1 00:00:01,519 --> 00:00:04,077 It's Valentine's week, 2 00:00:04,078 --> 00:00:07,912 when the Greendale Human Being is the Cupid Being, 3 00:00:08,115 --> 00:00:11,107 delivering your gift to that special someone. 4 00:00:11,318 --> 00:00:14,651 But remember, Cupid's face is magic marker on nylon, 5 00:00:14,855 --> 00:00:19,349 so love is not only blind but also dizzy and a little belligerent. 6 00:00:19,860 --> 00:00:22,021 I'm chaperoning tomorrow's dance. 7 00:00:22,229 --> 00:00:24,322 You should come. Maybe your study buds will go. 8 00:00:24,531 --> 00:00:27,022 What's the blonde's name? Bitter, Butter, Beetlejuice? 9 00:00:27,234 --> 00:00:30,203 Britta. Yeah, she says Valentine's Day ritualizes a connection 10 00:00:30,404 --> 00:00:33,896 between affection and candy so girls can learn the ropes of prostitution. 11 00:00:34,108 --> 00:00:35,405 Translation, no date. 12 00:00:35,609 --> 00:00:37,543 I'm gonna join you at that dance. 13 00:00:37,745 --> 00:00:40,942 But as a novice boyfriend, could I get a map of the minefield known as 14 00:00:41,148 --> 00:00:43,207 women's Valentine expectations? 15 00:00:43,417 --> 00:00:46,511 Every day of the year, I want you to do what makes you happy. 16 00:00:47,321 --> 00:00:49,186 Tomorrow, I'm gonna be happy spending the night 17 00:00:49,390 --> 00:00:50,652 with an insatiable statistics professor. 18 00:00:56,962 --> 00:00:58,589 Jeff, it's the Registrar's Office. 19 00:00:58,797 --> 00:01:01,994 Seems you were wrong about paying tuition with airline miles. 20 00:01:02,201 --> 00:01:03,190 We're gonna need a check... 21 00:01:03,402 --> 00:01:04,391 Message deleted. 22 00:01:04,603 --> 00:01:08,471 Jeff Winger, I am calling you. 23 00:01:11,243 --> 00:01:14,007 You're probably, whatever. 24 00:01:14,213 --> 00:01:17,478 So, what's up? Heh. 25 00:01:17,950 --> 00:01:20,714 Oh, it's the Cupid Being. Ooh! 26 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:22,478 Now it has arrows. That's safe. 27 00:01:23,012 --> 00:01:26,470 Oh! It's from that cook with the long beard in the cafeteria. 28 00:01:26,581 --> 00:01:27,570 I guess when he said, 29 00:01:27,782 --> 00:01:29,010 "I'm gonna get you," 30 00:01:29,217 --> 00:01:30,945 um, he meant chocolates. 31 00:01:32,635 --> 00:01:35,627 A flower from Vaughn. He's away on a vision quest. 32 00:01:36,831 --> 00:01:38,025 You got something, Abed? 33 00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:40,029 Another muffin basket from another actress 34 00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:42,634 who wants to be in my next film. Does that work? 35 00:01:42,837 --> 00:01:45,101 Yep. Meryl Streep has two Oscars because of her baking. 36 00:01:45,306 --> 00:01:47,035 Oh, that's sarcasm but I forgot to inflect. 37 00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:48,708 This sounds way more like sarcasm. 38 00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:51,002 Inflection is so interesting. 39 00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:53,203 That big bag at the bottom. Is that for me? 40 00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:57,980 Anything in there for Troy? Troy Barnes. 41 00:01:58,185 --> 00:01:59,709 Barnes, comma, Troy? 44 00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:07,520 The birth of St. Valentine's. Oh, good. 45 00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:10,026 Now it has arrows. That's safe. 46 00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:12,358 Sorry I'm late. It's okay. 47 00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,932 Actually, you look very early. Oh, God, I'm really late. 48 00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:16,899 Yes, you are. Yeah. See you later. 49 00:02:17,104 --> 00:02:19,072 That's all right. We'll see you guys. 50 00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:23,437 Can I get you something? Water? Smelling salts? 51 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,669 An alibi for Cobain's suicide? 52 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:28,405 No, but you could help yourself to a shorter forehead, 53 00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:31,141 a non-Keebler nose, and shutting up. 54 00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:33,650 Hmm. That stings. I mean, not the words. 55 00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:36,618 The clouds of bourbon vapor forming them. 56 00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:40,089 Heh. A girlfriend from my anarchist days was in town 57 00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:42,694 and we drank. Everything. 58 00:02:42,897 --> 00:02:45,866 Yeah. And then you said, "I should call Jeff." 59 00:02:46,067 --> 00:02:50,470 Yeah, because the first thing I do when I'm having fun is think about... 60 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:55,131 Jeff Winger, I am calling you. 61 00:02:55,343 --> 00:02:58,107 You're probably, whatever. 62 00:02:58,312 --> 00:03:00,177 So, what's up? 63 00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:01,609 The drunk dial. 64 00:03:01,816 --> 00:03:04,444 So much subtext. So much intrigue. 65 00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:08,452 So much of what the kids are calling BCI. 66 00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:11,750 That's, uh, Booty Call Implication. 67 00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:19,523 Oh... 68 00:03:19,834 --> 00:03:21,995 What happened to Britta? Justice. 69 00:03:22,203 --> 00:03:26,139 Having spent the year denying her attraction to me just to be alternative, 70 00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:31,972 Britta called me at 3 a.m. just to ask, "What's up?" 71 00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:34,170 A drunk dial? Was it BCI? 72 00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:36,610 Booty call with a capital B. 73 00:03:36,611 --> 00:03:38,321 Mm. This can't be good. It's no biggie. 74 00:03:38,322 --> 00:03:39,584 We give each other crap all the time. 75 00:03:39,790 --> 00:03:42,987 Well, that's the point. What crap can she give now that you hold the cards? 76 00:03:43,193 --> 00:03:45,991 You shifted the balance like in a sitcom when one character sees another one naked. 77 00:03:46,730 --> 00:03:48,357 Is that really a sitcom staple? 78 00:03:48,565 --> 00:03:52,092 No. I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm Abed, I never watch TV. 79 00:03:59,810 --> 00:04:05,908 Now, we all know that in English, the rooster says "cock-a-doodle-doo." 80 00:04:06,116 --> 00:04:09,608 In espaņol, the gallo says: 81 00:04:15,327 --> 00:04:16,988 What? I'm teaching. 82 00:04:23,115 --> 00:04:25,413 Aha! I knew you were holding back. 83 00:04:25,618 --> 00:04:28,382 Oh! It's from the girl I'm dating. 84 00:04:28,588 --> 00:04:30,078 Yeah, I met her in biology. 85 00:04:30,289 --> 00:04:32,814 She was looking for geology and misread the sign. 86 00:04:33,025 --> 00:04:35,721 Yeah, I said, "We do not study countries in here." Heh. 87 00:04:35,928 --> 00:04:39,295 Yeah, she's... She's dumb, but... But sweet. 88 00:04:39,498 --> 00:04:42,592 Yeah, mine's from Danielle. She's, uh... Uh... 89 00:04:42,802 --> 00:04:45,066 A lovely lady in my marketing class. 90 00:04:45,605 --> 00:04:46,936 We're sleeping together. 91 00:04:47,139 --> 00:04:49,505 They sound like very lucky ladies. 92 00:04:49,709 --> 00:04:51,108 Yeah, they're not made up. 93 00:04:51,344 --> 00:04:53,778 Beep-beep! Oh, my God, what's going on? Beep-beep-beep! 94 00:04:53,980 --> 00:04:56,210 My bull crap meter's going crazy. 95 00:04:56,415 --> 00:04:59,384 Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep! Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep! 96 00:05:00,853 --> 00:05:02,980 It's these presents you've obviously sent yourselves 97 00:05:03,189 --> 00:05:05,214 to make it look like you have girlfriends. 98 00:05:05,424 --> 00:05:06,686 That's ridiculous. 99 00:05:06,893 --> 00:05:10,590 This is obviously your handwriting, Mr. Tremor. 100 00:05:11,464 --> 00:05:13,022 And yours is signed, "Love, Troy"? 101 00:05:13,532 --> 00:05:16,467 I tell you, this is the most pathetic thing I've ever seen in the classroom. 102 00:05:21,275 --> 00:05:23,675 Look at him over there, cutting the gristle off his steak 103 00:05:23,878 --> 00:05:27,075 as ruthlessly as he cut off Troy and Pierce's dignity. 104 00:05:27,648 --> 00:05:29,912 Ew! Now he's eating the gristle. 105 00:05:30,117 --> 00:05:32,779 I'm so sick of Chang. Always tearing people down, 106 00:05:32,987 --> 00:05:34,852 making them feel horrible about themselves. 107 00:05:35,076 --> 00:05:37,943 Somebody needs to humiliate him the way he humiliated our boys. 108 00:05:38,146 --> 00:05:40,808 Mustache, get me a juice box. 109 00:05:41,015 --> 00:05:43,916 Now. And that somebody is us. 110 00:05:46,621 --> 00:05:49,522 You can vomit onto this food because it already smells like it. 111 00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:53,216 Heh-heh. Yeah, totally. Heh-heh-heh. 112 00:05:55,127 --> 00:05:57,527 My law firm went on a retreat to Disney World once, 113 00:05:57,729 --> 00:06:02,666 and I got so drunk that I got into a fight with animatronic Ben Franklin. 114 00:06:02,868 --> 00:06:04,199 Why are you telling me this? 115 00:06:04,403 --> 00:06:06,337 Well, the point is that when I'm sober, 116 00:06:06,538 --> 00:06:09,439 I don't secretly hate Ben Franklin or even think about him, 117 00:06:09,641 --> 00:06:11,472 so you drunk dialing me? 118 00:06:11,676 --> 00:06:14,804 It's not like a big deal. My God. You're pitying me now. 119 00:06:15,013 --> 00:06:18,540 Well, you're acting really weird. I'll talk to you in class, okay? 120 00:06:18,750 --> 00:06:20,513 Just leave me alone till then. 121 00:06:23,924 --> 00:06:25,789 Beep-beep-beep! 122 00:06:25,993 --> 00:06:27,858 What is going on here? 123 00:06:28,062 --> 00:06:30,895 Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep! 124 00:06:31,098 --> 00:06:32,690 My doody meter's going crazy. 125 00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:35,334 Okay, cut, cut, cut. Leo, I'm not feeling it. 126 00:06:35,536 --> 00:06:37,629 I really need to believe that you're holding an imaginary doody meter. 127 00:06:37,838 --> 00:06:41,365 The problem is not me. It's you and your stupid script. 128 00:06:41,575 --> 00:06:42,940 Idiot. 129 00:06:43,144 --> 00:06:44,543 That's the anger. Use it. 130 00:06:45,813 --> 00:06:47,405 Wow. One Papa John's commercial 131 00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:48,604 and he thinks he's Christian Bale. 132 00:06:48,816 --> 00:06:50,443 Look, uh, you were right. 133 00:06:50,651 --> 00:06:53,484 Britta is totally weird around me. It does feel like I saw her naked. 134 00:06:53,570 --> 00:06:55,333 It's a resonant premise. Tony even saw Angela naked 135 00:06:55,539 --> 00:06:57,006 on the opening credits of Who's the Boss? 136 00:06:57,207 --> 00:06:58,902 And did Tony do something to fix that? 137 00:06:59,109 --> 00:07:01,077 I don't know. I could never get past the opening credits. 138 00:07:01,278 --> 00:07:03,143 But when Chandler saw Rachel naked on Friends, 139 00:07:03,347 --> 00:07:05,042 to even the score Rachel needed to see Chandler's penis. 140 00:07:05,549 --> 00:07:08,211 All right. I'll show Britta my penis. 141 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:11,102 Jeff, please don't waste my time. I lose my Chang to Cub Scouts in 20 minutes. 142 00:07:11,310 --> 00:07:14,643 So... So, what? To even the score, I have to drunk dial her? 143 00:07:14,847 --> 00:07:17,645 Isn't that absurdly simplistic? Would it even work? 144 00:07:17,850 --> 00:07:19,548 Yes, and maybe. Oh. 145 00:07:19,549 --> 00:07:23,007 No room for error. She'd have to believe it was real. 146 00:07:23,219 --> 00:07:24,662 Have you ever acted drunk before? 147 00:07:24,664 --> 00:07:26,295 I can totally do it. 148 00:07:26,296 --> 00:07:30,027 I'm fine. I can drive. I can totally drive right now. 149 00:07:30,233 --> 00:07:31,757 Give me my keys. That's enough. 150 00:07:31,968 --> 00:07:33,990 No, hold on a second. All right. 151 00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:35,313 I don't care. 152 00:07:36,014 --> 00:07:37,641 No, seriously, give me my keys. 153 00:07:38,984 --> 00:07:40,474 Okay, that's a wrap, people. 154 00:07:41,602 --> 00:07:44,727 I want you to be at my place at 4 so we can work on this. 155 00:07:44,728 --> 00:07:47,242 Well, no, I can't do that. Here's why. 156 00:07:47,243 --> 00:07:48,676 Dumbest idea ever. 157 00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:51,131 Jeff, you know Britta's defining weakness. She cuts and runs. 158 00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:54,102 Do this half-assed and fail, she may leave, then we all lose her. 159 00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:56,105 That's not gonna happen. Not on my watch. 160 00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:57,743 That's a deal breaker. Saddle up. 161 00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:00,413 Sorry I lost my cool. Just quit smoking. 162 00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:04,415 Kid's gonna be a star. He's a young "the Asian guy from Lost." 163 00:08:06,451 --> 00:08:07,509 Try it again. 164 00:08:08,253 --> 00:08:10,881 Come on. You're a big guy. 165 00:08:13,458 --> 00:08:14,891 Action. 166 00:08:17,870 --> 00:08:20,692 Hey, Britta. Your call got me thinking, 167 00:08:20,693 --> 00:08:22,296 and thinking got me drinking. 168 00:08:22,297 --> 00:08:23,594 Stop. That was terrible. 169 00:08:23,799 --> 00:08:25,289 What? Mm-mm. 170 00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:28,401 You know, I can get drunk alone if that's what helps people act. 171 00:08:28,603 --> 00:08:31,299 Well, that's your problem, Jeff. You've been acting your whole life. Okay? 172 00:08:31,506 --> 00:08:34,066 Time to pass that act up and find the actor playing you. 173 00:08:34,276 --> 00:08:36,710 Oh, they are gonna love you in California. 174 00:08:39,681 --> 00:08:40,670 Do you like Britta? 175 00:08:41,450 --> 00:08:44,544 Sure, who doesn't? Over half the people that meet her. 176 00:08:44,986 --> 00:08:47,011 They can be put off by her vacuous mannequin face, 177 00:08:47,222 --> 00:08:49,383 and her Jodie Foster severity. 178 00:08:49,825 --> 00:08:50,814 But you're different. Uh... 179 00:08:51,026 --> 00:08:53,153 You know. She's no barrel of monkeys. 180 00:08:53,361 --> 00:08:55,989 She... She wants everyone to be honest but she lies to herself. 181 00:08:56,198 --> 00:08:58,189 She's seen the world but doesn't get it. 182 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,527 She has more fights about stuff that doesn't matter 183 00:09:00,735 --> 00:09:02,430 than a YouTube comment section. 184 00:09:02,637 --> 00:09:07,841 She's passionate, which I find stupid but entertaining. 185 00:09:07,842 --> 00:09:09,135 Attractive? 186 00:09:09,136 --> 00:09:10,125 It was only attraction at first 187 00:09:10,338 --> 00:09:11,862 because she bothered to play hard to get. 188 00:09:12,972 --> 00:09:16,387 - I'm happy with Michelle. - Yeah, Slater is low maintenance. 189 00:09:16,472 --> 00:09:17,211 The lowest. 190 00:09:17,212 --> 00:09:20,012 Britta, irritating, impossible, unpredictable, and she didn't like you, 191 00:09:20,088 --> 00:09:21,464 so it felt useless to like her. 192 00:09:21,465 --> 00:09:25,333 Slater likes you how you are, expects nothing from you. You're safe from change. 193 00:09:25,535 --> 00:09:27,093 And passion. 194 00:09:27,304 --> 00:09:28,703 Watch it. Watch what? 195 00:09:28,905 --> 00:09:32,671 A phony drunk-dial soaked in phony pity that insults Britta even more? 196 00:09:32,876 --> 00:09:35,868 Or a believable performance informed by feeling? 197 00:09:38,115 --> 00:09:41,414 You know, I am sure you're a good director, 198 00:09:41,618 --> 00:09:43,449 but you are a horrible drinking buddy. 199 00:09:43,653 --> 00:09:46,053 I mean, I can't feel things with you studying me 200 00:09:46,256 --> 00:09:48,247 like a beige praying mantis. 201 00:09:49,693 --> 00:09:51,092 You're right. 202 00:09:56,533 --> 00:09:59,991 I thought you never drank. Scorsese drank with De Niro. 203 00:10:03,573 --> 00:10:06,440 It's not for me. It's for the audience. 204 00:10:57,426 --> 00:10:59,394 All right, class, turn to page... Whoa. 205 00:10:59,595 --> 00:11:02,189 Looks like the law firm of Seacrest and Slumdog 206 00:11:02,397 --> 00:11:05,093 is taking the day off. 207 00:11:06,912 --> 00:11:09,671 Ooh. Another special delivery 208 00:11:09,672 --> 00:11:12,732 from Troy and Pierce's imaginary lovers? 209 00:11:15,370 --> 00:11:18,635 Wait a minute. Uhn. 210 00:11:18,841 --> 00:11:21,435 That one's for me. Heh-heh-heh. 211 00:11:21,643 --> 00:11:24,737 All right. Oh, yeah. Huh. Chh-chh. 212 00:11:27,416 --> 00:11:29,646 Wow. It's from Princeton. 213 00:11:29,852 --> 00:11:32,047 They want to make me associate professor 214 00:11:32,254 --> 00:11:34,882 of the Spanish Department? 215 00:11:35,090 --> 00:11:37,888 They're telling me I can name my price? Oh, my God. 216 00:11:38,427 --> 00:11:40,395 At Princeton? Come on. 217 00:11:40,596 --> 00:11:44,157 You two idiots really thought I'd fall for this, huh? 218 00:11:44,366 --> 00:11:49,326 This is your pathetic attempt to punish me for humiliating you. 219 00:11:49,694 --> 00:11:52,492 But we didn't do it. Save it. 220 00:11:55,466 --> 00:11:59,402 As punishment, because you two obviously don't have any girlfriends, 221 00:11:59,604 --> 00:12:03,973 escort me to the Valentine's Dance wearing elegant ladies' pantsuits. 222 00:12:04,175 --> 00:12:05,870 Ha-ha-ha. Yeah, right. 223 00:12:06,965 --> 00:12:08,227 You'll do it or you fail my class. 224 00:12:08,509 --> 00:12:11,103 You can't do that. Have you met me? 225 00:12:11,312 --> 00:12:14,645 I mean it. Tonight, you are my bitches. 226 00:12:20,488 --> 00:12:22,615 Holy crap. 227 00:12:23,291 --> 00:12:25,088 Abed. 228 00:12:26,494 --> 00:12:28,257 Abed? 229 00:12:39,674 --> 00:12:41,039 It's 3:00. 230 00:12:41,242 --> 00:12:42,903 What happened? 231 00:12:43,110 --> 00:12:45,442 The last thing I remember 232 00:12:46,147 --> 00:12:49,139 is you were dancing like that girl in the movie 233 00:12:50,918 --> 00:12:52,852 Kids In Detention? Breakfast Club? 234 00:12:53,054 --> 00:12:55,818 Dear God. What have you done to me? 235 00:12:56,023 --> 00:12:59,117 Wait, did I call Britta? 236 00:13:00,161 --> 00:13:02,994 Where's my phone? Got it. 237 00:13:03,831 --> 00:13:05,492 You made two outgoing calls. 238 00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:08,066 One to Britta, one to your girlfriend. 239 00:13:08,269 --> 00:13:09,896 I don't remember either of them. 240 00:13:10,104 --> 00:13:11,093 Neither do I. 241 00:13:12,707 --> 00:13:15,767 And I don't remember the name of the girl in The Breakfast Club. 242 00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:17,735 Mary. 243 00:13:18,179 --> 00:13:19,874 Margaret. 244 00:13:20,281 --> 00:13:22,306 Molly Ringworm? 245 00:13:23,484 --> 00:13:24,508 You broke me. 246 00:13:30,069 --> 00:13:32,629 I still can't believe I'm a size 14. 247 00:13:32,838 --> 00:13:36,501 I know the 12 was a little tight but I could have pulled it off. 248 00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:38,842 You guys really going through with this? 249 00:13:39,044 --> 00:13:40,944 We have to. He'll fail us. 250 00:13:41,147 --> 00:13:43,672 But we're gonna find out who wrote that letter. We have leads. 251 00:13:43,883 --> 00:13:46,909 Yeah. It was written on fake Princeton letterhead. So whoever wrote it, 252 00:13:47,119 --> 00:13:49,280 worked at Princeton, ran out of stationary, 253 00:13:49,488 --> 00:13:51,046 and didn't have time to go to the store. 254 00:13:51,257 --> 00:13:53,589 Um, you guys? Uh-uh! Uh. 255 00:13:54,193 --> 00:13:55,217 What? 256 00:13:57,029 --> 00:13:58,519 Women's sizes run slimmer. 257 00:13:58,731 --> 00:14:01,291 I'm sure you're a 12 everywhere that it counts. 258 00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:03,730 Well, I'll take every little victory I can get right now. 259 00:14:06,736 --> 00:14:09,422 You look about ready to marry Courtney Love. 260 00:14:11,046 --> 00:14:13,014 That's the reverse of my zinger from before. 261 00:14:13,215 --> 00:14:16,844 Okay, please stop shouting, all right? I feel like that person in that TV show. 262 00:14:17,686 --> 00:14:19,711 Do you remember calling me last night? 263 00:14:20,822 --> 00:14:22,346 Yeah. Why? 264 00:14:22,757 --> 00:14:24,816 Are we cool? Oh, yeah. 265 00:14:25,026 --> 00:14:28,052 Have a seat, Drunky Brewster. Let's study. 266 00:14:29,197 --> 00:14:31,131 Hey, balance restored, I guess. 267 00:14:31,333 --> 00:14:33,233 Movie reference. 268 00:14:50,051 --> 00:14:51,678 Hey there. 269 00:14:52,087 --> 00:14:54,146 Happy Valentine's Day. 270 00:14:54,356 --> 00:14:56,586 I've been calling you. Yeah, I know. 271 00:14:56,791 --> 00:15:00,727 I figured I'd just let it go to voicemail in case you had the wrong number again. 272 00:15:01,162 --> 00:15:02,595 Elaborate? Oh, you don't remember 273 00:15:02,797 --> 00:15:03,889 calling me at 4 in the morning 274 00:15:04,099 --> 00:15:07,032 and hanging up when you realized I wasn't Britta? 275 00:15:07,033 --> 00:15:08,433 I guess not. 276 00:15:10,669 --> 00:15:12,159 Michelle. 277 00:15:12,371 --> 00:15:13,929 Michelle, um, 278 00:15:14,773 --> 00:15:18,504 I was trying to call Britain to order you toffees. 279 00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:20,007 Now that might sound dumb, 280 00:15:20,212 --> 00:15:24,512 but I needed to open with it to make the truth less ridiculous. 281 00:15:28,153 --> 00:15:30,917 Two nights ago, Britta drunk-dialed me, 282 00:15:31,123 --> 00:15:33,387 and it embarrassed her and made her sad, 283 00:15:33,592 --> 00:15:35,958 and the only way for her to get her power back 284 00:15:36,161 --> 00:15:38,755 was for me to get believably drunk and leave her 285 00:15:38,964 --> 00:15:40,625 an equally embarrassing message. 286 00:15:40,832 --> 00:15:42,993 It sure seems like you and Britta are friends 287 00:15:43,201 --> 00:15:45,902 the way my mom's pool cleaner was my uncle. 288 00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:47,700 Have you had sex with her? Not even a little. 289 00:15:48,001 --> 00:15:50,465 What doesn't make sense is that you did all this work 290 00:15:50,466 --> 00:15:53,196 to put a smile on her face but can't pick up ice cream 291 00:15:53,402 --> 00:15:55,893 for Law and Order night because it feels too marriage-y. 292 00:15:56,138 --> 00:15:57,469 First of all, Chubby Hubby? 293 00:15:57,673 --> 00:15:59,300 I mean, could you pick a scarier flavor? 294 00:16:00,455 --> 00:16:05,449 Let's talk about this later. I need to chaperone something. 295 00:16:27,055 --> 00:16:29,649 There he is. Oh. 296 00:16:30,091 --> 00:16:33,356 You know, I thought I'd be embarrassed. Now I'm just scared. 297 00:16:33,561 --> 00:16:36,689 I am seriously reconsidering how much I want this language credit. 298 00:16:36,898 --> 00:16:37,922 Remember what we said? 299 00:16:39,334 --> 00:16:41,302 Never let him see us cry. 300 00:16:41,503 --> 00:16:42,731 Right. 301 00:16:42,937 --> 00:16:45,838 Okay, one, two... 302 00:16:46,041 --> 00:16:47,668 Wait. Keep your coats on. 303 00:16:47,876 --> 00:16:49,673 We're the ones that sent the letter to Chang. 304 00:16:49,878 --> 00:16:51,209 What? 305 00:16:51,413 --> 00:16:52,675 You work... You work at Princeton? 306 00:16:52,881 --> 00:16:54,781 We were mad at him for humiliating you. 307 00:16:54,983 --> 00:16:58,976 Well, nice fix, Tweedledum and even Tweedlerdum. 308 00:16:59,187 --> 00:17:02,714 Look, we're gonna tell Chang the truth, 309 00:17:03,158 --> 00:17:05,183 and we'll pay the price. 310 00:17:05,393 --> 00:17:06,792 Wait. 311 00:17:07,162 --> 00:17:09,392 We can't make you do that. No, he's right. 312 00:17:09,597 --> 00:17:12,623 First we gotta get out of these pantsuits then you can put them on. 313 00:17:12,834 --> 00:17:16,133 Look, Pierce, this whole thing started because you and I were ashamed 314 00:17:16,337 --> 00:17:18,362 we didn't have ladies that cared about us. 315 00:17:18,573 --> 00:17:20,871 And the good news is we obviously do. 316 00:17:21,376 --> 00:17:26,609 The bad news is that it makes it our manly duty to protect them tonight. 317 00:17:26,815 --> 00:17:28,077 Oh! That's nice 318 00:17:28,283 --> 00:17:30,308 but we really can't let you do that. 319 00:17:30,518 --> 00:17:33,043 No, he's right. He's right. 320 00:17:33,254 --> 00:17:35,779 Step aside. Oh. 321 00:17:36,891 --> 00:17:39,223 Let's handle this like men. Yeah. 322 00:17:44,466 --> 00:17:46,024 Whoo. Ladies. 323 00:17:46,032 --> 00:17:49,365 They're going to be okay, right? Get in my Mercedes. 324 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,628 Just look away, baby. 325 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,037 Just look away. 326 00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:17,291 Whoa. Looking for someone? 327 00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:19,960 Yeah. 328 00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:22,027 Slater. Heh. 329 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:23,800 Very funny. 330 00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:27,330 You know, when you called me last night and invited me to the dance, 331 00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:29,474 I was shocked. 332 00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:31,541 And thrilled. 333 00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:35,213 Are you okay? 334 00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:37,948 Yeah. 335 00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:39,140 No. No. 336 00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:41,912 Look, I'm sorry. 337 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:47,011 Uh, I don't... I don't remember asking you to the dance. I don't remember anything. 338 00:18:47,012 --> 00:18:49,606 And now Slater knows about all the drunk-dialing stuff, 339 00:18:49,815 --> 00:18:53,251 and I'm in the doghouse. And if she finds out about this, it's over. 340 00:18:53,452 --> 00:18:56,285 So, again, I am sorry. I am so, so sorry. 341 00:18:56,488 --> 00:18:58,820 And you are messing with me right now, aren't you? 342 00:18:59,024 --> 00:19:02,118 I knew you didn't remember anything from that phone call last night. 343 00:19:02,328 --> 00:19:06,355 You got dressed up just to see me sweat? 344 00:19:06,565 --> 00:19:08,795 Oh, believe me. You're worth it. 345 00:19:09,001 --> 00:19:10,628 Sorry. Just chaperoning. Enjoy the dance. 346 00:19:10,836 --> 00:19:11,825 Wait, Michelle. 347 00:19:12,671 --> 00:19:15,003 Jeff, what's left to say? 348 00:19:15,975 --> 00:19:18,443 Uh... I... I don't know. 349 00:19:18,677 --> 00:19:20,508 I... I do. 350 00:19:22,548 --> 00:19:24,607 He said it last night. 351 00:19:27,019 --> 00:19:31,319 So look, I am really into Michelle. 352 00:19:31,523 --> 00:19:35,960 And I don't wanna screw it up. She's a perfect girlfriend. 353 00:19:36,161 --> 00:19:37,856 And I want you to be as happy as me 354 00:19:38,063 --> 00:19:41,555 because you're, like, my favorite friend, so... Ha-ha-ha. 355 00:19:41,767 --> 00:19:44,861 I'm sorry. Abed just made a turtle face. 356 00:19:46,005 --> 00:19:49,532 In his defense, Abed's turtle face is really funny. 357 00:19:50,042 --> 00:19:53,102 Thanks, Britta. Yeah, thanks. 358 00:19:54,413 --> 00:19:56,040 Yeah. 359 00:19:56,915 --> 00:19:59,315 That was the first 20 seconds of a 40-minute message. 360 00:19:59,918 --> 00:20:02,386 Very informative. 361 00:20:05,124 --> 00:20:08,525 Happy Valentine's Day, perfect boyfriend. 362 00:20:09,061 --> 00:20:11,529 Yeah, that's me. 363 00:20:28,076 --> 00:20:30,806 Man, I cannot wait to get out of these ridiculous outfits. 364 00:20:31,013 --> 00:20:32,878 Woof! I know, yeah. 365 00:20:34,550 --> 00:20:36,381 What are you doing? I'm parked over here. 366 00:20:36,585 --> 00:20:38,075 Oh, uh, well... Uh... 367 00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:41,153 Heh-heh. Come on. 368 00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:43,754 Um... What the hell is this? 369 00:20:43,959 --> 00:20:45,256 We're going to get frozen yogurt. Aah. 370 00:20:45,461 --> 00:20:47,759 I'm not gay, man. They close in seven minutes. 371 00:20:47,963 --> 00:20:49,055 I could have driven you. 372 00:20:49,832 --> 00:20:51,595 You said he hated fro-yo. 373 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:53,233 Just drive. 374 00:20:56,572 --> 00:20:57,561 Slut!