1 00:00:01,567 --> 00:00:04,281 So, all this childhood memorabilia came to me 2 00:00:04,383 --> 00:00:05,682 after your mother died... 3 00:00:05,784 --> 00:00:08,752 diaries, photo albums, adorable drawings. 4 00:00:08,820 --> 00:00:10,687 So, enjoy your stroll down memory lane, 5 00:00:10,789 --> 00:00:12,756 but know that at the end of that lane 6 00:00:12,858 --> 00:00:15,058 - is a dumpster. - Okay. 7 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:16,166 You have a painting upstairs 8 00:00:16,194 --> 00:00:17,195 by William "The Refrigerator" Perry, 9 00:00:17,262 --> 00:00:19,296 but there's no room for my baby teeth? 10 00:00:19,864 --> 00:00:22,198 I needed to free up some space in the garage. 11 00:00:22,267 --> 00:00:23,933 Because it's not a garage anymore. 12 00:00:24,002 --> 00:00:25,568 It's a warehouse full of dog beds 13 00:00:25,637 --> 00:00:26,936 that nobody wants to buy. 14 00:00:27,005 --> 00:00:28,204 It's been a slow period, 15 00:00:28,273 --> 00:00:30,572 but it should pick up next quarter. 16 00:00:30,575 --> 00:00:31,707 What? 17 00:00:31,776 --> 00:00:34,276 When all the dogs get back their income tax refunds 18 00:00:34,345 --> 00:00:37,279 and they want to go splurge on beds for themselves? 19 00:00:37,381 --> 00:00:38,747 - Joe. - What? 20 00:00:38,816 --> 00:00:40,716 Help me drag some of these things out to my car. 21 00:00:40,785 --> 00:00:43,218 We're gonna do some old-fashioned marketing today. 22 00:00:43,321 --> 00:00:45,354 Oh, my God. The old Atari. 23 00:00:45,423 --> 00:00:47,189 Uh-huh. Remember why we got that? 24 00:00:47,258 --> 00:00:49,892 Yeah. So, we were on our first family vacation ever, okay... 25 00:00:49,961 --> 00:00:51,360 - ...a week at this waterpark resort... - Mm-hmm. 26 00:00:51,429 --> 00:00:52,895 ...and Dad got bored after, what, 27 00:00:52,997 --> 00:00:54,329 - three days? - Three. 28 00:00:54,381 --> 00:00:55,414 Made us leave early, 29 00:00:55,416 --> 00:00:56,748 and he bought us off with this. 30 00:00:56,851 --> 00:00:58,217 Lies and untruths! 31 00:00:58,319 --> 00:00:59,351 We stayed the full week, 32 00:00:59,420 --> 00:01:02,187 and I got you two ingrates that game anyway. 33 00:01:02,205 --> 00:01:04,439 How long are you gonna stick to that story? 34 00:01:04,541 --> 00:01:06,074 Much as you two enjoy portraying me 35 00:01:06,143 --> 00:01:07,976 as some kind of abusive parent... 36 00:01:08,078 --> 00:01:09,144 - Whoa! Aah! - Oh! 37 00:01:09,246 --> 00:01:11,746 Relax, Joe. We'll get you out in a second. 38 00:01:11,815 --> 00:01:14,349 Okay, 35 years, and you... ugh, you still can't admit it. 39 00:01:14,418 --> 00:01:16,017 - There's nothing to admit. - I see light! 40 00:01:16,086 --> 00:01:17,385 Should I go towards it? 41 00:01:17,454 --> 00:01:18,820 Why would we both remember it one way 42 00:01:18,889 --> 00:01:20,255 if it didn't happen, Dad? 43 00:01:20,357 --> 00:01:21,690 Kids like to make things up. 44 00:01:21,792 --> 00:01:23,524 - Mm. - They like the drama. 45 00:01:23,726 --> 00:01:24,825 Come here, kid. 46 00:01:24,827 --> 00:01:27,228 I was literally about to gnaw my own arm off 47 00:01:27,330 --> 00:01:28,362 to get free. 48 00:01:28,464 --> 00:01:29,497 With those things? 49 00:01:29,565 --> 00:01:31,432 I still have the tooth you lost in a marshmallow. 50 00:01:31,534 --> 00:01:33,334 Okay, so, that one you kept? 51 00:01:33,700 --> 00:01:45,500 Modern Family S11E11 Legacy Original Air Date on Jan 15, 2020 52 00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:49,183 I was in Florida visiting my Dad. 53 00:01:49,285 --> 00:01:50,784 I'd gotten a call that he was wandering 54 00:01:50,886 --> 00:01:53,520 around the grocery store he used to run. 55 00:01:53,622 --> 00:01:54,855 I wanted to find out if he was okay, 56 00:01:54,957 --> 00:01:58,092 but... that's not something you can just ask. 57 00:01:59,495 --> 00:02:01,495 You know, your mother and I came here every Sunday 58 00:02:01,597 --> 00:02:02,930 for 44 years. 59 00:02:03,032 --> 00:02:04,365 You miss her, don't you? 60 00:02:04,467 --> 00:02:06,500 It comes and goes. 61 00:02:06,602 --> 00:02:08,802 - Fourth of July is rough. - Really? 62 00:02:08,904 --> 00:02:10,270 I didn't realize she was so patriotic. 63 00:02:10,373 --> 00:02:13,140 Well, it's that hot dog eating contest they have on TV. 64 00:02:13,242 --> 00:02:15,242 You know, I always thought that your mother 65 00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:17,444 could have been a competitive eater. 66 00:02:17,546 --> 00:02:19,613 No food ever expired in our house. 67 00:02:19,715 --> 00:02:21,515 She'd see that last day pop up 68 00:02:21,617 --> 00:02:23,984 on a pound of bacon or a gallon of milk, 69 00:02:24,086 --> 00:02:25,185 and down it went. 70 00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:26,653 It was personal for her. 71 00:02:27,796 --> 00:02:30,891 Speaking of food, y-you ever head over to your old grocery store? 72 00:02:30,993 --> 00:02:33,694 Hey, listen. Do you remember that? 73 00:02:33,796 --> 00:02:35,562 Oh, yeah. Penguinsquatch. 74 00:02:35,664 --> 00:02:37,631 Put this town on the map. 75 00:02:37,733 --> 00:02:39,366 June 1977. 76 00:02:39,468 --> 00:02:41,869 Teen revelers report massive bird footprints 77 00:02:41,971 --> 00:02:43,137 emerging from Lake Okeechobee. 78 00:02:43,239 --> 00:02:44,505 A crowd gathers, 79 00:02:44,607 --> 00:02:47,174 but the new tide has covered the so-called bird prints, 80 00:02:47,276 --> 00:02:48,909 and the teens are beaten soundly. 81 00:02:49,011 --> 00:02:50,377 Tracks reappear several days later, 82 00:02:50,479 --> 00:02:53,380 and once again, word spreads through town. 83 00:02:53,482 --> 00:02:54,915 An ornithologist deems the prints 84 00:02:55,017 --> 00:02:58,051 those of a gigantic penguin, some 15 feet in height. 85 00:02:58,154 --> 00:02:59,853 People come from miles around 86 00:02:59,955 --> 00:03:02,089 to catch a glimpse of the wondrous waddler. 87 00:03:02,191 --> 00:03:04,124 The tracks will appear on and off for years 88 00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:06,093 and then disappear forever, 89 00:03:06,195 --> 00:03:08,695 but not before Olympic gold medalist Mary Lou Retton 90 00:03:08,798 --> 00:03:10,864 makes the trek to place her tiny footprints 91 00:03:10,966 --> 00:03:14,001 inside those of the be-flippered colossus. 92 00:03:14,103 --> 00:03:16,303 Didn't we take a picnic over there a few nights? 93 00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:17,738 Everyone did. 94 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:20,841 It's the first time I ever saw your mother eat a bag of apples. 95 00:03:22,575 --> 00:03:26,613 So, Dad, I, uh, I w... I wanted to ask you... 96 00:03:26,715 --> 00:03:28,449 Oh, boy. No serious talk, okay? 97 00:03:28,551 --> 00:03:31,218 Yes, I'm taking all my million pills. 98 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,454 You can come over and press my stomach. 99 00:03:33,556 --> 00:03:35,322 I'm starting to feel like a bean bag chair. 100 00:03:37,607 --> 00:03:39,693 Guys, I just saw a ghost. 101 00:03:39,795 --> 00:03:41,094 Okay, girls, grab your things. We're gone. 102 00:03:41,197 --> 00:03:43,030 N-Not a real ghost. 103 00:03:43,132 --> 00:03:44,832 More like a vision from my past. 104 00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:45,966 Brenda Feldman. 105 00:03:46,068 --> 00:03:49,002 An older girl that Manny had a crush on. 106 00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:53,173 He even wrote a poem for her when he was little. 107 00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:54,675 I gave her my heart, 108 00:03:54,777 --> 00:03:57,744 she gave me a picture of me as an old-time sheriff. 109 00:03:59,648 --> 00:04:00,981 Today was my second chance, 110 00:04:01,083 --> 00:04:03,417 but I couldn't even get up the nerve to say "hi." 111 00:04:03,519 --> 00:04:06,153 11-year-old Manny would be disgusted by me. 112 00:04:06,255 --> 00:04:07,921 Well, now you know how 12-year-old Lily feels. 113 00:04:08,913 --> 00:04:10,691 Oh. Sorry, this is work. 114 00:04:10,693 --> 00:04:11,859 Hello? 115 00:04:11,961 --> 00:04:13,527 Manny, you know who this family's 116 00:04:13,629 --> 00:04:16,497 resident expert is in interpersonal problems? 117 00:04:16,599 --> 00:04:17,898 I would say no one's especially... 118 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,500 That's right. It's me. 119 00:04:19,602 --> 00:04:22,169 It took a little while, but I finally convinced Manny 120 00:04:22,271 --> 00:04:24,705 the reason he had failed last time with Brenda Feldman 121 00:04:24,807 --> 00:04:27,407 was because of his grand gesture. 122 00:04:27,510 --> 00:04:30,410 Today called for a completely different approach... 123 00:04:30,513 --> 00:04:32,246 a super grand gesture. 124 00:04:32,348 --> 00:04:33,380 Just go to her, okay? 125 00:04:33,382 --> 00:04:34,948 Get in there! Let's go! Come on! 126 00:04:35,368 --> 00:04:37,317 Hyah! 127 00:04:37,419 --> 00:04:40,287 Well, looks like my first house sale 128 00:04:40,389 --> 00:04:41,889 is going to fall through. 129 00:04:41,991 --> 00:04:43,457 Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry. You know what? 130 00:04:43,559 --> 00:04:44,625 But things will turn around. 131 00:04:44,627 --> 00:04:45,692 Do not turn around. 132 00:04:45,694 --> 00:04:48,228 Okay, that's Debra Knox. 133 00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:50,597 She stole my Educator of the Year Award. 134 00:04:50,699 --> 00:04:51,932 - A swooper?! - A swooper! 135 00:04:52,034 --> 00:04:54,034 - Lily, grab your things. - Oh, no, no, no, no. 136 00:04:54,136 --> 00:04:56,937 Not a smoke demon that terrorizes farm children. 137 00:04:57,039 --> 00:04:59,706 - Oh. - It's a person that takes things 138 00:04:59,808 --> 00:05:01,575 that are supposed to be yours. 139 00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:03,410 I have one of my own. 140 00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:06,980 I was closing a deal on my very first showing, 141 00:05:07,082 --> 00:05:09,716 and a rival agent swooped in. 142 00:05:09,818 --> 00:05:10,851 What a lovely home. 143 00:05:10,953 --> 00:05:12,586 I mean, maybe not great for kids, you know? 144 00:05:12,688 --> 00:05:14,454 Wait, what? But we're pregnant. 145 00:05:14,557 --> 00:05:16,557 Oh. Oh, my goodness. I'm sorry. I didn't even see you there. 146 00:05:16,659 --> 00:05:17,724 I was... Oh, my. 147 00:05:17,826 --> 00:05:19,960 Is that a California vulture wasp? 148 00:05:20,062 --> 00:05:21,962 A mountain lion must've made a fresh kill. 149 00:05:23,866 --> 00:05:27,000 So, the couple agreed to go to her open house later. 150 00:05:27,102 --> 00:05:28,402 ♪ Hey, there, Sue, I heard you got dumped ♪ 151 00:05:28,504 --> 00:05:30,304 ♪ And now you are blue ♪ 152 00:05:30,406 --> 00:05:32,773 ♪ So, how 'bout we go to the prom ♪ 153 00:05:32,875 --> 00:05:34,741 ♪ If it's okay with my mom? ♪ 154 00:05:34,843 --> 00:05:38,412 I am so glad that Manny stopped doing those embarrassing things. 155 00:05:38,514 --> 00:05:41,014 Oh, come on. Who doesn't love a grand gesture? 156 00:05:41,964 --> 00:05:44,785 - Oh. - In front of my friends, Ronald?! 157 00:05:44,887 --> 00:05:47,254 I can't believe I ever let you do my homework! 158 00:05:47,356 --> 00:05:49,323 My g... Oh, gosh. Oh, no, no, Manny! 159 00:05:49,425 --> 00:05:50,524 Manny, abort, abort, abort. 160 00:05:50,626 --> 00:05:51,713 Abort! 161 00:05:51,794 --> 00:05:53,460 Back up! Back up! Back, back, back, back! 162 00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:55,228 - Get going! Get going! - I'm going! 163 00:05:55,331 --> 00:05:56,530 Abort! 164 00:05:56,632 --> 00:05:58,432 Last week, I left some dog beds here, 165 00:05:58,534 --> 00:06:01,301 so now the owners are probably getting swamped with requests. 166 00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:02,669 The other day, I found out 167 00:06:02,771 --> 00:06:04,838 that Joe saved up six months of allowance 168 00:06:04,940 --> 00:06:07,174 and donated it all to charity. 169 00:06:07,276 --> 00:06:09,543 It's one of those rare moments as a dad 170 00:06:09,645 --> 00:06:12,212 when you realize you've really dropped the ball. 171 00:06:12,314 --> 00:06:15,349 I mean, the kid needed to learn the basics of business. 172 00:06:15,970 --> 00:06:17,517 Ooh, can I get that dog? 173 00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:19,453 I'll do 50 hours of chores. 174 00:06:19,555 --> 00:06:20,654 - No, a hundred. - Whoa. 175 00:06:20,756 --> 00:06:22,155 Sales lesson number one... 176 00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:24,558 never look desperate in a negotiation. 177 00:06:24,627 --> 00:06:27,160 No emotion. Think of your cousin Lily. 178 00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:29,096 Hey, I noticed the dog beds moved. 179 00:06:29,198 --> 00:06:30,931 They must be pretty popular, huh? 180 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,467 Um, the dogs didn't like them. 181 00:06:33,569 --> 00:06:34,701 What? These are dogs nobody wants. 182 00:06:34,770 --> 00:06:36,069 I mean, what do they have going on? 183 00:06:36,171 --> 00:06:38,238 Don't worry. The cats love them. 184 00:06:38,340 --> 00:06:39,606 Cats? Never. I'm taking them home. 185 00:06:39,708 --> 00:06:42,242 I mean, cat in a pineapple? How does that even make sense? 186 00:06:42,344 --> 00:06:44,411 Maybe... they're from Meow-i? 187 00:06:45,468 --> 00:06:47,014 Get it? 'Cause Hawaii? 188 00:06:47,116 --> 00:06:49,216 - Get in the car. - Okay. 189 00:06:52,248 --> 00:06:54,669 This Atari has quite a dent in it. 190 00:06:54,749 --> 00:06:57,249 - Didn't... Didn't you throw it at me? - No. 191 00:06:57,317 --> 00:06:58,950 Then... Then explain this groove in my head, 'cause... 192 00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:01,286 Yeah, I can... I can fit them together like a puzzle. 193 00:07:01,388 --> 00:07:03,622 Mitchell, you fell down the stairs sleepwalking. 194 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,357 - It's established family history. - Oh. 195 00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:07,125 Unwilling to admit a mistake. 196 00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:08,927 Wonder where you picked that up from. 197 00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,228 Look, it drives me nuts, too, 198 00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:11,563 that Dad never cops to his mistakes, 199 00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:13,198 but it's always gonna be our word against his. 200 00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:14,268 - Yeah. - Why did you cut 201 00:07:14,334 --> 00:07:15,934 the necks out of all these sweatshirts? 202 00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:18,169 Oh, I was a big "Flashdance" fan. 203 00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:20,338 How you survived the golden age of bullying, 204 00:07:20,406 --> 00:07:21,572 I will never understand. 205 00:07:21,674 --> 00:07:22,740 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 206 00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:24,675 We are sitting on a treasure trove of evidence 207 00:07:24,744 --> 00:07:27,612 than could prove Dad cut our vacation short, okay? 208 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:29,814 I mean, you realize that building cases 209 00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:32,150 against society's worst criminals is what I do. 210 00:07:32,218 --> 00:07:33,751 How's that case against the deaf old lady 211 00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:36,354 who sells bacon-wrapped hot dogs outside Laker games going? 212 00:07:36,422 --> 00:07:38,623 She was warned three times. 213 00:07:38,691 --> 00:07:41,892 Okay, how do we prove that Dad made us come home early? 214 00:07:41,894 --> 00:07:44,395 I mean, uh, what was that place we went even called? 215 00:07:44,463 --> 00:07:47,231 Hold on. I just saw a matchbook from there, and... 216 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,766 Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here it is, here it is. 217 00:07:48,834 --> 00:07:51,268 "Handelman Waterpark. Celebrating 25 years." 218 00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:53,837 - Ooh. I can get on this CSI train. - So... Yes. 219 00:07:53,906 --> 00:07:58,375 Okay, "Founded in 1958," so that puts us there in '83. 220 00:07:58,477 --> 00:07:59,910 '83, '83. 221 00:08:00,012 --> 00:08:02,146 Locating my diary from '83. 222 00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:04,548 - Okay. - And okay. Here it is. 223 00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:07,217 April 20th. "I think JT likes me. 224 00:08:07,286 --> 00:08:08,685 Makes fun of my head dent." 225 00:08:08,754 --> 00:08:10,887 - So, that's... - Alright, so it had to have been before that, 226 00:08:10,956 --> 00:08:12,456 because we didn't have the video game yet, 227 00:08:12,558 --> 00:08:14,291 and that's what made the d... the... the... 228 00:08:14,393 --> 00:08:15,459 I interrupted. 229 00:08:15,527 --> 00:08:17,761 So, we were there early April, 230 00:08:17,863 --> 00:08:19,830 and, uh, no diary entries from then. 231 00:08:19,898 --> 00:08:24,000 Okay. Okay. But maybe this might help. 232 00:08:24,103 --> 00:08:25,735 - Look at... Aww. - Aww. 233 00:08:25,747 --> 00:08:26,752 Here... Here it is. 234 00:08:26,755 --> 00:08:28,852 - "Day One at Handelman." - Whoa. 235 00:08:28,853 --> 00:08:29,853 Okay. Here we go. 236 00:08:31,826 --> 00:08:33,960 A mariachi band? 237 00:08:34,062 --> 00:08:37,130 If you want the Brenda girl, talk to her like you don't care, 238 00:08:37,232 --> 00:08:39,732 - and then don't call her for a week. - Oh, oh, what? 239 00:08:39,801 --> 00:08:41,434 And present himself as some brooding mystery man 240 00:08:41,536 --> 00:08:44,303 whose dad-like approval she has to work for? 241 00:08:44,372 --> 00:08:47,073 What woman has ever found that attractive? 242 00:08:47,405 --> 00:08:49,041 I'll try it. 243 00:08:49,610 --> 00:08:51,243 Oh, great. There's Debra again. 244 00:08:51,345 --> 00:08:52,678 Probably down there flaunting 245 00:08:52,747 --> 00:08:54,546 her $30 gift card she got with my award. 246 00:08:54,615 --> 00:08:56,048 - It's my award. - Is it go time? 247 00:08:56,117 --> 00:08:57,583 Yeah, you know what? Maybe I will. 248 00:08:57,652 --> 00:08:58,751 I'll just march right up to her, 249 00:08:58,753 --> 00:09:01,053 and give her the classic Tucker stare down. 250 00:09:01,122 --> 00:09:03,655 A dirty look. That's your big plan? 251 00:09:03,674 --> 00:09:04,973 Yeah, she'll see in my eyes 252 00:09:05,042 --> 00:09:06,241 that I know exactly what she did, 253 00:09:06,343 --> 00:09:08,443 and trust me, all the free sample 254 00:09:08,545 --> 00:09:10,178 of perfume spritzes in this mall 255 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:12,881 won't be able to cover up the stench of guilt on her. 256 00:09:12,950 --> 00:09:15,183 Well, I just made a nice little connection. 257 00:09:15,285 --> 00:09:16,918 Not with Brenda, who barely noticed me, 258 00:09:17,020 --> 00:09:18,854 but with Ronald, who invited me to Panda Express 259 00:09:18,922 --> 00:09:20,355 so we could eat our feelings. 260 00:09:20,847 --> 00:09:21,856 Manny? 261 00:09:21,858 --> 00:09:23,324 Um, you took off 262 00:09:23,393 --> 00:09:25,293 before I could give you my number. 263 00:09:25,362 --> 00:09:27,829 And maybe I could get yours, too? 264 00:09:27,931 --> 00:09:29,397 - Sure. - Yeah? 265 00:09:30,075 --> 00:09:32,700 Do you need my advice with your problem now? 266 00:09:32,769 --> 00:09:34,802 Whatever. 267 00:09:36,037 --> 00:09:37,138 See, you should point this thing west 268 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:39,740 and, uh, come meet your great-grandbabies. 269 00:09:39,792 --> 00:09:41,592 Uh, this spring, I think. 270 00:09:41,677 --> 00:09:45,179 I want to pose them to re-create famous photos from history. 271 00:09:45,281 --> 00:09:49,116 I've got all the outfits, uh, to re-create the VJ-Day kiss, 272 00:09:49,185 --> 00:09:50,551 but I still need the fedora 273 00:09:50,620 --> 00:09:52,519 to pull off Jack Ruby and Lee Harvey Oswald. 274 00:09:52,588 --> 00:09:55,055 - Careful. - Well, obviously, the gun won't be loaded. 275 00:09:55,104 --> 00:09:56,106 No, no, no. There's a pothole. 276 00:09:56,125 --> 00:09:57,591 - Oh. - Oh, geez. 277 00:09:57,693 --> 00:09:59,059 I bet we blew a tire. 278 00:09:59,578 --> 00:10:01,645 Fortunately, one local inventor 279 00:10:01,747 --> 00:10:04,481 has been hard at work on the Presto-Jack TM, 280 00:10:04,550 --> 00:10:07,284 a pneumatic device that both lifts a car 281 00:10:07,353 --> 00:10:09,152 and powers a drill to change lug nuts. 282 00:10:09,221 --> 00:10:11,521 - I don't suppose... - Yep. 283 00:10:11,623 --> 00:10:12,756 - In the trunk. - Yes! 284 00:10:12,825 --> 00:10:14,658 We can finally test it out! 285 00:10:14,727 --> 00:10:15,826 You ready to launch? 286 00:10:15,928 --> 00:10:17,861 Let's do it. 287 00:10:19,331 --> 00:10:23,533 Steady as she goes, and she's up! 288 00:10:23,602 --> 00:10:25,702 It's working! You did it! 289 00:10:26,071 --> 00:10:27,904 It's... Why is it still going? 290 00:10:27,973 --> 00:10:30,540 - How hard did you press start? - Well, that shouldn't matter! 291 00:10:30,609 --> 00:10:32,976 - Well, just press "end task." - Okay. 292 00:10:33,045 --> 00:10:34,277 But only on the right side of the button. 293 00:10:34,346 --> 00:10:36,813 Why wouldn't you tell me that first?! 294 00:10:36,915 --> 00:10:38,682 Sweet maker! 295 00:10:40,819 --> 00:10:41,885 Hmm. 296 00:10:41,953 --> 00:10:43,753 Everybody warned me this would happen. 297 00:10:49,143 --> 00:10:50,242 Hello, Debra. 298 00:10:50,345 --> 00:10:51,944 Oh. Hi, Cam. 299 00:10:52,013 --> 00:10:53,045 You wish. 300 00:10:53,114 --> 00:10:55,381 I know you'll deny it, but these eyes... 301 00:10:55,450 --> 00:10:56,849 can see right through you. 302 00:10:56,918 --> 00:10:59,919 You mean how I stole the Educator of the Year Award? 303 00:11:00,021 --> 00:11:01,653 Aha! I got you to admit it. 304 00:11:01,672 --> 00:11:03,238 It's a good thing I'm wearing a wire. 305 00:11:03,340 --> 00:11:05,274 - Let me see it. - Damn it. 306 00:11:05,342 --> 00:11:08,410 I'm gonna be the belle of the ball in this dress. 307 00:11:08,479 --> 00:11:10,112 Stealing this award has given me the confidence 308 00:11:10,214 --> 00:11:12,514 to crush everyone in my path. 309 00:11:15,122 --> 00:11:16,151 Permiso. 310 00:11:19,056 --> 00:11:20,889 I never even saw Gloria go into the dressing room, 311 00:11:20,958 --> 00:11:22,490 but there she was, like a superhero, 312 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:25,961 able to destroy confidence in a single pose. 313 00:11:26,745 --> 00:11:28,920 I'm glad I didn't go with the first dress. 314 00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:30,031 They'll take one look at this one 315 00:11:30,133 --> 00:11:31,666 and make me principal. 316 00:11:31,768 --> 00:11:33,034 Ay-yi-yi. 317 00:11:33,136 --> 00:11:34,970 - Aw, come on! - You know what? 318 00:11:35,072 --> 00:11:36,905 Maybe you should try the dress on that lady's wearing. 319 00:11:39,941 --> 00:11:41,676 Oh, my God. That was brilliant and humbling. 320 00:11:41,745 --> 00:11:44,697 You know, I-I pride myself on solving people problems. 321 00:11:44,732 --> 00:11:45,880 You know what? You still have the swooper. 322 00:11:45,983 --> 00:11:47,849 - Maybe I could... - No, thanks. 323 00:11:49,252 --> 00:11:51,219 She just can't accept help, but I can. 324 00:11:51,288 --> 00:11:53,354 I'm thinking about rocking this for my date with Brenda. 325 00:11:53,403 --> 00:11:54,409 Ignore the buttons. 326 00:11:54,457 --> 00:11:55,623 Can you tell this is a woman's coat? 327 00:11:56,175 --> 00:11:57,274 Yes. 328 00:11:57,343 --> 00:12:00,611 Sales lesson number two... create demand. 329 00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:03,314 Leave a few dog beds lying around, dogs fall in love, 330 00:12:03,383 --> 00:12:05,182 your phones start ringing off the hook. 331 00:12:05,993 --> 00:12:07,785 Go ahead. Over there. Go. 332 00:12:08,104 --> 00:12:10,671 Wow. My dog really likes this bed. 333 00:12:10,740 --> 00:12:13,841 I wonder if leaving it here will create demand. 334 00:12:13,909 --> 00:12:15,776 Uh, no, thank you. 335 00:12:15,878 --> 00:12:16,910 Alright, good start. 336 00:12:17,013 --> 00:12:18,345 You could've been a little cuter with that. 337 00:12:18,414 --> 00:12:20,347 - What?! - When did you start saying "really likes"? 338 00:12:20,449 --> 00:12:21,649 What happened to "weawwy wikes"? 339 00:12:21,751 --> 00:12:24,418 You paid a speech therapist to shame it out of me. 340 00:12:26,528 --> 00:12:27,541 Still no cell service. 341 00:12:27,590 --> 00:12:29,390 Let's, uh, let's just hitchhike to the barber 342 00:12:29,458 --> 00:12:31,458 and call a tow company from there. 343 00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:33,794 You can't let anything go! 344 00:12:33,862 --> 00:12:36,396 You slept with my sister while I was pregnant. 345 00:12:36,498 --> 00:12:37,597 Not the hot one! 346 00:12:37,699 --> 00:12:38,965 I swear to God... I swear to God, 347 00:12:39,067 --> 00:12:40,667 we are going through with this wedding so that I can kill you, 348 00:12:40,769 --> 00:12:42,469 and then I'm gonna divorce your corpse! 349 00:12:42,571 --> 00:12:44,471 Well, you seem like a nice couple. 350 00:12:44,573 --> 00:12:45,939 Room for two more in there? 351 00:12:46,041 --> 00:12:47,507 My dad's positive attitude 352 00:12:47,609 --> 00:12:50,544 versus a couple bound for a "Dateline" episode? 353 00:12:51,747 --> 00:12:53,146 It wasn't even a fair fight. 354 00:12:53,248 --> 00:12:56,516 ♪ Sweet Caroline ♪ 355 00:12:56,618 --> 00:12:57,851 ♪ Bup-bup-buh ♪ 356 00:13:00,982 --> 00:13:05,975 Alright. Final lesson... always be willing to walk away. 357 00:13:06,044 --> 00:13:07,053 Hey, Ron. 358 00:13:07,117 --> 00:13:08,778 I'm coming to you first 'cause we're old friends. 359 00:13:08,820 --> 00:13:10,213 - It's Lon. - Yeah. Hey, listen. 360 00:13:10,315 --> 00:13:11,814 It's a steep price on this one, 361 00:13:11,883 --> 00:13:13,249 but don't blame me. 362 00:13:13,318 --> 00:13:15,485 I'm pocketing less than the kids that, you know, made this thing. 363 00:13:15,553 --> 00:13:17,520 The Beagle Has Landed. 364 00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:19,021 Sorry, Jay, none of these are selling. 365 00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:20,423 Even the ones that look like hot cakes? 366 00:13:22,527 --> 00:13:24,460 Maybe a puppy will cheer you up. 367 00:13:24,562 --> 00:13:26,129 I told you, not gonna happen. 368 00:13:26,197 --> 00:13:27,263 You're giving up? 369 00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:29,348 I can't give these things away. 370 00:13:29,417 --> 00:13:31,116 Forget everything I taught you today. 371 00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:34,019 I don't know what I'm talking about. 372 00:13:34,088 --> 00:13:36,522 Hey, mister, my dad was about to give you 373 00:13:36,591 --> 00:13:37,823 the deal of a lifetime... 374 00:13:38,392 --> 00:13:41,093 100 dog beds for a hundred bucks, 375 00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,161 so you can give one away with each new dog. 376 00:13:43,263 --> 00:13:44,763 A hundred bucks, huh? 377 00:13:44,832 --> 00:13:47,232 I can see you're not serious. 378 00:13:47,334 --> 00:13:48,800 Slow down that tail, buddy. 379 00:13:48,902 --> 00:13:50,802 This is leaving with me. 380 00:13:51,750 --> 00:13:54,172 Wait, wait. Don't walk away. 381 00:13:54,241 --> 00:13:55,407 Would you do 50 bucks? 382 00:13:55,476 --> 00:13:56,742 Will you throw in a puppy? 383 00:13:59,112 --> 00:14:01,212 I've had two late-in-life projects. 384 00:14:01,281 --> 00:14:03,448 One, dog beds, was a bust. 385 00:14:03,516 --> 00:14:04,760 The other... 386 00:14:05,485 --> 00:14:07,986 ...is looking pretty promising. 387 00:14:08,088 --> 00:14:09,354 Alright, okay. 388 00:14:09,422 --> 00:14:10,955 So, Handelman closed in '99, 389 00:14:11,057 --> 00:14:13,357 so no guest registry to tell us when we checked out. 390 00:14:13,426 --> 00:14:15,492 Rental car companies are a dead end, 391 00:14:15,595 --> 00:14:17,161 and no credit card receipts. 392 00:14:17,230 --> 00:14:19,530 God, Mitchell, it might be time for us to face some facts. 393 00:14:19,599 --> 00:14:21,031 What? That some people very high up 394 00:14:21,100 --> 00:14:23,500 don't want us to know the truth? 395 00:14:23,536 --> 00:14:25,936 No. That we might have to let Dad skate on this one. 396 00:14:26,038 --> 00:14:27,430 Never. 397 00:14:27,940 --> 00:14:29,706 Go easy on those bubble-gum cigarettes, Mitchell. 398 00:14:29,765 --> 00:14:30,774 They're gonna kill you. 399 00:14:30,776 --> 00:14:33,176 Look, we tried, right? 400 00:14:34,613 --> 00:14:36,847 I bought a pack of these 401 00:14:36,949 --> 00:14:38,548 the last night we were at that resort 402 00:14:38,617 --> 00:14:39,716 so I could try to look cool 403 00:14:39,785 --> 00:14:42,638 at some... concert that we went to. 404 00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:44,454 Hang on. Where was it? I... 405 00:14:44,523 --> 00:14:47,357 Oh-ho. Bingo. What do you see, huh? 406 00:14:47,375 --> 00:14:49,909 Uh... um, me at the park in a hat 407 00:14:49,978 --> 00:14:52,112 with the name "Maddox" embroidered on it. 408 00:14:52,180 --> 00:14:54,214 Oh, oh, I forgot about my Maddox Pritchett phase. 409 00:14:54,282 --> 00:14:55,782 God, it is a miracle that you didn't need 410 00:14:55,851 --> 00:14:57,673 a police escort to school every day. 411 00:14:57,708 --> 00:14:59,185 Not you, the marquee. 412 00:14:59,254 --> 00:15:02,288 - Uh, "Tonight and Wednesday Only... The Monkees." - Yes! 413 00:15:02,307 --> 00:15:03,906 And according to their website, 414 00:15:03,975 --> 00:15:05,675 they played the 14th and the 16th. 415 00:15:05,743 --> 00:15:07,243 So, if we went the first night, 416 00:15:07,312 --> 00:15:09,745 that means we would have left the 15th, 417 00:15:09,814 --> 00:15:12,648 and we would have left early. 418 00:15:12,717 --> 00:15:13,783 Okay, wait just a second. 419 00:15:13,852 --> 00:15:15,017 I-I remember I was so upset... 420 00:15:15,086 --> 00:15:16,352 - Yes. - ...that our vacation was being cut short 421 00:15:16,454 --> 00:15:17,853 that I cheered myself up 422 00:15:17,905 --> 00:15:19,972 by going to the premiere of "Flashdance," 423 00:15:19,990 --> 00:15:21,123 which was on... 424 00:15:21,192 --> 00:15:22,725 Ha! April 15th. 425 00:15:22,793 --> 00:15:24,860 Yea... What is up with you and that movie? 426 00:15:24,929 --> 00:15:26,462 She was so much more than a welder, 427 00:15:26,530 --> 00:15:28,230 and I was so much more than the president 428 00:15:28,299 --> 00:15:30,165 of Students Against TV on Weeknights. 429 00:15:30,184 --> 00:15:31,616 Okay, I know you remember it this way, 430 00:15:31,685 --> 00:15:33,185 but how are we gonna prove it? 431 00:15:33,253 --> 00:15:34,286 Bam! 432 00:15:34,874 --> 00:15:36,921 My ticket, clearly marked "Opening Night." 433 00:15:37,090 --> 00:15:38,423 I'm gonna say "bam" again. 434 00:15:38,425 --> 00:15:39,324 - Bam! - Oh! 435 00:15:39,392 --> 00:15:40,525 I can't believe it. 436 00:15:40,594 --> 00:15:41,960 We might actually see Dad 437 00:15:42,062 --> 00:15:43,928 - admit that he was wrong! - Ah! 438 00:15:43,997 --> 00:15:45,129 Oh, my God, oh, my God! 439 00:15:45,198 --> 00:15:47,232 - Do you think he'll cry? No. - Oof. 440 00:15:47,334 --> 00:15:49,667 Claire, don't do that. Just take the victory. 441 00:15:49,736 --> 00:15:51,236 I mean, why... why was he in such a rush 442 00:15:51,304 --> 00:15:52,537 to get home, you know? 443 00:15:52,606 --> 00:15:55,874 To... To meet his buds at O'Brien's Pub? 444 00:15:55,976 --> 00:15:57,075 I don't know. It's just... 445 00:15:57,577 --> 00:15:58,709 Well, that is a little weird, though. 446 00:15:58,811 --> 00:16:00,544 It says, "To Jay Pritchett, 447 00:16:00,613 --> 00:16:02,113 the greatest bartender in the universe. 448 00:16:02,181 --> 00:16:03,915 - Dean Martin. May 1, 1983." - Oh. 449 00:16:03,983 --> 00:16:06,317 Since when was Dad a bartender? 450 00:16:06,386 --> 00:16:09,053 Wait, and this is right after our trip. 451 00:16:09,655 --> 00:16:11,025 I'm calling work wife. 452 00:16:11,207 --> 00:16:12,209 Hello? 453 00:16:12,258 --> 00:16:13,457 Hey, Margaret, really quick... 454 00:16:13,526 --> 00:16:15,459 Was Dad ever a bartender? 455 00:16:15,528 --> 00:16:16,994 Gosh, who knows? 456 00:16:17,062 --> 00:16:19,430 I wouldn't trust this memory of mine anyway, 457 00:16:19,498 --> 00:16:20,554 and... 458 00:16:20,766 --> 00:16:22,166 This is a bad connec... 459 00:16:22,234 --> 00:16:23,500 - Margaret. - You know... 460 00:16:23,536 --> 00:16:24,768 ...that's what a bad connection stopped sounding like 461 00:16:24,837 --> 00:16:26,803 when phones stopped having antennas. 462 00:16:27,145 --> 00:16:28,154 Fine. 463 00:16:28,173 --> 00:16:29,806 Early days of the business, 464 00:16:29,908 --> 00:16:31,137 we couldn't make payroll. 465 00:16:31,210 --> 00:16:32,495 He had to come back from a trip 466 00:16:32,511 --> 00:16:34,978 to pay everyone out of his own pocket. 467 00:16:35,046 --> 00:16:37,614 Took the night job to make ends meet. 468 00:16:37,682 --> 00:16:39,182 Why wouldn't he have told us? 469 00:16:39,251 --> 00:16:41,017 Probably didn't want to worry anyone. 470 00:16:41,086 --> 00:16:44,320 Anyway, back to the wall, he did some of his best work. 471 00:16:44,389 --> 00:16:46,889 Came up with a best-selling closet. 472 00:16:46,992 --> 00:16:49,726 "Introducing the Maddox." 473 00:16:52,263 --> 00:16:55,497 And around this corner is the entertainer's kitchen. 474 00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:56,493 What are you doing here? 475 00:16:56,501 --> 00:17:00,002 Oh, I just came through the un-secure back door. 476 00:17:00,766 --> 00:17:02,238 Hello, again. 477 00:17:02,306 --> 00:17:04,106 Hi. We're still interested in your house. 478 00:17:04,175 --> 00:17:06,375 We just might be leaning towards this one. 479 00:17:06,444 --> 00:17:08,110 Oh, I'm very surprised. 480 00:17:08,212 --> 00:17:10,846 People that like cooking so much... 481 00:17:10,848 --> 00:17:12,414 Are you guys going to be happy 482 00:17:12,483 --> 00:17:15,250 with this tiny, little pantry... 483 00:17:15,319 --> 00:17:17,753 that leads to a gigantic pantry? 484 00:17:17,821 --> 00:17:19,421 Are you ready to see the interactive nursery? 485 00:17:19,802 --> 00:17:20,722 The baby just kicked! 486 00:17:20,791 --> 00:17:22,290 - Oh. - Hey. 487 00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:24,993 We... Are... Are you all about to be my new neighbor? 488 00:17:25,541 --> 00:17:27,562 Hope you like to party. My name's Fred. 489 00:17:27,598 --> 00:17:30,399 They call me Peeper because... Well, that doesn't matter. 490 00:17:30,501 --> 00:17:32,300 Oh, you... look, it's chocolate chip cookies! 491 00:17:32,369 --> 00:17:33,502 Kids, get in here! 492 00:17:33,570 --> 00:17:35,437 Get yourself some supper! 493 00:17:36,707 --> 00:17:38,181 These are my blessings. 494 00:17:38,216 --> 00:17:41,008 Do I like ethnic women? Guilty. 495 00:17:41,077 --> 00:17:43,344 Do you like farm-fresh eggs? 496 00:17:43,413 --> 00:17:48,182 I sold my very first house and destroyed my swooper. 497 00:17:48,251 --> 00:17:50,217 Of course, the only way you can destroy a real swooper 498 00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:52,720 is to stab its reflection during the Harvest Moon. 499 00:17:52,789 --> 00:17:54,822 Enjoy Poland, you two! 500 00:17:54,891 --> 00:17:57,391 Hey, Frank. Afraid I was about to close up. 501 00:17:57,460 --> 00:17:59,527 - Betsy's birthday. - Okay, we'll come back, Don. 502 00:17:59,595 --> 00:18:01,762 Well, h-hang on. I'm... I'm pretty nifty with the shears. 503 00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:03,197 I used to... I used to cut Luke's hair, 504 00:18:03,299 --> 00:18:04,632 and I once trimmed a hedge in our yard 505 00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:07,401 into the spitting image of Doug Henning. 506 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:08,512 Sold. 507 00:18:08,571 --> 00:18:10,237 - Just lock her up. - Thank you very much. 508 00:18:11,039 --> 00:18:12,706 Hop on up there, young man. 509 00:18:14,239 --> 00:18:16,676 If I'm not mistaken, you saw your first naked lady 510 00:18:16,745 --> 00:18:18,211 - in this barbershop. - You know it. 511 00:18:19,648 --> 00:18:21,848 Hell of a crossing guard, but when she went crazy, 512 00:18:21,950 --> 00:18:23,150 she didn't go halfway. 513 00:18:23,218 --> 00:18:24,817 Well, that was her training. 514 00:18:25,787 --> 00:18:29,156 So, Dad, um... 515 00:18:29,258 --> 00:18:31,158 just gonna get this over with. 516 00:18:31,260 --> 00:18:32,592 - Uh... - Oh, boy. 517 00:18:32,628 --> 00:18:34,461 Is this gonna be about me going back to the grocery store? 518 00:18:34,563 --> 00:18:36,997 Well, it... it just seemed a little weird. 519 00:18:37,465 --> 00:18:38,965 I heard you were there for hours. 520 00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:40,300 The place was a mess. 521 00:18:40,368 --> 00:18:42,602 I mean, where is the pride? 522 00:18:42,671 --> 00:18:45,238 Old days, they used to deliver my oranges on Tuesdays. 523 00:18:45,307 --> 00:18:47,173 I could not have built a pyramid faster 524 00:18:47,242 --> 00:18:49,375 with 10,000 Hebrews. 525 00:18:49,477 --> 00:18:51,411 So, you weren't just wandering? 526 00:18:51,779 --> 00:18:54,747 It's just... I miss it, is all. 527 00:18:54,849 --> 00:18:56,549 This takes me to my next question. 528 00:18:56,618 --> 00:18:59,952 Um... did you and Mom ever... 529 00:19:00,321 --> 00:19:02,755 ever want a-a-another child? 530 00:19:02,823 --> 00:19:04,290 Well, I suppose all parents wonder 531 00:19:04,358 --> 00:19:06,525 how things would have changed if they had a different child. 532 00:19:06,627 --> 00:19:08,160 I-I didn't... didn't mean a different one. 533 00:19:08,229 --> 00:19:10,896 I-I mean an additional one. 534 00:19:10,965 --> 00:19:12,231 Why do you ask? 535 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:14,566 Well, 'cause if you'd had another kid, 536 00:19:14,635 --> 00:19:16,435 maybe... maybe he'd have taken over the business 537 00:19:16,537 --> 00:19:17,803 and... and you wouldn't have had to sell. 538 00:19:17,872 --> 00:19:19,071 I always... 539 00:19:19,139 --> 00:19:21,607 I always felt kind of bad that I didn't. 540 00:19:22,628 --> 00:19:25,477 The answer is no, Phil. Never. 541 00:19:25,929 --> 00:19:27,629 Because... 542 00:19:27,731 --> 00:19:29,664 Well, you did take over the family business, didn't you? 543 00:19:29,733 --> 00:19:33,702 Keeping life light, making it fun for everybody. 544 00:19:35,704 --> 00:19:36,705 I learned from the best. 545 00:19:39,009 --> 00:19:41,409 When I was growing up, he was the cool dad. 546 00:19:41,461 --> 00:19:42,594 He was hip. 547 00:19:42,662 --> 00:19:44,329 He knew all the dances from "Grease." 548 00:19:44,431 --> 00:19:45,863 He knew all the expressions. 549 00:19:45,966 --> 00:19:47,832 BFF... best friends forever. 550 00:19:47,901 --> 00:19:49,300 TMI... too much information. 551 00:19:49,402 --> 00:19:50,768 BJ... blue jeans. 552 00:19:50,837 --> 00:19:53,504 It makes me feel lucky. 553 00:19:53,573 --> 00:19:55,540 We didn't do much that day, but... 554 00:19:56,042 --> 00:19:57,742 it might have been one of the... the best days 555 00:19:57,810 --> 00:19:59,477 I ever had with my dad. 556 00:20:01,180 --> 00:20:03,047 I just didn't know it would be the last. 557 00:20:03,677 --> 00:20:05,516 My dad was okay. 558 00:20:05,585 --> 00:20:09,954 And my takeaway from our day... 559 00:20:10,023 --> 00:20:14,125 Don't miss a chance to let the people you appreciate... 560 00:20:14,845 --> 00:20:16,339 know that. 561 00:20:16,929 --> 00:20:18,295 The hard part has been, um, 562 00:20:18,398 --> 00:20:20,598 figuring out a way to pay tribute to my dad, 563 00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:23,701 but something came to me in the garage today. 564 00:20:30,337 --> 00:20:32,043 I think he would have liked it. 565 00:20:44,165 --> 00:20:46,457 He left some big footprints, my old man. 566 00:20:50,380 --> 00:20:53,047 - Look, they're getting along great. - That's not our worry. 567 00:20:53,049 --> 00:20:54,482 Your mother is. 568 00:20:54,584 --> 00:20:56,884 Eight years, she ignored Stella, gave her a complex. 569 00:20:56,986 --> 00:20:59,287 One time, I was clicking a pen. 570 00:20:59,389 --> 00:21:01,923 Stella threw up 'cause she thought high heels were coming. 571 00:21:01,925 --> 00:21:03,024 Hola! 572 00:21:04,961 --> 00:21:06,027 What is this? 573 00:21:07,018 --> 00:21:08,482 He's the grownup. 574 00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:09,964 Honey, we know how you feel about... 575 00:21:10,066 --> 00:21:13,701 It's the cutest thing I've seen in my whole life! 576 00:21:14,204 --> 00:21:17,038 I love you! Oh, my God! 577 00:21:17,140 --> 00:21:19,107 I need a selfie with my best little boy! 578 00:21:19,209 --> 00:21:20,475 I'll be back! 579 00:21:20,577 --> 00:21:22,076 It's not your fault. 580 00:21:23,580 --> 00:21:26,214 It is not your fault. 581 00:21:29,373 --> 00:21:31,517 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com