1
00:00:04,112 --> 00:00:06,263
- What are you doing?
- Shh.
2
00:00:06,885 --> 00:00:08,461
One of the smoke alarms is chirping.
3
00:00:08,462 --> 00:00:10,141
I'm trying to figure out which one it is
4
00:00:10,142 --> 00:00:11,450
so I can change the battery.
5
00:00:11,451 --> 00:00:15,313
Well, if anybody can find it
it's you.
6
00:00:15,314 --> 00:00:16,321
Ugh.
7
00:00:16,322 --> 00:00:18,503
You s... sound horrible.
8
00:00:18,504 --> 00:00:20,854
Why don't... why don't you go back to bed?
9
00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:22,248
'Cause I've got too much to do.
10
00:00:22,249 --> 00:00:24,431
I've got to make the ladyfingers
for the bake sale,
11
00:00:24,432 --> 00:00:25,858
and I've got to go by the gym...
12
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:27,318
I left my phone there yesterday.
13
00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:28,577
I'll do all that.
14
00:00:28,578 --> 00:00:29,719
We're a team.
15
00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:32,104
When one of us is weak,
we lean on the other.
16
00:00:32,105 --> 00:00:33,648
Honey, you don't have to do that stuff.
17
00:00:33,649 --> 00:00:35,663
Honey, with all you do for me,
18
00:00:35,664 --> 00:00:38,149
including going to the gym
four times a week
19
00:00:38,150 --> 00:00:40,802
to keep me interested, I got this.
20
00:00:40,803 --> 00:00:42,766
Don't you have houses to show today?
21
00:00:43,775 --> 00:00:44,898
They... canceled.
22
00:00:44,899 --> 00:00:45,755
Ohh, pumpkin.
23
00:00:45,756 --> 00:00:47,266
Are you kidding me?
24
00:00:47,267 --> 00:00:48,475
It's... lucky.
25
00:00:48,476 --> 00:00:50,708
This way I get to stay here
and take care of you.
26
00:00:50,709 --> 00:00:51,648
Okay.
27
00:00:54,824 --> 00:00:55,813
Hey!
28
00:00:55,814 --> 00:00:56,954
Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Dunphy.
29
00:00:56,955 --> 00:00:58,466
- Hey.
- Is Haley ready for school?
30
00:00:58,467 --> 00:00:59,641
She's on her way down.
31
00:00:59,642 --> 00:01:01,069
Don't get too close to my wife.
32
00:01:01,070 --> 00:01:03,722
Haley told you about that?
It's just a dream.
33
00:01:03,723 --> 00:01:05,014
Oh, God.
34
00:01:06,241 --> 00:01:07,751
Okay, that came from the kitchen.
35
00:01:07,752 --> 00:01:09,128
I... I thought it was in here.
36
00:01:09,129 --> 00:01:10,219
Really?
37
00:01:10,220 --> 00:01:11,697
Okay, you wait in here and listen for it.
38
00:01:11,698 --> 00:01:12,772
I'm gonna wait in there.
39
00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:14,619
I mean, it's the least I can do...
40
00:01:14,620 --> 00:01:17,037
After... well, you know.
41
00:01:17,038 --> 00:01:19,002
I'm coming with you.
42
00:01:22,343 --> 00:01:25,499
Boy, I wish Haley
would date some other boys.
43
00:01:25,500 --> 00:01:28,186
What's that you say, Mrs. Robinson?
44
00:01:28,187 --> 00:01:29,025
Don't.
45
00:01:30,085 --> 00:01:31,426
I just feel like she owes it to herself
46
00:01:31,427 --> 00:01:32,652
to see what else is out there.
47
00:01:32,653 --> 00:01:34,936
The way that Dylan's
always hanging around here,
48
00:01:34,937 --> 00:01:37,421
he's probably gonna try to marry
her the second she turns 18.
49
00:01:37,422 --> 00:01:38,563
Hey, you never know.
50
00:01:38,564 --> 00:01:40,762
Maybe those two were meant
to be together...
51
00:01:40,763 --> 00:01:41,988
Like we were.
52
00:01:43,047 --> 00:01:45,615
Honey, Haley and Dylan are not us.
53
00:01:47,514 --> 00:01:50,148
No, I think that amount will be fine.
54
00:01:50,149 --> 00:01:52,163
I'm just happy you want Lily.
55
00:01:52,164 --> 00:01:55,236
I... I think you're gonna be
very happy with her.
56
00:01:55,237 --> 00:01:57,133
Okay. Oh!
57
00:01:57,134 --> 00:01:59,484
Cam? Did you just sell our baby?
58
00:01:59,485 --> 00:02:01,331
No, but do you remember that Agent we met
59
00:02:01,332 --> 00:02:02,692
that represents child actors,
60
00:02:02,693 --> 00:02:04,690
the one who said lily
might have what it takes
61
00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:05,714
and gave us his card?
62
00:02:05,715 --> 00:02:06,704
Yeah, that I threw away.
63
00:02:06,705 --> 00:02:08,820
That I fished out of the trash?
64
00:02:11,877 --> 00:02:13,018
That was him on the phone!
They're shooting
65
00:02:13,019 --> 00:02:15,066
a children's-furniture-store
commercial today,
66
00:02:15,067 --> 00:02:16,511
and they want Lily!
67
00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:18,123
Look, I threw away that card for a reason.
68
00:02:18,124 --> 00:02:19,919
Come on, it'll be fun,
69
00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:21,548
and Lily will be on tv,
70
00:02:21,549 --> 00:02:23,714
and we can put the money
in her college account.
71
00:02:23,715 --> 00:02:25,578
No. Let's just let our daughter
72
00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:27,005
have a normal childhood, huh?
73
00:02:27,006 --> 00:02:29,171
I think that gay cruise has sailed.
74
00:02:30,079 --> 00:02:31,253
It's just one commercial.
75
00:02:31,254 --> 00:02:32,529
I don't like it.
76
00:02:32,530 --> 00:02:35,081
No. No.
77
00:02:35,082 --> 00:02:36,358
Oh, what, so that's it?
78
00:02:36,359 --> 00:02:38,473
You're the parent with the final say?
79
00:02:38,474 --> 00:02:40,220
Why is that? Because you make the money?
80
00:02:40,221 --> 00:02:41,765
It's not about that, and you know it.
81
00:02:41,766 --> 00:02:43,779
I wouldn't expect you to understand us.
82
00:02:43,780 --> 00:02:44,837
You're not theater folk.
83
00:02:44,838 --> 00:02:45,961
Neither are you.
84
00:02:45,962 --> 00:02:47,674
You did "Godspell" one summer in a barn.
85
00:02:47,675 --> 00:02:48,984
You're barn folk.
86
00:02:48,985 --> 00:02:50,865
Get used to that jealousy, Lily.
87
00:02:50,866 --> 00:02:53,300
Ordinary people just don't understand us.
88
00:02:54,658 --> 00:02:56,504
Dennis to shipping and receiving.
89
00:02:56,505 --> 00:02:58,033
Dennis to shipping and receiving.
90
00:02:58,034 --> 00:02:59,023
Hola, Jack.
91
00:02:59,024 --> 00:03:00,770
Hey! What are you guys doing here?
92
00:03:00,771 --> 00:03:02,415
Manny had a doctor's appointment,
93
00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:04,665
so we're gonna catch lunch
with Jay... Is he there?
94
00:03:04,666 --> 00:03:06,244
- Yeah, he's in back.
- Okay.
95
00:03:06,245 --> 00:03:07,284
Good day, Jackson.
96
00:03:07,285 --> 00:03:08,259
Good day, Manuel.
97
00:03:08,260 --> 00:03:09,820
I see you're still forklifting.
98
00:03:09,821 --> 00:03:11,432
More like lifting the fork.
99
00:03:11,433 --> 00:03:13,581
Man, I was gonna say that joke!
100
00:03:13,582 --> 00:03:16,520
I'm sorry, but I gotta have
lunch with my wife today.
101
00:03:16,521 --> 00:03:18,552
I know, baby, but I had to marry her
102
00:03:18,553 --> 00:03:20,617
so she could stay in the country.
103
00:03:20,618 --> 00:03:21,758
Oh, no!
104
00:03:21,759 --> 00:03:23,555
Where am I gonna find another husband
105
00:03:23,556 --> 00:03:25,200
that wears sweatpants to work?
106
00:03:25,201 --> 00:03:26,157
Resort wear.
107
00:03:26,158 --> 00:03:28,642
Mm-Hmm. Maybe last resort.
108
00:03:28,643 --> 00:03:31,094
Listen, I'm glad you guys stopped by
for lunch, 'cause you know what?
109
00:03:31,095 --> 00:03:32,337
I got to work a little late tonight.
110
00:03:32,338 --> 00:03:34,654
No, not tonight. Did you forget our date?
111
00:03:34,655 --> 00:03:37,609
No! No. I was kidding!
112
00:03:37,610 --> 00:03:39,691
I had no idea what she was talking about.
113
00:03:39,692 --> 00:03:41,085
Gloria, God love her...
114
00:03:41,086 --> 00:03:44,191
likes to celebrate every possible milestone
115
00:03:44,192 --> 00:03:45,181
in our relationship...
116
00:03:45,182 --> 00:03:46,273
Day we met...
117
00:03:46,274 --> 00:03:47,482
Our first date...
118
00:03:47,483 --> 00:03:50,505
Which I forgot, so we got in a big fight.
119
00:03:50,506 --> 00:03:52,787
Now we commemorate the big fight.
120
00:03:52,788 --> 00:03:54,618
I thought we could re-create the day.
121
00:03:54,619 --> 00:03:57,524
Do everything that we did the first time.
122
00:03:57,525 --> 00:03:58,900
So romantic.
123
00:03:58,901 --> 00:04:00,612
You know, that's exactly
what I was thinking.
124
00:04:01,806 --> 00:04:03,568
Ay.
125
00:04:03,569 --> 00:04:06,170
Jack is so nice.
I think he really likes Manny.
126
00:04:06,171 --> 00:04:08,873
What he likes is getting out of work.
127
00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:10,704
Wait a minute. Is that Manny driving?
128
00:04:10,705 --> 00:04:11,963
Is it?
129
00:04:11,964 --> 00:04:14,213
Aah!
130
00:04:16,230 --> 00:04:17,538
Yeah, it's him.
131
00:04:18,546 --> 00:04:21,786
-- Sync by Rafael UPD, corrected by gloriabg --
www.addic7ed.com/
132
00:04:32,041 --> 00:04:36,003
Ay, my poor papi. Two doctors in one day.
133
00:04:36,004 --> 00:04:37,145
Mom, I'm fine.
134
00:04:37,146 --> 00:04:39,143
The hospital said
I could go back to school.
135
00:04:39,144 --> 00:04:42,148
No, you suffered a traumatic experience.
136
00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:43,173
I barely remember it!
137
00:04:43,174 --> 00:04:44,969
I remember crashing through the wall
138
00:04:44,970 --> 00:04:46,917
and the ambulance ride to the hospital.
139
00:04:46,918 --> 00:04:48,798
That wasn't an ambulance. I drove you.
140
00:04:48,799 --> 00:04:50,863
- Then what was that siren?
- That was your mother.
141
00:04:50,864 --> 00:04:51,971
I was not that loud.
142
00:04:51,972 --> 00:04:53,751
Cars pulled over, honey.
143
00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:55,481
Jay, I'm sorry about your wall.
144
00:04:55,482 --> 00:04:57,328
Wasn't your fault. It was Jack's.
145
00:04:57,329 --> 00:04:59,275
And I've already taken care of him.
146
00:04:59,276 --> 00:05:00,182
You killed him?
147
00:05:00,183 --> 00:05:01,526
You can't kill people here.
148
00:05:01,527 --> 00:05:02,533
I fired him.
149
00:05:02,534 --> 00:05:04,245
But it was just an accident!
150
00:05:04,246 --> 00:05:05,253
He didn't mean it!
151
00:05:05,254 --> 00:05:06,227
The guy's a screw-up.
152
00:05:06,228 --> 00:05:07,503
Should have been gone months ago.
153
00:05:07,504 --> 00:05:09,081
Can't we just give him another chance?
154
00:05:09,082 --> 00:05:10,089
What is this "we"?
155
00:05:10,090 --> 00:05:11,768
Let me explain something to you people.
156
00:05:11,769 --> 00:05:13,515
Here in this family, it's we.
157
00:05:13,516 --> 00:05:14,723
At work, it's me.
158
00:05:14,724 --> 00:05:18,048
My rules, my decisions... Period.
159
00:05:18,049 --> 00:05:19,357
That's not fair!
160
00:05:21,777 --> 00:05:23,421
You mad at me, too?
161
00:05:23,422 --> 00:05:25,452
No. You're right.
162
00:05:25,453 --> 00:05:26,779
It's your work.
163
00:05:26,780 --> 00:05:29,634
Besides, I can't be mad at you...
164
00:05:29,635 --> 00:05:31,480
Not on our special day.
165
00:05:31,481 --> 00:05:32,958
Honey, I was thinking...
166
00:05:32,959 --> 00:05:35,024
with what happened to Manny,
167
00:05:35,025 --> 00:05:37,744
maybe we better postpone our special day
168
00:05:37,745 --> 00:05:39,087
until next weekend.
169
00:05:39,088 --> 00:05:41,387
No. Next weekend is the anniversary
170
00:05:41,388 --> 00:05:43,906
of the first time that I cooked for you.
171
00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:51,229
What are you doin', typhoid Clairey?
172
00:05:51,230 --> 00:05:52,774
Hey. What are you doing home?
173
00:05:52,775 --> 00:05:55,410
She caught your cold and had to come home.
174
00:05:55,411 --> 00:05:56,754
I thought we should contain you two
175
00:05:56,755 --> 00:05:58,566
and keep it from spreading
through the house.
176
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,297
Come here. I'm so sorry.
177
00:06:00,298 --> 00:06:02,294
- Aw.
- It's okay.
178
00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:05,132
- Hey, did you finish my ladyfingers?
- Not yet.
179
00:06:05,133 --> 00:06:07,349
- Did you pick up my phone from the gym?
- Not yet.
180
00:06:07,350 --> 00:06:09,364
Is that the smoke detector?
I thought you fixed that.
181
00:06:09,365 --> 00:06:11,664
Boy, you're really starting
to sound like you're old self.
182
00:06:16,031 --> 00:06:17,323
You know what this reminds me of?
183
00:06:17,324 --> 00:06:18,497
Huh?
184
00:06:18,498 --> 00:06:20,412
When you were little and we used to snuggle
185
00:06:20,413 --> 00:06:21,587
and watch soap operas together.
186
00:06:21,588 --> 00:06:22,629
Remember that?
187
00:06:22,630 --> 00:06:23,838
Nothing's changed.
188
00:06:23,839 --> 00:06:25,046
Sonya's still married to that guy.
189
00:06:25,047 --> 00:06:26,692
One second.
190
00:06:26,693 --> 00:06:28,237
The one with the... bad hairline.
191
00:06:28,238 --> 00:06:29,882
- Dylan?
- O... kay.
192
00:06:29,883 --> 00:06:32,820
God, I miss you, too.
193
00:06:32,821 --> 00:06:35,355
Oh, it's just a cold, silly.
194
00:06:35,356 --> 00:06:38,194
You don't have to conceive
of a world without me.
195
00:06:39,622 --> 00:06:42,761
Oh, nothing. I'm just in bed with my mom.
196
00:06:42,762 --> 00:06:46,002
Stop freaking out. It is not coming true.
197
00:06:52,321 --> 00:06:54,611
Uh, Mrs. Vaughn? It's Phil Dunphy.
198
00:06:54,612 --> 00:06:55,612
It's about 3:30.
199
00:06:55,613 --> 00:06:57,971
Now, I know you said you'd moved on,
200
00:06:57,972 --> 00:07:01,214
but, um, there's been
a significant price reduction
201
00:07:01,215 --> 00:07:03,352
in the, uh, house in Sullivan Canyon,
202
00:07:03,353 --> 00:07:04,676
which I know you loved.
203
00:07:04,677 --> 00:07:07,494
So, uh, if there's any chance
you might reconsider,
204
00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:09,089
I know you will not be sorry.
205
00:07:09,090 --> 00:07:11,567
I can meet you anytime,
so just give me a call.
206
00:07:11,568 --> 00:07:13,909
Any... anytime.
I can meet you wherever that...
207
00:07:15,234 --> 00:07:16,965
Place is that you feel,
uh, that would be best.
208
00:07:16,966 --> 00:07:19,035
Okay, thank you. Bye.
209
00:07:19,036 --> 00:07:20,698
Dad?
210
00:07:20,699 --> 00:07:21,785
Hey, buddy!
211
00:07:21,786 --> 00:07:23,397
How are ya? W... what are you doin'?
212
00:07:23,398 --> 00:07:24,670
Keeping the germs off me.
213
00:07:24,671 --> 00:07:25,927
You care about germs?
214
00:07:25,928 --> 00:07:28,235
I've seen you kiss a pigeon on the mouth.
215
00:07:28,236 --> 00:07:30,509
My class is going to Disneyland
in two days.
216
00:07:30,510 --> 00:07:32,274
I can't get mom's cold.
217
00:07:32,275 --> 00:07:34,107
Oh. Good plan.
218
00:07:34,108 --> 00:07:35,295
I remember this.
219
00:07:35,296 --> 00:07:37,570
My dad bought it
during the Cuban missile crisis.
220
00:07:37,571 --> 00:07:39,573
I never got a turn in that.
You think maybe later I could...
221
00:07:39,574 --> 00:07:40,625
Y eah, maybe.
222
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:41,983
What are you doing home in the afternoon?
223
00:07:41,984 --> 00:07:43,103
Oh, no big deal.
224
00:07:43,104 --> 00:07:45,886
Just had a couple of showings fall through.
225
00:07:45,887 --> 00:07:46,735
Again?
226
00:07:46,736 --> 00:07:48,585
You know what I always say.
227
00:07:48,586 --> 00:07:49,756
Sure do.
228
00:07:49,757 --> 00:07:51,895
Can't get back on that horse
unless you fall off.
229
00:07:51,896 --> 00:07:53,083
That's right.
230
00:07:53,084 --> 00:07:54,102
Ow. That's loud.
231
00:07:54,103 --> 00:07:55,392
Sorry.
232
00:07:56,411 --> 00:07:58,413
Where is that coming from?
233
00:07:58,414 --> 00:08:00,245
Changing the battery in a smoke detector
234
00:08:00,246 --> 00:08:01,909
is what they teach you in Man 101,
235
00:08:01,910 --> 00:08:03,912
so, of course,
every time I hear that noise,
236
00:08:03,913 --> 00:08:06,034
all I hear is, "beep beep...
you're not a man.
237
00:08:06,035 --> 00:08:07,510
Beep beep... you're not..."
238
00:08:07,511 --> 00:08:08,869
Really?!
239
00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:12,466
Hey, dad. Can you open this for me?
240
00:08:12,467 --> 00:08:14,266
Oh. Sure, buddy.
241
00:08:16,083 --> 00:08:17,745
Ow! Mm!
242
00:08:17,746 --> 00:08:18,899
What happened?
243
00:08:18,900 --> 00:08:20,223
I broke a nail.
244
00:08:21,939 --> 00:08:23,091
Mitchell! What's up?
245
00:08:23,092 --> 00:08:24,670
What do you... what do you mean?
246
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:25,943
You... you just sent me an urgent text
247
00:08:25,944 --> 00:08:26,995
saying to come right over.
248
00:08:27,659 --> 00:08:29,677
That was from me. I used Jay's phone.
249
00:08:29,678 --> 00:08:31,340
Oh, what happened to your face?
250
00:08:31,341 --> 00:08:33,615
Oh, just a little scrape-up.
251
00:08:33,616 --> 00:08:35,855
Mitchell, I'd like to engage
your legal services
252
00:08:35,856 --> 00:08:37,519
in representing my friend Jack
253
00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:39,623
in a wrongful-termination suit.
254
00:08:39,624 --> 00:08:40,812
Forget it. He's not coming back.
255
00:08:40,813 --> 00:08:42,204
Don't take the case, Mitchell.
256
00:08:42,205 --> 00:08:44,749
I... I don't think I was
gonna take the case.
257
00:08:44,750 --> 00:08:47,024
Fine. Then, under the circumstances,
258
00:08:47,025 --> 00:08:49,468
we have nothing further to talk about.
259
00:08:49,469 --> 00:08:51,504
These will be my last words to you.
260
00:08:51,505 --> 00:08:52,404
Knock knock.
261
00:08:52,405 --> 00:08:53,846
Who's there?
262
00:08:53,847 --> 00:08:56,223
Okay, you got me.
263
00:08:56,224 --> 00:08:59,227
I hope you feel clever tricking your kid.
264
00:08:59,228 --> 00:09:00,975
Hello, Mitch!
265
00:09:00,976 --> 00:09:02,028
Hi, Gloria.
266
00:09:02,029 --> 00:09:03,895
Congratulations!
267
00:09:03,896 --> 00:09:05,185
Hmm? On what?
268
00:09:05,186 --> 00:09:06,594
Lily's commercial.
269
00:09:06,595 --> 00:09:08,037
Oh, no, no. We turned that down.
270
00:09:08,038 --> 00:09:09,428
Are you sure?
271
00:09:09,429 --> 00:09:11,499
Because Cam sent me a picture
of her in her makeup chair.
272
00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:12,806
Uh, sorry. He what?
273
00:09:12,807 --> 00:09:14,045
Oh, it's so exciting.
274
00:09:14,046 --> 00:09:15,760
You have to remember this day
275
00:09:15,761 --> 00:09:18,119
so that you can celebrate it every year.
276
00:09:20,903 --> 00:09:23,160
Okay, folks, we're about
10 minutes from shooting!
277
00:09:23,161 --> 00:09:24,398
Is talent ready?
278
00:09:24,399 --> 00:09:26,266
Yes, uh, she sure is.
279
00:09:26,267 --> 00:09:28,743
Did you hear that, Lily?
You're the talent.
280
00:09:28,744 --> 00:09:30,526
Isn't that magical?
281
00:09:30,527 --> 00:09:32,477
Ooh. Grapes.
282
00:09:32,478 --> 00:09:35,363
Mm! And that is a prop.
283
00:09:35,364 --> 00:09:37,689
Okay, we're really gonna
hang up this time.
284
00:09:37,690 --> 00:09:38,860
On the count of three.
285
00:09:38,861 --> 00:09:40,047
Ready?
286
00:09:40,048 --> 00:09:43,985
1, 2, 3.
287
00:09:43,986 --> 00:09:46,141
Hello?
288
00:09:46,142 --> 00:09:47,889
I can't believe he hung up!
289
00:09:47,890 --> 00:09:49,009
I'm calling him back.
290
00:09:49,010 --> 00:09:50,435
Hey, give me that.
291
00:09:55,138 --> 00:09:57,394
- Oh, my God. Is that Jesse?
- Mm-Hmm.
292
00:09:57,395 --> 00:09:58,820
And he's still married to Angie.
293
00:09:59,992 --> 00:10:03,233
You know something else
you might find interesting?
294
00:10:03,234 --> 00:10:04,676
Sonya is drinking,
295
00:10:04,677 --> 00:10:08,358
because she married a buffoon
when she was young,
296
00:10:08,359 --> 00:10:11,889
and now she realizes
she's wasted her entire life.
297
00:10:11,890 --> 00:10:15,385
Can you imagine making a mistake like that?
298
00:10:15,386 --> 00:10:18,101
Yeah, that must be... horrible.
299
00:10:18,102 --> 00:10:21,292
Yeah, now she's just
a bitter ghost of a woman,
300
00:10:21,293 --> 00:10:22,786
filled with resentment.
301
00:10:22,787 --> 00:10:25,349
But that's what happens
when you commit to someone
302
00:10:25,350 --> 00:10:28,353
before you see what else is out there.
303
00:10:29,407 --> 00:10:31,341
Seriously?!
304
00:10:31,342 --> 00:10:33,173
She couldn't have laid it on thicker.
305
00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:35,210
"Ghost of a woman"? "Total buffoon"?
306
00:10:35,211 --> 00:10:36,636
I'm not an idiot.
307
00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:39,080
She was talking about her and my dad!
308
00:10:39,081 --> 00:10:41,898
Yeah, well, maybe Sonya and her husband
309
00:10:41,899 --> 00:10:44,613
just need to... work a little harder.
310
00:10:44,614 --> 00:10:47,600
Can he give her those years back?
311
00:10:47,601 --> 00:10:50,791
I mean, she could have
been something.
312
00:10:50,792 --> 00:10:52,896
She could have traveled the world,
313
00:10:52,897 --> 00:10:55,018
been with fascinating men.
314
00:10:55,019 --> 00:10:57,479
She could have accomplished things.
315
00:10:57,480 --> 00:11:00,024
That's all she thinks about now...
316
00:11:00,025 --> 00:11:02,485
Every time she looks at him.
317
00:11:09,785 --> 00:11:11,770
Aah! Ow!
318
00:11:13,146 --> 00:11:14,791
Is that mom's apron?
319
00:11:15,981 --> 00:11:17,880
It's an apron. It's unisex.
320
00:11:17,881 --> 00:11:20,494
Some of the world's greatest chefs are men.
321
00:11:20,495 --> 00:11:22,294
But it's bumped out where the boobs go.
322
00:11:23,585 --> 00:11:25,111
That's happening more and more.
323
00:11:25,112 --> 00:11:26,129
Hadn't noticed.
324
00:11:29,694 --> 00:11:30,712
Mrs. Vaughn!
325
00:11:30,713 --> 00:11:32,257
Thanks for calling back.
326
00:11:32,258 --> 00:11:34,514
Yeah, I was just about to...
327
00:11:38,351 --> 00:11:41,338
I see. Uh, is there anything
I can say that will...
328
00:11:41,339 --> 00:11:43,832
All right. Well, thank you very much.
329
00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:46,005
And if... O... okay. Goodbye.
330
00:11:47,364 --> 00:11:49,077
Did you lose another one?
331
00:11:49,078 --> 00:11:52,217
Hey. Can't lose something
you never had, right, pal?
332
00:11:53,321 --> 00:11:54,593
That was the doorbell, dad.
333
00:11:54,594 --> 00:11:55,832
Yeah, I know.
334
00:11:55,833 --> 00:11:58,887
So, what happens if people
stop buying houses?
335
00:11:58,888 --> 00:12:01,399
Are we all gonna have to get jobs?
336
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,879
Just a little slump, buddy.
Nothing I can't handle.
337
00:12:06,832 --> 00:12:07,781
Hi, I'm Ron.
338
00:12:07,782 --> 00:12:09,428
I work out with Claire at the gym.
339
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:10,768
Oh! Yeah. Come on in.
340
00:12:10,769 --> 00:12:12,703
I brought her phe back.
She forgot it yesterday.
341
00:12:12,704 --> 00:12:14,231
Great. Thanks. I'm Phil, Claire's husband.
342
00:12:14,232 --> 00:12:16,811
Oh. Uh Claire never
mentioned she had a husband.
343
00:12:18,713 --> 00:12:19,798
Nice to meet you.
344
00:12:19,799 --> 00:12:20,952
You too.
345
00:12:20,953 --> 00:12:22,799
Oh, sorry! I burnt my ladyfingers.
346
00:12:31,279 --> 00:12:32,811
So quiet.
347
00:12:32,812 --> 00:12:35,636
It's like Christian "silence" reading room.
348
00:12:35,637 --> 00:12:36,726
I'm fine.
349
00:12:36,727 --> 00:12:38,275
So am I.
350
00:12:38,276 --> 00:12:41,016
Okay, my two stubborn burros.
I'm going out.
351
00:12:41,017 --> 00:12:42,872
Manny, be a good boy.
352
00:12:42,873 --> 00:12:44,284
Jay...
353
00:12:44,285 --> 00:12:45,952
Mm, I'll see you later.
354
00:12:45,953 --> 00:12:47,536
I think you know where.
355
00:12:47,537 --> 00:12:49,527
Honey?
356
00:12:49,528 --> 00:12:51,536
You know what I was just thinking?
357
00:12:51,537 --> 00:12:53,511
You know how when people are in love,
358
00:12:53,512 --> 00:12:55,860
sometimes they finish
each other's sentences?
359
00:12:55,861 --> 00:12:58,209
Like, um...
360
00:12:58,210 --> 00:13:01,205
Tonight we're going to...
361
00:13:01,206 --> 00:13:02,840
Have fun!
362
00:13:02,841 --> 00:13:03,826
Yes.
363
00:13:03,827 --> 00:13:05,836
When we get to...
364
00:13:05,837 --> 00:13:07,709
Gether later!
365
00:13:13,633 --> 00:13:15,437
You have no idea
where you're going, do you?
366
00:13:15,438 --> 00:13:17,344
- Tell me.
- Hire Jack back.
367
00:13:17,345 --> 00:13:19,131
- Forget it.
- Your funeral.
368
00:13:20,494 --> 00:13:22,927
Okay, Lily, daddy's gonna be
right over here.
369
00:13:22,928 --> 00:13:24,017
Okay.
370
00:13:24,018 --> 00:13:25,856
Oh, and, um, by the way, if it helps,
371
00:13:25,857 --> 00:13:28,018
I have a list of things Lily can do.
372
00:13:28,019 --> 00:13:30,980
She can blow a kiss,
uh, flap her arms like a bird...
373
00:13:30,981 --> 00:13:32,290
Thank you. I'll... Keep at in mind.
374
00:13:32,291 --> 00:13:33,278
Okay. Thank you.
375
00:13:33,279 --> 00:13:34,572
Cam. Cam.
376
00:13:35,628 --> 00:13:36,529
How did you get on the set?
377
00:13:36,530 --> 00:13:37,976
I walked on. It's not MGM.
378
00:13:37,977 --> 00:13:39,781
It's a warehouse behind a mattress store.
379
00:13:39,782 --> 00:13:41,789
I can't believe you went behind my back.
380
00:13:41,790 --> 00:13:42,811
We agreed...
381
00:13:42,812 --> 00:13:44,104
We didn't agree on anything.
382
00:13:44,105 --> 00:13:45,160
You agreed.
383
00:13:45,161 --> 00:13:46,437
We don't have to agree on everything.
384
00:13:46,438 --> 00:13:48,021
I didn't like the book
you bought her last week,
385
00:13:48,022 --> 00:13:49,587
but I didn't stop you
from reading it to her.
386
00:13:49,588 --> 00:13:51,067
Well, what was wrong with it?
387
00:13:51,068 --> 00:13:54,387
How was it a big day
for Biscuit, Mitchell? How?
388
00:13:54,388 --> 00:13:56,123
Okay, this isn't about Biscuit.
389
00:13:56,124 --> 00:13:57,537
I know. It's about our daughter, Lily.
390
00:13:57,538 --> 00:13:58,643
No, you want to know the truth?
391
00:13:58,644 --> 00:13:59,801
I think it's about you, Cam.
392
00:13:59,802 --> 00:14:01,299
I think you're using our daughter
393
00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:03,477
to fulfill some childhood dream of yours.
394
00:14:03,478 --> 00:14:05,436
Okay. Parents...
395
00:14:05,437 --> 00:14:07,104
We're ready to start rolling.
396
00:14:07,105 --> 00:14:08,772
Now, while we're doing the shoot,
397
00:14:08,773 --> 00:14:09,963
Jim and Deb here will be doing
398
00:14:09,964 --> 00:14:11,445
the kids' voice-overs into the mike...
399
00:14:11,446 --> 00:14:12,756
kind of like "Look who's talking."
400
00:14:12,757 --> 00:14:14,338
Oh. That's great.
401
00:14:14,339 --> 00:14:16,194
There are a lot of important people here,
402
00:14:16,195 --> 00:14:17,573
so I'm not gonna get mad,
403
00:14:17,574 --> 00:14:20,161
but I resent the implication
that I would do anything
404
00:14:20,162 --> 00:14:22,543
that's not in the best interest
of our daughter.
405
00:14:22,544 --> 00:14:24,042
Okay, let's try a take!
406
00:14:24,043 --> 00:14:25,131
And... Action!
407
00:14:25,132 --> 00:14:26,595
Oh, no!
408
00:14:26,596 --> 00:14:30,544
We are lost in a city
of high furniture prices!
409
00:14:30,545 --> 00:14:34,596
Ohh! Can no one protect us
from these high prices?!
410
00:14:34,597 --> 00:14:35,754
Cut! Liting problem.
411
00:14:35,755 --> 00:14:36,843
One sec.
412
00:14:36,844 --> 00:14:39,499
You can apologize to me
anytime you're ready.
413
00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:41,372
- Are you kidding me?
- What?
414
00:14:41,373 --> 00:14:43,585
This commercial... It's a big stereotype.
415
00:14:43,586 --> 00:14:44,845
It's called "ironic."
416
00:14:44,846 --> 00:14:46,955
No, this is why Lily was perfect...
She's Asian.
417
00:14:46,956 --> 00:14:47,841
She's a prop.
418
00:14:47,842 --> 00:14:49,084
It's called "niche casting."
419
00:14:49,085 --> 00:14:50,378
Stop telling me what stuff is called!
420
00:14:50,379 --> 00:14:52,164
You're so blinded by the spotlight,
421
00:14:52,165 --> 00:14:54,140
you can't see what's really going on here!
422
00:14:54,141 --> 00:14:55,434
Let's go again!
423
00:14:55,435 --> 00:14:56,932
All right. Here we go.
424
00:14:56,933 --> 00:14:58,259
Let's roll, please!
425
00:14:58,260 --> 00:14:59,553
Action!
426
00:14:59,554 --> 00:15:01,425
Oh, no! We are trapped in a city
427
00:15:01,426 --> 00:15:03,605
of high furniture prices!
428
00:15:03,606 --> 00:15:07,895
Ohh! Can no one protect us
from these high prices?!
429
00:15:07,896 --> 00:15:08,916
Look!
430
00:15:08,917 --> 00:15:10,193
Over there!
431
00:15:10,194 --> 00:15:11,980
Oh-ohh-oh!
432
00:15:11,981 --> 00:15:14,057
It's Save-zilla!
433
00:15:14,058 --> 00:15:16,560
He's knocking down prices on everything
434
00:15:16,561 --> 00:15:19,232
from bibs to cribs!
435
00:15:19,233 --> 00:15:20,832
Half off on playpens!
436
00:15:20,833 --> 00:15:21,922
Ahh!
437
00:15:21,923 --> 00:15:23,965
High chairs are low chairs!
438
00:15:23,966 --> 00:15:25,054
Excuse me. 'Scuse me.
439
00:15:25,055 --> 00:15:26,705
- 'Scuse me! 'Scuse me! 'Scuse me!
- Cut!
440
00:15:26,706 --> 00:15:27,880
What's the problem?
441
00:15:27,881 --> 00:15:29,803
Well, don't you think this commercial
442
00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:31,506
just might be the teeniest bit racist?
443
00:15:31,507 --> 00:15:33,395
I mean, um, Save-zilla?
444
00:15:33,396 --> 00:15:35,473
It's not racist. It's satire.
445
00:15:35,474 --> 00:15:36,511
No, I know, but maybe...
446
00:15:36,512 --> 00:15:38,026
maybe we could just tone it down a bit.
447
00:15:38,027 --> 00:15:39,780
Maybe not hit the accents so hard?
448
00:15:39,781 --> 00:15:41,431
This is the commercial you agreed to.
449
00:15:41,432 --> 00:15:43,542
Yeah, well, I know. I just...
450
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,006
I can't let my daughter do this.
451
00:15:45,007 --> 00:15:46,112
We had an agreement.
452
00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:48,614
Well, I also have
the best attorney in town,
453
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:49,874
so do your worst.
454
00:15:49,875 --> 00:15:52,309
And by the way, Lily
is Vietnamese, not Japanese.
455
00:15:52,310 --> 00:15:54,999
There's a big difference,
but you wouldn't know that,
456
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,228
because you're only interested
in seeing these children
457
00:15:57,229 --> 00:15:58,930
as interchangeable stereotypes,
458
00:15:58,931 --> 00:16:00,412
not human beings.
459
00:16:00,413 --> 00:16:01,433
Come on, Lily.
460
00:16:01,434 --> 00:16:02,931
Let's go.
461
00:16:02,932 --> 00:16:04,071
Cam?
462
00:16:05,197 --> 00:16:06,983
Cam, that's not...
463
00:16:06,984 --> 00:16:08,191
Hi, buddy.
464
00:16:12,285 --> 00:16:13,986
There we go.
465
00:16:13,987 --> 00:16:16,046
Going to meet your mother.
466
00:16:16,047 --> 00:16:17,715
Figured it out all by myself.
467
00:16:17,716 --> 00:16:20,014
Two years ago, we got our marriage license,
468
00:16:20,015 --> 00:16:21,920
we went to a little hot dog stand
469
00:16:21,921 --> 00:16:23,963
she said was the most romantic meal
470
00:16:23,964 --> 00:16:25,325
she ever had in her life.
471
00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:29,410
That's it, isn't it?
472
00:16:29,411 --> 00:16:31,079
Yeah, that's it.
473
00:16:33,810 --> 00:16:34,530
Get this to your head,
474
00:16:34,450 --> 00:16:36,596
you can give me the cold
shoulder the rest of your life.
475
00:16:36,697 --> 00:16:37,854
Jack's not coming back.
476
00:16:37,855 --> 00:16:39,965
See, I could overlook the goofing off,
477
00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:42,076
but you could have been
seriously hurt today.
478
00:16:42,077 --> 00:16:43,625
Anybody puts my kid in danger
479
00:16:43,626 --> 00:16:46,281
doesn't get a second chance ever.
480
00:16:46,282 --> 00:16:49,123
I'll see you later.
481
00:16:49,124 --> 00:16:51,575
Did you just call me your kid?
482
00:16:51,576 --> 00:16:53,481
Oh, geez.
483
00:16:53,482 --> 00:16:54,741
You've never said that before.
484
00:16:54,742 --> 00:16:56,512
- Sure I have.
- Unh-unh.
485
00:16:56,513 --> 00:16:58,691
Well, of course you're my kid.
486
00:16:58,692 --> 00:17:01,431
I mean, what do you think?
487
00:17:01,432 --> 00:17:03,219
You're going to the wrong place.
488
00:17:03,220 --> 00:17:04,445
What?
489
00:17:04,446 --> 00:17:06,148
It's not your wedding license.
490
00:17:06,149 --> 00:17:07,730
- What is it?
- First kiss.
491
00:17:07,731 --> 00:17:09,314
No. Just tell me.
492
00:17:09,315 --> 00:17:11,220
I mean, your first kiss...
493
00:17:11,221 --> 00:17:12,259
with my mom.
494
00:17:12,260 --> 00:17:14,370
My God, you're right.
495
00:17:14,371 --> 00:17:15,612
Thanks!
496
00:17:19,761 --> 00:17:22,058
- The pier.
- Thanks.
497
00:17:22,059 --> 00:17:24,032
But maybe Sonya didn't make a mist
498
00:17:24,033 --> 00:17:26,263
maybe she just met her soul mate
when she was young.
499
00:17:26,264 --> 00:17:29,293
No, no, no. That never happens.
500
00:17:29,294 --> 00:17:32,119
See, she threw her life away,
and now she wants out.
501
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:33,412
Okay, let's cut the crap.
502
00:17:33,413 --> 00:17:35,524
We're not talking about some character
503
00:17:35,525 --> 00:17:37,259
on a soap opera here, are we?
504
00:17:37,260 --> 00:17:40,358
No. No, we're not.
505
00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:41,890
Honey, I'm sorry.
506
00:17:41,891 --> 00:17:44,120
I don't want to hurt your feelings, but...
507
00:17:45,466 --> 00:17:47,848
I've been feeling this way
for a really long time,
508
00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:51,014
and... can we be honest with each other?
509
00:17:51,935 --> 00:17:54,386
He's kind of a doofus.
510
00:17:54,387 --> 00:17:56,564
I guess, but...
511
00:17:56,565 --> 00:17:58,642
I thought you liked that about him.
512
00:17:58,643 --> 00:18:00,310
Mm, mnh-mnh.
513
00:18:00,311 --> 00:18:01,769
No, I never did.
514
00:18:01,770 --> 00:18:03,539
Believe me, honey.
515
00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:06,570
There are many better options out there.
516
00:18:06,571 --> 00:18:07,489
Like who?
517
00:18:07,490 --> 00:18:08,476
I don't know.
518
00:18:08,477 --> 00:18:10,077
Off the top of my head, uh...
519
00:18:10,078 --> 00:18:12,562
How about that cute guy
who delivers the pizzas?
520
00:18:12,563 --> 00:18:14,077
He's like 18!
521
00:18:14,078 --> 00:18:15,269
So?
522
00:18:15,270 --> 00:18:16,886
Don't mind me, ladies.
523
00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:18,418
This is the last one.
524
00:18:18,419 --> 00:18:19,831
I've changed the batteries
525
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:24,104
in every last smoke detector in the house.
526
00:18:24,105 --> 00:18:25,500
Hey, dad.
527
00:18:25,501 --> 00:18:28,360
I think I found a place online
where I can sell this organ.
528
00:18:28,361 --> 00:18:30,182
Can you drive me to the black market?
529
00:18:30,183 --> 00:18:32,139
I think they mean a different
kind of organ, buddy.
530
00:18:32,140 --> 00:18:33,739
Sweetie, why are you trying to sell that?
531
00:18:33,740 --> 00:18:36,105
In case things with dad's job
get even worse.
532
00:18:36,106 --> 00:18:37,910
Honestly, I don't know why
533
00:18:37,911 --> 00:18:40,174
everybody's making such a big deal.
534
00:18:40,175 --> 00:18:41,332
Everything's fine.
535
00:18:42,524 --> 00:18:44,021
It makes no sense!
536
00:18:44,022 --> 00:18:45,401
I changed every one!
537
00:18:45,402 --> 00:18:46,405
I'm gonna call my dad.
538
00:18:46,406 --> 00:18:47,971
No, we're not calling anyone!
539
00:18:47,972 --> 00:18:49,503
I can handle this.
540
00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:52,976
I just need the old burglar basher.
541
00:18:52,977 --> 00:18:55,019
Is that your college cheerleading baton?
542
00:18:56,211 --> 00:18:58,015
Not when you're on the business end of it.
543
00:18:59,633 --> 00:19:00,705
Oh!
544
00:19:02,237 --> 00:19:04,518
Guess that one won't be chirping
anymore, will it?
545
00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:06,050
Honey...
546
00:19:06,051 --> 00:19:07,378
Go after him.
547
00:19:07,379 --> 00:19:09,251
Oh, no, he just needs
to blow off some steam.
548
00:19:09,252 --> 00:19:11,617
How's that for battery?!
549
00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:13,642
Mom, like it or not,
you made a commitment,
550
00:19:13,643 --> 00:19:16,026
and maybe that doesn't mean
anything to you anymore,
551
00:19:16,027 --> 00:19:18,461
but you owe it to this family
to save your marriage
552
00:19:18,462 --> 00:19:21,490
- and give it one more try.
- What?
553
00:19:21,491 --> 00:19:24,197
End of the line, smokey Joe!
554
00:19:24,198 --> 00:19:25,934
Look, dad may be a doofus,
555
00:19:25,935 --> 00:19:29,763
but he is 10 times better
than any pizza-delivery boy.
556
00:19:29,764 --> 00:19:31,126
Go to him.
557
00:19:31,127 --> 00:19:32,539
Did you...
558
00:19:32,540 --> 00:19:35,092
I just detected your ass gettin' kicked!
559
00:19:35,093 --> 00:19:36,795
Okay.
560
00:19:36,796 --> 00:19:38,156
Honey...
561
00:19:38,157 --> 00:19:40,029
Thought I forgot about you, didn't you?
562
00:19:40,030 --> 00:19:41,050
Nope.
563
00:19:41,051 --> 00:19:42,071
Phil, no. Stop.
564
00:19:42,072 --> 00:19:43,229
I gotta stop the damn chirping.
565
00:19:43,230 --> 00:19:45,067
This isn't about the noise.
566
00:19:45,068 --> 00:19:46,668
Sweetie...
567
00:19:46,669 --> 00:19:48,149
You're having a bad day.
568
00:19:50,584 --> 00:19:52,456
At the end of a bad month.
569
00:19:52,457 --> 00:19:53,528
I know.
570
00:19:53,529 --> 00:19:55,350
You know how scary that is, Claire?
571
00:19:55,351 --> 00:19:56,780
No. No, I don't,
572
00:19:56,781 --> 00:19:59,027
because you never tell me the bad stuff.
573
00:19:59,028 --> 00:20:01,614
You only share all the good stuff.
574
00:20:01,615 --> 00:20:03,505
Honey, what happened to us being a team?
575
00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:05,569
Right? We're supposed
to lean on each other.
576
00:20:05,570 --> 00:20:06,573
Honey...
577
00:20:06,574 --> 00:20:09,143
I have faith in you.
578
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:12,668
Mm.
579
00:20:15,222 --> 00:20:17,093
I must be catching your cold.
580
00:20:17,094 --> 00:20:18,336
Mm-Hmm.
581
00:20:18,337 --> 00:20:19,561
Okay.
582
00:20:19,562 --> 00:20:20,583
You know what?
583
00:20:20,584 --> 00:20:23,937
Let's just get
new smoke detectors.
584
00:20:23,938 --> 00:20:25,690
We already changed them out last year.
585
00:20:25,691 --> 00:20:27,342
Remember, buddy? You helped me.
586
00:20:27,343 --> 00:20:28,397
Sure did.
587
00:20:28,398 --> 00:20:29,691
Wait a minute.
588
00:20:29,692 --> 00:20:31,428
What'd you do with the old ones?
589
00:20:31,429 --> 00:20:33,436
You told me to throw them in the garbage,
590
00:20:33,437 --> 00:20:35,547
so I put them in the attic
to make a robot.
591
00:20:35,548 --> 00:20:36,637
It's the old ones.
592
00:20:36,638 --> 00:20:37,913
The batteries are dying,
593
00:20:37,914 --> 00:20:40,126
and we can hear them through the vents.
594
00:20:40,127 --> 00:20:41,470
You did it, buddy!
595
00:20:41,471 --> 00:20:42,850
I'm sorry.
596
00:20:44,774 --> 00:20:46,067
I love you.
597
00:20:46,068 --> 00:20:48,417
I love you.
598
00:20:50,716 --> 00:20:52,809
I did that.
599
00:21:01,452 --> 00:21:02,802
Oh. That must be the pizza I ordered.
600
00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:04,220
Pizza? You ordered pizza?
601
00:21:04,221 --> 00:21:07,090
Yeah. I was just
sort of in the mood, you know?
602
00:21:07,091 --> 00:21:09,510
But we had pizza a couple nights ago.
603
00:21:09,511 --> 00:21:11,143
I know, but I had an urge,
604
00:21:11,144 --> 00:21:12,503
and when you get an urge, you get an urge.
605
00:21:12,504 --> 00:21:13,797
Okay, here, I'll get it!
606
00:21:13,798 --> 00:21:14,943
No, sweetie, I've got it.
607
00:21:14,944 --> 00:21:16,608
No, mom. You're always asking me
to do things.
608
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:18,260
I'll get it. Here, just sit back, relax.
609
00:21:18,261 --> 00:21:19,986
- I... I... Really...
- Okay, get the change.
- I'll get the pizza. Don't worry.
610
00:21:24,173 --> 00:21:25,430
Here!
611
00:21:25,431 --> 00:21:28,912
And I think it's best you don't
come around here anymore!
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