1
00:00:03,203 --> 00:00:05,723
Damn it!
2
00:00:05,757 --> 00:00:09,764
Put the teethy wrench on the
square thing and jiggle it left.
3
00:00:17,130 --> 00:00:20,251
Thanks... by the way, that
square thing is a Hampton bolt
4
00:00:20,285 --> 00:00:21,922
and what you just described
is a manacheck maneuver.
5
00:00:21,956 --> 00:00:24,493
Hey, I'm just here
for the tater tots.
6
00:00:26,348 --> 00:00:29,570
Look, I know you think you
made your mind up about plumbing
7
00:00:29,604 --> 00:00:31,173
and I respect that.
8
00:00:31,208 --> 00:00:32,844
But come to the third floor
men's room tomorrow
9
00:00:32,878 --> 00:00:34,079
any time after 3:00.
10
00:00:34,114 --> 00:00:35,415
Unclog one toilet with me
11
00:00:35,449 --> 00:00:37,119
and tell me
you don't feel something.
12
00:00:37,153 --> 00:00:39,089
And I'll never
bring it up again.
13
00:00:39,124 --> 00:00:41,042
All right...One toilet.
14
00:00:41,093 --> 00:00:42,879
If it will get you off my back.
15
00:00:44,333 --> 00:00:45,301
Abed, look.
16
00:00:45,335 --> 00:00:47,889
Cool, Stonehenge.
17
00:00:47,940 --> 00:00:51,346
Excuse me, are you Pierce
Hawthorne of Hawthorne Wipes?
18
00:00:51,380 --> 00:00:52,849
At your cervix.
19
00:00:52,867 --> 00:00:54,820
Oh, sorry, I thought
you were a lady.
20
00:00:54,854 --> 00:00:56,489
You can use that
cervix line if you want.
21
00:00:56,523 --> 00:00:57,741
I told you it was him.
22
00:00:57,794 --> 00:00:59,362
Would you mind signing this?
23
00:00:59,396 --> 00:01:00,664
He's a big fan.
24
00:01:00,698 --> 00:01:02,718
♪ I got a pocket
full of hawthornes ♪
25
00:01:02,752 --> 00:01:04,038
♪ pock-pocket full
of hawthornes ♪
26
00:01:04,072 --> 00:01:07,478
Okay, Randall, power down.
27
00:01:09,483 --> 00:01:10,651
What was that about?
28
00:01:10,685 --> 00:01:12,438
Fans of the product, I suppose.
29
00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:14,492
In the wipes business
we call them towel-heads.
30
00:01:14,526 --> 00:01:16,729
I'm just impressed you got
through a whole conversation
31
00:01:16,764 --> 00:01:19,034
with two gay men
without doing this.
32
00:01:19,068 --> 00:01:20,904
Wait...Those guys were--
33
00:01:20,922 --> 00:01:22,173
Mm-hmm.
34
00:01:22,208 --> 00:01:24,077
I assumed they were just
brothers or wealthy.
35
00:01:24,111 --> 00:01:25,796
Why do you think they
wanted your autograph?
36
00:01:25,849 --> 00:01:26,798
This might be why.
37
00:01:26,850 --> 00:01:28,152
♪ It's Friday night ♪
38
00:01:28,186 --> 00:01:30,356
♪ I'm putting on
my highest heels ♪
39
00:01:30,390 --> 00:01:31,725
♪ my shortest skirt ♪
40
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:34,231
♪ my best device for
concealing my penis ♪
41
00:01:34,265 --> 00:01:36,235
♪ and I got everything I need ♪
42
00:01:36,269 --> 00:01:37,370
♪ ow! ♪
43
00:01:37,404 --> 00:01:39,240
♪ I got my body, got my lips ♪
44
00:01:39,274 --> 00:01:41,828
♪ got a pocket
full of hawthornes ♪
45
00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:44,416
♪ p-p-p-pocket full
of hawthornes ♪
46
00:01:44,450 --> 00:01:45,836
Oh, my God, Pierce,
47
00:01:45,888 --> 00:01:47,757
your moist towelettes
are a gay icon.
48
00:01:47,791 --> 00:01:50,428
What do Hawthorne wipes have
to do with the choice to be gay?
49
00:01:50,463 --> 00:01:52,532
Well, according to Wikipedia--
50
00:01:54,854 --> 00:01:57,442
Oh, my...Even Bruce Vilanch?
51
00:01:57,477 --> 00:01:58,745
Especially Bruce Vilanch.
52
00:01:58,779 --> 00:02:02,319
That is copyright infringement
and defamation.
53
00:02:02,337 --> 00:02:03,821
I'm going to sue
the pants off that lady.
54
00:02:03,856 --> 00:02:05,542
- I don't think that's a lady.
- And why do you
55
00:02:05,593 --> 00:02:07,128
want his pants off?
Shut up!
56
00:02:07,162 --> 00:02:09,232
I only wanted his pants off
when I thought he was a lady.
57
00:02:09,266 --> 00:02:10,234
So you were attracted to him?
58
00:02:10,268 --> 00:02:11,971
The only thing I'm attracted to
59
00:02:12,005 --> 00:02:15,177
is taking him to court
and eating his ass alive.
60
00:02:15,195 --> 00:02:16,563
- Ooh!
- That's not what I meant.
61
00:02:16,614 --> 00:02:18,400
Stop putting gay things
in my mouth.
62
00:02:20,622 --> 00:02:21,991
♪ I got a pocket
full of hawthornes ♪
63
00:02:23,394 --> 00:02:25,197
- ♪ Pocket full of hawthornes ♪
- It's catchy!
64
00:02:25,231 --> 00:02:35,844
Sync by mczolly
Corrected by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
65
00:02:52,017 --> 00:02:54,654
I hope Pierce doesn't really
sue that lady-man singer.
66
00:02:54,689 --> 00:02:55,890
His life must be hard enough
67
00:02:55,924 --> 00:02:57,727
having to sew pouches
in all his miniskirts.
68
00:02:57,762 --> 00:02:59,364
Yes, I'm always
nice to the gays.
69
00:02:59,399 --> 00:03:00,967
They may live
in defiance of God,
70
00:03:01,001 --> 00:03:02,737
but I'd die before
I let a woman touch my hair.
71
00:03:02,772 --> 00:03:04,056
Gay-oh!
72
00:03:04,091 --> 00:03:05,877
Hey, what's
going on with you bitches?
73
00:03:05,911 --> 00:03:09,283
Bitches is gay talk for friends.
74
00:03:09,317 --> 00:03:11,822
Did you sue Urbana
Champaign for his t-shirt?
75
00:03:11,856 --> 00:03:14,560
Not at all, I bought this.
I'm a fan.
76
00:03:14,594 --> 00:03:16,280
Also,
I'm a gay rights advocate.
77
00:03:16,331 --> 00:03:17,800
I think I can explain.
78
00:03:17,834 --> 00:03:20,205
Pierce's positrons have been
negatized, creating anti-Pierce.
79
00:03:20,239 --> 00:03:21,624
It happens all the time
inspector spacetime.
80
00:03:21,675 --> 00:03:23,945
Yeah, but anti-inspector
had a funny mustache
81
00:03:23,979 --> 00:03:25,649
and was kinda rapey.
82
00:03:25,683 --> 00:03:27,886
I don't think his positrons
have been negatized.
83
00:03:27,921 --> 00:03:29,289
That's exactly what
Constable Reggie said.
84
00:03:29,323 --> 00:03:32,161
No, I thought about it,
and I decided a man
85
00:03:32,196 --> 00:03:35,518
should not be judged by what he
does with a fellow man's butt.
86
00:03:35,569 --> 00:03:37,772
- Here's the kick.
- Plus since that song came out,
87
00:03:37,807 --> 00:03:39,994
Hawthorne Wipes sales
went up 7%.
88
00:03:40,028 --> 00:03:42,165
- And it's good.
- Yep, even had my own people
89
00:03:42,199 --> 00:03:45,421
mock up a design
for a new product line.
90
00:03:45,455 --> 00:03:46,923
Hawthorne Pride Wipes.
91
00:03:46,958 --> 00:03:49,379
They may cost more,
but they're gayer.
92
00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:51,298
And I'm gonna launch
these little babies
93
00:03:51,333 --> 00:03:53,202
at a big party
here at Greendale.
94
00:03:53,237 --> 00:03:55,741
Here's a flyer.
Ooh!
95
00:03:55,775 --> 00:03:58,714
Greendale's first annual...
gay bash.
96
00:03:58,748 --> 00:04:01,519
Wow, Pierce,
congratulations on meeting
97
00:04:01,553 --> 00:04:03,523
the minimum requirements
for open-mindedness.
98
00:04:03,557 --> 00:04:06,562
Yeah, I'm really proud of you.
You're growing as a person.
99
00:04:06,596 --> 00:04:07,965
Oh, good grief,
100
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,735
he's not supporting gay people.
They're supporting him.
101
00:04:09,769 --> 00:04:11,172
If Mexicans were
buying his wipes,
102
00:04:11,206 --> 00:04:12,591
he would have
ridden in on a donkey.
103
00:04:12,642 --> 00:04:15,430
People earning respect with
money is the American way, Jeff.
104
00:04:15,481 --> 00:04:17,434
Not that my father
would have agreed.
105
00:04:17,485 --> 00:04:19,438
It took a federal
injunction to get him
106
00:04:19,489 --> 00:04:20,924
to sell these things
to the Italians.
107
00:04:20,958 --> 00:04:22,426
Oh, I see what's going on here!
108
00:04:22,460 --> 00:04:23,996
In my psych class
I'm learning about
109
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:25,783
this thing called
the edible complex.
110
00:04:25,834 --> 00:04:27,938
All men have to
kill their fathers
111
00:04:27,972 --> 00:04:29,791
so they can do something
to their mothers.
112
00:04:29,842 --> 00:04:31,144
I haven't finished the chapter.
113
00:04:31,178 --> 00:04:32,546
What's that complex called
114
00:04:32,581 --> 00:04:33,933
where you're wrong
about everything?
115
00:04:33,967 --> 00:04:36,788
Huh, sarcasm from the man with
the mother of all daddy issues.
116
00:04:36,822 --> 00:04:38,291
Whoa, double diagnosis.
117
00:04:38,326 --> 00:04:40,429
Save some for all those
poor real doctors.
118
00:04:40,463 --> 00:04:42,616
Pierce, what type of cookies
do you want at the party?
119
00:04:42,651 --> 00:04:44,770
We have peanut butter
or chocolate chip.
120
00:04:44,788 --> 00:04:46,741
Rainbow, bitches.
121
00:04:46,775 --> 00:04:49,714
We can have peanut butter
or chocolate chip.
122
00:04:55,692 --> 00:04:56,660
Well?
123
00:04:56,694 --> 00:04:58,197
It's pretty great!
124
00:05:01,037 --> 00:05:03,040
Tight seal, good flow.
125
00:05:03,074 --> 00:05:04,676
Kid's pretty handy.
126
00:05:04,710 --> 00:05:06,947
You get the hell out of here!
127
00:05:06,981 --> 00:05:08,116
Go on!
128
00:05:13,010 --> 00:05:15,130
- Who was that?
- You listen to me.
129
00:05:15,164 --> 00:05:17,167
What you have is a gift.
130
00:05:17,201 --> 00:05:20,073
And some people are going to try
to take advantage of that gift.
131
00:05:20,107 --> 00:05:21,843
Promise me
you'll use it for good.
132
00:05:21,878 --> 00:05:23,363
All right, I promise.
133
00:05:23,397 --> 00:05:26,385
Good. Now, come with me
to the second floor.
134
00:05:26,420 --> 00:05:28,423
Somebody pooped in the sink.
135
00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:33,383
You know, we actually
have a lot in common.
136
00:05:33,417 --> 00:05:36,221
We hate lesbians,
we hate baggy pants,
137
00:05:36,256 --> 00:05:38,393
and I can't believe you guys
are all bears fans.
138
00:05:38,427 --> 00:05:40,112
- Super fans.
- Randall!
139
00:05:40,146 --> 00:05:42,483
Somebody take a picture.
Come on...
140
00:05:43,654 --> 00:05:45,155
Okay, now let's
take a silly one.
141
00:05:45,190 --> 00:05:48,963
- Okay, okay!
- All right.
142
00:05:48,997 --> 00:05:52,870
Piercinald Anastasia Hawthorne!
143
00:05:52,905 --> 00:05:53,905
Father.
144
00:05:57,247 --> 00:05:59,917
We need to talk, boy.
145
00:06:10,957 --> 00:06:12,375
Oh--
146
00:06:14,514 --> 00:06:16,550
Gentlemen.
147
00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:18,654
You are here tonight because
you have been selected
148
00:06:18,688 --> 00:06:20,691
as potential candidates
for the Greendale
149
00:06:20,726 --> 00:06:24,433
Air Conditioning Repair School.
150
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,303
But why kidnap you?
151
00:06:26,337 --> 00:06:28,541
Why put a sack over your head
152
00:06:28,575 --> 00:06:31,045
and drag you here in
the middle of the night?
153
00:06:31,079 --> 00:06:34,853
Why is there an astronaut in
the corner making paninis?
154
00:06:34,887 --> 00:06:37,859
Simple, we don't want you
to tell anyone about this.
155
00:06:37,893 --> 00:06:41,399
And if you do, we don't
want them believing you.
156
00:06:41,433 --> 00:06:43,854
Isn't that right, Black Hitler?
157
00:06:43,905 --> 00:06:45,807
Your initiation...
158
00:06:45,842 --> 00:06:47,411
begins...
159
00:06:47,445 --> 00:06:48,913
now, gentlemen.
160
00:06:50,418 --> 00:06:51,953
Hey, guys,
I'm looking for Troy.
161
00:06:51,987 --> 00:06:53,456
Oh, he texted me.
He said he's fine,
162
00:06:53,490 --> 00:06:55,493
but he couldn't say where he is.
Oh, no, do you think
163
00:06:55,511 --> 00:06:57,798
he's been kidnapped?
Usually it's one of the parents,
164
00:06:57,832 --> 00:07:00,437
and it almost always
ends in murder-suicide.
165
00:07:00,471 --> 00:07:02,440
- Why are you smiling?
- I'm smiling?
166
00:07:02,474 --> 00:07:04,979
Well if you see him, tell him
Jerry's looking for him.
167
00:07:05,013 --> 00:07:07,316
So Jeff, what are you going
to wear to Pierce's gay party?
168
00:07:07,351 --> 00:07:09,020
- Nothing.
- Ooh, they'll love that.
169
00:07:09,038 --> 00:07:10,857
Ha ha.
I mean I'm not going.
170
00:07:10,875 --> 00:07:12,660
It's dumb and I can't believe
you guys are supporting it.
171
00:07:12,694 --> 00:07:14,881
Everybody, this is my father,
172
00:07:14,915 --> 00:07:16,401
Cornelius Hawthorne.
173
00:07:16,435 --> 00:07:18,272
Oh, I always assumed
your father was dead.
174
00:07:18,306 --> 00:07:19,741
Just mathematically.
175
00:07:19,775 --> 00:07:21,711
Well, mom liked to pretend
that was the case.
176
00:07:21,746 --> 00:07:22,847
These are your friends, Pierce?
177
00:07:22,881 --> 00:07:24,182
Hello.
178
00:07:24,216 --> 00:07:26,220
Minorities, jewesses,
179
00:07:26,254 --> 00:07:27,890
and the unseasonably tan?
180
00:07:27,925 --> 00:07:29,393
That is inappropriate!
181
00:07:29,427 --> 00:07:32,783
And maybe you'll give that more
weight since I'm "white".
182
00:07:32,834 --> 00:07:34,069
You've got a wide brow.
183
00:07:34,103 --> 00:07:35,773
What are you, Scandinavian?
184
00:07:35,807 --> 00:07:37,108
Yeah, Swedish.
185
00:07:37,143 --> 00:07:38,711
Swedish dogs.
186
00:07:38,745 --> 00:07:40,348
Your blood is tainted
by generations
187
00:07:40,382 --> 00:07:42,385
of race mixing with laplanders.
188
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:44,356
You're basically Finns!
189
00:07:44,390 --> 00:07:46,493
Oh, my goodness, he's like
the Abed of racism.
190
00:07:46,528 --> 00:07:47,862
Okay, since no one's
willing to ask,
191
00:07:47,897 --> 00:07:48,998
what's going on with your hair?
192
00:07:49,032 --> 00:07:50,935
Ordinary toupee hair
is harvested
193
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,939
from the heads of
the godless oriental.
194
00:07:52,974 --> 00:07:54,408
Solid ivory is the only way
195
00:07:54,443 --> 00:07:56,780
to be assured of
true follicular purity,
196
00:07:56,798 --> 00:07:59,318
while still identifying
myself as a man of means.
197
00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:03,126
I can excuse racism, but I
draw the line at animal cruelty.
198
00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:04,395
You can excuse racism?
199
00:08:04,429 --> 00:08:05,831
So what brings you here?
200
00:08:05,865 --> 00:08:07,534
I'm assuming it's not
for your son's party.
201
00:08:07,569 --> 00:08:10,207
Unless "segregationist mummy"
is a gay fetish I'm unaware of.
202
00:08:10,241 --> 00:08:13,196
Actually, uh, after
discussing with my father,
203
00:08:13,247 --> 00:08:14,832
the party's off,
204
00:08:14,866 --> 00:08:16,419
and we're canceling
pride wipes.
205
00:08:16,453 --> 00:08:17,838
Stand up straight, Piercinald,
206
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:19,341
when talking
to the lower classes.
207
00:08:19,375 --> 00:08:20,961
Now if you'll excuse me,
I need to go find
208
00:08:20,995 --> 00:08:22,965
a half-decent ivory buffer
209
00:08:22,999 --> 00:08:25,937
in this two-horse town.
210
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:29,310
Oh, the party's cancelled?
211
00:08:29,345 --> 00:08:30,579
I bought a cone bra.
212
00:08:30,614 --> 00:08:32,150
Piercinald, please tell me
you did not
213
00:08:32,184 --> 00:08:33,986
cancel your gay party
because of your father.
214
00:08:33,988 --> 00:08:35,990
It's a business decision, Jeff.
215
00:08:36,024 --> 00:08:38,962
I took a look at the numbers,
had someone explain them to me,
216
00:08:38,997 --> 00:08:40,716
and this is the way we're going.
217
00:08:40,751 --> 00:08:42,303
I thought you said
Pierce's idea was dumb?
218
00:08:42,337 --> 00:08:44,339
Well that's before it was
being oppressed by a--
219
00:08:44,375 --> 00:08:46,043
- A father?
- A homophobe!
220
00:08:46,061 --> 00:08:47,345
This isn't about fathers.
221
00:08:47,380 --> 00:08:49,383
This is about
a long-suffering community
222
00:08:49,417 --> 00:08:50,686
with a constitutional right
223
00:08:50,721 --> 00:08:52,790
to wipe whoever
and whatever they want.
224
00:08:52,825 --> 00:08:54,359
Well, if you like gay people
so much,
225
00:08:54,394 --> 00:08:56,080
why don't you marry them?!
226
00:08:56,114 --> 00:08:57,599
This is so edible.
227
00:08:57,633 --> 00:08:59,603
Britta, you are gonna
make a terrible therapist.
228
00:08:59,637 --> 00:09:01,373
And if you need to talk
to someone about that,
229
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:02,542
I don't recommend you.
230
00:09:02,577 --> 00:09:04,413
Hmm, is that how your
dad talked to your mom?
231
00:09:04,447 --> 00:09:05,548
No, that's how
he talked to your mom.
232
00:09:05,582 --> 00:09:06,650
How does that make you feel?
233
00:09:06,685 --> 00:09:07,719
Shut up.
234
00:09:15,260 --> 00:09:17,796
Ah, Jeffrey!
235
00:09:17,831 --> 00:09:19,533
Ah, I was so sad
when Pierce said
236
00:09:19,567 --> 00:09:21,135
he was canceling the party.
237
00:09:21,170 --> 00:09:23,271
And I was so happy when you
said that it was back on.
238
00:09:23,289 --> 00:09:24,707
Yeah, he's real busy
with his dad,
239
00:09:24,742 --> 00:09:27,244
but I knew how much
it meant to him.
240
00:09:27,278 --> 00:09:28,663
I throw a pretty gay party,
huh?
241
00:09:28,714 --> 00:09:29,882
Yeah, it's great.
242
00:09:29,917 --> 00:09:31,218
I mean, if you're
into that kind of thing.
243
00:09:31,252 --> 00:09:32,753
Time to mingle.
244
00:09:34,757 --> 00:09:36,125
What the hell is this?
245
00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:38,011
The gay bash,
courtesy of Hawthorne Wipes.
246
00:09:38,062 --> 00:09:39,146
I cancelled this!
247
00:09:39,181 --> 00:09:40,364
And I uncancelled it.
248
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:41,683
My dad's gonna disown me!
249
00:09:41,734 --> 00:09:43,970
Oh, no, then you'll be
free of him forever.
250
00:09:43,988 --> 00:09:46,140
You'll never have to cower at
the sound of his voice
251
00:09:46,158 --> 00:09:48,611
or shudder when
you see an elephant.
252
00:09:48,645 --> 00:09:49,830
You're welcome, Pierce.
253
00:09:49,864 --> 00:09:52,283
I just did what you
never had the guts to do.
254
00:09:52,318 --> 00:09:53,586
You know what?
Britta was right.
255
00:09:53,620 --> 00:09:54,753
You resent my father because
256
00:09:54,788 --> 00:09:56,339
you've got problems
with your own.
257
00:09:56,374 --> 00:09:58,092
After "Britta was right",
everything you said
258
00:09:58,126 --> 00:09:59,261
just sounded like a fog horn.
259
00:09:59,295 --> 00:10:01,497
Then have your big gay party.
260
00:10:01,532 --> 00:10:02,850
I'm out of here!
261
00:10:02,884 --> 00:10:04,636
Oh, come on, Pierce,
just have one drink.
262
00:10:04,670 --> 00:10:06,606
You're gonna want to
see the guest of honor.
263
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,675
Pull the cord, fellas.
264
00:10:08,693 --> 00:10:14,567
Pierce, Pierce, Pierce!
265
00:10:14,619 --> 00:10:16,353
Well, maybe just one drink.
266
00:10:23,031 --> 00:10:24,082
Done.
267
00:10:29,074 --> 00:10:30,709
Mr. Barnes...
268
00:10:30,744 --> 00:10:32,478
Walk with me.
269
00:10:32,513 --> 00:10:34,382
Mr. Barnes,
air conditioning repair is
270
00:10:34,416 --> 00:10:36,618
an elite worldwide
family dating back
271
00:10:36,653 --> 00:10:38,988
to the very beginnings
of civilizations.
272
00:10:39,023 --> 00:10:40,824
Our predecessors were slaves,
273
00:10:40,859 --> 00:10:43,244
fanning the pharaohs
with palm fronds.
274
00:10:43,279 --> 00:10:44,914
Over time, we became expert
275
00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:46,733
at making our
superiors comfortable.
276
00:10:46,768 --> 00:10:48,336
We made it our business.
277
00:10:48,370 --> 00:10:53,461
And along the way, we learned
to make ourselves comfortable.
278
00:10:53,512 --> 00:10:56,381
No more palm fronds, Troy.
279
00:10:56,415 --> 00:10:59,720
Now we are the pharaohs.
280
00:11:01,090 --> 00:11:02,892
Breath print approved.
281
00:11:10,905 --> 00:11:12,506
Feel that?
282
00:11:12,541 --> 00:11:13,842
Actually, I don't feel--
283
00:11:13,876 --> 00:11:15,978
Precisely.
284
00:11:16,013 --> 00:11:17,848
Have you heard the expression
room temperature?
285
00:11:17,882 --> 00:11:18,849
Of course.
286
00:11:18,883 --> 00:11:21,053
This is the room!
287
00:11:21,088 --> 00:11:25,393
This is the
room temperature room.
288
00:11:27,397 --> 00:11:33,438
I-I can't tell where the air
ends and my skin begins.
289
00:11:33,473 --> 00:11:35,441
It's incredible.
That's what we do, Troy.
290
00:11:35,476 --> 00:11:38,530
Incredible, invisible,
inbelievable things.
291
00:11:38,581 --> 00:11:40,950
We're an unseen,
unknown, unvincible
292
00:11:40,984 --> 00:11:42,452
fraternity of craftsmen.
293
00:11:42,487 --> 00:11:46,892
Graduates of this school are
guaranteed lucrative employment
294
00:11:46,926 --> 00:11:48,294
for their entire lives.
295
00:11:48,328 --> 00:11:52,050
And I'm inviting you to join us.
296
00:11:52,101 --> 00:11:53,469
Will there always be paninis?
297
00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:57,142
There is one catch, Troy.
298
00:11:57,176 --> 00:11:59,612
Once you're in...
299
00:11:59,646 --> 00:12:01,448
You're in.
300
00:12:01,482 --> 00:12:03,919
Air conditioning repair
will be your life.
301
00:12:03,953 --> 00:12:08,159
A life of secrets you'll be
unable to share with outsiders.
302
00:12:08,193 --> 00:12:11,831
You will be an
air conditioning repairman
303
00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:14,234
and nothing else...
304
00:12:14,269 --> 00:12:16,972
Until the day you die.
305
00:12:19,594 --> 00:12:21,813
I don't expect you
to make a decision now.
306
00:12:24,585 --> 00:12:26,720
Take 24 hours.
307
00:12:28,324 --> 00:12:29,591
Cool.
308
00:12:29,625 --> 00:12:32,362
I can't feel my pants.
309
00:12:34,366 --> 00:12:37,036
Go Pierce, go Pierce,
it's your birthday!
310
00:12:37,070 --> 00:12:38,955
Well, congratulations,
you got Pierce
311
00:12:39,006 --> 00:12:42,211
to symbolically kill his father
by dancing to club music.
312
00:12:42,245 --> 00:12:44,347
You of all people
should be happy about this.
313
00:12:44,381 --> 00:12:46,517
Pierce is becoming
a more tolerant person,
314
00:12:46,552 --> 00:12:48,103
and it has nothing
to do with his father.
315
00:12:48,137 --> 00:12:49,455
Look at me now, dad!
316
00:12:49,490 --> 00:12:51,225
Yeah, look at me now, dad!
317
00:12:51,259 --> 00:12:54,129
Look at me now, dad!
318
00:12:54,164 --> 00:12:55,731
Look at me now, dad!
319
00:12:55,765 --> 00:12:57,985
- Hey, where you been?
- I'm not allowed to say.
320
00:12:58,036 --> 00:12:59,170
- Are you Superman?
- No.
321
00:12:59,204 --> 00:13:00,172
Would you tell me if you were?
322
00:13:00,206 --> 00:13:01,340
I'd tell everyone.
323
00:13:01,374 --> 00:13:02,825
I never understood
why he cared who knew.
324
00:13:02,877 --> 00:13:04,962
This is the hottest
party we've ever had.
325
00:13:04,996 --> 00:13:06,164
I know, it's pretty dope.
326
00:13:06,215 --> 00:13:07,967
No, I mean,
it's dangerously hot.
327
00:13:08,001 --> 00:13:09,336
Our air conditioning system
328
00:13:09,387 --> 00:13:11,005
wasn't built
for this gay a party.
329
00:13:11,056 --> 00:13:13,458
I'll take a look.
330
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,296
- Tron?
- What's tron?
331
00:13:18,651 --> 00:13:20,270
Ooh!
332
00:13:20,304 --> 00:13:22,706
Man this party's
a real sausage fest.
333
00:13:24,493 --> 00:13:25,878
I knew it!
334
00:13:25,913 --> 00:13:28,749
- Knew what?
- Don't play dumb with me.
335
00:13:28,783 --> 00:13:30,485
What, did they promise you
the life of your dreams?
336
00:13:30,519 --> 00:13:31,820
You can have all that
as a plumber too,
337
00:13:31,855 --> 00:13:32,888
but without the pretense.
338
00:13:32,923 --> 00:13:34,124
Why do you hate them so much?
339
00:13:34,158 --> 00:13:35,626
Because they're elitist.
340
00:13:35,661 --> 00:13:37,095
They pump themselves up
to make everybody
341
00:13:37,130 --> 00:13:38,263
think that they're special.
342
00:13:38,298 --> 00:13:40,133
Because the truth is
they're not!
343
00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:41,535
I have a gift.
344
00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:43,705
I'm special.
I'm not a loser like you.
345
00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:45,875
I'm gonna eat Spaceman
paninis with Black Hitler,
346
00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:47,979
and there's nothing
you can do about it!
347
00:13:50,984 --> 00:13:52,886
Well, you really seem to be
enjoying yourself.
348
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:56,091
I've gotta say, I don't know
why the word gay means dumb.
349
00:13:56,125 --> 00:13:58,077
These guys are
all right in my book.
350
00:13:58,128 --> 00:14:01,499
Pierce Hawthorne,
get your fine gay-lovin' ass
351
00:14:01,533 --> 00:14:03,586
up here and say something
to your fans.
352
00:14:03,637 --> 00:14:04,604
Come on!
353
00:14:07,242 --> 00:14:09,762
If I tell you something, will
you promise to keep it a secret?
354
00:14:09,813 --> 00:14:10,981
Secret handshake.
355
00:14:11,015 --> 00:14:12,233
Secret.
356
00:14:12,267 --> 00:14:13,818
Okay, I know I said
I can't talk to you
357
00:14:13,852 --> 00:14:15,604
about what's going on,
but I can talk to myself.
358
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:17,073
Can you pretend to be me?
359
00:14:17,107 --> 00:14:19,226
I like football,
but also I don't--
360
00:14:19,244 --> 00:14:20,745
Perfect.
Okay, I can't choose between
361
00:14:20,780 --> 00:14:21,914
air conditioning and plumbing.
362
00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:23,566
I know, it's so hard, right?
363
00:14:23,584 --> 00:14:25,336
- Let's ask Abed.
- Now you be me.
364
00:14:25,371 --> 00:14:27,506
- What should I do, Abed?
- I don't know
365
00:14:27,540 --> 00:14:28,707
but Harrison Ford might know.
366
00:14:28,742 --> 00:14:30,093
Don't get cocky kid--
367
00:14:30,127 --> 00:14:31,679
Okay, this isn't working, okay?
Abed tell me what to do.
368
00:14:31,713 --> 00:14:33,131
I don't really see the dilemma.
369
00:14:33,182 --> 00:14:35,118
Plumbing and air conditioning
seem more or less identical.
370
00:14:35,152 --> 00:14:37,254
They're not--they couldn't
be more or less identical.
371
00:14:37,272 --> 00:14:39,591
Well, what do you
feel like doing?
372
00:14:39,625 --> 00:14:41,894
Honestly, I el like
watching TV with you.
373
00:14:41,929 --> 00:14:43,697
But they're making me choose,
and if I choose wrong
374
00:14:43,731 --> 00:14:45,483
it could screw up my whole life.
375
00:14:45,534 --> 00:14:47,036
If you really have to make
a decision,
376
00:14:47,070 --> 00:14:48,604
I say go with whatever
makes you the happiest.
377
00:14:48,622 --> 00:14:50,574
Because, again, they're
virtually the same thing.
378
00:14:50,608 --> 00:14:51,993
I think I know what I need to do.
379
00:14:52,045 --> 00:14:53,246
Don't get cocky, kid.
380
00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:54,681
All right, bitches!
381
00:14:55,950 --> 00:15:00,222
I just want to say
this whole thing...
382
00:15:03,128 --> 00:15:05,597
was a huge mistake.
383
00:15:05,631 --> 00:15:08,903
Uh, Hawthorne Wipes
is officially
384
00:15:08,937 --> 00:15:10,939
severing its ties
to the gay community.
385
00:15:10,973 --> 00:15:12,525
- Aw!
- What?
386
00:15:12,576 --> 00:15:14,328
Effective immediately,
it will return
387
00:15:14,362 --> 00:15:16,448
to being a straights-only
product.
388
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:18,317
Boo!
389
00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:26,630
Ahhhhhh...
390
00:15:28,835 --> 00:15:31,471
Fake heart attack.
391
00:15:31,505 --> 00:15:33,056
I taught him
everything he knows.
392
00:15:33,108 --> 00:15:36,345
So, how long you guys
been on the force?
393
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:41,517
Pierce!
394
00:15:42,005 --> 00:15:43,272
What the hell was that?
395
00:15:43,306 --> 00:15:44,872
- That was--
- That was my boy.
396
00:15:44,907 --> 00:15:47,175
Standing up for good old
Hawthorne values.
397
00:15:47,208 --> 00:15:49,543
All due respect, sir,
I have zero respect for you.
398
00:15:49,577 --> 00:15:51,977
- Typical Welsh nonsense.
- But father, I--
399
00:15:52,012 --> 00:15:53,412
Pierce, you really wanna
be like this guy?
400
00:15:53,447 --> 00:15:55,013
He's wearing
elephant bones on his head.
401
00:15:55,047 --> 00:15:57,915
He will be what I tell him
to be because I am his father!
402
00:16:00,351 --> 00:16:02,151
Listen up,
colonel crypt-keeper.
403
00:16:02,186 --> 00:16:04,703
I could live a million years and
I could spend every minute of it
404
00:16:04,737 --> 00:16:06,088
doing important things.
405
00:16:06,122 --> 00:16:07,205
But at the end of it all,
406
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:08,572
I would have only lived
half a life
407
00:16:08,623 --> 00:16:10,357
if I had not raised a son.
408
00:16:10,392 --> 00:16:11,825
This was a gift
that was handed to you.
409
00:16:11,859 --> 00:16:13,359
You squandered it.
410
00:16:13,394 --> 00:16:15,244
And the reason you have
so much hatred in your heart
411
00:16:15,295 --> 00:16:16,662
is because you're
trying to fill a hole
412
00:16:16,696 --> 00:16:18,196
where your kid
was supposed to go.
413
00:16:18,214 --> 00:16:19,997
And now it's too late.
414
00:16:20,032 --> 00:16:22,699
Now you're just stomping around
trying to prove you exist.
415
00:16:22,717 --> 00:16:25,235
Well, mission accomplished.
416
00:16:25,268 --> 00:16:27,837
But here's a question
I'd like to pass on to you
417
00:16:27,871 --> 00:16:31,139
from every son of every
crap dad that ever lived.
418
00:16:31,173 --> 00:16:34,074
So what?
419
00:16:35,410 --> 00:16:37,176
I'm done with you.
420
00:16:37,210 --> 00:16:38,678
He's done with you.
421
00:16:38,712 --> 00:16:40,745
The world is done with you.
422
00:16:48,752 --> 00:16:50,886
Come on in.
He's a Hawthorne.
423
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:52,254
This is what they do.
424
00:16:52,288 --> 00:16:53,521
He's faking.
425
00:17:04,630 --> 00:17:06,331
Pierce, listen,
I just want to say--
426
00:17:06,365 --> 00:17:08,866
Did you know that the Canadian
Mallard is the only water fowl
427
00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:11,033
that bites his father's head off
on the way out of the womb?
428
00:17:11,068 --> 00:17:13,402
- That is definitely not true.
- I don't know.
429
00:17:13,420 --> 00:17:16,004
I looked it up on
the "wackapeediah"
430
00:17:17,506 --> 00:17:24,076
Pierce, um, I just want
to say, you know...
431
00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:25,444
Sorry for killing your dad.
432
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:26,845
Don't blame yourself.
433
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:30,181
He bought a lot of his organs
from questionable sources.
434
00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:32,465
Oh, here, he wanted you
to have this.
435
00:17:32,517 --> 00:17:33,850
No Pierce, you should take it.
436
00:17:33,885 --> 00:17:35,017
Believe me, I'd love it.
437
00:17:35,051 --> 00:17:36,952
But the terms of his will
clearly state
438
00:17:36,987 --> 00:17:38,987
that whoever kills him
gets to keep it.
439
00:17:45,492 --> 00:17:46,759
Huh, I guess I'm up.
440
00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:57,233
"Father, I'll never forget
what you said to me
441
00:17:57,268 --> 00:18:00,002
"on my first day of school.
442
00:18:00,036 --> 00:18:01,270
'Comb your hair, you idiot.
443
00:18:01,304 --> 00:18:03,471
You look Greek.'
444
00:18:03,505 --> 00:18:04,972
"I'll never know
if that was true,
445
00:18:05,007 --> 00:18:09,441
"but I do know that I was too
scared to stand up for myself.
446
00:18:09,459 --> 00:18:12,544
"Well, I'm not scared of you
anymore because you're dead,
447
00:18:12,578 --> 00:18:14,512
"and I'm not.
448
00:18:14,547 --> 00:18:17,548
So, I win."
449
00:18:17,582 --> 00:18:19,115
And you can suck it.
450
00:18:19,133 --> 00:18:22,318
Dude just told
his dead dad to suck it.
451
00:18:22,352 --> 00:18:23,818
So edible.
452
00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:26,154
You're the worst.
453
00:18:44,851 --> 00:18:46,635
Your 24 hours has expired.
454
00:18:46,653 --> 00:18:48,269
I need an answer, Troy.
455
00:18:48,304 --> 00:18:49,971
Are you ready to join
the elite brotherhood
456
00:18:50,005 --> 00:18:51,905
of guys who
fix air conditioners?
457
00:18:51,940 --> 00:18:53,473
I'm sorry, Vice Dean Laybourne,
458
00:18:53,508 --> 00:18:56,509
but, I realize no one's
better than anyone else.
459
00:18:56,543 --> 00:18:58,476
I mean, some people
are better at sports and...
460
00:18:58,511 --> 00:19:01,345
And there are magicians, but...
461
00:19:01,379 --> 00:19:03,847
I was put on this earth
to do something else.
462
00:19:03,882 --> 00:19:05,715
So you're going to be what?
463
00:19:05,749 --> 00:19:07,116
A plumber?
464
00:19:07,151 --> 00:19:10,452
No, I'm not gonna be
a plumber either.
465
00:19:10,486 --> 00:19:13,087
Because they have
to deal with poop.
466
00:19:13,121 --> 00:19:15,455
My decision for now
is to watch TV with my friend.
467
00:19:15,489 --> 00:19:17,457
You're making
a huge mistake, son.
468
00:19:17,491 --> 00:19:20,693
That may be, sir.
But at least it's my mistake.
469
00:19:20,727 --> 00:19:22,460
It doesn't change
the fact that it's a mistake.
470
00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:25,128
Doesn't it?
471
00:19:25,163 --> 00:19:27,164
No, it doesn't.
472
00:19:35,137 --> 00:19:36,904
Sir, looks like there
was a malfunction
473
00:19:36,938 --> 00:19:38,205
in the cafeteria last night.
474
00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:41,874
The Amana 5000 had
a compound coil fracture.
475
00:19:41,909 --> 00:19:43,575
But it was fixed.
476
00:19:43,610 --> 00:19:46,077
Very funny.
477
00:19:46,111 --> 00:19:51,414
Not even I can fix a compound
coil fracture overnight.
478
00:19:51,449 --> 00:19:52,682
But he can.
479
00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:53,682
Constable Reggie.
480
00:19:53,717 --> 00:19:56,184
Inspector Spacetime.
481
00:19:56,202 --> 00:19:59,621
This isn't over, Troy Barnes.
482
00:19:59,655 --> 00:20:02,422
It's only just begun.
483
00:20:02,457 --> 00:20:04,040
You know what, I was wrong.
484
00:20:04,074 --> 00:20:05,708
I think you'll make
a very good therapist.
485
00:20:05,742 --> 00:20:07,358
And why is that?
486
00:20:07,376 --> 00:20:09,928
Well, you really nailed Pierce
in that whole oedipal thing.
487
00:20:09,962 --> 00:20:12,029
The guy's got some
serious father issues.
488
00:20:12,063 --> 00:20:14,998
Don't you think you may have
had some oedipal issues as well?
489
00:20:15,032 --> 00:20:16,266
Not really seeing
the connection.
490
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:18,066
You literally killed a father.
491
00:20:18,101 --> 00:20:20,052
Yeah, well, not mine, dummy.
492
00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:21,085
Wow.
493
00:20:26,073 --> 00:20:29,041
Hey, Winger.
You going home alone?
494
00:20:29,059 --> 00:20:31,209
Gay.
495
00:20:40,736 --> 00:20:42,061
That was close,
Constable Reggie.
496
00:20:42,095 --> 00:20:44,169
I thought those blorgons
had us dead to rights.
497
00:20:44,203 --> 00:20:46,582
What on bitter earth do they
want from us, inspector?
498
00:20:46,617 --> 00:20:48,724
The question's not what they
want from us, constable.
499
00:20:48,759 --> 00:20:49,744
But when!
500
00:20:49,779 --> 00:20:52,209
Inspector, look out, blorgons!
501
00:20:52,243 --> 00:20:54,622
Eradicate!
Eradicate!
502
00:20:54,674 --> 00:20:57,121
Eradicate...Eradicate...
503
00:20:59,094 --> 00:21:00,963
Take that, blorgon scum.
504
00:21:00,998 --> 00:21:02,289
How old are you guys?
505
00:21:02,323 --> 00:21:05,144
The question isn't
how old we are...
506
00:21:05,179 --> 00:21:07,592
But when old we are!
507
00:21:09,633 --> 00:21:11,587
In your face, blorgonian!
508
00:21:11,622 --> 00:21:15,071
Pew, pew, pew, pew!
509
00:21:17,707 --> 00:21:20,120
'Sup, girl?
510
00:21:20,172 --> 00:21:21,804
How you livin'?
Pew!
511
00:21:21,824 --> 00:21:23,208
Sync by mczolly
Corrected by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com