1
00:00:00,711 --> 00:00:03,345
Jeff, we've known each other
a long time, right?
2
00:00:03,379 --> 00:00:05,080
You've come to respect me.
3
00:00:05,114 --> 00:00:08,283
- Sure.
- Well, get ready to stop.
4
00:00:08,318 --> 00:00:10,552
Please help me seduce Britta
5
00:00:10,586 --> 00:00:12,187
now that you've
finished doing it with her.
6
00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:13,221
Please, please...
7
00:00:13,256 --> 00:00:14,656
Do you even really like Britta?
8
00:00:14,691 --> 00:00:16,658
It seems like you like her
because she doesn't like you.
9
00:00:16,693 --> 00:00:19,027
Have you met the women
that do like me, Jeff?
10
00:00:19,062 --> 00:00:20,996
Neither have I, but trust me,
they're bad people.
11
00:00:21,030 --> 00:00:22,097
Fine.
12
00:00:22,131 --> 00:00:24,466
To get near Britta,
think like Britta.
13
00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:26,435
Grab one of those free papers
for hippies on the quad,
14
00:00:26,469 --> 00:00:27,669
go to the calendar page,
15
00:00:27,704 --> 00:00:29,705
and find a cause so tragic...
16
00:00:29,739 --> 00:00:30,939
Are you writing this down?
17
00:00:30,973 --> 00:00:33,542
Okay, we have confirmation
that all the bones
18
00:00:33,576 --> 00:00:35,377
have been removed
from the football field.
19
00:00:35,411 --> 00:00:36,745
And we agree
that teachers should get
20
00:00:36,779 --> 00:00:38,613
a 10-minute head start
at the job fair.
21
00:00:38,648 --> 00:00:41,016
Any other items?
22
00:00:41,050 --> 00:00:42,517
It's Friday night.
23
00:00:42,552 --> 00:00:43,952
What's everybody doing?
24
00:00:43,987 --> 00:00:47,556
Oh, there's a benefit show
at the Forefront Theater
25
00:00:47,590 --> 00:00:50,292
in Riverside for starving children
26
00:00:50,326 --> 00:00:51,660
with cleft palates.
27
00:00:51,694 --> 00:00:53,195
Aw.
28
00:00:53,229 --> 00:00:54,830
I'm gonna crash the premiere
of the Kickpuncher reboot
29
00:00:54,864 --> 00:00:57,065
dressed like classic Kickpuncher.
30
00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:58,900
They shouldn't
have redesigned that costume.
31
00:00:58,935 --> 00:01:00,802
Keep your heads
in the sand if you want.
32
00:01:00,837 --> 00:01:03,972
Professor Duncan, I didn't
know that cause interested you.
33
00:01:04,007 --> 00:01:06,441
Well, it's starving children
with cleft palates, Britta.
34
00:01:06,476 --> 00:01:09,144
What part would you have me
be disinterested in?
35
00:01:09,178 --> 00:01:10,779
- Forefront Theater?
- Mm-hmm.
36
00:01:10,813 --> 00:01:12,981
What time? I'm going.
37
00:01:13,016 --> 00:01:15,050
- I'm going too.
- Me too.
38
00:01:15,084 --> 00:01:17,853
Kids with cleft palates should
have extra food, not less.
39
00:01:17,887 --> 00:01:19,221
I'm in.
40
00:01:19,255 --> 00:01:22,924
I have... dinner plans.
41
00:01:24,093 --> 00:01:26,161
Yeah, make sure it's a hearty meal.
42
00:01:26,195 --> 00:01:28,297
- Oh, boo.
- Help me out here.
43
00:01:28,331 --> 00:01:30,399
Um, well, uh...
44
00:01:30,433 --> 00:01:34,236
Pfft, are you really the one
that needs help here, Winger?
45
00:01:34,270 --> 00:01:36,672
Yeah, should we write
a check to the Jeff Foundation?
46
00:01:36,706 --> 00:01:39,107
Okay. Maybe I'll go too.
47
00:01:39,142 --> 00:01:40,876
Well, it's the least you can do.
48
00:01:40,910 --> 00:01:42,878
Yeah, feels good to help.
49
00:01:42,912 --> 00:01:45,480
God bless you.
50
00:01:45,515 --> 00:01:47,842
Cool, so 7:30?
51
00:01:48,785 --> 00:01:50,419
♪ Give me some rope ♪
52
00:01:50,453 --> 00:01:52,054
♪ Tie me to dream ♪
53
00:01:52,088 --> 00:01:53,488
♪ Give me the hope ♪
54
00:01:53,523 --> 00:01:55,223
♪ To run out of steam ♪
55
00:01:55,258 --> 00:01:58,660
♪ Somebody said it can be here ♪
56
00:01:58,695 --> 00:02:02,431
♪ We could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year ♪
57
00:02:02,465 --> 00:02:07,369
♪ I can't count the reasons
I should stay ♪
58
00:02:07,403 --> 00:02:11,506
♪ One by one,
they all just fade away ♪
59
00:02:11,541 --> 00:02:14,605
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
60
00:02:16,613 --> 00:02:18,513
Did you get it?
I don't think I got it.
61
00:02:18,548 --> 00:02:20,282
Well, the ants were people.
62
00:02:20,316 --> 00:02:22,250
The Queen Ant was an oil company.
63
00:02:22,285 --> 00:02:24,353
Okay, so it was about
our marginalized perceptions
64
00:02:24,387 --> 00:02:27,456
as drones being born
into a corporate hive-mind?
65
00:02:27,490 --> 00:02:28,557
- Yeah.
- Mm.
66
00:02:28,591 --> 00:02:31,460
- Wow. McDonald's?
- Oh, I was just thinking about that.
67
00:02:31,494 --> 00:02:32,961
- Mm.
- Mm-hmm, hungry.
68
00:02:32,996 --> 00:02:34,263
Hello?
69
00:02:34,297 --> 00:02:35,898
Okay, Alessandra,
I can't talk right now.
70
00:02:35,932 --> 00:02:38,333
I just got out of a show.
71
00:02:38,368 --> 00:02:41,603
Okay, hold on.
72
00:02:41,638 --> 00:02:43,939
Well?
73
00:02:43,973 --> 00:02:46,174
Look, if you're gonna
just yell at me, why...
74
00:02:46,209 --> 00:02:48,243
Why are you doing this?
75
00:02:48,277 --> 00:02:50,712
This is not happening
to you, okay?
76
00:02:50,747 --> 00:02:52,681
It's happening to us!
77
00:02:52,715 --> 00:02:54,917
Well, you called me!
78
00:02:54,951 --> 00:02:59,287
Well, then let me
be the one to do this!
79
00:03:09,565 --> 00:03:13,880
Uh, my mother used to tell a story
about how she killed a chicken.
80
00:03:16,439 --> 00:03:19,641
Hong Kong, 1964.
81
00:03:19,676 --> 00:03:21,109
So you like the theatre, Ian?
82
00:03:21,144 --> 00:03:22,377
Oh, are you kidding?
83
00:03:22,412 --> 00:03:25,547
I spent half my days at
university in wigs and tights.
84
00:03:25,581 --> 00:03:27,416
You don't do that without
befriending some actors.
85
00:03:27,450 --> 00:03:29,084
Hm.
86
00:03:29,118 --> 00:03:30,319
Oh, my God, Michael.
87
00:03:30,353 --> 00:03:32,521
I know Michael
from my anarchist days.
88
00:03:32,555 --> 00:03:35,524
God, he's gonna
smell the sellout on me.
89
00:03:37,627 --> 00:03:39,428
Hey. How's it goin'?
90
00:03:39,462 --> 00:03:40,529
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
91
00:03:40,563 --> 00:03:41,863
What's going on?
92
00:03:41,898 --> 00:03:43,665
I don't like this "my-kale" guy.
93
00:03:43,700 --> 00:03:45,834
I don't think he likes himself,
or he'd pronounce it "Michael."
94
00:03:45,868 --> 00:03:46,902
Isn't she great?
95
00:03:46,936 --> 00:03:48,870
She's everything
I love about America.
96
00:03:48,905 --> 00:03:52,274
Bold, opinionated,
just past her peak,
97
00:03:52,308 --> 00:03:54,910
and starting to realize
that she has to settle for less.
98
00:03:54,944 --> 00:03:57,245
And the moment she needs
a shoulder to cry on,
99
00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:58,513
bam.
100
00:03:58,548 --> 00:04:00,015
Huh?
The Duncan handkerchief.
101
00:04:00,049 --> 00:04:01,350
Well, I'm out.
102
00:04:01,384 --> 00:04:03,251
Have fun circling my former lover,
103
00:04:03,286 --> 00:04:06,254
waiting for her to cry.
104
00:04:06,289 --> 00:04:07,422
I tried to make that sound good,
105
00:04:07,457 --> 00:04:09,191
but that's what you're doin'.
106
00:04:09,225 --> 00:04:11,460
Eh.
107
00:04:11,494 --> 00:04:14,596
Uh, you're all heroes tonight
for making a difference,
108
00:04:14,631 --> 00:04:17,966
but I want to introduce
one of my heroes.
109
00:04:18,001 --> 00:04:20,002
- Britta Perry.
- Oh.
110
00:04:21,804 --> 00:04:26,174
She is the bravest,
most passionate activist
111
00:04:26,209 --> 00:04:28,710
I have ever had
the honor of imitating.
112
00:04:28,745 --> 00:04:30,612
So, hey, buy her a drink.
113
00:04:31,714 --> 00:04:32,781
Anything you wanna add, Britta?
114
00:04:32,815 --> 00:04:35,717
Oh. Wow, um, I'm not a hero.
115
00:04:35,752 --> 00:04:38,553
I'm a high school dropout
and a bartender,
116
00:04:38,588 --> 00:04:40,022
so don't listen to me.
117
00:04:42,425 --> 00:04:43,925
Or anyone.
118
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:45,961
Just listen to yourself,
119
00:04:45,995 --> 00:04:48,697
and make sure
you tell yourself the truth.
120
00:04:50,767 --> 00:04:53,402
Well, it was...
it was great seeing you, so...
121
00:04:53,436 --> 00:04:54,636
I might stay for one drink.
122
00:04:54,671 --> 00:04:57,039
- Why?
- I like to drink.
123
00:04:57,073 --> 00:04:59,508
- Oh, really?
- Yeah. I have a serious problem.
124
00:04:59,542 --> 00:05:01,143
That had better be true.
125
00:05:07,984 --> 00:05:10,919
Cool. Cool, cool, cool.
126
00:05:19,562 --> 00:05:20,963
I am Kickpuncher.
127
00:05:20,997 --> 00:05:22,998
You are in violation of future law.
128
00:05:25,635 --> 00:05:27,102
Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!
129
00:05:27,136 --> 00:05:29,104
Pew! Pew!
130
00:05:32,875 --> 00:05:35,577
Oh. Damn it, come on.
131
00:05:39,215 --> 00:05:41,950
- What are you doing?
- What?
132
00:05:41,985 --> 00:05:43,185
What... what are you doing?
133
00:05:43,219 --> 00:05:44,519
Making a costume
for a movie premiere.
134
00:05:44,554 --> 00:05:45,821
Annie banned glue guns
from the apartment
135
00:05:45,855 --> 00:05:47,856
after an incident so hilarious
that even describing it
136
00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:49,424
would narratively eclipse
what's happening here.
137
00:05:49,459 --> 00:05:51,693
- What's happening here?
- You and me bonding.
138
00:05:51,728 --> 00:05:52,828
Check it out.
139
00:05:56,099 --> 00:05:58,267
Tell me the truth: if you were
a post-apocalyptic survivor...
140
00:05:58,301 --> 00:06:00,202
I would raise goats,
hoard cinnamon,
141
00:06:00,236 --> 00:06:01,436
and travel only at night.
142
00:06:01,471 --> 00:06:04,206
But, please,
I have some work to do here.
143
00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:05,280
Just one thing. Watch this.
144
00:06:05,308 --> 00:06:07,376
Initiate ballistic foam.
145
00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:21,467
Oops.
146
00:06:21,491 --> 00:06:23,225
- What the hell?
- Sorry.
147
00:06:23,259 --> 00:06:25,661
You just destroyed
five hours of work!
148
00:06:25,695 --> 00:06:29,264
- I'll clean it up.
- No, you don't touch it!
149
00:06:31,768 --> 00:06:33,135
I know this is bad timing,
150
00:06:33,169 --> 00:06:36,171
but I should go if
I'm gonna make the movie, so...
151
00:06:38,307 --> 00:06:39,941
- What are you doing?
- Oh.
152
00:06:39,976 --> 00:06:42,477
Something nobody ever does.
153
00:06:42,512 --> 00:06:46,248
Teaching you consequences.
154
00:06:46,282 --> 00:06:47,916
- But I have to go.
- But you can't.
155
00:06:47,950 --> 00:06:49,318
Huh, isn't that crazy?
156
00:06:49,352 --> 00:06:51,286
You ever been grounded?
You ever been punished?
157
00:06:51,321 --> 00:06:53,288
Do you have any idea
what it feels like
158
00:06:53,323 --> 00:06:54,723
to be refused something?
159
00:06:54,757 --> 00:06:57,459
I know what it feels like
when people try to control me.
160
00:06:57,493 --> 00:06:58,894
You should know
it never goes their way.
161
00:06:58,928 --> 00:07:00,162
Ooh.
162
00:07:00,196 --> 00:07:02,798
And what "kicky-punch" movie
is that from?
163
00:07:02,832 --> 00:07:04,233
The ones you've seen
164
00:07:04,267 --> 00:07:06,201
or the one I'm gonna watch you miss?
165
00:07:12,793 --> 00:07:14,994
I said I was sorry.
166
00:07:15,028 --> 00:07:16,629
I'm sorry I punched my landlord,
167
00:07:16,663 --> 00:07:18,598
but I'm not gettin' my deposit back.
168
00:07:18,632 --> 00:07:21,033
That's an example of you being punished
for choosing to hurt someone.
169
00:07:21,068 --> 00:07:22,201
I wrecked your papers by accident.
170
00:07:22,236 --> 00:07:25,137
You chose
to spray this crap on purpose
171
00:07:25,172 --> 00:07:26,839
because you didn't care
what happened.
172
00:07:26,873 --> 00:07:28,074
You know,
let me tell you something.
173
00:07:28,108 --> 00:07:30,243
For five years,
I have watched people
174
00:07:30,277 --> 00:07:32,078
walk around on your eggshells.
175
00:07:32,112 --> 00:07:35,248
"Oh, Abed.
He's so imaginative, so magical.
176
00:07:35,282 --> 00:07:36,849
"Everybody hide their hamburgers!
177
00:07:36,883 --> 00:07:39,952
"If Abed sees a hamburger,
we'll all travel in time.
178
00:07:39,987 --> 00:07:41,721
"Let's eat cookies and ice cream
179
00:07:41,755 --> 00:07:44,190
and dress in pajamas
in the middle of the day."
180
00:07:44,224 --> 00:07:47,193
I watched my third wife die!
181
00:07:50,097 --> 00:07:51,831
You think I'm spoiled?
182
00:07:51,865 --> 00:07:53,599
And you think I'm spoiled
because it's never occurred
183
00:07:53,634 --> 00:07:55,368
to anyone to do this?
184
00:07:55,402 --> 00:07:57,003
You're not the Marco Polo
of bullying me.
185
00:07:57,004 --> 00:07:59,138
You're just another tourist
taking pictures of a great, big wall.
186
00:07:59,172 --> 00:08:00,840
Oh, you're gonna make me cry.
187
00:08:00,874 --> 00:08:02,475
When's the last time
someone physically limited you?
188
00:08:02,509 --> 00:08:03,509
Oh, just now.
189
00:08:03,543 --> 00:08:07,680
You physically ruined my drawings.
190
00:08:07,714 --> 00:08:11,117
Drawings of what?
191
00:08:11,151 --> 00:08:14,020
You're an artist?
192
00:08:14,054 --> 00:08:17,957
I destroyed something valuable?
193
00:08:20,018 --> 00:08:21,538
Looked like you
were doodling chickens.
194
00:08:21,562 --> 00:08:23,563
He is a duck!
195
00:08:23,597 --> 00:08:25,631
Uh-oh.
196
00:08:27,401 --> 00:08:30,002
Hey!
197
00:08:30,037 --> 00:08:32,338
You're not allowed in there.
198
00:08:32,372 --> 00:08:33,706
Well, I just did a one-man show
199
00:08:33,740 --> 00:08:35,775
for a little audience
that would beg to disagree.
200
00:08:35,809 --> 00:08:38,210
Audience? In there?
201
00:08:38,245 --> 00:08:41,180
We haven't had
a single person or performance
202
00:08:41,214 --> 00:08:45,017
in that theater since the 1997 fire.
203
00:08:45,052 --> 00:08:48,921
24 people died.
204
00:08:48,956 --> 00:08:50,756
So what have you guys been up to?
205
00:08:50,791 --> 00:08:51,924
Well, this. Raising money.
206
00:08:51,959 --> 00:08:53,793
Organizing.
Trying to make a difference.
207
00:08:53,827 --> 00:08:55,461
I'm impressed, and embarrassed.
208
00:08:55,495 --> 00:08:56,495
I sold out.
209
00:08:56,496 --> 00:08:58,264
- We sold out.
- You did not sell out.
210
00:08:58,298 --> 00:09:00,933
I'm going to community college
to start a career.
211
00:09:00,968 --> 00:09:02,101
We're in real estate.
212
00:09:02,135 --> 00:09:03,970
We own the building
we're standing in.
213
00:09:04,004 --> 00:09:06,505
Wow. You guys did sell out!
214
00:09:06,540 --> 00:09:07,840
I know!
215
00:09:07,875 --> 00:09:10,476
I should introduce myself
to her friends.
216
00:09:10,510 --> 00:09:11,744
I knew it!
217
00:09:11,778 --> 00:09:13,312
You don't have a drinking problem!
218
00:09:13,347 --> 00:09:15,982
You have feelings for Britta,
you disgusting monster!
219
00:09:16,016 --> 00:09:17,049
Fine. Yes.
220
00:09:17,084 --> 00:09:19,118
Something about everybody liking her
turns me on.
221
00:09:19,152 --> 00:09:20,453
It's a problem I have.
222
00:09:20,487 --> 00:09:22,788
I hated Reese's pieces
before E.T. ate them, sorry.
223
00:09:22,823 --> 00:09:25,858
- You're a bad friend!
- That's not fair!
224
00:09:25,893 --> 00:09:28,628
Wait, that's really not fair.
You're a terrible friend.
225
00:09:28,662 --> 00:09:29,896
She was mine first.
226
00:09:29,930 --> 00:09:31,097
And it's not like
she belongs to anybody.
227
00:09:31,131 --> 00:09:32,431
Oh, here we go.
228
00:09:32,466 --> 00:09:34,867
"Love isn't a game,"
say the guys that always win.
229
00:09:34,901 --> 00:09:36,869
And now, you're going
to go pull a Dane Cook
230
00:09:36,904 --> 00:09:38,404
in one of those
three movies he was in
231
00:09:38,438 --> 00:09:40,873
about Dane Cook
getting laid by accident.
232
00:09:40,908 --> 00:09:44,010
Only it's not
a Dane Cook movie, Jeff,
233
00:09:44,044 --> 00:09:47,446
because this time,
someone's watching: me.
234
00:09:47,481 --> 00:09:50,183
Your friend, British Jason Biggs.
235
00:09:50,217 --> 00:09:54,453
If you never call me Dane Cook
again, I'll stand down...
236
00:09:54,488 --> 00:09:55,488
for an hour.
237
00:09:55,522 --> 00:09:57,957
Okay. An hour.
238
00:10:01,495 --> 00:10:03,195
Are your duck drawings a secret?
239
00:10:03,230 --> 00:10:04,730
Is that why you do 'em
when nobody's around?
240
00:10:04,765 --> 00:10:06,599
Not that it's any of your business,
241
00:10:06,633 --> 00:10:08,834
but I am a cartoonist
in my spare time.
242
00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:11,637
My cartoon's about a duck.
I was drawing him.
243
00:10:11,672 --> 00:10:14,140
Does the duck have a name?
Does he have powers?
244
00:10:14,174 --> 00:10:16,142
I'm not pitching to you.
245
00:10:16,176 --> 00:10:17,677
You're afraid I won't like it.
246
00:10:17,711 --> 00:10:18,811
Sure.
247
00:10:18,845 --> 00:10:21,280
I've been a cab driver,
a soldier, a cop,
248
00:10:21,315 --> 00:10:24,217
but what terrifies me the most
is the opinion
249
00:10:24,251 --> 00:10:26,385
of a manchild in cardboard pants.
250
00:10:26,420 --> 00:10:29,055
Kickpuncher was a cop
before he became a cyborg.
251
00:10:29,089 --> 00:10:31,958
So you were a cop
before you became... this.
252
00:10:31,992 --> 00:10:36,395
And what were you before this?
Were you normal?
253
00:10:36,430 --> 00:10:37,496
Or do you act like this
254
00:10:37,531 --> 00:10:39,365
because somebody
stuffed you in a locker?
255
00:10:39,399 --> 00:10:40,499
Is that the idea?
256
00:10:40,534 --> 00:10:42,301
Other way around.
257
00:10:42,336 --> 00:10:43,502
What else do you
want to know about me?
258
00:10:43,537 --> 00:10:44,658
What makes you stop talking.
259
00:10:44,671 --> 00:10:46,339
- Letting me go.
- After you miss your movie.
260
00:10:46,373 --> 00:10:48,241
Because you want me to suffer.
261
00:10:48,275 --> 00:10:50,776
For destroying your duck cartoons?
262
00:10:50,811 --> 00:10:53,746
The ones you're ashamed of?
263
00:11:15,269 --> 00:11:18,604
Uh, which one were you laughing at?
264
00:11:20,540 --> 00:11:22,308
No, no, no, no, no!
Stop that!
265
00:11:22,342 --> 00:11:23,709
You're ghosts!
266
00:11:23,744 --> 00:11:24,911
We're ghosts?
267
00:11:24,945 --> 00:11:27,546
The janitor out there
told me you died in 1997.
268
00:11:27,581 --> 00:11:30,750
Janitor?
269
00:11:30,784 --> 00:11:32,518
Hey!
270
00:11:32,553 --> 00:11:33,719
Those guys in there told me
271
00:11:33,754 --> 00:11:35,388
that you're the one
that died in a fire
272
00:11:35,422 --> 00:11:36,689
and you're a ghost!
273
00:11:36,723 --> 00:11:38,958
And you just believed 'em?
274
00:11:38,992 --> 00:11:42,695
You just believed a bunch of ghosts?
275
00:11:49,203 --> 00:11:50,570
Have you guys
276
00:11:50,604 --> 00:11:54,507
seen that billboard on Water Street
for Consensual Perfume?
277
00:11:54,541 --> 00:11:56,509
The one with the man chasing
the woman through the grass
278
00:11:56,543 --> 00:11:58,044
and it says, "Proven in its field"?
279
00:11:58,078 --> 00:12:01,380
Yeah, proven in its field
and in labs on the eyeballs of rabbits.
280
00:12:01,415 --> 00:12:04,517
We should make it say that!
Who's got the spray paint?
281
00:12:06,253 --> 00:12:07,887
No, guys, I'm serious!
282
00:12:07,921 --> 00:12:09,655
Doug and Janet, you're on lookout.
283
00:12:09,690 --> 00:12:12,959
Michael works the ladder.
I will banksy that mother!
284
00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:15,494
Come on, guys, we gotta
start taking risks again.
285
00:12:15,529 --> 00:12:18,798
Well, that's convenient for
the one with nothing to lose.
286
00:12:21,034 --> 00:12:23,669
Oh, so the person
with the least wealth
287
00:12:23,704 --> 00:12:25,404
has the least valid argument?
288
00:12:25,439 --> 00:12:26,539
That's convenient.
289
00:12:26,573 --> 00:12:28,274
Britta, how many people
290
00:12:28,308 --> 00:12:30,209
have you fed this year
besides yourself?
291
00:12:30,244 --> 00:12:31,310
- Oh, Janet...
- No, look.
292
00:12:31,345 --> 00:12:35,214
I've spent enough time feeling bad.
293
00:12:37,351 --> 00:12:38,517
Fight the power!
294
00:12:51,832 --> 00:12:54,233
- Would you like to go...
- Yeah.
295
00:12:54,268 --> 00:12:55,568
Yeah?
296
00:12:55,602 --> 00:12:58,437
Oh, my God.
297
00:13:10,851 --> 00:13:12,084
These are really good.
298
00:13:12,119 --> 00:13:15,521
It helps me to see
why you were so upset.
299
00:13:15,556 --> 00:13:17,256
Did I ruin anything
as good as what's in here?
300
00:13:17,291 --> 00:13:19,258
Ah, just practice drawings.
301
00:13:19,293 --> 00:13:21,994
I have to practice drawing
the duck from different angles.
302
00:13:22,029 --> 00:13:24,931
It's hard when his back's
turned 3/4 because of the beak.
303
00:13:24,965 --> 00:13:27,033
Well...
304
00:13:27,067 --> 00:13:29,135
I'm a real jerk for wrecking it.
305
00:13:29,169 --> 00:13:30,603
Ah, you didn't do it on purpose.
306
00:13:30,637 --> 00:13:31,704
That doesn't excuse my behavior.
307
00:13:31,738 --> 00:13:33,039
No, I appreciate that.
308
00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:37,343
It's a good apology.
You're a good kid.
309
00:13:37,377 --> 00:13:41,113
All right. Well...
310
00:13:41,148 --> 00:13:43,149
I can see from the clock that
if I hit all the green lights...
311
00:13:43,183 --> 00:13:44,317
I'm sorry, I can't let you go.
312
00:13:44,351 --> 00:13:46,018
That'd undercut the larger lesson.
313
00:13:46,053 --> 00:13:47,887
Yes, the lesson being
that you're very talented.
314
00:13:47,921 --> 00:13:49,921
But I have this thing.
I can't walk into a movie...
315
00:13:49,923 --> 00:13:52,592
You're not going to the movie.
316
00:13:54,161 --> 00:13:55,595
Yes, I am.
317
00:13:55,629 --> 00:13:57,597
- You need this.
- Let me go!
318
00:13:57,631 --> 00:13:59,765
This is you learning.
319
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:01,434
You're a bad person
and a bad cartoonist.
320
00:14:01,468 --> 00:14:03,803
You go ahead. Hurt my feelings.
321
00:14:03,837 --> 00:14:05,538
Oh! You have feelings, huh?
322
00:14:05,572 --> 00:14:06,872
Have you considered
putting them into your work?
323
00:14:06,907 --> 00:14:09,242
Your cartoons are monuments
to joylessness,
324
00:14:09,276 --> 00:14:10,877
nervously assembled jokes
based on nothing from your life
325
00:14:10,911 --> 00:14:12,044
or anyone's life!
326
00:14:12,079 --> 00:14:14,747
You're furious at me for being creative
because you want to be able to create.
327
00:14:14,781 --> 00:14:16,749
You have all this rage
and shame and loneliness,
328
00:14:16,783 --> 00:14:18,351
which I don't even know how
to feel much less understand,
329
00:14:18,385 --> 00:14:19,719
and you decide to put what on paper?
330
00:14:19,753 --> 00:14:21,954
A duck. Jim the Duck.
You think I'm crazy.
331
00:14:21,989 --> 00:14:23,122
You think there's something
wrong with me.
332
00:14:23,156 --> 00:14:24,156
Jim the Duck?
333
00:14:24,157 --> 00:14:25,625
Publishers are interested!
334
00:14:25,659 --> 00:14:26,859
Oh! Yeah, well, publishers are stupid.
335
00:14:26,894 --> 00:14:29,241
Either that or you're misinterpreting
what was probably a form letter.
336
00:14:29,263 --> 00:14:30,384
- You shut up.
- You shut up.
337
00:14:30,397 --> 00:14:31,597
- Now you shut up.
- You shut up.
338
00:14:31,632 --> 00:14:32,765
Oh, are we yelling?
Are we yelling right now?
339
00:14:32,799 --> 00:14:34,233
Yelling! I'm yelling!
340
00:14:34,268 --> 00:14:36,035
Yelling! I'm yelling,
I'm yelling, I'm yelling!
341
00:14:36,069 --> 00:14:40,072
And you're not talented!
You made me miss my movie!
342
00:14:41,742 --> 00:14:44,176
You made me miss my movie.
343
00:14:56,623 --> 00:15:00,760
In the words of your
hacky duck, "What the hell?"
344
00:15:06,221 --> 00:15:08,021
Do you like music?
345
00:15:08,055 --> 00:15:09,335
Everyone likes music.
346
00:15:09,357 --> 00:15:11,391
What are you, a fish?
347
00:15:11,425 --> 00:15:14,561
I have... Ooh, I-I tell you
what we could listen to.
348
00:15:14,595 --> 00:15:17,430
Do you know Rimples and Splikket?
349
00:15:17,465 --> 00:15:19,499
They were the British
Laurel and Hardy.
350
00:15:22,236 --> 00:15:25,038
Most of their stuff is timeless,
but you do need to know
351
00:15:25,072 --> 00:15:27,007
that the prime minister
went to Oxford,
352
00:15:27,041 --> 00:15:30,310
not Cambridge,
as the sketch implies.
353
00:15:30,344 --> 00:15:31,778
Are they speaking English?
354
00:15:31,812 --> 00:15:35,782
Okay. '80s German techno it is.
355
00:15:35,816 --> 00:15:38,518
Do you have any friends?
356
00:15:38,553 --> 00:15:39,719
I'm sorry?
357
00:15:39,754 --> 00:15:41,955
I've been defining myself
with reactions
358
00:15:41,989 --> 00:15:44,291
to and from other people
my whole life.
359
00:15:44,325 --> 00:15:47,193
Now I feel worthless
just because I'm worthless
360
00:15:47,228 --> 00:15:48,595
in relation to my friends,
361
00:15:48,629 --> 00:15:51,064
which means they're not my friends.
362
00:15:51,098 --> 00:15:52,532
Who are your friends?
363
00:15:52,567 --> 00:15:54,134
Well, there's my neighbor, Pat.
364
00:15:54,168 --> 00:15:56,403
I try to stay on his good side.
I owe him money.
365
00:15:56,437 --> 00:15:58,805
Uh, Jeff. I'd call you a friend.
366
00:15:58,839 --> 00:16:00,039
Well, in fact, I'd call you a...
367
00:16:00,041 --> 00:16:01,274
Oh, that's right.
368
00:16:01,309 --> 00:16:04,611
You and Jeff have actually known each other
longer than anybody, huh?
369
00:16:04,645 --> 00:16:06,012
I always forget that.
370
00:16:06,047 --> 00:16:09,950
I guess 'cause you guys
don't really act like friends.
371
00:16:11,085 --> 00:16:14,988
Yeah, I guess not so much.
372
00:16:15,022 --> 00:16:17,958
Where are we going?
373
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:24,731
Well, I think you should go home
374
00:16:24,765 --> 00:16:28,001
because you're having
an existential crisis,
375
00:16:28,035 --> 00:16:30,670
and the best lesson
you could take away from it
376
00:16:30,705 --> 00:16:34,274
is that you are someone,
even when you're by yourself.
377
00:16:34,308 --> 00:16:36,109
I think you're right. Thank you.
378
00:16:36,143 --> 00:16:38,645
And please don't take offense at this,
379
00:16:38,679 --> 00:16:40,246
but thank you for not hitting on me.
380
00:16:40,281 --> 00:16:43,650
I was just vulnerable enough
to do something really stupid.
381
00:16:45,753 --> 00:16:47,187
- What's wrong?
- Nothing. Nothing.
382
00:16:47,221 --> 00:16:48,355
It's nothing.
383
00:16:48,389 --> 00:16:50,056
It's the...
the stupid steering wheel
384
00:16:50,091 --> 00:16:52,325
is on the wrong side of the car.
385
00:16:57,062 --> 00:16:59,343
- What are you doing here?
- I want to show you something.
386
00:17:03,971 --> 00:17:05,906
What's this?
387
00:17:05,940 --> 00:17:08,141
It's a script I wrote
about a cop on the edge.
388
00:17:08,175 --> 00:17:10,644
Troy thought it was hilarious.
389
00:17:10,678 --> 00:17:12,445
I didn't have the heart
to tell him it wasn't a comedy.
390
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:13,680
Why are you giving this to me?
391
00:17:13,714 --> 00:17:15,448
I know all the tricks
and tropes of filmmaking,
392
00:17:15,483 --> 00:17:18,585
but what I'm missing is what I think
the critics call "substance,"
393
00:17:18,619 --> 00:17:20,353
which is you more than me.
394
00:17:20,388 --> 00:17:23,857
You want to be film partners?
395
00:17:29,430 --> 00:17:32,499
"It's time for Justice.
Police Justice."
396
00:17:32,533 --> 00:17:36,102
Wait, the character's name
is "Police Justice"?
397
00:17:36,137 --> 00:17:37,137
Mm-hmm.
398
00:17:37,171 --> 00:17:39,339
Yeah, I think I may be able to help.
399
00:17:39,373 --> 00:17:42,309
I'm sorry for the stuff I said.
400
00:17:44,478 --> 00:17:46,513
Me too.
401
00:17:46,547 --> 00:17:48,748
Sit down.
402
00:17:53,521 --> 00:17:54,721
You drink scotch?
403
00:17:54,755 --> 00:17:56,656
- No.
- You're gonna.
404
00:17:58,793 --> 00:18:02,295
Hey, handsome. This stool taken?
405
00:18:02,330 --> 00:18:03,330
Struck out, huh?
406
00:18:03,331 --> 00:18:05,365
If that makes you feel better.
407
00:18:05,399 --> 00:18:10,003
Or maybe I just realized that
I was spending the whole night
408
00:18:10,037 --> 00:18:13,607
getting to third base
with the wrong person.
409
00:18:13,641 --> 00:18:15,976
You're a good friend,
410
00:18:16,010 --> 00:18:18,078
and I don't say that often enough.
411
00:18:18,112 --> 00:18:19,779
That's really nice.
412
00:18:19,814 --> 00:18:21,214
But you can't have sex with me.
413
00:18:21,249 --> 00:18:23,750
How about we have these drinks
414
00:18:23,784 --> 00:18:27,921
and then not have sex,
with anyone, together?
415
00:18:27,955 --> 00:18:29,856
Sounds good.
416
00:18:29,890 --> 00:18:31,825
Cheers.
417
00:18:31,859 --> 00:18:34,179
So a 9-millimeter's actually
better than a 10-millimeter?
418
00:18:34,195 --> 00:18:35,762
Millimeter don't make no difference.
419
00:18:35,796 --> 00:18:37,597
Bullets just kinda kill you.
420
00:18:37,632 --> 00:18:39,065
"Bullets just kinda kill you."
421
00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:40,834
Are you quoting something?
Can I use that?
422
00:18:40,868 --> 00:18:41,868
Yeah.
423
00:18:41,869 --> 00:18:44,037
You left your handkerchief
at my place last night.
424
00:18:44,071 --> 00:18:45,639
- Ah!
- We had a boys' night.
425
00:18:45,673 --> 00:18:48,408
A bottle of booze,
an argument about sports cars.
426
00:18:48,442 --> 00:18:51,478
And I cut my hand trying
to prove that I can whittle.
427
00:18:51,512 --> 00:18:54,047
Me too.
428
00:18:54,081 --> 00:18:55,515
Oh, hey.
429
00:18:55,549 --> 00:18:56,750
- How was your night?
- Great.
430
00:18:56,784 --> 00:19:00,186
I had a monumental evening...
by myself.
431
00:19:00,221 --> 00:19:02,923
- Oh!
- Oh... Almost feel left out.
432
00:19:02,957 --> 00:19:05,058
Well, we've had our share
of focus lately.
433
00:19:05,092 --> 00:19:07,661
Mm-hmm. Speak for yourself.
434
00:19:07,695 --> 00:19:09,195
Uh-oh.
435
00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:12,465
I'm fine. I just, um...
436
00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:15,168
Do you guys believe in ghosts?
437
00:19:15,202 --> 00:19:17,237
And if you do, do you believe
438
00:19:17,271 --> 00:19:19,873
what those ghosts tell you
about other ghosts?
439
00:19:19,907 --> 00:19:22,075
Chang, you cannot
be on the committee
440
00:19:22,109 --> 00:19:24,311
if you're going
to be actively insane.
441
00:19:24,345 --> 00:19:28,014
I'm not insane. I swear.
I just, um...
442
00:19:28,049 --> 00:19:30,684
had a weird experience
at the theater last night.
443
00:19:30,718 --> 00:19:32,218
- You were there?
- Yeah, you were there?
444
00:19:32,253 --> 00:19:33,520
What do you mean?
Of course I was.
445
00:19:33,554 --> 00:19:36,423
Huh, I guess we just didn't see you.
446
00:19:37,458 --> 00:19:39,693
Well, the ants were people.
447
00:19:39,727 --> 00:19:42,162
The Queen Ant was an oil company.
448
00:19:45,299 --> 00:19:47,500
What if I don't exist?
449
00:19:47,535 --> 00:19:48,835
Oh, I got this.
450
00:19:48,870 --> 00:19:51,438
I had a very similar night
last night.
451
00:19:51,472 --> 00:19:54,541
Go home, light some candles,
and take a bath.
452
00:19:54,575 --> 00:19:56,543
Okay, coolsies.
453
00:20:17,475 --> 00:20:20,205
__
454
00:20:23,077 --> 00:20:25,946
Hey!
I was thinking off-campus lunch.
455
00:20:25,980 --> 00:20:27,447
What's that Tex-Mex place
you mentioned?
456
00:20:27,482 --> 00:20:29,950
Salsa Von Taco's?
Read my mind!
457
00:20:29,984 --> 00:20:33,387
Oh. Oh!
458
00:20:33,421 --> 00:20:35,555
- No, no.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
459
00:20:35,590 --> 00:20:36,990
No, no, no, no, no.
460
00:20:37,025 --> 00:20:38,759
- Nah.
- Oh, okay. Yeah.
461
00:20:38,793 --> 00:20:40,727
- Oh.
- No, wha... Let's...
462
00:20:40,762 --> 00:20:42,062
- No.
- No, no, no.
463
00:20:42,096 --> 00:20:43,263
- Well... O-okay.
- Ah...
464
00:20:43,297 --> 00:20:44,297
- You... you just...
- Eh...
465
00:20:44,298 --> 00:20:45,298
- Ah. Oh, okay.
- Ah...
466
00:20:45,299 --> 00:20:46,466
- I...
- Wha...
467
00:20:46,501 --> 00:20:48,435
I-I just don't like being left behind!
468
00:20:48,469 --> 00:20:51,238
My father got drunk in pubs
and left me in my room with nothing!
469
00:20:51,272 --> 00:20:54,141
- So did mine!
- Oh, why would he do that?
470
00:20:54,175 --> 00:20:55,575
Why do they do that?
471
00:20:55,610 --> 00:20:58,779
- Why?
- Why do they do that?
472
00:21:00,148 --> 00:21:02,716
I-I won't go to that Tex-Mex place.
473
00:21:02,750 --> 00:21:04,852
Oh, that's all I wanted you to say.
474
00:21:04,865 --> 00:21:06,135
- Hmm?
- Hmm?
475
00:21:06,336 --> 00:21:12,045
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com