1
00:00:04,730 --> 00:00:07,270
- Dylan?
- Oh, Mr. D. You jog here, too?
2
00:00:07,390 --> 00:00:09,280
I'm a half a block from my house.
3
00:00:09,370 --> 00:00:10,670
Are you wearing boots?
4
00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:13,800
Okay, this is less of
a coincidence than it seems.
5
00:00:13,890 --> 00:00:16,210
I've been following you around
for a few days.
6
00:00:16,330 --> 00:00:17,580
It's about Haley.
7
00:00:17,670 --> 00:00:19,230
I know she's in a relationship,
8
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,340
but I love her,
and I think she loves me.
9
00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,080
Dylan, I heard about
what happened.
10
00:00:23,170 --> 00:00:25,950
I wouldn't read too much into it.
It was only one kiss.
11
00:00:26,080 --> 00:00:27,120
Uh...
12
00:00:27,210 --> 00:00:28,680
Oh, no.
13
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,290
Two kisses?
14
00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:31,650
Okay.
15
00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:33,680
I went to Dylan's house
to tell him it wasn't okay
16
00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:36,090
that we kissed, and I ended up
sleeping with him.
17
00:00:36,180 --> 00:00:38,360
I would go back to his house
to tell him it wasn't okay
18
00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:40,370
we slept together,
but where does that go?
19
00:00:41,350 --> 00:00:43,220
Anyway, I just want to talk to her,
20
00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:44,580
and she won't return my calls.
21
00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:45,890
She's ghosting you?
22
00:00:45,970 --> 00:00:48,200
For an older dude, you always
kept up with the lingo.
23
00:00:48,290 --> 00:00:49,680
Word.
24
00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:51,160
Aw, I'm sorry, man.
25
00:00:51,250 --> 00:00:53,060
You're a good guy. You deserve
better than being ghosted.
26
00:00:53,150 --> 00:00:54,790
- I'll talk to her.
- You'd do that for me?
27
00:00:54,870 --> 00:00:56,700
Yeah, I'll throw her a gab.
You stab me?
28
00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:57,780
Huh?
29
00:00:57,860 --> 00:00:59,750
Darn it.
I think Luke's messing with me.
30
00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:08,650
Modern Family
Season 10 Episode 04
31
00:01:08,740 --> 00:01:11,490
"Torn Between Two Lovers"
== resynced by Brach_Movic aka GilangPC ==
32
00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:14,450
Mama mia!
33
00:01:14,540 --> 00:01:16,330
What is-a wrong-a with-a my arm-a?
34
00:01:16,450 --> 00:01:19,160
Fuggedaboutit!
Youse arm's fine!
35
00:01:19,250 --> 00:01:21,630
Ah, then why-a won't you take
a big-a, juicy bite out of it?
36
00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:24,440
Yo, Luigi,
I think what we got here
37
00:01:24,530 --> 00:01:26,300
is a communication problem.
38
00:01:26,390 --> 00:01:30,460
See, when I said I wanted
to eat Italian...
39
00:01:30,670 --> 00:01:32,010
- And scene.
- And scene.
40
00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:33,200
Bravo!
41
00:01:33,290 --> 00:01:35,680
They just made that scene up
as they were going,
42
00:01:35,770 --> 00:01:38,490
and then at the end,
there was a funny twist.
43
00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:39,890
Okay, for this next scene,
44
00:01:39,980 --> 00:01:41,500
Sherry will play a famous person.
45
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,170
Lou Diamond Phillips!
46
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,240
- Excellent.
- And, Jay, I need an occupation.
47
00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:46,570
I agree.
48
00:01:46,660 --> 00:01:49,960
So, it turns out Manny's fake
Canadian girlfriend is real
49
00:01:50,070 --> 00:01:51,510
and annoying.
50
00:01:51,660 --> 00:01:53,960
Until he goes back to school,
she's staying here
51
00:01:54,050 --> 00:01:56,240
and auditioning
to be an improv star,
52
00:01:56,340 --> 00:01:59,440
just like, you know,
no one ever.
53
00:02:00,460 --> 00:02:02,870
Boy, oh, boy, did that
summer fly by or what?
54
00:02:02,950 --> 00:02:04,760
- Anyway, off you go.
- Bye, Jay.
55
00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:06,650
- I miss already you, papi.
- He'll be back
56
00:02:06,730 --> 00:02:08,330
in three days
to do his laundry.
57
00:02:08,410 --> 00:02:10,150
- I'll miss you, too.
- Come here, Teddy Bear.
58
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:11,230
- Mwah!
- Mwah!
59
00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:13,280
- See you Saturday.
- I can't wait.
60
00:02:15,930 --> 00:02:18,880
Okay, I'll be upstairs,
doing space work.
61
00:02:23,330 --> 00:02:25,820
Gloria, quick question...
62
00:02:25,910 --> 00:02:27,330
why is that person still here?
63
00:02:27,410 --> 00:02:29,390
Ay! I didn't tell you?
64
00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:32,440
- Don't even.
- The college won't let Sherry
65
00:02:32,570 --> 00:02:34,220
live in the dorm with Manny,
66
00:02:34,310 --> 00:02:35,660
so she's gonna stay here.
67
00:02:35,770 --> 00:02:38,470
I am going to make a delicious
sandwich. You want one?
68
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:40,570
I don't want a sandwich.
I want her out of my house.
69
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:42,020
And I kind of want a sandwich.
70
00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:45,260
This is Manny's
first serious relationship.
71
00:02:45,340 --> 00:02:46,510
I used to tell him,
72
00:02:46,620 --> 00:02:48,950
"I know that one day
you're gonna find a woman
73
00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:51,970
that will appreciate all your gifts."
74
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:53,510
But I didn't know.
75
00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:55,680
You're saying you don't
find her annoying?
76
00:02:55,770 --> 00:02:57,970
No. I think she's funny.
And don't worry.
77
00:02:58,050 --> 00:02:59,200
She's only gonna stay here
78
00:02:59,290 --> 00:03:02,110
until she can support herself
doing improv.
79
00:03:02,190 --> 00:03:03,560
Well, put her name on
the answering machine,
80
00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:05,080
'cause she's not going anywhere.
81
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:08,510
We're only lucky enough to get
one Wayne Brady in a lifetime.
82
00:03:10,060 --> 00:03:12,680
Hey.
I just ran into Dylan.
83
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:14,260
He told me what happened
between you two.
84
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,440
- Look, whatever he said...
- Relax.
85
00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:17,090
I know you kissed him again.
86
00:03:17,170 --> 00:03:18,210
Okay.
87
00:03:18,290 --> 00:03:19,300
You clearly inherited
88
00:03:19,390 --> 00:03:20,930
the power of the Dunphy kiss.
89
00:03:21,010 --> 00:03:23,400
Take it from me. That can
really mess with a man.
90
00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:24,840
You need to stop ghosting him.
91
00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:26,980
I know. It's just so hard.
92
00:03:27,060 --> 00:03:28,190
I mean, I'm with Arvin,
93
00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:29,990
who hasn't talked to me since
I told him I kissed Dylan,
94
00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:32,760
and every time I talk to Dylan,
I end up... kissing him.
95
00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:34,050
It's very confusing.
96
00:03:34,140 --> 00:03:35,910
Well, Dylan's a sensitive guy.
97
00:03:35,990 --> 00:03:37,420
After all your history together,
98
00:03:37,510 --> 00:03:38,990
he deserves to know where he stands.
99
00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:40,040
You should talk to him.
100
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,360
- Fine.
- I'll tell him to come over.
101
00:03:42,450 --> 00:03:44,670
Use the blowfish emoji.
102
00:03:44,750 --> 00:03:46,570
It means, "Brace yourself
for some bad news."
103
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,630
- No, it doesn't.
- Luke.
104
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:51,730
Hey, hey, no, no.
105
00:03:51,820 --> 00:03:53,750
I said no more screen time today, okay?
106
00:03:53,870 --> 00:03:55,550
What's so fascinating about
truck videos, anyway?
107
00:03:55,630 --> 00:03:56,800
Ooh, firemen.
108
00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:58,140
All right, Lily, let's go.
109
00:03:58,230 --> 00:03:59,580
Okay, how late are we...
110
00:03:59,660 --> 00:04:02,080
"goat loose in the house" late
or "stubborn cow in the road" late?
111
00:04:02,170 --> 00:04:04,430
You've lived here 20 years.
Please use city time.
112
00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:05,760
Oh, Cal, Cal, Cal, Cal!
113
00:04:05,850 --> 00:04:07,800
No, you're spilling all over the floor!
114
00:04:08,230 --> 00:04:10,230
Hey, Lily, can you watch
where you're going?
115
00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:11,850
Yeah, I'm the problem.
116
00:04:11,940 --> 00:04:13,520
Now we're gonna have to
change his shoes.
117
00:04:13,610 --> 00:04:14,700
No, he can't wear his other shoes
118
00:04:14,790 --> 00:04:16,130
because he scribbled on those in crayon
119
00:04:16,220 --> 00:04:18,380
and it looks like a swastika,
and in this day and age...
120
00:04:18,470 --> 00:04:19,810
Not just this day and age.
121
00:04:19,890 --> 00:04:22,040
Okay. His shoes are fine.
They have kids.
122
00:04:22,130 --> 00:04:24,010
They know they ruin everything.
123
00:04:25,270 --> 00:04:26,930
- Except your life.
- Yeah.
124
00:04:27,010 --> 00:04:28,220
Nice save.
125
00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:31,250
Another Assistant District
Attorney in my office, Trent,
126
00:04:31,330 --> 00:04:33,390
invited us over for lunch,
which is great
127
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,940
because he is looking for
a second chair
128
00:04:36,030 --> 00:04:39,370
on a very high-profile case,
and I want in.
129
00:04:39,460 --> 00:04:41,400
You know,
I was second-chair washboard
130
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,620
in the Grasshopper High School
orchestra.
131
00:04:45,290 --> 00:04:46,250
Go on.
132
00:04:46,330 --> 00:04:48,770
So, Trent and I have so much in common.
133
00:04:48,860 --> 00:04:51,240
His husband works in a school,
just like Cam,
134
00:04:51,330 --> 00:04:53,070
and they have two young kids.
135
00:04:53,150 --> 00:04:56,490
I mean, if there was
a gay lawyer dating site,
136
00:04:56,570 --> 00:04:57,540
we'd be a perfect match.
137
00:04:57,620 --> 00:05:00,160
It could be called
HungJuries.com.
138
00:05:00,610 --> 00:05:03,010
Good. So, get all that out
before we go.
139
00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:03,970
Mm.
140
00:05:04,060 --> 00:05:06,600
Welcome. Come in.
You must be Cam.
141
00:05:06,690 --> 00:05:08,200
Hi. I'm Trent.
This is my husband, Kieran.
142
00:05:08,290 --> 00:05:10,610
Hi. Nice to meet you.
This is Lily and Cal.
143
00:05:10,700 --> 00:05:11,680
Sorry we're late.
144
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:13,520
These two got into
a little spat in the car,
145
00:05:13,610 --> 00:05:14,740
and we had to pull over, so...
146
00:05:14,830 --> 00:05:16,260
He burped in my face.
147
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:17,640
You were looking at me.
148
00:05:17,730 --> 00:05:19,040
Great, great. Round 2.
149
00:05:19,750 --> 00:05:21,030
I'm sure you guys get it.
150
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,720
Oh, totally. Our little ones
are even worse in the car.
151
00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:25,820
Oh, I'll go get them
so the kids can play.
152
00:05:25,990 --> 00:05:28,630
Wow. Your house, it's...
it's... it's beautiful.
153
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:30,980
And... Oh, my God,
this plate is gorgeous.
154
00:05:31,070 --> 00:05:32,740
Oh, thank you.
Yeah, we got that in Nepal
155
00:05:32,830 --> 00:05:34,920
at a festival celebrating
the child goddess Kumari.
156
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,020
Oh, well, the closest
I've been to a child Goddess
157
00:05:37,110 --> 00:05:39,240
was my Drew Barrymore lunch box.
158
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,090
God, your house is so clean!
159
00:05:42,180 --> 00:05:43,770
How do you keep it
so clean with kids?
160
00:05:43,850 --> 00:05:44,870
Here they are.
161
00:05:44,950 --> 00:05:46,270
This is Devon and Denise.
162
00:05:46,350 --> 00:05:47,350
Oh!
163
00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,120
Th-Those are your...
Those are your kids.
164
00:05:49,210 --> 00:05:50,610
Oh, my God.
I did it again.
165
00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:53,130
I'm so used to calling them our kids,
166
00:05:53,210 --> 00:05:54,920
sometimes I forget to clarify.
167
00:05:55,010 --> 00:05:57,880
No. It's fine.
And isn't Devon just a little cutie?
168
00:05:57,960 --> 00:05:59,760
That's Denise. She's the funny one.
169
00:05:59,890 --> 00:06:01,030
Daddy, I'm bored.
170
00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:02,530
Okay, that's not polite, Lily.
171
00:06:02,620 --> 00:06:03,950
Now, hang on, little lady.
172
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:06,200
I'm about to get your party started.
173
00:06:06,290 --> 00:06:10,080
This is a hand-carved
backgammon set from Sri Lanka.
174
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:11,490
Use the gloves. Have fun.
175
00:06:11,630 --> 00:06:13,110
And while the kids are playing...
176
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:14,270
Or choking.
177
00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,490
Why don't you guys join us in the
kitchen? I'll grab us some wine.
178
00:06:16,580 --> 00:06:17,890
I hope you don't mind white.
179
00:06:17,980 --> 00:06:19,400
We lost a couch to a Cabernet incident,
180
00:06:19,490 --> 00:06:21,420
and Trent still gets flashbacks.
181
00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:23,160
Okay. Go have fun, kids.
182
00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:24,280
- Yes!
- Okay, okay.
183
00:06:24,370 --> 00:06:26,040
First of all, no drinking juice.
184
00:06:26,130 --> 00:06:27,300
Let me pat him down.
185
00:06:27,390 --> 00:06:30,010
All right. Let me check you.
All right, he is clean.
186
00:06:30,100 --> 00:06:31,880
Wait. What is this?
187
00:06:32,150 --> 00:06:33,840
How did that get in there?
188
00:06:33,930 --> 00:06:35,570
Okay, okay, look. Hey, come here.
189
00:06:35,660 --> 00:06:37,980
Just sit here. Do not move.
190
00:06:38,070 --> 00:06:40,120
You can play with Devon... ise.
191
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,640
Uh, you can watch your truck videos.
192
00:06:41,730 --> 00:06:43,740
Hey, don't take your eyes off of him.
193
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,930
So, just to be clear,
I don't get any childhood?
194
00:06:47,020 --> 00:06:49,820
Oh, please. Last week, we taught
you how to make flan.
195
00:06:51,970 --> 00:06:53,080
That's Dylan.
196
00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:54,660
You need me to stick around?
197
00:06:54,750 --> 00:06:57,150
Nope. I was just downstairs
practicing what to say,
198
00:06:57,240 --> 00:07:00,060
and I am prepared for
every possible scenario.
199
00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:03,450
Okay.
200
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,640
- Hello, love!
- Oh, no.
201
00:07:05,730 --> 00:07:07,310
I missed you, too, Haley.
202
00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:08,730
Surprise!
203
00:07:08,860 --> 00:07:11,470
Arvin called me from Switzerland 'cause
he wanted to surprise you,
204
00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,080
so I snuck to the airport
and picked him up.
205
00:07:13,190 --> 00:07:15,010
I can't believe
we got away with it!
206
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:16,990
Oh, good. This again.
207
00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:18,090
Yeah!
208
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:22,810
Uh, come inside! Look at me!
209
00:07:22,890 --> 00:07:24,240
I'm gonna go make some tea!
210
00:07:24,330 --> 00:07:26,130
Yeah, look at him!
211
00:07:27,810 --> 00:07:30,270
- Get away from that door!
- Oh, hey, Mr. Dunphy.
212
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,130
Ugh! Ow! You broke my heart.
213
00:07:43,060 --> 00:07:44,060
Look, Dylan...
214
00:07:44,140 --> 00:07:46,390
No explanation necessary, Mr. D.
215
00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:48,210
If you had to rough me up
and take me hostage,
216
00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:49,550
I'm sure you had your reasons.
217
00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:52,220
Okay, Dylan, first, we have
to talk about your costume.
218
00:07:52,310 --> 00:07:54,580
- Do you love it?
- It's fantastic!
219
00:07:54,670 --> 00:07:56,390
But the timing couldn't be worse.
220
00:07:56,470 --> 00:07:58,760
- Why?
- Have a seat.
221
00:08:05,430 --> 00:08:07,460
You know what?
Standing's fine.
222
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:11,040
Listen. Uh...
Arvin's here.
223
00:08:11,250 --> 00:08:13,500
He flew back from Switzerland
to surprise Haley.
224
00:08:13,590 --> 00:08:16,880
Wow. I'm up against
another grand gesture.
225
00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:18,590
What's he dressed as?
226
00:08:18,690 --> 00:08:20,530
Nothing. Just... Just himself.
227
00:08:21,150 --> 00:08:22,980
I like my chances.
228
00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:26,100
I'm sorry I didn't call you back.
229
00:08:26,190 --> 00:08:29,780
I just needed time to process
the whole Dylan thing.
230
00:08:29,890 --> 00:08:32,220
That's totally understandable.
231
00:08:32,310 --> 00:08:34,260
Mom, got it from here.
232
00:08:34,350 --> 00:08:35,750
Of course.
233
00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:37,630
We really got her, huh?
234
00:08:37,770 --> 00:08:39,310
Forgive me. I can't anymore.
235
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,110
- I just... I can't.
- Okay. Okay.
236
00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:44,780
Haley, I need to tell you something.
237
00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:46,560
I transgressed.
238
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:47,850
You were a woman?
239
00:08:47,940 --> 00:08:49,320
No. No.
240
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:51,480
After you told me about your kiss, um,
241
00:08:51,570 --> 00:08:54,710
I headed straight to a pub
frequented by other scientists
242
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,070
and, long story short,
243
00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,420
I kissed a nuclear physicist.
244
00:08:59,610 --> 00:09:01,030
I know it's not PC to say,
245
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:04,680
but they really are the loosest
of the scientific disciplines.
246
00:09:04,980 --> 00:09:07,840
- I forgive you.
- Just like that, so fast?
247
00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:09,850
Yeah. Why not? Let's just agree
we're both equally guilty,
248
00:09:09,940 --> 00:09:11,670
move on, and never talk about it again.
249
00:09:11,850 --> 00:09:13,920
For the record, it could
have gone further.
250
00:09:14,010 --> 00:09:15,840
I-I just want a little credit for that.
251
00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:17,290
Okay.
252
00:09:20,450 --> 00:09:21,790
Mom!
253
00:09:21,890 --> 00:09:22,950
What?
254
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:24,740
I do this every day at 3:00.
255
00:09:29,380 --> 00:09:31,280
Ah.
256
00:09:38,410 --> 00:09:40,100
Harpo, what are you doing?
257
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:43,080
Studying you, creating a character.
Imagine I'm not here.
258
00:09:43,170 --> 00:09:45,710
I'm not that creative.
Maybe you could help me.
259
00:09:45,790 --> 00:09:48,700
Oh! So gruff. Love it.
260
00:09:48,790 --> 00:09:50,280
- I'm leaving.
- I'm leaving.
261
00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:51,530
Good. You go.
262
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:55,680
Look at you, mis dos amigos!
263
00:09:55,830 --> 00:10:00,320
Look at...
Look at you, mis dos amigos!
264
00:10:00,510 --> 00:10:02,650
That does sound like me.
265
00:10:02,730 --> 00:10:04,670
You're so talented.
266
00:10:04,930 --> 00:10:06,410
Okay, that was strange.
267
00:10:06,590 --> 00:10:08,470
Gloria hates when people imitate her.
268
00:10:08,700 --> 00:10:11,480
And then Gloria says,
"Where are my 'chews'?
269
00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:13,670
I cannot go to the club
without my 'chews.'
270
00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:16,290
Your stupid doggie chews my 'chews'!"
271
00:10:18,630 --> 00:10:20,420
Ay, funny.
272
00:10:20,510 --> 00:10:23,540
Manny, come rub my ankles, papi!
273
00:10:23,620 --> 00:10:24,690
Good, good.
274
00:10:24,780 --> 00:10:29,030
But how is your funny old man
character coming?
275
00:10:29,190 --> 00:10:31,080
Ugh.
Somebody get me a scotch
276
00:10:31,170 --> 00:10:32,690
that's as stiff as my back.
277
00:10:33,530 --> 00:10:34,820
Do that again!
278
00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:36,010
That's the money!
279
00:10:36,100 --> 00:10:37,860
How did you know
she was doing that?
280
00:10:37,940 --> 00:10:40,490
She is so supportive.
It was her idea.
281
00:10:41,060 --> 00:10:42,400
And there it was.
282
00:10:42,550 --> 00:10:45,250
Gloria didn't want that weirdo
here any more than I did.
283
00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:47,430
She just wanted me to be the bad guy.
284
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:51,150
But the joke's on her, because,
for short bursts of time,
285
00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:53,020
I can be quite nice.
286
00:10:53,650 --> 00:10:55,610
We're trying out
a new recipe for risotto.
287
00:10:55,700 --> 00:10:57,410
We went truffle hunting in Tuscany,
288
00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:59,790
and we brought back
a few more than we declared.
289
00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:04,000
Oh, and you, an officer of the court.
So naughty.
290
00:11:04,140 --> 00:11:05,800
Don't worry. We're cool.
291
00:11:05,890 --> 00:11:08,040
We get our Propecia in Mexico.
292
00:11:09,470 --> 00:11:10,980
Tell us more about Tuscany.
293
00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:12,540
Remember when we were
saving up to go there?
294
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:14,000
What did we end up
blowing that money on?
295
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:15,110
- Lily.
- Right.
296
00:11:15,190 --> 00:11:17,190
Oh, well, your life sounds so exciting.
297
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:18,250
Pbht!
298
00:11:18,340 --> 00:11:20,700
Your house is so beautiful,
with such nice things.
299
00:11:20,790 --> 00:11:22,690
Well, they don't have to spend
their money on orthodontia,
300
00:11:22,780 --> 00:11:24,220
- ballet lessons, and college funds.
- Yeah.
301
00:11:24,310 --> 00:11:25,630
The grass is greener.
302
00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:26,770
Your grass is greener.
303
00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:29,020
We can't seem to get Cal to pee indoors.
304
00:11:29,110 --> 00:11:30,290
Well, your family seems great.
305
00:11:30,380 --> 00:11:32,450
And, Mitchell, you are killing
it at the office.
306
00:11:32,540 --> 00:11:33,560
- Mm.
- Really?
307
00:11:33,650 --> 00:11:35,400
Because I-I feel like
I'm kind of getting
308
00:11:35,490 --> 00:11:37,540
more low-profile, starter cases.
309
00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:39,180
Uh, I wouldn't worry about that.
310
00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:41,540
There's actually a big case
that I am working on,
311
00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:43,150
I think you will...
312
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:44,260
- Oh, my God.
- Oh.
313
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:46,090
- What was that?!
- Go! Go!
314
00:11:46,180 --> 00:11:48,090
Please let it be one of their kids.
315
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,160
There you are!
316
00:11:50,330 --> 00:11:52,720
Hey. Uh, Haley, do you have a sec?
317
00:11:52,810 --> 00:11:54,970
If you don't mind, we were kind of
in the middle of something.
318
00:11:55,060 --> 00:11:58,430
Phil, what are you doing
intruding on these two?
319
00:11:58,870 --> 00:12:00,800
I just need to show Haley
something in my office.
320
00:12:00,890 --> 00:12:02,350
I was doing a little cleaning,
and I came across
321
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:05,280
this old doll that used to
mean a lot to her.
322
00:12:05,370 --> 00:12:07,400
Can't you just get rid of the doll?
323
00:12:07,490 --> 00:12:09,080
I started to,
but it really seems like
324
00:12:09,170 --> 00:12:11,520
something you should do,
you know, for closure.
325
00:12:13,290 --> 00:12:14,390
You're right.
326
00:12:14,470 --> 00:12:16,820
Wait. You need closure from a doll?
327
00:12:16,900 --> 00:12:17,950
That seems odd.
328
00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:20,330
Well, I did sleep with that
thing since I was like 16.
329
00:12:20,420 --> 00:12:22,520
- 16?
- 16?
330
00:12:22,610 --> 00:12:24,080
Oh, no.
331
00:12:25,470 --> 00:12:26,570
Dylan.
332
00:12:26,930 --> 00:12:28,970
What is Dylan doing here?
333
00:12:29,060 --> 00:12:30,520
He's making a grand gesture.
334
00:12:30,610 --> 00:12:32,120
He won't leave until
he talks to Haley.
335
00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:34,490
Oh, my God. It was one kiss.
336
00:12:34,650 --> 00:12:36,340
Poor, naive Claire.
337
00:12:36,450 --> 00:12:38,030
It was two kisses.
338
00:12:38,140 --> 00:12:39,360
You have something to do with this?
339
00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:40,670
Haley was ghosting him.
340
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,200
- What does that mean?
- You are so not hip.
341
00:12:43,460 --> 00:12:44,780
She wouldn't call him back,
342
00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:46,920
so I told her to do
the right thing and end it,
343
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,480
or whatever, in person.
344
00:12:48,570 --> 00:12:50,480
"Or whatever"? No "or whatever."
345
00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:52,830
She's been "or whatever-ing"
since puberty.
346
00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:55,080
It is time for her to grow up.
347
00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:57,110
Doesn't matter.
Look, we both want
348
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,940
the same thing for her in the end.
349
00:12:59,030 --> 00:13:00,100
- Absolutely.
- Right.
350
00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:01,530
For her to make her own decision.
351
00:13:01,610 --> 00:13:03,750
Of course. The only decision is...
352
00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:06,440
- Arvin.
- I agree. Arvin is very impressive.
353
00:13:06,530 --> 00:13:08,430
Buyou should know
Dylan has been
354
00:13:08,510 --> 00:13:10,110
putting himself through
nursing school,
355
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:13,250
working at the hospital,
running.
356
00:13:13,410 --> 00:13:15,110
You're not honestly making
a case for that guy?
357
00:13:15,250 --> 00:13:17,020
That guy would take a bullet
for Haley.
358
00:13:17,110 --> 00:13:18,540
Why are you so invested in him?
359
00:13:18,630 --> 00:13:19,690
Because I was that guy!
360
00:13:19,770 --> 00:13:21,940
I was the underdog with
every girl I ever liked.
361
00:13:22,270 --> 00:13:23,700
That's very sweet.
362
00:13:23,910 --> 00:13:25,230
But this isn't about you.
363
00:13:25,310 --> 00:13:27,200
This is about Haley
364
00:13:27,290 --> 00:13:30,880
being with a respected,
charming scientist
365
00:13:30,980 --> 00:13:34,080
versus a guy who Lily convinced
to eat a box of crayons.
366
00:13:34,170 --> 00:13:35,460
It was one bite out of one crayon.
367
00:13:35,550 --> 00:13:36,910
It was only because
he was blindfolded
368
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,140
and trapped in a Chese finger puzzle.
369
00:13:40,450 --> 00:13:43,000
I had no idea Arvin was going
to be here
370
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,720
but can we please do this
another time?
371
00:13:44,810 --> 00:13:47,490
I won't have the costume
another time, Haley.
372
00:13:47,580 --> 00:13:51,430
So, this is the doll you slept with.
373
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:53,830
Hey, you're pretty handsome yourself.
374
00:13:56,330 --> 00:13:58,820
So many questions.
375
00:13:58,980 --> 00:14:01,970
First, why have you snuck 'round to see
376
00:14:02,060 --> 00:14:04,650
the bloke you supposedly
feel terrible about kissing?
377
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,480
Yo, I hope this doesn't sound
braggy, but for the most part,
378
00:14:07,570 --> 00:14:09,840
people do not feel terrible
about kissing me.
379
00:14:09,930 --> 00:14:11,490
Okay, guys, stop.
380
00:14:11,570 --> 00:14:14,480
Listen to me,
my simple friend.
381
00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:16,990
I just spent 14 hours in a middle seat.
382
00:14:17,070 --> 00:14:19,100
I suggest you get out of my space.
383
00:14:19,210 --> 00:14:22,170
Well, I suggest, next time,
you ask about an exit row.
384
00:14:22,260 --> 00:14:24,750
It could still be a middle seat,
but you'd have more leg room.
385
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:26,810
You have to go!
386
00:14:29,140 --> 00:14:32,340
Enough! Stop fighting
or whatever this is.
387
00:14:32,430 --> 00:14:34,880
Arvin! There you are!
388
00:14:34,980 --> 00:14:36,710
Oh. Hi, Dylan.
389
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:39,310
- Radiant as ever, Mrs. D.
- Ugh.
390
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:40,900
Haley, tell him to leave.
391
00:14:40,990 --> 00:14:42,690
Let me see if I can defuse
the situation.
392
00:14:42,770 --> 00:14:44,940
Mom, Dad,
stop meddling in my life.
393
00:14:45,030 --> 00:14:46,070
Outside now!
394
00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:47,070
- All right.
- Now!
395
00:14:47,150 --> 00:14:48,630
Okay. Okay.
396
00:14:50,530 --> 00:14:52,460
Help me. I don't know what to do.
397
00:14:53,770 --> 00:14:54,880
My mask!
398
00:14:55,460 --> 00:14:56,990
We are so, so sorry.
399
00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:58,280
I tried to block him.
400
00:14:58,370 --> 00:15:00,100
He faked going for the glass frog.
401
00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:01,430
I can't believe it.
402
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,560
Breathe, honey. Breathe.
403
00:15:03,750 --> 00:15:04,750
Can we fix it?
404
00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:06,500
Oh, I don't know.
Do you happen to have any clay
405
00:15:06,590 --> 00:15:08,150
from the melted runoff of Kilimanjaro?
406
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,690
Because that's what it's made of!
407
00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:11,710
We got it on our first trip to Tanzania.
408
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:14,310
It was blessed by the shaman
that healed his psoriasis.
409
00:15:14,390 --> 00:15:16,430
Of course we'll be happy
to pay to replace it.
410
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:18,060
It's irreplaceable!
411
00:15:18,290 --> 00:15:19,580
Oh, my God.
412
00:15:19,670 --> 00:15:21,550
- It's back.
- Oh.
413
00:15:22,050 --> 00:15:24,170
We cannot apologize enough.
414
00:15:24,250 --> 00:15:25,530
That's probably true.
415
00:15:25,660 --> 00:15:27,250
I'll go get lunch.
416
00:15:27,590 --> 00:15:29,020
Okay, this is a disaster.
417
00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:31,030
I know, but is any part of you
still hearing
418
00:15:31,110 --> 00:15:32,430
"first trip to Tanzania"?
419
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:34,300
He was just about to offer me
the case I want.
420
00:15:34,390 --> 00:15:35,360
Well, there'll be other cases.
421
00:15:35,450 --> 00:15:37,200
No. This one involves
a music producer,
422
00:15:37,290 --> 00:15:39,300
an escort, and illegal arms sales, okay?
423
00:15:39,390 --> 00:15:40,950
I want to bring them to justice.
424
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:42,440
Plus, they've already
sold the movie rights.
425
00:15:42,530 --> 00:15:44,280
I could be played by Ryan Gosling.
426
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,830
That's it, honey. Aim high.
427
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:48,200
Oh, my God. What can we do?
What can we do?
428
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:49,600
Whoa.
429
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:54,120
- Quick. Bite my ankle.
- Excuse me?
430
00:15:54,210 --> 00:15:55,730
Hurry, before they come back.
I'm gonna tell them
431
00:15:55,820 --> 00:15:57,480
the dog did it.
It'll cancel out the mask.
432
00:15:57,570 --> 00:15:58,840
Just do it.
433
00:15:58,990 --> 00:16:00,430
Harder. It needs to scar me.
434
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:01,900
It's definitely scarring me.
435
00:16:01,990 --> 00:16:03,320
They need to believe a dog did it.
436
00:16:03,450 --> 00:16:05,030
Psst.
437
00:16:07,730 --> 00:16:08,920
Oh. Well, if you're
438
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,850
you're gonna make us wait
so long to eat,
439
00:16:10,980 --> 00:16:12,980
this shouldn't come as a surprise.
440
00:16:14,750 --> 00:16:16,160
Gloria, come here!
441
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,630
You got to see this.
She's on fire.
442
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:19,780
Now, check this out.
443
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:21,810
I can throw anything at her,
444
00:16:21,890 --> 00:16:24,410
and she can make comedy gold
out of it.
445
00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:25,640
Here. Um...
446
00:16:25,730 --> 00:16:28,700
John Travolta in a submarine.
447
00:16:30,010 --> 00:16:31,660
Ow! Ow!
448
00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:33,810
Yeah, because a submarine is small.
449
00:16:35,050 --> 00:16:37,420
You were right, Gloria.
She's hilarious.
450
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:39,350
Do another one. Um...
451
00:16:39,630 --> 00:16:42,330
T. Rex in a volleyball game.
452
00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:46,090
Look at that.
453
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,010
It's hard to spike with little arms.
454
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:51,520
Jay, can I talk to you
in there for a second?
455
00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:54,010
Yeah, yeah. All right.
I'll be right back.
456
00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:55,860
What a hoot!
457
00:16:56,110 --> 00:16:57,600
What is your game, old man?
458
00:16:57,690 --> 00:16:59,040
Nothing. I'm loving this.
459
00:16:59,130 --> 00:17:01,990
My only fear is that she might
hit it big and leave us.
460
00:17:02,070 --> 00:17:05,120
You think I'm an idiot?
Nobody thinks that that is funny.
461
00:17:05,210 --> 00:17:07,840
Be honest, you want her out
of here more than I do.
462
00:17:07,940 --> 00:17:09,950
Okay, fine, but I don't want
to be the mother
463
00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:11,750
that hates her son's girlfriend.
464
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:13,240
I don't want to be the villain anymore.
465
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:16,910
But that's your job.
I am the quiet and fun one.
466
00:17:16,990 --> 00:17:19,610
Have you not heard her
impression of you? It's dead-on.
467
00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:21,440
You want to get rid of her,
you do it.
468
00:17:21,530 --> 00:17:23,810
I won't have to, because I can pretend
469
00:17:23,900 --> 00:17:26,900
that I like Sherry
longer than you can.
470
00:17:26,990 --> 00:17:28,790
You will crack first.
471
00:17:28,890 --> 00:17:30,570
You will crack first!
472
00:17:30,660 --> 00:17:32,840
Sherry, you cannot stay here.
473
00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:34,280
What? Why?
474
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,480
Because you're driving me crazy.
475
00:17:36,570 --> 00:17:37,960
But I thought you liked me.
476
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:39,920
What can I say, kid? She's rough.
477
00:17:40,010 --> 00:17:41,260
Let me get your bag.
478
00:17:41,410 --> 00:17:43,070
Hey, I'm back!
Guess what.
479
00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,080
All that calligraphy I've done
for the dean paid off.
480
00:17:45,170 --> 00:17:46,400
He said you can stay with me.
481
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:48,740
Your mom just told me
she hates me.
482
00:17:49,210 --> 00:17:50,740
Mom, why would you say that?
483
00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,100
And scene!
484
00:17:55,030 --> 00:17:56,690
Why can't I tell Dylan to leave?
485
00:17:56,780 --> 00:17:58,670
Because you are scared
486
00:17:58,810 --> 00:18:01,740
of the first real, adult relationship
487
00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:04,840
with the perfect man,
and you're clinging to the past.
488
00:18:04,930 --> 00:18:07,050
Or you and Dylan
have a special connection
489
00:18:07,140 --> 00:18:08,260
and you still love him.
490
00:18:08,350 --> 00:18:09,370
Not helping.
491
00:18:09,460 --> 00:18:11,200
God,
they're both such great guys,
492
00:18:11,290 --> 00:18:12,320
but they're so different.
493
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:15,250
How am I supposed to choose?
How did you guys do it?
494
00:18:15,340 --> 00:18:18,540
Well, sweetheart, I...
I'm not gonna be any help here.
495
00:18:18,660 --> 00:18:21,470
From the minute I met your mom,
there was no choice.
496
00:18:21,550 --> 00:18:23,570
She was smart.
She was strong.
497
00:18:23,890 --> 00:18:26,540
She resented her father just
enough to go for a guy like me.
498
00:18:26,630 --> 00:18:29,240
She... She gave my life balance,
499
00:18:29,430 --> 00:18:30,910
and now I can't imagine it
without her.
500
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:34,040
Also, she's... she's crazy hot.
501
00:18:34,970 --> 00:18:37,390
- Mom?
- Well, first of all, um,
502
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:40,220
I'm a sucker for guys
who say things like that.
503
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:43,730
Your dad is the nicest,
most positive person I know,
504
00:18:43,820 --> 00:18:45,970
and he always helps me find
the fun in life.
505
00:18:46,050 --> 00:18:49,490
And, uh, he is still real easy
on the peepers.
506
00:18:49,570 --> 00:18:51,380
Aww. We really are lucky.
507
00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:52,680
Oh, I know.
508
00:18:52,810 --> 00:18:54,980
I forgot what
we were even fighting about.
509
00:18:55,070 --> 00:18:56,310
Me too.
510
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,110
You weren't fighting.
We were talking about my problem.
511
00:18:58,200 --> 00:18:59,770
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, honey,
512
00:19:00,020 --> 00:19:02,210
you should probably just
ignore eveyothing we said
513
00:19:02,290 --> 00:19:05,460
and try to imagine your life
with each of them.
514
00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:07,000
What do you see?
515
00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:13,180
I guess, with Arvin, I see
a big, beautiful house...
516
00:19:13,530 --> 00:19:16,600
Arvin! Arvin, wait!
517
00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:18,030
Lined with books,
518
00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:20,570
interesting people coming in and out,
519
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,220
raising kids with a brilliant man.
520
00:19:24,070 --> 00:19:26,120
I'm so sorry. I...
521
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:27,580
Oh, well.
522
00:19:27,870 --> 00:19:30,560
Now I may have to use
my genius for evil.
523
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,590
You're my origin story.
524
00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:33,840
What?
525
00:19:34,100 --> 00:19:36,910
Every supervillain has
a reason they're so...
526
00:19:38,430 --> 00:19:40,470
You know, maybe this is for the best.
527
00:19:41,780 --> 00:19:45,550
With Dylan, I see us
in a cute, little place
528
00:19:45,630 --> 00:19:47,910
that needs a ton of work.
529
00:19:49,060 --> 00:19:51,130
We may not have all the nicest things,
530
00:19:51,220 --> 00:19:54,820
but there's music
and laughing,
531
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,170
and I know I can always be myself,
532
00:19:57,630 --> 00:19:59,440
anhe'll always love me for it.
533
00:19:59,530 --> 00:20:00,720
Um...
534
00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:04,610
I just got out of a relationship.
535
00:20:04,990 --> 00:20:07,320
I'm, like, a complete mess.
536
00:20:07,660 --> 00:20:10,430
That's perfect.
I love messes.
537
00:20:10,900 --> 00:20:13,790
Can we, uh, take a step back
538
00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:15,240
and just go out on a date?
539
00:20:15,330 --> 00:20:16,640
Sure.
540
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:18,500
Your chariot awaits.
541
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,230
I couldn't fit in my car,
you know.
542
00:20:24,250 --> 00:20:26,750
Okay, how do I do it?
I'll just... Oh!
543
00:20:27,950 --> 00:20:30,640
We're never gonna be able
to retire, are we?
544
00:20:30,790 --> 00:20:32,150
Nope.
545
00:20:41,630 --> 00:20:44,460
I'm sorry the juicy trial
didn't work out. Are you okay?
546
00:20:44,540 --> 00:20:46,950
Yeah. I-I guess if I had
to do it all over again,
547
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:48,560
I wouldn't have told you to bite me.
548
00:20:48,650 --> 00:20:51,640
Weird how I just went along with that,
no questions.
549
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:53,780
Oh, and speaking of doing it
all over again,
550
00:20:53,900 --> 00:20:55,300
do you ever regret having kids?
551
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:56,690
Of course not.
552
00:20:56,770 --> 00:20:58,830
I mean, do I sometimes look back
553
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:00,450
and wish everything was different?
554
00:21:00,540 --> 00:21:02,000
If you say "yes,"
that is regret.
555
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:05,230
Then, no,
because if we didn't have them
556
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:07,830
I would be Trent,
an uptight lunatic
557
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:10,240
who falls apart over
a broken tchotchke.
558
00:21:10,330 --> 00:21:12,140
I mean, kids give you perspective.
559
00:21:12,220 --> 00:21:15,480
You realize what's important,
to let go of...
560
00:21:16,470 --> 00:21:18,810
And there goes our last nice thing.
561
00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:21,270
- Thank God we're free now.
- Mm.