1 00:00:13,222 --> 00:00:15,101 _ 2 00:00:20,949 --> 00:00:23,047 No mail. Again. 3 00:00:24,064 --> 00:00:25,959 Hey, Portal, call Dad. 4 00:00:28,060 --> 00:00:29,818 ♪ When the rates fall ♪ 5 00:00:29,923 --> 00:00:31,681 ♪ They will refi ♪ 6 00:00:31,750 --> 00:00:35,778 ♪ And that's the Realtor's lullaby ♪ 7 00:00:35,881 --> 00:00:38,283 George, please! 8 00:00:38,387 --> 00:00:40,451 Why are they still crying? 9 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:42,212 Do you think they know they're chubby? 10 00:00:42,931 --> 00:00:45,360 It took us a while, but we finally named our babies. 11 00:00:45,464 --> 00:00:46,470 This is Poppy, 12 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:48,170 because that's my favorite flower. 13 00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:49,254 And this is George, 14 00:00:49,324 --> 00:00:51,286 because he came out looking curious. 15 00:00:51,356 --> 00:00:52,877 You know, like Boy George. 16 00:00:54,470 --> 00:00:57,134 Oh, hey, Portal, answer. 17 00:00:57,246 --> 00:00:58,363 Hi, Alex! 18 00:00:58,432 --> 00:01:00,557 How's my little ice queen? 19 00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:01,912 Didn't love being called that in high school, 20 00:01:02,015 --> 00:01:03,027 don't love it now. 21 00:01:03,031 --> 00:01:04,891 Hey, honey. Um, people keep asking... 22 00:01:04,994 --> 00:01:06,313 Tell me again what you're doing? 23 00:01:06,383 --> 00:01:07,430 Detecting the presence of neutrinos 24 00:01:07,533 --> 00:01:08,886 beneath the South Pole. 25 00:01:08,956 --> 00:01:10,884 Yeah, you... you can stop. I'm just gonna keep telling them 26 00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:13,356 you're searching for the snow monster. 27 00:01:13,460 --> 00:01:14,642 Seriously, Alex? 28 00:01:14,712 --> 00:01:16,403 You can't come downstairs to talk to us? 29 00:01:16,507 --> 00:01:17,825 I've been gone for a month. 30 00:01:17,895 --> 00:01:20,364 Wait. So, that's my hair in the drain? 31 00:01:20,434 --> 00:01:22,261 Honey, is everything okay? 32 00:01:22,364 --> 00:01:23,988 You look a little sad. 33 00:01:24,057 --> 00:01:25,342 Oh, no, no. 34 00:01:25,412 --> 00:01:27,780 I was sad earlier, and my face froze that way. 35 00:01:27,849 --> 00:01:30,015 But no regrets about turning down 36 00:01:30,085 --> 00:01:31,978 that cushy tech job in L.A. 37 00:01:33,098 --> 00:01:35,127 I mean, yeah, I miss Bill 38 00:01:35,197 --> 00:01:38,818 and the safety of other women around, 39 00:01:38,888 --> 00:01:40,105 but Grandpa was right. 40 00:01:40,175 --> 00:01:42,711 This is the time of life to have an adventure. 41 00:01:43,623 --> 00:01:44,912 Is this a bad time? 42 00:01:44,947 --> 00:01:47,510 Oh, no. No, this is our new normal. 43 00:01:47,545 --> 00:01:49,077 - Yeah. - We never sleep. 44 00:01:49,147 --> 00:01:50,974 Well, I know all about sleep deprivation. 45 00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:52,497 - Uh-huh. - The sun never sets here, 46 00:01:52,567 --> 00:01:54,021 - so I've been up for days. - Yeah, that's fun. 47 00:01:54,091 --> 00:01:55,443 - Really nice, honey. - I dream awake now. 48 00:01:55,546 --> 00:01:58,051 Hang on a second. Haley. 49 00:01:58,391 --> 00:02:01,020 Haley, I know that you are committed to breastfeeding 50 00:02:01,104 --> 00:02:02,254 and the book, 51 00:02:02,324 --> 00:02:04,556 but I think it's time that you considered formula. 52 00:02:04,660 --> 00:02:06,317 It will help the babies sleep, 53 00:02:06,387 --> 00:02:08,585 and the pediatrician said it is perfectly healthy. 54 00:02:08,688 --> 00:02:10,583 I'm living proof. I was a formula baby... 55 00:02:10,653 --> 00:02:12,445 - Had a full set of teeth at six months. - Yeah. 56 00:02:12,548 --> 00:02:13,630 But the book says... 57 00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:14,883 Uch, the book. 58 00:02:14,987 --> 00:02:16,812 What do you have against my book? 59 00:02:16,917 --> 00:02:19,454 It is called "Your Parents Did Everything Wrong." 60 00:02:19,524 --> 00:02:22,298 Dr. Goode is a celebrated pediatric life coach. 61 00:02:22,402 --> 00:02:24,160 And can you tone down the negativity? 62 00:02:24,230 --> 00:02:26,835 Chapter six says that it can cause an allergy to peanuts. 63 00:02:26,939 --> 00:02:28,089 Uh-huh. 64 00:02:28,158 --> 00:02:29,578 Oh, man, no kid should grow up without Snoopy. 65 00:02:29,647 --> 00:02:32,508 Sounds like a crazy morning. 66 00:02:32,543 --> 00:02:33,367 I miss those. 67 00:02:33,402 --> 00:02:35,740 My research partner, Yngvar, doesn't speak English. 68 00:02:37,029 --> 00:02:38,449 Is me who did that? 69 00:02:38,553 --> 00:02:40,244 Hmm. 70 00:02:40,314 --> 00:02:43,054 Except for what he learned from reruns of "Family Matters." 71 00:02:43,802 --> 00:02:45,864 - Guys! - So that can be a little annoying 72 00:02:45,934 --> 00:02:47,321 having a research partner not speak your language, 73 00:02:47,391 --> 00:02:48,878 but I could also try and learn his language, 74 00:02:48,947 --> 00:02:50,103 which I have. 75 00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:55,006 Wake them, and I kill you. 76 00:02:55,076 --> 00:02:56,395 Uh-oh. 77 00:02:56,498 --> 00:02:57,952 Ah... Ah... 78 00:02:58,056 --> 00:02:59,206 Ah... 79 00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:01,677 Ah... 80 00:03:20,661 --> 00:03:22,657 - Ruff! - More Spanish. 81 00:03:22,727 --> 00:03:23,843 R-R-R-Ruff! 82 00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:25,332 If this is role-playing, 83 00:03:25,402 --> 00:03:27,668 I'd like to play the part of disgusted son. 84 00:03:27,738 --> 00:03:30,377 I'm making a promo video for my dog-bed company. 85 00:03:30,447 --> 00:03:32,341 And Stella's the star, of course. 86 00:03:32,445 --> 00:03:34,305 Today we're recording her voice. 87 00:03:34,375 --> 00:03:36,506 And I am doing the Spanish version. 88 00:03:36,609 --> 00:03:38,842 - Who's directing it? - I don't know. Me, I guess. 89 00:03:38,945 --> 00:03:40,535 Wow, that's a punch in the gut. 90 00:03:40,605 --> 00:03:42,363 Why, Manny? Do you want to direct it? 91 00:03:42,467 --> 00:03:43,650 Why not? 92 00:03:43,753 --> 00:03:45,885 Some of our best artists started out making commercials. 93 00:03:45,988 --> 00:03:48,932 Am I better than Spike Jonze or Guillermo del Toro? 94 00:03:49,035 --> 00:03:50,152 Nope. 95 00:03:50,255 --> 00:03:52,318 Listen, normally I would just 96 00:03:52,422 --> 00:03:54,858 cook up some fake reason why you couldn't direct it, 97 00:03:54,962 --> 00:03:57,194 but in this case, I have a real excuse. 98 00:03:57,298 --> 00:03:59,023 Your old girlfriend, Sherry, 99 00:03:59,126 --> 00:04:00,579 is the voice of Stella. 100 00:04:00,684 --> 00:04:02,307 Jay, how could you? 101 00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:05,523 After she broke his heart when she got repulsed 102 00:04:05,627 --> 00:04:07,555 by the idea of getting married to him? 103 00:04:07,658 --> 00:04:09,865 More overwhelmed than repulsed, as I remember it. 104 00:04:09,939 --> 00:04:11,529 She's already on our website 105 00:04:11,632 --> 00:04:12,714 as Stella's voice. 106 00:04:12,817 --> 00:04:13,865 Changing that now 107 00:04:13,968 --> 00:04:15,660 could be jarring for our fans. 108 00:04:15,763 --> 00:04:18,199 Like when they made my GPS lady British. 109 00:04:18,302 --> 00:04:19,384 I'd rather be lost 110 00:04:19,487 --> 00:04:21,178 than talked down to by a snob! 111 00:04:21,248 --> 00:04:22,295 Please, Jay. 112 00:04:22,365 --> 00:04:24,463 I need to prove to myself that I'm over her, 113 00:04:24,533 --> 00:04:26,209 that I can rise above it and be professional. 114 00:04:26,305 --> 00:04:28,255 Fine, but if your emotions 115 00:04:28,359 --> 00:04:29,813 get in the way of this production, 116 00:04:29,883 --> 00:04:32,792 you will never work in dog-bed commercials again. 117 00:04:32,896 --> 00:04:33,909 Don't worry. 118 00:04:34,013 --> 00:04:35,060 My only passion 119 00:04:35,063 --> 00:04:37,296 is helping you realize your creative vision. 120 00:04:37,366 --> 00:04:40,072 By day's end, Sherry will be mine. 121 00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:45,015 Oh, no, which icon's birthday 122 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:46,641 are we celebrating today? 123 00:04:46,744 --> 00:04:47,826 Uh, Lauren Bacall's. 124 00:04:47,929 --> 00:04:49,011 We're dropping tulips by her grave later, 125 00:04:49,115 --> 00:04:50,196 but that's not what this is. 126 00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:52,059 No, I'm having some at-risk students over. 127 00:04:52,162 --> 00:04:53,209 - Why, you ask? - I'm good. 128 00:04:53,313 --> 00:04:55,173 Well, 'cause I want to bond with these kids. 129 00:04:55,277 --> 00:04:56,799 I want them to know that even though 130 00:04:56,902 --> 00:04:58,683 the rest of the world's given up on them, I haven't. 131 00:04:58,709 --> 00:05:01,336 I don't want to just be their Vice Principal. 132 00:05:01,439 --> 00:05:03,469 I want to be their nice principal. 133 00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:07,126 - I can't believe you let this happen. - I didn't know there'd be wordplay. 134 00:05:07,229 --> 00:05:10,072 Cam asked me to speak to his students as an Assistant DA, 135 00:05:10,175 --> 00:05:12,509 give them the perspective of law enforcement. 136 00:05:12,613 --> 00:05:14,749 Truth is, I have been looking for an opportunity 137 00:05:14,753 --> 00:05:16,003 to show off my new badge. 138 00:05:16,106 --> 00:05:17,662 Even the most hardened criminals 139 00:05:17,766 --> 00:05:20,202 shudder when they get a gander at... Ohh! 140 00:05:20,306 --> 00:05:21,624 Please don't be scratched! 141 00:05:21,727 --> 00:05:25,383 ♪ With a banjo on my knee ♪ 142 00:05:25,486 --> 00:05:27,075 I don't care what these kids did. 143 00:05:27,179 --> 00:05:28,328 - This is cruel. - I know. 144 00:05:28,432 --> 00:05:30,935 A vice principal that plays rock 'n' roll. 145 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:33,170 Am I a little different? Yes, I am. 146 00:05:33,273 --> 00:05:35,066 I'm not like the other adults in your life 147 00:05:35,170 --> 00:05:36,895 that are just waiting for you to mess up 148 00:05:36,999 --> 00:05:38,086 so they can point the finger at you. 149 00:05:38,210 --> 00:05:40,138 I don't want to finger a bunch of kids. 150 00:05:40,241 --> 00:05:42,068 That's not how I get my jollies. 151 00:05:42,171 --> 00:05:43,217 Cam. Cam. 152 00:05:43,221 --> 00:05:44,301 I know what it's like. 153 00:05:44,305 --> 00:05:45,724 I had issues in school, 154 00:05:45,828 --> 00:05:47,519 and I was fingered left and right. 155 00:05:47,623 --> 00:05:50,160 And let me tell you, it did not feel good. 156 00:05:50,263 --> 00:05:51,785 Oh, Mitchell, should we be recording this? 157 00:05:51,889 --> 00:05:53,784 Oh, yes, no one's gonna believe me. 158 00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,578 How long is this gonna take, Mr. Tucker? 159 00:05:55,681 --> 00:05:58,117 Oh, now, Mr. Tucker's the cool vice principal at school. 160 00:05:58,221 --> 00:05:59,945 Here at my house 161 00:06:00,049 --> 00:06:01,096 call me Cam. 162 00:06:01,099 --> 00:06:02,182 Okay? 163 00:06:02,186 --> 00:06:03,334 And this is Mitchell. 164 00:06:03,438 --> 00:06:05,670 He's an Assistant District Attorney, 165 00:06:05,775 --> 00:06:07,499 and he is our guest speaker. 166 00:06:07,603 --> 00:06:09,087 He's so white he's see-through. 167 00:06:10,129 --> 00:06:11,868 Thank you. 168 00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:14,237 We live in a society bound by laws. 169 00:06:14,341 --> 00:06:15,422 Okay? 170 00:06:15,526 --> 00:06:18,809 They're all that stand between order and chaos. 171 00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:21,619 And those who violate those laws 172 00:06:21,722 --> 00:06:25,073 wind up staring at the business end of... 173 00:06:25,833 --> 00:06:26,871 It's gone! 174 00:06:26,965 --> 00:06:28,318 What, the spotlight on you? 175 00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:30,045 No, my porcelain clown figurine. 176 00:06:30,148 --> 00:06:31,399 It's supposed to be on this table. 177 00:06:31,503 --> 00:06:33,262 It's always on this table. 178 00:06:34,388 --> 00:06:37,163 One of you stole it! 179 00:06:38,519 --> 00:06:40,448 And on Lauren Bacall's birthday? 180 00:06:40,551 --> 00:06:41,734 Cam. Cam. R-Relax. 181 00:06:41,838 --> 00:06:44,104 Uh, isn't the whole point of today not to prejudge them? 182 00:06:44,208 --> 00:06:45,797 Oh, please, Mitchell. They're trash. 183 00:06:45,901 --> 00:06:47,321 I know it. They know it. 184 00:06:47,424 --> 00:06:49,658 Everybody knows it. 185 00:06:51,386 --> 00:06:53,585 ♪ Welcome home, my sweet babies ♪ 186 00:06:53,688 --> 00:06:55,921 ♪ After escrow, get the key ♪ 187 00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:57,242 Please don't sing that song. 188 00:06:57,311 --> 00:06:59,882 Sorry, it's better than "Pop Goes the Appraisal." 189 00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:02,286 - Aw. Shh. - Mom, what are you doing? 190 00:07:02,390 --> 00:07:04,149 Stop it. The book says you're not supposed to 191 00:07:04,253 --> 00:07:06,147 make eye contact during nap time. 192 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:09,126 They're babies, not Johnny Depp on a film set. 193 00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:12,208 ♪ Open house, noon to 5:00 ♪ 194 00:07:12,277 --> 00:07:15,458 ♪ Such a charming fixer-upper ♪ 195 00:07:20,709 --> 00:07:22,060 H-o-ow's it going? 196 00:07:22,165 --> 00:07:23,415 Still crying. 197 00:07:23,519 --> 00:07:25,480 You didn't make eye contact, did you? 198 00:07:25,550 --> 00:07:27,580 That can't be a thing, Phil. 199 00:07:27,683 --> 00:07:29,273 And I'm getting a little sick 200 00:07:29,342 --> 00:07:31,711 of Haley insinuating that we don't know how to raise kids. 201 00:07:31,814 --> 00:07:33,234 She can't be saying that about me. 202 00:07:33,339 --> 00:07:36,246 I spent half my 30s in blanket forts with those kids. 203 00:07:36,281 --> 00:07:39,262 You know what? You need to get her to go to sleep 204 00:07:39,365 --> 00:07:42,816 so I can put those babies down the right way. Our way. 205 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:45,086 She's crazed right now. How am I supposed to get her to sleep? 206 00:07:45,156 --> 00:07:46,812 I don't know. How did you do it when she was a kid? 207 00:07:52,522 --> 00:07:53,916 Dad, isn't the drugstore that way? 208 00:07:53,966 --> 00:07:55,793 It is, but there's construction, 209 00:07:55,896 --> 00:07:58,365 so I got to... got to go around. 210 00:07:58,827 --> 00:08:00,059 Is it warm in here? 211 00:08:00,162 --> 00:08:01,346 I feel fine. 212 00:08:01,449 --> 00:08:03,411 You know, uh, I just discovered this new station 213 00:08:03,514 --> 00:08:04,900 called "Winds of the World." 214 00:08:04,970 --> 00:08:06,628 Ooh, this is... this is a good one. 215 00:08:06,731 --> 00:08:07,745 If you close your eyes, 216 00:08:07,815 --> 00:08:09,371 it feels like you're right there in, um... 217 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,131 "Open Prairie." 218 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:12,756 Try it. You should get some rest back there. 219 00:08:12,859 --> 00:08:14,111 I'm not sleepy. 220 00:08:14,214 --> 00:08:15,600 Well, you don't have to sleep. 221 00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:18,275 Just, uh... Just rest your eyes. 222 00:08:18,311 --> 00:08:19,460 Uch. I don't wanna. 223 00:08:19,564 --> 00:08:21,763 You are just grumpy 'cause you're overtired. 224 00:08:21,866 --> 00:08:23,760 Stop saying I'm tired! 225 00:08:23,865 --> 00:08:25,454 Okay. 226 00:08:25,557 --> 00:08:26,604 I know. 227 00:08:26,708 --> 00:08:27,790 Let's make a list 228 00:08:27,893 --> 00:08:29,585 of all the things we want to do tomorrow. 229 00:08:29,688 --> 00:08:32,530 I am, uh... I'm gonna have some waffles, 230 00:08:32,634 --> 00:08:34,223 uh, go outside, 231 00:08:34,327 --> 00:08:37,271 uh, make a list of all my friends' names. 232 00:08:37,374 --> 00:08:43,026 There's, uh, the mailman... 233 00:08:43,130 --> 00:08:47,632 the lady with the ice cream... house... 234 00:08:53,769 --> 00:08:56,840 Cuando te acuestas en una cama de perro por Stella, 235 00:08:56,908 --> 00:09:00,844 sabes que eres amado. 236 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,681 It's perfect, honey. We got it. 237 00:09:04,749 --> 00:09:05,949 She's never gonna get there. 238 00:09:06,017 --> 00:09:07,717 I'll ask one of the nannies in the park to do it 239 00:09:07,819 --> 00:09:09,953 next time I take Joe. They love me. 240 00:09:10,021 --> 00:09:12,856 I can never get out of there without a bag of tamales. 241 00:09:12,924 --> 00:09:14,157 Well, there's our star! 242 00:09:14,226 --> 00:09:16,593 Hey, Jay. Love the script, so fun! 243 00:09:16,661 --> 00:09:17,727 Manny. 244 00:09:17,796 --> 00:09:19,495 I didn't know you'd be here. 245 00:09:19,598 --> 00:09:20,630 I'm your director. 246 00:09:20,699 --> 00:09:21,998 No reason it has to be awkward. 247 00:09:22,100 --> 00:09:23,566 As long as you do everything I say 248 00:09:23,635 --> 00:09:24,801 between "action" and "cut." 249 00:09:24,903 --> 00:09:25,935 Speaking of which, 250 00:09:26,004 --> 00:09:27,370 I've been getting quite a bit of action. 251 00:09:27,439 --> 00:09:29,947 And cut. Look, I'm renting this joint by the hour. 252 00:09:29,982 --> 00:09:31,207 Can we just do this? 253 00:09:32,620 --> 00:09:33,619 Hi, Gloria. 254 00:09:33,621 --> 00:09:35,421 Hi, Sherry. Break your legs. 255 00:09:37,178 --> 00:09:38,877 Okay, Sherry, whenever you're ready. 256 00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:43,348 Boy, am I tired after a day of playing fetch, digging, 257 00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:45,284 and sniffing other dogs at the park. 258 00:09:45,352 --> 00:09:48,420 If only there were an American-made bed... 259 00:09:48,489 --> 00:09:50,322 Ugh, I'm so sorry. That was terrible. 260 00:09:50,391 --> 00:09:52,023 Manny, can we start over? 261 00:09:52,526 --> 00:09:54,359 I never stopped. Oh. 262 00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:56,227 You mean the commercial. Yes. 263 00:09:56,296 --> 00:09:59,197 Although, that was exquisite. 264 00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,667 I believed that you're a dog. 265 00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:04,302 It's Gloria. 266 00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:06,738 And you, you're embarrassing yourself. 267 00:10:06,806 --> 00:10:09,173 - What are you talking about? - You're trying to win her back. 268 00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:11,109 The unbuttoned shirt, the cologne, 269 00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:13,711 the praising of her pedestrian performance. 270 00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:15,846 - It's not gonna work, Manny. - Why not? 271 00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,732 Because if you want someone to like you, 272 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,700 you need to make them want your approval. 273 00:10:19,769 --> 00:10:22,303 Mom, that's a tired, old way of thinking that doesn't work. 274 00:10:22,405 --> 00:10:23,938 Here you go. 275 00:10:24,007 --> 00:10:26,040 What do you think is wrong with this? 276 00:10:26,109 --> 00:10:28,442 Damn it, the lemon! I'm sorry, baby. 277 00:10:30,513 --> 00:10:32,313 L-Let's start from the top. 278 00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:34,181 And this time, not so slow. 279 00:10:34,283 --> 00:10:37,218 Stronger. Assert yourself, Manuel. 280 00:10:37,286 --> 00:10:39,553 And I couldn't understand a word you were saying. 281 00:10:39,622 --> 00:10:41,555 Try to get the marbles out of your mouth. 282 00:10:42,207 --> 00:10:43,240 Oh, sorry. 283 00:10:43,342 --> 00:10:45,709 Yeah, whatever you need. 284 00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:48,545 Wow, maybe this could work. 285 00:10:50,115 --> 00:10:51,915 While you're up, my shoulders are a little tight. 286 00:10:52,017 --> 00:10:53,250 You mind getting in there? 287 00:10:53,285 --> 00:10:56,320 I don't think you want my hands that close to your neck. 288 00:10:57,623 --> 00:11:00,457 I invite you into my home, 289 00:11:00,526 --> 00:11:02,626 and this is how you repay me? 290 00:11:03,395 --> 00:11:04,961 Oh, I know what you were thinking. 291 00:11:05,063 --> 00:11:07,563 "He'll never miss it. He lives like a king." 292 00:11:07,632 --> 00:11:09,632 We didn't take your stupid clown! 293 00:11:09,701 --> 00:11:12,368 Interesting you know it's a clown, Suzie! 294 00:11:12,470 --> 00:11:15,305 You said it three times, Cameron. 295 00:11:15,407 --> 00:11:16,706 It's Vice Principal Tucker! 296 00:11:16,775 --> 00:11:19,008 Show some respect. I'm not your mom's pimp. 297 00:11:19,110 --> 00:11:20,576 Oh. Okay, Cam. 298 00:11:21,694 --> 00:11:22,993 Cam, I-I know you like your tchotchkes, 299 00:11:23,048 --> 00:11:24,747 but aren't these kids here so you can bond? 300 00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:26,949 Um... 301 00:11:27,451 --> 00:11:29,585 Hey, Alex. Everything okay? 302 00:11:29,654 --> 00:11:32,054 Yeah, yeah. I-I'm probably overreacting. 303 00:11:32,123 --> 00:11:34,023 It's just I tried to make friends 304 00:11:34,091 --> 00:11:36,692 with one of the scientists, but there's a language gap. 305 00:11:36,794 --> 00:11:38,827 He misunderstood and kissed me. 306 00:11:38,896 --> 00:11:40,829 So it's a little awkward now. 307 00:11:42,233 --> 00:11:43,666 Uh-huh, that sounds fun. 308 00:11:43,734 --> 00:11:45,267 - What?! It's not. - Oh. 309 00:11:45,336 --> 00:11:47,069 I kind of want to come home, 310 00:11:47,138 --> 00:11:49,138 but Grandpa was so excited about me doing this, 311 00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:51,340 and I don't want to disappoint him. 312 00:11:51,992 --> 00:11:54,125 Hey, you've disappointed him a lot. 313 00:11:54,228 --> 00:11:55,260 What was that like? 314 00:11:55,329 --> 00:11:57,529 Ohh, Alex, I struggled with this for years, 315 00:11:57,598 --> 00:11:58,930 but I-I finally learned 316 00:11:58,999 --> 00:12:01,166 that the most important thing is... 317 00:12:01,235 --> 00:12:03,668 Hey, Alex! Say "Hi" to Santa Claus. 318 00:12:03,770 --> 00:12:05,403 - Bye! - I'm at the South Po... 319 00:12:06,057 --> 00:12:07,973 - Okay. - Alright, I've decided what I'm gonna do. 320 00:12:08,075 --> 00:12:09,875 I'm gonna turn the heat up on one of the kids. 321 00:12:09,943 --> 00:12:11,676 If they did it, they'll confess. 322 00:12:11,745 --> 00:12:14,112 - If not, the actual criminal... - Mm-hmm? 323 00:12:14,214 --> 00:12:16,815 ...will feel guilty and step forward. 324 00:12:17,417 --> 00:12:19,617 So, this is gonna be our whole Saturday? 325 00:12:19,719 --> 00:12:22,286 Okay. Why... Why did we even buy bikes? 326 00:12:22,861 --> 00:12:24,956 You took his stupid, little clown, didn't you? 327 00:12:25,025 --> 00:12:26,524 I find it sad that your generation 328 00:12:26,626 --> 00:12:28,326 is so damaged and cynical. 329 00:12:28,428 --> 00:12:29,794 It happened a few days ago. 330 00:12:30,691 --> 00:12:33,698 I hated that thing. It had to go. 331 00:12:33,767 --> 00:12:36,934 I mean, that's how collections start. 332 00:12:40,207 --> 00:12:43,241 I wasn't crazy about the cat cozy, either. 333 00:12:43,958 --> 00:12:45,043 But I never intended 334 00:12:45,111 --> 00:12:47,745 for Cam to blame it on one of those poor kids. 335 00:12:48,284 --> 00:12:51,151 I mean, I was just gonna pin it on the cleaning lady. 336 00:12:51,220 --> 00:12:52,620 Where's it at, Wonderbread?! 337 00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:54,588 Uh, I don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Tucker. I-I swear. 338 00:12:54,657 --> 00:12:55,723 Okay. Okay. 339 00:12:55,791 --> 00:12:57,291 Let's just, uh... Let's all take a breath 340 00:12:57,393 --> 00:12:59,460 and just remember some of the basics of the law, okay? 341 00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:01,962 We're all innocent until proven guilty. 342 00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:04,865 Take it from someone who is packing one of... 343 00:13:04,933 --> 00:13:06,833 Oh, dang it. Ooh, I left it in the kitchen. 344 00:13:06,935 --> 00:13:08,201 Okay, stay right there. 345 00:13:08,270 --> 00:13:10,203 - This is lame. Let's bounce. - Okay, no. 346 00:13:10,272 --> 00:13:13,980 No one is bouncing until I get my figurine. 347 00:13:14,015 --> 00:13:15,175 But I have to get home soon. 348 00:13:15,244 --> 00:13:18,045 I've read your file, Belinda. No one knows or cares where you are. 349 00:13:20,465 --> 00:13:21,898 And... 350 00:13:24,865 --> 00:13:25,902 done! 351 00:13:28,339 --> 00:13:30,740 Oh, why?! Why?! 352 00:13:30,842 --> 00:13:33,633 What is going on? 353 00:13:33,668 --> 00:13:35,044 How are they still awake? 354 00:13:35,146 --> 00:13:37,447 I tried the vacuum. I tried formula. 355 00:13:37,549 --> 00:13:38,715 I tried everything. 356 00:13:38,817 --> 00:13:39,849 Not quite. 357 00:13:39,851 --> 00:13:42,719 It is time to break out... 358 00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:45,488 the big guns. Hmm? 359 00:13:45,590 --> 00:13:46,823 I know Haley banned pacifiers, 360 00:13:46,925 --> 00:13:47,934 but I bought these 361 00:13:47,992 --> 00:13:49,325 when I thought she was gonna be a fun mom. 362 00:13:49,427 --> 00:13:51,060 Let's do it. 363 00:13:54,299 --> 00:13:55,331 Look at that. 364 00:13:55,333 --> 00:13:56,399 It's working already. 365 00:13:56,468 --> 00:13:58,935 Old-school parenting for the win. 366 00:13:59,003 --> 00:14:00,436 They'll be asleep in no time, 367 00:14:00,505 --> 00:14:01,771 unless they see each other. 368 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,639 - Then they won't be able to stop laughing. - Yes. 369 00:14:22,393 --> 00:14:24,059 What the hell? 370 00:14:24,161 --> 00:14:25,761 Formula? Pacifiers? 371 00:14:25,863 --> 00:14:26,995 Are you kidding me?! 372 00:14:27,048 --> 00:14:29,748 This is a very weird way of saying, "Thank you, Mother, 373 00:14:29,850 --> 00:14:31,517 "for settling down my babies. 374 00:14:31,619 --> 00:14:33,452 I have a lot to learn from you." 375 00:14:33,554 --> 00:14:35,621 You ignored everything I asked of you! 376 00:14:35,723 --> 00:14:37,690 Haley, don't be so hard on your mom. 377 00:14:37,792 --> 00:14:38,857 Ohh, you! 378 00:14:38,959 --> 00:14:41,060 Those pacifiers have you written all over them. 379 00:14:42,330 --> 00:14:43,362 Hmm. 380 00:14:46,067 --> 00:14:48,300 Babies aren't supposed to smoke! 381 00:14:56,184 --> 00:14:57,651 How could you sneak behind my back like that? 382 00:14:57,719 --> 00:14:59,019 Honey, we were just trying to help. 383 00:14:59,121 --> 00:15:00,130 Well, you didn't. 384 00:15:00,188 --> 00:15:02,255 The book says 85% of pacifier users 385 00:15:02,357 --> 00:15:03,690 grow up to be cat people. 386 00:15:03,759 --> 00:15:06,693 I can't believe I'm saying this, but you need to stop reading. 387 00:15:06,795 --> 00:15:07,827 And do what? 388 00:15:07,829 --> 00:15:09,729 Do what? Rely on my instincts? 389 00:15:09,831 --> 00:15:12,298 I don't have any. That is the problem! 390 00:15:12,367 --> 00:15:13,867 Honey, everybody has instincts. 391 00:15:13,935 --> 00:15:14,944 Oh, do I? 392 00:15:15,003 --> 00:15:16,536 Because I keep waiting for them to kick in, 393 00:15:16,538 --> 00:15:17,537 and they haven't. 394 00:15:17,539 --> 00:15:19,605 And I don't think that they ever will. I just... 395 00:15:19,674 --> 00:15:21,407 Maybe I'm just not meant to be a mom. 396 00:15:21,475 --> 00:15:23,409 Sweetie, of course you're meant to be a mom. 397 00:15:23,511 --> 00:15:27,212 Listen, it is normal to feel overwhelmed. Really. 398 00:15:27,281 --> 00:15:29,381 It... The best parents are the ones who worry 399 00:15:29,483 --> 00:15:31,750 - they're doing it wrong. - Same goes for lovers. 400 00:15:33,154 --> 00:15:35,120 Wait, are the babies still on the couch? 401 00:15:35,222 --> 00:15:36,689 Oh, I'm sure they're fine. 402 00:15:37,257 --> 00:15:39,424 It's locked. Babies start rolling over at this age. 403 00:15:39,526 --> 00:15:40,892 - Oh. - Do you have a key? 404 00:15:40,961 --> 00:15:42,694 Uh, it's inside, but I hid one out here years ago. 405 00:15:42,796 --> 00:15:44,229 It's in, um... 406 00:15:44,298 --> 00:15:46,364 It's in a fake rock. 407 00:15:46,467 --> 00:15:47,732 Can't... Can't find it. 408 00:15:47,835 --> 00:15:48,900 It's... It's too realistic. 409 00:15:48,969 --> 00:15:50,402 Why did I spring for the good one? 410 00:15:50,471 --> 00:15:51,570 I have to get in there. 411 00:15:52,706 --> 00:15:54,439 Haley! Haley, what are you doing?! 412 00:15:54,541 --> 00:15:55,874 Honey. Honey, be careful. 413 00:15:55,976 --> 00:15:58,743 It's impossible not to fall off of that roof! 414 00:16:00,647 --> 00:16:02,581 Poppy! George! Mommy's coming! 415 00:16:02,683 --> 00:16:05,183 Those sure look like mom instincts to me! 416 00:16:05,285 --> 00:16:07,318 You're a natural! 417 00:16:07,387 --> 00:16:09,687 Now we know how she used to sneak in after curfew. 418 00:16:09,756 --> 00:16:12,023 And who's hanging the Christmas lights this year. 419 00:16:12,091 --> 00:16:13,691 - Yeah. - Babies are up. 420 00:16:13,793 --> 00:16:14,892 Somebody gonna take care of that? 421 00:16:17,932 --> 00:16:20,464 When you lie down in a Dog Bed by Stella, 422 00:16:20,533 --> 00:16:22,633 you know you're loved. 423 00:16:22,702 --> 00:16:24,001 Was that any better? 424 00:16:25,163 --> 00:16:27,038 Where to begin, where to begin... 425 00:16:28,057 --> 00:16:29,440 You've met a dog, right? 426 00:16:29,542 --> 00:16:32,877 - Yes. - And I know you've felt loved before. 427 00:16:33,276 --> 00:16:35,910 So let's link those two ideas and try to get it this time. 428 00:16:36,012 --> 00:16:37,344 Can I get some water first? 429 00:16:37,446 --> 00:16:38,913 I suppose. 430 00:16:38,981 --> 00:16:40,981 You should make her drink it out of a dog bowl. 431 00:16:41,050 --> 00:16:43,384 That seems over-the-line, but you were right. 432 00:16:43,486 --> 00:16:44,518 This is working. 433 00:16:46,389 --> 00:16:48,656 Hey, Alex. Kinda in the middle of something. 434 00:16:48,724 --> 00:16:50,691 Okay. It's just that things are spiraling 435 00:16:50,793 --> 00:16:51,926 a little bit down here. 436 00:16:52,028 --> 00:16:54,106 This guy, Yngvar, keeps trying to woo me 437 00:16:54,141 --> 00:16:55,963 with things he's killed. 438 00:16:56,644 --> 00:16:58,277 Oh. 439 00:16:58,312 --> 00:16:59,312 Another fish. Thanks. 440 00:16:59,331 --> 00:17:00,430 I'll... put it with the others. 441 00:17:00,499 --> 00:17:02,499 We're still at this? Meter's running. 442 00:17:03,635 --> 00:17:05,135 And... action. 443 00:17:05,237 --> 00:17:07,838 When you lie down in a Dog Bed by Stella, 444 00:17:07,906 --> 00:17:10,307 you know you're loved. 445 00:17:10,909 --> 00:17:12,408 Wow. 446 00:17:12,477 --> 00:17:14,911 You have her right where you want her. 447 00:17:15,013 --> 00:17:18,414 Now, go in there, give her a little praise, 448 00:17:18,516 --> 00:17:20,583 and then reel her in. 449 00:17:20,685 --> 00:17:21,784 It won't be hard. 450 00:17:21,886 --> 00:17:23,186 This is her best performance 451 00:17:23,254 --> 00:17:26,055 since that improv audience suggested "Jackée O." 452 00:17:26,124 --> 00:17:27,790 Yngvar does seem sweet. 453 00:17:27,892 --> 00:17:30,459 I read the suicide rate here has plateaued. 454 00:17:30,521 --> 00:17:32,087 Okay, that's enough. Wrap it up, kid. 455 00:17:32,190 --> 00:17:33,289 Time to go home. 456 00:17:33,291 --> 00:17:34,657 Oh. Thank you. 457 00:17:34,725 --> 00:17:36,358 This has not been working out. 458 00:17:36,460 --> 00:17:38,227 I mean, I just needed your permission to admit it 459 00:17:38,296 --> 00:17:40,596 because part of me came down here to impress you. 460 00:17:40,665 --> 00:17:42,598 See you soon, Grandpa. Love you. 461 00:17:44,565 --> 00:17:45,664 So? 462 00:17:45,666 --> 00:17:46,731 That was really good. 463 00:17:46,734 --> 00:17:48,066 Oh, thank God. 464 00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:49,768 I mean, it's all you. 465 00:17:49,837 --> 00:17:52,904 I've never had a director with such a sure hand. 466 00:17:52,973 --> 00:17:54,506 It's so electric. 467 00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:56,608 It is, isn't it? 468 00:17:56,677 --> 00:18:00,278 What do you say we get a drink, Brown Eyes? 469 00:18:00,347 --> 00:18:01,613 It was all happening. 470 00:18:01,682 --> 00:18:04,249 I was on the brink of a directorial masterpiece. 471 00:18:04,318 --> 00:18:05,650 This was the kind of thing that could launch me 472 00:18:05,753 --> 00:18:07,819 straight into an unpaid internship. 473 00:18:08,931 --> 00:18:10,322 Let's put a pin in that drink. 474 00:18:10,391 --> 00:18:11,456 I wanna go again. 475 00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:16,761 It took 63 more takes, but I got it. 476 00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:19,330 When you lie down in a Dog Bed by Stella, 477 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,065 you know you're loved. 478 00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:23,777 You're a purebred. Stop acting like a mutt. 479 00:18:23,812 --> 00:18:24,966 Again! 480 00:18:25,001 --> 00:18:27,172 When you lie down in a Dog Bed by Stella, 481 00:18:27,274 --> 00:18:29,240 you know you're loved. 482 00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:30,675 There's pain behind this. 483 00:18:30,744 --> 00:18:32,443 They spayed you without your permission! 484 00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:35,380 It's your body! Who decided?! Again! 485 00:18:36,933 --> 00:18:39,333 When you lie down in a Dog Bed by Stella, 486 00:18:39,435 --> 00:18:41,002 you know you're loved. 487 00:18:41,104 --> 00:18:44,038 - Again! - When you lie down in a Dog Bed by Stella, 488 00:18:44,140 --> 00:18:46,107 you know you're loved. 489 00:18:46,589 --> 00:18:48,622 And cut! We're good in here. 490 00:18:48,724 --> 00:18:50,024 Anything you wanna try? 491 00:18:50,126 --> 00:18:51,725 Not with you! 492 00:18:54,263 --> 00:18:56,964 Garbage. That's what I'm looking at here. 493 00:18:57,066 --> 00:18:58,532 Human garbage. 494 00:18:58,634 --> 00:18:59,967 Yeah, you're right. 495 00:19:00,069 --> 00:19:02,002 It's just like my mom says... I'm nothin'. 496 00:19:02,501 --> 00:19:05,302 I'm gonna join a gang, get a face tattoo. 497 00:19:05,371 --> 00:19:07,437 I'm gonna sell my hair for nose drugs. 498 00:19:07,539 --> 00:19:09,840 No, okay, stop! I-I can't take it anymore. 499 00:19:09,908 --> 00:19:11,875 I'm sorry. I threw away the statue. 500 00:19:11,977 --> 00:19:14,544 It was... It was just so tacky. 501 00:19:14,613 --> 00:19:17,147 You guys, please don't give up on yourselves, okay? 502 00:19:17,249 --> 00:19:18,348 You have very bright futures. 503 00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:19,516 Yeah, you're right. 504 00:19:19,518 --> 00:19:22,252 They sure do... in theater. 505 00:19:22,354 --> 00:19:24,254 Because this is the theater group from school, 506 00:19:24,323 --> 00:19:25,756 The Emotivations! 507 00:19:25,858 --> 00:19:28,225 Bravo! Brava! 508 00:19:28,647 --> 00:19:29,846 I found this in the trash the other day. 509 00:19:29,915 --> 00:19:31,147 I knew you put it there and wouldn't admit it. 510 00:19:31,216 --> 00:19:35,018 So I brought some very talented young thespians over 511 00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:37,721 to portray at-risk youth. 512 00:19:37,823 --> 00:19:39,436 He got you, girl! 513 00:19:39,725 --> 00:19:41,224 You know, I said I wanted to bond with these kids, 514 00:19:41,326 --> 00:19:42,492 and I sure did. 515 00:19:42,561 --> 00:19:44,394 We had some hard-core bondage. 516 00:19:44,463 --> 00:19:45,895 You're gonna get fired. 517 00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:49,165 Ahh! 518 00:19:49,234 --> 00:19:52,736 This bed feels good on my weary bones. 519 00:19:52,838 --> 00:19:54,237 Mmm! 520 00:19:54,339 --> 00:19:55,805 Bones. 521 00:19:57,294 --> 00:19:59,175 - I'm gonna need money for reshoots. - Not gonna happen. 522 00:19:59,727 --> 00:20:02,328 Sometimes in life, you've got to know when to call it quits. 523 00:20:02,430 --> 00:20:04,197 It's not always easy. 524 00:20:04,299 --> 00:20:07,433 It takes a lot of courage to admit your mistakes. 525 00:20:07,535 --> 00:20:09,969 The only thing you can do is try to learn from them 526 00:20:10,071 --> 00:20:11,771 and keep moving forward. 527 00:20:14,809 --> 00:20:17,176 Anyways, the helicopter will be here soon. 528 00:20:17,278 --> 00:20:19,645 So, I guess this is goodbye. 529 00:20:21,727 --> 00:20:23,107 _ 530 00:20:23,311 --> 00:20:25,608 _ 531 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:27,119 Aw! 532 00:20:27,222 --> 00:20:29,856 I'll miss you, too. 533 00:20:38,586 --> 00:20:40,242 Do you hear that? 534 00:20:40,344 --> 00:20:43,178 There is no sound better than babies not crying. 535 00:20:43,740 --> 00:20:45,981 Mm, we're gonna get so much sleep. 536 00:20:46,083 --> 00:20:48,183 Or... 537 00:20:48,285 --> 00:20:49,317 Again? 538 00:20:49,319 --> 00:20:50,819 I just feel like I could do better. 539 00:20:50,921 --> 00:20:52,154 Oh, you were fine. 540 00:20:52,256 --> 00:20:53,388 - Really? - Mm. 541 00:20:53,490 --> 00:20:54,823 Yes! 542 00:20:54,925 --> 00:20:56,558 Mm. Good night. 543 00:20:56,660 --> 00:20:57,759 Good night. 544 00:20:58,636 --> 00:21:00,762 - Hey! - What?! What is that?! What is it?! 545 00:21:00,864 --> 00:21:02,597 Haley! What are you doing?! 546 00:21:02,699 --> 00:21:04,232 I locked myself out again. 547 00:21:04,334 --> 00:21:05,573 Oh. 548 00:21:05,936 --> 00:21:07,135 Great. Thanks for screaming. 549 00:21:07,237 --> 00:21:09,104 Ohh. 550 00:21:09,206 --> 00:21:12,340 Well... as long as we're both awake... 551 00:21:17,801 --> 00:21:19,806 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com