1 00:00:00,056 --> 00:00:01,129 One, two, three! 2 00:00:02,494 --> 00:00:04,961 Hey, guys! We're here! 3 00:00:05,030 --> 00:00:06,296 Welcome! 4 00:00:06,398 --> 00:00:07,897 Pool's cool, snacks in the kitchen, 5 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:10,867 I've had some rosé, so fun Mitchell is in the house. 6 00:00:10,936 --> 00:00:12,636 Showing quite a bit of leg. 7 00:00:12,738 --> 00:00:14,471 - This is very... - World-cuppy? 8 00:00:15,774 --> 00:00:17,040 There they are! 9 00:00:17,109 --> 00:00:19,509 My adult children still sponging off me 10 00:00:19,578 --> 00:00:21,745 - after nearly five decades. - Love it. 11 00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:24,814 Sorry, thought I'd bend that into a joke, but it stayed real. 12 00:00:25,694 --> 00:00:27,360 - Hi, kids! - Hey, Grandpa. 13 00:00:27,462 --> 00:00:28,628 Come on, Lily. Come on. 14 00:00:28,697 --> 00:00:31,498 Hey, Phil. 15 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:33,933 What's up his can? 16 00:00:34,002 --> 00:00:35,201 I don't know. 17 00:00:35,270 --> 00:00:37,337 Not easy being a white man these days. 18 00:00:37,439 --> 00:00:38,571 You feel me. 19 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:41,308 So, I got Dad and Gloria's anniversary present. 20 00:00:41,410 --> 00:00:43,042 You guys both owe me 40 bucks. 21 00:00:43,112 --> 00:00:44,178 Wait. It's their anniversary? 22 00:00:44,247 --> 00:00:45,779 I-I thought it was Gloria's birthday. 23 00:00:45,848 --> 00:00:47,147 It can't be Gloria's birthday. 24 00:00:47,216 --> 00:00:48,949 She gets mad even if you mention it. 25 00:00:49,051 --> 00:00:50,184 I once asked when it was, 26 00:00:50,286 --> 00:00:52,086 and she left a dismembered Bratz doll in my purse. 27 00:00:54,323 --> 00:00:55,556 Then why are we here? 28 00:00:55,658 --> 00:00:57,858 You know what? I'm gonna go check what the cake says. 29 00:00:57,960 --> 00:00:59,393 I'll have a glass of "cake," too. 30 00:00:59,495 --> 00:01:00,761 Okay. 31 00:01:00,863 --> 00:01:02,730 Quick, before she comes back, I need some relationship advice, 32 00:01:02,832 --> 00:01:05,132 and this is kind of in a gray area ethically. 33 00:01:05,249 --> 00:01:06,348 And it's okay to ask us 34 00:01:06,450 --> 00:01:08,116 because, as gays, we wouldn't dare judge anyone 35 00:01:08,218 --> 00:01:10,185 while living such a deviant lifestyle? 36 00:01:10,287 --> 00:01:13,021 Even the most beautiful version of our love is a mortal stain 37 00:01:13,123 --> 00:01:15,357 compared to the worst thing you could do? 38 00:01:15,459 --> 00:01:16,558 Maybe I should talk to somebody else. 39 00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:18,226 - No, tell us! - No! Spill, girl, spill! 40 00:01:18,329 --> 00:01:19,795 Okay, so just between us, 41 00:01:19,897 --> 00:01:21,797 you know I'm with Arvin and he's working in Switzerland. 42 00:01:21,899 --> 00:01:23,198 Well, I did something bad. 43 00:01:24,201 --> 00:01:25,201 I kissed Dylan. 44 00:01:25,202 --> 00:01:27,536 Whoa! Whoa, Dylan's still around? 45 00:01:27,638 --> 00:01:29,471 I-I thought he joined a cult or something. 46 00:01:29,573 --> 00:01:31,807 I heard he ate Mentos and a Coke and exploded. 47 00:01:31,909 --> 00:01:33,709 I don't know why I did it. It meant nothing, 48 00:01:33,811 --> 00:01:35,811 but I feel horrible, and Arvin keeps calling, 49 00:01:35,913 --> 00:01:37,245 but I'm not picking up because, like... 50 00:01:37,348 --> 00:01:38,680 Do I have to tell him? 51 00:01:38,782 --> 00:01:42,150 Honey, these things happen in every relationship. 52 00:01:42,252 --> 00:01:44,853 You absolutely do not need to tell your partner everything. 53 00:01:44,955 --> 00:01:47,055 Okay, well, that's a fun thing to hear your husband say. 54 00:01:47,157 --> 00:01:48,724 Please, do not turn this into something. 55 00:01:48,826 --> 00:01:50,859 Well, I was going to say, yes, you need to tell Arvin 56 00:01:50,961 --> 00:01:52,661 because you want your relationship based on truth, 57 00:01:52,763 --> 00:01:54,129 which, apparently, mine is not. 58 00:01:54,231 --> 00:01:56,098 This sucks! I don't know what to do. 59 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,933 I was counting on you two to be on the same page. 60 00:01:58,035 --> 00:02:00,268 - Well, we usually are. - When have you ever seen that? 61 00:02:00,371 --> 00:02:01,770 What are you hens cackling about? 62 00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:04,072 Just asking how they are. 63 00:02:04,174 --> 00:02:06,241 - Gonna jump in the pool. - Okay, see you. 64 00:02:06,343 --> 00:02:08,143 Haley doesn't care how people are. 65 00:02:08,245 --> 00:02:09,745 - What's going on? - It's nothing. 66 00:02:09,847 --> 00:02:12,014 She was just asking for some advice. 67 00:02:12,116 --> 00:02:13,148 Why wouldn't she come to me? 68 00:02:13,250 --> 00:02:15,517 I thought we were finally becoming friends. 69 00:02:15,619 --> 00:02:16,918 Well, you know, think about it, Claire. 70 00:02:17,021 --> 00:02:19,154 All the secrets that you kept from your mom. 71 00:02:19,256 --> 00:02:21,156 Yeah, but my mom 72 00:02:21,258 --> 00:02:23,091 was an uptight, crazy person. 73 00:02:23,193 --> 00:02:25,927 Let's just slowly back away as that settles in. 74 00:02:36,107 --> 00:02:41,107 Synced and corrected by BLuk www.addic7ed.com 75 00:02:43,781 --> 00:02:44,946 Hey, buddy! 76 00:02:45,049 --> 00:02:47,749 Ready for the best thing to happen to your mouth since... 77 00:02:47,851 --> 00:02:50,786 I'm gonna bail on that. I took off without a place to land. 78 00:02:50,888 --> 00:02:53,021 - How about a Mint "Jay-lep"? - I'll pass, 79 00:02:53,123 --> 00:02:55,190 seeing as I'm not a hundred-year-old Southern lady. 80 00:02:57,995 --> 00:02:59,861 I finally saw the movie "Mean Girls." 81 00:02:59,963 --> 00:03:01,596 I know. I'm a middle-aged man. 82 00:03:01,698 --> 00:03:03,198 How'd I wait so long? 83 00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:06,435 The point is, I realized I have a mean girl in my life... 84 00:03:06,537 --> 00:03:07,602 Jay. 85 00:03:07,704 --> 00:03:08,837 Like last week at this wedding, 86 00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:10,672 I'm rocking my moonwalk, and Jay yells, 87 00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:14,176 "Hey, look, it's Michael Jerkson." 88 00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:15,677 Enough's enough. 89 00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:18,380 How do you get a mean girl to stop being a mean girl? 90 00:03:18,482 --> 00:03:20,882 Be mean girlier. 91 00:03:20,984 --> 00:03:22,384 No, no, no, no, you're gonna love it. 92 00:03:22,486 --> 00:03:24,319 Mint Jay-leps are all the rage. 93 00:03:24,421 --> 00:03:26,188 You keep saying "Jay-leps." 94 00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:29,424 Yeah, well I made juleps, and... and... and my name's Jay, 95 00:03:29,526 --> 00:03:30,859 so I call them "Jay-leps." 96 00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:32,594 No, I get it. 97 00:03:34,264 --> 00:03:35,597 It's just a fun thing. 98 00:03:35,699 --> 00:03:38,066 Ooh, are these the Mint Jay-leps we've been hearing about? 99 00:03:38,168 --> 00:03:39,568 - Yeah. - Jay-leps. 100 00:03:39,670 --> 00:03:41,603 - Adorbs. - They are adorbs. 101 00:03:41,705 --> 00:03:42,904 Why do I doubt myself? 102 00:03:43,006 --> 00:03:44,639 Manny! 103 00:03:44,741 --> 00:03:45,874 How was the road trip? 104 00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:48,810 What can I say? Six weeks, 33 states, 105 00:03:48,912 --> 00:03:51,179 a lot of fake scrotums on the back of pickup trucks. 106 00:03:51,281 --> 00:03:54,282 And he met a very nice girlfriend, and he's in love. 107 00:03:54,384 --> 00:03:55,884 Let's see a pic. 108 00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:57,319 Wish I could. 109 00:03:57,421 --> 00:03:58,887 I-I went old-school and used a film camera, 110 00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:01,389 and the one roll I took of her fell into the Grand Canyon. 111 00:04:01,492 --> 00:04:03,191 You don't have a single photo of her? 112 00:04:03,293 --> 00:04:06,027 Well, just this blurry one on my phone. 113 00:04:06,030 --> 00:04:07,062 Let's see. 114 00:04:07,164 --> 00:04:08,164 Look at her. 115 00:04:08,265 --> 00:04:09,331 Yeah, you can't really 116 00:04:09,433 --> 00:04:11,366 make her out, but it captures her wild spirit. 117 00:04:11,468 --> 00:04:13,034 Yes. 118 00:04:15,339 --> 00:04:17,239 - Is it me, or is Manny dating Bigfoot? - Yeah. 119 00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:18,373 Let me tell you the difference 120 00:04:18,475 --> 00:04:20,809 between Manny's girlfriend and Bigfoot. 121 00:04:20,911 --> 00:04:22,110 Bigfoot could be real. 122 00:04:22,212 --> 00:04:23,545 She's not a fake girlfriend. 123 00:04:23,647 --> 00:04:25,147 You want to hear the kicker? 124 00:04:25,148 --> 00:04:26,148 She's from Canada. 125 00:04:26,250 --> 00:04:27,682 - No. - Yikes. 126 00:04:27,784 --> 00:04:30,452 - Stop it! - Back me up, boys. 127 00:04:30,454 --> 00:04:31,553 You know what, Gloria? 128 00:04:31,655 --> 00:04:33,688 Canada is good for a lot of things, 129 00:04:33,790 --> 00:04:36,124 but their number-one export is fake girlfriends. 130 00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:37,726 Yeah, it's kind of a thing. 131 00:04:37,794 --> 00:04:39,194 Before Cam and I came out, 132 00:04:39,296 --> 00:04:41,029 we each had Canadian girlfriends. 133 00:04:41,098 --> 00:04:43,365 So, what are you saying now? That Manny's gay? 134 00:04:43,433 --> 00:04:47,536 We weren't, but he does check a few of the boxes. 135 00:04:47,638 --> 00:04:49,037 Come on. Look at him. 136 00:04:49,139 --> 00:04:52,707 He's as straight as the swim from Cartagena to Houston. 137 00:04:52,776 --> 00:04:55,377 The trip was amazing, and I did the cheekiest thing. 138 00:04:55,479 --> 00:04:57,045 I saw "Oklahoma!" in Oklahoma, 139 00:04:57,114 --> 00:04:58,780 "Chicago" in Chicago, and then, 140 00:04:58,849 --> 00:05:01,216 I got in a little trouble in River City. 141 00:05:01,285 --> 00:05:04,185 Okay, that's the gayest thing I've ever heard, 142 00:05:04,256 --> 00:05:06,222 and I shampooed dogs in West Hollywood. 143 00:05:06,325 --> 00:05:07,791 He's had so many girlfriends. 144 00:05:07,893 --> 00:05:10,393 The last one was a woman in her 20s. 145 00:05:10,462 --> 00:05:12,495 Yeah, but didn't you say he was so sweet when she stayed over 146 00:05:12,564 --> 00:05:13,596 he offered to sleep on the couch? 147 00:05:13,665 --> 00:05:16,733 So what? My first boyfriend at his age, 148 00:05:16,835 --> 00:05:18,368 he wasn't ready to sleep with me. 149 00:05:18,470 --> 00:05:20,070 And what does he do now? 150 00:05:20,172 --> 00:05:23,306 He runs a very nice bed and breakfast. 151 00:05:23,940 --> 00:05:24,972 - With...? - With...? 152 00:05:25,074 --> 00:05:26,774 His good friend Steven! 153 00:05:26,876 --> 00:05:28,109 Shut up! 154 00:05:29,078 --> 00:05:31,612 I-I really feel for Manny 155 00:05:31,714 --> 00:05:33,648 if he's wrestling with this secret. 156 00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,082 Yet you had no problem keeping 157 00:05:35,184 --> 00:05:37,051 an indiscretion from me for 16 years. 158 00:05:37,153 --> 00:05:38,286 - And off we go. - Yeah. 159 00:05:38,354 --> 00:05:40,288 Just like the shorts of that beefy UPS driver 160 00:05:40,390 --> 00:05:41,722 that delivered you two packages that day. 161 00:05:41,824 --> 00:05:43,958 Wow, that is not what happened! 162 00:05:44,027 --> 00:05:45,826 So, you admit something happened! 163 00:05:45,871 --> 00:05:47,070 Okay, I'm gonna tell you everything 164 00:05:47,173 --> 00:05:49,072 'cause it is so much tamer than what's in your head. 165 00:05:49,141 --> 00:05:51,308 - Okay. - Six weeks into our relationship, 166 00:05:51,410 --> 00:05:53,343 before we decided we were exclusive, 167 00:05:53,412 --> 00:05:55,746 I kissed someone in a bar. 168 00:05:55,815 --> 00:05:58,081 - See, it's not a big deal. - Okay, yes, it is a big deal, 169 00:05:58,184 --> 00:06:00,083 which is why I rejected 170 00:06:00,186 --> 00:06:02,820 a very similar advance at the same time 171 00:06:02,922 --> 00:06:04,321 from a celebrity, 172 00:06:04,423 --> 00:06:05,522 but I'm not gonna tell you who that is, 173 00:06:05,624 --> 00:06:07,057 because I don't want you to feel insecure. 174 00:06:07,126 --> 00:06:08,525 Cam, we both know you're seconds away 175 00:06:08,627 --> 00:06:11,161 - from telling me... - It was Isaac Mizrahi! 176 00:06:11,690 --> 00:06:13,357 Yeah, that's right. 177 00:06:13,459 --> 00:06:14,958 Cindy Crawford's friend! 178 00:06:17,850 --> 00:06:19,783 There you are. 179 00:06:19,852 --> 00:06:21,318 We haven't had a chance to talk about anything 180 00:06:21,387 --> 00:06:22,720 since you got back. 181 00:06:22,755 --> 00:06:25,656 So, tell me about this new Canadian girlfriend. 182 00:06:25,725 --> 00:06:28,092 Well, she's brilliant, but humble, 183 00:06:28,194 --> 00:06:29,894 beautiful, but accessible, 184 00:06:29,962 --> 00:06:31,462 one of the funniest people I've ever met, 185 00:06:31,531 --> 00:06:33,697 but, also, deeply serious. 186 00:06:33,707 --> 00:06:36,574 Such lovely, general terms. 187 00:06:36,643 --> 00:06:39,077 She sounds a little bit too good to be true. 188 00:06:39,587 --> 00:06:40,787 What is her name? 189 00:06:40,855 --> 00:06:42,055 It's Sherry Shaker. 190 00:06:43,158 --> 00:06:44,724 Sherry Shaker? 191 00:06:44,759 --> 00:06:47,293 Those are the two things that are in front of you at this bar. 192 00:06:47,362 --> 00:06:48,995 Delightful! 193 00:06:49,097 --> 00:06:50,196 Manny... 194 00:06:50,265 --> 00:06:52,699 is there anything that you need to tell me? 195 00:06:52,767 --> 00:06:54,867 Maybe some kind of... 196 00:06:54,970 --> 00:06:56,669 sexual thing? 197 00:06:56,771 --> 00:06:57,837 Um... 198 00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:00,840 I really don't want to talk about this. 199 00:07:01,533 --> 00:07:03,366 Okay, papi, but you know I love you 200 00:07:03,468 --> 00:07:04,968 and that you can be honest with me 201 00:07:05,036 --> 00:07:06,703 about anything, right? 202 00:07:06,771 --> 00:07:08,538 In that case... 203 00:07:08,607 --> 00:07:10,006 This is a lot. 204 00:07:10,075 --> 00:07:11,574 I'm pretty desensitized to it, 205 00:07:11,643 --> 00:07:13,242 but I saw Luke walk into a wall. 206 00:07:18,757 --> 00:07:20,089 What are you guys laughing at? 207 00:07:20,158 --> 00:07:21,557 I wouldn't worry about it. 208 00:07:21,659 --> 00:07:23,126 You said something funny, didn't you? 209 00:07:23,194 --> 00:07:24,927 The guy's a joke machine! 210 00:07:25,030 --> 00:07:26,962 - Someone's sitting there. - Who? 211 00:07:27,002 --> 00:07:29,302 Someone who doesn't ask a million questions. 212 00:07:30,405 --> 00:07:31,938 Grandpa, you can sit with us. 213 00:07:34,409 --> 00:07:35,409 Great. 214 00:07:35,731 --> 00:07:38,098 It was working, but it was killing me. 215 00:07:38,134 --> 00:07:40,534 I've actually had dreams where the only thing happening 216 00:07:40,603 --> 00:07:42,536 was me sitting with Jay while he, you know, 217 00:07:42,605 --> 00:07:44,705 tousles my hair, calling me "Sport." 218 00:07:44,807 --> 00:07:46,106 Congrats, honey. 219 00:07:46,208 --> 00:07:48,575 Always proud to celebrate one of your awards. 220 00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:50,244 I didn't win an award. 221 00:07:50,775 --> 00:07:52,375 Well, then, what are we all doing here? 222 00:07:52,477 --> 00:07:53,810 I'm a busy man! 223 00:07:53,878 --> 00:07:56,379 - Don't you just golf now? - I work when it's raining. 224 00:07:56,481 --> 00:07:57,880 Why am I defending myself to you? 225 00:07:57,949 --> 00:07:59,182 And why is your father mad at me? 226 00:07:59,284 --> 00:08:00,984 - Did I do something? - Probably. 227 00:08:01,052 --> 00:08:02,318 Isn't that your relationship? 228 00:08:02,387 --> 00:08:04,787 He's always desperate for your approval and you shoot him down? 229 00:08:04,823 --> 00:08:06,623 It's supposed to be, but all of a sudden, he's, like... 230 00:08:06,691 --> 00:08:08,891 all cold. 231 00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:10,159 Wouldn't let me sit with him. 232 00:08:10,228 --> 00:08:13,028 So high school. 233 00:08:13,087 --> 00:08:14,553 Dad and I watched "Mean Girls" the other night, 234 00:08:14,622 --> 00:08:16,155 and I chewed off a piece of my hair 235 00:08:16,224 --> 00:08:18,090 reliving how awful it was. 236 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,126 Wait. 237 00:08:20,194 --> 00:08:22,795 In the movie, the heroine takes down the head mean girl 238 00:08:22,897 --> 00:08:24,997 by being mean to her. 239 00:08:25,061 --> 00:08:26,760 Maybe that's what Dad is doing to you? 240 00:08:27,897 --> 00:08:29,329 Son of a bitch. 241 00:08:29,398 --> 00:08:31,265 Phil thinks he can "Mean Girls" me? 242 00:08:31,333 --> 00:08:33,133 How lame is that? Let me tell you something... 243 00:08:33,202 --> 00:08:35,335 I might be a pretty face, but I fight to win. 244 00:08:35,404 --> 00:08:37,071 Just like "Legally Blonde"! 245 00:08:40,059 --> 00:08:42,059 You're not looking at your phone. 246 00:08:42,161 --> 00:08:44,261 - Is everything okay? - Yeah, everything's fine. 247 00:08:44,330 --> 00:08:46,263 You know, if something was on your mind, 248 00:08:46,366 --> 00:08:48,566 I'm an excellent person to confide in. 249 00:08:48,668 --> 00:08:49,834 No judgment. 250 00:08:49,936 --> 00:08:52,436 God knows I've done some stuff I'm not proud of. 251 00:08:52,538 --> 00:08:54,672 Like what? 252 00:08:55,742 --> 00:08:57,742 J-Just like... 253 00:08:57,810 --> 00:08:59,243 shoplifting. 254 00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:01,947 Wow. Really? 255 00:09:02,015 --> 00:09:03,615 I mean, no judgment here... I do it, too. 256 00:09:03,717 --> 00:09:05,550 What? You do? 257 00:09:05,619 --> 00:09:07,385 Yeah, but I'm very ethical about it. 258 00:09:07,454 --> 00:09:10,021 I only take things from companies that use child labor. 259 00:09:10,090 --> 00:09:12,591 That is how my generation is saving the world. 260 00:09:12,659 --> 00:09:15,560 Haley, I did not raise you to steal. 261 00:09:15,629 --> 00:09:17,095 You just said you do it, too! 262 00:09:17,164 --> 00:09:18,463 I made that up so you would tell me 263 00:09:18,565 --> 00:09:20,198 - what's going on in your life! - Why would I? 264 00:09:20,267 --> 00:09:21,967 Stuff a couple Pakistani lipsticks in my purse, 265 00:09:22,035 --> 00:09:23,335 and you freak out at me! 266 00:09:26,888 --> 00:09:29,289 Well, well, well, if it isn't John, Paul, and George. 267 00:09:29,391 --> 00:09:30,690 Anyone need a Ringo? 268 00:09:30,792 --> 00:09:32,458 Actually, we can get by 269 00:09:32,527 --> 00:09:34,527 without a little help from you, friend. 270 00:09:35,831 --> 00:09:37,063 Well... 271 00:09:37,165 --> 00:09:39,232 pool's so over, anyways. 272 00:09:39,301 --> 00:09:42,068 Maybe, the guys want to hit the H2O, 273 00:09:42,170 --> 00:09:43,536 rock some Marco Polo. 274 00:09:43,638 --> 00:09:45,405 Good for you not letting that chest 275 00:09:45,473 --> 00:09:47,173 get in the way of having fun. 276 00:09:47,275 --> 00:09:48,875 Most guys wouldn't go shirtless 277 00:09:48,977 --> 00:09:50,410 until they got a little... 278 00:09:50,478 --> 00:09:51,511 muscle. 279 00:09:53,451 --> 00:09:55,084 - We need to talk. - Wait. Something weird is happening. 280 00:09:55,186 --> 00:09:56,686 I want to see how it plays out. 281 00:09:56,754 --> 00:09:58,621 Who's ready to hit the pool? 282 00:09:58,623 --> 00:09:59,655 Marco! 283 00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:02,058 Solo! 284 00:10:05,029 --> 00:10:08,331 Okay, I know emotional slights usually roll off me 285 00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:10,566 - like water off a mule's back... - Isn't it "duck"? 286 00:10:10,635 --> 00:10:12,502 A lot of animals bead, Mitchell. 287 00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:14,403 The point is I need to know details. 288 00:10:14,946 --> 00:10:16,846 I need to know what happened... 289 00:10:16,915 --> 00:10:18,281 ...and with whom. 290 00:10:18,383 --> 00:10:20,416 Was it a peck? Was it with Pepper? 291 00:10:20,518 --> 00:10:21,551 Was he drunk? 292 00:10:21,619 --> 00:10:23,119 Did you get a peck from a pickled Pepper? 293 00:10:23,188 --> 00:10:24,520 How long have you been sitting on that? 294 00:10:24,589 --> 00:10:26,556 You kissed a man six week... 295 00:10:26,658 --> 00:10:28,358 - Hi. - Hi. 296 00:10:29,961 --> 00:10:32,328 You kissed a man six weeks into our relationship 297 00:10:32,397 --> 00:10:34,063 when I'm telling you "I love you." 298 00:10:34,132 --> 00:10:36,232 I'm calling my mom, telling her I'd met the one 299 00:10:36,301 --> 00:10:39,401 while you're sidled up next to some cha-cha queen at a urinal. 300 00:10:39,432 --> 00:10:41,332 Okay, this insane reaction is proof 301 00:10:41,401 --> 00:10:42,633 that I did the right thing not telling you. 302 00:10:42,702 --> 00:10:44,602 Okay, everyone knows this kind of secret 303 00:10:44,704 --> 00:10:46,103 is poison, Mitchell. 304 00:10:46,172 --> 00:10:47,304 - Yeah? - Yeah. 305 00:10:47,373 --> 00:10:48,939 Let's take it to the room. 306 00:10:49,008 --> 00:10:50,941 Hey, you all heard that whole conversation, right? 307 00:10:51,010 --> 00:10:52,109 - Of course, yeah. - Sí. 308 00:10:52,211 --> 00:10:55,046 So, Phil, if Claire kissed someone 309 00:10:55,114 --> 00:10:58,882 very early into the relationship, should she have told you? 310 00:10:59,068 --> 00:11:00,501 - Of course. - No way. 311 00:11:00,570 --> 00:11:02,303 What? Did you kiss someone? 312 00:11:02,405 --> 00:11:05,005 See? Secrets. Tearing them apart. 313 00:11:05,107 --> 00:11:07,007 Mitch and Cam, I just want you to know 314 00:11:07,109 --> 00:11:08,876 that I support your lifestyle, 315 00:11:08,945 --> 00:11:10,778 and I find it very charming 316 00:11:10,846 --> 00:11:13,080 when your people act very emotional 317 00:11:13,149 --> 00:11:15,816 and inappropriate in public. 318 00:11:15,919 --> 00:11:17,786 Okay, so I'm getting no help from this room. 319 00:11:17,855 --> 00:11:20,088 I'm sorry, but kissing someone outside of a relationship 320 00:11:20,190 --> 00:11:22,090 is a big deal and you should fess up right away. 321 00:11:22,192 --> 00:11:23,325 You told them?! 322 00:11:23,393 --> 00:11:24,826 Yes! Yes, they told us everything, 323 00:11:24,895 --> 00:11:26,294 and I can't believe you did that! 324 00:11:26,396 --> 00:11:28,897 Well, I'm sorry, but Dylan was a huge part of my life... 325 00:11:28,966 --> 00:11:31,333 You kissed Dylan?! That's your secret? 326 00:11:31,401 --> 00:11:32,467 You tricked me! 327 00:11:32,536 --> 00:11:34,202 What are you doing? 328 00:11:34,271 --> 00:11:36,505 You are dating a world-renowned scientist. 329 00:11:36,573 --> 00:11:38,340 I mean, isn't Dylan still married 330 00:11:38,408 --> 00:11:39,775 and still an idiot? 331 00:11:39,843 --> 00:11:42,110 Hey, he is not still married. 332 00:11:42,212 --> 00:11:44,912 And he's getting his life together. He's in nursing school. 333 00:11:45,165 --> 00:11:47,366 Good for him. I love Dylan. 334 00:11:47,434 --> 00:11:49,067 Honey, she's dating Arvin. 335 00:11:49,136 --> 00:11:50,402 We love Arvin now. 336 00:11:50,504 --> 00:11:51,937 And wouldn't it be wonderful 337 00:11:52,006 --> 00:11:55,574 if someone called Dylan loved someone called Arvin? 338 00:11:55,643 --> 00:11:58,176 No one in this room would have a problem with it. 339 00:11:58,245 --> 00:12:00,879 Am I wrong, or is your mom trying to get Alex 340 00:12:00,948 --> 00:12:02,080 to come out of the closet? 341 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:05,206 God, it's Arvin calling. 342 00:12:05,275 --> 00:12:07,708 Quick, a show of hands, who thinks I have to tell him? 343 00:12:08,345 --> 00:12:09,444 One, two, three, four. 344 00:12:09,546 --> 00:12:11,446 Four out of nine? A frickin' tie?! 345 00:12:13,183 --> 00:12:15,616 Yay, I'm so happy I finally reached you! 346 00:12:15,685 --> 00:12:16,851 I know. 347 00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:19,520 How's work? Any major breakthroughs? 348 00:12:19,589 --> 00:12:21,556 Well, I-I made a German laugh. 349 00:12:23,093 --> 00:12:24,926 I miss you terribly. 350 00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:27,128 I miss you, too. 351 00:12:27,230 --> 00:12:29,897 Listen, um, we have to talk. 352 00:12:29,964 --> 00:12:33,198 I love you, and this is really hard for me to say, 353 00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:34,733 but, I, um... 354 00:12:34,835 --> 00:12:36,535 I did something stupid. 355 00:12:36,637 --> 00:12:38,804 I kissed my ex-boyfriend. It meant nothing, I swear, 356 00:12:38,906 --> 00:12:41,774 and I'm hoping you'll forgive me, and we can forget this ever happened. 357 00:12:43,711 --> 00:12:45,377 Sorry, love, you froze up. 358 00:12:45,479 --> 00:12:47,679 I-I-I missed the... the whole thing. 359 00:12:47,797 --> 00:12:49,464 That sucks. Um... 360 00:12:51,067 --> 00:12:53,401 This is really hard for me, but I did something stupid. 361 00:12:53,470 --> 00:12:55,570 I kissed my ex-boyfriend. It meant nothing, and I... 362 00:12:55,672 --> 00:12:58,873 Sorry, froze up again in the funniest position. 363 00:12:58,975 --> 00:13:00,908 You look like you'd smelled something dreadful. 364 00:13:01,010 --> 00:13:02,543 - Have another go. - Okay. 365 00:13:02,645 --> 00:13:04,979 - I messed up, and I kiss... - Wait! 366 00:13:05,081 --> 00:13:06,247 Okay, go. 367 00:13:06,349 --> 00:13:07,715 I kissed my ex-boyfriend! 368 00:13:09,219 --> 00:13:11,986 Damn it, stop freezing! 369 00:13:12,088 --> 00:13:14,655 Not frozen. 370 00:13:14,758 --> 00:13:16,691 Shocked. 371 00:13:16,793 --> 00:13:18,459 Very hurt, actually. 372 00:13:18,561 --> 00:13:19,961 I'm so sorry. 373 00:13:20,063 --> 00:13:21,763 It meant nothing. Can... 374 00:13:21,865 --> 00:13:23,197 Can we please move past this? 375 00:13:23,299 --> 00:13:24,332 I don't know. 376 00:13:24,434 --> 00:13:26,400 Um, we said that we loved each other. 377 00:13:26,503 --> 00:13:28,302 I-I trusted you. 378 00:13:28,404 --> 00:13:30,772 What I want to do is hang up on you right now. 379 00:13:30,874 --> 00:13:32,140 Wait, I... 380 00:13:34,055 --> 00:13:36,621 Well, I told him, and it couldn't have gone worse. 381 00:13:36,689 --> 00:13:37,888 - No. - I'm sorry. 382 00:13:37,890 --> 00:13:39,990 - He broke up with you. - Not yet. 383 00:13:40,035 --> 00:13:41,835 He just hung up on me. 384 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:43,537 Come here, honey. 385 00:13:43,639 --> 00:13:46,740 I'm... I'm so sorry, and I know why you didn't come to me. 386 00:13:46,809 --> 00:13:49,042 I haven't always been Dylan's biggest fan. 387 00:13:49,111 --> 00:13:50,777 You pushed him into a beehive. 388 00:13:50,879 --> 00:13:52,646 You know, to be fair, I pushed him off of you, 389 00:13:52,748 --> 00:13:54,514 and he fell into the beehive, 390 00:13:54,591 --> 00:13:58,259 but, regardless, I want to be supportive. 391 00:13:58,328 --> 00:14:00,094 No judgment. I promise. I promise. 392 00:14:00,196 --> 00:14:02,497 I can't believe how stupid I was. 393 00:14:02,565 --> 00:14:03,865 I let Dylan get in my head, 394 00:14:03,933 --> 00:14:05,600 and now I might have ruined everything with Arvin. 395 00:14:05,668 --> 00:14:07,034 - Mnh. - So... 396 00:14:07,103 --> 00:14:08,669 what we're learning is that 397 00:14:08,738 --> 00:14:10,838 sometimes it is better to keep the secret. 398 00:14:10,940 --> 00:14:13,340 You can't be proud of that. 399 00:14:13,430 --> 00:14:14,829 Look, honey, sometimes these things happen. 400 00:14:14,898 --> 00:14:15,931 They happened with them, 401 00:14:15,999 --> 00:14:17,432 but that turned out to be a good thing. 402 00:14:17,501 --> 00:14:18,633 I'm sorry. In what way? 403 00:14:18,702 --> 00:14:21,169 Because after Mitchell kissed the guy in the bar, 404 00:14:21,238 --> 00:14:22,804 he called me crying, 405 00:14:22,906 --> 00:14:25,240 so tortured. 406 00:14:25,725 --> 00:14:27,224 He said the second he did it, 407 00:14:27,293 --> 00:14:28,792 he knew he wanted to spend 408 00:14:28,861 --> 00:14:31,095 the rest of his life with Cam. 409 00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:32,696 Mitchell, is that true? Why didn't you say that? 410 00:14:32,765 --> 00:14:35,499 Because we've been together for 15 years, Cam. 411 00:14:35,601 --> 00:14:37,301 I got defensive. I'm sorry. 412 00:14:37,370 --> 00:14:39,870 No. I'm sorry. 413 00:14:39,939 --> 00:14:41,138 You know, I freaked out, 414 00:14:41,207 --> 00:14:43,307 and I made this whole day about myself. 415 00:14:43,376 --> 00:14:46,877 And you're right... I can be self-centered and emotional. 416 00:14:48,010 --> 00:14:49,043 I guess it's, you know, 417 00:14:49,145 --> 00:14:51,512 because of all that time my daddy spent with his pigs. 418 00:14:51,614 --> 00:14:52,614 Cam. Please. 419 00:14:52,648 --> 00:14:53,748 It's time. 420 00:14:56,152 --> 00:14:58,486 Haley, you're not a bad person. 421 00:14:58,554 --> 00:15:00,921 Maybe this kiss taught you something you needed to know, 422 00:15:00,990 --> 00:15:02,690 just like it did with Uncle Mitch. 423 00:15:02,759 --> 00:15:04,358 If that's the case, 424 00:15:04,460 --> 00:15:06,527 you need to fight for the man you love 425 00:15:06,629 --> 00:15:08,429 and shut it down with the one you don't. 426 00:15:09,129 --> 00:15:10,695 You're right. 427 00:15:10,797 --> 00:15:12,563 - I have to go see Dylan. - Okay. 428 00:15:13,733 --> 00:15:16,167 Be strong. Don't let him manipulate you. 429 00:15:16,269 --> 00:15:19,303 - He can be a very em... - She's good. 430 00:15:19,406 --> 00:15:20,605 She's good. 431 00:15:22,609 --> 00:15:25,443 So happy that you came out. 432 00:15:25,512 --> 00:15:26,677 What's going on with you? 433 00:15:27,141 --> 00:15:28,707 Where did you get that raft? 434 00:15:28,776 --> 00:15:32,044 It was in a gift bag from a very moving Pride benefit 435 00:15:32,113 --> 00:15:33,846 that I went to with Mitch and Cam. 436 00:15:33,915 --> 00:15:35,714 If you want to know if I'm gay, just ask me. 437 00:15:35,783 --> 00:15:38,050 No, I don't want to be pushy. 438 00:15:38,152 --> 00:15:39,952 I like women, Mom! 439 00:15:40,021 --> 00:15:41,520 Why on Earth would you think I'm gay? 440 00:15:41,589 --> 00:15:44,123 In fairness, you do check a lot of the boxes. 441 00:15:44,192 --> 00:15:45,724 I only thought it because Jay said 442 00:15:45,793 --> 00:15:48,360 that the Canadian girlfriends are fake 443 00:15:48,462 --> 00:15:50,729 and that Mitch and Cam had them. 444 00:15:50,805 --> 00:15:52,338 You think my girlfriend is fake? 445 00:15:52,406 --> 00:15:53,939 Well, you didn't have any pictures, 446 00:15:54,008 --> 00:15:55,674 and at the bar, you said that her name 447 00:15:55,743 --> 00:15:58,744 was something like Olive Cocktail-napkin. 448 00:15:58,813 --> 00:16:00,212 It's Sherry Shaker! 449 00:16:00,314 --> 00:16:01,714 I am sorry, 450 00:16:01,816 --> 00:16:04,984 but when I asked you if you were hiding something from me, 451 00:16:05,052 --> 00:16:07,887 you got all defensive, and you boob-shamed me. 452 00:16:07,955 --> 00:16:09,889 Because something did happen. 453 00:16:09,991 --> 00:16:11,590 Sherry and I... 454 00:16:11,692 --> 00:16:13,459 we joined our... 455 00:16:14,011 --> 00:16:15,610 We crossed that beauteous threshold 456 00:16:15,679 --> 00:16:17,612 into the physical expression of love. 457 00:16:17,681 --> 00:16:20,548 Have you ever heard a straight guy describe sex that way? 458 00:16:20,651 --> 00:16:22,017 That's what he meant? 459 00:16:22,119 --> 00:16:24,185 Why does that feel worse to me? 460 00:16:24,641 --> 00:16:26,574 Hey, Alex. You're the last virgin. 461 00:16:26,676 --> 00:16:29,444 Please, I'm dating a fireman. 462 00:16:29,546 --> 00:16:31,046 I'm having hotter sex than... 463 00:16:34,084 --> 00:16:35,216 Hey, Dad? 464 00:16:35,318 --> 00:16:36,618 What are you doing? 465 00:16:40,757 --> 00:16:43,124 He wouldn't. 466 00:16:43,776 --> 00:16:46,577 I realized he was "Mean Girls-ing" me back 467 00:16:46,646 --> 00:16:48,345 with a weird nod to "Legally Blonde," 468 00:16:48,414 --> 00:16:50,047 which I'll bet he thinks I didn't notice. 469 00:16:50,116 --> 00:16:51,582 I had to change tactics. 470 00:16:51,684 --> 00:16:52,916 I had to stop acting like a mean girl 471 00:16:52,985 --> 00:16:55,352 and do the last thing Jay would ever expect me to do... 472 00:16:55,454 --> 00:16:57,387 act like a man. 473 00:16:57,494 --> 00:16:58,660 What the hell are you doing?! 474 00:16:58,729 --> 00:17:00,128 Yeah, well, everybody's hungry, 475 00:17:00,230 --> 00:17:01,563 and the prevailing opinion is that 476 00:17:01,665 --> 00:17:02,998 I'm a better griller than you. 477 00:17:03,066 --> 00:17:04,199 No. 478 00:17:04,267 --> 00:17:06,701 Wow. You must think you're pretty tough. 479 00:17:06,770 --> 00:17:08,737 - Not as tough as your meat. - Claire! 480 00:17:08,839 --> 00:17:11,039 Yes, good, everybody get out here! 481 00:17:11,108 --> 00:17:12,173 What? What's going on? 482 00:17:12,275 --> 00:17:14,709 It's Phil! Phil is grilling! 483 00:17:14,811 --> 00:17:16,644 This bozo just told me 484 00:17:16,713 --> 00:17:18,546 that you think I overcook your meat. 485 00:17:18,608 --> 00:17:19,614 Is that true? 486 00:17:21,084 --> 00:17:22,417 Um... 487 00:17:22,519 --> 00:17:23,818 Luke?! 488 00:17:28,412 --> 00:17:30,279 Dad, we love you, but... 489 00:17:30,915 --> 00:17:32,981 ...you don't know what medium-rare is. 490 00:17:33,050 --> 00:17:34,416 I've... I've given you a meat thermometer 491 00:17:34,485 --> 00:17:35,751 for three Father's Days in a row. 492 00:17:35,853 --> 00:17:37,052 For the love of God, just use one! 493 00:17:37,121 --> 00:17:39,021 Fine. See if I care. 494 00:17:39,090 --> 00:17:41,490 But I don't know what you have against me today... 495 00:17:41,592 --> 00:17:43,192 kicking a man off his own grill, 496 00:17:43,294 --> 00:17:44,860 making fun of my Mint Jay-leps. 497 00:17:44,962 --> 00:17:47,496 You made fun of his Mint Jay-leps? 498 00:17:47,598 --> 00:17:49,264 He did them for you. 499 00:17:49,981 --> 00:17:51,914 - What? - I don't know what she's talking about. 500 00:17:51,983 --> 00:17:54,283 The minute Jay created the Jay-leps, 501 00:17:54,352 --> 00:17:56,886 all he could keep saying was, 502 00:17:56,988 --> 00:17:58,654 "Phil's gonna get such a kick out of this." 503 00:17:58,757 --> 00:18:00,390 But he didn't! He said it was dumb! 504 00:18:00,492 --> 00:18:02,191 He said it was an old lady's drink! 505 00:18:02,260 --> 00:18:04,093 Since when do you care what I think? 506 00:18:04,162 --> 00:18:05,261 Always! 507 00:18:05,330 --> 00:18:06,829 He thinks that you're the life of the party. 508 00:18:06,931 --> 00:18:08,097 He wants to be more like you. 509 00:18:08,199 --> 00:18:10,299 All I've said is that sometimes 510 00:18:10,368 --> 00:18:12,935 I envy people who don't mind being an ass 511 00:18:13,037 --> 00:18:14,337 because they're having fun, 512 00:18:14,406 --> 00:18:15,972 and I guess... 513 00:18:16,074 --> 00:18:17,473 you're one of those people. 514 00:18:17,575 --> 00:18:18,975 Wow, so all this time, 515 00:18:19,077 --> 00:18:21,744 you've been mean to me because you admire me so much? 516 00:18:21,846 --> 00:18:24,814 Hey, look at me. 517 00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:27,237 I loved those Mint Jay-leps. 518 00:18:27,339 --> 00:18:28,638 - You did? - Yeah. 519 00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:30,373 Did you hear that, Gloria? He did. 520 00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:32,075 I only trashed them because of what you called me 521 00:18:32,177 --> 00:18:33,743 when I was dancing at the wedding. 522 00:18:33,860 --> 00:18:36,594 What? Flail Dunphy? Shrill Dummy? 523 00:18:36,663 --> 00:18:38,162 When you dropped your drink... Spill Bumbly? 524 00:18:38,231 --> 00:18:39,397 Michael Jerkson. 525 00:18:39,466 --> 00:18:41,065 Yeah. I forgot about that one. 526 00:18:41,167 --> 00:18:43,868 - I'm sorry. - Don't... don't worry about it. 527 00:18:43,970 --> 00:18:45,002 What are we doing? 528 00:18:45,105 --> 00:18:47,004 Did you just call me "Sport"? 529 00:18:49,175 --> 00:18:51,309 Haley. 530 00:18:51,411 --> 00:18:52,977 I had a feeling it was gonna be you. 531 00:18:53,079 --> 00:18:54,312 You buzzed me in the gate. 532 00:18:54,414 --> 00:18:56,581 - Do you have a minute? - Sure, my roommates and I 533 00:18:56,649 --> 00:18:59,049 are just studying for physiology midterms. 534 00:18:59,447 --> 00:19:01,447 - She cute. - Thanks, girl. 535 00:19:01,516 --> 00:19:02,582 That hair is on point. 536 00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:04,817 I bought it yesterday. 537 00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:06,286 Can we talk out here? 538 00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:11,858 Listen, I need you to know that 539 00:19:11,927 --> 00:19:13,393 that kiss never should have happened. 540 00:19:13,495 --> 00:19:16,296 Arvin and I are together, and you and I are friends, 541 00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:17,964 and that's all we're ever going to be. 542 00:19:18,066 --> 00:19:19,632 No, thank you. 543 00:19:19,734 --> 00:19:21,935 "No, thank you"? I didn't ask you a question. 544 00:19:22,003 --> 00:19:23,569 Well, let me ask you one. 545 00:19:23,638 --> 00:19:26,439 It's been 10 years, and I can't move on from you. 546 00:19:26,508 --> 00:19:28,408 Also not a question. 547 00:19:28,510 --> 00:19:29,943 Remember the day we met? 548 00:19:30,045 --> 00:19:31,144 I was walking through the halls, 549 00:19:31,246 --> 00:19:33,313 and I saw the most beautiful girl, 550 00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:35,148 and I was like, "Whoa! Who is that?" 551 00:19:35,250 --> 00:19:37,417 And you were like, "That's Rebecca Salkin." 552 00:19:37,485 --> 00:19:39,285 And then I turned and saw you for the first time, 553 00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:41,821 and I was done with Rebecca Salkin. 554 00:19:42,125 --> 00:19:45,627 Yeah, you were wearing that cool, beat-up Army jacket, 555 00:19:45,696 --> 00:19:49,030 and I was completely jealous of your eyelashes. 556 00:19:49,099 --> 00:19:50,765 Haley... 557 00:19:50,834 --> 00:19:53,635 I fell in love with you that day, and I've never stopped. 558 00:19:53,704 --> 00:19:57,005 I'm gonna keep making myself better until I deserve you. 559 00:19:58,942 --> 00:20:01,543 ⪠560 00:20:01,611 --> 00:20:04,879 Why is it so hard to be honest in relationships? 561 00:20:04,981 --> 00:20:06,648 We play games. 562 00:20:06,750 --> 00:20:08,216 We keep secrets... 563 00:20:10,253 --> 00:20:12,721 I don't remember crying to you about that kiss. 564 00:20:12,789 --> 00:20:14,556 The truth wasn't moving the needle. 565 00:20:14,658 --> 00:20:15,724 You're welcome. 566 00:20:15,826 --> 00:20:17,358 ...when all we want to do is connect. 567 00:20:17,461 --> 00:20:19,227 Everyone, listen up! 568 00:20:19,329 --> 00:20:20,495 Hi, I'm Sherry. 569 00:20:20,597 --> 00:20:23,064 I'm Manny's real Canadian girlfriend. 570 00:20:23,166 --> 00:20:24,899 This isn't the first time I've had to do this. 571 00:20:25,001 --> 00:20:26,142 Hi! 572 00:20:26,177 --> 00:20:27,802 - Hey! - Hola! 573 00:20:28,739 --> 00:20:33,274 I guess we have to start with being honest with ourselves. 574 00:20:33,376 --> 00:20:34,943 And if I'm being honest... 575 00:20:36,713 --> 00:20:38,813 ...I love two people. 576 00:20:40,016 --> 00:20:41,349 Damn it! 577 00:20:42,305 --> 00:20:44,526 Can we go? Are we waiting for cake, or...? 578 00:20:44,561 --> 00:20:47,021 - Is it a birthday? - Should I make a toast? 579 00:20:47,056 --> 00:20:48,070 -To what? -To whom? 580 00:20:48,105 --> 00:20:51,665 All right! It's come to my attention through a series of assumptions, 581 00:20:51,690 --> 00:20:54,398 old e-mails and lazy sheep-like thinking 582 00:20:54,423 --> 00:20:56,958 that we may have gathered for no reason! 583 00:20:56,983 --> 00:20:58,883 So it's not my welcome home party? 584 00:20:58,908 --> 00:21:00,226 - Of course it... - No! 585 00:21:00,251 --> 00:21:02,398 Your mother thought Alex won an award she didn't 586 00:21:02,423 --> 00:21:03,778 and the dry spell continues. 587 00:21:03,803 --> 00:21:07,261 Please, the last thing I'm having is a dry... spell... 588 00:21:08,346 --> 00:21:10,245 People, listen up! There are too many 589 00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:12,350 actual reasons for us to see each other. 590 00:21:12,375 --> 00:21:15,433 We cannot afford to hang out by mistake! 591 00:21:15,458 --> 00:21:17,333 I love you all, now go home. 592 00:21:17,358 --> 00:21:18,446 - Okay. - Great. 593 00:21:18,471 --> 00:21:23,471 Synced and corrected by BLuk www.addic7ed.com