1 00:00:00,342 --> 00:00:02,953 Speech! Speech! 2 00:00:03,071 --> 00:00:04,537 Okay, okay, okay. Settle down. 3 00:00:04,625 --> 00:00:05,709 Um... 4 00:00:05,813 --> 00:00:07,405 It's hard to believe I'm 50. 5 00:00:07,493 --> 00:00:09,819 A-A-As of today, I'm middle-aged. 6 00:00:09,907 --> 00:00:11,233 What's he been the last10 years? 7 00:00:11,321 --> 00:00:13,498 Delusional. He thinks he's a millennial, like us. 8 00:00:13,617 --> 00:00:15,445 I've thought a lot about what's next. 9 00:00:15,567 --> 00:00:17,412 51.Thank you, buddy. 10 00:00:17,500 --> 00:00:19,865 And it's important that I continue to grow 11 00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:23,000 and that I stay mentally challenged. 12 00:00:23,210 --> 00:00:25,772 Which is why I am starting... 13 00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:27,155 piano lessons, 14 00:00:27,243 --> 00:00:28,623 so that by next year's birthday, 15 00:00:28,750 --> 00:00:30,780 I'll be good enough to perform in public. 16 00:00:30,875 --> 00:00:32,694 Oh, great. Another thing to go to. 17 00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:35,389 Also, I'm gonna learn how to speak Spanish. 18 00:00:35,477 --> 00:00:37,373 Excelente! 19 00:00:38,153 --> 00:00:39,600 Uh, I... I haven't started yet. 20 00:00:39,688 --> 00:00:41,483 Um, and finally, um... 21 00:00:41,571 --> 00:00:44,530 And I know it's a little bit of a midlife-crisis cliché, 22 00:00:44,618 --> 00:00:46,022 but... 23 00:00:46,110 --> 00:00:49,303 I'm gonna learn how to ride a unicycle! 24 00:00:49,593 --> 00:00:52,576 Phil, you forgotto open one of your gifts. 25 00:00:52,664 --> 00:00:53,435 Ooh! 26 00:00:53,523 --> 00:00:56,725 This one, Jay picked it upfor you himself. 27 00:00:56,813 --> 00:00:57,727 He did? 28 00:00:57,815 --> 00:00:58,662 Hey, Dad. 29 00:00:58,750 --> 00:01:00,031 So, what's going on with that hat? 30 00:01:00,118 --> 00:01:02,600 Gloria thinks I look grumpy in the photos that we take 31 00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:03,498 when we go to these things, 32 00:01:03,586 --> 00:01:05,780 so I'm searching for the right hat 33 00:01:05,868 --> 00:01:07,341 that makes me look like I'm having fun. 34 00:01:07,428 --> 00:01:09,194 Or you could just smile more. 35 00:01:09,282 --> 00:01:10,297 Eh. 36 00:01:10,385 --> 00:01:11,603 Wow! 37 00:01:11,691 --> 00:01:14,684 "The Sommelier's Guide to the Wines of France." 38 00:01:14,772 --> 00:01:17,280 - Ooh! - I love it so much. - Nice! 39 00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:20,194 Oh, my goodness. It's inscribed. 40 00:01:20,524 --> 00:01:22,139 "May you continue to age 41 00:01:22,227 --> 00:01:24,498 as gracefully as a fine Bordeaux." 42 00:01:24,586 --> 00:01:27,389 - Dad... - "Happy Birthday, Jay. 43 00:01:27,477 --> 00:01:28,975 - Love, Cam." - Cam. Yeah. 44 00:01:29,102 --> 00:01:30,951 Jay, you re-gifted my gift? 45 00:01:31,039 --> 00:01:31,953 Dad! 46 00:01:32,041 --> 00:01:33,116 I didn't know he wrote in it. 47 00:01:33,203 --> 00:01:34,117 Because you didn't open it. 48 00:01:34,205 --> 00:01:35,641 So now I feel like a jerk. 49 00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:37,670 How could you be a jerk? You're wearing that hat. 50 00:01:43,044 --> 00:01:44,924 A year from now, I'm gonna know what that means. 51 00:01:45,901 --> 00:01:49,201 -- Captions by VITAC-- 52 00:01:49,468 --> 00:01:51,479 Sync corrections by srjanapala 53 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,227 *MODERN FAMILY* 54 00:01:53,315 --> 00:01:54,852 *MODERN FAMILY* Season 10 Episode 22 55 00:01:54,940 --> 00:01:56,762 Episode Title: "A Year of Birthdays" 56 00:01:57,361 --> 00:01:59,684 I got Gloria the greatest Valentine's Day gift... 57 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:04,105 A box set of DVDs of all the Dean Martin Roasts. 58 00:02:04,300 --> 00:02:07,186 I was so moved by the romantic gesture 59 00:02:07,274 --> 00:02:08,543 that for Jay's birthday, 60 00:02:08,631 --> 00:02:12,348 I invited a bunch of people over to insult him. 61 00:02:13,730 --> 00:02:15,465 So, my ex-wife and I, 62 00:02:15,553 --> 00:02:17,840 we were on vacation with Jay and Gloria. 63 00:02:17,928 --> 00:02:20,025 They're walking down the beach, and my ex-wife says, 64 00:02:20,113 --> 00:02:22,340 "Whoa, look at all that skin." 65 00:02:22,442 --> 00:02:24,199 And I said, "Baby, come on. 66 00:02:24,295 --> 00:02:25,125 What's wrong with that? 67 00:02:25,213 --> 00:02:27,559 She's a beautiful woman in a bikini." 68 00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:30,684 She said, "Oh, I'm talkin' about Jay's scalp." 69 00:02:35,237 --> 00:02:37,879 Jay is so not Latin 70 00:02:37,967 --> 00:02:40,448 that every time that he dances, 71 00:02:40,536 --> 00:02:42,863 people point him to the bathroom. 72 00:02:43,015 --> 00:02:46,324 He has no rhythm. That's what I mean. 73 00:02:46,412 --> 00:02:49,668 But seriously, I love the whites. 74 00:02:49,756 --> 00:02:52,434 No, but seriously, Jay is quite the environmentalist. 75 00:02:52,522 --> 00:02:54,934 Just this last year, he recycled a gift of mine... 76 00:02:55,022 --> 00:02:57,543 A wonderful book about wine. 77 00:03:00,148 --> 00:03:02,215 I-I don't want to say my father is old, 78 00:03:02,303 --> 00:03:05,582 but he remembers panicking at Y-1-K. 79 00:03:07,626 --> 00:03:09,715 My dad is old. 80 00:03:09,803 --> 00:03:11,718 - How old is he? - How old is he? 81 00:03:11,806 --> 00:03:14,119 He's so old that when he started using it, 82 00:03:14,207 --> 00:03:16,184 it was called Preparation G. 83 00:03:17,910 --> 00:03:19,113 Enough! 84 00:03:19,248 --> 00:03:20,763 This is terrible! 85 00:03:20,861 --> 00:03:24,153 I don't know why any of you people think this is funny! 86 00:03:24,241 --> 00:03:28,146 You may think these are jokes, but it's way too real. 87 00:03:28,288 --> 00:03:31,813 We need to respect Grandpa instead of cutting him down. 88 00:03:31,931 --> 00:03:35,224 None of us really knows how much time he has left. 89 00:03:35,356 --> 00:03:37,755 Do you really want these to be the last words he hears? 90 00:03:37,974 --> 00:03:39,607 Well, now I feel like hell. 91 00:03:39,964 --> 00:03:42,489 And that'show you roast! Bam! 92 00:03:45,501 --> 00:03:48,286 I don't understand why adults make such a big deal 93 00:03:48,374 --> 00:03:49,310 about their birthdays. 94 00:03:49,398 --> 00:03:51,302 So this year, I asked for nothing. 95 00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:53,552 No party, no fuss. 96 00:03:53,662 --> 00:03:55,664 Just a quiet night by myself, 97 00:03:55,849 --> 00:03:58,329 with my thoughts, all alone. 98 00:04:00,763 --> 00:04:01,791 Okay. 99 00:04:01,879 --> 00:04:04,310 Just as I had hoped, Mitchell is miserable. 100 00:04:04,437 --> 00:04:05,584 He said he didn't want a party, 101 00:04:05,671 --> 00:04:07,733 but it's like when you write "No gifts" on an invitation 102 00:04:07,820 --> 00:04:09,592 but you secretly want everyoneto bring something 103 00:04:09,679 --> 00:04:10,872 big and expensive, Jotham. 104 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,732 I made a heartfelt toast at your party. 105 00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:15,248 Yes, and those 12 wordswere just as generous 106 00:04:15,336 --> 00:04:17,425 as the actual physical gifts everyone else brought. 107 00:04:17,513 --> 00:04:19,297 Okay, I'm gonna go in. 108 00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:22,131 When you hear me say "Mitchell, you're not alone," 109 00:04:22,219 --> 00:04:24,458 that's when you come inand you yell "Surprise." 110 00:04:24,546 --> 00:04:25,982 We know what to say. 111 00:04:26,070 --> 00:04:27,941 Mm. Do you? 112 00:04:29,108 --> 00:04:30,501 Hey! 113 00:04:30,589 --> 00:04:32,325 - How you doing? Okay? - Yeah. 114 00:04:32,413 --> 00:04:35,146 Now do you see what it's like to spend your birthday alone? 115 00:04:35,264 --> 00:04:36,917 I do. And it's... 116 00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:38,029 Yeah. ...amazing. 117 00:04:38,117 --> 00:04:40,248 - What? - Cam, thank you. Thank you. 118 00:04:40,336 --> 00:04:43,060 For once, you heard me and gave me exactly what I wanted 119 00:04:43,148 --> 00:04:45,060 instead of what you thought I should want. 120 00:04:45,148 --> 00:04:47,349 Honey, this is the best birthday present ever. 121 00:04:47,478 --> 00:04:48,927 - It is? - Yes! 122 00:04:49,015 --> 00:04:50,839 Oh, and you've... You've got to be relieved, too. 123 00:04:50,926 --> 00:04:52,798 I mean, every time we hang out with our friends, 124 00:04:52,885 --> 00:04:54,323 they leave and you spend the rest of the night 125 00:04:54,410 --> 00:04:56,886 complaining about how every single one of them annoys you. 126 00:04:56,974 --> 00:04:58,381 I don't know what you're talking about! 127 00:04:58,468 --> 00:05:01,474 Oh, please. Jotham's cheap. L'Michael has bad breath. 128 00:05:01,562 --> 00:05:02,824 That doesn't sound like me! 129 00:05:02,915 --> 00:05:04,917 Antonio's weave is falling apart. 130 00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:06,441 Vincent's a sloppy drunk. 131 00:05:06,529 --> 00:05:08,013 Oh, oh, Jeffrey won't stop telling 132 00:05:08,101 --> 00:05:10,138 his one Bernadette Peters story. 133 00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:12,184 You're the sloppy drunk! 134 00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:14,333 Surprise! 135 00:05:16,790 --> 00:05:18,568 Here's a thing I realized... 136 00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:21,599 You can't get older if you never have birthdays. 137 00:05:27,165 --> 00:05:29,384 - ♪ Happy birth... ♪ - ♪ Happy birth... ♪ 138 00:05:32,235 --> 00:05:33,403 What'd I tell you? 139 00:05:33,491 --> 00:05:34,774 I thought this would be the year. 140 00:05:34,882 --> 00:05:36,673 I told my family I just wanted my birthday 141 00:05:36,761 --> 00:05:38,772 to be me and Dylan this year because at the time, 142 00:05:38,860 --> 00:05:40,795 I was still keeping my pregnancy a secret, 143 00:05:40,883 --> 00:05:42,405 and I knew they'd get all suspicious 144 00:05:42,493 --> 00:05:43,383 about why I wasn't drinking. 145 00:05:43,471 --> 00:05:44,553 What was I going to say? 146 00:05:44,676 --> 00:05:46,678 "I can't drink because I have work in the morning"? 147 00:05:46,898 --> 00:05:48,999 There's no way they'd believe that. 148 00:05:50,073 --> 00:05:51,328 Here. I got you a present. 149 00:05:51,439 --> 00:05:53,211 Ooh! Thank you! 150 00:05:54,361 --> 00:05:55,493 Get out! 151 00:05:55,703 --> 00:05:57,313 Gucci baby sneakers! 152 00:05:58,750 --> 00:06:00,183 They're adorable. 153 00:06:00,721 --> 00:06:02,414 Our baby's gonna be so hot. 154 00:06:02,517 --> 00:06:03,680 Personally, I think it's weird 155 00:06:03,768 --> 00:06:05,431 that there are shoes for someone who can't walk. 156 00:06:05,518 --> 00:06:06,742 But you know what, Haley? 157 00:06:06,830 --> 00:06:09,203 I love that we're pregnannnt... 158 00:06:10,298 --> 00:06:11,781 - Hello! - Hi! 159 00:06:12,259 --> 00:06:13,719 What are you guys doing here? 160 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:14,914 At the restaurant? We got a... 161 00:06:15,001 --> 00:06:16,406 - We got a Groupon, but we... - Us too. 162 00:06:16,493 --> 00:06:18,322 Yeah, we j... we just saw that you were over here. 163 00:06:18,409 --> 00:06:19,853 - Wanted to say happy birthday. - Happy birthday. 164 00:06:19,940 --> 00:06:21,109 Didn't mean to overhear. 165 00:06:21,197 --> 00:06:22,235 You didn't overhear anything. 166 00:06:22,322 --> 00:06:23,932 We were talking about a TV show. 167 00:06:24,020 --> 00:06:25,274 Oh, well, then, what's... what's up 168 00:06:25,361 --> 00:06:26,211 with these little baby shoes, then? 169 00:06:26,299 --> 00:06:27,867 These are... These are not baby shoes. 170 00:06:27,955 --> 00:06:28,999 - Oh. - No, they're, um... 171 00:06:29,087 --> 00:06:30,688 We are starting a business 172 00:06:30,776 --> 00:06:34,070 for people who cannot afford full-size designer wear. 173 00:06:34,158 --> 00:06:37,428 Oh. Well, as much as that does sound like you, I... Mm. 174 00:06:37,516 --> 00:06:38,836 Okay. 175 00:06:39,729 --> 00:06:41,102 I'm pregnant. Oh, my God. 176 00:06:41,190 --> 00:06:42,219 That's exciting! 177 00:06:42,307 --> 00:06:43,914 Is it? We think so. 178 00:06:44,002 --> 00:06:45,883 But we have not told my parents yet, 179 00:06:45,971 --> 00:06:47,320 so please don't say anything. 180 00:06:47,408 --> 00:06:49,715 Oh, honey, Icould keep your secret forever, 181 00:06:49,803 --> 00:06:51,750 but just so you know, he can't. 182 00:06:51,838 --> 00:06:52,766 Yeah, I'm weak. 183 00:06:52,854 --> 00:06:54,508 Yeah, you got maybe three, four days tops. 184 00:06:54,595 --> 00:06:55,859 - What? - Yeah. 185 00:06:55,947 --> 00:06:57,918 Oh. Okay. Well, these were from us, but... 186 00:06:58,006 --> 00:06:59,423 Yeah, she can't have it. She's pregnant. 187 00:06:59,510 --> 00:07:00,688 Okay, there you go. See? 188 00:07:01,398 --> 00:07:02,430 Now, you listen to me. 189 00:07:02,619 --> 00:07:03,930 My roller-coastering hormones 190 00:07:04,018 --> 00:07:05,847 cannot handle another lecture from my mother right now, 191 00:07:05,934 --> 00:07:07,181 so you are going to tell me a secret 192 00:07:07,268 --> 00:07:11,102 that I will reveal to everyone if you ever spill mine! 193 00:07:11,190 --> 00:07:12,384 Yeah, but I don't have any secrets. 194 00:07:12,471 --> 00:07:14,563 - Mm? - Uh, when he dresses as Fizbo, 195 00:07:14,724 --> 00:07:16,987 he puts the makeup everywhere. 196 00:07:17,082 --> 00:07:19,336 - Mm. You're the best. - Mm-hmm. 197 00:07:19,543 --> 00:07:21,336 Because of the whole 21 thing, 198 00:07:21,424 --> 00:07:23,789 people don't think turning 20 is a big deal. 199 00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:26,305 But it's all I've been thinking about 200 00:07:26,393 --> 00:07:28,221 for the last three years. 201 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:31,414 Hey. 202 00:07:31,641 --> 00:07:33,414 Three years ago, I came in here, 203 00:07:33,502 --> 00:07:36,070 and when I saw you, I fell in love. 204 00:07:36,309 --> 00:07:38,188 The kind of love that punches you in the gut 205 00:07:38,276 --> 00:07:40,125 and makes you wanna be a better man. 206 00:07:40,213 --> 00:07:42,539 But when I asked you out, you said, "Sorry, kid. 207 00:07:42,627 --> 00:07:45,094 You're cute, but I don't date teenagers." 208 00:07:45,283 --> 00:07:47,391 Well... check it out. 209 00:07:47,507 --> 00:07:48,981 Oh! Happy birthday! 210 00:07:49,475 --> 00:07:50,955 But now I don't date men. 211 00:07:51,121 --> 00:07:52,121 Oh. 212 00:07:53,648 --> 00:07:56,820 Well... looks like I've got a decision to make. 213 00:07:58,597 --> 00:07:59,914 On my birthday this year, 214 00:08:00,002 --> 00:08:02,648 I really got a sense of what people think of me. 215 00:08:02,736 --> 00:08:03,999 Which is... 216 00:08:04,161 --> 00:08:05,205 so great. 217 00:08:05,293 --> 00:08:06,828 This is from me and the boys. 218 00:08:06,916 --> 00:08:08,703 Gloria got you her own gift. 219 00:08:09,102 --> 00:08:11,563 Wow, this is wrapped so nicely! 220 00:08:11,651 --> 00:08:12,652 I did that. 221 00:08:12,740 --> 00:08:14,469 It's a lost art in this modern age 222 00:08:14,557 --> 00:08:16,908 where people simply click and ship gifts over the Internet. 223 00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:18,734 Papi, just be normal. 224 00:08:18,822 --> 00:08:20,867 Let's see. It is, uh... 225 00:08:20,955 --> 00:08:22,391 some kind of silk pillow? 226 00:08:22,479 --> 00:08:23,393 Well, it's more than that. 227 00:08:23,481 --> 00:08:25,664 See, there's a switch on the side, 228 00:08:25,752 --> 00:08:28,781 and when you lay on it, it... it plays ocean sounds for you. 229 00:08:28,869 --> 00:08:30,131 You know, I-it helps you relax. 230 00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:32,547 - Huh. - At least it's not a re-gift. 231 00:08:32,688 --> 00:08:34,117 How do you live with this? I... 232 00:08:34,758 --> 00:08:35,906 Tell you what. 233 00:08:35,994 --> 00:08:37,695 How about we do one more gift, and then 234 00:08:37,783 --> 00:08:39,485 we take a break for cake and do the rest after? Yeah. 235 00:08:39,572 --> 00:08:40,136 Hmm? 236 00:08:40,224 --> 00:08:42,594 Here, Mrs. Dunphy. This is from me and Haley. 237 00:08:42,682 --> 00:08:44,258 Mm, thank you, Dylan. 238 00:08:44,346 --> 00:08:45,234 Although I have to say, 239 00:08:45,322 --> 00:08:48,039 you have given me enough giftsthis year already. 240 00:08:48,127 --> 00:08:50,797 Again, I'm very sorry about impregnating your daughter. 241 00:08:52,094 --> 00:08:53,367 Yeah. 242 00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:54,547 What is this? 243 00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:56,071 It's an aroma therapy machine. 244 00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:57,821 See, you put in oils that are supposed to help you 245 00:08:57,908 --> 00:08:58,977 with the stress of the day. 246 00:08:59,065 --> 00:09:00,086 Oh! 247 00:09:00,174 --> 00:09:02,089 Alright, well... let's see. 248 00:09:02,177 --> 00:09:04,657 So far, I have gotten a spa day, 249 00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:05,961 three massages, 250 00:09:06,049 --> 00:09:08,844 a meditation class, an ocean pillow, 251 00:09:08,932 --> 00:09:11,369 a rage bat, and a little machine 252 00:09:11,457 --> 00:09:13,460 that's supposed to trick my nose into calming me down. 253 00:09:13,547 --> 00:09:14,921 Why does everyone think I'm so tense? 254 00:09:15,008 --> 00:09:16,609 You bit through your night guard. 255 00:09:16,697 --> 00:09:18,750 You're squeezing me too hard. 256 00:09:18,838 --> 00:09:20,727 And last week, you made the pharmacist cry. 257 00:09:20,815 --> 00:09:23,195 That's because he wouldn't sell me any more Sudafed. 258 00:09:23,283 --> 00:09:24,625 The entire family was sick. 259 00:09:24,713 --> 00:09:26,305 I was not cooking meth. 260 00:09:26,395 --> 00:09:28,387 You know what? I don't even want cake. 261 00:09:28,475 --> 00:09:30,427 I really don't appreciate being criticized like this, 262 00:09:30,514 --> 00:09:32,184 especially on my birthday. 263 00:09:35,191 --> 00:09:37,903 Um, that's my gift. Open later. 264 00:09:39,153 --> 00:09:40,887 Manny and I share a birthday, 265 00:09:40,975 --> 00:09:43,324 so I always do something big to get attention. 266 00:09:43,412 --> 00:09:45,247 Look! No hands! 267 00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:47,755 - Way to go, kid! - Bravo, papi! 268 00:09:47,843 --> 00:09:49,431 Hey, guys! Check it out. 269 00:09:49,519 --> 00:09:51,673 Unicycling to my piano lesson. 270 00:09:51,768 --> 00:09:53,970 Wow! We're so proud of you! 271 00:09:54,058 --> 00:09:55,290 Now, that's impressive. 272 00:09:55,378 --> 00:09:57,298 Happy birthday, Joe! 273 00:09:57,386 --> 00:09:59,114 It was! 274 00:09:59,703 --> 00:10:01,270 It goes without saying 275 00:10:01,388 --> 00:10:03,020 I'm the best performer in the family. 276 00:10:03,108 --> 00:10:05,793 This year, for my birthday, I decided to have a talent show 277 00:10:05,881 --> 00:10:07,578 so they all start saying it. 278 00:10:07,666 --> 00:10:08,967 Wait. 279 00:10:09,055 --> 00:10:10,839 It's a talent show? I-I didn't know that. 280 00:10:10,927 --> 00:10:12,545 It said soon the invitation. 281 00:10:12,633 --> 00:10:14,232 - Mitchell? - I only skimmed it. 282 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:15,364 This is a disaster. 283 00:10:15,452 --> 00:10:16,931 We didn't prepare anything! 284 00:10:17,019 --> 00:10:20,414 ♪ Nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina ♪ 285 00:10:20,502 --> 00:10:24,220 ♪ In the morning ♪ 286 00:10:24,308 --> 00:10:26,211 ♪ No one could be sweeter than my sweetie... ♪ 287 00:10:26,299 --> 00:10:28,519 I can't believe they hadmatching vests in their car. 288 00:10:28,566 --> 00:10:30,620 Uncle Grumpy, why are you so angry? 289 00:10:30,747 --> 00:10:34,659 Because the President wants to build a wall! 290 00:10:34,792 --> 00:10:36,835 Ay, yeah, that is very sad. 291 00:10:36,922 --> 00:10:37,956 Sad for me, 292 00:10:38,052 --> 00:10:41,698 because I have no money and I am ugly. 293 00:10:41,786 --> 00:10:45,660 For you, he would let you inbecause you have money 294 00:10:45,748 --> 00:10:47,925 and you have the boobs. 295 00:10:49,447 --> 00:10:51,115 I never thought Uncle Grumpy would go political. 296 00:10:51,202 --> 00:10:52,581 - Hm. - Yeah. 297 00:10:57,705 --> 00:11:00,026 I knew I wasn't ready! 298 00:11:00,507 --> 00:11:02,246 - ♪ Naah-aah ♪ - ♪ Butterflies ll flutter up ♪ 299 00:11:02,333 --> 00:11:04,129 - ♪ Aah-aah ♪ - ♪ And kiss each little buttercup... ♪ 300 00:11:04,216 --> 00:11:05,597 Stella, walk in a circle. 301 00:11:05,685 --> 00:11:06,817 Stella, sit. 302 00:11:06,905 --> 00:11:08,081 Bang! 303 00:11:08,248 --> 00:11:09,948 Ohh.Ah. Close, Dad. 304 00:11:10,036 --> 00:11:11,956 No, I taught her to go for the gun. 305 00:11:14,231 --> 00:11:17,136 The banjo scares me ever sincel saw that creepy film. 306 00:11:17,309 --> 00:11:18,792 Wait. What was it called, again? 307 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:20,011 "Deliverance"? 308 00:11:20,099 --> 00:11:22,456 No... "The Muppet Movie." 309 00:11:22,824 --> 00:11:25,002 He was a three-toed tree toad, but a two-toed toad was she. 310 00:11:25,089 --> 00:11:26,787 The three-toed tree toad tried to win the two-toed she toad's heart, 311 00:11:26,874 --> 00:11:28,559 for the three-toed tree toad loved the ground 312 00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:29,735 that the two-toed tree toad trod. 313 00:11:29,822 --> 00:11:32,183 "...tree toad trod." And sent. 314 00:11:32,393 --> 00:11:34,276 Ohh! Whoa! Ay! 315 00:11:34,380 --> 00:11:37,032 - Stop it! - Fastest thumbs in the West! 316 00:11:38,188 --> 00:11:41,901 ♪ If I had Aladdin's lamp for only a day ♪ 317 00:11:41,989 --> 00:11:45,729 ♪ I would make a wish, and here's what I'd say ♪ 318 00:11:45,817 --> 00:11:49,659 ♪ Nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina ♪ 319 00:11:49,747 --> 00:11:52,987 ♪ In the mooorniiing 320 00:11:53,075 --> 00:11:54,894 As you all know, Sherry and I met 321 00:11:54,982 --> 00:11:57,507 and fell for each other over our love of improv. 322 00:11:57,595 --> 00:12:00,620 So, we're at a romantic restaurant. 323 00:12:00,725 --> 00:12:02,074 Okay. 324 00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:05,800 That dinner was delicious. 325 00:12:05,895 --> 00:12:07,909 I can't believe you chose this place. 326 00:12:08,010 --> 00:12:10,167 The chef is my ex-boyfriend. 327 00:12:10,255 --> 00:12:11,448 The crazy one? 328 00:12:11,536 --> 00:12:13,245 Yes. He's very jealous, 329 00:12:13,340 --> 00:12:15,342 and I'm scared he did something to your food. 330 00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:16,612 Oh. Eh... 331 00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:18,206 I am feeling a little funny. 332 00:12:18,294 --> 00:12:19,905 I wish this were a little funny. 333 00:12:19,993 --> 00:12:21,808 Ooh. Ha. Okay. Oh, boy. 334 00:12:21,896 --> 00:12:22,901 Whew! 335 00:12:22,989 --> 00:12:24,381 I-Is this room spinning? I... 336 00:12:24,469 --> 00:12:25,315 No. 337 00:12:25,403 --> 00:12:26,597 I was afraid of that. 338 00:12:26,685 --> 00:12:28,933 Well, then I better do this before it's too late. 339 00:12:29,859 --> 00:12:31,338 And this part is real. 340 00:12:31,994 --> 00:12:33,417 Sherry Shaker, 341 00:12:33,505 --> 00:12:35,542 I used to be a one-man show, 342 00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:37,675 and then you entered from stage left, 343 00:12:37,763 --> 00:12:39,547 and I fell in love. 344 00:12:39,945 --> 00:12:41,338 I want you 345 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:44,183 to be my scene partner forever. 346 00:12:44,485 --> 00:12:47,472 Darling, let's force our friends to sit through 347 00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:49,394 the rest of our lives together. 348 00:12:51,657 --> 00:12:53,224 Will you marry me? 349 00:12:54,092 --> 00:12:55,386 Oh, my God. 350 00:12:55,635 --> 00:12:57,332 Manny! 351 00:12:57,635 --> 00:12:59,292 No! 352 00:12:59,623 --> 00:13:01,756 Why would you do this?! 353 00:13:06,337 --> 00:13:09,081 You gotta be feeling better about that piano. 354 00:13:11,561 --> 00:13:13,948 I'd rather not talk about my birthday this year. 355 00:13:14,036 --> 00:13:18,183 ♪ Happy birthday, dear Lily ♪ 356 00:13:18,337 --> 00:13:22,254 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 357 00:13:22,342 --> 00:13:24,276 I still can't believe Sherry said no 358 00:13:24,364 --> 00:13:25,433 and broke up with me. 359 00:13:25,521 --> 00:13:27,058 What does he expect? He's 20 years old. 360 00:13:27,146 --> 00:13:29,565 He proposed in front of his family at a pretend restaurant. 361 00:13:29,653 --> 00:13:31,472 Whatever happened to "Yes and"? 362 00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:32,831 Jay, I've tried everything. 363 00:13:32,919 --> 00:13:35,417 Please say something to him that will make him feel better. 364 00:13:35,505 --> 00:13:36,675 Fine. 365 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:38,795 Kid, let it go. 366 00:13:38,883 --> 00:13:40,245 It was four days ago. 367 00:13:40,341 --> 00:13:42,151 Alright, let's make a wish! 368 00:13:42,415 --> 00:13:43,972 I wish I were dead. 369 00:13:44,450 --> 00:13:45,675 Alright. 370 00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:47,676 There we go. 371 00:13:49,550 --> 00:13:51,495 Haley and I have had this plan for years 372 00:13:51,583 --> 00:13:54,089 that when I turn 21, we'd hit the bars together. 373 00:13:54,223 --> 00:13:57,503 But since she's pregnant, I was drinking for two. 374 00:13:58,403 --> 00:13:59,768 Technically, four. 375 00:14:02,362 --> 00:14:04,854 Lemme tell you something, Haley Dunphy. 376 00:14:04,942 --> 00:14:07,323 Do you know how much I admire you? 377 00:14:07,488 --> 00:14:08,495 Do you? 378 00:14:08,583 --> 00:14:10,151 So much! 379 00:14:10,262 --> 00:14:12,737 While I was working my butt off, 380 00:14:12,825 --> 00:14:14,392 you were out there having fun! 381 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:15,960 Not worrying about anything... 382 00:14:16,048 --> 00:14:18,315 Not school, not work... 383 00:14:18,403 --> 00:14:19,808 not condoms. 384 00:14:19,956 --> 00:14:22,429 Look at you... All preg-a-nant. 385 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,109 Maybe I should have Billcome get me pregnant. 386 00:14:25,196 --> 00:14:25,929 Ooh. 387 00:14:26,017 --> 00:14:28,803 Then we can be pregnant together! That would be fun! 388 00:14:28,891 --> 00:14:30,084 Where's my phone? 389 00:14:30,172 --> 00:14:32,779 I'm gonna text him to come get me pregnant. 390 00:14:32,867 --> 00:14:34,216 You know what? 391 00:14:34,304 --> 00:14:35,943 It's 2000-something. 392 00:14:35,975 --> 00:14:37,368 I'm gonna get him pregnant! 393 00:14:38,283 --> 00:14:40,022 I miss drinking. 394 00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:42,490 Unlike somepeople, I love my birthday. 395 00:14:42,578 --> 00:14:45,389 It's the one day a year that can be all about me. 396 00:14:48,084 --> 00:14:48,987 Oh, yeah. Um, um... 397 00:14:49,075 --> 00:14:50,787 So, um, I thought it would be fun 398 00:14:50,875 --> 00:14:52,181 if we all went around the room 399 00:14:52,332 --> 00:14:53,904 and say what we love about Cam. 400 00:14:53,992 --> 00:14:54,975 - Oh! - Yeah. 401 00:14:55,063 --> 00:14:57,318 Well, that's out of nowhere, but if you insist. 402 00:14:57,406 --> 00:14:58,413 Haley, why don't you go first? 403 00:14:58,500 --> 00:14:59,647 Oh, me? Okay. 404 00:14:59,735 --> 00:15:02,108 Well, um... I love Uncle Cam 405 00:15:02,196 --> 00:15:03,686 because he is fun 406 00:15:03,774 --> 00:15:05,514 - and dresses with flair. - Oh, my gosh. 407 00:15:06,086 --> 00:15:07,803 And, uh, I love 408 00:15:07,897 --> 00:15:09,389 that he makes my Uncle Mitchell happy. 409 00:15:09,477 --> 00:15:10,782 - Awww! - Ohh! 410 00:15:10,870 --> 00:15:12,512 Oh, also, I love that you guys were the first ones 411 00:15:12,599 --> 00:15:15,256 to find out I was pregnant and you never judged me. 412 00:15:15,453 --> 00:15:17,170 Wait a minute. What are you talking about? 413 00:15:17,258 --> 00:15:18,819 I thought we all found out at the same time. 414 00:15:18,906 --> 00:15:20,038 Oh, uh... Well... 415 00:15:20,126 --> 00:15:22,374 Mitchell, you knew she was pregnant and you didn't tell me? 416 00:15:22,461 --> 00:15:23,873 I didn't think it was my place. 417 00:15:23,961 --> 00:15:25,608 Anyway, who's next? 418 00:15:25,696 --> 00:15:27,089 "What I love about Cam is..." 419 00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:29,397 I just wish you would have my back just once. 420 00:15:29,485 --> 00:15:31,467 I don't think she's been using my gift. 421 00:15:31,568 --> 00:15:33,678 ♪ Happy birthday to Cam, happy... ♪ Stop. Drop it. 422 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:34,748 Welcome to my world. 423 00:15:34,836 --> 00:15:37,365 At my birthday, all anyone cared about was weepy Manny 424 00:15:37,453 --> 00:15:39,325 'cause Sherry broke up with him. 425 00:15:39,822 --> 00:15:41,519 She has a boyfriend now. 426 00:15:41,857 --> 00:15:43,178 Way to go, Lily. 427 00:15:43,266 --> 00:15:44,745 Way to go! 428 00:15:56,006 --> 00:15:57,536 How old are you? 429 00:15:58,061 --> 00:16:00,420 I turn 51 in, uh... 430 00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:02,744 this many days. 431 00:16:02,832 --> 00:16:03,866 Ugh. 432 00:16:03,978 --> 00:16:06,154 My dad had a midlife crisis, too. 433 00:16:06,327 --> 00:16:07,866 I have a hamster at his condo. 434 00:16:07,989 --> 00:16:09,748 No. N-No midlife crisis. 435 00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:12,701 I just think you're... You're never too old to learn. 436 00:16:13,713 --> 00:16:15,410 Just stay away from my mom. 437 00:16:15,498 --> 00:16:17,686 She has a thing for losers. 438 00:16:20,476 --> 00:16:21,433 Are you okay? 439 00:16:21,521 --> 00:16:22,788 Should we take you to the hospital? 440 00:16:22,875 --> 00:16:24,877 Yeah, the contractions are getting closer together. 441 00:16:24,964 --> 00:16:26,234 No. Dad is next. 442 00:16:26,322 --> 00:16:28,297 I can hold it for a few minutes, okay? 443 00:16:28,385 --> 00:16:30,734 I don't want to screw this up for him. 444 00:16:35,888 --> 00:16:38,101 Yikes. Hate to follow that. 445 00:16:38,295 --> 00:16:40,079 What are you gonna dazzle us with? 446 00:16:40,455 --> 00:16:41,539 "Fur Elise." 447 00:16:41,627 --> 00:16:44,000 In which key... "B" obvious? 448 00:16:44,213 --> 00:16:47,961 Next up, the only student of mine who shaves. 449 00:16:48,180 --> 00:16:50,083 Phillip Dunphy. 450 00:16:56,264 --> 00:16:57,264 Um... 451 00:16:58,997 --> 00:17:01,656 When I turned 50, I vowed to do some things 452 00:17:01,744 --> 00:17:03,836 to take me out of my comfort zone 453 00:17:03,924 --> 00:17:06,414 and keep me on my toes, and I want to thank my family 454 00:17:06,502 --> 00:17:08,023 for being my biggest cheerleaders. 455 00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:09,025 Oooooaaaaaah! 456 00:17:09,113 --> 00:17:10,219 I love you, too, honey. 457 00:17:10,307 --> 00:17:12,399 No, Haley's going into labor! We've got to get her to the hospital, honey! 458 00:17:12,486 --> 00:17:13,844 Phil: Oh! I tried to hold it! I'm sorry, Dad! 459 00:17:13,893 --> 00:17:15,808 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry, everyone! 460 00:17:15,896 --> 00:17:17,344 Convenient. 461 00:17:31,964 --> 00:17:33,158 Yes! Great! Come on! 462 00:17:33,432 --> 00:17:34,720 Great work, honey. 463 00:17:34,808 --> 00:17:36,736 Tell your mom I say hi. 464 00:17:40,630 --> 00:17:41,790 Dylan! 465 00:17:41,878 --> 00:17:43,316 Is everything okay? 466 00:17:44,037 --> 00:17:45,082 No. 467 00:17:46,669 --> 00:17:48,062 Everything's amazing. 468 00:17:48,503 --> 00:17:49,980 Why would you say it that way? 469 00:17:50,068 --> 00:17:51,238 Haley's fine. 470 00:17:51,326 --> 00:17:52,761 She was so brave. 471 00:17:52,903 --> 00:17:54,601 And the babies are great! 472 00:17:54,689 --> 00:17:56,097 I can't wait to see them! 473 00:17:56,185 --> 00:17:57,880 As soon as they're done getting checked out. 474 00:17:57,967 --> 00:17:59,074 I'm gonna go get them now. 475 00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:00,162 Wait, wait. 476 00:18:00,317 --> 00:18:01,378 What about the sex? 477 00:18:01,466 --> 00:18:03,250 Doctor says not for six weeks. 478 00:18:06,385 --> 00:18:08,136 Jay: Is this the Dunphy suite? 479 00:18:08,811 --> 00:18:10,933 Oh, how's the mommy? 480 00:18:11,036 --> 00:18:13,121 Hand sanitizer, everyone. Here you go. 481 00:18:13,209 --> 00:18:14,210 How you doing, kiddo? 482 00:18:14,298 --> 00:18:16,285 A little tired. I overdid it last night. 483 00:18:16,373 --> 00:18:18,636 I don't think he was talking to you, buddy. 484 00:18:18,732 --> 00:18:20,081 It's overwhelming. 485 00:18:20,169 --> 00:18:21,520 Just feeling so many different emotions. 486 00:18:21,607 --> 00:18:23,222 I'm also doing great. 487 00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:25,464 I have a son and a daughter, 488 00:18:25,552 --> 00:18:28,097 and once they washed them off, they were really cute. 489 00:18:28,185 --> 00:18:28,824 Aww! 490 00:18:28,912 --> 00:18:30,106 Oh, what are their names? 491 00:18:30,194 --> 00:18:32,872 We're gonna put a pin in that until the drugs wear off. 492 00:18:32,969 --> 00:18:36,325 Nobody needs grand children named Pixar and Coachella. 493 00:18:36,413 --> 00:18:37,371 Ooh. 494 00:18:37,459 --> 00:18:39,052 Phil, this is for you. 495 00:18:39,140 --> 00:18:41,987 It's a... little early birthday present. 496 00:18:42,075 --> 00:18:45,231 And I admit, this one is a re-gift. 497 00:18:47,715 --> 00:18:49,310 "World's Best Grandfather." 498 00:18:49,583 --> 00:18:51,606 It's the mug I gave you when Haley was born. 499 00:18:51,694 --> 00:18:52,652 You kept it all these years. 500 00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:55,286 Yeah. But, uh... it's yours now. 501 00:18:55,374 --> 00:18:57,114 I don't need it anymore. I got a new title. 502 00:18:58,379 --> 00:18:59,728 "Great grandma"? 503 00:19:00,775 --> 00:19:02,935 Oh, hell. I grabbed the wrong one. Here. 504 00:19:03,336 --> 00:19:04,638 I'm going to count to three. 505 00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:05,640 Yeah. 506 00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:07,239 Hey, how was your recital, Phil? 507 00:19:07,327 --> 00:19:09,075 Oh, I messed it all up for him. 508 00:19:09,163 --> 00:19:10,591 Sorry about that, Dad. 509 00:19:10,679 --> 00:19:12,731 I-I know that was your big goal for the year. 510 00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:14,513 I have a better one now. 511 00:19:14,827 --> 00:19:16,747 Mi ano fue hermoso. 512 00:19:16,896 --> 00:19:18,215 My year was beautiful. 513 00:19:18,303 --> 00:19:19,161 Claire: Mm. 514 00:19:19,249 --> 00:19:21,077 "Año" means "year." 515 00:19:21,165 --> 00:19:23,520 "Ano" means "anus." 516 00:19:24,067 --> 00:19:25,460 Still works. 517 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,153 Hey, everybody. 518 00:19:27,241 --> 00:19:30,177 Ay, where are the babies? I want to see them. 519 00:19:30,277 --> 00:19:32,950 There's no easy way to say this. 520 00:19:34,247 --> 00:19:36,815 Mitch and Cam have a whole thing they want to do. 521 00:19:36,903 --> 00:19:38,731 Oh, God. It's worse than I thought. 522 00:19:38,826 --> 00:19:42,909 ♪ Nants ingonyama ♪ 523 00:19:42,997 --> 00:19:44,579 ♪ Bagithi baba ♪ 524 00:19:44,667 --> 00:19:47,091 Oh, my God! I love it so much! 525 00:19:50,529 --> 00:19:54,450 ♪ It's the circle of life ♪ 526 00:19:54,538 --> 00:19:56,833 I can't believe they had matching robes in their car. 527 00:19:56,921 --> 00:19:59,067 ♪ And it moves us all ♪ 528 00:19:59,178 --> 00:20:02,200 - ♪ Through ♪ - They're so beautiful! 529 00:20:02,599 --> 00:20:06,028 - ♪ Despair and hope ♪ - Good job. 530 00:20:06,116 --> 00:20:07,599 You're both gonna get dog beds. 531 00:20:07,687 --> 00:20:11,419 - ♪ Through faith and hope ♪ - You're next, huh? 532 00:20:11,507 --> 00:20:13,645 - Shh! - Okay. Okay. I'm just saying. 533 00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:17,833 ♪ It's the circle ♪ 534 00:20:17,921 --> 00:20:19,185 Good job, kid. 535 00:20:19,273 --> 00:20:22,645 ♪ The circle of ♪ 536 00:20:22,732 --> 00:20:25,731 ♪ Llife ♪ 537 00:20:29,724 --> 00:20:31,567 Oh, is he still crying? 538 00:20:31,662 --> 00:20:33,270 Yeah, has been for hours. 539 00:20:33,358 --> 00:20:34,208 Wow. 540 00:20:34,323 --> 00:20:36,458 I thought he'd cry himself to sleep, poor little guy. 541 00:20:36,546 --> 00:20:37,763 Well, has he eaten anything? 542 00:20:37,851 --> 00:20:39,216 Uh, I fed him an hour ago. 543 00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:41,177 It's amazing how one can be fine 544 00:20:41,265 --> 00:20:42,755 and the other one is so upset. 545 00:20:42,897 --> 00:20:44,819 You go up to bed. I'll check on him one last time. 546 00:20:44,906 --> 00:20:46,154 Thanks, Mom. 547 00:20:46,261 --> 00:20:49,786 There's my big, brave boy. 548 00:20:49,935 --> 00:20:52,183 Sherry booked a toothpaste commercial. 549 00:20:52,271 --> 00:20:53,264 - Uh-huh. - I'm going to have 550 00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:54,717 to see that beautiful smile 551 00:20:54,805 --> 00:20:56,024 all the time! 552 00:20:56,112 --> 00:20:57,139 Mm. 553 00:20:57,297 --> 00:20:59,337 There, there. Let it out.