1
00:00:03,097 --> 00:00:05,522
Remember, you guys
can have a deep too!
2
00:00:05,642 --> 00:00:07,443
And don't be afraid
to play with the...
3
00:00:07,477 --> 00:00:10,296
[Spookily]
Ruuubber spiiider!
4
00:00:10,330 --> 00:00:12,414
I'll ask again...
5
00:00:12,449 --> 00:00:14,149
Are you sure
I can't bring anything?
6
00:00:14,184 --> 00:00:15,284
I don't understand.
7
00:00:15,318 --> 00:00:16,752
We're having a party,
8
00:00:16,786 --> 00:00:18,537
before we're going
to the real party?
9
00:00:18,571 --> 00:00:19,655
Sometimes, I think
you young people
10
00:00:19,689 --> 00:00:20,706
are just making this crap up.
11
00:00:20,740 --> 00:00:22,257
It's a pre-party!
12
00:00:22,292 --> 00:00:23,542
It's informal, intimate,
13
00:00:23,593 --> 00:00:24,977
and just for us.
14
00:00:25,011 --> 00:00:27,262
And I told you guys
you didn't have to dress up.
15
00:00:27,297 --> 00:00:28,564
Oh, we were wearing this
when you called.
16
00:00:28,598 --> 00:00:31,233
Yeah, when we dress up,
you'll know it.
17
00:00:31,267 --> 00:00:33,602
There's nothing in your
playlist but spooky party,
18
00:00:33,636 --> 00:00:36,438
the Beetlejuice soundtrack,
and NPR podcasts.
19
00:00:36,473 --> 00:00:37,890
Ooh! We could listen
to one of those!
20
00:00:37,941 --> 00:00:39,641
I have Michele Norris
21
00:00:39,676 --> 00:00:41,977
interviewing Errol Morris.
22
00:00:42,011 --> 00:00:43,579
Don't worry, they address it.
23
00:00:43,613 --> 00:00:45,114
Okay, let's make this quick.
24
00:00:45,148 --> 00:00:49,451
I got three more polite
appearances to make tonight.
25
00:00:49,486 --> 00:00:50,986
What? I'm one of the
Fast and Furious guys.
26
00:00:51,021 --> 00:00:52,488
Which one?
27
00:00:52,522 --> 00:00:53,689
Oh, I don't know.
I don't watch that shallow crap.
28
00:00:53,723 --> 00:00:56,625
I just pick
a costume girls will like.
29
00:00:56,659 --> 00:00:59,194
Jeff, can I have
a quick conversation with you?
30
00:00:59,229 --> 00:01:01,263
Doubtful,
but I support the dream.
31
00:01:03,733 --> 00:01:05,601
Remember last week,
when I made you guys fill out
32
00:01:05,635 --> 00:01:07,870
those anonymous personality
tests for my psych class?
33
00:01:07,904 --> 00:01:09,772
Listen, if you dropped them
in another puddle--
34
00:01:09,806 --> 00:01:12,708
No, I processed the results,
as per my assignment.
35
00:01:12,742 --> 00:01:16,078
And, Jeff,
one of our friends is...
36
00:01:16,112 --> 00:01:17,713
Deeply disturbed.
37
00:01:17,747 --> 00:01:18,547
[Thunder]
38
00:01:18,581 --> 00:01:20,649
Trick or Dean!
[Jefff & Britta gasp]
39
00:01:20,683 --> 00:01:23,719
Don't forget to come by our
Halloween scare-tacular dance,
40
00:01:23,753 --> 00:01:25,404
starting in
the cafeteria at 9:30.
41
00:01:25,438 --> 00:01:27,790
Also, I had the lights
rigged to flicker
42
00:01:27,824 --> 00:01:29,391
because it's Halloween!
43
00:01:29,426 --> 00:01:30,726
It's been happening for a week.
44
00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:32,444
Halloween week!
45
00:01:32,495 --> 00:01:33,762
So the lights will work
on November 1st?
46
00:01:33,797 --> 00:01:36,765
All Saint's day...
47
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,734
Month!
[Thunder]
48
00:01:38,768 --> 00:01:40,069
I'm sorry, you were
about to get ridiculous?
49
00:01:40,103 --> 00:01:41,503
Look!
50
00:01:41,538 --> 00:01:42,604
One of the tests came back
51
00:01:42,639 --> 00:01:44,740
with 70 out of 75 red flags
52
00:01:44,774 --> 00:01:47,409
for an extreme
personality disorder.
53
00:01:47,444 --> 00:01:48,610
Extreme, Jeff!
54
00:01:48,645 --> 00:01:49,778
[Gasps] Like a dorito?
55
00:01:49,813 --> 00:01:51,780
A sociopathic dorito.
56
00:01:51,815 --> 00:01:53,615
A cool ranch lunatic.
57
00:01:53,650 --> 00:01:56,251
Only instead of Zest, Jeff,
58
00:01:56,269 --> 00:01:58,987
one member
of our study group has...
59
00:01:59,022 --> 00:02:01,640
Homicidal tendencies.
60
00:02:05,761 --> 00:02:07,596
I think one member
of our study group
61
00:02:07,630 --> 00:02:09,398
is an overzealous psych major.
62
00:02:09,432 --> 00:02:11,133
You probably just Britta'd
the test results somehow.
63
00:02:11,167 --> 00:02:12,767
No. I double-checked them.
64
00:02:12,786 --> 00:02:13,769
Wait.
65
00:02:13,803 --> 00:02:15,037
Are people using my name
66
00:02:15,071 --> 00:02:18,307
to mean "make a small mistake"?
67
00:02:18,341 --> 00:02:20,325
Yes.
68
00:02:21,578 --> 00:02:25,414
♪ Give me some rope,
time in a tree ♪
69
00:02:25,448 --> 00:02:28,250
♪ give me the hope
to run out of steam ♪
70
00:02:28,284 --> 00:02:31,553
♪ somebody said
we could be here ♪
71
00:02:31,588 --> 00:02:35,924
♪ we could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year ♪
72
00:02:35,958 --> 00:02:40,729
♪ I can't count the reasons
I should stay ♪
73
00:02:40,763 --> 00:02:45,984
♪ one by one they all
just fade away ♪
74
00:02:46,301 --> 00:02:48,601
sync by honeybunny, corrected by susanaLC
www.addic7ed.com
75
00:02:48,938 --> 00:02:50,823
Let's make this party
fast and furious,
76
00:02:50,857 --> 00:02:52,107
in that order.
77
00:02:52,141 --> 00:02:53,642
Yeah, I want to go
to the dance.
78
00:02:53,676 --> 00:02:55,611
I heard the Dean's got
free taco meat from the army.
79
00:02:55,645 --> 00:02:56,978
We can go
to the dance in a bit.
80
00:02:56,996 --> 00:03:01,617
But first, why don't
we tell some scaaary stories?
81
00:03:01,651 --> 00:03:02,784
[All groan]
82
00:03:02,818 --> 00:03:04,369
Good!
83
00:03:04,420 --> 00:03:06,855
I'll start with a story
about a horrible fate
84
00:03:06,890 --> 00:03:08,290
befalling innocent people,
85
00:03:08,324 --> 00:03:11,560
and then I'm curious
to get individual reactions.
86
00:03:11,594 --> 00:03:13,212
Once upon a time,
87
00:03:13,263 --> 00:03:14,596
there was a couple
in a car in the woods
88
00:03:14,631 --> 00:03:17,633
making out or something.
89
00:03:17,667 --> 00:03:19,968
I think I heard something.
90
00:03:20,003 --> 00:03:21,603
It's just the sound
of my heart, baby.
91
00:03:21,638 --> 00:03:23,605
Mmm.
92
00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:25,357
[On radio]
In the news tonight, top story:
93
00:03:25,391 --> 00:03:27,910
An escaped convict
from the asylum has escaped,
94
00:03:27,944 --> 00:03:29,745
and he's mental
and he's on the loose and stuff.
95
00:03:29,779 --> 00:03:31,980
Oh, my God.
That sounds dangerous.
96
00:03:32,015 --> 00:03:33,115
Oh, I'm sure it's no biggie,
97
00:03:33,149 --> 00:03:34,416
but I am a horny man.
98
00:03:34,450 --> 00:03:35,651
I'm only half-present.
99
00:03:35,685 --> 00:03:38,053
He was last seen in the woods
and has a thingy for a hand,
100
00:03:38,087 --> 00:03:39,788
a hook thing
where his hand should be.
101
00:03:39,822 --> 00:03:42,591
- You know what I mean.
- That sounds dangerous.
102
00:03:42,625 --> 00:03:44,626
Fine, I'll get out and look.
103
00:03:46,829 --> 00:03:48,830
But then I'm entitled to sex.
104
00:03:50,199 --> 00:03:51,500
[Gasps]
105
00:03:51,534 --> 00:03:53,385
[Screaming]
106
00:03:53,419 --> 00:03:55,571
I'm getting stabbed
with his hook hand thing.
107
00:03:55,605 --> 00:03:57,556
Oh, my God! No!
108
00:03:57,590 --> 00:03:59,141
I was right!
109
00:03:59,175 --> 00:04:00,709
And the woman
was screaming and screaming
110
00:04:00,727 --> 00:04:01,710
and the man got killed.
111
00:04:01,744 --> 00:04:03,111
- Abed?
- Yep?
112
00:04:03,146 --> 00:04:04,513
How did that story
make you feel?
113
00:04:04,547 --> 00:04:06,548
- Embarrassed.
- That's an odd reaction.
114
00:04:06,583 --> 00:04:08,584
[All disagreeing]
Seems fair.
115
00:04:08,618 --> 00:04:09,585
What embarrassed you about it?
116
00:04:09,619 --> 00:04:10,686
I didn't care
about the characters.
117
00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:12,588
Didn't care about them?
118
00:04:12,622 --> 00:04:13,855
They were stupid.
119
00:04:13,890 --> 00:04:15,056
They deliberately
put themselves in danger,
120
00:04:15,074 --> 00:04:16,058
and, when they
were warned about it,
121
00:04:16,092 --> 00:04:17,075
the guy got out of the car.
122
00:04:17,110 --> 00:04:18,393
Do you believe
because he was stupid
123
00:04:18,428 --> 00:04:19,528
he deserved to die?
124
00:04:19,562 --> 00:04:21,196
What the hell
kind of party is this?
125
00:04:21,231 --> 00:04:22,614
I suppose,
from a creative standpoint,
126
00:04:22,665 --> 00:04:24,116
some characters deserve to die.
127
00:04:24,167 --> 00:04:26,451
Ones that lack common sense
or even basic survival instinct.
128
00:04:26,502 --> 00:04:27,603
Your story's not scary
because the characters
129
00:04:27,637 --> 00:04:29,538
are making choices
the audience wouldn't make.
130
00:04:29,572 --> 00:04:31,640
Plus, you need a smarter lead.
Here, like this.
131
00:04:31,674 --> 00:04:33,241
It's a dark, cold night
in the woods.
132
00:04:33,259 --> 00:04:34,743
We establish
a traditional log cabin,
133
00:04:34,761 --> 00:04:36,044
then cut to--
134
00:04:36,078 --> 00:04:37,713
Here we are, a log cabin
I rented so we could be
135
00:04:37,747 --> 00:04:39,431
intimate in safety,
because it's not the 50s,
136
00:04:39,465 --> 00:04:40,915
so we don't have to park a car
and neck at inspiration point.
137
00:04:40,934 --> 00:04:42,050
That makes sense.
138
00:04:42,085 --> 00:04:43,652
I'm turned on
by how logical you are.
139
00:04:43,686 --> 00:04:46,488
I'm comforted by your
shiny hair and facial symmetry.
140
00:04:46,522 --> 00:04:47,589
Well, I just brushed my teeth,
141
00:04:47,624 --> 00:04:49,608
so this would be
the optimal time to kiss.
142
00:04:51,945 --> 00:04:53,061
Enjoyable. Soft lips.
143
00:04:53,095 --> 00:04:54,146
Just the right
level of moisture.
144
00:04:54,197 --> 00:04:55,731
- Would you like to do it again?
- No.
145
00:04:55,765 --> 00:04:58,066
We should listen
to the news on this radio.
146
00:04:58,100 --> 00:04:59,401
I brought it
as a cautionary measure,
147
00:04:59,435 --> 00:05:01,069
because this cabin
is within walking distance
148
00:05:01,103 --> 00:05:02,537
of the local insane asylum.
149
00:05:02,572 --> 00:05:04,373
Oh, is that why
you were able to rent it
150
00:05:04,407 --> 00:05:05,741
- at such a reasonable rate?
- Yes.
151
00:05:05,775 --> 00:05:07,442
I hope you're as fertile
as I am tonight.
152
00:05:07,477 --> 00:05:09,011
- More.
- Ahh.
153
00:05:09,045 --> 00:05:11,613
[Smooth jazz music]
154
00:05:11,648 --> 00:05:13,248
♪ ♪
155
00:05:18,755 --> 00:05:21,723
[Humming jazz melody]
156
00:05:21,758 --> 00:05:23,358
♪ ♪
157
00:05:29,565 --> 00:05:30,599
Abed!
158
00:05:30,633 --> 00:05:32,267
Why are you doing
the whole song?
159
00:05:32,302 --> 00:05:33,635
They wouldn't turn
the radio on at the exact moment
160
00:05:33,670 --> 00:05:34,970
of the most pertinent
news broadcast.
161
00:05:35,004 --> 00:05:36,705
It's too coincidental.
162
00:05:36,739 --> 00:05:37,706
But I'll jump forward in time.
163
00:05:37,740 --> 00:05:38,807
What was that noise?
164
00:05:38,841 --> 00:05:40,042
Based on the news report
we just heard,
165
00:05:40,076 --> 00:05:41,610
but not just just heard,
166
00:05:41,644 --> 00:05:43,412
I assume it's the deranged,
hook-handed killer, who escaped
167
00:05:43,446 --> 00:05:44,880
when the asylum's antiquated
security system failed.
168
00:05:44,914 --> 00:05:46,531
I guess they
shouldn't have cut corners,
169
00:05:46,582 --> 00:05:48,050
although it is understandable,
170
00:05:48,084 --> 00:05:50,819
given the recent
economic downturn.
171
00:05:50,853 --> 00:05:52,220
Should we go check it out?
172
00:05:52,255 --> 00:05:53,755
No. We should call 911
173
00:05:53,790 --> 00:05:55,257
on my fully-charged cell phone,
174
00:05:55,291 --> 00:05:56,625
lock the doors,
and then stand back to back
175
00:05:56,659 --> 00:05:57,959
in the middle of the room
holding knives.
176
00:06:04,183 --> 00:06:06,184
- I love you--
- Shh.
177
00:06:10,573 --> 00:06:12,074
Ugh.
178
00:06:12,108 --> 00:06:13,859
Did these people
ever die or what?
179
00:06:13,893 --> 00:06:17,029
Eventually, once it had been...
180
00:06:17,063 --> 00:06:19,581
[Spookily] Eaaarned.
181
00:06:19,615 --> 00:06:20,949
Well, Britta...
182
00:06:20,983 --> 00:06:23,118
It looks like you're
barking up the wrong tree.
183
00:06:23,152 --> 00:06:24,870
Yeah.
You want to hear a scary story?
184
00:06:24,904 --> 00:06:26,388
I've got a scary story.
185
00:06:30,293 --> 00:06:32,794
Thank you for pulling me
from that carriage.
186
00:06:32,829 --> 00:06:34,930
I don't know what could have
frightened my horses so.
187
00:06:34,964 --> 00:06:38,133
Many vile creatures
make these woods their home.
188
00:06:38,167 --> 00:06:40,569
Some even warn of...
Monsters.
189
00:06:40,603 --> 00:06:42,971
I don't believe in monsters.
190
00:06:43,005 --> 00:06:46,308
I believe every man
has good within.
191
00:06:46,342 --> 00:06:48,977
I must retrieve my books
from the debris tomorrow.
192
00:06:49,011 --> 00:06:50,379
I am a schoolteacher,
193
00:06:50,413 --> 00:06:52,380
and many children rely
on me to educate them.
194
00:06:52,398 --> 00:06:54,549
Be gone, innocent one!
195
00:06:54,584 --> 00:06:55,550
What's wrong?
196
00:06:55,585 --> 00:06:58,320
You may choose
not to believe in them,
197
00:06:58,354 --> 00:07:01,823
but I am a monster.
198
00:07:01,858 --> 00:07:03,859
And I must feed.
199
00:07:06,112 --> 00:07:07,496
Do not judge me
for my weakness.
200
00:07:07,530 --> 00:07:09,197
Stifle your slackened maw,
201
00:07:09,232 --> 00:07:12,667
you drained
and tainted bitch dog.
202
00:07:12,702 --> 00:07:14,035
I'm fine with this.
203
00:07:14,070 --> 00:07:15,504
Ahh!
204
00:07:15,538 --> 00:07:18,507
Wait!
205
00:07:18,541 --> 00:07:20,342
Teach me to read.
206
00:07:20,376 --> 00:07:21,910
Aww.
207
00:07:21,944 --> 00:07:24,546
Wo...
208
00:07:24,580 --> 00:07:25,680
Sound it out.
209
00:07:25,715 --> 00:07:29,217
Wo...Rd dog
210
00:07:29,252 --> 00:07:31,686
hates... Cats.
211
00:07:31,721 --> 00:07:33,688
"Oh reason not the need!
212
00:07:33,723 --> 00:07:36,525
Our basest beggars are in the
poorest things superfluous."
213
00:07:36,559 --> 00:07:40,362
Yes! Yes! Yes!
214
00:07:40,396 --> 00:07:43,365
You should be proud of
how much I've changed you.
215
00:07:43,399 --> 00:07:44,950
Thank you for helping me,
216
00:07:44,984 --> 00:07:47,903
but I'm afraid some monsters
217
00:07:47,937 --> 00:07:48,904
cannot change.
218
00:07:48,938 --> 00:07:51,272
No...
219
00:07:51,290 --> 00:07:53,575
Resist your craving!
220
00:07:53,609 --> 00:07:55,293
Just pick up a good book
221
00:07:55,328 --> 00:07:56,444
and read!
222
00:07:56,462 --> 00:07:57,612
Your porcelain neck,
223
00:07:57,647 --> 00:08:00,982
in the light of the full moon,
224
00:08:01,017 --> 00:08:02,551
too appetizing.
225
00:08:02,585 --> 00:08:04,820
Unfortunate...
226
00:08:04,854 --> 00:08:06,688
For you.
227
00:08:06,722 --> 00:08:09,841
You see,
some monsters cannot change.
228
00:08:09,892 --> 00:08:11,560
But others can.
229
00:08:11,594 --> 00:08:13,261
What is this?
230
00:08:13,296 --> 00:08:14,896
I'm a werewolf
231
00:08:14,931 --> 00:08:18,033
that feeds on selfish vampires.
232
00:08:18,067 --> 00:08:21,069
[Growling]
233
00:08:22,638 --> 00:08:24,689
And she ripped into his torso,
234
00:08:24,740 --> 00:08:27,709
like a gerbil shredding
a quaker oats box,
235
00:08:27,743 --> 00:08:29,511
sending chunks of viscera
236
00:08:29,545 --> 00:08:33,515
and an aerosol mist of blood
all over the skanky concubine.
237
00:08:33,549 --> 00:08:36,451
Then, she flossed her teeth
with his tendons.
238
00:08:36,486 --> 00:08:37,619
And, because he was a vampire,
239
00:08:37,653 --> 00:08:39,688
he lived through all of it.
240
00:08:39,722 --> 00:08:42,757
He had to watch
her swallow his last eyeball.
241
00:08:42,792 --> 00:08:44,726
She kept it attached
to the optic nerve,
242
00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:46,695
so he could see
down her throat,
243
00:08:46,729 --> 00:08:49,731
to his own
partially digested flesh
244
00:08:49,765 --> 00:08:51,733
in...Her...Stomach.
245
00:08:59,609 --> 00:09:01,543
See? There was a twist.
246
00:09:01,577 --> 00:09:03,578
[Ominous tone]
247
00:09:07,661 --> 00:09:09,126
Wow, Annie.
248
00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:12,910
I didn't know you were
such a fan of... Gore.
249
00:09:12,940 --> 00:09:13,682
It's Halloween.
250
00:09:13,717 --> 00:09:15,351
If you're gonna
tell a scary story,
251
00:09:15,385 --> 00:09:17,820
- give it some texture.
- Wasn't that great.
252
00:09:17,854 --> 00:09:19,505
Well, your texture was so
253
00:09:19,539 --> 00:09:22,124
discompassionately macabre,
254
00:09:22,159 --> 00:09:24,860
as if without the slightest
regard for human life.
255
00:09:24,895 --> 00:09:27,062
That's enough.
Stop pinning ribbons to her.
256
00:09:27,097 --> 00:09:28,364
Why does Annie get
to be good at everything?
257
00:09:28,398 --> 00:09:32,568
You guys wanna hear
a real, legit scary story?
258
00:09:34,354 --> 00:09:35,638
Hello?
259
00:09:35,672 --> 00:09:36,839
Is there anyone here?
260
00:09:36,857 --> 00:09:38,307
I need help.
261
00:09:38,341 --> 00:09:39,558
Oh, thank God.
An old doctor.
262
00:09:39,609 --> 00:09:41,510
Me and my partner
are top gun fighter pilots,
263
00:09:41,528 --> 00:09:42,511
the best of the best.
264
00:09:42,529 --> 00:09:43,562
[Weakly] Pew pew pew.
265
00:09:43,613 --> 00:09:44,880
Our F-15 went down
in the woods.
266
00:09:44,915 --> 00:09:48,818
I thought I heard
something awesome out there.
267
00:09:48,852 --> 00:09:49,819
Please, come in,
268
00:09:49,853 --> 00:09:53,489
for first aids
and what have you.
269
00:09:53,523 --> 00:09:55,190
Mmm, drinks from a stranger.
270
00:09:55,208 --> 00:09:58,210
So medical.
Thank you.
271
00:10:00,630 --> 00:10:01,630
Ahh.
272
00:10:08,605 --> 00:10:10,606
Wakey-wakey.
273
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:11,607
What's going on?
274
00:10:11,641 --> 00:10:12,875
This cabin is my lab,
275
00:10:12,909 --> 00:10:16,045
where I do
weird experiments on people.
276
00:10:16,079 --> 00:10:17,046
Look!
277
00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:18,848
Both: Noo!
278
00:10:18,882 --> 00:10:20,749
Forced to be together forever!
279
00:10:20,784 --> 00:10:22,685
I sewed you together.
280
00:10:22,719 --> 00:10:24,887
I totally sewed you together!
281
00:10:24,905 --> 00:10:25,888
[Laughs]
282
00:10:25,922 --> 00:10:28,858
[Both screaming]
283
00:10:28,892 --> 00:10:29,792
Abed!
284
00:10:29,826 --> 00:10:30,793
Now that we're sewn together,
285
00:10:30,827 --> 00:10:31,961
do we have E.S.P.?
286
00:10:31,995 --> 00:10:33,596
Yes! We're psychic now.
287
00:10:33,630 --> 00:10:35,614
We can destroy him
with mind powers.
288
00:10:39,736 --> 00:10:40,736
Oh!
289
00:10:52,415 --> 00:10:54,383
You tried to destroy us...
290
00:10:54,417 --> 00:10:55,634
But you only made us...
291
00:10:55,685 --> 00:10:57,085
Both: More awesome!
292
00:10:57,103 --> 00:10:59,100
No! I'm a j-jealous.
293
00:11:04,928 --> 00:11:06,695
Now you are the subject.
294
00:11:06,730 --> 00:11:08,731
What? What?
Tell me more.
295
00:11:08,765 --> 00:11:09,832
We sewed your butt
296
00:11:09,866 --> 00:11:11,934
to your chest! Ha!
297
00:11:11,952 --> 00:11:14,153
Noo!
298
00:11:14,204 --> 00:11:16,005
Wait.
299
00:11:16,039 --> 00:11:17,840
Ha! You fools!
300
00:11:17,874 --> 00:11:19,842
By sewing my butt to my chest,
301
00:11:19,876 --> 00:11:23,012
you've given me boobs
I can touch all day.
302
00:11:23,046 --> 00:11:25,047
Both: With what?
303
00:11:26,716 --> 00:11:28,851
Noo!
304
00:11:28,885 --> 00:11:30,719
No!
305
00:11:30,754 --> 00:11:33,889
Noo!
306
00:11:33,924 --> 00:11:35,891
Nooo!
307
00:11:35,926 --> 00:11:37,927
Nooo!
308
00:11:40,764 --> 00:11:41,730
Feet hands.
309
00:11:41,765 --> 00:11:43,182
What did I do to deserve that?
310
00:11:43,233 --> 00:11:44,867
Keep me out of
your stupid stories.
311
00:11:44,901 --> 00:11:45,834
I didn't say it was you.
312
00:11:45,869 --> 00:11:48,270
I said he was
a crazy, old, racist doctor.
313
00:11:48,305 --> 00:11:51,674
Yeah, and I'm your
crazy, old, racist friend.
314
00:11:51,708 --> 00:11:53,509
I was, anyway.
Now I'm not so sure.
315
00:11:53,543 --> 00:11:54,843
It's just a story, Pierce.
316
00:11:54,878 --> 00:11:57,079
Yeah? Well so is this.
317
00:11:57,113 --> 00:12:00,366
[Funky music]
318
00:12:00,417 --> 00:12:01,817
Come back to bed, Magnum.
319
00:12:01,851 --> 00:12:03,252
In a moment, girls.
320
00:12:03,286 --> 00:12:05,821
I'm just enjoying an
expensive, post-coital Brandy.
321
00:12:05,839 --> 00:12:07,840
[All whine]
322
00:12:09,459 --> 00:12:10,676
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.
323
00:12:10,710 --> 00:12:12,995
Whats we gots heres?
324
00:12:13,013 --> 00:12:14,680
This is a home invasion,
you jive mother.
325
00:12:14,714 --> 00:12:17,349
Easy, easy, easy.
326
00:12:17,384 --> 00:12:18,534
Nobody has to get hurt here.
327
00:12:18,568 --> 00:12:20,169
Yeah, that's right, honky.
328
00:12:20,203 --> 00:12:21,837
You take it real easy
329
00:12:21,871 --> 00:12:23,906
and give us all your
expensive Brandy and hubcaps.
330
00:12:23,940 --> 00:12:27,276
- [Laughs]
- Okay, but...
331
00:12:27,310 --> 00:12:28,711
Both: Whoa.
332
00:12:28,745 --> 00:12:29,728
Oh, man.
333
00:12:32,649 --> 00:12:33,782
You...Are...
334
00:12:33,817 --> 00:12:35,067
Still...Relevant!
335
00:12:35,118 --> 00:12:36,285
[Fly unzips]
336
00:12:36,319 --> 00:12:38,854
Oh, my God!
Unh!
337
00:12:38,872 --> 00:12:40,189
[Fly zips up]
338
00:12:40,223 --> 00:12:43,242
Okay, I'm ready
for my birthday spanking.
339
00:12:43,293 --> 00:12:45,094
Which of you girls
knows how to count to 30?
340
00:12:48,732 --> 00:12:51,800
What... in the hell...
341
00:12:51,835 --> 00:12:53,702
Was that?
342
00:12:53,737 --> 00:12:55,471
That wasn't even a ghost story.
343
00:12:55,505 --> 00:12:57,206
It was like
an episode of some show
344
00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:58,640
we're all too young
to have heard of.
345
00:12:58,675 --> 00:13:00,559
Fine! Then I chopped up
both your bodies.
346
00:13:00,593 --> 00:13:01,844
So that was us,
and you were Magnum?
347
00:13:01,878 --> 00:13:03,846
Still am, Pakistan.
Wanna try me?
348
00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:06,849
Guys, I think these stories
are starting to get personal.
349
00:13:06,883 --> 00:13:08,901
And so needlessly violent.
350
00:13:08,935 --> 00:13:10,569
What happened to the days
when ghost stories
351
00:13:10,603 --> 00:13:12,888
were about good versus evil?
352
00:13:12,922 --> 00:13:14,222
Once upon a time...
353
00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:17,242
[Heavy metal music]
354
00:13:18,862 --> 00:13:20,996
Aw, man.
My drugs are wearing off.
355
00:13:21,031 --> 00:13:22,731
- Who's got more?
- Ha ha!
356
00:13:22,749 --> 00:13:25,701
Here you go, baby.
357
00:13:25,735 --> 00:13:27,753
All right, all right.
358
00:13:27,787 --> 00:13:30,672
That is my kind of pot bong.
359
00:13:30,707 --> 00:13:33,709
[Loud growling]
360
00:13:35,645 --> 00:13:36,779
Yo, Jango, check it out.
361
00:13:36,813 --> 00:13:38,447
Swarms of locusts
362
00:13:38,481 --> 00:13:40,883
and tornadoes of frogs.
363
00:13:40,917 --> 00:13:42,918
I don't care.
I lived in New York.
364
00:13:45,755 --> 00:13:47,756
[Thunder clap]
365
00:13:48,892 --> 00:13:51,460
[All screaming]
366
00:13:51,494 --> 00:13:53,028
Ugh!
It's like New York out there.
367
00:13:53,063 --> 00:13:54,530
[On radio]
We interrupt your death metal
368
00:13:54,564 --> 00:13:55,864
to bring you some heavy news.
369
00:13:55,899 --> 00:13:58,233
All the good christians
got raptured up to heaven,
370
00:13:58,268 --> 00:13:59,785
so if you're hearing this,
371
00:13:59,819 --> 00:14:02,071
the good news is you're
the coolest people in the world.
372
00:14:02,105 --> 00:14:03,155
All: Yes!
373
00:14:03,206 --> 00:14:05,040
The bad news is
the world is over.
374
00:14:05,075 --> 00:14:06,041
This is NPR.
375
00:14:06,076 --> 00:14:08,177
Aw, man. End of days?
376
00:14:08,211 --> 00:14:11,580
Could anything suck
harder than this?
377
00:14:11,614 --> 00:14:14,716
Hel-lo!
378
00:14:14,751 --> 00:14:15,884
Devil here.
379
00:14:15,919 --> 00:14:18,353
Just popping by with a little
damnation orientation.
380
00:14:18,388 --> 00:14:20,255
Here's the sched.
381
00:14:20,290 --> 00:14:22,758
At 10:00, you'll be buried
neck-deep in scorpions.
382
00:14:22,792 --> 00:14:25,144
11:15, lava enemas,
followed by pilates.
383
00:14:25,178 --> 00:14:26,829
- Oh. That's good.
- I like pilates.
384
00:14:26,863 --> 00:14:28,897
Pilates is a demon
that eats your genitals.
385
00:14:28,932 --> 00:14:29,898
[All scream]
386
00:14:29,933 --> 00:14:31,433
But first,
387
00:14:31,468 --> 00:14:33,485
stabby-stabby.
[Laughs]
388
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:34,736
Ah!
389
00:14:34,771 --> 00:14:37,189
[Mocking]
For whom do ye cry out?
390
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:39,358
All the good people are gone!
391
00:14:39,409 --> 00:14:42,277
[Evil laughter]
392
00:14:42,311 --> 00:14:43,862
Aah!
393
00:14:43,913 --> 00:14:45,080
Whoa! Look!
394
00:14:45,115 --> 00:14:47,516
It's our friend we used
to pick on for being Christian.
395
00:14:47,550 --> 00:14:50,152
Oh, she looks great.
396
00:14:50,170 --> 00:14:52,287
[Screaming]
397
00:14:52,321 --> 00:14:55,657
A righteous wind blows!
398
00:14:55,692 --> 00:14:58,794
Off to pilates!
399
00:14:58,828 --> 00:15:01,046
Thank you
for saving us, Shirley.
400
00:15:01,097 --> 00:15:03,182
I mean, your name's
not Shirley,
401
00:15:03,216 --> 00:15:04,666
this is a story about strangers.
402
00:15:04,701 --> 00:15:07,469
Anyhoo, can you take us
to heaven now, please?
403
00:15:07,503 --> 00:15:10,239
Ooh, I cannot.
404
00:15:10,273 --> 00:15:14,143
I just came to say good-bye
on my way to Abraham's bosom.
405
00:15:14,177 --> 00:15:15,744
Bye.
406
00:15:15,778 --> 00:15:19,248
[Fading]
I forgive you.
407
00:15:19,282 --> 00:15:21,900
[Chainsaw revving]
408
00:15:21,951 --> 00:15:25,237
Gay marriage!
409
00:15:25,288 --> 00:15:28,157
And he chainsawed them to bits!
410
00:15:28,191 --> 00:15:29,191
Then he put 'em back together.
411
00:15:29,209 --> 00:15:31,660
And then he chainsawed
them again!
412
00:15:31,694 --> 00:15:33,595
Forever.
413
00:15:33,630 --> 00:15:34,830
Where was Jeff in that story?
414
00:15:34,864 --> 00:15:36,798
And why was my name Jango?
415
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:43,067
Shirley, that wasn't a horror story.
416
00:15:43,307 --> 00:15:44,273
That was a sermon.
417
00:15:44,307 --> 00:15:46,021
You ruined a Britta party.
418
00:15:46,141 --> 00:15:47,474
That's like letting poop spoil.
419
00:15:51,164 --> 00:15:53,082
No! Wait!
420
00:15:53,116 --> 00:15:54,291
No!
421
00:15:54,918 --> 00:15:56,552
No one can leave
until we figure this out.
422
00:15:56,586 --> 00:15:57,586
Figure what out?
423
00:15:57,621 --> 00:15:58,821
Long story short,
424
00:15:58,839 --> 00:16:00,723
those psych tests
I made you take came back.
425
00:16:00,757 --> 00:16:03,793
Turns out one of you
is probably a homicidal maniac.
426
00:16:04,795 --> 00:16:07,096
That's stupid.
427
00:16:07,130 --> 00:16:08,264
I have a responsibility,
428
00:16:08,298 --> 00:16:09,632
as a practitioner
of the mental arts,
429
00:16:09,666 --> 00:16:11,467
to figure out
which one of you is sick,
430
00:16:11,501 --> 00:16:12,835
and get you the treatment
you need.
431
00:16:12,853 --> 00:16:15,554
You're a danger to yourself and
others in your current state.
432
00:16:15,605 --> 00:16:16,939
We've known each other
for two years.
433
00:16:16,973 --> 00:16:18,107
None of us are murderers.
434
00:16:18,141 --> 00:16:20,810
No, but one of you
has the potential.
435
00:16:20,844 --> 00:16:23,245
If we leave here now,
do you know what might happen?
436
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:26,282
[No audio]
437
00:16:33,206 --> 00:16:35,207
[Women screaming]
438
00:16:51,308 --> 00:16:52,758
Britta,
what are you describing?
439
00:16:52,809 --> 00:16:54,143
What?
440
00:16:54,177 --> 00:16:56,579
Who has those images
like that in their head?
441
00:16:56,613 --> 00:16:58,080
Probably the same kind
of person that would make us
442
00:16:58,115 --> 00:16:59,715
tell ghost stories in order
to secretly study our minds.
443
00:16:59,750 --> 00:17:01,100
I'm just worried
that one of you--
444
00:17:01,151 --> 00:17:04,720
One of us? You took
that test too, right?
445
00:17:04,755 --> 00:17:07,123
What? What are you saying?
446
00:17:08,191 --> 00:17:09,492
[Laughs]
447
00:17:09,526 --> 00:17:10,993
[Gasps]
448
00:17:11,027 --> 00:17:12,394
Oh, my God!
449
00:17:12,412 --> 00:17:13,395
What if it is me?
450
00:17:13,413 --> 00:17:15,614
[Excited chatter]
451
00:17:15,665 --> 00:17:17,733
Wait. This is crazy!
452
00:17:17,751 --> 00:17:19,418
We're getting freaked out
because it's Halloween,
453
00:17:19,453 --> 00:17:21,170
we just need to settle down.
[Thunder clap]
454
00:17:21,204 --> 00:17:23,672
[All screaming]
455
00:17:23,707 --> 00:17:26,759
[Overlapping shouting]
I'll kill you!
456
00:17:26,793 --> 00:17:28,761
You don't want
to be barium sulfated!
457
00:17:28,795 --> 00:17:31,263
- Whoa!
- Stay back, psychos!
458
00:17:31,298 --> 00:17:33,265
Or I'll slit your throats
and bathe in your blood.
459
00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:35,651
Whoa!
What has happened to all of you?
460
00:17:35,685 --> 00:17:37,252
You heard all the stories.
461
00:17:37,270 --> 00:17:38,921
Anyone here could be
a...Psycho!
462
00:17:38,939 --> 00:17:41,757
Thinking that is what's psycho.
463
00:17:41,775 --> 00:17:44,593
Here, I have a story
that I think might help.
464
00:17:44,628 --> 00:17:48,197
- Whee!
- Cheers.
465
00:17:48,231 --> 00:17:51,066
[All screaming]
466
00:17:51,100 --> 00:17:53,619
Whoa, whoa. Wait!
467
00:17:53,653 --> 00:17:55,371
Before you do anything,
468
00:17:55,405 --> 00:17:58,274
tell us why you kill people.
469
00:17:58,308 --> 00:18:00,576
Fear.
470
00:18:00,610 --> 00:18:03,913
I kill because I'm afraid.
471
00:18:03,947 --> 00:18:05,614
Somebody, please, give me a hug.
472
00:18:05,649 --> 00:18:06,615
All: Aww!
473
00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:08,984
Get in here.
474
00:18:09,019 --> 00:18:11,554
Love hugs. Love hugs.
475
00:18:11,588 --> 00:18:13,756
Let it out.
It's okay?
476
00:18:15,459 --> 00:18:16,725
You're welcome.
477
00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:17,927
That was the gayest crap
478
00:18:17,961 --> 00:18:19,094
I've ever heard in my life.
479
00:18:19,129 --> 00:18:20,429
Yeah, Jeff.
What the hell?
480
00:18:20,464 --> 00:18:21,997
Why are you always
so determined to have us relax
481
00:18:22,032 --> 00:18:23,466
and put down our weapons?
482
00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:25,935
Maybe he's a remorseless
madman with no empathy,
483
00:18:25,969 --> 00:18:27,820
who eludes detection
by manipulating others.
484
00:18:27,854 --> 00:18:29,805
Yeah, Jeff.
485
00:18:29,823 --> 00:18:31,607
Maybe we should go through
your test answers one by one.
486
00:18:31,641 --> 00:18:33,142
It doesn't matter.
I filled mine out randomly.
487
00:18:33,176 --> 00:18:35,744
- Oh, come on.
- What?
488
00:18:35,779 --> 00:18:37,446
You idiot!
489
00:18:37,481 --> 00:18:40,866
That was probably the test that
returned the psychotic result!
490
00:18:40,917 --> 00:18:42,535
Hmm. Maybe.
491
00:18:42,586 --> 00:18:44,520
Well, what kind of sociopath
doesn't offer that information,
492
00:18:44,554 --> 00:18:45,621
like, an hour ago?
493
00:18:45,655 --> 00:18:47,423
No, no.
I'm no sociopath.
494
00:18:47,457 --> 00:18:50,125
I always know
what I'm doing is wrong.
495
00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:52,194
I'm just a guy that doesn't
like taking tests, doing work,
496
00:18:52,229 --> 00:18:53,546
or getting yelled at.
497
00:18:53,597 --> 00:18:54,797
So if you think about it,
498
00:18:54,831 --> 00:18:56,265
that makes me
the sanest person here.
499
00:18:56,299 --> 00:18:57,533
Boo!
500
00:18:57,567 --> 00:18:59,301
[All booing]
501
00:18:59,335 --> 00:19:00,719
Is this your test or what?
502
00:19:00,770 --> 00:19:02,071
How should I know?
It's just a bunch of bubbles.
503
00:19:02,105 --> 00:19:03,689
Wait!
504
00:19:03,723 --> 00:19:05,374
Give me those.
505
00:19:05,408 --> 00:19:07,393
Why are the scores
on the bottoms of the sheets?
506
00:19:07,444 --> 00:19:09,645
They should--
507
00:19:09,679 --> 00:19:12,531
Britta, look at the arrow.
508
00:19:12,566 --> 00:19:13,949
You ran these through
the machine upside-down.
509
00:19:13,984 --> 00:19:15,751
She Britta'd it.
510
00:19:15,785 --> 00:19:19,321
Whatever.
I'll run them through again.
511
00:19:19,355 --> 00:19:21,657
And you guys
are gonna stop using my name
512
00:19:21,691 --> 00:19:25,928
to mean "making a tiny
and understandable mistake."
513
00:19:25,962 --> 00:19:29,532
[Thunder]
514
00:19:32,168 --> 00:19:34,003
So we're all insane.
515
00:19:34,037 --> 00:19:37,239
Well, except for this person.
516
00:19:37,274 --> 00:19:38,607
Is that one mine?
517
00:19:38,642 --> 00:19:40,576
We should probably
figure it out, right?
518
00:19:40,610 --> 00:19:42,011
If one of us
isn't crazy, it's only fair
519
00:19:42,045 --> 00:19:43,479
that the rest of us
know who they are.
520
00:19:43,513 --> 00:19:45,281
Or we could hold on
to the comforting notion
521
00:19:45,315 --> 00:19:47,983
t-that any one of us
m-might be sane.
522
00:19:48,018 --> 00:19:49,919
Yeah. Okay.
523
00:19:49,953 --> 00:19:52,421
We learned
an important lesson tonight.
524
00:19:52,455 --> 00:19:54,356
We should never make the Britta
525
00:19:54,391 --> 00:19:57,593
of Britta-ing
each other's feelings.
526
00:19:57,627 --> 00:19:58,661
You're using it wrong.
527
00:19:58,695 --> 00:20:00,663
Wow.
You Britta'd "Britta'd."
528
00:20:00,697 --> 00:20:02,281
- Yeah, way to pull an Abed.
- I don't get it.
529
00:20:02,332 --> 00:20:03,299
Shirley, don't Pierce.
530
00:20:03,333 --> 00:20:05,334
I don't get it.
531
00:20:07,571 --> 00:20:09,572
Do not get it.
532
00:20:21,872 --> 00:20:24,459
Guys, it's been three days!
533
00:20:24,579 --> 00:20:26,666
When are you gonna let me go?
534
00:20:27,208 --> 00:20:28,959
At least say something!
535
00:20:28,993 --> 00:20:29,960
Guys?
536
00:20:29,994 --> 00:20:31,695
Guys!
537
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:32,829
Should we let him go?
538
00:20:32,847 --> 00:20:35,199
Hmm...Let me think.
539
00:20:35,233 --> 00:20:37,268
Nah.
More Brandy?
540
00:20:37,302 --> 00:20:40,054
Don't mind if I do.
541
00:20:40,105 --> 00:20:42,373
Mmm...That's terrible.
542
00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:44,008
Should we get back
in our F-15 that we repaired
543
00:20:44,042 --> 00:20:45,008
with our mind power?
544
00:20:45,026 --> 00:20:46,510
I was thinking the same thing!
545
00:20:46,544 --> 00:20:47,645
Both: I know!
546
00:20:47,679 --> 00:20:48,779
Jinx!
Double jinx!
547
00:20:48,813 --> 00:20:49,780
Triple jinx!
548
00:20:49,814 --> 00:20:50,781
[Laugh]
549
00:20:50,815 --> 00:20:52,700
♪ Troy and Abed sewn together ♪
550
00:20:52,734 --> 00:20:54,401
[Thunder]
551
00:20:55,110 --> 00:21:03,336
Sync by honeybunny
corrected by susanalc
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