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Good morning,
Greendale Community College.
2
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This is your dean
3
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reminding you that among
your school's prestigious alumni
4
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is Mr. Luis Guzmán.
5
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Celebrated actor
and model Puerto Rican-American.
6
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This Friday, we will be dedicating
a statue of Guzmán,
7
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and unveiling
our brand-new school song.
8
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So, boy, I don't know about you,
9
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but this sure feels like
a real college to me.
10
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Greendale, Greendale, Greendale.
11
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Ah. Jeff, Jeff, good morning.
12
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How is student life,
my dry-witted friend?
13
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Probably the same as teacher life, but
less tragic because I get to leave.
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Very dry, very witty,
not a great friend.
15
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Listen, I wanted to ask you about that
young lady in your Spanish class.
16
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You know, the blond with the pouty,
strident Cate Blanchett sexuality
17
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and the ridiculous name.
18
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Britta.
That's it. That's it.
19
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Imagine living with that.
Can you imagine? Unbelievable.
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Anyway, um,
are you two an item?
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And if so, would that item
be impervious to sabotage?
22
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You know, you have the
savoir-faire of a hyena.
23
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How is it that you and James Bond
come from the same island?
24
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Message received. I'll just wait for
you to finish striking out first.
25
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Cheers.
M* A*S*H.
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Fawlty Towers, game over.
Have a nice day.
27
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You think Luis Guzmán
will come to visit his statue?
28
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If so, I'd like to ask him about
his movie choices.
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Particularly Carlito's Way,
The Cowboy Way,
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The Hard Way and Q&A.
31
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Yeah. Luis Guzmán
is on a private jet from Hollywood
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because he can't wait to have
that conversation with you.
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Really?
How does he know about me?
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Because he called me
on my cell phone.
35
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Why would a movie actor call you?
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You don't know?
No.
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I'm President Obama's nephew.
You never mentioned that.
38
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I didn't know if I could trust you, but
now it's time to tell you everything.
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Starting with me inventing
the Ferrari.
40
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So I guess the cell phone number
41
00:01:53,725 --> 00:01:55,955
you put on the group's
contact sheet was fake.
44
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That's okay.
Just give me your real number.
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I'll cleanse my palate
while Kevin rethinks his marriage.
46
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I'll give you my number if you promise not to
use it in any other context than friendship.
47
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Uh... Pass.
48
00:02:14,946 --> 00:02:17,972
Star-Burns, that means you.
My name's Alex, dude.
49
00:02:18,183 --> 00:02:21,550
Maybe you should spend five hours
sculpting that in your face.
50
00:02:21,753 --> 00:02:24,085
All right,
last night I graded your tests.
51
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I'm sure you wanna know
how you did, right?
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Yes.
Well, I'm not gonna tell you
53
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until I find out who did this:
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What is that?
55
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It's a tiny piece of paper, okay?
That's all it is.
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A tiny piece of paper containing all
the information covered on the test.
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Otherwise known as a crib sheet.
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Who did it, huh? Mary Ann?
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Grandpa?
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Jackée? Kumar?
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There's one Asian stereotype
that does apply to me.
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Whoever did this insulted my honor.
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And they've got 24 hours
to come forward
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or Mr. Miyagi here
will wax off everyone's score
65
00:03:07,432 --> 00:03:10,924
and the whole class gets a zero.
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Except you, Toby.
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The only difference
between Señor Chang and Stalin
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00:03:24,282 --> 00:03:26,307
is that I know who Señor Chang is.
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You hear him call me Jackée like
I'm some black female caricature?
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00:03:29,387 --> 00:03:31,878
If the good Lord hadn't been watching,
I'd have slapped him upside the head.
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00:03:32,290 --> 00:03:34,121
Who do you guys think cheated?
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00:03:36,060 --> 00:03:39,257
Flattering, but if I'm gonna cheat,
I'm not gonna write information
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from a book onto paper.
That's practically learning, for God's sake.
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Whoever made that crib sheet
wasn't a real cheater,
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just insecure and naive.
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I may be naive, but I'm not stupid.
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Well, I may be stupid,
but I'm not trying to look like I'm not.
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Well, I may be a genius,
but I'm not a lesbian.
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Who cares who
made the crib sheet?
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00:04:00,551 --> 00:04:03,782
The only real cheater is the guy who's
threatening everyone with a zero.
81
00:04:03,988 --> 00:04:07,219
You're right. It's so unfair.
I can't handle this kind of stress right now.
82
00:04:07,425 --> 00:04:10,189
I'm already overwhelmed by my
duties on the school song committee.
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Are you a musician?
Ew. No.
84
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I hired a local composer,
but he's quite a handful.
85
00:04:15,566 --> 00:04:16,999
Well, I guess that's your fault,
isn't it?
86
00:04:17,902 --> 00:04:19,927
It is?
You got an accomplished pianist
87
00:04:20,138 --> 00:04:22,072
and songwriter sitting
three feet away from you.
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I wrote the jingle
for Hawthorne Wipes towelettes.
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I would've done your song for free.
Smooth move, Metamucil.
90
00:04:27,745 --> 00:04:30,009
Troy could do the school song.
Troy invented rap music.
91
00:04:30,214 --> 00:04:32,273
And he's related to Danny Glover
and President Obama.
92
00:04:32,483 --> 00:04:34,246
Abed, have you been racist
this whole time
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while I'm telling everybody at church what
a sweet little caramel angel you are?
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00:04:37,922 --> 00:04:39,116
Hey man,
that stuff I said this morning
95
00:04:39,324 --> 00:04:40,985
wasn't true.
I was just messing with you.
96
00:04:41,192 --> 00:04:42,784
You were lying?
Yeah, as a joke.
97
00:04:42,994 --> 00:04:44,962
You... You never had somebody
mess with you before?
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00:04:45,163 --> 00:04:47,290
Yes, just kidding. No, like that?
99
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This isn't a table. Ha-ha-ha.
That's funny.
100
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Remember when we used
to study Spanish?
101
00:05:00,011 --> 00:05:01,000
Pierce.
Yo.
102
00:05:01,212 --> 00:05:04,443
I talked to the dean and he said you
can write Greendale's school song.
103
00:05:04,649 --> 00:05:05,843
Well, that's more like it.
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You know, the statue dedication is
this Friday, so have it done by then.
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This Friday? This Friday?
If that's not enough time...
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No, no, no. You really don't know
much about genius, do you?
107
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Yes, I can do it by Friday.
Great.
108
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There's a piano
in the rehearsal space
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and I'll help you out
however I can.
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You're gonna do an awesome job.
I know!
111
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So this is the last chance
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for the cheater to be an adult
and face la música
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or everyone fails.
No.
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You've got 10 seconds, starting now.
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No!
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I've never gotten a zero before.
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I did it.
Britta?
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Wow. You really took your
sweet time with that one.
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How dare you terrorize a class
by threatening their grades?
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It's not that easy to get human beings
to turn on each other.
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Turn on her.
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Real mature.
God, Britta.
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That's right, we are mature.
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Too mature to sit in a class
with a cheating, lying, poop face.
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Okay, time to learn
some formal greetings.
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So, wow.
Yeah, I bet you're enjoying this.
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Yeah, well, when we first met, like,
you were up here and I was here.
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And now...
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Oh, wait, I gave a quarter
to a dirty bum today.
130
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What do you think
they're gonna do to me?
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Well, we're not gonna buy you
an ice cream.
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Hi, Dean Pelton. Heh.
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Quite an entrance
I got to make there.
134
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You would be Britta Perry?
I just spoke with Señor Chang.
135
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And I'm afraid Greendale takes
this kind of thing very seriously.
136
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Much like a university would.
137
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Your case will be reviewed
by disciplinary tribunal tomorrow
138
00:07:03,534 --> 00:07:04,523
in Borchart Hall.
139
00:07:04,735 --> 00:07:06,600
You could be facing expulsion.
140
00:07:06,804 --> 00:07:08,101
Isn't Borchart Hall the pool?
141
00:07:08,306 --> 00:07:10,297
There is an Olympic-sized
pool there, yes.
142
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But we will be next to it,
using its $6000 judge's table.
143
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Uh, is she allowed
to have counsel?
144
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I mean, I may not be
a practicing lawyer anymore,
145
00:07:18,749 --> 00:07:21,217
but relative to this place,
I'm Alan Dershowitz.
146
00:07:21,419 --> 00:07:24,081
Oh. Okay, ouch.
And, yes, if you'd like,
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00:07:24,288 --> 00:07:26,153
you may represent her.
Dean you later.
148
00:07:26,357 --> 00:07:30,453
I'm not gonna sit while some hokey
tribunal gets its jollies judging me.
149
00:07:30,661 --> 00:07:34,995
Hey, if you show up with me, follow my
lead, and deny everything, you'll walk.
150
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That's the Winger guarantee.
I get it.
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00:07:37,568 --> 00:07:40,002
You think you're gonna save my
bacon using your lawyer powers
152
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and send me into fits
of grateful arousal.
153
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I can neither confirm nor deny that.
154
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See how good I am?
155
00:07:48,980 --> 00:07:50,504
Hey, Troy, did you hear?
156
00:07:51,782 --> 00:07:55,650
All dogs are blue now.
Every single dog in the world is blue.
157
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I'm just messing with you.
Yeah. I know.
158
00:08:00,525 --> 00:08:02,993
But let me explain to you
a few things about how this works.
159
00:08:03,194 --> 00:08:05,890
Okay.
First of all, I cannot be got.
160
00:08:06,097 --> 00:08:07,962
Mm-hm.
Because I am not gullible like you.
161
00:08:08,165 --> 00:08:10,395
Secondly,
you are not good at this,
162
00:08:10,601 --> 00:08:13,468
because you are not believable
in your face, okay?
163
00:08:13,671 --> 00:08:14,660
Your face?
Yeah?
164
00:08:14,872 --> 00:08:15,930
It's bad. Um...
Okay.
165
00:08:16,140 --> 00:08:20,042
Also, you gotta ride the line
between believable and...
166
00:08:21,412 --> 00:08:24,108
What are you writing in?
It's a notepad.
167
00:08:24,315 --> 00:08:27,182
Yeah, but what... What language?
It's probably Arabic.
168
00:08:36,427 --> 00:08:39,191
All right, uh, I am convening
this disciplinary tribunal
169
00:08:39,397 --> 00:08:41,922
at our state-of-the-art judge's table.
170
00:08:42,133 --> 00:08:43,964
Which has it's own built-in
sound system.
171
00:08:44,168 --> 00:08:46,033
So take that, Yale. Heh-heh.
172
00:08:46,237 --> 00:08:49,400
Our judges include, uh, myself,
uh, Dean Craig Pelton.
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Professor lan Duncan.
174
00:08:51,309 --> 00:08:53,140
Professor Ben Chang.
175
00:08:53,344 --> 00:08:55,403
Uh, no, you're a teacher,
you're not a professor.
176
00:08:55,613 --> 00:08:57,808
Well, maybe because
I don't look like Ron Weasley.
177
00:08:58,015 --> 00:09:00,449
That's the difference,
that's the qualifying factor.
178
00:09:00,651 --> 00:09:01,743
Gentlemen, point of order.
179
00:09:01,953 --> 00:09:03,784
How can Señor Chang
be one of the judges?
180
00:09:03,988 --> 00:09:05,455
He's the one accusing my client.
181
00:09:05,656 --> 00:09:08,420
You got Prince Charles over here
as your drinking buddy.
182
00:09:08,626 --> 00:09:10,287
Oh, got me.
183
00:09:10,494 --> 00:09:12,928
Well, it sounds like there are
two biases, one on each side.
184
00:09:13,130 --> 00:09:15,325
And I go both ways.
Oh, let's strike that.
185
00:09:15,533 --> 00:09:17,831
LaShonda,
can we please strike that?
186
00:09:18,636 --> 00:09:22,902
I am impartial, so it should all work out.
Okay, let's begin.
187
00:09:23,107 --> 00:09:26,235
Fine. Uh, the tribunal calls
teacher Chang.
188
00:09:26,444 --> 00:09:28,469
Okay, just keep it up, FrostlNixon.
189
00:09:28,679 --> 00:09:30,977
I was planning on doing that.
Cleared my whole day.
190
00:09:31,182 --> 00:09:35,846
Uh, Mr. Chang, could you remind us
of the events of yesterday?
191
00:09:36,053 --> 00:09:40,922
Oh, with great pleasure.
It was a Tuesday, uh, crack of dawn, 5:58 a.m.
192
00:09:41,125 --> 00:09:43,059
I got up, I took my morning deuce.
193
00:09:43,260 --> 00:09:44,727
I made a breakfast consisting of...
194
00:09:48,299 --> 00:09:50,790
♪ Greendale, Greendale ♪
195
00:09:51,002 --> 00:09:52,970
♪ Slop pail... ♪
196
00:09:53,170 --> 00:09:56,003
Oh, man. Green, green, green.
197
00:09:56,207 --> 00:10:00,007
♪ Greendale isn't a slop pail ♪♪
198
00:10:01,946 --> 00:10:04,437
Hi. I'm almost done.
Oh, good.
199
00:10:04,649 --> 00:10:06,207
You can tell the dean
you will have a song
200
00:10:06,417 --> 00:10:07,645
that'll make the devil
poop God's pants.
201
00:10:08,152 --> 00:10:11,952
That's exciting.
Mind if I hear what you got so far?
202
00:10:12,490 --> 00:10:14,321
Well, yeah, sure, I, uh...
203
00:10:14,525 --> 00:10:17,551
I'll probably open
with something like this. Uh...
204
00:10:19,430 --> 00:10:23,332
You know, a note like that.
And end with a note like that.
205
00:10:23,534 --> 00:10:28,437
The words, I can't tell you.
You know, the rest is really a surprise.
206
00:10:28,639 --> 00:10:31,472
I'm just a little worried.
I keep hearing the same two notes.
207
00:10:31,676 --> 00:10:35,168
And your sheet music looks like
a Chinese takeout menu.
208
00:10:35,379 --> 00:10:38,507
A musician sees music
in everything, Annie.
209
00:10:38,716 --> 00:10:40,206
I mean, it could be...
210
00:10:40,951 --> 00:10:43,044
♪ Moo shu pork ♪
211
00:10:43,254 --> 00:10:45,347
♪ Squab with lettuce ♪♪
212
00:10:45,556 --> 00:10:47,251
You see?
I mean, it just comes out.
213
00:10:47,458 --> 00:10:49,187
You really shouldn't be here
right now.
214
00:10:49,393 --> 00:10:51,327
What?
You are inside a throbbing,
215
00:10:51,529 --> 00:10:54,521
cosmic womb of creativity.
216
00:10:54,732 --> 00:10:56,597
And when this baby starts kicking,
217
00:10:56,801 --> 00:10:59,964
I cannot be responsible
for your sanity. Ha.
218
00:11:00,171 --> 00:11:03,004
I know it sounds funny,
but let me play you out, okay?
219
00:11:06,277 --> 00:11:09,474
Playing you out now, this song.
You know, like on stage? Playing you out, okay?
220
00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:11,580
Thanks for coming. Bye-bye.
221
00:11:23,761 --> 00:11:25,092
Then she yelled, "Screw you."
222
00:11:25,296 --> 00:11:27,230
Or, "Screw education."
Or something like that.
223
00:11:27,431 --> 00:11:31,094
Then she stormed out of the room in her
high-heel boots like it was tampon time.
224
00:11:31,302 --> 00:11:32,360
If you know what I mean.
225
00:11:32,570 --> 00:11:34,401
Objection.
I don't know what he means.
226
00:11:34,605 --> 00:11:35,833
Please don't encourage him.
227
00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:39,476
Do you have any more questions?
The defense calls Britta Perry.
228
00:11:40,745 --> 00:11:43,043
Now are those the high-heel boots
he was talking about?
229
00:11:43,247 --> 00:11:44,236
Yes.
Are they comfortable?
230
00:11:44,448 --> 00:11:46,177
Yeah.
I'm just curious. They're cute.
231
00:11:46,383 --> 00:11:49,284
Miss Perry,
did you make that crib sheet?
232
00:11:50,154 --> 00:11:51,712
No.
She confessed.
233
00:11:51,922 --> 00:11:54,117
She confessed
to protect her classmates
234
00:11:54,325 --> 00:11:57,920
because you were threatening
to flunk everyone.
235
00:11:58,129 --> 00:12:00,893
You did what?
Oh. Shut your pompous vortex
236
00:12:01,098 --> 00:12:02,429
of overlapping fangs.
237
00:12:02,633 --> 00:12:04,430
Hey, British dentistry is not on trial.
238
00:12:04,635 --> 00:12:08,799
Dean Pelton, I move this case
be thrown out of the pool area.
239
00:12:09,006 --> 00:12:10,598
Well, it certainly...
240
00:12:14,378 --> 00:12:17,472
Well, it certainly sounds to me
that this young lady's only crime
241
00:12:17,681 --> 00:12:19,911
is being a hero
and wanting to be taller.
242
00:12:20,117 --> 00:12:22,278
This tribunal is adjourned.
Wait, I cheated.
243
00:12:22,486 --> 00:12:24,010
And we're back.
Objection.
244
00:12:24,221 --> 00:12:26,815
My client did not cheat.
Yes, I did.
245
00:12:27,725 --> 00:12:29,659
Yes, she did.
246
00:12:29,860 --> 00:12:31,327
But why?
247
00:12:31,529 --> 00:12:33,997
That's the real question, isn't it?
248
00:12:38,068 --> 00:12:41,265
The world wasn't the only thing
that changed on September 11 th.
249
00:12:41,472 --> 00:12:43,531
Oh, Jeff, come on.
Five minute recess?
250
00:12:43,741 --> 00:12:46,642
No, no. There's nothing in the bylaws
about recesses, all right?
251
00:12:46,844 --> 00:12:50,109
The wheels of justice here
don't stop just because... Oh!
252
00:12:50,314 --> 00:12:53,806
I know, everyone, time out, time out.
Save the table, save the table.
253
00:12:56,587 --> 00:12:57,611
Beginning transmission.
254
00:12:57,822 --> 00:12:59,847
The primary purpose seems to be
male bonding.
255
00:13:00,057 --> 00:13:01,786
And the attitude during conveyance
of the random deceit
256
00:13:01,992 --> 00:13:03,425
is apparently of
great importance.
257
00:13:03,627 --> 00:13:06,027
The humanoid is approximately
5'10" in height...
258
00:13:06,230 --> 00:13:07,629
What are you doing?
259
00:13:08,232 --> 00:13:10,700
Oh, hey, Troy. I didn't see you.
260
00:13:10,901 --> 00:13:12,493
Uh... How long were you
standing there?
261
00:13:14,572 --> 00:13:15,630
You trying to mess with me?
Yes.
262
00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:17,171
That's what I was doing.
You got me.
263
00:13:17,374 --> 00:13:19,968
I was just messing with you, but I
guess I blew it again. Heh-heh.
264
00:13:20,177 --> 00:13:23,635
Yeah, you did.
265
00:13:32,756 --> 00:13:35,919
Don't turn your back on me,
thinking you're all hoity-toity.
266
00:13:36,126 --> 00:13:38,856
Have you got a problem with me?
I don't like the fact
267
00:13:39,063 --> 00:13:42,157
that you're walking around here, like you're
better than me, in front of my students.
268
00:13:42,366 --> 00:13:46,530
I'm sorry, do you mind if we have this
conversation in a room with less balls?
269
00:13:49,139 --> 00:13:52,540
You... You're very confident,
I'll say that.
270
00:13:52,977 --> 00:13:54,410
But you shouldn't be.
271
00:13:54,612 --> 00:13:55,840
What are you doing out there?
272
00:13:56,046 --> 00:13:57,411
You know I have a problem
with dishonesty.
273
00:13:57,615 --> 00:13:59,207
You're on trial for cheating.
274
00:14:00,751 --> 00:14:02,309
Fine. Look, we'll be fine.
275
00:14:02,519 --> 00:14:05,886
I just have go back out there and make
the case that you're a good person.
276
00:14:06,090 --> 00:14:07,079
You don't know that.
277
00:14:07,291 --> 00:14:09,725
You're just doing all this
because you wanna sleep with me.
278
00:14:09,927 --> 00:14:12,521
I mean you said it yourself, you
don't even wanna be my friend.
279
00:14:12,730 --> 00:14:15,665
Wait a minute, wait. Is that...
Is that what you thought I meant?
280
00:14:15,866 --> 00:14:17,561
Britta, look at me. Look at me.
281
00:14:17,768 --> 00:14:20,862
I am.
No, look how handsome my face is.
282
00:14:21,472 --> 00:14:25,772
If all I wanted was sex, I could get it from plenty
of women without having to go through all this crap.
283
00:14:25,976 --> 00:14:27,534
I'm here because I like you.
284
00:14:27,745 --> 00:14:30,771
And I'd... I'd be psyched
to be your friend.
285
00:14:30,981 --> 00:14:34,815
I just didn't wanna take sex off the
table without doing my due diligence.
286
00:14:35,019 --> 00:14:36,953
I actually believe you.
Well, why wouldn't you?
287
00:14:37,154 --> 00:14:40,180
I don't know.
I guess the same reason that I cheated.
288
00:14:40,391 --> 00:14:44,122
I just have more experience
being worthless.
289
00:14:44,328 --> 00:14:48,025
I think I left that crib sheet on the floor
because I wanted to get caught at it.
290
00:14:48,232 --> 00:14:50,860
I'm so used to screwing everything up,
I just wanted to get it over with.
291
00:14:51,068 --> 00:14:53,332
Wait. I think we have our defense.
292
00:14:55,005 --> 00:14:57,997
Gentlemen, my client is insane.
293
00:14:58,208 --> 00:14:59,470
What?
294
00:15:06,050 --> 00:15:07,950
Gentlemen,
I'm sure you suspected
295
00:15:08,152 --> 00:15:10,814
that Miss Perry
was pretty odd before the recess.
296
00:15:11,021 --> 00:15:14,548
But if you could've heard all the stuff
she just told me in the shower,
297
00:15:14,758 --> 00:15:19,320
you would realize she is all the way
out of her entire damn mind.
298
00:15:19,530 --> 00:15:23,125
She doesn't want to succeed
because she doesn't think she can.
299
00:15:23,334 --> 00:15:26,861
So she goes out of her way to fail.
300
00:15:27,071 --> 00:15:28,129
That's crazy.
301
00:15:28,806 --> 00:15:33,573
But do we really wanna make it
a crime to be crazy at Greendale?
302
00:15:33,777 --> 00:15:34,766
I mean, look at us.
303
00:15:34,979 --> 00:15:37,277
I mean, you two are arguing
about status
304
00:15:37,481 --> 00:15:40,177
at a college that
correspondence schools make fun of.
305
00:15:40,384 --> 00:15:43,820
Dean, you want so bad
for this place to be Ivy League
306
00:15:44,021 --> 00:15:46,683
that you are putting us at risk
of electrocution.
307
00:15:46,890 --> 00:15:49,757
Because everyone on this campus
is nuts.
308
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:52,690
Not me.
Oh, come on, Leonard.
309
00:15:52,896 --> 00:15:54,864
If you're gonna argue with me,
put on a bathing suit.
310
00:15:55,065 --> 00:15:56,930
Busted. Ha-ha-ha.
311
00:15:58,102 --> 00:16:00,502
If you wanna rehabilitate
your fellow inmate,
312
00:16:00,704 --> 00:16:03,901
you need to sentence her
to staying here with us.
313
00:16:04,108 --> 00:16:06,872
Because if crazy people
can't be at Greendale,
314
00:16:07,077 --> 00:16:09,068
where are we supposed to go?
315
00:16:11,815 --> 00:16:14,283
Wow. Well,
under the circumstances,
316
00:16:14,485 --> 00:16:17,010
I recommend that the accused
be fully exonerated.
317
00:16:17,688 --> 00:16:20,316
On the condition that she
receives psychological counseling
318
00:16:20,524 --> 00:16:22,754
on a weekly basis from a trained
mental health professional.
319
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,485
I'm thinking maybe Fridays,
9-ish, something like that.
320
00:16:25,696 --> 00:16:27,061
All in favor say "aye."
Aye.
321
00:16:27,264 --> 00:16:28,663
Yes.
Wait. What?
322
00:16:28,866 --> 00:16:30,333
That just happened.
323
00:16:42,046 --> 00:16:44,173
Greetings, Abed.
324
00:16:47,418 --> 00:16:49,886
Greetings, Abed.
Greetings, commander.
325
00:16:50,087 --> 00:16:53,022
Tell me about
the one they call Troy.
326
00:16:53,223 --> 00:16:56,522
Well, he is rather arrogant
and has no mercy for weaker beings.
327
00:16:56,727 --> 00:16:58,558
Stop. Stop doing this right now.
328
00:16:58,762 --> 00:17:01,560
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm not an alien. Ha-ha.
329
00:17:01,765 --> 00:17:04,893
I never thought you were.
But this is insane, okay?
330
00:17:05,102 --> 00:17:07,502
Those are credible
alien hand movements.
331
00:17:07,704 --> 00:17:09,194
You invented a whole language.
332
00:17:09,406 --> 00:17:10,873
I'm pretty sure
you rented a green screen.
333
00:17:11,075 --> 00:17:12,940
Yeah.
It would be less creepy
334
00:17:13,143 --> 00:17:14,906
if you were actually an alien.
335
00:17:15,112 --> 00:17:18,377
But this is what friends do.
No. It...
336
00:17:19,450 --> 00:17:23,819
From now on, Abed,
friends don't mess with each other.
337
00:17:25,055 --> 00:17:27,250
Okay, cool?
Cool, cool. Bang-bang.
338
00:17:30,260 --> 00:17:32,125
Garrett, it's over. He knows.
339
00:17:34,898 --> 00:17:37,458
You're getting a little sloppy.
We went over budget.
340
00:17:47,811 --> 00:17:49,438
I've got it.
341
00:17:51,615 --> 00:17:56,416
♪ Greendale, Greendale, little star ♪
342
00:17:56,620 --> 00:17:57,848
Oh.
343
00:17:59,056 --> 00:18:01,149
I can't...
344
00:18:03,660 --> 00:18:05,093
Reject.
345
00:18:08,799 --> 00:18:09,993
I'm a fraud, Annie.
346
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:13,533
I'm no more of a songwriter
than you or Billy Joel.
347
00:18:14,104 --> 00:18:15,969
But what about
the Hawthorne Wipes jingle?
348
00:18:16,173 --> 00:18:18,141
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Sure, the whole thing.
349
00:18:18,342 --> 00:18:19,741
You wanna hear it? Here.
350
00:18:21,345 --> 00:18:24,280
♪ You'll be wiping off that ketchup
With our wipes ♪
351
00:18:24,481 --> 00:18:25,470
♪ Hawthorne Wipes ♪
352
00:18:25,682 --> 00:18:28,310
♪ You'll be wiping off that mustard
With our wipes ♪
353
00:18:28,519 --> 00:18:29,952
♪ At the picnic ♪♪
354
00:18:30,154 --> 00:18:31,781
That's "She'll be Comin'
Around the Mountain."
355
00:18:31,989 --> 00:18:35,186
I know. I steal everything.
You backed the wrong horse.
356
00:18:35,392 --> 00:18:38,418
I got nothing.
Pierce, you're musical.
357
00:18:38,629 --> 00:18:41,689
You're creative, you can do this.
I believe in you.
358
00:18:41,899 --> 00:18:43,890
Well, you shouldn't. I quit.
359
00:18:44,101 --> 00:18:45,830
You listen up, Pierce.
360
00:18:46,036 --> 00:18:49,836
I'm gonna tell you what my mother told
me when I wanted to quit cheerleading.
361
00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,270
"You're not very pretty,
you have no boobs,
362
00:18:52,476 --> 00:18:56,742
and you can't do a basket toss to save
your life, but you made a commitment."
363
00:18:56,947 --> 00:18:58,710
So pick up your pom-poms, Pierce.
364
00:18:58,916 --> 00:19:02,113
Stuff your bra, and get ready for the
team bus to forget you at a Taco Bell
365
00:19:02,319 --> 00:19:04,184
because life is tough.
366
00:19:04,388 --> 00:19:08,882
But we soldier on,
and that's just the way it goes.
367
00:19:11,828 --> 00:19:13,796
I'm gonna play myself out.
368
00:19:16,700 --> 00:19:18,463
"The way it goes."
369
00:19:18,669 --> 00:19:20,227
That's it.
370
00:19:20,971 --> 00:19:24,930
One, two, Luis Guzmán. Oh!
371
00:19:25,142 --> 00:19:27,474
Oh. Oh.
All right, Luis.
372
00:19:27,678 --> 00:19:29,236
You know, Greendale
may never be Harvard...
373
00:19:29,446 --> 00:19:32,506
Don't talk to me for a while.
No problem. Just glad you're here.
374
00:19:32,716 --> 00:19:35,617
With that, I'd like to introduce
our student, Pierce Hawthorne,
375
00:19:35,819 --> 00:19:38,982
who's written Greendale
its own school song. Heh.
376
00:19:39,189 --> 00:19:42,386
Pierce, okay.
Thank you, dean, thank you.
377
00:19:42,593 --> 00:19:45,528
This song goes out to Annie
378
00:19:45,996 --> 00:19:47,623
for believing in me.
379
00:19:51,702 --> 00:19:56,799
♪ Standing in the bookstore line
Waiting for the bell to chime ♪
380
00:19:57,007 --> 00:19:58,975
♪ So you can go to class ♪
381
00:20:01,445 --> 00:20:04,972
♪ Dancing in your underwear
Taking air conditioner repair ♪
382
00:20:05,182 --> 00:20:06,308
Is this Bruce Hornsby's?
Yup.
383
00:20:06,516 --> 00:20:08,916
Does he know he stole it?
I don't think so. Let him enjoy it.
384
00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:11,485
Could we get sued?
Not sure.
385
00:20:12,456 --> 00:20:14,651
♪ Greendale's the way it goes ♪
386
00:20:14,858 --> 00:20:16,291
Yeah, they got us.
387
00:20:16,793 --> 00:20:20,854
♪ Some things are still the same ♪
388
00:20:21,431 --> 00:20:24,332
♪ Slop pails and pantyhose ♪
389
00:20:24,534 --> 00:20:29,801
♪ Oh, Annie believes in me ♪♪
390
00:20:59,703 --> 00:21:01,170
How many?
Thirty-six. You win.
391
00:21:01,371 --> 00:21:02,497
Best of three?
Yeah.
392
00:21:07,244 --> 00:21:08,268
Aaah...