1
00:00:03,522 --> 00:00:05,804
Hey. Get out of my chair,
or I'll have you disbarred.
2
00:00:05,924 --> 00:00:07,808
Oh, wait.
That already happened.
3
00:00:07,859 --> 00:00:09,443
- Cash.
- Tango.
4
00:00:09,478 --> 00:00:12,079
My old partner in my new firm.
5
00:00:12,114 --> 00:00:14,281
[Laughs]
6
00:00:14,316 --> 00:00:15,838
Does it get any better?
7
00:00:15,958 --> 00:00:17,075
Not unless you leave.
8
00:00:17,109 --> 00:00:18,660
[Chuckles] Still got it.
9
00:00:18,694 --> 00:00:20,929
So a little birdie told me
10
00:00:20,980 --> 00:00:22,847
you're graduating
kiddie college.
11
00:00:22,882 --> 00:00:24,616
You must be excited
to get that lollipop.
12
00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:27,099
Hey.
It's a sticker.
13
00:00:27,219 --> 00:00:27,902
Ha.
14
00:00:27,937 --> 00:00:30,355
I know you're busy, not,
so allow me to whip it out.
15
00:00:30,373 --> 00:00:31,523
Come work with me.
16
00:00:31,557 --> 00:00:33,091
You'll be a full partner,
six figures,
17
00:00:33,125 --> 00:00:34,592
corner office,
three secretaries.
18
00:00:34,626 --> 00:00:35,694
What's that?
Not enough money?
19
00:00:35,728 --> 00:00:36,978
I'll double it.
Bam, done.
20
00:00:37,029 --> 00:00:38,613
That's how we negotiate.
Lunch?
21
00:00:38,664 --> 00:00:40,832
Wow.
I drive a hard bargain.
22
00:00:40,866 --> 00:00:43,251
But, mark, aren't you worried
I'm a little out of practice?
23
00:00:43,286 --> 00:00:46,137
The only cases I've tried lately
are about sandwiches and yams.
24
00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:47,638
Please, you were
a better lawyer
25
00:00:47,657 --> 00:00:48,657
when you weren't a lawyer
26
00:00:48,658 --> 00:00:50,041
than most lawyers I know.
27
00:00:50,076 --> 00:00:51,042
It's still in you.
28
00:00:51,077 --> 00:00:53,795
I'll give it some thought.
29
00:00:53,846 --> 00:00:56,085
Just shake my hand, idiot.
It's simple.
30
00:00:59,785 --> 00:01:00,952
I like simple.
31
00:01:00,987 --> 00:01:02,787
Take a look around, Winger.
32
00:01:02,821 --> 00:01:04,923
This is your new old life.
33
00:01:04,957 --> 00:01:06,257
I don't get it.
34
00:01:06,291 --> 00:01:08,259
We just had Christmas,
and now it's warm outside.
35
00:01:08,293 --> 00:01:09,344
Of course it is, dummy.
36
00:01:09,395 --> 00:01:10,979
We just finished
fall-spring semester.
37
00:01:11,013 --> 00:01:12,347
Bring on summer-winter.
38
00:01:12,398 --> 00:01:13,648
I can't wait.
39
00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:15,066
My final film school class
is just called opinions.
40
00:01:15,101 --> 00:01:16,251
Professor Taylor
is scheduled to teach,
41
00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:17,369
but I have a rebuttal.
42
00:01:17,403 --> 00:01:18,803
Lucky.
43
00:01:18,838 --> 00:01:20,772
I transferred to forensics late
and got the worst classes.
44
00:01:20,806 --> 00:01:23,992
Skull fragment collection,
advanced advanced decomp,
45
00:01:24,026 --> 00:01:26,294
and intro to senselessness
were all full.
46
00:01:26,329 --> 00:01:27,912
I still have a year
of A/C repair left.
47
00:01:27,930 --> 00:01:29,047
I passed all my classes,
48
00:01:29,081 --> 00:01:30,248
so now I just do yoga
49
00:01:30,282 --> 00:01:31,349
while the teachers
write down my wisdoms.
50
00:01:31,383 --> 00:01:33,735
Wait a minute.
Jeff passed history.
51
00:01:33,769 --> 00:01:34,986
He's graduating early.
52
00:01:35,020 --> 00:01:37,288
I'm totally unprepared
to deal with this.
53
00:01:37,323 --> 00:01:38,606
No, Annie,
please, don't--
54
00:01:38,641 --> 00:01:40,425
[noisemakers blowing]
55
00:01:40,459 --> 00:01:42,593
Well, it's official.
It's on a banner.
56
00:01:42,611 --> 00:01:44,045
Congratulations, Jeffrey.
57
00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:45,363
You worked hard
not to work hard
58
00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:46,414
to earn that degree.
59
00:01:46,449 --> 00:01:47,582
Yeah, you took
so many blow-off classes
60
00:01:47,633 --> 00:01:48,666
and pointless electives.
61
00:01:48,700 --> 00:01:49,617
What did you end up
majoring in?
62
00:01:49,652 --> 00:01:50,652
Education.
63
00:01:50,686 --> 00:01:51,870
You had to win, didn't you?
64
00:01:51,904 --> 00:01:53,905
When I was inches
from the finish line.
65
00:01:53,939 --> 00:01:54,889
Pierce, you have
so many credits,
66
00:01:54,924 --> 00:01:55,884
they have grand-credits.
67
00:01:55,908 --> 00:01:56,891
Just graduate already.
68
00:01:56,926 --> 00:01:58,206
When's the graduation ceremony?
69
00:01:58,210 --> 00:01:59,828
Never.
It's community college.
70
00:01:59,862 --> 00:02:02,931
You just send in some papers
and they stop charging you.
71
00:02:02,982 --> 00:02:04,783
It's moving, in its own way.
72
00:02:04,817 --> 00:02:06,034
So this is it?
73
00:02:06,068 --> 00:02:07,469
A banner and some soda
Troy forgot to bring?
74
00:02:07,503 --> 00:02:08,987
No.
75
00:02:09,021 --> 00:02:10,805
As far as graduations go,
it's boring but grounded.
76
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:12,924
I was hoping for more.
77
00:02:12,942 --> 00:02:13,942
Can we at least walk with you
to the Dean's office?
78
00:02:13,976 --> 00:02:15,259
What, now?
No.
79
00:02:15,277 --> 00:02:16,894
I was just--I was going
to mail it in next week,
80
00:02:16,912 --> 00:02:17,962
or, you know, whenever.
81
00:02:17,997 --> 00:02:19,030
Don't be silly.
82
00:02:19,048 --> 00:02:20,169
We started as a study group,
83
00:02:20,199 --> 00:02:21,866
we'll finish as a study group.
84
00:02:21,884 --> 00:02:24,002
All for one, and one dude
we can all leave behind.
85
00:02:24,036 --> 00:02:24,986
Everybody, go quickly.
86
00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:26,054
Go.
87
00:02:26,105 --> 00:02:27,439
- Go, go, go, go, go, go.
- Hey.
88
00:02:27,473 --> 00:02:29,657
♪ Give me some rope
89
00:02:29,692 --> 00:02:31,409
♪ tie me to dream
90
00:02:31,444 --> 00:02:32,777
♪ give me the hope
91
00:02:32,811 --> 00:02:34,295
♪ to run out of steam
92
00:02:34,330 --> 00:02:37,832
♪ Somebody said it can be here ♪
93
00:02:37,867 --> 00:02:39,617
♪ we could be roped up
94
00:02:39,651 --> 00:02:41,819
♪ tied up, dead in a year ♪
95
00:02:41,837 --> 00:02:47,008
♪ I can't count the reasons
I should stay ♪
96
00:02:47,128 --> 00:02:54,215
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
97
00:02:54,266 --> 00:02:56,968
All right, Mr. Winger.
Et al. Britta.
98
00:02:57,002 --> 00:02:58,553
Emotions are running high,
99
00:02:58,604 --> 00:03:01,106
so I will keep this
tight and short.
100
00:03:01,140 --> 00:03:02,306
You always do.
101
00:03:02,324 --> 00:03:03,708
I see you have
all the necessary paperwork.
102
00:03:03,742 --> 00:03:06,127
Necessary?
You asked for proof of inseam.
103
00:03:06,178 --> 00:03:07,679
Ah, Jeffrey.
104
00:03:07,713 --> 00:03:11,433
I'm going to miss our playful,
"Get a room already" banter.
105
00:03:11,467 --> 00:03:12,867
- Oh, Dean.
- I can come back.
106
00:03:12,902 --> 00:03:14,319
No, I can do this.
107
00:03:14,353 --> 00:03:16,838
Just need to sign
the old John Dean-cock
108
00:03:16,872 --> 00:03:20,775
and you will be graduated.
109
00:03:20,810 --> 00:03:22,544
So this is it?
110
00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:24,262
- Mm-hmm.
- Huh.
111
00:03:24,296 --> 00:03:27,882
I, uh--I expected
a little more pageantry.
112
00:03:27,917 --> 00:03:29,884
I'm listening.
113
00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:31,352
Annie's right.
114
00:03:31,403 --> 00:03:33,638
We should throw a party
to mark the occasion.
115
00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:34,789
- [Squeals]
- A small one.
116
00:03:34,824 --> 00:03:35,890
The teensiest.
117
00:03:35,925 --> 00:03:38,009
Just close friends,
a small cake--
118
00:03:38,043 --> 00:03:39,194
Maybe some flowers,
an archway--
119
00:03:39,228 --> 00:03:40,211
A string quartet.
120
00:03:40,229 --> 00:03:41,846
Ooh, he could wear a suit.
121
00:03:41,881 --> 00:03:42,797
Starting to sound
like a wedding.
122
00:03:42,832 --> 00:03:43,982
Not a wedding.
123
00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:46,484
Just your average,
low-key diploma signing,
124
00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:47,452
to which you're all
cordially invited,
125
00:03:47,486 --> 00:03:48,453
tomorrow afternoon.
126
00:03:48,487 --> 00:03:49,654
Tomorrow?
127
00:03:49,672 --> 00:03:51,089
Is that enough time
to plan a whole wedding?
128
00:03:51,123 --> 00:03:52,841
- Absolutely.
- I'll get my book.
129
00:03:52,892 --> 00:03:54,576
[Laughter]
130
00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:57,395
Listen, I can't do a big party.
131
00:03:57,429 --> 00:03:58,480
It's too much.
132
00:03:58,531 --> 00:04:00,732
Oh, I see what's going on here.
133
00:04:00,766 --> 00:04:03,451
This is about you getting
cold feet about graduating.
134
00:04:03,502 --> 00:04:04,669
Pshh, yeah.
135
00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:05,637
I've been looking forward
to graduation
136
00:04:05,671 --> 00:04:06,921
since freshman registration.
137
00:04:06,972 --> 00:04:08,473
I already got a job lined up
138
00:04:08,507 --> 00:04:09,774
at my old partner's firm.
139
00:04:09,808 --> 00:04:11,676
Well, then, let them eat cake.
140
00:04:11,694 --> 00:04:15,063
It's just, I'm worried
that the group might not be able
141
00:04:15,114 --> 00:04:17,398
to handle it,
you know, emotionally.
142
00:04:17,433 --> 00:04:19,334
Everyone wants you
to graduate, Jeff.
143
00:04:19,385 --> 00:04:20,785
Well, what about Abed?
144
00:04:20,803 --> 00:04:22,837
I mean, the stress of me leaving
might send him spiraling.
145
00:04:22,872 --> 00:04:24,355
Come on,
give him some more credit.
146
00:04:24,390 --> 00:04:27,308
He's really progressed since
he opened up to my therapizing.
147
00:04:27,359 --> 00:04:28,759
Do you remember last year,
when he wouldn't stop
148
00:04:28,777 --> 00:04:30,612
talking about that
"darkest timeline" thing?
149
00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:31,963
The one where I lost my arm?
150
00:04:31,997 --> 00:04:33,965
And Pierce died,
and Annie went insane,
151
00:04:33,999 --> 00:04:35,934
and he blamed it all
on you throwing some dice.
152
00:04:35,968 --> 00:04:39,571
He has not brought that up
in months.
153
00:04:39,605 --> 00:04:42,490
You're right, Britta.
154
00:04:42,525 --> 00:04:44,342
I just need
to give Abed a chance.
155
00:04:44,376 --> 00:04:45,660
Then it's settled.
156
00:04:45,711 --> 00:04:47,161
The six of us will
take astronomy next semester.
157
00:04:47,213 --> 00:04:48,446
So now you're leaving me out.
158
00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:49,847
No, we're leaving Jeff out.
159
00:04:49,882 --> 00:04:52,083
So I'm not even the one
who gets left out anymore.
160
00:04:52,101 --> 00:04:53,084
Everything's
Jeff, Jeff--
161
00:04:53,102 --> 00:04:54,068
Jeff.
162
00:04:54,103 --> 00:04:55,737
This seat taken?
163
00:04:55,771 --> 00:04:57,088
[All talking, laughing]
164
00:04:57,122 --> 00:04:58,540
So everyone still excited
about the big shindig?
165
00:04:58,574 --> 00:04:59,891
Totally.
166
00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:01,376
I was worried about
the wedding-graduation mash up,
167
00:05:01,410 --> 00:05:02,911
but it's testing really well
with women.
168
00:05:02,962 --> 00:05:03,995
[Both giggling]
169
00:05:04,013 --> 00:05:05,134
Oh, well, that's a load off.
170
00:05:05,163 --> 00:05:06,214
Hey, we should probably
figure out
171
00:05:06,265 --> 00:05:08,049
who's bringing the soda now,
right?
172
00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:09,384
Just so there's not
another hang up.
173
00:05:09,435 --> 00:05:12,403
I brought it.
I-I just drank it all.
174
00:05:12,438 --> 00:05:14,188
It's okay.
I've got it covered.
175
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:16,190
No, no, no.
You've already done so much.
176
00:05:16,242 --> 00:05:18,910
Besides, I think I have
a fun and fair way
177
00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:23,548
to decide which of the six of us
will bring the soda.
178
00:05:23,582 --> 00:05:25,667
We'll roll for it.
179
00:05:36,111 --> 00:05:37,979
It didn't land on a number.
180
00:05:38,013 --> 00:05:39,263
That probably means nothing.
181
00:05:39,281 --> 00:05:41,532
- Or it means everything.
- Let's hope not.
182
00:05:41,567 --> 00:05:43,117
You know what,
I'll bring the soda.
183
00:05:43,152 --> 00:05:44,869
Don't worry, I'll make sure
there aren't any more hang-ups.
184
00:05:44,903 --> 00:05:47,151
Must I bear this cross forever?
185
00:05:50,793 --> 00:05:52,994
I was hoping for more.
186
00:05:53,045 --> 00:05:54,278
[Singing to the tune
of Pomp and Circumstance]
187
00:05:54,296 --> 00:05:57,298
♪ Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean,
Dean, Dean ♪
188
00:05:57,333 --> 00:06:01,219
♪ Dean, Dean, Dean,
Dean, Dean ♪
189
00:06:01,253 --> 00:06:05,340
♪ Dean, Dean, Dean,
Dean, Dean, Dean ♪
190
00:06:05,391 --> 00:06:07,792
♪ Dean, Dean, Dean,
Dean, Dean ♪
191
00:06:07,810 --> 00:06:08,793
[Singing to the tune
of Bridal Chorus]
192
00:06:08,811 --> 00:06:10,294
♪ Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean
193
00:06:10,312 --> 00:06:12,847
♪ Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean
194
00:06:12,898 --> 00:06:15,466
♪ Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean,
Dean, Dean, Dean-- ♪
195
00:06:15,484 --> 00:06:16,467
[Screams]
196
00:06:16,485 --> 00:06:17,125
[Glass breaking]
197
00:06:17,220 --> 00:06:18,220
Catherine?
198
00:06:18,221 --> 00:06:21,117
Do not even tell me
you dropped that cake.
199
00:06:25,758 --> 00:06:26,990
Parasites.
200
00:06:27,230 --> 00:06:29,181
Hey.
What's going on?
201
00:06:29,215 --> 00:06:31,476
Why are you trying
to avoid graduating?
202
00:06:31,711 --> 00:06:32,679
I wish I knew.
203
00:06:32,801 --> 00:06:34,334
I think it's because
you're scared
204
00:06:34,420 --> 00:06:36,504
to take this law job
with your old partner.
205
00:06:36,538 --> 00:06:38,673
But don't let that stop you
from graduating.
206
00:06:38,707 --> 00:06:40,324
Take the job,
don't take the job.
207
00:06:40,359 --> 00:06:41,809
Either way, your friends
are always going
208
00:06:41,844 --> 00:06:43,194
to be here to support you.
209
00:06:43,228 --> 00:06:44,162
Good to know.
210
00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:47,181
See you at graduation.
211
00:06:47,215 --> 00:06:48,950
And they call us the worst.
212
00:06:48,984 --> 00:06:50,118
Took you long enough.
213
00:06:50,152 --> 00:06:51,832
Hey, nobody said you had
to travel naked.
214
00:06:51,854 --> 00:06:53,421
Oh.
You brought the good one.
215
00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:55,840
You hold that,
I'll do the sleeve.
216
00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:58,259
Wait for the click.
There--
217
00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:00,561
Ah.
Good.
218
00:07:00,596 --> 00:07:03,731
Middle finger works great now.
219
00:07:03,765 --> 00:07:05,266
It's worse than I thought.
220
00:07:05,284 --> 00:07:08,035
They made lame Jeff
too lame to leave Greendale.
221
00:07:08,069 --> 00:07:09,637
He's got to take that job.
222
00:07:09,671 --> 00:07:11,338
But how do we make him do that?
223
00:07:11,356 --> 00:07:13,207
By turning the study group
against him
224
00:07:13,242 --> 00:07:16,377
so he'll run screaming
from this rancid cocoon
225
00:07:16,411 --> 00:07:18,596
into the welcoming arms
of darkness.
226
00:07:18,630 --> 00:07:20,047
How hard is that to understand?
227
00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:21,399
It's not.
228
00:07:21,433 --> 00:07:23,151
I just like when you
talk down to me like a child.
229
00:07:23,185 --> 00:07:24,152
[Grunts]
230
00:07:24,186 --> 00:07:25,186
[Both moaning]
231
00:07:27,923 --> 00:07:29,891
Oh!
Jeff.
232
00:07:29,925 --> 00:07:30,942
It's bad luck
to see the graduation
233
00:07:30,976 --> 00:07:32,109
before the graduation.
234
00:07:32,144 --> 00:07:33,394
I had to talk to you.
235
00:07:33,412 --> 00:07:36,330
Today is bringing up
so many emotions.
236
00:07:36,365 --> 00:07:37,515
It's a lot to take in.
237
00:07:37,549 --> 00:07:38,883
I'm not making you feel nervous
238
00:07:38,934 --> 00:07:40,301
about graduating, am I?
239
00:07:40,319 --> 00:07:44,372
Well, you are making me
feel something.
240
00:07:44,406 --> 00:07:46,991
And it's not about graduating.
241
00:07:47,025 --> 00:07:48,192
I'm saying I'm hot for you.
242
00:07:48,227 --> 00:07:50,578
Me?
243
00:07:50,612 --> 00:07:51,646
Is this for real?
244
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,581
Is my beating heart for real?
245
00:07:53,615 --> 00:07:54,982
Oh, Annie.
246
00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:57,084
I don't know if it's
the beautiful decorations,
247
00:07:57,119 --> 00:07:59,537
or the impending
floral archway,
248
00:07:59,571 --> 00:08:03,674
but there's something about this
that feels so right.
249
00:08:03,709 --> 00:08:06,327
It's the perfect moment
to remember you by.
250
00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:07,979
Remember me by?
251
00:08:08,013 --> 00:08:09,363
I'm not going anywhere.
252
00:08:09,398 --> 00:08:11,349
Exactly.
You're going nowhere.
253
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:14,819
I'm about to return
to my cool, adult, lawyer life,
254
00:08:14,870 --> 00:08:16,821
and you're going to be
stuck here, playing high school.
255
00:08:16,855 --> 00:08:17,855
Why are you saying this?
256
00:08:17,873 --> 00:08:19,323
So you face the facts.
257
00:08:19,358 --> 00:08:21,809
Once I graduate, I'm gone.
258
00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:28,499
Winger, streaking
on your last day of school?
259
00:08:28,534 --> 00:08:30,401
Respect.
260
00:08:30,435 --> 00:08:32,253
Oh, so I got the save the date
for your graduation.
261
00:08:32,287 --> 00:08:34,539
Should I bring a date,
or try to hook up there?
262
00:08:34,573 --> 00:08:36,891
I'm not going to your
stupid graduation, jerk.
263
00:08:36,925 --> 00:08:39,210
I can't believe you said
those things to me.
264
00:08:39,244 --> 00:08:40,845
- What things?
- Don't play dumb.
265
00:08:40,879 --> 00:08:42,263
You want to leave?
Leave.
266
00:08:42,297 --> 00:08:43,364
See if I care.
267
00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:44,882
What did you do?
268
00:08:44,917 --> 00:08:48,152
I have no earthly idea.
269
00:08:48,203 --> 00:08:51,305
Look up there.
270
00:08:54,476 --> 00:08:56,444
- Hello, Abed.
- Hello, Evil Jeff.
271
00:08:56,478 --> 00:08:57,628
What?
How did you--
272
00:08:57,663 --> 00:08:58,946
I may not be good
with facial expressions,
273
00:08:58,981 --> 00:09:00,698
but I know an evil doppelganger
when I see one.
274
00:09:00,732 --> 00:09:02,617
Plus your arm makes a noise
every time you move it.
275
00:09:02,651 --> 00:09:04,051
Silence.
[Mechanical arm whirring]
276
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,386
Are you here to kill Jeff?
277
00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:07,488
Oh, you non-evils
are so naive.
278
00:09:07,522 --> 00:09:08,823
I'm here to save Jeff
279
00:09:08,857 --> 00:09:11,409
from the smothering teat
of his study group.
280
00:09:11,460 --> 00:09:12,420
Is that a paintball gun?
281
00:09:12,444 --> 00:09:17,398
You wish.
282
00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:19,066
Cool.
283
00:09:19,101 --> 00:09:21,586
Wait.
Cold.
284
00:09:21,620 --> 00:09:24,138
[Groans]
285
00:09:24,172 --> 00:09:26,107
How did I get
to the Dean's office?
286
00:09:26,141 --> 00:09:27,391
Hi.
287
00:09:32,581 --> 00:09:37,418
Out of my chair, monkey.
288
00:09:37,436 --> 00:09:39,370
The darkest timeline.
289
00:09:43,875 --> 00:09:45,426
Annie.
290
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:48,262
[Sobs]
291
00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:51,499
Um, okay,
let's start with "Huh?"
292
00:09:51,533 --> 00:09:55,002
Jeff, I'm sorry.
I made it all up.
293
00:09:55,037 --> 00:09:57,221
I've been so upset
about you graduating
294
00:09:57,255 --> 00:09:59,957
that I've gone
a little crazy, emotionally.
295
00:09:59,992 --> 00:10:01,942
Oh, good.
I thought I was losing my mind.
296
00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:03,561
Make it up to you with a hug?
297
00:10:09,434 --> 00:10:11,936
This breakfast sandwich cart
is such a great idea.
298
00:10:11,970 --> 00:10:13,704
It's never too early
for Shirley--
299
00:10:13,739 --> 00:10:15,406
to make a boatload off
of hung over college kids.
300
00:10:15,457 --> 00:10:17,491
Speaking of great idea having,
hear me out.
301
00:10:17,509 --> 00:10:20,361
It's called
"The Troy-jan Horse."
302
00:10:20,395 --> 00:10:24,815
It goes bread, lettuce, ham,
ham, bacon, chocolate--
303
00:10:24,866 --> 00:10:26,651
Oh, how you doing,
the graduate?
304
00:10:26,685 --> 00:10:28,986
Just stopping by
to hand out some un-vites
305
00:10:29,021 --> 00:10:30,304
to my graduation.
306
00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:32,139
Here's one
for the desperate housewife
307
00:10:32,174 --> 00:10:34,675
who spends more time
with her pathetic business
308
00:10:34,693 --> 00:10:35,926
than with her family.
309
00:10:35,961 --> 00:10:37,478
And you.
310
00:10:37,496 --> 00:10:39,880
If you call a sandwich
a "Troy-jan Horse,"
311
00:10:39,915 --> 00:10:41,716
people are going
to think there's horse in it.
312
00:10:41,733 --> 00:10:44,685
Oh, my dreams.
313
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:47,138
Whatever, losers.
See you never.
314
00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:49,023
Where's Abed?
315
00:10:51,226 --> 00:10:52,293
Is anyone here?
316
00:10:52,327 --> 00:10:54,412
Hello, Abed.
Welcome to our home.
317
00:10:54,446 --> 00:10:56,664
- Hello, Evil Abed.
- It's just Abed now.
318
00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,178
After we met,
I abandoned my evil goal
319
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,034
to focus on brightening
my own timeline instead.
320
00:11:00,068 --> 00:11:01,769
- Do you live here alone?
- Yes.
321
00:11:01,803 --> 00:11:03,804
Evil Troy moved out
when I gave up the cause.
322
00:11:03,822 --> 00:11:05,406
Now he only listens
to Evil Jeff,
323
00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:07,024
who sort of took over this year,
villain-wise.
324
00:11:07,059 --> 00:11:09,043
Jeff left Greendale and
became a scummy lawyer again,
325
00:11:09,077 --> 00:11:10,378
but the more evil he got,
326
00:11:10,412 --> 00:11:11,662
the more he became tortured
by the idea
327
00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:13,147
that there's still
a good Jeff out there,
328
00:11:13,181 --> 00:11:14,665
being good somewhere.
329
00:11:14,700 --> 00:11:15,733
That's why he forced me
to show him
330
00:11:15,767 --> 00:11:17,007
how to travel
between timelines.
331
00:11:17,018 --> 00:11:19,253
My God.
This is so cool.
332
00:11:19,287 --> 00:11:20,654
I know.
You have no idea
333
00:11:20,688 --> 00:11:22,523
how long I've been waiting
to talk to you about it.
334
00:11:22,541 --> 00:11:24,041
Kind of a Superman III
meets that Star Trek episode
335
00:11:24,076 --> 00:11:25,509
meets season three of The Cape.
336
00:11:25,544 --> 00:11:27,094
- The Cape was cancelled.
- Not here.
337
00:11:27,129 --> 00:11:30,064
They retooled it for cable,
and it's awesome.
338
00:11:30,098 --> 00:11:31,065
Want to see it?
339
00:11:31,099 --> 00:11:32,349
Desperately.
340
00:11:32,384 --> 00:11:33,434
But I need to get back
to my timeline
341
00:11:33,468 --> 00:11:34,785
and stop Evil Jeff.
342
00:11:34,820 --> 00:11:36,404
So I came to the only person
who could help me--me.
343
00:11:36,438 --> 00:11:37,705
I'll get you home, Abed.
344
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:41,125
But first,
you'll need some supplies.
345
00:11:46,932 --> 00:11:48,399
Everyone must be running late.
346
00:11:48,433 --> 00:11:50,584
Here, Jeffrey.
You're graduated.
347
00:11:50,619 --> 00:11:52,820
Take your precious diploma
and just go.
348
00:11:52,838 --> 00:11:55,389
I cannot believe
the hurtful things
349
00:11:55,424 --> 00:11:56,557
you said to me in my office.
350
00:11:56,591 --> 00:11:57,758
I'll have you know
351
00:11:57,793 --> 00:11:59,426
that wanting a little pageantry
in your life
352
00:11:59,444 --> 00:12:02,780
isn't a crime
or a lifestyle choice.
353
00:12:06,952 --> 00:12:10,037
Okay, Annie, something
definitely weird is happening.
354
00:12:10,071 --> 00:12:12,006
No one's here,
the Dean is mad at me,
355
00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,308
and he is never
mad at me, and--
356
00:12:14,342 --> 00:12:15,810
a third reason.
357
00:12:15,844 --> 00:12:17,678
Congratulations, Jeff.
358
00:12:17,696 --> 00:12:18,846
Don't worry
about the study group.
359
00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:19,945
You can talk to them later.
360
00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:21,232
Why don't you and I
go celebrate
361
00:12:21,283 --> 00:12:24,034
someplace private and boozy?
362
00:12:24,069 --> 00:12:25,402
Annie, why are you acting
like a mistress
363
00:12:25,437 --> 00:12:26,554
in a lifetime movie?
364
00:12:26,588 --> 00:12:28,339
[Laughs] You're funny.
365
00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:31,091
Oh, sweetheart,
you dropped your phone earlier.
366
00:12:31,126 --> 00:12:33,761
You've got a voicemail
from a guy named mark?
367
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:35,062
You should call him.
368
00:12:35,096 --> 00:12:36,347
Not now.
369
00:12:36,398 --> 00:12:37,481
I have to find the others
and figure this out.
370
00:12:37,516 --> 00:12:40,151
Crap.
We're losing him.
371
00:12:40,185 --> 00:12:41,135
- What?
- What?
372
00:12:41,169 --> 00:12:42,453
Both: Who are you?
373
00:12:42,487 --> 00:12:44,155
You're me?
374
00:12:44,206 --> 00:12:46,106
- But how?
- But how?
375
00:12:46,124 --> 00:12:47,408
Enough of the pleasantries.
376
00:12:47,442 --> 00:12:48,803
I've come
from the darkest timeline
377
00:12:48,827 --> 00:12:50,828
to make sure you take that job.
378
00:12:50,879 --> 00:12:52,880
It's essential to our future.
379
00:12:52,914 --> 00:12:54,598
You want it, idiot, so take it.
380
00:12:54,633 --> 00:12:55,633
I can't.
381
00:12:55,667 --> 00:12:57,117
I've spent
almost four years here,
382
00:12:57,135 --> 00:12:59,303
growing and changing
and making dioramas.
383
00:12:59,337 --> 00:13:00,337
I'm not that guy anymore.
384
00:13:00,338 --> 00:13:01,639
You're wrong.
385
00:13:01,673 --> 00:13:04,258
Greendale may have dulled
your killer instinct,
386
00:13:04,292 --> 00:13:06,594
but trust me,
it's still in you.
387
00:13:06,628 --> 00:13:10,431
It's time to leave this place
and reclaim your proper life.
388
00:13:10,465 --> 00:13:13,818
No.
Not without my study group.
389
00:13:13,852 --> 00:13:16,203
Ugh.
Now who's in a lifetime movie?
390
00:13:16,238 --> 00:13:18,155
Then I'll be rid of you
another way.
391
00:13:22,444 --> 00:13:27,581
Friendship!
392
00:13:32,671 --> 00:13:34,455
Mm.
Cold.
393
00:13:34,489 --> 00:13:36,490
Well, the subtle approach
failed.
394
00:13:36,508 --> 00:13:39,260
What's next?
Explain it slowly.
395
00:13:39,294 --> 00:13:41,846
Need some help?
396
00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:44,164
Let's burn this mother down.
397
00:13:48,730 --> 00:13:51,776
Jeff must be graduating about now.
I wonder if anyone's there.
398
00:13:51,896 --> 00:13:53,079
Doubt he cares.
399
00:13:53,114 --> 00:13:54,831
Pierce won't even
respond to my texts.
400
00:13:54,865 --> 00:13:57,050
I wonder what terrible things
Jeff said about him.
401
00:13:57,084 --> 00:13:58,335
I've got some guesses.
402
00:13:58,369 --> 00:13:59,352
[All gasping]
403
00:13:59,386 --> 00:14:00,453
Let me finish.
404
00:14:00,488 --> 00:14:02,455
Look, I know this may
sound crazy,
405
00:14:02,490 --> 00:14:03,924
and more
than a little convenient,
406
00:14:03,958 --> 00:14:06,526
but whatever I said to you,
it wasn't me.
407
00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:07,594
It was Evil Jeff.
408
00:14:07,628 --> 00:14:09,279
[Scoffs] Come on.
409
00:14:09,330 --> 00:14:10,530
Something happened
when I rolled that die.
410
00:14:10,564 --> 00:14:11,581
Something terrible.
411
00:14:11,632 --> 00:14:12,966
Something only nerds
can understand.
412
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:13,967
Mm-hmm.
413
00:14:14,001 --> 00:14:15,268
You have to believe me.
414
00:14:15,302 --> 00:14:16,519
They're coming for us.
415
00:14:16,570 --> 00:14:17,988
No.
416
00:14:18,039 --> 00:14:19,673
We're coming for them.
417
00:14:19,707 --> 00:14:20,657
Abed, where have you been?
418
00:14:20,691 --> 00:14:21,875
The darkest timeline.
419
00:14:21,909 --> 00:14:22,909
You guys never believe me,
so this time,
420
00:14:22,944 --> 00:14:25,195
I brought proof,
the doppeldeaner.
421
00:14:25,229 --> 00:14:26,446
[All gasping]
422
00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:28,321
Abed brought me here
to prove to all of you--
423
00:14:28,332 --> 00:14:29,749
Whoa.
424
00:14:29,784 --> 00:14:31,017
Actually, I figured that
these paintball warping guns
425
00:14:31,052 --> 00:14:32,068
would convince you.
426
00:14:32,103 --> 00:14:33,486
Listen up, people.
427
00:14:33,521 --> 00:14:34,671
We've got an inter-dimensional
battle on our hands.
428
00:14:34,705 --> 00:14:36,356
Our evil counterparts
are waging a war,
429
00:14:36,390 --> 00:14:38,241
and it's either us or us.
430
00:14:38,276 --> 00:14:39,643
All right.
431
00:14:39,677 --> 00:14:42,028
Let's light up
these dark suckers.
432
00:14:42,063 --> 00:14:44,397
Okay, everyone.
Stay sharp.
433
00:14:44,431 --> 00:14:47,133
If you see yourself,
warp on sight.
434
00:14:47,168 --> 00:14:50,370
I'd like to warp myself
to a dairy-free mudslide.
435
00:14:50,404 --> 00:14:51,655
That's just vodka, Shirley.
436
00:14:51,689 --> 00:14:52,638
I know what it is.
437
00:14:52,657 --> 00:14:53,790
Ah-ha.
438
00:14:53,824 --> 00:14:55,158
Pierce?
439
00:14:55,192 --> 00:14:56,192
We thought you were dead.
440
00:14:56,210 --> 00:14:57,210
Hell, no.
441
00:14:57,244 --> 00:14:59,296
After I got shot,
I faked my death
442
00:14:59,330 --> 00:15:00,930
to teach you all a lesson.
443
00:15:00,965 --> 00:15:02,282
Lesson about what?
444
00:15:02,316 --> 00:15:04,134
Who can remember?
It was more than a year ago.
445
00:15:04,168 --> 00:15:06,436
And yet, here you all are,
446
00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:08,238
planning an invasion
without me.
447
00:15:08,272 --> 00:15:10,740
Again,
we thought you were dead.
448
00:15:10,775 --> 00:15:13,376
Listen, I-I can help you guys
beat the lame study group.
449
00:15:13,411 --> 00:15:14,644
Just tell me how this works.
450
00:15:14,679 --> 00:15:15,712
Fine.
451
00:15:15,746 --> 00:15:17,263
It's complicated,
but basically,
452
00:15:17,281 --> 00:15:20,050
the first person
to shoot themselves wins.
453
00:15:20,084 --> 00:15:21,051
[Paintball gunshot]
454
00:15:21,085 --> 00:15:22,569
Winner.
455
00:15:22,603 --> 00:15:24,020
Well, that bow tied itself.
456
00:15:24,055 --> 00:15:25,905
Dang, I got hair dye
on my coat.
457
00:15:25,940 --> 00:15:27,907
Dang, it's spreading.
458
00:15:27,942 --> 00:15:28,892
Damn it, Britta.
459
00:15:28,926 --> 00:15:30,126
Did you shoot yourself too?
460
00:15:30,177 --> 00:15:31,094
Every time.
461
00:15:31,128 --> 00:15:32,095
Hey.
462
00:15:32,146 --> 00:15:34,814
Don't talk to her like that.
463
00:15:34,848 --> 00:15:35,765
Every time.
464
00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:37,417
We're here.
Scatter.
465
00:15:45,059 --> 00:15:48,078
Get help.
466
00:15:48,112 --> 00:15:50,747
Can't hide forever, lame Annie.
467
00:15:50,781 --> 00:15:52,048
Just let me shoot you.
468
00:15:52,083 --> 00:15:54,200
You'll love
the darkest timeline.
469
00:15:54,234 --> 00:15:56,086
We're sleeping with Jeff there.
470
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:57,604
What?
We are?
471
00:15:57,638 --> 00:15:59,439
All the time.
472
00:15:59,473 --> 00:16:02,509
And he loves it.
473
00:16:02,543 --> 00:16:04,160
[Grunts]
474
00:16:04,211 --> 00:16:06,463
Nobody sleeps with Jeff.
475
00:16:06,497 --> 00:16:09,048
Not even me.
476
00:16:11,569 --> 00:16:12,986
I've been counting bullets.
477
00:16:13,020 --> 00:16:14,020
One of us is out.
478
00:16:14,055 --> 00:16:15,722
- Is it you?
- Yes.
479
00:16:15,756 --> 00:16:17,307
Why would you tell me that?
480
00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:19,259
To sound intimidating.
481
00:16:21,423 --> 00:16:27,644
Oh. Almost worked.
482
00:16:27,651 --> 00:16:30,403
Ballin'.
483
00:16:30,421 --> 00:16:34,257
[Indistinct yelling]
484
00:16:34,291 --> 00:16:35,925
Okay.
Only Evil Jeff is left.
485
00:16:35,976 --> 00:16:37,177
You've got to take him out.
486
00:16:37,211 --> 00:16:38,311
Why don't I just give him
what he wants?
487
00:16:38,345 --> 00:16:39,696
What?
You can't give up now.
488
00:16:39,747 --> 00:16:41,564
- Why not?
- Because it's not real.
489
00:16:41,599 --> 00:16:42,782
Look around, Jeff.
490
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:43,967
Haven't you noticed
the vending machines
491
00:16:44,001 --> 00:16:46,753
are full of meats
and hard-boiled eggs?
492
00:16:46,787 --> 00:16:47,821
Or that
all the background students
493
00:16:47,855 --> 00:16:50,273
are attractive women?
494
00:16:50,324 --> 00:16:51,791
Hi.
495
00:16:51,826 --> 00:16:53,126
Yeah.
496
00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,245
This is a world you've created
in your own mind.
497
00:16:55,279 --> 00:16:56,796
The real battle is within.
498
00:16:56,814 --> 00:16:58,297
You're afraid to graduate
because you think
499
00:16:58,315 --> 00:17:00,100
Greendale has
changed you too much.
500
00:17:00,134 --> 00:17:01,534
So part of you
wants Evil Jeff to win,
501
00:17:01,569 --> 00:17:02,869
because then you could
go backwards
502
00:17:02,903 --> 00:17:04,237
and pretend you're the same guy
you were four years ago.
503
00:17:04,271 --> 00:17:06,055
But you're not.
You're stronger.
504
00:17:06,090 --> 00:17:08,074
You're better.
You have friends.
505
00:17:08,109 --> 00:17:09,609
No, screw that.
You have a family.
506
00:17:09,643 --> 00:17:11,478
Wait.
507
00:17:11,512 --> 00:17:12,612
If this is all in my mind,
508
00:17:12,646 --> 00:17:14,047
then I don't really need
to fight him.
509
00:17:14,081 --> 00:17:16,466
Don't logic this one
away from me.
510
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:18,951
We finally figured out a way
to make paintball cool again.
511
00:17:23,441 --> 00:17:24,390
Hey, handsome.
512
00:17:34,601 --> 00:17:37,537
[Yelling]
513
00:17:48,632 --> 00:17:50,183
On second thought,
514
00:17:50,217 --> 00:17:51,568
who needs to roll a die?
515
00:17:51,602 --> 00:17:53,036
And who cares if we have soda?
516
00:17:53,070 --> 00:17:54,821
As long as you guys
are with me,
517
00:17:54,855 --> 00:17:57,056
I have everything I need
to graduate.
518
00:17:57,091 --> 00:18:00,093
Yeah.
Forget soda.
519
00:18:00,127 --> 00:18:04,080
Friends, Greendalians,
human beings,
520
00:18:04,114 --> 00:18:05,899
we are gathered here today
to honor
521
00:18:05,933 --> 00:18:10,537
that sacred and eternal bond
between a student and his Dean.
522
00:18:10,571 --> 00:18:13,840
Neither time nor distance
nor screening one's calls
523
00:18:13,874 --> 00:18:17,260
could ever sever what
nature herself has ordained.
524
00:18:17,311 --> 00:18:18,511
When two men are drawn--
525
00:18:18,546 --> 00:18:19,612
I'll take it from here, Craig.
526
00:18:19,646 --> 00:18:23,283
Fair enough.
I was reaching.
527
00:18:23,317 --> 00:18:25,869
Three and a half years ago,
when I came to Greendale,
528
00:18:25,903 --> 00:18:28,204
I met six
very important people.
529
00:18:28,239 --> 00:18:30,423
Ooh.
Burn on Britta.
530
00:18:30,441 --> 00:18:31,491
Sorry, seven.
531
00:18:31,525 --> 00:18:34,994
And meeting these people
changed my life.
532
00:18:35,029 --> 00:18:36,898
Yep.
533
00:18:39,216 --> 00:18:41,334
I'm sorry.
I-I don't know what to say.
534
00:18:41,368 --> 00:18:42,335
[All laughing]
535
00:18:42,353 --> 00:18:43,770
- Yeah, okay.
- Whatever.
536
00:18:43,804 --> 00:18:45,522
I'm so used to being the guy
537
00:18:45,556 --> 00:18:47,557
who can talk his way
out of anything,
538
00:18:47,608 --> 00:18:51,611
but what do you say
when you don't want a way out?
539
00:18:51,629 --> 00:18:56,299
What you all have done
for me is indescribable.
540
00:18:56,333 --> 00:18:57,550
It's unbelievable.
541
00:18:57,585 --> 00:19:02,105
And my love for you
is immeasurable,
542
00:19:02,156 --> 00:19:06,643
even when you split it
seven ways.
543
00:19:06,677 --> 00:19:09,829
Well said, Jeffrey.
544
00:19:09,863 --> 00:19:12,582
If anyone here
should have just cause
545
00:19:12,616 --> 00:19:15,051
why Jeffrey Tobias Winger
should not be graduated,
546
00:19:15,102 --> 00:19:16,686
speak now
or forever--
547
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:18,054
[knocking on window]
548
00:19:18,105 --> 00:19:19,305
Pierce.
549
00:19:19,339 --> 00:19:20,440
You don't have to do this.
550
00:19:20,474 --> 00:19:21,441
I'm ready to graduate.
551
00:19:21,475 --> 00:19:23,192
Yeah?
552
00:19:23,227 --> 00:19:24,944
Well, I'm ready
to graduate first.
553
00:19:24,979 --> 00:19:27,847
Seems oddly appropriate.
554
00:19:27,865 --> 00:19:29,849
Congratulations, Pierce.
555
00:19:29,867 --> 00:19:31,234
[Applause]
556
00:19:35,489 --> 00:19:37,206
Perfect.
557
00:19:37,241 --> 00:19:39,208
So what's next
for Jeffrey Winger?
558
00:19:39,243 --> 00:19:41,878
I'm thinking I might look
into some small local firms.
559
00:19:41,912 --> 00:19:43,796
I'm going to use my big mouth
to help the little guy.
560
00:19:43,831 --> 00:19:44,881
Both: Aww.
561
00:19:44,915 --> 00:19:45,999
Plus, if I stay in town,
562
00:19:46,033 --> 00:19:47,750
I can pop by any time I want.
563
00:19:47,801 --> 00:19:50,036
You know, just to settle
any group arguments
564
00:19:50,054 --> 00:19:51,287
about who misses me the most.
565
00:19:51,322 --> 00:19:52,905
Oh--
566
00:19:52,940 --> 00:19:54,223
What do you think?
567
00:19:54,258 --> 00:19:55,865
- To Jeff.
- To Jeffrey.
568
00:20:03,245 --> 00:20:05,297
♪ Troy and Abed in the morning ♪
569
00:20:05,417 --> 00:20:05,939
Welcome back.
570
00:20:06,059 --> 00:20:07,710
We've got a jam-packed show,
so let's get started.
571
00:20:07,755 --> 00:20:08,705
Today, as always,
572
00:20:08,756 --> 00:20:09,957
we'll be visited once again
573
00:20:09,991 --> 00:20:11,157
by Greendale's king
and supreme lord master,
574
00:20:11,175 --> 00:20:12,509
Dean Chang.
575
00:20:12,543 --> 00:20:14,543
Looks like he'll be
talking about squash this time.
576
00:20:14,615 --> 00:20:16,065
Oh, I'm super excited for that.
577
00:20:16,083 --> 00:20:18,251
And not only
because it's mandatory.
578
00:20:18,285 --> 00:20:20,036
But first, we'll take a spin
around the timeline map
579
00:20:20,070 --> 00:20:21,487
and find out what's happening
in the universes
580
00:20:21,522 --> 00:20:23,239
that parallel ours.
581
00:20:25,175 --> 00:20:26,259
Thanks, us.
582
00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:27,544
I'm standing here
in timeline five,
583
00:20:27,578 --> 00:20:28,978
where things
are pretty much normal.
584
00:20:29,013 --> 00:20:30,013
Normal?
585
00:20:30,047 --> 00:20:32,015
Troy, people are on fire
in Nairobi.
586
00:20:32,049 --> 00:20:33,883
You call that normal?
587
00:20:33,917 --> 00:20:36,102
I've become much more conscious
of world issues
588
00:20:36,136 --> 00:20:39,472
since Troy and I decided to give
our baby an African name.
589
00:20:39,523 --> 00:20:41,691
Isn't that right, Chewbacca?
590
00:20:41,725 --> 00:20:43,259
It means,
"He who hunts bounties."
591
00:20:43,277 --> 00:20:44,731
Back to you.
592
00:20:46,196 --> 00:20:48,998
Wow, it sounds like things are
really heating up in Nairobi.
593
00:20:49,033 --> 00:20:50,033
That's nothing compared
to the fire
594
00:20:50,067 --> 00:20:52,318
in our studio audience.
595
00:20:52,353 --> 00:20:53,570
Hey, idiots.
596
00:20:53,604 --> 00:20:54,637
How many times have I told you,
597
00:20:54,672 --> 00:20:56,072
the show doesn't really exist.
598
00:20:56,106 --> 00:20:58,074
No one's watching.
599
00:20:58,108 --> 00:20:59,826
Duh-doy.
We know.
600
00:20:59,877 --> 00:21:01,077
Yeah, we're just
messing around.
601
00:21:01,111 --> 00:21:02,078
See you at lunch, Evil Jeff.
602
00:21:02,112 --> 00:21:03,474
See you at lunch.
603
00:21:05,782 --> 00:21:08,143
Both: ♪ Troy and Abed
in the morning ♪
604
00:21:09,249 --> 00:21:16,096
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com