1 00:00:01,100 --> 00:00:02,967 - [Goat bleats] - Auctioneer: ...72, 72, $72! 2 00:00:03,036 --> 00:00:04,735 $72, 72 bid, 72 bid, 3 00:00:04,804 --> 00:00:06,704 - 75, 75, 75! - Oh, boy. 4 00:00:06,773 --> 00:00:09,240 Is it already the first day of livestock auction season again? 5 00:00:09,275 --> 00:00:10,608 It's the same day every year, Mitchell... 6 00:00:10,643 --> 00:00:12,210 a fortnight after the first ripe tomato comes in. 7 00:00:12,245 --> 00:00:15,346 And seriously? This is what passes for auction-calling these days? 8 00:00:15,381 --> 00:00:17,348 Is it possible you're being a tad harsh? 9 00:00:17,417 --> 00:00:19,217 You know, when you've been at the top of your field... 10 00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:21,018 Greater Bug County Auction-Calling Champ 11 00:00:21,121 --> 00:00:22,153 three years running... 12 00:00:22,255 --> 00:00:24,122 it's hard to see anything but the inadequacies. 13 00:00:24,224 --> 00:00:26,224 It's why Baryshnikov couldn't watch others dance. 14 00:00:26,326 --> 00:00:28,259 What? He was the Artistic Director of... 15 00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:29,961 How long have you lived in this house?! 16 00:00:30,063 --> 00:00:32,230 It's gonna wind up being some pig named Baryshnikov 17 00:00:32,332 --> 00:00:33,965 or some damn thing. 18 00:00:35,235 --> 00:00:36,634 So, how was your trumpet lesson? 19 00:00:36,736 --> 00:00:37,902 It was amazing. Yeah. 20 00:00:38,004 --> 00:00:41,072 Oh, these sessions just have really changed my life. 21 00:00:41,174 --> 00:00:43,040 Technically, uh, not a lie. 22 00:00:43,143 --> 00:00:45,843 Uh, I started taking trumpet lessons two years ago. 23 00:00:45,945 --> 00:00:47,478 But then I noticed the place next door 24 00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:50,615 was offering massages for the same price, so... 25 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:51,782 you know. 26 00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:55,286 And I felt bad relaxing while Cam was... 27 00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:56,621 solo-parenting Lily. 28 00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:59,290 But... But we were both spending time 29 00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:01,659 with an Asian woman who walked all over us. 30 00:01:01,761 --> 00:01:02,894 You always smell like lavender 31 00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:04,262 when you come back from that place. 32 00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:05,830 Uh, yeah, it's the... it's the valve oil 33 00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:06,998 for the, um... you know, 34 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,199 - the t... the tooting buttons. - Oh. 35 00:01:08,301 --> 00:01:10,234 We should probably, uh, hit the road soon. 36 00:01:10,336 --> 00:01:12,103 - High school graduation's in an hour. - [Groans] 37 00:01:12,205 --> 00:01:13,271 It's so humiliating 38 00:01:13,273 --> 00:01:15,239 being the Vice Principal at these things. 39 00:01:15,341 --> 00:01:16,908 It's just a ceremonial position 40 00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:18,910 where you have to sit behind Principal Brown, 41 00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:20,144 politely clapping 42 00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:22,446 while he gets to set the course of history. 43 00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:23,848 Well, it could be fun with my dad giving 44 00:01:23,950 --> 00:01:25,016 the commencement address, though. 45 00:01:25,118 --> 00:01:26,150 I got a peek at his note cards, 46 00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:27,852 and I don't want to give anything away, 47 00:01:27,954 --> 00:01:29,487 but the young kid who boarded the bus 48 00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:30,888 with the hair full of Brylcreem 49 00:01:30,990 --> 00:01:32,790 and a cardboard suitcase full of dreams... 50 00:01:32,892 --> 00:01:33,958 it was him. 51 00:01:34,060 --> 00:01:35,226 [Cellphone ringing] 52 00:01:35,328 --> 00:01:36,961 Oh, I have to take this. It's Superintendent Pierce. 53 00:01:37,063 --> 00:01:38,095 [Cellphone beeps] 54 00:01:38,198 --> 00:01:40,665 Hello, good sir. To what do I owe this honor? 55 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,701 Oh, no. 56 00:01:43,803 --> 00:01:45,436 That's horrible. 57 00:01:45,538 --> 00:01:47,572 Principal Brown got into a car accident! 58 00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:50,575 W-Which means, as next in the line of succession, 59 00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:52,710 I get to preside over today's graduation. 60 00:01:52,812 --> 00:01:55,213 You know, this is why senior administration officials 61 00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:56,480 never travel together. 62 00:01:56,583 --> 00:01:57,915 [Humming] 63 00:01:58,017 --> 00:02:00,484 Your glee at another man's misfortune should trouble me, 64 00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:03,154 but there's also something sort of sexy about it. 65 00:02:03,256 --> 00:02:05,389 - Well, power is an aphrodisiac. - Oh. 66 00:02:05,491 --> 00:02:06,591 Maybe later you could be the principal 67 00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:08,492 and I could be the student who's a few credits short. 68 00:02:08,595 --> 00:02:09,994 - Hmm. - A bad, bad boy 69 00:02:10,096 --> 00:02:11,896 who needs to be taught right from wrong. 70 00:02:11,998 --> 00:02:13,631 'Cause I grew up in a broken home, 71 00:02:13,733 --> 00:02:16,467 where social workers and constant fights about money 72 00:02:16,569 --> 00:02:17,601 were just... 73 00:02:17,604 --> 00:02:19,303 Okay, well, now I'm just sad. 74 00:02:28,414 --> 00:02:30,781 ♪ 75 00:02:33,585 --> 00:02:35,186 Together: Yah! Yah! 76 00:02:35,288 --> 00:02:36,687 [Clears throat] Can we switch seats? 77 00:02:36,689 --> 00:02:37,788 I'm right under a vent. 78 00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:39,423 This is not good for my instrument. 79 00:02:39,525 --> 00:02:43,527 Oh, so nice that you're taking this speech so seriously. 80 00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:45,730 When you did Mitch and Cam's wedding toast, 81 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,598 you had your mouth full of cashews. 82 00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:50,601 Together: Yah! Yah! Yah! 83 00:02:50,703 --> 00:02:52,870 Hey, pay attention to your brother. 84 00:02:52,972 --> 00:02:54,171 You got him into karate. 85 00:02:54,274 --> 00:02:55,339 Not on purpose. 86 00:02:55,441 --> 00:02:57,408 I just showed him a few "Pink Panther" movies. 87 00:02:58,444 --> 00:02:59,777 Joe? 88 00:02:59,969 --> 00:03:00,978 Joe? 89 00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:02,613 I-I-I don't want to play 90 00:03:02,715 --> 00:03:05,016 this Inspector Clouseau and Cato game anymore. 91 00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:06,751 It's not that I'm scared. 92 00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,386 It's just, I-I'm a little busy... 93 00:03:08,488 --> 00:03:09,687 - Aah! - Aah! 94 00:03:09,789 --> 00:03:11,255 He's a little psycho. 95 00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:13,691 Which we must never show him, by the way. 96 00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:16,127 And sorry if I'm distracted. 97 00:03:16,229 --> 00:03:17,695 It's cut day at CalArts. 98 00:03:17,797 --> 00:03:19,664 Half of the class isn't being asked back. 99 00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:21,465 Manny, my mother's intuition 100 00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:24,168 tells me that you have nothing to worry about. 101 00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:25,302 It's just so cruel. 102 00:03:25,305 --> 00:03:26,937 I'm halfway to a playwriting degree 103 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,339 and a minor in mask-making 104 00:03:28,441 --> 00:03:29,740 and they're just gonna throw me out on the street 105 00:03:29,842 --> 00:03:31,142 with no way to support myself? 106 00:03:31,244 --> 00:03:34,078 As a wise man will say in about two hours... 107 00:03:34,180 --> 00:03:37,815 "Be grateful for the rocks life rolls in your path, 108 00:03:37,917 --> 00:03:40,951 for one day, you'll see them as stepping stones." 109 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,920 I had that in my "maybe" pile. 110 00:03:43,022 --> 00:03:44,188 Trust yourself, Jay. 111 00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:46,424 [Cellphone chimes, buzzes] 112 00:03:46,526 --> 00:03:49,126 Oh, God. It's an e-mail from school. 113 00:03:49,228 --> 00:03:51,095 I don't think I can read this in front of people. 114 00:03:51,197 --> 00:03:52,363 Kids: Yah! 115 00:03:52,465 --> 00:03:53,531 Gloria: Let's go, Joe! 116 00:03:53,633 --> 00:03:54,665 Ay! 117 00:03:54,767 --> 00:03:55,900 [Applause] 118 00:03:56,002 --> 00:03:57,335 Ay! 119 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,604 [Groans] 120 00:04:00,707 --> 00:04:01,806 [Sighs] 121 00:04:04,610 --> 00:04:06,377 I did it! 122 00:04:06,479 --> 00:04:08,079 I did it! [Laughing] Yes! 123 00:04:17,290 --> 00:04:19,623 Did my mom bribe Sensei Ron? 124 00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:20,825 [Cheers and applause] 125 00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:22,293 I knew you could do it, Joe! 126 00:04:22,395 --> 00:04:23,728 My mother's intuition told me 127 00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:26,530 that you had nothing to worry about. 128 00:04:26,632 --> 00:04:30,468 And if she bribed Sensei Ron, who else did she bribe? 129 00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:32,737 Did I even deserve this? 130 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:35,840 Phil: Do you remember when grocery shopping was boring? 131 00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,141 I really don't. 132 00:04:37,243 --> 00:04:38,476 [Wheels rattling] 133 00:04:38,578 --> 00:04:40,177 As a parent, you don't get 134 00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:42,680 a lot of good, clean, guilt-free victories. 135 00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:44,415 That's why it's hard not to feel 136 00:04:44,517 --> 00:04:46,784 pretty damn good about ourselves today. 137 00:04:46,886 --> 00:04:47,985 Because this afternoon, 138 00:04:48,087 --> 00:04:50,821 we are going to watch our daughter Alex graduate... 139 00:04:50,823 --> 00:04:51,922 With honors! 140 00:04:51,924 --> 00:04:54,258 ...from the world-renowned Caltech. 141 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:57,061 ♪ When the Caltech Beavers face you at sports ♪ 142 00:04:57,163 --> 00:05:00,331 ♪ Prepare to relinquish the ba-a-all ♪ 143 00:05:00,433 --> 00:05:02,600 Their best minds weren't focused on the fight song. 144 00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:03,734 Yeah. 145 00:05:04,300 --> 00:05:05,403 I just can't stop smiling 146 00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:08,139 at this picture of Alex in her cap and gown. 147 00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:10,040 It's so surreal that one of our kids 148 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,717 could do something so amazing. 149 00:05:12,752 --> 00:05:13,811 I love you both. 150 00:05:14,093 --> 00:05:16,414 So, you two, grab champagne and flowers for Alex. 151 00:05:16,449 --> 00:05:19,083 We'll, uh... We'll get some cigars to give to Jay. 152 00:05:19,185 --> 00:05:20,351 Yeah. 153 00:05:20,353 --> 00:05:21,452 [Sighs] 154 00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:22,720 Oh, my God. 155 00:05:22,755 --> 00:05:24,755 It's Skip Woosnam. Have you seen him since he fired you? 156 00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:27,324 Once, at a listing. 157 00:05:27,393 --> 00:05:29,527 I tried to pretend I was a 3D cutout of myself 158 00:05:29,595 --> 00:05:30,895 to avoid talking to him. 159 00:05:30,963 --> 00:05:33,164 But you know what? Today I want to talk to him. 160 00:05:33,232 --> 00:05:34,465 I think I'll let ol' Skip know 161 00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:36,801 I have a daughter graduating from Caltech. 162 00:05:36,869 --> 00:05:38,502 No, honey, we are not the kind of parents 163 00:05:38,538 --> 00:05:41,005 who make ourselves look good by bragging about our kids. 164 00:05:41,073 --> 00:05:42,573 Then why did we even have them, Claire? 165 00:05:42,642 --> 00:05:44,141 - [Sighs] - Are we really not gonna crow about it 166 00:05:44,210 --> 00:05:46,177 when one of our kids finally does something we can be proud of? 167 00:05:46,245 --> 00:05:47,545 I love you both very much. 168 00:05:47,613 --> 00:05:49,513 I'm comfortable being the hot one. 169 00:05:53,619 --> 00:05:54,919 Another record month? 170 00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:56,787 [Laughing] Well, thank you! 171 00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:58,789 You're the greatest butler on Earth. 172 00:05:58,891 --> 00:06:00,090 Ohp! I gotta run. 173 00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,959 - Phil? - Skip! 174 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,661 You son of a gun. How the hell are you? 175 00:06:03,729 --> 00:06:05,863 Great, great. Business is better than ever. 176 00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:06,941 How about you? 177 00:06:06,999 --> 00:06:09,233 Did you, uh, finally get real cutouts? 178 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:11,602 I don't know what you're talking about. Mine are so realistic and 3D, 179 00:06:11,671 --> 00:06:12,937 you must have been laughing at one of them like an idiot. 180 00:06:13,005 --> 00:06:15,248 How crazy is it we ran into each other shopping, huh? 181 00:06:15,283 --> 00:06:17,208 Say, how are your kids? 182 00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:18,375 Terrific. Yeah. 183 00:06:18,444 --> 00:06:21,045 June just, uh, took a job at the Container Store. 184 00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:22,980 Impressive. I have a kid that's interested in space, as well. 185 00:06:23,082 --> 00:06:26,350 - Considering a job at, uh... at NASA, actually. - Oh. 186 00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:29,086 Yeah, he, uh, looks like he's got the right stuff. 187 00:06:29,188 --> 00:06:30,354 [Laughs] 188 00:06:30,456 --> 00:06:32,423 No, I... it's... I was talking about my daughter. 189 00:06:32,525 --> 00:06:34,258 - Oh. - Hey, Dad. [Chuckles] Dad, guess what. 190 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:37,027 The twins started kicking the second I picked up booze. 191 00:06:37,129 --> 00:06:39,296 - [Laughter] - They're my kids, right? 192 00:06:39,398 --> 00:06:41,298 [Laughing] My other daughter. 193 00:06:42,953 --> 00:06:44,780 Okay, I'm doing a little thing about 194 00:06:44,822 --> 00:06:46,254 following your dreams in mine. 195 00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:47,489 Do you have anything like that in yours? 196 00:06:47,557 --> 00:06:49,032 I say "follow your passions." 197 00:06:49,067 --> 00:06:50,425 Okay, yeah. That's different enough. 198 00:06:50,494 --> 00:06:52,260 - [Laughter] - Okay. 199 00:06:52,362 --> 00:06:53,995 Something fishy's going on over here. 200 00:06:54,064 --> 00:06:56,164 I'm gonna go shake some trees, see what falls. 201 00:06:57,801 --> 00:06:59,968 Looking lovely today, Vice Principal Tucker. 202 00:07:00,036 --> 00:07:01,936 Cut the choirboy act, Pitkowski. 203 00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:03,438 Oh, you don't like the way I'm talking to you? 204 00:07:03,507 --> 00:07:04,772 Well, who are you gonna complain to? 205 00:07:04,875 --> 00:07:06,074 No one! 206 00:07:06,143 --> 00:07:07,509 Because I'm the acting principal, 207 00:07:07,577 --> 00:07:09,244 clothed in immense power! 208 00:07:11,515 --> 00:07:12,647 Wait, what is... Nope! 209 00:07:12,716 --> 00:07:14,649 - [Sighs] - I bend faster. 210 00:07:14,718 --> 00:07:16,117 "Jay Pritchett, Owl Killer"?! 211 00:07:16,219 --> 00:07:17,252 What the hell is this? 212 00:07:17,254 --> 00:07:18,186 [Gasps] 213 00:07:18,255 --> 00:07:20,155 The year was 1972. 214 00:07:20,223 --> 00:07:22,038 I landed a whale... 215 00:07:22,073 --> 00:07:24,125 every closet on a Carnival Cruise ship. 216 00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:25,793 To make the numbers work, 217 00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:28,496 I needed a lot of cedar fast and cheap. 218 00:07:28,532 --> 00:07:30,398 I ended up cutting down a forest that happened to be 219 00:07:30,467 --> 00:07:33,501 the last habitat of the Golden Speckled Owl. 220 00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:36,371 You know, nobody talks about all the mice I saved. 221 00:07:36,473 --> 00:07:37,605 Nope! 222 00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:39,240 Just the owls. 223 00:07:39,276 --> 00:07:40,909 Are you all planning some sort of protest? 224 00:07:40,977 --> 00:07:43,111 Well, that ain't happening on my watch. 225 00:07:43,180 --> 00:07:44,278 Now go take your seats! 226 00:07:44,870 --> 00:07:45,913 "Owl Hitler"?! 227 00:07:46,850 --> 00:07:49,751 What the hell is this picture? I never strangled an owl! 228 00:07:50,300 --> 00:07:52,287 Is it too much for Dylan to let me know where he is? 229 00:07:52,355 --> 00:07:54,088 My water could literally break any minute. 230 00:07:54,523 --> 00:07:55,590 Am I okay sitting here, 231 00:07:55,625 --> 00:07:58,092 - or am I in a SeaWorld splash zone situation? - [Groans] 232 00:07:58,161 --> 00:08:00,862 Claire, your old high school nemesis Ashley Walls, 233 00:08:00,931 --> 00:08:02,530 did she have a daughter? 234 00:08:02,599 --> 00:08:04,032 Uh, I don't think so. Why? 235 00:08:04,100 --> 00:08:05,900 Well, that woman over there looks just like Ashley, but it can't be. 236 00:08:05,969 --> 00:08:07,635 She looks half your... beauty. 237 00:08:09,039 --> 00:08:10,505 Ashley Walls. 238 00:08:10,574 --> 00:08:12,473 She outdid me at everything. 239 00:08:12,542 --> 00:08:15,476 Homecoming Queen, Field Hockey Captain, 240 00:08:15,545 --> 00:08:17,412 and the summer before we went away to college, 241 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:18,880 she beat me out for an internship 242 00:08:18,949 --> 00:08:20,848 - at Pritchett's closets. - [Smack] 243 00:08:20,951 --> 00:08:22,150 Claire? 244 00:08:22,219 --> 00:08:23,351 - Hi. - [Chuckles] 245 00:08:23,453 --> 00:08:24,919 I... want to say... 246 00:08:24,988 --> 00:08:25,987 Ashley? 247 00:08:25,989 --> 00:08:26,954 - Yes! - [Chuckles] 248 00:08:26,957 --> 00:08:28,690 - How are you? - Good. 249 00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:30,225 Hi. Ashley Walls-Carnegie. 250 00:08:30,327 --> 00:08:31,459 Phillip Humphrey Dunphy. 251 00:08:32,169 --> 00:08:33,928 So, what have you been up to, Ashley? 252 00:08:33,997 --> 00:08:35,897 Uh, well, I'm a personal injury lawyer. 253 00:08:35,966 --> 00:08:37,899 - Mm. - I have a buddy that makes bank from that. 254 00:08:38,224 --> 00:08:39,619 - Oh? - He's not a lawyer. 255 00:08:39,654 --> 00:08:41,202 He just tries to get nice cars to hit him. 256 00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:42,437 Yeah, he's just kidding. [Chuckles] 257 00:08:42,539 --> 00:08:43,571 No, I'm not, Mom. 258 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:45,073 - In fact, I've ac... - Here, have a candy. Hmm? 259 00:08:45,175 --> 00:08:47,742 That was rude. I just ran into my old health teacher, 260 00:08:47,811 --> 00:08:49,110 and she said she always expected 261 00:08:49,179 --> 00:08:51,512 to see me pregnant at graduation. 262 00:08:51,581 --> 00:08:54,353 - Congratulations. - Oh, thanks. Twins. 263 00:08:54,388 --> 00:08:55,750 Sorry, I'd be a lot happier about it 264 00:08:55,819 --> 00:08:57,185 if I could track their father down. 265 00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:58,620 Candy. 266 00:08:58,688 --> 00:09:00,989 Oh, look... it's your brother, Mitch. 267 00:09:01,057 --> 00:09:02,657 Now, he was always a little uptight, wasn't he? 268 00:09:02,692 --> 00:09:05,093 Well, he was in high school, but now he's just the most... 269 00:09:05,161 --> 00:09:06,394 Okay, you have one job today, young lady, 270 00:09:06,496 --> 00:09:07,562 okay, to be supportive. 271 00:09:07,631 --> 00:09:08,896 If your dad makes a joke, you will laugh. 272 00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:10,765 If he makes a speech, you will what? Applaud. 273 00:09:10,867 --> 00:09:12,934 Right. I-I-I'm gonna go find my seat. 274 00:09:13,003 --> 00:09:14,769 But it was great catching up with you, Claire. 275 00:09:14,871 --> 00:09:16,070 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 276 00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:17,572 [Groans] 277 00:09:17,641 --> 00:09:18,806 No one would blame you if you mentioned 278 00:09:18,875 --> 00:09:21,242 you had a daughter graduating from Caltech today. 279 00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,511 [Sighing] Yeah. Honey, the moment has passed. 280 00:09:23,580 --> 00:09:26,514 I'd need a pretty good reason to just go waltzing over there... 281 00:09:26,583 --> 00:09:28,082 [Gasps] Oh! She dropped her program! 282 00:09:28,184 --> 00:09:29,217 - Yes! - [Snickers] 283 00:09:29,286 --> 00:09:30,752 Hey, Claire, you know how you're my go-to gal... 284 00:09:30,854 --> 00:09:32,320 - Busy. - Hey, Phil. 285 00:09:32,422 --> 00:09:34,822 You know how you're my go-to guy on stuff? 286 00:09:34,924 --> 00:09:36,190 Huh. 287 00:09:36,226 --> 00:09:38,493 I suppose against all odds, we've become best friends. 288 00:09:38,595 --> 00:09:39,604 Sure. 289 00:09:39,663 --> 00:09:42,397 So, apparently, some of the students are angry 290 00:09:42,465 --> 00:09:44,065 that I'm giving the commencement address. 291 00:09:44,134 --> 00:09:46,768 - Why? - Who knows why their sick minds do anything? 292 00:09:46,803 --> 00:09:49,143 Gotta say though, it feels good to be hating hippies again. 293 00:09:49,178 --> 00:09:51,239 Anyway, would you mind giving this place a sweep? 294 00:09:51,308 --> 00:09:53,667 See if you notice something suspicious. 295 00:09:53,702 --> 00:09:55,943 Consider it done. 296 00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:57,679 Hey. What do you got there? 297 00:09:57,781 --> 00:10:00,315 You kids got something under those robes you want to show me? 298 00:10:01,046 --> 00:10:03,551 Manny, you passed the cuts, 299 00:10:03,620 --> 00:10:05,453 so why aren't you in a better mood? 300 00:10:05,555 --> 00:10:07,288 [Sighs] 301 00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:10,024 You bribed my dean to get me past the cut, didn't you? 302 00:10:10,093 --> 00:10:12,627 I would never do something like that. 303 00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:13,995 Oh, bravo! 304 00:10:14,064 --> 00:10:15,730 If Lisa Wagner pulled out that performance, 305 00:10:15,799 --> 00:10:17,865 maybe she wouldn't be driving back to her parents' house 306 00:10:17,934 --> 00:10:19,400 with a trunk full of handmade puppets 307 00:10:19,469 --> 00:10:21,769 and a suddenly very uncertain future. 308 00:10:21,838 --> 00:10:24,772 I didn't bribe anyone. I don't know why you're talking such crazy things. 309 00:10:24,841 --> 00:10:26,674 Because I saw you bribe Sensei Ron. 310 00:10:27,735 --> 00:10:30,678 Wait. You bribed Sensei Ron?! 311 00:10:30,747 --> 00:10:32,213 So this is just a lie?! 312 00:10:32,315 --> 00:10:33,948 Are there others? 313 00:10:34,017 --> 00:10:36,351 Who the hell even am I?! 314 00:10:36,419 --> 00:10:38,686 [Indistinct conversations in distance] 315 00:10:44,294 --> 00:10:45,526 Oh! 316 00:10:45,628 --> 00:10:46,928 Oops. 317 00:10:48,765 --> 00:10:51,099 Oh, my God! [Groans] 318 00:10:51,201 --> 00:10:52,266 [Chuckles] 319 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,769 Nice try, kemosabes. 320 00:10:54,838 --> 00:10:57,538 Oh! [Grunting] 321 00:10:57,607 --> 00:10:59,273 [Balloons squeaking] 322 00:11:03,713 --> 00:11:05,913 Mm! Mm! 323 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,117 Hey. Ash. I think you left your program. 324 00:11:09,185 --> 00:11:10,752 - Oh. Thank you. - [Laughs] 325 00:11:10,854 --> 00:11:11,919 Wow, it's wild to think 326 00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:13,621 where all these kids are gonna end up, right? 327 00:11:13,690 --> 00:11:15,890 I mean, there's so many great schools. 328 00:11:15,959 --> 00:11:17,158 In fact, our... 329 00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:20,428 Oh. Is something wrong? 330 00:11:20,463 --> 00:11:21,796 [Voice breaking] Our daughter joined ISIS. 331 00:11:21,898 --> 00:11:23,297 - Oh, God! - [Sobs] 332 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:26,134 The government said she's not an American anymore. 333 00:11:26,169 --> 00:11:28,202 There's a van always parked in front of our house. 334 00:11:28,304 --> 00:11:29,604 Oh, God. I'm so sorry... 335 00:11:29,639 --> 00:11:31,672 [High-pitched] Did Claire tell you our daughter's a genius? 336 00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:34,909 ...and so, graduates, look to your left 337 00:11:35,011 --> 00:11:37,345 and to your right. 338 00:11:37,414 --> 00:11:39,814 It's a simple key chain with a tiny cowboy hat charm on it. 339 00:11:39,883 --> 00:11:41,549 If you see it, please pass it forward. 340 00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:43,751 All right, and now on to our commencement speaker. 341 00:11:43,820 --> 00:11:46,028 He is a pillar of the community, 342 00:11:46,063 --> 00:11:48,990 an entrepreneur and closeteer... Mr. Jay Pritchett. 343 00:11:49,092 --> 00:11:51,159 [Applause] 344 00:11:51,227 --> 00:11:52,226 [Clears throat] 345 00:11:52,228 --> 00:11:53,661 Commencement. 346 00:11:53,730 --> 00:11:55,296 "C" for "courage," 347 00:11:55,365 --> 00:11:57,231 "O" for "opportunity," 348 00:11:57,333 --> 00:11:58,432 the first "M"... 349 00:11:58,435 --> 00:12:01,202 [Students hooting] 350 00:12:03,273 --> 00:12:04,772 Disaster had struck. 351 00:12:04,874 --> 00:12:05,940 But did I panic? 352 00:12:06,042 --> 00:12:07,074 No. 353 00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:09,577 No one chooses to be a wartime principal. 354 00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:11,813 But we're the ones history remembers. 355 00:12:11,848 --> 00:12:13,815 - [Hooting continues] - Pick one, they all said... 356 00:12:13,883 --> 00:12:16,017 closets or blinds. 357 00:12:16,085 --> 00:12:17,185 [Hooting continues] 358 00:12:17,253 --> 00:12:18,686 Mitchell, he's tanking my graduation. 359 00:12:18,755 --> 00:12:20,855 I'm cutting him off and moving right to the in-memoriam section. 360 00:12:20,924 --> 00:12:22,490 Well, that would be less depressing. 361 00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:25,092 Yeah, the problem is, the band just walked out in solidarity. 362 00:12:25,195 --> 00:12:26,828 - Here. - W-What? 363 00:12:26,863 --> 00:12:29,664 Mitchell, you can't have an in memoriam without music. 364 00:12:29,732 --> 00:12:31,132 That's just a bummer. 365 00:12:31,234 --> 00:12:32,500 - Take it! - Oh. 366 00:12:32,602 --> 00:12:35,937 Hoot all you want, but that Brylcreem kid was me! 367 00:12:35,939 --> 00:12:37,038 Yes, hi, thank you. 368 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:38,206 Thank you, Jay Pritchett, everyone! 369 00:12:38,274 --> 00:12:39,774 Wow, I don't know about you, but I feel like 370 00:12:39,843 --> 00:12:41,476 getting out there and taking on the world, huh? 371 00:12:41,544 --> 00:12:43,411 - That's a... - [Inhales deeply] And now, let's remember 372 00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:46,280 those Dolphins we lost this year. 373 00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:48,182 Mitchell, play something. Play anything. 374 00:12:48,251 --> 00:12:49,951 Something with the most gravitas. 375 00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:51,385 [Hooting continues in distance] 376 00:12:51,454 --> 00:12:55,490 You know, for a person who last touched a trumpet two years ago, 377 00:12:55,592 --> 00:12:57,124 I think I sounded pretty good. 378 00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:59,527 [Off-key notes playing] 379 00:12:59,596 --> 00:13:07,335 ♪ 380 00:13:07,437 --> 00:13:09,237 I'm done. I'm done. 381 00:13:09,305 --> 00:13:10,371 All right! Wow! 382 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:12,807 That is a lot of deceased for one year. 383 00:13:12,876 --> 00:13:14,876 We should probably have the police check into that. 384 00:13:14,944 --> 00:13:17,144 And now, before, uh, passing out diplomas, 385 00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:18,946 I would like to make sort of a... 386 00:13:19,015 --> 00:13:22,183 a personal gesture to this graduating class. 387 00:13:22,252 --> 00:13:25,319 As these balloons fill the sky, know that each one of them 388 00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:29,257 represents a student who has personally inspired me 389 00:13:29,359 --> 00:13:33,327 and filled me with hope for a better tomorrow. 390 00:13:33,429 --> 00:13:35,162 [Click] 391 00:13:38,935 --> 00:13:39,967 What? 392 00:13:41,838 --> 00:13:43,938 - [Light applause] - Psst! Acting Principal! 393 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:46,541 Protesters hacked into our sprinkler system. 394 00:13:46,643 --> 00:13:47,742 It's set to go off in five minutes. 395 00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:48,943 We have to postpone the graduation. 396 00:13:49,045 --> 00:13:50,244 And miss my chance of becoming principal? 397 00:13:50,346 --> 00:13:51,379 Not a chance! 398 00:13:51,447 --> 00:13:52,980 Well, no one can read 400 names in five minutes. 399 00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:54,715 Oh, really? 400 00:13:54,817 --> 00:13:56,817 All that training, all those parties missed, 401 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:58,085 all those auctions attended 402 00:13:58,187 --> 00:14:00,021 were for this moment right here, right now. 403 00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:01,956 Students, hi! When you hear your name, 404 00:14:02,058 --> 00:14:05,359 please proceed to the stage and grab your diploma. 405 00:14:05,461 --> 00:14:07,595 Nelly Abrishami, Allison Acosta, Frieda Alafary, 406 00:14:07,697 --> 00:14:09,564 Scott "The Skunk" Albanese, Jessica Alenick, 407 00:14:09,666 --> 00:14:12,133 Richard Thompson Allen, Lavaria Aminu, Larry Annecone, 408 00:14:12,235 --> 00:14:14,302 Darla Arleto, Daniel Dey Aronson... 409 00:14:14,404 --> 00:14:15,836 I was gonna make it! 410 00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:17,171 And then... 411 00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:18,973 I hit the Polish names. 412 00:14:19,075 --> 00:14:22,410 Czeslaw Wlodaryzack-ck-kowsky. 413 00:14:22,512 --> 00:14:25,713 Wladyslaw Wlod... 414 00:14:25,815 --> 00:14:26,914 nisky? Yeah. 415 00:14:26,916 --> 00:14:28,282 - [Cheers and applause] - Uh... Oh! 416 00:14:28,384 --> 00:14:29,550 - [Sprinkler hisses] - Myra Zarinsky... 417 00:14:29,652 --> 00:14:31,619 [Crowd screaming] 418 00:14:35,438 --> 00:14:38,064 Okay, if we steer clear of Dad and Cam, we've got a chance 419 00:14:38,115 --> 00:14:39,848 of blending into the mob when they turn violent. 420 00:14:39,917 --> 00:14:41,250 Jay: What the hell is this? 421 00:14:41,352 --> 00:14:42,584 Okay, well, apparently, when those owls 422 00:14:42,653 --> 00:14:44,219 hacked into the sprinkler system, it was school-wide. 423 00:14:44,288 --> 00:14:46,655 They're not letting anyone into the parking structure. 424 00:14:46,724 --> 00:14:47,756 Oh, no! 425 00:14:47,825 --> 00:14:49,358 I hope this doesn't mean we're gonna have to miss 426 00:14:49,426 --> 00:14:51,627 the second graduation of the day. 427 00:14:53,264 --> 00:14:55,063 Dylan: How lucky is that? 428 00:14:55,165 --> 00:14:57,799 Me cruising by with an Uber fare right when you called. 429 00:14:57,868 --> 00:14:59,304 - So lucky. - Very lucky. 430 00:14:59,371 --> 00:15:02,070 - Very good. - Well, this is you, Gerald. 431 00:15:04,475 --> 00:15:05,674 Let's have today be the day 432 00:15:05,743 --> 00:15:07,009 you stop playing for your dad 433 00:15:07,077 --> 00:15:08,977 and start playing for Gerald. 434 00:15:09,046 --> 00:15:10,312 That... That kind of reminds me... 435 00:15:10,381 --> 00:15:12,180 I'm sorry I lied about the trumpet lessons. 436 00:15:12,249 --> 00:15:13,482 Oh, please. Not the worst part of my day. 437 00:15:13,550 --> 00:15:16,151 I'm realizing now that Principal Brown set me up to fail. 438 00:15:16,220 --> 00:15:17,229 There was no car crash, 439 00:15:17,288 --> 00:15:18,487 just like there was no moon landing. 440 00:15:18,555 --> 00:15:20,422 - Cam... - Flags can't wave in space, Mitchell. 441 00:15:20,491 --> 00:15:22,858 Hey, hey, hey, I was humiliated much worse than you. 442 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:23,969 It was so unfair. 443 00:15:24,028 --> 00:15:25,761 A lifetime of service out the window. 444 00:15:25,829 --> 00:15:27,663 You think I don't see the faces of owls 445 00:15:27,731 --> 00:15:29,764 every night I close my eyes? 446 00:15:29,801 --> 00:15:32,834 At least you've accomplished something they can tear down. 447 00:15:32,937 --> 00:15:33,946 I'm a fraud! 448 00:15:34,004 --> 00:15:35,404 You see what you did to your brother? 449 00:15:35,472 --> 00:15:37,940 Look at those sad, hurt eyes. 450 00:15:38,008 --> 00:15:39,274 Like a sad little owl. 451 00:15:39,343 --> 00:15:40,375 Well, maybe if you believed in your sons 452 00:15:40,444 --> 00:15:42,199 instead of giving everyone Colombian handshakes. 453 00:15:42,213 --> 00:15:43,312 What?! 454 00:15:43,375 --> 00:15:45,414 I've never sanded down a man's fingers 455 00:15:45,482 --> 00:15:47,015 in front of his family! 456 00:15:48,118 --> 00:15:49,865 Oh, you mean the bribes? 457 00:15:49,954 --> 00:15:51,087 You can't deny it anymore. 458 00:15:51,122 --> 00:15:53,088 Look at this photo on my dean's Instagram. 459 00:15:53,157 --> 00:15:54,823 He's wearing the same watch you gave Sensei Ron. 460 00:15:54,892 --> 00:15:56,425 The superintendent was wearing that same watch. 461 00:15:56,493 --> 00:15:58,360 I-I noticed it when he shook my hand at the end of the ceremony 462 00:15:58,429 --> 00:16:00,195 and said I was a "horrifying disgrace." 463 00:16:00,264 --> 00:16:01,730 You bribed him?! 464 00:16:01,832 --> 00:16:03,732 Is that how I got my speech? 465 00:16:03,801 --> 00:16:05,167 Okay, enough! 466 00:16:05,235 --> 00:16:08,036 I'm sure you would have gotten all these things on your own, 467 00:16:08,105 --> 00:16:11,673 but the world sometimes is very unfair! 468 00:16:11,742 --> 00:16:14,042 And the watches are like an insurance. 469 00:16:14,111 --> 00:16:15,577 Why do you even have so many? 470 00:16:15,646 --> 00:16:18,046 Sometimes I do a little bit of Ambien shopping 471 00:16:18,115 --> 00:16:20,349 and I buy too much of one thing. 472 00:16:20,417 --> 00:16:21,550 Didn't you all wonder 473 00:16:21,618 --> 00:16:24,086 when you got the same fun socks for Christmas? 474 00:16:24,154 --> 00:16:25,287 - Oh, samesies. - I'll be damned! 475 00:16:25,389 --> 00:16:26,555 - I don't have those. - They're fun! 476 00:16:26,657 --> 00:16:27,856 I'm sorry, okay? 477 00:16:27,958 --> 00:16:29,591 But I love you guys so much 478 00:16:29,660 --> 00:16:31,760 to leave your dreams to chance. 479 00:16:31,829 --> 00:16:33,662 I suppose where you grew up, 480 00:16:33,764 --> 00:16:35,297 bending the rules was just a part of life. 481 00:16:35,712 --> 00:16:37,466 It's what you had to do to get by. 482 00:16:37,534 --> 00:16:39,768 Why wouldn't you do that to help the people you love? 483 00:16:39,870 --> 00:16:41,236 Thank you, Manny. 484 00:16:41,338 --> 00:16:42,604 You're not welcome. That's not how I feel. 485 00:16:42,673 --> 00:16:43,839 I-It's a speech from a play I was in. 486 00:16:43,941 --> 00:16:45,073 Right after that line, 487 00:16:45,142 --> 00:16:46,808 I light up a cigarette and put my clothes back on. 488 00:16:46,877 --> 00:16:48,144 - [Gasps] - Yeah, I'm good, but... 489 00:16:48,184 --> 00:16:50,133 now I'll never know if that's why I made the cut. 490 00:16:50,147 --> 00:16:51,580 Okay, stop. Look. 491 00:16:51,648 --> 00:16:52,781 We've all had a terrible day today... 492 00:16:52,850 --> 00:16:53,859 Dylan: Not me. 493 00:16:53,917 --> 00:16:55,951 Tons of great fares, amazing yoga class... 494 00:16:56,020 --> 00:16:58,186 I-I was building to something, buddy. 495 00:16:58,255 --> 00:17:00,022 But that's one of the great things about being in a family. 496 00:17:00,124 --> 00:17:01,590 We get to share in each other's victories. 497 00:17:01,658 --> 00:17:03,058 And Alex has a huge victory today 498 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:04,559 that can make us all feel better. 499 00:17:04,661 --> 00:17:05,761 So let's... 500 00:17:05,829 --> 00:17:08,063 turn around this crap day with a nice, feel-good... 501 00:17:08,132 --> 00:17:09,398 Hey, is that Alex? 502 00:17:10,047 --> 00:17:11,900 Oh, my God. Pull over! 503 00:17:12,002 --> 00:17:13,435 - [Tires screech] - Back up! 504 00:17:15,639 --> 00:17:18,173 Alex! Honey, what happened? Are you okay? 505 00:17:18,242 --> 00:17:19,574 What day is it? [Chuckles] 506 00:17:19,643 --> 00:17:23,512 Not that time is anything but a flat circle. 507 00:17:23,580 --> 00:17:26,515 So... we were done with classes, done with finals, 508 00:17:26,583 --> 00:17:29,151 and, like college seniors since the beginning of time, 509 00:17:29,219 --> 00:17:31,186 we decided to get a little nuts. 510 00:17:31,288 --> 00:17:33,221 Together: Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! 511 00:17:33,290 --> 00:17:34,923 Alex: Our classmate Ashish Chug... 512 00:17:34,992 --> 00:17:36,024 - I did it! - [Cheering] 513 00:17:36,093 --> 00:17:38,160 ...hacked his key card to get us access 514 00:17:38,228 --> 00:17:40,395 to the restricted section of the library. 515 00:17:40,497 --> 00:17:42,697 We decided to read Alister's Last Theorem. 516 00:17:42,766 --> 00:17:46,968 Gottlob Alister wrote a proof showing that zero equals 1. 517 00:17:47,037 --> 00:17:48,570 This rendered mathematics meaningless 518 00:17:48,672 --> 00:17:50,038 and drove him insane. 519 00:17:50,140 --> 00:17:52,774 According to legend, the same fate befalls anyone 520 00:17:52,843 --> 00:17:54,876 who reads and understands the proof. 521 00:17:54,945 --> 00:17:56,411 Good God. 522 00:17:56,513 --> 00:17:58,847 [Gasping] 523 00:18:02,853 --> 00:18:04,586 If mathematics doesn't matter, 524 00:18:04,688 --> 00:18:06,021 then no one can be certain of anything, 525 00:18:06,090 --> 00:18:07,456 and I've just wasted the last four... 526 00:18:07,558 --> 00:18:09,491 no, 16 years of my life, 527 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:10,904 and there's no point in me graduating! 528 00:18:10,995 --> 00:18:13,261 Okay, I can tell that you're very upset, 529 00:18:13,363 --> 00:18:15,230 and you're probably really overtired from finals. 530 00:18:15,299 --> 00:18:18,300 But you are gonna regret it if you don't go to graduation. 531 00:18:18,368 --> 00:18:20,302 Look, I promise... whatever is bothering you, 532 00:18:20,304 --> 00:18:21,403 figure it out after the ceremony... 533 00:18:21,448 --> 00:18:22,700 - After?! - Yes. 534 00:18:22,740 --> 00:18:24,439 "After" implies "before"! 535 00:18:24,508 --> 00:18:26,641 But if one minute ago is the same as zero minutes ago, 536 00:18:26,710 --> 00:18:28,477 then before is now and now is after! 537 00:18:28,579 --> 00:18:30,256 Usually when I hear people talking like this, 538 00:18:30,314 --> 00:18:32,247 we're walking through a Taco Bell drive-through. 539 00:18:32,316 --> 00:18:34,883 Sweetie, half your life is having your mind blown. 540 00:18:34,952 --> 00:18:37,152 I remember when I heard there were more stars in the galaxy 541 00:18:37,221 --> 00:18:39,621 than grains of rice in a box of Uncle Ben's. 542 00:18:39,723 --> 00:18:40,922 No, there are more galaxies 543 00:18:41,024 --> 00:18:42,991 than grains of sand on all the world's beaches. 544 00:18:43,060 --> 00:18:44,359 [Hyperventilating] 545 00:18:44,428 --> 00:18:46,261 Okay, I can't lose 'em both! 546 00:18:46,363 --> 00:18:47,796 - I got this! Alex... - Somebody? 547 00:18:47,898 --> 00:18:50,232 "I never knew true strength until..." 548 00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:51,533 "I met a man with no feet." 549 00:18:51,602 --> 00:18:53,802 Wait. No. These cards are not in order. 550 00:18:53,904 --> 00:18:55,036 Wait. Nobody help her right now... 551 00:18:55,139 --> 00:18:58,106 Alex, you're a smart, confident girl. 552 00:18:58,175 --> 00:19:00,509 I know that you're gonna make the right decision. 553 00:19:00,577 --> 00:19:03,345 Did you just put this watch on me? 554 00:19:03,447 --> 00:19:05,013 I have a problem. 555 00:19:05,082 --> 00:19:06,982 I say if Alex doesn't want to go to her graduation, 556 00:19:07,050 --> 00:19:08,216 that's her decision. 557 00:19:08,318 --> 00:19:10,519 - Thank you, Luke. - As long as you know 558 00:19:10,587 --> 00:19:12,787 that whatever's going on here isn't about math. 559 00:19:12,856 --> 00:19:15,557 Yeah, I think maybe you're afraid to leave school. 560 00:19:15,626 --> 00:19:17,225 - What? - Your whole life, 561 00:19:17,294 --> 00:19:20,061 you've always known exactly what you're supposed to do... 562 00:19:20,130 --> 00:19:22,430 study, get good grades, repeat. 563 00:19:22,499 --> 00:19:24,499 Now that's over, and it's scary. 564 00:19:24,601 --> 00:19:27,202 Kind of like if zero equaled 1. 565 00:19:27,271 --> 00:19:29,571 But lucky for you, your dummy brother and sister 566 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:31,072 have spent time in the real world. 567 00:19:31,175 --> 00:19:34,009 And if we can handle it, you're gonna do just fine. 568 00:19:35,179 --> 00:19:37,245 - You think? - Trust us. 569 00:19:37,832 --> 00:19:40,081 Come on. Let's go get you graduated. 570 00:19:40,184 --> 00:19:41,249 [Laughs] 571 00:19:41,251 --> 00:19:42,384 Oh, hold on. That door gets jammed. 572 00:19:42,486 --> 00:19:43,818 - I have to open it from the inside. - Okay. 573 00:19:43,887 --> 00:19:45,920 I got it! Hyah! 574 00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:47,722 - Ohhh! Ohhh! - Ohhh! Ohhh! 575 00:19:47,824 --> 00:19:49,391 Legend Danner. 576 00:19:49,493 --> 00:19:50,759 [Applause] 577 00:19:50,861 --> 00:19:53,061 I still can't get over that commencement speech. 578 00:19:53,163 --> 00:19:54,563 Not a single laugh. 579 00:19:54,665 --> 00:19:56,831 I'll tell you one element he didn't discover... hilarium. 580 00:19:56,934 --> 00:19:58,099 Oh! Oh, oh! 581 00:19:58,202 --> 00:19:59,868 - Alex Dunphy. - [Cheers and applause] 582 00:19:59,970 --> 00:20:01,536 Congratulations. 583 00:20:01,638 --> 00:20:03,238 Phil: Hey! [Laughs] 584 00:20:04,274 --> 00:20:06,541 We don't want to brag, but, uh... 585 00:20:06,643 --> 00:20:08,643 Our kids did that. 586 00:20:08,745 --> 00:20:09,778 [Chuckles] 587 00:20:09,780 --> 00:20:11,146 Yeah. 588 00:20:11,248 --> 00:20:12,747 [Chuckles] 589 00:20:15,510 --> 00:20:17,990 [Gasps] Ay, no! No more watches! 590 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:19,950 When did I order these ones?! 591 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:23,610 - Manny: Hey, Mom, guess what! - [Clattering] 592 00:20:24,050 --> 00:20:25,310 What, Papi? 593 00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:27,320 My friend Carly got cut from my program, 594 00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,970 and her dads funded our new costume department. 595 00:20:30,010 --> 00:20:31,360 I guess bribes don't work. 596 00:20:31,410 --> 00:20:32,930 I got through on my own merit. 597 00:20:32,970 --> 00:20:34,370 - Yay! - That calls for a reward. 598 00:20:34,410 --> 00:20:35,720 - [Gasps] - [Jar clanks] 599 00:20:36,384 --> 00:20:37,540 What is this? 600 00:20:37,590 --> 00:20:40,420 Ay, Manny, please don't tell Jay. 601 00:20:40,460 --> 00:20:41,900 Oatmeal raisin? 602 00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:43,460 You know what... a true artist 603 00:20:43,510 --> 00:20:45,810 doesn't close himself off to new experiences, 604 00:20:45,860 --> 00:20:48,120 even vile, ill-leavened cookies. 605 00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:49,600 That's the path I have chosen, 606 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,950 to experience and observe everything 607 00:20:51,990 --> 00:20:53,730 in this beautiful pageant we call life. 608 00:20:54,100 --> 00:20:56,170 - [Screams] - Aah! 609 00:20:59,481 --> 00:21:01,533 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com