yeah, they're just
practice evaluations
525
00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:45,637
for my psych class.
526
00:20:47,016 --> 00:20:48,767
All right.
Who did a butt?
527
00:20:48,801 --> 00:20:51,570
They're boobs.
And I don't know.
528
00:20:51,604 --> 00:20:52,721
Take it again.
529
00:20:52,772 --> 00:20:53,889
All right.
530
00:20:53,940 --> 00:20:55,274
Somebody drew a penis.
531
00:20:55,308 --> 00:20:57,476
Oh! And another penis.
532
00:20:57,510 --> 00:21:00,896
Penis, penis, penis.
Very mature, guys.
533
00:21:00,947 --> 00:21:05,284
- I didn't draw a penis.
- Me neither.
534
00:21:05,318 --> 00:21:07,903
Yeah, these are all
normally filled out tests.
535
00:21:07,954 --> 00:21:10,372
Ha ha! Gotcha!
536
00:21:10,406 --> 00:21:13,742
This was also a test,
and you all penised.
537
00:21:13,793 --> 00:21:15,394
Passed.
538
00:21:15,428 --> 00:21:17,362
Maybe I need to take one.
539
00:21:17,397 --> 00:21:19,431
A test.
Not a penis.
540
00:21:20,192 --> 00:21:22,492
Sync by honneybunny,corrected by susanaLC
www.addic7ed.com